How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Cris

October 15, 2016 at 12:05 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago, we’ve been together for a year and 8months and in a ldr for the last 7months. I am 25 and he is 28. We were extremely serious, talking about living together and getting married once we had enough money, where we wanted to live, what type of dog we wanted to get and its name, and more. We texted very consistently throughout the day every day and skyped at least once per day, sometimes twice or more. We started our relationship in our country Venezuela and we truly are the most amazing couple, we got along incredibly well in every aspect, but then he went to study a master’s abroad in italy it was his dream, the only way he could continue to fullfill his dream and i backed him up 100%, initially the separation was for 6 months but then he told me he had been offered a job and again i stood by him, i love him so much. Because of the distance and price of the tickets i was only able to visit him once for 2 weeks, and that trip honestly made my mind that this man was the one for me, it was absolute magic, and we both agree on this. But 5 months have passed since that amazing trip, he moved to a crappy place he really dislikes to be near his new job and is kind of sad because of it and really stressed, though he loves his job. I moved to spain to be nearer a be able to see each other i found a job here and we were extremely exited. I arrived and a month has passed and he never made plans to come see me, so i started freaking out and pushing and crying because i felt somehow that i was putting so much more effort in the relationship than him. I’m was also a bit insecure in the relationship for fear of past relationships and i believe he grew tired of me wanting to control everything the past month because of fear that everything in my life was changing and i needed a little support and he couldn’t give it to me because he was in te same situation starting his new job hating where he lived. This is the second time in a week we break up. The first time was a rash decision i made, because he told me that for the past 2 weeks he wasn’t feeling as passionate about me anymore, that his feelings had changed and he didn’t know what to do. He also told me that he loved me very much and that he truly believed i was everything he ever wished for himself and wanted, but he didn’t get the same passionate feelings anymore, i freaked out and broke up with him and all he said was that he was sorry and that he didn’t know how to say goodbye to me, so the next day i asked him to talk with me and explain me exactly how he felt and why he felt that way and we did and we decided to give it another shot. But instead of letting things flow i became obsessed with trying to fix our problems and super scared that his feelingshad changed but it was because i was acting all crazy about everything because i felt to out of control. So 2 days ago he told me he didn’t believe we could work things out in a ldr that he knew we were perfect together but not in the distance and that he needed to be alone because he felt pressured to be more than he is and that he wanted an easy relationship that we could talk like before easy-going and fresh not a stress and a problem or solving a problem. So he said that this time it was it, and that he didn’t believe in second chances that maybe he was wrong but that he honestly didn’t think things would work out not like this. So he ended our relationship, i told him to see each other again at least once and see if things were so bad but he said he knew it would be amazing but he feared the distance and couldn’t live like that for another year until we decided to be together. We can’t be right now because he is in a dificult line of work and that is his only option for now to follow his dreams here in europe and i just started working and i need the experience but i told him i would go anywhere with him, which he told me made him feel bad because he didnt want to ruin my dream. I don’t know what to make of all of this. I really want to be back with him and i know we love each other. But he’s not answering any text i have sent him. He told me he would never contact ne again. Which makes me so sad and heartbroken. I’ve decided to try the no contact rule. But i dont know if it’ll work for me. Since he was so decided about ending everything. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 16, 2016 at 4:57 pm

Hi C,

There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but I think he’s very busy with his job now and in adjusting to his new place.. He wants you to have your own life, not be one of his responsibilities by making your world revolve around him.. Don’t make him your only reason for your decisions. You have to have your own dreams too to grow. A relationship is just an addition to your life, not the purpose of it. And I think that’s what he needs to see from you..

J

October 15, 2016 at 8:31 am

He hasnt unblocked me from anything yet?? Its funny how since weve gone so downhill so many girld have been liking his stuff pretty ironic isnt it? Like he’s purposely going out his way to becomd close to then all…

So after a few how are you texts can i ask him out 2yrd from now??

I want to text whatsapp his only thing he unblocked me from so he can unblock the rest of sofial media but he hasnt yet when he said he will?
J

October 15, 2016 at 3:33 am

but if i dont ask him & since he has a terrible mindset of me and friendzoned me and blocked me, and doesnt see a future with me or want a relationship with me….theres no way in hell he would ask me to go out for food or even a walk around the city……….ik the future is so far ahead but just how hes acting now & since im gonna start day 1 NC tomorrow, that hes def gonna think i forgot about him in the future and moved on, so knowing him he will not contact me for a date or even bother that i have changed unless I ask him out first……why is this so stressful and yes i do get anxiety from overthinking probably but idk how to overcome it

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 15, 2016 at 4:30 am

Don’t ask a date right away.. Maybe you can ask a how are you text as a first contact message but asking a date right away just tells him you haven’t changed at all

J

October 14, 2016 at 10:18 pm

It hurts cause everyone says theres probs a 10% chance it could work out because so much can change in 2 yrs and its not worth the wait and both ppl will forget one another and find diff paths or lost feelings. Whatre your opinions? Is there a shot still and even if feelings are gone theres history except he has a bad mindset of me rn and hates my guts and wants not future…sorry for bothering you. Youre thr only one i can talk to atm

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 15, 2016 at 3:10 am

nope.. asking for a date rught ahead when he got back, just shows you didnt change.. dont over think.. that’s one of the reasons why you feel anxiety..
you have more thinking and less acting.. and when you act, it’s all drama..

You’re not a teen anymore.. You’re in your first steps of being adult.. so, eveb if it’s slow, start changing now..

J

October 14, 2016 at 6:14 pm

with my situation, do you suggest when he comes back from the army I hit him up first for a “date” like go on walk and grab food? I know he will NEVER hit me up when hes back from the army…….Ik this is so far ahead in the future, but he is really important to me and he treated me so well…..I just need to be that girl he fell in love with before I went down a spiral from my anxiety.

Also, its just hard, I know you say that I have to be the ungettable girl and not care and move on so he can see I have a life, but do you really think after everything he has said to me, that he would actually change his mind after seeing I have moved on?

As in, sure he might check up on my social media and creep (except right now he blocked me on everything again and wont unblock me and only left my WhatsApp unblocked)……but do you truly believe that if I have my own life and after what he said 90% sure no future and how he doesn’t want a relationship with me….that maybe maybe maybe he might reconsider? Idk why I keep thinking after seeing and reading his texts, they’re so mean and asshole like and how much he hurt me and hearing him yell at me and tell me to stay out of his life etc throughout this whole year, I feel like theres no chance. I’m holding onto hope sure, but I’m so afraid If I move on and have my own life, he will just shrug it off and find it such a relief and continue befriending more girls (which is what hes doing lately & trying to be closer to all his friends whom are girls)
do you think so too? that he will just shrug it off and not care and he will prob think good for her shes moved on now shes outta my life?

This is just really important to me and youre the only one I can talk to right now about this 🙁
J

October 14, 2016 at 5:23 pm

He even texted me earlier randomly saying “you know what I’m done. Ive made up my mind. There is no future together at all and I don’t want to see one with you”

I am a failure and I know its all my fault. He was so amazing to me and now I realize it. It hurts knowing I messed everything up. He gave so many chances and I begged for chances, but I just didn’t know how to change myself and I let my insecurities control my mind which controlled him……and now its completely over. Why was I so stupid for taking chances for granted. I don’t know if he can even see me differently in 2 years. 2 years is a very long time and people can change but will he believe it? When I text him in 2 years, will he just shrug it off and laugh why I’m bothering….
J

October 14, 2016 at 5:19 pm

I just hope in 1-2 years when he comes back, when I ask him out for food or to walk around the city with me, that he is willing to see me with an open mindset. I hope military can change his mindset and I hope he believes I can change if I don’t contact him for 45 days doing NC…….

Have you heard any similar stories like mines? Where the girl had anxiety, neediness, controlling, the guy did everything he could to show the girl he can be trusted, but her anxiety pushed him away and controlled him that he lost all his friends and didn’t go out bc he didn’t want the girl to be mad? Were those stories success? Just remember mines also cant work out because of the military too but also because he is so tired of trying.

He tried to break up with me multiple times over the year and gave me many chances but I took it all for granted…Idk how to change myself and work on my anxiety and insecurities tbh. We would scream and fight in the dorms and then he gave me a chance again and again. I think I definitely screwed everything up and he knows clearly he gave me so many chances and it never worked out. HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA PROVE I CHANGED AFTER ALL THE CHANCES HE HAS GIVEN ME BEFORE??????

I really really really want this to work out in 2 years. I am gonna wait for him and I promised myself I’ll stay single for him to prove him I have changed. I even told him and he said hold onto whatever you want but I’m not interested.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 5:25 pm

Yes, a lot but most of the time, the guy comes back because the girl finally realizes what true love is.. It means, being able to live without the guy. When the guy knows that girl has grown and is really independent, that she’s able to work with the guy, be happy with the guy but be happy by herself too, that’s when the guy mostly comes back.. In short being the ungettable girl.

The only way you’re going to prove that, is when you stop trying.. That when he comes back from military, you don’t care anymore. You’re friendly but you wouldn’t be the one always asking for time.

You need to listen to this one:
Empowering Women After A Breakup With Marina Margulis

J

October 14, 2016 at 2:18 pm

were both 20…but I don’t get it he said at the very most he can reconsider in 2 years but rn no, he doesnt want to think about it…..I know I will not get him back at all before army….but if I leave a good impression by doing NC and having my own life….he might actually stick to what he said, that no talking as friends and he will realize that I still want him so he wont initate contact….so I shouldn’t talk to him right now at all even as friends because ill remain friendzoned and he wont think about a relationship with me anymore bc I am friendzoned?

I’m just so scared to do NC……that everything he said about 90% certain he sees no future with me….that he will mean it. I read a bunch of other articles on your site and it says that sometimes they say it due to emotions at the current moment. how long do I Do NC? and remember hes leaving for army in December…..I want to at least have some sort of communication and talk before he leaves so he knows we are on good terms so he doesn’t come back in 2 yrs remembering how badly we ended that we couldn’t be friends. (and I hell for sure do not want to be friendzoned)

do you think he meant it when he said that he sees no future with me at all & so certain he doesn’t want a relationship with me…so he just wants to talk as friends and make sure that our talks as friends don’t have any meaning or feelings for our future?

so sorry for being annoying….I cant sleep anymore its hurting so bad

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 5:03 pm

How would he think you still want him when you’re busy with your own life? You should do at least 45 days nc.. and yes, he meant what he said.. He’s just so tired. Yes, he might be just saying that out of emotion, but that also means, that’s what he feels. He feels he just can’t bear having a relationship with you with how you are right now..

You’re not annoying.. You’re young, still emotionally immature. This is actually a blessing in disguise for you because, it’s better to be this crazy about someone now, while you’re young, than being like that and married and have kids in tow..

J

October 14, 2016 at 1:27 am

sorry for all the messages, i asked my friend for her definition of what he was saying and she said basically he is done with you and hes being nice saying being friends nothing more and no guy would need to conisder getting back in a relationship with u, if they want u, they will want u.

since i told her what he said to me etc….but I DONT GET IT

“ill talk to you again and unblock you on fb if youre fine with it not being anything for the future” LIKE ik you said friendzone but does this absolutely mean no chance so even if i talk to him, the convos have no meaning and wont change his mind for the future, even if i show abit of change thru our text messages? hes leaving so soon for the army….that i want to do NC like i need to do NC i have no options now….but its so short time to get his interest back after NC

but then he says at the very most he can reconsider in 2 years but rn no, he doesnt want to think about it.

So like my biggest guess is if i talk to him like i did these past 2 months as friends normally, like id talk about my day, what ive been doing, nothing flirty or relationship like….that right now it wouldn’t mean a single thing and our convos wont mean anything for the future????

then whats the point of talking to him to try to be on good terms?? good terms that wont lead to anything in the future??????

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 1:58 pm

I forgot to ask how old you both are.. It would really be confusing for you because you dont want to accept the truth, you’re still hoping..

You wont get him back before he leaves.. if you really want to have good impression before he leaves, stop chasing and start having your own life. Stop making your world revolve around him.. Someday, if you mature, and I hope you do, you’ll realize how wrong your actions were..

But I understand, we wont grow if we don’t make mistakes.

J

October 14, 2016 at 12:03 am

I get he doesnt want a relationship right now, i understand, but the main point of us talking is to be on good terms, so he can leave with a positive mindset to get back with me in the future…one of our promises was to hold onto our convos so he knows maybe i changed or smth, etc….but i guess hes so fed up…how does he expect me to talk to him as friends and JUST frineds…..its too hard for me……and if i did it’d just be for the future. should i ask him? why did he randomly bring up the ill reconsider at the very most in 2 yrs but for now, no dont want to think about it……..
J

October 13, 2016 at 11:59 pm

I am so confused….it hurts. he doesnt want a future together at all and only wants to remain friends meaning if we talk now even if i show him im changing, he doesn’t care at all not one bit…friend zoned like you said……but then he goes about and says “at the very most i’ll reconsider in 2 years but until then no, dont even want to think about it”……..which throws me off. like does he mean this at all? I cannot be friendzoned I NEED HIM BACK for our future. I NEED TO SHOW HIM i am a new person when he meets up with me again after 2 years from military….
J

October 13, 2016 at 10:08 pm

do you think hes still holding on to redating me again in the future….i kept bringing up the promises we both made one another, which as in 2 yrs we will try again if I can be a better person. i kept bringing it up and idk if hes just not reading all my trexts cuz i sorta spammed him or if he read but didnt bother to comment on it. but now he said 90% chance no relationship with me…

do you think overtime in 2 years, maybe he will forget about our previous mishaps and my neediness, controlling, etc? i need to ease my mind and I WANT TO ASK HIM but am afraid he will block me again for good…..i cant be his friend i still love him. why is he asshole to me?? its like he threw the feelings out? maybe he likes this other girl and wants a small fling with her before the army?

what are your thoughts? i maybe friendzoned now, but do you think in his male mind, somewhere down there he wants ti redate me in 2 years? 2 years is a long time too.
J

October 13, 2016 at 9:28 pm

What do you suggest i do now and what to do after NC?? Keep in mind he is going for army in December. Do I have a chance now that its gone so downhill?? I want to message him when he wakes up due to long distance and time zone and ask him if he meant it and to remember our promises we made and how i am going to wait for him for 2 yrs and change etc and needs him to give me a chance…i feel like it wont leave my mind until i hear him say yes he will give the relationship a shot again in the future
J

October 13, 2016 at 7:45 pm

Im so scared of no contact but its come to the point that i need to do it now….my therapist emailed him telling him to talk to me and work things out because she wont help me until we both work things out and my ex took it as blackmail and he got so angry and told me he wants nothing to do with me. But what the hell does he mean when he said “ill talk to you again and unblock you on fb if youre fine with it not being anything for the future”

Does this mean no talking on good terms to make sure we have a shot again? Does it mean just friends and no shots in the future? Does it mean that as we talk and try to be normal again it wont lead to us getting back together? Whats the point of me talking to him again? We tried to be friends and tried to be on good terms for the future these past 2 months…and now he says that line..what the hell is he implying

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 9:07 pm

That means he wants to make sure you’re fine with being just friends.. as in being friendzoned.. He’s repetitively saying to you that he doesn’t want to go back with you because clingy, needy, demanding, dependent, immature, etc.. but you’re not listening to it..

I know it hurts but it won’t help if I sugarcoat words…

J

October 13, 2016 at 6:28 pm

i copied and pasted what he wrote

“I’m done and I’ve made up my mind, I don’t want to see any future with you, and if you’re fine with that and want to talk as friends and nothing more then i’m willing to unblock you”
So i said when can we be close friends again?
then he said “that depends if you arent the exact same person as you always keep showing me”
So then i went on a rant about how he should meet me open mindset and know ill be diff and changed in 2 yrs and he told me to shut up and how he doesnt give a shit about any of that or giving any chances right now.
and then i kept pleading to pls be more open minded about me changing and how itll be diff and he said “at the very most i’ll reconsider in 2 years but until then no, dont even want to think about it”
then he said “im 90% sure I do not want a relationship in the future”

PLEASE HELP ME

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:49 pm

Hi J,

I’m confused with what youe therapist said to him.. Who needs to talk to who?

you need to help yourself.. You know the solution, you’re just too afraid to do it.. And if you keep chasing somebody, of course they would keep running away right?
Honestly, if you keep doing what you’re doing, it’ll come to a point that he will not talk to you at all

J

October 13, 2016 at 6:07 pm

update he said we can be friends but not close friends. do you know what could be going thru his mind. i said we should take a break and he said ok and then ignored all my messages cuz im paranoid and scared and hurt he actually meant what he said that he doesnt want a future with me or a relationship at all. he promised me a shot when he comes back in 2 years and now he doesnt even want to be close friends. ill do NC for maybe 4 days…..but his mind is so set. it hurts. i might have kept texting him the same thing to pls give me a chance because 2 yrs ppl can change and im ashamed of my past, etc and for him to meet up with me in 2 yrs wiht an openmindset and ignore my past and what happened to us. i have a prblem w/ anxiety and always kinda controlled him and he tried to show me hes trustworthy but idk why i kept pushing him away i just so hard to trust..i have trust issues. im so insecure and he wants me to change and cant be in this relationship if its the same. but now his mindset he doesnt even want to think about a future with me and maybe will reconsider throughout the years but rn its a strict no. 2 years is so long and both ppl can change but hes already looking down on me and ive asked him to reconsider many times and think about how time tells all and i can change throughout the yrs when hes in army. but hes such an asshole and said hes 90% sure he doesnt want a relationship with me….what about the 10% ….?? im afriad in the future he will meet up with me but hes gonna remember our past and my anxiety issues and wont take me seriously or think im acting…..im so afraid……my therapist sorta emailed him saying she wont help me until we talk and hes so angry now hates my therapist and thinks shes blackmailing him. HELP ME I NEED A SHOT IN THE FUTURE.
AT

October 13, 2016 at 4:14 pm

Hi,
Can’t believe I’m doing this as I used to scoff at self-help stuff. Anyway, here I am, defeated and miserable. I have been seeing this guy for about 5 months, we were living in adjacent cities when we met so it was manageable, but a few months later he had to move back to his country. I visited him in between and we have been in a LDR for about a month since I got back, there was a plan for us to be together eventually, but the timeline was not concrete because it depends on the situation on his side, and I know that has been giving him a lot of stress. He broke up over EMAIL (yes email) a week ago, and it came as a shock because on Thursday he was still texting as usual, but on Friday I got that horrible email which basically sent me straight from heaven to hell. He said he couldn’t do the long distance anymore. I couldn’t see it coming, I couldn’t believe it, I sent a few texts and got no response, then I sent an angry email – not insulting but basically saying I don’t deserve to be treated like this. No response. A day later I tried sending a message to 2 of his friends because I was worried about him. And he replied a day later, so 2 days after the break up email, and said he just can’t give me the love and attention that I need right now. I responded with a very positive message telling him the good qualities that he has and he doesn’t have to blame himself because there are things we can’t control, I just wish this was done in a better way, and I wish him love and happiness no matter what. So it was a good breakup I guess.
He didn’t respond and I haven’t contacted him since, it’s almost a week now and I am still feeling the pain, I miss him, but I am adamant about the NC rule. I want to give him space and at the same time I need to feel better too because right now I am still kind of a mess. I really love him and I want to do everything I can in my power to be with him, but there’s so much I want to tell him that I probably will want to send him a long well thought-out email after the NC. Is that ok?
Thanks.

AT

October 14, 2016 at 3:09 pm

Sigh… so what if he has such low self-esteem that he can’t even reply? I know he’s suffering and is heartbroken too, because nobody did anything wrong and it’s just the distance and the uncertainties that he can’t deal with. He might think that he broke my heart and doesn’t deserve me etc…
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 5:08 pm

you’re thinking too much.. if you’re message is all nice and positive, why would he think you’re still heartbroken. If he doesn’t reply, that probably isn’t about confidence anymore.
AT

October 14, 2016 at 12:10 am

I’m worried that he won’t reply because he doesn’t have a lot of confidence… does this really apply to every men?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 2:39 pm

nope it doesn’t work on all men…
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 8:23 pm

Hi AT,

Nope, that’s not a good idea.. Because after nc, the goal is for him to think that you’ve moved on or moving on, so that he would be open to start as friends again.. laying out what you think or felt as a first message will just probably make him feel attacked.. that’s better done personally and when you’ve already built rapport

J

October 13, 2016 at 4:11 pm

He unblocked me from whatsapp only and he said he 90% sure he doesnt want a relationship with me in the future and will only talk to me JUST as friends if not then nothing to do with me…help me what should i do. He said hes set and wont change his mind and wants no relationship anymore. I decided to do a one day break with him and make it turn into NC so he doesnt know. Hes going to army in a month and a half….how are we gonna get back on good terms if he wants no relationship and I do for the future. He thinks in 2 yrs he doubts i can chamge and he doesnt even want to meet up then
J

October 13, 2016 at 12:58 pm

So youre saying he is never going to unblock me bc he got tired and annoyed???????? Hes gonna leave for the army with a bad mindset of me how will he start over with me again in the future
J

October 13, 2016 at 12:10 pm

There are two ppl named J on this so I changed my name to two Js so its easier to tell apart. He blocked me on everything hes going to army in a month and we broke up jn the summer idk if you rememeber me….and my story haha. Idk what to do hes never going to unblock i dont think he blocked for revenge he said he has no time for my bullshit…what should i do? We were fine talking as friends but idk if i can change he thinks i will necer be a better person and can never get back with me in the future when hes back from army cuz he doubts ill change…i tried to show him thru text but my thoufhrs got the best of me

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5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”