How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

devastated

January 7, 2017 at 1:31 pm

My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I was devastated and tried to reach out to him so many times but he was busy all the time ( It’s kind of crucial milestone for his career at the moment )and didn’t want to start any serious conversations. I should have read this post sooner… after 2 weeks of ups and downs and dramatic reach out, I gave up 3 days ago, with leaving a text message that I’ll stop doing this crazy contacts. It’s been 3 days and feels like quitting smoking… awfully difficult not to think of him… Anyways, I will continue this NC for a month… thanks for the good post. My real question is.. what do you think of the idea of encountering him with surprise after a month of NC? Is this still a horrible idea…?

Devastated

January 18, 2017 at 3:54 pm

Hi again… so I started NC week ago and he sent out text like 2-3 days ago I tried to ignore but now I give it a second thought, should I reply him back…?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2017 at 5:45 pm

nope.. dont be too available whenever he is.. it would be better to stick in nc
Devastated

January 13, 2017 at 8:47 am

I broke the NC after a week unintentionally :/ and we talked about stuff and he said he needs his own space and time that we should keep in contact in less of frequency… I guess I should reset the NC and this time won’t really break it for more than a month
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 4:20 pm

yeeeep you should 🙂
Devastated

January 9, 2017 at 9:33 pm

Oh I mean before he starts texting me first. Like if there’s no approch before I do.
And thank you I thought staying frns means just having moved on so fast
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2017 at 3:45 pm

If he doesn’t text you during no contact that’s ok. YOu can still intiate texting after no contact.
Devastated

January 9, 2017 at 7:59 am

Thank you… if he happen to mention about staying as close frns as for now Is it a good sign?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 4:17 pm

You’re welcome! what do you mean if he doesnt attempt anything before? before what? yeah, it’s necessarily a good sign because it’s common for ex’s to ask to stay friends but it’s better than him wanting nothing from you..
Devastated

January 9, 2017 at 1:24 am

Thank you! I guess i could initiate the first convo by birthday celebration since his birthday is about a month away if he doesnt attempt to do anything before…?
Devastated

January 8, 2017 at 6:08 am

Sorry for leaving multiple comments I didnt know it’s getting uploaded after the reply is made. Thank you for the advice… It’s the best to just keep on NC and wait for his text right…?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 6:53 pm

no worries! it’s ok to initiate contact after nc but do it by message first, and dont ask to meet up right away. rebuild rapport first
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 1:15 am

Hi Devastated,

as in going there in person right after nc? Nope.. dont do it

C

January 5, 2017 at 3:33 am

Hi,
I was friends with my boyfriend for a year but I always really liked him. We went to the same place undergrad and went on a service trip together last spring. From the start my friends and I and everyone who knew him thought he was one of the most kind, respectful, trustworthy, and caring guys. We started talking more this summer when I would come back to visit and things started to get serious. He officially asked me out in September and we decided to try long distance. We would see each other 1-3 times a month and communicate everyday. He was always super kind to me. He’d tell me how much he cared about me and how lucky he thought he was. He said that I was so special to him and he would do anything for me. He is in the navy and was supposed to move farther away for school in January. I was supposed to go to his friends wedding with him New Year’s Eve. In December he started being even more flirty, sending pictures, and making plans for the night in the hotel room NYE. After the wedding I was going to spend more time with him and go back to his family’s home. I thought we were forming an even deeper relationship. I would tell him how much I like him and he would respond saying the same thing and how happy he was he asked me out. I was going to tell him I love him NYE. A couple of days before he started acting strange. He called and said I wasn’t his priority anymore, he didn’t care about me, and he didn’t even like me when he came to my house in November. He said it was all a lie and he just liked the emotional high from making out. He said he didn’t even think it would work when he asked me out in September. Meanwhile he’d still been calling me babe and saying he couldn’t wait to see me and really liked me. I’m a pretty private person and I opened up and let him into my life. Now I’m the one who was left heartbroken and hurt and blindsided by the break up. How do I get him to want me back or what do I do? I feel so hurt and he is acting nothing like the person I thought he was. It hurts even more knowing that he may not even miss me or the relationship if it’s true that he really hasn’t liked me for over a month. I keep wanting to reach out to him and send him a letter I wrote (even though I know I should wait because I was really upset). And I really want him to reach out to me. It’s only been a week since we broke up.
Thanks!

C

January 8, 2017 at 12:47 am

Yes, I do want to try the advice. What do you recommend that I do? I am very active in improving myself and am usually a very positive person.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 9:03 pm

oh I mean, are you going to do the no contact rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 7:38 pm

Hi C,

Do you want to try the advice above? How active are you in improving yourself?

j

January 4, 2017 at 8:23 pm

do you think stubborn guys can change their minds over time? no matter how set theyre decision is

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 7:45 pm

Yup, it can happen.

Confused G

January 4, 2017 at 5:09 pm

Hi,
I was in a LDR with my ex boyfriend 2 times. We started with a Facebook where we were only writting to each other for about two years. After that he came to visit me the first time we started talking on the phone for some months were I developed feelings for him. He withdrawed few months later and told me that he wasn´t ready for a relationship so we decided to stay friends. He told me that it was very difficult for him to move forward, because of his latest break-up (an ex he had a 4 year relationship with), which ended years ago, because she cheated on him.
Anyways, after agrreing on friendship I couldn´t continue after 5 months, so I told him that I needed time to think for myself (I was in love with him). Once I made that statement he changed drastically and were then chasing me. We ended up getting back together, but 16 days ago he broke-up with me again. I had the feeling is was coming, because he was starting to withdraw again. Only this time our relationship had developed so much more than the first time. Ha was talking about future, looking for a flat and getting married. But I wasn´t ready for that commitment, so I told him to give it a little time, which he was fine with. Then few months ago I felt more ready and asked him what he was thinking about when it should happen. I said I think that in few months it would be reasonable, but he told me that we should give it time since we don´t know each other well enough. He said that in a year it would be realistic. I was very disappointed by his answer, because I felt that he got cold feet which he could see. Since that day he started to get more distance and I asked him what was wrong. He said that he is not ready for that commitment and it´s unfair to me, because I want that now. I explained that I didn´t want to marry him if he didn´t wanted to marry me and that we should just focus on getting to know each other instead of worrying about the furture, but somehow he couldn´t let it go. We talked about how he was distance several times afterwards, but he just got more distant. He started to work a lot, do much more sport, see his friends and family more often and told me that he doesn´t feel like he has time and that it´s difficult for us to reaally get to know each other without being able to see one antoher more often. When we seeingg each other he would come by car and drive about 5 hours each way. Because he only could meet on saturday due to his work we most often saw each other for some hours 1 time a month for 1,5 year. I tried to give him space, but it got worse because he were just withdrawing even more. He also told me that his family was pushing him to get married, because it´s time (he is 28 I am 31), which he would get upset about when they did especially because he could see that his sister who resently got married 6 months ago is not happy in her marriage (which he thinks is because they are too different and they didn´t know each other well enough to get marry). I also noticed that he in general talked about some of his friends (in their 30´s) who were going through some kind of midlife crisis which he often was afraid would happen to him, because he already had some kind of depression about 1,5 year ago where I was helping him and supporting him to get over.
I also remeber him telling me that one of his colleague who became father a year ago find it hard to be dad while writting a Ph.D (which he is doing). He is very career minded, and I a have been looking for a job for a year now after I finished my studies. I am very confused about what exactly happened to us. Does all these factors have frightened him from committing to me or what is the real issue here? I tried not to talk about anything serious with him the last 2 months we were together, but still showed a little of my feelings and interest in him, so he wouldn´t think I gave up on him, because he asked for time to get over his “situation” that he himself couldn´t explain. I couldn´t see any changes after about to months so I asked him if he needed time to find out what he wants and I would go away until he had figured it out. He didn´t want that and I could see that his behaviour got a little bit better after that. But when he went to see his family on the 17´th of December he told me that he wouldn´t have time once he were there to call me, whcih I might have misunderstood. When he visits his family he always call or at least write to me. I told him it was fine that he didn´t call me, assuming he would text me at some point. I didn´t here from him for more than 24 hours, so I thought maybe something had happened to him. I called and texted him, but he didn´t answered. So when he did answered me later he just wrote “sorry I didn´t had time, I will call you when I get home tomorrow”. I was so upset and frustrated, so I told him that he didn´t need to call me two times. I was tired of giving him so much space, because it felt like I was no priority to him any longer. He wrote to me on 19´th of December when he got home, but I ignored his messages, because I was thinking about doing the NC. He then called me later and I picked up the phone. He told me that he is breaking up with me, because he don´t feel that it is fair to me that he is treating me this way and he hasn´t been good to me. That it had nothing to do with me, because I have done nothing wrong and it´s only him. I just said ok, I understand you descision eventhough I couldn´t, because I felt that he was rejecting himself. I told him that it has been nice for me to know him and to have a good night, and that I hope he gets what he wants from life. He told the same to me and told me several times that he hopes I can forgive him one day. We haven´t talked or texted since that night. It didn´t felt like he really wanted to end our relationship, but more that he did it because of being fair to me. I think he has been wanting to contact me, but he doesn´t feel that he is allowed to, because I once told him that I couldn´t forgive hime if he broke my heart or hurted me again like he did the first time. It´s now been 16 days without contact and I miss him, but I have improved myselff a lot. I am doing sport and going out and so on. I am just not sure if I am doing the right thing, because he is the kind of guy who is polite and like to keep good in contact with other people. He thinks somehow that it is childish to ignore other people.
I don´t know if I have a chance with him after NC and how long I should be doing NC? What do you think is going through his head by now and what is likely to expect form him after the NC? Please help me.

Confused G

January 10, 2017 at 10:43 pm

My 21 days are now over and I really want to contact him, but first I would like to know what different it will make if I don´t contact him before the 30 days? Our breakup was not one of the bad ones and I know that he doesn´t expect to hear from me after the breakup, because I told him in the past that iff I ever walked away it would be permanent. That is also one of the reason why it was so difficult for him to actually breakup with me and let go. He thinks that he was a burden to me which I never thought he was. So what does that mean if I contact him now or wait after the 30 days? How will that affect him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 12:10 pm

a week doesn’t look that long but if you really maximize that week for yourself before initiating contact, it can help you be more rational in handling things with him..
Confused G

January 8, 2017 at 9:35 am

On wednesday it will be day 22 without any contact, and I am thinking about texting him on that day. Do you think that will be ok? I know he is feeling lonely very quick and he is the type of person who doesn´t like to be alone and has to keep busy in order not to think too much over things.
I want to text him about a book he likes and I alreadxy was readingg before we broke up. Is that a good idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 4:17 pm

it would be better if you at least finish 30 days.. but you can use that topic as a first contact text
Confused G

January 6, 2017 at 7:34 pm

I am thinking about texting him on wednesday. It will then be our first contact after days. Would that be ok and what do you think I should text him when I contact him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 5:50 pm

Hi Confused g,
if a guy said he doesn’t want to commit or that he’s not ready and then you offered to stay for a long time after that, you’re non verbally saying to him that you’re ok without commitment even though in your mind, you’re expecting him to change his decision.. which probably will not happen because your actions say you’re ok without commitment.

So, when a guy says that, and that’s not what you want, be distant for a while, like doing no contact period..start a routine that you will put first above him even while building rapport and then observe.. if you are building rapport and attraction after no contact, that’s good. That means you can slowly invest more time and attention for him but if he’s still set on not committing later on, then walk away. Move on. Choose your standards.

Kristin

January 3, 2017 at 5:59 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years he just graduated high school last year and movies back to Cali since then we have been trying a long distance relationship it was working well at first but the distance got to him to where he couldn’t do it anymore and every time I talk to him about us he gets defensive and trys to ignore it how can I get him back because I really do love him and ik he is the one for me please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 6:18 pm

Hi Kristin,

do you want to try the advice above?

j

January 1, 2017 at 11:43 pm

i have no idea how long his rebound will last because he seems to be interested in her………do you think i should message him telling him im moving on etc? or just let it be cause last week i told him hes not my friend etc and that one day i will talk to him again and maybe we can have a clean slate then bc ik hes a good guy, etc….ik i said too much being emotional…..he just seems SO set on his decision i have no idea what to do but to agree to NC….ts just gonna help him move on from me more than he already did.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 4, 2017 at 3:13 pm

if he’s really decided then you have to move on.. telling him you’re actions will not help because it sounds like you’re trying to convince him back

j

January 1, 2017 at 9:06 pm

sorry its hard to explain what im thinking…..what im saying is like even tho we might be strangers again IF we get that clena slate, what if he decides now that he will never change his mind cuz he knows what this no contact is for and why i agreed to it. he even hopes this wont work out in the long run when i asked him if theres a part of him that wants it to work out. its like he is telling himself right now that i will make sure i will never change my mind about her.

thats why im so scared.
j

January 1, 2017 at 12:41 am

will his mind ever change tho under all the circumstances i told you?? everyone thinks im crazy already bc he told ppl were over and everything and he will never get back together with me. i WILL move on but the time comes when hes back years from now i will want that try again even if i lose feelings itll be like were strangers again…..

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 1, 2017 at 7:32 pm

that’s good of he sees you as a stranger, that means you’re not the crazy ex girlfriend anymore. If you dont change, there’s no chance that his mind will

Lisa

December 30, 2016 at 1:33 am

Hey! I was in a LDR for about a year, knew him for about 3 years prior. We had a great relationship, healthy and committed and full of honesty. Unfortunately, I had too much to drink one night& ended up fooling around with one of my best girl friends. I called him and told him immediately the morning after. i ended up going to see him the following weekend, he broke up with me the next week, saying he can’t study, or concentrate on anything& that he’s constantly questioning if he is enough. He also said he lost passion for me…which wasn’t extremely hard to hear.

We texted for a few weeks, he’d ask if I wasn’t going to hook up with a past flame & I would tell him I just wanted him. He said to live our lives and let things fall into place like they are supposed to & that he wouldnt Be ready to even try to work thing so out until after he wasn’t graduated and settled in. I went 33 days with NC. On Christmas Day gen sent me a racy meme and said “this was us”. I then texted him wishing him a merry Christmas and said I hope he was doing well. Afternoon chatting via Snapchat all day on Christmas he texted me and said, “ive enjoyed talking to you today, I Miss you. I’m still torn from what happened.” We talked a bit and he reassured me he wanted to move for me in the past and then I said I think in order to move forward communication was key, all he responded was maybe. I didn’t realize reply and have since then sent him a meme that made me think of him. He hasnt responded to it.

Part of me today thinks he need an more time, burn how long do i wait? Am I waiting for nothing? What can I do without coming across needy? I love him and would do anything in the world to see him, but I can’t without talking to him, and he isn’t exactly engaging…

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 9:10 am

I dont know if you saw my reply to your first post,.so I’m going to paste it.
hi Lisa,

accept the fact that he is moving on.. it is better if he had forgiven you and moved on, than to try to continue the previous relationship and be reminded of past mistakes.. he has to see that you have moved on and improved too.. you can initiate contact if you want

j

December 29, 2016 at 8:19 pm

also since it was his idea that we should do no contact for 1-2 years…so since he knows that no contact is clearly for a clean slate unless hes just giving me false hope, he knows i agreed to it cause i want him back….that wont impact chances will it?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 11:45 am

I think he honestly, he just said that for you to stop chasing him, so, yes it can be false hope… but what he doesn’t expect is for you to truly change and improve.. so, do that first.

J

December 29, 2016 at 5:17 pm

Thank you for your advice somehow that helped reading that. I just have many regrets on what I did and do hope over time he really will consider again but now I’m not gonna contact him for at least a year or until I feel I have moved on. From what I told you and everything he said about only way he can consider it abit is if we have a clean slate and even if he blocked me, do you think this can possibly work out in the future if all contact has stopped and I moved on?
J

December 28, 2016 at 1:02 pm

So basically I have absolute no chance and hope at all. Would a year no contact really help it’ll only help him really forget more and it’ll help me heal but I need him back. I know he moved on but I need him back. What about 6 months bc?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 4:13 pm

I know this will sound like I’m just trying to convince you to move on but think about if remaining the same and chasing him and being desperate will help you.

And if you can’t let him go, if you just “need” him to be happy, that’s not real love. It just shows you’re trying to fulfill a necessity.

People who love truly, are not defined by other person’s love. The other person is just an addition to an already complete life. Of course it will hurt hurt if they lose the other person, but even if that happens, they will not lose themselves.

And also, people run away from a desperate person who wants love because those people dont know how to value themselves, all they know is that they should only feel the feeling of love from other people because they can’t give it to themselves, they have no standards. All they want is to take.. Don’t be like that. Don’t stop improving and don’t contact him until you can live without him.

J

December 27, 2016 at 12:43 am

I’m also afraid if one year NC will actually help him move on for good and his feelings will be gone cause it’s such a long length of time I really do not know what to do. One year nc he can realize he doesn’t really love me or something I really don’t know what to do. He said anything else we do will
Not work cuz i piss him off in many ways just talking and he said time is better than talking or it’ll get worse so how do Ik he means it? He prob wants to date someone else when he’s out of military and realize that he can do good enough or smth I cannot lose him I really am afraid of what might happen with one year nc. Should I just do 4 months?? Idk what to do pls help the more we don’t talk he will continue talk with that girl. But if we talk it’ll get worse. There’s no in between I really want a 2nd try once I learn to be more independent but how will he not be able to see that me if he keeps saying we’re just friends and he will never date me again. You don’t know how torn I am

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 9:23 am

You have to accept that he has moved on and has fallen out of love. So, in that way, you won’t keep holding on to something that is not there anymore. Once you really accept that, it will be clearer to you on what you need to do.

J

December 26, 2016 at 6:04 pm

I think I’m over analyzing this now…what do you think a clean slate means? He wants to us to completely move on since he wants to date someone else in the future and hopes I can heal and then we forget about each other or you think he really wants a clean slate even tho his mind is so stubborn to be changed and Ik he slept with that girl before being deployed, etc. he avoids the subject of her whenever I ask and he wants to never date me again. Sorry I’m repating the same thing again and again I CANNOT LOSE HIM I feel my chances are all over now it’s impossible like will a clean slate really work for us to retry in 2 years? I feel he will have the same mindset since he knows we’re doing NC to retry so he will make sure his mind will not be changed cuz his idea was no contact at all or keep talking and have nothing
j

December 26, 2016 at 2:34 pm

i also read somewhere that when the guy knows youre doing no contact to try to get back together itll help him feel better and move on faster. since he gave the idea of no contact for 1 year to possibly even consider it alil bit for a clean slate, wouldnt this just help him forget me cuz he knows clearly that were not speaking cuz of it? should i message him in 2 weeks saying something random then ignore him? or just stick thru no contact? i think 1 year is very long should i just do 4-6 months? or is it not enough? we did 1 month NC already and it clearly didnt help bc everything i say pisses him off even if its normal talk.
j

December 26, 2016 at 3:05 am

also adding on to my other comments, the other day i sent a final message because he just wont message me back etc and ik hes messaging someone else etc and ignoring me. then he said stop annoying him and he doesnt feel like talking. so i snapped and said you dont understand my regret on my behaviors and how i treated you (controlling, clingy, etc) and need a chance blah blah. so i said we are not friends and i do not consider you a friend. it hurts too much to be your friend. i said im gonna leave him alone now and maybe we will have a clean slate later on for a retry. (even tho i have zero chance now because his mindset seems so set based on my other comments i left on here) what do i do??? NC one year will be a long shot, what if i do 4-6 months? He said the only way he can even consider it just a tiny bit is if we stop talk completely and maybe have a clean slate but he said its not guaranteed. I feel like i made the biggest mistake these past 5 months continuing talk with him. I tried NC i really did, it never worked. I cannot lose him and i really need to change his mind about dating me again in the future. I have so many regrets and I wish he can see the new me and what i learned from my mistakes.
j

December 24, 2016 at 9:18 pm

also to add on, he likes that girl i told you about. he keeps telling me he wont date me again and were nothing more than just friends. so the only way he can possibly even consider it again is if we dont talk for 2 years. so if i do NC now for 1 year and then talk to him would it be ok? he already likes someone else but hes deployed right now so he wont be able to see her anyways but he can still text her whenever hes done with the days work. i will start NC today for 1 year. We had NC for one month and nothing has changed he just thoight about it alot during the 1 month of training and he wants no future at all bc he likes someone else. whatre my chances now? his mind is unchangeable. he said we can have a clean slate if we dont talk for the next few years when hes deployed but even so he said it might not happen but its the only way to possibly consider it again. or we can continue talking and have nothing.

i messed up SO SO badly. its hopeless. I dont know what to do anymore. Hes officially gone likes someone else. I will do NC for 1 year. If needed ill do NC for 2 years. But how can he stop liking the other girl? Hes very into her. I can tell from social media and what hes posting and commenting etc. please help me. I have lost him for good and have absolute no chance. I am blocked on the only way he can talk which is fb because he has no phone in military but then he unblocked me and told me he wants no future at all again and i can think whatever i want and dream whatever i want. its cuz he likes this girl but he said their just friends. i told him ill change. i promised myself i will. but his mindset is SO set. he even hopes that NC will not work out. He doesnt want it to. You dont understand i need him back. I will do anything
j

December 23, 2016 at 7:54 pm

adding on to my comment just earlier, when i asked if he wants this to work out and he said not really, i got mad bc i thought why would u suggest no talking for 2-3 years if u dont want this to work out etc and he said fuck this im blocking u and not talking to u again and then i got blocked on everything and have no way of communication now that hes going to a new navy base and wont have a phone.
j

December 23, 2016 at 4:09 pm

he says he sees no future still and will not date me again and he thought about it and says he will never date me again. he said the only way he can consider just a tiny bit is if we stop talking til he gets back. he said the more we talk, it gets worse and he gets more pissed. then he blocked me on everything.
i asked if thers a part of him that hopes this will work out. he said not really. i think he only said it to give me hope

what do u think? he said time is better than talking. that no talking will only be for the better. do u think this will work? i made everything worse by talking to him. he says anything i say i manage to piss him off in a new way. he said hes not pissed about our passed. he just said the relationship is rlly over and if he can even consider a tiny bit itll be no communication or we can talk and have it go nowhere
Anna

December 21, 2016 at 8:38 am

Wow! This guide is very nice!

I’ve been recreating complicity with my ex LDR and now we’ve started sexting (from the flirty texts to the full cybersex)…. what do you think?

Knowing that we also have ‘normal’ conversations, the type we used to have when we were together (we talk about our lives, things we like, we laugh, we have fun, we make jokes, we watch series together, we play games together..). So it doesn’t look like it’s all about sex.

Anna

June 9, 2017 at 6:58 am

Check up time haha ^-^

So I started to send texts every 2-4 days, always with a purpose: most of the time to talk about something we both like ( send a video about a video game he loves, bring back a memory of a time we actually had a lot of fun and a good laugh..). His answers were always really positive and I always managed to cut the conversation short.
He then sent me a picture of the pen I gave him a long time ago. He said nothing. Just sent the picture. I said nothing but ‘good luck with your exams 🙂 “.
I waited a few days and sent the “compliment” text. I said something about his eyes and how beautiful they are… and then said it was a shame we couldn’t say the same for his butt :p
He answered by saying “emh thank you.. I guess ^^” my girlfriend won’t be happy to read this. You have a boyfriend right?”
I just said “compliments are harmless 😉 ” and he answered with “yeah but she won’t like it though’. So I just said ” Awn, it’s cute, you’re in love 🙂 Good that you found someone who completes you and makes you happy ^^” (knowing that she gets on his nerves and he always complains about her to his friends).
He did not answer for like … 5 min, eventhough he was still online, so I cut the convo with “Gotta go back to studying! See ya” and he answered straight away “good luck 😉 “Guess he didn’t wanted to say anything about his feelings for his girl.
I was afraid he was going to be cold after that, but the the next day he came to talk to me about the results of his exam, and how happy he was about it. He wished me good luck for my dissertation, told me I knew I could easily do it and so on…
3 days after I sent him a message, we started to talk and then suddenly he cut the conversation. He did not answer my messages the next few days. I found it really strange, he had completly changed his behaviour.
And then I learned that his “girlfriend” is completly jealous of me, she can”t stop talking about me. He started to answer me again just after his last exam. So I guess he wanted to focus on his work and avoid fighting with her.
Now he’s on holidays with her for 10 days but he said he would snap me.

Is it a good thing that she is crazy jealous of me?

(He is not the one who told me. He never told me “sorry I couldn’t talk to you” or “she doesn’t want me to talk to you”. He just stopped talking and then started again.)
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 13, 2017 at 5:30 pm

It’s normal that she would be jealous but the compliment text was too early and mentioning it out of the blue looked like you were flirting
Anna

May 12, 2017 at 6:01 am

I sent a letter because I was BLOCKED EVERYWHERE. I literaly had no other way to contact him.
I think it had a positive impact. Indeed, he asked our common friend to tell me that he had sent me a message, so I should check it up (I could have seen it myself xD).
He unblocked me on fb and added me on skype.

He said “Hi! I got your letter. I am glad that things are getting better for you! I wish you all the best in your new relationship. I am fine, I am still going on with my internships and studies 🙂 .”

I did not answer.

So I think I can slowly start to text him again sometimes (for instance after that concert). And I think since he added me on skype, it means he’s ok to play video games with us again, which is good I think because that’s something which was quite important in our relationship. 🙂
What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 12, 2017 at 7:31 pm

dont go too faat.. go back to posting more in fb..and then slowly message there or comment back if he comments
Anna

April 16, 2017 at 8:51 pm

Really Amor, thank you for your time! You’re great!!!

I’m still blocked on fa****k, that’s the problem! His ex unblocked me so I could see that she is in relationship on Fb with him but blocked me again. (or he did I don’t know, but since it looks like she used his passeword to change his relationship status…).

I have another Fb account I keep for my family… so… can I use it? I’m not blocked on this one.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 20, 2017 at 11:52 am

Just keep using the one you’re blocked because that’s the one he would probably check
Anna

April 16, 2017 at 11:51 am

Ok. Thanks. Since he blocked me everywhere I thought that the letter would be the least agressive..
I wrote it and it looks like that:

“Hey!

I wanted to thank you for all you did for Tom. Since I couldn’t be there, I’m glad you took good care of him 🙂

I also wanted to thank you for something else. The relationship we had is something rare and precious. No one ever looked at me the way you did (but my cat when I’m holding a can of tuna). So thank you, I learned a lot thanks to you.

You were right, it wasn’t the right time to be together. I was still fragile and under the influence of that girl (=> – she happens to be Tom’s ex, she’s a narcissist-) who made me hurt the people I love. You didn’t want to move on from your past relationship. I felt it and was clingy and anxious. I am sorry. You were not ready. Neither was I. (= > – probably need to change that part -)

Are you happy? Do you think you can blossom in your current situation?

I am fine. I got rid of this toxic friendship and I am finding myself again. I’m always happy to go out and meet new people. I am going to see*********** (name of a band he really likes and introduced me too). Thank you for the discovery! I saw that they are playing this summer in a festival in your country, you should have a look!
By the way, I just tried a new vegan cookies recipe which is just really yummyyyy! I would love to share it with you some day!

I hope you’re doing fine,

Anna”.

What do you think? Is it ok or does it really look like ‘I miss you, I’ve changed, I want you”? ^^”
Thank you a lot for your help 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 5:01 pm

Honestly it does.. It sounds like mommyish too… let’s edit it.. It has some good topics you can use like the band.. Use a social media messenger since you’re unblocked. Don’t send everything in one message.

you can send a first contact text like “Hey! I’m so stoked you’re not going to believe which band I’m going to see!”

And then reply the band and the thank you for the discovery after he replies and end it there.. if he doesn’t reply in maybe 2 or 3 hours, send it still and end it at that message..

If he’s vegan, post the photos of the vegan foods you’re making but don’t caption it with anything that it looks like you’re doing it for him..

Don’t thank him about your friend because you’re not your friend’s mom..if you get to talking about your friend in the future conversations, like if you asked about him, be like, “good thing he has you as a friend.”

Don’t ask if he’s happy or if he can improve his situation ever..

don’t thank him for the relationship, it was not favor…if he suddenly apologizes about it, just say, “I’m actually grateful for the memories and everything.”

Don’t explain your improvements.. just be active in your life and post your activities..your posts are your non-verbal indirect way of showing that you have a life.

Don’t be explanatory and apologetic.. You’re trying to build rapport so have conversations about a topic that he’s interested in..
Anna

April 14, 2017 at 1:12 pm

Yeah, that’s what I’ve been doing since the breakup. I lost more than 16 lbs, I have a busy social life, keep meeting new people and I’m seeing a therapist to work on myself.

I know that our common friend, Tom, is giving him a very positive image of me. Tom just went through a very harsh break up and my ex and I are his two friends who really help him stay positive and cheer up.

Since he seems unhappy and his relationship with his “girlfriend” is bad, I was thinking about maybe sending him a letter in two weeks, so that it would be about a month of NC.
Just to thank him for the relationship and the break up, go back to some points which were bad during the relationship, tell him about my life and the improvements I make, ask him if he is happy and thank him for taking care of Tom. Something short, casual, positive, fun and nice. So that he knows what I’ve been up to. My aim would be just to get him to casually talk to me again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 11:11 am

as in written letter? hmm.. that’s too formal..those are good topics but putting it out all in one letter looks like, “Hey, I miss you a lot. I improved myself and I want you back.” Don’t tell him you’ve improved yourself, that’s like trying to convince..because if you really moved on, you will just be casual and positive, not trying to explain everything..
Anna

April 13, 2017 at 10:02 am

Look who’s back haha! Thinks have been moving so I got a second thought ^-^

Well, what happened is that I was under the influence of one of my friends who’s been telling me what to do and controlled me. I finally got rid of her. But too late. I got pissed of and told my ex he didn’t deserve me and blocked him everywhere (on her advices). Then I felt as if it “was’nt me” (I’m not the kind to block ppl). So I unblocked him and told him I was under the influence of someone and wanted to ask him a few things. Then he didn’t answer for a few days (I just sent 1 message, the one he read and nothing more, no harrass), then told his friends I was crazy and blocked me.

One week later, he unblocked me for a few days, just enough so that I could see that he was with a relationship with his ex (a friend told me, because I don’t stalk, I just knew he had unblocked me bc I saw his comments on a friend’s picture).

So I just did not react and focused on myself. Then last week our common friend told me “Oh I can’t play with you tonight, you -know-who is sleeping at my place. He can’t stand his roomates anymore. They piss him off and I also think that his ex came back to live with him a few days ago.”

I said nothing but “he’s a big boy, it’s his problem”.
=> so the guy doesn’t want her to live with him, it creates tensions but he says.. nothing? and runs away?

Then my friend told me “From what I’ve seen they got back together about 10 days ago. She did it without him knowing and he felt really bad because he didn’t wanted to (- guess my friend is talking about the Fb “in a relationship “status” so she had his passeword? then is she the one who unblocked me? -) . And he already cheated on her last week”. It’s then as if SHE decided that they were together so he just accepted ?

So the thing is: I was ok to step away because he picked her. But it looks like she picked him. She just forced her way into a relationship with him.
I just don’t get why he does not tell her “I don’t want you”.
She just decided to do as if they have never broke up and he says nothing but feels bad?
What is wrong with that guy? And it’s not all about easy sex since he cheated on her, he can get other girls…
btw, instead of changing his status to “single” (maybe because he’s afraid she’s gonna piss him off) he just picked “don’t show statuts”…

So yeah, I’m back again, wondering if I can do something… because he is obviously unhappy…. And I just want him to be happy and healthy.

Do you think I can do something? 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 13, 2017 at 7:23 pm

he’s an adult.. it’s just like what you said, if he really doesn’t want her, he will not be in that relationship.. let’s say he is using her as a rebound, but if you’re saying you want him to be happy.. it’s his decision, not yours.. if you want him back, go back to improving yourself and having fun.. make him regret that way.
Anna

March 12, 2017 at 4:00 pm

Hey! So I’ve been thinking and compared myself to his ex, physically, mentally and regarding our lifetstyles :
– she’s average looking vs I’ve got a sexy body and a cute face,
– she’s depressive and emotionally instable vs I’m positive, quirky, funny and energic
– she is more stupid than him vs I am smarter and more mature
– she’s into drugs vs I’ve got a healthy vegan lifestyle-he’s vegetarian-
– she’s not into video games and nerdy stuff vs I’m a gamer girl -he’s a geek-
– she lives in the same town BUT it takes only AN HOUR if he wants to see me even though it’s not the same country.
– she is obedient and kind and in love with him and does whatever he wants her to do untill she yells and throws stuff at him vs I don’t let him do what he wants to do with me but I’m still loving, I stay calm and walk away during an argument then I talk to him to understand and fix it

Sooooo.. if he can’t see that I am girlfriend material and she isn’t, if the word ‘distance'” means “impossible” (an hour? seriously?) then he doesn’t deserve someone like me and I’d better go find a better guy, right?
Because he’s not even able to see that I don’t live that far and seing/being with his ex is actually not the easy solution, even though he might think it is.

So thank you for your help, I’ve decided to move on and stop wasting my time with a guy who does not even see what he is losing ^^
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 8:36 am

Ok Anna, that’s good that you value yourself
Anna

March 5, 2017 at 8:53 pm

I should have waited longer but I sent him a text asking him about his bday party. So he showed me a picture of the present he got. Then we talked about our weight loss and our objectives (we were overweight when we met and we’ve always been supportive on each other’s weight loss).
Then I casually told him that I have to get toned because I’m going to be a naked or lingerie model for a photographer who works on “natural body”.
He saw it but did not answer

Problem: I forgot to tell you that he ‘s been seing and sleeping with his ex for a few months now.. says it’s just for sex but I think she still loves him and hopes for more. She invites him to do stuff with her like outdoor activities, movies .. and she always hops whenever he has a party (even though she’s not invited) to make sure he’s not going to get another girl.
Since she lives next to his place and I’m in another country… don’t know if I still can try to get him back, even though I know I’m better than her :/
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2017 at 7:30 am

maybe because there’s just nothing to say about that.. try to initiate again after 3 days
Anna

March 2, 2017 at 5:39 pm

OMG!

I was really surprised today!
I sent him a picture of our mutual friend who actually looks like a demon on the pic with red/white eyes. I added pink horns and tail and said “is that the demon you summoned yesterday? :p ”

So he just replied “haha I love when you send silly pictures of that guy so I can make fun of him 😉 ”
and then….
” Ps: I am really sorry about the way I treated you lately. I don’t even understand myself, it is not like me to do things like that. I hope everything is doing well for you ^^”

I answered by saying I wanted to talk to him but I was hurt.
He said he understood but he would not try to justify himself because it was ” useless :(” (meaning it’s too late)
I apologised for yelling at him during his exams, and said all I wanted from him was an apology. And that it was a shame things went that way.

He did read it but I got no answer.
wait and see.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2017 at 12:18 pm

yes, let’s wait. If he doesn’t and you want to initiate, you can but better if it’s a different topic..
Anna

March 1, 2017 at 7:23 pm

Sorry was too fast.

Asked him what he was up to: he sent me a picture of a student party whit a bunch of guys playing student game with beer and candles.
He’s actually too busy. But he stil took time to have a few words with me (funny comments on the picture he sent like “oh I didn’t know you belonged to a sect :p” => “we are going to sacrifice a virgin tonight” ) silly stuff like that ^^” ).
So now I let him enjoy his night and let him come to me in a few days. Maybe if I have nothing from him on Friday, I’ll send him something like “omg something really crazyhappened at work! you won’t believe it!” (which actually happened today but well.. ^^” )
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 10:26 pm

Ok, that’s good. Update us 🙂
Anna

March 1, 2017 at 6:07 pm

Hi Amor!

So I sent him a b-day funny meme. He just answered with the laughing emoji and “thanks”. He did not jump on the occasion to talk to me :/
I just answered with a wink.
What’s next? Wait a few days and ask him about his birthday?
Anna

February 14, 2017 at 9:49 pm

Yeap.. that’s what I thought… and that’s why I’m not angry anymore. I’m a bit sorry that I might have hurt him but well… at least I know now that he still cares.

So… birthday card? or text is better?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 10:32 pm

just text.. the card is too suggestive of being sweet
Anna

February 14, 2017 at 3:16 pm

Well something happened and I’m not angry any more.
We decided to stay friends with benefits with the other guy I was seing (because if no feelings, there is no point in being a couple).

As Valentine’s Day was coming, I’ve decided to change my FB status from “single” to “in a relationship” (with my cat, obviously) to avoid getting annoyed by some guys. This did not appear on the newsfeed, only on my profile.

My ex deleted me from Facebook few hours later. (implies that he might have checked my profile).
However he did not block me.

What do you think?

(Btw, I’m only replying on this post, the other Anna who is commenting is another person ^^”might not be easy for you xD)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 9:29 pm

ok, thanks for the heads up..

that’s a good sign from him, means he’s still affected..
Anna

February 9, 2017 at 8:13 pm

Well, I was really hurt when he said my friendship’s not worth it :/ I feel like I have a grudge against him.
However I never felt that way with someone so I think it’s a real shame not to try at least something.. because it was too short to see what our relationship could have been. I’m so angry that he could just wipe it all that easily !

So I’m really puzzled :/

I think I’m just going to see what happens.. I might send him a late birthday text… even though now I’m too angry to think about sending him something on this day haha

Thank you for your help 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2017 at 9:33 pm

ok, just don’t send a text when you’re angry..
Anna

February 9, 2017 at 1:15 pm

Yeah, after the fight we had, I haven’t talked to him at all (except as I said to ask him to check on our friend). I guess he just wished me “happy birthday : ) ” to be polite but I think if he did he might not have bitter feelings anymore :/

His birthday is on 1st of march.
The thing is, I’m spending the weekend with the other guy and we might start something together… (let’s say a kind of rebound relationship)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2017 at 7:38 pm

hmmm.. well, if you still want to try with him, you have to be wary on progressing the rebound. It’s ok to date around but just be cautious so, that you won’t be confused. If you want, you can initiate after his birthday.
Anna

February 8, 2017 at 4:02 pm

Hey! After all that time, I’m back:

– I tried to let things calm and let him space but after a day of NC I sent a “good luck for your exams” text and got a “you’re oppressive ” answer …. nice
– Got angry cause he was the one who made a mistake (I know I’m proud), so yelled at him by message (ah..our dear friend CAPSLOCK xD)
– He gave my scarf to his friend so he could give it to me, implying that he wouldn’t come
– Our friend advised me to tell him how I felt and explain why I got so angry. I sent a calm message explaining what was the problem and why I got angry
– > He answered by saying it was not worth being friends with me and I live too far anyway (too far for friendship?)

After that I went NC for 2 weeks, I just contacted him in a very cold way because a common friend was having big trouble and he was the only person I knew who could check on him. So I just said something like ‘can you check on him? thanks” nothing more.
It was on the 23rd of January.
My birthday was last week, he wished me a “happy birthday 🙂 ” on messenger. I did not answer.

Problem is: our common friend keeps telling him that he should talk to me and fix things because it was too stupid not to be friends and he was surely missing something. I just hope my ex doesn’t think our friend is saying that because I asked him to do so.. cause I DIDN’T. I try my best not to talk about my ex.. thing is.. his friend always mentions him -_-‘

I really don’t know what to do with that guy. He is really childish but I can’t get him out of my mind. I’m starting to see a new guy who is really nice 🙂

My ex birthday is coming soon, do you think I should wish him or completly move on and forget about that guy?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 5:57 pm

talk to his friend and tell him you appreciate it but to stop asking your ex to talk to you. And then avoid fights because it will only leave a bad taste in him.. So, if you are going to initiate, you need to initiate with positive text… When is his birthday?
Anna

January 9, 2017 at 8:08 am

Hey!

Here’s the update:

– after I asked him if he was ok to come even though we were not going to have sex, he asked me if I was planning on having a new boyfriend soon. I changed subjet. But he kept asking the question everytime we would speak untill he got an answer (which was: “for now I’m meeting new people but I’m not gonna hide the fact that I want to be with someone, but I also want to take my time, so don’t worry, you can still come at the end of the month”).

– I told him not to tell our friends that he was coming, but I did not give him the reason (but in fact it’s because I first wanted to build things slowly with him and not getting them involved). Unfortunately he did by mistake (I didn’t know at 1st that it wasb by mistake). So I told him I had my reasons not to tell our friends, that he should have let me handle things and that I was disappointed (But I said it in a “nice way”, told him I should have explained to him why, told him I fixed the situation and it was ok, that we were even going to have a party with our friends when he will be there, using emojis and a yoda meme xD).
He answered by saying it was pissing him off.
So I let the things cool down for a day without trying to reach him. Yesterday I wished him good luck for his exams, told him that I understood if he was crossed but if he wanted to play video games to relax, I would probably be available. He ignored me, and he’s still doing it. It’s really not his type, he usually gets angry for like 2 hours, then it’s ok. :/ I’m really confused now 🙁

I think I made a mistake: I told him I fixed the situation with our friends by making them understand that I don’t want to go back with him (which is for now since I want to take my time and build something strong + I don’t want him to guess what is my tue intention) So I feel that I might have hurt his feelings….. :/
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2017 at 6:06 pm

if he is hurt then that means he expects to go back with you.. if that’s the case, being friends would do for him..for now, just let him cool dow
Anna

December 30, 2016 at 12:55 pm

Ok, thank you ^^

I told him during that we won’t have sex if he comes, and he seems to be ok with that. Let’s see if he still wants to spend a weekend with me 😉

I’ll give you an update if anything happens 🙂

Anyway thank you for your hard work on this website, you guys rock 😀
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 3:27 pm

That’s good! you’re welcome!
Anna

December 28, 2016 at 12:33 pm

So a few days ago he started to give me pet names again, told me he played an online game he hates just so he can do something with me and that he wants to skype to hear my voice. Just hope he’s not playing with me.

As I said, he will spend a weekend with me at the end of January. But knowing we’re ex LDR, he’s gonna stay at my place (thank god, I just have a single bed and a matress on the floor).
Do you have any ideas to prevent sex? xD
I mean, I don’t know if I can just find an excuse (forgot pill, period..whatever) or if I should tell him the truth and say that I don’t wanna have sex with him now not to ruin our relationship… (after all the sexting.. mmh :S )
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 5:11 am

enjoy the day, and then after have a nice chat..the separate beds alone will tell him you’re not open to sex. if it comes to that, just tell him it’s not you to be sleeping with somebody you’re not committed to
Anna

December 24, 2016 at 8:33 am

I broke NC 3 weeks ago with a funny meme (he had an accident and was at hospital so it was a “get well soon” / funny kind of meme). After a week of friendly texts and skype calls, we started to flirt a bit. Our first “cyber sex” was probably on the 15th. So not too long after we first started to talk :/ However we still have funny, casual conversations apart from the sexy ones.
He wants to visit me at the end of January, after his exams. I do not intend to have sex with him, I’ll find an excuse.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2016 at 11:53 am

that’s good..so, you can avoid being friends with benefits
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 24, 2016 at 7:34 am

Hi Anna,

when did you start building rapport

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