How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Help

March 1, 2016 at 10:51 pm

Hi I met my boyfriend while we were studying overseas but we’re from different countries… I went to visit him and I made the mistake of repeatedly mentioning that I feel sad whenever we are separated and I need an end goal in mind with him. We were together for about 9 months and he finally broke it off with me even though he said he still loves me a lot and this is only because he thinks it’s what’s best for me. He thinks that he’s holding me back in life and has little confidence in himself because he feels that he can never seem to make me happy. He broke up with me and said sorry and he blocked me everywhere and never contacted me again. I don’t want to move on and I don’t want him to ever get the impression that I am… Or that I want to. But how can I do that with the NC rule? Especially if I’m blocked? And he’s moving out so I can’t even send him snail mail…

Help

March 3, 2016 at 12:33 am

Will I stand a chance after I learn to love myself?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 12:01 pm

If you truly learn to do that, yes.. But if you jusy say it to him that you love yourself more now, it would just confirm that you don’t because that’s chasing…
Help

March 1, 2016 at 10:53 pm

He keeps saying it’s for me and I feel the need to clarify that it’s not what I want before it’s too late and he tries to forget me. I know I shouldn’t have but I made the mistake of contacting his best friend to unblock me….
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 4:00 pm

the thing is the more he sees you don’t want to move on the more he will run away because you’re chasing him.. He may have only put it in a light that it’s for you but he’s also saying you have to love yourself because you’re becoming clingy.. I’m sorry I had to be frank, but I have to..

Madison

March 1, 2016 at 10:25 pm

Hi Chris/Amor

My long distance ex and I have been broken up for about 2 months now. I’ve done the whole NC and now I’ve texted him a couple of times over the past few weeks. He seems willing to respond and in a postive way I would say. Last night I was texting him and a freind at the same time, and their names on my phones are simliar and I accidentally texted him a message meant for my friend. It was “Should I ask now or later?” and he responded with “ask what??” And when I told him what happen he kind of laughed it off (I used to do it often) but it made me think that maybe I could ask him to talk on skype with me… and maybe talk about starting again from a fresh new start, a clean slate with him…. or is that adding pressure/ disaster waiting to happen? I do want to get back together with him, but I also want to let go of the past and start a new relationship… and I’m not sure I know I miss being able to talk to him without that awkward ex’s feeling floating in the air or feeling guilty about talking to him when he might not want to. This talk wouldn’t be about getting back together unless then he brings it up, it’ll be a talk about establishing that new “friendship”. Is this a good idea? What do you think?

Madison

March 31, 2016 at 4:54 pm

Hello again!

So I’ve been contacting him for a few weeks now, and I’ve been working on ending the conversation on a high note and trying to to find interesting topics to talk about. The thing is it’s 0/100 split with me being the 100. (He did send me a quick happy Easter message but when I replied he didn’t reply back) it’s been a few weeks of this now and I just want to know if it’s normal? Because of this it’s been really hard trying to find a starting topic that’s interesting since it’s always me trying to find topics to talk about. And I’m also having a hard time shifting from surface level conversation to a deeper level communication… Do you have any advice for both of these?

I thought it might be easier if I continued to talk through this conversation rather than another page.

Thank you so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 1, 2016 at 2:42 pm

You can start with random or current event messages now since you’ve already had a conversation. Even just texting that, the weather when you woke up is nice and you’re having a great day, what about you?
Madison

March 9, 2016 at 5:41 am

Hi amor thanks again for the reply

Okay that’s what I understood about that part, Don’t worry I wasn’t asking because I wanted to talk to him about getting back together. I was just a little confused about it. So is it that by talking to him in a casual way can help him loosen his guard and open him up to more? And if talking about getting back together can pressure him then do I have to wait for him to bring it up first even if there’s a chance he might not?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 7:42 pm

You’re welcome.. it’s more of making him feel he wants you backk..that’s the purpose of building rapport and attraction..it has to come to a point that you don’t have to ask..he will feel he want you back
Madison

March 8, 2016 at 3:46 am

Hi amor

I was wondering if you could explain a little more about how not talking about getting back together or talking about the break up and only talking in a casual way can help get us back together.

And also is once a week sending a text too overwhelming ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 2:08 pm

because of he doesn’t want to go back, that would be the last thing he would want to hear.. he would feel pressured.. worse, annoyed… That is if he doesn’t want to get back or he’s not ready yet.. nope once a week is actually slow.. you can do every other day at first
Madison

March 3, 2016 at 5:20 am

Hi amor!!
Thanks for the reply! When I do have this conversation do I just randomly bring it up or do I bring up asking if I can talk about it first?
And also if he’s the one that brings “it” up its okay to talk about it right?
Lastly, is saying things like “I miss talking to you” and “can we go back to being able to talking normally again” things along those lines a good idea? Actually now that I think about it that sounds like adding pressure… Maybe something simple like “we can be friends right?”

Will this clean slate make it so that I can talk to him regularly (not everyday) again? Sorry for all the questions haha
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 1:49 pm

it’s okay 🙂 Make it as light as you can, like your last suggestion.. at first you have to text hin slowly… so not to ovwrwhelm him
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 3:48 pm

Hi Madison

I’m glad you cleared it will just about friendship because that’s what I was going to suggest.. Do not talk about getting back together.. jist make it light.. for me you can ask for thay clean slate..

Pamela

February 29, 2016 at 6:17 am

Hi, Amor. I failed after getting some neutral responses and became a text-gnat again when he stopped replying. This time he blocked me for real. I asked whether he realised he doesn’t like me as time goes by. He said I’m immature and annoying now and I can’t lead my own life and want him to be responsible for that. He said he can’t have that. I continued persuading him and he blocked me.

Pamela

March 2, 2016 at 5:38 pm

Thanks, Amor. Can I know why would you say he is not ready to talk again? I always thought I messed things up by turning into a text-gnat again.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 5:15 am

because he’s not that responsive even if you’re positive…
Pamela

March 2, 2016 at 5:04 pm

I know I have to move on. Do you mean I have to give up already since I messed things up? By the way, while he blocked me on whatsapp, skype and phone, he hasn’t removed me from the contact list. I don’t wanna keep my hopes high thou.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 5:16 pm

Yeah, basically it means give up..but not because you messed things up.. he’s just not ready to talk again and it’s not rigt time.. we won’t know when,so the best move is not to waste your time and energy on him.. You’re a great person. You’ve done everything you can, it’s time to give that energy for your well being..
Pamela

March 1, 2016 at 7:16 pm

Okay, Amor. Thanks for the advice. Yes, he asked me to love myself first too, but I don’t quite get it.

Hmm this afternoon I used someone’s phone to send him a text saying he’s right about me and PMS makes me very emotional lately, sorry and all the best. In the evening, I texted to ask if he can unblock me and I won’t annoy him anymore, just hope that we can be on good terms. He didn’t unblock me. (I was hoping that maybe these texts can ease the negative feelings a bit, but I don’t know whether it is right to do so?)

How long would you suggest for me to do NC? Will he unblock me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 3:01 pm

I can’t guarantee but the more you try right now, he will just get annoyed..

I still stick to my advice.. move on, for now he’s not an option.. focus on healing first.. this is going to sound ridiculous, but if you still have that feeling od wanting to talk to him.to get back together, then that means you haven’t moved on..
Pamela

March 1, 2016 at 9:00 am

Does that mean I shouldn’t contact him anymore even after NC? And chances are 0% now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 4:19 pm

For now, the best step is to move on because you have to love yourself first.. he even said it straight..you can’t lead yoir own life.. Find you first before loving others.. This doesn’t mean there’s 0% chance bit right now, he’s not an option.. You only for now..
Pamela

February 29, 2016 at 6:23 pm

He told me to live my own life for now and let the future unfolds itself. He said he is very stressful at work lately and I annoyed him a lot so he has no choice but to block me. I then sent him a msg saying so be it, maybe blocking can make us forget each other if that’s what he wants, and I said he doesn’t care much about the relationship. Then he blocked me. Will we really forget each other?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 8:46 am

It’s like you’re back in square one again because he still knows you like him, worse is he may think you’re chasing him.. Time to do nc to move on.. if you pursue again right after that he will just avoid you..

Alex

February 28, 2016 at 4:06 am

My situation is unique in the sense my ex-boyfriend is in medical school on the west coast and I am in grad school on the east coast. Most of our relationship had been long distance and it had been hard. Recently, I decided to break up with him because I am graduating soon and he said in theory he wanted me to move there but he had a lot of doubts about it and wasnt sure it would work because of his school life. We had the conversation about me moving there several times and got nowhere. He always repeated he cant give me what I want but then would be very adverse to us breaking up. So, i decided it was time to give up and move on but in the back of my mind I thought the break up would be the only way he would figure out he wants to give our “in real life” relationship a try. I figure he’ll miss having me “in” his life so much that he’ll change his ways. I have a nagging feeling that this was the wrong decision but I also absolutely needed a break from the conflict over the future. In a sense, I dont need to get him back, I know he wants to talk to me and be with me but he’s not ready to take the next (and to me only sane) option to choose to live in the same place. Thoughts? Thank you so much, A

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 1:04 pm

Hi Alex,

We can’t waut for others change, that’s tiring because you’re relying the decision in their change.. It’s better if you try to move on.. of he decided to change he has to prove it..but if he didn’t at least you’re already on the road to recovery

Alicia

February 25, 2016 at 11:51 pm

Hi Amor,
I went into a ldr after 1 month of dating because my new bf had moved. At the time he was active on dating sites (how we met)- so not serious enough but I did not confront him. We reunited half way, and I had already said I didn’t want to have sex until we were more committed, which he knew from the get go. This resulted in awkwardness… then when we both went back to our homes, he became unresponsive and difficult which went on for a month and half. He would message then sometimes not to reply. I applied NC – it worked well. In total it was 3 months. He contacted me 1.5 months in and I left it 45 days till I got in contact. Everything was going great then one day he said, he found out a girl he was seeing during my NC is 1 month pregnant. They would have slept together before I got in contact. He said he loved me, regretted everything, wanted to marry me…he messed everything up. He said she helped him forget me and he said it worked. We started talking… and met once… it was ok..but we now have bigger issues than ldr. Now gone back to our homes and his communication is slowing down. He hasn’t messaged me in 2 weeks, last message I asked him he was free for phonecall. Also 2 weeks ago I noticed he deleted his old dating profile. He doesn’t love the girl who is pregnant but he is telling his family and has a lot on his plate. Still ldr is effort, hes active on social pages and I feel like I am putting more in…I am bracing myself mentally for something that will be so difficult, and I understand the baby is no 1 priority but I feel he is phasing me off. We have no plans to see each other. Perhaps it was all too easy with me, despite him now becoming a soon to be dad, I said I would stand by him. I do love him and I think from what hes said he loves me… but I don’t know if that is enough. Advice? What shd I message or call and say.

Alicia

March 1, 2016 at 10:51 pm

Hey Amor, Just to update he got in touch and said he is very depressed- stuff with work and his family are disappointed with him. He might be trying to go back to her but no way of telling. He said he doesn’t want to bring me down and doesn’t expect me to wait till the situation is sorted. And I deserve better. Don’t know what to do with that, but seems like a polite way of closing it. Bit concerned he is depressed. Baby due in 4 months, but they will still have lots to sort out. In terms of me ever contacting again… if I still like him should I text in future, if so when or shd I leave it be and if he gets in touch again fine if not then no. I did say if he needed to chat he could contact me as a friend, but I doubt he will. Btw Thanks for the help you gave.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 3:57 pm

For me move on..that’s the best option..4 months is a long way to go, it only starts after the baby is born.. he’a actually being respectful by not letting you wait..
Alicia

February 26, 2016 at 2:06 pm

Hey Amor, thanks and no he didn’t. I don’t think he wants to spend his life with her (but with this I guess it could change). There is a chance his family might want him to be with her as they are having a child together, but they have never met her or me. He was adamant last time he didn’t.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 6:37 am

I think we have to wait for now.. because he should be the one messaging you and updating you.. if he doesn’t do that in a month, it’s more likely that he got back with her.. but let’s see first
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 9:40 am

Hi Alicia,

did he mention that he’s going back with his baby’s mom?

Rach

February 24, 2016 at 3:16 pm

Hi. My ex and I had been in contact by text and phone for 8 months daily before meeting, and dated for 5 months after meeting in person. After fighting often, we decided 6 months ago we needed to break up–then he suggested a break instead. I figured a few months at most and we would be back together. He will sporadically text me and then not talk for days at a time. He used to call me nightly when we were together but now decided he “hates talking on the phone” and never wanted to skype or FaceTime. He sees them as me being needy, we clearly have communication problems. I have been no contact for 6 days now (he said we were just getting back to being friends and thought it would be near impossible to get past everything, and I told him I still had hope for us and felt we could be really good together, he never responded). I don’t understand how he is the one to suggest the break originally, but now is so negative on improvement. I’m going to do the full 30 days and then ease into talking again. Things had been getting better for a while, he sent me flowers on my birthday in October and we sent each other Christmas presents, so I thought we had been making progress. We have no social media contact as those caused fights in the past. I am not sure if the no contact will just make him realize he doesn’t want me, but I know I need to take a different approach. Any advice to manage expectations?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 10:57 am

Hi Rach,

To be frank, he may have just sauggested a break, so he still have some form fo contact with you but now if he didn’t answet your question, it means he’s not ready to go back with you yet or he just didn’t have the guts to initiate a breakup

Pamela

February 24, 2016 at 8:28 am

Hi, Amor! I left a reply under my previous comment but it is not processed so I post a new comment here.

I wasn’t expecting anything but just a feeling. Anyway, I didn’t message him for one day and just now I sent him a message asking how’s his work going on. He said it’s average and need to do preparation for a coming project. I then replied “Oh… Work hard then! Don’t over stress yourself lol. What about another project proposal?” He replied “No news yet.” I then replied “Oh… Focus on other tasks while waiting. (= Two more weeks to prepare for the project.” He didn’t reply. Half an hour later I sent him a meme and said “Show you something lame to de-stress a bit.” He didn’t reply too.

I guess his response falls under neutral response, right? Do I sound aggressive or needy since he didn’t reply? What should I do after this? He is an introvert, by the way.

Pamela

February 25, 2016 at 12:42 pm

Thank you for all your recommendations! I will read through them. I wonder is he avoiding me since he didn’t reply?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 2:20 pm

we don’t know yet.. we’ll know if he continues not to reply
Pamela

February 24, 2016 at 2:54 pm

Hehe! It’s okay!

So what should I do now at the moment? Do not contact him since he did not reply me? Should I restart NC since I broke it at Day 11?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 10:53 am

For me, what you really need to do is to improve your texting topic and style.. I don’t know if I already recommended this but it’s worth reviewing
How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend

Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Respond To You

Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 12:46 pm

Hi Pamela,

Sorry about that but I did reply I don’t know it can’t be seen.. I’ll just copy paste my reply in that.. 🙂

Yeah, it’s a bit neutral.. But also because the topic itself is neutral.. I know it’s frustrating.. but of nothing much is happening in his life..then he really has nothing much to say

Ellie

February 23, 2016 at 3:30 pm

I currently am broken up with my boyfriend, who i have been with for a year and a half. We both used to live in manchester, and then it was much easier, and we had a very happy, healthy relationship. In September i had to move to london for university. During this time we have been seeing each other around every two weeks. I believe this is a lot for a long distance relationship, however it put strain on our relationship, as we would get used to being apart and then be together again, we would then get used to being together and then be apart again, so there was no continuity, so over the last couple of months, things have got much more difficult. He broke up with me three days ago, as he said that he is too immature for this relationship and needs to ‘mature’ before he can be with me as he believes otherwise he would hurt me. He says he still loves me and cares for me but he wants to wait until he moves to london (in september) to try and be together. I was going to follow this guide, however i have a few questions… He is coming here in two weeks for an interview and said he wants to meet up to give me some of my things… do you think it would be best to wait until after this time to begin the NC period? or should i start it now? Also if all goes well, should i wait until september to suggest seeing him again? or ask as soon as i feel its the right time?
thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 9:20 am

Hi Ellie,

hmmm..why not try to stay silent for now.. and then when he comes, spend the day together.. or if he’s coming straight to your place, have coffee and have a light talk.. make it humorous.. maybe you can work something out.. if you didn’t then start nc

After nc, it means you have to build rapport through text to get to calls, and build rapport and attraction to get to dating and then build mkre attraction in dating phase to get him back..so,it means you don’t have to wait til september

CM

February 23, 2016 at 2:53 pm

I know it sound absolutely crazy…. but it’s been ALMOST 2 years since my bf and I broke up…. but it still feels like yesterday. 🙁 We were together for almost 2 years and since he was from another country, we always planned that I’d move back with him after college graduation. Up until the time came, he freaked out, said it was “too much” and we broke up, with hugs and tears and kisses on the cheeks. We were best friends and stayed in touch for the past year and a half, via texting and 1 skype sesh.

I’ve been reading this blog all along and using Chris’ texting tactics, I even have his e-book, and I wanna say it all worked…. but…. obviously I did something wrong. Because about 2 months ago he blocked me from everything. something I NEVER thought he’d do (I’m sure everyone says this…. but… we were all about the “I don’t ever wanna lose you from my life entirely/I miss you as my “person”/please keep me updated. So it almost seems like it got to be too much for him emotionally, as only months prior we were sending the sweetest and kindest birthday messages, etc. <— That's why I think, "oh maybe it all worked?!" But then I think, maybe it worked too well.. or I didn't quite wrap it up correctly. (?) His mom texted me on NYE (yes, i know.. but she loves me!) and she told me he's been seeing a psychologist recently and her advice was for him to block me. Idk if this is good… or bad…. ? and also, what can I do about this now? His mom also said she was sure he'd change his mind, but it's been a few months now like this… I feel like i'll never see or hear from him again…. which feels surreal, as if your own grandma blocked you (right?! what?! no!). But aside from the "how could he / it hurts etc" I'm also left with, well now I can't even change my Whatsapp picture or put up a snapstory. Because he blocked it!? Please help meeee. Thank you!

CM

February 23, 2016 at 3:00 pm

I should clarify : the psych’s advice was to cut contact with me. i admit that after months of silence (unusual) he got a new number, didn’t give it to me (ouch, ouch, and ouch – none of that was like him or “us” at all). So his mom gave me his new number and although I wasn’t going to use it.. I was eventually so hurt and, like an idiot, texted him. He then told me we shouldn’t talk anymore. When I responded openly and honestly (like we ALWAYS have talked in the past, even post-breakup) he blocked me. I should maybe have specified all that ^^^

But that way of behaving is SOO out of character for him. Even post-break up. So it literally feels like he’s totally listening to the Psych. ;( Which DID happen about 3 months after we first broke up – HE told me this himself – but he stopped going to her after 2 weeks and told me that “it was silly b/c she doesn’t understand how OUR relationship is, we can’t just cut each other off.” <<< those were HIS words to me!

So again, now…… is this considered "good" or bad that all this is happening now, and again, where can I go from here?!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 8:04 am

Hi CM,

Sorry, I have to be sure..So when was really the last time you talked to each other? And are you still blocked?

Lynn

February 23, 2016 at 3:32 am

So my ex and I are in a LDR we have been together for a year and several months. We are both in school in different states and aren’t able to see one another as frequently. We have had a couple arguments lately most often it’s a miss communication. He broke up with me over a text message and like an idiot I basically did my best persuasion for him to give it another shot. We were best friends and talked daily. Before the split we texted most days but didn’t skype after an argument. Definitely eye opening to thing that were wrong in our relationship. I am on day 8 of NC and haven’t heard from him, it has been very difficult as he hasn’t reached out to me felt like he would have by now. Also, I deleted him off of Facebook however he has been looking at my stories on snapchat. Help please, the days seem to be getting harder not easier.

Lynn

February 24, 2016 at 5:23 pm

He made contact yesterday over a family member who is in the hospital. I have been staying busy.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 6:07 am

Hi Lynn,
It will really be harder…Are you making your nc active? Do youbhave activities?

Mel

February 22, 2016 at 8:09 am

Hey, I need some help! My boyfriend and I are long distance because of school, he studies a few hours away. My boyfriend broke up with me in January under very ambiguous terms (“I don’t see it ending well”) and refusing to elaborate. After about a week of crying and begging I sent him a quick apology and began NC. I’ve completed NC (35 days) but I don’t know when I should send the first text. My original plan was to wait until late April when he’d be returning back to the city after the semester, but I’m too nervous that in that amount of time he’s going to meet someone (because I know his friends are making him go out and party and stuff). But if I message him too early, maybe that could mess things up even more? I’ve been taking care of myself and I’m mentally stable and everything, but I don’t know if I should message him now or if I should wait until the end of the semester. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 10:53 am

Hi Mel,

It’s ok to message him now, what matters most is what and how you message him

Kara

February 21, 2016 at 10:52 pm

Hi Chris,
Just wanted to know if i should still implement nc or not.. My ex bf of 1 yr who is a navy stationed at another country broke up with me. Blocked me, friends and family from evrything but has now unblock me on skype after 2 weeks.. I thought since he unblocked me why not take the chance and stay in contact to him,if he really stop caring i thought he would just block me easily again.. I always intitiate and send him message first, He still replies once or twice in a day but he wouldnt make any conversation. Then last week on a weekend i was losing hope but was a bit surprised when i sent him message “you there?” he said he is then we exchanged long messages but nothing about our relationship.. He even have the initiative to explain what happened to him that week and why he was busy and just really swamped at work. He even sent me a pic of him in the gym.which was first time again after blocking me from everything.. After that week he became cold again, didnt reply for 3 days to any of my messages,then come 4th day(thursday)i broke down and texted him i miss him but this is hurting me so bad.. He then replied that he has been really busy,i said im sorry because i didnt know and was worried i havent heard from him for 3 days..he didnt reply.(im also wondering why that kind of message made him reply,i dont really wanna give it any meaning but he has been ignoring my messages for 3 days asking him how is his day,if i dont mean anything anymore then why explain?am i wrong to think like this?) Friday he explain he havent had enough sleep for 42 hours because of work when i ask him how he is and hows work which became like a daily routine for me…i know how stressful his work is. So i try to be really understanding and patient but sometimes i feel like i might be annoying him..another weekend came and he explained to me in detailed why he hasnt had enough sleep and would answer my questions but he wont ask anything back.i always try to keep the conversatiion going but he would still reply though. Sunday came he didnt reply to any of my messages the whole day tried to give his skype a ring a couple of times..nothing.. After 5hours.. i try to ring his skype again told myself one last time and id go nc.. almost about to give up,he didnt answer the call but he sent me message finally and said did you call? I said i tried to call and just checking whats on with him today.. He replied he has been in the gym,studying, nap and went out to tour a couple who just came in the country..exchanged few more messages about a movie until he has to sleep again because he have work the next day.. So its monday again there, start of his work..im not sure whats gonna happen again.. And i dont know if i should stop bothering him and do Nc this time to make him miss me since i always initiate contact, will he look for me if i suddenly stop? Is he just being nice to me or is he trying to test me for lacking of patience before when we were still together?obviously he still cares right?? otherwise he will just block me again or just simply ignore again? Or is my hope getting too high here? He knows i am still in love with him and im still in touch because i want to win him back again, he knows it because the first week we were talking about it when he unblocks me i tried to explain my feelings for him,he said he cant just go back to how it was before because he is really hurting of what happened, that i was hurting him, he said he do miss what we have before but it wont be the same again..he even ask me “after all this has happened,do you think you wont be worse than before?” i said i learned my lesson the hard way when he decided to block me from everything but he didnt reply ,we broke up because he felt our relationship became a toxic one,being away made me needy and i always kinda initiate the fight we’ve had before because i became a bit crazy jealous kind of gf,a paranoid as what he think, which im not at first..i think the distance is what making me..

i never try to open the topic again about getting back together but i always have random message during the day about some things that i miss about him and us. Of course he wont say anything about it but i know he reads it.. What should i do then? 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 6:58 am

Hi Kara,

For me you should do nc, so that you can gain balance again because right now, it seems like you’re still relying on his feedback for confidence.. Though I know long distance is really hard.. But that’s more reason why you should find a
something to be busy about around your place..

Lili

February 21, 2016 at 8:25 pm

Hi. I’m so glad I found this page.
the thing is that I started being friend with benefits with this guy for almost 3 months and I ended up things because he didn’t want a relationship and I was ok, and he went away to his country and I did too but he kept contact with me almost everyday and told he wanted to date me and see if we can have a something more serious, and I started to be really insecure about him in this LDR. I had major trust issues and became reeeally attached to him, however I did my best trying to hide it, and we rarely fought. I got mad at him one day because he said he didn’t felt the same way about me because he didn’t know me yet and that we we’re different and said he’ll call me to speak about us and he didn’t and then texted me the next day as nothing happened and I got so upset and he said that THAT day he’ll call me at 8pm to speak and he did the same again. And texted he’s sorry he didn’t like to do this things to me he wants me and doesn’t want to make me sad blah blah but he doesn’t want a gf but doesn’t want me to go and get to know me. and I asked him what do you want then? and didn’t reply until Valentines day saying Happy Valentines day (????). I didn’t reply back. I started NC about a week ago. During this days I worked on my trust issues and figuring a looot of things I had to work on my self steem and stuff and realised I was so insecure with him all the time and waiting more of him everytime and those stuff. I feel better now, literally a new person. He texted me about 3 days ago like 30 messages (no kiddin) waiting for my response. I replied back what do you want? ( I know, my mistake) and he didn’t reply. I returned from my country and he comes in 3 weeks. I started NC again. I think I screw things up with my insecurity and I really want to date this guy if he’s willing. the thing is: Should I contact him when he returns or wait for him firsts? if he texts me again before he comes should I reply? and also If he says he doesn’t want a gf but wants to know me better, should I believe him or call it quits? and also when we were FWB and in this kind of LDR we were exclusive, I still trust he hasn’t being with anyone apart form me in this 3 months that we were apart.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 1:04 pm

Hi Lilo

if you’re in nc, don’t reply yo him.. do just 21 so it’s exactly before he arrives… Maybe he meant he needs to get to know you first before you become gf and bf

Me

February 21, 2016 at 8:07 pm

I made it the no contact in an LDR and we had the meetup. 10 amazing days together. He planned romantic stuff made a big deal about my visit had me meet his friends. I left with “anything can happen” but we aren’t back together. What do I do now !?!?

Me

March 1, 2016 at 5:56 pm

So he called me and asked me very sweetly to date him. I didn’t want to ruin the moment – so I didn’t ask – does that mean he’s my boyfriend? He did say we are in a relationship now….
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 2:44 pm

hmmm.. I don’t want to give you false info.. coz I don’t know what’s really in his mind.. try to go on the date first.. enjoy and observe
Me

February 29, 2016 at 1:33 am

So he called and was sending mixed signals so I drew a line
He agreed to be dating exclusively but said he doesn’t like titles because it’s too much pressure
So is beinf exclusive enough of a commitment or do I need to draw the line at a boyfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 7:21 am

he means he’s not going to see anyone else but you’re not boyfriend/girlfriend..

For me.. if I was in your position, I wouldn’t do that.. but that is my own opinion.. because it’s against my standards.. I understand that he doesn’t want labels.. it’s because he doesn’t want a commitment..but for me I want a label because that’s how I do it with other people..either we date or we’re just friends…

So, it depends on you.. are you going to ride this and try to see if he will commit or walk away now?
Me

February 28, 2016 at 3:29 pm

He’s moving to my state in 2 years …. He’s moving closer to me in April … He said he’s on the “I love you and anything can happen plan”
So if I tell him to stop being sweet or commit and he keeps talking to me as friends – do I do the friends thing ? He’s supposed to come to my state to buy a house sometime between now and April and I’m supposed to go visit him mid April and go to a wedding with him
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 4:05 pm

Well, the bottomline is he has to stop leading you on.. If you can be friends with him, that’s good. But if you can’t, for your own good, stop talking to him. Move on first, heal. Love yourself because that’s the only way other people will value you too.
Me

February 28, 2016 at 7:07 am

So I read those and its def harder to do the jealousy long distance and not Facebook friends but I’ve done it by not responding to him and letting him know I was out in vague terms to make him question …. You said the next step is to be more clear
How so?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 8:19 am

Since you already asked him at the end of trip and he said he doesn’t want to get back together, next time he’s being sweet, tell him you appreciate his gestures but he’s actions are giving you mixed signals..if he really wants to be sweet, he has to commit..

and then of continuous to be sweet without committing, walk away, stop talking to him now, because he’s stringing you along..
Me

February 27, 2016 at 2:36 pm

It’s been 2 months … When I went to visit, at the end of the trip I realized we weren’t getting back together and I didn’t ask him to but I cried and asked why he did all those things this week if we weren’t getting back together – he went wayyyyyy out of his way to show me a good time
Do I need to re enter no contact? Do I just cut him off ? We never say I love u in these convos anymore altho he told me while I was there
He initiates most texts and phone calls altho I have called him I don’t really initiate texts or respond but that upset him last weekend
So do I just cut him out again?
Me

February 27, 2016 at 5:54 am

Ok where’s the link to the guide of patience post NC, post building rapport – post seeing eachother …. After no contact, he’s the one that reached out to me, via phone call. As it had been over 30 days I answered. We built rapport with texts and calls – almost all initiated by him. I went to see him. Since coming back I just don’t know how to do this anymore. We aren’t back together. We are texting daily and phone calls 2 times per week. He called me 2 months ago. So I have been trying to follow these rules for two months and I’m exhausted and confused. WhEres the guide to the rules for this stage in the relationship ?
I’m trying the push pull – but I’m not sure if I should be texting him daily? And how long do I need to do this ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 9:03 am

I get it now me.. it’s really an issue of not committing.. I got confused.. I thought you thought he acts as if you’re the one who broke up.. but nonetheless, for me the next step now is being more clear with him… if he really doesn’t want to commit now, be ready to walk away, so you won’t get strung along…
Here’s a link to help you in the next steps

How To Make Him Re-Commit To You

How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit
Me

February 26, 2016 at 9:01 pm

He definitely says it in a way he means he’s the idiot for breaking up — but we still aren’t together !!!
Me

February 26, 2016 at 2:49 am

Most importantly – can I remind him he broke up with me and we aren’t together ? He often makes statements about being an idiot for breaking up and wondering what it would be like to have me there – is an appropriate response that he dumped me?!?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 10:04 am

maybe he meant he was being an idiot for breaking up with you but if you are sure that he’s pertaining to you, that would be silly of him..
You can point it out do it a joking way or innocent way,coz if you don’t do it right it could come across like blaming him
Me

February 25, 2016 at 6:07 pm

So how do I respond to him “wishing I was there” and asking me to send him selfies ? and how much do I “ignore” his texts at this point
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 7:55 am

It depends on the flow of the conversation.. But most of the time a humorous answer always works.. Like of he says wish you were here, then send a wacky selfie, “ok just imagine that face beside you! haha”

Haha, two answers in one reply already!
Me

February 24, 2016 at 5:14 pm

I’m not sure how to do the push pull theory?
I didn’t talk to him over the weekend and that upset him but I also feel that made him not text me as much this week? We text daily…
He’s also planning to be within a few hours of me in a couple of weeks. Do I go see him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 11:18 am

Oh, this post explains push/pull theory.
What to do on a date with your ex boyfriend

Yeah, it’s ok..used the remaining weeks to build up rapport leading to thay
Me

February 23, 2016 at 8:26 pm

….and there was lots of attraction he was super flirty leading up to my arrival and so excited for me to come …. He acted like a boyfriend the whole time I was there …
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 10:37 am

I think you can do this.. he likes you but he also knows you’re just there.. Do the push pull theory, a little jealousy (don’t have a relationship with another guy), it’s to make him feel he has to commit or you’ll be gone
Me

February 23, 2016 at 8:00 pm

We didn’t talk for two months. I crazily messaged him about once a week, but once I stopped he showed up a month later. We texted about 4 days before he called. We talked about twice a week and texted daily for 2 weeks until we made arrangements to meet up. I went to him. We spent 10 days together and he planned a lot of romantic stuff and talked about doing things in the future. But when I asked about getting back together he wasn’t wanting that. he dropped me off at the airport and texted me twice that day but I didn’t respond. He texted again- so I responded and we have now texted daily and talked on the phone twice since I left 1 week ago. I didn’t text him over the weekend and it upset him….so he called to find out why. I of course didn’t have a reason. He hasn’t said he misses me or anything but did say he wants to see me again. So do I just keep responding to his texts or do I re engage in no contact
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Hi Me,

did you have the meetup before building the rapport and attraction through text and call? But whether you did it or not, that’s what you need to do now.. the goal of texting is to build enough rapport for a call and then call for a date, and then the dates to build more attraction toward each other..

Pamela

February 21, 2016 at 3:35 pm

Hi, Amor! It’s me again. My ex and I broke up a month ago (I initiated the break up and wanted to get back together the next day but he refused to) and we had some fights after the break up because I was pleading him a lot. He was so annoyed that he wanted to block me if I can’t stop annoying him. He said he wants me but he doesn’t want to continue this LDR after all the quarrels because it affects his career.

On Day 11 of NC, which is today, I sent him a message saying:
“I was childish and have no excuse for all the pointless fights I started when we’re together. We both made mistakes and there’s a lot of misunderstandings but I appreciate the sincerity and comfortableness we shared tho. I don’t know where do we go from here, whether we stop talking or keep in touch. Hear from you soon if you still decide to talk to me. (= I got the jobs I applied for in January, btw.” I sent him a meme too. He replied “Congrats on getting the jobs (=” and I thank him.

Now, which is a few hours later, he texts me and asks whether I get better (because I fell down last month and kind of hurt my bones). I haven’t replied.

Pamela

February 23, 2016 at 4:44 pm

Hi, Amor! I wasn’t expecting anything but just a feeling. Anyway, I didn’t message him for one day and just now I sent him a message asking how’s his work going on. He said it’s average and need to do preparation for a coming project. I then replied “Oh… Work hard then! Don’t over stress yourself lol. What about another project proposal?” He replied “No news yet.” I then replied “Oh… Focus on other tasks while waiting. (= Two more weeks to prepare for the project.” He didn’t reply. Half an hour later I sent him a meme and said “Show you something lame to de-stress a bit.” He didn’t reply too.

I guess his response falls under neutral response, right? Do I sound aggressive or needy? What should I do after this? He is an introvert, by the way.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 9:33 am

Yeah, it’s a bit neutral.. But also because the topic itself is neutral.. I know it’s frustrating.. but of nothing much is happening in his life..then he really has nothing much to say
Pamela

February 22, 2016 at 4:32 pm

Yes, I broke NC (too bad) and this is my first try. Do I need to redo NC again? The whole convo sounded cold, especially the ‘bye’?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:32 pm

actuallu for me it wasn’t cold.. he even asked how was your back.. how different is it from your expectation text from him?
Pamela

February 21, 2016 at 4:59 pm

So I replied him as follows:

Ex: Has your back gotten better?
Me: Yes not pain anymore.
Ex: Okay thats good
Me: Hehe thanks! Rest early. Wanna study now. Bye!
Ex: Bye

It was 12am here so I asked him to rest early since this is his usual bed time. Why did he sound cold in his last message though?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2016 at 9:22 am

That’s means you broke nc but this is your first try right? Hmm.. which message sounded cold? or do you mean this whole convo?

Brooke

February 20, 2016 at 10:34 pm

I’m in a confusing situation. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up almost a month ago and I started NC on Feb 8th. However, he texted me on Feb 14th (yes valentines day) asking how I was, but I didn’t reply. And then he texted me again on the 16th saying “anyways, just wanted to check in”. and I also didn’t reply. Then on the 19th he said “Would’ve appreciated some form of reply but thats okay – I just wanted to let you know that I want to send you your stuff that you left here in my room, it’s no problem at all to send it so I would like you to have it. I’m not sure exactly when I’ll get to send it but I will let you know. Just something I wanted to do and you should have them back because they’re you’re.” And once again I did not reply. Then on the 20th (today as I’m typing this) he said “what are you really getting out of just ignoring me when I’m trying to make things easier and return some things to you. There’s no winner and loser here.” I haven’t replied and I also don’t want to either, because of the 30 day NC rule, but it’s hard because I don’t want him to hate me during this time…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 11:36 am

that’s normal.. he’s missing you and making reasons to text you.. Let him be for now.. he probably has cooled off after nc…
Brooke

February 20, 2016 at 10:35 pm

It’s me again. Just want to add that we were in a LDR for 2 and a half years and I was his first love and first girlfriend and everything. I really care about him and we had a great relationship, it just fell apart somewhere in the end, but I know we could’ve worked it out.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 11:38 am

I forgot to ask.. how did you break up? did he broke up with you?

SR

February 20, 2016 at 9:45 pm

Hello again Amor

So today is day 31 of NC.
During this time my ex has texted me four times (which must be a good sign?) and I didn’t reply to anything.
Text 1 was a friendly normal text, text2 an apology for how he’s treated me hoping we can become friends over time, text 3 he told me he lost his job and text 4 wishing me a happy birthday..
I’m now thinking about if I should break NC now or wait until 45 days? And what would be a good first text? I’m still missing him like crazy and want him back but I’m so worried he will hurt me again or worried I’ve not had enough time to rebuild myself.

Many thanks xx

SR

February 22, 2016 at 9:32 pm

Thank you so much. Day 33 of NC today. I have decided to wait until next weekend as too many things are going on in my life and in his (he lost his job) and I need to rebuild my strength a bit first. X
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 11:32 am

I think you should start texting.. choose a texting style from Chris’ advice and the apply a topic that he loves to talk about
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Amelia

February 20, 2016 at 3:20 pm

Hi Amor,
My situation is a bit complicated and I was hoping you could help. My ex and I were together for 6 months. I know this is a short relationship but I have previously been in a 7 year relationship and 3 year relationship among others and this one was even more intimate than those. We were immediately magnetic to each other and our relationship was amazing. We were so comfortable and so close. We moved in together in just a few months. My ex developed a magical relationship with my daughter as well (she was 1 at the time). He was better than any biological father I’ve seen (my daughter’s biological father is not involved at all). We even talked about future marriage, kids, and him wanting to adopt my daughter. After 4 months of dating he wanted me and my daughter to fly across the country with him to meet his family. He was going to his cousins wedding which we were not invited to (his family is very traditional and are jewish, which I am not). But he wanted to extend the trip so we could have a vacation and I could meet his family. I initially did not want to go because I have an anxiety disorder and get anxious very easily. I was worried about the plane ride, about staying with his family that I did not know, and about being in a big city (he is from a large city and I am from a very rural area). I eventually caved because he really wanted me to go and he assured me that he would comfort me if I got overly anxious. The trip was a disaster. It started out okay. But a trip that I thought was going to be a vacation turned into just a trip where I was left to go along with other people’s plans. The first full day we decided to go explore the city. We left and only an hour later his dad called wanting to meet up with us. His father stayed with us the whole day. I wouldn’t have minded but the entire trip was like this. We were barely ever alone and I never ended up getting to choose to do anything I wanted to do. Several of the days we were there my ex was gone attending wedding events. He never explained to me previously that jewish weddings entailed not just a wedding but other events. I was left at his dads house with his dad (his parents are split and the wedding was on his moms side). I tried to stay in my room and not bother his dad because my daughter was constantly making messes and getting into things. I later was told by my ex that his dad thought I was being rude because I wasn’t socializing. This made me even more anxious because I thought his dad hated me. I tried to make an effort to socialize and really stepped out of my comfort zone for my ex in all the meetings of different people. I ended up losing it about 2 days before we were supposed to leave. I got angry with him and told him that I didn’t think it was going to work because he wasn’t understanding of my anxiety and his family hated me. I ended up leaving his dads on foot (because I had no car) and tried to figure out a way to get a ticket home. His dad’s girlfriend ended up searching for me (rather dramatically) and it turned into his family now knowing about our issues. It was embarrassing. The next day was Valentine’s Day. His dad insisted that we try and put things behind us and just go out and enjoy the day like we planned (he was watching my daughter for us). So we did. We had an amazing day. We went to dinner, were romantic (kissed, held hands, and he bought me flowers etc.), went to a comedy show, and even relaxed in the hot tub after we got back. Everything seemed ok. The next day we went home. When we got home my ex immediately started packing his things. I asked what he was doing and he said that I had said things weren’t going to work and that I was right. He had a house that he rented out to college students and still had a room there so he went back there. We ended up sorting things out and getting back together but he was still a bit distant, like not as close with my daughter and like he had more of a wall up. Nonetheless things were good. He changed his hours at work to spend more time with my daughter and I. Suddenly just around 6 months after dating he told me that he decided he was moving back home. I was blindsided and it came out of nowhere. He had told me when we first dated that he had wanted to move back before but now had no desire because he was happy with me and wouldn’t ever leave me. I asked him what he thought would happen to our relationship if he was going to move 3000 miles back home. He said that he didn’t think it changed anything. I was dumbfounded and hurt. I told him I couldn’t be in a relationship that I knew was going to end (he never mentioned continuing the relationship after moving at that point). His reason for moving was that he said he was depressed and missed his family. He said he loved me and couldn’t imagine leaving me and my daughter but that he knew he had to go. He said he had hoped that we would go with him. I explained that I couldn’t just leave because I would have to go to court in order to get permission to take my daughter out of state. She doesn’t see her father but I still have to legally do that and it takes months if not years to complete if I even succeeded (her father could easily fight it) plus I didn’t feel comfortable moving that far after dating only 6 months especially because of what happened on the trip. I asked if he could just stay another year and then I would agree to move with him. He initially agreed to that but then a week later recanted and said that he needed to leave sooner. He said he could move and get an apartment all settled for us and I could move later. I asked how that would work and he just shrugged it off and never elaborated. The whole thing seemed like he just didn’t really care and I was hurt that moving (for not much of an urgent reason) was more important to him than me and my daughter. So he moved out again but this time for good. He said he wanted to be friends but I said I couldn’t do that because it would hurt too much. We didn’t contact each other for a month. He showed up at my door a little over a month later handing me a lock that he used for his gym locker (we used to go to the gym together). I was hurt and felt like he was rubbing it in my face that he was leaving. At that same time I had a male friend show up to hang out (bad timing). He was just a friend from school but my ex thought we were dating. He got upset and ended up leaving. He sent me texts every few months after that but I didn’t respond or responded very shortly. He ended up moving just 3 months after we broke up. I ended up dating my male friend later on for a while, it ended though and wasn’t a very good relationship. But in my exes eyes he still thinks that I dated this guy immediately after we broke up which wasn’t the case. Anyways, I have not stopped thinking about my ex. I think about him all of the time. I think about our relationship, his relationship with my daughter, about the rejection I felt and still feel, have dreams about him randomly. The only issue we ever had in our relationship was in regards to the disaster trip (which I do take some responsibility for as I knew in my heart I shouldn’t have gone because of my anxiety) and him moving. We never disagreed or fought about anything else, it was perfect otherwise. It’s now been about 10 months since our break up. He has still continued to contact me every month or two just checking in. I was more responsive at one point and we ended up talking on the phone but I got really emotional and had to end the conversation because I started crying. That was about 4 months ago. In the past month I really admitted to myself what I had been suppressing which was that I still cared for him and was still hurt. He sent me a screen shot of his facebook with a timehop that was a picture of my daughter and I a year ago out to breakfast with him that said “out to breakfast with my girls”, he wrote along with the screen shot “Time flies…hope you are doing well”. I didn’t respond as I didn’t really know what to say as it was emotional for me. I decided to reach out last week without really thinking much in hopes of getting some kind of resolve. I made a huge mistake I think. I texted him saying “how are you?” sort of thing and said I had been thinking of him. He replied how he was doing (he always plays up how great he is doing but I suspect every time that it’s just an ego thing) and then asked in what way was I thinking about him and why now? I spilled my guts. I told him that I never really got over everything and that is why I couldn’t stay friends with him. I told him I felt that he chose the move over me and that I was still hurt because I never got an explanation. He said that he didn’t think that he chose the move over me and that he wanted me to go with him and he felt like he tried to make a way for me to go with him but that I grew distant and didn’t respond to his attempts (not entirely true, as I couldn’t just up and move). He said he still thinks about me all of the time and hasn’t stopped. He said that he’s still hurt because I moved on so quickly and that he doesn’t know if he will ever fully get over me. He said he is finally getting to a place where he feels like himself again. Yadda yadda. I said that I think I made a mistake because I was hurting worse and that I was sorry and he should just forget it all. He responded “No, it’s good to know. I was under the wrong impression for the last 10 months.” Then he didn’t say anything. So I said something like, “well, I guess at least you have clarity” and his final message was “I need time to digest. This is a lot to take in.” I didn’t have any idea what that meant. I feel awful for exposing myself so much and feeling like I still didn’t get any answers. I got impatient after a few days and said that I didn’t understand what he needed to digest and was confused and felt vulnerable. He replied that he needed more time because he was confused and had a lot going on (he had been in a car accident and work was chaotic etc.) and that this needed some “real concentration”. I didn’t respond and so he wrote okay? And I just said “Okay. I hope things get better for you.” That was on Tuesday and it’s now Saturday. How long do I wait? Forever? I’m being driven crazy being left hanging. I don’t know what he’s even thinking about, like I said. He was talking to me previously so it’s not like he’s deciding whether to be friends or not. And he seemed like he had moved on from me not to mention we have a ton of obstacles that would make it near impossible to get back together, so I can’t imagine that’s what he’s thinking about. Plus he never really answered the questions I had. I just really need closure or something. I feel like my heart is wide open now and I’ve made everything worse when I was hoping to make it better. I kind of feel like he might be doing it on purpose because he was hurting for a long time and I barely responded to him, so now he’s almost trying to pay it back. What do I do? I’m already doing well in my life: recently lost a lot of weight, eating really well, taking college courses, and busy with my daughter. I just feel like my heart is broken again. I can’t stop thinking about it. Sorry this is so long. Advice?

Amelia

February 21, 2016 at 12:28 pm

He is a very honest guy, so yes I believe he is true to his word. He is also extremely sensative and emotional so you’re maybe right that he is just shocked. At the same time though I told him 4 months ago the reason I had been distant was because of my feelings. That’s when he called and wanted to talk but I ended up crying and having to end the call after awhile because my feelings were too strong. I wasn’t rude, I was just upset. He didn’t contact me after that for a while. I did send him pictures of my daughters 2nd birthday about 2 months after and he was happy and said he wanted to get her a gift. But then he waited another month and sent me that screen shot. It’s very confusing. Sometimes I wonder if he reads your male version of this site because he seems to implement a lot of the tactics. He always plays up how great he’s doing and even at one point said, I know you probably don’t want to hear that. So it was clear his intention was to make me jealous. He also brings up old memories like that screen shot of my daughter and I with him out to lunch. He also didn’t contact me for almost exactly a month after our break up which I thought was weird. I’ve never had that experience with a break up. I guess that’s another reason I was so hurt as I thought that he must not have cared if he didnt bother to contact me at all for a month. And then after the month was up he contacted me several times. Once by phone where he wanted to see my daughter before he left which I got very upset about. I was hurt that he cared enough to want to see my daughter but not me. I’m just really confused by his mixed signals. It’s almost like maybe he did have feelings and wanted me to feel something too but then when it happened it was too much for him. I realize I made a mistake by waiting so long but I can’t change that now not to mention I think I was pretty clear prior that I still had feelings I just wasn’t as blunt as this last time.. I also don’t feel like our relationship was full of misunderstandings rather our break up was because we are both emotional and made rash decisions. I guess I feel like the blame was all put on me when in reality he was the one that decided to leave despite that our relationship was fine. I think he honestly left because he has major depression issues. We even talked about it and he said he was depressed. He told me how he had issues with depression before when he was in college (that was the reason he lived out here) and flunked a semester at college and ended up moving back home to have support from his family while he was in a previous relationship. They, however, stayed together long distance and he moved back for her but then found out she had been cheating while he was gone. He gave her a second chance and she ended up cheating on him again with an acquaintance and leaving him for the other guy. So anyways, my theory is that he moved because he was afraid that he would stay in a place he didnt want to be and get heart broken again. I think our trip back to his home made him think that we could break up and it scared him. I also think he genuinely does have a major depression issue or possibly some other kind of mental health issue. But the fact remains that he still has never given me a full explanation of why he left which is what I wanted and think I deserve. He simply just says “it’s what he had to do” which really isn’t an explanation. I realize he was hurt by me dating afterwards but I failed to mention that when we got back from our trip and he moved out temporarily that he contacted a girl he had been sleeping with prior to our relationship the day after he moved out. I confronted him about it because she had sent me a fb message saying that they were talking and he admitted that it was wrong of him. He was simply just trying to talk to someone but I’m just saying that I assumed due to his past behavior that if he contacted an ex that soon previously when we had a fight that I assumed when we broke up and then didnt contact me at all that he probably moved on. So I think its kind of hypocritical to blame me for dating almost 2 months after our split and no communication of trying to get back together or anything. Also, he acts about it like I cheated. I didn’t hide it from him and we were split up. I never rubbed it in his face or even talked about it to him. He had been previously cheated on, as have I, but I don’t think it’s fair to be mad for someone dating when you’re not together. I wouldn’t have cared if he dated (i mean obviously I would have cared but not been mad), I assumed he did. Anyways, I just wanted to clear up a few things that I feel like I’m wrongly being blamed for things and that I don’t understand his mixed signals. I’m being driven literally insane by this waiting game. I feel like I gave him all the power and I want it back. Is there really nothing I can do but wait? For weeks or months? I’m kind of just getting angry now like he’s playing a game with my emotions. I probably sound really selfish but I’ve been hurt a lot in relationships and it’s a huge thing that I made myself so vulnerable for him and now I really feel like it was a mistake.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 3:08 pm

Nope you’re not selfish… Yeah, it’s a bit clearer now.. You maybe right about your theory.. He got sad and he doesn’t feel much support in your relationship, so, he had to move back home… With the waiting.. give yourself a timeline and also if he is innthe hospital now or just recently got out because of the car accident then he may busy making up for business related matters but even so, give yourself a time on how long you can wait.. Base it on how much you know him and his current situation.. if he doeasn’t contact.. it’s time to move on.. Because you’ve already let him know how you feel
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 9:33 am

Hi Amelia,

It’s a beautiful story.. I can imagine how you were seated in one table while eating out.. I don’t think you made it worse.. It’s good that you finally told the truth and I think he’s a good guy but you’re relationship was full of misunderstandings.. actually up until now..
Is it in his nature not to be true to his word? Because when he said he will always love you and he thinks he can’t get over you, wouldn’t that be a good reason to think that he is just shocked that you really never got over him? I think he also needs time because he lost trust in you when he thought you dated your friend right away..

And also, that’s great you have a good life now, but to be frank, you have to be patient.. It’s just been days, some even take months and you know he’s situation.. I’m not saying you should just be left hanging but the truth is after everything that happened to your relationship and what’s happening to him now, you’re not the priority.. But… I think you have a good chance if you regain his trust

Nina

February 19, 2016 at 9:09 pm

Hey Amor,
its me again. hopefully you remember me. my ldr boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me and said he wanted to be friends. After that he ignored me for a week. And then we started texting again everyday. Now its been 2 days since we’ve talked. Before since we were talking everyday you said treat it like its the phase after the nc. But what do you suggest now? that i treat this time like the no contact phase? or that I text him? I don’t want him to feel smothered or annoyed by me texting him and I also want to give him a chance to miss me. But at the same time is that a good idea, because things were going well. What do you suggest?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 9:27 am

Hi Nina

yes I remember you.. sorry I wasn’t too elaborate in my advice before.. what I meant was be interesting and keep the convos short because I thought then you could give it a chance first, see if sparks him to try again… Right now, if he doesn’t reply let him be for the mean time, and also, do what you didn’t get to do during nc.. improve and explore.. If he doesn’t text for a whole week again..then I think it’s time you can really do nc, to avoid being in a cycle of not talking for a week and then talking again and then back to not talking for a week

Erica

February 17, 2016 at 5:00 am

Hi!
So my ex-boyfriend and I were essentially high school sweethearts, and had been dating for 2.5 years when he broke things off about two months ago. We had always been “apart” due to us going to different colleges, but last July he moved to another state to attend the Naval Academy. Things were great for us, we spent all of July only writing letters back and forth, which brought me closer with his family, and were able to see each other and resume regular conversation in August. I felt really great about our relationship, and we both agreed that the distance and not being able to talk made us even more aware of our feelings for each other. Things with his family began to turn awkward and as much as I tried to avoid them and not cause tensions- it eventually blew up in my face. I wasn’t sure how to talk to him about my feelings, but when he came home in November we were able to work through all of it and he understood my feelings- we even discussed our future in greater detail, mapping out our timeline. In my opinion we were in an amazing place, however right before he came home for Christmas in December, he suddenly ended things. He said he still was crazy about me and wanted to marry me someday and we could try and talk things out when he came home but he needed time to think about things- saying that I caused too much drama and needed more than he could give me. I understood what he meant about the drama, but what I didn’t understand was why all of the blame was placed on me(as there were so many other factors involved). When he did come home about a week later he didn’t contact me at all, I initiated almost all of the contact throughout that time (I thought this was just another fight and we could work it out when we were about to talk) He kept saying that he wanted to meet with me to talk things over and that he still loved me and wanted to marry me but that he didn’t want to get back together at the moment. He claimed that he didn’t reach out to me or try and see me because he knew if he did then he would want to get back together with me. We ended up talking in person, but nothing was resolved- it just left things more confusing than ever. I deleted him and his family from social media(which was petty, I admit) and he even said something about how he didn’t do the deleting- so naturally I tried to add him back and he didn’t accept any of it. He went back to Maryland and we hadn’t really spoken since. I was really hurt because I heard that his ex girlfriend was popping up on his Facebook and his mom even posting a happy birthday message, so I acted out and he and I fought and the conversation ended terribly. I got a text message from him about a week later saying can I come and get some sweatshirts from you when I come home in March- to which I said yes… but later told him I would just drop them by his house here hoping that he would argue and say he wanted to get them himself. Anyways, that was about 15 days ago and we’ve had no contact since.
I hope that made some sense, and I guess i’m just wondering if we have any hope?
We were so crazy about each other, planning our wedding and when i would be able to move closer to him- in the beginning of our relationship i was even a little bit overwhelmed because of how much he loved me. How did those feelings turn into him making such quick changes?

Erica

March 17, 2016 at 6:41 pm

I guess im conflicted because he has a girlfriend now, thanks for the help amor I think I have to give up, do you think that’s best too?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 4:56 am

Actually for me yes not just because he has a gf but because if his family too
Erica

March 17, 2016 at 3:14 pm

also, today is his birthday, should I not contact him today?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2016 at 5:53 pm

if you’re not in nc yet, it’s alright to greet him
Erica

March 16, 2016 at 6:05 pm

I don’t want to move on because I know him and I know his heart and this just isn’t him at all. It hurts me to see someone I care about so much go through something like this and I am unable to be there for him and help him. Why do you think this is going on? His mom seems to have an awful lot to do with this which is difficult to me, almost like she made them get together again for some reason- and he really listens to his family, it just stinks that I know he isn’t happy and is only doing this to please them and not himself.
Erica

March 15, 2016 at 7:26 pm

Yes, his mom posted a picture of them and then 3 months later he posts a picture of them together and the next day they’re “in a relationship” I naturally acted out and said something to him- I asked for all of my things back and he was acting very jealous and making himself the victim again to me. He said they saw each other again at some party which couldn’t have been more than 2 weeks after he broke up with me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2016 at 3:02 pm

Okay.. That means it’s not a smart move to contact him now. Are you willing to do nc again or you want to move on?
Erica

March 14, 2016 at 11:36 pm

Hi again Amor, well it’s almost his birthday and I wasn’t sure if I was going to reach out, and then something unexpected happened. Its been 3 months since we broke up and suddenly he’s dating a very ex girlfriend again, who he hasn’t spoken to in over 3 years. I’m not sure how to take this or where it came from, and at this point I’m just trying to understand why…
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 1:52 pm

Is that the ex that kept popping up in his Facebook that you mentioned in your first comment?
Erica

February 21, 2016 at 5:48 am

We haven’t talked since the first of February, and his birthday is in the middle of March- which he’ll actually be home on spring break for- but I was planning on not contacting him until then and then just sending him a happy birthday message with a memory of a concert we went to, by then it should be around 47 days. Is contacting him on his birthday or while hes home a bad idea?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 11:46 am

No, because that’s after nc already… It’s actually a good first contact text
Erica

February 18, 2016 at 5:49 pm

He had always defended be before with his family, but when he moved away that changed. When I would get my feelings hurt and express to him how I felt, he would claim that I was misreading the situation and causing unnecessary drama for him when he was finally able to come home and be stress-free.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 8:16 am

Maybe he changed because he got tired of you and his family not getting along, for me, you have to do a 45 day nc, and focus more on rebuilding the friendship firsf, so he won’t get prrssured again but of course this all depends if he can talk to you again after 45 days
Erica

February 17, 2016 at 5:56 pm

Hi Amor!
Yes, specifically his mom really created some problems for he and I, she and his whole family used to be so amazing, but things started to go downhill when he moved away.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 11:06 am

if that’s the case, did he propose a solution for that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 3:02 pm

Hi Erica,

just wondering was his family the cause of the problem in your relationship?

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