How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Regine

May 30, 2016 at 5:08 am

Hello Amor ,

My boyfriend and works abroad for morethan a year we met at work. When we went home from vacation to our home country she just send me a messafe on facebook she doesnt love me anymore. I encountered lots of problem at work she’s always there for me that time when our vacation is near i got terminated and the moment i reach our home country he broke up with me. I cant accept that one I’ll try everything to bring him back but things got worst he limit our communication he blocked me on facebook. Now his back at work and i left alone in our country i want hime back even if his far away
What is the best thing i can do
SY

May 30, 2016 at 4:45 am

Hello,

I’m in a long distance relationship with my bf since 2013, we could meet 2-3 times a month. Our relationship was really amazing we love each other a lot. We had a break last year for 4 months finally we made up and we treasure each other a lot. 3 months ago he got a job offer in another country and I was very shock about that, because we wouldn’t be able to see each other more often. I kept crying and told him we better end, he comforted me that we would overcome and we have to make a lot of effort to work this out, he said he cared about me a lot and loved me so much, let’s be positive and work something beautiful for the future blah blah blah… 2 months ago he left to to his new job, we were ok and we texted a lot and he told me everything he was doing, since last month I felt he was a bit cold and seemed pulling away, he said his new job is very stressful and required his full attention, plus he has a lot of races need to train.. We text lesser and lesser, I didn’t feel secure so I kept texting him about what he is doing, why took a long time to reply etc.. We had fights and he told me he didn’t feel super about us and he said its not fair for me to wait for him.. He admitted he misses me but he is not sure how to work us out, nothing we can do … I said I would fly to his place and he rejected, I just wanna talk to each other face to face..

I’m really depressed and hopeless about this situation now, I love him and miss him a lot and I don’t want to let go yet.. Should I fly to his place next week without telling him ? Or have to apply no contact first? We haven’t talk to each other for 3 days now.. It’s killing.. Thanks so much for your time..

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 2:43 pm

Hi Sy,

hold off going there.. wait for his reaponse for a week.. if he doesn’t respond.. do no contact

Emily

May 29, 2016 at 6:24 pm

Hi. So my boyfriend of a year broke up with me in late January. We were a long distance couple. He’s in Texas and I’m in Florida. He stayed with me all last summer and I went out to Texas during Thanksgiving and he was just here with me for Christmas break. He told me he loved me “no doubt in his mind” and then less than 24 hours later told me he didn’t want to be with me and didn’t love me. In a span of 2 weeks he kept going back and forth didn’t know what he wanted.. And then he told me that if he ever saw me in person again he’d fall in love with me again and whatnot. And then in late Feb he told me that he did love me but that he was “bowing out.” So I did the no contact from late March until a few days ago. I still think about him everyday and just told him through fb message that I hope he was doing well and whatnot. Now we are talking a little, but it’s not as before. His replies are extremely slow and I’m not sure how to go about getting him back because I still don’t even know the true reason why he broke up with me.. or if he even still loves me. He did send me pictures of him which I didn’t ask for so I suppose that’s a good sign. He’s a very complex individual and I really want him back but I don’t want to scare him away. How much should I text him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 9:45 am

Hi Emily,

did you have plans on when you would be together? for now, just continue talking to him.. think of it like starting over and he’s someone you like that you would like to build a connection with

Lyn

May 29, 2016 at 2:17 pm

I met my ex boyfriend a year ago, we both lived in different countries. We had plans to be together the following year since I would get a job in his country in Europe. Anyway,before that I moved from my home country to a new country in Asia for 6 months. Unfortunately, I did cheat on him for emotional reasons. He asked me plenty times about it but I did alot of lying and denying. I eventually went to visit him and he confronted him, I confessed and he broke up with me. I went back to my home country, then decided to go visit him again one month later to try to reconcile. I wanted to regain his trust. I’ve done everything possible to try to get him back. He eventually said he has no desire to be with me and he just wants to be friends. However, he has been extremely angry, has a lot of resentment. So when we do have our conversations, it’s basically how we used to talk except he’ll have word vomit and tell me how much I’ve hurt him. I’ve been feeling like a punching bag since I am the one who has done him wrong but I am so exhausted but I feel like I’ve tried everything. He acknowledges that he’s been mean to me. I just want him to open his eyes and realizes that I regret and sorry for what I’ve done AND WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. I’d like him to see my efforts. It seems like he’s in so much pain, he doesn’t care If I am his way and I get hurt. I am now back in the Asian country until the end of summer. In my act of desperation, I did purchase a ticket to his home country. He knows I am coming. Do you really think the No contact rule for 30 days will work? I did break his heart in the LDR. Sad =( Thanks in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 7:32 am

Hi Lyn,

we can’t guarantee that it will, but you have to give him space to heal too.

Mel

May 28, 2016 at 1:40 am

I broke up with my boyfriend cause he was claiming he was too busy and didn’t have time for a relationship and he had to focus on his work and his daughter right now. We got into a fight cause he was going on vacation with his ex and invited his ex over, but he said he was too busy to see me. Then he started no longer answered my texts and calls and said he was too busy. He couldn’t take a few seconds out of his day to to answer a text or call. If I did manage to talk to him he would just get mad and say he was working. I was not okay with not being a priority at all. When I broke up with him he just said OK I understand I am sorry. Also that Listen I am working I can’t talk about this right now I told you. I am too busy to be in a relationship right now that is all I can tell you. I am sorry. I am not sure I believe someone is too busy. I told him I was going on a date with someone else and he didn’t even respond. What should I do? His indifference is just surprising. We were in a long distance relationship and I was calling him everyday and texting him everyday. Things were good until the fight about him going on vacation with his ex then he all of a sudden became to busy. He had originally had said something about wanting to take a break after the fight cause he was too busy for a girlfriend and he felt bad when he couldn’t answer my calls. He had said he was going to call and start ignoring me so I started calling and texting him a lot trying to talk to him which is when he mentioned the break. We talked and then decided to not go on a break but then he kept ignoring me, so I got mad cause he refused to take two seconds to text me and think of me and I broke up with him. Even if someone is busy they make time for what is important don’t they? How will doing no contact make someone want you when they were too busy to think of you anyway?

Mel

June 24, 2016 at 12:48 am

So it turns out he just lied more and more and pulled the same crap. Now it is he wants to be alone and can’t commit to me right now the way he feels like I deserve cause he wants to be alone cause he gets jealous, is busy, and doesn’t trust people. Thus, he just pulled the same crap he has done like 6 or 7 time already. I am sure he is probably seeing his ex. He decides he wants me back and begs for me back and then when he gets me back he just pulls away. I am sure someone probably commented on a photo on Facebook while we were dating and he got mad and decided to give me the silent treatment and punish me for what he thought was some injustice. He has cheated on me multiple times with his for this reason. Why does he keep getting back together with me and then just deciding he doesn’t want me? He said he was so wrong and he made the worst mistake of his life and I was everything he had ever wanted and he lost it all. He won me back only to just turn around and decide he didn’t want me anymore yet again. He said we asked me for me back that the time he spent with me was the only time he has ever really lived life and without me it’s just the same old redundant bullshit ever day. He said it had nothing to do with anything I did. I am not really sure the same rule apply to this relationship because he doesn’t operate like a normal person. He just started refusing to talk to me and started ignoring me and then started making excuses. I really don’t understand it. How can one go from one extreme to the other?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 27, 2016 at 11:52 am

actually we have. Here it is:EBR 016: Should You Take Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

I Agree that you should move on.. it’s become toxic.
Mel

June 23, 2016 at 2:54 am

Yes I am very angry and depressed about the situation. I don’t know how to move forward and get over this. I am tired of being hurt by him. Why can’t he just make up his mind on what he wants? How long of a no contact should I do? I already got over him once and he came begging for me back to pull this shit. I have lost all optimism and feel like everything is pointless as it just all leads back to the same place. How can I make him regret pulling all the crap he has? It doesn’t feel like anything is going to be okay anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 27, 2016 at 11:52 am

actually we have. Here it is:EBR 016: Should You Take Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

I Agree that you should move on.. it’s become toxic.
Mel

June 22, 2016 at 4:18 am

I figured there was more going on that he claimed as he has always been a businessman but never shut me out like he was doing. He said he didn’t know if wants me or not because his daughter doesn’t want him dating anyone. His daughter would be upset if we were together. He says he doesn’t know what is best and he doesn’t want to make any type of major decisions and he thought we could just be friends for now. He doesn’t know when he will be able to decide and to just give him space and room to breathe.

I told him sure I will give you all the space you need I am not going to waste my time on someone who doesn’t think I am worthy and can’t decide if I am worth it I will just move on. But thank you for telling me the truth. Wish you luck with everything in your life. Hope you can get everything you want in life. Bye Bye.

Should I just cut all contact? I have zero interest in being his friend. Clearly it sounds like this situation will never improve.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 22, 2016 at 10:04 am

yep you should stop talking to him for now.. especially, if you’re still angry.
Mel

June 1, 2016 at 9:33 pm

Well I am not entirely sure if we are broken up or not or what is going on. Not sure why he is being the way he is. I don’t know how to do no contact. Wouldn’t out of sight out of mind apply? He always come whirling back in my life with constant contact then pulls away. It seems to make it harder and harder because he makes all these promises and pulls away. I guess he is still mad and annoyed at me probably for some of the things I have said. We seem to be on and off again. He has sent me random text through out the last two weeks but not enough to actually have a meaningful conversation. Mostly just saying he is sorry but he is busy and we will talk another day or promising to call but then doesn’t. He had said before life had no meaning without me and was boring and he had everything he wanted in a girlfriend and lost it. Maybe he is feeling bad and doesn’t want to face up to it and doesn’t have the time to deal with it. He had just said he need to focus on his work and his business right now as he is so busy and is spread really thin and feels bad when he can’t call me or answer my calls. Doesn’t help when I fly off the handle about it and get upset either, but I just don’t know how to handle the loss of connection when in a long distance relationship. I feel like he has forgotten about me and he doesn’t care. How long of a period of no contact should I do? I am suppose to visit him on the 9th of this month. He said he was way too busy today will have to talk tomorrow. I just sent him a message today that I know things are hectic and he is busy but we can talk when I visit and if he needs anything to let me know. I work way less than he does. He works 80+ hours a week more like 100 lately. I only work from 8-5. We both don’t really have any friends and use to spend a lot of time talking to one another and spent most of all of our time together. He also has a daughter too. I know he is really stressed out with work. He had just needed some time away until work got less hectic. He had never said he wanted to break up or that he didn’t want me just that he didn’t have the time to deal with any issues right now. Before when we broke up he was clear he didn’t want to hurt me nor for us to be together. Then when we got back together he said I was the best girlfriend he ever had and how he screwed up so bad and he couldn’t hardly talk without crying and how it was so unfair that he lost everything he had ever wanted and that I was moving away. I just can’t help feeling rejected and that I no longer have my best friend to talk to anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 11, 2016 at 1:11 pm

Hi Mel,

that’s the reality of a businessman.. they have less time in her hands and you should have more activities for yourself too, so you’re not frustrated of him..
Mel

June 1, 2016 at 1:04 pm

Well he promised to call again but yet again didn’t call. I don’t know why he says he will call then doesn’t. If he doesn’t want to talk to me why bother to say he will call. Not sure what to do.
Mel

June 1, 2016 at 1:23 am

He did reply the next morning saying he went to bed early and asked how I was. I replied during my lunch and said it was okay I have been busy anyways and if he wants to talk to me he should call between 8-11 as then he is likely to get to talk to me otherwise I am busy. Should I just start ignoring him or what?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 1, 2016 at 1:55 am

yes, you should start the no contact now
Mel

May 31, 2016 at 3:15 am

Of course he said he would call yet again, but didn’t.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 31, 2016 at 6:37 pm

Hmm.. if you talked to him, that means nc is broken.. ok, let’s give him time.. let’s see if he replies.
Mel

May 30, 2016 at 11:04 pm

Yes I guess I have been a little bit clingy. For me it is hard to adjust to long distance and his busier schedule. We use to live in the same city until I moved to back to the state I was from. We had planned on moving in together until I found out he was cheating and then we broke up, and we got back together shortly after I moved. He had made a lot of assumptions about me that weren’t true and reacted very badly since he was very upset. I apologized for breaking up with him and said I didn’t want to break up with him a couple days later. He replied and said ok, its cool. Then he texted me a few days later and we discussed me coming out there since I have a job interview out there and he said okay cool and he would call me tomorrow.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 9:22 am

Hi Mel,

sometimes they do that if they find you clingy, especially if you keep texting him.. when you don’t do that anymore and if he sees your improvements, he might think you’ve changed and take a chance

Overthinking

May 25, 2016 at 8:14 pm

Hello Amor,
I did reply but, I’m guessing it was lost.

Yes I have started NC, the last thing I said to him personally was “I like him”.
I know he hasn’t blocked me in any way, I see him on social media and I have been posting about what I am up too, like I’ve joined a gym and hanging out with friends etc. And I still see he is online gaming and I don’t attempt to contact him there, even though we gamed together all the time. But I got told he has joined online dating sites……. I am so confused how we went from so close with each other planning ahead to where we are now in a few weeks.
Do you think 30 days NC is the correct amount of time?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 1:41 pm

Yep do 30 days! That’s good that you started with your improvements. YOu know when something starts too fast, it often ends fast too. So take it slow after no contact.

Cara

May 24, 2016 at 12:53 pm

Im not sure what to do anymore.

5 months ago my long distance boyfriend gave me the full out block. I dont know what to do.

We hadn’t met in person yet (and I know Chris doesnt think that’s a real relationship). The truth is as a student its difficult to find the money for that, so I was busy saving up to go and meet him before all of this happened.

We had been together for quite a while before we broke up and decided that we would save money and meet each other in person and then decide from there. Then in January of 2016 he blocked me completely.

Of course i freaked out and spammed him with messages and calls (not a good idea i know) then I came onto here and got the book and read through it. I made my plan of 45 days no contact (because I know he is really stubborn and needs time). But after that when i tried to contact him again he didnt respond. He still hasnt spoken to me or unblocked me and I still think of him everyday.

What should I do? Should I just move on by now or is there something else I can do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 6:47 am

Hi Cara,

HOw long have you been together? How well do you know him? Did he just suddenly block you? Are you sure he’s doesn’t want you to find out something when you meet?

Katie

May 24, 2016 at 4:00 am

I’m very confused with my situation, as I’m not sure if my bf is just in a mood swing, or he wants to end our relationship, so I don’t even know if I could apply the NC rule on him.

Basically we met on the internet, met up twice physically, had a lot of fun on our dates, and we talked for another 2 weeks before we decided we want to be together exclusively as gf/bf. We had only been dating for about 5 weeks, and we were going to meet up in another 4 weeks time. We didn’t have any arguments, but I’ve been the needy gf type, and felt insecure, so I pushed him sometimes asking him if he still likes me or if he wants to break up with me. Last Monday it happened again, he answered me twice that he misses me, but I still pushed him and asked if he likes me. From then on, he had ignored me and not response at all. I haven’t text him like crazy, but I did tell him I’m confused and not sure what’s going on. This was the last text I’ve sent to him 6 days ago, and he has not contacted me since.

I don’t know if this is the way he let me know he wants to break up, or he just need some alone time… it’s never fun to be on the receiving end of the silent treatment.

Katie

June 6, 2016 at 9:21 am

Sorry this is getting very depressing
I found out that I was the third person all along. He actually has a stable gf whom he dated for over 5 years.
I politely confronted him and his girlfriend, and they have both blocked me.

I am kind of lost of what to do at the moment, because all along I wanted to win an “ex” back, but now seems like it’s impossible because I’m trying to win someone’s bf. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 12, 2016 at 10:03 am

I Katie,

sorry for the super late reply.. So, he fooled you.. tsk tsk.. If he’s not leaving he’s girlfriend, you should move on.
Katie

June 3, 2016 at 7:50 am

By the way, my last text to him was a bit emotional.
I said I don’t believe he would be the type that just leave without words, and I trust him just as much as he trusted me before.
I also said I believe that it’s never only one side’s problem when a relationship doesn’t work out, and told him that I’d still like to meet him when he’s in town… Told him that although we don’t know what will happen in the future, but at least we could have fun eating and shopping together. I basically tried to be nice and thanked him for liking me back then, and hope we could meet up and talk.
Katie

June 3, 2016 at 7:30 am

Hi it’s me again… I’m beginning to read the exboyfriendrecovery book and am a bit confused again 🙁
My ex texted me a couple of days ago and apologised that he’s been a dick and not messaged, and he said he guess he was just scared of relationship because it’s completely new to him… then he thanked me for a card I’ve posted to him before we had our problems…

As I’m still on the NC period now… so after the NC period, I should completely ignore this last text he sent, and start a completely new convo like those suggested in the book?

Thanks.
Katie

May 28, 2016 at 5:58 am

So I assume I should treat this as he broke up with me already… and following the rules/suggestions of getting an ex back? We don’t have any common friends and we are not connected on social media, I don’t know how I could make him see what I’m up to.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 12:08 pm

you should still update your posts.. because we never know if he’s not checking that
Katie

May 27, 2016 at 7:39 am

Thank you for coming back to me.

He will be in town on the 22nd June… if by then, he still doesn’t contact/reply me after the 21 days, shall I just leave it and take that as he wants me to be out of his life completely?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 10:28 am

extend to 30 days of you feel you have to. after that, if he still doesn’t initiate, it’s ok if you do
Jennifer Seiter

May 27, 2016 at 3:34 am

You will have to work on building your own confidence. Do no contact for 21 days. You will have to make sure you don’t ask him for reassurance. When you ask him if he wants to break up with you, its like inviting him to do it. Next time you feel that way take the week to hang out with girl friends and I’m sure he’ll come to his senses.

Anonymous

May 20, 2016 at 3:47 pm

Hi,
Me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship always. At first, the distance was short so we used to meet every weekend, go out for holidays and everything was going so nice that we planned our future together. Then he got the opportunity to go to another city for his MBA and things started changing. I was more insecure and since he was in a new phase he had other attractions and tempations. He wanted me to trust him understand this situation but i completely panicked and overreacted almost all the time with insecurity. Also, i did not manage his mistakes well. Instead of a silent treatment I forced it upon him making him never feeling the guilt. He started taking me for granted and we fought almost daily. Slowly and gradually he started distanting himself and the gaps started to increase. One day he told me things are not working out between us and we decided to go on a trip and see what can be done further. The trip was amazing (PS: it has been the distance and communication gaps that has created troubles apart from that we are perfect ish whenever we hang out together). He told me that he was frustrated before because of my insecurities and fight and that he is sorry for being at diatance and admitted that he loves me a lot. For one month the things were good again and then there was one big fight that continued for a week out of which he told me that he is not sure if he loves me anymore and needs a break for 15 days to decide it. Meanwhile i went to his city for work purpose for 3 months and he did not seem excited about it later after the big fight. While i met him, things were different. I noticed he did not say it in anger and he still insisted upon the break. I had no other option and so i agreed. For 23 days we had no contact and after I contacted him he seemed quite distant. It seemed like in these 23 days he lead his life comfortably without me and he seemed very cold. Although, in these 23 days i improved myself and figured out where I went wrong and decided to work upon him. Initially we talked as friends and he used to take interest but from a distance until one day when I finally had ‘the talk’ with him. He yold me he wants to stay at this distance and he is liking things this way, and we should remain friends for sometime and figure out things later if he feels to get back together again. I panicked and told him I cant be friends with him and he has to decide if patch up or break up. He told me he needs 3 days to decide. In this time i surprisingly went to see him where we spend one whole day and night together in which we behaved just like we used to be. Those cuddles, fun, making out, roaming and it seemed like everything is back on track. The way he held me in his arms, made it so much clear that he missed me a lot in these 23 days but wont admit it to me. He initiated everything all by himself in this time. Untill i got back and texted him that thanks for giving us a chance. He then replied tha he still is unsure about us and doubts his feelings for me. I insisted him and he said ok he will try. Since then its on and off for us. He stays at distance. Only this last month, while we were together in ine city, we used to meet twice in a week and things were improving. He gave me a surprise on my bday by showing up on my doorstep with a cake at 12am and singing bday song. We had a great time and in a conversation later, he agreed that things are improving for him and it will take some time to reach to what we were but things will be fine and are going on track. Until I got back to my town and the long distance started again. We couldnt talk much because of his tight schedule and also because of the gaps, he doesnt like talking much on phone. One day we had a fight since i was being a little pushy and since then he is behaving very mean and careless, he telld me he doesnt want to be with me, although with my constant calls and insisting him to be with me, he says that ok fine he will try, but this time he just says it for the sake of avoiding dramas. I also feel that long distance is not working anymore and whenever he meets me something tells me he starts getting the feel looking at the past experiences. Also, his college company is not supportive, they are bunch of irresponsible people who will never ask him to do what is right. From past 2 weeks he has been behaving very mean selfish and rude. He shouts at me. Says things which kill me. And doesnt want to try for us. Please help me with what to do. I still feel that due to these unsorted gaps,his busy schedule and the distance gaps, we have lost it. The time is not supporting us for now. I also have got this great opportunity to study for my MS abroad in a good college but I cant make a decision because in such circumstances where long distance of cities is not working, how am i going to make it work from difference countries. Help me!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2016 at 12:30 pm

Hi Anonymous,

if it’s toxic now, then give each other space for a breather.. it’s not good that he’a just staying to avoid drama.. and if he’s busy during his day, then set a time each day to talk..even just for 15 minutes.. at least that way you would have a lot talk about since it’s only once a day

Elise

May 20, 2016 at 11:35 am

Had a horrible break up with my ex over 10 years ago due to my hot temper. We didn’t have any contact since then and he has been relocating at difference country (and had stable live together relationship). Try emailing him few years ago got no reply. 6 months ago I fb msged him about getting rid of his stuff at my room, he was responsive and he left me his phone. Few months ago I txted him happy Birthday and he replied thanks, and I didn’t respond further. Few days ago I initiated the a conversation and he is responsive and sometimes would ask me questions (we both didn’t mention about current relationship status). He usually replies after every few hours and sometimes after 12 hours (very light random talks), then the conversation got a bit bored then I stopped (this is been continuous for 3 days) responding. Bottom line is but at least he responds, what should I do next? We are a few hours by flight away. Thanks

Elise

May 27, 2016 at 9:06 am

Hi Amor,

Thanks for your reply, unless neutral and cold at first then got a bit positive then the conservation kind of dragged on so I just stopped replying. We are friends on facebook but he doesn’t use it at all (hasn’t updated for 10years and from the questions he asked me I’m quite certain he hasn’t been looking at my facebook).

We were together in high school then parted when we went to college (long distance and my insecurity, anyways it was my bad but no cheating involved). Since then we have been relocating at different places and never had any contact of each other until I initiated contact recently. During the time apart, we both were in relationship with others.

So I’m unsure how to start building the bond (I know it’s quite impossible to have him back)… he’s passive and sometime can be rather cold.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 30, 2016 at 5:30 am

yeah.. you would have to have the same interesr so that you can have something to talk about and something about you or what you do that can be valuable or fun for him
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 25, 2016 at 11:45 am

Hi Elise,

it got boring but at first it was positive? Try to textx again but start to be active in improving yourself and be active in social media too.. are you friends in social media? and how long was your relationship?

Brooke

May 16, 2016 at 5:08 pm

Hello,

My boyfriend of 1 year just broke up with me a few days ago – he will be moving to a new country in two weeks for a job offer he accepted four months ago (it would be impossible for us to go together as I’m working on my degree and couldn’t afford school in the new country). We broke up because he wasn’t sure if he could see a future with me (he said he emotionally wanted one but rationally we fought a lot and were adding stress to each other’s lives) and didn’t know if he wanted me to come visit him in this new country and continue the relationship long distance. I tried to be patient and give him time to decide but I couldn’t take his indecision after a few months and kept pressuring so he broke up with me. When we broke up he was sobbing and saying he didn’t want us to not be together but doesn’t see how we can resolve our issues. He told me that he misses me, wishes I was there, has spent time looking at my photos and wishes there was a solution. I have tried to offer to work on things but he says that there is no short-term solution and it would take more time than he has (moving in two weeks) to fix things but that maybe we can work things out in the future. I don’t plan on waiting around and I plan on starting to get over him (if he wants me he knows where I am), but I don’t know if I should do nc because I might never see him again in two weeks. Should I just wait until he leaves? Also, I don’t want him to fee like he has no one in this new country. Basically how should I interact with him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 6:27 am

Hi Brooke,

If you’re purpose is to move on, well, then you can start nc in the time that you think he has already adjusted. If you want a chance for him to go back, you should do it right away.

Lily

May 16, 2016 at 7:42 am

I had been with my former boyfriend for 3.5 years in a long distance relationship, he lives nearby South California and I live in Mexico (close to the borderline), we are most likely 14 hours away from each other. I met him since I was 16 years old when I met him online, although for the first 6 months I catfished because I wasn’t confident enough and I hated myself, later on I came clean and told him everything because every day during the relationship with him I started to feel even worse. Anyway, after 2 years we finally met up, and then after a year he came over my place again. He left 4 months ago and said he was going to get a lot of things done to get money saved up to come see me this year as well, but in summer. Like a month ago or so, I noticed he started acting a bit oddly, distant…and his replies were so short. I tried figuring out what was wrong, tried talking to him but every time he’d get on facebook he’d barely talk and just same a few things to me. After a few days of me insisting on him, he told me he was stressed, frustrated and overwhelmed because he had too much problems in his life and that it was changing. But all of sudden, a week after, her started talking to me again, saying that he got called from a job he applied for, and he sounded pretty excited about it so I was happy for him as well, and happy because I finally had the same old person back again. But then, once again he started acting really distant towards me, every time he’d get on facebook he would just read my messages without a response, and he would be so short with his replies. I realized his attitude towards me was seriously affecting me because I became more anxious and depressed. I wanted to help him and feel better but he wasn’t putting much of his part at all. I felt pretty lonely, abandoned and just sad. I decided to confront him like 1 week ago and asked him if he needed space or time for him to solve whatever problems he had (although, I suggested that to him without letting him know it was the only option), and he just said it was a hard choice to make and that he’d thought about that as well (but he never said anything to met all). I started telling him right off the bat that we could work it together, that it wasn’t necessary for him to get on all day long, just a few messages during the day just to keep ourselves updated and to know that we were still there for each other, but he just rejected that. Days passed and I kept messaging him, telling him he was everything to me and that I couldn’t be without him in my life, all he said that it wasn’t fair for me to say that to him. He gave me so many excuses, said he didn’t want to live his life on the internet anymore (although I knew those days he had been around skype talking to his online friends), and that his life was becoming more “hectic”, and that he didn’t want to talk to his signifcant other who was a country away from him…..A lot of excuses….so I just kept sending him messages that we could work it out but he seemed pretty sure about his decision and simply stopped replying, until one day he finally eplied to my messages, and said that one day he’d come to “rekindle our fire” and also that “there was never going to be someone else for him”, that “nobody could take my place, ever.” I got….happy but yet sad? Because he was giving me hopes that maybe once everything settled down he’d come back to me…..Those days, I just wanted to get out of my house so I went to stay the night over my friend’s house.

The night I came back home, I had the chance to get back on skype just to check a few things and talk to some old friends, and immediately I remembered that I had his skype password as well ( I know…I shouldn’t have done that…but..now I thank to God I did that), what I noticed first was that he had been talking to his skype friend since the week he started acting weird towards me, and also that he was talking to this girl in particular, someone he started talking to 1 day after we decided to take a “break” from each other; I started reading the conveersation, and the more I read I noticed that he said a few things to her that he used to say to me “the girl of his dreams” because they had things in common, that she was beautiful, perfect, etc. I got really mad….and sad. What I did was call him on the phone but he never answered, so I sent him a message from his skype on the conversation he was having with that girl, directed to him, so anytime he’d get on to talk to her he’d see it. All of sudden, I got kicked out of his skype and I realized he had changed his password, so he did notice I sent him the message. Unfortunately for me, I forgot skype has the option to edit messages once they’re sent, so I bet anything he removed what I wrote before the girl could see anything. I got back on my skype and sent him a message and he told me to not mingle in his life like that ever again, and basically goodbye. He deactivated his faceebook ever since.

After a few days, I figured out his new skype’s password (he wasn’t smart enough to change it to something different) and I realized he was talking to a new girl he met somewhere on the net…and well yeah.
All of this hurts a lot, and I don’t know why after all I’ve seen he has done to me, the lies, the excuses to just get rid of me and giving me false hopes….I don’t know why I keep loving him. He met almost all my family, he lived in my home for the time he stayed over here, we made so many memories together, I loved him and I showed it all the time, and despite anything I always remained with him. I don’t understand how he culd have done this to me…We were togethe for almost 4 years, met him when I was a teenager and now I am 20. I always defended him on any situation, and I insisted that he was different from any other man. But it breaks my heart that whenever he had the chance to replace me, he did it, while telling me otherwise, that he’d always love me. This week is going to be the second week without him…and it just painfully hard for me. I have attempted to contact him back a few times but I try to remind myself that I shouldn’t…that this time he has to come after me, but I know he won’t….for some reason, because the last time we spoke he seemed like he never wanted to hear from me again. I love him still and I miss him, but I know he is no longer in love with me or doesn’t care at all about me, because he hasn’t came back.

I just don’t know what to do, that’s why I searched for this. It has made me think of so many things…and I don’t want to be a fool and give him a second chance if he does come back…but I truly love him, I don’t know if I will ever stop loving him.

Also sorry for writing a bible on this section, I had so much to vent out. I just hope my heart can find peace soon and heal, I want to become stronger, and stop thinking about him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 9:28 am

Hi Lily,

start with the no contact process.. put him aside for 45 days and focus on improving yourself and finding your own happiness.. and then decide after that if you still want to try to reconnect with him

Felly

May 15, 2016 at 3:38 pm

Hey Amor! I had commented earlier but I cant find my previous comment so I’ll just give a brief summary before I share! ldr ex bf ended things with me over text last october but wanted to remain friends. So we ended up talking every week But it was me making the effort mostly, I felt like he was taking me for granted. All the times I asked him if he wanted to stop talking he’d say he’d want me in his life and he still wants to talk, he was just busy. I’m pretty sure he knows i still like him but he never initiates a convo, its always me. Im going to his hometown for a phd program this july. I want to rekindle our relationship. I did a maximum of 2 week no contact in early May after which I contacted him. He was slightly more responsive and asked me a lot of questions and seemed interested in my life and asked me if theres anything new going on. I want him to initiate or perhaps realize my absence. Should I do no contact again? Will he notice my absence?

Felly

June 15, 2016 at 6:11 am

Hey amor, the longest I did no contact for is about 2-3 weeks. I always seem to cave and say something. He did acknowledge i’ll be heading over to his state soon. He told me to check out a website for apartments, asked me how i feel about it. But didnt say anything about wanting to meet up. He still hasn’t initiated any conversation with me however but replies. He’s extremely busy right now. There was once i gave him a missed call and he called back, i told him it was an accident. Anyway, what do you think is happening and what should i do? There’s still a month left before i go there.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 15, 2016 at 7:01 am

hmmm.. if you were at his shoes, is it obvious that you want him back? because if yes, that’s killing the attraction.. I think you need to check this posts out to better understand the purpose of no contact and how to reattract him.
The importance of the no contact rule
Stage 5 clinger: How to get your ex boyfriend back if you are clingy
The ungettable girl
Felly

May 19, 2016 at 5:22 pm

Actually Amor, how will showing him I’ve moved on help? Wouldn’t he just consider me as a platonic friend and not know that I’m interested?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 8:55 pm

yes, you should restart the count. He should be the one that’s going to be interested. It’s like making him chase. It’s not just about appearing to move on. You have to aim to be the ungettable girl.
Felly

May 19, 2016 at 5:01 pm

So i should do no contact from Day 1 again? Also, what if he doesn’t say anything to me during this period of no contact.
Felly

May 15, 2016 at 3:44 pm

In the text conversation in early May, I contacted him during a trip overseas and even sent him a photo I took to which he commented saying it was an amazing photo. He hasnt complimented me in a long time. I dont know if im reading into it too much BUT I do want to know if i should attempt no contact for a longer time.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 7:05 am

Hi Felly,

Yes, you should do a full 30 days and be active in improving yourself and posting your activities.. make it seem that you’ve moved on.. go out with friends too..

Joss

May 14, 2016 at 5:57 pm

Hi there – thanks for creating a great reference place to go. Here’s my story. My ex and I were together for 3 years, due to our jobs most of the relationship was LD. There were times where I felt he had a foot out the door and the distance really got to me and changed me and my mindset. I was hyper a lot not nearly as laid back about things as I normally am. We fought a lot. Even tho there were a lot of cons about us, the pros stack up more for sure. My favorite thing was how goofy we got to be together. We’ve broken up a couple of times but it only ever lasted a few days. Until this time. We’ve been broken up for a little over 2 months. Things got really bad, I was so unhappy not only with us but with my life. I had a horrible mindset about things and was deep in depression and anxiety. We talked for a month afterwards where I was thinking we’d get back together until he told me he had feelings for someone else. I made all the initial mistakes, begging, texting too much, ect. I told him to never contact me and implemented NC for the past month and a half and honestly it’s been the best thing. I’ve made so much progress on myself and I’m so proud of the person I’ve become. I had placed all my happiness in him and that’s the worst thing you can do. Once you find happiness in yourself, it doesn’t matter what happens around you because it won’t change how you feel. I’ve been going out with my friends a lot, doing really well at work, I’m even seeing someone now (completely casual). I guess I’m writing because I’m finally the person I should have been. I’ve made so much progress and all I want is for him and me to give it another shot. We’re still FB friends so he can see how happy I am (he’s liked a few posts), but I know I can’t be the one to reach out first because then I’ll be the doormat I always was since I told him to never contact me. I just don’t know how to handle not having control over when he will reach out. I know we’d be good together. I think we’re the perfect example of things having to fall apart before they can fall back together. We needed this time apart but I just am growing impatient. Will he reach out? What do I do?

Joss

May 15, 2016 at 2:06 pm

even though he was adamant about wanting me in his life? he wanted to stay friends and said there was even a chance of us getting back together one day? i feel like he’ll want to reach out because he won’t be okay with the idea of me being mad at him. why wouldn’t he reach out?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 6:57 am

more likely because he’s not ready yet, and he’s not seeing that you’re open about it..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 8:03 am

Hi Joss,

he more likely wont but try a post that he might comment or react on and then start from there

justagirl

May 14, 2016 at 10:11 am

Hello… Thanks for this article.. me and my bf just broke up today and i feel like crashing and dying because i think i pushed him to the limit because i wanted him to tell me everything that he felt… he said he dont want to… and i ask him if he wants us to be break up at first he said no…. and then when i beg him to say something because u feel like that theres really something wrong he said…nothing…and i go ballistic…because he always like that he always wanted to keep everything…but im feeling the changes already… im feeling that we are not like before thats why im asking.. but instead of telling me whats going on maybe necause he got tired of my questions he said okay! lets just break up! because thats what you want… so im shocked… like what? thats what i want??? and this time he is so mad… mad that i dont know where its coming…everydya im asking him whats wrong…bu he kept on telling mo nothing….etc etc… for me if he dont want me anymore then its better that he tell me than im guessing……..thats why im asking him everyday…..but then it all happens now he break up with me .. and told me he dont want to speak with me again and kindly delete him my social profiles or he will do it… he said he dont care … does NC helps with this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 7:05 am

Hi Just A girl,

we cant guarantee that nc is the solution but it’s the best move for you

B

May 12, 2016 at 7:02 pm

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me after 8 months of dating to move to a new city for a new job. It’s been 2 weeks and still hear nothing from him. I should mention that throughout our relationship, the only major fights we ever had were about him potentially wanting to leave this city when I didn’t want to.

While initially I was unhappy, I eventually realized I wanted him to be happy and that we could try long-distance and so I supported him for his job interview, and we agreed that when he got the job, we’d talk about our next step as a couple. However, out of the blue, he showed up at my home the day after we had a great date (and the week before, we went on a holiday and I also went to his family gathering) and just broke up with me and said he wanted to focus on his career. And the worst part is that he said he wanted a long-term relationship when we first started dating, and I wanted that too. That means not giving up and being there for each other, but he gave up on us.

Why doesn’t he miss me or talk to me? It hurts so much that everything we shared together is now nothing. I feel like I’ve lost a huge part of me and I don’t know what to do. I miss him every single day.

B

May 16, 2016 at 2:48 am

I said I’d go visit him whenever I can when he moved there for his job, and we could Skype. I even suggested I move there, but he said me being there would “tie him down”, whatever that means. He was open to the idea of long-distance initially, until a fight we had when he said that maybe our relationship was unsustainable… but we eventually got over that fight and dated for another 2 months until this breakup happened.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 8:38 am

oh, it means he wants to be free to do what he wants and he doesn’t see that happening if you live with him.. Start the count of no contact, and focus on yourself.. don’t include the two weeks that he didn’t contact because you haven’t started improving yourself by then.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 5:02 am

Hi B,

because he’s priority right now is the career and I think he doesn’t want a long distance relationship.. have you talked before how you would do it once he got there?

Victoria

May 12, 2016 at 4:51 pm

Hi,
I’ve been reading through a few different articles on this site but since every relationship is very specific I wasn’t able to find an article that helps me with my exact situation.
My ex and I started dating about 2 years ago, when I was still in high school in Germany and he was at a university in the US. The long long distance relationship was hard to uphold but we ultimately succeeded , because we have an intensely strong emotional bond, seeing that we had been close friends even before dating. Last summer my ex decided to go abroad for a year to be closer to me. We ended up being in different parts of the country but still a lot closer than before and we saw each other about once or twice a month. We’d talk on the phone every day though.
At the end of last semester my ex lived with me for about a month while I was finishing up my semester and his had already ended. During this time period we had sex once and then never again and I felt his attraction to me ween as time went by. I broke up with him about a month ago because I couldn’t handle the rejection anymore, however we stayed in contact, trying to transition back to friendship. Of course that didn’t work. However, it gave me the opportunity to find out, why he didn’t want to be with me anymore, the reason being, that I was too complacent, too serious and not flirtatious enough for him. Mind you, I was completely focused on passing an exam and spent most of my time studying, which he knew I’d do in advance. I don’t think, that we don’t stand a chance anymore, because when we talk now, he and I are able to laugh a lot.
What I need help with, is determining, whether or not the following gameplan could work and how I could possibly improve on it.

1.: leave a positive impression:
His birthday is coming up and since he came to Germany mainly for me I didn’t have the heart to decide against going. I want to show him that my personality does encompass what he’s looking for in a girl and that I just wasn’t in a position to show all those things because of the exam and the rejection I would feel from him.

2.: do the no contact rule
This may be a little delayed but it should probably work later on as well, right?

3.: get him interested in dating me again through text messages, maybe have him visit me as time progresses

4.: set conditions for him to start dating me again (he wanted to open the relationship up to other people when he leaves Germany to finish his undergrad)

Do you think this would work? What are your thoughts on the plan? Any improvements I could make to the plan?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 4:54 am

Hi Victoria,

are you still living together? if you want to greet him in his bday, it’s better if you do no contact after that instead.

Overthinking

May 12, 2016 at 12:27 am

Hello,
I have known this guy for over 9 years, he got divorced nearly 2 years ago, I’d haven’t seen him in years as I don’t live in the same country as him, I visited his city last year and we met up and just over the last year we had grown close to each other and we talked everyday all day, he’d send pictures of his kids or silly photos of himself to make me laugh or just photos of sunsets he’d taken until last month, we didn’t even fight, He came out with there were similarities with things he went through with his ex and now myself and he need think about things, and he shut down all contact with me for just over a week, at the start I was trying to figure out what happened, but I never pushed it.
He came back to me and apologised about not talking and he didn’t know what to say, I’d said how about “Hello how are you?”
Which he said back to me and we talked, but not about what happened.
But he felt distant and odd, and no matter how laid back and friendly I was, he was cold.
I decided to take a time out, to clear my head and think about what I wanted, I was gone just over a week like him, and I missed him and the way we were.
I think now it was a mistake, as I try and talk to him and he more distant and cold and I have to be the first to make contact or there is no talking. I asked him he wanted me to visit him this year and he said yes, but it will not be the way we discussed as he wanted to take things slow.
I was getting upset by him not talking and all he said is we don’t talk like we used too, but I scared too get close to him when he not giving me any signals on what he is thinking and he may run off again leaving me confused.
I said to him yesterday as he was saying things moved too fast and he hurt me and that is why he stopped talking as he never wanted to hurt me. I said that I made a mistake by trusting too fast and broke my own rules by moving too fast and I will not make that mistake again, he said good.
But today he has been so distant to me. I asked again if he wanted me to come over, he said yes, but I wasn’t to come over just for him. I asked why? I was coming over for him, so we can get to know each other better, non sexually, (we have not done anything in person, just phone sex)
He replied that I know him better then any of his friends. I said I do? it really don’t feel like it. He replied that he tells me things that he will never tell others.
I said I like him, and he not replied to me.

Overthinking

May 15, 2016 at 6:35 am

Hello Amor,

Yes the last thing I said to him personally was “I like him”.
I know he hasn’t blocked me in any way, I see him on social media and I have been posting about what I am up too, like I’ve joined a gym and hanging out with friends etc. And I still see he is online gaming and I don’t attempt to contact him there, even though we gamed together all the time. But I got told he has joined online dating sites……. I am so confused how we went from so close with each other planning ahead to where we are now in a few weeks.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 3:53 am

Hi Overthinking,

did you start no contact?

Ale

May 11, 2016 at 12:38 pm

Hi, i apologize for the long post in advance. This feels kind of weird. (my first time posting on any message board) My boyfriend and I had been long distance for 9 months before breaking up 2 days ago. He was visiting me and he said he was unsure of what he wanted to do and that he didn’t come with the intention of dumping me. Unfortunately, I pressured him to tell me what was going on and it ended with him dumping me and saying he doesn’t love me anymore. He would always tell me I was “the one” and that “he just knew” and that we would get married once we finished grad school. Then out of no where BAM from literally one minute to the next he declares that he doesn’t want anything at all and that he doesn’t love me.
He doesn’t leave for another two weeks so we decided to the enjoy the time we have left together and officially break it off once he leaves. Although I am very happy to have him for 2 more weeks, it hurts to have him tell me he loves me and act kindly towards me when I know that that just isn’t reality. He even brings up marriage and our future, but then will remember he was dumping me and just feels the need to clarify later that nothing has changed. I’m unsure of what I should do and really need advice. I’m very hurt and confused and feel as though I’m not being entirely rational. My main concern is that in 2 weeks, he begins a summer internship in Europe; meanwhile, I being a summer internship in the U.S. After this, we won’t really ever coincide again. (Location wise) Should I stop seeing him in these 2 weeks and immediate start NC? Or should I wait up until he leaves? Is there any chance of us working out? I know no one knows and only time will tell. I wish I could know for certain. I don’t seem to have a high tolerance for heart ache. I fell apart. </3

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 1:42 am

Hi Ale,

ok, the reality is you have a slim chance here because you’re going to be in a long distance relationship again.. Can it be that that’s what made him change his mind about the relationship? Have you talked about how you would make it work when you’re in US and he’s in Europe?

Sophie

May 10, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Hi. I’m very distraught. I am older, in my thirties, out of North America on a job because I have had failed relationships and most of my friends and family have their own families. I did the “Eat, Pray, Love” thing, moving countries, after meeting a Latino (won’t mention any country names), but again this one failed as soon as I moved to his country.

I have been living in this South American country for 1.5 years, broken up with my ex, seeing people casually, and then I met this other Latino as I was travelling. He was super serious from the beginning. He wanted me to stay with him, Quit my job and move to his apartment and country. We had been dating for 3 months. We had communication problems as we had to communicate in a third language, and he was rather needy (needing to talk to me daily), and he was also jealous. It was a rocky start, but I had visited him on every holiday that I had, and the most recent one was 2 weeks ago, and I thought it was fine. We left his house on the same day, me back to my home, and him to a business trip to another city in South America.

This is when he withdrew. He did not talk to me for 5 days. He blamed it on the internet connection, but I was devastated. I didn’t recognize that he was withdrawing, something I noticed at critical stages of relationships, because it felt like he was so sure of what he wanted. I was wrong. He did an assessment of the situation, and as fast as he chased me and locked me down, he ended it all, telling me that he was not ready to have a girlfriend live with him, and that I was not going to be happy with him, not having my own life.

He found out a few things on his business trip- that he will always be travelling for his work, (in the near future) never be able to settle down in a beach city/ or town like he always wanted to (and has already bought an apartment for) …and is frustrated.

When he told me I went crazy. He had made me commit to him, even when I was unsure of quitting my job, leaving my life… just when I was starting to think that it was going to be ok because things were good with us. He said he wanted to see me in a month or two, when he knew he would be travelling near me, and I said I did not want to see him.

He texted me two days later, asking me if I thought he was a bad person, and if I will see him in a month or two. I said no, as it felt like he was just trying to not feel guilty, and I didn’t see the point of seeing him. and then I didn’t respond to him when he asked me at the end “Is that all?” I didn’t understand what the question was.

But then I am thinking that maybe, even when he says that things are over… maybe he wants to think things through, and see if he still has feelings for me in a month. This frustrates me… 5 days after I ignored him, I wrote him, telling him I am no longer angry, I understand, and if he would talk. He has not responded. It has been 2 days.

Please tell me what you think. I have a history of responding poorly to men… and not understanding them. I think I misread him completely, and I acted without control when he told me he needed time to be himself. I am devastated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 14, 2016 at 3:44 pm

Hi Sophie,

well you already asked him if he wants to talk after saying you’re not angry anymore.. So, now that he didn’t respond.. Start with no contact.. focus on yourself, improve and heal for 30 days..

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