How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Monika

July 29, 2014 at 6:56 pm

My long distance boyfriend disappeared on me all of a sudden. He was loving and caring but somehow this long distance parted us. He changed his phone number so I cannot reach him. We are in a no contact period and he hasn’t made any efforts to contact me. It has been a week since he last spoke to me. Please help me out her…

admin

July 30, 2014 at 2:47 pm

Did he even give you a break up talk?

Meagan

July 29, 2014 at 3:33 am

Hi Chris! I have read a lot of your articles and a few weeks ago, I wrote a comment on this article and you responded asking our ages. I’m 20 and he’s 21, almost 22. I’m a little unsure of how to handle my situation because it’s kind of a mix of multiple scenarios you have explained on your site.

We go to the same college and got together about a week before leaving for the summer. We weren’t official but were basically dating. We wanted to make things work over the summer but due to our schedules, his financial situation and his car situation, visits were not possible. We texted all day everyday though and Skyped some. On June 1st, he broke up with me saying he is not in a good place overall with stress from work, his financial situation, not being able to get his car back, not getting along with his dad, etc. He said he feels really pressured to keep things going when he doesn’t know if or when he could even see me this summer. He also said being away he realized that he thinks he just wanted a relationship at school and he doesn’t really see us together in the future. I said I didn’t understand, what changed, etc. and he said I didn’t do anything wrong and that it wasn’t anything in particular and that he is cursed with looking years ahead into the future all the way to see if he’d marry someone and he doesn’t know that he sees that with me :/ I was shocked and very hurt as we had only been together for a month, not even official, and I don’t know how you can know that already about someone, especially when things had been going well (or so I had thought).

With the finality of that, I was surprised when he texted me the next day to see how I was and asked if I could just give him time to think about us. We talked about everything more in detail and he explained that he’s in a bad place overall and he’s just not sure how he feels right now and he doesn’t know what he wants in anything in his life. He told me he’s debating even coming back to school in the fall. We were completely civil and respectful and I said I would give him time. We had no contact until June 7th when he texted me to see how I was doing. The next day, I texted him back, and on the advice of my friends, I ended things with him. I didn’t want to but I felt like he was going to end things with me anyways. He responded within minutes agreeing that it’s for the best, proving he would’ve ended things with me anyways like I had thought. He said he still cares about me and wants to be friends but I said I couldn’t handle being friends, at least not right now. Since then (June 8th), we have been in a period of no contact.

I’m not sure if he really meant everything he said, and it was personal, or if he was just confused and depressed and will maybe change his mind once we’re back at school in the fall. Of course if he really does not want to ever marry me then I would not want to get back together with him. I just don’t know if he was confused or if he really meant it. It just kind of came out of nowhere and I don’t know what would make him decide that. I personally don’t feel like I know him well enough yet to even decide that. I feel like for him, we didn’t really have time at school to form a strong enough bond to last through the summer without seeing each other very much. I’m the type of person who can not see someone for months and make it work but I feel like he may not be the type of person who can make a long-distance relationship work.

We’re still Facebook friends and based on a conversation between him and a friend on his wall that I saw a few days ago, I’m pretty sure that he has decided to come back to school.

Do you think I should text him before the summer is over or just wait to run into him at school and talk in person? We go back in about a month. Also, do you think that he really needed time to think about us or do you think he was just trying to let me down easy? And lastly, if you were me, would you try to get him back or just move on?

admin

July 29, 2014 at 8:03 pm

Why do you think he can’t make a long distance relationship work?
Meagan

July 30, 2014 at 2:26 am

I guess because everything was going great when we were together in person at school but once he was in a new environment at home, I feel like maybe he couldn’t handle a relationship emotionally anymore with all the pressures and stresses around him. And I think I became one of those pressures in his mind, even though I never pressured him intentionally of course.

He had a job lined up for the summer that had to do with his major and it paid really well and he was really excited about it and then a couple days before he went home, they said they didn’t need him anymore which made him really upset. So he had to work at a place where he used to work that he doesn’t really like. And he needs money badly to get his car fixed and at this job he makes less money, which makes it harder. He was going to take out a loan but his dad refused to cosign it. Then finally his dad agreed to loan him the money himself, but not until mid June (and we left school at the beginning of May). But when we broke up he told me that he cant get his car back because of loan stuff so I honestly don’t know what ended up happening. So his car/job situation made it difficult/impossible to see each other, so it was really frustrating for both of us.

Also, him and his dad don’t really get along so he’s been angry a lot and he’s had to work a lot so he’s been really stressed. He doesn’t know what he wants in anything in his life right now. I think he just feels lost and depressed. He doesn’t have a lot of money and the money he is earning is going to get his car back and pay for school I’m assuming.

After he broke up with me and we were talking about things, I asked him if he thought I would be mad if he couldn’t get his car back or if he thought I would want to end things if we didn’t see each other soon and he admitted yes to both – even though I never indicated that I would feel that way at all. I don’t understand why he thought I would react that way. So I said of course not, I’m a patient person and I would never get mad at someone for something that’s not their fault. I would’ve just been disappointed and we would’ve just figured something else out (like me driving to see him or something), it wouldn’t have been a big deal and I wouldn’t have wanted to end things.

Also, he’s had a few girlfriends before me and he said that they all broke up with him because he was clingy, so I think maybe he needs to see his girlfriend regularly in person to make it work. During our relationship though, neither one of us was clingy that I could tell; it was pretty much a normal, balanced relationship.

I just don’t know what changed his mind. He kept saying I’m sorry and no you’re amazing and I wish I could tell you better and I wish I understood myself and stuff like that.
admin

July 30, 2014 at 3:19 pm

Yes… that long distance can be extremely challenging to overcome.
Meagan

July 31, 2014 at 1:02 am

So in your opinion, should I just wait to see him back at school and talk to him or should I text him sometime before we go back and see how he is doing?

Also, do you think that there’s any way that he just said the marriage thing because of all the stress and confusion going on in his life? Or do you think that if someone says something like that, they usually mean it and it’s not because of circumstances? In other words, do you think it’s a lost cause? I don’t want to waste my time :/
admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:13 pm

Refresh my memory.

What specifically did he say about marriage?

Mary

July 28, 2014 at 8:56 pm

I wrote a letter rather than texting. I love him so much, but things had just gotten so bad over the last 6 months. We got into a huge fight, and he said, “I’m done.” At which point, I turned off his phone, he was on my family plan. We were, “He had to move” type of LDR and was suppose to be back home over the last 6 months. At any rate, my thirty days was up this past weekend. I wrote the letter. It was mailed out today. It isn’t as light-hearted as the text would have been, however, I did have some things to say and an apology to make. I am heartbroken, as I have waited for 3.5 years for him to come back home, only for the relationship to end.

admin

July 29, 2014 at 7:49 pm

Was texting not an option you had?
Mary

July 29, 2014 at 9:07 pm

He was on my family plan. When we had the huge argument he told me to turn the phone off and that he was done. So, no, texting was not an option, at least, not at this time. Other than an address I have no other way to get in contact with him, unless I call his job, and I am really not trying to do that.
admin

July 30, 2014 at 3:00 pm

I suppose you are going to have to work with what you can.
Mary

July 30, 2014 at 3:17 pm

Well, yes. I am sure I won’t hear from him for quite sometime. I am sure he has gotten a new phone and I do not have the number. I am heartbroken and just want our relationship to be put back on track. As long as he is California and I am in Oregon I am doing the best I can to accept that it is over until he gets tired of hoes and bitches, and by that time, maybe I will be healed enough to not want him back after the lies and betrayal. I just want our lives back the way they were before he left.
Mary

August 5, 2014 at 10:34 pm

Well, it’s been week and a half. No response to my letter and he has not sent the cell phone back. I tend to over analyze, but if the relationship is over, then why not send back the phone that you say you don’t need? The phone is still under contract and can be used for other things here. I just don’t get it.
Mary

August 7, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Well, here’s an interesting turn of events. He has not reached out to me, but to one of my friends. He told her that he threw the cell phone away and did not receive my letter. So, I typed it up, emailed it to her and then she screen shot it and forwarded it to him. Weird, but ok. Maybe he still isn’t ready to talk to me. In the meantime, I am going out of state for a weekend getaway, and no, it is not to California. I think it will do me some good and help me get my mind clear and at least that way I am not sitting around waiting and hoping that he’s going to speak.
Mary

August 12, 2014 at 9:23 pm

Well, he has not reached out to me. He asked my friend to ask me for some money until he gets his check…she told him to ask me himself, gave him my number, and then proceeded to tell him don’t ask her for anything if you are not planning on being with her. Do not give her false hope on the future you two have discussed if you aren’t all in. It is unfair to her. His response was “you’re right.” So, at this point I am assuming that there is no getting back together for us. Even though he has my number, I am assuming after she said that to him that he has deleted it and I will never hear from him again. Now, I just have to allow myself to feel the pain, let my heart finish breaking and move forward. This is not what I want. I want my family and our wedding/marriage; all the things we have discussed; only he doesn’t want it any longer with the only reason being that I don’t want to move where she is. I suppose that is going to have to be a good enough of a reason and I will have to accept that I will not receive any closure from him.
Mary

July 28, 2014 at 11:30 pm

I should also add…that I didn’t just cut the phone off because I wanted too. He told me too. Said he was done…I don’t want people to think I am cold and heartless. The last 2 weeks of the relationship were very difficult-as I started to question what was going on since we weren’t even talking about a homecoming date, as I previously stated, he was supposed to be about 6 months ago. I’m a mess. Sorry if I keep repeating.

Rhea

July 28, 2014 at 6:45 pm

Can I bother you with my story? I’ll try to make it concise.

So Ben an I had been dating for a little over ten months. He’s three years younger to me and we were in the same University. I graduated in May, while he still has two more years there.

We had a fling last year (that’s how it started) but then I wanted something real so I broke up with him. It stayed like that for 3 months (vacations, we didn’t see each other), but after that we started talking again. We started flirting a lot and I’d think I’m into him but then because of the age gap I’d decide to let it go. So for a couple of months it was on-and-off heavy flirting.

Till i finally realised that I really liked him. And he persevered and made me believe that he wanted me SO BADLY. So we got together.

The first 4 months were BLISS. We couldn’t have been happier. Even through the vacations, we met periodically.

But then, when my last semester in college started, I became too needy. I would seek his attention all the time. He tried to give me a lot of time but i kept asking for more. I think this made him become a little distant, and we started fighting. But even so, we were happy most of the time. When I graduated, he promised me that we’ll make the long distance work. And anyway, he stays in college for four months and vacations are for 2 months. out of these 2 months, he and i can be in the same city for one month. So meeting was not an issue.

Slowly things started becoming bad. We started fighting a lot. He needed his space and I used to keep asking him to talk to me daily or skype with me sometimes. I think the sudden change to long distance was too much for him to take.

Now he’s very shy and an introvert and keeps all things to himself. He’s told me that I’m he only person that he has opened up to so much and that he appreciates me for helping him become an extrovert.

But because of these regular fights, he called me one day and told me that he had decided to break up with me because he didn’t see a future. It came as a total surprise to me because I thought no matter how many fights both of us REALLY wanted to be with each other. While breaking up he told me that we were too different and weren’t meant to be together. And that though he really likes me he doesn’t have the will to work on it, atleast in the nearest future. He said that he’ll always need his space and that i’ll always keep craving his attention and it’ll never work.

The break up happened two days ago. I haven’t contacted him since, neither has he (obviously). I’m dealing with it well mentally, because something tells me that it’s not over and that we can easily work it out, if we try. But I’m sad and bothered because he said he didn’t have the will to try t work it out.

Now, I know that he’s extremely attached to me emotionally and will take time to get over me. And I’ve accepted my faults in being so needy and clingy. I almost became his doormat by the end of it.

But I know the connection exists and I need to be strong through the no contact period and be independent most importantly.

I think I will be OK with that fact that I might never be with him again. But for what it’s worth I definitely want to give it another shot.

I just wanted to know what you think. Considering Ben is not a regular guy. He’s extremely emotional and sensitive and lives in a shell. Could he really mean it when he said that we’ll never be able work it out and he won’t change his decision?
I believe he said all that because he was truly frustrated with me for being so clingy and just needed me to FO.

Anyway I’m gonna follow your guide. Please do reply soon.

xx

admin

July 29, 2014 at 3:10 pm

I think your right. He was probably mostly frustrated b/c you were extra clingy.
Rhea

July 31, 2014 at 6:06 am

So there’s a chance he’ll miss the good times?

We haven’t contacted each other at all.
admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:17 pm

Well yes, there is a chance.

Sotiris

July 24, 2014 at 6:30 pm

Hi, nice thread but i would like to ask something im a man 21 y old im on the category of sitance relationship throught net.Does same things here aplly for women?because i want her back, now sit back and enjoy my story 😛 . 5 months ago i met this girl throught a game on net and we kinda both were talking to each other and liked that.then after 1-2 weeks ia sked her skype and fb acc and he gladly gave them to me. first times we talked was through skype but without a camera only mic i had back then. after 1 week i borrowed the cam of my cousin cuz i wanted to only do cyber-sex with ehr…in the beggining.then it turned out to like her and she showed that she felt also affection for me, and she won after a bit.we both liked each other. oh forgot to emntion she was in a 1y relationship(with break ups)and she left her boyfriend for me.long story short she was ashamed of her past for many reasosn i cant state and she did her msitakes(Few) in the beggining of our relationship putting me kinda thew weight of her past.after a bit tho due to high stress me being scared of losing her cuz of this type of relationship and first time had soemthing i loved(previous time i felt something strong was in highschool adn i lsot her)so i started to argue with her and act paranoicly asking her about her past pushing her comparing me with her exs etc etc and she forgived me a lot of times but i did this thing and stack on this loop for 1 whole month,is not that we didnt had good days but every2-3 days i was finding soemthing small and amking it or maybe something that didnt even exist…so we still emt each other 3 weeks ago(while all the argumetns)and was really awesome she told me we had the best sex together she felt great with me she told me aslo she feels like she knows me for forever and stuff like this.but forgot to mention at the same time her mom and family was telling ehr to not spend so many hours on the pc cuz she loses her life(she is 24 btw)untill 2-3 weeks ago she never minded but after i made all voer again the same mistake she got tired of me she went off to her cottage with ehr family for 4-5 days to clear things out we both needed it and when she came back i already was out of that mindset i was agian the person she loved but i guess i done the damgage and she told me taht we break up but we wills till contact and communicate.we had made many dreams to lvie together,even spoke about amrriage kids etc…she jsut finished her final exams for university adn then her mother after all this time told ehr if she gets good results she will help her move where she wants for 1 year we both knew we had the chance adn when we were so close this came…so 4 days ago she broke up with me i spammed her a bit first 2 days because i really love her and cant believe she now gave up when everything was clear and we could come out better from this (bad)experince btu now she gave up i think on cottage also ehr family pressured her and now that i had behave like this she chose this thign which ofc i deserve since i really have taken complete responsibility…here is my issue tho,what should i do from now on i want her i promised her that i will still tell her gm and gn everyday at least and she was ok with that i told her ill leaver her to calm but ill do only that…yesterday she contacted the guy she left me for to go meet him…today tho i sended to her gm and she replied with a simple morning…what went on?still we chatted shortly adn i left her last message and didnt reply…at the same time after 1 hour of me not replying she uploaded as a cover photo on fb a photo of her legs and his together 🙁 but still we both have each others facebook accs i have fully access to hers whats going on?should i try to use the no contact thing or willbe my destruction? thanks in advance

admin

July 25, 2014 at 1:58 pm

You should definitely check out my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
Sotiris

July 25, 2014 at 3:58 pm

thank you for your reply i will definetely will but whats the generall feeling you got?
Sotiris

July 25, 2014 at 4:01 pm

and also im thinking to write her a last mesage before i start anything is that ok?
admin

July 28, 2014 at 1:52 pm

Usually giving a warning that you are going to do NC defeats the purpose of NC.
Sotiris

July 28, 2014 at 7:36 pm

i see…something alst i already sended her a last message not really being needy etc, and she told me after i killed her she believes that now her ex can only fill the hole in her heart and asked me to no contact her, but today,we play s web-browser game,when i said hi all to my guild i didnt knew she was on and she responded i didnt ofc since im in nc,so after i follow the thigns that u tell in how to get ur ex girlfriend back(most of them i would do by myself only about the time i wasnt sureu believie since we are in a long distance relationship, if all things go really good and i kidna win her back and amke her feel and remember all what we had to surprise her and go to see her?i have a small plan like maybe some music playing our song the things i wanna tell her etc what u sincerely believe? thank you for all and hopefully if all good thanks in advance and ill let you know late, for now last time i bother you 🙂
Sotiris

July 28, 2014 at 7:38 pm

oh she deleted me from everywhere but she didnt block or anythign like that and is till ahvent change my fb pass adn when i went out with 1 of my exs she was jealous of she logged into my acc i saw it on fb setting,that was the day before i send her the msg, what u believe i should leave my pass the one she knows off or change?
admin

July 29, 2014 at 4:00 pm

Why did you go out with one of your exes?
Sotiris

July 29, 2014 at 4:53 pm

jsut for fun dont think anything happened etc jsut so i make her a bit jealous,as you mention on how to get your ex through fb etc

Connie

July 22, 2014 at 2:36 pm

My LDR ex and I broke up 3 months ago, he said he loves me but he’s not in love with me and he wants the relationship to work but he doesn’t know if it can’t and he doesn’t want to force it. He said he doesn’t know how he will feel when we see each other and in his words “even though I know you are free to date it would hurt me in my soul if I found out”. I text/call him from time to time because I do love him and while when we do talk on the phone we have long conversations about what went wrong or sometimes just regular conversations and from time to time we will text but I am always the one who texts/call first………there has been a time though I was going through some rough family stuff and he was there for me and sometimes when I call him he tells me all the things he wants to get off his chest and he would say “only you would get it” or “I have to tell you”, the last “argument” really more deep discussion I told him it seems like he doesn’t want the relationship to work and he told me to stop saying that because he does want it to work. He said he loves me very much but he is still unsure if that means we are to be together.
We both agreed maybe we need to see each other and he has no problem with me coming over to spend time with him and his family.

What should I do, should I start NC or should I just wait to see how we feel when we see each other?

Background:

It was a “love at first sight”
We were friends for a year (knowing we loved each other)
Officially together for just over a year

Thanks for your help

admin

July 24, 2014 at 1:57 pm

Was his sudden change of feelings out of nowhere or could you sometimes sense things that kind of tipped it off?
Connie

July 24, 2014 at 6:39 pm

to be honest we both had external stress……him financial and family and for me my business had to be closed down (temporarily) and I was getting I guess touchy about things that I wouldn’t get mad about before because I was so stressed out and I wanted him there, a lot of things he didn’t know that was going on with me until after we broke up and on my last trip to see him (my bday) he did something that made me upset and I didn’t tell him however I got mad and snapped at him a few times, after we broke up and I told him he said that he has been meaning to apologize and he is an a**hole and that in our relationship he could have been a better man to me.

He works overtime 4 days out of 5 (until 9 pm) and he is having problems at home so he goes out with his friends on the weekends, he has always been one to go out and that has never been a problem in our relationship but when I was going through my stress I felt neglected (even though knowing him I highly doubt it was intentional), whenever we do talk he says he loves me and misses me and thinks about me however he is not sure if that means we should be together because he is not feeling the spark, he admitted though that he doesn’t know how he would feel when he sees me again…..so we kind of agreed maybe we need to see each other and see how we feel.

I personally feel like maybe its a rough patch that he and I went through and he agrees with me but he is still confused based in how he talks……..I will say for at least a month after we broke up according to his mom my picture was still the wallpaper/lock screen background on his phone.
Connie

August 6, 2014 at 1:22 am

I unfollowed him on facebook….still trying to decide if I should unfriend him and I deleted everything we use to talk to one another. He is not worth my stress. Thank you for the help anyway

Siri

July 21, 2014 at 6:50 pm

Hey Chris…
The plan is incredible at least on paper. Thanks for so much effort to actually write down how to get an LDR ex back.
I and my currently exbf come under the category of Internet to person LDR. We met online in january. I was not looking for any relation, we just started texting daily. He came to meet me, ask me out in march. It really was good. We both are compatible a lot, chemistry is also good. When he came to meet me the most recent time in may last week,he began talking about future as in- I am not exactly proposing marriage right away but just know I would really like to have a long future with you. In ten days after that, he texted( yeah, he texted) that- I feel dead inside. I don’t love you anymore. But I still care for you a lot. You are an amazing girl and an amazing girlfriend. The relationship with you is the most fulfilling I ever had. But I feel like I can get a prettier girl than you with all your qualities. I don’t want to settle for with someone I feel like I’m settling for.(GIGS)
Here I should say something. I’m not ugly looking or fat or any. Infact I’m above average looking with figure consciousness. I am a doctor, preparing for higher studies. I sort of neglected makeup, getting dressed up. I have always been looking simple. I would have done it all once my exams are finished. And, I feel that I should be the one To feel that settling for less, because I am funny, smart, intelligent, successful, caring, kind, patient, understanding, pretty enough.
So, when he dumped me, with his GIGS, I took it well enough. I got busy myself. I started NC( I did not know about your website then) got it busted in ten days. I came to know in that conversation that he is assuming that I am depressed, wasting all my time thinking of him, in very low spirits. I assured him I am hurt but that is not getting to me, and I am preparing for my exam in november.
Now I am in 11th day of NC. Still LDR. Yesterday night I got a text from him- “I have to say I’m missing having sex.” I was looking up on what to do and found out your site. Honestly, its a bit weird. Its LDR, he knows well that I sleep by the time he texted, and that I never have sex outside a relation. What can he gain by that message? Nothing. Except may be getting me think of him but I don’t let it get to my studies too much.
Why I want this guy back is not because he is my life or he makes it colorful or any. I know it will be better with him and he lets me be myself. Also, I know I am more than enough for him.
Also, I would like to say, I never operated pull and push policy of yours.
I decided on going NC for 40 days.I am also getting better with makeup, dressing (His only problem with me is I’m not prettier enough). I’ll begin the first text contact in another month.
Do you think I have chances of getting him back?I doubt because of LDR.
Thankyou in advance.

admin

July 22, 2014 at 2:19 pm

Let me ask you, when he started talking about the future how did you react???
Siri

July 22, 2014 at 5:08 pm

He was talking about proposing me one day, and now that I think of it, I did not show any opposition or negativity for the idea, because for a week prior to that meeting he was talking about having a long-term relation with me, how he is developing as a person because of me, how I keep him happy,etc. He knows I’m in love with him, deeper than him infact. And I always make it a point to show my love in actions. He always used to say he is very lucky that I chose to be with him when in fact three other guys asked me out and confessed love.
When I was a bit sceptical about falling in love, he is the one who convinced he is never gonna hurt me ever, and that I can trust him. He never treated me any less, daily calling, weekly skype, two weeks once meeting, everything was so fine. The day I said I am so happy with him and hope to never date anyone in my life again, he said the- I feel dead inside.
He later said he compared me with his ex-gf who dumped him a year and a half ago, with whom he is never gonna get back. That girl is prettier and he still long for her sometimes. But he does not get that longing for me. He never got that awe when he looked at me( I did mistake in looks department, in retrospect I feel I did a mistake, but I was so busy with exams preparation that I neglected my acne,etc. Also I never dressed up.) He said- “I can never show you off to my friends because you are not enough pretty, you don’t dress up, you don’t accessorize. I don’t even have a good picture of you to show my friends when all they want is to have a look at my gf. I feel that I can get a prettier girl than you with all your qualities. You really are amazing gf and you will definitely make any guy happy. You understood me the most, with you I had the most fulfilling relationship. But I am not ok with you not being as beautiful as some girls”
Very recently he said- ” Unless I get that awe when I see you, I am not going to get back together with you.I don’t want to break your heart again”

And I am still in my NC. He uploaded a partying pic on fb, I still did not show any response. I however will hold up my NC for 30-40 days, because its more about me, getting my composure back and becoming confident enough that I can look prettier. And as I said his latest text has him missing sex. Can I consider this a way of him trying to contact me?
admin

July 24, 2014 at 2:12 pm

Keep in NC!
Siri

July 21, 2014 at 6:57 pm

Hey,
I forgot to add, even he is preparing for his further studies(he is not a doctor though) and has his exam in november.Even my exam is in november. When we broke up, we planned to meet in november and take it from there based on what we feel then. But now I am not going to meet him in november because I don’t want to add the stress to my exam and am planning to meet in january, though I didn’t inform him yet.
Do you think I need to take up NC for more time than 40 days?also, because of all these exams, is it a special case? ( We both are 25years,btw)
admin

July 22, 2014 at 2:20 pm

Nope 30 days I think is sufficient.

KM

July 18, 2014 at 7:12 pm

Dear Chris,

I met a guy online about 5 months ago, we hit it off quickly and he was all over me all the time, He lives in FL and I live in Lima, Peru. We texted every day and even went on skype every night. He asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend exactly one month after we met and I said yes. I decided to go see him, so we made the plans and I booked a flight for december, I already had plans on going to FL but I just made the trip longer so I was staying with him. We had our ups and downs but lately things changed, it was all sexual stuff and I didn’t like it anymore, suddenly one day (a few days before his birthday, like 10 days ago) he started acting weird and barely replied to me, I decided to ask what happened and he said nothing, I finally made him tell me that he met someone else (online also, exactly 10 days ago) that lives 3 driving hours away from him and that she was moving close to his town in a month and that they had so many things in common, I told him it was unfair for me, but that I wanted him happy and he said he didn’t want to lose me and still wants to be friends (this was the first time for us talking on the phone) .. Since it was his bday, I sent him a little box of presents and he just got it yesterday, we went through skype and opened it together, I saw in his eyes how the present moved him and he even called me ‘baby’ again. I took that opportunity to tell him that I wasn’t giving up so easily and that I know things’ been bad but I wanted a second chance. I also got a job offer 30min away from him, it starts in december so I told him that I was gonna be around too, he said I was cute and was all smiley and happy, even sent me a kiss and was all playful with me. Then when he got back from the gym. we were texting, I asked him what did he think of what I said, he said we’ll see and I kind of pushed him a little (which I know was totally wrong) and he said that he didn’t know because I’m one of the two girls he really likes, so I decided to tell him it was his choice to make and that we don’t know what’s gonna happen until december. then we started just talking about other stuff and I fell asleep, he texted me stupid stuff 3 times at different times during an hour.. I replied when I woke up and we talked a little longer until he fell asleep. this morning he texted back.
What should I do about it? The trip is still happening and I’m staying with him because we are ‘friends’. Now that he’s got some of my personal things in his bday gift I think I will be more “present” in his life and everyday until I’m actually there, so I was thinking on doing the NC thing but I’m scared because I know there’s someone else winning him over me.
Please I need some advice,
Thank you!

MM88

July 22, 2014 at 9:54 pm

Could it possibly be the same guy I dated? he lived in florida as well and we spoke everyday. hmmm 🙁
admin

July 21, 2014 at 3:44 pm

So, you met him online and the two of you became “offical” before you met in person?
KM

July 20, 2014 at 3:54 pm

Please some help over here! We usually talk everyday, so I’ve been ignoring him these past two days, and he keeps messaging me during the day so I end up replying after a while and he replies back immediately. I’m an important part of him since he’s always asking me for help when it comes to decisions on buying things.. What can I do?

Becky

July 18, 2014 at 6:16 am

After reinitiating contact after a month and a half. Ex says he hopes we can still be friends.(we broke up because he was moving to another city, in a month I am moving closer to where he lives, he even said when we broke up that he wanted me in his life and be friends cause he believes a relationship is a friendship to begin with…)
What does that mean and what should I respond to that?
Leslie

July 18, 2014 at 2:52 am

It’s me again! I’ve been reading your book and its been helping me. You told me that what is hurting our relationship is distance and relocating. But what is hard is that my exboyfriend pushes people away when he goes through things. He moved away to try and build a relationship with a father he doesn’t know leaving his family behind and me as well. So now he is grieving over his grandpa, relocated to a new place, going through a break up and so much more. My friends and family really love him and are supportive for what we may or may not happen. Deel down I know he is trying to be fair to me by let to g me go because he isn’t ready for what we had and trying to figure things out. So I was wondering should I wait longer than thirty days? I am not sure how I should go about this or what kind of plan I should have. Thank you so much for your help.

admin

July 18, 2014 at 4:03 pm

No I think 30 days is sufficient.
Leslie

July 18, 2014 at 11:23 pm

Ok thank you! What would be an appropriate type of text to send due to my situation? I’ve been thinking of various texts. And am trying to have a plan. Thank you so much for you help btw:). This is harder then I thought it would be. But it is helping me realize what types of things I can be doing better.
admin

July 21, 2014 at 3:55 pm

How about this, run the texts you are thinking of by me.
Leslie

July 23, 2014 at 7:30 pm

Ok perfect! I will let you know what I am thinking of sending and thanks I just don’t know if after the first few texts what I am suppose to do cause long distance is harder. Thanks for helping out 🙂
Leslie

July 30, 2014 at 3:20 am

Alright Chris: here are some I was thinking of: it so hot out I just bought a slurpee at seven-eleven and it put a smile on my face because it reminded me of you :). (We always got slurpies after having…). Or I was thinking of you are a wonderful person and I am glad you were in my life. I hope you were doing great :). Or I just finished watching pretty little liars and it made me think of you. Such a great show I would’ve missed out on had you not suggested it. Made me think of you :).

Something along those lines…but maybe not the slurpee one cause that was our dessert after really hot….well you know
admin

July 30, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Pretty little liars I think.
Leslie

August 2, 2014 at 2:32 am

Thanks. Is it even possible to get him back if he moved away. Especially since he may not be emotionally unavailable due to his grandpa passing away and him trying to build a relationship with his dad. He pushes people away she be goes through things like this
admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:35 pm

Of course, but someone has to be willing to move closer to the other one eventually if you two do get back together.
Leslie

August 6, 2014 at 5:19 am

Chris!!! I need help! First of all thanks for the positive this was a hard month and I cried. But I went on dates. Excercises daily, and was good with no contact. So the good news when I felt little hope was that he called me:)!!! We talked for 30 min. It went really well and I was proud of myself, I didnt bring up anything about the past. He sounded really well but had surgery for skin cancer recently and moved near his mom instead cause he is closer to her. He says he wants to call me again. I said great dont be a stranger. So how I should I go about this because he perfers talking on the phone. I feel better knowing he sounded well and was happy with the way the conversation turned out. He knows I am moving back home to finish up my masters and internship. Especially with what recently happened to my mom. He knows I am eventually going to move….idk how to go about this so any help would be great since I can’t rely on texting. Even though I wanted to text him today after last night I thought it would be best to wait so I don’t sound or appear needy! Thanks Chris :)!!!
Leslie

July 19, 2014 at 11:02 pm

I reread everything but my one question is since he just moved and you said you should take a bit longer to build things up which makes since due to LD. How much longer should I take? Thanks for the help
admin

July 21, 2014 at 4:04 pm

How long do you think is proper?

Add a bit more to that number haha.

shruti

July 13, 2014 at 11:15 am

Hi Chris!
You are doing a wonderful job here but the problem is every situation is a bit different so that’s why I am writing in a hope to get some insight from you. So here’s my story. Trying to make it short but with all the details. I met him on his sisters wedding. We sort of flirted with flirted with each other but thats all. I was maintaining distance because he was next in line to get married and his family was looking for a girl for him. But as soon as the wedding got over and we knew we wont see each other, we got in tpich on facebook. We excahnged nbers and talked all day all night for next 3 days. Je was supposed to meet a girl from marroage perspective and he told her about me and then that girl and i talked and she told me how he was waiting to see you before he leaves the country. So we decided to meet for sometime the day he was leaving. It was the most comfortable date i have ever had. We were holding hands and then we kkssed passionately because we lnew we wont get to see each other for a long time. Before parting i asked him if we would give it a shot. He said it was worth every shot. Its tough and challenging but worth it. We started dating online. Talking all the time .on skype for almost 2 hours each day. Or else connected via watsapp. He asked me after 3 months he asked me to be his girlfriend and i gladly said yes. He said he doesnt want a long distance but i have changed his opinion. Things were perfect between us. Then his sister, my friend tried creating differences and told him about my past. He broke up because he thought i wasnt honest with him. I explained. He understood. We patched up and he scolded his sister a lot for trying to sabotage our relationship. It was difficult for both of us to stay away from each other. We realised each others importance. He kept telling me how much he missed me. Our frequency of talking increased. We were in love although we hadnt discussed it. He started talking about marriage and stuff not directly but yeah telling me how he wants it. Asking me what i want and stuff and even said that if there is any rejection from his family, he will hane it. It was perfect. And he even opened up about his fears. Tehn suddenly he started ignoring my texts. No skype nothing at all. I tried reaching but no replies. Then i got to know one of my ex had mailed him and lied to him that he and me were still in touch. I wrote mails explaining how it wasnt true and what not. Then after 3 days or so i called him and left a voice mail telling him that he atleast should have had the decency to say it on my face that he was breaking up. He picked up tje phone and said you want closure. Ok say whatever you have to i will listen. I have two issues one being you are there and i am here and next that i cant trust you when you are there. I told him that we could sort this oit when he is visiting the country in nov and why couldnt he just give us 4 months. He asked me what would change will you move here permanently or will i move there permanently. I told him that if we know that we will be together and in this for the long haul i will do everything to move there. He said he had no feelings for me now. I asked him that he was do vulnerable in front of me few dahs back and now he says he has got no feelings. As far as i know guys dont share their fear with just anyone. Is he afraid of being vulnerable around me? He just said bye and kept the phone down. I do not understand what went wrong. Would NC help me? What do you think about my situation chris? It was a perfect relationship and we did want to be with each other. What should I do ?

admin

July 14, 2014 at 3:12 pm

The distance always creates problems in my opinion… It takes two really strong people to make a LDR work and usually there has to be a plan that leads both people to be together.

Jay Jay

July 13, 2014 at 7:29 am

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the article, but I feel I need your advice on if I should even bother… My now “ex” boyfriend broke up with me yesterday after being together for 3 years 3 months. We had just been on our first holiday together last month. Technically we live in the same country, but he’s working full time and I’m at uni. Recently he asked what my plan was, and I said I will apply for medicine but if that failed, I will carry on in medicine somewhere closer to him. He just said that he felt like he’d been waiting forever and that he was becoming miserable because of the uncertainty, and had been thinking about how he would get around it for months. Frankly I hadn’t thought about it because I was preoccupied with other things… But I thought it was one of his emotional falls from after seeing each other. He’d normally feel down because he wants to be with me all the time. He said the only way he saw it being able to work was that we’d have to be together permanently but he recently got a job where he’s working that he feels is stable. I don’t know what to do, I was prepared for a breakup but then I truly started falling for him last Christmas when he bought me the sweetest gift. It was cheap but very sentimental, he was going on about what each charm meant and they were all about future plans together. Then he took me abroad to meet his extended family. I guess that’s where I blew it, because I had a heated discussion with his mum as we are not of the same ethnicity and she seemed to have some harsh views on other races when she had some whiskey in her.

Fast forward to last month, he took me on holiday for my birthday. and he came back to stay with me at uni for a fortnight. We had an amazing time, and I knew that going back was going to do a number on him. Then I got my results and they weren’t so good… I don’t know what it was he said but I blew a fuse again… and this is when he asked about our plans together. This argument/discussion just got brushed off like the others, but it stuck with me this time, because something seemed different. He seemed different. So I asked the same question a week later. And he started to say that he wasn’t sure what was happening because it was all too uncertain and that he wasn’t willing to leave his job on a gamble. He said he felt that I was the one who wanted this more… and this confused me because he only met my immediate family last year, and I met his family 2 years ago, at least his closest relatives. And not to mention all the talk about our future together from him (this was one of the things that changed in the past week; he started saying “your” instead of “our”). His reasoning was that I was willing to do more – but I explained that this was because I was in uni and there was more leeway than there is in a full time job. I suggested taking a break or breaking it off, like I do normally when he gets like this and he said “no” like always. But then I guess my own pride got to me and I didn’t want to feel like I was desperate. Especially since I had made a promise that I won’t break up with him. So I called him and this time I guess, it was bad. Like you said you ought to appear your best on Face Time, and this time I didn’t. So eventually after saying that we ought to make a plan, I found out that he said he wasn’t even willing to look for jobs over where I was. Then went on to saying that he thought it had reached the end… because he felt it was too much effort. I just feel like it’s such a shame, because after all we’ve been through, and I was so close to finishing and being able to get a stand and start working, we’d be able to finally move in together. But to me it was like his over thinking it and I guess my impulsive behaviour may have put a nail in the coffin. I thought I was ready to move on, I had promised myself I won’t get too attached, but won’t break it off. But I couldn’t keep my earlier promise and I feel like we can work… mostly because so many people saw that we did. But I don’t know how to get him to change his mind… How do I get him to see that we are worth “the gamble”?

Sorry it’s so long by the way

admin

July 14, 2014 at 3:07 pm

Have you attempted any type of NC?
Jay Jay

July 25, 2014 at 2:23 pm

I have since I went away for holiday for about a fortnight. That being said, I just broke it recently :S. It was a simple reply to a text.
Jay Jay

July 28, 2014 at 7:27 am

To which he didn’t even reply to
Jay Jay

July 13, 2014 at 8:18 am

Hi again,

I recently remembered that I haven’t uploaded pictures of the holiday together on facebook. I have uploaded them and only him permission to view them. Is that a bad thing? I haven’t employed the NC rule yet but I will soon… I feel like I need to do something first.

Htebynel

July 12, 2014 at 2:25 am

Hi Chris,

I have emailed you and sent a private message in your facebook account but i think you don’t usually open those accounts.

Anyway, i have purchased and read your ex boyfriend recovery pro.

I need your help. I just had a breakup with long distance boyfriend 2 weeks ago. We are not in good terms the last time he messaged me is he don’t want our relationship to go further because we always quarrel or have issues. Since he don’t want to talked to me over the phone i have decided to surprise him so i went home to our country. When i went home, i thought I could still fix it because we are not in good terms that time but he don’t want anymore because he said we always fight, LDR is so hard, his tired of work so sometimes he just want to relax and do things on his own without telling someone where is he or he doing this and that. For the past few months we always quarrel, he becomes irritable even on small things, he is so busy at work that’s why when he reaches home he wanted more sleep and just relax. Even we did not talk too much it’s ok with him. He said he is thinking lot of things, issues at work, family then if we will fight, additional problem again so he thought of breaking up with me so that he will have a lesser problem, he said better to stop our relationship.

At first, I don’t want and trying to explain things to him. Trying to make him to be an open-minded person to work out our relationship but he said it’s better to stop this relationship. He wanted to fix himself first. Then, after a long time of conversation, fighting and arguing. I have agreed to end the relationship. We have calmed ourselves, we say sorry to each other. He hugged me and then he kissed me left and right in between my lips and cheeks while holding my face and then saying best friend. Then we would laugh and hug again. So weird because after that we’re ok. We slept together in his condo. He was hugging me that night, kissed me, then there was a time saying i will miss you best friend. We also had our breakfast together. We hugged each other so tight and even kissed me nearby the sides of my lips then smiling best friend then hugged so many time before we left the condo. And the last gesture he did when i am leaving was kissing my forehead. We were ok. I don’t know if he still loves me because he never told me again when we were physically together. He messaged me after we part ways saying take care and updating me of something but i never replied. His last message to me was before my flight, he told me that he is already in a condo, had a new haircut, and told me to take care but i never replied. We never talked for 2 weeks already coz i am following your advise ex boyfriend discovery pro. Also, in facebook his profile picture is still our picture and we are still in a relationship with each other but he is also active with his account. So what do you think it is?

Do you think we would still have a chance to be together? Do you think he just got tired of his issues in life plus our quarrels? So he just need to rest on 1 aspect of his life. How to win him back? We are in a long distance relationship. What should i do? What should i say when its time to message him?

Hope you could help me.

admin

July 14, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Sorry your right. I have to limit my contact to just the comments here.

I do think you have a chance to be back together.

Definitely got tired of his issues and the small listtle disagreements. Not to mention the distance can be challenging.
Htebynel

July 16, 2014 at 10:17 am

Can you advise on how to win him back?
admin

July 16, 2014 at 3:01 pm

Well, did you read the articles on this site??
Htebynel

July 17, 2014 at 12:21 am

Hi Chris,

Yes but i don’t know how to start specially we are far from each other. We are living in different countries. What kind of message should i send to him?
Htebynel

July 21, 2014 at 2:33 pm

Chris i am waiting for your answer..hope you can help
admin

July 22, 2014 at 2:10 pm

My answer on what??
Htebynel

July 23, 2014 at 5:17 am

I was asking if what kind of message should i send to my long distance ex boyfriend? Do you think how should i approach him in my message?

KD

July 11, 2014 at 2:11 pm

Hello Chris,

My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago. We were together for 1 1/2 years and met at the university we go to. To be honest, for our LDR we had it pretty good. We would see each other everyday at school and live only an hour away. However that is my take on it. My ex on the other hand eventually started to cave in. During the summer months we would mostly contact through FaceTime and see each other 1-2 every week, most of the time he would drive out to see me as I didn’t have a car. We had an argument two days prior to our break up that made him contemplate if we should be together. He broke up with me over FaceTime (go figure). I was a bad person and did not go into NC immediately and instead we talked for a couple of days. Some of the convos were emotional on my end and other times I played it cool. I finally realized that I should go into NC so here I am now on day 2. Previously I sent him a text asking for some closure and if we could meet up and he said he would think about it. So now that I have caught you up to my present situation, what do you think I should do next? What if he does find time to meet up with me, do I just ignore that even though I was the one who asked to meet with him originally?
Becky

July 9, 2014 at 3:42 pm

Hello there!!
The ex boyfriend has reached out during no contact. When I sent my first message reminding him of this place we used to go to that closed down he responded coldly: “so now you decide to reply”. Then a week later I sent him a passage from a book that was specific to our old conversations saying it reminded me of him. He replied again: “stop acting so strange”
So I think he’s mad at me for not having responded when he reached out to me. What do I do now? Do I go back to no contact for 30 days? Or Try again in a couple of days?
thank you any advice is great!

admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:16 pm

Try again in a few days 🙂

Meagan

July 9, 2014 at 1:17 am

Hi Chris! First of all, I’m sorry this is so long. I’m a very detailed person and I just wanted to include everything that I thought to be relevant. Me and my ex boyfriend’s story is complicated. We both attend the same college and met each other at a Christian campus ministry we go to. We knew each other a little bit throughout the semester but started hanging out and hitting it off really well in the last week or so and then we had to leave for the summer. He told me he really liked me and he hasn’t felt butterflies like this in a LONG time. He said he wanted to make things work over the summer so we tried to. We weren’t official but we were together if you know what I mean.

A few days before he was supposed to start his job, he got laid off and had to find another one that didn’t pay as much. He was really upset about it, especially because he needed to get his car fixed (so he could have it, and so we could see each other), and now it was going to be really hard to do. Being away from each other, we texted all the time and skyped sometimes and talked on the phone. Everything was going well. He invited me to his town for Memorial Day weekend to go camping with friends and watch the meteor shower but I couldn’t go because I had to get my wisdom teeth out. So we started making plans to go to a water park together with some friends in early June. He was going to borrow his parents’ car or ride with a friend.

Then one night I got frustrated with him for something but he apologized and we worked it out. But then in the next few days he started acting differently. He didn’t call me baby anymore and wouldn’t text me as much or would come up with excuses like his phone died. He was still being nice but he was texting me differently and I could tell something was off. So after a couple days of that, I asked him if something was wrong and he broke up with me. He cited a lot of reasons but basically he said that he’s not in a good place overall, and he feels really pressured to keep something going with me for the summer when he doesn’t know if or when he can see me because the loan that he was going to get to fix his car fell through. And he’s been really stressed, working a lot and not getting along with his dad. He also said being away, he realized that he thinks he only wanted a relationship where we go to school and he doesn’t know that he sees us together in the future. After asking him some questions he said that for years he has been cursed with looking all the way forward to see if he could marry someone and doesn’t know that he sees that with me :/ (which I have no idea how he can know already after only being together for a month and I things seemed to be going well up until the last couple days). I asked if he just feels like we don’t it off as well as he initially thought we did and he said “Yeah. I do feel like that. And I hate it :/.” He also said he still wanted to be friends and that I didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t because of what he did that got me frustrated at him; he said of course not, that was his fault.

The next night, he texted me to ask about my day and see how I was and I said “To be honest, I’ve been really upset” and he said “I’m really sorry Meagan. Do you want me to leave you alone? Understand I don’t want to cut you off by any means.” And I said I just want to understand so we talked about everything and he explained a little more about how he’s just not in a good place in his life right now and that he’s been pretty depressed and not been communicating at all with God lately (and his faith is really important to him). He kept saying I wish I could tell you better, I know, I’m sorry and stuff like I wish I understood myself. He asked if I could just give him time and that he MIGHT be able to see me in July but he can’t promise that etc. which confused me because I thought he had made up his mind and didn’t want to be together.

Since the night before he had said that he felt pressured, I asked him if he had felt pressured by me (about getting together in person, getting his car back, and work) and he said “Yes, and please don’t take that as me throwing blame at you, etc.” He basically has felt stress overall and didn’t know how to tell me no when he couldn’t get together (even though I honestly didn’t pressure him). So I apologized anyways and explained how I never meant to pressure him and explained how I felt. And he said “No no you’re amazing, you are, it’s not your fault, I should’ve just told you I couldn’t go etc.” I also asked him if he thought I would’ve been mad at him if he told me he couldn’t go or couldn’t get the loan or if he thought I would just want to end things if we didn’t see each other soon. And he admitted yes, a mix of those, pretty much everything you said. So I explained that I wouldn’t have been mad or anything if he couldn’t come, I would never get mad at him for something that wasn’t his fault. That wouldn’t even make sense, and we both wanted to see each other so I thought we would just both be disappointed and work something else out, not be mad. And I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to end things, I’m a patient person. I think he believed what I said and we continued talking.

Back to why we broke up, he said that he thinks it’s because he doesn’t know what he wants in anything in his life right now and he’s just not sure how he feels. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life, I think he just feels lost. And he’s not in a good place financially either. He also told me he’s debating coming back to school (but he hates being home so I’m thinking that he will end up coming back. He went to community college for his first 2 years already and earned his associates degree).

At the end of the conversation, I asked what he meant when he asked for time and he said he definitely still wants to talk to me but he needs time to think about us. So I agreed to give him time and we didn’t talk for the next five days. On the fourth day, I checked his Facebook and he had been posting songs throughout the week. He had posted 2 angry emo songs about love, one being Stray From the Path by Scissor Hands (look it up and you’ll understand :/) and wrote “Always relevant” as the status, and he posted lyrics from Mr. Brightside. Seeing these posts, I wondered if he wanted me to see them and they made me think that the outlook for our relationship did not look good. Even though I didn’t do anything wrong supposedly (which I didn’t), and there’s no reason he would be mad at me, I felt like these were directed at me and it made me mad at him for making me wait if he had already decided our relationship was over. So I waited for him to text me, expecting him to say he had thought about it and we shouldn’t get back together.

Then on the fifth night he texted me saying “Hey! Just wanted to see how you’ve been?” The next afternoon, I texted him back, off of the advice of my friends, saying something like “Hey sorry I was with some friends last night. I don’t know the exact purpose of your text and I don’t know if you’ve made up your mind about us yet but I’ve been thinking and I realized that I don’t wanna be in a relationship with someone who already knows he can’t see a future with me so I think it would be best if we just moved on.” Five minutes later he texted back saying “I think so too meagan. I’m really sorry it came so sudden. But like I said, it wouldn’t have really been fair to drag it out either. Anyway, I really just wanted to see how you were, I still care about you! And I hope we can still be friends, especially if I come back to school.” I was really upset so I didn’t wanna reply but I felt like I should so 4 hours later I texted him back saying “Here’s the thing. Of course I still care about you too but I just can’t handle being friends, at least not right now. I’m sorry.” 5 minutes later he texted back saying “No no I understand. I’m sorry.”

We haven’t spoken since and that was a month ago today. I found your website last night and was reading about the no contact rule. And I wasn’t sure how that applied in this situation? I’ve done the 30 days of no contact and I really want to at least text him and just find out how he is doing, especially because he is going through a rough time right now and I want him to know that I care about him. Is it bad that he hasn’t reached out to me during this no contact period? I didn’t expect him to reach out to me because I’m the one who said I don’t want to be friends so I think he’s trying to respect that but after reading your website I just wanted to get your opinion. Also, I think we get our rooming assignments for our school on July 15th so I was thinking of waiting until a couple days after that and then texting him because then he might know by then if he’s going back to school or not. So I basically want to see how he is, find out if he’s coming back to school or not, and I honestly want to get back together but I don’t know if he’ll want to or if he would just want to be friends. I think our relationship would’ve worked out if we had been together at school but I don’t think that we had the time to form a strong enough bond to make it through the summer being away from each other, and through all his confusion and stress. Please let me know your thoughts. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you so much!!

admin

July 9, 2014 at 2:23 pm

May I ask your ages?
Meagan

July 9, 2014 at 2:42 pm

I just turned 20 and he’s 21, almost 22
Meagan

July 12, 2014 at 12:21 am

Do you think it would be a good idea if I just texted him and ask how he is doing? What do you think?

Shenya

July 6, 2014 at 10:16 am

Dear Chris,

I am a female of 37 years, Buddhist. My boy friend is 25 years, Muslim. We are from an Asian Country but now he works in Saudi. I know this is an abnormal relationship. But the best thing is I look younger to him.

We met in a class, 7 years ago, went on an overseas group tour by the class and 5 years ago went on another trip with friends.

In this year 2014 March (after 5 years) he contacted me from Saudi telling he likes me, after 2 or 3 days he said he wants to marry me, he said that he was thinking about me all these years and had a big crush at the trip (5 years ago), but he could not express it coz he was too young. But I didn’t want to start anything coz he is too young and Muslims easily don’t allow these. I asked him to ask from his parents, but he asked me to get a decision and then he said he will ask.

So we got close, I started loving him coz he is so cute. We never met after we started the relationship but seen on skype. So we spoke, also had phone s**. After about a month he was bit changed, contacting was reducing, may be coz I tried to talk with him a lot. It sometimes troubled him I guess, and I texted him a lot when he didn’t contact me. But he rarely replied. But we spoke. I made the mistake by calling & texting too much! Guess I annoyed him. However, he asked from his parents. They refused coz of the age gap & religion. He loves his parents a lot. Also, he wanted to marry me some how. Initially he wanted to marry me secretly but he changed coz of his parents. He said he can’t disappoint his parents.

He, rarely contacted me, he said he want to stop this. But I went crazy, finally he asked 2 or 3 times from his parents but they really wanted him to stop this right away and he told me that he wants to stop but will come to meet for the FINAL in his vacation in August which we were planned before.

All these days I was not really happy coz I always had a doubt coz of his changes. I cried a looot. sometimes he knew it. Sometimes he didn’t.

But one day he said, though he wants to stop this now, he knows his destiny which is his “God has found his partner and that is me and one day, may be after so many years he will find me and marry me”. I guess he honestly told this. But I know in future he will get married to someone else if his parents force him, but he was thinking one day something will go wrong in his marriage and we will meet one fine day.

So.. after that…. I only called him. We spoke, sometimes he ignored me. Sometimes he spoke to me when I called. He didn’t call me actually. Recent day, he called me and said he has seen a dream, that we are getting married. I was so happy.

From the next day, I called him but he never answered, after a week I checked him on FB to see what has happened to him. Oh my God he has blocked me. I went truly crazy, cried, I called him once in 2 days texted him. But he has gone.

I couldn’t bear, I went thru websites. I found your advices, I stopped contacting him. It’s the 17th day now. Everyday, I’m going through your website. Your advices are the only heal for me. I will do your steps. I got your 02 books also.

Question 1 :
According to above situation, what will happen? I went thru very bad relationships before and this boy came to my life when I was looking for proposals. However, only this guy loved me truly, I can’t lose him. I don’t want to spoil his life coz he is young, but he is the one who came to me, now I can’t stop loving him. He used say he feels I am younger to him.

Who knows my story, asked me to move out coz we couldn’t meet, but I only know how close we were on the phone. We were planning to meet in August in his vacation and to have a wonderful, romantic time. But seems he will not come now. So… kindly, hope you will not ask me to move out. I really want him. Coz he is the one for me and I can’t love anyone else again coz I really had a painful life before. Appreciate your great help Chris!
Question 2 :
Also, after NC can I say sorry about what I did in my first text message with the other details?

Thank you soooo much! Sorry to make this too long.

admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:57 pm

Do you think the age thing bothered him?
Shenya

July 11, 2014 at 10:45 am

Dear Chris,

Thank you so much for your reply.
Age wasn’t a bothered him in the beginning. But his parents forced him to stop. He didn’t want to disappoint his parents. May be after that I don’t know whether he was thinking about the age.

However, after NC, in my first message can I say sorry coz I called & texted him a lot, when he was trying to stop this. And then to mention a good memory in the first message.

Thanks a looot! Take care

Shenya

honey

July 5, 2014 at 6:22 pm

Hey Chris!!!!! Please Heeeeeeelp!!!!!
Look after 5 months I got back in touch with him and we’ve been texting each day! It seemed like he fell in love with me again because he couldn’t let out even a day to text me. Now I did something horrible! Instead of staying calm and waiting up until it gets into a real relationship, I just started to flip out, getting jealous and angry and getting at him by accusing him instead of talking. It wasn’t anything serious though but from this day on hes not texting me at first anymore like he used to! He’s pulling back and sometimes even ignore my texts. Omg what do I do!!!!???? I was so close to be with him back again and now I messed it up????? Please help me!!!!

admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:56 pm

What did you get jealous about?
honey

July 7, 2014 at 9:33 pm

About him still beeing in contact with his ex (but I know they are only friends though) they are working together on a project and he got mad at me that I’ve been acting like being his gf! Since then he still texts me every morning but thats it. Then the whole day nothing. What do I do? What once seemed to develop back towards an relationship is now heading south again. No progress 🙁 please answer Chris!
admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:12 pm

Thats strange… he just texts you in the morning but not throughout the day?
honey

July 8, 2014 at 6:02 pm

Since our last argue and after I been criticising him…yes! What u recommend Chris??? Trying to recreate the connection/atraction between him and me or just pull away from him for a while! He seems to be fed up or the atraction towards me got lower because of me acting needy and jelous? Reminding him of how a I was in past?! So do you think I should leave him alone for some time????
admin

July 9, 2014 at 2:15 pm

How jealous would you get if you don’t mind me asking?

Di

July 2, 2014 at 6:27 pm

My ex and I met at my sisters wedding last year. He had previously face book messaged me a few times over a period of about 6 months in v friendly ways despite having never met me.
After meeting he text messaged daily and when I returned home we began skyping every week as well as extended daily conversations. He eventually asked me on a date the next time I was over. I planned to catch up with him about a year after I first met him and booked a trip. He then invited me over for a wedding and I initially declined. It planted a seed though and I booked a ticket. By then I was his girlfriend. Unfortunately my visit coincided with family visiting and a house full of people. We ended up sleeping in the same bed, having sex etc before yet having a date. It was the only time we were alone and when we had a few initial problems in that department I got frustrated and upset. About a week in I noticed his mood change and when I asked him he said he was ‘confused’. I got a little upset and his Mum got involved and it erupted to him saying he knew he’d have to be the one to move (economic circumstances) and he wasn’t sure he could. I considered walking but I cared v much for him and stayed. We slept apart that night and talked the next day. He still wasn’t sure but I hung around and he began to relax again. His family left and we had 5 days together. They were great despite my underlying unease. He now says they were the only days he was happy in the 3 weeks we had together. We decided to keep going once I left but straight after I returned his mood got very down and he was pessimistic. Added this that due to study he couldn’t see me until 5 months later and didn’t want me to book it too early. His messages were a little less and when he missed a couple or was late I got upset and he said that when I got upset he did. We ended breaking up about this at his suggestion in the middle of the night via facebook. We emailed following a few times and he wanted to see me when I went for that original trip. 2 weeks later when I asked him back he said no and that he wanted to focus on work and study. I didn’t respond. 10 days following I received a birthday present and affectionate card. I didn’t acknowledge. Every 2 weeks or so I had something – a text, email checking had I got his present etc. when it responded about 5 weeks later he wanted to chat. I kept it brief but sent a card just to say good luck in his exams. He thanked me and suggested we Skype. I wasn’t sure and didn’t commit. He said he’d msg the following week but by thurs of the week I hadn’t heard and it was driving me nuts. I texted and he tried to keep up the chat – bringing that he’d booked a ticket for a wedding a few hrs flight from here that we’d planned to go to together. I thought insensitive. I got v upset and amicably said goodbye. I had a dream abt him a couple of days later and this prompted me to text him. He then wanted to Skype the next day. I said I was busy and made plans for 2 days later. We spoke for 3hrs and I thought he was flirty. The following week again. Soon we started texting daily again and he started talking sexually and affectionately to me. I was upset at first, we hadn’t talked, weren’t back together, but got caught up in it. This went on for a couple of weeks until one night he wanted to talk late and talk got a little serious. He said he didn’t want a relationship with anyone and was just looking forward to being study free. He didn’t have any plans to come here anymore, no reason to, he loved his job. He didn’t rule out completely though. We decided on my next trip in a few months we’d spend a few days together and just enjoy each other. f*** buddies basically. he seemed a little conflicted though sometimes saying maybe we should just check in with each other every few weeks and get on with our lives. We settled on going away though he said he didn’t want to hurt me or me to come home missing him afterwards. The next day he mentioned he’d been distracted on his way to work and this set my antennas off. On discrete questioning I found he still was keen to go away as friends and we talked of where. The next day he backed out. That he wasn’t comfortable with it since we weren’t together. He apologised for messing me around again. I said I didn’t see how it was much different to what we were doing and I didn’t want anything more from him. A few days later tho I texted him as I missed himand he was away at a wedding with friends and said he’d get back to me later. It took him about 24 hours but he did and agreed the cybersex and Skype sex was a mistake and wouldn’t happen anymore. We talked all day on and off while he was at work. It was light and I asked how wed chat from then on. I wanted his perspective. He suggested once a week. The first time will be this Sun on Skype. I have been v hurt by him but love him. I am v confused. All I know is that I am not good if we’re not talking and feel like I want something I don’t know that I can have when were talking. I know he says he likes talking to me, he still has all our couple photos in his room with his fave of me next to his bed and that he wants us to be friends. help! I don’t know what he’s thinking/hoping for and what will get him back. Even if that’s good. Help! Long story I know. It’s been 9 months since my sisters wedding and we are separated by 9000 miles and a 7 hr time difference.

admin

July 3, 2014 at 1:06 am

I find this situation difficult b/c you guys are seperated by so much… Is there a plan in place to get closer together?
Di

July 3, 2014 at 11:46 am

Well we’ve broken up so no. All we have in place is that I will be there in Sept and he wants us to catch up for coffee or drinks or the like. He will be here in November for his brothers wedding and mentioned he’d thought about stopping on the way back with me for a week but nothing is set. I don’t know what it will take for him to decide on that. All I know is he just wants friendship and once a week Skypes now but hasn’t ruled out something sometime.
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:38 pm

I suppose that’s better than nothing.

Shenya

July 2, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Dear Chris,

I have e-mailed you my story. We are living in two countries and he is younger to me. We broke up and I am having a hard time. Its difficult to write my story on this site.
Its a great help if you can reply my e-mail.
Thank you soooo much!

Shenya

admin

July 3, 2014 at 1:04 am

Unfortunately, I rarely respond to emails so you would have to write it on this site.
Shenya

July 3, 2014 at 3:15 pm

Dear Chris,

I am a female of 37 years, Buddhist. My boy friend is 25 years, Muslim. We are from an Asian Country but now he works in Saudi. I know this is an abnormal relationship. But please don’t laugh at me. But the best thing is I look younger to him.

We met in a class, 7 years ago, went on an overseas group tour by the class and 5 years ago went on another trip with friends.

In this year 2014 March (after 5 years) he contacted me from Saudi telling he likes me, after 2 or 3 days he said he wants to marry me, he said that he was thinking about me all these years and had a big crush at the trip (5 years ago), but he could not express it coz he was too young. But I didn’t want to start anything coz he is too young and Muslims easily don’t allow these. I asked him to ask from his parents, but he asked me to get a decision and then he said he will ask.

So we got close, I started loving him coz he is so cute. We never met after we started the relationship but seen on skype. So we spoke, also had phone s**. After about a month he was bit changed, contacting was reducing, may be coz I tried to talk with him a lot. It sometimes troubled him I guess, and I texted him a lot when he didn’t contact me. But he rarely replied. But we spoke. I made the mistake by calling & texting too much! However, he asked from his parents. They refused coz of the age gap & religion. He loves his parents a lot. Also, he wanted to marry me some how. Initially he wanted to marry me secretly but he changed coz of his parents. He said he can’t disappoint his parents.

He, rarely contacted me, he said he want to stop this. But I went crazy, finally he asked 2 or 3 times from his parents but they really wanted him to stop this right away and he told me that he wants to stop but will come to meet for the FINAL in his vacation in August which we were planned before.

All these days I was not really happy coz I always had a doubt coz of his changes. I cried a looot. sometimes he knew it. Sometimes he didn’t.

But one day he said, though he wants to stop this now, he knows his destiny which is his “God has found his partner and that is me and one day, may be after so many years he will find me and marry me”. I guess he honestly told this. But I know in future he will get married to someone else if his parents force him, but he was thinking one day something will go wrong in his marriage and we will meet one fine day.

So.. after that…. I only called him. We spoke, sometimes he ignored me. Sometimes he spoke to me when I called. He didn’t call me actually. Recent day, he called me and said he has seen a dream, that we are getting married. I was so happy.

From the next day, I called him but he never answered, after a week I checked him on FB to see what has happened to him. Oh my God he has blocked me. I went truly crazy, cried, I called him once in 2 days texted him. But he has gone.

I couldn’t bear, I went thru wesites. I found you, I stopped contacting him. It’s the 14th day now. Everyday, I’m going through your website. Your advices are the only heal for me. I will do your steps. I got your 02 books also.

According to above situation, what will happen? I went thru very bad relationships before and this boy came to my life when I was looking for proposals. However, only this guy loved me truly, I can’t lose him. I am desperate. I don’t want to spoil his life coz he is young, but he is the one who came to me, now I can’t stop loving him. He used say he feels I am younger to him.

Who knows my story, asked me to move out coz we couldn’t meet, but I only know how close we were on the phone. We were planning to meet in August in his vacation and to have a wonderful, romantic time. But seems he will not come now. So… kindly, hope you will not ask me to move out. I really want him. Coz he is the one for me and I can’t love anyone else again coz I really had a painful life before. Appreciate your great help Chris!

Thank you soooo much!

Take care

Shenya
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:41 pm

Theres your problem right there… Your desperate.

Desperate girls don’t do very well with exes.

Confident girls who are willing to walk away if things don’t go their way always do well with exes.
Shenya

July 11, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Thank you Chris, Im trying to change. I will.

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