How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Becca

May 5, 2015 at 11:59 pm

So my ex and I were together for 6 months but very very close… like best friends! We broke up in march he now lives in another state and I have been texting, emailing, facebooking him since then. Three weeks ago he finally replied to me… saying that he missed me and has been wanting me really bad lately. .. we talked for about a week (and I admit I totally made myself look desperate) he just stopped texting after telling me he loved and missed me. My question is… is all hope lost or do you still think the no contact rule can help?
Emily

May 3, 2015 at 10:57 pm

My bf of 3.5 years broke up with me in april. We attended the same high school for 2.5 years befote i moved an hr away for college (so technically not ldr but we used to see eeach other every day). He cited distance making his feelings for me fade, not having much to talk about and he might be have feelings for another girl for why we should break up but he still wanted to be friends. Going on day 22 of nc. Is there any chance we might get back together or should i give up?
Brenda

May 3, 2015 at 2:59 pm

Hi Chris,

I was in a relationship for 9 years (since 2005) until beginning of April 2015 when my boyfriend broke up with me. We always had great communication and connected quite deeply. From our time together we were in a LDR for almost 4 years when I moved away from Mexico (our home country) to work for a company in the oil and gas industry. This meant working in Malaysia and now UK. Since I moved away we made the plan that he would come to live in UK once I got there.
In 2012 he proposed to me but we didn’t plan anything further. To tell you the truth I was feeling doubts about being ready for commitment. Also my parents didn’t approve it (saying we were still young…I was already 26) which affected my decision of marrying, but we remained engaged.
In the meantime my boyfriend decided to study a masters in Mexico, as a way of becoming more competitive professionally for when he would go to UK. However he had trouble with his studies, procrastination and went through a phase of figuring out what he wanted in life. He eventually decided to pause his studies after failing one of the subjects and started an internship. I think his failure was in part affected by us being separated. Later he got a full time job with the same company where he was intern and started doing very well and enjoying his job a lot, even if he has been really busy. We visited each other during this long distance time and spoke on the phone everyday. But things started getting bad as our conversation would always lead to when he would come over to UK… me putting pressure on him. Originally he suggested to come over through marriage visa (I also hold British nationality) but I told him to try out looking for jobs to come with a working visa instead (my mistake :'( ). He got a job interview eventually in UK and although they told him he had done well they didn’t call him back. I think since then he got demotivated to come to UK and started having doubts as he felt all the pressure on his shoulders to come with a work visa. I realized the mistake I made and told him we should get married instead this year. But it was already too late. In December 2014 he came to visit me and we had a lot of discussions over silly things and I also felt him having doubts which led to us fighting. We also had trouble reigniting “the spark”. Since January everything started getting wose. He used to call me everyday and stopped doing it in part because of his work (he went on a training to US) but also because he said he needed time. We ended up not talking during weekdays and then talking like 4 hrs.on Skype on Saturdays. We were like this for more or less two months with him figuring things out. It makes it so much worse being separated by oceans. He said he would tell me his final decision about coming over and getting married once he finished his training in US. It was very heart breaking for me these months of him “thinking”, always in doubt and with many plans in my head of us marrying. After 3 months of “thinking” he has told me he has decided to stay in Mexico as he enjoys life there. He said he wants to try out what it is to be in a different type of relationship, “simpler” one. He said he always felt we were both very connected in many levels but that our relationship lacked passion. That he wants someone more feminine and perhaps less rational and sentimental (I am sort of both). That he thinks we may be happier with someone else :'( . When he told me this that same day I bought a flight to visit him in Mexico (just for 3 days) but altough we talked a lot and I tried to let him see it will be easier once we live together and that distance has made it really difficult, he didn’t change his mind. He said it had been very difficult for him to decide as he loves me, but that he wants to explore what it is to be with someone else. That we still have time to meet someone better for us. At 28, I am completely heart broken. I gave my heart to him and saw us living together for life.
I discovered your site and have been reading a lot about no contact rule. I applied it for 2 weeks since we broke up… but the other day I was curious to check when he had last been online in whatsapp and I pressed the “call” symbol by mistake! I immediately hung up.. but like 15 mins later my boyfriend call me back. I told him I had dialed by mistake..He mentioned he missed my voice. We barely talked and hung up. Later when I retutned from work I decided to actually call him. We talked for like 1 hr.and I mentioned to him I would come back to live in Mexico to be together. He said it was a great idea but not because of us being together, but because he says I would really enjoy living in that city as people are very friendly. He said he missed me very much but that doesn’t change his mind about meeting someone new 🙁
I have never felt this bad in my life. I want to be strong and move on, but my heart still has hope about us. My family think a person who has hurt you like he did is not worth it. My heart and my mind still want to give it a chance as I feel we had something special and that we can make it work. I would really appreciate your advice and thanks in advance.

Brenda

May 18, 2015 at 9:08 pm

Hi Chris,

It’s been 3 weeks of no contact (feels painful). I do still check if he has been online in whatsapp and I have had times when we are both online at the same time and just feel weird not writing to him.
My boyfriend is very stubborn and I believe I will have to cal him as he will not do so even after 30 days.

Vidu

May 3, 2015 at 7:40 am

Hi Chris!!,

If the NC rule doesn’t work for like 3 month, how do i get him back? me & him was in a serious relationship, but he was completely changed after he went abroad. can you please help me to get him back?
luxie

May 2, 2015 at 5:57 pm

Hi, my story is a two years and a half LDR, two different countries. We met in my country in a vacation, then continued on the internet. We met six times, I always went to visit him cause got a job, he still studies. Actually after one year he decided to break up, but I never let him go, I begged at him all the time, he tried to cut contacts many times and only suitable for web sex and chit chat. Last summer he cutted contact once again and I resisted to not contact him for two months and a half, then he wrote me and asked to meet again. I was the most happy woman on earth. We met, it was nice again, but not enough, cause after some months he decided again to break. I fell in desperation again and at last I succeeded to meet again, for “last time”, cause if there must be a goodbye I want it to be in reality. So we just met, we spent 10 days together, at the third day we had sex, and just after he told me he doesnt want to do it anymore. He hurted me a lot, he was so cold after a warm moment. the days after passed colder, we hanged nice, we spent very good time as always, but no lovely things happened anymore, I was sad inside me but happy to spend some more days with him. Before returning he told me to come back again, and that I can go whenever I want. He wants to stay friends, I told him I donno if I can do it, cause my love and my jealousy (he flirted with his friend in front of me…). Now I donno what to do, I felt hurted for some actions he did and I told him, same time Im trying to act as a friend, cause there is more between us than a simple affair. But he is cold, I text him and he answers after hours and never texts first. I feel I have no more power, no more charme to him, I donno what to do. Why he told me to come back so? Please would you give me an advice?
chimaka

May 2, 2015 at 6:23 am

Dear chris,My fancee broke because he said he is not financial responsible after two years of relationship where 5 abortions were done,he told me to move on that it can’t work,that he wants to stand like a man,he wants to struggle alone,when he get it he can then look around.I have cried,begged,he was crying,telling me is over,that we can’t move on.pls how can I get him back?I love him with my life being the father of my unborn children?
chathu

May 1, 2015 at 8:36 am

Plz chris i dont know what to do.would read my below comment and give me a advice
Heather

April 30, 2015 at 6:54 pm

Hi Chris,

I have spent the last week reading every article on your website and I am already five days into NC with my ex. Good news is, I found your website the day after we broke up so I didn’t have time to make a lot of the mistakes that people make (and that I was already planning to make). I have even made a game out of it, rewarding myself with points when I work out, stay sober, and don’t cry lol!

Here is my situation: Internet to LDR. We met online last fall and things got serious pretty quickly – lots of subtle jokes about us moving in together and having children (he initiated!). We met in person for the first time after two months and things really took off. Problem as I see it, we never really defined the relationship. At that point, he was actually planning to move to where I live six months later, but that has since changed due to other circumstance. Recently, I detected his interest waning. In retrospect, I started to get a little needy and ultimately he said he didn’t think he could get to know someone in the way he wanted to with this distance between us, couldn’t give me the attention I deserve, but that he wanted to stay in contact and maybe at some point…you know the drill. I walked away immediately and initiated NC. Honestly not even sure if he intended to break-up with me or if I thought he was and gave up too easily. Should I have tried to assuage his fears about LDR? Am I right to initiate NC?

Chris

July 4, 2015 at 11:58 pm

Same story with me. Except mine said he’s seeing someone else now. Wasn’t looking for it but just happened. The distance was the issue. What is the suggestion for this?

bella

April 30, 2015 at 5:50 pm

Thankz for replying Chris
My question is if he is hanging out with that girl who can he miss me
bella

April 30, 2015 at 8:12 am

Thank you for replying
i guess he’s hanging up with that girl
so my q is if he is with that girl
he wont get time to miss me..
kandle

April 29, 2015 at 9:46 pm

Hi there! I was in a one month LDR with my boyfriend and we knew each other before getting in a relationship so we knew where this was going , i mean to something serious but our biggest issue was sex he liked online sex , i didn’t so we alwyas go in a fight due to this , it was something against my believes , to a day where he told me he want me i said no and we went into this huge fight till we broke up and then i did find that he deleted me on skype but let me tell u that everytime we used to get in a fight he was the one who asks to go back normale again , so after two days from the fight i texted him telling him i need to talk , i can’t stop thinking , no answear then i texted him again telling him to tell me how is he because i can’t stop thinking of him , again nothing from him , i feel like idiot but i need him in my life i want him back , i read your articl what ‘s the best thing to u that i should do now because i don’t know.
5 sorry for my english it’s not my first language) thank u very much
swallowtail

April 29, 2015 at 8:13 am

Hi Chris,

I’m on day 12 NC. Well, technically day 7- I sent my BF condolences on the passing of his father
…naturally….of course… because… who could have overcome that intense urge?
In any case, NC rule has made a great difference and I am already feeling much calmer and “rational”,
beginning to put things into perspective. Truly enjoying the silence (which does not feel empty at all),
I’m regaining my sense of independence.
Your site is extremely helpful. If the outcome of this NC is simply to get back to my regular balanced me,
I will consider it a great reward. 🙂
rins

April 29, 2015 at 12:14 am

I was in long distance relation with netherland guy, he is indonesian like me but grow up there with western mind. We start our relation accidentally by a datingsite then we chat on whatsapp n then we skype for 12 hours then he decide to come on the next month. We had a great day when we meet, we have the chemistry n mind reading so matchfully, but after he goes back to his country , everything goes well even if he busy different time n busy schedule at least we talk once a week by skype.even he said gonna comeback here soon. Then suddenly in beggining of april , its easter weekend he start to not reply my message, I thought I just about his busy time. But 7april he said wanna talk to me , I felt something wrong. Yeah he said he meet another girl, he want be honest to me, he wants a break i said to him i cant do nothing if his heart has change I cannot push him to choose me. Then we end comversation. Im crying n so sad , after that I message him do everything goes well , if its well then i can sleep well too, I dunno whats on my mind to wrote that, but he reply the next days he said im tottaly forget reply ur message must be becos my marathon workhours, take care yourself ok. Then I reply him around 12 hours after I say sure. Then after it i start NC session, but what im doing is still stalking his Fb n got hurt, he go to that girl country at finland at 18april ,10days after break to that girl n that girl put status in relationship with him on fb. Im hurt but till now im not contact him. I cant help to stalk his fb, n im wondering if he still cares about me or my facebook updates. Can u help me to solve how im supposed to do?
chathu

April 28, 2015 at 12:21 pm

Plz chris could you read my comment below and rply me an advice.really need your help.
Fernanda

April 28, 2015 at 8:04 am

Ur website is so amazing and rich. I spend hours reading and I always find new perfect articles to help me… I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your knowledge in such nice way… Its so fun and yet so GOOD to read your posts!!!!! 🙂
chathu

April 28, 2015 at 3:36 am

Plz chris i really need your advice…..could you read my below comment and rply me a better solution.
sendi

April 27, 2015 at 2:37 am

hi
i have a LDR boyfriend, we break up 2 months ago cause he is flirting with a girl, and I regret to be jealouse with him because actually he still love me, and he delete that woman account. I told him that we should be a friend. And hi accept it. We become a good friend in 2 months, but cause of one reason, i told him that ‘i wish i could hate him’.
he is sensitive because he has psychological problem. he is mad and blocked all my account.
but As a woman I still know how to spy him, and i know that he back with the girl i hated.
what do you think i should do?
bella

April 26, 2015 at 3:55 am

we had 2 year relationship 1 year we were together 2nd year we moved to different city due to study everything was
working perfectly fine he came to meet me in my city we were having good time there he mentioned that at one point
of time when i was not able to give enough time to him due to studies he told one of his friend (who was girl) that
i think she doesnt love me anymore i think i should break up with him and you are my good friend . after hearing this
i got very anger on him i asked him to stop talking to her 1st refused but after that he agreed but he started behave
weird then he said she is her good friend and cant stop talking to her he gave me enough proof that there was nothing
between him i know he would never ditch me but i dint trust the girl i talk to her twice from that i thought ether she
was inoseant or were smart one day he said he will talk to both of us to non of us due to this we had masaive fight
one day i ate lot to pill just to black home by getting sick .in my way to my city his city was in middle so he use to
come to station we meat every thing was fine .after few days when i was returning to my city and he was about to meet
me in the station and thought i would clear every thing but he called up and said he wont be able to come because he
fall asleep i got were anger he was keep calling and calling i got frastraded and left the train with luggage then he
came he convinced me and and said i will never talk to her therefor i got on the next possible train as i reached my city he again got busy due to that i dint got chance to talk and one day he suddenly said he cant continue with me any more because i ate pill came out of train .he said he fells am blackmailing him (which i was i never told him that if u wont do as i say i’ll eat pill etc ect )i begged him he said i am mad and he cant continue with me any more at morning i asked his friend to talk to him but all his friends are dumps i called him and he said he need some time some space nothing else i try to convince him i cant live without him i love him but he dint understand he said i cant call him when ever i need his help that was good thing i use to call him twice a week and he use to help me with my study but one day i got bad mark in my exam because i was no able to concentrate i call him and blame him he got angry and we dint talk for a week then i called him and said sorry he was like i with friend so i called him at night and he was like stop blaming my friends he talked very rudely shut up get lost i will never comeback get lost the next day one of my friends called him thrash him for his behaviour so called me and said i will never come back your friend are asking me have i ever love her or not i said the past 2 years were not fake from both of out side he said this is my life i can do what ever i want don’t ever call me or tell your friend to call me i said ok and he hang up the call .
i followed N.C.R its been 11 day and now he is putting his wattsapp dp with that girl .

when we were together i for again his smoking, drinking and driving wearing healmet while driving and he use to avoid doing this expect the thing and now he was like im free i can do what ever i want .
i love him form 4 years and from 2 year we were together and i still love him .

chris plzz help me out of this i read all pro’s they were really inspiring .

bella

May 3, 2015 at 5:22 pm

While NC rule he was hanging around with that girl posting status like sleeping and talking to u and due to some miss conception I wish his happy birthday and he blocked me

Plz do reply
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:26 pm

You are only on day 11 of NC though. It’s still super early.

Jodes

April 26, 2015 at 1:18 am

Hi Chris,
Is nice to read through your articles and see some hope and have been trawling through everything on the internet on this subject. I’m just about to buy your Ex boyfriend Recovery Pro e-book too….no really I will 🙂 And because you’ve been in this situation with LDR, I wanted to know some things about my specific tale. So, I’ve just been ‘given up on’ by my boyfriend. We live on opposite sides of Australia and been seeing each other for nearly a year. There was no argument to justify this recent decision of his though and rarely have been, although he broke it off with me after the first 3 months before. He cited the ‘distance’ as being the reason though this time, saying he felt ‘gutted’ every week that he couldn’t do things with his girlfriend and come home to etc. This was done by text mind you, and said he didn’t want to talk about it, just wanted to move forward. He also said that he is not happy within himself and needed to make some changes – I think that may be his work situation, he’s been getting pretty low about that lately. He also mentioned there was no one else involved, just he’s not happy about these things and in himself. So I tried to reach out a few times in the ensuing days and see if he would talk to me about it. May have come across as a bit emotional or desperate maybe but everything I said was caring not anger based. You know, things like hope he was ok and that I didn’t want him to make that decision without me. Said I didn’t want this to happen and we needed to have talked about how to remove the miles before this, that I want to be there for him, miss him. Totally not the ungettable girl, but was said over 3 texts over 2 days but I’ll definitely be working on getting my UG on. He did reply that he was sorry that he was hurting me, that’s it. It was left at me asking him to tell me he’s ok and to not think about giving up so we could talk before actually making that decision, but he didn’t reply to that one and as I say, I have left it for 4 days and counting. I didn’t think he wanted to talk about the distance before, he’s not a big talker you see. I think he’s very much the ‘protective’ type that you have spoken about on here from a past divorce so it makes it hard to know sometimes. But he does knows I love him and he knows our story has been left unfinished this way, so it’s actually really sad to think he would leave it that way. There has to be a next chapter please! I wanted you to know that last time he did this, I did NC and after 5 weeks he rang me one night and we got back on track till now. So I’m on day 4 of it and dying but I’ll do it. The only thing is that I booked a flight to see him and then this happened. I’m still going to go but I guess with a different purpose if need be – I’ll just have a nice time looking around and spending some quality ‘me’ time. By the time I get there, it will be 21 days of NC. I don’t know if he will try to contact before then either, unlikely, but if so should I contact him when I’m there not before and perhaps try to see him in a neutral place to talk? And the other question is if he’s responded to no contact before, and he missed me like heck then, are the chances higher that he’s likely to again? Thanks Chris…going to your checkout page now! :))

Lucy

May 11, 2015 at 8:21 am

how did things go? My boyfriend moved interstate in Australia too- for a job. It has now been 4 weeks and he abruptly ended things 2 days ago claiming that the distance was too hard and he wanted a girlfriend there. I even bought flights in a few weeks time and had even considered studying there. Thoughts? 🙂
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:23 pm

Hi Jodes!

Thanks for the purchase.

I mean, if you really wanted you can alter your NC to 21 days.

Kendra H

April 25, 2015 at 9:18 pm

Hello,
I recently stumble upon your website and it has given me an amazing amount of hope. My ex boyfriend, who we will call Joe, and I were introduced last year when I was dating his best friend. Joe’s best friend moved away causing us to break up. When we came back to college this year, Joe and I become close through that loss. We become best friends and eventually started dating. Everything was going extremely well. We flew to Florida over vacation to meet his family and I was so happy. Something happened after that though. Joe got really busy with school, a job and playing football. I was very needy at the time and started a lot of fights, which I now regret. He stood by me for awhile then he started to stop trying which only made me freak out more and become desperate. I put a lot of stress on us and I know that now. The other night I started a fight because of how distant he had become. I know now that is not how I should have handled it and I should have given him more space. But it seems that this time I pushed him over his edge and now he says he’s done with us. The issue is that I love him and I know he cares about me, but it took me losing him to realize that I need to change. He refuses to try again though and I’m very nervous that I’ll lose him. Do you have any advice on how to get him back?

Kendra

April 28, 2015 at 1:45 am

No! He’s moving away until next semester which will start in August but he is not living on campus next year and we don’t have any classes together so I will probably never cross paths with him.
Kendra H

April 25, 2015 at 9:20 pm

I would like to make a side Note on how this relates to long distance. We both go to the same college and in two weeks he goes home which is four hours away from me. I’m afraid that once he leaves I’ll lose him completely.
Chris Seiter

April 27, 2015 at 10:18 pm

Question.

Is he moving away from you permanently?

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5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”