How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

cL

November 20, 2016 at 4:34 pm

Hi,

I have been dating my newly odor ex for two years. We had a very romantic intense relationship but had a lot of trouble arguing about how often we communicate. I think me neediness and jealousy were a huge factor in him breaking up with me on top of us being on opposite sides of the earth. I am deeply in love with him and was afraid to lose him so I held on tighter and tighter then when his communication would be less and less I would become angry then he would dread calling. When we were together we would have an amazing time and were always happy. When apart the issues would arise… I still deeply care for him and want to repair things. Its extremely painful and difficult but deep down I feel it’s possible, I know he loves me. He did say out of sight out of mind as well as he lost interest and this was after two weeks of arguing.

I began no contact and did so for a week after agreeing to wait and decide then he said its final another 10 days went by and he put a crying emoticon as his message profile which is completely out of character for him so I messaged him and asked if he was ok. He said that he was sad and crying at work. He mentioned his friend just broke up with her boyfriend and it reminded him of me so he cried. I sad I miss him a little and he said he missed me. We then had a nice catch up convo and he ended with he was glad we talked then said lets talk again. I had been talking to him every day after that then I took a days break he changed his profile picture to a drink from one of our favorite places in my city from one of our first dates. And had a crying face as a status again so I messaged him why does he have that? He said he was emotional last night and looking through our pictures. And I asked because you miss me? And he said yes. So I began texting him and he talked to me like a boyfriend again and was being cute. Next days he still had that picture which was painful for me and I talked with him normally flirted a little and called him handsome but he wasn’t acting cute like the day before just normal but sent me pictures of him and his two guy friends out. Then I told him I was going to meet my guy friend and he asked me a bunch of questions who what when where etc.

BTW he never initiates contact other than the indirect profile pic and status change which really gets to me. We’ve been talking for 7 days should I stop texting and wait for him to contact me? I feel like I am always the needy one chasing him and not thrilled. I tried to follow the tide texting theory but we text a lot of messages everyday. I’m not sure what’s going through his head….

CL

December 1, 2016 at 3:55 am

Thank you so much for all your advice its really helping me through the hurt of the breakup. You are right he does know that and he does take me for granted. I unfortunately already told him I bought the plane ticket for January so maybe that ruined him believing he will lose me but I’m committing to no contact this time, its for the better till I finish a very stressful first senior semester which makes me very emotional and overreact, I have hope when I see him things will change and we can talk more about visits. I am willing to move to him until he can move here if we do end up back together but I just want to work on my neediness and dependency, its too much for any guy.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 1, 2016 at 11:10 am

Yeah, step by step..just do things one by one..
Candy Lowen

November 30, 2016 at 12:23 am

To me I just don’t get that. Im very attractive used to do commercial modeling, petite, fit. Really nice hair eyes etc. I also am very loving caring funny. I have a ton of guys pursue me. Im a fashion designer on my senior year with interviews at famous fashion houses and have worked at a famous fashion house. I workout everyday always have a new hobby or activities. Make new friends all the tine good at what I do. Live in the middle of Manhattan nyc. I dont know what else he wants. I do get needy jealous and clingy at tines so thats my flaw. Im working on that. But he know I love him too much and wanted to marry him. I mean I do aerial tissue (cirque du soleil) study 3d printing and soft circuits in my spare time. Im incorporated in activism. I cook well I can pick anything up quickly my list of activities is a mile long. When Im there he treats me like a queen but when Im away probably two months in its like he forgets everything…

Im so frustrated I started no contact even though he knows I bought the plane ticket but its just so one sided its ridiculous I cant just keep texting him, its embarrassing….

Do you think that it being long distance I broke contact and rushed the timeline, no contact will work? Its crazy hard for me but I dont want to break it again. I hope it helps and doesnt just make us both further apart. My ticket is for January 30 days is the day after Christmas.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016 at 7:15 pm

I love that.. Don’t lose being like that.. But you said it yourself, he knows how much you love him, you became needy. So, that’s what needs to change.. If he knows he won’t lose you, he’ll take you for granted. The distance also adds to the situation.. So, if you ever get back together, you have to talk about how often you would see each other personally.
CL

November 27, 2016 at 7:50 pm

Hi there again,

Thus far we have been talking still, he just has yet to contact me first. We talked on the phone once. Tried to Skype but it wasnt working because of the weather in Korea but tried really hard. Im not sure how he feels although hes said he misses me but Im afraid to ask because it might scare him away. I played it cool and just acted upbeat mostly not talking about our past relationship but a day ago we talkes and I was emotional because I bought the plain ticket and I feel very venerable. I told him I cried because at first he said he couldnt Skype because he was on the bus without earphones, then I said I miss him and wanted to skype so he said call me on skupe but I told him I cried then skype wasnt working but that day I sent a bunch of pictures of our memories which I probably shouldnt have done but he told me he wanted to see a few. Im just heartbroken he never wants to contact me. I think a big part of it is he doesnt want stress about contacting me. I used to pressure him a lot and it would stress him out. When we hung up on skype I said it was nice to “kind of” see him again lol and also have a good day which he didnt respond. Because he said bye first but didnt mention it was nice to see me too or anything. Hes really stressed and busy with work. I bought the ticket for january but regretting it because I want to see him sooner. I just dont know how he feels but trying to make progress Im just confused how to get him to contact me.

As far as talking to him about that it was the day we were breaking up I suggested it so he didnt say anything but looked a little annoyed I was saying that maybe he felt like I didnt respect him.

I deeply care about him and was ready to marry him we are both the age for that and he just doesnt see us being near eachother soon enough maybe. The issue is he firgets and loses feeling after the two month mark between visits and bored of skype. I get frustrated and we begin to argue due to distance. Happens every time and we both are tired. I love him and want him back. I can be patient, I cry often but Im ok and can wait if I can get him back. I just dont know if I should keep messaging or just stop for a while even though I bought the plane ticket.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 28, 2016 at 7:08 pm

This will hurt, but if he gets bored, that means he doesnt see you as an ungettable girl.. You have to have variety.. And with distance, you really have to appear like you have your own interesting life apart from him that will make him curious, and admire you
Cl

November 22, 2016 at 11:40 pm

Thank you for the response. If he wants to make an effort he can save up his work days off and we can meet over my spring break but he seems reluctant to come back here. Hes applying to a visa and will know in May, my graduation date if he gets it then wont be able to come till November. I could also move there till he comes here but didnt suggest any of that except ge knew he was applying to the vusa. Hes in Korea and Im in the US. Ive been contacting him then I called him yesterday and he wanted me to come to Korea but I said “you broke up with me so Im just confused” first time I slipped up and mentioned the past relationship. Should I restart no contact. He seems to be responding well but cant understand him nevee contacting me first.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 24, 2016 at 8:19 pm

What did he say when you said that? I think you should talk to him about the status of your relationship, if he still doesn’t want to work things out, restart no contact and do 30 days
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 8:10 pm

Hi Cl,

The nc was too short..if the problem is the frequency of seeing each other, can you increase it? Do you have a plan on being 2gether someday? Like a concrete plan.

Michelle

November 20, 2016 at 3:31 pm

I met this guy online and we talked back and forth for 3.5 weeks, really into me the entire time. He flew me to meet him and I spent a weekend. He literally did everything possible to sweep me off my feet. Because we were so open I initiated a relationship type of conversation a little too soon and he backed off.
We talked here and there after and he made it clear that his intentions with me hadn’t changed but he wasn’t necessarily where I was in terms of a relationship. A week after our initial conversation I called him out on the fact that he wasn’t putting in the effort he was before and that I wasn’t okay with that. We haven’t really spoken since, except one really short but positive exchange a few days after that. I started NC 4 days ago and haven’t heard from him. Do you think the NC rule would work in this situation? I definitely want to build something from this and he did say he really liked me and had an amazing time.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 8:48 pm

Hi Michelle,
there’s no guarantee that it will but if he said that you don’t have the same take on being in a relationship then you have to avoid looking demanding or clingy

kris

November 18, 2016 at 1:51 pm

We are on a LDR for almost 3 years.. we were engaged for 11months until a few days before the wedding he told me that he lost the feelings for me. We were seeing each other 2-3times per year and we chat everyday.. we still communicate after the breakup but its all about the past that was lost, and how the good memories turned into sadness.. we loved each other so much and was happy. However because of distance and time he said that his feeling fade away until it was gone and when he thinks of me it somehow associates me to sadness.. after what had happened i know that i still love him and i want him back.. what should i do? Does NC applicable for us to make him realize my worth or should I continue to communicate with him. Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 8:18 pm

Hi Kris,
there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it looks like your friendzoned and if he already associated you with sadness, and if what you’re currently doing is not working, shouldn’t you try a different approach? And also, how would he see in you different light if you keep talking to him and reminding him of the old sad times?

CL

November 18, 2016 at 12:47 pm

Hi I dated my now newly ex-boyfriend for 2 years. We would fight always around the two month mark (we were apart for too long and were only halfway through till the next visit). My ex lost interest because of our arguments and I demanded a lot of contact from him as well as being needy clingy and easy to upset. He said he felt obligated and would dread our calls because I would just be mad he didn’t respond. Anyhow the first time he told me we were breaking up he cried like crazy said he hated the distance told me the things I said above as well as talked about all our memories. Then I asked if he really wanted this or wanted to wait a week. We waited a week and I didnt message him at all but he also didnt try to contact me. Then after the days were up I contacted him by texting, he didnt respond so I called and he had been asleep then said he felt wierd we didnt talk for a week then I said goodnight he said he was going to call sat morning. Well when he didnt call I had went out with my friend drinking and I freaked out he didnt call texting and being angry and he responded he was busy which I knew he was probably working out but was nit able to control myself. Then we talked later, he said he made up his mund and just wanted to be alone and all he did was cry from the moment we started skyoe I couldnt understand all his crying. Then I did NC but only for another 10 days. He put a crying emoticon on his profile and I messaged him are you ok because he never does that. He said he was sad and we told eachother we missed eachother and he said he was embarrassed crying at work. After that we happily texted just normal catch up convo and Ive been texting hum for 3 days now Im taking a day break because Im upset he never initiates the texts exceot one day he fell asleep and messaged the next day “sorry I fell asleep”. Anyhow its literally only me initiating byt he seems happy and asks to talk again two times. Anyhow should I not contact him till he contacts me or keep going with texting and not worry Im the on texting first? He lives in Korea and Im in ny si its far and time zones are difficult.

CL

November 18, 2016 at 12:51 pm

Oh and he had deleted me on facebook during the breakup but has me on another texting app.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 8:10 pm

Hi Cl,

The nc was too short..if the problem is the frequency of seeing each other, can you increase it? Do you have a plan on being 2gether someday? Like a concrete plan.

J

November 18, 2016 at 12:00 pm

My biggest concern is if i still have a shot in the future with him cause its so far away if i can change. Ik hes done right now cuz he cant focus on future when in the military

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 6:30 pm

Let go of the previous relationship. His comeback from the military is not a continuation of the past. It should be a restart. It would be best if he thinks you have moved on because he has. Why cant you change if it’s far away? That should be to your advantage.

Pita

November 18, 2016 at 8:23 am

My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago without any clear explanation. I kept asking him to talk to me because I need to know why. We were having a long distance relationship but we were already talking about marriage before breaking up. He finally called me back after one week.

His ex girlfriend called one day and asked if she can move to Yosemite(where he works). He was happy to hear from her after so long because the girl mom usually will tell him if she’s in hospital or anything. (She has mental issues). So he said yes without thinking. After that he realize he shouldn’t but he feel the obligation to help her because he spent almost half of his life with her, he feel like it’s partly his fault even though he knows it’s not.

He was excited for her to come and happy that she’s willing to move to Yosemite. But when she’s there, he feels like she is not the same anymore. More quiet as compared to last time. He thinks her brain is a little damaged from all the medication because sometimes he tells her something but she will forget the next day.

Then he thought he would still feel the same when she’s with him since they were together for 8 years but he said it’s not the same anymore. He doesn’t like her anymore. He shut everyone out because he needed time to think what he really wants and how he feels because he doesn’t want to do anything that will make him regret.

I asked if they are together. He said no. He’s gonna talk to the girl about how he really feels because the girl still likes him. He will try to say it in a nicer way since she has mental issues & will text me back.

I asked if he still likes me he said yes. He misses me and he loves me & he’s sorry for everything. It’s his fault because he didn’t know how to handle it.

I waited for a day but he never text me back so I text him to ask how’s everything and I asked “what are we”. He said “nothing yet. ” then I told him if he cannot decide between his ex and I, I will leave because I don’t want to be his second option. He only replied “what no!” Then I continue to say “but you left me for her. That makes me your second option because u sort of chose her over me. If I leave you can have full concentration on helping her”. He didn’t reply me.

I was feeling very depressed and emotional the next day. I sent him a very long messages telling him that I’m suffering. I hate myself for doing this etc I asked him to call me and tell me how he feels because I can’t handle the stress. I need to know if he ever want me back. I even said “I need to know even if you’re going to say “we are over”.” Told him I would wait for his call. He just replied me a text few hours later saying “we are over”.

I’m so frustrated. I don’t know why is he doing this. I want to know what is he thinking. I know he still loves me because he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. Am I pushing him too hard? Did he said that because he doesn’t want me to struggle anymore and want me to move on?

Will the NC rule works on him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hi Pita,

there’s no guarantee that the nc rule will work but did you mean you weren’t official? How long was your relationship? How much did you see each other personally? I don’t think he’s telling the truth that he didn’t feel anything about her, because if there’s really nothing, then there’s nothing to be confused about..

Tiana

November 15, 2016 at 5:49 pm

So what do you do if he lives an hour away? We have no mutual friends and I can’t casually run into him. Since he lives in a small town, he would think I’m stalking him if he saw me

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Hi Tiana,

You need to be active in social media. Your posts will be your way indirect way of showing your progress.

J

November 15, 2016 at 4:08 pm

When do you think I should contact him if not 45 days? Like what month? his basic training is done in 6 weeks then he can be able to have limited talk by going on the computer every night before bed after all days of work is done. Do you think he really is done for our future even tho we wont be communicating much for 2 years?

When should I contact him

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 9:56 pm

Honestly, I think he’s done. So, you really have to change. Change first. If it takes 6 months or 1 year, do that first. Because no matter how long you take, if you didn’t change, you won’t get a different result.

Alice

November 14, 2016 at 7:10 pm

Hey!

Seems like this message didn’t go through.

It’s been 3 weeks since my ex broke up with me. We were in a LDR, we met during our student exchange in Lithuania. It was fun, we had really good chemistry, I could feel that he was enjoying our meetings in class and then privately as well. Unfortunately, he was not ready to have a long distance relationship at that time. We were talking as friends, almost every day, and sometimes I could drop a message like “say yes already” or whatever. Eventually, he agreed after spending holiday at his parents’ house. He was supposed to go back to uni in some time, he found a flat and told me that he wanted to make sure that I could visit him, that’s why he didn’t want to agree earlier. But he liked me from the start.
So, we met in April, we started to talk in April, as we met few times in May, and we said goodbye in May as well. He told me that he likes me in July. Then, we had to wait till September for me visiting him (I had to do that, because he already started university plus I love to travel, therefore it was not a big deal for me. And for this year I had to stay at my parents’ place, so it would be awkward to invite him here). We both live in Europe.
The time we had was great. He is very calm and patient person, with great humor and manners. But he has problems with opening up. I mean, he told me that he loves me and stuff, he was very emotional when its about love, but when it came to personal stuff he was very reluctant. I was not pushy, I wanted to give him time and thought that maybe it will not be a problem later.
It happened to be a problem. Due to lack of proper communication (from both sides), after having a great week together, I fell in some kind of dark hole. By dark hole I mean I was very busy, stressed and didn’t have time for myself (anxiety, irritation and such appeared). So I was grumpy and annoyingly irritating, we argued a lot and so on. We had a conversation about our relationship, if we should carry on or what, and he said that he will try his best. But I was in the state of mind when everything seemed pointless for me, so I kind of pushed away his involvement. I said too much, I think I hurt him (I mean I know I did it), but I found out only after the break up when I decided to go through the messages.
So, he told me that he doesn’t want a distant relationship (again) and that it’s because we argued and it just doesn’t feel like before. And that he doesn’t feel “us” anymore.
Either way, I begged and did all the bad stuff before I came across this website. I decided to go into no contact and I did 16 days. But. He contacted me on day 3 asking how I was and I never really told him that we should have some space or whatever. I just stopped talking to him. I didn’t answer for another 13 days, but it was nagging me. So yesterday I wrote him a message saying that I’m doing fine and i’m sorry for not answering earlier, but I was not ready (and I still am not). I told him what’s new in my life and ended with “i hope you’re doing great. take care and ttys”. And he answered, saying that it’s not a problem at all and I should take good care of myself. And that he is happy for the things happening in my life right now.
Now, there is my question. Should I go into no contact again or is it okay to just wait another week and go from there? I mean, I feel kind of ready to talk to him, I started to do meditation and yoga in order to calm myself down and heal. He’s the kind of guy who likes this kind of mind and body activities, and always talked about it, but I was never convinced. Now I know it’s for the best and it really works. But, I am worried that it’s not enough, I am worried that I might screw something up. Even tho the message I sent him was neutral and not really clingy or anything, and when he answered all I felt was happiness. No hard feelings. And, at the same time I wonder if he moved on or what… I know you always repeat here that moving on is not that easy, but considering his anxiety and detachment issues… I don’t know. I’m lost now. He answered on my message, even tho he didn’t have to, because I constructed it this way. To give him a choice. And I hope it’s because he is not apathetic about me, but because he still has good feelings towards me. Which is good, right?
I wanted to buy your full program, but it is a bit costy for me right now and I don’t know how to deal with everything, I am getting worried, especially after what I did yesterday. I try to look at it positively, as in I will have more time to practice awareness, emotions control and communication, but it still hurts that I failed.
I don’t like to fail.
I really love him and I am serious about it all. I never felt the way I felt with him with any other guy, and even he told me that I am the best thing that happened to him in years. I believe that, because he’s not the kind of person who would lie just to be cheesy. I fought to have him for weeks, since we first met during class till he agreed to give it a try. And then I messed up because I’m stupid and I didn’t really controlled my behavior. I hope there is a chance for us to get together. I just need a small hint.

Sorry for a long message, but I was keeping it all inside for some time and I just wanted to tell this story from A to Z, properly.

Hope to hear from you,
Alice!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 10:46 pm

Hi Alice,

You keep doing things for him, what about him doing things for you? What about him making an effort to visit you? You should restart the count. It’s very, very, good that you’re doing yoga and meditation right. That’s right it really helps but do it more for you to heal, not to get him back. Start working out too. And do other new things to make new friends.

Alice

November 14, 2016 at 3:16 pm

Hey!

It’s been 3 weeks since my ex broke up with me. We were in a LDR, we met during our student exchange in Lithuania. It was fun, we had really good chemistry, I could feel that he was enjoying our meetings in class and then privately as well. Unfortunately, he was not ready to have a long distance relationship at that time. We were talking as friends, almost every day, and sometimes I could drop a message like “say yes already” or whatever. Eventually, he agreed after spending holiday at his parents’ house. He was supposed to go back to uni in some time, he found a flat and told me that he wanted to make sure that I could visit him, that’s why he didn’t want to agree earlier. But he liked me from the start.
So, we met in April, we started to talk in April, as we met few times in May, and we said goodbye in May as well. He told me that he likes me in July. Then, we had to wait till September for me visiting him (I had to do that, because he already started university plus I love to travel, therefore it was not a big deal for me. And for this year I had to stay at my parents’ place, so it would be awkward to invite him here). We both live in Europe.
The time we had was great. He is very calm and patient person, with great humor and manners. But he has problems with opening up. I mean, he told me that he loves me and stuff, he was very emotional when its about love, but when it came to personal stuff he was very reluctant. I was not pushy, I wanted to give him time and thought that maybe it will not be a problem later.
It happened to be a problem. Due to lack of proper communication (from both sides), after having a great week together, I fell in some kind of dark hole. By dark hole I mean I was very busy, stressed and didn’t have time for myself (anxiety, irritation and such appeared). So I was grumpy and annoyingly irritating, we argued a lot and so on. We had a conversation about our relationship, if we should carry on or what, and he said that he will try his best. But I was in the state of mind when everything seemed pointless for me, so I kind of pushed away his involvement. I said too much, I think I hurt him (I mean I know I did it), but I found out only after the break up when I decided to go through the messages.
So, he told me that he doesn’t want a distant relationship (again) and that it’s because we argued and it just doesn’t feel like before. And that he doesn’t feel “us” anymore.
Either way, I begged and did all the bad stuff before I came across this website. I decided to go into no contact and I did 16 days. But. He contacted me on day 3 asking how I was and I never really told him that we should have some space or whatever. I just stopped talking to him. I didn’t answer for another 13 days, but it was nagging me. So yesterday I wrote him a message saying that I’m doing fine and i’m sorry for not answering earlier, but I was not ready (and I still am not). I told him what’s new in my life and ended with “i hope you’re doing great. take care and ttys”. And he answered, saying that it’s not a problem at all and I should take good care of myself. And that he is happy for the things happening in my life right now.
Now, there is my question. Should I go into no contact again or is it okay to just wait another week and go from there? I mean, I feel kind of ready to talk to him, I started to do meditation and yoga in order to calm myself down and heal. He’s the kind of guy who likes this kind of mind and body activities, and always talked about it, but I was never convinced. Now I know it’s for the best and it really works. But, I am worried that it’s not enough, I am worried that I might screw something up. Even tho the message I sent him was neutral and not really clingy or anything, and when he answered all I felt was happiness. No hard feelings. And, at the same time I wonder if he moved on or what… I know you always repeat here that moving on is not that easy, but considering his anxiety and detachment issues… I don’t know. I’m lost now. He answered on my message, even tho he didn’t have to, because I constructed it this way. To give him a choice. And I hope it’s because he is not apathetic about me, but because he still has good feelings towards me. Which is good, right?
I wanted to buy your full program, but it is a bit costy for me right now and I don’t know how to deal with everything, I am getting worried, especially after what I did yesterday. I try to look at it positively, as in I will have more time to practice awareness, emotions control and communication, but it still hurts that I failed.
I don’t like to fail.
I really love him and I am serious about it all. I never felt the way I felt with him with any other guy, and even he told me that I am the best thing that happened to him in years. I believe that, because he’s not the kind of person who would lie just to be cheesy. I fought to have him for weeks, since we first met during class till he agreed to give it a try. And then I messed up because I’m stupid and I didn’t really controlled my behavior. I hope there is a chance for us to get together. I just need a small hint.

Sorry for a long message, but I was keeping it all inside for some time and I just wanted to tell this story from A to Z, properly.

Hope to hear from you,
Alice!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 10:47 pm

Hi Alice,

You keep doing things for him, what about him doing things for you? What about him making an effort to visit you? You should restart the count. It’s very, very, good that you’re doing yoga and meditation right. That’s right it really helps but do it more for you to heal, not to get him back. Start working out too. And do other new things to make new friends.

I may have messed up participating in NC

November 13, 2016 at 9:29 pm

(I may be posting this twice, for some reason my comments don’t show up. If I am, I’m sorry!) I unfortunately came across the idea of NC after I completely blocked my ex last week. I would like some advice on how I could maybe recover from my impulsive decision to block my long distance ex.

We have always been long distance, I’ve been dating him for almost two years now. About a year ago, he had asked us to just be friends and I agreed before he left for his 6 month deployment. During his deployment he asked to be with me again and I gladly took him back. During his deployment though, I broke up with him because of his lack of wanting to communicate with me when he had the time off the ship and I felt he only wanted to be with me because he wanted someone to be thinking about him while he was gone. He flipped out when I broke up with him and he persuaded me otherwise to continue talking to him. He got back in August. We’ve talked everyday since he got back. We talked about our future together for when he would be out of the service and we no longer had to be long distance. Last month, he asked me to promise him that we would get married when his service time was over and I promised him but I was reluctant because I still haven’t see him (I’m a flight attendant, I felt he had no excuses not to see me and I expressed that). Last week before I was about to fly out for work, we were talking about what I would send him for his birthday and I said I would much rather treat him to dinner in person, I could work on getting the time off. I fly for free. Out of no where, he told me he’s started talking to someone new but it isn’t official yet, she doesn’t really give him a lot of attention and they haven’t slept together. He told me I needed to be happy for him. He said we could still be best friends and that I need to understand his need for a “tangible” relationship. I told him I was sad and he just kept saying, “But don’t you want me to be happy?”. My phone had died and I wasn’t able to charge it until I got to my hotel. He literally messaged me all night like the conversation we had never happened, I ignored him. I got so upset that he expected me to still just be his best friend while he wasn’t getting attention from this new girl. So when I knew he was sleeping, I blocked him on everything: snapchat, facebook, instagram and my cellphone. We sexted regularly (twice to three times a week), even the night before we had that conversation.

Sorry long story, it’s been a week now. I guess its just weird after hearing from someone daily to just not have any contact. Should I unblock his cellphone and just wait for 30 days to see how I feel?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 8:45 am

Hi

it’s ok to unblock him but dont send a friend request. Dont say that you’re not pretty. You shouldnt criticize yourself. That’s good that you have standards because you’re right. He cant have both. He treats you like he expects to be at his service. For me, I’ll.move on from him..

I may have already messed up participating in NC

November 13, 2016 at 8:28 pm

I unfortunately came across the idea of NC after I completely blocked my ex last week. I would like some advice on how I could maybe recover from my impulsive decision to block my long distance ex.

We have always been long distance, I’ve been dating him for almost two years now. About a year ago, he had asked us to just be friends and I agreed before he left for his 6 month deployment. During his deployment he asked to be with me again and I gladly took him back. During his deployment though, I broke up with him because of his lack of wanting to communicate with me when he had the time off the ship and I felt he only wanted to be with me because he wanted someone to be thinking about him while he was gone. He flipped out when I broke up with him and he persuaded me otherwise to continue talking to him. He got back in August. We’ve talked everyday since he got back. We talked about our future together for when he would be out of the service and we no longer had to be long distance. Last month, he asked me to promise him that we would get married when his service time was over and I promised him but I was reluctant because I still haven’t see him (I’m a flight attendant, I felt he had no excuses not to see me and I expressed that). Last week before I was about to fly out for work, we were talking about what I would send him for his birthday and I said I would much rather treat him to dinner in person, I could work on getting the time off. I fly for free. Out of no where, he told me he’s started talking to someone new but it isn’t official yet, she doesn’t really give him a lot of attention and they haven’t slept together. He told me I needed to be happy for him. He said we could still be best friends and that I need to understand his need for a “tangible” relationship. I told him I was sad and he just kept saying, “But don’t you want me to be happy?”. My phone had died and I wasn’t able to charge it until I got to my hotel. He literally messaged me all night like the conversation we had never happened, I ignored him. I got so upset that he expected me to still just be his best friend while he wasn’t getting attention from this new girl. So when I knew he was sleeping, I blocked him on everything: snapchat, facebook, instagram and my cellphone. We sexted regularly (twice to three times a week), even the night before we had that conversation.

Sorry long story, it’s been a week now. I guess its just weird after hearing from someone daily to just not have any contact. Should I unblock his cellphone and just wait for 30 days to see how I feel?

I may have already messed up participating in NC

November 13, 2016 at 8:44 pm

I should add that I’ve never blocked anyone before. I just couldn’t believe he expected me to continue filling the void the “tangible” girl obviously wasn’t filling for him. Maybe I wanted to show him he couldn’t have both? I’m not sure, I’m not really a petty person.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 8:46 am

Hi

it’s ok to unblock him but dont send a friend request. Dont say that you’re not pretty. You shouldnt criticize yourself. That’s good that you have standards because you’re right. He cant have both. He treats you like he expects to be at his service. For me, I’ll.move on from him..

I may have already messed up participating in NC

November 13, 2016 at 8:07 pm

I unfortunately came across the idea of NC after I completely blocked my ex last week. I would like some advice on how I could maybe recover from my impulsive decision to block my long distance ex.

We have always been long distance, I’ve been dating him for almost two years now. About a year ago, he had asked us to just be friends and I agreed before he left for his 6 month deployment. During his deployment he asked to be with me again and I gladly took him back. During his deployment though, I broke up with him because of his lack of wanting to communicate with me when he had the time off the ship and I felt he only wanted to be with me because he wanted someone to be thinking about him while he was gone. He flipped out when I broke up with him and he persuaded me otherwise to continue talking to him. He got back in August. We’ve talked everyday since he got back. We talked about our future together for when he would be out of the service and we no longer had to be long distance. Last month, he asked me to promise him that we would get married when his service time was over and I promised him but I was reluctant because I still haven’t see him (I’m a flight attendant, I felt he had no excuses not to see me and I expressed that). Last week before I was about to fly out for work, we were talking about what I would send him for his birthday and I said I would much rather treat him to dinner in person, I could work on getting the time off. I fly for free. Out of no where, he told me he’s started talking to someone new but it isn’t official yet, she doesn’t really give him a lot of attention and they haven’t slept together. He told me I needed to be happy for him. He said we could still be best friends and that I need to understand his need for a “tangible” relationship. I told him I was sad and he just kept saying, “But don’t you want me to be happy?”. My phone had died and I wasn’t able to charge it until I got to my hotel. He literally messaged me all night like the conversation we had never happened, I ignored him. I got so upset that he expected me to still just be his best friend while he wasn’t getting attention from this new girl. So when I knew he was sleeping, I blocked him on everything: snapchat, facebook, instagram and my cellphone. We sexted regularly (twice to three times a week), even the night before we had that conversation.

Sorry long story, it’s been a week now. I guess its just weird after hearing from someone daily to just not have any contact. Should I unblock his cellphone and just wait for 30 days to see how I feel?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 8:46 am

Hi

it’s ok to unblock him but dont send a friend request. Dont say that you’re not pretty. You shouldnt criticize yourself. That’s good that you have standards because you’re right. He cant have both. He treats you like he expects to be at his service. For me, I’ll.move on from him..

sylviah

November 13, 2016 at 8:13 am

Hello Chris, thanks for this site, I ddnt believe I’ll be able to find something like this. So I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my ex for a year and 6 months now, we loved each other, I met his mom and she loved me too. But last week, he called and said he’s not emotionally ready for a commitment and he doesn’t want to hurt me if his behaviour change. I was devastated and confused. I really do love him, I don’t know if he still loves me but I know he used to, a lot. He says I’m a great girl and he hasn’t dated a girl like me before, but then he wants to let me go. He said we can still talk normally but can’t date for now. I want him back, but don’t know how to go about it, the last time we spoke he said he’s sorry, I should stop feeling bad, that I shouldn’t worry, someone else will fill his shoes. The worst part is I’m planning to do my masters abroad and it’ll take me out of the continent. I want him back, I don’t know d future but I know that we could be together. Pls what should I do??

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 10:08 am

Hi Sylviah,

do you want to try the advice above?

J

November 12, 2016 at 7:58 pm

so he just left for military. we had one day good talk, then last night was so bad. he told me he was done and i can say whatever about him or think whatever but he doesnt care cuz hes going away for almost 2 and a half years. he said either i deal with whatever he does or stay out of his life (this was due to my insecurities, jealousy, nd controlling behavior). then he said you can try to move me wrong in the future but right now i dont care if you change or not.

so now i cant talk to him. obviously i need to move on with my life. but he can talk again in one month after basic training…but it will still be limited contact. if i contacted him after 45 days….do you think he will remember how annoyed he was now? is there still a chance since we just ended things so badly as frineds for the future?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 7:49 am

if you talk to him that soon, knowing it’s the first chance you’ve got, you’re proving him, you still haven’t changed. If you really want to prove that you’re moving on, then dont talk to him

Leslie

November 12, 2016 at 11:23 am

Hello team !

So I’ve finished NC and started Day 1 of texting. Responses are positive but short, which is pretty good for him because he is not technology nor communication and barely texted when we were together.

We live about a 3-hour drive apart. So we can see each other often enough, but the formula for the first date/coffee shop small date is going to be tricky. He lives in a village on a mountain and I don’t have much excuse to be there.

How would you recommend seeing each other for the first date ?

I am worried that LDR isn’t for him. He hates texting, is super awkward/short on the phone, poor communicator. Wonderful in person. I have planned (based on my own life and my own reasons) to move to a town closer to him (1.5 hours away), but can’t move to his mountain right now, and I believe he doesn’t want to come down from it- although I can tell he thought hard about the area I’m moving to.

We were only seven months into a relationship, for me it was too early to even bring up trying to move for each other.

Anyway, would love some advice for the small date !! Thank you very much.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 14, 2016 at 6:10 pm

Oh.. sorry I didnt review the podcast again.. Well for peoole who are insecure,.most of the time, you have to be careful, supportive but at the same time not feeding their insecurity. Be encouraging and appreciative.. It’s hard because it’s something that’s out of your control. He has to fix that himself by himself. You just have to avoid being emotionally or verbally sharp with him.. Build rapport first before thinking about meeting up because when you’ve built a lot of rapport of attraction, meeting up is easier. Keep in mind that it will take time to build rapport.

guva

November 11, 2016 at 3:18 am

hi,

We were in a long distance relationship for around 3 years. things were going fine until one day i found his chat where he was asking for nudes from some other girl. when confronted he lied that it wasn’t him but his friend who was using his account. he lied to me a number of times. and he is a very good liar i would say. i got to know that he had multiple accounts on social media with dirty profile pictures. he used those for sexting other random girls.

he cheated on me . sexting is cheating for me. will no contact help in making him regret what he did?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 11, 2016 at 4:55 pm

Hi Guvi,

there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work and a person will only change, if he wants to change.. How many times have you seen each other personally? I think you should talk first.. but to be honest, if you havent met at all, there’s a low chance that he wont cheat again

J

November 9, 2016 at 6:29 pm

adding to it i havent been inititating as much but we still talk but hes still unresponsive now he said all that shit i mentioned in my earlier comment….like how he doesnt want to talk to me & how he desnt give two shits that i change or not he just hates me. and said he will block me and told me to stay out of his life. do u think he means this all?

help me whatre my chances like in 2 years……i told him its 2 years away we will change and hes like i dont fucking care i dont want anything to do with u or even want to see u in 2 years

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2016 at 4:06 pm

yeah, he would say that because you kept trying to convince him. Instead of trying to convince him, just stop. Because the more you talked to him, the more you’re lessening your chances. He’s just getting more pissed.

D

November 9, 2016 at 5:57 pm

Hi,
Monday I tried posting something and looks as if it didn’t go through. My boyfriend broke up with me Monday afternoon. We’d just recently encountered our long distance relationship. Up until this August we had been going to the same college together, and staying at each other’s apartments almost every night. For two years. Then it came for both of us to transfer. He transfer to a school in Florida, I stayed at a local small college. I let people’s doubts flood my mind and slowly pushed him away this summer. then when he left, I became extremely upset that he was out experiencing the world and I was stuck here. There’s no way I could afford to be with him. After a week or two in august I got my own head out of my butt, but it went right back up in there in October when I became overwhelmed working three different part time jobs and going to school full time. We had always talked about the future, marriage, and kids. Even nights before he broke up with me. The day before he broke up with me he said I love you. Now I get that it was me doing a lot of the pushing away until about two weeks ago when I realized I didn’t want to loose him. He however thought he needed time to think things over and thought a break up would be good. I haven’t had any contact with him since that night. I tried reasoning with him and asking him to give me a second chance. We had been dating for over two and a half years and never once came close to breaking up. We never once had a serious fight. He said that he had lost hope. What do I need to do. I screwed things up big time.

Dana

November 9, 2016 at 5:58 pm

Sorry, it did. It just wasn’t showing on my browser
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 10, 2016 at 7:03 pm

Hi Dana,

It’s ok.. Seeing that he doesn’t want to talk, it would be better to try the advice above than to keep pushing it right?

John

November 9, 2016 at 4:18 pm

I’m a man so I don’t know how much you can help but I guess its worth a shot. Who knows you might have all the answers to my problem.

I dated this girl online for around a year and slowly fell in love with her. I had exams which got very stressful and led to us breaking up…we got back together once but then she didn’t feel like we’d last so it ended again. We’ve recently got back to talking after a while but I didn’t follow the NC rule that much. In the past as a girlfriend she was clingy and enjoyed someone talking to her everyday. That’s why after few weeks I got talking to her again. We have some conversations where she seems uninterested, others were she’s very emotionally invested and keen to reply with lots about the subject. I have told her I love her but I’m trying to reduce my emotions as she only wants us to be friends.

Of course I do want to be with her though…Sorry if my story isn’t long or detailed enough. In fact that was the problem. The story spans over two years of my life so I didn’t know whether to mention some bits or others. I’ll happily answer any questions to fill in details.

Thanks
John

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 12, 2016 at 5:36 pm

Hi John,

did you meet personally? How often? How old are you both?

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