Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Katrina De Lima
February 18, 2015 at 1:43 am
Im in my 40’s when I met this guy & spend 2 & a half year blissfully happy, we made plans to start a family, buy a house & all that jazz… but then he was assigned to work across the atlantic, I do visit him & I’m on process to go & live with him permanently but need to pass some exams first. Fast forward, we were about to celebrate our 4th year anniversary when his now Gf texted me that they are already living together in her house for 6 months & wants to confirm that we truly are over (we have plan to see each other April this year). He admitted to the relationship but don’t want to give up on me, he always say that we are soulmates, so he asked me to visit him to try to make the relationship work & to celebrate our 4th year anniversary, I did visit him (a month emergency leave) but a week before I return home, his Gf texted & called me & admitted that they just put thier relationship on hold because I’m coming. I tried to confront him but he would not admit, he is actually caught red handed. I’m felt so humiliated & in pain that I split up with him, as his gf lives only 20 minutes away from him whilst I’m a thousand miles away. I told him its over & not to contact me again. So he decided to move back & live-in with her again (Not sure if he gave up his flat now). But I actually missed him, we have not talked for a month.. Too many question, too complicated. But stupid as it is, I still love him & still believes on our hopes & dreams, I’m not sure how or if I could still get him back. I’m still in tatters whilst they are about to celebrate thier first year anniversary.. Hence I found this website. For an advice
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:44 pm
Hi Katrina!
Thanks for commenting…
He seems to have you hooked on him huh.
I am confused about something.
Did he have the gf when you initially met him?
Lalalala
February 17, 2015 at 6:36 pm
Hi! I’ve known my now ex for the past 6 months, 4 months of constant everyday chatting and talking before I flew halfway across the world to spend Christmas and New Year’s with him. This is all just recently (it’s Feb 2015 now & I was in the States Dec 2014).
Got introduced by a mutual friend via Facebook. I met his mom, brothers, friends in the military, I mean everyone. When I arrived I was in the South and he picked me up, and we drove for hours to the North. Intense passionate feelings right from the get-go ever since we been talking. We saw a future together and always talked about marrying and me moving there. He talked about it more than I do.
But since last week he’s been all about he can’t trust me and how we are done and we are finished. That mutual friend of ours has a wife and she Facebook private messaged me things about him, which I asked him and he said he never did those things. She and the husband and him go to the gym together and are together a lot (that couple also has 3 kids).
He wouldn’t tell me she has said to him – he said he trusts his family (he and them and other friends are so close they consider one another as family) and that as much as it hurts us both his mind is made up.
Now he has just blocked me on Facebook yesterday, possibly WhatsApp too which is our main texting/video/audio app. I see he is still on my Skype and I have his cell phone number and email address.
Question is too, he is moving state in July. I am not sure if his cell phone number will still be in use or he will change it.
Right now he doesn’t talk to me.. Completely removed me from his life.
His work is demanding, top that off with an ongoing divorce with his ex wife from another country & he has a little girl with the ex wife.
I truly love him and I know he loves me the same. It seems to me there’s more than meets the eye. Even his ex wife didn’t meet his real mom and family and I topped that.
What advice can you give me?
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:28 pm
What things did this woman email you about?
Lalalala
February 19, 2015 at 2:17 pm
The thing is he doesn’t go ask her or confront her why she’d say those things to me? Unless he himself has indeed blurted something out. It’s all very dubious to me… There is more than meets the eye. But let’s face it, not everyone is like his buddy and his wife who are high school sweethearts and got knocked up thus has to marry all before the age of 20. They call themselves Christians and I am one too but this has got to be very judgmental. Just cos she doesn’t approve of what he’s doing it doesn’t mean he or I aee bad people. Every couple has their own journey
Lalalala
February 19, 2015 at 2:19 pm
He also doesn’t tell me what that woman has been telling him. I’d expect as a couple you go talk to your partner first about any and everything
Lalalala
February 19, 2015 at 2:13 pm
She wrote that he bragged to her husband things we did. I was upset of course and lashed out at him. He and I then made up, but he can’t get over it. He said I don’t trust him. Well couples have private things and I’d expect that to be private.
Before this, when I came back to my country, I was bare
Y picking up my baggage and she Facebook pmed me how he’s still married and if he doesn’t love his ex wife then why is he not divorced. We are talking 2 countries here. He is working on the divorce long before we started dating.
That woman” his buddy’s wife, seems to have started this whole thing. Now he doesn’t talk to me at all. Been a few days now and he kept saying we are over and how he trusts his family. I know what we got, out love is real, I didn’t go there to see him for nothing. He always told me how no one has treated him this way and how he’s so happy with me.
I just don’t know what I can actively do now
stacy
February 16, 2015 at 10:56 pm
Here’s my story:
A friend of mine from the past contacted me via FB to catch up then later on asks me out. We talked for a month before he flew me out to see him. He had planned an entire weekend for us while I was there. So in the meantime before we saw each other we would text call and video chat every day building up our relationship. He started falling for me quickly which we both did. I felt it was going fast pretty quickly but everything about it felt right. We became exclusive during this time. After my visit he started talking of the future with me in it. Like marriage talk. Everything was going great I couldn’t have asked for a better mate. Both of us being Christians and sharing alot of similarities he def seemed like “the one”. We are both divorced but are looking to marry again but want to make sure before taking that plunge so things did slow down a bit but still looking positive. I went out to see him once more after our initial visit then he came to my place met my friends and family over new years. Again things are going great. He had plans on seeing his folks the following month and asked me to join him. Met his family and friends and had a really great weekend. As of recently I have had some family issues come up causing to cancel my plans to see him in February (this month) but we kept moving forward in our relationship BUT no more talk of future “us”. He called me yesterday to tell me that he’s done doing the long distance thing, that he doesn’t feel right moving me and my kid away from her dad. Even though he new my situation from the beginning which didn’t bother him then. He also said that he just doesn’t really see us long term even though that’s what he said in the beginning that we were brought into each others lives for a reason but only for a season. I let him go but he did say that he would like to remain friends and that I can call or text him anytime that i needed someone to talk to. After we talked I got the news that my Gpa died so I text my “ex” asking him to say a prayer for me and my family. Which he responded and was supportive. Conversation ended there and this morning he text me asking how I was doing and asked to talk which I allowed he wanted to pray with me in the loss of my Gpa and said that I can call him anytime. So my question is why after everything we shared he peaced out so easily?! And if it was really love or was it just some “fairytale” syndrome he was experiencing? I just feel that it’s not over. He seems to care too much or could that just be the kind of person he is? Should I even bother? I was gonna do the NC and see what happens…btw we are still friends on FB and all other social medias but he did not delete our pics together…
admin
February 17, 2015 at 12:36 pm
You should absolutely bother.
Go ahead and give NC a try.
stacy
February 17, 2015 at 10:29 pm
Thank you that’s what I needed to hear 🙂
Di
February 8, 2015 at 2:01 pm
Hi! My boyfriend broke up with me after being in a relationship for 6 years. He broke it off because his mom did not like me. I stayed in the NC zone for a week before texting him. He replied in the first week to say it’s really over. He didn’t reply after that. It’s been over 30 days now. My friends suggested that I send him an email, accepting his decision. So, I did that yesterday. I’m really regretting it now, because I want his back so bad. I hope he doesn’t feel I don’t want him anymore. Any advice?
admin
February 9, 2015 at 4:32 pm
No, if anything he will feel the opposite like,
“Oh, I can’t believe how much I miss her.”
Vicky
February 5, 2015 at 11:33 am
I talked about this before, but since there is a lot going on here, I’ll remind the story and add the update:
we were seeing each other for a year, first few months were meant to be more casual, friends with benefits type of thing, but then when I said I wanted to stop seeing on such basis he said he wanted a relationship. It was great for 3 months, then when I said I was in love, he said he isn’t and that he thinks it’s best if we stop seeing each other. Mind you I was shocked, because his entire behavior would suggest the opposite (actions speak louder than words, right?). I know what mistakes I’ve made in this relationship, like overexerting or requiring a ton of attention when I knew he was having a lot on his plate with work now etc. He mentioned all that but it wasn’t until NC that actually made me realize it and figure it out, that I can do this a different way.
After NC we had a really great Skype and he was very excited to come see me (we already had tickets bought before the breakup). Next day after Skype, he said he’d really want to see me but isn’t sure it’s the best idea.
Then, after another day he said that he gave this the deepest thought and although he hates to admit it, something changed and that deep down he isn’t into this long distance thing anymore. He said that he didn’t want him coming to create an unclear situation that could be hurtful/unsafe and he’d rather prevent both of us from that and not come.
I texted him back nicely, casually, saying that him coming didn’t automatically mean us getting back together and that I hope he has a great weekend and that we can chat on skype sometime as it was so cool the last time…
My question is: if a guy tells me “he isn’t into this long distance thing anymore” don’t I just take that as a sure thing and give up? I don’t want to, I’m in love with this awesome creature, he did bring the best of me, but I’m just wondering when is the right moment to actually listen to what he says instead of constantly hoping and scheming to get him back?
Side note: I have tickets to go see him in 3 weeks (bought long before the breakup) and I’d still love to get on that plane. What do I do?
Loonie
February 4, 2015 at 1:06 pm
So me and my ldr ex, was having problems in the last few months of our relationship, and he broke up with me. I admit i was to blame for the last few months, due to stress and depression. I was ready to move to his country in a few months, but then he broke up saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship. We are not friends anymore and we dont talk to each other. He never contacted me after breaking up, I’ve contacted him twice over 2 months, the last time i asked if it was really over, and he said it was. I’ve deleted him off social medias, as i kept stalking him, and it was really unhealthy for me. However i found out he is getting really close with this girl irl, and it broke my heart again, because he is not the type to jump into relationships or does casual dating. I’m currently in NC and will keep it up for at least 2 more months, as i know nothing good will come out of contacting him as i am in an emotional mess. I’m just wondering if there is any hope. I’m trying to move on, but i’m not the type that does “casual” dating either. We trusted each other completely, went through bad times together and made each other better people. I really believe he is “the one”, even though he hurt me so much with this break up, i’d still forgive him, which i believe what true love is about. Please advice
admin
February 4, 2015 at 2:33 pm
Why are you in NC for tht long?
Loonie
February 4, 2015 at 4:35 pm
I believe it’s better to be in NC and heal probably, as it wouldn’t be any good to get my ex back, not learning and reflecting on what went wrong. I personally believe that it requires time (more than a month) to make real changes. They say if it’s true love you have to let them go, and if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. I just hope i’m not being irrational thinking like this. I know i will always love this person, even if it means to let him go for another girl, he had a major impact in my life, which is why i think he is a great guy who deserves to be happy. I’m just wondering again if you had any cases of LDR working after a second chance, as it seems rare and much more difficult than a normal relationship.
hilda
February 3, 2015 at 10:53 am
sorry for coming here I know it’s a little strange but
I met a guy and he is the three estates of me
I would love to talk to him
unfortunately we never saw in person
one day he seemed not to be wanting more call me or talk to me
at first he insisted too that had us many things in common
then had no more the same talk
I was really bad
to me he was perfect
now I find others who he met a person I know little about but it seems she is not as close to him and she’s a little older than me
late last month he wanted to break up with me
but never spoke to come see me in person
and we do not we used to make calls or use skype
and it seems that he does not want to talk with me
don’t have anything I can do?
I really wanted him back
(sorry for bad english)
admin
February 3, 2015 at 1:46 pm
Sorry, three estates of you?
You lost me there.
Three states away from you?
Jess
February 2, 2015 at 7:58 am
Hi Chris,
It’s been almost 4months since me and my ex broke up and I have not spoken to him since then, although he fb messaged me on my birthday 2months after BU.
He has been dating a girl 3 weeks after BU and till now, I’m thinking he might be suffering from GIGS. I’ve read other forums and some mention there’s a timeline for GIGS to realize what they lost.
We had a great 4 year relationship but he had to move abroad for studies and that’s when he initiated the breakup.
Do you think 4months is still too short for him to realize it? Is he still in the honeymoon period with the new girl?
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:50 pm
Haha I wrote about GIGS.
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-grass-is-greener-syndrome-for-ex-boyfriends/
jess
February 3, 2015 at 6:39 am
Hi Chris,
I’ve read it before actually haha but i guess i want to know how long will the honeymoon period last plus the two of them are overseas and they are flatmates in university
🙁
From your experience do you think living together makes their relationship stronger or they will more likely to quarrel more?
Natalia
February 1, 2015 at 8:05 pm
My ex and I dated for almost 8 years (2 at long distance). In these last 2 years, I’ve gone to visit him once a year and we had always texted during the day, skyped and played online with friends. A month and a half ago I asked for a break cause I wanted to put my thoughts together (I thought I liked someone else over here). After this period (like a week), I was ready to go back together but he didn’t want to do so. We remained as “best friends” and kept talking during the day until he told me he thought he liked a new girl. I went into NC for a week and he took it as closure. Now he is glued to this girl. He skypes with her, plays vgames with her, etc. Funny fact: they are not friends on Facebook and this is his main medium to contact friends. We haven’t been talking much and if we do, he makes sure to mention her. He still tries to play vgames online with me and other friends though. Should I use NC again and make it last for 30 days even though we don’t really talk much? Should I tell him I don’t want to talk to him for a while? I’m also planning to visit his country at the end of the year (my family still lives there).
admin
February 2, 2015 at 2:27 pm
Wait… you only saw him once throughout the year?
Natalia
February 2, 2015 at 9:12 pm
No, I spent a week with him each year (for the last 2 years). Before that, we were dating and living in the same country. So, what should I do now?
marlyn
January 28, 2015 at 5:09 pm
I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years! I mean next may it will be our third year, anyway we broke up a month ago I was the one who suggested the break up thing and he was okay about it and that what bothered me you know I mean he was TOTALLY Okay about it he said that his only problem was that he didn’t see me for years and he still loves me and it’s not our fault that’s just life even though I told him ” I still love you and I still want you ” he said nothing about it, I told him we could be friends however we didn’t talk after that and I am dying to talk to him !! but I feel unwanted , any advice ?
admin
January 29, 2015 at 2:25 pm
How long has it been since the two o fyou talked?
marlyn
January 29, 2015 at 4:34 pm
about 5 weeks
Kenzie
January 28, 2015 at 10:28 am
Hi, I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for a total of eight months, and we had been best friends for about a year before getting together. About four-five months after getting together, we both went off to university with him going to uni in a different country. We had already had our problems before becoming LD, however, as we never talked about what we wanted and needed from each other before becoming LD, it put a lot of extra problems on the relationship. We broke up for about a week in October, but we got back together and we seemed to have worked everything out and things were getting better. However, I suffer with depression (which he’s known about since we were friends) and because of that strain, we broke up again in December. He said he had fallen out of love with me and he didn’t know why, even though less than two weeks before hand, he called me up drunk talking about how I was the best thing in his life, and how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. He claims that he was in denial about having fallen out of love with me and that is why he called me up like that, and had been asking me to marry him, because he thought it would make it better. Despite claiming that he still wants us to be best friends, it is always me that is calling him, texting him, am there for him when he’s having a rough time, etc. And the two times that we saw each other over Christmas and New Years, we ended up hooking up with each other, with him saying afterwards that it is just physical for him and nothing has changed. Basically, he has been calling all the shots whilst I’ve been begging for him to take me back. I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and have been following the NC rule for ten days. He’s text me once since then but not tried to get in contact other than that. I have also been following the advice of your blog about using Facebook to your advantage which is where the questions start coming in. Despite going on Faceboook everyday, my ex rarely ever posts anything, and he never bothers to unfriend people, even if what they post annoys him. However, since I have started up my posts again, following your blog advice, he has started doing the same. I’d been posting about movie nights with my flatmates, going out exploring and taking pictures of the place where I live, and also getting involved in a lot more events. I went a few days without posting anything due to illness until yesterday, and then a couple of hours later my ex unfriended me. I was wondering why that could be? Is your advice working, or has it blown up in my face? Is he just angry that I am having a life without him, despite him constantly flaunting in my face the life he is having without me?
Kenzie
January 30, 2015 at 4:58 pm
Any advice?
admin
January 31, 2015 at 3:21 pm
Sure, there could be a lot of reasons he could have unfriended you. Maybe he is finding it hurtful to look at your profile on Facebook. Maybe he wants to remove the temptation… I think the big takeaway though is the fact that he is thinking about you.
Kenzie
February 7, 2015 at 8:44 pm
Thank you for the reassurance 🙂 However, the other day I got a text from my ex asking how I was and apologising about how bad a friend he has been since we broke up I am on day 20 of NC and haven’t replied to the text, but I was wondering, what should I do?
ashley
January 27, 2015 at 3:29 pm
So I need advice, my ex and I have been broken up since July. We have been on and off again quite a bit on whether we are talking or not talking. Mainly on his end. Seems like he strings me along. Until yesterday, I bexame an annoyance and we can’t be friends. Can you use NC when they technically initially iniated it first and gave you no choice? I feel like he will talk to me again. Given his track record. I mean I hope he does. I love him. I just don’t have any idea what to do, or how to act. Because he doesn’t know what he wants. But he seems to not want to lose me. But who knows like I said I think he blocked me yesterday what do I need to do?
admin
January 28, 2015 at 3:11 pm
Yes, you can. However, after NC I always recommend YOU be the one to break the ice.
Lilly
January 27, 2015 at 10:33 am
Hey! So me and my ex were together for 6-7 months and he broke up with me 3-4 weeks ago. We live 250 km from each other. At the beginning everything was perfect. We talked on the phone(facetime) for ours and we couldn’t get enough of each other. My ex is very jealous person, so am i but not as much as him. So 3-4 months later we started to fight over many things. We had some pretty horible fights and i started to feel bad about whole situation and my behaviour as well. I was too needy, seeking for his attention all the time, got jealous when he wanted to be with his friends and he started to take distance. He was not longer calling me as much as he did in the beginning, he said he was busy and wanted to do other things than just talking on the phone with me. He said he needed more space and that i was “choking him”. But the only thing i wanted was to give him more love, attention from my side so i started to act desperatly. I was desperat seeking for his attention, love but the only thing i got was some sort of rejection. He was easily annoyed by things i did, said. I acted like a “door mat” and did everything for him and as i get now he didn’t respect me anymore.
A month before he broke up with me he started to act strange. He said he was busy all the time and that he didn’t want to call me everyday. He said that 1-2 calls a week would be enough and also see me on weekends sometime. I felt really bad and i was very sad so i begged him for another chances.We fought more and more and one weekend when i was visiting him he acted really cold and didn’t even wanted to give me a hug. Then next day he said he wanted a break. I was in panic and started to beg him for a last chance and cried and cried and cried a lot. I was depressed and couldn’t sleep. It was horrible. Then i went back home next day and before i continued to beg for another chance. But he was very cold and said that he couldn’t take it anymore, that he was “empty” and needed some space. Right after when i left i saw he started to like and follow many new (halfnaked) girls on instagram. It hurt like hell.
It was at Christmas time so me and my family went to a trip to Austria and he went to Poland with his family. I was in a bad , sad mood at our vacation and when i saw him liking pics of girls from Poland i unfollowed him on Instagram because it hurt so much. But when i was in Austria i tried to have some fun so me and my sister went out to the club with some male friends and i posted a picture from that night and my ex liked that picture, i guess he got jealous.
When i came home i started to try act everything was fine and that i was happy. Then he called me before New Years eve but i didn’t answer. He kept calling me for next 2 weeks but i didn’t answer because i was hurt. And 7th january he send me a text message that he is breaking up with me and that his love was no longer available for me and he hoped that i could find the love of my life cause i deserve it. He also wrote that it upsetted him that i posted pics of guy friends and stuff. I called him right after and started to beg, cry, scream and panicing. I begged for last chance but the only thing he kept saying was – It is over. I want to be single now. You said you would change and i gave you many chances but you dont change. I dont love you the same way anymore. –
I tried to explain why i didn’t answer and all that but everything was worthless. Then the line broke and he texted me right after that maybe we can find each other again in the future but time will show.
I deleted him from Facebook right after and now t is nearly a month ago he broke up. I really want him back. I love him. But i really don’t know what to do. I really understand that i shouldn’t have begged him and beings so desperate. Please help me. I would be very thankfull. Lilly
Julia
February 16, 2015 at 3:34 pm
Hey can someone reply to Lily . It’s crazy I have the exactly same story and wondering what to do :(??
stefania
January 27, 2015 at 5:03 am
I’m day 4 of NC and my ex has flipped out! 41 missed calls, viber, Skype, Facebook msgs.. I checked in at the airport but didn’t say where I was going. He’s contacted family members to find out where I am and no one is telling him.. He keeps asking me to tell him where I am but I haven’t responded..
He’s got a new girlfriend, she told him he has to cut me off and he told her he did but never did. We were in a LDR and engaged till he broke it off out of nowhere.
Should I contact him?
admin
January 27, 2015 at 3:10 pm
Wait at least a week but in cases like this I think its ok to shorten NC!
Natalia
January 24, 2015 at 11:02 am
just reread my post, I meant that she unfortunately had cancer, not that unfortunately fought it, I am sorry for her, that line looks ambigous
Natalia
January 23, 2015 at 10:27 pm
I`ve been (am) in a perfectly happy LTR for months, he came to meet me, then we had a few holidays together, I came to visit, we spent X-mas and New Year holidays at his place and at a resort, we have been talking on skype every single night, for hours, all this time. We were planning our future, he wanted me to move, wanted to marry me. My photoes on his nightstands…
His ex-wife, she`s married and they divorced many years ago, but after she found out he`s seeing someone she started to contact him more frequently (they were “friends”, she always asked for his advice when she had problems with her current husband..Then on the holiday he received a message from her that she`s got cancer (she had had it already, unfortunately, she managed to fight it) – and that her husband cannot support her…He told me that he`s going to talk to him, but that I am his life…
After we returned from the holiday everything was fine for a week, he planned to buy a dishwasher and get home help when I`ll move in with him..Then all if a sudden I received texts from his phone from HER saying that I should back off and that he wants only her. Not a word from him since then and it`s been a week already. I wrote once, asked to explain what was going on, got no answer…What should I do in this situation? Try to contact him again? No? I do want him back and we have been happy all this time. We thought alike, we wanted the same things, often thought the same thoughts…
I want to try to contact him again, to ask for a clousure, to try to get any answer…or shouldn`t I?
Sorry for the long post, but it is still so raw and hurts immensely.
He was planning to meet my family in March…
N
admin
January 26, 2015 at 2:37 pm
How long have you waited in NC total?
What was his response the first time you tried messaging him?
Natalia
January 26, 2015 at 3:23 pm
I got no response at all…after her messages he never got in touch…I only wrote once, last Tuesday…nothing…
Natalia
January 26, 2015 at 3:28 pm
On Saturday 17th I received messages from her from his phone, wrote to him on Tuesday 20th asking to explain what is going on…not a word from him since then…
Vicky
January 23, 2015 at 7:52 pm
Hello Chris,
not to make this too complicated:
I was in a LD relationship with someone I met years ago during the summer. He got in touch after all those years and we started seeing each other. At first it was on a casual friends with benefits stage. Then I said I wanted to stop because I was getting involved and he decided we should be an actual couple. It’s been 3 months since then when I said I was falling in love with him. He then answered, he wasn’t really thinking of falling in love and he doesn’t see it going that way for him and so for my own good we should stop seeing each other. Although(!) his entire behaviour proved otherwise: he was very loving, caring, went the extra mile, we had our arguments yet we pulled through to see each other more less every month, I met his family and he seemed to be far above “just liking me”. The “break-up” talk wasn’t angry, although he expressed he is still angry about years ago – (we met for 3 weeks dated, we parted our ways because rationlly we were too young to get involved and it was a “summer thing” he thinks I chose someone else ofer him and his pride was hurt by that). I thought this could’ve been pay back, but all his behaviour would prove this idea wrong.
Anyway, it’s been 12 days since “the talk” and I’ve implemented the NC, he hasn’t reach out yet.
Problem I have here: after the breakup I said I still wanted to see him. He has tickets to come here and I have later tickets to go see him. The tickets are for 26 days after the breakup. I said I still wantd him to come, he said he’d like to see me but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I said I’d revisit the situation in 2-3 weeks and see how I feel and pretty much begged him to save the date because I will want to see him to clear things between us so I can move on. (no suprise he wasn’t enthusiastic about coming for that purpouse..)
My question is: do I break the NC rule in this case, if we already planned this, the tickets are bought (obviosuly non-refundable). If I do, how long before the trip (he isn’t the last minute spontaneous type). The tickets are bought for 2 weeks from now.
I mean we agreed to talk about him possibly coming (although I doubt he’d want that, he said it would be sad). and the tickets are really expensive and I’d love to see him. I did change my approach and I’d claim I wantto see him because I miss our fun time together. No closure talks and all that – he’d probably rather have his arm cut off then fly over with the idea of me crying and serious talking, so I planned to plant this nice idea of the trip and our time here in his head.
Do I contact him about the possibility of the trip? Do I keep the NC rule and lose the flight? Do I try to convince him if he’s reluctant? If he comes – what about sex?
admin
January 26, 2015 at 2:24 pm
Maybe you take someone else in his stead. It might not be smart to take him to this trip if he isn’t thrilled about it.
Vicky
January 26, 2015 at 8:22 pm
No no,
he has a ticket to come to see me in my hometown.
admin
January 27, 2015 at 2:39 pm
Oh wow!
That is fantastic.
Ok, lost context a bit. What were you wondering about?
Vicky
January 27, 2015 at 8:00 pm
Well, the fact that he has bought the tickets weeks ago, and in the mean time we broke up.
Do I go on with the NC rukle or try to convince him to come?
admin
January 28, 2015 at 3:20 pm
NC… He lost his rights after he broke up.
Vicky
January 27, 2015 at 8:02 pm
It’s been 15 days of NC and no word from him at all..
Me
January 21, 2015 at 10:37 pm
That is dumb af. You can have an internet relationship, It doesn’t matter how far you are you can still love someone. Love is not meeting in person, it’s the way you still love and care for someone even if they’re miles away.
admin
January 22, 2015 at 4:52 pm
That is your interpenetration but I am a bit old school and I think you need to actually be with the person physically to actually “love them” I understand your point though.
Larissa
January 20, 2015 at 7:22 pm
Hi, I’ve been in an LDR since March last year. He came to visit me in june and stayed for two months, then I stayed with him from august till the end of october. He ended with me last Sunday, and the same day he started going out with this woman and is quite glued to her. He said all the awful things we say when we break up, I did my part of acting like I would die without him and all that crying and begging. He called me last friday and we ended the conversation with less friction, later he msg saying he cared so much about me and he was sorry for hurting me this way. I msg him saturday morning a long long msg saying he could fix it, that he knew right from wrong, but instead of healing (we had some serious things happen to us during our relationship that were out of our control) he was choosing the easy way out. Said a few details about the issues of the past and how we as a couple could overcome, that i was his safe place, and up until a week before the breakup he still came to me for support. Told him we need indeed healing so we can go back to who we were and not who we became. Asked him not to feel sadness over my msg, comes from love, wished him good luck on his exam and that I was proud of him, and if he got too overwhelmed by the test that he should go on a run like we used to, cause it made him feel great. I finished by saying I know he has to study so I would respect that..talk soon.
So, usually I would msg him during the day, but after all the awful things that were said and this woman he found, I decided to do the NC. He called Sunday morning still in bed saying he missed me as a person and wanted to know how I was doing. I said I was doing fine, that I met with friends and a few things to show I am not at home sobbing. Didn’t say I missed him either. Talked for two min and that was it. I did not msg at all. Today tuesday after his quiz he msg me asking me how am I doing. Should I keep not answering? Why is he msg now? He was so adamant about not talking ever again. If I don’t respond won’t he look for what I give him as in support from his new girlfriend? Isn’t that the opposite of what I want? He says she isn’t a fling at all and see her as a long term.That we have no chance in the future.
admin
January 21, 2015 at 3:05 pm
So, you broke the NC? How long did you initially last?
Larissa
January 21, 2015 at 4:25 pm
Yes I did. He msg after only two days. I answered after a few hours saying I was doing well. Asked how his test was, he gave me a long answer. I gave him my usual motivational speech that he loves to remind him of something good about me. He said that he knows I’m hurting but wanted to tell me he was thinking of me. I told him I had to go I was preparing dinner for friends( the lasagna he loves) and said talk soon. He answers saying talk soon, enjoy it cause I deserve it. I haven’t msg since yesterday, and honestly I won’t anytime soon. He has a girlfriend and says he is thinking of me, but I know it’s her home he went to yesterday. I want him to miss me. But Everytime we talk and I remember his girlfriend I get hurt all over again. He spends everyday with her since day one. It’s like I meant nothing. How can I compete with someone who is there everyday, close, and studies the same thing he does? On paper she is perfect, and she format have all the negative baggage we had. I am really suffering cause we went through a tough abortion and it killed us to do that. And part of him staying away is because we were so miserable after that, that it’s all he remembers. Now he says long distance is too hard. I am lost
Larissa
February 8, 2015 at 3:27 pm
I could really use some advice. We were rarely speaking, getting along. Then it was too much for me and I made the mistake of bursting again, he of course felt abused and said it needs to stop. I agreed apologized. Said I won’t be a source of pain anymore and wished him good luck in school. I put all his things in a box today so I won’t have to look at it anymore. Because of the abortion my mom has been very supportive of him, and they exchanged emails a couple of times. I am not involved. I need time, so does he. But seems this relationship with her is going to stay for a while. I know they are only together for three weeks, but I just don’t know anymore what to think. I want him. I am starting the NC for good, this time for myself, I hate who I have become. Why is he so unstable and seemed to think that all we had was horrible?
Melissa
January 20, 2015 at 4:56 pm
Hello. I was in a LDR with a guy from college. We dated before but we broke up and after that he went out with someone who was supposed to be a close friend. I was heartbroken but I used the time to study abroad and to make new friends. Ultimately I was happy but he always came back. Even when he was with his gf. Something always brought him back. One day he found out I was dating someone else and got upset, asking me to break up with him and that he would break up with his gf. He didn’t do it when he said he did but he did eventually. From there we kind of stopped talking. We graduated and went our separate ways. Over the summer I dated many people and didn’t contact him other than in friendly ways. Eventually I could feel myself learning to live without him. Then one day I started to hear from him more often. I was travelling for work and he drove 3 hours there and back (6 total) to ask me to be his girlfriend in person. I told him about my insecurities due to his past relationship and what we had done. He said he understood that it would take a lot of work but that he was willing. During our relationship he really did love me and work through my insecurities but eventually they became too much and he said my untrust was hurting him and pushing him away. Three months in his ex’s dad passed away and he wanted to be there for the family. But at some point he said that he missed her/them and that combined with the bad feelings he had in our relationship he didn’t know if it was too late for us. I was supportive through the funeral and stuff but eventually i could feel him pushing me further away. I suggested we meet up halfway between cities so that we could work things out. We got a room and spent time together like before. It felt like we were moving in the right direction. The next morning he broke up with me. He said that he enjoyed his time with me but at the end of the night and in the morning he didnt feel happy to be with me. But he held me the entire night and we had a lot of fun. The breakup really caught me off guard because it felt like we could work things out. I asked him not to let us go but he said he was committed to no longer going back and forth and that he wasn’t coming back this time. I didn’t want to get out of his car but eventually I did. I called him on the drive home and he blocked my calls. I’ve emailed a couple times. I just feel so late. 2 days later, i still call but I know my number is blocked and it won’t go through. Any help would be appreciated. I want him back.
admin
January 21, 2015 at 2:58 pm
Ok, first off don’t email or message him anymore. You don’t want to appear desperate.
Would you be willing to try out a NC rule?
Melissa
January 21, 2015 at 8:03 pm
I would. Would it work do you think? I know this sounds dumb but he looked at my snap chat story. Although im not sure if he proceeded to delete it after.
Melissa
January 22, 2015 at 2:08 am
Sorry Chris. I started the NC the day after our breakup (after I found this) and tonight he replied to one of the emails. He said “I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I truly truly am.” and I broke and said “what do you mean?” Does that mean he’s done? What do I do :/
Melissa
January 27, 2015 at 3:08 pm
Help
admin
January 28, 2015 at 3:07 pm
With what?
Can you be more specific