How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

sarah

September 4, 2015 at 5:54 pm

Hi Chris,

I adore your website it is fantastic and actually helped me a lot. My ex boyfriend and I met in a foreign country where we were both working. My visa ran out so I had to move back to Europe for a year and was planning to join him in this ‘foreign’ country in September. Three weeks before I was going to arrive he calls me up and says he wants it to end. The previous November we had discussed marriage and I was quite pushy. He said the reason for the break up is the pressure was too much and he needed to be sure he was ready before all of this and he was scared I would leave him if he told me his feelings so he said he had to end it so it didn’t happen after I had just moved all that way. I was sad, horrible to him and he was nice about that part and said that he won’t judge my words during such a painful time. Anyway so in the days after we started texting a lot talking about what went wrong, that he still loves me very much but that a lot of reason was that I had not really lived an independent lifestyle and I was too reliant on him. I can understand as this part was true although he has his share of bad points too. So anyway I got offered a job very close to the country he was in and as I know this place well and have friends there I decided to accept. He seemed happy and was saying things like I would like to see you there…etc…and also another comment which was after some texting where he said ‘I still want to try, we both deserve it’. I’m sure to most this sounds really good, and it does feel good but because he broke up with me I need him to show me that he really wants it. We have agreed to meet and we both want it to work out but there is still a month before I move and I really want to know what I should do in this time. For exes we probably text too much, he will write to me first most times and is very responsive and loving and kind so its quite a complicated situation. He said we both need to have time and whatever happens I will keep on with my job and we can take it slow if we decide to be together. Any suggestions? Thanks Chris.
F.A.

September 4, 2015 at 5:01 pm

The relationship lasted 4 1/2 years, it got pretty bad towards the end, lots of fighting and he wanted to break up. I guess I always thought we could fix it if we would only try harder, somehow this convinced him enough to stay and work things out. Nothing changed and he ended up cheating on me (not just casual sex, full on relationship with another woman). I begged him to stay with me, we were happy once. He said he would think about it, but kept on seeing her. He isn’t remorseful and doesn’t really want to deal with me anymore. When I think of him, I’m more sad than angry. Just want to go to the movies together and laugh at all our inside jokes. I just want him to be my best friend again. I’m so confused because I love him, but at the same time feel like I can’t. I almost refuse to believe that he hurt me this way. I often wish that he wanted me back, but I know even if that happened, things are very different now. Everyone is so quick to say “He doesn’t deserve you” or “It’s good that this ended”, how come I don’t feel that way? I just want to forget about the last half a year and hold his hand. I’m such a mess, what should I do?
Julia

September 4, 2015 at 2:46 am

Hi chris!
I’ve read almost all of your articles here and I’ve found them very insightful. If you could take a few minutes to read this, I’d greatly appreciate it.
My ex and I met on the second last day of a student work exchange program over the summer. It was one of those silly “love at first sight” moments when we realized we liked each other. This was during a slow dance, on a cruise activity set by the program.
After the program we texted for two weeks before he came to visit. We live in the same province, but different cities. 386km (4hrs driving) apart.
At first he didn’t want to go into the relationship because of the distance but our friend convinced him to try.
We had a very short two week relationship and by then we had known each other for a month. During the relationship we texted everyday, and called almost until 2am. We skype baked and watched a movie online together too! Classic LDR “dates”. It wasn’t until the last few days, when I went on a family vacation, that calling became difficult and we texted less. Then one day he messaged saying we needed to talk and said that it wasn’t the right time for both of us. He’s moving to Toronto in 9 months for university but he said he’d miss me too much to continue being in this relationship for the next few months.
Although, when I asked for closure he said that closure was for the end and it wasn’t the end since he’d “100% date me in the future” -implying when he comes to Toronto. I don’t really know if I fully believe him since he broke up by text and wasn’t able to find time to call.
We haven’t spoken in 3 days and I’m still very early into the no contact period.
I was just wondering if it’s still worth it to try to maintain a friendship with him. -even if I don’t get him back as a bf. He had shown that he wasn’t willing to put effort into the relationship but I’m not sure if that’s just for self protection (he comes from a broken family) or he’s afraid he won’t stay faithful.
Either way, what he did was the mature thing in terms of studies, but I’m wondering if, in my case, there would still be hope in the future for us. I like him a lot, and I’d be willing to try again, I just don’t want to get hurt if I get my hopes up and he changes his mind. He’s the type of guy who is really sweet and a gentlemen but can’t stand no physical connection for too long. So long distance wouldn’t work for the near future, but in the long run, is it worth it?
Thank you so much.
~Julia
Noura

September 3, 2015 at 6:21 pm

Hi ,
My ex and i were together for two straight years the thing is he have cancer but his situation is stable and in the recovery process
I stood by him every singel day
About a year ago he traveled to A different country to do radiation therapy
We broke up about 20 days ago bc i felt he didn’t want me like he used to be
I really miss him and miss the way we were
I did the no contact roul for 3 weeks and i feel like he will not call me or try to get back together ever
I did my best to keep what we had between us
Ifeel like i cant do anything unless he shows me somthing
What should i do ???!!
Katherine

September 3, 2015 at 5:22 am

Hi Chris,

I love this website. My college boyfriend broke up with me over the phone after just 2 months of an indefinite LDR. We started our relationship off with a long distance one and we’ve spent every summer we’ve dated apart because he went to travel abroad and/or have an internship experience on the West Coast. This was the first time we tried out dating without an definite date of seeing each other again. He solidified himself a job on the west coast for a year but I am still looking and my family is from Virginia so that is where I am stuck until I find an income. When we decided to try out long distance I was the skeptical one and he got angry at me when I said he had to become more realistic about the whole idea of it. I did not necessarily say I wanted to break up, just that it would be a lot harder than what he was expecting. Anyways, when push came to shove he went back to the West Coast before I left for home so he experienced a time where he was feeling lonely and alone and really clinging hard to me. This is something that I find ridiculously unattractive and I blame myself now for screwing up. I never was mean or neglecting. However I started to become distant when he started calling me three times a day when he knew I was busy and had a whole day planned out. Then when I finally moved home to Virginia, that is when I truly understood what he was going through. However I myself was going through some heavy things and did not communicate this to him. I also failed to tell him what was happening in my life with a family’s cancer diagnosis and my oldest brother being in the ICU for a week. I couldn’t come to terms with it myself so I failed to tell him what was going on and became irratable on the phone. My attitude towards him was none existent and I knew I was losing him from my actions. The day I found out I got a job in San Diego was the day that he broke up with me over the phone. I haven’t told him yet. When he broke up with me it was a completely emotionless and rehearsed speech and he did not let me get a word in. I was told that if I wanted to I could call him later in that same week to talk. I said okay and acted normal and hung up the phone. It wasn’t until a full night awake thinking of what went down until I realized how angry I was that he did not discuss what he was feeling to me. Isn’t a working relationship a partnership? And if he was feeling angry he should have told me, not kept it bottled up inside. it only created resentment toward me. I take the blame in my behavior. That same night I sent him an angry text message about how I felt disrespected but however I kept it some what neutral by saying that I wanted to be friends and I thought I deserved enough respect to have the opportunity to voice my opinions and feelings. We texted back and forth a couple times and then I said goodbye. He has been viewing my snapchat stories however we haven’t talked since. I know you are all about the NC rule but what should I do in this situation? A week is coming up fast and thats when I am expecting him to reach out to talk to me about it. But should I tell him that I am not ready to talk yet and wait 30 days. Or should i talk to him and let him know whats been happening in my life and why I was being so short with him??

Please help!
mh

September 2, 2015 at 6:00 am

Hi Chris,

I’m still seeking for the solution. So,the story goes like this, we were starting to know each other since early Jan this year. Initially, we knew each other from online dating website. I was the first one that said hello to him and he replied me back. To shorten, we met on face to face on Jan 2015 in Asia, just for one night and he said he wants to keep in touch with me, and then he was going back to Europe (I’m working in Asia). And our life was going on every day, keeps emailing to each other until June 2015 (we are in LDR).

And he came again to Asia on June 2015 to spend one month with me (in order he wants to know me more). We had a very well-spend month together during that time. We were happy. we lived together for a month. During that time too, we were declared as a BF-GF..

But, a month after we spend time together, he went back to Europe as he still need to working on his study. One day, we talked about marriage thing. He wouldn’t mind about my religion – which is means he can do his religion, I can do mine. But one more thing is, I can’t get married with him in my country – because its illegal in my country to mixed-marriage. So I came out with solution, I can go somewhere in Europe as I have a dream to pursue my study there next year. At the first place, he agreed with that. But later he said, he needs some more time to think about it. And I gave him that space he wants.

After a few days, he emailed me and came out with the decision that he don’t want to continue this relationship as he doesn’t see any future in us because we are in different religion and culture – he added, we could be probably make it happens for awhile, soon or later, the culture will be kicked in and that time would be totally mess. But I replied to him, I will face every matters that encountered us, either culture and religion. In that email, am not looked as much desperate I want him. I just stated that was my own point of view. And he didn’t reply my email. A few days later, I send another email to him – I said that I will not giving up easily on him because he done his part to make this relationship happens before (came to Asia) and now, this is my part to keep this relationship alive. But unfortunately, he didn’t reply my last email. It have been over many days. Oh and last night, I signed in Skype and I noticed that he’s not in my contact list anymore. But a few days before, he still in my contact list.

What should I do now? I already did NC rules – he doesn’t reply my email, and I broke it at 9 days of NC. I think I have a very little opportunity as he will come to Asia again on Nov for his works. And I still keep in touch secretly with one of his friend. I know it was hard for both of us. But I believe this relationship couldn’t be end like this. Thanks
Adele

September 1, 2015 at 2:26 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ve pretty much read all of your articles here trying to figure out how to handle my break up, we met abroad and became pretty good friends while working together for a few months before we started dating and were inseperable, we only dated for 4 months before we had to both return to our home countries. I travelled around for a few weeks and things were still great between us but once I returned home he decided he didn’t want to do anything with the distance but wanted to remain friends, like actual friends who did talk together frequently and all that jazz. I’ve been in a few long term relationships before (1-2yrs+) and have never felt the way I feel about him. I have a lot stacked up against me: I’m almost 5 years older than him, we live in the USA and Canada, he’s still in school, and I admit I was a bit of a text gnat when the whole friends thing came up and I believe pushed him away. So I followed your advice and implemented NC saying “I’m tired of being the one making all the effort, I give up” and never received a reply. I have NEVER been good at NC from past relationships but like I’ve said I’ve never felt the way I feel for him with any of my past relationships and was so determined to make it work. The most contact I’ve received from him was him viewing my general public (to my friends) snap chat stories and liking one Instagram photo. I’ve been getting in shape, keeping busy, I look great but I still think of him daily. By 25 days of NC I pretty much gave up hope and then he messaged me on day 26 just a “Guess what?” I’m assuming trying to see if I’ll respond. I of course ignored it and am now on day 28 but I’m curious to know if I should wait longer than 30 days now given my situation, and do I reply to his guess what or ignore it and say my own text I’ve been planning? I don’t want him back as a friend. I know my situation is difficult but I’d be willing to put in all the extra effort to make it work (I have this far after all). Please help?

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:23 am

Nope, 30 days is ideal I think.

Ling

August 31, 2015 at 7:26 am

Hi Chris,
accidently found your page today and I couldn’tstop reading.
I have a question for you. My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago after I visited him and his family in The U.S. We live in different countries. We have been together for a year while he was working in the country I live. He called it off 3days after I arrived home. He said it won’t work because there’s things about me that I need to work on and that has been bothering him for a while. We were happy together, we planned our engagement and our future together. I couldn’t stop myself contacting him after the break up. He kept saying this is not gonna work, he said he still loves me but this is not only about love. I’m so depressed right now, it was my first serious relationship and I dont know how to deal with it. Question is, Im going to the U.S again for work.. for like a week in October and where I will be staying is very close to his place. Should I meet him? and his bday is a week after that, should I wish him a happy birthday?

Hope you read this and get back to me soon!
Thanks! I will keep reading!

Ling

September 3, 2015 at 6:55 am

The trip was good, but there’s one day he took me to a museum in DC and I didn’t really pay attention what he was trying to show me and he was just angry at me that I didnt even care what was really important to him.
Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 3:40 am

Did something happen in that trip?

Sanitta

August 31, 2015 at 6:24 am

Hi Chris,
First of all, I’m not an English speaker, so I apologize for some errors I’m going to make here..

here’s the thing,
My boyfriend and I were in a LDR for a little over a year. we met online and stayed friends for a few years until he came to visit me, we spent a few weeks together and started our relationship about a year ago. things were great at first, we got along very well, our families approved our relationship and it was almost perfect that we planned on moving in together as soon as I finish my school, but we broke up a few days ago because we started having a lot of constant fights for a couple months. He got mad and flipped out on me over everything all the time(I think he have an anger issue). he could be very harsh and he’d just disappear when he doesn’t feel like talking(but we still talked everyday), saying he felt it’s useless trying to explain things when I’m being immature and stubborn. I tried to keep it cool and cut things loose by giving him more space, let him do things he likes as he pleased while I started hanging out with my friends and family, yet he could still get mad saying I have some other men to keep me occupied(assuming from the comments on my Facebook page). before I broke it off with him, he said he needed some space and told me if I run off talking to some other men to won’t be back(I didn’t even talk to anyone) I gave him no contact for about 2 days then I broke up with him. After that, I told him I wanted to stay friends(we were best friends before we got into a relationship and we don’t really want to lose that) and he agreed to that. He posted things on Facebook like he was enjoying his life from the time I gave him his space, then I tried to text him telling him how I felt and that i’m glad to see him happy, but he just gave me a short reply. The last time we talked, I said I love him, he said he loves me back. Then I found your website and decided I’m going to trust you on this 😛 I started NC rule for 3 days now. I plan on going all the way to the 30 days NC rule and hope it will work. I started posting things on my Facebook like photos of my new haircut(he used to tell me he love my hair long, but I like it short and I told him I kept it long for him). I cut my hair short and got the style I always wanted like I don’t care if he loves my hair long anymore, started hanging out with friends, got a new hobby, and now working on my life and all. I notice he stopped posting any of his life update, it almost looks like he just disappeared. This is really hard for me and I really want him back, but after doing things I actually want, I feel so much better. I wonder if I’m doing the right thing and what I should do next..
Thanks for helping

btw, I love your website, I keep coming back to read it so I don’t break my NC rule XD

Sanitta

September 6, 2015 at 10:27 pm

I stick to the NC rules, didn’t reply or check his message, but kept posting status(nothing about relationship) and he did delete me. what do i do now? stick to it until day 30?? Now I’m hurt and I don’t know what he’s thinking. maybe he’s mad with me? maybe he’s hurt? maybe he’s moving on? maybe he’s expecting attention? I’m really confused.
Sanitta

September 5, 2015 at 12:08 pm

Hi Chris,
now seems like it’s working. He texted me on Facebook after a week of NC, saying “I hope you’re finding happiness”.. I don’t even know if I should check the message since it’d show that I’ve read it, or I should just ignore it still.. Befpre that, he has posted some songs about how hard life could be and all. I’m scared if he’d get upset to the point that he’d delete me on Facebook and cut all my contacts. Do I still have a chance on getting him back? Should I talk to him? Please help.

Laura

August 30, 2015 at 10:46 pm

Hello Chris. I read all you had to say, and I can feel very invigorated to try it once more. My boyfriend decided to end things last night. It was a long distance relationship, where each one lives in a different country. He is moving to a different country, that is a little farther away. However, I am very confused. Our relationshp started through different social media: Facebook, Whatsapp, transitioned to Skype everyday, and then he visited me for almost a month. We had the best time of our lives, and we were so madly in love. After he returned to his home country, he wasn’t as lovey dovey, but he was still being loving. I guess this was his response to all the emotions going through him because of the move he is going to make, but he always said that nothing was wrong. Eventually, he got tired of me asking what was wrong and told me he didn’t feel the same. He also said that the long distance had shown him that he wasn’t up to it, because it was too much pain. But that if we were in the same city, we would definitely be together. Should I try it out one more time? Or is he saying that long distance is too painful a sign that I shouldn’t even try it?

Alice

November 2, 2015 at 8:04 pm

Sounds like my story :/
Alice

November 2, 2015 at 8:04 pm

I’m pretty much in the same situation

Irina

August 30, 2015 at 7:41 pm

Dear Chris,
First of all let me thank you for your website that is god-sent for me and thousands of other women out there.
I wouldn’t bother you with my little situation but I feel I absolutely need advice about what my next move should be and I don’t want to screw up.
I am Georgian (Caucasus) and he’s Indian living in Dubai and is younger than me. We met in my country which he was visiting on a short trip by the end of July. We have a common friend, who is like his best friend and thus I was asked to take him around and all when he was in Tbilisi (my town). We had a wonderful time together, in a friendly way and he even extended his stay saying he wanted to spend more time with me. After he left our common friend texted me he had been charmed and was constantly asking things about me. My friend said he’d never seen him like that before. He even started to plan another trip to my country soon. We were also talking and he told me he’d started liking me and one more night would have made a huge difference and told me to write to his mom to ask her about an NGO she runs in India. To his confessions I just said I was feeling very comfortable with him, which rarely happens. This is true, but I was also feeling I was starting to feel things for him and I was very happy. It’s hard to give details here, but it was all genuine from the start. I have no doubt about it, the only question is how deep it was.
In about 2 weeks he started to inquire me about my love life, which I didn’t really feel like discussing with him, but didn’t want to hide anything and told him I was divorced. Well, outlined the general picture in general terms. Then I asked him about his. He told me about his 2 serious relationships in the past. This second one he’d had with a Filipino girl had ended 2-3 months before cause she’d been acting unbearable, jealous, desperate and all. And now she was begging him to take her back. One of the reasons he’d travelled to Georgia was to take his mind off that. And it had helped him a lot to which I was one of the most pleasant and unexpected reasons. Well I told him he should listen to his heart to which he said he wanted to be with her, but he knew it wouldn’t be good. And that he would forget her if he would find someone to help him in that. I grew even more tense at that. We were on the messenger then, it was the only form of communication we’ve had since he travelled back. At the end he said he felt good having shared it at least and he didn’t think he’d be back to her after all and that she’d forget him after a while.
So on the next day I wrote him a medium-sized message saying after what I’d heard from him the night before I couldn’t possibly stay near him for some time cause I was growing attached to him and couldn’t stay between him and his heart. And he could still think he had a good friend out there in Georgia. To that he said he’d reply after work, which he didn’t. I decided to stay away and was surprisingly feeling much better than I usually do in such cases. Then I found you and started the countdown to 30 days, however on day 8 my 2 year old nephew accidentally sent him a photo of his (my nephew’s) all naked and in the shower 🙂 I didn’t try to explain anything, cause he wouldn’t believe me anyway. I just know for a fact it wasn’t me who did it.
Now we’re in day 18 since the initial breakup talk. I am on vacation and traveling further to Istanbul for the rest of the days. I’m thinkingnow shall I do 21 or 30 day NC cause we weren’t like officially together and it had just started. Chris, what shall I do? His friend said I’d been impulsive. BTW he didn’t go back to her and never intended, apparently. I’m being cool, not desperate or anything, just want to do things wisely. I’ve had a very difficult love life and this was such an exclusion, we understood each other perfectly. Like we would even stay together not talking a while, feeling perfectly comfortable. I really want to get him back, but in a nice and wise way.
Thank you so much in advance!!!

Chris Seiter

September 2, 2015 at 4:01 am

21 days Nc is ideal for your situation.

Angie

August 30, 2015 at 3:28 am

Hi, Chris,

I am currently broke up from LDR. It’s about 2 weeks now, and we dated almost 9 months.
After breaking up, we stayed a little like a friend. Texting about how’s each other’s life going.
The last text was sent by me 2 days ago, and still didn’t receive his reply.
From now one, should I start the NC rules?
And, after NC rules, which is 30 days, what if I don’t receive any replies or text from him?
Should I just be the one who start testing him like you mentioned above??
Thanks so much for your help

Chris Seiter

August 30, 2015 at 4:22 pm

Yes do no contact 30 days and then you can reach out to him. Dont send anything to emotional or anything about the relationship.

A

August 30, 2015 at 2:34 am

Chris,

The last time my ex and I spoke, he told me that my continual efforts to contact him were making him resent me more each day. He said that if we had any chance at reconciliation, I had to accept that we were over and give him space. When he was ready to talk again, we could try talking like normal people and see where it goes from there. We made plans to talk in two weeks, granted I was actually able to give him the space he needed.

To my surprise, the day after this conversation, he texted me midday about our favorite artist’s new album being good, and saying that he hopes my day is going well (SO CONFUSING, as I thought he needed space). It felt really good not to reply!

BUT- Seeing as though we agreed to speak in two weeks, do I just continue to ignore him at that point? Or is there a different way I should approach it?

Thanks!!!
Seb

August 29, 2015 at 5:49 pm

Hello Chris. I read this entire post and I am feeling very hopeful. I am a gay guy, and my boyfriend decided to end things last night. We were in a long distance relationship (I live in Colombia and he lives in Venezuela, but is soon moving to the US). However, I am very confused. Our LDR started through Facebook and Whatsapp, transitioned to Skype everyday, and then he came for 22 days. We had the best time of our lives, and we were so madly in love. Then, after he returned to his home country, he started kind of like switching off. I guess it was because of the gruesome details of the move, but he denied anything was wrong. Eventually, he got tired of me asking what was wrong and told me he didn’t feel the same. That the long distance had shown him that he wasn’t up to it, because it was too much pain. But that if we were in the same city, we would definitely be together. Should I try it out one more time? Or is he saying that long distance is too painful a sign that I shouldn’t even try it?

Seb

August 30, 2015 at 5:05 pm

Please help! I really feel lost and confused. I would really be thankful for your help so I can know what to do.

Joy

August 28, 2015 at 5:17 pm

Hi chris! I have a situation and I need some advice. My boyfriend and I broke up last month. We have been in a long distance relationship for 4months only but we’ve been together for 3years and I really love him. Before I have read your article Ive already begged him to stay for several times. He told me that I was so demanding and controlling, that for now he doesnt want to be in a relationship, that he doesnt love me anymore and I should move on, that Ive already lose him and I cant do anything to win him back. Right now I dont know what to do. I really love him and right now I know what I did was wrong and I’m willing to change for him and for myself. So what do you think I should do? And what if I do NC rule and then suddenly he contact me, should I do “seen zone” or just ignore his message. And how long should I ignore him? I’m willing to do anything just to win him back. Thanks for your time. God bless.
Cam

August 26, 2015 at 2:48 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m Cam and I’d like to buy your book but I’m not sure it covers my situation. I’ve read all of your articles on your website though.
I’m 21 and french, my ex boyfriend is 21 and english. I live in France, he lives in England, we met a year ago in England while I was living there. Since then, we decided to get into a relationship even if I had to go back to France to finish my studies. It was a LDR and we were seeing each other once a month, which wasnt enough at all I give you that but we were happy and we loved each other very much.

He’s in the NAVY and is going to get deployed for 9 months in November. Two months ago, after we spent a week in France together, he started acting weird, stopped talking to me and stopped saying he loved me. I knew there was something wrong, but he was saying it was nothing to worry about. But one day he said he thought our relationship had “an expiration date”, that he was terrified about those 9 months apart. He started saying that he loved me but something went missing for him and that it was too much of a thing to be fixed because we don’t see each other enough. He wants to stay friends, he doesn’t want me out of his life, he wants us to meet in a year (as I’m planning to move to England next year). His last words were ” We were two people who were right for each other who met at the wrong time”.
I was devastated, but he’s a good guy and I love him, I know it was the right thing to do.

My questions are : I want to get him back, but I know it’s not going to be before he comes back from his deployment. How can I do to stay in touch in order for him not to forget me and avoid and kind of suffering for me?
I’m on day 22 of NC, he didn’t text me yet. Should I go for 45 days then ?

Thanks Chris, if your book can help me then I’ll buy it straight away.
(Congratulations to both your wife and you btw)

Chris Seiter

August 30, 2015 at 4:17 pm

I can tell you that people in the military get very lonely but are also scared in relationships. Is this the first time he will be away that long? Have you ever heard of Dear John letters? Basically men in the military over seas during war would receive letters from their girlfriends/wives stating that they are moving on, are in another relationship, are married or pregnant with another man’s child. These are the fears that all military men have. Sometimes it’s easier for them to break up before they leave. But good news for you, if you do no contact it will most likely work here. Are you willing to wait for him and be the “military wife” one day? It can be very challenging but if your in love you can make it work. I will be writing a post on Military relationships within the next few weeks.

Do the 30 days no contact and then just follow the same guidelines as the no contact rule but keep your texts/calls down to 2-3 times a week when you get to that point.

M

August 25, 2015 at 4:17 pm

Hello Chris,
Your website has been an absolute God-sent in the week or so I’ve found it! I’ve signed up to the Sarah vs. Kai emails and implemented NC on my hot and cold ex as soon as I found out it was a thing (3 months in so I hope I’m not too late) and intend to stick to your advice religiously, whether it means getting my ex back or moving on.

I have two questions, however:
-My ex is now moving very close to where I live. Seen as distance is no longer going to be an issue with us, do we fall into the category of “Long Distance” or “General”?

-Am I right in assuming that the reason he was initially very excited to let me know he was moving closer to me but started going cold again is that he’s conflicted in what he wants, or is he waiting to see me and see if the spark’s still there and is holding back until then?

M

August 25, 2015 at 9:12 pm

Great advice, thank Chris,
I will definitely not break NC, I’m very strong-willed. Wish I’d known about it sooner!

Yes, he got headhunted for a great job near here a few weeks ago after initially thinking he had to move even further away for another job, and let me know as soon as he found out.
We then talked for a few days (conversation topics included trying to find him a place to live, talking about us hanging out, him telling me how happy he is to be living closer to me and how he misses me, even called me beautiful…etc) and he went cold again, which is when I took to the net and found you!

Thanks again 🙂
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 9:21 pm

Your so welcome! Sounds like things have a good chance of working out.
Chris Seiter

August 25, 2015 at 4:21 pm

You will be in the general when he moves closer. Make sure you do no contact properly but only do it for 21 days in this case. Then rebuild attraction with him. It’s great that he’s moving closer. Is he moving for a job or what?

NEonGenesis

August 25, 2015 at 9:17 am

my ex and i broke uo last august17 2015.. we are 1year 8months old, we should be 1yr 9mos this day. the sourse of the problem why we broke up is that i hid the truth from him. i told him i was a virgin coz i dont want sexual contact yet, and during the 1st two months of our relationship, i was in a 4yr relationship but this got cold and i dont love my other ex anymore, i havent got the guts to say it. 🙁 so i cheated its so not my nature to cheat but this just came unnaturally at the wrong time. i love my current ex so much i wanted to go back to him but i dont know if i have a chance, he said that he loved me so much but has no trust in me now, he blocked me on facebook too. i dont know if i have a chance if i did this NC thing. i drunk last sunday and texted him things i even called him coz i was drunk. he said that he can only give forgiveness but if i want love i have to wait for it.. he cannot accept the fact now that im not a virgin but he said that if i said that earlier he would have accepted. Im really sorry for what i did so much. im just a teenager when it happened and the one im with is so persuasive huhu so there im stupid enough to fall.. but my current ex is a gentleman really he treted me with respect coz he thinks im a virgin and now im so messed up huhu.. i dont know how the world will i get him back, we’re now ldr and hard to see each other. please help or advice? thank you so much
Julie

August 23, 2015 at 3:42 am

Hi Chris – my ex and I were in a LDR and we were also first loves in high school when he was here for a year. I just spent a week with him the last week of May. We had “the talk” about me moving there, what it involved, etc because he lives in Norway. In the weeks after I came home things were amazing. He would say he would be honored to walk down the aisle with me, missed me, etc. We had a visit planned for October and then i was going to spend 2 weeks there after Christmas and meet his girls, 8 and 11…the 8 year old was named Julie after me because in 20 years he never stopped thinking about me. Then about 6 weeks after my visit he suddenly told me he did not think his feelings were strong enough to continue on the path of me moving there. It was devastating, gut wrenching, heart breaking, shocking to hear. 3 days earlier he was asking if I’d booked tickets for December. That was just over a month ago. I’m still crying, thinking about him all the time, unable to move forward. I get the 30 day no contact rule but I guess I’m just trying to understand what I can do because not once were we in a bad place or arguing at all. We finished each other’s sentences, knew if the other was having a bad day, complimented each other, had great chemistry… So why does it suddenly become nothing? I’m so lost and confused. Help.

Vicki

October 24, 2015 at 4:34 pm

I want to know this too…this summer my best friend of 12 years asked me to marry him. It was great we were so in love then just silence I asked him what was going on and he said he just didn’t know anything anymore. I blew a gasket and told him I wouldn’t force him to love me. He then said he just needed time and when I apologized I didn’t hear back. I made the mistake of calling and so on but it’s been two weeks since we said anything to eachother. I’m supposed to be flying up there in a month we were going to spend the holidays together…

Bat

August 22, 2015 at 4:29 am

Hey, Chris.

some guides to get exes back suggest the “Second Chance Letter” (accepting break up, apologising and bringing something interesting, etc). Do you think it is a effective strategy in terms of LDR? Thank you very much

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