How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Anon

January 13, 2015 at 12:24 am

Hi,

I was seeing a guy for almost a year when he took a year long job in another country. He had past negative experiences with long distance relationships (one being that they stayed together throughout the long distance and then broke up when they were reunited after 8months), so he discussed breaking up. I didn’t want that and he was very upset about it so we decided to try staying together. Three weeks into it, he got busier with work and stopped contacting me (after two weeks of regular skyping), including even facebook messages. I sent him perhaps too many messages (usually I sent a couple in the morning and a couple at night – keeping in mind the huge time difference… mostly asking when we could skype again and saying I hope he had a good day etc). Then a week after silence from his end, he messaged me saying he’s been very busy and hasn’t had any time to himself. He then said everytime he checked facebook it was something about having to talk and he can’t be there for me. He can’t do this anymore. So my first reaction to him was that if he wants to break up with me he has to do it face to face on skype. He didn’t respond so a couple days later I wrote him a long message and then changed my relationship status to single. Then the next day, he deleted me entirely from facebook (although it never marked my message as read). The day after, after one of my friends posted a photo of us (it was clear we were going out to a bar in the photo), he also deleted all of my friends.

It’s been three weeks now since this all happened and I’m still struggling with it. I know that we shouldn’t be in a relationship right now, but still have hopes that maybe when he returns we can. I’m just not sure what he is thinking after all of this, since there was very little communication and consideration of my feelings. Any advice? Do you think at any point I should try to reach out to him?

admin

January 19, 2015 at 3:36 pm

NC is my advice at this point.

Downtrodden & Desperate

January 11, 2015 at 3:40 am

So I’ve posted a long thread far below. 10 days after I told him not to reach out, on Christmas Eve he sent me a pic of a buff dude in a g-string (inside joke) and I responded “oh holy night” and then a pic of a street sign of his name. No response. Then 16 days later he sent me this link (I was an NYC transplant temporarily for a job which laid me off after 3 months of work): https://improveverywhere.com/missions/the-no-pants-subway-ride. I responded, “Lol, I hope you’ve picked out your favorite underpants!”. No response. Well I’ve since relocated to his home state to stay with family and work. He doesn’t know where I am because he never asked of my plans after NYC so I never said. Well 24 hours later after his link text I sent him a text telling him that I don’t think being pant-less would be acceptable in my new town. I told him I moved here and am working and living with family. He still hasn’t responded and that was 5hours ago.

My aunt says if he doesn’t respond then I’ll know he’s not interested. I am just scared that either he won’t respond or won’t be excited that I’m closer.

Was that a bad move?

admin

January 19, 2015 at 3:31 pm

Hmm… Well, have you tried a different type of text message to catch his interesting other than the two you sent?
Please help!

January 19, 2015 at 9:38 pm

I tried but then went rogue out of frustration. 🙁

WED. I texted a pic of his favorite T-Shirt brand & he quickly responded: “thats a good one” and I replied, “yeah but its not very soft”.
THUR. I texted a funny video and that night a vid of my dog and a picture of me from college. He didn’t respond to either.
FRI. morning I emailed him a rap video of a song I thought was funny (but also expressed my frustration at his mixed signals): “I don’t f— with you” along w/a message saying that I knew it wasn’t ladylike but I thought the lyrics were funny. He didn’t respond.
FRI. night I texted him, “why are you ignoring me?”

SAT. afternoon he texted, “its over.” Me: “Ok, do you mind if I ask why?” Him: “It’s not meant to be.”

I haven’t said anything more even though I want to understand why/what changed? He’d been ignoring me before the F— song email. Was it me being in his state that freaked him out? I feel so stupid thinking there was hope and then embarrassed by how I would behave when I got frustrated. He has never said “its over/its not meant to be” to me. What do you think could have changed? What should I do? I am trying to focus on my new career path and getting my shit together again but I feel like an idiot with him.
admin

January 20, 2015 at 3:37 pm

You definitely pushed too hard.

More time has to pass I think.
Please help!

January 20, 2015 at 4:21 pm

You’re right. And I know you’ve got all the answers on your website (I’ve read through it a few times) but do you think going NC will work with him? He’s never said “its over” or “its not meant to be” before.
admin

January 21, 2015 at 2:55 pm

I think it can be effective, yes.
Please help!

January 27, 2015 at 1:20 am

You don’t think its been completely ruined, after all this time and all our back & forth? Maybe he found a new girl. Is there an example of another guy saying something that final and then things working out?
admin

January 27, 2015 at 2:53 pm

Not completely ruined.

What makes you think that?
hopeless

January 30, 2015 at 5:04 pm

Well, since he texted me “its over” and “its not meant to be” and has never made comments like that? Does that mean he has no more feelings/will never speak to me again?
bummed

February 17, 2015 at 2:33 am

Lol, thanks. I won’t send him the link, I don’t want to push any envelopes.

Do you think he got a girlfriend because he totally shut down our communication after sending me pictures texts?
bummed

February 12, 2015 at 3:40 am

If I sent my LDR ex a link to vaginal weightlifting would that be:

1) funny (as intended!!)
2) a totally unattractive/inappropriate/unlady-like text
3) not strong enough to merit a response?

I found it on a yoga website and thought it was hilarious but unlike anything we’ve ever really joked about. I referred to Face Down Ass Up once and he thought that was funny but is this vaginal weight lifting article (written by a yogi) crossing a line??

I don’t think I should reach out to him after what he said to me “its not meant to be” but I keep seeing these things that remind me of him.
admin

February 16, 2015 at 10:04 pm

It might be a little too bold but you really nailed the so interesting he can’t NOT respond criteria!

So kudos there.
hopeless

February 8, 2015 at 4:10 am

I feel very doubtful that he’s still thinking of me after telling me “its over” because “its not meant to be”.

I am 29yo and keep experiencing things that I’d really like to have some to experience with me. I feel like I’ve gone so far down this breakup hole that theres no turning back.
hopeless

February 1, 2015 at 4:14 pm

But you do you still think theres a chance it was a heat-of-the-moment thing if he was responding?

ME: “Why are you ignoring me”
–21 Hours later–
HIM: “Its over”
ME: “Ok. Do you mind me asking why?”
–4 Hours later–
HIM: “Its not meant to be.” (The period “.” was included in his text).

My gf say he must’ve gotten a girlfriend. Do you still think theres a chance he was in a heated mood with that kind of time between him responding?
admin

February 2, 2015 at 2:18 pm

Haha yes there is still a chance.
admin

January 31, 2015 at 3:25 pm

Not necessarily…

Have you ever said something in the heat of the moment that you regret?

It could be that type of a deal.
hopeless

January 27, 2015 at 7:35 pm

Just the fact that he’s never said “its over” or that “its not meant to be”. Previously, when I’d say we should speak bc it was clear we wanted different things he’d go silent for a week/a month and then reach out with something funny and we’d resume light hearted exchanges. Do his closing texts erase any hope of him still having feelings for me/not moving on?
hopeless

January 28, 2015 at 10:38 pm

Regarding your question about what I mean by his “closing text” I mean him texting me “its over” and “its not meant to be”. To me that seems super harsh given the fact that he has just gone silent before. Does that mean he has no more feelings/will never speak to me again?
admin

January 28, 2015 at 3:18 pm

What do you mean by closing texts?
Downtrodden & Desperate

January 11, 2015 at 1:56 pm

Well he never responded to my text thT I’m now living/working in his StTe (apptx 3hr away) but this morning I woke to a call from his phone….it was from a PRANK CALL service, a pre recorded prank call. Funny at first but then I think about him never responding to my text and I’m left wandering.

What does that mean/how do I respond if at all??

stephanie

January 8, 2015 at 10:00 am

I have been in a LD relationship for 11 Mon ths.we have had our disagreements. But only two serious arguments.we had our second fight on new years eve. The fight was my fault. My boyfriend left the next morning talked to me all day. We sent I love u text for 3 more days. Then it just stopped. He wouldn’t answer my phone calls or text. He went to a friends house and stayed all night. The next day he changed his profile pic on Facebook. I sent him a message and told him I didn’t want to fight. For him to please answer the phone. I asked him if him changing his profile pic meant we were breaking up. He answered I guess.there was no tears and it wasn’t a bad breakup. My phone is on his contract he told me he would keep paying for it not to worry about it. He removed all my pics from his Facebook page. I randomly text him once a day to see if he is ok. Sometimes I message something just so stupid to see his response trying to make him laugh. He is a good man and I dont won’t to lose him. Please tell me how I can get him back

admin

January 19, 2015 at 3:08 pm

What hapened that caused the breakup?

Amber

January 6, 2015 at 4:00 am

My fiance broke up with me about a month ago. We were having a disagreement and he just blew up and grab all his things and left. We are in a long distance relationship and had just finished paying for the last of our wedding plans and started handing out invitations. After reading your article I think that maybe the break up was because of him feeling like I was criticizing him. After the break up him gave me the silent treatment. He unfriended me on facebook and wouldn’t return any of my texts or calls. I sent him a letter and still no response. So for almost two weeks I didn’t message him. I was hoping he would call me on my birthday but no. I also thought he would show up for xmas since he was in town to see his parents, but still no. At this point I lost it and started blowing him up with messages on facebook. He read them but didn’t respond. When I told him that I wanted my things back he then responded with a message saying I can have my key back when I mail him the rings. I then sent him more messages and he stopped replying. My messages were nice and sweet and just kept saying that I was sorry and that I didn’t want him to give up on us. So then I sent a message saying if he wanted the rings he would need to stop being a coward and face me. That’s when I got my second response. He just said that there was nothing I could do to change this and to stop making it difficult. I thought it was weird that he only responded to my messages that sounded angry. So I sent him a few more messages that were sweet and loving. He read them and never responded. Then he finally just blocked me on facebook. He never addressed coming and getting his things and whether I can have mine. I still have the rings and he hasn’t even cancelled the wedding venue places. I am so hurt and confused. My friends told me to just ignore him and I wish I would have listened. I hope I didn’t make the situation worse. I just want him to come back. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

admin

January 6, 2015 at 2:05 pm

What was the fight over?
amber

January 6, 2015 at 11:54 pm

I just re-read my last message and realized it doesn’t quite make sense. I meant to say that while I was posting pics of me at airports and in planes going home to see my family for new years. He was posting pics of airports and cabs at the same time I was but on his instagram account. After I came home he hasn’t posted anything on his instagram. I think he thought that I was going to where he lived and he was letting me know where he was, because he described where he was and for how long he was going to be there. It was really weird.
Amber

January 6, 2015 at 3:43 pm

He had been really mean all weekend and I tried to explain to him that sometimes the way he talks to me hurts my feelings. At that point he git up and grabbed all his stuff and left. It wasnt until a couple days later that he told me it was over between us via text. After he blocked me on fb I started tge NC. It has been 11 days. I fly home to be with my family for new years and posted that I was traveling on fb but didnt say where. I think a mutual friend of ours told him because all of sudden he started posting pictures of airports and places he was traveling on instagram. The weird part is that he hasnt used his instagram account in like 6 months and for the last month he didn’t even realize he was still following me and his profile picture was still of us. Well of course he stopped following me and changed his picture but the pictures he was posting just seemed directed towards me and then he just stopped posting anything. I dont understand why he wont talk to me. He had no problem giving his exes closure face to face but I cant even get a phone call. After reading your site more I have rwalized he is a stubborn guy who I believe is trying to hurt me with his silence. Cause if he was done then why not come get the rings abd your stuff and give me my key back when he was in town. Also he is trying to be the victim and is blaming me for everything but just days before he broke up with me he had told me that he knew he contibutes to our fighting and knows its not all me. We are suppose to be getting married in five months. I am the first woman he has ever proposed to and he is the only guy I have ever wanted to marry so this is a huge shock that this is happening. I never cheated and I treated him with respect. I am not saying I was perfect I had my bad days but I dont deserve this. I just dont get why he wont talk to me.

Kelly

January 5, 2015 at 9:35 pm

Hi, Chris! I’ve been all over your website last few months. My 1 year long LDR ended Thanksgiving morning. My now ex ended it because I couldn’t respect his wishes which were to stop drinking with friends. Now, it wasn’t a common thing. I hadn’t drank socially since the beginning of 2014. But in October, I started to hangout with old friends again, having a beer here and there. My ex admitted he couldn’t trust me, he thought I’d cheat on him even I had NEVER done him wrong. He didn’t even care if it was just me and my gf drinking. He thought I was at parties! I was devastated when he left me. I blew up his phone for a week when I knew I wasn’t going to hear anything back. I left him alone for another, then he texts ME saying he’s sorry for the bad note we left on. We call each other and he cries that night saying he could have made the biggest mistake ever. I tell him we could work this out, so we talk for the next few weeks, not in bf, gf kind of way, but friends. Fast forward a couple weeks and I tell him Im going to dinner with classmates to celebrate the semester and that they plan to bring wine. Knowing his history of hate for alcohol, I thought it’d be safe to let him know itd be there so he wouldn’t be suspicious later if it was brought up why I didn’t let him know it was there. He flips out, asking if it’s really a smart idea to even be around it while trying to mend this relationship. We get passed this episode, but jeez, he really doesn’t trust me.
The next week I start to notice I’m putting more effort into our texts. He says he’s sorry, he’s just trying to keep busy and that he’s trying to figure out what’s more important in life at the moment. So I decide I’ll wait him for text me first. A day passes, then Christmas, and the next day with him not texting me. I continue to leave him alone. Then the next day, he texts me, asks why I haven’t been talking to him, if I already had moved on, and if our plans of me visiting him in january are off. Of course none of that is true, I claim to be fine. Then he starts putting the effort in texting. Few says pass again, I’m scrolling through social media, and I find out he’s dating his coworker. I took a screen shot, sent it to him, then asked if he cared to give an explanation. He calls, saying he’s been dating her for the past 2 weeks, but she’s nothing but a rebound. She was there when he wasn’t happy. She isn’t worth losing what we were working on, that he still wants to see me and work it out because he loves me and always will. I was angry, heartbroken, humiliated. I told him I didn’t deserve him, he didn’t deserve me, good luck with his life and rebound, then hung up. I send screenshots of our conversations to his new gf of him saying he loves me and our plans of seeing each other. I instantly regret and I call him later that night. He blocked my phone number. I continue to call him the next two days but still blocked. He calls me the second night, saying he can still see missed calls from me, and that the reason why he’s calling is to give me closure before we never speak again. He said he realized how much he hurt me, that even though I was livid the night he spoke to me about his new gf, he knew there was more deep down inside than anger. He says that I need to move on and so does he, that there’s no forgiving or going back from what he did. He also had to throw in that in order to keep talking to his coworker, he has to lose contact with me. He told me he will always love me, that he regrets his mistake up and down. I asked him if he really thought about this, that he isn’t just letting someone make decisions for him. He said yes and no. He told me he loves me one last time, hung up, and blocked me again.
I haven’t tried calling again. I’ve been trying to move on but this was worse than the first break up. He’s pushed me 2 steps back.

What do I do now, what am I to expect, how do I go about getting over the love of my life telling me he needs to stop speaking to me for someone else?

admin

January 6, 2015 at 2:03 pm

Have you read the entirety of this website yet?

Stephanie

December 30, 2014 at 5:01 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ve been reading almost all your articles for the last four months. I was wondering your input on my situation. I was dating a guy for about 5 months and it got pretty rocky the last two. I had a few losses in my family then lost my job. I was unhappy and that took a toll on our relationship and we fought a lot. I lived far away from all my friends and family and the only thing keeping me in his city was him. Because of finances I had to move. Once I decided to do that his family started to pressure him to break up with me. Before I moved, he broke up with me over the phone and I was never to hear from him. I sent him a heartfelt letter and apology before I left the state, and he didn’t respond. I went no contact for 3.5 months. He never tried to contact me. I recently messaged him for his birthday and he responded right away. I emailed him (i deleted his phone #) a short two sentence message and he responded within an hour asking about my family and the holidays. We are long distance. I can’t tell if he’s just being polite or if there is hope. I responded to his questions, kept it light hearted and short but did not engage by asking questions back. Told him I was leaving for vacation, wished him a happy new year and left it at that. What do you suggest I do from here. I do still love him and want to give it a try. thanks for any help

admin

January 5, 2015 at 2:57 pm

Is email the only way you can communicate with him at this point?
Stephanie

January 6, 2015 at 8:13 pm

I deleted his number and we’re not friends on Facebook. He has my number as it’s in the signature line of my email. Do you suggest another way or is texting the only way? He replied to my last email. Since I didn’t really ask him any questions it was short and told me to have a happy new years. I didn’t reply to that. My birthday is this week and I’m hoping he’ll reach out but I’m not sure he will remember. What do you suggest?
admin

January 7, 2015 at 5:28 am

I prefer texting but if you feel comfortable somewhere else you can do that.
Stephanie

January 7, 2015 at 5:39 am

I’m not sure I understand your response. Do you think there is hope in this situation and how would you advise moving forward if I don’t have his number to text and he didn’t remember my birthday.
admin

January 19, 2015 at 2:56 pm

Yes, there is hope.

Maiya

December 14, 2014 at 9:02 pm

Hello Chris, I just want you to know that your blogs have been really helpful to me–really just a treasure trove of information. I’d also like you to know that I’ve come as far as meeting my former boyfriend (whom I had an LDR with) twice. To make the long story short, both of which we’ve both had a nice time. On both instances he made subtle comments about our relationship. The first instance was when we were talking about the lottery, saying that he never has any luck there. I told him that there was a saying, “unlucky in gambling, lucky in love”. To which he answered that he seems to be unlucky in both–that he seems to lose in both. That was the first time that I thought that he might be rethinking this breakup.

The second instance was when we met to have a catch up dinner. Essentially he had said that circumstances have changed now, and that maybe this time we might work out. He became embarrassed at what he said. I didn’t really react because I don’t know how to. And he had said it so quickly that I almost missed it.

In other words, he had said all these subtle comments…but I am unsure on how to react to it. I would like to give us a second chance, but I would also like to be sure of his intentions.

Should I talk to him about it? Or wait until he brings it again?
Sandra

December 4, 2014 at 1:38 am

Hi I am new here.. He came during thanksgiving week and never said he was here, so I assume it’s over.. The only reason I knew is because Skype, I heard his conversation with his family and friends discussing his job over where he lives and why he left this job over here for over there. Previously though, I have to take some blame, I was emotional and out of control because I have been on the pill for a little over 1 month now, and i got off of it, then back on it, so I went a bit crazy texting him that it hurts he doesn’t call as much or text me back, just went “OFF”… I wasn’t mean, I mostly told him how I feel when he doesn’t stay in touch because before.. We were in touch everyday through both phone, text and skype!…Going from that to this in .0 warning was hard on me.

Anyways, What should I do? We talked when he returned back to the state he lives in and he texted me that he isn’t ignoring the fact that we need to talk, and told me work has been crazy and he has had but 4 hours of sleep or less, and just been pulling “all nighters”… He is in the Oil industry so it’s not that I don’t believe him, just the message was so vague, then he said I hope you are doing okay?…

I didn’t reply and that was…just lastnight… So I don’t know.. We didn’t officially break up, but, in all honesty I just don’t know anymore.. I was supposed to move in with him by no later than this month and now this month has came and I have to renew my rental agreement or I have to find a new place to live. That is pretty messed up and might I say “Unforgivable” If he loved me truly, he’d still of came over or at least called while he was here in town…

thanks for any input- we have been in LDR since July but I came up there to visit in SEPT…

admin

December 4, 2014 at 2:11 am

I think you should focus on your living situation first.

Have an honest talk with him about your situation and if he can’t commit then don’t waste your time on him.

Aurelie

December 2, 2014 at 9:53 pm

Dear Chris,
I lost all my belief in men and love at this point, but really need to hear your advise. I have been with this guy 1.5 years and one year of it was a LDR (very long distance.. 12 hours flight, different countries). It was not easy relationships, but we never really fought and I was always giving him space and trusted him and even told him that if he meets someone he would want to try to date he should tell me and we will move on and try to stay friends. He would always go crazy about this and say “no one is like you”, “what we have is so special”, “you are the one for me. other girls are just meh..” and all that. Every single time I initiated the break up (couple of times) because the distance was getting to me and I lacked attention, he would ask me to give him a chance and sounded so genuine to make it work and make me happy. He parties a lot, so I once told him that if he feels lonely he can even physically cheat but without really knowing/dating the girl and he was like “never!” and all that BS. (I just tried to make everything to make my man happy and not miserable bc of the distance). I must add that I am an attractive woman, my pictures are shared on tumblr and all that sort of vain stuff and have a lot of admirers and men who would propose to me after few hours of talking to me. I am very successful at my field, writing my Phd at the moment, do charity work, from a good family and have never caused any harm to anyone. But despite the fact the guy was far from perfect bf and I had a lot of amazing people around, I would still be 100% faithful and very loving. Would do a lot to show how much he means to me.

Basically few days ago we were texting as usual and he would again tell me I should never worry and can trust him and I am the one and other girls can be fun, but never me, never what we have. Couple of hours later I texted “what are u doing boo?” On which I got a reply: “I am with my girlfriend. Do not text me.”

I don’t even want to describe how I felt.. Of course he didn’t pick up the phone (I called only two times), he texted an hour later he is with her now and can’t talk. Said we should have taken break when I offered (yes I did just two days before that and he told me he never wants to break up lol) and that MAYBE we can take a break and start again later. I didn’t reply as I do not know who this person is anymore.

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I am more hurt that the person stabbed me in the back. If he just told me it is not working or just tell me he is busy and then talk to me it would be more humanly. But telling someone “need you, trust me, you are the only one” and then hours later just do this is not normal.

As I found later by getting on social networks he was seeing this girl for a long time, she was staying with him for a weekend (they live in different states). Actually after that particular weekend he was extremely keen to keep me around which is disgusting. And also he would always be afraid that I am seeing someone else. Moreover there are few hints that she is not the only person he was lying to, cheating with during our relationships. I see quite a few women who were texting him all the time and now they are not even fb friends. Additionally I was getting weird messages from a fake account from time to time with links to different girls and messages “how do u enjoy having cheating boyfriend?” and all this stuff. He told me not to pay attention to it and I should trust him not haters, which I did.

I know everyone would say he is a bastard and a piece of sh*t, but what was the point of really making effort to Skype and text me, tell me how he wants me in his life, make me to make decisions to move closer to him (which I was planning to do in few months), lie or whatever till the last day. I really believed he was genuine and felt all his affection. I have a theory that the first text was written by his “gf” or she made him do it and its easier for him to date now for fun and see if feelings to me will go away. I truly understand his desire to be with someone who is closer, but why to lie and say everything in such a cruel manner.
Should I add that girls he is “seeing” are plastic average looking waitresses/bartenders with no education and their only dream is to marry a rich guy or become a cover girl of FHM?

I just need a male opinion I guess. I am sorry I wrote too much I just really do not share this with anyone and it is inside me killing me. I genuinely thought he is the one and hate that I am feeling just emptiness towards him right now.

Please let me know your thoughts and if you ever encountered couples whose relationship will be over in such a cruel way when there were no problems despite the distance that could be easily removed as we both have finances and I am keen to travel and work from another place.

P.s. Obviously I was visiting him during this year and we always had a great time together, and we were planning holidays for Valentine’s Day.

Thank you Chris. Your website made me so much calmer and reading stories from all these lovely ladies really gives me strength. I do believe we all deserve better, but sometimes you just need a closure.

admin

December 3, 2014 at 4:56 pm

You did give him permission to cheat though…

That was a BIG mistake on your part.

It’s ok though, I am not sure that this is the guy for you because any man that is willing to cheat on his gifrlfriend this many times doesn’t deserve his girlfriend.
Aurelie

December 12, 2014 at 10:04 pm

I thought it is better if he has a one-time physical contact with some random women than restrict himself for months and hate me for it and gets into actual relationships with someone. I have a lot of male friends and they all admitted that they cheated on their wives and girlfriends at least once, so I thought I should be as chilled about it as possible as we are not able to see each other often. I guess it was a mistake.. But I have not thought he would actually do it, and of course could never in the world imagine he would get into relationships with someone while texting me how i am special for him. Now he is texting me a lot being sorry and telling that no one is me and its all distance that ruined things and that I should try to move closer so we can be together. I didn’t reply as I am so upset. Then he got angry because he saw me opening messages.. and now Idk. Do you think he would still text? I don’t want him back at this point, but I would want to have an actual talk with him but want him to initiate it. Upsetting thing is that he dumped that girl right away and then after seeing no response from me reconciled with her again.

I know everyone say I will meet so much nicer guys, but I genuinely thought me and him have this special bond and I do not know how to get rid of this feeling. I am not even angry towards him or have an urge to see him, I just would want to understand what happened.

So the question really is if you think he will text again after I ignored around 20 of his messages for the last 10-12 days or I already made him so angry he won’t.

dana

December 1, 2014 at 3:40 am

Hi Chris,
I think you give GREAT advice when it comes to relationships and I’m happy you are a voice of reason to us who become overwhelmed by our own thoughts and emotions. So, can you riddle me this?
My boyfriend of 11 months broke up with me while he was here for the holidays. We have been in a LDR since July. He got an amazing opportunity and I encouraged him to take it for his future. The company had him living in an area for training, but when he finished, the company would move him to his territory to live and work. The plan was for me to move out in March and be together.
Being in a LDR was especially hard with him because he never liked to be on the phone and often got annoyed easily after what he felt was too long of a period to be chatting. Before we broke up, he mentioned he was stressed out feeling like he needed to call me everyday. He didn’t have the need to check-in and almost had the mentality of out of sight, out of mind. ☹
It was a very emotional breakup, aka we both cried like kids with scraped knees and a lot of snout. Here are some of the things he said to me:
That we are great together but long distance was it’s own kind of animal. He was super stressed out and couldn’t take the constant pressure of being on the phone. He needed this job because another opportunity would not come along like this and without this job he would never be able to provide for me. He knew he was snapping on me a lot and I became as if I needed him more. He made me promise that I would come visit him regardless of what I was doing or who I was dating because he needed me to come out there and see if I liked it so then we could be together and get married. He couldn’t wait until March because he was stressed out with this already and losing his hair. He wanted to move out to this new place and get settled, be able to make friends, focus on his hobby and not have to worry about me. He proceeded to talk about how amazing I was in every aspect and he was going to win me back. This was not the last of us.
I protested this and then did the most mature thing and deleted him off facebook. He was pissed but replied with that he wasn’t removing our pictures and I shouldn’t either. He also informed me that he wouldn’t be removing me from his Netflix account and I can still use it. He breaks my heart, but gives me endless hours of shows…. how kind.
I have been contacting him; I am placing in the no contact rule TODAY!
The last time we talked I talking about how sad this is and wanted to know why we could not be? He wasn’t crying and said he knows we are getting back together and that’s how he sees it. I’m a little lost on what to think and just need some insight, thoughts?

admin

December 1, 2014 at 3:36 pm

Well I am glad you are starting the no contact rule today.

Can you be more specific as to what you want insight on?
dana

December 2, 2014 at 12:02 am

Like why would someone say I want to marry you and I still love you, but break up with you? Am I being strung along?

annon

November 28, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Hi need help please!

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 6years. We have only been doing the long distance for about 2 years things had been getting tough. We have only recently broke up i just pushed him away and i think hes just had enough now. He says he dosnt love me anymore and that he dosnt want us.

I have been constantly texting and ringing and we have even been on skype. Arguements have happened as he just seems to want me to leave him alone. I love him and unfortunately it has taken this to happen for me to realise just how much i love him and want him in my life.

He will be back home in december and says he will come and see me today has been the first day i havnt contacted him as im hoping if i give him his space that he will give us another chance. What are the chances of this happening? Dosnt is make it easy for him to forget about me because he lives in a different country?

Many thanks

admin

December 1, 2014 at 3:14 pm

Who broke up with who?

Jenny

November 25, 2014 at 9:15 pm

LDR help do I still stand a chance?

So my ex texted me last night that he wanted to cancel plans we made prior to our break up.. Now he added a program he knew I was on a day later.. He has a local number my area code etc… He however is long distance now and out of state.. I got nervous and deleted the app all together.. Does this mean he found someone else what chances would I have of getting him back? We have been together for 5 years and broke up 2 weeks ago please help me I’m in a panic and can’t stop crying. I responded that I did cancel the reservation that was it. I never even responded to his initial break up text.

admin

November 26, 2014 at 3:02 pm

Of course, one question though.

5 years in LDR?
Jenny

November 26, 2014 at 3:11 pm

I would say a good bulk of it was long distance 3/5 years if not longer. What should I do?
admin

November 26, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Ok, when you broke up were you still long distance?
Jenny

November 26, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Yes we were, the only contact he had with me so far was this cancellation message. I did have plans to visit him next month.

nina

November 25, 2014 at 1:13 am

hi,
My boyfriend and i broke up three weeks ago, actually he broke up with me. we had been together for 13 amazing months, we loved eachother very dearly. i live in SF and he lives in france. the thing is he was moving to college in canada in january.
he was amazing, careful, sweet, perfect. We had some rough patches and he wasnt always great but we always made it through. during october break he suprised me and came to see me. he stayed two weeks and we had the best of times.
but when he left, we started having these crazy fights, these arguments, these jealouusy fits. I missed him and there is no excuse for what i did but i became jealous, demanding of him to stay up super late to talk, talk whenever he could, tell me when he talked to girls, warn me when he was going to parties. i was horrible.. and i know that. we broke up, and he refused to go back on his decision. i tried convincing him for the three weeks that followed. i was desperate. i realised how much i loved him once he left. and i told him, i told him how much i cared, i told him i was willing to di anything but its like i was talking to a wall. he couldnt hear me, he was completely closed to the idea of us getting back together.
I want him back more than anything. i have tried begging out of pure desperation and i hate having done that. but if it had worked, id do it again and again and again. Please help me find a way to get him back, i will do anything. the sooner the better. i feel that if i wait 30 days, he will move on.. i somewhat feels he already has.. is there any other way?
thanks, it would mean alot if you helped.

admin

November 25, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Begging almost never works.

NC is the way to go and stop worry about him moving on. It’s unlikely but if he does move on that fast it won’t be a serious relationship most likely.

Maura

November 24, 2014 at 6:55 pm

Hey Chris,
I really need some advice!
I just can’t believe I was so wrong about him.
We met this summer over a stupid dating app. I was visiting my folks in San Diego, staying in Oceanside. Normally I live in Germany. So I really wasn’t out looking for the love of my life… Things just happened.
I just thought it would be fun to meet some people to hang out with. So I went out with J. He was a Marine.
We had a great time… Well let’s say he talked a lot, but I liked that. He was very clear about what he wanted and about how he wanted his future to be like. (Family, Kids, a House….)
We also talked about past relationships and mistakes we both didn’t want to make again.
(He had been engaged to a single mom, they had been together for 2 years. Her daughter called him daddy and everything when she just went and left him out of the blue. I had a feeling that he still was working through it but he said there was no chance that they would be getting back together and that the weren’t in any kind of contact. He also said that it had ripped his heart out and he never wanted to feel that way again.)
I was surprised at how intense this first meeting was going but somehow was intrigued by him and his way and when he more than once said he wanted to see me again I didn’t have any reason to say no.
So we met again in between trying all the time compliments from his side never stopping. He really managed to make me put my guard down, made me feel special. And that isn’t easy considering I am a single mom of a soon to be 3 year old little guy and till that summer hadn’t found anyone who I thought at all interesting and worth dating.
So we ended up meeting again. Long walks on the beach, he kissed me we didn’t stop kissing for hours until sometime very early in the morning he dropped me off at my place. He was talking about feelings and future and how we could manage trying to be together with the whole distance problem and him going away to Bahrain. I tried to laugh it off since I thought he was going a bit to far for a second date but I also was getting feelings so fast that I was scared.
At the same time I was thinking that maybe he just was the right guy for me and I was willing to take that chance.
So we both definitely wanted to meet again.
The weekend passed and no call from him so I decided to call… He ended up telling me that he didn’t have enough money left that month to take me out and was embarrassed so he hadn’t called.
Since money is the last thing I was interested in, I tried to make that clear to him that just seeing him was enough so we made a date and ended up walking the pier and beach again, for most of the night kissing talking watching shooting stars, making wishes and talking about being together.
He seemed so sincere that no matter how silly it sounds now I believed him and crazy or not I fell for him. He was constantly juking about marrying me or getting me pregnant so I would be stuck with him. And he sang “you’re the one that I want” from the movie Grease while we were looking at a full moon at the beach.
We ended up having unprotected sex.
We both were sober and knew what was happening… Thinking about it now I really don’t know how that could happen .. But it happened more than once. He drove back to base.. Texted me when he got there, also in the morning everything was still good… Then he started not writing anymore and making excuses why he couldn’t meet up..
I didn’t know what to to and told him we at least had to talk since we had unprotected sex.
And he said yes and that he was was scared that everything was perfect but he didn’t want to get hurt again like in his last relationship.
So we talked, about fears and problems and how we could still manage to get through all of that and end up staying happy and together. We ended up having unprotected sex again. And things were good again, he was busy at work but we were texting. Then he told me something about a lockdown so we couldn’t meet up … I believed him.
When he stopped writing I blamed it on that, worried sick that they would send him off somewhere dangerous… Knowing there was a good chance that I was pregnant with his baby.
So I didn’t hear from him it was my last week in the U.S.
I flew back to Germany, where I took a pregnancy test as soon as it was possible to determine anything and it was positive.
I was was constantly writing him keeping him updated since I thought that he just wasn’t able to write me back because of the lockdown.
Well it turns out that some friend of his planted in his head that I only was after money or military benefits which honestly I don’t even know anything about.
But when I sent him the picture of the positive test he told me all about that and that he was sorry but things went to fast. And he couldn’t say that he loved me yet but we would see how things worked out. And he would be there for the baby.
He also said that he thought he would never be able to love someone as he had his Ex.
Of course I was freaking out already being a single mom, being pregnant and him being the only person who I could talk to about it. My hormones were going crazy and my heart was breaking.
But we talked things through and I tried to calm down.. He started with the compliments again… Being all sweet and it looked like things were going back to us still having a chance.
We talked about the great time we had had that summer and he wasn’t cold anymore.
We ended up having phone sex/ webcam sex. He called me babe, sung me romantic songs over the web cam. We talked about baby names and him coming to Germany as soon as he could take leave.
I showed him the first ultra sound picture and I was feeling much better about the whole situation.
Then I had to have my cecarian scar checked ( because I had a emergency c-section and had had problems with my scar healing and it still being numb)
the bad news was that my uterus had a rupture and I wouldn’t be able to have the baby.
So after having a breakdown I talked to him and he promised me to have my back through everything and that I could call him anytime and things between us wouldn’t change, that he still was going to try his best to come see me in Germany while he was in Bahrain. And that he didn’t want me to worry or to blame myself.
I really tried not to call him much because it was his last few weeks before Bahrain and he was visiting his buddy’s, but I wanted to talk to him before the operation.
You can’t imagine how hard it was for me to believe when he said that he was sorry but he was playing pool so he didn’t have time to talk.
It’s like he has two different personalities.
After the operation the only thing he said was to show him the wound. Which I did as soon as I was allowed to take the bandage off. Then after that he asked me when we talked how I was feeling.. 2 days later.

Since he was going to visit his mom I said we should just talk after he was back from the visit, with her being sick and all I didn’t want to distract him.
And that I needed some time to work though all of this. He then said well he never told me to wait around for him any that I should feel free to go out with other guys… Which I don’t want to. But we ended the call with him showing off his muscles and teasing me so I didn’t know what to think.
He didn’t call, so I called knowing he was busy packing his stuff. He seemed happy and we had a quick talk where I wished him a safe flight and he promised me to call after he had settled in his place in Bahrain.
One week passed and no call came, I wrote him saying that I hoped he had arrived safely and was getting settled in. I also tried to explain how hard loosing this baby had been for me emotionally and that I don’t blame him for how he acted but that I hoped through thinking about it he would understand me better. And understand how I couldn’t help being emotional and needing him in that situation.
He answered saying that he was sorry and was starting to understand me better. He also said that he was having a tuff time adjusting to the new place and job. He ended the text saying he needed a little more time to himself to get settled in and then he would get back in contact.
So I waited a little over a week.
I decided to reach out to him again. Just wrote a short text saying that I hoped things were starting to get better for him and that I didn’t want to loose contact with him.
He texted me back right away saying that things were actually getting much better and that we could tango (video chat) right then.
So I called him. He was sweetness in person telling me how he realized that I genuinely care about him and that he wouldn’t take that for granted, that he knew it was something special and you don’t met people who are so honest and sincere about there feelings as I am all the time. He complimented me on my looks my character. Started sweet talking and we ended up having cam sex .. Yet again…
It ended with him wanting to fall asleep together and singing “I don’t want to miss a thing” for me while we were doing so. I told him that I missed him. He said he also missed me and we fell asleep.
A few days later I called him but he was in his way out so we only talked a few minutes. He blew me kisses through the phone and kept calling me babe. He promised he would get back to me the next day but he never did. The day after was my birthday… He didn’t call, he forgot.
2 days after my birthday I called him. We talked he said he just totally forgot… It was really late and he fell asleep on me. But he complimented me again and still was calling me babe.
The next day we talked on tango again. He was all sweet and in a complimenting mood. Calling me babe, beautiful and even Love. Asking me if I missed him ….telling me he missed me.
Blowing me kisses all the time. And we ended up having cam sex again. After that he always gets really tired, I tried asking him about our situation and if he thinks we can make it work out …and all he said while falling asleep is that “time will tell, I shouldn’t worry and that he misses me very very much, and will come see me as soon as he can.”
After few days later (he had been in a field trip) we texted back an forth a few times. Now he stopped worrying again.
I don’t know what to do. I just know that if I miss someone I contact the on a regular basis.
And he just doesn’t do that. I feel like I am keeping the whole thing alive and not getting any reassurance from his side. But then why would he lead me on? Several times I told him when we were video chatting that if he didn’t want to stay in contact or just be friends I would be sad but would want to know and could deal with it. He promised me he would be honest about it and said he definitely wanted the contact and did care about me very much.
So why would he lead me on after everything I went through?
And if he is not leading me on then why not call or text more often?
I really love him.
What should I do?
Is there a way I can make this turn around for the better? I would marry him on the spot, I would move for him, I know it sounds crazy.i just know with a little effort on his side h could be the perfect guy for me.
But I have to be sure of his feelings and seeing him doing and acting not just talking
I can’t stay in this state of not knowing any longer.
Please help me figure this out<3

admin

November 25, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Ok, you want to know what I think.

I always think actions speak louder than words. When you take his words out of the equation what do his actions say?

Are they applicable to someone who is really into you?

I definitely think you need to turn the tables on him and the NC rule is perfect for that.
Maura

November 25, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Ok so so I just stop texting and also stop answering him? I mean we didn’t have a falling out or anything so should I have a talk with him before?
What would he think then.
I know one big point of him not wanting to commit is that he’s afraid of being left again after trusting someone and I don’t want him to think that I am that way.
We aren’t officially a couple but also agreed on not dating anyone else since we met each other.
Also I just sent him an homemade advent calendar ( a German tradition were there is a little goody or homemade gift for every day of advent till Christmas)
So how do I start the whole no contact the best way?
Sorry for the long text by the way, your whole page really makes a lot of sense and many many thanks for your answer!
admin

November 26, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Yep, that is how NC works.
Maura

November 25, 2014 at 6:26 pm

Oh and would it be ok for me to add him on facebook before Instart the no contact… So he can actually see that I am getting on with my life?
admin

November 26, 2014 at 3:00 pm

No don’t do that. Just go right into NC.

Tee

November 24, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Hello, This is so good, very wonderful/detailed information.
Long distance relationship is really hard. I did not realize how hard it ll be cos I was willing to be in it.
I met a guy in UK, we started dating last year May but unfortunately, i had to move back to my country due to my work permit visa running out(no option to renew). I told him I really wanted to be with him, so i asked if he ll marry me (big mistake). He asked me to give him 6 months to think about it.
So i returned to my country in February this year. Also, i kept asking him to visit me, It was easier for him to be granted a visit Visa to come to my country compared to getting one to come to UK. He finally agreed to come. We both contributed money for his trip. I had positive thoughts thinking he will propose to me (bin the 6th month). He came to my country with nothing. I was so disappointed. But i still loved him, hoping that day, he ll finally commit. Around September, I started to get impatient again, and asked him to marry me. This time he agreed.After so much debate, he agreed to come in December. I agreed to pay all expenses because he said he was working towards getting a 2nd house. So i did not want him to repeat another excuse. Along the way, he always speaks to me as if he had forgotten our last conversation about coming to my country. For instance, He ll discuss about the things he needs to do in xmas period. I was getting confused, cos every thing he kept doing was as if he was not planning to get married to me. So i asked him to tell me the truth about what he really wants, then he said he had not made up his mind yet about getting married to me. I was so upset, cos he had done this several times since i knew him. So i told him not to bother and i can clearly tell he is not interested.All this happened yesterday. He didn’t bother to respond. But now, am scared. i want him back, i feel he thinks i want to marry him for the wrong reasons which is not true.

Pls dont judge me, but i am more attracted to white males, am black but he knows this. Unfortunately, I dont get to see white guys where i live.
Also, i have a health condition (Polycystic ovarian syndrome) where I was advised to have children early (undergoing treatment at present). Am also 29, and in my country, you are considered old for married. He also knows about this.
Please help me… cos i really wanna be married and settled one day with kids

admin

November 25, 2014 at 2:47 pm

6 months to think about it?

That is ridiculous.
Tee

February 6, 2015 at 8:01 pm

i just realized a week ago, he was cheating, he has a girlfriend in UK. He had 2 phones, His girl friend came across the 2nd phone and contacted me…They’ve dated for 5 years
admin

February 9, 2015 at 3:51 pm

I am so sorry to hear this 🙁 .

Cheating always upsets me.

Molly

November 22, 2014 at 1:43 pm

Sorry Chris, my comment got posted twice.

admin

November 24, 2014 at 4:10 pm

No problem Molly, it happens all the time.

Molly

November 22, 2014 at 1:12 pm

Hi Chris
I was in a LDR for 6 years. My boyfriend broke up with me more than a month ago. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend. He broke up because I would pick fights a lot for the past few months. I was really frustrated with living alone, far away from home for college. I even asked him to have patience with me till I become fine with all the changes. I was also insecure and I would feel left out of his life when he hung out too much with his friends. So he used to be there for me all the time. We were very committed and we had plans for our future. He loved me a lot. And I was there for him since his father passed away 6 years ago. We both spoke to each other every day for the past 6 years.
He just wants to be friends now but that really hurts me. The reasons he gave me before for breaking up were he was busy, he lost his patience because we were fighting every now and then, he wanted to focus on his career, he didn’t love me anymore and he’s not the same guy. He also told me he should be able to hang out with other girls alone. I would let him be around girls but he told me he couldn’t talk to them properly because of me. And he would keep saying that I don’t trust him. I did trust him but I’d get jealous of the people around him since I didn’t get to see him everyday. I just got to spend few days with him in a year.
After the breakup, he has been very active on Facebook and he has been following random girls on Instagram. He never did that.
He left me completely heartbroken. I tried to talk to him about it a couple of times but he keeps saying he doesn’t want a relationship now. Last time we spoke, I asked him to think about getting back together after a break. He rejected the idea, told me he would never be emotionally attached to anyone ever again and asked me to move on. He said if he goes for anyone now, it’ll just be to sleep with her (we never slept together). I apologized for fighting and asked him to give our relationship another chance because we might be great together if we live in the same country and we both sacrificed a lot for this relationship in the past to give up now. I asked him to start over and we’ll do things differently now because I’ll give him his space and be more active myself. It would’ve been more 3 years of long distance if we started over and then we would’ve decided on where to do our masters together.
He just yelled at me and asked me to leave him alone and hung up. He said some pretty hurtful things then.
He sent a message the next day asking me if I was online. I didn’t reply to that. He sent me another message 3 nights ago saying “If you don’t reply then I have nothing to do, don’t blame me later”
I didn’t reply and I don’t even know what he means by that.
I don’t think that he’s thinking clearly because when I spoke to him previously, he told me it is really hard to move on from me. He also said, “I’m not promising you if we’re ever getting back together but I’m also not promising you nothing”
One minute he tells me he is still not over me and the next minute he yells at me saying how he’s completely over me. He gets hurt when he sees that I’m moving on but when I talk about getting back together, he gets mad.
I really want him to come back and be who he was, a committed loving boyfriend, even though he says he was lying to himself for 6 years.
It’s been 5 days since he hung up on me. He seems pissed off already because I didn’t reply to him. I’m really worried I might push him away for good because it was a LDR and moreover, ignoring things brought us apart in the first place. He ignored me for days and then ended up breaking up with me.
And he has been telling people that we broke up because we were fighting and I didn’t trust him. Even though I tried to explain it to him that I did trust him.
What do I do? Is there a chance he’ll be himself again after a while?
And right now, the friends he’s been hanging out with are not the committed types. Are they having an influence on his actions? Although he is not the type who would listen to people.
Can I win him back somehow?

admin

November 24, 2014 at 4:10 pm

Well, Was there every a realistic plan where the two of you would be together (in the same country.) Realistically I mean?
Maura

November 24, 2014 at 9:36 pm

Yes, more than half of my family including both my brothers live in the US and moving there always was an option. I also have the Citizenship and was already thinking about moving to the US.
So with that in the background what should I do?
Molly

November 24, 2014 at 6:34 pm

We both had plans of going for higher studies in Canada when we were together. The last time I talked to him, I asked him his plans, he was just too pissed off at me and said that’s none of my business now. I would’ve gone wherever he could have. Although both our families take a huge part in deciding our future but we both always believed that we will figure things out to be together.
He has been posting pictures of himself and talking to girls a lot, he’s probably even meeting them because I saw him asking this girl to ‘hangout’ with him on Facebook. This is breaking me inside.
Could you please tell me what should I do? I really need help.
admin

November 25, 2014 at 2:46 pm

Don’t go on to his Facebook for a while ok. Just stay in NC at this point.

Kay

November 11, 2014 at 12:32 am

Hi Chris,

My bf of 7 months LDR broke up with me last month. He txtd me only once 5 days after the break up to check how I was doing. I didn’t reply. I did NC for 30 days but slipped on the 19th day to give out movie tix. he said he was wondering when he would actually hear from me..he sounded excited and thought I was asking him out. I said no and told him to bring a mate along. he’s asked his friend a girl he has shown me in fb at some point during breakup. said coz they never got a chance to hang out but pointed out its far from a date coz they’ve decided to best of friends. Also opened up if we could go out for a coffee when he comes to my city in 2 weeks time to catch up. I didn’t say yes or no and left it hanging. He said he would let me know when he’s here but didn’t actually initiate contact.

And so I texted him while he’s here but had failed to meet because our schedules didn’t fit and he has to move up north for another event. This is post NC. Our txts are mostly about him and his sports event and how good he was doing and me encourageing and being happy for him. He hasn’t asked me any details about how I was at all. I was thinking if I could ask him to come past my city as he drives back down to his place. However at the moment I feel like he has put me into the friend zone stating im one of the greatest friend he has. It doesn’t feel great that even if he replies right away and ends with proper goobyes. should I do NC again? or keep texting and try to meet up? I haven’t really felt him putting effort to contact me and I don’t wanna come across as desperate.

admin

November 20, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Try it for another week.

Help needed

November 10, 2014 at 1:31 am

Ok, I’m officially stalking your site…

I’ve written in several times and have always fallen prey to getting upset/emotional when communicating with my LDR ex. Its been a month since we last spoke. A month ago I asked why we were in contact again and he said he didn’t know and that I was the one that started the conversation…this was not entirely true b/c 1.5 months passed after I’d told him I wanted to move on and then he reached out, ‘hopefully you calmed down’. So a month ago he responded, “i don’t know, you’re the one that started the convo” and I ignored it. This last Friday early morning I texted him a video of my puppy at a dog park and after 1hr he texted, “dirty dog”, I say, “happy dog”, he says “tired dog. goodnight.” He works odd hours so may have been coming off work at 8AM. Do you think that is a good sign that he responded? This morning I texted him a newspaper article about an underground jazz club with my caption, “next time you’re in NYC”. He hasn’t responded.

Do you think that he’s done with me/washed his hands of me? Or do you think there’s hope?

admin

November 20, 2014 at 3:18 pm

I was actually away when you sent this so I am just seeing it now .

So, you broke up with him?
Please help!

December 3, 2014 at 8:17 pm

I was actually just laid off today. I have 3 options but I don’t know what to do, what the smartest decision is. I really want to ask him but don’t think it’s in my best interest.

Shortly after moving up north I was in communication with a yoga studio down in his city and they wanted me to come in for an interview but b/c I had/have no plans to visit and they weren’t into a Skype interview I had to decline. Would it be weird if I told him about this option and/or weird if all of a sudden I moved there and started teaching??

When I first told him I’d moved back up to NYC he made the comment, “you move after you get a new car and a dog” so I feel like he sees me as a flighty person. But I got a job here and nothing was being offered in my hometown. I thought I was making the right choice selling everything and moving back. I just don’t want him to see me as a loser that just hops situations when things get tough.
admin

December 4, 2014 at 2:06 am

You are definitely not a loser. HE is a judgemental loser in my eyes if he is going to judge you for making an adult choice.
Downtrodden & Desperate

January 8, 2015 at 12:17 am

Do you think he’ll reach out again?
admin

January 19, 2015 at 3:01 pm

I am betting he will somewhere down the road.
Please help!

January 2, 2015 at 2:04 am

We resumed talking casually again. One day I asked about him visiting and he asked if I’d like to keep him hostage in my apartment all weekend and I said yes. Then I told him I was working with someone famous and he texted me saying that i would probably hook up with him/had a steady hook up in nyc. I replied and told him I wasn’t that kind of girl and eventually told him I liked being physical with him (he said, “you do?”). Then I asked about him visiting me in ny and 2 days passed with silence before I texted again asking and he said he thought he’d already responded but that he didn’t have enough time. That made sense but I was pissed he wasn’t as communicative about wanting to see me/thinking about me and suggested we not be in contact (AGAIN, I made the comment again for fear of wasting my time with someone that’s dicking me around w/ flirtatious texting while he’s scooting around his home town). 2 days pass and I tell him that we can communicate but no more sexting and jokingly called it a FWB (friends with boundaries). After 10 days on Christmas Eve he texted me a picture of a man in a red g-string (a joke b/w us) with a santa cape and caption of “Santa Clause is Coming to Town”. 30min later I texted him: “Oh holy night”. Then after Mass that night I sent him a picture of a street sign of his name (another joke/story between us). He never responded and that was all a week ago.

I have since traveled to his state with plans to stay with family before I move to his city for a job (he doesn’t know any of this b/c he has never asked and I haven’t brought it up b/c I don’t want to put pressure on the situation).

NYE night I texted him a picture of me at a NYE party in a mask and he hasn’t said anything.

Should I not have texted him since he never responded Christmas Eve? I don’t plan on texting him again but don’t understand why would he text me that picture and then nothing for follow up? Why this yo-yo texting? This is the exact thing that ALWAYS frustrates me w/ him and I obviously struggle with handling: communication inconsistency. What if he has gotten a girlfriend since christmas eve?
Please help!

January 2, 2015 at 2:07 am

DO you think he wants a sexting-only friendship with me? Was my first instinct correct and I am wasting my time with any hopes of a real relationship with him?
Please help!

December 8, 2014 at 1:06 am

Thank you for the encouragement but I still haven’t told him. I feel that convo would be a big time downer.

We were actually having a fun light hearted texting session last night about NYC and he named off a restaurant suggestion in my neighborhood that I said sounded good. He then said He may have to “come” back to satisfy his craving. My mind immediately went to thinking that meant he was here in NYC now (“come back”) so I asked if he was and he said, “No.” Then I responded telling him another restaurant & suggesting he have a tasting tour, no response yet and I doubt hell say anything to that. I wanted to ask when he was thinking of coming to NYC b/c I may have left but didn’t want to open that can of worms yet. Plus, wouldn’t it be presumptuous of me to assume he meant that he’d take me there? So I didn’t say anything.

Here’s my Q: Do I text him, “In case you would want tasting-tour company, I won’t be in NYC after the new year so let me know if you make it up before 1/1/15” or “Let me know if you make it up here over the holidays” or should I just sit in silence and see if he texts?

I kind of wanted to know if he plans on being with me for NYE because then I will for sure postpone my departure until 1/1/15.
Please help!

December 1, 2014 at 3:31 am

What do you think it means that i broke up with him? do you think he’s not going to ever consider me again because of that? I feel like were moving at a snails pace.
Please help!

November 25, 2014 at 3:53 am

I did b/c i didn’t think he was interested in me. i guess I grew impatient of the waiting game. I played it really well in the beginning but then friends would ask questions and he didn’t seem to take any initiative to see me. But with time Ive realized that he’s worth it. I mean, as long as he’s interested in something serious with me?

Last friday morning I saw an article that reminded me of something he said (a yr ago) about wanting to throw out his cell phone. It was an article entitled, ‘Why I’m not answering your text now or never’ and I included my own caption of, “Maybe you should ditch your cell after all”. He responded 3hr later, “I’m 17hr ahead”. (maybe he thought i was complaining about his lack of communication??) I answered, “Then you should be snoozing! Its an interesting article that reminded me of something you said a while ago about getting rid of your phone” Its been several days and nothing from him…

I feel like he must care for me to speak to me at all. Unless he’s being polite. Are guys ever just polite?
Help needed

November 11, 2014 at 2:50 am

Well he replied early this morning (4AM) “I’ll have to check it out” and I responded 1hr later “Yeah, I may go this WE and Ill let you know how it is”. Do you think I should’ve said something else? This weekend is my bday weekend and I was hoping the conversation would be flowing better.
Please help!

November 13, 2014 at 4:32 am

He texted me yesterday, “Cheers” I said that was british of him and he told me he is in Australia! Wild. Then this morning I wish him well on his trip and he calls me the name he used to call me while we were together, then i respond the way i used to respond, and he says,
Him: “so i guess you didn’t mean to tell me off”.
Me: “It seems you’re still talking to me”
Him: “why?”
Me: ?
Him: “Thought i was terrible”
Me: “Are you?”
Him: “Thats what you said”
Me: “Do you still think I’m not a proper girl?”
Him: “I don’t know what that means”
Me: “You said not many girls send the kind of pics i did”

He hasn’t responded. Did I respond wrong to that? I can’t tell if he was wanting to have an honest discussion or was just joking? I am worried he’ll text me early in the morning (thats when we’ve been communicating) and I won’t know how to respond to similar statements. What can I do to get things to a good place??

Please advise!

November 2, 2014 at 11:15 pm

There was a city-wide athletic event and I want to text my LDR ex asking if he’s here, in my new city (I moved for a job 2mo ago). Should I text him?

Back in August we had a text fight and I told him I really wanted to move on so didn’t want to speak anymore since things weren’t moving (and he’d come to my hometown without telling me until last minute). After 1.5mo of not speaking he texted me, “Hopefully you calmed down”, I responded, “I’m always calm ;)” then 10 days passed in silence. I reached out about a football game and a light/brief exchanged followed where I told him I’d moved and he said that he was just visiting here and then made the comment, “you move after you buy a car and get a dog?”. I told him I got a job here (I’d been unemployed for a year during which I had spine surgery). We had 1 more light exchange (my initiation) and then I asked what the purpose of us being back in contact was and after 13hrs he responded, “I don’t know, you’re the one that started the conversation”. Is he never going to give me more of his attention/tell me he misses me?

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