Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
J
December 10, 2016 at 11:32 pm
so even if this girl was like a fling or something serious, since hes away in military and she lives 5 hours away in a diff country by plane, and he is gone for 1-2 years, you dont think itd last compared to me and him. even he is fed up with me and is completely done, will I have a chance compared to her? He told me he doesnt want to waste his time being convinced i changed and to move him wrong in 2 years but not now cause its doing as both injustice. do i have a chance when theres this girl to worry about?
like he will be in military and have limited access to phone/computer but he can still go on and communicate when he can….just im in a diff time zone which maybe hard and i dont think he would want to talk to me.
i also did something stupid, i sent him a fb message bc i am hurt/pissed and talked about the girl and our promises….ik its the wrong thing to do but i feel he keeps avoiding the subject and making excuses abotu her……he wont read it til hes out of training tho….
yos
December 10, 2016 at 2:28 am
We were dating for about 1year in a LDR we were so in love together, until the day he told he doesnt feel anything for me because I overeacted about something he has done that was totally normal.. well he told me that i didnt have to react that way and yell at him and treat him bad the way I did and stuff .. So when he started accusing me I begged him appologized cried and told him to give us another chance because I loved him i stick at him for about 3months and he kept rejecting me I didnt accept the fact that he doesnt love me anymore I kept begging him telling him that my happiness depends on him ( Iknow I shouldnt have done this but ..) so he kept rejecting me and telling me he doesnt want any relationship for the moment and told me that he is not interested in Facebook anymore andsocial media and stuff then I gave up on him but still love him so I initiated the NO CONTACT RULE for about 14 days and during this period he has desactivated Facebook where we always talk and he really doesnt care what sould I do
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 11:30 pm
Hi Yos,
There’s still a chance that he will check your account. What’s more important is that you really change even after nc.
J
December 9, 2016 at 12:27 am
im just so confused end of October he told me he will meet me with positive mindset and no reminders because he gets it 2 years is a long time, etc….while he was hanging with this girl everyday, unless she truly is just a friend and shes the one getting attached?
then last month before he left, he got way too fed up he said all the mean stuff to me….
J
December 8, 2016 at 11:18 pm
do u think he will be annoyed still in 3 weeks once he gets out ? i want to message him which ik goes against this whole moving on process, but that girl has been writing letters to his base everyday so shes on his mind…..like i think shes too attached with him…they only met 3 months ago just FYI………….and i didnt write anything cause im following the NC rule …..so i feel like i should just message him asking how training was? but he will be transferred to another base so contact will still be abit limited
J
December 8, 2016 at 10:28 pm
so you think he likes this girl? then why does he keep telling me to prove him wrong in 2 years and bother him then cause im only making things worse, wasting time, etc?
hes in the military and that girl is in another country….you think they really like each other from what i told you? they just eat food together and go for walks…god knows what else they’ve done……but he said they were friends when I asked back in October…….like thats a rebound right? idk we had trust problems and im trying to trust that shes just a friend cause he wants me to trust him. but its hard……like you think hes gonna date her after the army even tho he will be back in the USA for college and she goes to school in Asia?
since you said things couldve progessed btw them……do i not have a chance anymore in the future once i changed and become a better person and independent woman?
Cassiopeia
December 8, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Hi. I had a long distance relationship with my ex. We broke up about a week ago. He is in Europe and I’m living in south east Asia. We met in a bar in Japan back in July 2015. I was there for a 1-week trip and he was doing internship until Sep 2015. We just ment once there and started to be friends on facebook, then we started a ldr in august 2015. We were having long distance relationship in a good way, only small fights but that time he said he was serious and love me etc,. So he went back to europe in Sept, and decided to come to my country while having another internship here in Nov 15. The thing is his job wasn’t going well so he resigned and things started to be complicated. He got lots of strress because of money, he didnt have any proper visa anymore so he must go in and out from my country each month to renew his free tourist visa. We started to move in or live together from Jan-July this year. But both if us were living in a stressful way because of financial problem especially. We started a project together to earn some money but it didnt work well. We started to fights more often untuk he began to become violence to me . At first i was okay, and because i love him i forgave him and he said he was so sorry. But later it became his addiction and he became more violence everytime i said something wrong. The more he did it to me, the more i got hurt and kept blaming him. Later in august he went back to europe because of his sister’s wedding, during the last few months wbefore he left me, we fought lots of times, I left him alone and ran away from our apartment sometimes, and he said it really hurt him. One night before he left, he said he did all those mistakes and we had lots of fights because he realized he was too obsessed with me as i am his first girlfriend. He said he didnt like if i choose to stay with my friends, i choose my friends over him when i left apartment to stay at my friends house, he was regret because time was wasted only by fights, miney problems, and violence. But he said in fact he loved me too much and he promised to come again next year to propose me perhaps cz we already had a talk about that. Thenwe went back to ldr but this time is worse. He started to be the one who is angry and Easily block me on every social media. At first I beg him to come bag and promised him i woukd changed, and then few days after he unblock me cz he amitted he still loved me. But after 3 months, he kept blocking me so many times. Lately I stopped sending him email to beg him to come back and didnt contact him, and he unblocked me like 2-3 days after but at that time I didnt know about NC Rule. So everytime he unblocked me I have always just responded him Immediately. But for the next whole month he said he doesnt love me anymore , he doesnt have feelings for me, he just want to focus to get a new job, so I gave him some space and we were only talking like 1-2 hours per day, sometimes no text at all.but I always said I loved him . Last week, we had a small fight but suddenly he became so angry and he said like this is a goodbye forever, we are done, it is over between us, he said he doesnt have feelings for me anymore and he blamed me because of me he became violent. Well, He changed his number previously and I didnt realized it before, then soon after he blocked me on fb, instagram, skype, whatsapp, every single way. For the first 5 days after the break uo, i kept sending him emails begging him to come back. I put mailtrack on my email so I got notifications when he opened it, but since he never opened it I thought he blocked my email too and maybe deleted my emails before he even read them, so I put all those messages on my blog (but he knew that my blog is full of letter for hum because I previously did the same when he blocked me once I the past). Then, for the last 3 days I stopped contacting him, start to heal myself though it hurts so bad, my friends all keep telling me never ever go back with him but deeply I loved him so much and I already put a high expectation on him since in the past we were already planning a lot about our plan in the future including engagement. Then last night, I got notifications that he opened all my emails that I have sent (so he opened 2-3 days after they were sent, but there is no guarantee he read them anyway). The interesting thing was that this morning I found out he visited my blog (since I have visitor analytics, and I am sure it was him from the IP adress and the gps location which is near his address, plus given the fact that almost no one visit my personal blog this whole time…lol) once 2 days ago, and twice yesterday (one at 9pm, the other one at 1 am), and once this morning…. Good news is he never knew I used visitor analytics….
So what do you think? Does it mean he just wants to see whether or not I am still desperately wanting him back… Orrrr is it because he still loves me? I don’t know what to do, I am even now so confused whether I should keep hoping for us or just leaving all the expectation and moving on without hoping to get him back anymore…. Even if in case he contact me again, I am not sure whether I should trust him again, or better to start fresh my life finding someone else and trust in the uncertainty…. Cause our relationship gave us so much trauma… I am deeply hurt, but deeply love him, and also I don’t want to be stupid to fall in the same hole anymore… My head keeps battling with my heart….thank you so much
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 3:57 pm
Hi Cassiopeia,
I have to ask. What kind of violence do you mean? Does he physically hurt you? Verbally abuse you? Because we don’t advise going back to an abusive relationship.
Gia
December 7, 2016 at 7:12 pm
Hi,
So we were in a serious deep LDR for a year but then we broke up last year because I badly betrayed his trust(not cheated with some man or anything but had to lie about something for a long time). Now,in this 1.8 yrs time,ever since we brokeup,we never lost touch.We’d continue with the texting once twice a week and once in a while phone calls. We ended up having phone sex twice during this period but now we both refrain. We have fought a lot in this period each time he put me down,or because I ask him either about us,me,love,relationship,feelings etc basically anything which has emotions and feelings hasn’t gone well with him at all ever since we brokeup.
Now,things had seemed to have improved this yr since september. After such a long time he was the one who started calling me (after the breakup it was mostly me who’d initiate the phone calls) and the talks would last for an hour or even more at times. The thing is,even though he still calls me ,texts me,not once in these 1.8 yrs has he complimented me or have I gotten to hear anything positive about me or us from him and he still puts me down at times. It is very evident that he’s still holding grudges(but will never admit) but sometimes this behavior makes me feel as if he’s just emotionally using me. Day before he called me at night and we ended up talking for 2 hrs and it was a great talk,we connected ,shared and laughed so much(he’ll still make sexual innuendos as times).However,we ended up having a fight yesterday again when I asked him what do I mean to him and why does he still call me.He said theres no reason why he calls and talks to me and said i musn’t misinterpret it because he can talk the same with anyone and that I’m not special. It got me mad and I told him that it means I am just a fish in his hook till he finds someone else.He replied “you’re free to assume whatever you want.I am done correcting you always.As far as future is concerned,only time can tell because assurances of the present have only resulted in failures of the past”.I just said how stupid I was for asking him that question to begin with since I was just hoping to hear something positive and sweet but got burned again.Then I told him bye and he wished me “have a great day” and that was it.
Is it really that he’s just emotionally using me or anything else?What can I do now after our last night’s fight?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 11, 2016 at 11:17 am
Hi Gia,
it’s been a year, if he wanted to get back with you, he should have. It looks like he just friendzoned you.. Do you want to try the no contact rule?
J
December 7, 2016 at 5:28 pm
im just being crazy and overthinking about that girl right? cause he wouldnt keep messaging me and everytime we hit a rough spot and he gets fed up saying no future, etc, or that he wont bother with me til 2 years comes cause hes just wasting his time now?
I just find it so sketchy that girl is counting down the days til he gets out of training so he can communicate again and i find it so weird how one day he randomly texted me and we were just talkng about food and he randomly said whatre you up too 🙂
and it took me by surprise since he was already annoyed and didnt want to talk and he said that he didnt mean to put smiley face and meant to put that in his online game and he was on whats app web online ….. he def sent that to the girl but was trying to cover it up by saying it was supposed to be for game………what you think? idk why im even thinking about this all
i just want a future with him but i cant if he likes this girl…….but he told me i can bother him in 2 years and to prove him wrong then but hes done now
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 8, 2016 at 10:02 pm
It’s normal that you would be sad. Don’t avoid it, acknowledge when you feel it, then don’t linger. Moving on or at least getting better from the previous situation you were takes time. It’s a process. You’ve just been 3 weeks in. That’s too early and short to say that you have moved on. I think he was saying the truth before that they were just friends but as time passed, it progressed.
J
December 7, 2016 at 1:22 pm
adding on to my comment, that girl i think hes been seeing, it maybe a rebound who knows, but shes literally counting down the days til he gets out of training saying “18 days” on twitter and shes hinting i miss you tweets that ik are directed towards him….he told me shes just a friend…its either shes obsessed with him and is getting the wrong idea or they really had a thing…….fuck my life im so hurt …..i want to leave him a message saying fuck you you told me she was just a friend
Nati
December 7, 2016 at 4:46 am
Thank you for helping us all out! You’ve answered a question of mine before but now I’m wondering if it really is possible to get my bf back. We were together in a long distance relationship for 8 months and saw each other often. I broke up with him because he couldn’t fully commit to me. He acted and treated me like his gf but he couldn’t say the words (despite him calling me his “girl” and admitting we were in relationship). He said he’s not ready. He said he’s “broken” (his wife left him 2 years ago and he’s had a hard time moving forward with his life). After being patient and understanding for a long time, I called things off. It hurt too much.
I’m 3 days into the no-contact rule (started as soon as I sent my final message to him) and he’s already reached out 3 times via social media. The first time he sent a picture of a love note I wrote him a while back and saying he agreed with what I wrote. The second time he asked, “now that I’m no longer wasting your time, can we talk again?” and the third was simply a reaction to one of my Instagram stories. I’ve ignored all of them. Is there a chance initiating the no contact rule could be effective in my case? Or is there no changing a “broken” man? Any advice would be highly appreciated. Thank you.
Nati
December 9, 2016 at 6:12 am
Ok. In this situation, would it be wise to reach out to him after the no contact rule period ends?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 7:36 pm
We do suggest initiating after the no contact rule, but you have to have improved a lot by then. So, that it would seem that you have moved or starting to move on and just being friendly.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 3:14 am
The no contact rule only helps to increase your chances. It’s not the answer to the problem. And you have to be actively improving yourself during and after the no contact rule. There is a chance that he will change when you do the no contact rule, because it can convey that you’re tired, and you’re choosing your standards.
J
December 6, 2016 at 2:29 am
i just still feel so sad, like im trying to move on and not think about the future, but his words are in my mind 24/7. Even tho he maybe fed up when he said that, you dont think he truly means a single thing he said right? how he will never want to try again with me? 2 years is so long……i just REALLY want another chance. Like you dont understand how sad and hurt I feel even tho its been 3 weeks so far of NC….he will be able to talk again on Dec 23rd……but limited conversations……
Maddie
December 5, 2016 at 11:24 pm
My ex and I (together over a year) broke up 9 months ago when I was studying abroad for a year because he wasn’t putting enough effort in. I then successfully completed the No Contact Rule for 35 days and then tried sending him a couple of interesting messages and asked if he wanted to meet up while I was back home for a few days but he made a lame excuse. We’re not in contact anymore but I still really miss him. We’re both back in the same country now and we will be in the same town at Christmas. How should I go about texting him and trying to meet up with him? Thanks 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 1:38 am
Hi Maddie,
when did you do the no contact rule? You mean you broke up 9 months ago but you continued talking? When was the last time you talked?
Maddie
December 5, 2016 at 8:24 pm
Hi,
My ex (together over a year) and I broke up 9 months ago when I was studying abroad for a year and I successfully completed the No Contact Rule for 35 days and then tried sending him a couple of interesting messages and asked if he wanted to meet up while I was back home for a few days but he made a lame excuse. We’re not in contact anymore but I still miss him. We’re both in the same country now so would be easier. How should I go about it? Thanks 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 8, 2016 at 10:44 pm
Hi Maddie,
when did you do the no contact rule? You mean you broke up 9 months ago but you continued talking? When was the last time you talked?
J
December 5, 2016 at 5:48 pm
Idk if you remember from before when I said hes been getting dinner with this girl almost everyday for the past few months before his military service, he told me she was just a friend. would you believe him after everything he said to me whenever he was fed up? Shes been posting things on social media saying missing you, etc…idk if its about my ex or her ex but she sure likes all my ex’s stuff….ik i shouldnt worry about her because he is gone for 2 years in the military….and he just met her this fall….but would you believe him that shes just a friend? we had problems with trust but right now we aren’t dating anymore so how do i know he is lying or not? idk why i am stressing about this all, hes already gone in the army….
i guess i see all her posts saying i miss u etc and it makes me wonder, was that a rebound….did he lead her on? he told me he will give me a chance in the future, even tho he said really shitty mean things to me when he was fed up telling me to stay out his life, etc……i just dont want him to message this girl when hes done with training in 3 weeks. because in 3 weeks, he can have communiction again but its still pretty limited, since he can only communicate after hes done with work……
Aline
December 5, 2016 at 5:23 pm
Hi,
I have been introduced to a guy my same nationality this summer not living in USA from a common married friend who I did flirt with one eve and after a month or two since we started dating blocked me.
The guy I was dating is 10 years younger everything seemed amazing and perfect we spent lot of time together and when apart we were on skype for minimum one hr a day plus all the sweet text all day long. I decided to go back and see him. Things started rapidly to change when his friend pointed out my facebook was showing off my trips and my glamours life? and even if he was my “friend” with his company one (he doesn’t have a page) he never checked (I have a fake name and only posted once in a wile picture of doing sport or if invited to a nice restaurant or event).
He said for my job he did not think I needed to create an image. I did set everything to restricted now.
The things after this quickly deteriorated when the common friend not in touch with me whent to visit him and I believe at the first opportunity when he sensed he was not sure about me he must have told him something to eliminate me plus told an other common friend there was no future for us … then why he introduced us?!?!
I don’t think what he is saying around is true
My guy kept being in touch and having long calls with me but kept telling me he did not like my fb or that I flirted with someone married ( still don’t know what really the guy said to him)
He always said he likes older women as in his family all the man die young. He texted me “sorry ended like this” 3 weeks ago afterwords
I was writing him sweet things and he was very distant then I stop contacting himfor 5 days and he texted then again and he called but we did not talk as skype was not working and he said he did not want to see my face and we could meet when in the same country.
I should have done the nc but thought for the distance that was the wrong call and because I feel I need to explain what he thinks is not true. I will be in the same country in 10 days
Then leave for the holidays should I contact or do the nc and ignore him when once in a wile he reach out?
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 8, 2016 at 9:51 pm
HI Aline,
I think you should restrict initiating for now, but if he texts reply and then have the talk personally when you’re in the same country.
K
December 5, 2016 at 4:14 pm
Hi great article! Thank you! We’ve been dating for almost 3years and in a ldr for 2months and he just broke up with me saying he doesn’t love me anymore. We had been on and off before he moved. I can’t go see him anytime before march. I was thinking of doing nc until i can actually go see him in person because clearly we both need some space and time away from each other to clear our minds and start over. He is the least emotional person i know and I know dating me had been hard for him so I don’t want to make it even harder by texting him too early. Would it be really a bad idea if i wanted to do nc for 3-4 months and then move to where he lives and then text him and actually meet him in person? Is it too long?
K
December 5, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Sorry if I’m being too stubborn:(
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 1:35 am
You’re not being stubborn. Yes, it’s risky to do another no contact but if all he can see right now is that you’re trying to get him back, then it’s better to just do nc, and really establish that you are moving on. If it needs to be more than 45 days, to be the ungettable girl, try it.
K
December 5, 2016 at 10:59 pm
I think no matter what I text him he will notice that i am only texting because i want him back and he will find it annoying because he made himself clear that he’d been seriously thinking about it and we’re over. he’s said he doesn’t love me anymore several times and even before he moved so I think there’s bigger problems than just distance.. even i myself desperately need some time to take a break from this relationship but i want him back someday. Besides I already used 30day nc on him last time we broke up. I know he doesn’t want me so I just want us to take enough time to forget about how hard this relationship was and start over with the clear mind like the two people who are newly getting to know each other… is there longer version of 45days nc? Is it too risky if i want more time than 2months?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 4:47 pm
Hi K,
yeah, I think it’s too long. IF the distance was the only reason, maybe you could try at least just 45 days?
chris
December 5, 2016 at 8:43 am
we hav been together for almost 2 years, we knew each other by dating apps in 2014, he took over 20 hours flight to come over to my country to date me and ask me to be his gf in 2015, it impressed me and so we started our relationship, everything was fine at the beginning as we r independent and mature, i am 37 and he is 38. we met each other 2 times per year, chatting everyday n facetime every week (we have 15 hours time difference) . he kept asking me if i can move to his side and hav our own family, since i lost my job this year, he invited me to go travelling with him and live with him for a few months to see if it works for us. i found that he doesn’t really accompany me and always playing games on his phone, i told him about that and he said he may not loves me like he thought, he is not willing to have sex with me as well, in fact he never has sex with any exgf it’s his problem and i asked him if he could face it and let’s consult a doctor to find a solution. unfortunately my grandma passed away and i went back to my country to attend the funeral in oct, after 2 weeks, he said we need to break up, he doesn’t feel he loves me anymore, he said he feels that he is a shitty bf and can’t give the love to me i deserved, he wanted to stay alone for a few years and want to be friend with me…. as i am a good listener and i m the only girl knows him well in the world, he admits that he still cares about me a lot, if i need any help, he could do everything for me. i ‘ve given him 2 weeks to reconsider if he still wants to break up, after 2 weeks, he said he won’t change his mind, and ask if we are still friend, i told me i am not sure.. he said he understood, he could wait for it when i am ready to be friend, it can be after few months or a few years later…
after that, i have NC him for 11 days, he never contact me at all, i believe that he won’t do that before i told him we could be friend , this month on 22nd it will be his bday, should i send him a hbd text? (the 30days NC should be ended on 26th..) in fact i hid a bday card in his room and i ordered xmas gift for him and his family n friends and they will get it around mid of dec (i did that before we broke up) if he text me and told me he got the gift from me, should i response? in fact i feel that he has moved on and get over from me, he is kind of cold and rational, he has stayed single for 6 years after he broke up with his exgf , even his exgf got married to a guy after a few months after they broke up and asked him to have a tea together, he didn’t feel jealous or sad at all, in fact i found that he is an AvPD, he doesn’t hav social life, he likes to be alone, he acts normal at work and would go out with colleagues but that’s all. ok i know there are problems and not easy to fix them all, i still want to be with him, i love him and i want him to have a happy life, and quitting the life living in his own world without love…. could you pls help me how to get him back from his dark lonely world?
Chris
December 9, 2016 at 2:50 am
Hi Amor, yes i agreed with you, i did ask him to get professional help and told him if he wants to escape again, i may leave him as i can’t accept it. i think that’s the reason he broke up with me, tho he told me he wants to break up becuz he doesn’t love me anymore… he knew his situation well, he failed all the relationship before, he wanted me as the last relationship, he thought that i could accept what he is, and i think he is trying hard to find someone could accept him and he doesn’t have to change.
i am doing NC for over 2 weeks now, he doesn’t contact me and i am not sure what should i do, should i just move on and unfriend him on fb? or we should stay friends ? i am so confused…
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 5:37 pm
So, do you mean you’re going to accept now that he will not change?
Chris
December 5, 2016 at 8:50 pm
He never has real sex with anyone… He even doesnt hav sex desire towards to a real woman.. Yup he does watch porn n i dun wanna go thru the details… He has both mentally n physically issue, that’s why i asked him to face the problem, because i believe that it could be solved but he just avoid it for over 20 years… I guessed it was one of the reason he left me .. He told me he wants a family he wants a kid… I just wanna help n he escaqed.. He never shared a bed w a gf but me, i know he was trying hard improving , thats why i think he has avoidant personality disorder.. No social life, like to b alone, has his own fantasy world..
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 1:06 am
He has to get professional help.. It’s hard to advise on something like that because it’s out of your control. If he won’t be willing or start to work on his issues, it’s pretty much dead end. Not just with you but with any romantic relationship he’ll have. The best you can have to be consistent with your own standards, if you don’t want that situation, get out of it. Staying and hoping he will change is not realistic because if he can see that you’re staying even if he’s not changing anything, why would he change?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 3:50 pm
Hi Chris,
to make it clear.. he never had sex? Why? Is it a religious belief, a medical problem? Because if he really doesn’t want it, that’s not normal for a guy.
Nic
December 5, 2016 at 4:12 am
Hi,
I have quite a different situation than many of the comments I have read about on here. After being in a LDR for a little over a year and a half with my boyfriend, he ended things a few days ago. This ending came as a shock because he always used to tell me that he could never lose me and would also say things like “please never leave me.” Out situation is a little different because he ran into some legal troubles and was incarcerated for an amount of time. During this time I was in contact with his mother, grandmother, cousin, and him and I sent each other letters very often. He was incarcerated when I had breaks from school to visit, but I decided to wait until he was released to see him instead of visiting him while he was incarcerated. He was released two months ago and we have been texting everyday, as well as calling whenever possible. I bought plane tickets for myself and a hotel room for us to be together over the New Year’s Eve holiday, which is in less than a month. He was very excited, as was I. He ended things with me because of a silly fight we had and I hadn’t heard of NC until after I texted him begging him to take me back. He said that if he took me back, we would keep fighting over silly things because I got emotional easily. He also said he felt like he couldn’t be himself and he couldn’t say things without making me upset. I didn’t know much of this because he has a hard time opening up to people. When I was begging him to take me back, I asked him if we could still talk sometimes instead of cutting all contact and he said maybe. But now, I will be following the NC rule. Do you have any advice for me?
Nic
December 5, 2016 at 7:53 pm
Thanks for replying!
The fight was exactly a week ago and I last contacted him two days ago, before I heard of the NC rule. Our whole relationship was LD because I’m 20 and have to finish school before I can move anywhere close to him because he lives in the US and I live in Canada. He is also 24
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 8, 2016 at 10:34 pm
You’re welcome. Sorry for the late reply now. I think you should just do 21 days of nc for him to cool down.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 3:38 pm
Hi Nic,
when was the fight? when was the last time you contacted him? And you were ldr for 1 year, but how long was the relationship? How old are you both?
J
December 4, 2016 at 5:41 pm
Hi again its me, haha, so its been a few weeks and hes in the military rn so obv no communication. but i still feel so and hurt. ive been going out, doing my own stuff. he hasnt been on my mind that much anymore, but deep down i still feel hurt. remembering the last things he said to me. how this isnt a break and how he doesnt like me and nothing more and how the thing about me and other girls is, that he doesnt hate any other girl. he just hates me.
like i know i shouldnt worry cause maybe he said it out of anger and that hes done for now, but i feel like in 1-2 years when he is back, he is gonna remember all of this and not give me a chance. i told myself i will remain single til he gets back. its silly i know. i will change and be a better person, but i will not be with any other guy. cause its kind of a blessing right? me and my ex had such a rough patch that now we have 2 yrs to grow and change ourselves. but he keeps saying that relationships dont work out and i have to accept that fact that ours didnt work out and it never will (he said this before leaving for military).
please, ik i ask this alot, but is there a chance? he said those things cause hes fed up right? idk why its on my mind still
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 11:56 am
Hi J,
it’s ok, you can ask all you want.. Yup, he said that because he’s fed up.. You know, whatever he’s thinking at that time, what matters more, is how you know yourself. Because he’s not the only person who will have an opinion on you. You have to know and live who you are.
Naomi
December 2, 2016 at 3:21 pm
My ex and I were dating for almost 2 years. The last 6 months have been distance(10 hours) bc he relocated. When he moved we had a ton of problems that includes him not wanting to talk on the phone, being an as*hole to me for no apparent reason, and not making real plans to meet.
So we broke up about 2 months ago & we both moved on. 2-3 weeks later we called me to tell me that he smashed a chick with big tits and a nice ass. The new girl he is talking to, smashing, dating whatever creeped on all of my social media, and DM’d me telling me to stop talking to him (I blocked him on everything & had NC) and told me everything about them.
The combination of him giving me details about his new girl & her contacting me really hurt. I told him to tell her to leave me alone & he swore that he never told her to contact me. From there my sister talked to us on 3-way to get a clear understanding of everything and surprisingly to me asked if we were really done with each other & if we could work it out.
He was saying how he still loved me, but we both needed time to see if things would be better. Fast forward & we were talking about me spending the summer with him and getting back together. About 4 days ago we agreed that we had to cut off what we had in order to focus on eachother. When I asked him if he cut things off & said no, and asked “do you still like me, do you think we’re gonna work out,etc.” I told him that I don’t want to pressure you to do anything that you don’t want so don’t worry about it.
The really big issue- He went on to say that he would rather go through a depression to do a distance relationship again. & that the summer isn’t enough for him. ( we also agreed to meet at least once a month too)
I don’t know why he would even talk to me about all of this advancement between eachother if he’s not willing to even try it. & all of this came from the discussion of cutting of the new girl. I don’t know if I’m right bc I make a lot of assumptions, but it seems like he wants to be on a dating level with me, but not actually date so he can still smash the new thing when I’m not around.
Should I just say forget it or what? I ignored him after he said that so I wouldn’t say anything bad to him, but he was asking if I was done & saying that he just fucked everything up when he moved.
Thanks for reading & please help because I don’t consider myself to be an option or toy or anyone. If there’s no where to go with it, I can cut off all ties again & move back on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Hi Naomi
That’s good that you have that mindset.. I think you should move on than keep trying now.. If he really wants you back, then he has to make the effort