How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Remza

January 27, 2017 at 4:47 am

Hello my comment seems to have disappeared can you please let me know if I should repost it or if was deleted because it wasn’t desired to be answered?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 8:42 am

Hi Remza,

it did went through.. He feels neglected when he was with you, when he still wanted to be with but right now, to demand that kind of attention when he doesn’t want to be back with you is different..that means he’s just using you

Luisa

January 27, 2017 at 4:31 am

Hi,I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years different countries he is from New Zealand and me from Mexico,we met online but he came to live here 6 months after for almost 6 months, since then I have traveled twice to New Zealand under a tourist visa, and we had lots of problems because I was frustrated and doing nothing our relationship got really bad, but when I came back to mexico last october he told me we would be back together in no time, but since I came back he changed, never wanted to talk and asked me for time to think in november I havent done any of those tips almost begged me to take me back for this months and a week ago he told me he would give me another chance but he is cold and still doesnt talk I am afraid he doesnt love me anymore and is doing this because he is just used to me. I want to win his love back, but I dont know how to make him see how happy we can be, and how much we loved each other once and that we can still do it. I just want to know how to approach him so he feels and treat me as he did before.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 12:15 pm

Hi Luisa,

do you want to try advice above?

anonymous because he will know I was here

January 26, 2017 at 8:44 pm

Mr I really need your help, few days ago everything was being lovely and all of a sudden he is acting weird. It has been like a year and a half since the breakup, he never contacted me and I never did either, following the no contact rule, but two weeks ago I decided to do it and he was very happy that I texted him. Said he missed me and stuff, and apologized for everything (especially for the rebound relationship he got himself into, and explained it to me), I apologized for my part as well (I had to because I was something beyond clingy and he tolerated it and apologized for MY behavior for more than a year of relationship), and cool, he´s even trying to flirt with me again, he likes to remind about nice things that happened while we were together, and he´s being attentive and protective as he used to be even though we are just friends atm. He started liking my posts on tumblr and that stuff again, said good morning every day, even invited me to visit him (yeah we were LDR) and now after a week, he takes a lot more time to reply to my texts, doesn´t send me good morning texts, and I feel like he´s deliberately doing things that made me angry in the past. The difference now is that I don´t react as I did before. I haven´t got mad at him and I´m giving him his space, also I´m not following his flirting attempts. I´m afraid he might be trying to apply some strategies on me too, or he might be trying to make me cut contact with him again, but if it was the case, why would he keep on being attentive? Even with this weird behavior he´s still nice and all. I´m aware that we just regained contact two weeks ago and I´m very calm about all of the situation, but if you could explain to me what the f…. is wrong with his head I would appreciate it very much 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 11:17 am

Hi,

I’m not sure I understand..You said he’s been doing stuff lately that makes you angry, but he’s also still being nice? how?

Remza

January 26, 2017 at 1:52 pm

Hello! I want to share with you what’s happening with me because you’re giving such wonderful advice.
I really wish to be back with my ex boyfriend and I want some advice, please help me!:(
My ex boyfriend and I grew up together and were best friends as little kids for years, we lost contact because I moved countries and we got in touch again a year ago and he told me he wanted to be with me and he was in love with me and I too fell in love with him, we were in a LDR for over a year (with phone sex, FaceTime, voice call etc) and he planned to join me in this country upon graduation and we planned our engagement and marriage time and children names etc.
We had a fight because he was jealous of a contact with a man I had and he broke up with me and didn’t contact me or reply to me contacting him for a month, we then finally spoke and he said he no longer wants to be together at all but he wishes to remain friends, we talk everyday again for hours but he told me he only wants to be friends and it is because he no longer has any feelings for me, he had done this ones before where he said he stopped feeling much and wanted to call it quits only to tell me later it was only because he was mad at something I did (I did do something mean then) and that I am his life and he only did it to punish me so I wonder if he’s doing this again but we have never had this much time apart and he usually tells me he loves me again instantly after arguments.
So no we talk as just friends when I try to bring us back together he says it won’t happen and he won’t come here and we aren’t getting married, he gets annoyed if I call him my love, darling etc, and we have phone sex still despite this.
I’m not sure what to do help me please!the thought of a long no contact period is really scary especially knowing that he feels neglected quickly and is often hurt if I’m not checking on him or are affectionate (this is prior to the breakup)

Remza

January 27, 2017 at 8:51 pm

So the no contact rule for about a month? And then build rapport and go from there you think? How do you mean be active in improving myself what do you see as missing?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 11:41 am

oh, sorry I wasnt elaborate! 🙂 yes, that’s right. Being active in improving yourself means improving the health, wealth and relationship aspect of your life. Relationship with family, friends and making new friends.. Do new things, so you can expand your world and gain other perspective too
Remza

January 27, 2017 at 11:22 am

Thank you for your feedback. So what do you think I should do then? I’m really sad he feels like he has no more feelings what we had is so dear and special and I’ve known him since we were kids and we are as close in some ways it’s so precious to me what should I do do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 12:27 pm

try the advice above and be active in improving yourself..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 8:46 am

Hi Remza,

it did went through.. He feels neglected when he was with you, when he still wanted to be with but right now, to demand that kind of attention when he doesn’t want to be back with you is different..that means he’s just using you

Gwendolyn

January 25, 2017 at 1:46 am

Hi
My ex and I live 5hours apart. Things were amazing and we had only dated for 5 and a half months. He spend Christmas and new years meeting my family. He told me he loved me all the time and I felt really secure. One new years eve he told me how excited he was about 2017 because he wanted to take our relationship to the next level. We talked about kids and marriage constantly. Two weeks after new years he text me to check my email. He suddenly dumps me! We never had a fight and I didn’t see it coming at all. Two days prior he was telling me how he wants me to meet his daughter the following weekend. All he said was that I was perfect in every way and I had nothing to do with his decision. He also said that he doesn’t want to get married nor engaged and wants to be alone. In addition, his email included that he’s often unpredictable and does know why “this” always happens to him. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of asking “why” questions although I had plenty. He told me several times before that the only way he would ever break up with me is if I ever cheated on him, which definitely did not happen in this case. I am extremely confused. I thought maybe he is a commitment phobia and all the talks about family and marriage scared him.I began the no contact rule immediately but I miss him so much!! We spoke everyday and it’s killing me but I’m remaining strong. My only problem with the NC rule is that I don’t want him to think I dont care. I’m on day 8 of the rule amd wondering if you have any further advice for me?
Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 3:13 pm

Hi Gwendolyn,

so you want him to think you’re just there waiting?

Confused G

January 24, 2017 at 8:54 pm

Hi,

So I contacted my ex after NC and he responded me. However, it´s very difficult for me to built rapport, because he is only answering one text a day independing on the time I write to him. He has been doing that for a week now. He is keeping the conversation going, but he only writes one text a day. Within the weekwe have been texting back an forward there has been days where I didn´t texted him and waited for a day, but then he would do the same. I also don´t answer him right away, but usually wait for some hours before I text him back. What can I do to change this pattern? Thanks!

Confused G

February 13, 2017 at 11:50 am

Hi again,

He just answered my text that he read two days ago. He answered my questions and comments without making an effort to continue the conversation, meaning he didn´t leave any questions for me. It seems like he is trying to pull back slowly after my phone call (which he didn´t answered). I haven´t answered his last text yet, because I am unsure how to deal with the current situation to somehow overcome the mistake that I made by calling him. He knows my oral master defense is in a week and I have said that I am really busy with the preparation of it. I have already left his text unanswered for some days several times since I contacted him after the NC period. I have also rested from initiating contact which resulted in him sending a text after 4 days. Unfortunately I made the mistake of calling him the same day and made him take many steps back. The situation is somehow awkward between us now and I feel like he has gotten use to the situation where we don´t text for days, because I have done that several times now and now he is doing it too. What can I do to overcome my situation with him and how can I build rapport again? Should I text him that I am sorry if I made him uncomfortable and if so how can I express it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 3:32 pm

it’s ok if you only get to talk once a day at first, as long as you had a good conversation..it’s ok to reply within the day even if the text he replied was days ago. Now, if you meant that he is just sending just one text literally, that means you have to work on your topics and not rushing.. reply to that text with question or something to keep the conversation going.. follow the tide theory so you have an idea on the number of texts you could aim for in a day.. and when to start and stop initiating.. you dont have to apologize because we’re not sure if he really uncomforable at that time or he was just really busy..check this for the tide theory:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

if he’s really unresponsive after 4 attempts of initiating and him not replying or taking days to reply, then you have to move on..
Confused G

February 11, 2017 at 7:48 pm

Hi!
I rested for 4 days and then he texted me. However, I might have done something stupid. I didn’t text him back, but called him. I called him in order to congratulate him on finishing an important prensetation at work and to wish him to get well soon from his illness. He didn’t answer the phone and just texted that he is sorry he can’t talk, because he is not home and hope everything is ok. After an half hour I answered that it’s ok and everything was fine. The next day he send me a text by saying sorry again which I just answered by saying it’s fine and I if he were doing better. He texted he was doing good and moved focus from the phone call by writting about his plans for his work. I didn’t text him before the following day which is today. He has read my text but hasn’t answred yet. He is probably not going to text me back before tomorrow. It seems like he is back to the pattern where he only text once a day. It’s clear to me that he wasn’t ready for talking on the phone with me and he might felt he got in an awkward position. I would like to know if I can do anything to repair my mistake about the callI made and if there is anything that can change the pattern with only one text a day? Thanks again!
Confused G

January 25, 2017 at 5:28 pm

I initiated the contact by testing about a book he likes. Since then we have texte about his work, my studies and fitness which are topics that he is normally interested in. I don’t know if I am doing something wrong or what I can do to changes the pattern…
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:05 pm

rest from initiating for now..maybe 3-5 days.. dont stop in being busy in your own life..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 1:39 pm

Hi Confused G,
what were the topics that you were using?

Janna

January 24, 2017 at 4:41 am

Hi, i have been reading on no contact rules and i came across this website. My situation is quite different from the others. Mine is an LDR but purely internet. I am living in the Philippines and he is in the US. We met on a dating online site. We broke up before seeing each other, I mean I broke up with him last December. We were supposed to see each other February. He was willing to come but then i got scared for a time that things may go so deep. We never had a fight. I broke up with him as i was planning to migrate to another country than the US. I regret it ever since. I asked him to give us a chance the next day but he doesn’t even want to be friends. He said he wanted to do do some other things and to give him time. Last contact was December 7. I never heard from him since. Can the no contact still help me. I broke it 3 times but just random mails. no reply. is this still worth a try. or should i just let go. thanks

Janna

January 27, 2017 at 2:16 am

Thank you for the reply. I guess moving on is the best way this time. Do i still have to give it a try one more time? They say guys hate that. I just cannot believe that i wasn’t worth the second chance. But looking back maybe he wasn’t really ready and the break up was the best thing that could ever happen. I have a lot of things that i want to ask him though. Though i think i could not be able to do that in this lifetime. I may never even have the chance to really see him in person. Do they usually contact you for a while after the break up? Though honestly for me, I do not think that will happen. Thank you. I needed to hear that advice from someone else.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 12:09 pm

if asking him is what will give you closer, then ask.
Janna

January 26, 2017 at 3:59 am

Hi, thanks for replying. We broke up last December 5. He doesn’t even want to be friends. I haven’t heard from him ever since. its been almost 2 months. I tried to email him recently, just random email with no hint of me asking to get back together. just asking how he is. still no reply. Is there still a possibility to him to get back together? i still would want to give it a try but i dont want to appear desperate
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 1:04 pm

try again after two weeks..if he doesn’t reply, then move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 2:21 pm

Hi Janna,

When did you actually broke up? You can still try it..

Nya

January 24, 2017 at 2:35 am

Hi there so I need to know if I’m doing the right thing.

Here we go….

So me and my ex were friends in high school and lost contact after we graduated then recently last summer got back in contact & then have been in a long distance relationship for 3 months one thing he said was that he doesn’t like to put his personal business on social media and that he keeps everything low key now, I noticed this odd habit of his when he went to Washington he went missing on me for 3 days he didn’t contact me at all. Now a little after that I found out his ex lives in this state. Now I went to see him in Europe ( that’s where he lives ) for a few days when we were dating. while there ( I have a confession I went through his phone because something from the very beginning of our relationship was telling me something was off with him ) I saw that him and his ex were best friends on snap chat and they still keep in contact ( he told me that he casually stills talk to her though) but other than that, everything went great. When Christmas time came around he said he had to visit Washington where his cousin was at because he was having a baby. Later on through social media I learned that he went to see her they also went to the movies, gym and club together. On the day o found out I tried to call him and it rang then he shut off his phone -_- . He did try to call back the next day I didn’t pick up. He was there for 4 days then left 3 days before Christmas. He came here to the state we live in but was in a different city for Christmas reunion his family had there he seemed to be in his feelings like he was upset ( it definitely was directed at me ) . When he returned to the city we both live in. He contact me and so we talked I asked what all he did while he was in Washington and he didn’t mention anything about seeing the ex after me further asking him and he still won’t say I then told him of what I saw and heard about him seeing his ex. He then says he only ran into her at the movies and the because she is friends with his cousins sister which is a complete lie, later on that he asked me repeatedly to see him so I gave in and went to see him, that night we talked had fun and I slept with him, he was pushing for it so much even after I tell him my monthly is on it’s last day and I can’t but still end up happening ( which I regret ) . So I was completely disappointed and upset that he was lying to me about her. I decided then that I wanted to break it off with him because he is the type of guy to be in contact with all of his ex and keeps them around (why I have no clue ). He also appears to get attached to anyone he dates. Well now I came up with this idea instead of me breaking up with him I’m going to manipulate him into breaking up with me. I am very much so in love with him but what he was doing wasn’t right. So on New Year’s Eve I decided that’s when I’ll make him do it. During the conversation he was trying to make himself look like that “victim” because he doesn’t like people watching him and telling me what he was doing. Then he was saying how he was trying not to love me but it happened and he doesn’t want to break up. So I pushed more and he did it now after that he realized what he did and said that he felt like we jump in too fast and didn’t get to know each other enough and wanted to be friends first and work out way into being in a relationship. I turned him down completely on being friends and told him thank you for breaking up with me and that I don’t want to be friends with him, that to me that’s going backwards and that I’m not the type of person to be friends with my ex. ( which to be clear I’m not friends or keep in contact with any of my exs ). He keep trying to ask why we can’t be friends and I keep explaining and told him that nope that’s not what I’m doing so in the end he got angry and hung up the phone on me…

Note: Him and his ex were in a two year relationship and broke up a year ago also he told me in the beginning that he doesn’t like posting a lot or putting his business out in social media.

Now I started no contact immediately after we broke up &, three days later he FaceTime audio calls me then text me that was an accident and hope I’m doing well. I stupidly answered but then immediately went back into no contact I didn’t post on social media for a while. He realty post on social media before and during the time we dated now after we broke up he now post on socially media a lot… when I finally post a week after we broke up he viewed a my snap story but just one. Even though there were 3 I posted he then did the same thing the week after when I posted again only viewed one when there were a few. His birthday was a week ago and I didn’t wish him happy birthday still in no contact. Can you’ll explain to me how do you’ll view this situation and if everything I’m doing is right? Oh I do want him back but only dedicated to me…

Nya

January 26, 2017 at 11:18 am

Thank you so much. That cleared some things up. But one thing I noticed it looks like he continues to talk to her during the time he is getting to know or in a relationshig with someone. Like he is dragging her along because he is afraid that the new relationship won’t work out (because he has bad trust issues and she was something that he was use too). So i always thought that she was the reserve. He would give her little attention from time to time because he knows that she is in love with him and he keeps her on the back burner just in case. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 1:13 pm

that can be right.. so you have to think if you will allow that..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 12:07 pm

Hi Nya,

Yes, you’re on track with the no contact period.. It’s one thing that he bumped into her when he went to Washington, but it’s different if he’s always with her whenever he’s there and he disappears on the online world. It’s like there’s still something going on between them even if it’s not official and because it’s long distance, it doesn’t really push through. It’s like you’re the reserve.. I agree that if you want him back, he has to stop doing that and cut ties with the ex.

Wiktoria

January 23, 2017 at 9:17 am

I’m sorry for writing two similar comments but please just post the second one, I took my time to calm down and read/think of things and the second comment is more detailed and accurate.

Wiktoria

January 26, 2017 at 7:18 am

Well he definitely sees that I’m much better. I’m trying to post something on my snap story each day, so he can see that I’m having fun with friends and I’m smiling. But I don’t know if I’m better than the other girl. I think that maybe yes but that’s what I’m scared of, that I’m not better. Also how do I tell him about my lost trust in a way after the nc, it’s important to me. How do I bring it and when?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 1:07 pm

talk about that when you’re at the stage that you’ve rebuilt rapport..better if it’s in person..so, do it at meet up stage
Wiktoria

January 25, 2017 at 7:39 am

He’s tagging a girl under some kind of pictures all of the time. It would be fine if not the fact that sometimes they actually hurt me, today it was “I wanna sleep in your arms” of course he tagged her in memes mostly but that one got me. Before we broke up I asked him if there’s anything between them because he started getting very close with her and they had a thing in past. He was really into her and she rejected him. I’m scared that there’s something between them but what can I do? I guess nothing. Asking him to just send these pics to her instead of tagging her isn’t the best idea. I’m in a really good mood mostly but whenever I see those things on my wall it just hurts me and ruins my mood. I try to remain positive after all but I’m worried that now that I’m not talking to him, he will focus on her and once he sees that she makes him happy, he will forget about me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 3:33 pm

your posts are your indirect way of communicating..if he sees your posts, observes how you look now and what you do, would he think you’re better than the who you were and better than the other girl?
WIktoria

January 23, 2017 at 5:30 pm

Well i thought of doing like 2 weeks if i feel quite fine. If not then longer, just as long as i need to. Is it okay for me to say about my broken trust? Just when he asks why am I ignoring him. and is it okay if i say this part to him when having the conversation after nc “Listen It’s not about getting back to something, we’re not doing that. It won’t be the way it used to be before. I didn’t expect it from you. I don’t know why you said that you’re sorry that I was more sad than happy but you know it’s not true. As you said the real me is the smiling, laughing and talking, the excited one, that’s how I was.”
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 12:46 pm

I think you should do at least a month. It’s not convincing that you’ve moved on or starting to just after 2 weeks, especially if he knows how much you’re into him. And you will really not feel fine at first, that’s ok. It’s a process of healing improving. If he asks why you ignored him, tell him you needed to heal. Telling him right away that’s it’s because of your trust, may leave a bad impression and it can also say that you, talking to him now means you trust him again.

If you tell him that talking to him is not about getting back together, when he’s not even asking if you wanted to be back together, sounds defensive. It’s ok to say that if he says he doesn’t want to get back together. And saying it won’t be the way it used to be before, definitely sounds like you wanted to get back together but that this time it will better than the last.

I know it’s frustrating. But if you really wanted to convey you’ve moved on, you just act friendly right? You don’t have to explain anything, especially if he’s not asking for it. And it can become confusing for him because if you really want him to believe you don’t want to get back together then you will have a hard time building up attraction. Not like if he thinks you’ve naturally moved on, just being friendly, and then later on, he’s the one that’s building up feelings for you again. That way he will wonder if you still want to try again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 10:24 am

ok, I deleted the first one. how many days do you intend to do the no contact rule? It will be better that you dont tell him that you dont want a relationship, that you’re not expecting to be back together after the no contact rule because it sounds like you’re just trying to convince him and if you’re goal is to get him back then it could be confusing for him later on once you’re building up attraction..Just improve yourself during and after the no contact rule.. You have to look like you’ve moved on.. that after the no contact rule, you’re just being friendly.. Dont tell him you’re just being friendly, just do it.. Act like it..and then build more rapport and attraction slowly..

Anna

January 22, 2017 at 8:54 am

Hello!

My Ex and I were in a LDR for over 1.5 years while living on two different continents. During this period of time we’ve been with each other 3 times (12 weeks in total) and it has always been great. We’ve been talking about kids and getting married and in March he wanted to move back to Europe, so we could be together. In September last year I started a new job and he did too in October. It made things quite hard as we both didn’t have much time for each other anymore because of the time difference and the getting used to our new challenges at work. Plus he started a job where he works together with women a lot and many clients are women to and as he’s a very social person he became friends on social media with a lot of them. I never knew who they were and stuff so jealousy became a problem. Seven weeks ago he broke it off with me saying I deserve better and he doesn’t want me to wait for him anymore. He thought he could transfer to another store in Europe easily but it turned out that he would have to stay where he is right now until October and said that he doesn’t want to mess me around anymore and the fights and jealousy are just too much. However, of course I want him back because with him I really can see a future and whenever we’ve been together it’s just been perfect. He says he still loves me and that I’m all he ever wanted in this world but still isn’t willing to give it another chance. A few days ago he said he feels like he needs to be on his own and just think about things and he doesn’t know how long that’s gonna take but that’s what he feels. So for the last seven weeks I have of course made all the mistakes I shouldn’t have made…
My question is now: Does it still make sense to do the no contact thing or is it too late for that now?
I wanna do it now cause I’ve realised that our messages always circle around the same things and nothing changes. I don’t want his or my feelings to turn into something negative so I know I have to stop texting him now.
It’s his birthday during the NC period but I won’t text or call or anything.
Is it a good thing to post stuff on social media like photos of me going out and having fun or would it be better to not let him know anything about my life and my development at all?

Anna

March 21, 2017 at 5:53 pm

I thought things between me and my ex went really well…
We’ve been skyping quite a bit, texting all day and talking an the phone too.
Because I can only take holidays when there are public holidays it’s not that easy to set up a date for another visit whenever I (or he) wants…
My next holidays (2 weeks) are in three weeks time and I explained to him how nice it was if we could see each other again and he agreed and then I told him the thing with the flights. He even looked for flights then but then said that it’s too expensive on such a short note and he couldn’t afford that. It was okay, I knew chances were very low cause we’ve only been getting closer again.
I explained to him that I really thought with him coming over and maybe me coming over again in August and then him finally moving back in October (as it had been the plan – because of his work) we could finally have a realistic chance of being together finally. (Before that he had admitted how strong his feelings still are for me and that he could imagine something with me again and payed me compliments and just been really sweet..) and then he said he wouldnt want me to come in August because then he can’t afford to go home for christmas this year. And I was like WTF?!?!?! And asked him what about his plan of moving back in October (only for a year or maybe longer, his options were open) and then he simply said that moving back in October is not in his plans anymore and he just wants to come for christmas and then maybe move later. And I asked him when he changed his plans and what his reason for that was and why he did even start talking to me again and let us get closer again when he already knew he wouldn’t be coming back… And he just said (texted I mean, cause he didn’t answer my phone call): Well when we broke up I decided it was best if I didn’t move back until later.

He said his decision on his movement is final and he knows now that this probably means I’ll stop talking to him and it probably means we don’t have a chance anymore.

And now I find myself right back to where I’ve been almost four months ago when he broke up with me.. I just don’t understand that.. Why didn’t he tell me this right from the start? Why did he even changehis plans? It’s got nothing to do with work now, it’s his own choice… Why was he so sweet and told me all those things when at the same time he already knew he wouldn’t be coming back in October. I’ve been crying so much today. It’s like every time we finally seem to have a chance he does something that makes it impossible for us to be together. As if he’s scared of being with me…

I have absolutely no idea on what to do now.
I loved talking to him again so much. It made me so so happy to have him back in my life again…
Please give me some advise on what to do now :((((
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 11:22 am

because he didn’t intend on getting back with you, he just wants to talk when he started talking with you.. there’s not enough feelings for him to change his plans for you again, especially that you’re not even together.. the mistake now is that you expected something from him that is for committed relationships and now he knows you’re talking to him to get him back.. You shouldn’t have reacted that way because you’re not together.. But I understand, you had feelings so you expected at this point that his is the same as yours.. just rest for now and resume talking when you feel better
Anna

March 12, 2017 at 8:14 pm

I’m just so torn between two things. On the one hand I’m thinking about going back to no contact to make him realise that I’m not gonna stick around forever and that he finally has to think about what he wants and if he wants to make things work again to finally start doing something. Because I’m feeling like that’s what he does… making me stick around without ever telling me what he wants. Just making sure I’m still there whenever he feels like talking to me. But on the other hand I feel like we need to talk a lot to create positive feelings again cause only that will probably make him want to come see me again. And that probably means that clearly I am the one that has to work harder and get him into conversations and be funny and kind and initiate phone calls and whatnot. So right now I absolutely don’t know what’s the right thing to do. One day I feel like doing this, the other day I feel like doing that… :-/
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 6:23 am

that’s a good sign that he said that.. you don’t have to go back on full no contact but you do have to create mystery.. lay low from initiating for a few days and go out..of course be active in posting
Anna

March 12, 2017 at 7:44 am

Yeah I know… But It’s so annoying to not know where we stand… When we talked on the phone yesterday he said it still feels like we are lovers…
I dont know.. It’s very exhausting… I love talking to him again and texting but it hurts at he same time to not know what I am for him.. right now we’re absolutely nothing… not friends, not lovers… No plans of seeing each other… nothing. And I don’t see how that would change… But I do know that if we finally saw each other again he’d want to be with me again…
Right now this is taking all of my energy cause I have to work really hard to ned get overwhelmed by may emotions and to not ask him to come see me and be with me again although that’s all I wanna say to him the whole time.
Anna

March 7, 2017 at 5:49 pm

Sooo update.
Things went really well the last few days. We’ve been texting a lot and he calls me sweetheart and darling sometimes and we’re in contact everyday. We’ve been talking a lot about old memories and he said that we had such fun together… He also talked about how what we had only was right and he loved it so much and how he got lost in my eyes and stuff. Then I was at a café where we’ve been together and texted him about how I wish he was there and he said the same thing. He told me I am very special to him and then when I said that sometimes I’m wishing I could see him again he said: you might. I might make a little plan…
That got me really really excited!! He told me how he’s just confused with what’s happening between us now. But then the next day he said: I’m not confused at all. Things just didn’t work out and I’ve accepted it.

That was very strange… and I asked him why he had said that. He said that things are complicated and we’re still flirting and being very affectionate qoth each other and that we’re talking a lot and he finally see that he wanted to see where this takes us and he wants to continue with talking a lot. He said the plan with visiting me again depends on how well were talking and that I pop into his head all the time and he can’t help it.
Then we’ve even been skyping and it was really really good. We’ve been laughing a lot and after skyping he texted me : thank you xx. I really liked that. We’ve been talking on the phone too…
But then again sometimes he seems so distant and not really interested on me. I asked him if he could imagine something with me again and he said yes but he couldn’t tell me what it needs for him to give it another chance or come for a visit.
How do I get him to take the last step and to want to visit me and be with me again. I don’t really know how to act cause sometimes I feel I’m annoying him with my texts. I’m just not sure what to do right now. Talk a lot, not be available for him all the time, wait for him to text me??? He said it makes him happy to have me back in his life again but right now I don’t know what we are… It’s hard because I’m investing so many feeling’s again but I’m scared that one day he’ll wake up and then says that this is not a good idea anymore and then I get hurt all over again. So yeah things are really complicated but I’m so happy that I kind of have him back so I absolutely don’t want to scare him away do you have any advice for me for how to act?
The visit would be a huge thing cause the flight would be soooo expensive as we’re talking about a distance between Australia and Europe…
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 12:24 pm

be careful on always asking if he thinks about you, or if you can see him or if you two have a chance because if he’s not sure, you would sound like you’re expecting too much..just continue talking and having fun conversations and being busy with your own activities
Anna

February 21, 2017 at 2:36 pm

So I called him… Telling him about how I never know if he wants to hear from me or talk to me because I always am the one to initiate a conversation and how that’s making me feel uncomfortable and how I just need to know where we stand.
He said he wants to text and talk to me and it it makes him happy when I do..
But he’s not texting first because he simply doesn’t want to hurt me anymore and he never knows if it’s the right thing to do or not.
Again we both have been telling each other that we really miss the talks and the texts and hearing abut each others day and he said that he wanted to try and be a bit more talkative.. He even admitted that he still has feelings for me..
I don’t know I think it’s because he knows that the way things are right now there is no chance that we could be physically together before October (maybe a visit earlier would be possible) and that’s probably what makes him act so carefully. It’s fragile but there still is a lot going on between us. There still is this connection no matter what. But things are just really really complicated and I know that he is afraid that because of the break up the whole trust thing wouldn’t work anymore now and that he’s afraid that I might going back to “waiting around the whole time” again if we just continued where it ended.
I don’t really know what to do. Something has to happen that’ll make him think “I really want to be with her again and I really want to work things out so that we can finally be together” but I don’t know what I can do with being so far away.

But yeah, I think I got a pretty positive response and just have to wait and see how things develop and see if he’s really trying to talk to me more and call me and stuff
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 12:57 pm

if he’s afraid that you’ll go back to waiting the whole time, then be less available, be more busy with other things because in that way he will see that you have your own life
Anna

February 20, 2017 at 1:29 pm

He’s driving me insane…
I really don’t know where I or where we stand..
Like yesterday we didn’t have any contact at all… And most if the time it’s me that starts the converstation but then he’s always up for texts or a call… oh and I had forgotten to mention that the last time I called (because of this collage for his birthday on his fb wall that showed him so often with that one girl) he told me that he thought I wanted to call him to tell him that I had met someone and he had already tried to prepare himself for freaking out a little…

Anyways.. after no contact yesterday I messaged him earlier saying sth like.. “Do you remember when… It was so much fun blabla” and he immediately replied saying “Hahaha! I remember. Loved that little trip we took. You looked so pretty too” and then we’ve been sending a few more text and then boom.. no reply anymore… I really don’t know what to think of that… Why’s he complimenting me and telling me all these things that I’ve been writing in my previous post but then again not texting back anymore or hardly ever texting first… It confuses me so much… This is getting so exhausting.. I finally want to know if there is any chance that there could ever be something between the two of us or if all I’m doing is in vain… I still miss him so much. Why doesn’t he simply cut contact if he doesn’t want me at all anymore? Why is he telling me he misses me and everything about meso much but then is not doing anything about it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 8:24 pm

It could be because his relationship with the other girl is progressing and that he still has feelings for you but not enough to want you back, and he’s not sure if it’s going to work again between you two.. For me, I think you need to take a risk by this time by hinting that you’re not going to stay forever. Like, saying, “Hey, I’m happy that we’re talking again but I can feel you’re uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s me or if it’s something going on in your life. But I don’t like feeling that feeling. I understand you, so I’m going to back off now..”
It’s very risky because it can make him just move on continuously or step. But the upside about that is, he’ll show what he really wants. If he really wants to get back together with you.. It’s his turn now to make an effort. If not, then you can move on..
Anna

February 19, 2017 at 10:06 am

Hey!

So my ex and me are texting almost everyday now.. It’s not that we’re texting the whole time,just from 1 to 10 texts a day or so. It’s ok but most of the time it’s me texting him.
We’ve been talking on the phone twice. The first time I’ve been asking him about that other girl (For his birthday she had posted a collage on his fb wall with lots of photos showing them together which made me really upset…) but he’s been telling me that they’re just friends. So yeah, I can either believe that or not. Other than that the talk was nice. He’s been teeling me that he misses talking to me and misses my voice and hearing about my day and stuff again. He said that watching my snaps makes him realise how much he cares about me and make feelings come back… but then again he doesn’t text… so I don’t know what to think… It’s almost always me texting him. He told me that he wanted to call me a few days ago but then didn’t do it cause he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore… And I’ve been telling him that I’m hitting the gym on a regular basis now and how I’ve realised that he was right and the last few months of our relationship all I did was wait for him… to text, to call, to finally move.. and how i forgot about living my own life and things… he seem really “impressed” (it’s not really the right word for it) about those thought and told me that he thinks it’s a good thing that I’m trying to put my heart and mind back into a good state again and how that is really attractive and things…..
I dont’t know. I didn’t just say that, I really meant it.. and it took me three months to realise this and now I understand how he simply couldn’t go on anymore…
But still… I know now that I can live without him… but I simply don’t want to. I’m still thinking about him everyday.. and all I wanna do is text him but most of the time I don’t. Our phone calls make me miss him a lot and when he tells me the same things it feels so good but I don’t really know how to act right now? should all of my texts be just friendly and always happy (even though sometimes I feel so sad because I simply miss him so much and want to talk about “us” and not about stupid fun shit and stuff), should all our talks just be smalltalk (cause this is really hard for me too..)
I feel like from the way he acts and talks that all is not lost but I just don’t know how to act… And I’m so worried about losing him to another girl as he’s always tagging so many really hot girls in posts and comments… and catching up with so many girls and going out with them and everything.. And I’m just sitting here, on the other side of the world and can’t do anything about it.
Anna

February 12, 2017 at 7:45 pm

Ok. I think I fucked it up already.
As I said, yesterday it was really good, me trying to be funny and him replying right away and everthing…
But then I’ve been a total idiot again today. Checked his profile again (I know I shouldn’d do this) and found out that he had changed his favourite quote into: Once you realise you deserve better, letting go will be the best decisio ever.
And I just thought WTF? Is he really trying to tell me that he thinks he deserves better than me or that I’ve made him feel bad or anything.
When actually he was the one that broke up because he said I deserve a lot better than him…
Also he had changed his relationship information into “It’s complicated”…
I couldn’t resist and texted him wanting to know what that quote means and if that what he feels about me.
He replied telling me he has changed it a long time ago (I don’t think that’s true though but I can’t prove this of course). And I also asked him about his relationship status… He said he’s done that because he doesn’t want anyone to be thinking that he’s single because he just wants to be on his own.
The moment I asked I felt stupid already… Why the hell did I even ask… But it’s always that moments when I think there’s someone else in his life that drive me crazy and make me act like an idiot…
Oh well.. I hope I haven’t ruined it all.
I’m not gonna text tomorrow or the day after and then on his birthday just send a short friendly text and then we’ll see… I’m so annoyed with myself…
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 11:24 pm

for me, you didnt.. he didn’t get angry..so, just continue on
Anna

February 11, 2017 at 7:52 am

Yeah that’s totally true.
As advised in the how to text him section I sent four texts today talking about a tv show he really likes. He replied right away. Not overly enthusiastic but at least replied and I think it made him smile. Then I stopped the conversation after four texts. I want to keep going like this. Really short conversations at first.. about funny or positive things and stuff.. the thing is.. It’s his birthday next Wednesday. If things stay the way they are now do I call him or text him? What do I say? Am I just being friendly, wishing him a happy birthday and then that’s it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2017 at 6:39 pm

just text and be friendly..since, you’re still at the building rapport phase
Anna

February 10, 2017 at 6:40 am

Hey.
I broke the no contact rule two days ago on day 16.
There was a girl he had been tagging a lot on fb. And when I checked her profile I found a photo of him and her lying in his bed together.
I didn’t know her but she must be a girl he started his training with for the new job on October. She doesn’t live in his city. It shocked me so much to see this cause it made me.think that he had been cheating on me with her after I’ve left in September. Or that maybe he’s with her now even though he said he just wanted to think and be with his thoughts only…
I was devastated and didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt so betrayed and the called him. He thought something had happend to me or my family and was really scared. When I talked to him about that girl he said right away that she and some other friends came to visit him last weekend and that’s where the photo was taken. He told me he’s still single and didn’t do anything with her. I don’t know. It could be a lie. But he said it right away. Told me.he was so sorry this photo made me feel that and that he never wanted that. And then he told.me lots of other stuff too. About how much he misses me and talking to me and seeing me on skype. That I have the most beautiful eyes in the world and by what he’s been saying I could tell that he checked what I’ve been doing on fb all the time cause he know about every post or comment… It really confused me cause I didn’t expect him to say such things… He even told me that sometimes he’s thinking about how maybe we’d have another chance when he moves back to Europe in october… We ended the call with him telling me.I should always always call or text him whenever I feel like it and me telling him to do the same.
The next morning I woke up to a text to him telling me again how sorry he was about the pain he had caused me with that photo and he about how he never wanted me to feel this way..I replied telling him that it has been one of the worst moments in my life and that I’m glad I called him but that it’s scary how much his words can comfort me. He then replied that he thinks that’s a nice thing and he’s glad that he can still do this for me.
Then yesterday he texted me again: you ok? Just seen you online 🙂
I replied and the I wished him good night and he told me to have a nice day.

So now I’m really confused and don’t know what to do next. No contact again? Try to create rapport? I really need some advise now. Btw it’s his birthday in five days.
This is so confusing 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 6:13 pm

see, he is cheking because it’s human nature to miss something were used to do or have.. hmm.. since he’s already replying positively, build rapport slowly and continue improving yourself
Anna

February 1, 2017 at 5:16 pm

Ok. Yeah I’ll try..it’s hard.
Also it’s his birthday in about two weeks. No message right?
I’m just afraid he might block me if he doesn’t even hear from me on his birthday.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 4:19 pm

yes, no message..check this:
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
Anna

January 31, 2017 at 5:30 pm

Hey,

I need some advise.
It’s day 10 of no contact today (he hasn’t texted or tried to call me since the last text he sent me ten days ago – a question i didn’t respond to it) and I was checking out his fb profile and noticed that he had deleted the photo of me and him out of his top five favourite pics and replaced it with a photo of him and another girl looking into each others eyes. I know that the photo is from end of October when he had been in a different city to do his training for the new job. So she’s a colleague from a store down there (so they don’t live in the same city). The photo had been taken in a bar and he got tagged in it but back in October I never saw this photo anywhere. So he must have changed the settings so I wouldn’d see it. But yesterday night he uploaded this one with her and it just killed me…
The last few days I’ve been quite active on social media… uploaded a profile picture again, photos of me in the gym or at the movies and stuff… and yeah I don’t know if there’s something going on with her or maybe he just wants to provoke me to text him after posting this because this is definitely what I would normally do.
I’m so confused. On the one hand I really really want to text him and ask him if this girl is the reason he broke up with me and why he is uploading this photo when he must know that it hurts me a lot (he always said after the break up that he doesn’t want me to get hurt and he only wants my best and still has bin caring and kind to me).. but on the other hand I don’t know if contacting him is the right way… I really really want him back but right now I don’t know where I stand at all…
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 11:09 am

that’s more likely to provoke you..so dont give in.. focus in yourself. Avoid checking his account
Anna

January 25, 2017 at 7:43 pm

Mhh.. Yeah but I’m doubting that photos of me reading a book or watching a tv show will make him think that I’m moving on or attract him…
It’s day four of nc. Before starting nc o asked him to put the photos of our last trip together on Dropbox so I’d have them. He texted me two says ago telling me he’d do that and about how he’s not sure if it worked. And then a little bit later that they are online. I didn’t reply. And then yesterday he asked me if I got them. Didn’t reply either. He knew I got them cause you’ll get an email if someone is using the folder you’ve shared. Should I say anything though?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:19 pm

nope.. let him be.. since you cant do much, whatever you do is still better than nothing..
Anna

January 24, 2017 at 6:02 pm

Yes, I know that and I really want to do that because I’ve realised that in the past few weeks of our relationsship I’ve overreacted way too much and haven’t been much myself anymore.
I know that I have improve myself massively cause even I don’t like who I’ve become during the past few months and I know that’s noe really me. I really want to improve and get back to the “real” me (the person he fell in love with) again but it’s quite hard for me at the moment to be socializing and going out a lot because my job is very demanding at the moment and I’m spending most of my weekends preparing for my very important job exams in March. I need to stay focused on that. So there’s not much chance of letting him know that I’m “mentally improving and moving forward” with posts and photos and stuff. Any advice here?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 12:39 pm

hmm..start at home.
do 5 minute work outs, cook good meals or at least make it fun, watch good shows, listen to good music..
Anna

January 23, 2017 at 1:56 pm

So you think chances are not very high that the nc will still work after such a long period of time?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 12:09 pm

I think there’s still a chance but it will really be higher if you improve yourself. If he sees you’re moving on and improving massively, there’s a higher chance that he will regret the break up.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 12:03 pm

Hi Anna

it’s ok to still do the no contact rule, if it doesn’t work then at least you know you’ve done what you can before moving on.. Yes, you should be active in posting in social media during nc period..

Dragana

January 21, 2017 at 1:19 am

Hi, me and my older boyfriend (12 year older) were together for one and a half year. We are from different countries. From the beginning we don’t let ourselves to miss each others. He was here for 2 weeks, one months, i was also going there… He is Greek I am Serbian. We try to live together so i moved there with him. The things there start to be not so nice like from the beginning . Isaw there his left character. and also I felt so alone there with no friends, no life, no nothing… i was with him but like without him…. he was doing his private work from morning till night. Ok my temperament is also not so nice i was waiting from him to be all time here for me because first at all he is 39 i am 26 and i was expecting from him to respect that i moved there for us. But in every fight he was telling to me very bad words like he wants me to go, how i am not doing nothing etc But he never and never really wanted me to go and i am sure that he still loves me. I think that he was expecting much more from me. I was the person who pack the things and left without to tell him. After when i pass the border i told him and also to inform him that the telephone that he gave me for to use my Greek number i took with me in any case on the road. He start to scream why i took his telephone. After one day he write me late in the night how he gave me food and home and i used him. I never wanted to use him. It have been past one month but i still want him back. I write him a lot of messages almost every day. I am sure that he loves me but his character is so hard and his ego is so big. One morning i try to call him, it was around 6-7 o clock and finally he write me message how he think that i am drunk and that i don’t know what i am doing, after he write me one more message how he think that i am out and drunk again and who knows with who am i and what else i am doing… how i am not shied to call him at this time… I was happy because finally he write me something but i was not out only i was crying all night. CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE HIM TO TALK … I HAVE PLANE TO GO THERE AND TO SEE HIM BUT I AM AFRAID OF HIM TO NOT ACCEPT ME AND TO BE FOOL AT THE END. p.s. sorry for my bad English 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 22, 2017 at 11:15 am

Hi Dragana,

it’s ok..I understood what you said.. are you going to do the no contact rule? Are you going to do the advice above? if you’re going to do the no contacy rule,.do at least 30 days

Michelle

January 20, 2017 at 4:21 pm

So my boyfriend Broke up with me very ubruptly up a month ago. It was all a bit back and fourth but then said he needed time more specifically a couple of months. Nothing was made clear other than he was having doubts about the relationship because of the distance and future and he’s devestated after 8 years of being together I now live in Rome for work and him in Norway.I called 10 days ago for clarity but heard blame and that I was pressuring him to make a decision pfffff (ball breaker). I have been doing the no contact rule for 10 days and he wrote to me, basically saying that he heard there were earthquakes in Rome that our UN agencies had been evacuated this past week and hoped me and the family were ok.

Do I need to respond to this kind of message?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 7:14 pm

Hi Michelle,

nope.. ignore it..

CDG

January 20, 2017 at 12:55 am

My ex and I broke up last November 24, 2016, 6 days before he was supposed to go home to the Philippines and be with me again. That time he couldn’t give me a concrete reason on why he doesn’t want to go home. He just keeps on telling me that he’s not excited to go home and he wanted to be alone. I was shattered, I was looking forward to the day that we will be together again after 7 months of being away from each other. I was the one who broke up with him because I was angry, how can he suddenly decide not to come home. He did not agree with the break up at first and said he just needs some space. He wants to focus on his goals. I actually believed him. That time we still talk constantly, I know it was stupid but I just couldn’t let him go. I love him so much and I’m willing to do everything to fix our relationship. But then there’s this girl, I keep on telling him that I’m jealous of this girl because they are always together. He keeps on denying the obvious and told me I got nothing to worry about because he’s not yet ready to commit again. For a time he keeps on denying it until one day he told me that he is now getting know this girl but they are not dating. But I know for a fact that they are, because I see it in his and his friend’s social media accounts. I was so hurt that time and I asked him for a closure. He did not give me what I wanted, or I was puzzled about what he said. He keeps on telling me he loves me, he wants to focus on his goals and once he reached it he will fix everything between us. He is still coming home this May and he actually wants us to meet and talk. He is telling me that we should move on but he keeps on pulling me back, maybe he’s just confused like I am. Until last Wednesday, he went live on facebook, only to find out that it’s the new girl who’s taking the video. I know that she knows I’m watching, she keeps on laughing but they heard nothing from me. I blocked him on all my social media accounts and I am planning to do the NC rule. It’s suppose to be our second anniversary this coming January 28, I plan on ignoring him but I’m afraid he’ll just take this as a sign that I’m already moving on. I really love him, and I know it might be stupid but I want to fix everything between us. Please help me what should I do?

CDG

January 24, 2017 at 2:43 am

I don’t want him to know that I am still waiting. What do you think I should do best?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 2:05 pm

that’s not the best option because it puts you on the chaser position which is unattractive and then he’ll probably take you for granted because he knows how much you’re hung up on him. Especially that you know that he has a new girlfriend now. Bluntly, it’s pathetic.. And don’t let them think you are. Start the no contact rule. Improve yourself, increase your value, get back your self respect and self esteem. If you want a guy to value you, you have to value yourself too..
CDG

January 22, 2017 at 12:47 pm

Yes but given the fact that he’s with a new girl now. I don’t know how long I can hold on, I want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 1:19 pm

yeah,but chasing him will not do any better right? Does that put you in a better position than the other girl?
CDG

January 22, 2017 at 12:46 pm

He lives in Australia, we are in a long distance relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 1:05 pm

sorry for the type in the last message.. I mean do you want him to think you’re still waiting instead of doing the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 2:43 pm

Hi Cdg,

why is he abroad? So you want to think you’re still waiting?

Kris

January 18, 2017 at 4:47 am

Hi!
My fiancé and I broke up around the first of December. It was completely unexpected. Our entire relationship (3years) had been long distance but I lived there over the summer and we were planning to move in together in a few months. I had been very stressed with school and other things happening and he was feeling unappreciated and unloved. He never told me these things so we could work on them. Our key fall back was definitely communication. The main reason he says we broke up is because he was unhappy. Since breaking up, he has said he wasn’t sure if he was ever in love with me, he has a feeling we aren’t right, and feels like I wasn’t trying in our relationship. He wanted space but I was very bad at giving it to him. We agreed to meet and I returned the ring the second week of December. We talked most days through December and early January. I have tried to implement NC, but it is extremely difficult. I did all the needy and desperate things you shouldn’t do initially. When I text him, he almost always responds and we have minimal conversation as long as it doesn’t turn to the relationship. When asked if there is a chance in the future he replies “idk, maybe”. We haven’t talked in probably 8-9 days now. He does not have any social media accounts, except snapchat. Is it even worth continuing to want it? Do you think there is a chance? How can I improve my chances without social media? Any advice would be great.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2017 at 7:17 pm

Hi Kris,

social medianis your indirect way of showing your changes, so it would be better if you’re active in that even if he doesn’t have accounts because there is a possibility that he will check that when he gets curious.. I think there’s a chance.. try a 30 day nc rule first, rebuild rapport and attraction slowly after.. if it doesn’t work, then move on

J

January 16, 2017 at 1:19 am

he has clearly been active on all forms of social media but he is purposely not opening my message. i just feel like i know there is no chance in the future. hes been talking to someone else and even tho hes in the military right now and has limited access to communication only during free time/break can he have access to computers/phones….these past 3 weeks ive been actively going out, hanging with friends, etc. i started feeling better, went on dates with guys except it ended up being one night stands. it helped me forget for abit and i slowly started to move on….til i saw he was active on FB. part of me didnt get the excited feeling but i also wanted to say happy new yr. only to know he ignored it and didnt bother opening it. I just want a chance in the future in 1-2 years…..why is this so hard for him to change his mind….

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2017 at 6:38 pm

because it’s too soon…dont engage in one night stands but so, far, its sti good that you’re starting to be active

J

January 15, 2017 at 2:51 am

i broke my 1 year NC its been 3 weeks since we talked….and said happy new yr today bc i saw he was active…………and i was the one who sent a long text telling him were not friends and hope a clean slate is good for us etc. if you remember me….he didnt reply back. did i mess up ????

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2017 at 6:00 pm

Hi J,

hmm..it didn’t make it a better but I don’t it’s as bad as the previous actions that made the situation worse

Wiktoria

January 14, 2017 at 5:06 pm

For half year me and my boyfriend were broken up (we were together for almost 2 years and it was long distance), around 1-2 months ago we managed to get back together and we’re working on building a new strong and healthy relationship together. We both have changed and our communication has improved a lot lately. He asked (before we even got together) if he can come over and of course i agreed so since then we were trying to arrange it. It happened that i was going to visit him for some time so we talked about it and he seemed so excited and down for it. He was planning our date and talking about it, saying he misses me. But he always changed when i tried to get into actually doing something (in this case buying tickets). Tickets are on sale right now so around a week ago i told him to think of it all and tell me if it’s 100% ok that i’d be coming. He had time and i reminded him of it ( he has bad memory). He told me that there are things that scare him about it (because i was very worried that he is like that each time i bring this subject) like for example: he’s worried that he will disappoint me, that he may be feeling like we’re just friends, he’s scared of rumors starting again and his female friends (that he didn’t;t want to have relationship with) making lots of drama ( people were talking very badly about us when we dated, he was always protecting me and trying to fight for my “good name” but i understand that after a while he’s just tired and it brings him down a lot and scares). One day it was kind of the time he was supposed to give me an answer if i can come but he said he didn’t know, we talked and i told him that it’s really okay if he prefers to stay in when I’m there (he lives on a small island so it’s very easy to meet someone from his class and that could start rumors) because i understand that it’s still just the beginning and he is scared, not sure how to feel about somethings since we haven’t seen each other since the breakup and besides i would be staying for just a week. And there he changed his mind and hew went to talk with his parents (he’s 18 and I’m a little bit younger, his parents are very nice people that even talked to me when we were broken up, i don’t think there’s any problem with his family). When he came back he said that they’re saying i’m always welcome there but he still sounded sad so i asked what is it and he said he’s not sure of it. I was very emotional then so I told him that he has time until today to give me an answer (any kind, yes, no) and that i don’t have to be coming. I really regretted it later so i texted him saying that he shouldn’t have this kind of time limit and that it’s okay to be scared, that I’m too but im trying to calm down and keep myself busy. I think that he is kind of overthinking the whole thing and that’s why he’s so scared, i feel bad for giving him the time limit but otherwise i won’t be able to afford the tickets and he soon will be having driving test so it took all off his money. I know he really wants to see me, he went to work just before we talked about the tickets thing, he did it to get at least a little bit money when i’m there. I’m not sure what to do.

Wiktoria

January 23, 2017 at 9:14 am

He broke up with me. He texted me “Hey, so to be honest i dont feel like we can continue it, I just can’t get back to it, to me it feels more like a friendship, I really appreciate all you have done all the sacrifices and pain. I appreciate all that has happened the past time,. I’m amazed by you”. ( he also said that in future we could be seeing sometimes) I’ve started the nc as soon as possible and I did say that I would rather wait for him, take my time and figure things out, that’s it’s hard to feel like it’s a relationship when we haven’t seen each other in a while and that I want him to think of it again and that I want to meet anyways as friends at least, i shouldn’t have said that (he said we will but I feel like those are just empty words). He tried to reach out to me by these little messages like “hi”, “good morning” which of course I ignored. Every breakup felt like a sudden decision of his. He was telling me that if something will be wrong he will tell me (he knew that this happening again so suddenly was my fear) but when the day earlier I asked he said it was all good between us. He didn’t act strangely. We had a rough week because I was very emotional due to period and stress in school but he knew it and also knew that I’m trying and it’s not always I’m that emotional. Since I know that at some point he will ask why am I not texting back, I thought it would be a good idea to text him back once and tell him that I need some space because I need to think of it all, that I’m having trust issues now since he broke the promise (he knew it was important and it was also his idea). Then I would be back on nc and when I feel ready I would talk to him and maybe let him know how things really are for me. I thought of saying something like ” Am I important to you? (Here he probably says yes) Listen It’s not about getting back to something, we’re not doing that. It won’t be the way it used to be before. I don’t expect it from you and neither do I want that. I don’t know why you said that you’re sorry that I was more sad than happy but you know it’s not true. As you said the real me is the smiling, laughing and talking with excited one, that’s how I was. You said yourself that you were missing me (earlier when we broke up), you asked if you can come here (before we even got together). Let us see what happens, I will work on my trust and you will work on things too. I love you but I’m not in love with you. I know there’s something between us but to be honest I just can’t let the full potential of me or us appear because I haven’t seen you. I haven’t seen you in so many months. I don’t blame you for not feeling something crazy for me because man I don’t feel this way about you right now either. Let’s not decide of anything, no relationship for now, just keeping it chill, let’s meet and have some fun then we’ll see how things are.
Think of it, doesn’t it make sense?”
Of course when I would be telling him that, it would be much shorter and I would cut out some parts. Those were just some of my thought that I have written down. Then I would either talk to him from time to time and keep it seriously chill, no pushing or I would be back on nc and then when I’m ready, talking to him chill and patiently waiting for his answer.
I’m focusing on my friends and having fun rn.
Please tell me if there’s something more I could do and what I should and shouldn’t do. I will be thankful for all kind of tips.
Wiktoria

January 17, 2017 at 5:22 am

What if I don’t want the no contact? I’m not trying to push it anymore. I’m trying to accept it and just let him be but is there any way to help him open up maybe a little more? Because that seemed to be the problem in his opinion.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2017 at 6:55 pm

hmm, if you’re not going to push it and not going to do the no contact rule, does that mean you want to move on? because keeping in contact, means you’re still expecting, which what he probably thinks too.. check this one:
The Ungettable Girl
Wiktoria

January 15, 2017 at 10:29 pm

He spent a day with a friend so we talked in the evening. Meanwhile we texted very shortly and it was chill. He called me when he got home and i waited a moment to see if he gives me an answer, when he didn’t do that I just asked for it. He said he’d forgotten and that he didn’t see the message until some specific time and then he couldn’t text me. I reminded him that he was actually talking to me and he could have said something then. I made it clear to him that it’s important to me he remembers to say it because that’s not the first time he forgets very important stuff and honestly I feel like he’s just screwing with my words sometimes. If I ask him to do something I expect him to actually do it and not just ignore or forget. He says it’s due to his bad memory (he’s right most of the times it is and I remind him about many things but I’m worried that this time it wasn’t) I told him that I’m okay with reminding him of things but he needs to ask me to. I told him that I’m annoyed in a way because I told him to set an alarm or make a note if he knows he’s gonna forget. He apologized and yesterday and today was really trying. I think that he did it because he is scared of me coming there so he avoided the subject in that way. I’m not mad anymore and neither was I for a long time. I understand why he’s like that but I’d like to find a way to help him overcome it…
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2017 at 6:09 pm

try the no contact rule..because if you keep asking or pushing, you’re looking like you’re nagging him
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2017 at 5:17 pm

Hi Wiktoria,

what did he say after you took back the time limit?

Sam

January 13, 2017 at 9:55 pm

My ex and I broke up a week ago after three years. He didn’t think long distance would work since we’re both studying abroad and also because I have severe anxiety and felt insecure. I’m leaving in a little less than two weeks, then he’ll leave afterwards. I’m not sure if I should contact him in 30 days since he’ll just be starting classes. Should I wait 2 months? We said we “might” meet up in July to see where we are- should I wait six months?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2017 at 3:07 pm

Hi Sam,

try 45 days.. if it doesn’t work, then move on for now..

Lisa

January 13, 2017 at 8:04 am

Hi,

I went to Brazil to volunteer and met an Egyptian guy in a party in August 2016. He was part of the project team so he wasn’t just a random guy I wouldn’t see again.
At the end of the night, we kissed and the chemistry in between us was quite obvious and strong. I wasn’t actually planing on dating him after that, I just thought he was a nice guy and felt like I wasn’t quite ready to start a relationship again (specially not a LDR), but I guess you never control when and who you fall for.
After this he seemed quite impressed with me (he would tell me how beautiful I was in the inside and outside) and even the next day he took home some medicine for me because I got a cold from the party.

From that day, we were every single day together, pretty much living together until we had to go back to our own countries.
During that month and a half together we traveled a lot around Brazil, and we would behave pretty much like a married couple.. he was so romantic, and such a gentleman always taking me on dates, dancing with me and telling me how much he wanted to fight for me, and how he thought I was just perfection.

He went back to Egypt in September and I stayed in Brazil for a couple of months more.

The first 2 months apart were ok. We would Skype every time we could and even thought there were some fights we would manage to work things out. We would even talk about how it would be the next time we could see each other again (we were planning August 2017, so, I year after meeting)
After those 2 months everything started getting weird, and we would only text, which would make me a bit mad because he was the one making excuses to skype date!

He would always say he was so busy, that he literally would have to wake up from 7am and could go to bed like at 1am. Of course he wouldn’t have time to even text me for 5 minutes because his phone has a problem charging, and it would take so long to even turn back on that he would fall asleep.. this was an everyday thing.

Honestly, at first I tried to be comprehensive, but then we would fight over the same thing over and over again, because I wanted to Skype! Or at least being able to text!

Starting December he broke up with me saying he couldn’t be in any relationship anymore, because he was always so busy and with a thousand things to do during the day, that it was mentally impossible to be in a relationship (he was dealing with family problems, friendships ending, college, work, sickness from stress, events he has to manage) because his life was a mess.
I begged him not to do that, and told him how we could manage things together, and how I could just be his shoulder because we were a team, but he said no. So I told him I really wanted to wait until we could be together.

We’ve been talking almost everyday since we broke up and even had phone sex one time (1 month after our break up). We were still behaving like a couple! Calling each other baby, he would tell me how much he missed his girl and we were still laughing a lot on texts (no skype at all after the break up)
After that phone sex day I thought I had the right to ask what we were and he said “joking”: “we’re fuck buddies, good lovers, Instagram friends, good kissers”… so I kinda got pissed at the fact of him saying we were fuck buddies!
I asked him to clear things up for me and he said he already told me how he couldn’t be in the relationship, and that If i decided to wait for him, it was only my decision and he didn’t actually asked for it! He said he didn’t even asked for phone sex..

Everything hurt and made me feel he was taking things for granted.
Now he ignores all my texts (1 week ago) and don’t even know if it’s possible to get him back with a no contact rule (specially if he’s so “busy”).. I want back the guy I actually met and not this weird person he’s being now.
What should I do!? Any advices?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 4:12 pm

Hi Lisa,

you were in a honeymoon stage when you were together, that’s why it was a good.. But honestly, he had a point with what he said. He didn’t ask for you to stay. Your actions conveyed that it’s ok for you not to be committed.. There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but that can help leverage your chances..

Belle

January 9, 2017 at 5:47 am

I dated someone I met online in an LDR for a few months. We only got to see each other once or twice every couple weeks. But we texted each other every day. But from the start, we both decided that once re-united, it was worth the wait and time together flew. I thought we had crazy chemistry. But we haven’t seen each other in a month, and we weren’t talking on the phone as often as I’d like (which would’ve been once or every other day for a few minutes) because he was busy or out with friends. He would still text me every day even if I didn’t contact him first. I never was demanding or aggressive about things. I never asked to talk to him every day.. we only talked on the phone like twice in the past month.
So I got to the point to ask him where things were going in our relationship and what his thoughts were. I found out he was still browsing his online dating site, but he told me I was the only one he was dating (and I believed him). He told me that he had been thinking about the future and us for a few days and said we should just stay friends as the distance was getting hard and he was going to be very busy. I told him how I felt about him and how I thought we could work it out if we worked together. I mean, we’re hardly 2 hours apart. But in a few months from now, he’ll be traveling out of the state for multiple-week internships to last to the end of this year. This seriously factored into his decision… I told him even though he’d have to do that, we could figure out a way and work together. I would even move to be closer to him and spend more time together. But he left it at just friends. I told him I can’t be friends with him. This unfortunately all happened over text.
We haven’t texted or communicated with each other since. It’s been almost a week since. He was contacting me every day over text since we started dating. We had been planning to see each other again very soon. I’m just stuck on why it had to end up like this, because I wanted to work it out together. I guess I’m also stuck on whether he used the “friends” and distance reasons to try to lessen the severity of rejecting me… And I feel pathetic asking about all of this on here… but I’m going through a hard time and trying to understand why. I miss him and talking to him. I know he has feelings for me… Like how could you go from pursuing a girl, making out with her, missing her, to telling her a couple weeks later that you don’t know if you want to deal with the distance anymore and that you want to be friends?? I was shattered. And I got attached. I don’t know if this thing you call “No Contact” with not talking to him will even help him miss me… or what your recommendations are for just moving on and forgetting about him. All of it really hurts.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 5:24 pm

Hi Bella,

if you want to move on, just stop talking to him ever.. if you want to try the no contact rule to see if you can rebuild rapport later on, then start it. Do at least 30 dayd and just focus in healing and improving. Do it for yourself and even if there’s no guarantee that it will work, you will not miss a person who is always there..

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