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5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Amatul

    September 2, 2014 at 6:40 am

    I am on a no contact for the past 12 days however I don’t know if I should start it all over again because on the 9th day I accidentally called at 3:00AM!! It just rang once or twice before I realized I accidentally hit the call button and I freaked out and hung up! Then I decided to delete his name and number, so such mishaps won’t happen again. I did not text him to explain it was an accident because I was afraid I will break the no contact.

    My questions is should I start the no contact again since I accidentally called him? Also, his birthday is coming up in couple of weeks. What should I do because it is falling inside the no contact period? By the way, I am on LDR ( internet to person)

    1. Amatul

      September 2, 2014 at 7:03 am

      A little bit about my history. I have been trying to post on this website for the past couple weeks. Only now I am finally able post here. Please I really need some advice. I just wanted to add a little history about our relationship:

      By the way , this is long distance relationship. We met online and he lives two states from the state I live. We were great for 3 months until he lost his job. He stopped communicating for a week, and I was concerned and wrote a long email explaining that I am not someone who will run away because of financial situation. I believe in supporting each other and working as team. He wrote back immediately and said he was happy to hear from me. He also called me the next day and said he was afraid I would take the “needing space” as not being interested and that he is just frustrated because he wants to visit me and he lost his job. He said since he doesn’t have a job he didn’t want to lead me on, and at the same time his heart was hoping that I would not give up. I told him that I was glad to hear that and I love everything about him and the only thing was he had to work on was his communication and he agreed. So again we became even closer and spoke on the phone for hours.

      Then he found a job contract to hire job after being unemployed for 2 months. They are paying him the same wages as the previous company he worked for and said they will raise the pay only after he becomes permanent, which will be after 6 months. He again was trying to focus on paying his debt and we didn’t communicate as often as we used to. So, I really wanted to meet him in person, and I knew he wanted to too, but was frustrated about transition period he was in. I flew to his state and stayed there for the weekend and we had a great time, and he was extremely happy to meet me in person. It was exciting for both us. Then the next day he actually fell sick when I was there. I also met with one of my friend who lives in that state, and I had a bad experience with her. She was belligerent and acting all crazy with me. I went back home that night. I was hoping he would call and find out if I reached safely, but he didn’t. I emailed him about how I felt about him not communicating. He has a young baby ( he is a single dad.) and he was sick, so I should have been more understanding. But, my friends were making me feel as though he was not interested and I had a PMS. When I have PMS, I am crazy and say things I don’t mean. So, in my emails I asked him where we stand and whatever he did and spent didn’t mean anything if he is not concerned about my whereabout. When I was with him, he said that we met on a rare night and it was special, and we went to places that was very expensive. Even though he is having financial issues, he was spending $$$ when I was there. I think I sounded ungrateful when I said whatever he did or said didn’t mean anything to me if he is not concerned about my whereabouts.

      He called me when he saw my text that said” Since you are unable to answer the phone, I am going to email you about something I am feeling right now.” After I sent the text, he immediately called me and asked me what was going on. But, I didn’t want to talk and said I will email him. So, he checked his email immediately, and responded to my email. It was a reaction. He was angry and said he usually says whatever is on his mind and he didn’t need a get out of the jail card. He is just trying to deal with some issues, and I am not understanding. He said that just because he didn’t call didn’t mean he was not interested nor being indifferent. He said I was expecting too much, and he said he was upset that I refused to talk about the problem ( on the phone) and said it is just not him who has a problem with communication, and that I have a problem with communication too. Then he said he has a great time and he think I am beautiful incredible person, and he wants what is best for me. Then ended the email saying maybe he is not the best person for me right now.

      When I saw this email, I immediately called him, and he didn’t answer. He sent a text saying he needs some time before we can talk. I said ok, and called him after a couple of days. And he still didn’t answer, so I emailed him and said everything happens for a reason and I accept whatever. He didn’t respond. Then I tried calling him after a week, no response, and then after a week again sent him a text, email and called him asking about his health. He responded with a one line text saying by the grace of God he keeping good health. After two weeks, I again emailed him– a very positive and upbeat email. No response. Then after a week, I tried to text him. No response. After week again called him, no response.

      I know in my heart he care for me, but his pride is not allowing him to talk or he is seriously having financial issue that he fears he will lead me on. I don’t know what it is. All I know is I am in love with him and I know deep in my heart he is in love with me. I didn’t know what to do because he is the one I really want to be with. We both have one kid, and I love his little baby, and he loves my son. I just want to be able to talk to him, and it is EXTREMELY difficult to be not able to talk to someone you care about so deeply. We NEVER had any issues before. That was first time, and it was a stupid email, and I did explain to him I was going through PMS. I didn’t get a response, so, I have been desperately seeking help, and that was when I landed on your blog, an decided implement the no contact rule. I have done NC for 12 days now, and suddenly I accidentally dialed his number at 3:00AM ( 8th day) in the morning when I was trying to check the time! I did hang up immediately after one or two rings, but did not send him any text explaining that it was an accident. I didn’t send any text because I feared that would break the no contact rule.

      What should I do now? Should I start the no contact rule all over again? Please advice.

      He hasn’t blocked me on hangout or nor blocked my number. We don’t use face book. We use Google hangout, but mostly communicated over the phone and via email.

      Do I have any chance?

    2. Amatul

      September 18, 2014 at 5:50 pm

      Okay here are the other one’s

    3. Amatul

      September 3, 2014 at 3:43 am

      Hi Chris,

      Thank you for approving my question. I have been trying to post my question here for the past two weeks, and finally I was able to post it yesterday. I am desperately looking for answers. Please let me know if I have to start my NO CONTACT all over again or can I just continue with it . If it was not for that accident ( call at 3:00AM – butt dial) I would be on day 13, but I am not sure if I should start all over because of the accident. even though I wanted to I did not text him to explain that I had accidentally called him because I was afraid it would be break the No Contact if I text him. I would be so grateful if you read my previous post ( question) and let me know if I have any chance with this situation. I am hopeful and positive about all this. I have already brainstormed and written down the first text I will be sending after the NO CONTACT period. I have been preparing for the first contact after the no contact.

  2. stumped

    August 29, 2014 at 5:13 am

    So I haven’t managed to get a response from you yet and that may be because I am guilty of not following your rules 100%. Please give me something.

    My LDR guy and I had a major disagreement after he showed up in my town unannounced and only let me know late at night. I showed and he gave me the cold shoulder so I left and the next day we had a major blow up (via text) and just stopped talking for 3 weeks. He reached out (super neutral), I responded 2 days later (he ignored), I texted once a week for 2 more weeks and then accused him of ignoring me. He responded that he wasn’t going to argue so I told him that we shouldn’t speak any more. Silence.

    Then he texts me 38 days later (after i was supposed to get a dog and asks if I got it). I sent him a picture of the dog and he says, “cute dog, nice collar.” I then send him a casual response and close the convo. 2 days later I send him another picture of the dog, he ignores. 1 week later I send him a funny link and he responds, “thats funny”. I send a sign off text. 1 week later I send him a funny picture of someone that looks like him and he asks where my dog is. We have a light-hearted exchange about me not sending him dog pictures anymore and he asks to see a full body picture of my dog. The next morning we get into a texting fight after I ask why he came to my town without telling me and he tells me because he was only there for a short time and had plans to see his friends. We have some nasty exchanges, I tell him to *uc* off and he says that I was the one to reach out to him and he accuses me of flipping out all the time.

    Yes, I was maintaining contact but he was always the first to initiate (after the visit fight and then about my dog). Would a guy really reach out after more than a month of not speaking, remember a dog pick-up schedule we’d spoken about 3 months prior, and ask about its status just to be friendly?? Or does his minimal/limited communication efforts (and their neutral responses) mean that he isn’t that interested in me and was just trying to end on kosher terms/checking in to see if I would bite?

    Please give me something, anything.

    1. admin

      August 29, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      No I am just super busy and miss stuff sometimes. It’s my fault really.

      Ummm… Ok, first off DO NOT GET INTO ANY FIGHTS WITH HIM. That is really hurting you a lot.

    2. stumped

      September 21, 2014 at 2:37 am

      Last Tuesday he reached out, after 39 days of silence, “Hopefully, you calmed down”. I wasn’t sure how to respond but after 2 days I texted him, “I’m always calm;)” He hasn’t said anything more…why do you think he’s gone silent now? Was my response bad?

    3. Downtrodden & Desperate

      September 18, 2014 at 7:11 pm

      Well he texted Tuesdy night after about 38 days of silence since our text fight. “Hopefully you calmed down”. I responded this AM “I’m always calm ;)”.

      Do you think that was an ok response? I wasn’t sure of what else to say, his message was hard to respond to in a light way.

      What do you think his reach-out means?

    4. stumped

      September 17, 2014 at 4:53 am

      So he reached out tonight, after 39+ days since our last text-fight. Tonight he said, “Hopefully you’ve calmed down”.

      How do I respond? I am waiting for your advice….I understand you’re busy (and I thank you very much) but please respond within 24 hrs.

    5. stumped

      September 17, 2014 at 4:52 am

      So he reached out tonight, after 39+ days since our last text-fight. Tonight he said, “Hopefully you’ve calmed down”.

      How do I respond? I am waiting for your advice….I understand you’re busy (and I thank you very much) but please respond within 24 hrs.

    6. stumped

      September 7, 2014 at 11:51 pm

      I know. I really hate that I get like that when it starts to feel like they’ve lost interest. I pasted our last text message exchange (appx. 29 days ago), do you think he would ever want to speak to me again? Do you think he’s wiped his hands of me?

      Me: When you came to my town you said you didn’t want to tell me you were coming to town, why didn’t you?

      Him: Because i was just coming in for the night and had plans to see my 2 friends.

      Me: (I texted him a picture of my puppy laying on his back with these words pasted over it…I thought it was a funny way to communicate) “If you didn’t want to see me then why do you want to stay in contact now?”

      Him: You have too much time on your hands.

      Me: (I’ve been unemployed and it was starting to get to me) Well its pretty clear that we have very different ideas of what a successful relationship is. I’m looking for someone that is serious about me and I’m confident that I’ve exhausted all my efforts with you. I’m sure you can find someone else more your speed elsewhere.

      Him: “Thanks”

      Me: No, thank you for the wasted time. It doesn’t seem practical for us to stay in contact anymore. **ck off please!

      Him: That’s real nice. You were the one that contacted me.

      Me: “No you reached out to me and I thought things had changed but Im glad to see everything is exactly as we left it. You ended up being mean and a real douche bag. My bad for hoping otherwise.

      Him: Just like I should have expected you to flip out again.

      Me: A person can only take so much. You always push and then turn your back when you provoke a reaction. But maybe there’s someone out there that will behave the way you like. It’s clearly not me.

      Him: No it isn’t. But you can still be friendly. Who said anything about getting back together?

      Me: I was honest about not looking for anymore guy friends when we went round II. I would not have communicated the things I did otherwise. It seems you were the one manipulating the situation in your favor. I can be pleasant to those deserving but you’ve treated me badly.

      Him: Ok. I forgot how badly you were treated. Good luck. No need to be friendly since you’ll just flip out again

      Me: You never complimented me the entire time we were “together” or however you like to define it. And I honestly tried communicating.
      And there’s no need to worry about me “flipping out” because lucky for you we probably won’t have to see each other any more than we did over the last year, twice? And I have no reason to send you friendly texts since I’m not interested or looking for any more male friends.

      Him: Later. There’s no sense in trying to be friendly with you because you’re one flip out and drama tantrum away from a meltdown.

      Me: Real nice. I did my best. And I thought we’s agreed not to contact each other after you came to town and said you didn’t want to tell me in the first place. And then after I change and meet you after 11pm you try to treat me like some random girl tagging along. Whatever. You’ve always known what I’ve wanted with you but you reached out any way with some bs dog excuse that I stupidly fell for. Again, my bad. If that was genuinely a friendly gesture, shame on you. I’m not melting down over here, but I am moving on with life and I’ll be fine. Thanks for all the concern and support you’ve shown me.

      Him: I’m sure you have enough male friends. Not many girls send your type of pictures.

      Me: Really? You’re stopping that low??
      I don’t share any of the things I did with you to any of my guy friends that I dropped while we were together and still keep at a distance. but shame on you. I thought I was in a trusting relationship. If you think thats the type of girl/person I am then that’s fine, I’m glad we’re cutting ties. It’s better for the both of us.

      Me cont.. : Well this is a great note to end on. Don’t worry, going forward I won’t be sending you pictures of any type and of course I’ll be pleasant if our paths do cross. I’m not a nasty person. And my dog will be fine with his apartment lifestyle and I will make sure he doesn’t become a lazy puppy. I’ll be moving on with things in my life. I hope the best for you.

  3. Betty

    August 27, 2014 at 4:01 pm

    Hello everybody . PLEASE HELP. My relationship end because of the distance. We love eachother, we are totally in love but we broke up because of the distance. He decided to end it up for our best as we cant continue our relatioship this way. This year we are both in the same continent not the same country, next year he is going back to Brasil i stay in Europe. I told him i want to move to Brasil…! but I am not sure this is what a woman should do. I am young and best place for my education is Europe. We are musicians . But i do want to live in Brasil with him ! I go to his city in 2 days and this is the only time i can see him after 1,5 months of not seeing each other. i ofcourse can go to his city again to fix our relationship but as you suggest to wait this 30 days shouldnt i meet him now? he already knows i am coming we have some stuff to give to each other back. i didnt talk to him few days, and i do agree i need some time without talking to him but i already didnt see him for 2 months and now the opportunity to meet again won’t see each other? PLEASE HELP

  4. Silvia

    August 26, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    Hey Chris,

    I think I just messed up big time! Its been 15 days me and my bf have broken up.Things ended badly because I caught him sort of cheating so technically he is the one at fault but fails to accept that.My story is a bit complicated hell its very complicated but I wont get into that right now. What I do need to know right now is if I still have any hope with him after what I did yesterday.I maintained no contact ever since we broke up but did the dumbest thing yesterday. I created a fake account on facebook and added him just to check if he was still cyber friend-ing girls (the reason we broke up to begin with) and as expected he replied and seemed quite interested in the beginning giving out his number and asking me to text him.I declined to text him and insisted we chatted on fb, I eventually asked him if he was seeing someone and he responded that he was alone these days, I gave the stupidest response, “why?” is what I said and that’s when he started catching on that it might be me checking up on him through a fake account or maybe a friend of mine.He replied, what kind of question is that? and said he broke up with his gf(me) 10 days ago. I asked what happened and he replied idk she got fed up i guess.I show more interest and ask Fed up of what? That’s when he accuses me of checking up on him and said he didn’t even care if i was doing that. I responded casually not revealing my identity telling him that’s crazy cuz he brought up his break up in the first place and I was just being sympathetic.He then goes on and says we’re been together for 2 years but since the past 4 months its been rough and she’s been blaming me for things ( yeah things like cheating on me) I apologized and tried to work it out but nah it didn’t work out for her so we broke up.The fact is even though I did confront him and hurt his ego he was the one that broke up. Anyway I ended the topic and tell him I hope things work out for him with his girl. And he responds, “No I quit, no more” implying that he doesn’t ever want to get back or give it a second chance. That’s when my spirits totally broke and I went back to day one mode of my break up.I thought by now he would’ve atleast missed me a little but he even got the number of days since our break up wrong. I had been 15 not 10 days and he showed no regret or remorse. As if what we had didn’t even matter a single bit to him. As if what we had was meaning-less to him and getting back is not even an option now. And here I was hoping after a month of no contact he would be the one eager to make up. His words really broke my spirits up until now I was sure he was missing me and dying to make contact. What’s your take on it? I’d really like to know. I don’t have any one wise enough for good advice at this point.

    1. admin

      August 28, 2014 at 12:20 pm

      I think the first thing you have to figure out is if you even want him back.

  5. Jaici

    August 26, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    hey there,
    my ex and I broke up six months ago. I did no contact with him for a month, got back in contact, and we have been talking ever since. He calls me pretty much everyday. At first when NC ended his attitude was “we cant get back together, youre too far, its too hard” blah blah blah. I patiently waited, kept talking to him, and his attitude has changed from definite “no” to “I dont know what to do”. He left for Europe at the beginning of August with the “I want to get back together with you when I come back” attitude (he specifically told me this, twice). I was really excited. But he leaves to come home today, and I feel like his attitude has changed in the last few days. So a couple nights ago I questioned him about it and he was like “I really want to be with you but youre just so far. I bounce back and forth all the time, sometimes I’m just so sure about us, and sometimes I dont think its a good idea.” I am so frustrated with this. He has had plenty of time to think about it. He will be in my city in two weeks. I told him if he doesn’t decide by then, then its over between us for good, he will never be with me again.
    He doesnt like that I put a time limit on it but he said fine. Is there anything else I should do? Was it a bad idea to give him a deadline? Any ideas to what he is thinking?
    Thanks so much

    1. admin

      August 28, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      How old is he?

    2. Jaici

      August 28, 2014 at 6:33 pm

      Almost 20

  6. Kelley Gibson

    August 25, 2014 at 1:50 pm

    Hi Chris. I just found your site and was very intrigued by the info you post.
    I don’t know if you can help me or not. My bf of three years, who lives about 280 miles away, and I broke up about six months ago. Our last exchange was him texting me having a meltdown, calling me names and saying he’d never wanted me (which you said, in a way, is good…showing emotion).
    I left him alone, randomly texting every now and then…no response of course…
    Two months ago I got an email notification that he’d joined a work type site that I’m a member of. Two days later I saw that he’d viewed my profile. I sent a short InMail just saying hi and it was good to see that he’d joined and that he had a new job. I made light convo telling him that I was headed to his area for some work training. He emailed back the same night asking when I’d be there, as his job was sending him away for some training and he wasn’t sure if it would be during the time I’d be there. I answered but never heard back from him. I’ve gotten some emails thru yahoo from him lately, that just seem angry and snotty.
    Last Wed night he emailed me, after I had emailed asking if he’d like to meet for dinner during the weekend. He said, NO, that he was going back to where he lived when he was married for the weekend, as his daughter was having her baby that day.
    He’s been viewing my profile every 2-3 days, but the only contact he makes is email, and he’s kinda nasty.
    What the heck is going on??? What do I do now?
    I mean if a guy breaks up and says he’s going to forget about me, but a few months later, here he is, in my face online all the time, what am I supposed to think?
    btw…I haven’t contacted him at all since his email last Wed.
    Please help me figure this out. I do love this guy, very much and I’d like to work this out.
    Thanks!
    Kelley

    1. admin

      August 26, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      What caused him to have the meltdown? What set him off?

    2. Kelley Gibson

      August 27, 2014 at 10:42 am

      I wish I knew. We hadn’t spoken for about a month, and I’d been trying to get him to talk about things. He started going off on me, calling me names, saying he’d never wanted me, accusing me of cheating on me, which I did not do.
      His then soon to be exwife had been texting me for months before the divorce, and I”d always ignored her, never responding. After the divorce was final she started texting me again, demanding to know if he’d been seeing me while they were separated. I was angry at him for saying nasty stuff to me, so I told her the truth. I know I shouldn’t have, but he really hurt me. Maybe that’s what pissed him off…

    3. Kelley

      August 29, 2014 at 9:14 pm

      I know you’re really busy, but when you have time, I could really use some advice.
      He was on my LinkedIn profile again this morning.
      I need to know if this is a good thing, and what my next step should be.
      Thanks so much!

    4. admin

      September 2, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      It means he is checking up on you which means he probably is thinking about you.

    5. Kelley

      September 2, 2014 at 1:59 pm

      So…what’s my next step?
      He’s a typical gemini. He’s the “thinker”. He mulls things over a long time before he takes action.
      Do I continue to try and get him to talk? Do I just shut up and let him wonder?
      He’s got some pretty bad self esteem from previous relationships and I’m concerned about him possibly thinking that I’ve given up and moved on.
      What do I do?
      And, btw, thanks so much for your answer. I know you’re really busy and I so appreciate your help!

    6. admin

      September 3, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      Shut up and let him wonder! Hahaha.

    7. Kelley

      September 3, 2014 at 4:07 pm

      Is that a serious answer that will benefit me, or what?

    8. admin

      September 4, 2014 at 11:55 am

      I am sorry that I can’t give you the answer you are looking for. I am pretty busy as I get asked hundreds of questions every day. I will try to be better for you though.

    9. Kelley

      September 9, 2014 at 2:47 am

      I know you’re busy Chris. And I appreciate whatever help you can give.
      He’s been emailing me. He emailed last Thurs telling me how I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did, which I have no idea what that means. But when I responded hrs later and ended by saying sorry for the late reply but I was in bed when you emailed ( it was late at night when he emailed ), he emailed back saying, Yeah well who were you in bed with? And two days later he emailed and in a roundabout way accused me of cheating on him, when I emailed saying I was thinking of him becuz I was wearing the heels that I wore when he took me to a Xmas party and he answered saying, Yeah and I’m sure you’re wearing them to take Emma (my daughter whom he was very close to) to a school function. What the heck is going on?? On the one hand he’s communicating but on the other he’s angry. What do I do??

  7. jack

    August 20, 2014 at 2:18 am

    Hey all. I am a guy trying to get my ex back. Basically I have been doing no contact for about 2 weeks now and in the mean time I have been going out with friends and moving on. Also showing off what I’m doing on facebook. Just the other day a mutual friend of me and my ex called to check up how I am doing…

    I am pretty sure that my ex sent them. He called only a few hours after I posTed and selfie with me and a girl on facebook. He tried to get me to talk about her indirectly but I didn’t say much.

    Should I tell him that this girl is obsessed with me and trying to get me to ask her out (its true). I know he will secretly relay that message to my ex. I am not sure if that type of jealousy is too risky or not. Basically if I do I’ll say something like “yea so that girl I met at the party keeps texting me and wants me to ask her out. She’s pretty chill and I kinda wanna. Should i?”

    Let me know what you all think:)

    1. admin

      August 25, 2014 at 11:52 am

      I bet your ex sent them too haha.

  8. Becky

    August 19, 2014 at 3:54 am

    Hello there,
    My ex has been ignoring the last messages I sent in the span of a month (they were all 4-5 days spaced out)

    I’m moving to the city he’s currently in for an education opportunity in which I was accepted a few months back before the break up.

    What do you reckon I should do? Should I message him when I’m in town– to catch up? That may seem clingy…

    Let me know

    B.

  9. razeena manandhar

    August 13, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    hi chris.
    i read all abt no contact rules. m applying d same right
    now. i live in nepal. and my bf moved to USA,irving texas.
    we have been friends since 5th grade . dat time we wer just good friends.and we met in picnic organised by my friend after 5 years wen i was in 10th standard. slowly we fell for each other. we wer in serious relationship. we wer together for 5 years den or more i havent counted. we
    have done every single thing together. we were perfect together.alwez i used to start fight first. and he alwez
    mend each break up of ours. after he moved to USA, we hav been in touch for 9 months. bt because of some unnatural rumours(like wen i went to his home for some ceremony,his friend saw kinda love bite in my neck) and he burst out in tears.he alwez has been in real true relationsip wid me. he never lied me. he never ever betrayed me. nth.jus because of dat he told me to break up. and he used to sooo hurtful words dat i just cant even hear.
    he doesnt trust me. i feel dat. he thinks dat m having affair wid another guy. dat is really not. i hav alwez been loyal to my relationsip. he broke up me for dat stupid reason. he is such an idiot. i kno he cannot live single sec widout me. bt why he broke up?
    its just 8th day of my no contact period. since i read all ur stories abt getting back and no contact period. m hopeful for it. bt seriously m getting low day by day.
    first wen i din visited ur site,,,i was begging him to hold me back n texted him 100s of text through viber and
    called him every minute.bt he disconnected. and after googling’ i got to ko i was doing it wrong and have been following. wat if he doesnt try to contact? m so scared because i was planning to suicide. m so jerk. after break up , i was surfing on google on” how to suicide” its funny to tell u. bt seriously i din hav choice. plz do reply dis nepali girl. fingers crossed.

    1. admin

      August 14, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      Do you need the number for the suicide hotline? I can give it to you if you need serious help.

    2. Olivia

      August 15, 2014 at 7:26 am

      Hey Razeena… how you doing? I totally get how low you’re feeling right, and how bad it all feels at the moment, but you need to talk to somebody… do you have a friend, a family member, a priest or somebody you can call, or talk to right now? Sometimes boys are stupid, and well sometimes we over react a bit because we love them so much, but hey suicide is not an option… no matter how hard life gets… you are loved by so many people, and right now it may be hard to see that… I’m glad you spoke up, and visited this board, and posted… you’ve helped me by posting and showing I’m not alone in my own sadness, but please don’t hurt yourself… We’re all here for you, and so are the people that are close to you… so seek help, tell somebody, go to a hospital if you have to… let us know you’re ok. You haven’t done anything wrong… it’s all a learning experience… maybe he’ll open his eyes to see how great you are and if it takes him a while well then that’s his loss, but for now take care of yourself… I mean that’s what Chris tells us to do with the 30 day no contact rule right, so now pick yourself up, wash your face, and call a friend, a family member somebody and ask them to come over you need their help… /hug!!!!! And remember this “everything will be ok in the end, and if it’s not ok, then it’s not the end” Don’t give up, you have such a loving and caring heart, but at this moment, it may feel like the darkness is taking control, but remember you control the light, so take a breathe, give yourself a hug, and know that you’re not alone!!!! We’re all here with you… I’m here with you!!! I shall call you a sister… hopefully soon we’ll both be smiling and laughing… just let us know how you’re doing, and let somebody right now know where youre at how sad you are so they can help you too… and give you that hug you really need right now… /HUG! You’re going to be ok, I’m so glad you calling for help… oh and don’t people in general are a bit stupid so tell them exactly what you need from them like a ride to the hospital, or somebody to come over because you’re so low you’re thinking of hurting yourself otherwise they just might not understand at first how much you’re hurting at the moment and desperately need their help, love, and understanding 🙂 WITH ALL MY HOPE AND LOVE THAT TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY!!! Olivia

  10. roadblocked

    August 13, 2014 at 4:01 am

    Hi,

    I think I’ve ruined it all. I mean, he was the one to reach out to me after we fell into silence following a fight over him coming to my town and not telling me until a late-night invite to meet he and his friends (where he treated me like a random tag-along). Then 3 weeks of silence, him reaching out with a band name, ignoring my 3 casual texts/only responding when I tell him that I think it’s best for me to move on. Then another 5 weeks of silence and he reaches out asking if I ever got a dog (its been a year-long process for me) and I was eager about the contact so engaged him again. His response was neutral (per your judgement) and when I texted him casual/lightly afterwards his responses were minimal. Then he asks me to send him a picture of my dog (without actually asking) and we have a few light exchanges that eventually turned into the worst but probably the most communicative conversation we’ve ever had…here is the text exchange. What do you think?

    Me: When you came to my town you said you didn’t want to tell me you were coming to town, why didn’t you?

    Him: Because i was just coming in for the night and had plans to see my 2 friends.

    Me: If you didn’t want to see me then why do you want to stay in contact now?

    Him: You have too much time on your hands.

    Me: Well its pretty clear that we have very different ideas of what a successful relationship is. I’m looking for someone that is serious about me and I’m confident that I’ve exhausted all my efforts with you. I’m sure you can find someone else more your speed elsewhere.

    Him: “Thanks”

    Me: No, thank you for the wasted time. It doesn’t seem practical for us to stay in contact anymore. **ck off please!

    Him: That’s real nice. You were the one that contacted me.

    Me: “No you reached out to me and I thought things had changed but Im glad to see everything is exactly as we left it. You ended up being mean and a real douche bag. My bad for hoping otherwise.

    Him: Just like I should have expected you to flip out again.

    Me: A person can only take so much. You always push and then turn your back when you provoke a reaction. But maybe there’s someone out there that will behave the way you like. It’s clearly not me.

    Him: No it isn’t. But you can still be friendly. Who said anything about getting back together?

    Me: I was honest about not looking for anymore guy friends when we went round II. I would not have communicated the things I did otherwise. It seems you were the one manipulating the situation in your favor. I can be pleasant to those deserving but you’ve treated me badly.

    Him: Ok. I forgot how badly you were treated. Good luck. No need to be friendly since you’ll just flip out again

    Me: You never complimented me the entire time we were “together” or however you like to define it. And I honestly tried communicating.
    And there’s no need to worry about me “flipping out” because lucky for you we probably won’t have to see each other any more than we did over the last year, twice? And I have no reason to send you friendly texts since I’m not interested or looking for any more male friends.

    Him: Later. There’s no sense in trying to be friendly with you because you’re one flip out and drama tantrum away from a meltdown.

    Me: Real nice. I did my best. And I thought we’s agreed not to contact each other after you came to town and said you didn’t want to tell me in the first place. And then after I change and meet you after 11pm you try to treat me like some random girl tagging along. Whatever. You’ve always known what I’ve wanted with you but you reached out any way with some bs dog excuse that I stupidly fell for. Again, my bad. If that was genuinely a friendly gesture, shame on you. I’m not melting down over here, but I am moving on with life and I’ll be fine. Thanks for all the concern and support you’ve shown me.

    Him: I’m sure you have enough male friends. Not many girls send your type of pictures.

    Me: Really? You’re stopping that low??
    I don’t share any of the things I did with you to any of my guy friends that I dropped while we were together and still keep at a distance. but shame on you. I thought I was in a trusting relationship. If you think thats the type of girl/person I am then that’s fine, I’m glad we’re cutting ties. It’s better for the both of us.

    Me cont.. : Well this is a great note to end on. Don’t worry, going forward I won’t be sending you pictures of any type and of course I’ll be pleasant if our paths do cross. I’m not a nasty person. And my dog will be fine with his apartment lifestyle and I will make sure he doesn’t become a lazy puppy. I’ll be moving on with things in my life. I hope the best for you.

    No response and its been 3 days…that’s how we ended things. Was I wrong: was he not romantically interested in me? Why would he reach out originally if not? Yes, I did encourage conversation with him after he texted but he’s been the first one to reach out on both occasions. I know thats a nasty exchange, do you think we’ll speak again?

    1. roadblocked

      August 21, 2014 at 9:03 pm

      …do I not want to hear your opinion on the matter?

  11. Kathy

    August 11, 2014 at 5:51 pm

    Hi, Chris!
    I find your articles very helpful and enjoy reading them!
    My case is a bit strange. I was in a long distance relationship(1500 km in two different countries in Europe) for 2 years. Everything was just perfect and distance didn`t seem to be a problem. We kept constant touch and when he had come back home for holidays we spent almost all the time together. I even spent 2 weeks each year there in the other country where he studies. The problem occured about 2 months ago when he started acting weird- skipping skype conversations, not texting me all day long but he had problems in the university and got a new job which took most of his time and I thought that he is just tired. Then about 3 weeks ago he called on skype one night wanting to have a ‘serious’ conversation with me and just told me that he wanted us to separate. The exact words were ” It is just not the same anymore and I don`t want to pretend and don`t want to keep deluding you. I just don`t feel like I love you anymore. It`s really hard for me because this relationship meant a lot for me and is the most precious I ever had but it is just over now. I know that you don`t deserve this and I`m a total jerk and you deserve better because you are still wonderful girl but things are over”. I immediately started no contact although I found this site a bit later. It just felt right to give both of us some time to think the thing over by ourselves. We never spoke after the break up and neither of us has texted or called the other. The problem here is that he told me that at least he owed me a real face to face conversation when he come back home for summer( I recently found out that he is already home)so I think it is a matter of time one of us break the NC and I think it`s going to be me when the 30 days are over. I only don`t know should this promised date be a date of a real face to face breaking up or should it be my first step to making him love me and want me again, especially since so many things left unsaid over the whole skype breaking up?
    What do you think I should do in this situation?
    Thank you very much in advance!

    1. admin

      August 12, 2014 at 11:40 am

      Did this come out of the blue?

      His sudden distance? Or did you kind of sense it was happening.

    2. Kathy

      August 12, 2014 at 1:16 pm

      Hi!
      I really kind of knew that something wasn`t quite right this past months, but to be honest I didn`t put that much emphasis on this thing. May be I have been misinterpreting his distance all along..because I thought that it had nothing to do with me but with his upcoming exams and stress over work instead. The truth is that I noticed his change, he really wasn`t the same person but I didn`t pay much attention(my mistake here..i did nothing to keep him interested instead I just maintained the routine). But what I think is that this decision of his was quite rush and impulsive, especially having the fact that we haven`t seen each other for 4 months..I think that he could have waited a few more weeks and come to tell me this in person. I think that he was just scared to tell me what is in his mind and just did it the easiest and cowardest way possible. Which all somehow leads me to the conclusion that he might have thought deep down that seeing me in person would have made him change his mind. However I am planning on texting him soon but I`m just not sure what to do when I see him..I really want him back but I know that this is going to be neither easy nor fast process, having the fact that he is so stubborn.
      So do you think that there is hope in this situation or he is just so over me and that`s it? But I think that him not calling or texting at all may mean that he is uneasy whit the situation too..which may mean that he still has some kind of feelings..(sorry for the monologue, I`ve been overthinking this a lot these weeks)

  12. Shenya

    August 11, 2014 at 9:53 am

    Dear Chris,
    Thanks a million. We both live in 2 countries. After 30 days i txted my ex. He replied me after 10 days. He was so loving like before. He said he want to come to see me in August in his vacation as we planned before. And after abt 3 conversations he wanted to hav phone sex with me. But i didnt entertain him much as b4. Suddenly he stopped talking to me. God Im dam sad. Y does he did this. I tried few times to talk but he ignore me. This is a result of, as i didnt entertain him much. What can i do now? He is not going to cm to see me either.

    1. Shenya

      August 11, 2014 at 10:36 am

      Also, he has still not unblocked me yet in FB.

      Thanks for yr advices.

      Shenya

    2. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 11:44 am

      You read my unblocking article right?

    3. Shenya

      August 11, 2014 at 11:43 pm

      Yes I did, I changed sm pictutes to, hwever, as i written above the first comment can you pls tell me why he stopped talking to me though he spoke to me after NC?
      He wanted phone sex but I didnt entertsined him after NC.
      Pls tell me Chris, is he only want to use me?

      Thank you.
      Shenya

    4. admin

      August 12, 2014 at 12:19 pm

      Every time he talks to you does he only want sex?

    5. Shenya

      August 12, 2014 at 11:49 pm

      Dear Chris,

      When we use to talk on the phone, he was talking other stuff also, about my work, my family, etc. However, then he talk about sex.

      We spoke only for 2 days after my NC. Now he doesnt talk to me again. Shall I wait for another 30 days.
      Thank you.
      Shenya

  13. Leslie

    August 7, 2014 at 11:40 pm

    Hey Chris so my ex boyfriend called me and it went really well. I was plan kng on sending my text you suggested but he beat me to the punch. Our conversation went really well and it kind of gives me hope. But I don’t want to look desperate. It’s been three days since I talked to him and since its long distance and like you said distance is the only thing hurting our relationship how long should I spread out days to talk or text? I know that I would probably be the one that has to move and he knows I would move for him. But right now is not the time to ask for a relationship or talk about it all. I don’t want to do that I want it to be his idea like you have suggested.

    1. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 11:27 am

      I agree… Make him put in some effort now.

    2. Leslie

      August 20, 2014 at 12:18 am

      Thanks Chris. I do have a slight problem though now that there is more distance I am not sure what to do cause I have an opportunity to get a paid internship. So I moved just to a different city. So I wouldn’t be able to move to see him til I am done. He knew if I gor a paid internship I would go home and there would be distance involved. So how do I go about this now… I don’t want to give a great opportunity. Especially since I’m almost done with my masters. It would be for a year. But I have weeks off here and there and a whole month off in the summer…..

    3. Leslie

      August 9, 2014 at 4:15 am

      Also he prefers calling over texting ….

    4. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 11:35 am

      I’d still find a way to text him first.

  14. Crystal

    August 7, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    Chris I would love to get your opinion!

    Ok I met my ex in middle school, I was 12, we dated 7th and 8th grade(young, I know haha). I moved before 9th grade and we have been long distance ever since, I am now 22. I guess you could say we’ve been unofficially onand off for 10 years. Well we broke up when I moved but constantly stayed in touch. I have dated plenty of other guys since moving and he has continued to stay in touch with me, even if we didn’t talk for months. I’ve always known he loved me but I was at an odd point in my life where I didn’t know what I wanted and was unsure if I wanted to be with him. He came up here about 2 years ago (traveled 8 hours) to be with me and my family for Christmas and got me this beautiful Kay’s Jewelers ring as a gift! I was completely caught off guard because I still wasn’t sure where I wanted to stand with him yet. We continued to keep in contact after that. Now, a few weeks ago I had gone through some things and had this great revelation on life and I realized that I did want to be with him. I returned to my old home for a relatives birthday party and hoped I would be able to see him so I could tell him how I felt. Well a week before I went back to GA he was texting me and sending me pictures, but when he found out I was coming down there it’s like he didn’t want to talk anymore, his texts were really short and neutral. Once I got down there we did not see each other, he would take 6 hours to respond to my texts so I got the hint. I ended up texting him telling him I wanted to talk to him, he asked what about, and from there I poured my heart out to him. I apologized for putting him through my confusion all those years and told him I wanted to be with him. He responds hours later, that he doesn’t hate me but he wants to get out on the dating scene and we can still be friends. I have since found your site and have been on NC since then, he has not tried to contact me at all. Our time together has always been really positive, even back in middle school. We used to FaceTime and talk on the phone for hours and I really considered him my best friend. We never argued but I’m sure he is hurt because he has reached out so many times and I have not reciprocated, and he told me he was hurt. There was even a time where we had planned for me to go visit him but I never went, he never said it but I’m sure that also hurt. Could he be afraid of committing now that I am finally ready to? Does he just need to experience other women since he’s been focused on me for years? Do I need to prove that I am serious about him this time? My NC will be up in a week and I’m nervous!

    1. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 11:25 am

      How often did you two see each other?

    2. Crystal

      August 11, 2014 at 9:25 pm

      Not that often. At one point it had been like 2-3 years before we saw each other again. I only got to see him when my family took a trip down to GA which wasn’t very frequent. Now I am at the point where I want to drive down and see him and am willing to do that every 3-5 months or so.

    3. admin

      August 12, 2014 at 12:06 pm

      You see, thats too long a wait for a long distance relationship I feel.

    4. Crystal

      August 8, 2014 at 6:06 pm

      He also said that he does not want to settle down anymore. He was about to up and move to where I am now and settle down with me. Is that comment out of anger? Should I take that seriously?

  15. Tee

    August 7, 2014 at 12:45 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’m still early in the NC rule (about 10 days), I instinctively didn’t talk to him after the break up and then found your site. Of course I realise that your estimations of when he will try to get in touch will vary but I am wondering, what if he doesn’t try at all? Should I still send out the first text after 30 days or wait until he makes contact? Or does this mean he is simply not interested and I should give up and move on? I have the confidence that I can do that if he is a lost cause, I am just trying this because the break up was so vague, it feels unfinished and I thought we were great together. Also, is there any reason you can think of he would be online now ALL the time? He said there wasn’t anyone else he wanted when we broke up plus he has free text so doesn’t need internet to talk to people, I don’t think its another girl but I’m curious about this behaviour…

    Thank you

    1. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 11:23 am

      Everyone freaks out if he doesn’t try at all. It’s really not that big of a deal. Some men are so stubborn they will get in their own way when it comes to stuff like this. So, sometimes you have to be the one to make the first move.

    2. Tee

      August 12, 2014 at 10:35 am

      Thank you for the reply!
      Great, I’ll keep that in mind and I guess time will tell. Your work on this matter is amazing by the way! Thanks 🙂

    3. admin

      August 12, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      Thank you!

      Anything else I can help you with?

    4. Tee

      August 14, 2014 at 4:05 am

      Just one more thing thanks.
      He initiated the break up saying he loved me but he didn’t feel the same, needless to say I was confused by this. Problem was he had been treating me so perfectly a week ago when we were last together, cuddling me and saying loving things to me. I asked him why he seemed fine even though he said he wasn’t even back then and he said that guys don’t mean things when they say stuff or cuddle, they just do it… I don’t believe that though, he just sounds confused. Is what he said true or are there other reasons behind his excuse?

    5. Tee

      August 31, 2014 at 2:00 am

      Hi Chris,
      I finished up my NC period and sent my first contact text a few days ago. I got a positive response in that he replied recognising the funny memory I brought up and asked how I was etc. But just as you said I ended it there quite quickly saying that I was heading out with a friend but I’d talk to him later, he didn’t reply to that one but I’m not worried. I doubt he will get in contact by himself because he is just like that and in honesty I am busy within my own life at the moment and might forget if I don’t set out a specific day to send the next message haha. So my question now is, how long do I wait until I send the next message?
      Your help is greatly appreciated 🙂 thanks!

    6. Tee

      September 7, 2014 at 10:58 am

      Chris,
      Please reply to me! I know you are busy and I am sorry to bother you with my trivial issues but I feel like I am drowning! I am in a good place emotionally, where I know that I can move on if I have too but I still want to try to get my ex back because there was not one moment we were unhappy during our relationship that I was aware of and he showed love for me right up until the end!
      After my previous post asking how long to wait until the meme text got no response I took a guess and decided a week. I acted on this today and sent a meme that was relatable and relevant to us both. He responded with a text that seemed positive although not overly thrilled to hear from me. I then went on to ask how he was and try and make light conversation, it was going fine but then he didn’t respond to my last message. I’m worried that I have given up the power I had of being able to end the conversation first!! Should I have sent a message saying ‘ok well talk later’ or did I do the right thing by not saying anything?
      What should I do?
      How long should I wait now?
      Please help me! I have read your other pages and I just want to try this the right way.

  16. Olivia

    August 6, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Hi Chris,

    So my situation is a bit different from everybody else’s I’ve read so far. I was in a long term relationship with my ex for a total of 5 years from the ages of 22-27. We’ve been broken up with no contact for 6 years now. For the first 3 years we lived within an hour of each other in Los Angeles, and were together every weekend, but in year 4 he started having health issues, his job security was waning, and his Dad kind of fell off the face of the earth for him, and his grandfather died. Basically his world was falling apart. I was still in school trying to finish my bachelors degree, and I had moved back home due to financial reasons. We’d been talking about marriage but it was agreed I had to finish school first I had about 1.5 full years to go. His mom one day finally said you need to move back home to Chicago, and I’ll take care of everything for you, you’re getting sick, and your life is falling apart… He told me that we were going out for a special night, so I think he’s going to propose, nope he says hes decided to move back home, and he doesn’t want me to follow since I’m still in school, but we’ll figure it out but he’s moving in 1.5 weeks… I immediately go into melt down mode, and cry so hard I get sick and have to have the car pulled over… I ask if I can drive across country with him at least, and he’s like no, my best friend Julia is flying in to help me, I don’t want to put you through that… our last weekend comes and he leaves that Monday while I’m at school needless to say Julia after a few texts picks up his phone and says “he’s just not that into you” and he stops responding to my texts and phone calls… months go by and finally I get the courage and text him something stupid, and we eventually talk it out and get back together, now via long distance… at this point we’re both 26 years old, and I’ve successfully failed that quarter of classes because of the depression that hit… so my degree is pushed back another year… In the mean time though we figure out a way to make this long distance thing work fairly well for 2 years with creative communication (I learned to play video games with him), a lot of patience, and me flying out there every few months… Now he’s gotten his health issues settled, he’s got a decent, well paying stable job, and he’s living rent free at home, and has a lot male friends, who have all met me, and know our story… now it’s my turn to start having issues with school and home, and just a lot of stressing about my future (my life plan was to be engaged by 26, and married by 28 so I could have kids by 30 or so), and so now I’m 27 not engaged, with a guy 2000 miles away, who I drop everything to visit whenever I have the chance… At this point I was seeing a shrink to help with manage my own stress, also around this time friends start getting married, and engaged… and I still wasn’t near being done with school, and he started taking longer to get back to me when I’d text, and it was getting harder for us to find time to talk with his new friend and work schedule, and it’d been a bit longer than usual since I’d gone out there last, and to be honest I was tired of being the one to always fly out there, and my family was starting to pressure me about it, I was thinking about taking a break from school, or at least cutting my units down. and my shrink started telling me I needed to tell him to “fish or cut bait” concerning our future, meaning I needed to find out if he was just stringing me along or did he really want to get married at some point… and one day I became stupid and called him right after he got out of work, right before my class and asked him if he could give me a date to book my flight out there, or better yet since I was nearing finals maybe he could fly out instead for a change, and he wigged out on me saying he couldn’t take 2 weeks off, or any days off anytime soon, etc… and at that point the stress, hurt, and emotions kicked in and I became stupid and started crying and asked if we were breaking up, and he said I guess we are… and I was like I don’t want to, and he said he didn’t know what else to do that I’m always crying now, and he loved me but the stress was killing him his diabetes was through the roof everytime we talked… finally at some point he said love is not always enough and that’s when I snapped and told him to get his priorities straight, and that when he figured out what he wanted to give me a call… I wasn’t going to call him back for at least a month, and if I didn’t hear from him in a month I’d call back in a year… and hung up… worst mistake of my life… I regret it to this day… 6 years later!!! I think about him everyday too whether I want to or not, problem is I never had gained the courage to call him, and he never called me… it was a bad way to break up half a lifetime of dating someone… My family and friends were happy I broke up with him… even my best friend at the time who introduced us when I finally broke down and told her said he was never going to marry you… which is what really broke my spirit. I haven’t been able to move on… I couldn’t say his name to anybody since she told me that for at least 5 years, and finally one day last August after a my 1st attempt at cyber stalking him on facebook only to realize he was still single I told the story to a new friend who suggested I write him a letter… Now that I’m older (33), stronger, and a lot less stressful to be around… I finally learned to harness my chi as he used to say… I’ve put the letter of for fear of rejection, and fear of going through that pain again, and just fear of putting myself out there to be hurt again. I hadn’t dated anyone since him. Well lets skip ahead to this past month July 2014 I finally talk to another friend who’s willing to help me write the letter so I don’t ramble like I did here, but things kept cropping up and sucked the time way. (I don’t like the idea that he’s gone forever) I was talked into going on one date a month ago with a friends brother just so I could say I’ve dated other people if asked and all I could think while on the date was I why did I agree to this? This guy just got out of a long term relationship with a cheater, and is broken… I wish my ex was here!!! So anyways… last Thursday I make plans to meet with my friend on Friday and finally write the letter… so Thursday night around midnight I do one last cyber stalk to see his profile pic (he’s we’re a costume with a helmut on his head so I haven’t actually seen his face in 6 yrs) and instead of his normal profile pic on facebook he has a new one with him and very happy girl!!!!!!! His banner is changed to from being blank to him with this girl and his family at in the stands of some sports arena!!!!! I sob, and then I search the girl has the same pic as her new profile pic she wasn’t on his friends list a week ago, but she has 25 likes for the pic, and people saying cute couple, and she saying thanks to somebody for having a wedding that allowed them to attend and take the pic! It’s their first!!!! Also her banner is of her and her 3 kids!!!! I have no kids! I wanted kids with him… so now I’m crushed.. I’ve only told 2 people whats going on my new Bff’s not my old one, and I don’t know what to do??? Do I still write my letter, but with a different intent???? I want him back… I’ve always wanted him back… its just bad luck he now after 6 years has moved on to a new gf the night before I write the letter!!! and if I do write the letter what do I say??? is it more for closure now? do I try to be friends??? I was going to apologize for how I broke it off… and ask how he is and put feelers out there to see if he maybe still had feelings for me, but what do I do now??? and he looks really happy in the pics… so that doesn’t help either… I want him back, I’ve wanted him back before I new about her… and now I’m going through what I went through 6 years ago… and I know time is of the essence since I’m assuming their relationship is new.. but also, I can’t just move out there… I have 4 classes left to graduate I wanted him at my graduation!!! Everything I’ve done in my life after the break-up was to make him proud, I got control of my life… and now it all seems like a waste… What should I do? Write the letter? Crawl in a hole? I want him back!!! I’m usually a very stable and fun girl, but this is driving me nuts again… it hurts so much!!! I’m meeting with my friend on Friday to write the letter… actually I plan on writing my heart out tomorrow after work… and then drafting a shorter version with her… Help please I don’t even know what to say in the letter anymore… I don’t even know how long it should be a short paragraph like a half a page or is 2 pages ok? It’ll be hand written… I have his old number still in my phone, I’ve been too afraid to use it all these years… sorry I know I sound desperate but I need a guys perspective… and the anonymity of the internet and the lack of sleep this past week makes my free writing a rambling affair 🙂 Thank you for allowing me to share… Have a great day!

    1. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 10:42 am

      In my experience long letters or letters in general don’t have the best track record of being successful when it comes to trying to get an ex back…

    2. Olivia

      August 12, 2014 at 7:21 am

      Thanks for replying…. so after going over that really long “summary” of my relationship for you (and for me), It helped put things in perspective, and I got the courage to text him… Thanks to your I think it’s “how to text your ex” article… I took your example and modified it a bit with the help of a friend… this is what I sent… “Hey Eric, it’s Olivia. I’ve been wanting to contact you for sometime now. You’ve been on my mind and I just wanted to see how you are doing and how life is going? I hope all is well and if u have the opportunity to chat let me know” That was on Friday 8/8/14 around 4pm his time… and I haven’t had a reply it’s now Monday 8/11/14… so I’m keeping calm, and trying to keep from obsessing over the silence for now and thinking maybe I should give it a week and then try something else??? But what? Another text? A FB message, but saying the same thing or something different? I’m pretty sure the number I have is the one he still uses…. so I’m pretty sure he got the text, but I’m not sure what’s the logical wait time for texting back to an ex’s message that comes from out of the blue… is this a really bad sign??? Thanks again… your website has helped me do something I’ve wanted to do for 6 years but was too afraid to try… It’s crazy in all other aspects of my life I’m not afraid to just go for it, and try, but in this with him I’m terrified to act… it’s so annoying!!!…. Anyways what is the wait time before you attempt plan B, and any ideas on what plan B should be? Was the message I sent ok?

      Thank you!!!! Have an amazing day 🙂

    3. admin

      August 12, 2014 at 12:25 pm

      You have a good attitude. Make sure you keep that.

      I lik eth eidea of maybe trying a facebook message.

    4. Olivia

      August 18, 2014 at 11:47 pm

      Thank you so much Chris for your response, and your input. So I’ve actually waited a week and 2 days to send that facebook message… I just did it in fact like 30 seconds ago and I can’t stop shaking… Crazy right!!!! Just seeing a pic of him makes me wobbly so annoying!!!!! Anyways I went back and checkout the girls page again she changed her picture and her cover photo, and deleted the message about them being a cute couple so that’s nice, but the pic is still on her wall.. and well I think they may have been dating longer than I thought.. it makes sense knowing how he was with me and posting pictures… she’s 6 years younger than us and has 3 kids… which is crazy because that means she’s 27 the age I wigged out on him about our future… so anyways, I’m obsessing a bit at the moment.. I must stop… I’m actually going to turn my internet off my computer for the next day or so… so I wont check my facebook every 5 minutes and be crushed too soon… I doubt he’ll reply… and well if he doesn’t I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it… I’m not sure what to do next? Is there a plan C? How long do you wait like if they’ve seen it but don’t reply? and what would plan c be? Walk away? try again??? not sure any ideas or input would be greatly appreciated!!!! I know you get a ton of messages a day, but I really do appreciate what your doing 🙂 Thank you again, and have a great day!!! Ps really what’s step c? and when do you know when its time to walk away? Like how long is no answer an answer?

    5. Olivia

      August 27, 2014 at 5:56 am

      Hey Chris,
      So my great attitude hasn’t been enough to get a response from the Facebook message I sent him on 8/18/14. It doesn’t say “seen” but that could be because he checked it from a phone or something, and just has chosen not to reply… Same thing with the text message I sent at the beginning of the month. So I don’t know what to do now or even if there is anything else I can do now. It never occurred to me that I could have hurt him so much that he’d never want to talk to me again. Do you think that’s what happened?… But it’s taken him 6 years to finally get another GF so I he must have been on his mind too. Ironically unbeknownst to me it was at the same time I got the courage to reach out to him again. Life is sometimes very cruel. Do you have any more ideas on what I can do? I don’t want to just give up, I’m just totally lost on what to try next though. I don’t want to seem like the crazy ex, but I really want him back. I’ve worked so hard to get this far, this can’t be the end. Any suggestions or insights on what I can do next, or why he’s acting like this would be greatly appreciated. I’m trying to keep my spirits up, but the silence from his end makes me feel horrible. Sorry if I’ve rambled. I haven’t been able to sleep much. I hope you’re having a great day, and Thank you!

    6. Olivia

      August 31, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Hey Chris I know you’re probably super busy, and I may be writing this on the wrong board, but what do I do if it’s been 6 years since we talked, and we were in a long distance relationship, and he’s just recently gotten a new girlfriend his first in 6 years.. I sent the hey how’s it going text, got no response, then I sent the Facebook message like you recommended earlier and got no response. What should I do now?

    7. admin

      September 2, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      Shoot him a text… a better one.

    8. Olivia

      September 20, 2014 at 12:56 am

      Hi Chris… so I did like you said I sent him a text a better one, it was a “do you remember” one about one of our dates… maybe that wasn’t such a great idea now that I’m telling you… I don’t really know what can and can’t be brought up… anyways he still hasn’t replied back I sent it on Sunday, 9/7/14 in the morning… it’s now 9/19/14 and nothing… What do I do now?

      I never thought he’d never talk to me again, we were such great friends he was my best friend… and I thought I was his that’s why it worked so well for so long, and now I feel like crap… on so many different levels… I feel stupid… I can’t even tell my friends about this because I feel ashamed that I feel so bad about him not wanting to talk to me. We were a huge part of each others lives… I mean we talked about marriage, and kids, we even had names chosen… I get he has a new gf and their relationship is new, but really it took him 6 years to move on…. and he moves on the day I get the courage to talk to him again… and he can’t even reply… I don’t understand… I want him back… I’ve wanted him back since the day I stormed out over something really stupid… I can’t help but think about him when I wake up, and usually he’s the last person I think about before I finally fall asleep no matter how much I try to forget and move on my subconscious wont let me and it’s frustrating and painful. So what do I do now? What’s the next step? How much time should I wait between texts? Should I try to text again? Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. I know you’re really busy… but thank you. Have a good day.

      Olivia

    9. Olivia

      August 6, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Oh, and I say we’ve dated for half our lives because we met at 18 the summer I started college and kept trying to get together but at first he was with his gf that came to LA from Chicago with him, and when he broke up with her I was dating somebody else so our timing didn’t work out till we were 23… but in the mean time I made a deal with him, that every time I came home even if it was just for an hour our two I’d call him before I got there so we could meet up… I started making more excuses to come home from that point on… Finally one day I wizened up and realized he was what I was looking for and finally agreed to take the friendship to the next level… Now it’s 10 years later, and I have nothing… I regret that last conversation… its my only real regret… and honestly I feel guilty like I said something that hurt his ego so much that he too wanted to call but couldn’t… If only I’d swallowed my pride, and more gumption, and less bad advice… so now what do I do????

  17. Taryn

    August 5, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    Hey Chris!

    Just some work I’d like to say.

    Long distance is hard. But I have faith in my situation. I believe that great things will happen between Ryan and I soon. And I believe that he and I will discuss, together, the future. We’ll discuss our relationship and being permanent. I am willing to move. Find a job. Get my own place. But he and I will discuss that together. I believe I won’t have any difficulty talking about it with him.

    It’s been 5 months since I first started to get him back. It’s a slow process. But I have a lot of patience. I’ve learned so much over these past few months. And I’m looking forward to a great future.

    I feel the the time is getting closer for us to have a date. We need to build even more attraction first. But he is in San Diego and I am in Buffalo, NY. And I don’t have a problem with going out there to visit him.

    I have faith

    :]

    1. admin

      August 6, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      You are so positive!

      It’s a shame that Mr. Ryan doesn’t appreciate that. Well, at least he will know that you fought for him and a lot of men dream of having women lik ethat.

    2. Taryn

      August 6, 2014 at 2:50 pm

      Thank you :]

      It’s a shame. But he will be that lucky guy that I never give up on. I will fight and win.

      Some day he and I will look back on this and laugh lol. Tell our grandkids haha. But anyways, gonna keep fighting. I believe he’s worth it.

      Hehe

    3. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 10:42 am

      Good for you Taryn!

      Very inspiring.

    4. Taryn

      August 7, 2014 at 2:54 am

      Also, I texted Ryan today!!! I sent a good memory text and he was soooo positive about it!

      I’m getting closer to my date/visit with him. And closer to getting him back. I believe it.

    5. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 11:10 am

      Yay!

      I am really pulling for you and Ryan, Taryn.

    6. Taryn

      August 10, 2014 at 9:10 pm

      Texted Ryan again today. Like a girlfriend ;] and it went well.

      My patience is paying off.

    7. admin

      August 11, 2014 at 11:41 am

      Yay!

      Slow and steady wins the race!

  18. 130413

    August 5, 2014 at 6:06 am

    no he says they live near by .

    I started NC 3 days ago.before that I texted him a last msg on friendships day night and it contained about all the good things we’ve done and how I’m feeling now broken and said him diz would be my last msg .

    he replied few hours later “hello stop telling like this”.
    I didn’t reply .

    I’m struggling hard at NC.

    what do I do??

    1. admin

      August 6, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      The beginning is the hardest.

  19. Becky

    July 30, 2014 at 10:55 pm

    So yesterday I messaged the EX for the third time writing to him hoping that the city he’s in is treating him well (this is well after 1.5-2 months no contact). He asked me if I hated him and I said playfully: “Never ;)”
    Then we got to talking about the city he lives in and said he hopes we can still be friends.
    Then after 4 days I replied with a funny joke and that I hope we can be friends too. He ignored my message, and my other two messages as well.

    Here’s to how I can repair this…
    Let me know

    1. Becky

      July 30, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      not yesterday I meant 2 weeks ago

  20. 130413

    July 29, 2014 at 7:58 pm

    Hi cris.ur site seems very helpful I felt it would benefit me too .
    so can I tell my story which needs a help.
    I am a student in a well known university with a good aggregate I have been consistent at studies from my schooling itself .I used to enjoy each and everything I do.I love myself so much now I love him more
    than myself. I am very simple though good looking .
    3 years ago I got to talk to him as v played badminton with my friends.I didn’t know him before.and after approx 6 months or so I wanted a favour to be done so I asked one of my colony mate at same time he was there too so I asked him if he could do it.I just spoke to him only once for about 5 min causal talk
    later after 6-8 months he himself came to me tried to talk to me with some or the other reason .I never had feelings for him.as a friend I spoke to him 8 -10 tyms then I sensed he was going out of track talking things to me showing I was imp and all. I was not interested in such things I dint talk to him after diz .after 8 months or so I bumped into him suddenly which gave him a chance to talk to me again .I told him that one of my cousin proposed me in between and though I wasn’t interested I was in contact with my cousin for month. the next second my guy proposed me he gave me time to think he wanted me to get committed. I took tym finally rejected but we became friends used to talk to each other twice in a week
    but still he had hopes that I would accept him.he was getting a bit more I dint lyk it .I stopped talking to him .still everyday he used to wait for me.many a times he used to come behind but I ignored.one fine day it so happened I smiled at him back nearly after 7-8 months.
    he was elated very happy his expressions made me feel awesome I loved it we spoke again would talk atleast once in two days .then later one fine day I was getting late to college ( our vehicle gave trouble) he came to my rescue as I was going alone worried he dropped me it continued for a week meeting dropping and all .
    finally he proposed me again this time I was willing to but I was planning for a distance education from qnother state so I dint reply I could control my emotions.when he said he didn’t mind w8ng and he expressed how much he loved me i gave him my answer was in tears my answer proved I loved him too but I had my goal ahead.at that time don’t know what made but I quit my goal for him willingly I don’t regret for it only because I didn’t want to loose him I wanted to spend all the time with him.
    I actually joined in a college where I dint have to go out of state university we were in reach.
    we went on dates spent with each other we loved each other soooooo much meet almost everyday talk on phones .
    we used to manage everything a happy relationship for 1 yr and 2 months we even went physical (we had disputes but convinced each other) some times he made me responsible for things.but we were happy.
    we started having quarells basically he had problems with everything my friends and everything but I never took things wrong though he was annoyed I used to convince him. sometimes beg him .but finally sort it
    due to some circumstances he had shifted with his family nearly 1 day journey by train I have never been out of my place ( even long distance tours) I exactly don’t know the place whereby it is .
    we used to speak on phone everyday for hours had phone sex too he loved it .then as he got busy with work wrong things started .he started sayings he was tired he couldn’t speak ( but earlier we used to) sometimes he said his mouth and ears ached and all .I thought he must be busy but used to talk daily.
    we quarlled but became alright.
    he suddenly told me he will not be able to be in contact and as he will be communicating in the mean while some time not sure .I didn’t even know the reason he suddenly ended the conversation he texted me once in 3 days that conversation would only be for maximum 5 min .finally we spoke after 20 days .it has been two months I have seen him .he said he wouldn’t even be coming on my bday next month ( I don’t know the reason) but the only thing I know is he is struggling so hard just to settle in future and to have a happy life and convince my parents for our marriage in future.From the past 2 months though I missed him a lot I wouldn’t ask him to come to meet me or I used to tell I missed him but in a way which would not make him quit his job there.

    I got a call from an unknown number wrong call.I told him about it and gave him that number to find out who it was the other person told that I was his gf and all and he was annoyed.he yelled at me .he felt I was cheating on him as being in a LRD .
    I told him I could never do that kind of thing finally convinced and it was after this that we spoke after 20 days as I mentioned earlier the same one.

    my guy actually told me the reason for NC as he would not be having his Mobile to contact me and as he would have he’ll keep in touch then .
    now 4 days back I got a call from my sis ( cousin) mobile I took the call and a guy was speaking to me my sis’s bro in law I never gave him my number actually and I cut the phone .he was the same cousin who purposes me earlier same guy.( that sim was used by my sis earlier)and he texted me that he just wanted to know who the other guy was who talked to him saying I was his gf( I asked my bf to find out who that unknown number was as mentioned).I told this guy not to trouble me and stopped the conversation.
    I texted my guy that I had something imp to tell he replied and told him about this .he blames me for this
    I swear I didn’t do anything .I never cheated on him .
    from the very moment he stopped texting me .his last msg was “get lost do wat ever u want ” from then he didn’t text even if I texted.from the last 2 days I just sent a blank message but he didn’t respond.sethimg struck me.I started feeling he always had his mobile but he lied to me I though lyk diz cz within 30 seconds of me texting I had something imp to say that day he responded back but he always said he dint have it.
    I was ill whole day I texted him that but he didn’t bother to at least find out what happened to me .
    I basically wanted my bf back I browsed and ended up here.hoping to find a solution .

    hope you would reply me with some solution

    thankyou

    1. admin

      July 30, 2014 at 2:52 pm

      So, I am assuming you want him back?

    2. 130413

      July 30, 2014 at 6:54 pm

      ya I want him back .I’m trying it but it dint work
      just today it so happened my bf texted me back and asked how I was.
      he started blaming my cousin ( not in picture) saying isn’t he taking care of what you eat .
      I texted that I dint have anybody else but him in my heart.he didn’t trust me and said hez got some new bit*h and says hez very happy with her and our conversation prolonged.even I behaved as I dint care for him as I did earlier.
      he says his new gf is awesome he loves her and can’t bear a single word against her .
      few of his photos were with me he asked to mail it I over reacted but sent them though.

      some where deep inside I still can’t believe it .
      my heart says he still loves me and I don’t want to loose him either .

      plz help me. I will follow u as my guide.

      what do I do to save our relmationship

      thankx for the reply

      do reply soon.

    3. admin

      August 4, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      Is his new girlfriend also long distance?

    4. 130413

      July 31, 2014 at 4:42 pm

      reply Chris immediately

    5. admin

      August 4, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Replied…

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