How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Sealtiel

July 17, 2019 at 8:17 am

Hi Chris,

I just purchased the ERP yesterday.
I really wish it goes well for me.

My boyfriend and I broke up just last Sunday (July 14). We were in a long distance relationship for 5 and half years. We do see each other once a year or every 2 years.

I am a nagger and overthinker. When he is out with friends he tend to ignore me and for him I am a nuisance or bother for him. His break up message was devastating he said he dont want to include me anymore in his life and that he wants to be free.

He is not an outgoing person but just this year 2019 he started going out and that’s when our relationship went into a roller coaster ride. He doesn’t want to admit that he is a late bloomer. He does not want me to message or call him and often times he will lie about being with his friends. He choses them and does not even consider my feelings. He is 25 by the way. He has this female friend that he is always with. I am always jealous of her but he said she is just a friend but then he keeps hiding all that is about her.

We always video call and communicate and update each other until this year when he started going out with that set of friends. I felt like that is why he fall out of love because he always hangs out with these people and does not want to include me. He told me that he was not happy anymore and that for him everything is already a routine or a task.

I felt so devastated. What has happened to him? He changed a lot. Also, We have plans that I will be moving into his country. And suddenly he told me that I do not live there. When I tell him that it is just temporary he wouldn’t go back to his A Game and choose me.

I love him even though he is an asshole sometimes. He doesn’t assure me of his love and does not share about his whereabouts anymore.

Is there still a chance to win him back?

I really want him to be my life partner.

Chris Seiter

July 18, 2019 at 12:13 am

I hope it goes well for you as well. Just follow the game plan I lay out and don’t forget the importance of focusing on your ongoing recovery and personal growth.

Alice

July 16, 2019 at 6:43 pm

I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 5 years. We mutually split because we didn’t see a way to ending the distance but I then said I didnt want it to end and she said she didn’t want it to carry on. In April we started no contact and on my birthday in may she contacted my friend to say she hasn’t forgoton but doesn’t want to message me directly so not to give me false hope. I messaged her ten days after to tell her I have moved into a new place and was doing well and she replied. The beginning of July was my sons birthday and she messaged me to ask me to wish him a happy birthday and to send her love (he is 3)
I am going to her city for work. I messaged her to tell her that I will pop her front door key through her door and that she doesn’t have to see me if she doesn’t want too. She replied that would be great xx
I was planning on leaving her a bag of stuff that I know she can’t buy in her city- just a few token bits that I know her and her kids will like- but I am stumped. She obviously still cares- but I don’t want to go fast or suggest anything but am also worried if I don’t show her I come in peace she has quite a big ego and will never be the one to break the no contact. I really need some help. Please
Pari

July 15, 2019 at 8:26 pm

Hello
I’m going to criticize you
I was already broken and in tears when i opened this link
But when i read your comment on strictly long … that u don’t consider it even a relationship, i felt sthg phisical happened in my heart…!
I’m a half persian-half italian girl, and it’s two years i have this long distance relationship with a french single dad , he’s 12 years older than me, I’m 29 now
We never met, because he lost his job in dubai and had to get back to france
He has financial issues and a sick mom in the south of france and two little kids
Thing we’re supposed to be different
We were having the most amazing connection
We were never unaware of eachother for more than 2 hours
We shared real life, we shared our happiness and sadness, we shared laughter and tears, we even shared bed!
We talked about politics, literature, history… and we saw ourselves in eachother’s future…
Our bond was stronger than any nearby relationship…
But our fist date delayed
I slowly became emotionally hurt
Our fights started
I criticized him
I complained
I even insulted, cried and screamed
He knew he had the fault
He stood by me when it’s a full year we fought 3 times a week and i was such a pain in the ass…
Now I’m hurt like i went to psy and I’m starting to get fluxetine , and I’m hurt to the depth of my bones, i decided to disappear for a month…
But it hurts
U don’t know how it can even be when u love someone beyond phisics and bodies
If u don’t understand sthg
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2019 at 10:30 pm

Hi Pari….thank you for your comment. I wrote that article a number of years ago. Since then, my views have changed somewhat. I can see now where it is possible for a strictly online relationship to form and be a really important part of each person’s life, even if they have not yet had the opportunity to meet in person.

The way relationships have formed and thrived in today’s society is a lot different than in the past in many ways. I appreciate you providing me your feedback on this topic.

an8id

July 15, 2019 at 7:15 pm

Hi Chris,

My LDR bf and I broke up end of May. We met on tour during mid-April, but the time we spent together on tour was only 1 week. He was more smitten with me (than I was with him) and I didn’t mind giving it a shot as there was obviously a spark between us so we decided to try LDR when we parted ways – he returned to Scandinavia and I went back to Australia. Despite the time difference and 8000++ miles apart, we try to schedule frequent calls and talked regularly on whatsapp, did videocalls, bantered a lot and I was happy with how the relationship was progressing……..until I decided to take my engaged friend’s advice on commitment. Never again! When we broke up, he stated that I was too pushy (emotionally) and it would be better if we remained friends- to which I had agreed (because I also felt that he was pushy in the physical aspect). He kept in contact even after we broke up (he initiated contact), sending me some of his vacation pictures whilst he was on holiday. In response, I sent him one or 2 of my holiday pictures when I was on another holiday in Europe in June (pre-planned) and responded to his texts in a light-hearted manner as I was okay with being friends. We did not text every day…just intermittently every few days….him responding to my text quicker than I did to his as I no longer saw the point of responding to his texts as quickly (between 24 hours to a few days) as he was no longer my priority and I felt he was throwing me crumbs or being Mr. Nice Guy and honestly, I don’t need pity texts. The texts we sent each other were initially quite specific…about his activities, my activities, he asked if I had enjoyed my concert in Europe, my/his vacation plans etc. But then his intermittent texts started to become vague e.g. how r u? how’s the weather etc. I responded in a similarly concise manner after 3 days of receiving his text. Since then, he hadn’t texted back…….and it’s been 1.5 weeks of literally no contact. I am very concerned that he has moved on and it doesn’t sit well with me (initially I thought I did too but now I am willing to give this relationship another try and let this progress naturally this time). Should I wait for another 3 weeks to see if he’ll establish contact? Honestly, I’m a bit confused as to how NC can work now as we were still in contact after we broke up.

I want him to desire me more after NC. He knows that I have another planned trip to Europe (destination TBC) Dec this year (because I told him of my vacation plans for this year before our break up) but I hadn’t said if I would pay him a visit. Currently, I don’t have a reason to visit him and he has not given me a reason to now that we don’t even talk – I sure as heck won’t visit him just because he is a “friend” – that’s just not a good enough reason. But I know I want him back and give this relationship another shot and to see where it takes us.

Chris Seiter

July 15, 2019 at 7:55 pm

Hi There….I can see that a lot has happened and you have been thru a lot. I do think implementing No Contact in the manner that I teach it in my Program is the right move going forward. Take a look at my Program, “EBR Pro Relationship Bundle” so you can get up to speed on the entire process of how to recover and also rebuild the attraction.

Elaine

July 12, 2019 at 3:27 am

Hi Chris,

I’m new to this page but already read this section and the one about military relationship. My bf and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years and we last saw each other December last year when he visited. I have an opportunity to move closer to him this year because of a job but it’s still in process and no concrete date/month. We’re getting tired of our long distance set up and we’ve argued recently and I demanded a lot of things from him even though he’s in the middle of his basic military training that made him decided to break up with me. He said soon he’ll be sailing and he’s not sure whether he can still handle more long distance set up. I’m heartbroken because I thought ill be with him this year and finally close our distance but at the same time, im feeling very hopeful. I don’t know if I should start the NC program or I should try to talk to him first. I want to be able to fix things before he leaves for the deployment which is in a month.

Idk what to do. By the way, I live in South East Asia and he is from Europe.
Traci

July 10, 2019 at 8:59 am

Everything has been going great in our relationship. 8 months in. We live in the US. He gets job opportunity to move out of the US which has always been his dream. I can’t move with him due to kids. But we both love each other and want to come up with a solution. I told him to go cause I don’t want him to resent me cause this is his dream. He won’t be leaving for another year but didn’t want to fall deeper in love so he broke up with me. I decided to do the NC. Day two he keeps texting me asking how I am. Im confused cause I miss him and want to respond but I want him to miss me and see how life is like without me. How long do I go without contact if he’s reaching out to me now. Help
Kate

July 6, 2019 at 2:37 am

Hi my situation is quite difficult me and my idk what to call it at this point we’re ldr dating for about 7 months he’s in the military we met online things were amazing I met him family I would go visit we were both really happy then he went to a sort of military school to higher his rank we planned on moving in together after the schooling during the schooling I started missing him a lot because he was so busy in class and we couldn’t talk how I wanted he still found time to talk to me I was just being a pain for no reason totally regret it now , any way we got in a fight and he said I think we should take a break like take a step back and get to Understand each other better he text me the next morning to see if I was ok and even FaceTimed later that day a to check on me the next day he text me today at 1:23 in the morning he’s basically saying no relationship right now just talk he even mentiond somehing about no strings i tried to tell him we can fix it and be happy he basically said after that, that he wants to start from scratch because the fighting made him shut down and his feelings had changed a little but he doesn’t want it to change completely and that we should talk and see how it goes I’m devastated I called him to say I’m sad I feel like I’m loosing him forever he said that he’s not gone we should just take a step back and that to think of this as positive and not sad and negative he also mentioned that I’m still going to military graduation ceremony which is in a month and will be a 6 hour drive with his parents .. do we still have hope what should I do at this point I don’t wanna make it worse I want us to get back promptly
Mary

July 2, 2019 at 3:02 am

Please help!

My boyfriend (he was slightly younger then me) broke up with me over vacation. I live in Illinois and he live in Indiana. When I was at university we were only and hour apart (which was totally manageable) now it’s summer and I’m 3 hours apart (a little harder). I was on vacation for 2 weeks in a foreign country. With in 3 days he broke up with me because we couldn’t text everyday all day because of the times zones. He also hung out with this girl while I was gone (because he wanted to hang out with friends while I was gone to not be lonely) but then he fell for her (side note she looks exactly like me and is the same age as me). Idk how to get him back. Because I think he’s moved on but I haven’t. They are officially dating and I don’t know what to do. We haven’t talked since we broke up. But I really want him back! HELP!

Chris Seiter

July 2, 2019 at 7:46 pm

Hi Mary…I think implementing No Contact is the way forward for various reason. You learn more about how it works as well as the other things you should be doing in my Program – “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle”. Sometimes these situations turn out to be a foolish rebound choice of your ex.

Linda Ackermann

June 26, 2019 at 7:38 pm

I should maybe add that we had a LDR for 4,5 years (different countries)
-Linda
Linda Ackermann

June 26, 2019 at 7:36 pm

Hi!
I was wondering..my bf just broke up with me and he and I listened to some podcasts about what to do after breakups and they were all pretty much saying “just take time for yourself and move on and DONT contact the person for at least 30 days or even ever”. So now that he probably knows about this NC thing, what am I supposed to do? He’ll know/think that I’m just doing it bcuz that’s what we “need to do to move on” and think that I’m moving on and therefore he’s “rid of me” (cuz he’s very much in the state of “we shouldn’t contact each other at all ever” and “I don’t wanna be with you”) I don’t know if I’m asking the right thing/way but I hope you can help?
From Linda

Chris Seiter

June 26, 2019 at 11:22 pm

Hi Linda…even if he knows that NC is your underlying strategy, it is hard to escape the positive psychological effect it can have on people. As to how it will all shake out, one never knows. There are always many pathways. But have a sensible plan and doing NC, but along with doing the other things I talk about in my Program improves your chances.

Kim

June 9, 2019 at 8:20 am

Hi there,

My long distance boyfriend (UK – Australia) broke up with me because he believed the distance was just too far and we could only see each other every six months or so. Since then, we’ve talked every day and he’s even came to visit for a weekend while he was in the country, although this visit messed things up as we started acting as if we hadn’t broken up (initiated by him) at all and eventually he had to put his foot down and set boundaries. I’m considering trying the no contact rule but I was wondering if you should notify your ex at all when you do it or just cut contact completely without warning? Also, do you believe this will still be effective when there is such a large amount of distance between us?
Mary Gay Amod

June 8, 2019 at 4:50 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend (ex ) broke up with me last night. We’re in LDR for more than 4years. Im in Dubai now, he is in Philippines. He applying to Canada and maybe early on July he will go there. Before our breakup we’re planning that i will go home in Philippines to spent time together before he will go to Canada. As per him he wants space, he don’t want to be monitored and controlling things. He insisted that no third party involve.
Just want to ask advise if “NO CONTACT RULE” still applicable for us? Where time is essential for us if ever, so that we can spend quality time together before he will go to Canada. I really want us back together.

Thank you in advance for your advice.
Kate

June 2, 2019 at 5:51 am

Hi! Chris,
I was successful with your program last 2 years before. I got him back from very hard time. Now I have new issues and I’m sure you are the very first one I should ask before acting. I’m now in harder situations.
1.LDR since I moved away for a job. The good is I can go back home at least once a month. But he refused to meet up and tried to fade away.
2.After half year of LDR, he has a new girlfriend.
3.He didn’t respond to my text. It’s been a couple of months now.
4.We are on and off for more than 10 years.
Please give me a game plan. Is it still ok to start with NC immediately if I used to do it many times in the past? How long should it take this time and should I ask things like “Are you happier with her?” Before I enter the nc or just leave with no clues. Sorry for so many questions. I don’t know where to start. Thank you in advance for your help.

Chris Seiter

June 2, 2019 at 5:05 pm

HI Kate…I do think NC would be the best medicine in the range of 30-45 days. Avoid reaching out with questions as it causes you to lose personal power. YOur focus should be on your personal recovery and moving forward with meaningful things in your life.

Helen

May 6, 2019 at 4:23 am

My ex and I broke up 2 years ago. I was due to go visit him and stay with him in September, but today he informed me that he has a girlfriend and I can’t stay with him anymore. How do I get him back?
Helen

April 6, 2019 at 2:13 am

Hi Chris,

My ex and I split up a year and a half ago (he dumped me). After 9 months of no contact I got in touch and was gonna be in town (I live in the US, he’s in England) and we met up and chatted and things got better. In the year since then we’ve skyped once, he sometimes jokes about me coming to see him and has offered to let me stay with him when I do come back. He’s also asked if I’m dating anyone and a few months back joked about our sex life, so I know he still thinks about that. I’m struggling to break past the next stage as I won’t be able to visit until at least this autumn. What can I do to keep him interested in the meantime?
Almira

March 30, 2019 at 1:54 pm

Hi Crist, my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. we were on 10 months of relationship, and well it was long distance relationship. he promised he would come to see me next year but we already broke up so yeah. he used to talk about marriage, kids and living a happy life and bloody hell we’re still in college. i didn’t know about the No Contact thing so, like many people, I sent him messages and begged him to stay and he blocked me literally on every way he could contact me and he also unfriended my friends. i didn’t get why he did that to my friends. anyway, he broke up with me because of my behavior, he said that I didn’t respect him, i was rude to him. and yeah now i blamed my self for that. he was so nice to me like the nicest guy i’ve ever known, and another problem is he was also jealous to my guy best friend and assumed that I’ve cheated on him with my best friend, I tried to explain but he didn’t listen. he just kept saying it’s over. i regret it, i’m willing to change, i just miss him so much. he didn’t even break up with me in call, guess he couldn’t take it.
soniya

February 27, 2019 at 1:10 am

Hi Chris,
So my ex just ended things between us a week ago. He lives 1 state away (45 min flight or 4 hour drive). We have been dating for 3 months and even introduced each other to some very close friends. He was schedule to go on a business trip for 2-3 months in February. I saw him 3 days before his trip, the night didn’t end well. We got into a tiff because he got a bit drunk and left me by myself at the club. Moving on when speaking to him about he asked what am I a looking for in a relationship. He told me to think about it for a few days, he didn’t want to share his answer as he thought it would influence mine. By this time he was already overseas. 2 weeks pass by and we barely spoke on the phone. He texted me saying he was at the hospital the entire week because he got sick. In addition his doctor put a cast on his arm because his blood wasn’t flowing properly from a previous surgery. At this point i’m thinking wow, what a shitty way to start the trip. Still at the back of my mind I can only think of the conversation. A little bit after 2 weeks I get a quick call and was so happy to hear him call me babe (childish but happy kid moment) I was thinking okay maybe things are fine between us. By the end of week 3 I requested he put aside some time to have that conversation about what we are looking to do within a relationship. He responded back to my request rudely (I think) saying “yeah sure when I get time out of the f***ing hospital. Like WHOA okay. So with that I just put my thoughts into texts. I explained to him that I try to have deep conversations via text since we can’t talk or hang out all the time just so I can get his mindset about us. I stated other things like being supportive towards his goals and us building a strong friendship;/foundation, working through the hard times together. 15 mins pass by and I get a text saying maybe we just want different things, I think its best to just not bother at this point and wish each other the best of luck in finding what we both want and deserve. I obviously texted back saying please don’t say that, we both know what we want, we are working towards the same goal. 30 mins later we speak on the phone and he pretty much made up his mind about us not being together. He said this relationship is only being worked 1 way. Due to his work, unbalanced scheduled and a lot of problems with his business he doesn’t know if he’s even coming back in 2-3 months. I told him to try giving us a chance. Then he said, I give up on us. My heart shattered. I feel like he was trying to be either protective towards me so I’m just not on hold. I honestly don’t know. Its been a week since we have ended and no contact has been made. I just want him to realize that was the wrong decision. He’s so special to me and so REAL. What do you suggest in my situation? My friends have expressed the timing may be off. Month 2 into us dating his grandma passed which made things rough on him. I feel like we just haven’t had our prime time and situations have just been messy towards us.
Alena

February 19, 2019 at 8:02 pm

I posted a comment but forgot to add that I’m afraid he’s interested already in another girl. Because he keeps Adding all those pretty girls. And really there wasn’t a day the last 2 years that we didn’t text so I hope if I do the NC method I will get a text from him. Did I understand it right and if he doesn’t answer after 30 days I can text him a text and see?
Alena

February 19, 2019 at 7:58 pm

So he broke up with me on his birthday, we almost were together for 2 years seeing each other twice a year for a month. Last time we seen each other was 4 weeks ago and he left and was all telling me how happy I make him. We had so so many fights and struggles but when being in person together we were smiling. Yes arguments also but mostly good memories. Before he visited me in winter we almost had a breakup and he had already booked his flight and said he’s gonna come as just a friend but I convinced him to just see how it is like in person. And when he broke up last week he said winter was all bad memories and nothing good about it and all that. That is a lie because he always gave me this one look when we had really happy memories this one look where he would usually just out of nowhere call me the most beautiful girl. And those moments we also had in winter. We randomly had a video game night and I was distracted asking him about something while eating chips and he just turned and said you know what I’m gonna marry you one day. And then hearing he never meant any of that and that in winter he already knew that he would break up I can’t believe that. He wrote on the last day a letter saying don’t ever be told different. He always had a problem admitting that he misses me but even wrote that he will miss me. And to be honest when he broke up I first did the first option I called him trying to get a hold of him, I texted him. Begged him that I would do anything. I also gotta say since he left he started playing video games a lot like 18 hours a day. Then had work. We still talked and all that but he was never that distant. And it all became less and less I mean we barely sent snaps to each other showing our faces like we used to do. And duh I believe if you don’t see a person and not hear much from a person you start to lose feelings or forget. And first I begged, then I just got so mad at him, for lying to me because he said we will give it all in summer a chance. The thing is I WOULD HAVE MOVED IN WITH HIM IN 4 months. No distance no more. And just the week before he still helped me. Even his mom texted me she doesn’t understand him that he was just last week asking her about me moving and trying to figure paper work out. He acts rn as if he never cared about me. But when I asked him to call me on face time to tell me while seeing my face, and I begged him to not leave me, he struggled and really he’s not a man that shows emotions easily. But he cried. And not pretending to, I seen tears running down his face. I only seen that like 5 times in those 2 years. When I was leaving the country when we just got together, when I was holding him while he told me about his family problems, then when I left in summer again and him saying he had to see the love of his life leave him and then when he broke up. The week before he already had stopped saying I love you and needed Time to think and he also cried on FaceTime. So I have this hope that he still cares. He ignored mostly all my texts or when I then said well I freakin deserve an answer after you broke my heart then he usually just said he’s sorry but I have to accept it bla bla. He texted my mom that I’m an amazing person and so beautiful, but that it hasn’t been working out and that he felt trapped. The girls he deleted on facebokn and Snapchat it was himself deciding that to do for me and now he said I made him lose all his friends. If he would have talked to me I always would have agreed to him seeing friends. Because I would agree to anything if it means not losing him. I don’t know why he broke up. I don’t believe that he doesn’t love me no more. And we both deleted Instagram when being a couple and I seen that he got it back and he posted a picture of Paris, a gift that he gave me for Christmas and he when breaking up said it was such a terrible time full of arguing although we made so many good memories. And then he posted the pictures that I took, just the landscape ones and said “amazing trip to Paris” as if he did that alone. So I even told him I was disappointed that was our thing and he ruins it by pretending I wasn’t there. He actually said “won’t post more like that my bad”. And today I still texted him and had him ignore me. Because I said the reasons he broke up is he wanted to keep his friends and he wanted to go out to things without me making comments being jealous. If it was only those reasons I don’t get why we can’t be together and him just doing that. And I valento this page and my parents also said he will run after me if I ignore him. I mean we texted 610 days straight. Every day there was texting and he still just sends a random picture to keep our streak on Snapchat. But if I would stop sending one back if I would delete him. I would be afraid he would never come back. But the crying showed it hurt him knbredinky and that I mean a lot to him still. So should I do a whole month of ignoring him ? And what if he hasn’t contacted me once. Do I just sent a normal text saying hey do you remember when we went to the drive in movies and both fell asleep already at the beginning.
Pani

February 12, 2019 at 2:28 pm

Hi Chris, I don’t know if he is my ex yet but since August 31 st we had a little misunderstanding because I disrespected him, and he hates when he is been disrespected. So, he has been angry from August 31st to today because when I text and he doesn’t reply I start nagging so he continues to ignore me.He actually texted on the 1 st of January to wish me happy new year. When I send him a message to ask if he is still interested in the relationship he doesn’t reply, when I call he rejects. I know know what to do.

Chris Seiter

February 13, 2019 at 12:40 am

Hi Pani!

Have you tried implementing No Contact as I think if you learn more about it and all of its elements, you will realize its a pragmatic path forward for many reasons.

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5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”