How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Jacob

October 30, 2014 at 5:51 pm

Hi Chris,
I just broke up with my girlfriend of three years from high school a couple of weeks ago.(I know high school relationships don’t make it often)I failed and resorted to option one after the break-up and I just started the no contact a few days ago. I didn’t bother her every day it was more or less every 3 days for the past two weeks I would talk to her and check in. She has gotten started with a rebound relationship and she has said she doesn’t think it will go far so that made me feel good. I am afraid I pushed her too far though already with my begging. She wouldn’t give me a serious answer when I asked if I was bothering her so I assume I was. When we tried making it work she never really had time to talk but now all the sudden every time I text her she is back with something after like 20 minutes tops. We Skype and watched movies and saw each other a few times when she came back during a couple of three day weekends. She just said that it was too hard after all that. I don’t believe that because she has told me things like that before to “make me feel better” it never worked though and she is horrible at lying even when texting. I feel like she is just having so many friends tell her long distance wont work that she believed it. She is always happy to talk to me even when I was asking her back she said because she still wants me around. I told her I’m taking some time and she said that she would call me in a week so I dont know what I should when she does call me should I ignore it or talk to her? Have I pushed her too far or is there still a chance? I really love her and she has been the most amazing person in my life now it seems like I wont have that anymore.

Jacob
(cant see my comment so I tried a second time sorry if it was there twice)
Franzi

October 28, 2014 at 8:31 pm

Hey,

I’m in a weird situation right now. I’ve been in a long distance relationship with this guy for a couple month and we knew each other before. Anyways we’ve decided that I would move to his country as soon as I would finish uni, which was only a couple of month away (4-5 month) We were making all sorts of plans. Then he started his new job and we didn’t text as often as before. It went from daily to once every 2 weeks. And i was also busy with writing my thesis. Then I found out that I had to repeat one of my exams and I only had 3,5 weeks time for that. Within this time I had to work overshift as well and I also had to move out of my appartment. I had hardly time to breathe. Within this time we didnt talk at all. I missed him, but I wanted to sort my shit out before I start a conversation but on the other hand he didnt text eather. Then I had to wait 3 weeks to get the results of my exam, which I passed. I was very excited about it and applied for the visa right away, it was granted within a couple of hours. Then I wanted to tell him that I will come. But right before that I checked instagram and then I saw a picture he had posted. (two pair of feet enjoying a nice view over the mountains) The Post said something like “I think this girl is pretty damn good. She follows me into the wild and back, without any complains (yet!)”
I didn’t see this comming. Before that he never said anything about him being with someone else.
I felt like a complete fool.

Now everything is booked and I’m supposed to leave in a month. Thank god I have other friends there as well.
But my question is, should I tell him that I’ll be coming. I just think that it would be kind of weird if he would find out via facebook or instagram.

What do you think?

admin

October 29, 2014 at 2:36 pm

OMG… once every two weeks.

That is a bad drop off.

I would tell him you are coming.

Cassie

October 16, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Hi Chris, I’ve been reading your articles, and it’s great advice, but my situation is a little weird and I’m worried about how it will affect getting him back. I would appreciate it if you would hear my story, and let me know what my chances of getting him back are, and also if there are any articles that you think I should read. I will try to keep it short. I met my now Ex on Study abroad in Japan (I study Japanese). We dated 9 months, before I went back home to finish college. We started the LDR with the goal of my coming back to Japan and getting married. In late August he spent $1200 to come visit me for two weeks. We just made it to the 4 month mark of long distance when the break up happened. Back in high school my EX had a female friend that he fell in love with. He asked her out but she rejected him saying she wanted to be friends. Now they are at the same university, and they still hang out pretty regularly. Unfortunately Even while we were dating, he would say how he wishes he could have dated her, but he told me he had moved on. Last weekend he went drinking with this girl and she told him that if he asked her out she wouldn’t say no. So he calls me the next day saying that he needs time to think, and that he wants to date her to know what it’s like to be with her. I am now only 4 days post break up. I kind of pushed him to break up with me (I regret it) and dragged the break up over a 2 day period (not good I know) However since then I have followed the no contact rule. My main concern is that I have no way of knowing what he is doing because he rarely uses facebook, and being long distance I have no way of knowing what he is up to. When I last spoke to him he said he really does love me and that he feels guilty for what he’s doing. We are both 21, and before the relationship things were going well, we didn’t have any fights. Thank you for reading this far, any advice you can give me would be wonderful.

admin

October 27, 2014 at 2:49 pm

Did you ever talk to him about your concerns with this girl?
Cassie

October 27, 2014 at 5:45 pm

If you mean when we broke up yes, I tried to explain that for her it might just be a rebound relationship, (her past relationship ended just weeks earlier, and she complained to my ex about the guy) and even if she is serious, dating her now might not work out. However I don’t think he was listening. If you mean while were still dating, I did bring it up a few times but he said he was ready to move on and not to worry about it. I didn’t push him because I figured this other girl wasn’t interested in him, and I had no reason not to believe him. I’m worried she really does love him, and if so I can’t imagine he would want to leave her for someone he can only see on a webcam.
admin

October 28, 2014 at 4:23 pm

I think in LDR’s there has to be some plan in place where the two of you see each other often. Is that possible in your case?
Cassie

October 28, 2014 at 10:47 pm

He lives in Japan, and I am back in America. And as we’re both college students were’re pretty poor. Meeting in persona is not easy to do. We did skype everyday, but that’s not really the same…

Kate

October 15, 2014 at 9:29 am

Hey Chris so now my next step is Jealously text which I will send to him 2-3 days after the reminder good time text. So far he answered my msg very very good. His answered very long and seem like he put his mind into it ( he texted more than me ). His last text said he is looking forward to talk with me more and thank you for what I said about reminder a good time and he think it was very sweet and sent me a kiss emoticon.

Just one thing that bother me is if he seems to want to talk with me, why he not just talk to me first? Everytime it was me who start the conversation first. I don’t get it. Do you think I still have a chance??

Thank you!

admin

October 27, 2014 at 2:40 pm

You are advancing along nicely.

Is he responsive when you start the conversation?
Kate

October 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm

Hi Christ! Thank you for your reply. Well I just had the first Skype with him since we broke up. We had really nice conversation and he did flirt with me a lot and said I am look beautiful. He also said let’s skype sometime soon too! I did delete his facebook when we broke up and I asked him if I can add him again and he said he want to see what happen first but anyway he not on facebook much at all. When you think it’s best for me to talk about our previous relationship?
Kate

October 30, 2014 at 5:15 pm

Yes he answered me every time when I start the conversation with him but still most of the time it was me who start the conversation.
Kate

October 15, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Hey Christ, I just sent him a jealously text. I dont know how to say, it’s kind of ok but not as good as before. he just end the conversation fast like “have a goodnight” after he said he will check that movie ( but maybe he is tired from work or something ). So I have to kept going by asked how his day so after that we had a nice short talk ( but still not as good as before ) and he said he looking forward for next time to talk with me and said “cheers” why he said “cheers” that sound like just friend :(. Do you think I still have a chance?
admin

October 27, 2014 at 2:43 pm

You are reading way too much into that. Just keep advancing. You are doing ok.

Sarah

October 9, 2014 at 3:01 pm

Hey Chris,

I sent you couple of messages on September 20th and I still haven’t gotten any response from you. I see it posted here, but I am not sure if you are getting my messages.

–
Sarah

admin

October 13, 2014 at 3:04 pm

Did you post it here or through email?
Sarah

October 13, 2014 at 11:11 pm

I posted it here

Losing faith

September 26, 2014 at 3:02 am

Recently my LDR ex (of about 1 yr) got into a big text-fight about him coming to my city but not telling me until late and then treating me like a tag-along when I show up. Afterwards I tell him I want someone that’s serious about me, blah blah blah and then I do a sign-off and we stop speaking. Silence. I was heart broken, I thought it was over. BUT then last Tuesday night I see a text from him, “Hopefully, you calmed down”. I was excited but unsure of how to respond so after 2 days I text, “I’m always calm ;)”. But he hasn’t said anything since, what do you think that means? Please help.
soma

September 18, 2014 at 1:35 am

sory i forget to tell u that english is not my language n i wanna ask one more question how many times i should text him per week
soma

September 18, 2014 at 1:32 am

dear chris
i need ur help
so my ex texted me after 2 months of NC
n when i ever i replay him he replay fast
we chatted for like one week for 3 times
then he travel to europ without saying Goodbye
he came after 2 week i texted him about his trip
he replayed fast we talk for 2 days i started the chat every time
he calls me sweet names but he knows that i love him n i want him to back may be thats my weakness point with him
i travel for 10 days n he is in a business trip right now
of course he didn’t text me so am
he will back next week at sunday

i want to show him that I’ve got alive and make him little bit jealous
n follow ur Instructions n try not to be easy or hard
should i text him after few days of his back or wait to the 5th of the next month n complete one month of NC

i will text that I’m with friend n our fav restaurant n i remember him n ill ask about his trip

he once told me that he like chatting with me but I’m always start the chat n he knows that i want him n love him
Ashem

September 17, 2014 at 8:24 pm

Hi,

My bf of 2.5 years broke up with me two days ago saying it’s the distance that was hard on him and he became more busy, felt guilty for not meeting my needs. We dated four years ago via internet to person for five months then I broke up with him. For one year and a half, he chased me and asked me back three times but I turned it down three times. Then I contacted him few months later and we ended up back together. Since then, we were together for almost 2.5 years. In the first year, we met once a month. After that, it became every 2-5 months depending on the situations. Twice within a year he brought up the issue he has with LDR like struggling without touch while we were apart. Then two days ago, he brought it up again, saying that he cannot continue this anymore as other things came up in life that takes up more of his attention and time. Plus his daughter needs him and he felt it’s not fair for me to wait 4-5 years until she graduates. He felt that God wanted him to stay at where he is. He felt that LDR isn’t for him as he can’t handle not having the physical touch as often as he wished.

My friend thinks he’s started having the mid-life crisis because he just turned 49 and moved in a new apt with a friend, who’s single. They’re friends for a year and a half and my friend thinks it’s his friend who influenced him because he’s single and always chase women and he’s in his mid-40s. And because that was when things changed a bit for us as well like several months ago, he stopped texting me in the mornings. It became just once a day texts. Sometimes he forgets to say good night. Before that, he used to say good morning every morning and good night every night without a miss (like I’m first thing on his mind when he wakes up and last thing on his mind before sleep). Now since March, it has changed and made me feel like I’m the last priority as if he forgets me unless I text. Sometimes no word from him all day and night then suddenly he texted to inform me where he was. I didn’t understand why or how this has changed from good morning texts with good night texts daily for two years straight (even we took a 6-month break, he still texted me those msgs daily) to suddenly spotty texts.

I’ve read what you wrote and one thing I’m wondering about regarding social media, he’s not tech person and is not interested in having Facebook account. He doesn’t have Skype. We used FaceTime mainly for weekly video chats. So how would he check on me such as seeing pictures of me with a guy to create a tad of jealousy and that I look happier, etc to attract his attention via contact and more?

What would you suggest for him to know how I am doing, etc when he doesn’t have FB or Skype or social media accounts? I plan to start NC tomorrow since I already texted him yesterday and this morning (before I saw your article and learned about NC).

Also, I have his birthday gift that I was supposed to give him this weekend and I don’t have his new home address. He just moved and I forgot to ask for it earlier. I’m wondering if I should wait for 1 month then ask for his address and mail it to him? This gift is custom made, not something I can return for refund and I’m hoping that the gift would be a constant reminder for him to remember me. Would that work?

Hope to hear from you. Thank you!

admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:33 pm

I thikn this friend is a bad influence on him…

You two were long distance though so that may have had something to do with it. Especially since you two were dating for so long in Long distance.

Jaina

September 17, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Requesting help please
Me and my ex have been in long distance for over 1.5 years. We live states apart I live in north and him in the south.everything was going great we meet each other once a month and things were good. He’s been suffering from major financial issues plus we are Indian and parents agreeing to relationship matters a lot. I a. Turning 25 n according to everyone I should be married.so I tried to tell him that he needs to let his parents know so that we stop hiding from them, I told him it doesn’t mean we have to get married right away coz I wasn’t ready either. At one point because I was scared of the parents things from his side coz he said would be hard to convince them he agreed to marry on papers n not tell anyone to secure our relationship. But when the time came he felt guilty doing it without them knowing. So am like okey so what should we do he kept saying that let’s go step by step so this time everything goes okey and he even promised me that no matter what she’s not going to give up on us this time.because in his previous relationship he went through the same thing and he had to let it go because he got bankrupt at that time plus his family thought he was too young and did not support the relationship.i don’t want the same thing to happen to us. So out of the blues he starts talking to me less and he works with his brother all day we have hard time communicating an distance builds up between us. Heathen starts telling me his confused about our relationship and that his brother is not going to support us plus he sees lots of problems in the future n best thing is to break up. So I beg n convince him that not to do this and he says ok to meet up n try n solve the problems but then when I asked him the date he said that I don’t want to waste ur money bla bla. I got pissed off n blocked his number. Three days later I decided to email him coz I felt not talking is going to make things worse. So thought of sending a daily positive mail about how my day went. For two days I did that I even send a txt on the first day and said u remember this sour picture together. He wouldn’t reply.next day I email again and I remember his email password he did read the emails right away. Today is the third day he txtd me that he’s trying to move on 100% and he’s working lot and he’s doing fine. And he wants me to move on and focus on my career and that I will find someone else. I don’t want to give up on my relationship I am sure we can solve things please help me. Do you thing doing the nc would work and or should I go meet him. Please help me if you can .

admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:28 pm

Have you read my latest guide on LDR’s?
Jaina

September 18, 2014 at 8:37 pm

I try to read this LDr thing n no contact a lot of people have got success and it’s the only thing making me strong each day. I really hope he turns around and changes his mind coz in our relationship we balanced each other well and not major problems apart from the being long distance.
Jaina

September 18, 2014 at 8:53 pm

Hey is it okey to talk to his sister in law. She’s my friend and we keep in touch maybe through her talking to me. She might figure the changes in me.
Jaina

September 17, 2014 at 7:51 pm

Please reply awaiting… Should keep sending daily emails…. ?
admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:32 pm

To me or to him?

If its to him then no.
Jaina

September 18, 2014 at 8:26 pm

I think the reason he thinks we are too different is just an excuse so I buy it but I feel real reason is that his being not strong and not fighting for our relationship. I feel like we are not that different and hey u can’t fall in love with your clone can you? He is a guy who gets easily brain washed by others and he cares too much about what other people think and that’s where we kind of differ I am someone who believes in being my self no matter what. But I guess now I see his point too in some way. It’s not that I miss behave or anything but he believes in perfection kind of.its kind of the issues related being Indian. What ya think are my chances.? Btw he texted my friend to tell her that she take care of me bla bla. …….. Yes I have read ur guide am trying self control wil the Nc and focusing on myself.
Jaina

September 17, 2014 at 7:51 pm

Please reply awaiting… Should keep sending daily emails…. ? Or beg to get back or beg to meet in person you think he will change his mind. I went from being the most perfect girl ever to we are too different. He was so into our relationship he even said that but he thought I dint care much for him. Just added details…
admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:31 pm

Why do you think all of a sudden you two became so different?

Asha

September 16, 2014 at 8:26 am

Dear Chris,

I NEED YOUR ADVICE!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

My ex- birthday is in a few days and my birthday is coming up too, and my NC period end one day before my birthday!!! I would like to know:

• Can I wish him happy birthday?

• I feel awkward to initiate contact just one day before my
birthday. I was wondering how would it look not to wish him
on his birthday, and then initiate contact just one day before
my birthday ( my birthday is 3 days after his birthday!!) I
don’t know what to do!!! Please I need advice asap because
his birthday is in a few days!!!!

Please help!!!!!!!!!! I am nervous!!!!!!!!!!!!!

admin

September 16, 2014 at 3:47 pm

Sorry but you can’t
Asha

September 16, 2014 at 6:59 pm

So I should say “Belated Birthday wishes to you” after the no contact period???
admin

September 17, 2014 at 4:17 pm

Nope.
Asha

September 24, 2014 at 5:49 am

Or send an ecard for his son’s birthday?
Asha

September 24, 2014 at 5:49 am

So I shouldn’t even wish his young 3 year old son whose birthday is just few days before mine? I love him and so does he.
Asha

September 16, 2014 at 5:25 pm

So, it is ok to contact him one day before my birthday? or should I wait for one more week? I just felt if I wait too long since this is LDR, I might lose him. Please advice
admin

September 17, 2014 at 4:14 pm

Wait one more week.

jenny

September 15, 2014 at 2:47 pm

I would like to know if im in a ldr with my ex. Is going to be a month that we been texting n calling esch other n having phone sex. The only bad part is that is been 7 years from our breack up n know im in a new relationship.

admin

September 16, 2014 at 3:07 pm

Well, you are in a LDR if you are seperated by a considerable amount of distance…

Sarah

September 10, 2014 at 3:58 am

Hey Chris,

I understand you are extremely busy. I just have one question. I had sent this question via contact page, but did not get any response from. I want ti purchase your book . It said one of the things I will get through this book is access to you. This is what attracted me the most and prompted me to purchase the book. But before I do that, please let me know if it means we can contact you directly and can expect a quicker and more detailed response? Please let me know asap.

I started the no contact all over again and completed 12 days so far, but still it is hard. I am trying to go out and exercise and jog regularly and have been concentrating on my work, but I am still not able to obsess over him. Because it has been 2 and half moths since we broke up, and no matter how much I tried to reach out and communicate with him ( I don’t beg people to take me back, so it was just normal upbeat emails), but never responded to any of my email except once (Yes my health is fine) So, now I have gone into a no contact period. Even when I was not a in a no contact period he NEVER contacted me nor responded to my email. But he never deleted me nor blocked on google plus or hangout. Being a web person, I know how these work, so I do see him online. I don’t know what all these means. I just wanted to know if I still have a chance and will no contact help for someone in my situation. PLEASE HELP ME AND ADVICE ME before I get into depression. By the way we are on LDR ( but we have met in person)

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:31 pm

The contact page I don’t answer much anymore I am getting so overwhelmed (I wish you could see my email.)

I am proud you are taking my advice on NC and self improvement to heart.

May I ask how often the two of you have met in person?
Sarah

September 15, 2014 at 4:06 pm

We were in a relationship only for 6 months. We couldn’t meet as often as we wanted because of finances ( losing job and stuff like that). But we did a lot of stuff together even if it was over the phone– watched TV ( together), played games together, cooked together. All over the phone.

But you didn’t answer my question about purchasing the book. Will we be able to email you privately and get a quicker and detailed response and help?
admin

September 16, 2014 at 3:12 pm

Long distance is hard…

I mostly answer people in the comments section. BTW… did you read my newest article about LDRS?
Sarah

September 16, 2014 at 5:23 pm

Yes I did read the article

One of us intended on moving, so we could be closer and eventually when we are financially stable, we intended on getting married. But something happened that ended up in our break up. It was nothing that serious actually. But, I really love him
admin

September 17, 2014 at 4:13 pm

Do you think you can figure out what that something was? The something that caused the breakup?
Sarah

September 17, 2014 at 5:26 pm

Yes I do. I just was complaining about communication when he already stressed and overwhelmed with different issues. When I said I felt I was drifting and distant. I mentioned this and also said I wanted to make an effort to not drift. In order to do that I mentioned about working on communication. He said he was just overwhelmed and he didn’t feel distant nor his feelings hasn’t changed.

Instead of giving understanding and giving him space, I was complaining and said certain things I really regret. I realize what went wrong and I learnt from my mistakes and want to be more understanding.
admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:21 pm

What were those certain things you regret?
Sarah

September 25, 2014 at 2:35 am

Also another thing I wanted to add

My friend is suggesting sending emails about the interesting stuffs I have been doing lately instead of text, but I personally think your idea ( texting) is better than what she is suggesting.

Also, when we were communicating, I felt I didn’t reciprocate a lot of times. So I have written a letter ( heart warming ) expressing how I feel and that even though I don’t agree with his decision, I have to support this decision. I have not sent this email, but this is what I wrote one month back. I just wanted to get it out of my chest. Do you think I should just delete it and never send this even in the future? I would like to send the letter I wrote privately to you. Is that possible?
Sarah

September 25, 2014 at 2:34 am

Hey Chris,

I don’t know how my response disappeared. But anyway, I am exactly in the same boat as Asha. My contact period ends just one day before my birthday, so I have decided to wait one more week to initiate contact.

When we were communicating, we never used facebook. We never felt a need to use Facebook because we were using google and google handout. Actually the reason why we didn’t use Facebook is because I wasn’t that active on Facebook. Now I have become very active, and I was wondering if it is wise to add him to my facebook after the no contact period ends. Or should I add him only after I initiate contact? Remember I am going to initiate contact one week after my no contact period ends. I don’t know if I am making any sense here.
Sarah

September 21, 2014 at 12:19 am

Yes. I feel I sounded ungrateful

Nameless

September 9, 2014 at 12:44 am

Hi Chris, I need your help
I have been with a long distance relationship with a guy (26 years old) for about 8-9 months which started around August last year. I am turning 19 in 2 months and live in Australia (for 10 yrs now), he lives in London, (we haven’t met face to face) but we have had contact everyday and sometimes facetime.

We had always had our ups and downs, once he even found me hiding something that I lied about my past relationship (I still am a virgin technically) but I didn’t tell him about the other things that happened… Anyways, he stopped talking to me in December until Febuary Valentines day. On Valentines day he messaged me with a love quote, then we started to talk again and he always said that he loves me so much that he forgave my lie and that it really did hurt him.

After that we were stronger than ever, we did want to meet but at that moment we were unable, as he was working and I had uni. There was one flaw he had that always caused us to argue, he said he wanted to have a 3some, and I would always get upset by it because it’s just wrong. I am iranian and so is he incase you are wondering, so these things are pretty bad in my culture aswell. He eventually stopped talking about that.

But I was never rude to him, I always respected him.
He kind of crossed the line when he spoke about my mum’s breasts, and i did tell him that i didnt want to here the comments even if they were jokes (they sounded like a fetish and it was gross), so then we kind of had an argument and at the end he asked “do you really think I love your mum more than you and at that age difference!?” I told him that no but I don’t want him to act like a person that he is not.

Then that was it, he didn’t reply, and i didnt contact either ( about June it ended)
So now it has been 3 months since we haven’t spoken… I kept trying to move on and get over him, I even deleted his pictures and his number a few times but I couldnt and it made me wonder what it would be like if we had met and that maybe we would be stronger when we met and hugged and kissed… We seemed to be a very good match in terms of everything and I really did feel love for him (Its really hard for me to like any guy). He always said that we were made for eachother, and that if he lost me he was an idiot as i really gave him reasons to trust me and he liked everything about me. He used to say it almost everyday… He also always said that He was made for me and no one in the world is as much of a match he is or that no one can love me more than he does…
It hurts alot to lose such a beautiful feeling, and I’ve had relationships before but I never had this level of feeling for anyone before. Every bone in my body tells me that he loves me, but my brain tells me otherwise as he just left me so easily…

Yesterday I read your article and i gave him a text, I sent him a song (Spiral Down- 360) and told him to “listen to it its really good (wink), it’s similar to that celine dion song that you had sent me” which was like the memory trigure you said in this article… Then after half and hour I said “when you listen to it let me know what you think, I have put it on constant repeat… I kinda wished we could dance to it, I’m now dancing to it alone 😛 )

But he hasn’t replied to me since yesterday, what do you think about my situation and what should I do? One day has not gone by without me thinking of him, it sucks so much

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:19 pm

Did he reply at all to the celine dion text?
Nameless

September 10, 2014 at 8:47 am

By the way he just replied, saying “i listened to it” now what should i say?
Nameless

September 10, 2014 at 2:48 pm

His message was too short and dry, so after a couple hours I simply said “cool”
Do you think it’s best to just leave it at that? Because he doesn’t seem like he cares anymore… Maybe he’s found another. I can leave it until he is the one who contacts again. I’m starting to question if he really is worth trying for, because he was the one to leave me and now he’s so cold

Sashi

September 8, 2014 at 12:18 pm

Hey, Chris.

I’m going crazy right now. My relationship is internet to person LDR, we were going out for more than 2 years. So, long story short, around early August, my boyfriend broke up with me out of jealousy. He was furious even before I got the chance to explain the truth to him. And no, I did not go out to date other people or made him jealous on purpose. He was jealous of my ex, because my previous ex messaged him on Facebook to talk shit and spread a rumor about me. I know it’s probably trust issue… After his rage, he hung up the Skype call and deleted me. Also, he deleted my Facebook and blocked me. He cut me off from everything.

I didn’t try to chase him, but instead I waited for one and half a week before initiating contact. I e-mailed him, explained everything and I never went out with my previous ex since 2012 before meeting my boyfriend. My boyfriend responded the next day by adding me back on Skype, but I was asleep at that time so I did not reply on time. But he said he missed me and he knew it wasn’t my fault to begin with, and he said he loves me… I was so happy that day, feeling relieved. But then the next day he never responded to my messages even though he has me on Skype.

I tried to check on him from day to day by messaging on Skype, but no response… So a week after that, on Wednesday, I called him cellphone asking if he could talk to me on Skype… Turns out he was too depressed to talk. He was so cold to me, and he did not care about anything anymore… It broke my heart, but I still showed him that I still love him and care about him so much… That I will always be around. I asked then if I could talk to him again next time, he said whatever. And then we said byes because he was going to sleep.

Thursday and Friday, it was the same… Never responded back to my messages. But on Friday the 29th of August, I left him a video message saying that I wish he’s having great day and good luck at work. Then, I went out with friends that day.. Went home, and look what I found? He deleted me off Skype again… and I was feeling like such a crap.

It made me so sad. And I could not calm down… But then, I took a few days to actually collect my thoughts… And I don’t know why, but I e-mailed him on September 1st, because I wanted to make sure that he’s okay and all… I still wrote that I miss him and I love him. And then I was too anxious, so I e-mailed him again on the September 3rd, saying that hope he reads previous my message.

And now, I can’t even think or function well. It kills me not knowing how he feels. And I miss him so terribly, that I do not have the courage to add him back on Skype. I only knew from a mutual friend that he was still on Skype. And now, I’m trying do a NC… It’s my 5th day but I feel so lost… I mean, he cut me off twice. I have been having the urge to actually call him or add him back, but I’m always getting sick by the thought of being rejected…. I know I made mistakes out of my panic, but I can’t help it…

Truthfully, I just want him back… I know he has issues, in personality wise and all. But I love him dearly, and my bond with him is too strong… I was planning to visit him by the end of the year.. Please give me opinions! 🙁

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:14 pm

Did you read my most recent article?
Sashi

September 16, 2014 at 5:50 am

Yeah, I did. And for an update, two days ago he initiated contact through Skype and he even unblocked me on Facebook. He said that he has calmed down and think on everything and he told me he wanted to stay. He still considered on moving around the globe to be with me.

Maybe I was just not careful and I should’ve not responded… but then I did. Okay, and then we talked about all the fun things. We even had video call! It was running smoothly, we had fun talking with each other (we didn’t really bring up past issues.) But the next day, he disappeared again! He deleted me off Skype. I was surprised, but not as hurt as before… I was already careful with my own feelings. That really caught me off guard and I responded quickly by messaging him on Facebook asking what happened, if he didn’t want to talk to me then he should at least tell me.

And there he goes again, saying that he’s done with everyone and everything. I was so confused, I don’t know what issues he’s been having… It feels like one day he’s hot, the other day he becomes so cold. He didn’t reply after I asked what happened and told me that he could tell me anything.

I just wished if he wanted everything to be done, he should’ve been clear about it. If at one point I want to move on, I just wish he’d given me a closure…
Sashi

September 16, 2014 at 10:41 am

btw, made a mistake on the last second paragraph. I told *him* that he could tell me anything.

Sarah

September 7, 2014 at 9:41 am

Hi Chris,

What if we receive no response after the first contact? You said we should wait for a week and text him again. What if we don’t get any response for that one. Does that mean the relationship is over? 🙁

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:12 pm

No, it means you need to find a more compelling text message.

Kira

September 6, 2014 at 5:48 pm

Hi Chris, I had written a comment about my LDR in you “ex boyfriend wants to be friends.” I don’t want to repeat it because it’s all there. I successfully completed my no contact. I messaged him last week with the enticing message (waited an hour), then responded back. I received a positive response from him which shocked me actually. He showed interest in my accomplishments. And he also responded to my messages in less than 7min. I waited a few days to send him another text message. That was 2 days ago. I have received no response whatsoever. I read your articles on if he’s a jerk or why he’s ignoring me. He did, in my opinion, turn into a completely different person to me after our breakup (a 180 personality flip). I am starting to lose hope here. This is the dilemma: he broke up with me because of “distance” (which as I said before is a stupid excuse). So I already feel like the odds are heavily against me. Right now, I’m the only one initiating contact. Even though I’m using the “control the conversation tactics,” there is a severe imbalance here. I have also seen other men and I’m just not romantically interested. I only see them as friends. I guess what I’m asking for is insight.

admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:58 pm

Have you read my latest guide? It might give you some of the insight you are looking for.
Kira

November 10, 2014 at 1:55 am

Thanks Chris! I actually gave up trying to get him back. I ended it by sending him a message declining his request to be “just friends.” I told him I still have feelings for him, I hope to get back together in the future but I can’t agree to a friendship. I wished him happiness and that was that. I know what I want and I made sure he was aware of it so that there is no confusion about it in the future. I’m still single and it’s better than being in new relationship with a guy I’m not 100% happy about. I figure, if I’m meant to be with my Ex, I will be. Love knows no boundaries right?
My Ex and I are still related together through work (in different countries of course) but he decided to call me out of the blue this week to ask a trivial question related to work. He never calls, he always emails. I’m not trying to get inside his head to figure out why he decided to call me, subjected me to the awkward silences in between the generic ‘how are you’ question, and ask this trivial work question that could have been said via email in 1 sentence. Whatever happens, happens.

Sarah

September 6, 2014 at 1:17 pm

I am on a no contact rule ( today is the 9th day) I want to add a new profile picture to my facebook and google plus. Is it ok do that during the no contact period?

admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:45 pm

Absolutely it is.

Amatul

September 4, 2014 at 10:35 pm

Chris,

I haven’t managed to get a response from you. Please give me something. I am going crazy!

I am on a no contact for the past 12 days however I don’t know if I should start it all over again because on the 9th day I accidentally called at 3:00AM!! It just rang once or twice before I realized I accidentally hit the call button and I freaked out and hung up! Then I decided to delete his name and number, so such mishaps won’t happen again. I did not text him to explain it was an accident because I was afraid I will break the no contact.

My questions is should I start the no contact again since I accidentally called him? Also, his birthday is coming up in couple of weeks. What should I do because it is falling inside the no contact period? By the way, I am on LDR ( internet to person)

admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:33 pm

Yes (sorry for the late response)

You are going to have to start over. I am so sorry.
Amatul

September 18, 2014 at 1:25 am

Chris,

Please can you delete all my post in this comment section? (for privacy reasons)
admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:42 pm

I only see this post?

Taryn

September 4, 2014 at 6:18 am

Chris,

I know I was writing to you on the other page, but anyways….

Something went wrong. And I didn’t handle it right. After all I’ve been through.

Man Chris, I wish I could call you.

admin

September 4, 2014 at 12:29 pm

What went wrong?
Taryn

September 4, 2014 at 5:31 pm

But, oh man.. Last night I was so emotional that I considered texting him and just ending it all and giving up.

I’m glad I did not. I want what’s best for me. And this can all turn around. Things were going great. And he was so hooked.

I’ll keep you updated
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:16 pm

Keep on keeping on.
Taryn

September 12, 2014 at 12:00 pm

Hey Chris!

Just to let you know, things have been going extremely well since last week. Ryan and I had a few talks with each other. And we will also be talking on the phone soon. Still taking things slow with him. But everything is turning around just like I hoped and prayed it would. So happy :]
Taryn

September 12, 2014 at 2:07 pm

We have gave been texting each other almost every day now. He even apologized to me for last week. I will be seeing him soon. I’d say, I just about have him back. But seeing each other in person will seal the deal. I can’t wait! Thank the Lord!
Taryn

September 5, 2014 at 12:44 pm

Gonna keep faith and hope. I will see how it goes.
Taryn

September 5, 2014 at 12:33 pm

Thank you.

He did text again yesterday, he wanted to talk about what we talked about
Taryn

September 4, 2014 at 3:58 pm

Okay, so…

Yesterday Ryan wanted to talk again about having a baby. Oh and to answer your question from the other page, yes I actually really do want to have a baby with Ryan. But I have standards and requirements for that. I read Steve Harvey’ books! Lol. And I require that Ryan and I be in a committed relationship. That’s a legit thing to want, if you’re going to have a baby with someone.

(this is gonna be a long one lol. Grab some pop corn! I kinda don’t want to leave anything out. We had a long talk. And eventually I blew up his phone. And I didn’t intend to. He got me highly emotional)

But he was being dead serious. Yesterday he texted me to see how my day was going. And I told him it was good. I also reminded him about his birthday coming up and said that I hoped it would be good. He said it should be.

Then the conversation started to change.

Ryan: “Maybe we should do what I thought about this morning…”
Me: “Should do what?”
Ryan: “What we talked about this morning”
Me: “Talk on the phone? What chu talkin bout?”
Ryan: “Nope”
Me: “A baby. Relationship? Those are the things we talked about this morning. Ahhhhh I’m confused… Lol”

Took him a while to write back.

Ryan: “Bbies remember”
Me: “Yes I remember. Do you remember my requirements for that?”
Ryan: “No”
Me: “Really?”
Me: “Oh. Well I would prefer to talk over the phone with you about it.”
Me: “if you’d like :]”

I wanted to talk on the phone, because I knew if we tried to handle this and talk via text, it would all come out wrong. And I should have stopped there. Lol. I should have said that I’d talk to him on the phone when he’s available. But I didn’t. And that’s lime. We make choices. It’s water under the bridge now. Moving on. Plus, better with my words when I can type them and have time to think.

Ryan: “Can’t now it’s late got skool”

Excuses. Lol he probably didn’t want to hear me getting all discombobulated over the phone at him. Lol. Anyway.

Me: “Okay that’s understandable. Tell me, are you having baby fever?”
Ryan: “Yes”
Me: “Aww why babe? You can tell me”

Me: “You know, I remember when you came out here to see me before, just before you left you had told me this same thing. That you want to have a baby with me. I remember. That was back in December.”
Me: “And I can honestly say that I thought about that a lot after you left. I thought about you a lot”

I felt at that moment that I was saying too much. But I kept going..

Ryan: “And Wht the answer”

Grr….

Me: “Question from me first, because, yes I want what you want. A baby with you. Because I care about you. So my question is, can we have a relationship then, do you want what I want. I want my baby to have parents that are together. Because they care about each other. I know you’ve had a tough time with this question of mine before. But, it’s legit to ask. I know that you have always been concerned about the distance. But distance shouldn’t get in the way. We can visit each other. Make time for each other. Things like that. Support each other lives. I have said a lot just now, sorry. But, this is my thought.”
Me: “Not trying to blow up your phone or anything. But to add to Visiting each other, eventually one of us would have to move. Right?”
Me: ” Most likely me.”

Me: “Being an official couple, and long distance has always gotten in the way between us. But this time around, I’d hope we do better. Especially if we want a baby. You understand, I hope. I’ll let you marinate on what I said okay. I really didn’t mean to blow up your phone babe.”
Me: ” (which is why I’d prefer to talk about it on the phone. I don’t want my texting tone to come off wrong. You know)”

He and I had been unofficially dating before we broke up. But we knew each other and had been talking for 2 years. But, I still felt like I was saying too much. Yet I kept going!

Me: “K. I’ll let you think.”

Ryan: “So ur sayin a soon as ur my gf ull have my bby”

I really didn’t want to have a talk like this with him. Especially not over text…. So much for letting it be his idea for us being together again. But more officially. But a part of me does not regret most of what I said. I had a lot to get off of my chest. And as we were talking, I kind of stopped caring about what he would think about what I said. It felt like it was going downhill to me at that moment anyway. So I figured I might as well be open and say what I feel. And keeping my mouth open like this scared me after the fact. I thought I messed up. Well, that he did too. I felt like I was being used. And that had to stop if it was the case.

Me: “Me being your girlfriend and commitment should be your idea and thought. I just feel that we’ve always let distance get in the way of something potentially great. And yes Ryan, I want to have your baby. But we have to agree on how long we will wait. Not gonna lie, I have baby fever too, lol. But we have to agree on how long we would wait for it. Did you think I didn’t want that?”
Me: ” I would want to have a relationship with you. Wouldn’t you?”

Ryan: “I don’t want to wait more than a month”

Me: “And what do you feel about the other things I said. About being together.”
Me: “Have you thought about being with me… Or do you just want a baby.”

I had to ask. I was starting to feel like I was being used.

Ryan: “Yes I want to but shits crazy plus I wanted to kno how u felt bout me lately bc I haven’t seen u I’m a bit but relationship wud be cool but I’m Srry sex is hard not to have n ur a virgin n I don’t want to pressure u or take it”

He had always been cautious about my virginity. Always said that he wanted to earn me in that way. But when we got closer, in the past, he started to value me more and maybe didn’t know if I would do it because of pressure or because I wanted to. I was never pressured.

Me: “I see. That makes a lot of sense.”
Me: “Did you not know how I felt?”
Me: “So you mean that you wouldn’t wait more than a month for sex then?”
Me: “Because waiting a month for sex wouldn’t be bad.”

Ryan: “I kno ily but I been makin love since I was 17”
Ryan: “No it not bout waitin for sex it how important ur virginity is”

Me: “Ohh I see”
Ryan: “R u ready to give it to me?”

Me: “Ryan. I was ready when you were here….in December. But I was nervous. And you left.. You didn’t even give us a chance. And I would only make love to you if we were dating exclusively.”
Me: ” Yes, it is important to me. And I wouldn’t give it to just anyone. Do you understand.”
Me: ” And a relationship with you can not be all about sex, but I understand that you like it and want it. You don’t think I’d want to make you and I happy that way?”
Me: “Distance and sex. Always hold us back”

Thus is the last thing he said last night.

Ryan: “I kno but I don’t want to hurt u”

But I kept blowing up his phone. And I felt that it was getting worse. What I want and need is most important. And I was confused about what he was saying.

Me: “And how would you?”
Me: “What about having a baby. That requires having sex”
Me: “Listen, I can’t change your mind about me…”
Me: “And I don’t want to argue”
Me: ” You’re saying that you aren’t capable of only having sex with me then.”
Me: “And then I would get hurt.”

Man I was not stopping.. But I had things to get off my chest and I don’t know what he thinks about the next few things I said. He did not respond to me. I didn’t expect him to. If anything, I expected that he would tell me to go away and leave him alone or something. He has not said a word since his last response.

And hour later, last night, I couldn’t sleep. And I had more to say. And I still thought it was going downhill. So again, I didn’t care that I was saying too much. Not at first.

Me: “Hope I don’t wake you. I have one more thing to say. I’m having a tough time sleeping.”

Me: “Only you know how you truly feel about me and us. I would want a chance to try with you. And he your girlfriend. Rather than assume I’ll get hurt. But I can’t and won’t make you do anything. We have to agree on things. The floor is open for you to decide.”

Me: “You said you want to have a baby with me. And I want that too. I have thought about that more than you know.”

Me: “When we first met you had asked me if I would ever date you or even have sex with you. And I said I would if you earned it. And you had been earning it. I didn’t feel pressured. At all….”

Me: “And when you came to see me in December, what I felt for you was sincere. Not pressure. What I wanted with you was earned by you. I had thought you wanted it too.”

Me: “But yeah, I understand. I can see how it would seem crazy to you. Being far away from someone you care about. And only having sex with me (and no one else) when we saw each other and having to wait. You told me you need sex. I knew that. But I wasn’t pressured. It was hard even for me to not be around you when you were gone.”

Me: “I wasn’t originally going to blow up your phone (like crazy girls do) and tell you all of these things. I was just simply going to see if you wanted to start talking again. And start over, on a new slate. And do things differently than we did before. And uh, yeah I wanted to be your girlfriend. But that doesn’t mean you can’t live your life. I know you have a life in California. That I have never been apart of. And I had been hoping that you would let me start visiting you out there. And possibly even find a job out there myself. But again, it is alllll up to you. I cannot change your mind. And I won’t.”

Me: “I’ve said to much and blew up your phone too much. Ill sleep now. Goodnight.”

Whatttttt. I said so much…. My goodness. And I felt poopie after I said all that. That’s me being straight forward with him. And this is totally not how I wanted to do things. Like, I should have waited and spoke on the phone. But either way, this is what happened. And you’re probably gonna tell me Ryan is stupid and all that. Yup. He is. But I will not say anything else to him. Not for a while. He hasn’t said a word since last night. I’m not surprised. I went crazy.

He had always been good to me. And even when we started getting closer again he was good. But then he was moving too fast with the baby talk.

Ugh. Why did I have to say all of that. I don’t know. Maybe he needed to hear it. I won’t dwell.

Anyways, Chris, I’m doing okay. I’m not sad and depressed. I’m staying calm.

Man that was a long message. I hope it will turn around
admin

September 5, 2014 at 12:12 pm

Hmm…

I am not pleased with how HE handled that situation. To me it seemed like he was trying to use you for sex (and trying to come off as the good guy for saying stuff about your virginity.) I don’t think you are wrong at all for wanting to have a relationship in order to have a baby. In fact, I think a couple should be married.

He comes off looking so bad here and its actually making me angry at him with how he handled this.
Taryn

September 5, 2014 at 12:32 pm

Yeah I know! I was mad too.
admin

September 15, 2014 at 2:18 pm

You have every right to be.
Taryn

September 15, 2014 at 3:21 pm

Yup

But things have actually turned around. Which is great. And he is seeing my side. And we are agreeing on a lot of things. My patience has payed off a lot.

I am still taking it slow, of course. And I am still using your tips.

I am thankful for your help and advice. I really appreciate it. It’s been a long journey.

Thank you for being there Chris!
admin

September 16, 2014 at 3:08 pm

No problem Taryn!

I hope you are getting something out of my articles and help!

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