How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Karma

February 2, 2016 at 9:14 am

We were in a LDR for 3 years and this is the second time we broke up 🙁 The main reason is he doesn’t work and he is not doing his best to find a job, so that we can move on and get married. He also has fear of commitment. He lives in the US and I live in Egypt. We tried our best to be close and in touch. He visited Egypt twice. First time we met in Egypt it was great then he flied back to US promising that he will find work to get married but he didn’t and things got worse. We started to have more fights and I broke up with him for 4 months hoping that he will change. He tried to contact me and I answered his messages but he did nothing positive. He visited his family in Egypt again and we talked, met and back to each other but we were not close like before. I tried my best to make things better between us. When he went back to the US i traveled to him and we spent a great vacation together. But we had our fights when I’m back because he didn’t introduce me to hid friends as his girlfriend. He told him that I’m his best friend!! I was so chocked and jealous. Suddenly he blamed me for my fights and that he wants his space. He didn’t talk to me for a month and I tried to check on him but he replied with tough cold messages 🙁 He made me feel neglected and he broke me into pieces when he told me that he doesn’t know where our relationship stands!! After 3 years he doesn’t know what we will do or is it right or not!! So, I screamed and I broke with him. I told him all the bad feelings I feel towards him and that he is not loving me. I told him I will remove him from facebook and block him from other apps. He asked me that we talk one more time but I refused and he told me to go and live my life and if things get better with him he will send me an email, if I’m still free he will get back to me!! I told him if he’d loved me ever he would never tell me that. Because when you love someone you could never tell him to go and see someone else or to go away from him. I feel soooooo bad, I deleted him from FB but I didn’t block him. He never tried to contact me 🙁 it’s 2 months now. His birthday was last month and I didn’t text him but I was dying to 🙁 Finally I couldn’t resist and I sent him a msg on the last day of his birthday month telling him happy birthday but he didn’t reply. Pease tell em what to do 🙁 I love him soooo much and with all his problems, I still want him 🙁

Karma

February 23, 2016 at 7:07 am

I replied via whatsapp and he saw my messages and didn’t reply.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 6:42 am

Oh… 🙁 if it extends that he doesn’t reply, it means he doesn’t want to talk
Karma

February 21, 2016 at 7:55 am

When he replies after many days, shall I also reply after few days or reply immediately?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2016 at 2:47 pm

hmm.. reply but you have to be the one to end the convo
Karma

February 19, 2016 at 9:44 am

He replied at last… He is going to make a surgery after a month or so. What do you think of traveling to him and be beside him?
He asked me to tell him more about my health and other things.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 19, 2016 at 11:25 am

if that’s a month from now, don’t make a decision now.. bcause if he’s not active in talking to you, that would be awkward to go there
Karma

February 18, 2016 at 6:54 am

Dear Amor,
Would you please advice how long shall I wait for his reply? and if he didn’t reply shall I send him again the same email? He didn’t reply since Monday.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 3:19 pm

because of the longevity of your time trying to reconnect, I think it needs to be 2 weeks, so you won’t be annoying.. don’t resend the email.. skype him if he doesn’t reply still that means you have to move on because I think that’s a sign that he doesn’t want to talk
Karma

February 16, 2016 at 5:27 pm

Ok… I will… But what about my last email to him that he didn’t reply to? Shall I send him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2016 at 10:10 am

Hmm.. not now..
Karma

February 16, 2016 at 1:17 pm

I’m afraid he is trying to push me away or making it formal 🙁
He also didn’t reply to my last email that I sent 2 days ago. What do you think I shall I do? No Contact rule again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 1:23 pm

The more you do no contact, the less it’s effect.. You’re still communicating so focus on thay.. disregard the medium…

Put it this way, if you were just starting out, you don’t have a history yet.. and you like him.. how would you attract him now?

If after that he’s still distant, then that’s when you can start thinking to stop
Karma

February 16, 2016 at 7:20 am

Remember in one of his emails he told me that during the breakup fight He asked me to give him some time or send me emails and I refused and said goodbye and ended it. He said that’s why he is using email and that he can’t do any instant communication anymore! I told him that was out of anger and he can send me anytime as per your advice but he is still using email and refusing to reply through apps! I sent him happy valentine through app and he replied through email.
So, I replied to his email where he was asking about my health via email and I included some questions about him but he didn’t reply until now. That was 2 days ago!
Now no reply from his side using any 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 12:36 pm

Yeah, I remember that.. what I don’t get is why he still using email when you’re starting to communicate with him through apps.. I don’t know if he’s trying to imply something
Karma

February 15, 2016 at 4:11 am

I sent through whatsapp as per your advice and he replied via email What does this mean? and what shall I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 6:06 am

I’m not sure why he still uses mail..just keep on replying in what’s app..
Karma

February 14, 2016 at 10:49 am

I didn’t block him from any App, I just told him that during our breakup fight 2 months ago. I only unfriended him from FB.
So shall I reply to his email via whatsapp?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 6:41 am

Yeah..so he can see that he should use that more
Karma

February 14, 2016 at 9:05 am

And should I reply to his email or not? he was asking about my health condition? because I told him I’m under medication. His email was sent before I send him the happy valentine message on skype. He went offline 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 10:36 am

repky via app, so he wouldd use that mkre..have you unblocked him on the apps?
Karma

February 14, 2016 at 7:42 am

He was online on Skype and I sent him the Happy Valentine’s Day video supported by Skype but he didn’t reply 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 8:19 am

Oh.. wwell, atleast now he knows he contact you in skype..in the mean time, don’t send another message
Karma

February 14, 2016 at 4:53 am

Hi Amor,
He neglected what I said and replied by email still and told me about his news in a very short way and added that he is going out once a week to meet new people and network. He told me he will travel for 2 weeks in March. We had LDR and I don’t have many clues to get him back 🙁
Shall I tell him Happy Valentine’s day? What’s the next step?
Karma

February 13, 2016 at 3:39 pm

Thanks Amor so much for your prompt reply and help.
What about the reason behind contacting him? he is insisting to know another reason other than saying Happy birthday. Should I tell him because I do care about our relationship?
What do you think? When should I reply? One day passed until now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 5:55 pm

you’re welcome! because you think you’re still friends after all that happened.. for me you can reply now, since it’s been a day or more? since that text
Karma

February 13, 2016 at 11:36 am

Should I tell him that was a reaction to his cold way with my for a month and a half before our breakup and that I was so hurt and angry that I couldn’t communicate or listen to him. And if he cared enough he could have contacted me regardless of what I said. Also, that he shouldn’t put all the blame on my and say that he couldn’t do instant communication “anymore” and think of the route cause.
Regarding the reason why I contacted him… I’m thinking of telling him that I’m strong enough to apologize for the way I talked in our last conversation, to say HB even if it was late and because I always cared for this relation.
Regarding his questions about me, I will say that everything is fine and that I will buy a new car blablabla…
At the end I will ask him how is things going with him, family,…. and if he found a job or not and if he is in a new relationship? like he did with me.
What do you think? I want him back but he must have the same feelings too 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 1:51 pm

I think that’s too long , too emotional and it sounds like you’re blaming him…

I’d just go straight to the point but not apologetic, Like,

Oh about that.. that was out of anger. You can message anytime like what were doing now 🙂
Karma

February 12, 2016 at 5:27 pm

I didn’t reply yet to his last email. I need your help please.
What does his words mean? Why is he insisting not to communicate using other apps even though I started? Why is he insisting to know the reason behind contacting him? Why he asked if I got married where we left each other only 2 months?

What should I say?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 11:15 am

Honestly, I don’t know why he asked if you got married but from what I see he wants to aee if you won’t change your mind anymore, because you told him not to contact you, so now he wants to know of you’re being friendly again or there’s some other reason
Karma

February 12, 2016 at 2:37 pm

I sent him a reply telling him that we have many other ways of communications. I told him that I wanted to contact him on his BD and that we shared a lot of good times. I recalled a funny event we had together and I sent him a photo of both of us.
He replied that this not the point because I’m the one who refused in our last conversation to let him contact me again and that I’m the one who said good bye and ended everything, that’s why he is using the email and he cannot do any instant communications anymore.
He asked again why I decided to contact him on his BD which didn’t happen as I reached him after his BD and send him a present. He said he liked it so much and not to get him wrong, he is happy to hear from me again but he doesn’t understand what’s in my mind.
He asked at the end of the email about me, my family and if I got married? which is a sneaky question because we left each others 2 months ago.. for sure I didn’t get married in 2 months!

What does his reply mean? what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 3:50 pm

wait, how did you answer?
Karma

February 12, 2016 at 6:03 am

What if the reason is his birthday and that I want the last memory between us to be a nice one?
Or that I was organizing my photos in my mobile and saw our pictures together in our last trip. Shall I send a picture of both of us?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Yeah that’s okay
Karma

February 11, 2016 at 12:43 pm

what about the reason behind contacting him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 12:49 pm

talk aboutba recent event in the news that you two can relate
Karma

February 10, 2016 at 4:06 pm

I sent him that he liked the hoodie and no need to worry about the money back of the shirt. I told him he can exchange it with whatever he likes. I sent him one photo of the closet.
He replied that it’s so nice and I told me that he is wondering why did I decided to contact him again. He told me he is still thinking why, especially all lines of communication have been ended.
So… What do you think? what should I tell him and when? Should I tell him that the facebook is not the only way of communication (because I unfriended him from FB) and we still have whatsapp, viber and even FB messenger?
Karma

February 8, 2016 at 11:58 am

He sent me a reply yesterday 🙂 telling me more about his certificate and that he loved the jacket I sent and its color.But the t-shirt was too big so he was asking if he returned back would the money go back to my credit card or not. He asked me to send him more photos of my new room 🙂 I didn’t reply yet.
What do you think the next step?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 7:23 am

Don’t send too many photos, keep the interest and mystery alive. BUT be careful.. don’t hold back too much.. Just keep the balance of everything, but most importantly keep being interesting.
Karma

February 7, 2016 at 9:06 am

I’m reading the article. He sent me an email after he received the gift and told me that no need for apology as he is over it and no issues there. Also he told me that he received the packages and thanked me for thinking of him but he told me that he doesn’t know why I did so specially we have not been talking anymore. He told em he will pay back one way or another. He told me he started studying a new certificate and that he studying hard for final exam in April.
I replied that of course he doesn’t need to pay back as this is his birthday gift that I couldn’t send it on time because of problem with the credit card. I told him even if you have not been talking lately, we still have good memories together. I asked him if he liked the gift. I congratulated him for starting his certificate and wished him luck in his exams. I also told him that I finished redecorating my bedroom and buying new bedroom. Sent him a photo of it.
I didn’t get a reply from him.
What do you think? Any hope? Or he is pushing me away?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 5:26 pm

well, he didn’t totally have a negative reply, so, it’s too early to say he’s pushing you away. If he really didn’t reply, wait for a week before trying to send a text again.
Karma

February 4, 2016 at 11:43 am

Thanks for your reply. Yes I did the NC for 2 months and then I sent him a belated birthday whatsapp message and I got no reply. Then after 2 days I sent him a memory message on whatsapp and that I’m sorry for my way I talked to him last time but he replied by email He thanked me for both messages and said it was Good times. He hoped I’m doing well. That’s it. I replied that the late birthday wish was because I didn’t want to be hurt if I got negative reaction. I ordered his birthday gift online and he is supposed to receive it today. What do you think I should do? I know he is very lazy but during our last breakup call he told me that he loves me and asked me not to delete him from FB but I insisted 🙁 and told him I will block him. He told me if I want to do so he won’t stop me and he will try to fix his problems and if he did he will contact me via email but he asked me to reply. But i didn’t give him an answer and I hanged up.
I was so harsh but that’s because I was sooo stressed from the NO progress relationship and LDR issues 🙁
Please help me to get him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 5:54 am

Hmm..you need to take it slow, yes it has been two months of no contact but explaining to him why you sent a late birthday text and then sending a gift is being fast and also shows you haven’t changed how you value yourself. Have you checked this post out? The Ungettable Girl
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 1:58 pm

Hi Karma,

First are you doing nc? Second, he says he’s going to marry you and then introduces you as his best friend and then tells you he doesn’t know where your relationship stands after three years of being together? Okay…. You have to think about this while yiu’re going through nc. He might be just making an excuse not having a job after all that he did. He’s not treating you right and he’s not serious with you. Think about how much you would want to sacrifice for this. You may try Nc, be the ungettable girl and stuff but keep in mind, only the girls who truly value themselves get treated with respect and importance. Sometimes they even experience maltreatment but they don’t put up with it

Joan

February 2, 2016 at 4:00 am

Hello!
I was in a 6 year relationship with my ex boyfriend. Our relationship was a good one, without fights, and we had strong feelings for each other. He still says it’s the best relationship he ever had. Since last year we had to move to different countries in Europe (and have to be like that for the next 2 years due to work commitments) and had been in a LDR until last month, when he said he couldn’t do the LDR anymore, that he loves me and feels I am an important person in his life and he doesn’t want to just end things like that, but that two years seem too long to bear and he is feeling that he has lost sexual attraction for me. So he suggested that we take a break, but keep contact with each other and in two years when we can be in the same country we could try to mend our relationship. I told him the best thing is not to talk right now, but he was very strongly opposed to that. I initiated NC anyway and up until now he has been sending me messages every 2-3 days telling me his news (to which I am not replying), he is checking my fb page every day and likes every post/picture etc. Do you think there is a chance to get the attraction back to our relationship? I think that he will want to talk to me even after the NC period if he doesn’t want to get back together at this point. If after trying everything, he still sticks to his opinion to be on a break until we are in the same country and distance is no longer an issue, what kind of communication should I have with him (if any) during this time so that there is some hope that we may get back together again in the future without getting stuck in a friendzone? Should I do NC indefinitely? Sorry about the many questions.

Joan

February 3, 2016 at 4:44 pm

We did see each other every 1.5-2 months approximately and we talked on the phone every day. Time difference is not a problem either, as it is only 1 hour between our time zones. I suggested that we see each other more often or video call among other things, but he seemed negative towards all my suggestions and stuck in his belief that we should just keep contact and not be in a relationship right now and that he feels he has lost the spark in our relationship. He said he wants me in his life just not in a romantic way. Should I stick to NC for now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 4, 2016 at 12:30 pm

If that’s the case, yeah. Better try doing NC right.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 12:24 pm

Hi Joan,

It’s okay 🙂 Hmm, it’s really hard to be on Ldr. Can you arrange to see each other for maybe every three or six months? Because, if he doesn’t agree with that, it’s really going to be hard. The other options left are being in video call almost every free time you have, taking your gadget wherever you go, so you can share each other’s lives. Or recording videos then sending it to him if you’re unable to communicate all the time at the same time because of the time zones

Beatrice

February 1, 2016 at 2:54 am

Hi Amor,
I was in a LDR for slightly more than a year, then I moved to where he is living and lived with him for 3 months. Basically, during our relationship, we fought a lot with the distance, and also when I lived with him, basically I quit my job and was not doing much in the 3 months living together. We continued to fight while we were living together and trying to make things work. I had to find a way to get a visa to live where he is, and there were a lot of stressors involved in our relationship.
When I left for a vacation, he called me to break up. He said that he did not want me to give up all I have in my life back home for him. And that because we were fighting a lot, we were not a good fit for each other. He wants a relationship where there is peace and less fight. I tried to tell him that these fights are stress related about our situation and long distance etc. He is adamant about the break up, and thinks we are better off without each other.
I read through this website, and am currently implementing the no contact rule after about 3 weeks of text messages here and there. I am trying to pick myself up and make the changes to myself and my mindset (though it is difficult).
I do know I want to get back with my ex, I really can see us together despite our problems, and I feel they are fixable.
However, do you think time is going to make him change his mind?
He seemed pretty adamant, that our issues are fundamental, and it involves personality of us both. He doesn’t think that people can change, and if we were to get back together, we would run back into the same problems and destroy us even more later.

I do want us to get back together, and get back permanently together. I am just afraid this is totally out of the question for him, since he does not think it is something that can be worked on – hence the break up.

Since the break up, he tells me he is sad and there are still memories of me there, and it is difficult for him. He tries to maintain neutral contact, but I know I have to implement the no contact rule, and am not responding.
At the same time, should I be saying anything to him further about what he thinks towards this relationship? I am afraid that if I were to not contact him, he would seal it in his mind that this is something we no longer can change.

🙁

Beatrice

February 3, 2016 at 4:05 am

Thanks Amor. How do I let him see through my social media posts? Does showing a happy image of myself (and at the same time working to be happy) presents him with the fact that things are not as stressed and difficult anymore? He may still think that if we were to get back together, we will revert to a difficult relationship.. ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 3:12 pm

Hi Beatrice,

Yeah he may think that, but if you see that you’re truly happy, he might want to take another chance.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2016 at 11:52 am

Hi Beatrice,

Maybe he thinks that way because he couldn’t see the change. You didn’t start out fighting a lot right? But then the relationship changed when things got harder. If he see it through you social media posts, it might influence your image in his mind especially, if you’ve already sorted out the problems you had during the relationship. Although I understand not all problems can be addressed if you’re not together. Like getting your visa, that would be a waste if you got it and then you didn’t get back together. So, basically work on replacing your image in him that was always stressed or pissed. And also of course improve your appearance 😉

ZYANA

January 31, 2016 at 4:56 pm

Hello again.

My ex bf contacted me after 5 months of NC. We had a conversation and he said he still love me and he wants to marry me someday. The problem is, we are a LDR couple, the distance was the reason of the break up. The distance continue, and he wants to wait until next year so I can graduate and move to his country. He said he can’t move here and that I’m not his top priority because he wants to focusing in his career and can’t afford travellings because he intends to buy a house. Should I accept this? He said he can commit to me but he doesn’t want to assume online, he wants to keep things private, only friends and family will know. I am very confuse now. Please give me an advice 🙁

ZYANA

February 2, 2016 at 10:27 pm

Yes AMOR, he doesn’t want to assume in his social media profiles. When we were together this never was a problem. At first, I didn’t accept these conditions. Then I thought I made a mistake and said that I could accept because I was afraid to lose him. Now, he said he needs time to think!!! Can you believe it? I am very anxious, and until now he didn’t text anything. What should I do??? :/
ZYANA

February 2, 2016 at 12:45 pm

Hi AMOR,

Yes, he doesn’t want to assume in his social media profiles. He doesn’t want anyone to poke about it, once our relationship is hard. But when we were together, this was never a problem.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 2:09 pm

He said you’re not his top priority and then he’s not taking your relationship to public? If that’s alright with me? Nope. But the question is, is that alright with you? Because if it is, no matter what I’ll say, it won’t matter. You can do nc process, but if there’s no change better think about what your standards are.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 7:51 am

Hi Zyana,
I just want to make sure, Did you mean he doesn’t want to change his relationship status in his social media profiles?

katherine

January 31, 2016 at 2:12 am

hi,

thank you so much for your wisdom here, i think what you’re doing is great. quick question because my boy technically isn’t an ex and it’s a bit murky for me to understand. we dated for a year, broke up twice after he found out he had to move and it was difficult, and vowed never to do LDR. he recently moved to europe last week and i’m still here in NY. he tells me he misses me and we chat two or three times a day, but i want him to want me with him. i’m not sure where we are going and i know i need to be okay with that, but it’s difficult when i’m so emotionally charged over the situation right now. how do i make sure that he has a chance to realize how much he wants me? he tells me constantly that he’s not happy there yet without me and that he misses me. should i back off and be distant or put my heart into it? i feel like playing games like this can be tricky and you can lose the right people by ignoring them. but also feel like he needs a chance to realize what he had and miss it.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2016 at 5:11 am

HI Katherine,

You’re right. NC is not a cure all for all method. Nothing is. Did you mean you want him to try ldr? So, he’s the one initiating contact? When he tells you, he misses you, how do you respond? Because for me that’s a cue to at least jokingly ask, (not in a pushy or demanding way) if he’s getting back with you or jokingly suggest it. Because if you’re fine now, why make things complicated? Or if you want, stay with the connection now, make it worth while for him, you know. Like don’t show him that he’s beliefs in LDR is true. Show him that an LDR can work, then maybe he’ll notice that as well.

Misha

January 30, 2016 at 7:18 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago because of him moving further away, we were already doing long-distance before but it was manageable. I went into NC a little bit after, but he came back around new years and told me he misses me. I told him to rethink the whole relationship, and told him I would be up for getting back together. A week after, he told me he is just not in a good place now to be in a relationship, and also he thinks the distance is too far and that we won’t have an ending point. Needless to say, he broke my heart to bits again. I said some harsh words and told him I never want to hear from him again, and then deleted him on every social network platform. I’ve been in NC for two weeks now, hoping to move on. But maybe the heart is irrational, and I am thinking more with my heart, somehow I still want him back in my life again as my boyfriend. Anyways, he initiated contact again, asking me how I was and said that he hopes I haven’t forgotten about him yet. I didn’t reply, because I am scared that he will just hurt me again. But I ignored the message, and then 3 days after he texted me again asking me to please tell him i’m fine. I don’t know how much longer I should make him wait, because this is my second time doing NC, and it has been 2 months since the initial breakup. Please let me know how long I should make him wait before replying or contacting him again
Nada

January 30, 2016 at 4:51 pm

I did some of what you said except that I don’t have a lot of guy friends lol but I always go out with friends ,visit many places in my city ,capture happy moments at work and post photos in instagram. It’s a long story but I’ll try to sum it . I’m Egyptian ,my ex is also Egyptian but he lives in America, we met online in 2014, We started to be good friends then I had a crush on him, he friendzoned me because of the distance, I tried to keep our friendship but I wanted more than that, I moved away then I back after 2 months, but I was stronger than before to the point that he liked me! and told me that he’ll come to Egypt next year to propose me from dad!! after 7 months of friendzone I was finally the happiest person,he was so excited , but unfortunately after less than 3 weeks he retracted because he’s a hesitant pessimistic person ,said that ((he’s afraid of what if we met personally and had no feelings towards each other! we have completely different personalities it’s the 1st time to like someone online!)) actually it wasn’t the first time saying that but I used to assure him every time but I got bored of his pessimist and I’m a very optimistic person ,so I told him we should stop talking until you come to Egypt ,, and he agreed!!!! I was disappointed and shocked, cried every single night waiting for him but nothing happened…. after 3 weeks I don’t know how 3 boys proposed to me!! lol I got nothing to do but sending him a message telling him about those boys and if he really doesn’t care I’d meet one of them! he replied with pain and regret said that he was suffered those weeks, can’t forget me but doesn’t want to let me attach to him before he comes to Egypt. We blamed and back to each other. He was so good with me ,appreciated every moment together. We had some normal fights and I saw that very normal but I found out that he doesn’t forget any dispute. He always sees that because he lives in America and I live in Egypt each one of us are accustomed to different traditions, I agreed with him but I was prepared to understand him and to adapt his different character as long as he’ll do the same. Sometimes when we fight even the normal fights I stop log in internet for day or 2 days to think clearly. Once he told me that he saw my photos in instagram and said(all I could think of is one thing,I’m one lucky guy to have a woman this beautiful) I swear after few days he decided to break my heart for the thousandth time! said that ((most of our conversations are bored and we always fight! and you always disappear after any problem))) and he started to say the same things he said before about he’s afraid because we met online and Bla bla blaaa…….. I shocked as usual and told him you’ll never change I lost hope of you. He just replied with emotion : … I waited and waited for a long time for him but nothing ever happened I blocked him 🙁 because I cried every hour but at the same time I put happy photos of me in a lot of places I go and meeting new people and in my Exhibition etc..
after 5 months I decided to forgive everybody even him so I texted him in the end of 2015 and told him that I don’t want to end this year and I have negative feelings toward any body and happy new year 🙂 he replied after 2 days saying thank you Nada you’ve been a good person…. actually after his cold response I became stronger and after a month I decided to delete his photos form my lap top, while I was deleting his photos I found an old folder for us when we were just friends, I opened it and found about 7 records for us on Skype LOL , I listened to some of them and here we go again! I felt Oh my God !! I miss him, miss his advises ! and because I’m a crazy person 😀 I sent to him a record ….. he replied that he can’t open it, I told him it’s ok its destiny 😀 ,, he replied ((my lap top is broken and I can’t hear it but I remember when we were talking all the day!)) I replied explaining what was the record about (it was about a letter I sent to him by airmail). He replied after 12 hours as always 😀 and said yea you reminded me of the letter ,Do you remember when I found one of your hair!? I replied (yes and I was so shy then.) I was happy for his responses ….that was 2 days ago.. he hasn’t texted me back… The question here What I have to do to make him back!? or he’s not into me anymore !! I’m just dying to know why he left me and if he still have feelings or not or he’d do the same thing with me and break my heart again if we back!!?
Thanks and sorry for my English and the long story 😀

Nada

February 7, 2016 at 5:47 pm

Hello 🙂 I tried again and sent to him that I’m going to travel soon , I told him that because when we were together he used to encourage me to travel around the world and make exhibitions.. I thought telling him about traveling maybe that’d be a good chance to make him feel that I’m successful and another reason that I thought probably he’d tell me I’ll meet you in this country that you’re going to travel 😀 … but he just said congratulation, where are you going to travel !? I replied and told him some details he replied ( enjoy it 🙂 )!! and that’s it… You know I think I’m going to lost hope, he did nothing to keep me in his life like the risks I did for him… I got bored of still loving him that much and be very sincere and optimistic that much and he’s like a baby doesn’t know the value of my heart. Maybe he’ll regret one day but It’d too late.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Make the next convo more about him..ask about things he’s good about
Nada

January 31, 2016 at 5:55 pm

I’d agree of course but the problem that he didn’t even have the courage to tell me that! he just left me wondering and broken.
Before he said he’ll come next summer (this year). I don’t know why but I still have hope that he’ll keep his promise and come to Egypt,, just don’t know if he still cares or forgot about me or found another girl! or he really still cares and waiting to come to Egypt… I thought that he’d reply my message much better than he did! I felt that he just didn’t want to embarrasses me!
What should I do to get him back in a smart way?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 9:50 am

There’s a chance that if you talk to him again like before all of this, at the time that you were still friends, he might reconsider getting back with you and maybe if there’s a solution with v your long distance issues
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2016 at 4:22 am

HI Nada,

It’s okay. I think I understand what you’re trying to say. So, he didn’t continue going to egypt because of your fights? What if all he wants is to have a realistic relationship by meeting you first before getting married? Are you open to starting over again as friends online, just like before but this time if you manage to fall in love again to each other and he says he wants to come to Egypt first before getting to a relationship, what would you do?

I

January 30, 2016 at 1:22 am

Is it possible that the NC will work even after its been about 3 months since you’ve broken up? I’ve broken the NC rule so many times. Whenever its been almost a month since he and I have spoken, he ends up texting me and I text him back. He and I didn’t end on bad terms; I just didn’t want our relationship distracting him from what was really important. I tried to initiate the break up, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. A week later he broke up with me, and gave me a reasonable (but lame) excuse as to why we should break up. There are many questions rolling through my mind, but my most prevalent question is probably the one I’ve already asked you: is it possible that the NC period will work even though its been about 3 months since you’ve broken up? Especially since it was once a long distance relationship?

I

January 30, 2016 at 7:59 pm

You’ve pretty much hit the nail on the head. I’m just not sure what I should do at this point. We’re both pushing and pulling each other when it comes to texting. It’s… confusing and frustrating. I want to get our friendship on track so that later we can get a new relationship on track, possibly. I just don’t know how to approach it or him. We’re both giving each other mixed signals and I’d like it to stop. Moreover, if the NC has lost its effect at this point, then how am I supposed to get him back when he may not even want to be with me anymore? Especially after all of this… back and forth, push and pull?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2016 at 4:30 am

I think what you really need to improve is how you’re going to work together when distractions come. Because as long as we live, there will be distractions. You can’t just disappear or break up every time it happens. If you’re giving mixed signals, why not try having a calm conversation insted, about how to work out on things and how to help each other?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2016 at 2:48 pm

Hi I,

Actually the more you NC, the less it’s effect. I’m just wondering, so you really want to break up because you don’t want the relationship distracting him but after that you want to get back together also when you’re relationship won’t be a distration anymore? Am I right?

Ubby

January 30, 2016 at 12:27 am

Hello, I am wondering what to do in my particular situation. I’ve been taking advice the best I can but I still feel horrendous. I (23) met my long distance boyfriend (28) on Vacation almost two years ago. We actually both won a trip! We spend the entire vacation together and hit it off immediately. I was reluctant to be in a relationship with someone whom I’d have to get on a plane to see but over time he convinced me that he really cared and was dedicated to this. He came to visit me and I visited him and we would see each other every 2/3 months for a week or two at a time. When we weren’t together, we were always communicating or reachable by text or phone.

He is currently undergoing some difficult things in his life, including his older sister having cancer (she will survive, but is obviously sick right now from the treatment) and his car recently being broken into causing a big expense. He has definitely been down on his luck lately. He visited me in December. After he left he was a little more distant.

About a week ago, I didn’t hear from him one day at all, and I was busy myself. It was unusual. I messaged him that evening asking what was going on, not in a confrontational way just in general. No reply. I asked again a while later. Eventually it was late into the night and I still hadn’t heard from him, so I started getting annoyed and worried, calling a handful of times in frustration with no avail.

The next day he messaged me and said he was sorry that he was busy the day before. I told him I was annoyed by it. He immediately said he thought we needed a break. Naturally, I wasn’t expecting this and this initiated a tense discussion, with anger, frustration and sadness. I insisted on knowing if this was permanent and he said “I think so” but also expressed that he still loved me when I reminded him how I love him.

Next day I did no contact. The day after I broke it. He didn’t answer. I started getting alarmed, and he did answer my texts. He seemed really stressed. I backed off. In the meantime I wrote a heartfelt handwritten letter, with a drawing on the front. It was a very sentimental, emotional letter, telling him that I really care about him but I understand whatever decision he makes. I essentially told him I don’t want to be memories, and I want to be part of each other’s lives still. I’ve never sent anyone anything like that before. To be clear, it wasn’t pushy, but it was definitely just very emotional. I sent this in snail mail, and I *assume* he would have received that today but I haven’t heard anything.

In the meantime, I made the mistake of checking his twitter, seeing him interact with a random girl. It said they were planning on a road trip. I’ve never seen this girl, and I don’t suspect him to have cheated or anything but definitely not a good sign.

Anyways, now I’m here, trying to keep NC going, but I’m worried he will NEVER reach out again. I don’t want him to be stressed, and I don’t want to prove to be the stress in his life he thinks I am. But I’m having such a hard time, I even talked to a therapist about it.

What do I do from here? I really really love him and want him back in my life, or at least some kind of correspondence with him to not feel so isolated and abandoned. NC is terrifying and I feel like I’m failing, and I’m afraid that will only make him more distant in an already distant situation. Any advice? Appreciate in advance.

Ubby

February 3, 2016 at 9:38 pm

HI Amor, Thanks so much for your reply.

I have been in NC for 8 days now and we have been broken up for 13 days. The last time I tried to contact him was a few days after breaking up, but he did not reply. I assume he got the letter I sent since we broke up but he has not reached out in any way. So officially 8 days with NC from either side. He has not tried to reach out to me, so I’m getting a little concerned… Is it normal for him to not be reaching out while I’m using NC on him? I am feeling a little better and more clear headed about myself but I still miss him and would like to fix this.

Thank you again!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 4, 2016 at 2:19 pm

I can’t say it’s normal but it is a little early for him to text now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Hi Ubby,

A lot was said when both of you were emotional. How many days in NC are you in now?

X

January 28, 2016 at 3:42 pm

Hey.
Thank you for this article. I was in a long distance relationship for 1,5 years, he broke up with me and I want nothing else but to get him back. However, i can’t follow the steps in this article because our situation is so different. I’m clueless on what to do, I really need help and I would appreciate your view on my situation.

We met on a summer holiday, for 3 days straight we did nothing else than be together. It was intense and something I’ve never experienced before (And I’m 26 and have two serious relationship behind me). He’s american and I’m from Europe, so at the time it was just effortless: a true fairy tail without worries. As we separated we both couldn’t stop thinking about each other. We texted every day! Texts became phone calls. This was too good to leave behind – so we decided to book a ticket, and I went to visit him. 12 hours by flight is our distance!! and a 9 hour time difference!
When we met It was even better than we remembered. He early included me in his life – his friends, family and even his work. It was heaven! One night he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend – I said no, that I didn’t see how we could make this work with our distance, and that I was so scared it was going to break my heart. He took my hand and said that he understood, but that he was certain we could make it together. After some days he “convinced” me, and I couldn’t fight our connection. I had never been so happy, I was crazy in love and felt truly loved. It was heartbreaking to leave him, but we started planning on our next trip.
Because of his work and a close family member getting really sick I visited him. During our 1,5 years I visited him 8 times (8-16 days at a time), and he visited me one.
Being apart was awful, sometimes we were 3 moths apart. I cried and I kind of didn´t “live” like normal. Everything evolved around him.
Some facts about my ex: He’s not a “badboy” or a “sweet talker”, he’s smart as hell and he has an important job. His IQ is crazy attractive and not braggy. (he’s kind of a nerd wrapped up in a charming package). He’s certain of himself, calm and relaxed. Doesn’t need/want to be center of attention, but will always speak his mind if asked. I fell in love with him because of how he talkes, his views, his mind… HIM.

fast forward… after a long time trying to figure out a solution to our situation (you can’t just move to the US as an european), he presented the idea of us getting married. It freaked me a bit out, but after talking about it over time it seemed to be our only solution. We were getting married and I was moving over there. I went back home to work, and felt good. We had a plan!
Over some time he started getting more distant. He missed our daily “time window” were we could talk during the week (Which was only when he walked to work. 15-20 min). He seemed to have a lot on his mind, but I understood – he had a family member that had cancer… Who wouldn’t be a bit “strange”.

After two months he tells me that he has to be honest with me: that he can’t EVER see himself moving away from the US, his family and what he has build. He understands it’s unfair, but he has to be honest… It breaks my heart, I thought our deal was for me to move there, get married and that we would together figure out stuff, the two of us, like a team – living some time in the US and some time in scandinavia. I have a really close relationship with my family, and I have a great career here…
But regardless, what it all comes down to at the end of the day – is love. So the plan changed. We were getting married, I was moving there and apparently staying there forever…
But then – he says that he doesn’t feel comfortable getting married yet. Yes, he wants to marry me, and he loves me – But we haven’t really lived together, and he was starting to freak out a little. Basically he had the same reaction as me, only in the opposite order. I understood him, we wouldn’t get married at this point if the situation was different. I respected it, and we agreed to figure out something else. I even said I could study, so I could move there and we could live together (And I already have a career). So… new plan.
And I start doing things to get ready for my big move. I start a new job I don’t really like to save up money, I sell stuff from my apartment (valuable paintings, clothes, furniture etc). And the worst part – I start to get emotionally and mentally prepared to leave my family, and they to loose me.

My f* God, this next “chapter” of the story has me crying. (Sorry for the long message – but I feel the details are essential to get any feedback with value).
So… Around this time my back starts aching. Over some days it gets really bad. I’m at the doctor and chiropractor almost every day. It turns out I have a big and serious back injury, and I’m in so much pain and can’t do anything but lay still and get treatment.
He’s getting more distant, when I need him the most and I feel really alone. He calls me late one night (11:30 my time), and says “We need to talk, I don’t see how we could ever make us work in the long run”. My hole entire body breaks down and It feels like I can’t breathe.
Smart as he is he has some good points. For example: He doesn’t want me to start studying when I already have a good and solid career only because of him, he doesn’t want to be the reason to split up me and my family, why I can’t see my nephew and niece grow up, why I can’t help my mom out with stuff. To miss out on the big moments of their life – both good and bad. How is it going to be for me to give birth and have kids so far away from my family? That we will never reach a “safe place” where we can say “we made it” – because what if we get trouble after having kids? What the hell are we going to do then – me move back to scandinavia and let the kids fly back and forth??
He’s thinking a whole lifetime ahead. He’s freaking out. And it seems like it’s too much pressure.

He says he’s crazy about me, that he’s in love and that he truly loves me. He says he feel like a fool for breaking up with me. He cries and says that he never thought HE could get someone like ME, and that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him.
Nevertheless, he ends it.

I cry. I cry my heart out. Stuck in bed, in physical pain with my back, in emotional pain all over. My world as I know it is broken. What I thought was going to be my life is cancelled. My whole plan for mye life…

My back gets worse. I’m at the hospital. I get a reaction from all the medicine and have atrial fibrillation. On top of this they find a lump in my breast, and discover I have 4 tumours. I have to wait for two weeks before they find out if it’s cancer or not.
In all of this all I can think about is my ex. I get a serious perspective on the whole situation and it all feels so wrong. We love each other, we match perfectly and we can’t be together because the distance doesn’t let us? No… It’s wrong.
I call him, I share my thoughts and feelings (I don’t want sympathy so I doesn’t tell hi about my my back or tumours). He’s listening, is quite – and his respond is “I can’t do this, I can’t talk about this. Breaking up was so hard I can’t even… I’m sorry, but this is unfair. I have to go”. He hangs up.
I don’t understand what the fuck just happened. I wait, and hope that he will send me a text with an explanation. I understand that we can’t get back together, but I want a worthy ending.
I wait, I wait, I want. No message. Nothing. After 10 days I send him a long text, saying that my only agenda and hope is to get closure and a good ending to something beautiful. That I would hate our last conversation to be how we ended. It takes him 7 days to respond! 7 days!
The text itself is cold and formal.
And hold on!!! While waiting on the text from him I get an offer from my current job to relocate and work from his city (They don’t know that we´re broken up, and does´t want to loose me). I text him back after 2 days, thanking him for answering – that I know it’s hard for him (he’s not an emotional and feely person. Doesn’t talk or share emotional stuff with anyone. He’s all rational). I tell him that my back is not better, with our sharing to much detail. And then I tell him about the offer, and write “I can’t help to think how different this all could have been if we knew this a little earlier”. Then asking him how his family member that has cancer is doing.
No answer. Nothing.

I get to know that the tumours in my breasts are cancer free. But, 4 has become 7. They’re growing in both size and number. My back is still a mess, and I can’t sit/move/walk. I’m stuck.

Weeks go by. It’s now around 1,5 moths since I sent my text. And 2 months since he broke up with me.
So much pain. I’m sick of it all, but nothing is getting better physically or emotionally. And I just don’t understand.
There’s to much risk of getting paralysed with surgery. So daily I’m getting treatment from physio therapist , chiropractor , doctor, acupuncture etc. I loose feeling in my right thigh, and things are starting to get really serious.

A mutual friend of us is on a guy trip with my ex. He says he’s acting out of character, being “weird” and unusually drunk all the time. Our friend says “You know that XXX (me) is at the hospital right? You should maybe reach out to her?”. My ex answers: “That’s really sad to hear. But I feel like I can’t contact her, because she’s not accepting that it’s over”. This shocked me. A crazy thing to say. 1. It’s not true. Yes, I’m sad. But I have accepted it…. 2. Where’s the empathy? We were so serious, and know I’m laying scared as fuck in the hospital – but you can’t even text me? 3. What a selfish and smug thing to say.

And here we are. I’m still heartbroken. I’m still at the hospital. And tomorrow I’m getting 7 shots into my spine. I’m tired of all of it, and I miss him like crazy. I feel like it is all wrong, and there’s some serious misunderstanding somewhere.

I’m not one of those that find excuses/explaination if a guy is not interested. But in this case it just doesn’t feel right. I know by my own experience and from his friends that he’s a person that thinks with his head, not his heart. He’s rational to the bone. I like that about him, but in this situation I feel like he’s ruining for his own happiness. And he just built a gard up, pressing all of the emotions inside. A friend of him said “XX is the type of person who will never let feelings get in the way of making a rational decision for what he believes is right”.

I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 12:29 pm

HI X,

I hope by writing this it gave you some form of channelling your stress. He sounds like a great guy and by your writing I think you’re a very smart and beautiful person too.

Your right, your situation is unique.

Does your other friends know about your whole situation? If so, get social support from them.

As of now, of course the most important thing is your health but if your heart is sad, that would be harder. So, when you feel sad. Feel it. If you want to cry then cry. Because you really can’t avoid negative feelings but we can manage how we channel it and avoiding it is actually just suppressing it. You’re not really getting rid of it. So, you have to channel it in some way but you also have to acknowledge that you don’t have to be sad all day. It can be just moments and then you can let yourself be happy. Gratefulness helps a lot to be happy in the midst of hard times. Though you are still in the hospital, it’s great that your tumours are benign right? And I’m hoping your spine is as well. So, focus on that. You’re there but getting better.

You said he’s very rational but he’s also human too. He can feel and maybe that’s one of the reasons why he’s acting weird because he’s having a hard time dealing with his feelings right now. If he’s really totally logical(which nobody is) he’ll just make a way for things to be easier for him because a rational person doesn’t make things complicated and he wouldn’t have thought too far ahead because that’s not rational. But I can see he is logical.

So, he said, that you still haven’t accepted things after a month and a half of the text you sent? Did you in some way talk to him other than that text? Social media private message? A post? A friend who might have told him that you’re still waiting.Although you are of course.

But if I’ll only base this on your comment, it means he doesn’t want an emotional conversation right now. It seems like he can contact you, he just needs to see that you can handle the conversation logically(because honestly, from what I see is that he’s not good in handling emotional conversations, that’s why he avoids it)

Misha

January 27, 2016 at 10:35 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago because of him moving further away, we were already doing long-distance before but it was manageable. I went into NC a little bit after, but he came back around new years and told me he misses me. I told him to rethink the whole relationship, and told him I would be up for getting back together. A week after, he told me he is just not in a good place now to be in a relationship, and also he thinks the distance is too far and that we won’t have an ending point. Needless to say, he broke my heart to bits again. I said some harsh words and told him I never want to hear from him again, and then deleted him on every social network platform. I’ve been in NC for two weeks now, hoping to move on. But maybe the heart is irrational, and I am thinking more with my heart, somehow I still want him back in my life again as my boyfriend. Today , he initiated contact again, asking me how I was and said that he hopes I haven’t forgotten about him yet. I didn’t reply, because I am scared that he will just hurt me again. Do you think that it is possible to rekindle any feelings or that it might just be friendly feelings now( cos I have no intention of being friends)? Also, if I continue the NC for another two weeks, is it possible that it will be too late? or it might upset him?
Stephanie

January 27, 2016 at 3:25 pm

Thank you Amor!

When we broke up he said something along the lines of “I didn’t want this but I do think it’s what had to happen and would have happened now or a few months from now” When he says something like that I get the vibe that his mind is already made up and he won’t change it. You know his man pride won’t let him change his mind kinda deal (men… haha jk) I know I would have to draw him in and remind him how much fun we had together. But if his guard is up and he made up his mind would he even want to talk about what went wrong? Would it be better to put the idea of him running away from something (without being confrontational or accusing) just put it out there and then give him space and time to think about that?

Stephanie

January 29, 2016 at 5:09 pm

I see I see! That’s actually a really good plan when you put it that way!! Or a really good way of going about it. It fits with the whole idea of making it his idea. I think I have a game plan now. Thank you so much Amor!! If I have anymore questions in the future I’ll be sure to come to you! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2016 at 1:24 pm

🙂 Thank you too Stephanie!
Stephanie

January 29, 2016 at 12:09 am

I think I get it. Don’t quite know how to put it into words, but basically instead of focusing on what went wrong in the relationship, I should focus on ways to…. (here’s where I’m having trouble wording) focus on ways to show him that I agree with the break up and understand why the break up had to happened, and I’m doing my best to stand on my own two feet?? But what if he takes that as I’m moving from him and then he moves on and doesn’t even think about getting back together? I can see how him moving on and my moving on could be a good thing, but how would I go about breaking through that barrier and starting fresh from the start with him without raising his gaurd again? At some point I will have to reveal my motives, or he will realize them, right??
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 1:25 pm

Actually, you don’t reveal your motives. It’s more like, doing everything that will lead to him wanting to be back with. You let your actions do that talking in a way that will not make him feel pressured but will make him feel that he sees you’re somebody that he wants to be back with and that he knows you’re not pressuring him to go back with you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 5:51 am

Hmm.. that’s why you need to focus on starting over again, although I know it would seem hard to start over again without knowing what went wrong but in his perspective, if he sees you’ve forgive and moved on, there’s a greater chance he will be comfortable and open up
Stephanie

January 27, 2016 at 3:26 pm

Sorry I thought I replied under the other conversation!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 5:51 am

It’s ok! I replied under that comment. 🙂

Anonymous

January 25, 2016 at 1:43 pm

Hey Chris,

My situation is different and I can’t seem to find an answer on the site. My now ex-boyfriend is going backpacking in South America for 2-3 months to try and find his path in life, since he feels that he doesn’t know what he wants to pursue in life. He broke up with me, saying he loves me, but he feels he has to be alone for this trip. I’ve been nothing but understanding about the whole thing, and have told him many times that I understand why he has to do this for himself. He even went as far to say that by me being so understanding this is so hard for him and it’s making him want to cancel his trip completely. He’s assured me many times that it’s not about wanting to hook up with any girls, and that it’s just so he’s free of distractions while he’s there, but he says that he doesn’t want to give me hope that when he comes back that we’ll get back together. Anyways, while he’s backpacking, he’s going to be without communication of any sort for a long period of time, so I’m wondering how do I apply all of these rules? He’s leaving in a week, if he wants to see or talk to me before then should I still be in NC or go see him/talk to him? Any insight would be a huge help, thanks in advance!

Anonymous

January 27, 2016 at 4:17 pm

Before the trip would obviously be preferable, but even during or after I could likely deal with. He’s been texting me random things and has said he’s sorry he’s had to do this to me, and we’re only a few days into NC.I left things on a positive note and told him that I hope his trip is incredible the last time we spoke, so would it be better to just wait until he’s back? He’ll have internet occasionally when he stays at hostels, so should I attempt to contact him with a Facebook message while he’s online around the 30 day NC mark?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2016 at 6:02 am

Oh, so he’s not totally unreachable.. Well, then hmm.. if he is really set on not getting back with you before he leaves. Tell him you accept and understand and then during his trip, go NC for 30 days. If he goes online during that 30 days, he will check your social media profiles, when you don’t answer. So, make sure you post your improvements, especially if it’s physically, your social happenings. And then after the NC period, message him. Of course don’t expect a reply immediately but at least he knows, you’ve messaged again and by that time, there’s a good chance, he missed you and will want to talk you again and about your recent activities.
Anonymous

January 27, 2016 at 2:50 pm

I want him back, regardless of whether or not he goes on the trip, I’d be happy.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 2:55 pm

So, that means you want him back before the trip? You only a few days now right? The least you can do is maintain a good relationship so, that when he comes back it’s easier to reconnect because his trip is basically your no contact, since you’re not going to have communication with him. But if you’re going to try to ask or talk to him to continue with the relationship and you’re willing to wait, do it in the most rational way you can. I know this hard but don’t cry. It will just make him think that he really needs to break up if you’re emotional about this. Be non confrontational and calm.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 10:50 am

Hi Anonymous,

I just want to know, do you want him to cancel his trip or you just want him to go back with you and still let him go to the trip?

ZYANA

January 24, 2016 at 4:57 pm

Hello!
My ex bf dumped me five months ago. He said he didn’t love me anymore and couldn’t see us in a future together. I initiated NC. He texted me and we had a conversation, but he still didn’t want to make up. I initiated NC again. He texted me again asking how I was and I didn’t respond. This month he texted me again saying that he misses me and I didn’t respond again. What should I do?? I still love him, I don’t know if he is only giving me false hopes 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2016 at 10:14 am

Hi Zyana,

How long have you been doing nc now? If you reply, don’t seem too eager and excited. Make it casual and have the upper hand. It’s good that nc works for you bit don’t forget to maintain being the ungettable girl, just keep in mind to not go over board and appear being rude

SB

January 19, 2016 at 6:48 pm

Hi Chris.. My boyfriend and I were in a LDR and he recently broke up with me because he said he needed space when it had already been a month of not talking in any form. He shifted to the US for higher studies last year in Jan and I live in India. Initially everything was good but then all of a sudden he broke up without giving a proper reason. I am currently following your given schedule about the no contact rule. Since you are so good with portraying the men perspective, I would also like to know if you could help me find out if he is seeing some other girl as it is hard to figure that out being in a LDR. I trust you completely hence I am following your guidance but I am a little worried about whether or not he will come back as I do not know if he has fallen for someone there. I would really appreciate your help.
PS: He also unfriended me social media sites.

SB

April 5, 2016 at 10:00 am

hmm.. thanks for all your help
SB

April 4, 2016 at 6:12 pm

hey sorry about so many messages. a few more points:

-after 2 months i did try texting him in the way mentioned and he did reply normally (no negativity) but not the way he used to message me. i waited for a day and then texted him again and the manner of the reply was the same. after this incident i came to know about his live in status and i called him up for confrontation.

-before all this happened.. even our long distance relationship was very good. we shared a lot of pictures everyday of what we were doing, i used to teach him cooking over skype, we chatted for hours at a stretch.

is it even possible for a guy to forget like literally everything?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 6:10 am

it could be because they’re in a honeymoon phase.. you’ve done all you can, so it’s better to move on
SB

April 4, 2016 at 5:32 pm

and i shouldn’t really say this but just because this has happened i’m compelled to say it.. the girl he is with is not really pretty as i would say and i am much much better looks wise (i’m not boasting, just letting you know incase you find some point of view that i’m not able to get). on a scale of 10 she would be a 2 where i would be an 8. and moreover i have given more in the relationship like sending him gifts and trying to talk to his friends there and so on. still i get dumped with reasons he won’t tell me.
SB

April 4, 2016 at 5:25 pm

hi amor

his friend told me that they seem to be in “deep love” and that he couldn’t help me anymore. neither has my ex contacted me from his side since he has told me that we are breaking up. it’s been over 3 months. i did call up my ex and tried to make him see the reminisce and asked him if he was living with her to which he replied a yes but denied the fact that they are together (while his friend told me the contrary). i fail to understand how someone can just forget an entire 3 and a half year serious relationship with commitments and promises and families being involved (without any pressure) all of a sudden and fall in deep love with someone else enough to get in a live in relationship and not even care about whether i exist or don’t anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2016 at 6:08 am

it could be because they’re in a honeymoon phase.. you’ve done all you can, so it’s better to move on
SB

March 30, 2016 at 3:37 pm

i didn’t know this would happen all of a sudden in the 2 months of nc period </3
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 8:37 am

HI Sb,

sorry for the late reply, any update?
SB

March 19, 2016 at 5:09 am

hey
i figured out from one of his friends that my ex had been in a live in relationship from the time he said that we are breaking up and during the nc period. i don’t know what to do? :'(
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 4:17 pm

If I were I wouldn’t get back to him after knowing that..
SB

March 7, 2016 at 7:46 pm

hey thanks a ton..
i did send him a friend request after 2 months of nc and he did accept. but i still can’t figure out from the pictures if he is or is not in another relationship. moreover it’s been over a week and he didn’t even try to contact me after accepting the request. also he contacted me only once at the beginning of the nc with an email and never after that during the 2 months. i’m confused. please help
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2016 at 5:57 pm

Well, as of now, focus more on you and him.. Because if he really has a new relationship he will tell that
SB

January 21, 2016 at 6:51 pm

And also I’m sorry, I have to admit that he had sent a friend request back (before the nc period) and since i hadn’t read this site i did sort of deleted it. Any chance that out relationship can be fixed now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:43 pm

Hmmm start with sending a friend request after no contact period.
SB

January 21, 2016 at 6:43 pm

Not really. Plus in the no contact period, he hasn’t tried to call me even once. It’s about 25 days now.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 11:40 am

HI SB,

Do you have mutual friends in Facebook that you can ask to view his profile without them telling him? That’s a way to know.

B

January 19, 2016 at 6:42 pm

Hi Chris, Jennifer & team (FYI loving the collaborative responses this year)

My boyfriend moved to another country 3 months ago. He left when things were really bad between us (I was needy and he had his own selfish issues going on – basically he treated me badly and my emotional state did not make anything better).

For the first 2 months of LDR things were tough – he was adjusting, I wasn’t coping and our communication was just bad. During the week of Christmas, I was at breaking point due to his lack of communication and direction for our relationship. We ended up having a HUGE fight over WhatsApp on Christmas Day (which I started in drunken state) and I told him I couldn’t do this anymore and said we maybe need time apart. We then didn’t talk to each other for 10 days.

He messaged me on my birthday (the first week of January) which started our first conversation after our fight/breakup. I apologized for my behavior and for saying we should end things. He told me I gave up on him and that I “broke” us. He is very angry. This conversation went on for 4 days until I realized I was a text GNAT (a big one) and that I was trying to apologize to a man who didn’t want an apology. He said he doesn’t hate me but he is done with the relationship because I ended it.

After he said he doesn’t need time or an apology because we are over, I went into NC. I am on day 9.

I bought Chris’s book and have been working on my first contact message as I do not expect my ex to contact me during NC because he is stubborn and I am always the one who runs after him when things go wrong.

BUT by implementing NC and not being his constant support structure (he has no family) – am I not acting completely out of character? Will he not feel alone, angry and abandoned? Shouldn’t I suck it up and do what I normally do? Although what I do never works – so I suppose I need to try something different!

The longest periods we haven’t spoken has been over the last 3 weeks and I am afraid he will think I have really left him (like everyone in his life).

I love him with all my heart but he can be a real stubborn jerk when it comes to emotions etc.

I was suppose to go visit him in the next 3 months (he is a 16 hour flight away) and flights are expensive. Am I suppose to let things go or keep planning for the trip?

I am so confused and all I want to do is just message him to tell him that I love him and I am really sorry ( because I really am).

I can’t lose him. This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life despite what I did on Christmas Day (I think I was testing him because I felt so insecure and alone without him).

Please help me. I feel terrible because I REALLY MESSED UP!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 1:59 pm

Hi B,

First, you’re not his mom. You’re his partner. And you didn’t just leave him like everyone else. If they just left him, you’re far from that. Hmm, I don’t know how to put this. I’m trying to picture what kind of relationship you have. I’m going to list my observations.
1)You said he treated you badly, and you have emotional issues as well.
2) You were coping with his adjustment. By adjustment, do you mean his having a hard time and was always angry at you?
3) Lack of communication and direction. What do you mean by lack of direction? Why do you think that?
4) And then he tells you, you gave up on the relationship.

I know I’m making him sound bad, but I’m getting this feeling that you think he needs someone to understand him, someone to take care of him, but in his mind, he doesn’t. You’ve been a caregiver and he has this power over you that makes you think he’s the weak one but with his actions, it doesn’t seem like that. Because if that were true, he’s going to be the needy one.

If you want him back, to increase you chances, you need to be more of an independent girl.

And if you’re still worrying if he say you left him once you start texting, think about why you went into NC. It’s because he said it’s over. You apologized and he basically pushed you away.

But if ever he does say that, reply in the calmest way possible that you can convey in text. Like, “of course not…I respected your decision. But you know that I’ve never left you, never done that during the whole relationship…” Something like that(Ellipsis marks included). DON’T apologize.

Okay, so back to what your tactics. Do NC and make the most out of it. Be active and do activities that you can post in social media, to show you’re not miserable girl! 🙂 If you think he’s going to think that you’ve moved on, remember he said it’s over.

MC

January 17, 2016 at 5:56 am

Okay Chris we have gotten back together after one month of nc and had been happy from june to december. But on december 23 I told him hurtful things. But that did not cause the damage. Aftee saying those hurtful things I panicked and apologized frantically. The things I said weee not enough for him to break up with me but me apologizing has caused us to fight until now. Maybe he has viewed me as being needy and feels like all my life revolves around him. And I have been controlling him. We are together for five years and he has been very good during the first four years. Maybe because I was busy back then in college and I was an honor student and Im still slim. And now I am having problems and all I want is someone to talk to at night about my problems. He is clearly avoiding me and has broken up with me 3 times already although he has not finalized any of 3. And today, he is breaking up with me again because I am forcing him to answer if he doesnt love me anymore. I realize that the apologizing part was the cause of all of these since just before 23 we were still very happy and he is still very nice to me. What will I do? I begged but he insisted on the breakup saying he will change his number. But at the end of our conversation he just told mw to sleep and Im not sure if the breakup is final or not. But he keeps on saying sorry. NC?

mc

January 21, 2016 at 3:46 pm

Yes but I am afraid that he will no longer contact me or forget me. Is that possible? Or is NC really effective? Should I not confront him? I have beeb controlling but I sill want him back.
mc

January 19, 2016 at 11:15 am

What should I do now? Hmppppppppp help me please
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 10:10 am

Why MC? Did you push through with no contact?
mc

January 19, 2016 at 9:55 am

Its because I read an article that I should just agree with him so thay he has no more reasons to fight with me and in the end he will just defend me lol. I dont know. I feel thats its best that we break up since I know what to do and not like this that we are still togethee and he is distant. But I want to fix it now because I want the old him back
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 10:30 am

Well when it feels bad, we just want it end. When it feels good, we don’t it to end. So, that’s normal.
mc

January 19, 2016 at 5:40 am

He was not irrtated when he answered the phone but kind of reserved and texted me twice what I will tell him . The problem is I dont have anything to tell him and I responded after 30 mins that I will just tall to him after work and he did not respond. I am tjinking of sending this later if he is still distant later ” I understand why you are acting like tgat I am the worst gf and I will understand whatever decision you arrive at” something like tgat haha and I will do NC again hahaha i need you amor haha
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 5:44 am

Hahahahaha! No you don’t. You just need to find yourself. Don’t degrade yourself. It’s good that you want to let him know that you understand him. But are you ready if he doesn’t reply? I don’t know what is really going through with him now. But what’s clear is that you need to focus on yourself first. Sometimes people treat us the way we treat ourselves.
mc

January 19, 2016 at 4:21 am

Can I tell him that i will be going home next week?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 5:01 am

What does he feel about everything you sent him? Did it help for him to talk to you better? Did it push him away from you?
mc

January 19, 2016 at 4:21 am

I told him I will talk to him when he is ready. Because I got mad at him the other day because he did not text me when he got home. Then he did not text me yesterday. And today I just called him and text him that I have something to say. Then he picked up and asked me what it is. And I told him to finish his lunch first. He insisted that I tell it right away. And then he told me to say it aftrr lunch and I can feel that he is nervous. Thr day I started NC also I forwarded him the text of his friend that he wishes that I was his gf to experience what my bf is experiencing and promised to be a better man. Last december he broken up with me and I told him that his friend appreciates me and wants his gf to be like me. Then suddenly he asked me out and was very nice to me. So I realized Ill send him the message because I was mad. Then I went NC for 2 days. Haha help me. He texted me now what I will tell him. I really have nothing to say. Helppppppppppl
mc

January 19, 2016 at 1:22 am

Hi amor, I am doubting my decision to do nc on him since we have not broken up and he have no contacted me yesterday. Please help me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 2:40 am

Hi again mc,

you’re right communication is key to prevent a breakup. Feel free to correct me with my understandings with your situation OK?
He said he wants to breakup for 4 times as of now and you begged him the last time again.
and after that he doesn’t text much and call.

For me, you already tried communicating with him when you were forcing him to answer and when you begged for him to stay.
And also I suggested no contact to break the cycle of him trying to break up and you begging him not to.
but b right now, how are things?

If you did nc, and he’s trying to contact you, go ahead and talk to him. say what you’ve been holding in to say, but do in a calm way so he would listen
mc

January 17, 2016 at 11:17 am

Hi amor, so the real prob is my neediness? I have read the post regarding prevent a breakup and it said that I should have an influence over him. On december he broken up with me and then I begged him. Then I told him I wont be a pain in the back anymore. Then I became supportive when he goes out with his friends. After that day he is saying i love you again. And became nice. However when I started to push through an emotional conversation he gets annoyed and become distant again. Then everything I do or say annoys him. So if itis really my neediness I need nc? Or just show him I changed and not controlling anymore?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 10:57 am

It’s better if you do nc and focus on yourself. If you have an activity to be busy with, it helps removing being needy and controlling with him
MC

January 17, 2016 at 6:01 am

I begged him to stay and we are still together. But he doesnt text much and doesnt want to talk over the phone. He has also been a jerk lately. Why is this? What can I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 7:37 am

Hi MC,

We’re not entirely sure why he’s being a jerk but I think it could help if you stop for a while. You’ve been repeatedly saying it’s not what you said but because you apologized and appeared needy. I’m sorry to be direct but begging him only proves your neediness.

Samantha

January 16, 2016 at 2:11 am

Hello Chris,

Thank you for this post. It’s helpful for LDRs and how they’re drastically different from normal situations. My situation is particularly unique and I’d really appreciate some feedback.

I met someone from another country when we were both on a diving holiday in Malaysia. We hung out all night but didn’t hook up. I went back to Taiwan where I live while he went back to Australia. We kept in touch loosely for a month or so, then stopped talking for a month or two. After I took a trip to Japan, we started talking again and it became a daily thing. We were face timing everyday and texting throughout the day. We decided to have a holiday together. We talked daily for about 2-3 months, then we went to the Philippines for a month over Christmas and New Years. We had an amazing time together and had some intense bonding experiences that can only be felt when you’re in a foreign country with a partner. He was incredibly sick and I took him to the hospital and cared for him. I got food poisoning a week later and he cared for me. He told him family and friends how amazingly well we got along. He said it was the hottest sex he’s ever had and continues oily thanked me for being with him on this trip. The last week of the trip, he came to the realization that he wants to live in Asia too. He wants to quit his job and pursue his love of diving and become a guide. I already told him I wanted to do this when my teaching job finished in Taiwan, and for a week we discussed all the places we could do this together. He even emailed shops and told me he wants to have flights booked within a month.

On our last night together, I cried because I was sad our time was over. He didn’t support me or console me, which hurt me even more. But I didn’t want to ruin our last night together so I just pushed through and was able to have a fun last night with him.

After being home for 4 days, he video called me to tell me his feelings have changed. He said he doesn’t know why and he’s sorry it’s so sudden. He said he doesn’t have the same craving to talk to me all day like he did before the trip. He said everything in the Philippines was genuine but not that he’s home he only sees me as a good friend and not a girlfriend. This part is especially insulting considering how he always called me babe or his girlfriend while we were together, and we were having sex at least once a day. I told him I didn’t miss him every single moment either but I attributed that to having my first few days of personal space back. I know I can enjoy some alone time but also have him as a partner in my life.

I’m mostly frustrated with his hasty decision making. It feels so impulsive for him to switch from wanting to book flights and chase our dream together to him changing his mind and seeing me as a friend immediately after returning home. He also said he’s been through an emotional roller coaster and he doesn’t know why.

After the phone call, I sent one long message and he sent one very long one back basically repeating his sudden change of heart and how sorry he is for doing this. He also asked to stay in contact and not cut each other out entirely because he had such a good time with me abroad.

I didn’t respond and I know NC is a must. I had a postcard from our time together they I wanted to send him in the mail for his birthday in 3 weeks, but I haven’t yet. I’m just shocked and angry by the suddenness of it and I hope it doesn’t affect my ability to trust him or other men again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 8:47 am

HI Samantha,

It’s a wise decision you didn’t respond to what he said. It could lead to you being his travel buddy and not wanting to commit after. Just like what recently happened. Not every guy is the same but you can take it as a lesson that what happened with him is a sign that you should invest more time to get to know a person more before giving your full trust. You’re strong and wise. Someday when all the hurt is gone, even though it didn’t have a good ending for now, you still have good memories to look back to.

Christina

January 15, 2016 at 2:39 pm

Hello! First, let me tell you how grateful I am for finding your website. Your articles made me see things in a different perspective and made me recognize all the mistake I have made. I hope I have learned my lesson. And they also made me a little hopeful. That’s why I wanted to ask you, in your own opinion, is there’s still a chance for me to make things work again with my ex? We are not together anymore since a week ago. Things have been down lately and I kind of saw it coming. I can’t say I didn’t deserve it… I can see that now. It has to hit you hard to see things clearly. We dated for 1.5 years LDR. We were so beautiful together, we talked daily and saw each other at least once a month. And he is a wonderful man. Always supportive, loving and kind. He broke it of at the beginning of December after a fight we had. He said he can’t make me happy and it is better for me this way. I’ve hurt him, I did put pressure on him, and I nagged and all the things needy women do. A few days later we had a nice conversation, he sent me pictures and all that which made me do the mistake of calling him and beg him to give us another chance. He said we should be friends and I said no. I stopped all contact with him and trying hard to grow and be a better person…for me especially. I promised myself I won’t contact him for Christmas and New Year. But we did talk on Christmas and he sent me a message for New Years and I called him again the next day. We did have a nice conversation and nothing happened since. It has been 2 weeks of NC. We are still friends on Facebook and he still has all of our pictures there. I do hope that we could make things work again. I still think there is still something there. Now he has a lot of work and has to go out of the country so It will be easier to keep NC but after that… I don’t know what to do. I have a painting I’ve made for him. He chose this gift in particular and said he can’t wait to see it but that was for Christmas, a few days before we broke up. I want to send it to him. His birthday is coming up in a month. So, do you still think we have a chance? Sorry for the long post. And thank you dearly for everything.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2016 at 4:00 pm

Hi Christina,

Thank you for appreciating the articles! We can’t guarantee 100% that you will be back with your ex but there is always a chance you will. It’s good you’re improving for yourself. Keep that in mind whenever you feel down. His birthday will be after the NC period, and I think your gift is a good way to connect again. Do it in a light way, like mentioning you have this gift for before everything happened, it’s supposed to be for Christmas and now it’s just there in your place, and since it’s his birthday and it’s was for him and still is, now is the perfect time to give it to him. Something like that. I hope you can continue having a good conversation with him and then leading to you two going back together!
Christina

January 15, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Sorry… A month and a half ago… I wrote everything with haste.

Stephanie

January 14, 2016 at 7:20 pm

Hi Chris

My boyfriend and I just recently broke up due to long distance and faded feelings along with our busy schedules. We were a great couple when we lived in the same town, but then when he moved that’s when things started changing. We both still care for each other and he even admitted after the break up that he still likes me it’s just not as strong. He also mentioned something about how he can’t see himself getting married and how he doesn’t want to waste anyone’s time. I was wondering if I still have a chance of getting him back? We we’re so happy together, we cared so much for each other, we respected and trusted each other, and we broke up not because there was anything wrong with “us” but with the situation we’ are both in, and possibly the fact that he might be scared of commitment. I’m currently doing the NC.

Stephanie

January 26, 2016 at 9:57 pm

Hi Amor once again.
I know I said that before it was my last question but I just thought of another one. When should I start talking to him about what went wrong in our relationship? Or how should I go about getting back with him? I realize what I did wrong, and I sort of have an idea about him. For me it was that I became the needy, attention seeking girl that I don’t even like so of course he wouldn’t. And I know this talk, or action, should be done after the flight school, and I don’t plan on doing it any sooner. I just can’t help thinking that he still has feelings for me and that he’s holding back on them because something is stopping him. I understand that feelings faded because the situation we are both in, and that he really needs space right now. But I also understand that we really got along, we had so much in common, we just fit. We never fought and the one time I said something out of frustration I apologized to him and he forgave me without question or holding it against me. And relationships are full of ups and downs and the moment ours went down he got scared and gave up. I also know that I was holding back in the relationship as well but you know that saying “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone” I guess the way to open me up was to take away what I cared for. Breaking up was a blessing in disguise. And even when we broke up I admit I did try to convince him that we could work it out, but I saw that he wasn’t about it so I let him go without begging or any words that would hurt him. I showed him that I accepted the break up and I have been respecting his space and even said goodbye with a smile. It feels like we have a real good chance but his fear is blocking it. As you said before that addressing the fear should be the first thing I need to do. But when and how without coming off too desperate?

Sorry if I was rambling!
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2016 at 1:27 pm

It’s okay Stephanie! Just ask and we’ll answer the best way we can. Okay, actually it’s about making him feel and think that he wants to be back in the relationship and the talk about what went wrong should be done when you’re BOTH ready to start a relationship again but make sure that it’s going to be non-confrontational. And also, you know when he starts to feel he wants to be back again, most likely he’s going to initiate the talk about what went wrong himself.
Stephanie

January 21, 2016 at 3:17 pm

Hi Amor!

I just want to thank you for all of your help. It truly did help. I think I made my decision. It’s not what I want, but it’s what’s best for him right now I think. Since he’s in flight school for the next 7 weeks and needs to focus on that I think it’s best to just be there for him as a friend. It’s going to be hard because I’ll have to control myself and not act like a girlfriend, but I want him to succeed and be happy. Just one last question though, sometime next month, do you think it will be okay if I ask him how he’s doing in flight school? We did agree that we could about two weeks ago. If I do I will just have to keep it light and friendly.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2016 at 1:32 pm

Welcome Stephanie! I don’t think anything is wrong with that. 🙂
Stephanie

January 19, 2016 at 3:11 pm

Hi again

Is it a good idea, when the time is right, to tell him that I’m going to try to win him over?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2016 at 11:10 am

Hi Stephanie,

Nope… Better make actions that will make him feel he wants you back.
Stephanie

January 15, 2016 at 2:49 pm

Hi Amor!

Thank you so much! I’m a week into the NC I know that’s not that far in but I’ve already started with trying to improve myself by becoming more independent and finally getting back into shape like I’ve always been telling myself. I’ve always been a happy and positive person so I’m trying to make the best of this situation. We are still on good terms, there wasn’t a falling out after the break up, so with that do you have any suggestions on how to approach the fear issue?

Ps: I graduate college in December so if things work out in a couple of months LDR would only be for a short while. If that makes a difference..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 8:06 am

Well assuring him by telling him he has nothing to worry about can help and also backing it up with actions of course. Like even if he’s not online, record a very short clip of something fun you’re doing as a way of updating him
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2016 at 1:04 pm

Hi Stephanie!,

How long are you in the NC Period? It’s great that you’re being understanding of him and it’s possible that your idea is right. Though we can’t guarantee a 100% that you’ll be back together, there is always a chance that you will. I can sense that you have a good relationship and that his fear and maybe the pressures of long distance relationship is the cause of the break up. Fear is crippling. So, maybe that’s the first thing you need to address once you decided to make a go on making this work.

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