How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Dasha

November 30, 2016 at 12:32 pm

Hello! I am in a really tricky situation at the moment. My bf and I have been together for almost two years in a distance relationship. (I have to move to the UK and he lives in Portugal) before that we lived quite close. However we met online when he was in Switzerland so it has always been a distance relationship. 6 months ago we split up it was really difficult as we were still in love but think were not working properly (I have a really strong character and fight quite often for stupid things) so… He broke up with me, I begged him not to but as you know that did not work. I found this site days after that and I followed every step I did the no contact rule for a like 2 months and then 3 months after we broke up I had to go back to Portugal… So i told him, he still had some bags I left in his house so I had to go and pick them up so we arrange I was going to sleep there for a couple of days to get my things back… He was not very conviced as he still was convice we should not be together but it happened anyway and I went to stay with him. The first day went perfectly I used the pull/push advise and he totally fell for it… He was talking to his friends telling them he did not know what to do as I was so good with everything and he even thought I didnt like him anymore…After that night he asked me to be together again and we were “happy” until one month ago.. the fights went out of control again and he wanted to break up instead I asked him for sometime to think about it.. While the time was passing by I bought him a ticket to England on his birthday the 9/12 to come here a sort things out but I didnt tell him until a few days ago he didnt take it well and he wanted to break up with me he said he doesnt feel the same way and he is going to think if he should come or not as he think “he will be using me” I really dont know how to convice him to come I really think at least we deserve that but he doesnt think that way and he is pushing me back and it is really painful. I cant use the no contact rule as the flight is in one week time and I need to know if he will come or not! Help!! I feel everything that happened 6 months ago is repeating I still have hope we could make it work again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 9:54 pm

Hi Dasha,

Well, give him space for now.. let him think.. maybe 2-3 days.. don’t force him because that will just look like you’re arguing with him again.

Isabel

November 30, 2016 at 9:25 am

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 and a half weeks ago. We’re from the same hometown but we live in different cities which are about a 3-4 hour drive from each other. Most of my dilemma is because of timing, the holidays, and the fact that we’re originally from the same place. I feel it’ll make the end of NC somewhat complicated.
We were both home for Thanksgiving break and decided to still see each other to try and talk things out, and I’d also left some clothes at his house that I wanted back, so he had to return them to me anyways. We both told each other we still wanted to at least try and be friends and stay in each others’ lives. (At this time, I hadn’t discovered this site or NC.)
It wasn’t until a day or two later I stumbled across this site and considered doing NC. The day I decided I wanted to actually start NC, he had coincidentally texted me saying we should take a break from talking for a few days and then we could work on a friendship. I obviously agree since I’m not contacting him, but I’m clearly about to surprise him by pulling this off for a month, and my hopes in the end are to be more than friends. Currently we’re on day 5 and he’s texted me twice already, both of which I ignored.
Anyways, the day before finding out about this and deciding to do NC, since I knew I still wanted to be friends with him and had hopes of getting him back, I bought him a Christmas gift on Black Friday. (He knows I got him something.) I got him something I knew he’d love and he told me in the past he wanted it, and in my mind when I was buying it I sorta figured it’d make him miss me and help my chances and it’d be an excuse to see him again. (This was also before I knew of ex boyfriend recovery and NC)
Whenever the 30 days end, it will be the day after Christmas, Dec 26, and there is a possibility that since we’re from the same hometown, when we are both home for Christmas break, he might text me asking to see me before our 30 days are up. Also, since he knows that I do have a gift for him he’ll probably assume I’d like to see him anyways to give it to him. Would you recommend I shorten our NC to 21 days? (He plans to stay just a few days after Christmas so he’s heading home probably just a day or two after the 30 NC would end.) Or should I do the whole 30 days, still not see him while he’s in town for the holidays, and just give it to him as a late-Christmas present if we get to the point of successfully texting/skyping/calling/planning to meet up? Furthermore, since our NC ends while he’s still in town, if i make the first contact text, how would you recommend going about it if he asks to see me? I feel like it’d be too soon to see him right after sending that first-contact text, don’t you think? Also, do you think having gotten him a gift is more helpful or hurtful?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 9:29 pm

Hi Isabel,

don’t overthink.. Finish nc, give the gift late.. If he asks to meet up right after the first contact, tell him it’s not a good time, and then hint on a “probable” date for you.. Don’t make the date concrete.. But I think you got this.. So, chill. Enjoy the time for yourself..

Bee

November 30, 2016 at 6:34 am

My (ex) boyfriend and I have/had a weird kinda LDR. I’m from Maryland and he lives in Jersey. I moved to Jersey about 30mins away from him before we started officially dating but due to a bunch of crazy situations, I ended up basically living with him after about 2 or 3 months. Everything was going very well until about a month ago. He was really depressed about his birthday and I was really depressed because I had just lost my job and knew I’d have to leave. My main reason for moving to Jersey was to work… Not necessarily for him. But anyway….. The energy just shifted suddenly. I left went back to my parents house in Maryland a little over 2 weeks ago but I fully intended to go back to Jersey for a bit so I left a bunch of my belongings at his house.
The entire time I’ve been away I’ve been reaching out to him… Calling and texting and he’s been very short. Do one day I asked him if we were still together and he said “we’ve grown apart” of course I was blindsided by this because I didn’t treat him any differently… He just distanced himself.
So we kinda went back and forth (very gently and carefully) for a few days with hours between responses until yesterday…. And I guess today. Yesterday he texted me out of the blue and said that he hasn’t been being a boyfriend to me and that I deserve a real boyfriend. But I love this guy!! Like… He’s not just my boyfriend… He’s my friend!!!
I texted him my perspective of him and our relationship and told him I didn’t want to break up… And he didn’t respond until today…. Which he just apologized for not responding.

So now we’re in this weird spot and I have to go to his house (which isn’t an easy trip to make because I don’t have a car and he lives far from any major cities) just to get my stuff. … That’s gonna be in a week or so…

I really wanna try out some of these techniques but my timeframe is soooo short.

I’m not sure what to do. I really don’t wanna lose the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a man. We’ve never argued… Ever. We’ve only been upset with each other a few times throughout our year long relationship. We never got tired of each other. … I’m not sure what’s going on 🙁

Bee

November 30, 2016 at 10:26 pm

Yes… The timeframe between now and the next time I actually see him again.
It would be nice if we could just make up then. It would be ideal actually…. I don’t think I can handle any awkward tension between us.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 10:44 pm

Just be calm.. update us on what happens then… because it’s hard to say something now.. what if you actually worked things out by then..
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 8:59 pm

HI Bee,

I’m not sure I understood. What did you mean that your timeframe is short? From picking up your things?

Kiala

November 29, 2016 at 7:52 pm

I was involved long distance with a guy who was never officially my boyfriend but we got quite close.

The distance caused a lot of strain and we began fighting a lot. He grew really distant and said the fighting was really stressing him and started first refusing to see me in person and then saying he was done with me. I eventually went no contact for 50 days because we just kept having the same fights over and over and he became really hostile and it was going nowhere and he said he wasnt ever seeing me again.

We have now been back in contact for nearly a month. We talk lots, often for hours. We flirt endlessly and he’s a lot warmer. My attempts to end conversations with him are often met with him continuing to talk anyway. Not replying to him has repeatedly been met with a second message from him.

However, any talk of meeting is met with him saying “maybe” “I’m not sure if we met if it would lead to us fighting again” “I’m not sure if I can trust you that you’ve changed”. We have had one Skype conversation so far and it was quite nice, but he seemed hesitant to Skype and ended it quicker than I would have liked so I don’t want to push more Skype for now. Any talk of emotion or our past issues is met with ignoring or a change of subject, and he snapped at me once when I tried to talk about it . I also notice I’m still initiating 90% of conversations.

So… things are better but not where I would like them to be. How do I get past this huge hesitation he seems to have about meeting face to face? And get him to be a bit more emotionally open?
I’m concerned we are kind of doing the fun flirting thing but it’s not really going anywhere serious

Kiala

December 2, 2016 at 11:49 am

He does say things have changed, he says I’m more pleasant to talk to now. But seems hesitant when it comes to meeting
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 7:26 pm

That’s good that he noticed but that doesn’t mean he’s doesn’t think you’re to do it to get back with him..the more you push a meet up, the more you would look like youre chasing
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 9:57 pm

Hi Kiala,

you have to keep building rapport through texts and calls and you have to put more time in doing your own thing.. He doesn’t seem to think you’ve changed.

Nicole

November 29, 2016 at 9:14 am

Hi Amor,

My ex boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 years ago; he broke up with me as I was going to move a couple of hours away and he could not handle a long distance relationship.
Many months, actually almost 2 years, went by until I actually moved a couple of hours away and during this time we kept seeing each other and had a great time; we just weren’t in a relationship, but he always told me he did care for me and that he loved me. I have also done the no contact and the whole gameplan during this time,(a half year ago) which worked out great, until we had the big talk about us eventually in a long distance.

Two months ago I finally moved out of the city, a couple of hours away and last weekend I had time to visit him.
We had a great couple of days together until we reached the talk.
He had always said that if things are meant to be; it will be fine and that everything will be alright eventually; so that if we are meant to be we will find our way someday, but he doesn’t believe in a long distance. He’s afraid that he will ruin everything we’ve built together and that it is better to try this later. He also told me that he is seeing a new girl
But then I ruined everything; I yelled at him, I cried and I said worse things which I shouldn’t have said.

I really don’t know what to do, as there’s a huge distance gap between us and he has a soon-to-be new girlfriend. Is it time for me to stop trying, should I do everything all over again? I really don’t know!

Nicole

December 4, 2016 at 10:27 pm

Hi Amor,

Thanks, I will start again! Yes we did, but at the moment he doesn’t want to try a ldr..
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 12:06 pm

well, at least you’ve tried doing the no contact rule.. it can convey that you have your standards too..
Nicole

December 3, 2016 at 4:27 pm

Hi Amor,

Thank you for the response!
What advice? Should I try the whole proces all over again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 3, 2016 at 6:08 pm

Yup, and have you talked about the plan on how to be together someday or how to make things easier in ldr?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 9:03 pm

HI NIcole,

Try to follow the advice first.. If it doesn’t work out, then at least you know you’ve done what you can.

M

November 26, 2016 at 10:39 pm

Hello,

We were in a long distance relationship for about 8 months. We both are not good with long distance relationship, but our feelings for each others were strong, so we decided to give it a try even after he left the city. I could not go where he lives but we saw each other at least once a month sometimes twice a month. Until he told me recently he could not handle the distance, and he did not want to see each other anymore. Our mutual friends have confirmed with me it was not me, it was really the distance, and he is not seeing anyone. In fact he asked them to keep on eye on me, and that he still cares about me a lot.

Now the situation has changed a bit since we broke up. I can go to where he is in a couple months instead of an indefinite timeline. However, I do not want him to think I am sacrificing everything I have here for him, because he’d feel too much pressure. Currently we are not talking and I plan on not talking to him for a month. He has not reached out to me either. I am scared that even if I tell him the new situation, he will say no, and already would be over our relationship. I don’t know how to bring it up to him, or that he would even consider, and fight for this.

M

November 30, 2016 at 9:49 am

Hi Amor,

How should I approach this? Do I approach him after the No Contact Rule? I am not planning on giving him an ultimatum, but rather telling him how my situation has changed.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Focus in improving yourself during no contact because after it, you’ll have to do that at the same time while building rapport with him. After nc, just talk about other things.. don’t bring up the relationship nor feelings. It’s ok to initiate contact after nc.. just build rapport slowly. Don’t rush. Check this:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
M

November 29, 2016 at 1:38 pm

We broke up 9 days ago. I have not heard back from him since he left me. He is currently out of country and will not hear from him for another 2 weeks. I just don’t know what to do, if he will at least give it another chance. I am trying to work on myself at the moment. However, it is scary to think that even if I give him the option of moving for myself and my career, he will see it as me sacrificing for him, and feel very pressured.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 9:38 pm

Small steps.. Build rapport first
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 3:15 pm

HI M,

When did you break up? Why not slowly build rapport first?

Anna

November 25, 2016 at 8:58 am

Hi Amor,

It’s been 3 months since my ex broke up with me. We were great together. He had to moved back to his country 5 months ago, and that’s when we started our LDR, 14 hours away from each other, and also the time difference. Not gonna lie it was hard as hell, but we were in love so we would do anything to try and make this work.
But 3 months later of our LDR, we both felt a bit off and frustrated because the immigration law was standing in our way and seriously there’s nothing we can do about it, its like we can’t actually be together. So we decided to take a break, but nothing really changed the following 2 months (I really should’ve started the NC rules at this point but I didn’t), we were still talking on daily basic. And then one time I texted him and he didn’t respond until a week later. I didn’t ask why did it take him the whole week to replied because I knew that can mean he’s trying to move on. I just pretended like it wasn’t bothering me and got back to our normal conversation. That’s when I realised if I keep sitting here and do nothing about it I might lose him forever. So I made him a sweet video and told him that I want to go visit him. 2 days later he told me that he has been seeing someone in his city for the last few weeks, not that serious but… its serious enough for him to break it down to me right? He said that he doesn’t wanna hurt my feelings but he has to be honest with me that he’s not comfortable for me to visit him. He’d like to remain friends, leave this open.
I kinda knew that but still, I felt like my whole world just falling apart into tiny pieces. I know the NC rules are more about taking times to see more clear on the relationship. But it’s been a month now and we haven’t talked once ever since he told me the truth, he didn’t call or text me, not even once, thats why I can survived from 30 days of NC. I mean yeah why would he right, he’s already with someone else now. During this NC period, just makes me realised how much I love him. The idea of he’s gone and I might never ever get to see him again just tearing me apart.

I know for now it’s better if I move on also because apparently he had. I just wish there are something that I can do to get him back. And can we really be friends again? What does ‘leave this open’ even means? So I can be his plan B? I know he still cares, but any chance that we will ever be together again? Any suggestions are welcome!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Anna,

how much did you improve during nc? And, what about the issues of the relationship? Is there a solution now for them?

Anna

November 25, 2016 at 4:59 am

Hi Amor,

It’s been 2 months since my ex broke up with me. We were great together. He had to moved back to his country 5 months ago, and that’s when we started our LDR, 14 hours away from each other, and also the time difference. Not gonna lie it was hard as hell, but we were in love so we would do anything to try and make this work.
But 3 months later of our LDR, we both felt a bit off and frustrated because the immigration law was standing in our way and seriously there’s nothing we can do about it, its like we can’t actually be together. So we decided to take a break, but nothing really changed the following 2 months (I really should’ve started the NC rules at this point but I didn’t), we were still talking on daily basic. And then one time I texted him and he didn’t respond until a week later. I didn’t ask why did it take him the whole week to replied because I knew that can mean he’s trying to move on. I just pretended like it wasn’t bothering me and got back to our normal conversation. That’s when I realised if I keep sitting here and do nothing about it I might lose him forever. So I made him a sweet video and told him that I want to go visit him. 2 days later he told me that he has been seeing someone in his city for the last few weeks, not that serious but… its serious enough for him to break it down to me right? He said that he doesn’t wanna hurt my feelings but he has to be honest with me that he’s not comfortable for me to visit him. He’d like to remain friends, leave this open.
I kinda knew that but still, I felt like my whole world just falling apart into tiny pieces. I know the NC rules are more about taking times to see more clear on the relationship. But it’s been a month now and we haven’t talked once ever since he told me the truth, he didn’t call or text me, not even once, thats why I can survived from 30 days of NC. I mean yeah why would he right, he’s already with someone else now. During this NC period, just makes me realised how much I love him. The idea of he’s gone and I might never ever get to see him again just tearing me apart.

I know for now it’s better if I move on also because apparently he had. I just wish there are something that I can do to get him back. And can we really be friends again? What does ‘leave this open’ even means? So I can be his plan B? I know he still cares, but any chance that we will ever be together again? Any suggestions are welcome!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Anna,

how much did you improve during nc? And, what about the issues of the relationship? Is there a solution now for them?

Anna

November 25, 2016 at 4:35 am

Hi Amor,

It’s been 2 months since my ex broke up with me. We were great together. He had to moved back to his country 5 months ago, and that’s when we started our LDR, 14 hours away from each other, and also the time difference. Not gonna lie it was hard as hell, but we were in love so we would do anything to try and make this work.
But 3 months later of our LDR, we both felt a bit off and frustrated because the immigration law was standing in our way and seriously there’s nothing we can do about it, its like we can’t actually be together. So we decided to take a break, but nothing really changed the following 2 months (I really should’ve started the NC rules at this point but I didn’t), we were still talking on daily basic. And then one time I texted him and he didn’t respond until a week later. I didn’t ask why did it take him the whole week to replied because I knew that can mean he’s trying to move on. I just pretended like it wasn’t bothering me and got back to our normal conversation. That’s when I realised if I keep sitting here and do nothing about it I might lose him forever. So I made him a sweet video and told him that I want to go visit him. 2 days later he told me that he has been seeing someone in his city for the last few weeks, not that serious but… its serious enough for him to break it down to me right? He said that he doesn’t wanna hurt my feelings but he has to be honest with me that he’s not comfortable for me to visit him. He’d like to remain friends, leave this open.
I kinda knew that but still, I felt like my whole world just falling apart into tiny pieces. I know the NC rules are more about taking times to see more clear on the relationship. But it’s been a month now and we haven’t talked once ever since he told me the truth, he didn’t call or text me, not even once, thats why I can survived from 30 days of NC. I mean yeah why would he right, he’s already with someone else now. During this NC period, just makes me realised how much I love him. The idea of he’s gone and I might never ever get to see him again just tearing me apart.

I know for now it’s better if I move on also because apparently he had. I just wish there are something that I can do to get him back. And can we really be friends again? What does ‘leave this open’ even means? So I can be his plan B? I know he still cares, but any chance that we will ever be together again? Any suggestions are welcome!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Anna,

how much did you improve during nc? And, what about the issues of the relationship? Is there a solution now for them?

C

November 24, 2016 at 6:23 pm

Hi Amor,

So i did NC for 3 weeks, i broke it when i learned there had been an earthquake near the city he lives in italy. He answered to my text and ever since we have been on speaking terms, talking a lot, thou he tends to take a lot of time answering and sometimes days, i do the same thou… it feels like a game… good thing is we`ve been reminiscing some of our memories together, it has been going really good, we have been texting for a almost a month now and i asked him what all this meant, that i didnt want to pressure him or anything but that i needed to know where we stood, to which he answered that he has always loved talking to me and that that is the reason why he has done it, because he had missed it a lot and that i continued to be a very important person to him and that what he felt for me wasn´t something he could just forget easily and tha if he was 100% honest, he had been debating a lot with himself about his decision and what he wanted, that there where a lot of factors he had been struggling with to extensive to text but that he had loved talking to me and missed me a lot. After that i told him i felt the same way and that i would be willing to have a phone call if he wanted to talk about everything. He agreed and we actually talked over the phone for 2 straight hours! it was amazingg!!!! we both where flirty, we reminised a lot of memories, we talked about eberything and anything, family, jobs, friends, of how much we missed each other, he told me that the thing he loved most about me was how i made him feel, how i made him want to be better, how i made him feel like he could do anything. I wasn´t as forthcoming as he was with my feelings, since im scared to get hurt again and maybe i witheld a little bit which i regrett but it was obvious we were having an amazing time. When we hung up we both said we had and amazing time and he told me he would continue talking to me. (we never got to talk about the factors that made him second guess, thou). I was absolutely on heaven at the time. I love him, i really do. but since the day of the call, i`ve written some lovely messages to him and he has been answering friendly and saying he missed us and stuff but a bit distant and never asking any questions to continue the conversation. I don´t understand what is happening exactly. or what i should do? can you please help me! i decided to maybe stop writing to him for a couple of days, and maybe try again? im really confused by his behavior… i thought we had totally clicked and had an amazing time talking together.

Thank you!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 10:37 pm

HI C,

I think you’re friendzoned.. He missed talking to you but how much did you improve? Were the issues or the reasons you broke up solved now? Is he seeing you in a different light?

C

November 24, 2016 at 6:18 pm

Hi Amor,

So i did NC for 3 weeks, i broke it when i learned there had been an earthquake near the city he lives in italy. He answered to my text and ever since we have been on speaking terms, talking a lot, thou he tends to take a lot of time answering and sometimes days, i do the same thou… it feels like a game… good thing is we`ve been reminiscing some of our memories together, it has been going really good, we have been texting for a almost a month now and i asked him what all this meant, that i didnt want to pressure him or anything but that i needed to know where we stood, to which he answered that he has always loved talking to me and that that is the reason why he has done it, because he had missed it a lot and that i continued to be a very important person to him and that what he felt for me wasn´t something he could just forget easily and tha if he was 100% honest, he had been debating a lot with himself about his decision and what he wanted, that there where a lot of factors he had been struggling with to extensive to text but that he had loved talking to me and missed me a lot. After that i told him i felt the same way and that i would be willing to have a phone call if he wanted to talk about everything. He agreed and we actually talked over the phone for 2 straight hours! it was amazingg!!!! we both where flirty, we reminised a lot of memories, we talked about eberything and anything, family, jobs, friends, of how much we missed each other, he told me that the thing he loved most about me was how i made him feel, how i made him want to be better, how i made him feel like he could do anything. I wasn´t as forthcoming as he was with my feelings, since im scared to get hurt again and maybe i witheld a little bit which i regrett but it was obvious we were having an amazing time. When we hung up we both said we had and amazing time and he told me he would continue talking to me. (we never got to talk about the factors that made him second guess, thou). I was absolutely on heaven at the time. I love him, i really do. but since the day of the call, i`ve written some lovely messages to him and he has been answering friendly and saying he missed us and stuff but a bit distant and never asking any questions to continue the conversation. I don´t understand what is happening exactly. or what i should do? can you please help me! i decided to maybe stop writing to him for a couple of days, and maybe try again? im really confused by his behavior… i thought we had totally clicked and had an amazing time talking together.

Thank you!!

Harleen

November 27, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Oh, thank you so much for the reply. =)
Ive already started, but its very hard… Im making effort, though… My biggest concern is if he will even contact me, if he forgot about me already… At least, I wasnt blocked…
Is there a chance of him forgiving me, now far away?…
Thank you again…
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 6:25 pm

Yeah but change first..if he finds you needy, change, improve and have your own life..
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 10:38 pm

HI C,

I think you’re friendzoned.. He missed talking to you but how much did you improve? Were the issues or the reasons you broke up solved now? Is he seeing you in a different light?

J

November 23, 2016 at 9:30 pm

im going to move on now and not think about getting back together with him until he comes back.
you think i still have hope for the future with him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 2:12 pm

You know, there will always be a chance.. Just, don’t chase him, because that’s what’s killing your chances..

Harleen

November 23, 2016 at 2:09 pm

Hello…
Firstly, congratulations to all Exboyfriendrecovery.com team. This website has already helped me a lot… Yes, I had managed to get my boyfriend back. We are constantly breaking up… I am nine years older than him. We had many ups and downs in our relationship (he was the one who insisted on dating me. At that time, I was rejecting the idea because of our age gap and different cultures. To add more trouble, we have different nationalities too…). Anyway, it lasted for three years. However, I had to return to my country two months ago.
We used to talk almost every single day. But I was noticing I should be the one to contact him, taking the initiative. He would reply me and the conversation would flow even well, though.
But this Monday, things started to ruin. He didn’t answer any messages or calls. On Tuesday, the same thing happened. I was starting to get worried. Our friends in common reassured me he seemed fine and that he wasn’t interested in any other person so far.
I managed to call him this Wednesday morning. He picked up the phone and was very cold to me. He argued that he isn’t my responsibility anymore and vice versa. I acted cold – pretended I wasn’t shocked by the news and even agreed with him. After a long silence, he turned off the phone on my face. Although I thought of even blocking him, I let it be. I didn’t text or call. I was just reflecting on everything… He had also complained I was bugging him too much, with my texting and calling… I was texting him a lot only for these two days… As I was worried about him…
Now… I do feel that I love him… And my intuition says that he does too, after way worse situations we have been through along these three years… I wish I could re stablish our relationship and even improve it…
I had the intention to go back to his country in the beginning of the next year…
Please, what do you advice me to do under this circumstance?…
Thank you so much in advance…
And sorry: I’m not an English native speaker… I hope my story is comprehensible…

Regards,

Harleen.

Harleen

November 30, 2016 at 11:38 am

Thank you very much, Amor!!! =D
Ive already checked the podcast… Its great – I guess I already have an idea on mind… =]
Out of curiosity, I checked his Fb account. But I didnt break the NC Rule: no messages at all. He posted that hes alone everywhere, with a sad emoticon… Is it a “good sign”, Amor?…
Again, thanks in advance…
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 9:41 pm

Yeah, it’s a good sign.. but refrain from checking him again.. You only have a short time that you’re just focusing in yourself. You’re welcome!
Harleen

November 28, 2016 at 9:42 pm

Hi, Amor! =)

Thank you very much for your advice…
Im already trying to be better – not only for him to accept me back, but also to be a better person… An independent one… However, after these thirty days, if he doesnt approach me… Can I make the first move? Wouldnt I seem needy again, as he was clear in being apart from me? How can I do it?…
Thanks a lot in advance…
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Yes, you can initiate.. That’s why it’s very important that you look like you’re starting to move on.. So, that you would appear friendly only.. Check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 11:21 am

Hi Harleen,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Lana

November 22, 2016 at 10:02 pm

Hi there, firstly thank you so so much, this website and the book saved me a lot of heartache and sadness during my breakup 🙂

I was in an LDR, he broke up, so I did NC and followed advice in exbfrp, and am up to the point where we are calling once a week. it’s 50/50, the conversation flows and i’m not too available to speak, ending conversations early. He recently asked what I thought about our relationship and the breakup (its our 3rd call) and I didn’t know what to say so I said “I found other things to do” “I just needed my space” which he understood. He said he was sorry about it and that he was worried we were getting deeper, that scared him so he ran away. But nothing with a clear intention apart from to ‘pardon’ him. Should I read much into this? Should we be talking about the relationship or should I be keeping it light? On a different note, we are on different sides of the world but both have immediate future plans in the same city (where he is now), should I leave where I am now slightly earlier to rekindle the relationship? (He’s mentioned making a cake for me when we’re in the same city, and its clear he associates me with happy things now, also mentioning he was worried we’d lose contact…)

Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 7:22 pm

Hi Lana,

if the reason why he left you is because he’s afraid it’s gettubg serious, I think you need to set aside asking about the relationship..it would be better to talk about that I in person

K

November 22, 2016 at 12:08 pm

He broke up with me 3 weeks now. He said that he can’t do this anymore with me because I’m always getting mad and accusing him for ignoring me and flirting then leaving me a question “are you happy now?” Then blocked me in Facebook, I did not use any app to message me for I’m thinking he full blocked me. We’re just together a week before he broke up. Do I have a chance to get a reply from him after 30 days? Ty.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 4:56 pm

Hi K,
there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work..did you mean youvwere only a week together?

Puzzled Again

November 22, 2016 at 6:36 am

Hi and thanks for this site! No contact for 50+ days and contact was going well. Was using tide theory, but I don’t think I was able to always end the conversation. Now, even though initially he was saying things like “I miss you”, “I’m sorry I failed you, I wish I hadn’t”, etc, etc, he isn’t responding. I’ve sent 2 messages in the past week without a reply. I’m very puzzled. Should I have indulged his emotional messages? To be clear, I didn’t…I mostly made jokes, kept things light and fun and updated him on fun stuff. I thought I was doing the right thing, but messages have come to a grinding halt. Suggestions are very welcome. Thanks so much for your time!!

Puzzled Again

November 29, 2016 at 5:06 am

Hi Amor,
Thanks!
Ok, that’s fair.
Thanks for the confirmation re: tide theory!
Take care!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 8:06 pm

You’re welcome!
Puzzled Again

November 26, 2016 at 6:33 am

Thank you, Amor,
I had a similar thought as well. I’m puzzled, though, since in his last message he said he carries something I gave him in his pocket all the time. I responded to that about 9 hours later saying it was awesome and sweet to which he didn’t reply. Then, several days later he didn’t respond to the positive memory text I sent. I can definitely leave it for a week. Thank you for that suggestion. Should I start with tide theory from the beginning again? Also, why do you think he’s telling me sentimental things (carrying something I gave him in his pocket) and then giving me radio silence after my response? Should I engage those types of comments differently (if he ever texts again, that is)? Thank you so much!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 8:34 pm

I think you responded well about him carrying something from you. That means he still holds you dear but that doesn’t mean he wants to get back.. Yes, you should start with the count of the tide theory again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 4:02 pm

Hmm.. If he isn’t responding for a week now, that can mean he’s trying to move on, or he just cleared his conscience before when he was taking to you.. When did you last initiate? Try to initiate again after another week.

Bel

November 22, 2016 at 4:26 am

Hi

Me and my bf had been in a long distance relationship since July 2015. When we first dated he was really like a sweetheart to me, we made an effort to see each other a few times in a year until April this year he requested a break and later break up. Until July 2016 I was devastated so I agreed with the break up and did not make any contact with him for 10 days.. He came back and begged for forgiveness and asked me to be with him again.
We had a lot of issues that had came up during the break up and we did fight in between the ‘chasing back’ period but after 3 weeks he told me that he couldnt take it anymore. I got crushed again…he apologised again and I accepted. We spent a few weeks together in real life and about 2 weeks ago after I left him, he suddenly called it off. We had lesser arguments nowadays and we patched things up really quickly and talked about things and he just suddenly called it off…. I have no idea why.
On the first day he mentioned that he doesnt think that we will work anymore, and I tried to talk about the problems with him but he did not want to tell me anything. Until the 3rd day, he suddenly snapped when he promised me that he will talk things out with me and solve the problems with me and asked to break up for real. No matter how much i tried to convince him he never listen. I didnt contact him for a week and during that one week he still kept our pics and everything until our mutual friends approach him and asked him why and he suddenly removed all our profile pictures on social media (but still keep our pics tgt in his profile). I then asked for closure that day. All he ever tell me was he doesnt feel the same and doesnt love me anymore. I did not say a thing and decided to move on, and he texted me the next day to tell me some stuff he did at his work and when i replied he told me that we talked too much and asked me to stop talking to him until he felt like we can only be friends. Few days later I found out that he had been using my bank account to order some delivery and so I texted him and he pretended that it was a mistake (im not sure if it was or not) and he mentioned that he will bank in the differences to me soon. It’d been 3 days now and I do not know if it still works… all i can ever see is that he is trying to avoid me at the same time gain my attention (am i overthinking?!). He still keep our pic as his profile pic on skype and he uses his skype once in a while and then appear offline whenever I come online… and he still keeps the photos he posted on social media and he changed one of his profile picture to a picture that I used to send him….at the same time he had been playing a lot of online games with his friends and trying to talk to his friends more nowadays (hes a very private person and doesnt like to initiate conversations). I am not sure what I should be doing… He accepted my Dec holidays plans of spending time together but then mentioned that he wouldnt be able to make it (as i mentioned that ill make plans for us in Dec after breaking up)…I even asked for my stuff back and he refused to do anything about it.. What am i supposed to do? He had been giving me a lot of mixed signals and I do not know how…

Bel

December 18, 2016 at 4:01 pm

Hi he texted me after NC asked to be friends, and it seems like he wanted to continue talking to me in the future and he kept on saying sorry for coming back to text me, and when i mentioned saying I still wanted to give it a try and he replied saying he still miss me and he is sure that i miss him too since i replied and he asked to talk once in a while – and after that when I asked what does that means after everything he had done to break me, he suddenly mentioned he doesn’t think i should talk to him again and ask me to get rid of him. i didnt reply after… its been a week and he hasnt say anything to me yet besides looking at my instagram stories and updates.. should i move on….
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 7:45 am

It looks like it was to soon to say to him to try again.. because there was not enough attraction yet.. I think as a last try.. really make it seem like you’ve accepted and moving on and then later on take it slow
Bel

December 12, 2016 at 3:26 am

He texted me after NC for 23 days. I started updating my social media about a week ago and he actually drunk text me 2 days ago with a few msgs and I did not reply at all, later he sent me a long message and he mentioned that he was sorry and he thinks that i deserve someone better and a lot of things. I still never reply. And last night my friend pocket sent him an emoji on fb messenger and he texted back and say “are you okay”. I did not reply still.. What should i do…..
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 4:11 pm

Those are good signs..you can initiate contact after nc if you want
Bel

November 26, 2016 at 3:15 pm

So I should start counting from the last day I talk to him, am i right? It made me worry so much that it’s giving me anxiety cause he started going out and hanging out with friends and pretended nothing happened. And he usually didn’t want people to know about his life and I just found out that he deleted all our pics on social media besides those that I tagged him on it. It’s our second break up in 3 months..
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 11:34 am

You have to start the count the day after your last message. If you messaged him today, the first day of nc will be tomorrow.. ANd you have to be very in improving yourself during and after nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 3:18 pm

Hi bel,

do you want to trg doing a full 30 days nc this time?

Kali

November 21, 2016 at 8:07 pm

Hi, Amor:

I am in a very sticky situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and it’s been long distance for a year. He moved abroad for work, but will be back in 1.5 years. We’ve been making it work since we communicate often and he visits five times a year. During his last visit in August, we fought and broke up over time spent with one another during those visits.

I later learned from him that he had a rebound relationship–and is actually still in this relationship–with someone he met there. He had been going through a hard time with work, battling a health issue, and the break up. Plus, he hasn’t made any real friends there yet. So, he found comfort in her.

He is in town for two weeks now visiting family, and he wanted to meet with me. Actually, he reached back out in October, a month and half after we broke up, and we started talking daily again. I didn’t know there was someone else until he told me yesterday. I was just under the impression we were taking things slowly and rebuilding. He broke the news to me on the verge of us getting intimate last night. He pulled away saying he couldn’t have two women at the same time and needed to break things off with her first.

I didn’t know how to feel. I was numb.

He seemed torn. On one hand, he wanted to break up with her and come back to me. On the other hand, he felt a bit sorry for what he put me through and wanted me to move on so as not to hurt me anymore. It seems easier to continue with a new and convenient relationship rather than to return to an old one with issues and long distance too.

I’m sad that he slept with her many times, but I do understand we were broken up. I am sad he rejected me yesterday, but find it somehow noble he wanted to get things straight with each of us. I still love him, and of course, I’d love to see our relationship move forward. But how do you rebuild after this and given the distance? What if he has some morsel of feeling for her since she was an emotional outlet during his tough times? I did ask if he loved her, and he said no, but I was reading the opposite from his hesitancy.

I’m just waiting now. I am giving him his time and space, respecting that fact that he has to make a difficult decision. I don’t know what he will decide. Will he stay with her or comeback to me? If he leaves me, we can’t be just friends, and he knows that. It’s like an all or nothing thing.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 9:07 am

Hi Kali,

have you talked again? What happenedn

J

November 20, 2016 at 10:24 pm

I am trying to change and have been going out alot and hanging with my friends. But it is the idea of a new restart that is on my mind. The idea that even though it is so far away, what if HE cannot forget about all my flaws and mistakes I have made and it all suddenly comes back to him in the future? Or what if he denies me when I ask him out for food or drinks

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 10:31 pm

Change takes time.. Two years is a long time. You have a lot of time to change.. If you really changed it will show..

Gaby

November 20, 2016 at 4:45 pm

How much time do I have to wait between the skype and the call to set up the date? If our communication has been great, he has told me I am still in his mind and that I am special for him. The only problem is he hates texting so he answers like a day later

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 9:16 pm

Hi Gaby,

if he hates texting, then go mkre for calling.. There’s no set number on how long but if it’s really going great then try asking to meet maybe after 1 or 2 weeks

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