How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Stephen

February 17, 2016 at 1:43 am

Hey Amor,
Stephen again, the one with the LDR and visiting for his mom’s birthday in 2 weeks.
So I went three days and cracked and ended up contacting him today. I texted him and he texted back and then I asked him to FaceTime and he made up some lame excuse to not and I told him, we had to and so we FaceTimed. I told him that I felt that he was completely avoiding me and that to build a friendship, we need communication and he told me he wasn’t avoiding me. I told him that you make time no matter what for the people you want in your life no matter how busy and even though he has a crazy work schedule, when we first talked in the beginning he would text me and FaceTime me all the time and find anyway to get in contact with me and made time. When I called him out telling him I hadn’t heard from him three days and wasn’t expecting to hear from him today at all or the past few days or and wasn’t expecting him to reach out the next few days or the rest of the week or next week he didn’t deny it and didn’t say anything. He just got irritated and annoyed and kept repeating that he wasn’t avoiding me and that if he was he wouldn’t have texted me back or FaceTimed me and would have hung up on me already (even though I was the one to make initial contact and basically force him to FaceTime me) and if he didn’t want me in his life or anything with me he would have told me to “eff off” and let him be.
Now I know this was a step in the wrong direction and I do feel horrible and I wanted to text him later apologizing, but I knew that would just add insult to injury so I didn’t. Even though now he knows how I’m feeling and we talked about us again (I know, not smart) and I got the same exact answers he gave me in the beginning, I feel like he’s going to be pity texting me or just to appease me. When I said that to him he got SO angry and was like “I wouldn’t do that to you.” I feel as if he’s more annoyed with me doubting him and doubting his trust and asking the same questions and now its just turning into constant nagging about the same things, different day (which I know I have to stop doing). I asked if he still has feelings for me and he asked in what sense and I said a relationship sense and he gave me the “idk, I think we need to work on our friendship first” again but he also said again that he “Doesn’t not want to be with me.” I also asked him if he would be mad or annoyed or push me away if I went in for a kiss when I went up there and he was like “it depends on the circumstances” so it wasn’t a definite no nor a definite yes and I think he’s still confused.
I just feel like I took 3 steps back and don’t know what to do next. I just feel he’s just so annoyed or mad at me right now and won’t contact me at all or he’s afraid to in fear of me freaking out again and that me asking to FaceTime/ texting will always end up with me freaking on him when we talk. Now I know not to expect to hear from him for a while because when we ended, he was irritated (which I totally get) and I even tried to end it on a joking/light note like “okay, now you better keep in touch.” I had asked him if us talking changed his view on what we talked about or what we said and he said no, but clearly with an irritated tone. I know to give him his time and space to just decompose and not be so annoyed with me.
I was thinking, I’m going to give it a week and see what happens (and again, I don’t expect anything right now) and after a week just shoot him a text keeping it light and being like “Giving my GM the days off for your moms birthday, do these days still work for everyone? :)” and see how he responds but also, after getting my answer kind of fall off the earth again until I went there.
What do you think this all means and do you think my plan is okay?

Stephen

March 1, 2016 at 7:12 pm

Honestly, that’s EXACTLY what I was thinking.

Theres a lot of personal issues he has to work out honestly and as much as I care about him, I can’t fix everyone and I’m not Superman; I can’t save the world.
I’m still super close with one of his friends and she actually invited me to her Bachelorette party in 7 months or so, and he’s going to be there; so I was thinking of sending a text or a letter to his house just saying my peace because the way he treated me and reacted; I didn’t deserve it. Nothing mean or nasty, just a general how I was feeling and such.

I want to send a text but idk if he blocked me so I was going to write a letter and just mail it to his house and if he reads it, he reads it and if he doesn’t he doesn’t. It’s not in my control anymore.

Yes I miss him, but seeing his true colors and how he treated me kind of made me realize a lot of things.

I’m not nervous at all about seeing him in 7 months, because I know that I’m mature and respectful enough to not say anything or start anything. I was thinking that maybe a month before the party I’d ask his friend to kind of be a median between the two of us and we could talk in person to just make sure he is civil enough to be in the same room with me without flipping.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 2:57 pm

That’s nice… it’s better if you send a letter for closure and to help you move on faster
Stephen

March 1, 2016 at 3:40 am

Whelp, he never responded to me about his moms birthday but responded to me on FB chat to me telling him I was coming up to get the rest of my things with a BS lie. Telling me his phone cracked and was smashed and on its last leg and that it was okay for me to still go up that weekend to get my things and he told me he can’t text but was able to FB chat me on the same phone.
I asked him that and he lied AGAIN and so long story short I went t go get my things.
He didn’t look too happy to see me and as I was packing my things up I calmly asked him to talk real quick and he FLIPPED saying we talked already and don’t need to do it anymore and I was like “we haven’t spoken about how you’ve been ignoring and lying to me and treating me with disrespect” and he just started cursing me out telling me to “Get the eff out of his house” and we started yelling at each other and all he kept saying was “Don’t you dare disrespect me in my house, get the eff out! Now!” and so I packed my things and we were yelling and before I left I said to him that I didn’t want to leave on screaming terms, I understood that he didn’t want anything, including friendship and I got the hint. I told him that his actions spoke loud and clear and that I understood. I told him not to worry, that he wouldn’t be hearing from me in any aspect and told him that it wasn’t like me and it wasn’t mature for me to leave like that. All he had to said was “you don’t come into my effing house and disrespect me” without even looking at me and I said “I understand and I apologize” and I said bye to his friend who was sitting there and then just said to him “good luck with everything” and left.
I then got a nasty text from his mom saying “now that you came and got the rest of your things, you have no reason to ever come back to this house” even though when I told her EVERYTHING that morning and how I needed my things she agreed that he shouldn’t be ignoring or lying to me and that I don’t deserve to be treated that way and I did nothing wrong for that and she promised me she wouldn’t tell him I was coming and saying that he was being immature and always tries to ignore his problems in hopes of it disappearing and he can’t keep doing that.
Then he deleted (not blocked) but deleted my from all social media.

So…I have NO idea what to do and I’m so hurt and so sad and so confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2016 at 3:41 pm

Honestly it got worse..as in big time.. maybe him being cornered about lying and maybe his mom talked to him too, and he was already annoyed before you arrived.. plus the fight when you got your things, affirmed it… This will take time.. and the best move actually is to move on.. you can send a text for just final words, to redeem yourself and closure then after that move on.. Really heal, so that if ever you get to talking again someday, both of you are already healed.. because now or next month is too soon
Stephen

February 23, 2016 at 2:56 pm

So I kind of snapped a bit and I don’t know what my next step is :/

Last night I saw he took our relationship off completely (understandably so) and I didn’t say anything about it but it still would have been nice for him to talk to me about it.

I ended up texting him last night (as opposed to this morning) saying “Heyy, I’m gonna be giving my GM my days off for your moms birthday, is it still cool for me t come up? :)” and I knew he was up and I knew he was active and he didn’t respond and I tried to call and FaceTime him and no response and a half hour later I was like ” I’m gonna go in early to ask her off for Friday, so come up Thursday night and leave either Monday or Tuesday” and still no response and an hour later I saw he was active on FB chat and on and so I shot him a quick message saying “Hey, I sent you a text, everything okay?” and the SECOND I messaged him, he signed off and still have gotten no response from him.

I was gonna text him in a little bit just saying “Ayyy yooo, you alive?” and see if I get any sort of response out of him, but CLEARLY he is flat out ignoring me and it’s starting to get me PISSED as opposed to upset.

What do you suggest I do?

I feel like its past the point of “needing space” cause its been a week and I’ll be honest, I think he thought that I’d just forget about his mom’s birthday and I know for a fact he wouldn’t text me asking if I was coming up still.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 8:09 am

maybe he did think you might not come..but your stuff is still there.. so, in a way he would still expect you to come and get it.. let’s wait first if he will reply about you coming to mom’s bday
Stephen

February 22, 2016 at 6:41 pm

This is all making sense to me and I love your examples! :p
I’m trying to think about how we used to flirt when we first started talking and maybe do that again, kind of give him Dejavu, hah.

Now two quick questions:
When I contact him either tomorrow or the next day for his mom’s birthday, I plan on using your example tect and then asking him how work has been going and stuff and then like 3rd or 4th text in, do what he has done to me in the past and be like “Oh I got to go, I have (insert excuse here) to do before work, but I’ll text you later :D” (With an emoji of course, lol) and then not text him back. I was thinking of not texting him again until the day before I left to visit for his mom’s birthday telling him what time I’d be there, but now I’m thinking other wise.

1) After I text him for his mom’s birthday, do you think I should start the tide theory leading up to me visiting or should I stick to my original plan of ignoring again until the day before?

Also, when I go up there I plan on taking the rest of my personal possessions (my TV, my full length mirror, a pair of sneakers, and some other stuff that I know he uses.)

2) Do you think taking my stuff back that he uses is a good idea?
Not only because its my things but because I feel like it shows that I mean business in the sense of “If you’re not going to talk to me or reach out or put an effort in, you don’t get to use my things.”
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:54 pm

He has to respond fornthe tide theory to work.. so if he does yes..

With your things.. it’s risky but you have a point.. that would really mean you mean what you’re saying…
Stephen

February 21, 2016 at 8:10 pm

That is actually a really good way to word it, I appreciate it! 🙂

I took your advice and I’ve been posting status’ on my Facebook recently, just about the weather and enjoying it right now. I also have been posting pictures to “My Story” on Snapchat but not sending them directly to him of like me outside and just random stuff (which I saw he looked at) and I also posted a selfie today on IG for the first time in maybe 3 months since him and I’ve been dating. I don’t want to post too much or post anything crazy or be too over the top with my posts.
I think I’m doing this “Posting to Social Media thing” correct, would you say so?

I do have to say that I am a little scared of all of this back firing in my face, but I am glad he’s reaching out to me in some sort of sense, via Snapchat. It IS frustrating and annoying though that he hasn’t texted me yet. I hope that if I text him in a few days about the birthday and then kind of fall off the earth again, he reaches out to me a little bit. I’m also hoping that when I go visit for his moms birthday and he see’s me for the first time in 2-3 weeks that some feelings come back to him.

Two quick questions:
1) How can I be flirty in the text to him without being too over the top or making it obvious/uncomfortable?

2) What is the “tide method” and how do I use it?

Thank you again SO much for your help! 😀
Stephen

February 21, 2016 at 1:59 pm

I like the way you rephrased it, that makes more sense and also probably would make him want to talk and sort it out before I left, which I would hope happens.

On the plus side, he Snapchatted me again last night after not hearing from him for a day. I’ve noticed it’s like one day off, one day on and I’ll see if that keeps up. I also noticed that he had looked at “My Story” on Snapchat which showed I was out right before he sent me that. We actually sent more photos than the last time when we Snapchatted (maybe like ONE more, lol) which was good, and this time I was able to end it by opening his snapchat and then not responding and then I posted another thing on “My Story.” I still haven’t texted him which I’m proud of myself for and have 3 more days until the week NC and sending him a text about my days off for his moms birthday.

The only thing that DOES suck was when I woke up this morning I saw that his friend (not him) had tagged him in photos of him and his friends out at like a gay drag queen bar because we were all supposed to go this weekend to celebrate one of his girlfriends’ birthday. It just kind of makes you wonder but I’m trying to stay calm and cool and collect and not gonna like the photos or comment on them and just keep posting to FB, Snapchat and IG.

When I contact him I want it to just be light and easy flowing without me being like “Hey stranger” or “Way to not text me ever, lol” because I don’t really want to show him that I’m conscious of the fact that he hasn’t reached out to me over text nor do I want him to think that I’m going to ‘start something’ about him not contacting me and don’t want him to think that I don’t see him sending me Snapchats as an effort. I guess when I FaceTimed him last week and told him “You know look, we don’t ever text or snapchat anymore” he heard me, because it seems that he’s making a conscious decision to send me a Snapchat and make the effort. Also, if this is the catalyst to us texting and talking again, I have to expect it to be slow and steady and not expect a snap or a text every single day like we used to. I also know it sounds weird and possibly stupid but I kind of want to be flirty without being so, if that makes sense. If that’s a big no, no though, then I won’t do it.

I was just wondering, when I do text him in a few days to tell him I was giving my GM the days off for his moms birthday, how would you suggest I word it to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 3:28 pm

Go! you can be flirty! Use the tide theory of texting on him.. although its is snapchatting with you..yhat’s the same..
hmmm.. If you’re still talking to his mom, make it like…” Your mom just talked to me earlier, she is really a joy to talk to, I remembered to file my leave but I can’t ask her what kind of gift she wants, what do you think she would want?”
Stephen

February 20, 2016 at 4:23 pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I just posted a status on Facebook just about work and enjoying the weather today and most likely will post something on IG and “My Story” of snapchat. I was actually going to ask you that even though I’m kind of doing a mini NC for a week, could I still post stuff on social media?

I was wondering, when I go there for the birthday and things aren’t as good as they seem, would it be a bad idea on the last day of being there to sit down and calmly and cooly and without raising my voice or crying or being over emotional say to him something on the lines of
“Hey listen, I don’t expect to hear from you when I go back home. When you told me you wanted to stay in touch and cared about me and wanted to work on our friendship first and I said to you that I knew what would happen and that we would talk for a few days and then you’d ignore me and then we’d stop talking, you got angry and stormed off and told me “not everyone is the same” but you’re really not proving that to me. When you want someone in your life, you make an effort to keep them in your life. Actions speak louder than words and you’re not making the effort you said you would in the beginning. We don’t talk, we don’t snapchat like we used to and its hurting me more than anything. Yes it’s true, I care about you so much and I miss you something terribly but clearly you don’t miss me or you’d be reaching out more often like when we first started talking. I got the hint.” and then just go home and implement the 30 day rule.

1) Do you think this is counter productive for trying to get him back or not?
OR
2) Do you think it would be better if I just play it coy and cool while I’m there, don’t say anything and just implement the 30 day rule when I leave and come home?
3) Also, one last thing, if I do decide to do the second action and just implement the 30 day rule when I leave and come home, would it be a bad idea to say to him “I don’t expect to hear from you anymore when I get home?”

I think my problem is, I don’t want him to think I’m stupid or naiive and I kind of want him to know that I’m on to him and that he can’t pull the wool over my eyes that easily.

4) Is there a better way of going about showing him that I know what he’s doing and that I caught on to it?
(In the sense of him, just trying to ‘be nice’ and ‘not hurt me’ and cut ties completely; cause it may be the case and it may not be the case and its WAY too early to tell but I think my insecurities and anxiety and being hurt SO many times is making me think this)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 10:28 am

I like your ideas! And yes, you should really be active in social media..

I think you just to rephrase it with, “I would understand of you don’t hear from you when I get home.”

butI am actually hoping he would answer thay, so you get to talk and sort it out
Stephen

February 19, 2016 at 4:29 pm

You don’t know how much you’re helping me and I appreciate it SO much! You’re really helping me ease my mind and my decisions, and I apologize for the long posts and the constant replys, haha

That really does make sense, if we’re having fun I’ll just be like “If I plan on coming back up, I was thinking about headed back in 2 weeks or so” and just see what he says.

On the plus side, he did Snapchat me last night after not hearing from him for 2 days, so that made me feel good that he was making a conscious decision to send me something. He had snapped me something about hating his job and I sent him one back saying I did too, and then just sent another real quick asking if he saw that Big Ang from Mob Wives passed away and he sent one back saying yeah and he was sad and so I just sent one that said “I’m so sad too, what are you up to?” just making small talk and he never opened it until this morning and didn’t send anything back. I kind of regret asking him “what are you up to?” but I was just trying to make small talk and it’s not like I was asking who he was with, what time will he be home, who’s car is he in or what not. I also didn’t text him right after getting the snap which I think he was expecting. Also I didn’t text him this morning or snapchat him again this morning asking what happened or why he didn’t respond or if everything was okay (because I used to do that if I didn’t hear from him when we were dating/talking) and don’t plan on it. I decided to just let him keep coming to me. Still don’t initiate the snapchat, still don’t text him for the week until I ask him about the days off for the party.
I think next time he does snapchat me, I’m not gonna ask him like what he’s up to and keep it to whats happening in the news or just do what he does to me and open it, but don’t respond.

I’ll be dead honest, I do fear the whole “Out of sight, out of mind” thing and do fear that like the more time goes by and the more time he goes without hearing from me or snapchats from me the easier it is for him to forget about me and want to move on or give up or even get annoyed that I was the one complaining that he was avoiding me and to make it work you need communication and if you want someone in your life, you make time and I’m not doing it.

But I’m also taking him sending me a Snapchat as a positive thing but also kind of like a test from him to see if I will freak out or can I still play cool (which I think I did a pretty decent job at playing cool) and also if it means I have to sit and wait for him to come to me and its kind of the catalyst for us to start talking again, I’ll do what it takes to do that. Even if it means going a few days again before getting a snapchat from him.

What do you think about him Snapchatting me and the scenario (like me asking what he was up to), as well as the decision I’ve made about this whole situation and what I will do next?
Also, what do you think about my fears?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 7:39 am

It’s okay! I love helping you!
It’s okay to be afraid.. Fear is good, it helps you make the right decision.. I agree with what you think, that’s why most of the time we only suggest no contact if there is no chance of talking it out or they already did but nothibg happened..
That’s why Chris also suggests upto 45 days only.. because it takes 66 days to form or break a habi.. In short, the habit of thinking about you..

It’s a good sign that he snapchatted you, it’s also normal that you would ask what he’s upto, although he didn’t answer which means he doesn’t want a long convo, at least you handled it well.

So far just keep with your plan up until the birthday.. it looks like it’s working out.. and be active too.. post it in social media.. so, he will miss you more
Stephen

February 18, 2016 at 3:44 pm

That truly and utterly makes sense to me and I appreciate the help!

I was going to play calm and cool and happy when I’m up there and wasn’t going to be on top of him like I used to be, since he felt smothered while we were dating. I can’t promise that I may go in for a kiss, but that’s all he’s going to get. I think honestly what I wanna do is while I’m up there is be nice and happy and show him I’m emotionally mature, maybe not pay him so much mind and kind of play off of how he reacts towards me. I know not to talk about us when I’m there and not talk about how I’m feeling or that I feel as if he’s avoiding or ignoring me and all that. I think I kind of want to ignore him a bit, be his friend, but like make him wonder who I’m texting or what I’m thinking; maybe even pick a night to sleep on the couch as opposed to in his room. I also have my own really good friends by him so I was gonna pick maybe a day or night to hang out with them as well, make him wonder why I don’t want to be around him the whole time I’m up there.

I was also thinking of asking him when I go visit if he was okay with me coming back in 2 weeks.
Its more to see how he reacts and what he says and another part is for me to ask him and see what he says and if he says yes, just kind of do NC and maybe not even go or remind him I’m going to visit just to see if he reaches out when it comes close to the 2 week mark.
Do you think that is a bad idea since it can back fire and make me feel worse if he doesn’t reach out asking if I’m still going and do you think me asking is just showing him I’m being clingy and can’t give space/be away from him?

Also, I think as I said, my fear is him just saying for me to come up since we already talked about it and its already planned but when I go back home it’s going to turn into the same thing of when I first left and him not reaching out or wanting to make an effort to talk even though he said he would. I mean things can change in a week when I text him or when I’m there or it may go the opposite way; no one knows.

What do you think I should do if that is the case? If I come home and a few days goes by, and a week or two go by and I don’t hear from him, do you think I should put the NC rule into effect or do you think I should start the NC rule when I get home myself depending on the outcome of me going to visit?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 7:37 am

I think that’s good, but if you’re going to ask him, ask him when both of you are having a good time and don’t imply that you’re sure to come.. make it like an “if ever” so, he doesn’t know of you will surely come
Stephen

February 17, 2016 at 4:58 pm

Thank you so much for the quick response and for all the help! 🙂
I’m just scared that I messed everything up with him and that even if I do reach out to him that he’s just going to flat out ignore me. I know to give him his space and I do suffer from anxiety so I’m trying to stay mentally strong, but it’s hard when you’re thinking these scenarios in your head, that you don’t even know are true or not.
I just feel like he’s so annoyed or irritated with me for talking to him about it all (and I get it and feel like I just poured lemon juice and salt on a fresh and open wound) and that because he is, he just pushed me away and out of his mind and like doesn’t want to ‘deal’ with me, so to say. I’m also scared that he’s just gonna play nicey nice or is saying its still fine for me to go visit for the birthday since we already planned for it and I’ll go up and be fine but the second I leave to head back home, he’s just gonna cut ties completely with me and thats that. (Which I guess I can implement the 30 day NC rule when I come home from the birthday if we don’t really fix things by then.)
It also doesn’t help that I have people chirping in my ear telling me to give up and move on and to take the hints. Telling me he’s just too nice of a guy to tell me he wants it over completely and to cut my loses. I also have them telling me that because when I asked if he still has feelings for me in a relationship or boyfriend sense and he said “idk” that it again it means he’s just being nice and that because he keeps focusing on us building a friendship and isn’t talking about a relationship that he just wants to be friends and thats all.
As I said, I just feel as if I completely screwed it up and if you want someone in your life, you make time and effort for them and I feel like he isn’t doing that at all (Maybe because it is too soon but it just sucks)

What do you think about my insecurities about him not wanting to contact me cause he’s pissed or will ignore me and what do you think about what others are telling me in this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 10:55 am

he is annoyed.. but that doesn’t mean it’s forever.. that’s why you need to give him space to cool off and miss you..
another tip, don’t act based on what you think he thinks about you, especially when you see each other.. Be on top of the emotions, if he’s distant, that’s ok. Keep calm and let him be.. Because if he sees you’re being emotionally matured and you’re trying to understand and give space, and then he sees you’re happy, it might make him consider right there that he’s the one being immature.. and even if not, you’ll leave a good image of you.
Your friends are just looking out for you.. you can take their insights, same as our suggestions and think about it but the decision will always be from you.. and also base it on how you know him and what you’re gut tells you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 2:41 pm

yes I remember you!!
I like your plan.. don’t worry at least when you give him space, he will miss the time when you were the one asking for his time.. Another tip also, don’t ask about the actions you’re, it’s better if you just do it…he’ll cool off. Just give him time..

Elena

February 16, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Amor, I can do 21 days. I have another question. If the texts work (which I’m pretty confident they will since he still loves me) and he comes next month, how should I approach talking and asking him if we can be together again? I really don’t want to mess up and want things to go back to how they were. The issue is our distance but that wasn’t an issue before since we loved each other so much. What are some ways I can make the love between us strong again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 8:49 am

actually it’s more of like making him want to be back with you.. Do the oish pull theory because it also helps..but if ever, you really want to ask, do it in the right time, more likely when you’ve built comfort again and do it with humor

Lily

February 16, 2016 at 12:32 am

Hi my situation is a little bit different my boyfriend and I were living together and California after moving across country for a year. He broke up with me about six months ago. I had just lost my job and so I couldn’t keep the apartment he did. I moved back to our hometown to live with my parents. He came to visit his family over Christmas and we have so many mutual friends that he wanted to meet up with me at a coffee shop prior to the Christmas party we were going to attend. Initially the coffee date went well he apologized for the way the break up went down and we hashed out issues from our relationship. Namely, we fought progressively more often and tension in our relationship became so much that he said he had fallen out of love with me, believing that I am a mean person to those I love. I hadn’t really gotten to read ex-boyfriend recovery thoroughly before this interaction so I made a LOT of mistakes. I begged in the beginning and was a total pathetic jerk toward him. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean. He wanted to meet up with me a few other times over the course of the week for lunch coffee movies beers etc. At each of thesewe ended up having way too intense of talks about our relationship mistakes and I asked him twice if he ever saw us getting back together…after getting a beer we ended up making out in the car and two days later the sexual tension was so higher couldn’t keep our hands off eachother. I asked him if he ever saw us getting back together and he got very frustrated and had some sort of panic/flashback to our fights. He said “this is why I can’t ever get back together with you all you do is pull down my self esteem I hate who I am around you” I felt so guilty I finally caved and slept with him. It was awful. He got up and left and I was in tears telling him how much I love him and that I would wait for him. So. Bad. I know. Anyways, he went back to our old apartment and I’m here. I feel like chances would be higher for us getting back together if I was there (if I moved back to the area) and we could get on the right track. First of all, have I caused too much damage? Second, do I have a better chance if I move there? Third, how do I move forward from here? This all happened New Year’s Day, I tried implementing NC but broke it 3 times so I’m starting over. How do relationships that have been over and messed with for 6 months differ from fresh break ups? I know I made so many mistakes and he resents me for hurting him, that’s the biggest barrier. However, he is the love of my life. I know with every fiber of my being. Thank you so so much!!! I love this blog.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 11:37 am

Hi Lily,

thank you for reading our blogs!
If you got back to talking again, it means you can reconnect again, just start out properly.. don’t focus on the mistakes.. I think you’ve had enough talk about that already.. and also start nc so you can have more self esteem and so you will have better decisions around him.

Think of this as starting over.. even though it’s only you who’s doing nc, it’s ok because you will learn to take things slow and you can convey it to him by avoiding situations where you will be sexual too soon.. Be the ungettable girl by being polite at the same time..

Elena

February 15, 2016 at 8:27 pm

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years now. Just yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me saying that the distance was too much for him. I live in the US and he lives in england. He did come over here for a month during the summer and it was the best time of our lives. He told me yesterday that he wants to be with me and does still love me and that if he lived where I lived that 100% we could be together. He even said before that after He finished college in about 3 years that He would move here. He just can’t handle the distance right now. I wanted to try and get him back so I do plan on using the advice given here but I have a small issue/concern. Months before our break up he bought tickets to come here again during spring break which is next month. When I asked him if he would still come he said he wanted to but only if I was okay with it which I am. I know we can’t be in contact for at least a month (NC rule) but he is going to be coming in about a month so I don’t know what to do! Should I just do no contact for a few weeks and then start by using the texts mentioned above? This way when he comes we can work on reigniting the flame and focusing on how we can make the distance work? I need to know. I know we met for a reason and there is still love between us so I feel like this can work but I still need some help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 8:55 am

Hi Elea,

how about 21 days?

Stephen

February 15, 2016 at 5:15 pm

Hey Chris/Amor,
I’m a gay male and my boyfriend and I were in a LDR. We talked for about a month before I went to visit him. Everything was fine and we decided to be official and I would go visit when I had the time and able to do so. I went up maybe every weekend or every other weekend and after about a month of traveling I moved in with him and his family. I was living there for about a month and a half and about 5 days ago I asked to talk to him because I noticed that he was acting differently and pulling away. It initially came down to that he felt that we rushed things and took things too fast, he had no alone time or time with his friends by himself since we were with each other 24/7 and he felt overwhelmed. He told me that he “doesn’t not want to be with me” and he wants some space and time to focus on himself and his issues and me to focus on myself. He said he doesn’t know if he’s ready for a relationship right now and sees a future with me but doesn’t know when and doesn’t want to make any promises. The first few days were rough and we talked but I was constantly reaching out to him or asking to FaceTime (which in hindsight wasn’t very smart) and then I decided to put the NC Rule into effect and today is day 2.
My question is, I know the rule applies for 30 days but his mom and I are super close and she really wants me to go there for her birthday in 2 weeks. When I had talked to him a few days ago about me taking the time off from work for it, he was perfectly fine with the idea.
Can I still text him next week at some point saying something on the lines of “Hey, going to be giving my GM the time off for your moms birthday, do these days still work?” since we already talked about me going there for it twice. And then implementing the 30 day rule after I go visit or starting afterI ask if I should still go up?
Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 7:20 am

Hi Stephen,

I think it would really be lile laying low on contacting him now but not starting nc because of you start it now, contacting him for tht birthday and also going there would violate it.. and maybe, hopefully, if you give him space for two weeks, you won’t even need to do nc and I really hope you work it out during the birthday

Nina

February 15, 2016 at 2:07 am

I have been in a ldr for 4 years my bf just broke up with me then ignored me for a week. Finally he contacted me saying he loves me but the distance is too much to handle and said he wants to be friends. Now we have been texting everyday, but he won’t FaceTime me though he says its too soon. He claims he’s happy and likes the way things are now. But how do I get him back? should I continue to talk to him everyday? would that be effective in getting him back or should i try no contact. what are your thoughts?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:01 am

Hi Nina,

try to work on what you have right now…think of it as the texting phase after nc

Pamela

February 14, 2016 at 7:48 pm

Hi, Amor! Don’t know if you still remember me. So my bf and I of 3 months broke up 3 weeks ago. (We met online and got together after texting and calling every day for 2 months.) I initiated the break up but wanted to get back together a day later. Sadly, he refused to get back together. I have been texting and calling him a lot since the break up and he ignored me/angrily told me that he has explained to me many times and asked me not to disturb him anymore. He doesn’t want to deal with the long distance after all the fights and arguments we had every two days when we were together. He says he wants me by his side and he wants a future with me, but the long distance makes things exhausting and he doesn’t want to deal with it because it is starting to affect his career. I tried NC but it only lasted for 3 days and I texted and called him again, telling him I miss him/asking for chance to get back together/asking him whether he still likes me (but he never answered me)/even scolded him for hurting me so bad because I’m very sad over the break up. We fought on texts, and he even blocked me, then unblocked me, for twice. In the last message he said he has already explained to me for many times and he won’t repeat anymore. He asked me to let things go and if I don’t give him his peace to deal with his own problems, he will block me once and for all because he is very stressed and I kept asking him those questions repeatedly. He does not block me in the end. I told me I just want to know whether he still likes me or not after everything, but he did not reply.

Should I still do NC? Since he already has the thought to block me forever (as stated above). Does he really mean it or he was just mad because I annoyed him? I have a feeling that he is getting close with a girl who has been his friend for years and I always fought about her with him when we were together. He used to tell me she is just a friend.

Please advise me, Amor. Thanks!

Pamela

February 17, 2016 at 5:31 pm

Thank you Amor and Violet!

I am on my Day 7 of NC now. I am here to get some support.

And yes, I keep reminding myself to do this NC for myself instead of focusing on getting him back.
Violet

February 16, 2016 at 2:40 am

Hey Pamela, My situation is similar with yours. my bf didn’t say [broke up]but ge just not so talktive and drifted away, he told me he has a Good female friend but they are just friend(which i don’t believe it but never fight with him for this point). He just keep telling me that LDR is too hard for us since I can’t come to his country and he can’t reach me. He broke up with me 3 weeks ago and officially be togetger with that Female friend:-(… but he just told me he’s no feeling toward that girl after we broke up.
by now i can’t let go,because I love him very much, so i am still sending him greeting messages randomly, and he reply me everytime.
I think at present time, don’t send any messages for your ex anout getting back together, cuz that
might push him further away. you can send him some normal massages like friends, meanwhile
you have to accept the truth of break up.
(I know it’s hard,but That’s all we can do now ):-(:-( maybe after a period of time, you guys can get back togetger, maybe u would convert your love to friendships╮(╯_╰)╭ good luck.
Pamela

February 15, 2016 at 7:35 pm

And I wonder what is he going to think about me? Will he even miss me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 8:42 am

this time do it really for yourself.. and finish it.. because it won’t have much of an effect of you keep restarting
Pamela

February 15, 2016 at 7:34 pm

I am doing NC now. Day 6. I wonder does NC work in my case?
Pamela

February 14, 2016 at 7:54 pm

Amor, it seems like he doesn’t like me anymore and doesn’t care about me anymore. He knows I’m very sad about the break up but yet he just won’t get back together with me. He kept saying he doesn’t want to do this LDR after all the fights we had.

I doubt he will even miss me, after all the post-break up fights we had and how I annoyed him. Am I right?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 7:31 pm

Yes I remember you.. 🙂 If you’re not going to do Nc what do you plan to do?

Sarah

February 11, 2016 at 11:46 pm

Hello again,

So you said im not being selfish, i didnt realize it. But to answer that question. I am positive its worth the wait. Me and him have so much in common, for 2 years, it seems to be worth it.
Sarah

February 11, 2016 at 12:42 am

Hi,
Me and my Boyfriend have broken up, But he says we may get back together in the future. We only met online, but we plan on meeting in 2 more years. He said that if he is still single by graduation, we can get back together, but he also said that if he finds a boyfriend he likes more than me, we cannot get back together, unless, he moves away or he prefers me over him. I know im sounding selfish, but he says that we may still get back together. We are still good friends and we still talk on a daily basis. Any tips? Thank you

– Sarah

Sarah

February 15, 2016 at 4:42 pm

So far, me and him still talk normally, but I noticed a dramatic decrease in us talking, its mostly just good morning and goodnight texts now, before it used to be lots of flirting and conversation
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:54 am

good morning and good night is actually good..work on what you have.. talk about what’s current that’s interesting or will pique his interest
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 12:10 pm

You’re not being selfish.. I think you should think about whether you can really wait or if he’s worth the wait

Nahla

February 10, 2016 at 3:27 pm

Hi Chris/Amor!

Me and my bf broke up almost a month ago. I immediately put NC into effect. He hasn’t contacted me either, though he did send my best friend a social media request a week after the break. That seemed like indirect contact to me, a way to get my attention. He knows she’s married and that we talk every day. He’s also known her social media handles for while, but never added her until then. She accepted his request, but he hasn’t tried anything else.

Anyway, our 30 day mark is in just a few days, but I’m not sure if it’s the right time to contact him. Of course, I want to. I’m just not sure the timing is just right. I’m relocating closer to him in just a few weeks. The plans were already in the making before he and I met, but I didn’t plan on moving so soon. I’m in between cities right now and I’ve been offered a great opportunity there that I can’t turn down. Plus, I want to live there regardless of our relationship.

My question is, should I contact him right on our 30 day (which is Valentines Day btw)? Or should I wait the extra three weeks once I move? I have a lot to focus on in these next few weeks with moving and preparing for my new gig, and I don’t want any possible emotional turmoil to distract me. The 30 days have been tough, but I do like how focused I’ve been and the progress I’ve made in my professional/personal life. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 10:38 am

Of that’s the case, better to focus in your endeavors first instead of recinnecting and then not being able to continue because of how busy you are

Jessie

February 10, 2016 at 2:23 am

Hi, I was in a LDR and I’m moving back to where he lives in 4 months. Is it better to do NC and talk to him in the meantime or should I wait 4 months and then talk when I’m back? When we broke up he said that we might get back together when I’m back but that right now he wants to be alone and move on (I broke up because I was overwhelmed with the distance and then tried to get him back).

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 9:34 am

It’s betyer if you do nc, then talk tk him after, so you can try to build the cinnection again before getting back to where he lives

Kungfupandaa

February 9, 2016 at 11:29 pm

I had a fight with my ex boyfriend a month back. I left his house and came back to my country on 27th jan. I fought with him seeing him active on a marriage portal.when I asked him he lied and later said he wouldn’t wanna marry me. After I came back to my country on 27th he hasn’t texted me.. He has blocked me from everywhere. His friends have blocked me too . I keep checking his updates on the marriage portal.. And he’s still active. Do you think he will come back? Apologizing ? His mother hates me too and he lives with his mother.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 9:22 am

Hi Kung fu panda,

to be honest, if he’s in marriage portal when your relationahip was ok, what more now? It’s either he realizes he’s wrong or you have to let him.go

Stephanie

February 9, 2016 at 6:24 pm

Hi again Amor!

It’s me Stephanie again. The one with the ex that’s in navy flight school, not sure if you recall or not, there’s a lot of people asking for advice so I understand! I tried looking for the other conversation we had but scrolling through on my phone was taking forever.
Anyways, I texted him last night basically saying “Hey I know you’re in the middle of flight school. I hope you’re doing well and hanging in there.” He responded positivily and we exchanged 3 text back and forth even though I was sending reponses that he didn’t need to answer. He even apologized for replying with short answers because he was doing a timed practice test. I told him to focus on that and sent a text implying the end of the conversation and he replied with a goodnight. The conversation to me felt almost like before. So that’s a good start I guess. My next step is to work my way up to getting a skype conversation with him. How would you suggest bringing that up with him? And when?
I don’t plan on having a deep conversation with him during the skype call. Just a casual catching up kind of talk that I’m hoping he’ll agree to. I will admit though I’m a little scared and nervous about this whole thing. Haha I’ve never actually put myself out there like this for a guy before. It’s definitely nerve-wracking in a way because I’m basically being so vulnerable. But even so I’m going for it.

Stephanie

February 25, 2016 at 12:34 am

Hi again amor

I’ve had just a few conversations with him and for all of them I’ve been the one starting them. I’m starting to feel weird for continuing to reach out to him. The first week was twice, 2nd week once, and this 3rd week I was thinking twice. I hope that’s not too much. I just don’t want him to start to feel uncomfortable. Is it a good idea to ask him if he’s okay with this? Kind of just like “hey is it okay that I’m texting you?” Or is that just bring up bad drama. I just want to be able to talk to him without worrying about it being awkward.

In the conversation he replies a few times and then he’ll either say goodnight or just disappear. I’m getting responses but the conversation just doesn’t seem interesting at all and when I try to make it interesting that’s when he’ll disappear. And I don’t know how or when to pick things up a little and ask for that video chat. I guess I’m just confused and scared about this whole thing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 1:03 pm

I think what you need to work on first is making the first text interesting rigt ahead and you should be the one ending the convo
Stephanie

February 13, 2016 at 4:59 am

Hi amor!

So is asking to call to just to check up a good reason? That is after a few more positive communications.

Thanks again,
Stephanie
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 12:07 pm

Hmmm… yeah but that could be boring after a few minutes unless one of you doing something that is interesting to talk about.. or just make it a starter, so maybe talk about recent events, talk about something that’s current or related to what he ia doing at the call
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2016 at 1:52 pm

Hi Stephanie

Yes I remember. Thats’s good. Well, most likely you have to call for a reason to be easier for you to ask him.

Seema

February 8, 2016 at 9:11 pm

My Long Distance boyfriend (Boston and Wash DC) of 4 months broke up with me exactly 8 weeks ago (Dec 5th). We had been texting the night before, and he brought up kinky sex which I was uncomfortable with (we met only twice bec of distance and sex was attempted but awkward and unsatisfactory as we both were just testing) but we had great chemistry by text all day long when we would get a chance at our jobs and spoke every night for 2-3 hrs. I got upset with the discussion of kinky sex (he was into anal sex – and I freaked out and he got angry that I was freaking, and he said he was just joking – but I dont think so bec he had casually mentioned it a few times before and I had asked him a few questions but he had not pushed it). He then sent the last text – “Remember one thing in the world. I respect you more than my dreams and desires. Period.” So I in my mind read it as he would give in to my wishes. The next day, all was silent b/w us. Then the next day, I sent him my usual Good morning text and heard nothing back (since it was Whatsapp, I knew by the blue checks that he had read it immediately). I waited all day and then the next day I sent him a Bitmoji emoticon with a barrel full of heats and said my heart was in a million pieces. I followed it by a text saying that we should discuss things on merit and not walk away in answer, can we talk? and I called him twice during the day and he read the messages but did not answer the phone. So, I smacked my head and then understood that he had dumped me.

I had read enough online by now, to know to start No Contact. Sure enough, Jan 19th, ie 6 weeks later, he sends me a text on whatsapp AND my regular Verizon text (so I think he wanted to make sure I get the message in case I had blocked him off on one or the other), saying: ” Congrats on your promotion. I hope I got the correct news. I hope all is going well with you. I wish you all the best in life”. (He knew I was waiting for my promotion, and he is on my Linkedin profile as a connection and probably saw the notification – I ended up removing him from my connections there after that). I waited 24 hrs and only replied back:”Thanks”. Now it has been 18 days since I sent that. Was this a mixed message? Testing the waters? I don’t think I should contact him – he needs to know that I am an “ungettable girl” that he now has to work for – I never begged, harrassed him after those last couple of polite texts requesting a conversation that he ignored. Why keep an eye on my career when you have dumped me, and no offer to talk, which is what I had requested in my last text. Advise please.

Seema

February 25, 2016 at 10:54 pm

I only knew him 3 months with lots of texting and talking and only 2 weekend meetings – I don’t know him enough to judge that about him, but I think that would be an automatic assumption for anyone who is in my situation, right? Otherwise, I have asked you twice, to kindly suggest what I can text – I don’t have any particular happy memory of either of the 2 meetings, bec 1st was us meeting for teh 1st time and we both were nervous, and the 2nd was meeting his kids (I wanted to get meeting the kids early on out of the way on case they or I did not like each other – as I have been burnt by going far with a guy, only to get that guy’s kids say I was “not like their mom” and he broke off as he did not want to upset them and wasted 6 months of my time)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 9:38 am

actually I like your last idea of ehat to text because at least it’s a guage for you. of you really don’t know what his interests are..check what he’s been up to currently…connect it to that..
Seema

February 25, 2016 at 1:15 am

But what do I send as a text after the 21 days are over to get him to be open to a phone call? I was thinking something nonthreatening, and not looking desperate like:” It has been a while since we last spoke. So much has happened since then. Let’s catch up soon. Let me know when is a good time for you. As you know, evenings work best for me”. If he does not respond, then I will know the relationship is over.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 1:07 pm

hmmm.. what made me think is your conclusion of he doesn’t reply.. If that judgment is made because of how you know him.. then yes, use that text
Seema

February 24, 2016 at 12:43 am

Hi Amor….It has been 2 weeks since I sent the texts trying to get him to open up to which he gave closed replies, but almost immediately. You asked me to wait – I think I want to do the 21 weeks like you suggested and try to reach out next week when it will be 21 days, but don’t know what to say to make him want to call/start a back and forth – I really prefer getting him to call, as the problem began with texting misunderstandings/emotions. Suggestions?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 12:11 pm

first, to have to avoid talking about feelings and realtionship… usually a calk transitions from a text.. like if you’re textibg about something, you may say, “I think this is better said in a call, can I call you?”
Seema

February 14, 2016 at 4:05 am

What should I say after another week of NC? Any suggestions? I really don’t want him to think I am desperate, when HE broke off and I offered to talk and he ignored then. Seeing that I caved in a few days ago, should he not be the one trying to win me back, if I have given green light by initating text about his vacation
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 8:12 am

That’s good then.. it means you’ll either send a text when you’re ready or you will send a text that you have the upperhand.. Well, you haven’t established a connection yet,so,to be honest, I’m not sure if he will chase you but if he misses you, he will.

Actually the better term should be os that he should be comfortable to message you now because you initiated
Seema

February 13, 2016 at 1:56 am

I caved in 2 days ago, and texted him how his vacation was (He had taken his kids for 2 weeks during Christmas break to Dubai and they had been very excited making plans). He immediately texted back that it was “Brilliant. Thanks.” and then I replied back: How did the kids enjoy it? and he again immediately replied : “To the fullest”. Then I did not want to say more, bec I have let him know by behaving calmly that it is safe for him to re-start communication if he is interested in rekindling, but he has not texted or called – 48 hrs now. What should I do? Just continue moving on with life and get back into NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 1:12 pm

but you were able to reach at least 21 days no contact right? For me just wait another week.. Don’t send texts that is answerable by yes or no
Seema

February 9, 2016 at 7:24 pm

Thanks, Amor for your reply. So with my neutral response, do you think he will try recontacting me? He broke off without a proper discussion, he then contacted after 5 weeks and appeared nonchalant, without clear offer of talking…..IF he wants to reintiate convo, should he not be more forthcoming/apologize for the way he ignored my texts/phones (thank God I did minimal and just for one day!). OR should I text him – that way he will think I am desperate, and I dont want to make him think I am, as I am not.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 8:57 am

with neutral? I’m not sure..most of the time they respond because they missed you, or because they find you interesting again
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 10:03 am

I think it was a test text for him to have a convo with you. If you don’t want to initiate contact do you mean that you’re going to wait for him to text you?

DP

February 8, 2016 at 11:31 am

I agree to the above stated advises . But what if he doesnt turns back and end up not responding in anything. I know that this is the worst case. But i dont know, if my case has reached to that level or not. I am not sure. It should be the case that i implement the NC rule, and the guy thinks that i started a new life and he goes off completely.

CAN YOU PLEASE ADVISE ON THIS

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 7:20 am

That’s the reason why we only recommend upto 45 days nc, because making and breaking a habit takes 66 days. So, that means before he breaks the habit of thinking about you. But also, it more on attracting him back because of your improvement. That means attracting him whether he decides to forget about you or not.

Diana

February 7, 2016 at 6:56 pm

Hi,
First of all, there is no need to say how helping and encouraging your work is 🙂 Second of all, naturally, I’ve got a burning question. I’ve been in a relationship with this guy who was an exchange student in the city I live in and who had to go back home at the end of the semester. All in all, it’s been around one year and 4 months since we started dating, out of which almost one year in a LDR. During this one year we kept seeing each other at decent intervals of time, wherever we could find good flight connections 🙂 We recently had an argument and we haven’t talked since then, meaning for 26 days to be more specific. That means, yes, no contact, because I’ve previously studied the rules here and didn’t panic too much (a round of applause for that). Buuut, he is the kind of stubborn and proud person who (as far as I know him) wouldn’t make the first step in opening up a conversation or, if he does, it would be something huge (we had another argument long time ago, haven’t spoken to each other for around one week, I opened up the conversation to check if he was still alive, it went back to normal and a couple of weeks later that he showed up at my door) so my uncertainty goes like this: what on earth should I do now – wait some more days and write a smart text or simply make a race of who resists longer like this until he breaks the silence ?
Thanks a lot, and sorry if I wrote too much, I really tried to be short 🙁

Diana

February 8, 2016 at 10:46 am

Thanks a lot for the quick response 🙂 And this first contact should be something like a subtle message that is connected to nice stuff done together ? Or simply how are you? Or more than that ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 6:48 am

Well, it shouldn’t one word texts. You can choose on Chris’ examples of first contacts on which you think you can leverage most and it’s not always the things done things together, it can be but the most important thing is what was or when was the most fun for him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 7:09 pm

Hi Diana,

I think it’s better to do 30 days NC, and then initiate first contact but after that, if you get back together, work on being able to communicate with each other better.

Karla

February 5, 2016 at 2:58 pm

I’m in a confusing long distance situation. I’m in love with a friend who lives in another country. We’ve never been officially together due to the distance, but he pursued me for several years and after meeting we had a long distance complicated “thing” for a year and a half where we fought a lot because I thought he was distant and disinterested and he thought I was “too intense” and needy and anxious. He got less and less interested until he told me after a few months he saw me jsut as a friend (but whenever we didn’t fight for a while he would start to flirt, then he would immediately stop if we had another fight)

After a long history of fighting, he told me I was too pushy and intense and he felt pressured, so I made a conscious effort to stop nagging him about anything. The fighting has since completely stopped.

At the moment we do not fight. He no longer overreacts to minor details and gets really irritable like he used to for a long time. We joke a lot and tease each other a lot and have this really fun banter. We flirt a little but he seems cautious with it, it is not full blown and intense like before. We talk most days, and if I leave him alone for a few days, he contacts me. We often chat on facebook for hours in a given day.

However….. he is refusing to see me. He seems happy to talk to me for many hours in a given day and even tell me what he supposedly wants to do with me sexually, but if i hint at meeting, he changes the subject or says he doesn’t want to talk about it. Our last fight was 2 months ago and it was about me “getting really pushy about wanting to meet”. He has said that he is afraid that if we meet we will fight again and I “will go crazy again” and that I “don’t know how much our fights bothered him” and that he “doesn’t know if he could handle my intensity”.

How on earth do I show this guy I’ve changed and won’t fight with him or nag him anymore? It’s been 2 months since our last fight and he’s still resistant to meeting. I’m going to be in his country in a few weeks and want to see him. I’m confused how you can talk to someone so much yet not want to see them… and sometimes wonder if he is using our past fights as an excuse.

Should I go no contact? This is someone I talk to most days and if I ignore him, he will notice. I’m worried he will see it as “me creating some sort of drama again” which is something he has accused me of a lot in the past.
I don’t know what to do. I want to be this guy’s girlfriend and he won’t even see me, yet he makes sure to stay close friends.

Karla

February 11, 2016 at 1:49 pm

oh no… I messed up!
Last Saturday we talked for the whole day (on and off but were basically in contact the whole day), there was flirting and there were some jokes made about meeting, though still no serious talk of meeting up. So things seemed to be going OK.

However, I am having trouble dealing with the fact that we are both on an internet chat site together (where we originally met) and other girls are constantly trying to flirt with him on there. He also flirts, and this has bothered me for a long time and was part of what but he actually reassured me on Saturday that he’s just joking around with people and that I shouldn’t take his online flirty comments seriously.

On Saturday a girl made some really dirty comments towards him, which he ignored, but I still lost it and snapped at her. I had been ignoring many girls coming onto him for weeks and it was just the final straw for me and I momentarily lost my cool. She immediately messaged him and told him about it. I also said something to someone as a joke that he didn’t like.

He messaged me on Sunday saying he doesn’t know what to think about me, that girls are messaging him asking why I’m jealously snapping at them, that I haven’t changed since the past and that he thinks I only learned to hide my old behaviours better but haven’t actually changed. He said he is disappointed and unsure about me. He told the other girl we are just friends and has apparently been telling everyone we’re friends. He then told me he doesn’t feel very close to me anymore these days and never will because “too much crazy stuff has happened between us”. He said he feels nothing strong for me, repeated that he’s “not mad but disappointed” and refused to talk about it further, and then said it was too soon to make amends when I tried to change the subject. However, he messaged me of his own accord 2 days later and started playful teasing and banter as if nothing had happened.

What do I do now? I’m gutted that he’s said he will never be close to me again and feels nothing strong for me and has told everyone we are friends, but doesn’t his behaviour show signs of having feelings? I’m so scared that we will only ever be friends now…
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 9:48 am

If it continues to be in that cycle, he might friend zone you. If he’s flirty with other girls, that means he’s not serious with you, if you want him back, you have to ignore that for now to avoid fights because you’re rebuilding secure connection but if you’re exclusive and he’s still doing that, walk away
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2016 at 10:40 am

Hi Karla,

Hmmm.. I think you don’t need no contact. I know this is going to sound like I just repeated what you said, but basically. You have to try to stop asking to meet and establishing a texting or online relationship of conversation that you don’t fight. I don’t know if you are really intense or he’s sensitive but it looks like that’s what he really means. He’s afraid you two will just fight in person. Actually, it’s good that he still talks to you after many fights. So, like re-establish the relationship or friendship. It’s kind of funny actually that he don’t want to meet you because of that and yet he can’t resist to talk you. Maybe that’s just what he wants to stop or he’s preventing the relationship fight to escalate if you meet.

Pamela

February 3, 2016 at 8:53 am

Hi, Amor/Chris!

My bf and I for 3 months broke up. We were in a LDR. I have been texting him way too much during the first 1.5 week after the break up. He told me his decision won’t change and said I annoyed him and he told me to back off. I know I’ve left a very bad impression in his mind now. I then apologized for what I did that annoyed him and confess my heart to him and thank him. He did not reply me. Will NC still help in my case?

Pamela

February 4, 2016 at 3:19 pm

Thanks, Amor! I will focus on improving myself! (=
Pamela

February 3, 2016 at 7:14 pm

Thanks for replying, Amor! I’ll start doing NC for 30 days and see how things go. However, I doubt he will contact me since he insisted that he won’t change his mind about the break up and I annoyed him to the extent that he sounded harsh in his message to tell me off. Will a guy really change his mind after having such bad impression on me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 4, 2016 at 2:10 pm

In can happen. Especially if you’ve really established that you’ve changed.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 3:40 pm

Hi Pamela,

Yeah you can try. It might change his mind about you because you suddenly went no contact.

Misha

February 2, 2016 at 7:19 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago because of him moving further away, we were already doing long-distance before but it was manageable. I went into NC a little bit after, but he came back around new years and told me he misses me. I told him to rethink the whole relationship, and told him I would be up for getting back together. A week after, he told me he is just not in a good place now to be in a relationship, and also he thinks the distance is too far and that we won’t have an ending point. Needless to say, he broke my heart to bits again. I said some harsh words and told him I never want to hear from him again, and then deleted him on every social network platform. I’ve been in NC for two weeks now, hoping to move on. But maybe the heart is irrational, and I am thinking more with my heart, somehow I still want him back in my life again as my boyfriend. Anyways, he initiated contact again, asking me how I was and said that he hopes I haven’t forgotten about him yet. I didn’t reply, because I am scared that he will just hurt me again. But I ignored the message, and then 3 days after he texted me again asking me to please tell him i’m fine. I don’t know how much longer I should make him wait, because this is my second time doing NC, and it has been 2 months since the initial breakup. Please let me know how long I should make him wait before replying or contacting him again
SR

February 2, 2016 at 12:01 pm

Hi

My LDR boyfriend of 1year went back to his country after Christmas, then a week later threatened to break up with me three times because of the distance. Before he left he told me he loved me more than anything, that we will make this together and we have to be positive. The plan was that I was going to visit him in April which meant a 3 month gap of long distance. I’ve even offered to move to his country but he didn’t feel ready for it yet and told me to be patient.

Anyways, after these three breakup threats (him telling me he wasn’t sure any longer and needed time to think) I decided to go NC contact as wanted him to miss me and understand my value. I’m now on day 14, and he tried to contact me only once on day 8 but didn’t apologise or say that he still wanted to continue the relationship, it was a rather cold text. We are still a couple on Facebook btw.

Do you recommend the NC rule even if we’re still officially together, and if so, should I cut the time down from 30days? I feel worried that if I now reply to his text I will be back to square one and he will use the opportunity to break up with me for real. But then if he really wanted to, would he not have done it already or removed our status on Facebook?

Thank you xx

Karma

February 10, 2016 at 4:02 pm

I sent him that he liked the hoodie and no need to worry about the money back of the shirt. I told him he can exchange it with whatever he likes. I sent him one photo of the closet.
He replied that it’s so nice and I told me that he is wondering why did I decided to contact him again. He told me he is still thinking why, especially all lines of communication have been ended.
So… What do you think? what should I tell him and when? Should I tell him that the facebook is not the only way of communication (because I unfriended him from FB) and we still have whatsapp, viber and even FB messenger?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 10:42 am

Tell him why not?

And you’re right that Facebook is not only the mode of communication
SR

February 7, 2016 at 4:14 pm

Hello again

He contacted me again now on day 18 of NC and it turns out that he thinks he broke up with me when I thought he was going to think about it?! So awful 🙁
He said in his text that he is apologizing for how he dealt with the situation and feel guilty how things ended. He really hope we can stay in touch etc. Hopefully this text is proof that he really is starting to miss me now and regret things. I will not cut it down to 21 days I will go NC for 30 or 45 days I hope you agree it’s a good idea! Xx
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 6:32 pm

If you feel it is, go ahead 🙂
SR

February 3, 2016 at 10:42 pm

Thanks Amor.
I was thinking to cut down the NC rule from 30 days to 21 for example as he’s still officially my boyfriend.. But maybe I need to give him space so he can miss me etc and hopefully realise his mistake. Day 15 now of NC so halfway! 🙂 I had to go and give back some keys to his mum today so indirectly he will find out that I’m doing well but at least I haven’t spoken to him and remaining strong! Xx
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 2:05 pm

Hi Sr,..

Yeah it’s ok especially if you’re nkt communicating properly. What do you mean by cut down? Do you mean less than 30 days or you were aiming for longer than 30 and you were thinking to just make it 30 days?

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