How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Cheryl

January 14, 2016 at 4:04 am

Hi Chris, I’ve read through many of your articles. Am considering to get your book.

You talk about what an ex really means when he says certain things. However, when my LDR ex said “I don’t see us getting back together.”, it wasn’t in a fit of anger or right after we broke up. We met up few months after we broke up, and when he flew back for a short break.

His reason was simply him wanting to focus all his time and energy in work and traveling. Without any commitment. We were together for two years, before he had to relocate.

Ironically, he reached out to me first after not contacting for a few months after breaking up. Which led to the meet up. He probably chatted and flirted with me impulsively, and eventually decided to tell me we can’t get back together. He did mention when he feels lonely he wishes I was there with him.

So am I making myself too available for him now?
Thank you for your time. I would appreciate some of your advice.

Sincerely,
Cheryl

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 10:01 am

Hi Cheryl,

Honestly for me, if you easily say yes every time he invites you or he’s “lonely”, then you are being too available. You can work your around it though if you are faced in the same scenario like that again, if he texts and asks if you’re available, maybe reply like, “Today? Oh no, sorry.I’m going out with my girl friends. My next free day is two days from now. Text me to update you.” You kind of have the last say with this. 😉

Molly

January 5, 2016 at 10:28 pm

We have been broken up a few days and he’s been messaging me everyday. What does this mean?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 9:02 am

Hi Molly,
It depends on what he’s saying. 🙂

Liz

January 4, 2016 at 7:06 pm

My guy and I have only been together for 4 months and he broke it off with me because the crazy in me got out, and he said we are incompatible. When I asked to try several times he said no. That we would never work. Before I departed his hometown (we are long distance from Georgia to NY) we had spent some time together. Kissed, cuddled, and just embraced the goodness of what it had been (no sex.) I think we really needed space apart to think and digest so I came home. Are we doomed? He messaged me here and there and I started NC after the 2nd day back… Please help.
Wayla

January 4, 2016 at 1:49 pm

What if the reason he broke up with you was to focus on business and had no time for you essentially…even though while he was chasing you for 6 months he said I was his priority and we would make it work.

Chris Seiter

January 16, 2016 at 11:33 pm

He put more emphasis on his work than you?

How old is he if you don’t mind me asking?

Kay

January 2, 2016 at 6:20 pm

Hey Chris!

I broke up with my boyfriend 6 months ago because of long distance—which is still the case. We were amicable and kept in occasional contact for 3 months until I started feeling intense regret. I wrote him a letter explaining what I thought led me to the breakup and how I’d like to try again. He simply told me he no longer had feelings for me. I pressed him to know if there were things he really didn’t like about me, or simply sees as too incongruent for him now—he said nothing changed except his feelings.

Knowing we wanted different things I started a NC period and did what I could do start getting over him. I didn’t speak to him for 3 months—he contacted me twice in that period but I didn’t respond. Over Christmas he had asked about my holiday plans but didn’t mention meeting up. I prodded him about why he asked me my plans—he said he wanted to say hi and also said he’d like to have a coffee if I’m up for it. I saw him for coffee and we just kept it light and enjoyed each other’s company.

On new years we ended up at the same party together by fluke and hooked up. We were around eachother the entire next day with friends. As we parted he asked me if I had anymore questions about the breakup—I said I wanted to understand how he got to the point of having no feelings. He still couldn’t answer the question, which I’d expect if you truly had moved on and no longer had feelings. He also added that there is no chance of a romantic relationship in the future.

He doesn’t seem reactive to anything, but he doesn’t seem to have processed anything either. How do I know what this really means? Is there any point in pursuing him now that I’ve tried twice and he’s shut me down?

Thanks!

Chris Seiter

January 2, 2016 at 9:25 pm

Hey Kay, First of all, congrats on doing no contact. I know it’s tough. The only thing is if you want him back 3 months is way to long to do no contact for. When you say you hooked up, do you mean kissed or more? You should only kiss him if things seem to be progressing and not until a 3rd date. The first one was perfect. Coffee and kept it light.

You have to give him a challenge. My guess is he just got bored of the relationship because you were probably a terrific girlfriend. There wasn’t any chase involved and he probably took you for granted.

Good news is its highly likely he will regret breaking up with you in the future. But that could be way in the future… I think your next step should be jealously. Read my post on using jealously to get your ex back.
Kay

January 2, 2016 at 6:49 pm

*He was home for the holidays. My home is where he is from but not currently living.

makaela

December 31, 2015 at 1:55 am

Hey Chris,

So my guy and I were never technically official :(… we were a thing for about three months. We both have recently gotten out of long term relationships before meeting. Things ended when he decided to transfer schools because I cheated on him and then lied about it. I confessed a couple hours after lieing but he ended it. He threatened to get back with his ex. I messed up and acted GNATTY and begged and apologized and told him I am never going to give up on us.. what timeline should I use and what other advice do you have?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 10:11 am

Hi Makaela,

This may help, Fix your relationship if you cheated on your ex boyfriend before it’s too late

Monalisa

December 26, 2015 at 9:48 pm

This no contact rule is so popular. If my partner did this to me, I will be able to tell. Besides, if you get back together with somebody you broke up with, the probability of not breaking up again is very minimal. Let it go… Move on and resist the urge to beg!!! He/she will never take you back if you do and even if that happens, you will be at their mercy.
Distinguished ladies and gentlemen, all you need for a heart break is your tissue, alcohol and your friends. Delete your ex and you will never be tempted to act stupid. Move on baby…. there are so many attractive birds in the air. You don’t have to swim, Fly..
Leah

December 25, 2015 at 1:52 am

I have followed this and it is actually working amazingly. We are on texting phase! However it’s a year since we met and he messaged to say he is sorry about the way things turned out (not quite the words I wanted to hear). I said ‘I am sorry too, and I hope we are friends’. It caught me off, it sounded like he wanted to bow out – did I push him to friends? He then said he is no good for me, and thought if things continued from then we might even get married. He is sorry for wasting my time. Sounds so finite?? Our relationship ended because it was new when he moved and he was looking at others. I said to him, we are who and what we want to be. If he doesn’t have feelings for me now that is different. I complimented him a lot in my response. His reply, ‘your sweet, I’d hug you but if I did I would prob kiss you so I won’t’ So he wont. So I don’t know- did he just want to make peace. Nothing said about liking me now. Next step? Or did the doors close on ‘friends’.
jasmine

December 23, 2015 at 4:00 am

Hi Chris.i did all this and my no contact was a couple of months.it was hard but i did it and he came to see me and we decided to get back together.problem is when he went back after a week he changed his mind about us and doesnt even want me to talk to him ever.i asked why and he replied and said its not my fault and that i give him a few days he’ll tell me why he made that decision.i dont think i want to know why anymore.we had such a wonderful time together that neither of us wanted it to end.i dont know what to do as i am so sad and confused about it.
The confused

December 17, 2015 at 2:44 am

We were not together, but we talked alot. Babe this baby that ect.. He was going to fly to come see me. The night he was supposed to leave, he said he was getting his things ready and heading to the airport but then he disappeared. Nothing. Calls go straight to voicemail deleted me off social media everything. What do I do? Forget they exisited?
Need Help

December 16, 2015 at 5:29 am

If the ex has a girlfriend how should we go about thefacetime call?
Tanya

December 13, 2015 at 7:15 am

Hey!

I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. From last 2 years we’re in a LDR . Last night he broke up with me saying that he has another girlfriend and he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. I tried to stop him but he didn’t even listen to me.

Last year a guy from my past said shit about me to him.. That guy said Thai I slept with him and all that stuff. But I never slept with him. But after one month everything was solved. N he came to my city to meet me. N later on valentine day he got a tattoo of my name..

Everything was going very well until now.

N I was going to meet him in his city. I also got my tickets booked . N on 27 December ill be in his city. N I was going to meet him . But the NC should b of 30 days..so now I don’t know what to do. Whether I should meet him or not. Because we haven’t met for 5 months..and I don’t know when ill be going to his city again . Plus he has blocked me from call and every other social networking sites.

Please help me.
Guide me

I want him back

Tanya

December 13, 2015 at 7:20 am

And when I asked why he was leaving me . He said because I double dated..which I never did. N he said that I misbehave a lot.. But if he was having so much problem with that double dating. He would never have accepted me back and got a tattoo of my name. N its been one year to that. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Pumpkin

December 12, 2015 at 9:49 pm

This was an interesting read. Does this also work on guys who have a hard time to commit? I was in this relationship for over 1 year and he would act as my boyfriend, be all sweet but when it came to commit on a more significant level, he always opted out. I finally had enough of it and cut him off. I know i’m better off with that. He either leaves my system or we do get there in time. But i’m just wondering if second option is an option? I know for sure he will miss me like crazy, but he could also be too hurt that he won’t never look back. I guess i will find out, but i was hoping for your input
Olivia

December 6, 2015 at 2:28 am

Hi Chris, i need your help. I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. We were in a long distance relationship for about 4 months (different countries). He said that he has problems with his family and business wo he wanted to focus on his family and work and study first. But there was a third person as well (who was in the same place as him) and all of that led him to us breaking up. After that there were a lot of times where i annoyed him by bombarding him with messages and calls, most of them were ignored by him though. However a few days after he said to me that he still loves me and that he missed me so much. We even video called for several times during the fee weeks after breaking up. And almost everyday he told me that he will show me that he is can be trusted and that he still care and loves me. Well we did exchanged a few lines of text everyday and called each other every few days. However he suddenly ignored my calls and texts. Then i found out that he has a new girlfriend (it has been a week since they were together). They met at a bar, probably due to mutual friends, and then the next day they were together. And since that time on i sent him a lot of texts and called him a few times but he ignored everything. I sent him texts from “what are you doing” to ” do you still care about me why do you suddenly disappear and ignored my calls and texts” to “i miss you”. I am actually going to the city that he lives in about 2 weeks and i want to make him regret for breaking it off with me.
So the point is i already failed at the no contact rule and i regret it so much now. I should have found this website earlier and just ignored him when he first sent me text message to wait for him and i would not sent him texts telling him that i still care and love him. Chris, help me. Can i still make him regret after breaking the no contacf rule? Should i meet him when i go to his city in about 2 weeks time?
Robyn

December 4, 2015 at 2:55 am

Hi Chris,

Thank you for your insight! I’ve been LDR with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We have known each other since college (as friends) and reconnected a little over two years ago and started dating. We were in the same city for 3 months and have been doing LDR the rest of the time. I have been struggling with a job I don’t love and frustration over not knowing the next step. We looked at rings a year ago and made plans so I would relocate to his city, but schedules and work travel, etc. got in the way and derailed our plan a bit. I have stalled a couple times to help us regroup and plan again and he took this as me not caring. He broke up with me yesterday after two instances of me asking for a little space to regroup.

He is a loving, compassionate man and yesterday he was so angry at me. He said he felt like he didn’t matter and that I have been stalling too much. He said he wants to be alone, and figure out what he wants. It feels like a switch was flipped. I know he’s the one, but I don’t know how to approach it since we have been LDR for so long. That is the root cause. I know I need to do NC, but what are your thoughts on him returning after the anger subsides? Is it a lost cause? How should I approach it? Could it be someone else? Thanks!
Mary

December 3, 2015 at 10:19 am

Hi there,
Before I get into the details, I will mention that the story is kind of long for the simple reason that i want you to understand the dynamics of my ex relationship.
He is Italian (28) and I am Indian (23) we met 2 years ago when he was visiting India. We fell madly in love with each other and began dating when he returned to UK from where he is doing his PhD. Our romance was the stuff of fairytales and everyone was amazed at how much we were in love with each other. We spent every waking moment talking and being there for each other though the time difference and everything. We always shared the same opinions on life, love, cheating, kids and religion was not a problem because we are both Roman Catholics. Of course when we started dating our respective families gave us the warnings about the distance and virtual relationships etc. He confirmed to my parents that he was willing to move to India or for that matter anywhere in the world for me, so we really were moving towards getting married and starting a family (he visited me 3 times in India). A month ago, he moved to Switzerland for his internship and 5 days later he messaged me saying he could not take the stress of the relationship anymore, his family is more important than I am to him, the distance was too much and the pressure of him coming to India was unbearable. I felt like my perfect world came to a crashing end, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me up. I wanted to die – not because I have a bad life –I wanted the heartache to stop. In the time being my sister got married and I dint tell anyone about the split for obvious reasons that I dint want to ruin the spirit of cheer at home. I struggled so much at the wedding because I was alone and everyone wanted to know when I was getting married. I did contact him via email (we blocked each other on FB,whatsapp etc..) and told him I missed him terribly to which he replied in the most straightforward way saying we can only be together if I move across the world for him, that India is scary and a culture shock for him, that on no condition would he come to India ever! I don’t mind moving for him but is it fair for him to just demand that I move? What if Visa’s don’t come through or I have to be in India for emergency reasons (supporting my parents) then what? Should not both be willing and then circumstances decide? How can one partner be so demanding? We haven’t spoken in 3 weeks now and honestly I’m worse for wear. Both of us have promising careers – I work in a multi-billion dollar company and he is an engineer. Who moves? Who breaks the silence? Who is right here? Am I right in waiting for him? Should I hope for a reconciliation or move on? What should I do? Can a man just change his mind like this?
P.S. I was supposed to meet his family in Italy this month and yesterday I found out he planned on proposing at my sister’s reception last month. I’m so broken. So, so broken!!!
T

December 3, 2015 at 7:20 am

Hi Chris! Thank you so much for the wonderful advices! Much appreciated!

My long story short: We met through mutual friends then became FWB though I loved him and were in a long distance relationship. I introduced him to my circle of friends and he introduced to his at a later stage. We fell pregnant 6 months into a relationship and he pulled away and told he was not ready for that he would not be part of that child’s life. He blocked me and no contact for 5 months. Later when I called to update him about the pregnancy he seemed excited and interested in the child and even had a name for him and he was even planning to come for the birth. He loves his child a lot and even brags about him.

His family loves me a lot but is not aware of the FWB situation. To them he pretends I am his girlfriend but to my face he admits he’s not ready for commitment and that he is still enjoying life and that I should wait if I need commitment from him. When I ask him to inform his family he does not want. When I address him as a friend he gets upset and says we will be more than friends in the future. He likes playing mind games that once got me to admit that I loved him. Every time I keep quiet he gets worried and become all lovely. He updates me on his achievements and lets me know of some of his future plans. Lately he got upset with me for no reason I assume it was because my phone was off and I only responded 24hours later – then he told me about his girlfriend. I got upset and told him I would back off and blocked him. He sent a message saying he would not hurt me. I have come to realise that he is so into partying lately so I decided to do the NC rule which I had to break at day 21 because I took his child to his grandparents even though I did not inform him. After that I continued with the NC then it was broken again because he came to my place a week later. Today is two weeks of NC after he last visited. What do I do, Do I just continue with the NC for how long.

I am tired of him addressing me as a friend, I love him and want more. Lately he is into his friends and this new girlfriend. How do I get him to commit to me and his son?

Confused

T

December 3, 2015 at 7:28 am

Oh by the way, I have been improving myself a lot and when his sister commented he got upset and said “so what”

Mia

November 23, 2015 at 12:02 pm

Hi Chris.

I purchased your programme this weekend and have just finished reading the book (and sccouring through the website posts). Firstly, thank you for keeping me occupied for 3 days – I would have been a complete text gnat!!!

My boyfriend moved to NZ three weeks ago and instead of breaking up before he left, he wanted to “take each day as it comes” because his year abroad was for him to grow as a man, become more independant and further his career (he is will return to SA once his contract is concluded and his VISA expires – valid for 1 year only).

Anyways, I understand why he had to leave and I have emotionally and financially supported this venture but I am feeling TOTALLY vulnerable and scared because he has been non-responsive and cold since he has left – this obviously put me in desperation, clingy mode because I am afriad of losing him – hence we have had three intense arguments since he has left that haven’t worked in my favour (he just stops responding because he says I also push too much – after reading your boo Chris, he is RIGHT- I have acted like a crazy woman before he left).

After a really big fight this past week, I went into NC because I sent him an essay of emotions (we fought about the fact I feel like I’m in limbo and he hasn’t been very loving over texts – in his defense he has never been – I just assumed the distance would make him more expressive because we are apart).

Okay – so I have 27 days of NC left. I started a new diet and went for my first run. But Chris, I am scared because I do not know how to prove my changes in looks and thinking after the 3 weeks? He is on the other end of the world and annoyed with me. What if he forgets me and learns to adjust to a new, calmer and non- pushy life without me? What happens then?

Please direct me to something else you have written on LDR’s or extreme situations that can help me figure this out….

Chris Seiter

December 3, 2015 at 6:13 am

You should be fine it’s only 3 weeks. Is he on your Facebook? If so post pictures of you loosing weight, new hairstyle or whatever you decide to change.

When you start talking again make sure your not pushy and be really relaxed. 🙂

nancy

November 22, 2015 at 1:06 pm

Hii.. me and my boyfriend broke up around 2 weeks before after a 10 month long LDR. I wasn’t even ready for this LDR at first, he was the one to convince me and when I got too emotionally involved he broke up saying it wasn’t working for him, being on phone always and not being able to see each other. I want him back. Any suggetions??
nancy

November 22, 2015 at 1:00 pm

Hii.. me and my boyfriend broke up around 2 weeks before after a LDR of 10 months. At first I wasnt even ready for this LDR, he was the one to convience me and then when I got too involved he broke up saying it wasnt working out for me, being on phone 24*7 and being able to see each other. I loved hm and still do and want him back. Any suggestions??..

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5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”