How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Freya

March 30, 2015 at 11:15 am

Hi Chris.

My ex boyfriend of 6 years hides his cards very close to his chest and doesn’t really show emotion. However he cried when he broke things off then went home (he lives 3 hours away but came home most weekends) so i know how emotional the process has been for him. Im on day 31 of NC and haven’t had any contact whatsoever from him either. Having spoken with his mum (she invited me out for tea), she told me his main focus has been damage limitation in hurting me. He has not come home any weekend since. Do you think this is a good or bad thing for my chances of winning him back?
Also i have some of his things to return, i was going to give him the option of giving them to his mum or getting them himself next time he is home. What do you think?

Any help appreciated.
Thanks,

Freya
Xtin

March 29, 2015 at 9:23 am

I met my boyfriend last year. We were together almost everyday for 4months and traveled a lot. Then he went back to his country (5hours by plane from mine) tol study and work. This year, we were on LDR for 5months, which wasn’t bad except for the last month when he said he didnt want me to send him messages because he was irritated and stressed by it. However, we met in Bali last month for 10days. I felt he was cold unlike before (or maybe it was just me being negative, I wasnt sure).
Then that trip was over. We went back to our own countries and agreed to meet again in August this year.
Since that, we were on LDR again. I used to send him messages and he would reply. But kept reminding me it gives him stress. He said he replies because he feels it’s his responsibility though he didnt want to do it.
Until he broke up with me a few days ago, on my birthday. He said he didnt love me anymore and wasnt happy with the relationship. I was so frustrated I begged him and said I would do anything for him to just stay. It made him angry . He said he wanted his freedom and he wanted to be happy without me.
Until I resorted to the worsed decision. I told him he could go. But also said I was pregnant (though I’m not) and that he should never find me anymore because the baby is just mine.
He asked for a proof, which I wouldnt and couldnt give. He got pissed. He didn’t believe I was pregnant and called me a liar. He was angry and said I was trying to deceive him and get money to ruin his life. He was so pissed off!
I asked him if we could talk on skype for the last time (our conversation was just through FB messenger). He said, ” What for? But Ok, though I don’t want to see your face!”
On the day of the supposed skype, I started the NC period.
He sent some messages,
“Don’t you want to talk on skype?”
“This is the last time”
“Good bye!”

..which I ignored.
On the 3rd day of the NC period, today, he sent another message,
“If you’re really pregnant, I must take care of the baby. If you’re not, just ignore and forget me. This is the help I ask sincerely.”
which I ignored.

I am wondering now if NC Rule would work for us since he said he didnt love me anymore and wasnt happy with the relationship. And that he is so angry at me now because he said I’m deceiving him to get money and ruin his life. I feel he has feelings, but he was just stressed that I pushed him too hard. And he tried to broke up with me in a good way. He just got angry when I didn’t want to let him go and was pissed off when I lied about being pregnant (until now he’s not sure if I am). I never really intent to get money or ruin his life. I am just desperate he would stay.

Any advice would be of great help. Thank you!

admin

March 29, 2015 at 1:59 pm

I definitely think the NC would be effective for you.
Xtin

March 29, 2015 at 4:17 pm

Thank you.
But after his last message about the pregnancy on the 3rd day of the NC period I mentioned above, I felt so guilty having lied to him and worried he might be thinking about it too much.
So I replied.

Me: “I’ve been bleeding for three days now. Maybe menstruation. Sorry for the late reply.”

He: “If so, it’s better for us. Please don’t say sorry. I betrayed you.”

Me: “I need to take a rest now. I think you, too. Good night.”

He: “My medical condition is better now. Please have enough rest. Good night.” ((he fainted when I told him I was pregnant. He was taken to the hospital. I feel so guilty))

..then I didn’t reply and decided to start the NC period from day1 again.
I hope this really works. High hopes, no expectations.
Thanks so much for this site! You’re of great help.

Freya

March 27, 2015 at 1:14 pm

Hi Chris.

My ex boyfriend of 6 years hides his cards very close to his chest and doesn’t really show emotion. However he cried when he broke things off then went home (he lives 3 hours away but came home most weekends) so i know how emotional the process has been for him. Im on day 31 of NC and haven’t had any contact whatsoever from him either. Having spoken with his mum (she invited me out for tea), she told me his main focus has been damage limitation in hurting me. He has not come home any weekend since. Do you think this is a good or bad thing for my chances of winning him back?
Also i have some of his things to return, i was going to give him the option of giving them to his mum or getting them himself next time he is home. What do you think?

Any help appreciated.
Thanks,

Freya
Xayna

March 27, 2015 at 11:20 am

Hey I thought I commented this a few weeks ago but I guess it didn’t send through. So my ex broke up with me because he said he was having a difficult time handling long distance and could not deal with the lack of regular physical contact and stuff but said he still loved me and cared about me and wanted to remain friends and keep in touch. I, an avid reader of this page, however, remembered the no contact period rule and immediately told him that I did not want to talk to him. However, I accidentally made it appear as though I NEVER wanted to talk to him again as I wished him luck with finishing college and safety upon joining the military (long term plans of his) and said goodbye. So it’s nearing the end of the thirty days for the no contact period but I’m scared that rekindling contact will be ineffective as he was under the impression that I was to never talk to him again (he did send me texts in this time period which I ultimately ignored by blocking his contact information temporarily). So will the re-initiating contact still be effective if I left him under the impression that I am to never talk to him again? I adore him to be honest; I honestly thought he was the one as he made me so happy and matched me so perfectly. The breakup was so unexpected and sudden and from the instant I nonchalantly accepted his attempt to break up, I knew that I was going to try to get him back in this manner but I’m scared that I screwed up.
Natalie

March 26, 2015 at 4:41 pm

Hello Chris
Im desperate and I hope you can help me.

My ex broke up with me 3 days ago, he lives in another continent.
Let me get back, I met him while he was in my country but only at the end of his stay, we met one day and then I asked him out and just then we kissed and stayed together.
After that by coincidence I already had a trip planned to his country and ai told him after a one night stand! and he said he was coming back and if I wanted to stay with him for a couple of days that I should.
Anyway I went there in the middle of my trip and stayed with him for 5 days..then when I left we cried because it had been amazing and we just agreed to keep on talking and if someday we would be in the same place we could see each other again.
I got him stuck in my mind…
During the next semester we talked randomly and had some fun, and then I had the opportunity to study abroad in his country…He was a little cautious cause he didnt know if was right that we should take it slow and discover each other naturally.
I went after 6 months we had seen each other… the first day I arrived Im very spontaneous and we stayed together… since then we were together everyday but he was not used to it since I was his first serious “girlfriend” and he had in mind that he needed his time and wanted to discover one another slowly… anyhow he kept hiding it to himself but we were together everyday always going out with this friends and etc… and then after a month he told me he loved me but he didnt feel it and then he told me about everything and he was feeling pressurized and etc but didnt say and we had a really big fight. After that he said he was gonna be honest and he was gonna out the effort for u to work and be serious…
After 2 weeks or so I found out that I couldnt stay for the semester because of some uni problems and I had to come back in 2 months…
Then I putted my fears out cause my last relationship my ex abandoned me in a very hard time, so I threw this trauma on him… I sttarted putting in his mind and mine that we needed to spend every minute together because we needed to create basis if we wanted to be in a long distance after…
and he agreed and we were basically living together, and I was doing nothing all day just waiting for him, and he was working.. we lived well overall because we were really good together and we had the same goals and dreams but this type of thing isnt normal and healthy for anyone…
We had fun, we travelled, we did lots of things… we went to visit his friends, his family… and I was his girlfriend.
After the 2 months I got back and we were gonna do long distance but we planned for him to come to my country to work for a while in 6 months…
But after I got back my fears just got heavier… I was really happy to see him and he is perfect for me… but I didnt realize and I was throwing everything on him, saying he was gonna leave me and he was gonna find someone else and he always calming me down. We talked a lot of times during the day, texted all the time and always romantic but having those fights… for two weeks.
Then I got drunk one day and it got harsh, he had a party planned with this friends and I got crazy calling him all the time we had a really big fight..but we said we were gonna talk after and he said he loved me and bye… but then hr told me he would call me when they went out and he didnt so I kept calling him even though he was drunk and lost my temper I sweared and yelled…didnt recognize myself.
The next day he said he didnt want to talk to me just the other day because I was destroying him and he needed to protect himself.
I called him over 100 times that day just because I couldnt accept he didnt want to talk to me while I was hurting…
The next day he called me on skype and he broke up, he came back pointing every little thing I did on the relationship even as askingg him to make the tea and he called it little tests, and all the pressure and that we didnt have know each other because we never had a normal relationship. i could see he was sad because I was crying a lot and he did a little bit.
He told me there is no chance to come back because he had to protect himself he is not gonna feel threatned again and etc and he cant even imagine being with me or in my country that he always dreamt clming back and he said he felt pressurized and that I made him change into someone hes not and he was talking about me in everything he did feeling stressed out and hadnt realize.
He said the only thing he could give me would be for us to talk( because I left lots f clothes woth him for him to bring back that didnt fit my luggage) in two weeks but with no hope. And said he needed time cause he didnt eant to talk to me while.
The next day he sent me an email just saying overall that I shouldnt blame myself and that the day before he was scared and that we just tried something and failed, that we got lost and were just boyfriend and girlfriend and forgot to be ourselves, and we should be proud and move on.
I if course freaked out desperate and replied saying if that meant we werent gonna talk in two weeks or so and that he needed to see the other side to it because he knew me yes and I am not like that that I just needed to put my shit together… and he knew about my traumas…and he said he was always gonna help me etc
He replied saying maye it wasnt a good idea to have sent the email and said he just needed time to think for real and that we would for sure talk in 2 weeks.
I sent him another email putting my feelings…
The next day I saw he refused my invitation on facebook (cause I had excluded him the day I freaked out) and I got sad again and said he didnt need to ignore me on fb and etc and send him about feelings and that was me and not a stranger etc…
The next day he replied a very rude email saying thay he wasnt ignoring me, he said he didnt want to talk to me for a time and thats what he did. And said that on fb he thought I could exclude him qnd reinvite him he said I was not gonna play him out anymore. And he said if I would want to skype this weekend cause we needed to solve about my things and the money I owe him… really cold and rude I got scared and broke down..
I sent him another email saying that maybe it would be better we talk when we are calmer and that Im taking the time as well and that I was sorry about the messages and etc because I was just really sad but didnt mean it and I was gonna leave him alone until he was ready or tought it was a better idea.

I contradicted everyone of my friends that said about the no contact rule and I screwed it up.
He didnt replied this last mail yet and I dont want it because now I just want to give his time I realized is necessary.

I really love him and I would like to have another chance for us to have a normal relationship because I know we are really good together anf noe I figured it out my stuff..

Do you think its done?
Do you think the no contact rule still would work for me?

Thanks a lot I love your website!

admin

March 31, 2015 at 8:55 pm

Hi there,

Not sure it’s completely done and I do think NC can work for you.

Frankie

March 26, 2015 at 12:27 pm

Love reading the comments and everything else on here. It’s also nice to feel I’m not alone in how I feel.

My story – I had a night out in Newcastle (uk) and met a guy, it was honestly love at first sight. But I live in London. We swap numbers and 2 days later he came to see me. We spent 2 nights together and he told me he couldn’t believe how he felt. Fast forward a 7 months and we’re great! We both work hard but both try to keep in contact. He always told me he’d move to London, but upon a job promotion he was happy where ne was. I said that’s fine and our intention was the also move in together wherever that may be.

However, weekend just gone I went up to Newcastle to see him. I hadn’t seen him for nearly 6 weeks as he’d gone to Australia for 3 weeks. He used to live out there and went to see old friends. All he did was talk about how he wants to go back there, how amazing it was and how close he became to an old female friend.

He then told me he’s in two minds about us and that he loves me. I said if you love something you fight for it, so he said he’d give it a go because in his words ‘I’ve met this amazing woman that I could see myself with for the rest of my life’ fast forward to the next day and while I’m on my train back home he messages me saying he can’t do this, that he loves me but he wants to concentrate on himself for a while, he said he’s not saying never but not just now. I told him he broke my heart, he replied with ‘mines breaking too I hope you’re ok this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done’
Do I start NC? Because I do not want to pine over him, but I adore this guy and I want him back so badly. Is he acting like this because of the holiday?

admin

March 31, 2015 at 8:33 pm

You are definitely not alone…

Definitely start the NC.

Xayla

March 25, 2015 at 12:19 am

My boyfriend and I were in a LDR for a few months. He was the one who broke up with me but blamed it on himself and expressed that he still had feelings for me and simply believed I deserved someone better who could give my irl attention on a regular basis and that he could not handle the distance and the difficulties it brought. It shattered me quite honestly because here he was telling me he still loved me but didn’t want to keep this going. I had read your page previously and hence immediately played it cool and did not ask or beg him once but rather behaved as though I accepted it. However I believe I went a bit too far in responding to his desire to remain friends, saying that I did not expect to remain friend OR ever talk to him again. I wished him luck with the continuation of college and finding a job and his aspiration to going the armed forces and wished that he was safe while serving before bidding him a final goodbye. He responded in an astonished manner but did the same for me. So I’m wondering, was doing that a mistake? Because I acted like I was never going to talk to him again even though I’m planning the 30 day no contact rule. So will it not be the same if I contact him after 30 days? Because like he thought I would never do so and because I expressed complete closure?

admin

March 31, 2015 at 7:51 pm

Nah, I think the actuality of the NC rule and the silence he feels from that will still work.

Nova83

March 24, 2015 at 12:10 am

I followed every step to a T and sent my first “remember when” text on day thirty and he never responded. I ended things because he said he wasn’t in love with my any longer. I’m worried having done this was a nail in the coffin and he just got over me during this time. I know he has a lot of pride. He only
Texted me twice within the first ten days and nothing since. Should I just let it go?

admin

March 25, 2015 at 7:58 pm

Did you by any chance try to dive deeper into the texting conversations?

A

March 23, 2015 at 3:48 am

Hi Chris

I hav super lDR ( i lived in Thailand and my ex- boyfriend live in Sweden) I first met him when i was in high school through my bestfriend( he was half
– Thai) I liked him since then… But i never met him again for 7 years
And that time he had girlfriend there( i saw it from his facebook) but after Christmas Eve 2011 he did texted me Merry Christmas after that we chat everyday until met him 6 months later and 2
Months later from the first met. So we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. And we didn’t meet again for 2 years. During this 2 years we talk throgh Line and facetime, writing letters, send gifts to each other until u finally meg him again ( he brought me ticket to visited him in Sweden and travel to Iceland together totally 2 months ) at that time we felt like don’t want to depart each other again so i decide to move there but dad said i hav to engage or marry first to be there( coz dad is old Thai people who quite strict with Thai traditional) so we did talked and will do like that in half year… So i back to Thailand and waiting for him… First 2 months was the same thag he still
Love me super much another 2 months something has gradually change( less talked, less write and he told me to wait more than that) so one day i text him to ask what was happening? Okay? Did i force him to marry me? Should i wait? And he texted back that he will answer me soon.. I waited for a day coz he gone so i texted back to get his answer and he said he wanted to text me back many time but don’t know what to write to me… I said Okay i will be okay… So he texted me back after one hr said he sorry that he hurted me he didn’t know that the way he acted made me hurt the one he care a lot…he also thinking many time during we apart and cocern about his feeling, work, unsecure life and future. He told me to move on and not wait for him and said i will do great in thailand without him… After i got message i caed him ( we cried a lot >>he told me his feeling not the same and told me to give up) Next day i wrote letter to him through Line and end with i don’t know what will happen in the future that we will meet again or not? He texted back that he hope to meet me again in the future and when he’s really and we both single we’ll decide later… After that i can’t stop text him at first sometime he said hi to me first but it’s time to get the answer back.. I did like this until now almost a month since we broke up.. But i stopped yesterday after i found ur wesite coz now i felt super down of waiting my ex write someghing to me which now i’m the one who start writing first coz if i’m not i won’t get anything from him… This feeling killed me… Coz i thought i still hav hope to get my ex back but now i’m not sure i will hav him back or not?coz he seem don’t want to write to me at all- -” for me i really wamt him back furing 3 years we hav many memories together. And i hope it’s not too late to do ur NC now and win his heart back… Coz it’s 1 month pass since we broke up.

Ps. Sorry if u write not good( i’m not good in weiting english)

admin

March 24, 2015 at 8:35 pm

No, its not too late. You can still use the NC.

Lauren

March 22, 2015 at 9:42 pm

Hello,
I need some advice about a recent break-up. My ex is Korean, so he is over 7K miles away with a 13 hr time difference. We were both in the US when we started dating (he was studying abroad at my university). When I went on study abroad to Korea, he moved back home. So after study abroad, we had been in a LDR since August ’14. Everything was good. He and his parents (who I had met already) came to the US last month to visit family, and we were able to see each other some. It was really great. I has been 3 weeks now since he went back to Korea. For me, I am graduating in about 1 year, but for him, he will be going to China for a year and then have 2 more years until he finishes school. Since he went back, our communications were not as frequent as before he visited (we had been doing LDR stuff right except traveling). Then, last week, he sent me the message that LD is hard; he thought about it and he doesn’t want to hurt me but we should end it and focus on our lives separately. I asked him if it was a discussion or his final decision. He said final decision and deactivated Facebook. The next day, he reactivated it. I messaged him I don’t like how this ended and I wanted to talk. I didn’t read his response until the next day which said I’m sorry to you and I think our relationship doesn’t have a future and it is better to end it. He said I admit I ruined our relationship and you can blame me. Before reading that message, I thought he is probably upset right now, too, but he doesn’t see a light at the end of our LDR, and from this message, I was right. I told him that I understood. I needed more time and I still need time. By now, he has erased pictures of me from his Facebook, but he hasn’t unfriended me. He also hasn’t read my message yet. I had a plan to make our relationship work. I was willing to move to Korea for him after graduating. I had been working on the little steps to make it happen, too (learning the language, finding jobs that would link me to Korea), but we never discussed those plans for the future together. I read many of your posts, some of which have put me at ease, but I don’t know what I should do right now. I thought about NC, but if he is willing to talk, should I respond? The one thing I could do that would give him a reason to actually be angry with me is to ignore him. Should I really do NC before talking to him again? Do you think it would be ok to talk now if he responds, but if things go south, then implement NC?

Lauren

April 27, 2015 at 12:31 am

I also wanted to say that he said he thought about it alot; so assuming that is true, it was not an impulse break-up. Also, we were not a couple that didn’t have yelling fights or anything; we were happy together pretty much all the time while we were dating.
Lauren

April 26, 2015 at 10:42 pm

Hello again. I really appreciate your website. It has been over a month since I contacted him. Right before NC, I told him that I thought our LD was worth it and what future I thought was there. He just said I don’t know what to say to you…sorry. That was a month ago now. I have gone 30 days with no contact…from either side. I’ve had a social life over the last month, ran in a race, finishing up a semester, etc….. I want to contact him soon, but I’m really not sure how to go about it. A friend told me she thinks maybe he broke it off because LD is emotionally hard, he is going to China for a year around June, and maybe he thought that he was holding me back and didn’t want me to base my life on him. Alot of speculation, but no definite answers. Most people say don’t message him; if he wants to get in touch with you, he will message you first…which is not what you typically recommend. I don’t see him messaging me now if he knows that he hurt me. I’m definitely not going to be able to “meet in person” anytime in the near future, so what should I do? I read your guides for messaging right after, but I’m scared to try this when I know he is travelling to China in a few months to stay there for a year, and right now, I don’t see how we could “meet” in person within the next year and a half. Can you help me out? Thnx
admin

March 24, 2015 at 8:12 pm

Yes, NC is an essential part of this process.

Bec

March 21, 2015 at 11:31 am

Hi Chris
Thankyou for your site it’s so helpful !
Would so appreciate your advice! I dated this amazing guy almost a year ago. He had just broken up with his ex wife but told me he felt so sure about dating anyway we had an intense 3 months then he just turns and says he not ready. Classic ..looking back now. But I always thought in the back of my head well good luck finding what we have with anyone else. 12 mnths later I get a text after Xmas he has moved to Perth to wrk but comes back down for 10 days once a month. Anyway we had great FaceTime sessions daily etc for about a month then had a night together when he was down all good .. Then gradually goes cold again just didn’t reply to my text asking if he was come down again ,.,I know he does wrk 12 hr days and is adjusting to his new life. I will wait out the 30 days I’m just confused as nothing was finalised that we are through just no reply.. So will do N C then I just don’t want to be like …Heyyyy there again remember blah blah .. Just don’t want to sound desperate not sure what to say..
Any feedback appreciated

admin

March 22, 2015 at 5:06 pm

Yes, you need to have a smart text message to send.

I like the “remember when” text messages, the “remind me” messages.

Feel free to run a few by me if you need more insight.

Jeanine

March 19, 2015 at 1:59 pm

Hey chris,
I wanted to thank you for this article I wrote down everything in it for later because this is my story:

We started dating in february 2014. we had the best year, untill i had to move to abu dhabi to work as cabin crew.
we tried long distance since we knew we could not breakup just like that..
in the beginning it was fantastic, sended a lot of pictures etc and talk every day still to this day.
but now he tells me he needs the physical intimacy to still feel the proper love for me as he knows he has within him everytime he sees me.
he is a hugging peron…

so ofcourse I feel terrible he will visit me in the end of this month, to talk about our relationship, and Im 99% sure he will break up with me, unless he feels the magic of our love is too strong when he finally sees me in person again.

anyway your article gave me a sparkle of hope again, what I could try in the future with him.. or when im almost planning to move back or so (after 3 years)

only my question is, after our breakup how long should i wait (as a minimum) to try this first step (no contact) and move to the next steps..

thank you so much for you time to read my story,

ps. he lives in our home city: amsterdam.

greetings,
Jeanine xx

admin

March 21, 2015 at 4:04 pm

You should just start it right away.

AlIstor

March 19, 2015 at 11:00 am

hey Chris,
I’m not a girl I know but came around your post and it seems pretty legit.
my case seems a bit too complicated. My ex and I were in an LDR for about 8 months. She has had a crush on me for 2 years before that. She was dating my friend at that time who cheated on her and soon after that she told me she has feelings for me cuz I was comforting her. I stopped all contact as soon as she told me that, telling her it’s wrong and it will pass. 2 years later ran into her and she asked me out, we went on a few dates and then I left the country within a week for my university. We decided to keep an LDR as it felt real and her feelings for me were genuine. It went quite well but I wasn’t able to come see her in these 8 months for more than once. She started her university about 2 months back and all of a sudden she changed drastically, it’s her first time away from home so she started acting out, plus I was suppose to go see her when she moved there but couldn’t for a month. She wouldn’t be open about having a boy friend to anyone new she met, guy/girl. I started feeling insecure and then this one day when she disappeared and won’t answer my calls I lashed out and the next day she broke up with me. After that I said some hurtful things to her and she returned the favor. After that she called me and told me to come there and she wants to hug and kiss me as I was supposed to fly to her next week, Then I call her after 2 days and she cried over the phone about this new guy who she went out on a couple of dates and was not interested in us what so ever. I comforted her and then finished the call because it was really hurtful that while I’m not able to get outta bed, she is having a laugh as though she planned it this way.
I decided not to contact her, but then she started contacting me every 2 days and the last time when she called 3 days ago, all she talked about was this guy and how he has a girl friend but she can’t be anyone’s side chick. I tried to talk about us and the un resolved issues, she put it all on me and wouldn’t listen. At the end I told her I love her and that she should for old times sake focus on the positive in our relation and wait for me to get there. She said she can’t have a thing with me at all and if I come there she will hang out with me casually. She started talking about the guy again as if asking if I would approve. I acted maturely and gave her the best advice, I left her with the hope that she call whenever but as soon as I finished the call i blocked her every where even her no, because every time I feel I have a hold of my reality she calls and I’m disturbed again thinking about her all new uni life and new guy.
I have no idea what she wants, my no contact rule is in affect as I’m giving myself time to heal, but there is just too much history that letting go or stop caring for her is not an option, even though I feel betrayed. So please be kind and advice me if I should go talk to her or travel and go to her in person and convince her or is there no hope because she’s all about her new life and moving on would be easy.
I will appreciate your help or advice of any sort
Thanks
Daisy

March 15, 2015 at 11:39 pm

Hi, I need help with my situation. I met my ex boyfriend on a dating site back in Oct 2014. We talked for 1 month. Everything was great. He wanted more intimate pictures of me (u know what I mean) I was not comfortable sending them for two reasons: I didn’t feel right about it, it was too soon plus I didn’t feel sexy or “perfect” enough. I had gained some weight and was trying to loose the pounds and what I looked like wasn’t 100% as the profile pics on the site. I was 30 lbs off. But I still looked good. Anyways, I made the stupid mistake of getting naked photos off the net and sending them to him. He was crazy! Anyways, we continued, and he really was a great and kind guy. Very nice. He came to see me in mid Dec 2014. I was dying, so nervous. He came and we had a great time, we even made love. He was passionate and as he always said he said how much he loved me. He left, and then a few days later he emailed me. Said, that he was genuine and had true feelings for me but that I had lied to him about how I looked and he was real but was disappointed. He broke things off. I wrote him, he was being superficial Etc. we talked and he came back the following week. We had a great relationship since then. It was a long distance relationship, we are 5 hrs away. Over Xmas and New Years…it was great. we talked about the future and he was talking about me moving down with him, all was great. Then I went down to be with him in early feb and spent 2 weeks with him. The first week was great and then he changed a bit the second, wanting to take things slowly and just taking it slow, about not having dated anyone this heavy (bs- btw, his ex was huge) about how love grows and not feeling longing when he wasn’t with me. Etc. then on Valentine’s day, he said he couldn’t give me the present he had bought me- necklace- cause he wasn’t ready to give it to me yet, it meant too much. He didn’t feel right about it. Now, I was crushed. Yet, he kept being great and loving and the sex was passionate and he was real. He did things that I KNOW he loves me and thoroughly enjoyed every moment. I could feel it and that you can’t fake. He made love to me, not sex. Then we come back to where I live. He says he will be back in 2 weeks – the usual and leaves. The next day, he sends me an email, saying that it was too much for him. He wasn’t ready to have someone invade his space, he was afraid of getting hurt, it was too much emotion for him. That he lied to me for the last week, that he was frustrated about arguing about the direction and feelings in the relationship. Not to try to change his mind. I was crushed again. He pretended for a week. And the reasons seemed like excuses. Like he wasn’t giving me the truth. I knew he still cared and had feelings for me. After a few days, we talked. He said he felt relieved having broken things, he missed me tho. He cared. But didn’t want to give me false hope, any wrong ideas. I could tell he missed me. Since then (his is mid feb 2015) we texted and skyped, I sent him pictures etc. we were talking but he wasn’t the same, he was a bit dismissive and rude a bit. Kept saying didn’t want to give me hope. I then have a big medical emergency. He never reaches out even to ask how I am doing. When we talk he says it was b/c he doesn’t want to give me hopes and it was on purpose. A friend of mine sends me an email in which he “translates” what’s going on- basically saying, he used me and he doesn’t want me. Etc. I forwarded that email to my ex, that’s when he responds with: I had real feelings for you at the beginning even b4 we ever met, too many lies and deception and he never got over it. That the relationship for him wasn’t strong enough for him And that we should go our separate ways. I am devastated. My child is attached to him, how kind he was. He was real, and he cared. I don’t know what to do. He’s a great guy. What is the issue? Is he really hurt over the weight (he says not?) or is it that he is afraid of getting hurt? Did I make mistakes? I’m sure I did. I’m sorry, how do I fix things? What do I do? I haven’t contacted him for over a week and it’s so difficult. I miss him. When we were together it was special. Where do I go from here? I’m in love with him and I miss him. Please help me. I will send you more details if you need them. Thank you, D.

admin

March 18, 2015 at 6:52 pm

Hi Daisy, I almost feel like I need to update this particular article.

I think you should continue NC at this point and make yourself so busy while you work on becoming the ungettable girl.

I know you miss him but NC is to make him miss you.

Diamind29

March 9, 2015 at 11:18 pm

Hello, I’m a fan from the UK and your advice has been so helpful with the breakup of my long distance relationship.We’re both from England, I’m from London and he lives 2/3 hours away further North.

He broke up with me in February due to him finding the texts and calls to frequent ( he’s not much of a phone person), I did no contact then contacted him yesterday via text, I asked him to meet up and he said he would be up for it- I then phoned him and I told him I’d like to see him the weekend after next, he said he’d check ( he usually works Saturday mornings but would always travel to London to see me after work) and let me know which I guess I didn’t expect because he could come down as he always did, although he mentioned he worked all weekend this weekend so maybe that could be why he needs to get back to me?

Anyway I text him today with a good memory text which he responded positively to.The only issue is that he didn’t reply to my last text message.So my question is, how long do I give him to get back to me about meeting up (I’m an impatient person who is very organised but I don’t want to scare him off)? Or should I text in a few days and ask whether he knows if he can come or not?Or do I leave him to get in touch with me as I was the last person to message?I don’t want to suffocate him with contact, I just want to see him and see what happens from there.

Many thanks in advance xx

admin

March 13, 2015 at 4:20 pm

Welcome!

Glad to have you here.

You have a LDR but its kind of a shorter one.

Did you listen to any of my podcasts about LDR’s?
Diamond29

March 14, 2015 at 12:24 am

Hi,Chris yes I did.

I asked my ex via text message if he had found out whether he can come to London next weekend.He text back a day later saying that weekend is not good for him and he’s not sure if it’s a good idea- he also said that he feels like I’ll get hurt from it.

I replied explaining that I would have been fine seeing him and it was a shame he couldn’t make it and I also told him thanks for letting me know. I’ve had no response and I’ve given up, I don’t think he’s interested.

I can’t tell whether he’s playing games- when I spoke to him last week he told me every weekend he was off work but then he has pulled back.What do I do next?

SB

March 3, 2015 at 3:51 am

Hi Chris,
I am on 28th day of my NC, i wrongly sent a blank voice msg to my ex on whatsapp, he read but didn’t reply. Is it means I need to start 30 days NC again? In last 28 days he didn’t msg me even once but always putting all his profile photos that I clicked and has some special moment. Just in remembrance I was checking his old msgs and a button wrongly got pressed.
What to do…one wrongly sent msg took my all hope. Pls help. Thank u.

admin

March 3, 2015 at 9:59 pm

Haha this might work in your favor.

Wait a few days and proceed with your original plan to text him.
SB

March 10, 2015 at 1:42 pm

Thanks Chris, I am still on NC however today just 10 min back my ex bf called me up but I didn’t picked up the call. Then he dropped a msg that he is in my city and wanted to talk to me once if I feel comfortable. Pls suggest what should I do now?
SB

March 12, 2015 at 7:38 am

I didn’t reply his msg and even didn’t call him back. I think he become angry, and changed his profile photo in which I am not involved in anyways… feeling bad and feel like lost my chance to win his love again. Not able to understand what to do now…should I text him?

Ally

February 24, 2015 at 10:35 am

Hi Chris,

Before I go into my story, I just wanted to tell all the girls out there reading this page – please complete NC!! It’s very hard and scary, but trust me its the best thing I’ve done since the break up. Mine was a long distance relationship, and I knew he had found another girl who was in the same city as him. So it was very scary for me to embark on NC, but i’ve completed it now and I’m really glad I did it. Thanks Chris, every time I felt like breaking NC, I’d read your posts and they would keep me going

Anyway, I know you’re very busy plenty of questions to respond to so I’ll cut to the chase. My situation is somewhat different, and I can’t find anything similar in your posts.. I’ve completed more than 30 days of NC actually (in fact am at Week 7-8 now). It wasn’t intentional, but at the end of 30 days I had some pressing family issues to deal with. And I didn’t want to be half hearted or stuff up my plan on getting back with my ex as I really wanted to do this right. So I decided to solve my family issues, before trying to initiate contact with my ex. Now I’m free, and I was planning on contacting him the last few days anyway via the text message method you described in your other posts. However, I’ve found out last week that he will be in my city this weekend and he wants to see me!

To give you some background, I met my ex through a mutual friend of ours (lets call her Y). He broke up with me because he found another girl in the same city as him. After the breakup Y took my side and thinks I should forget about him and never talk to him again..

At around week 2 of NC, he sent me a few texts to ask how I was. I ignored those, and I never heard from him again. That was the only time he contacted me directly. During Week 3, he contacted Y about something else but he also kept asking about me. He kept explaining himself to Y as to why he broke up with me. He also told Y he isn’t so sure about his new gf at the time and doesn’t think he likes her anymore. I don’t know if he expected Y to relay everything to me, but i never contacted him after hearing about their conversation. Last week he contacted Y again, said he will be in my city this weekend for work and he wondered if I would agree to meet him, and he wanted Y to ask me if I would see him. He called Y twice and begged that she asked me for an answer. I never gave Y an answer, I told her he should contact me directly if he really wanted to but he never did contact me directly and its been a week. To be honest, I’m not sure what Y told him because I know she disapproves of us meeting up and I know Y is a bit of a controller sometimes even though she’s just looking out for me!

Now its 3 days before he will be in town and I don’t know what to do!! I have so many questions Chris.. Firstly, I don’t know if I should text him outright, and secondly, I don’t know if I should agree to meet him – I haven’t gone thru the stepwise process you’ve described i.e. text then phone calls then meet up so everything’s in the wrong order! And if I do meet him, how should I behave as we haven’t talked in almost 2 months!

Just to complicate things, Y doesn’t like the idea of me meeting him, and if we meet she wants to chaperone us to make sure things don’t go overboard and he doesn’t hurt me again.. But the truth is i really want him back! its been 2 months, and I still love him and miss him. I don’t know if he is still together with his new gf now and I haven’t asked him. Also I know that he is in my city because of work not because he specifically travelled to meet me. So I also don’t know if I’m reading too much in him wanting to meet me!

Sorry for bombarding you with so many questions in one very long post.. but I’m so lost now! And I don’t know what to do and I feel like he’s going to be here so soon I’ve run out of time to prepare myself for this.. it all happened so suddenly! What should I do Chris? I really hope you’ll get back to me…

A.

admin

February 24, 2015 at 9:50 pm

Have you listned to my podacst about LDR’s?
Ally

February 25, 2015 at 10:11 am

Yes I have Chris.. but I feel like it’s different things aren’t happening in the right order and I’m not sure if I should adapt and meet him before texting and see how this goes? Or what I should do different.. Also because I’ve been in NC for about 7 weeks now, I don’t know if I’ve ended up making him think I’ve truly given up on him! Would really appreciate your advice…
Ally

February 25, 2015 at 10:52 pm

I guess my main questions are should I reach out to him now via text as he knows I know he’ll be in town. And I feel like I can’t apply your technique of the random interesting text as it might seem rehearsed as there’s a clear agenda for me initiating contact. He’s coming tomorrow and he hasn’t contacted me yet!! Also.. Should I insist our mutual friend not chaperone us because of her negative opinion of us getting back together… But then will that make things appear too serious?

Or should I just avoid him altogether this trip and wait for a few weeks and start from from the texting method you’ve described?

Kate

February 22, 2015 at 4:16 am

I met this guy online back in November and had talked pretty consistently till we finally met up at Christmas. He assured me during the whole time that it was “friends” first to get to know each other. We had open relationships the whole time before and even after we met. We had gotten along surprisingly well and and our date( with time constraints over the holiday) went well. After though we had some issues with misconstruing texts. Finally, it got to the point where he wanted to take a break from talking for a bit? It’s crazy we talked about everything under the sun and we were pretty close, always referring to me as a good friend. His job at the moment is what has him so far away but he was suppose,to come back around here within the next month. What should I take from all this. Should I not bother contacting him again? I felt we really contacted and of course we didn’t agree on everything but it was pretty close. He always claimed that I analyzed a lot stuff but my reasoning was that I didn’t know him on a personal level really well.

Kate

February 24, 2015 at 4:31 pm

Appreciate the insight.

Caity

February 21, 2015 at 7:50 am

I was in a long distance relationship with my ex for three years. We broke up two years ago after mutually agreeing that we were too young and uncompromising to be happy together long-term. After three months of not speaking, during which time he dated one other person, we began talking again. While we were together, we texted, talked on thenphone, and Skype for hours daily. As well as saw one another every couple of months since we were just a few states away. Since our break up, our speaking isn’t the emotional loving communication but we still speak just as much if not more than before. He claims that he does not want to discuss feelings until we are able to sit down face to face and have as long a conversation as needed to rationalize where we might still stand. My question is…is there still hope in the relationship we had? After two years, I still love this man with all of my heart and would do anything to make him happy.

admin

February 22, 2015 at 4:41 pm

How young were you two?

There is hope but it is going to require a lot of work on your part and in order for you to have the best chance you have to be willing to put that work in.

Camila

February 20, 2015 at 6:26 am

Hi,This is my story.
I have been dating my ex-boyfriend for 6 month and after that he had to go back to the states(I live in Japan),so from there the long distance relationship begun.From the beginning we knew that we were going to be in a LDR but we were very serious about each other and wanted to make it work out. But just after 3 month in the half he broke up me with. We have been arguing for about a month before we broke up about how it’s not working out. He was struggling with his studies etc and
was feeling that the LDR was not working out. So we decided to break up. But he told me that even we break up he still loves me the same way and wanted to keep in touch. But it was hard for me cause I still loved him and was heart broken from the break-up. I told him we shouldn’t talk anymore and did the NC for about 3 weeks but eventually I contacted him because I couldn’t control my feelings and missed him. And from then we talked about once a week by phone for about 3 weeks. I thought it would get easier talking to him but it didn’t so I decided to stop talking to him and took him off my facebook and instagram. Now its been about 3 weeks no talking but I still can’t give up on him. I want to get back together but don’t know what to do.
Should I just wait until he contacts me?
or should I just give up…

admin

February 20, 2015 at 11:54 pm

Have you listened to the LDR podcast episode yet?

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