How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

Michi

July 18, 2015 at 11:28 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and i broke up this past sunday and we’ve only talked three times since then, the first time I texted him to see how he was doing and ask him if he was happy and he said he was and then i ended the conversation. The second time I told him that he was right and that we should be friends because we could always just hang out, and he agreed and actually asked me about my day after, but i ended the conversation pretty quickly. The third time was today, when i texted him about a funny thing that happened this week and told him it reminded me of him, we texted for a bit and he seemed to be into it, but i ended it because he was taking a while to text back and i wanted to have some control over it. I should tell you why we broke up, he said throughout the summer that sometimes he felt unhappy but that he still wanted to make it work. we talked about what were the things going wrong in our relationship and i believe managed to resolve most of them, but then he was still having doubts and so i decided that it was too much so i agreed and said that we should break up. We’ve done the long distance before, it is usually for the summer, but this time were not sure when we will be able to see each other again, so i think that didn’t help. Should i do the no contact or do you think that i should just follow the texting guide ?

Michi

Xchin

July 18, 2015 at 8:02 pm

*my ex

Xchin

July 18, 2015 at 8:01 pm

Hi, Chris! I’m in the same situation, my deleted his FB account (our only means of communication). I can’t find your article on being blocked. The features of this page has changed. I don’t know how to navigate. Please let me know how to find that article. I’m sure it can help a lot. Thanks!

Lory

July 15, 2015 at 11:44 pm

Hi. My ex and I broke up because he was struggling dealing with depression and trust issues from many past relationships. We stayed in contact and he was basically treating me like a girlfriend. He moved to another country for work and for months we sent texts back and forth every single day. I came to see him for his birthday but he closed off while I was there the first week. The second week was nice and we had a good time. I came home and he started acting distant. It’s been about three weeks and now he says he is dating someone he met after I left. He says he doesn’t know where it will go but he didn’t want to lie to me. I really love him and I want him back but distance is a big issue for him because in the past it has cost him relationships. I don’t know what to do. Help please!

Domi

July 11, 2015 at 10:09 pm

Hi Chris,
On my 30th day today and doing great! I think I may actually stick,to it just a hot,longer, though. Why? Cause I think it is really working! A week ago I accidently called him. I immediately broke off the connection and then… I got spammed with text messages explaining that he was at the lake, had bad reception, did something happens, shall we have a call next week. I ignored all these and then had fun in observing him,figuring out it was an accident 😀
Now he is one of this people that overuses the ‘…’ He even puts it at the beginning of the sentences. His last message was sporting only full stops! One of the best days I jad I a month! Since then he had tried several tricks to get in touch with him including asking whether I still had his work papers as he needed them urgently. I simply wrote: No, I don’t. Which resulted in another batch of spam,chats including the apologies for contacting me and a handful of emoticons. Having the time of my life, and you know what? I may actually be getting over him!
So thanks a million!
Domi
P.S. Did I mention I am going on a date tomorrow? 🙂
Cheers!
Domi

Jess

July 10, 2015 at 3:07 am

Chris, thank you for your ideas! My boyfriend and I just broke up after 9 years of a relationship, 10 months out of that time we were on a LDR. I want to follow the NCR, however, before he ended up the relationship saying he can’t do this anymore and is tired of disappointing me, he sent to me a book, that I really wanted. I received one day after we ended the relationship. I want to Sen him an email, to at least say thank you! But I’m not sure if by doing that, I will make a mistake by breaking the NCR, I’m on day 2. Please help me! After he sent me the email about his decision, I called him and text him but he never replied. He said on his email that he will always love me but has to let me go.

Kalum

July 9, 2015 at 7:55 am

My situation is very unique. My boyfriend of two years just dumped me for reasons that were caused by poor communication on his part. I still truly feel like we could make it work though. (He did in fact tell me all the reasons and they’re all due to lack of communication between us, except he’s not an open guy and believes he can’t express emotion because of how he was raised)
After a year and a half together my family moved two days away from his home town, he came with us when my parents offered it. Right now he’s back at home for breaks as agreed. My issue is that he texted me a few days ago saying he’s completing his schooling in his home town and that he can’t do a long distance relationship.
At first he said we could be friends and try again in the future, the next day he said he couldn’t see a future for us because in his mind we don’t share common interests (we do just not all of them), finally yesterday he says that while he still loves me and has feelings for me he says I should find another guy who’s more compatible. I’m not sure what exactly he’s think right now saying that, I should add in he was drunk yesterday that whole conversation.
I really want to make this work with him or at least have him agree by Christmas time that when he graduate highschool this year we can try again once were physically together again. Iur relationship was very serious it was meaningful and very very healthy and commuted. Three weeks ago before he left for home he brought up wanting to get our own place when we graduate, marriage, children even. I know you hear this from a lot of girls but I really believe he is the one. I just don’t understand what could have happened for him to change his mind so quickly.
What I want to know is if it sounds like there’s any hope of getting back together in the future with him using this method.
I started the NC today because I know I need time to collect myself again.
If so how long should I wait between the different types of text messages?
Please help.

Jane

July 5, 2015 at 8:49 pm

Hi, Chris, first of all: thanks for this article! My long distance boyfriend broke up a few days ago and I have officially started with the NC rule yesterday. I also read the separate article about using facebook, and I have posted a few nice pictures of me that he gave likes on. Just now he sent me a message on facebook asking how am I doing. I saw it from the message button, but I didn’t open it so he doesn’t know that I saw it, since there’s no “seen” in his chat. But, this is the thing: the only way we can send messages to each other is via facebook, email and skype, and when we used to chat, 90% of it was on facebook. Since he lives in a different country, we can’t communicate through SMS, so I figured the only way I can contact him after 30 days is on facebook chat. Do you think that’s acceptable? Also, if he sends more messages during the NC rule and I don’t open them so there is no “seen” and then when I contact him as you suggest, wouldn’t he be like “Hey, what took you so long? Why haven’t you responded by now?” and such? I don’t feel like it would be nice if I were to open the messages and not respond since he would know I saw them. So, should I just not open them? (If I am curious I will just check them through my email) And if I am being active on the facebook wall (posting pictures and stuff), he will notice, so what do you think of me being active on facebook but not seeing or responding to his messages?

Thanks in advance!

Yasmin

July 1, 2015 at 11:07 pm

Hey Chris

So I have read your page – and am going to stick this! I am on day 5 tomorrow. I met this guy about 2 months before he moved about 8 hours away by train. We met via a dating app, and we were doing well, and he wanted to continue the ‘relationship’, although we had only been on probably 5 dates. Sadly we have never skyped, and not at sex yet, and spoke on the phone only a bit. A few weeks in and his texts blew hot and cold, so I went on the dating app and saw he had updated his profile, confronted him and he said he wasn’t meeting anyone, he was feeling down and it gave him an ego boost. He deleted the app. However, we didn’t really speak much on phone- texts were up and down from his end, but a little dry but better. Eventually we meet , 3 months after he had moved and settled down. Parts were great and at other times I felt like the living/holidaying with each other after this period was too intense and quick. So a bit of a mess. But there is definitely something there with us. Back at home now, and he has gone cold on me again…. think he is v much in need of attention. I searched his twitter handle on a whim, and saw hes on dating sites…. he is on every night! A little stalkerish of me to check so have banned myself from checking too. After a recent text convo… I asked if he was free to chat on the phone and no reply. He then messaged few days later with a pic of his work…. I replied complimentary (maybe too much). Then he didn’t reply back. So 5 days later and I am doing no contact – as he needs to miss me like I miss him! That desire has increased by him acting hot and cold on me. I am too available. Just hope he chases and doesn’t feel fulfilled by the online distractions. Thoughts? We are not on Fbook gah! This could be a loss cause, but I feel LDR came in too quick and we set in bad practices from day 1 🙁

Tara Chavez

June 30, 2015 at 6:08 am

Me and ld ex started off as a hookup and I completed the ncr kinda. He called me on the 29th day and i was sad because i thought i had lost a friend so i didn’t mind talking to him even though i had failed to do everything you said because i talked to him. And I’m wondering if I can still get him back by doing the ncr again and have him back as possibly more than a hookup.

Gly

June 27, 2015 at 7:51 am

Hi Chris,
my boyfriend and i were in a 7yr relationship. He just broke up with me last 06.17.2015 and according to him he fell out of love of me because we do not have time for each other and he also told me that he is already tired of our set up as LDR we just started our LDR relationship in 2013. And we were doing great! Thats what i thought. Now im on NC rule to him but her mom is texting me… then just today he texted me saying “Stop Crying now spend your time with your friends and always pray ask for strength and guidance from Him” i dont know where he got the idea that i am crying coz i didnt even tell her mom that i was crying last night. But still i didnt reply to his message. But why does he need to send a text message like that? Do you think i could win him back? Help me please

Cassandra

June 11, 2015 at 1:52 am

Hey Chris,

First off, I love your website. It has been very helpful for me these past few months.

Now I need some serious advice. So my freshman year of college I met this guy and we instantly hit it off and started dating. In the course of our relationship I had a lot of personal issues, mostly with my family and my home life, and it unfortunately filtered into our relationship. This past October(which was the fall of our senior year) he broke up with me because the stress that I was causing him on top of his own stress became too much. Unfortunately I didn’t implement the no contact rule, however everything seemed to be okay. Come January we(me and my ex) decided that we wanted to try the friends with benefits thing. It was fine for a while, until my home life and all that started interfering again and it got to the point where I was suicidal. Like the idiot I can be, I went to him for help and for a while it was okay until my suicidal thoughts became an almost daily occurrence. So we broke off the friends with benefits and we haven’t spoken to each other since March.
Now he is home on Long Island while I am in Rochester, NY(a good 7 hours away) and he has a new girlfriend(who was a mutual friend of ours who lives on Long Island as well, who recently broke up with her boyfriend in April). I miss him a lot and I want the chance to show him that I am better than the woman that he dated for three years. I have been working with my therapist dealing with my anxiety disorder and I will be moving out of my toxic house in September. I want to reconnect with him, but he hasn’t responded to anything. I don’t know what to do. I want to reconnect so that maybe if he and his new girlfriend break up we can have a second chance.

HELP ME PLEASE!

S

June 6, 2015 at 12:42 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex boyfriend and I broke up in March, after living together in his country for 6 months. I moved back to my country two weeks later. I now see where I went wrong in the relationship, and really believe he is the one for me. After I moved back, we carried on talking, but it became too painful for me to stay “just friends”, and I couldn’t stop talking about our relationship and pushed him away. Three weeks ago he said he’d come visit me in my country, but I stupidly said no! He said he can’t ever see me in that way, that he isn’t in love with me and I should move on. Now we haven’t really talked in a while, except for dealing with money. I did send him a funny picture two days ago, and got a positive response back, then nothing. Is it too late to get him back? I feel I begged too much to still have a chance.

kelly

June 3, 2015 at 3:11 pm

Hi Chris, after my first initial contact text after NC he said he misses me and wants to meet. How do I respond to this? I don’t want to seem to keen. What do you suggest?

RiriTran

May 30, 2015 at 10:49 pm

Hi Chris, I would like to ask you a question before I purchase the ebook, just to know if it applies to me.
I studied abroad where I got into a relation for 5months with a guy there (we are from the same country though). but I had to come back hom because I was done with my studies. he is still in that country finishing..the problem is he asked me to move on..that he cant ask me to wait for him, all he said was ”I care about you but I cant, i would be with you if i could”. i love him so much but i don’t know if i shuld still fight or let go. i wished him happiness and the next day he said he was feeling bad..i havnt texted him..(day 3).
so what do you advice me? thanks so much 🙂

Jay

May 30, 2015 at 8:56 pm

Ohkay so me and my ex well kind of ex have been together for 8 months and it was great the sex, the love everything up until about April which is when we started fighting. I came back home for the summer but I’m going back ta his area in the fall. And over this past month we have both been unhappy, me because he’s been acting like he doesn’t care, and him because he things I trip about little things… So we have been fighting a lot and 5 days ago he sent me a text completely professing his love ta me… And yesterday out of nowhere he goes I think I need sometime ta figure myself out. And then at the end of summer we can talk about it… Now please keep in mind that the day he “broke up” with me I posted a super cute pic on IG about my love for him, and sent him a really long text that morning about how I was trying ta work things out. He also said that we have an unhealthy relationship and when I asked what I could do ta help he said we already tried it. So he basically acted like the break was our only option… And he said he still loves and cares about me he just needs ta find his own happiness and do this first… What do I do ta make him come back ta me and show him I’m cut out for what he wants?

Ivy

May 29, 2015 at 9:59 am

Hi Chris,

My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago after a 6 months LDR. I met him a month before he moved and he was the one that convinced me to give LD a try. It worked surprisingly well. He introduced me to his family, kids, friends and was 100% committed and generally amazing to me. A week after going on holiday together (great times) he called me and said that he feels he won’t be able to give me enough attention and care with his work load and travels increasing and feels it’s unfair to keep it going. He also mentioned that his plan to move back after 1 year might not materialize. I was completely flabbergasted by his decision and tried to change his mind ( yes I wrote the heart filled texts that one shouldn’t send – twice) his response: he needs time alone for reflection for himself in order to make the right decisions and that him feeling that we can’t have a relationship does not reflect his feelings about me. I have not made further contact again and yet he is the one that constantly likes my FB updates and sends me messages to say he is so sorry and that he misses me/feels the hurt etc. but STILL thinks it’s the right decision. 2 days ago I messaged him telling him to stop communicating/commenting on my things. He reacted almost upset saying that he would like us to be able to talk and even meet from time to time. I told him I can’t do that and he must allow me to move on otherwise this will drag on forever. He said he would respect my feelings and would withdraw “some more”. Today he contacted me again over something unimportant. I didn’t respond. What is his deal Chris ? I’m so confused. Either he wants to be with me or he doesn’t. My friends say he is doing it out of guilt but I’m not sure. Heeeelp ?

Janine

May 25, 2015 at 4:28 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I dated for about 4 months before I started college 4.5 hours away from home. Everything was amazing, I think our relationship actually peaked during months 4-7, and he is a year younger than me so he was a senior in high school. I know that we are very young, but when he told me that I was exactly the kind of woman he wants to marry, I thought wow, for a guy to bring this up, it must be serious.
The distance became too much for him though, and I think he just gave up on our relationship. 3 months ago he told me that his feelings were fading because of the distance, but that he wanted to wait until I came home to see what would happen. 1 month ago he said the he still loves me but broke up with me while I was still at college. He said that he didn’t want to technically date, but wanted to hangout and go out. So basically, he wanted to date without the label. Then, 2 weeks ago, he tells me we should just be friends. I asked if there was someone else, he said yes. I was so confused and upset about the past 3 months of our relationship, but he said that he wants to be friends. To me, this is very fast for him to move on, but I think that he mentally checked out of our relationship 2 months ago, so maybe this is a normal timeline for him.
I tried to go along as friends for a little while, but sometimes I would feel emotional and text him about why he doesn’t want to date and things like that. I finally decided that I couldn’t be friends with him 3 days ago and he was very mature and said that he still wants to be friends, and for me to contact him in the future when I feel that I am ready.
Here’s the thing, he wanted to make a time capsule of all of the things from our relationship, and open it in 4 years when he gets out of college. We did this the day after I got back from college. He texted me the next day with a very long message saying he may be regretting up with me, but then the next day he was very sure that he wants to date this new girl and just be friends for now. He said that he still could see himself marrying me and that he still wants to open the time capsule and see if anything rekindles.
I’m thinking that maybe he just wants to be able to date around in college, but he still has the idea of marrying me in his head. I’m not quite sure what to do, because I know he is the one for me, but I don’t think he knows what he wants. I don’t want to wait around for a man who doesn’t want me in the end. I would be totally ok with dating around in college, because I could experience this too, but I am also scared that he will fall in love with someone else that he dates. I am starting NC, and am definitely not expecting this process to be 1-3 months. I am expecting it to operate on the long timeline.
I want to follow your guide on how to get an ex boyfriend back, but I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Thank you!

Anishka Pereira

May 22, 2015 at 3:23 am

Hi Chris,

First of all, your site is amazing. So, thank you for that.

I just broke things off with my fiancé, although I really didn’t want to. I did it because I felt he wanted it. I am 27 and living in Singapore. Hes 44, and from the US. When we met in Singapore, he was an expat. He had just gotten separated from his wife of 20 year. They have 3 kids. The wife took the kids and left for the US. After a few more months of dating, i moved into this place in Singapore. From the moment we started going out, it was amazing. He was the sweetest, most romantic guy ever. He used to talk about how excited he was to marry me and have kids. Last year (July), which was a year and a half into the relationship, his contract ended and he had to go back to the States. Even then, i felt that the LDR was going great. We talked, face-timed and even emailed all the time. We met up in Sept and then again in Late October. He proposed to be during the second trip. In March, he came over to Singapore to see me. I thought everything was going great.
But when he left, he started saying how he felt that i couldn’t acclimate to the US, how he thinks with his age he might not want kids and how he doesn’t want to have the kind of wedding that i want in Singapore (even though i said, i cant fork out the money for it). he admitted that he was being selfish and that all he wanted the marriage to be was just me and him. He didn’t want it to be about kids and bill etc. Given that having a family is very important to me, i gave him 2 months to think it through. We still communicated during this period. But after the two months, he still wasn’t sure. So i decided that i had enough. I wished he thought about all this before he proposed. Since march, things have gotten bad because he just wasn’t like how he used to be. No more being sweet or romantic. In fact, when we broke up yesterday, he said that he cant begin to feel romantic to me even if he tried. So maybe its a good thing we ended things? i donno. I guess Ill just do the one month of no contact and find out.

Celine

May 15, 2015 at 12:58 am

hi! I was on an LDR relationship for one and a half year, he’s from Italy I’m from Mexico, and we broke up three months ago, he broke up with me because he said that he couldn’t do the distance anymore because the goodbye was harder every time. Last year I traveled there four times, each visit for one month, he came once to Mexico for 45 days. The thing is that he stills write me every day, he still talks to me like I’m his girlfriend he tells me about his life and he wants to know about mine, he says he loves me, that he miss me and that he can’t find another girl there. I tried before to stop contacting him but I guess that I need to hear about him and somehow I still have hope that because he’s saying these things maybe he could change his mind. I have two kids so moving there wasn’t that easy, he lost his job one year ago and hasn’t find one so I told him to come to Mexico and we can start a business here because I have the possibility, but he said that he couldn’t leave his family. He’s not willing to visit me again even if he says he still loves me, and he don’t want me to visit him again, he says we don’t have a chance to be together because of distance. I’m kind of afraid of the no contact because I know I’m going to miss him so much, we talk every day and he’s always kind and always listening to me, and because I thought that if I’m still in his life he could change his mind, but nothing is happening, and He knows that I’m always there for him, so I was guessing if applying the No contact could make him miss me, really miss me and maybe want to see me again. But I’m afraid that in 30 days he could meet someone with whom he can talk everyday like he now does with me.

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