How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Anna

May 10, 2016 at 4:26 pm

What if the NC rule might not work?

The story is, my ex and I were together for 5 years. He moved away to Norway for college just last year. He stopped speaking to me for about 5 months only to tell me (once he finally messaged me) that he was sorry but he wanted to break up.

So now we’re friends and there are times he messages me on Facebook and we reply to each other back-to-back and then he’ll randomly stop talking for a week or so.

To top things off, 2 days ago he told me he now has a new girlfriend.
(I’d like to add that we also used to call each other about every week or so, but he stopped since he’s obviously involved with a new girl)

I still want to be with him and he DID show signs that he was still into me. (Example: right before he told me that he did have a new gf, he admitted that he did miss me)

So the point of this is: my ex is a very infrequent responder. Plus, he has a new gf.

Everyone tells me to just give up on him, but I still find (some) potential in getting him back and I’m determined to do so, but I’m afraid that if I try the NC rule, he’ll just take it as a sign that he can just move on and forget about me since it’ll give the impression that I don’t even want to talk anymore.

Will the NC rule work in my situation? Or should I just give up on him at this point?

Anna

May 15, 2016 at 3:36 pm

Yes, thats what happened.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2016 at 7:02 am

It’s how you use the no contact process.. if you improve yourself while you’re silent and be active in posting, there’s a chance that he will compare you to the new girl and miss you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 14, 2016 at 3:17 pm

Hi Anna,

I just want to make it clear, you said he stopped talking to you for 5 months and then when he started to talk he broke up with you?

KT

May 10, 2016 at 4:00 am

Hello, thank you for your helpful site. My situation is not over just yet, but heading there.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years total, 1 year in the same place, 2 years long distance.
At the time of my move which was putting the distance between us, we did not make plans to stay together, however, we never broke-up. It came natural to us to continue the relationship.
It was always expected/assumed for various reasons that I would be the one to move to him. He was very vocal for the past two years that he was not enjoying the distance, but we both were very much in love and wouldn’t end it. We also never had determined an end-date to the distance, which not doing so has been very hurtful I now see. I may have been taking advantage of the situation because personally I was not ready to move. Now, I feel like the timing is right with my job and I have the support of my family, however, when he complains about the relationship now, I say, well ok, I am on board, let’s plan to end the distance, but the idea has not been welcomed by him. He says the time to move forward in that way has come and gone and it no longer feels right to have me move. It is heartbreaking to hear that. I do 100% want to continue dating and even if I move I am happy dating for as long as necessary and am not in a rush or have an expectation that an engagement would be coming shortly thereafter. I want to ensure he isn’t feeling that pressure, but I do want him to know that all my past hesitations are gone and I feel very comfortable moving now that I have the support of my family and have come to terms with leaving my current life.
He has thrown out ideas like maybe we need to take a step back or take a break, I think that sounds like the kiss of death for our relationship because how can you take a break or put more space in an already LDR? I have more relationship experience than he does. This is his first real relationship. I am turning 27 and he is turning 28.
I had already bought plane tickets to visit him this weekend and we are in the mist of these conversations about he doesn’t think I should I move there- so I have not yet brought up my trip as I have been nervous he would just say to cancel it. I am scared it I don’t go, that is the only trip we currently have planned and will miss our opportunity to see each other in person, on the other hand, I am nervous he will use that time to break-up in person and I don’t want to smother him or push him farther away by being in his apartment for the weekend.
I would very much appreciate your advice. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 9:43 am

Hi Kt,

if you decide to go, be light as possible.. be aware of how you deliver the news or if it’s suprise, how you suprise him.. I know that’s ridiculous but maybe if you think he will not take that good, surprise him at home or after work instead so, he’s not in the middle of workday stress that could add up to the shock factor, if ever he’s not prepared to see you… and be calm.. don’t push him or try hard to convince him to agree that you move.. make it light..

sound light when you talk about it.. so, that even if he starts to be negative, he’ll see you’re not and his annoyance or stress response will subside.. just be the calm source and tell him that you’re not going all too serious because of the move.. you’re not expecting to get married because of it.. it’s just to make things financially, emotionally easier for the both of you..

financially because plane tickets are expensive..

Saloni

May 8, 2016 at 4:47 am

so what to do now… ?? even his bday is coming soon on 1st june… and he shows up on fb posting pics as i told u before….. acting too happy… and at the end of this year or so.. m gonna again visit his city with my mom as i told in my story earlier… so what to do now when he indicates me to move on… ??????

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 9, 2016 at 2:38 am

actually the more you should show that you’re moving on.. if he knows you have really moved on.. it will be easier to start over as friends with him

Nada

May 7, 2016 at 3:03 pm

Hey 🙂 I commented here about 3 months ago my story was about I was in a LDR, I’m Egyptian and he also was. , I loved him first and when he did in 2015 he told me that he’ll come to Egypt next year to propose me but he was a very pessimist person ,focused only about our fights and thought that was scary but from the other side (me) tried to skip and solve every problem ,every time we were fighting I was the one who start talking . In July 2015 he suddenly decided that our relationship won’t work and our normal fights scared him and we’re different . He left me broken as I was nothing in his life.. Waited for him for more than 2 weeks to send me again to explain why he did that !! weeping everyday with myself. In a moment of anger I blocked him from Facebook and instagram .. after 5 months I found out that I can’t forget him, so I texted him a good message without blaming, he just replied a normal text. I texted him about 5 times funny messages remind him of our good memories every month . Every time he replied like I was just a friend to him or just to not embarrasses me. My life is amazing I’m successful at my work and I traveled ,I had so much fun after he left me but I still can’t take off his love from my heart. So last week I decided to talk direct, told him that I still think of him… I did that to end the confusion and to know if he will really come to Egypt or not.
Actually his words was tough He said (you’re the one who blocked me, I still have a long way to go, in terms of my career. I explained to you that several times. I also explained to you how important my career is to me. It’s my main priority. A career in the medical field over here takes decades. I felt (I also told you that several times) that I was selfish and I felt obligated to tell you about it (and I did). You keep talking about how I betrayed you and left you. I never lied to you or betrayed you It’s was scary how much we fought and we weren’t in a committed relationship yet. Imagine if things worked out, how miserable would you and me have been?
I never wanted to hurt you… I never “betrayed you”…. I never knew a girl after you.)

we texted about 2 times after what he said but it was just like that,, he will never confess that he was the one who broke my heart.. last message I was hopeless after what he said and told him it’s ok Ahmed… he hasn’t replied (that was 4 days ago)
I don’t know if I looked needy to him or not I was just wanted to know if he still cares or not and I found out that he’s not, he just want to focus on his career. If he text me again I’ll be happy and if he didn’t that’d be fine ,at least now I won’t ignore any guy like before. 🙁

Nada

May 9, 2016 at 3:09 am

Thanks Amor, I think you are right I have to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 9, 2016 at 1:38 am

Hi Nada,

you need to meet more new people and make new friends.. you don’t have to fall in love, you just need to make connections, that will help you move on faster..

Saloni

May 6, 2016 at 5:42 pm

i dnt know what to do but all i know is that i am maintaining a nc again with him now till 10 days bcoz he didnt react to any of my msgs though and even acting cold with me since the day after he messaged… dnno next step…what should i do ? 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 3:47 am

yeah, it looks like he’s telling you to move on..

Anon

May 3, 2016 at 8:22 pm

So my boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. We had been together 4 years, two of which were long distance. He left for a good job and originally we had no plans as to who would move other than knowing that we would have to be apart for at least two years due to my work here. We began to argue in November when he decided that he didn’t want to come back and instead wanted me to go there. I though it over and decided it was okay and the plan became for me to move there in spring/summer of 2017. Things were ok for the next few months and I even surprised him in February for 5 days and we had a great time. Then about a month and a half ago he started saying that he was feeling pressured by the idea of me moving. He was scared that once I got there if it didn’t work out, I would resent him. A few weeks later, he started to blame our relationship for the fact that he hasn’t made any friends over there claiming that he always has to Facetime me and has no time – which is crazy because we both adjust our schedules for each other all the time. I didn’t know what to say; I encouraged him to meet people and make friends but he’s quite shy and I feel he was using the relationship as an excuse for his lack of social life.

Then, last week he called me crying saying that he didn’t want to hurt me but that he couldn’t do this anymore. That it felt like we were best friends and things didn’t feel the same. I found this very frustrating because the foundation of a good long-term relationship is that strong friendship and history, but he’s never been in a relationship before this so he has nothing to compare it to. However, I also understand that the distance made it hard to keep the romance alive and we could have definitely worked harder on that.

I’m trying no-contact (it’s only been a week, he hasn’t contacted me at all) but I’m nervous that we won’t be able to reconnect because of the distance. It’s not so easy to have that casual cup of coffee or dinner to see if things are still possible because it would involve one of us getting on a plane. Do you think there’s hope?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2016 at 12:43 pm

Hi Anon,

yes, with ldr, you actually have to have longer time for texting, online messaging and calling to build rapport and attraction.. you have to do it longer compared to others because you need to build enough rapport for you to get on a plane.. that’s the only way… I think he’s pressured because he knows it’s hard to adjust to a new place.. so, once you start talking again, take it slow, and when things get better, if you get back together, lay out a plan on how your life will be like there.. Probable job, places you can go to continue your hobbies, places you can go to have fun.. don’t make it too serious.. just go by it little by little..

Ann Kristine Bongalbal

May 2, 2016 at 12:29 pm

Hi! Im just wondering if does the NC period will really work? What if it has no effect on him? Well, let me tell you my story. My ex and I met on a specific work where it has to some sort of distance. We live together after 1 1/2 year of relationship but due to work related issues he once again deployed in another site, that’s when we first broke up because we always have this fights such as why is he not texting or calling because we are in ldr and for me communication is our only way to keep the love. He had a relationship with a married woman but then after two months he said he wants to make up with me. I slept with him the first time we met after the break up because I was so pulled by the emotions. Then after we are back together, he once again deployed in other area. That time the trust was not really got back, after 2 to 3 months we again had fights and arguements. Until he came home last dec 2015. We spend time together or i should say of 2 weeks and he came back to his work last jan. 2016. This time, again the arguements were almosr everyday. I am not that beautiful and I am overweight. I even gain weight a lot and last april 23 he broke up with me because he had a new gf who happened to be a resident where he is working now. When he said its over, I just reply that I will let him go since it is the 2nd time and it is his decision. Im not sure I want him back because of the hurtful memories. And maybe it is the time for us to let go of each other. But i have to admit that I still love him but I really want to think of my self now. Im not sure if this will work on my situation. But i hope to still hear from you soon. I found your site helpful especially that you are pointing on our selves being hurt the most. Keep it up and God bless.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 4, 2016 at 6:31 am

Hi Ann Kristine,

We don’t guarantee that it will work 100% and it depends on every situation.. If you’re apart and he has a new gf, it’s a slim chance and also with his attitude, it will long enough for your relationship to work.. you want it to work but does he? You can still try no contact, coz even if you don’t get him, you’ll get yourself back… but if ever he does want to be back because he’ll see your improvements and he’ll realize you’re moving on.. make him work for it.. don’t take him back right ahead.

Elizabeth

May 1, 2016 at 8:44 pm

Can you please help me? I want to know if I can get my ex boyfriend back. We’ve been broken up for a little over 5 months. We had a period of no contact that did work very well for us actually but we’re still not together again. We were together over a year (16 months) and yes, we were a LDR. We both strive on long distance and it worked out very well for us until we randomly split. After we broke up there was a lot of fighting. I started to ignore him (basically no contact before I knew what It was) and he came back and said how sorry he was blah blah blah we basically started talking again. Things were going pretty well and then he started to make me pretty mad again. So then I read about the no contact rule and I implemented it. It lasted a while before he randomly called and said he was planning to move to (where I live) still and he wanted to get back together with me as soon as he was living here. I was really happy (but not too happy because it wasn’t soon enough but I didn’t say anything because it doesn’t really matter that much. I agree that we need a break until that time comes) We started talking again and things were pretty good until he started to try and make me jealous. It was obviously intentional and he admitted to his friend (who is also my friend and he told me) that he was in fact trying to make me jealous. I was really confused because he had no reason to want to make me jealous? Anyway a few days after that me and the friend from before got in a huge fight and they told me to kill myself (yikes) and then ran and told him that I hurt them and said bad things or whatever. That was childish. Like what is he, my dad? He got mad at me so I started no contact up again. I knew he would come back with time because he always did and sure enough, he did. He came back and ever since that i’ve let him initiate all of our conversations. He tried to make me jealous once again and I think he was planning on dating her too, but she basically cut him off from her life completely. Now we both have been talking and it’s been a wild ride since the beginning. I know that he wants me back and he has said so too (mentioned above) but I still have no clue what to do. I know we both want to get back together, but it seems like we’re too afraid? Is there hope and also do you have any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2016 at 9:06 am

Hi Elizabeth,

it’s really hard because you’re long distance.. just don’t do what he’s doing.. don’t do the jealousy tactic because he’s doing it, and we don’t know if he’s got the best reason of why or he really just went out to date.. the only thing you can do, is when you’re talking keep it interesting and continue to improve yourself too.. be busy and productive so, that you have new things to talk about.. the better chance is when he moves closer to you.. but until then you have to build up attraction through texts or online messaging and calls.

Judy

May 1, 2016 at 1:26 pm

Hi, I sent questions in yesterday but have not heard back.

Thank you,
Judy

Judy

May 2, 2016 at 12:31 pm

He also told me he didn’t love me and I have not heard from him either
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2016 at 3:18 pm

Ok, to be honest, from your story she seems to be more attractive for him compared to you.. but with what happened to them, if they are together, the trust can be on the rocks.. I think you have to try to give him space through nc, because he will definitely compare the two of you.. and while you’re nc, do the things that make you happy.. I’m not sure if they will fight right ahead because if they are in the honeymoon period, they probably won’t but once they do, he’ll go back to his memory of you..I don’t know if he’s into social media.. but if you have it he will probably check it when he misses you.. so, keep it updated..

but to be honest, if I was in your place.. he has to work for me if he wants me back.. coz what he did, if he left me for his ex, he can’t go back with me that easily coz that would make a rebound or just a back up..
Judy

May 2, 2016 at 12:22 pm

He broke up with me last Saturday and I have not contacted him. We have been together for 2 years. His ex girlfriend just broke up with her finance whom she had left my boyfriend for, I think this has something to do with it. We were not fighting and had future plans together. I am 53 he is 61 and his ex is 48 years old – do you think I stand a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 2:12 pm

sorry for the late reply Judy.. when did you break up? are you doing no contact?

TISH

May 1, 2016 at 12:13 am

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago but we gave last week a chance but we just ended up yelling at each other. My parents were so disappointed on how I’m reacting to the break up because I haven’t been eating well and no sleep at all. His reasons were he just doesn’t love me anymore. He fell out of love and he can only see me as a friend right now. That hurt so much that I lost weight within a week. We are still In contact but I’m noticing that he takes so long to reply now not like he used to. He’s actually in town right now with his buddies and asked if I was doing anything tonight and then I said I’m not sure. I asked him if I’ll see him he said he’s not sure because he didn’t drive. Although he’s coming back in town tomorrow I asked him to come early because I wanted to see him and he said we’ll see. Right now I’m so flustered because everything was so good and suddenly it just went down the drain. I know he feels something but he just won’t admit it. We both know each other inside and out to the point we even planned on having kids in the future. Within the week of trying he said he gave it a chance out of pity because he saw how broken I was. That week was a rollercoaster because he’d always get mad at me for trying and he even told me it was hard for him to cuddle me. My last night there I saw him crying and listening to his country music he asked me for a favor to not change myself around his friends and I asked him take care of his mom.. He kept looking at my face.. It was like when we would look at me when we were so inlove.. I asked him that if there’s a lot of possibilities in this world and he said yes. I asked him why can’t we be together right now he said that the feelings not there right now… And it makes him feel bad because I didn’t deserve to get hurt like this. I told him if it would be possible for us to get back together he said he doesn’t know maybe, maybe not. I told him but we planned having kids and he said I know 2 chubby ones and we laughed about it… The next day I sucked it up and tried to be alright when he was dropping me home. We had lunch at one of our fav restaurants and he seemed sad we barely ate and he was like one last time hey? I was like yeah then he told me he exfoliated ( I taught him skin care ) so then I caressed his face.. He seemed so sad. When we were walking back to the car he opened the door for me. Driving back home was the worse because we kept playing our songs and he would look at me from time to time. When we got to my house he walked me to my door and kissed me on the cheek. I messaged him after and he told me to be good. We facetimed around 1 cause I asked him to call me because I couldn’t sleep hearing his voice. I asked him if it was hard for him to drive away he said yes and that it was a long drive.. He told me to move on and that it hurts him to see me so sad and he kept telling that time will heal the both of us.. I want him back!! It’s driving me crazy… Only a couple people knows that we’ve broken up. Just my side of friends and his bestfriend who is also my bestfriend. Our relationship status on Instagram still states there and also on Facebook. We both agreed to change it but I’m not sure why we haven’t yet.. Everyone thinks we’ll get back together soon because of how we act and such. What do you think?

Tish

May 1, 2016 at 3:22 pm

I don’t understand why he kept reminding me that he doesn’t love me anymore. Like when he does that I would tell him you don’t think I already know about it. So yesterday I didn’t see him today not sure because his sister is coming with him to town. I couldn’t sleep last night and then I asked him if he was still awake and I told him that I can’t sleep and if it’s okay for him to FaceTime me. He was taking so long to answer so I told him that never mind he seems busy. Then he replied right away that’s he’s pooping (tmi) then we talked. I told him how I felt the night before how I felt so alone cause I couldn’t talk to anyone and that I thought of messaging him first because he’ll reply within the heartbeat. Although he was with his buddies he told me that he didn’t want to be disrespectful of being always on the phone. So I told him that’s okay I was just telling you how I feel. Us as a couple I usually steal his clothes and I finally admitted that I took his soccer shorts and he just laughed about it. Seems like we’re getting a long pretty well. Then he told me to get some sleep and that he’ll get some sleep as well. We fell asleep leaving the FaceTime on and he only hung up when it was already in the morning. This has been the most I’ve ever gotten for the past couple weeks.

I don’t know my chances. I don’t want him to think of us as friends. Transitioning from lovers to friends is a no no for me. I still have feelings for him but I’m holding back of how I love him because trying to save myself first.

Planning to do NC but honestly it would be hard for the both of us because we talk everyday….

My birthdays coming up soon I want him to be my guy..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 2:49 pm

Hi Tish,

yeah it looks like you have a chance.. do you have a plan for a next step? or you’re going to do nc?

Judy

April 30, 2016 at 3:38 pm

My boyfriend dumped me suddenly after two years. His ex girlfriend left him for another guy and was engaged, she just ended the engagement which I think is what is happening. I am 53 years old and he is 61 years, she is 48 years old and stunning. I think he was perhaps doing the NC rule with her. She would text and he never responded to her but I think now he wants her back, how can I get him back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 2:12 pm

sorry for the late reply Judy.. when did you break up? are you doing no contact?

M

April 29, 2016 at 5:42 pm

Hi Amor,
My boyfriend and I had been in a LDR for 4 months. The first 3 months were great. Sometimes we would text every day or could go 2 to 3 days without texting. We were happy and I felt secure and loved.
He relocated to a new country 1 month ago and was struggling to cope with the new language and new job and he started to create distance between us and unknowingly I was trying to overcompensate that. Initially, he would open up about his new experiences. As I was going through a hard time at work, I texted him more often and usually initiated contact first. We started to have more differences and some little arguments and he closed up even more. He was more sensitive and would sometimes knit pick at what I said.
I reacted in a defensive manner and sometimes I would repeat my point so that there would be no further misunderstandings. Retrospectively, it made things worse cos he just wanted to move on from that problem.
He broke up with me 4 days ago – 1) He admitted he was selfish but he had no room for a relationship at the moment. 2) He felt that I changed and I needed more attention 3) I did not listen to him and I ignored his feelings at times 4) We are too different and I’m too emotional 5) He had no more feelings for me.
I texted him later that I realized there was no chance for reconciliation and I apologised and I wished he would be happy. We both agreed that we tried our best to make LDR work and I was not that clingy. He was sorry for me and told me he felt too stressed and insecure right now and said we can talk later as friends.
I want to start the ex-boyfriend recovery plan but do you think this is worth pursuing or is this considered bad timing/ toxic . Also, can I reach out to his friends for support during the NC period?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 11:57 am

Hi M,

you can but don’t inform them that you’re doing nc.. try nc as a last resort.. maybe when things cool off you can restart as friends

Annie

April 29, 2016 at 10:11 am

Hey Amor! My friend introduced me to this website. I was in a ldr with a guy for about 4 months last year and he ended things with me citing ldr and not having time to commit. But he wanted to stay in touch. So we did sporadically over the last few months. (NC hasnt been done). Pretty sure he knows im not over him, I had been clingy and called him to ask him for another chance etc. But we still keep in touch. The thing is, I got into a phd programme in his city and I’m flying there this month. I told him and he was very happy for me and said congratulations but hasnt mentioned meeting up. Do you think its because he doesnt want to meet me?

Annie

May 2, 2016 at 3:33 am

I hope so! Out of curiosity, will this work even if i contact him only once every 1-2 weeks and/or if he’s busy?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2016 at 12:26 pm

we can’t guarantee that it will work 100% but what actually helps more for it to work is when you get busy improving yourself while you’re ignoring him.. because even if you only contact him once every week or so, if he knows you’re still into him, you’re still the chaser.. he has to see that you’re moving on and getting better for him to realize or just think that he’s losing you.
Annie

May 1, 2016 at 1:38 pm

Hey Amor, I havent spoken to him in a week. Im the one usually initiating all the conversations, so decided to give it a break and back off for a month or so. My confidence has def improved slightly. I dont feel so out of control. Do you think he’d say something eventually?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 3:36 pm

Let’s hope he will notice that you’re not contacting any more and message you
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 10:52 am

Hi Annie,

we’re not sure but what’s more important is you do nc because if he knows you still like him then you’re in the chaser position.. do nc first.. not just because you want him stop thinking like that about you but do it for yourself.. don’t chase.. regain your self confidence first.

Erica

April 28, 2016 at 7:57 pm

Hello,

Just 2 days ago my boyfriend who I was in a long distance relationship broke up with me because his father ended up getting sick and was put in the hospital for a couple days. He has always lived with is parents and family was #1 to him. He also has a grandmother that he is close to became really sick. I always supported him and was there when he needed to talk to but I felt that he will never communicate with me on how he felt. When we talked the night he broke up with me he said he had no attention of breaking with me before calling me he just said out of the blue “its not fair for you and I to be in this relationship because I have to be here with my mom to take care of both my grandma and my dad and I can’t see you” then he also said “I don’t you to go resentment towards me if I can’t come out” In 2 weeks from that day he was going to come and visit me for 4 days and we always have seen each other every 2 months because of financial reasons. We never argued, we never bicker it was a great relationship. He was planning to move here in October and sometimes I think he broke up with me because he was not ready but I was willing to wait because I love the guy so much. The worst part is that, the company he works for manufacturers our supplies for the company I work with and when something happens with a order I have to contact him for it. He told me when he broke up that he will never ignore me if I needed something. I found out that was true what he said because the next day I called him and asked how his dad was and he need anyone to talk to he can call me and he mentioned that I will be the first person he calls. He was not cold whatsoever, I don’t know if he is lying to me or telling me what I like to hear. It just hurts because I understand the situation what he is going through but I always thought when you in a place of hurt you need that special someone to be there for you and he totally shut me out.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 9:08 am

Hi Erica,

maybe he just doesn’t want you waiting for him because his dad’s sickness will be a long process.. give him time.. do nc and then after that.. show him that it’s ok to keep in touch and then slowly rebuild everything.. so that he might think if it’s working like that then maybe it’s ok to give it another try.

Polly

April 25, 2016 at 9:08 am

Hi Amor,

I am not speaking fluently eng, so please forgive me if here is anything unclear.
I met my exboyfriend 1 years and 4 months ago, we fall in love and try very bad to stay together as we are long distance relationship.(we seperate across the ocean asian country and US)
But then many things happened. He have to sold out all the house and car which he build up in the past 7 years and move to another state for a new job. And at the same time, I find that it is inpossible for me to study in his state caused it is too expensive. He was so stressful because of the debts and the money he make from this job is not as good as before.
He is so stress about his economy and he said he is broken. The place he live now is not as good as his expect and there is no friends no family with him. I went to visit him las Xmas, and that time I can tell he totally change to another person.Pessimistic all the time and keep saying that he is not happy and he cant make me happy, he want me to find another people who can let me happy. The first year, we see each other like 6 months a years, we live tgt when we see each other. And last Xmas will be the last time I saw him. When I back to my country after 1 month visit for Xmas, I have to start my new job which is not allow me to see him like that often anymore. And just 3 weeks later, he said he want to break up for now and he said he want nothing cause he cant take care of himself he doesnt know how to take care me. He said he want me to be happy, our relationship make him so stressful. Then I accept this and I stop contact him. After 2 weeks, he say hi and ask me hows my job going.And we stop talking because I assume that he is just deing polite to me. Then he post one pic of his femalefriends on his instagram and I just cant help to ask him if this is his new girlfriend(even I know that one is just his friend), I know he mean to do it, and after he succeed to draw my attention to talk to him, he seems quite happy. And a month later, that was his birthday, he got my birthday card and he was so happy. He talk to me on his birthday and he said he feel better now and he think he will be ready soon. We talk a lot about the old time, where we met and what we have been doing when we live tgt in the beautiful island we live before. Soon, he show that he want me to go to see him again, and we plan for the trip and the date. I bought a ticket real quick just like 3 days after he ask me to go to see him.
And things happened, that would be the most terrible thing I have ever going through. He suddenly stop contact me and when I talk to him about our futrue he said he is not sure and I was like WTH….. And he started to find some excuse like he has to go for a bussiness trip when I arrived there, and he said it will make things harder if we sleep tgt agian( he seems tired to see me come and leave, come and leave …) And I accept that I can stay in the Hotel. 3 days later, he said the hotel is expensive and I finally break out, I told him to act like a real man and I told I dont want to play game. And he answer me he doesnt want me to go and he said is has not been easy for the past few months since I left. And He said he is going out with someone. And he wish I can forgive him. ( he knows this “someone” only like 1week) and I ask him if he is dating anybody and he said he doesnt want to and he said he doesnt know how to love anymore. He keep hurting me by this agian and agian , and today he did the final blow to burn my heart to the hell. He post a pic he with a girl and the way they act is just like a couple. And I know this time is for real.(that girl is totally different from me, robust and not slim, I am sorry to say she is not pretty tho) I am very upset and hopeless right now. dont know what I should do. Should I still keeping my hope to think about it (it maybe a rebound) or I should just let go? We have many great memories when we are tgt, he bring me to see his parents and all his freind, but never post anything of me on the FB. I dont get it. I dont know why……I am sorry this might be too long, But I hope you can give me some direction. Thanks! A lot!

Polly

April 28, 2016 at 5:43 am

should I do NC? We just texted after 5 days we broke and I said hope you and your girl have a good time, and he seems a liitle but mad at me and said “you know I dont feel good about the situation and he say he feel very sorry. I dont know. I know he still loves me but just tired of the long distance.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 7:38 am

I think you should move on.. but if you really want to try.. go ahead, do it as last resort
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 9:26 pm

Hi Polly,

It’s okay.. I think being long distance has a lot to do with it.. It’s easier to be with someone who’s just near.. and he may thought about that when you were flying back because the memories of how your relationship was before came back.. I think you should move on because if he’s really serious, he would show it.. It’s better to improve yourself and have a restart if ever he wants to be back than keep waiting for him while he has a new girl.

anonymus

April 24, 2016 at 9:54 am

Hello,

So, I just ended a long distance relationship. We met on the internet, and talked for 7 months, every day. Everything was so wonderful, we really have fallen for each other. We watched movies while on the phone, called almost every day, even had phone sex. The light of our relationship was that we were supposed to see each other in 2 months. We planned everything, how perfect it would be, and he was the one who was looking more forward to it and who was convincing me that our relationship will work out, that we will pass all the obstacles and that we will have the happily ever after. We really both felt as if we have already seen each other – I Know that. But then, the last month was a bit tricky. We both had a lot of things to do regarding our University and stuff, and we talked a bit less. We even had some small fights. Last night, he told me that he is not sure about his feeling because of all what happened. That he misses the way we used to talk, and that since we don’t talk that way anymore, he doubts his feeling. But he also told me how he doesn’t want to lose me. But still, at the end he broke up with me. I think that after this week, when we both have more time, that we would be able to get back to were we where. I really need some advice on should I call him? I am worried since I really don’t want to lose him, we fitted perfectly together, it was really something special for both of us. I know that we could get over this, and be normal again…

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 3:03 pm

Hi Anonymous,

just give him space. I think he got tired of the pressures and the small fights.. Let him have time to sort out his University things and for him to think too…
After a week, initiate contact.. Ask how he’s been.

Sveta

April 24, 2016 at 6:59 am

Second part of my story.
However, things didn’t stop right there. He kept on contacting me, telling me it was his fault. I was rational at that time as to be back with him was something that I had never expected. Moreover, he told me that he had a girlfriend then, who had been with him for 3 years. But they had not even hugged or kissed each other for two years. The only rrason that they didn’t break up was that they intended to stay in Australia.
I was lost. But my heart was melted as our feelings were all on the same page. And his friends also told me that he was serious. Then he paid another visit to Singapore to see me before returning to Melbourne, yes, we were back together. The 3 days have been the best days in both our life. Even now we broke up, we both admit that.
After he went back to Melbourne, he broke up with his ex immediately. And the girl accepted, even it would be better if they kept their relationship so that it would be easier for them to stay there.
We had a great time together for about a month. We video-called and made calls each other everyday, including phone sex. I could tell that he was devoted.

However, after I came back from a tour during the recess week, I could sense that things were slightly different. The insecurities aroused with me, as he was very stressful in front of me. Then we both cannot work out. So I brought up the idea breaking up with him.
We both cried the second day over the call. Because it is the first time that in both our lifetime that we consider marriage. Before that, this word never showed up in either of our minds.
However, I booked a trip to Australia before we broke up. I asked him if I should stick to the plan, he said yes. But later, vice versa. But we still de used to complete it. Before the trip, I begged him twice if he could come back to me, of course he refused.
Things were extremely weird and awkward when we met each other again. Everything went wrong, definitely. We quarreled, shouted at each other. Though one day he did want to have sex with me, but he calmed down and stopped. Anyway, I didn’t control myself well, and I crashed twice when I was there. I cried desperately, said too much in front of him, begging him.
He told me that he had thought about if we should be together but it is exactly what I did that pushed him away. He thought I had been different from 6 years ago. He thought I was more rational. But If I could go back to my life, and I’m back on my feet, maybe we could talk about our future some time. he said this so very constrainedly. Before I came back in the airport, I asked him if his words are serious. At first he just told me that I should go back to who I am, but later he said yes. The last msg I dropped to him was in the next day, wishing him good luck in his work after the holiday. He thanked me back and wished me a good time in Singapore with a smiling emoji.

I’m sorry my story might make you very annoyed, but I’ve read some articles on this website and purchased two of the e-books. But I’m still quite confused what I should do. So far I started the NC rule for half a month already. I still post things on social network and so does he. He even liked one of my posts two days ago as I finally completed my thesis but I just ignored him.

Would you pls tell me if there’s still a chance that I can win him back? How long should I go on the NC period? I seriously already know my mistakes, both when we were together and after the break-up.

Thank you very much in advance. Hope you’re not annoyed with me. Wish you two all the best :))

Sveta

April 24, 2016 at 7:03 am

Sorry I forgot to say that, I came back to Singapore on 9th April, 10th is the last day that we spoke via messages.

Thank you very much if you do finish reading my long post. I do appreciate your patience and kindness. :))
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Hi Sveta,
nope you’re not annoying! Thank you for sharing us your story.. You know I think everything just happened out of emotions.. things were not really thought about and then so many has been said.. Show him that you’re changing by not talking about what happened negatively again.. Be productive in your life right now and if ever he initiates about the issue, be calm and listen to him.. Don’t enter the blaming game.. But make the most out of nc for yourself, so if ever he doesn’t message, you’ll be more emotionally ready when you initiate after nc.

Sveta

April 24, 2016 at 6:57 am

Hi, Chris/Amor! How are you doing? I must say that your system and website is great. Thank you for building them up!
I was in a LDR with my ex. But our situation is a little bit complicated.
We broke up six years ago she we were studying. After that we regarded each other as enemy due to so many weird things around us. Naturally, we deleted each other, everywhere.
Before I graduated, we happened to meet each other again, which forced us to talk. on that day, we had a nice simple chat. But we still didn’t contact each other. That was 2011.
After that we never actually contacted each other but gradually we’ve became friends again on all social networks.
Last year in May, I posted a picture of an offer from a university on Facebook, claiming that I would further my master study in Singapore. I didn’t expect that he replied! He was happy for me. Then we started to chat again.
The next 3 months, we chatted as much as we could. During that period, I left Beijing, went back to my hometown for a rest, then I arrived at Singapore. However, he’s been in Melbourne for 3 years.
One day, he told me that he’d visit Singapore before Christmas before he went back to China and asked me if I could be his tour guide. I agreed. Before he came here, we were in good contact every now and then.
He came here, staying in my room in the hall on campus. We had 5 amazing days together. The first three days nothing happened. But on the forth day, he set the fire. We kissed, hugged, and almost went down to sex. Both of us felt it was a dilemma. Then he went back to China.
Brenda

April 24, 2016 at 5:30 am

Hello,

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had been doing long distance for almost 2 years now. Everything seemed fine. We never got into serious arguments and we always talked through any issues we had. We had been planning to see each other this month and everything seemed good. Out of nowhere, he tells me that he thinks we are in two different places in our lives and that it would be better if we weren’t together. I asked him why he all of a sudden felt like this and it was because I took an internship for the summer that would be even farther away from him. It would only be for 3 months and I had made arrangements to go see him during that time. I told him that I couldn’t deal with an on again off again relationship so if this is what he wanted, then so be it. I hung up on Skype after saying my goodbyes and didn’t talk or text for 3 days. I texted him first saying that I was sorry for any things that I may have said that were mean and that I wish him the best of luck in life. He said that he still wants to be friends and that he hopes he can still reach out to me if he ever needed a friend and that he would be there for me too. I said I would be fine with that and never answered him again. I have been doing NC for 2.5 weeks now and I want him back more than ever. We were really good together and I want to be able to talk to him again. He was my best friend and I want to be able to be with him. Is there any chance we could ever possibly get back together? My friends keep telling me to never be the one to text first but is it really all that bad if I do? We are from the same hometown but because of college, we decided to try long distance and were successful for 2 years. I’m willing to try anything to get him back but refuse to look desperate.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 12:13 pm

Hi Brenda,
maybe after this he would listen more because you got space from each other..but, going back to whether you would initiate or not, it’s up to you.. it’s better if you don’t talk about the relationship right ahead.. build rapport first and wait for a good.time..

Maggie

April 23, 2016 at 11:46 pm

Hi Amor! Me and my ex boyfriend were in long distance relationship because of our studies. We broke up 3 weeks ago and stopped talking for a while. We started talking again this week and calmly explained each other’s opinion over the break up. Of course I want us to look at out problems and fix them. And he agreed but then he said he is confused because while we were apart, he realized that he can be happy on his own. He said he really cares for me and would never act cold or distant and that i need to trust him on that. We started acting like a couple but we are not back together… He said there is something but he is confused… This makes me overthink a lot and I guess I am just really insecure with so many people saying he obviously doesn’t want anything to do with relationship, you need to let go because you deserve more and such.. I am getting increasingly stressed over this and I don’t know what do to. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t know how to fix this.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 26, 2016 at 8:52 am

Hi Maggie,

talk to him..because honestly you’re just going back to routine but he’s bot committing.. tell him you need to space because you can’t handle beig friends and then do nc.. make him miss you..improve yourself during nc

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