How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

roma

July 1, 2014 at 3:33 am

I was in a relationship for the last 2 years and few months, the last year plus was LDR he shifted back to his home town. Things where very good between us in fact he was the one who suggested marriage and made me meet his parents and extended family. In the last month he hardly spoke to me when i asked him the reason he said he was busy with stuff and he doesn’t feel that strongly anymore.I told him its not fair on me and he can’t expect me to wait like this. We mutually decided to call things off 2 days back. He kept insisting that we be friends cause we where always friends before anything else. I told him maybe in the future but not right now right now he needs to give me space, i told him that both off us where always soo connected that we need sometime alone. He was still very keen but fianly agreed.He told me he doesn’t want me to have bad feelings for him as i was a very important person in his life and he still cared just not in the romantic way.He said that he just doesn’t feel like putting any effort and is not interested in any relationship and would rather go for an arrange marriage in the future(a concept he didn’t agree with before).His business is not doing as-well and he is having money crunches also there certain health issues that are bringing him down.I feel all these things are stressing him out alot.Also our line of work is same and in the last one year our contacts are overlapping and i ll need his help with certain things.How do i go about this with a one month of NC since i already know i have to call him regarding a certain dealer, but i also feel that NC is required for myself and also for him since he is so use to me being there for him. Also is there hope for us to get back together?? he might not feel the same way but i still do.I ll be glad if you could help me out

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:52 am

What usually made him busy? Did you ever find out?
roma

July 1, 2014 at 3:58 am

shall i just ask him about the dealer and stuff and then apply 30days NC also if he asks me something work related and i don’t reply to it it will piss him off nice and good. He is very serious with work related stuff

Monica

June 30, 2014 at 6:15 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me on Friday. Granted he was angry from the day before and our argument escalated (and it shouldn’t have). It was all over a misunderstanding via text. We’ve been dating for over a year and he moved 400 miles away a couple of months ago. When he lived locally we didn’t talk on the phone much, we communicated via text and face to face.

We’ve had a number of arguments and they always tend to end up with him defriending me on fb and then blocking my number. So frustrating!

This time I deactivated my fb account and that infuriated him. So he posted how happy he was to be single, etc…

We STILL have not talked, only texted, about the issue he got all hot under the collar about. The thing is I know once we talk, he’ll realize it was all a big silly misunderstanding.

I’m afraid to start the NC rule because he’s the type of guy if you DON’T make the effort he’ll split. I’m definitely in it to win it, but I’m just at a loss on what to do.

admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:40 am

How long total have you been in the NC bout with him?

Leslie

June 30, 2014 at 6:03 am

So my boyfriend recently broke up with me. His grandpa passed away and his moving two states away. We tried talking about our relationship before we decided to break up. We already had some distance and although we really love eachother and want to be with eachother it just didnt happen. He was going to return some things of mine before he left/leaves but still hasn’t yet. I got upset because this was suppose to happen yesterday. We never fought, got a long really well but the hardest part about our relationship is that it couldn’toce foward due to cicrumstantial reasons. After becoming upset by not getting to see him yesterday I want to apply no contact. I now that because he is moving this is the majority of why we broke up. He wants to go there to rekindle things with his father. So my question is do I have a chance and how do I when him back since there is more distance involved now?

Thanks for the help. I bought your book and want this to wor be used our break up was based on a rash decision.

admin

June 30, 2014 at 3:02 pm

May I ask your ages?
Leslie

June 30, 2014 at 8:08 pm

28 and 32
Leslie

June 30, 2014 at 8:09 pm

It was a serious relationship, we together for almost a year.
admin

July 3, 2014 at 12:41 am

When you say serious was there talk of marriage?
Leslie

July 3, 2014 at 1:40 am

At one point we discussed that we wanted to marry eachother and we really saw that we had a future with eachother because when we first started dating we talked about whether or not we wanted kids and all of those serious aspects. We did want to live with eachother but we were waiting for me lease to be up and talked about it a few times. We were waiting for that and for him to move closer to where I was when his part time job turned into a manager job. He worked two jobs and I worked and am working on my masters. So we saw eachother but sometimes not as often as we would like. When we talked that night we were trying to figure out a way to make things work but our decision was rash.
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:16 pm

It’s really hard when distance is seperating you and trying to relocate. I think thats what is kind of hurt the relationship.

Nevertheless, I still think its worth fighting for if you do!!
Leslie

July 8, 2014 at 2:18 am

Thanks! What would be the best way to about this? I am gunna apply the no contact. I was kind of bad with no contact at first but I hope that doesn’t ruin my chances. What type of text should I prepare myself for. He is going through a lot right now
Leslie

July 11, 2014 at 2:32 am

Your book is really helping me : )!!
admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:31 pm

I think you are already doing it, the no contact rule.
Leslie

July 11, 2014 at 2:28 am

Also He wanted to see me and drop my things off before he left He said he wanted to see me and then drop my things off before he left. This was right after I told him that if we gave things some time I would be willing to move down there at some point. However, he never did. It’s not in his nature to be a “jerk” and the only thing I can think of, is that he wasn’t ready to see me due to the emotional stuff he is dealing with or that he just doesn’t want to talk to me and never will again. I don’t know what to think about this and wanted to ask your opinion. Thanks! My situation is different
Leslie

July 11, 2014 at 2:08 am

This is a hard situation for me to be in and I am applying no contact as you suggested. Thanks for the encouragement but the emotional part is hard like you said. Its hard cause I am going through the same thing. I lost my grandma a couple of months of go and my cousin two months after that. I don’t talk to my father as well but its weird because I talked to him about trying to figure things out with my dad and now he is doing just that. Its hard because I want to be there for him but because we agreed to be just friends and give each other space I can’t. When I contact him after giving things some space what would be the best way to reach out with him, without making myself look desperate? Do I use a memory text? I will need to wait awhile cause I was emotional when I found out he was leaving and I want to respect his space and give him some time. He is going through a lot. That is something I need to work on. Also is it possible to even get back together with more distance involved. He once told me he likes to live near his family and asked me if I would ever move and he knows I would. But right now I feel as though its what you said as to why we broke up I was supportive and told him he should do go and work things out. I just want to make sure I have a plan and am trying to get my emotions in check. We did agree to be friends but agreed that space is good for the both of us right now. I think what hurts the most is that I wish I could be there for him but cant. Am I even handling this ok? Sorry for all the questions and thanks for the help!! : )
Leslie

July 3, 2014 at 1:48 am

It was partlyy fault why we broke up that night I over reacted and got emotional instead of really talking things out.
admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:16 pm

Its hard when things get emotional isn’t it?
Leslie

July 5, 2014 at 9:21 pm

We did see eachother on weekends and the only hard part about this situation is he is moving to figure things out and see if he can build a relationship with his dad especially since he just lost his grandpa who recently passed away.

Elena

June 27, 2014 at 5:00 am

Hi Chris,

I just bought your ebook, i can apply this for long distance relationship right?

admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:51 pm

Yes! Absolutely!

roadblocked

June 23, 2014 at 11:02 pm

So after my LDR ex and I had a text-fight over him showing up in my town unannounced/sending a late invite/being a total jerk to me when I showed up.

Afterwards I started a 30 day NC and at 3AM, day 21 of NC (he sometimes works over night) he sent me only the name of a band that was playing in a music fest that weekend. Unsure of how to respond I didn’t reply until 2-days later, “Are you going to see them play this weekend?” He never responded. A week later, my original day 30 of NC, I text him my video of the band playing at the fest the week prior. He never responded. A Week later I text him a funny jpg I found. He never responded.

The next day I texted him, “If you’ve moved on, I can too. You’re being a jerk by ignoring me.” He then replied, “I’m not going to argue with you.” I replied, “Yes, you’ve said that before…” (he told me that when I first brought up how I felt the night he gave me the booty-call invite/cold shoulder. “…Well I am not into a casual texting relationship so I think it’d be best for me to move on. I wish you the best with everything :)”.

Naturally, he hasn’t said anything. That was a little over a week ago.

I’d tried the light hearted texts 3x but he never responded then when I mention him being a jerk with his silence he says he’s not arguing with me? Do you think I’ll ever hear from him again?

admin

June 24, 2014 at 6:52 pm

Wait, he showed up unannounced to surprise you?
Downtrodden & Desperate

July 10, 2014 at 2:58 am

Please help! I am so close to reaching out to my ex: I’ve seen so many things relating to our silly inside jokes and have some exciting new developments since we’d last spoken (casually/pseudo romantically or whatever it was).

It’s been 24 days since his “I’m not going to argue with you” text and my response that I’m not interested in a casual text-relationship so thought it might be best for me to move on. I’m worried I ruined everything and that he’s gone for good now. Do you think I’ve ruined any chance of a rekindle from him; that he’ll ever reach out again?
admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:35 pm

I think its highly unlikely that the two of you will never talk again.
roadblocked

July 10, 2014 at 4:34 pm

Is there a special guide of yours I should follow now, reinstitute a 30-day NC?

(Your anti-spam math-problems are quite difficult to answer…sad to say)
admin

July 11, 2014 at 1:56 pm

I need to find a better captcha
roadblocked

July 15, 2014 at 2:04 pm

30 days and no word from him, everyone is telling me that he’s an asshole and I shouldn’t expect to get anything from him. Should I keep continue hoping for something from him or close the book?
admin

July 15, 2014 at 3:22 pm

I would say you contact him after NC like I recommend haha.
roadblocked

August 1, 2014 at 10:48 pm

So its been a week since he reached out and I’ve texted twice now with no response. Why would he bother reaching out to ask if I got a dog and then ignore my following texts?? Do you think he just reached out to see if I’d respond, gauge if I was still interested?
roadblocked

July 23, 2014 at 4:12 am

I really want it to last, I always think of him. But I don’t think he feels the same towards me? I think if I reached out again he would ignore me, as he was doing after I responded to his 5/28 text 2-days later. I wish he would reach out again, do you think he ever will?
roadblocked

July 15, 2014 at 5:33 pm

Thank you, I don’t mean to make you repeat yourself. Does the fact that we’ve already been through this recovery 1x and still ended up back at square one mean anything? I mean, what if I don’t feel any guilt for being upset at how he treated me during his last trip to my city and apparently he doesn’t feel any remorse for not giving me a heads up/putting in more effort towards me? I am scared if I try to launch this again he’s going to say that it is clear I can’t control my reaction/response when things get rough. But I really don’t think I should shoulder any guilt for my reaction, I mean its a 2-way street isn’t it? When he aid that the first go-around I was very apologetic, I said I would try but here we are again except this time I feel he was really making it difficult for me. He reached out 21 days after our first text-fight (so can’t be stubborn) but then ignored my subsequent attempts at casual conversation? Do you think he will ever reach out to me?
Downtrodden & Desperate

July 31, 2014 at 12:23 am

Ok, 5 days and no word. He’s clearly ignoring me but why would he even reach out after 40 days?

Do you think it seems like silly behavior for a 30yo man?
Downtrodden & Desperate

July 30, 2014 at 6:04 pm

It’s been 5 days since he reached out Friday, why do you think he’s ignoring me now? It seems silly if him to reach out after so long and just drop communication. What do you think it means?
roadblocked

July 28, 2014 at 7:16 pm

Ok, a neutral-ish response to my response. But he hasn’t continued communication since Friday afternoon. I waited 72 hours and sent him another picture-texting telling him that I thought he’d also like my puppy’s tropical shirt. He hasn’t responded and its been 24 hours since then.

Why do you think he isn’t communicating with me after the dog question?
roadblocked

July 27, 2014 at 8:20 pm

I texted him this morning a picture and text, “I thought you might also like my puppy’s tropical shirt”. He hasn’t responded.

Is that bad? I know it skewed the text-ratio but I didn’t want him to think my collar text wasn’t engaging enough. And I kind of wanted him to know I’ve been thinking of him. If he responds, should I double the time it takes him to text before I respond (if he engages me in a convo)?
roadblocked

July 26, 2014 at 12:45 am

Well He texted me this afternoon! He asked if I got a puppy that Id put a deposit down for 2-litters ago but I had some challenges so had to delay me getting one until this next litter. I had told him the expectant due date and that I estimated I’d get to bring him home end of summer, so he obviously remembered all of that. That’s a good sign, right?

Anywho, I responded by texting him a picture of the pup sleeping. It was actually a picture I’d taken a few days ago of the dog in a collar I bought with my ex in mind (we have very similar taste) and had wanted to text him the picture then but decided against it.

His response, “Cute dog, nice collar”. Is that a good sign? I responded, “Thanks, he is too small for the collar now but I thought it was too cure to pass up”

He hasn’t responded. Am I getting too excited for scraps? I am so afraid of making any move because I am really so excited to hear from him, do you think him texting me means that he misses me? Should I text him another picture of the pup in a tropical shirt, I’d bought my ex a tropical shirt that he looks great in and said he loved.

(Addition/subtraction > multiplication/division)
admin

July 28, 2014 at 2:34 pm

Seems like a neutralish response to me.

Nevertheless, there is some progress to be seen here.
roadblocked

July 18, 2014 at 8:47 pm

I honestly don’t know, maybe I need to work on my confidence? But part of me recognizes the attempts I made and think his is just a result of him just not being that into me. (I’ve watched that movie a few times recently).

I thought I was making the right decision by ending things but now I’m back where I started. Given that he has already accused me of needing to think before I speak (which I obviously haven’t been able to do), do you think its worth it to give it a second go around? Do you think he’s likely to ever take the bait?
admin

July 21, 2014 at 3:50 pm

Being more confident is never a bad thing.

I think it is worth a shot the second time around ONLY if you feel in the future you can have a long term relationship with him.
roadblocked

July 16, 2014 at 6:33 pm

Thanks for not writing me off. I am really at a wall here, I’m 28 and want a relationship more than anything. Pathetic but true.

Considering the fact that I have always been the one to “officially” end things in my ex-relationship, I would say that I struggle with “conflict resolution”. Even when I have taken 24 hours to think things through, my mind locks in on the worst case scenario and thinking that I don’t want to be rejected/toyed with/humiliated, I end things. With this ex I’d made progress and would wait until the next day (thinking that was better than being caught up in the moment) but I guess I would still be in my negative Nancy thought process and always ended it assuming the worst.

My line was usually, “I want someone that cares about me” or “I’m not looking for a casual texting relationship” but he’d never respond with a, “I do really care about you”, etc.

Looking back, I kind of wish I had just followed my previous experiences and kept my mouth shut rather than offer up the breakup. But in the heat of the moment all I could think about was how I don’t want to waste time with someone that doesn’t want to even see me/hang out with me. 31 days later that still hasn’t inspired any response from him.

I don’t know. I thought we had a strong connection. We both had similar views and opinions, had similar interests, had similar familial upbringing and wanted kids. And the physical relationship was off the charts, which he knew I enjoyed. I am just lost for the big take-away from this. Was he an asshole all along and had just been toying with me? Could I have done something differently that night or changed my response 21-days later?

What do you think?
admin

July 18, 2014 at 2:58 pm

I don’t get it.

What makes you stuggle with conflict resolution. Why do think think you always go to the worst case scenario?
admin

July 16, 2014 at 2:43 pm

When you say you can’t control your reaction or response what do you mean by that?
roadblocked

June 24, 2014 at 7:04 pm

It didn’t seem like surprising me was his intention. At 10:30PM he texted me a pic of my local bar and asked if I was coming so I got dressed and showed up to him at a table with a bunch of his local friends (one that had flown in). He never offered to get me a drink or anything. I’m still not sure what time he got there. I declined their next bar stop and went him, never responded to his 3 texts at 12:45PM, 1:10AM, and 1:45AM saying he was driving home. The next day, when I mentioned that the night felt weird and like a booty call, “lol” he said that was why he didn’t want to tell me he was in town in the first place. Was I wrong to take that all offensively? Why would he bother texting me 21 days later, “band name” and ignore my following responses?
admin

June 25, 2014 at 4:54 pm

I don’t think you were wrong at all.
roadblocked

July 5, 2014 at 10:33 pm

Why do you think he never responded to my 3 neutral and casual texts? Do you think he’s over me and moving on?

I don’t know what to do.
roadblocked

June 25, 2014 at 11:35 pm

do you think there’s any chance he’ll reach out again?
roadblocked

June 24, 2014 at 7:07 pm

Sorry, this is like my 3rd update to this scenario. I feel like a total loser but I was really hopeful for things with him.

delae

June 23, 2014 at 12:57 am

Hi,

My story is so long and complicated so i am just going to cut any emotions out and get to the main points:

-4 years off and on long distance relationship
-Im in the US he was in China, we have not met throughout the whole relationship in person
-pretty big age difference, i am younger
-After two years is when we started having problems
-We both messed up, I cheated on him 3 times (although mine barely count because 2 times were not my fault and one time was during a period that we were not together. And i never had sex with any of those guys, although he considers “fingering” sex which has cause many of our problems because he wanted to be my first, but to me he would be because i don’t consider that sex)
-He cheated on me 5 or more times, i stopped caring and asking, how can i expect a guy to not have sex for 4 years anyways, but the things he did were intentional and worse, unlike what happened with me.
-We have been off and on, never able to end our relationship with each other.
-I know everything above sounds horrible, but people make mistakes, i was young and he was my first boyfriend. I love him more than anything, and he used to love me like that. He says he can never love me again.
-Anyways, present day, I am going to China in a few weeks (im learning Chinese, also how we met). And I’m staying with him and his family. We are meeting in the airport. He says we are not even friends. I try to talk to him as little as possible because somehow i always seem to say the wrong thing and piss him off. But we are meeting for the first time after these 4 years of talking on line and spending an incredible amount of time on each other. The advice i need is, he says he can never love me again, but is there any possibility it will work out when we meet in a few weeks? How can i make him love me again? I forgive him for all his mistakes, i cant help my love for him, but he can’t forgive me. I just want to be with him. I don’t know if i should be excited to see him at the airport and give him a hug or how to act, or if i should keep my distance, or just see how he acts and see how things go. I know my situation is crazy, but i honestly love him. How can i get him back?

Niki

July 7, 2014 at 6:59 pm

Hello I’m wondering how it all went? Was your trip a success and were you both able to forgive each other?

Reanne

June 21, 2014 at 4:45 pm

Dear Editor,

My ex and I have had a really rough break, splitting and getting back together 4 times. We were in a semi-long distance relationship. We live 3 hours apart but he does not have a car to come see me, so it creates an even bigger division. We are both 19, and we dated for 7 months. We even got secretly engaged and were planning on marrying the summer after we graduated college. We get along very well and have a lot of common interests as well as values.
My ex and I had a pretty good relationship, but outside stress and anxiety really caused our relationship to crumble. His grades were suffering, his relationship with his parents was poor, and he had no money. I was stressed, too, and I ended up taking it out on him and caused a lot of fights. We used to spend all our time together because we went to the same college, but now we moved back to our hometowns and everything fell apart. He has had another girlfriend in the meantime that he split with to come back to me, as well as tried with another girl and struck out. I have tried dating other people as well, but I didn’t find anyone I liked as much as I liked him. We were very close, and after our relationship ended, he suggested we try to be friends and rekindle the romance in time. He and I both have stated that we love each other, have hope for our relationship, and care deeply about each other. He says that I am an incredibly beautiful girl with so many amazing qualities. He has had many complaints about other girls… they don’t get his references to pop culture, they aren’t attractive to him, they don’t get along with him as well as I do… But as of right now, he says he is very unsure about what he wants for his life and relationships. He says he sees a future together, but he wants to play the field a little just to see what is out there and make sure that I am who he wants to spend his life with. I don’t know entirely if I buy it, but I have to admit that I have tried doing something similar but to no avail.
I have tried to implement the NCR but it seems impossible. I don’t want to miss out on anything with him and I don’t want him to forget about me. I can’t just cut him out for 30 days if he still wants to be friends, but at the same time, I want him back and want him to miss me. He and I talk every day, sometimes more than when we were together. I ask for advice all the time from people, but people just say to find another guy. Thing is, I don’t want anyone else. I need advice and help. I am so scared of the unknown with him because I don’t want him to go. Please. Help!

-Strauss

Taryn

June 21, 2014 at 11:13 pm

Hey girl :]

You definitely should do 30 days of NC because you need to start over and have a good solid foundation.

But if you two keep talking as friends now, thats all you will be.

If you want him back, do 30 days NC. It will help you to calm down.

No. He will not forget you. But it will help him forget the made things that happening.

And once your 30 days is over, Then you can use the texts Chris suggests to rebuild on that solid foundation.

You should stop contacting him now. For 30 days. And don’t tell him That’s what you’re doing.

He will not forged you. Trust me. Mine didn’t :] I did my 30 days and my Ex had said that he was deleting my number. So I assumed he would say “who’s this?” After my 30 days was up to text him. But nope. He did not say it. I believe he kept my number. I believe he couldn’t delete it. He didn’t forget me. And your Ex won’t forget you :]

Honesty, even 1 year apart couldn’t keep the right man from forgetting you.

Don’t listen to the people who tell you to move on and find someone else. That’s what quitters do. They give up and look elsewhere.

I believe you can do it!!! Try 30 days. And work on making yourself happy :]

Sunigyrl

June 20, 2014 at 1:34 pm

I met a guy online over 5 months and he lives in Europe. After our first meeting he called and officially asked me to be his gf. Of course I said yes. He even asked me to never leave him (he had a really bad breakup over 4 years ago) I said I wouldn’t. The first visit was for 12 days. He took me to his little spot he goes to and everyone was happy to see us together. We text and talk everyday. He said he has never craved someone before but he craves me. We had a second visit for 9 days and everything was fine, I even got to meet his parents. I came home we still text everyday most if the day. Then someone tried to hack into his email and he asked me what he should do. So we went through security measures. We were making plans to get together for his bday in July but then decided he would fly here in August for a few weeks. In the meantime before all this I have been working on my dual citizenship bcuz I want to work in Europe. About 2 weeks ago, I felt like he was kinda pulling away. I know he has been very depressed a lot because of lack if work and health problems with his parents. I didn’t bring it up, I just kept doing what we normally do. Then his response times were getting longer and his messages shorter. Anyway night before we were talking and he said “don’t worry babe, he will be ok … Can’t keep my eyes open goodnight xxxx”. He hadn’t been using term of endearment like babe like he used to. Anyway, yesterday he text me and asked me a question that implied he might want to move here instead and I said I will check for him. He then said ok doesn’t matter. Then he said nah. I asked how his day was he said his day was s*** and he went to his pub and he got drunk. So I said sorry to hear his day was bad. He said u didn’t ask why I’m drunk. I said bcuz u had a s*** day .. Next think I know he says I’m taking a piss at him. I said no I’m not. He says he feels like I am and stop with the nice crap. Then he tells me that he was very very low on Father’s Day and wanted to end it all but he chickened out. I asked him what would that have accomplished? He said something and I told him don’t get pissy with me. Then he blew .. Told me it’s over he don’t love me or want me anymore and he not interested. That he feels he is not in my league and I should find someone else. My last text to him last night was. Hope you feel better in the morning. He never responded but he was on the site we use. He has been very depressed and we talk a lot about what’s going on .. What should I do. And if I start the nc could I send him a happy birthday text? I’m worried about him and very confused.

Sunigyrl

June 20, 2014 at 1:48 pm

Also … His life has not been an easy one and he has a lot of animosity towards his father but he still takes care of them. Like I said I’m very worried about his well being and his parents. What do you suggest Chris? I need help very much. He said “im ment to be on my own it aint going to happen it hasnt up to this with anyone it aint going to happen now not going to waste ur or my time ill enjoy me own time on me own that is the way it is for me i think”. Any feedback and help is greatly appreciated! I love him and I do feel he still loves me but his depression with trying to handle everything is overwhelming him. Thoughts please??? Thanks!!
Taryn

June 21, 2014 at 11:26 pm

Hi!!

I believe that starting your NC now would be smart. And nope. Skip the birthday text.

Chris says that we should stick to 30 days of NC. As long as our Exes don’t threaten us with a text like “I will never speak to you again if you don’t talk to me.” Other than that, you’re good. Keep calm and do your 30 days :]

Cat

June 18, 2014 at 5:19 pm

Hi Chris,

Thanks for all your help so far. I’m 13 days into no contact with my ex (we broke up just a few days before I cut communication with him – due to “long distance”) and I’ve been able to focus on other parts of my life that I neglected while I was with him. He’s checked up on me via social media a few times (even liked some of my posts), but other than that there has been no direct contact from either one of us. I have to say, it concerns me that he hasn’t tried to directly contact me. Usually he can’t last for more than an hour without texting me. Anyway, I’ve been posting here recently and I had a few other questions about the things he said before we ended our relationship.

In months before, he told me he wanted to continue dating after he moved home (5 hour drive away, maybe an hour flight) and how he would be back every two weeks to see me and his extended family. He also knows the area he’s from is an area that I’ve always wanted to move to at some point. I’ve wanted this before I ever met him, and regardless of whether or not we are together. It’s one of the best places to be for the career I’m pursuing. At one point, he got upset that I wasn’t following him up there immediately, but the idea of moving up there for that reason felt a little too intense for me right now… especially with our on and off again history prior to us officially getting together. We’re also only 22 and 23 years old.

Of course, a week and a half before he made the move home, his mind seemed to change and he started to back out of the original plan, saying things to me like “I’m worried the distance would tear our love apart and I would rather end it now than never have the chance to be in your life in some way” and “I want to get my career and life together and have the chance of getting back together in the future knowing I can support us both.” He also claimed “I think we’re amazing when we’re together… but I don’t know if I can handle not being able to have you all the time.” These were all said in the midst of several emotional breakdowns that he had during this period.

I can’t say I’m extremely surprised by this though, as he’s kind of a paranoid kid and when it comes to making decisions, everyone knows it’s going to be an incredibly challening experience for him. (it took him 10 months of back and forth before he decided to make me his official girlfriend… probably not a great sign.)

Do you think the reasons for the break up he gave me were legitimate and true to how he actually feels? Or do you think they were just a creative excuse for him to get out without totally hurting my feelings? Of course, I was angry at him for pulling the rug out from under me and he got upset with me and accused me of not understanding and “thinking he doesn’t really love me”.

Just let me know what you think from all this. I want an outside view from another male so I can wrap my brain a little better around what’s actually going on here…. Sorry for the novel of a comment!

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:18 pm

10 months just to make a decision about dating you initiallY?

Trouble

June 18, 2014 at 2:48 am

Hi Chris ,
I’m a little confused with this LDR situation . Me and my bf bring going on and off .fork almost 3 month . We live 4 hours apart from each other . I went to see him throughout the weekend and he acted like a jerk. I was staying at a friends house , so we didn’t get to see each other , because had already made plans with his kids . ( he is a single dad ) . He was supposed to come to see me the night before heading home . It seems he was making all kind of excuses to fight with me over text messages . I left the next day without seeing him . The Next day he sent me a text message apologizing saying that he fell as sleep and couldn’t come . I have asked him to tell me the real reason why he was so mad at me . The Bs he said ,was that I went there with short notice and that i wanted him to drop of all his plan for the weekend .. I told him that was not a reason for treating me so poorly while I was there . He blocked my number on that weekend , so I won’t keep on texting him . I was so hurt by the whole situation . The next day he texted me again , saying I’m sorry for what happened that he doesn’t want to lose me . I said that I was very hurt and I was trying not to think on what happened , I said that I was little confused by his reaction towards me . Few hours later I’ve sent him a text message saying that I miss him still and didn’t replied , then I questioned by sending another text saying hello and he got upset . Saying , I m working I can’t answer all your text messages every second you sent me one Gezz!!!!! .. I hated the way he replied to me and I said sorry !! The thing is ,he says he busy at work , but when checked whatsapp he was connected for quite some time . Every time I checked whastapp he is always connected , of course I haven’t say anything to him .. I just don’t know what to think or do at this point .
Do you think going into NC will work ?

Trouble

June 19, 2014 at 3:44 pm

Thank you for the replied Chris ,
I love reading your website,.you always givie good advice to help others. And You help others regarless if we buy your books or not . I bought the book from you around 2 moths ago ,was having issues downloading and you where there replying still from your email. 🙂

Thank you very much
Trouble

August 9, 2014 at 5:16 pm

Hi Chris,
My LDR bf and I we’ve been going on and off since March . i’ve applied no contact once for 30 days and after I contacted him everything seem to be ok , but he was kind of distance still. I went to his city back on June and he totally acted like a jerk over the phone , so we didn’t get to see each other for the weekend I went there , but when I left he sent me a text message apologizing for his behavior and said that I have become someone very close to him and he didn’t want to lose that . I told him that I was confused with his reaction and behavior and that I don’t know what to think anymore after that weekend , he replied that he was confused as well . He said that sometimes I acted like I don’t care and some other times I act like I can’t live without him. I’ve tried to apply the no contact again, but I went close to his city for my vacation and I end up calling him 2 weeks after no contact ,so he came to the place I was staying and he tried to have intimate relations with me , but I didn’t let him . We talked and I said that we have been going on and off lately and if the reason of him coming over was for sex ?and he replied of course not . So he left that day and said he will come back at night time to go out . The night came and he texted me saying he had a migraine and was not feeling good to go out .so I said ok not a big deal feel better , but then again starting to acting distant . I got upset a week after that and I’ve sent him a text saying that meeting him had make me to appriacte more what I had in the past, that I was thankful for that .He replied , what did I do now ? I said ,nothing lets leave it as it and he didn’t reply after that .. I have applied no contact again and I’ll be 30 days in 3 days . I’m not sure if this is worth trying again , but I have been going out on dates so I won’t think much about him,but It seems I can’t get him out of my head . The one thing I’ve recently found out is that he had a gf before and they seem to be in contact again , but the time we saw each other , I’ve ask him if he was dating someone and he said no ..What I feel for him is stronger than me and I’m not sure if he his kind of confused between me and the other girl ./.. Do you think if I contact him again it might work this time ?
admin

August 11, 2014 at 11:36 am

Do you think he had this girlfriend while you were dating?
Trouble

August 11, 2014 at 1:02 pm

Hi Chris ,
Thank you for the replied . I’m sure he was not with her while we were dating ,and to be honest we never talked about ex gf , just about his previous ex wife and his 2 teenager kids . We spent New Years and valentines together In his town we went out and everything, but I think somehow in May they started to talk each other . I’ve checked her Facebook , she doesn’t have any recent pictures with him, but she hasn’t delete any pictures that she had taking with him back on August 2013,they r not friends on Facebook either . I know , he was on depress mode when we met . I thought was due to the fact that he dislike his job very much and was looking for one ,he also mentioned he was feeling lonely.. he is a full time single dad . I have come to the conclusion that his depression was due to her , I don’t know what could’ve had happened between them , but they dated for almost 2 years . The first time I went no contact after the 30 days , he thanked me for being there when he was going through his depression . He mentioned he was feeling like a new person and started to do some sport activities that he always like, we were ok for about a month of after that , but then he started acting weird since then . He apologies for his action and have said he doesn’t want to lose what he have built with me , but then acted weird again.
Trouble

August 11, 2014 at 1:14 pm

Also, today I’m 30 days of no contact and he hasn’t contact me at all. I know he has been traveling for vacations with the kids .We are not friends of face , but he had post all kind of staff about the trip .something weird , because he doesn’t really like public post ..
admin

August 12, 2014 at 11:20 am

If you have completed 30 days then that means you can technically talk to him now.
Trouble

August 16, 2014 at 6:26 am

Thank you for the reply Chris,
I Haven’t contact him yet , I’m not sure what to say anymore . I have used memories & memes before after no contact with him , both worked ,but then he went distant again.. Last time we saw each other I was very resentful due to his behavior and when he asked me over the phone if I wanted him to stop by and say hi to me , I said if he was not afraid of me to slap him then he can come over , so he replied right away on my way then … Well, I wasn’t really goons do it , but he said to me ‘ I thought you gonna slap me , so I looked at him and I said I sure will , but my way , my time . We where cuddling up and I slapped him on the face and he said you slapped me !! He just laugh and said I don’t remember when was the last time someone did that ..
Trouble

August 16, 2014 at 6:35 am

Do you think I messed it up my chances when slapped his face ? We didn’t fight that evening , he just laugh like he couldn’t believed that I actually did it , we even took a long nap after that .. I certainly avoid intimate relations with him , he tried but I wouldn’t let him . I told him that we had been on and off lately that I don’t know what to think ..

Thank you for all advise !!
Trouble

September 6, 2014 at 8:54 am

Hi Chris ,
I guess I did my last attempt, I went to the city where my ex lives and first he said he’ll come to see me , but then he made an excuse of her daughter being sick . I got upset and told him that I don’t believe him ,but at the same that I don’t think he’ll make excuse using his girl health . He didn’t reply at all and I even called him , but he didn’t answer . I’m in the city still , but I don’t want to call him or texted him again . :/ I guess I have done what I could here
Trouble

August 19, 2014 at 1:39 pm

Hi Chris ,
It’s me again .. I contacted him testeday via text and it was a success !!! . He also told me that he miss me , but I didn’t want to say that I miss him too . I just sent him a happy face and changed the subject . After a few minutes of texting back and forth I end up the conversation saying that i was gonna go the mall , he replied saying it was nice to hear from me . He confuses me sometimes :/ ..he says that he misses me , but didn’t send me any text messages or call all these days of no contact .
Well, will see how it goes this time . I’m gonna try not to get to excited , so he won’t noticed that I’m missing him dearly !!! I’ll take things slowly this time 🙂 .

Thank you for your website and replies Chris ! It really helps 🙂
admin

June 18, 2014 at 1:46 pm

I think it can be effective for sure!
Trouble

June 22, 2014 at 1:30 pm

Dear Chris ,
It’s me again
Trouble

June 22, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Dear Chris ,
I’m having issues sending the complete message thru this website . I’d like to ask you for an advice. My bf and I haven’t broke up , we had the issues I’ve mentioned to you on previous message, he has been texting me which I haven’t replied ..Do you think that I need to apply the 30 days of NC still or can I apply the 21 days ..

Thanks again Chris !
admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:48 pm

What were the nature of his texts?
Trouble

June 22, 2014 at 5:45 pm

I’ve change my status in whatsaap , saying that I was traveling . We verily talk via whastapp, but his always connected there , so he just sent me a text saying where ? And 2 hours later he sent another text saying hello ? That’s all . It seems he just wanted to know where I’m at …
Trouble

June 23, 2014 at 10:05 pm

Hi Chris ,
I’m so sorry , it’s me . I just wanted to know if you think that 30 days of no contact will be effective or should I go for 21 days ?

Thank you ,

Isobel

June 17, 2014 at 5:53 am

Thank you sooo much for this site…
So my long distance boyfriend and I broke up a little over a week ago and I just now decided to institute the NC. We had been seeing each other for about 4 months and had talked all the time every day. We visited each other every other weekend. Our relationship had always been long distance because we met through friends when he was visiting my city for the weekend, and really hit it off even though he lives on the opposite side of the state. I am wondering your opinion on if this will work. Everything was going great until he got very stressed about his life in his city. He more or less broke up with me because the distance was too hard with the fact that he hadn’t yet figured out what he was doing with his life and hated his current job (and was afraid he would lose weekend availability which made our visits work). For me, I had been really considering moving to his city after we had been dating for longer because I already have other close friends living there, do not want to live in my hometown (which I currently do), and know that I could find a job I wanted in his city. It does seem like he might not be open to making our relationship work unless I lived in the same city, however me moving there after we broke up obviously seems like a huge risk. It’s one I might be willing to take anyway, because there are other reasons that I would want to move beyond him. What do you think I could do?

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:20 pm

It is a huge risk at this point…. I would try to get on better terms first.

MG

June 16, 2014 at 9:32 pm

Hi Cris,
I just went back from China few days ago. My significant other was promoted to Asia and he already got 2 months living there. We’ve been dating for 5 or 6 months. After a month and a half he was living there, he decided to get me there pay for flight tickets and everything. I just don’t know what happened in between those days before I arrived but after 3rd day he just started to act cold and distant. I’m not the kind of clingy, needy woman…I’ve always have given his space and respect his time with his son and personal life, work, friends, etc. I’m the kind of woman who wait for his calls or his txt messages, I was not chasing him (As I said, it was his idea to get me there). Acting in the way he was doing it, believe it or not but I get in control of my emotions, not starting fights or discussions or hooked up on his attitude just keeping serenity and thinking that he was not being cool with me but that I have to be nicer on those moments. He was doing weird things like having his cell phones with him to the restroom first thing in the morning to continue chat there, having trouble to hold a conversation with me, irritated most of the time, If I talk about everything he just say ok, no or yes, or thanks, he was having phone chats most of the times even when he come back from work (and no to talk about sex, which was “scarce”)…. Few days later I asked him if he got any trouble maybe I could help him in anything he needs but he said he was worried due to a problem with his ex-wife b/c of his child (more than 3 yrs to be divorced). After several days he still acting cold and distant, I remember he got home and he was very serious and for some reason he start to speak more than usual and he said he’s been divorced for a while and he felt ok in that way, he was happier alone and he maybe took a precipitated decision to take me there (I felt sad hearing this but I just keep silent and ask him to get some dinner and diverted the conversation). During my stay he introduced me with some friends and a marriage couple ( all of them co-workers) and I had good empathy and chemistry with wife’s friend so thank to her my days there were not too heavy (thanks to her I visited more places and stop to think about his cold return to home). He and I visited different places around China, but I could noticed that he didn’t want to be alone with me and he invited one of his coworkers who was visiting China on that moment. It was a great experience to visit China but sad to say that I was not expecting this kind of reaction from him. I don’t want to be presumptuous but I’m the kind of latino woman, curvy, sexy, average height, well shape, long black hair which was walking on China streets and stealing looks from many men ( not only chinese men….believe me!!) and causing envy to many girls there. I have go back to America and he has not contacting me during these days, actually I feel that he has broke up with me, I remember my last day with him and I told him (just to teasing him and in a funny way) that after 15 days I spent there, his agony was going to end up and he told me that I should’d stayed few more days with him. Then I also asked him when we are going to see each other again and he told me: “Why? For what?….” I was with a lump in the throat and I didn’t cry I just said: “ok, well….take care” and then he told me: “good bye “chaparra” (means shorty in english). He also said: “I’ll be in America in a few more months and for sure more often next year”. but nevertheless I don’t understand what happened with him! I don’t understand what happened or what I did wrong!! My thought is that he started to seeing another woman before I get there, someone who has hooked up him in very short time. I will start to follow up the plan of the NC 30 days, let’s see what times bring.

admin

June 17, 2014 at 8:32 pm

Yup, 30 days is a good plan for you for sure!!!

Sorry about the tough time.
MG

June 25, 2014 at 1:36 pm

Hi Chris, it’s been more than 10 days and he just looks at my FB profile and check if I’m online on whatssap but he does not contact me directly.
This LDR is difficult. He didn’t broke up with our relationship (kind of friends w benefits)we have but his actions speaks by themselves.
By the way, he is 43 and I’m 37 yrs old, we are not teenagers anymore
What do you recommend me to do?? I feel very lost
Elena

June 27, 2014 at 7:45 am

Hi, sorry this might be a stupid question, but how do you know he looks at your FB profile?is there a notification?
admin

June 29, 2014 at 4:54 pm

No unfortunately you just have to hope he will but I guranatee he will get curious and take a peek.

Casey

June 14, 2014 at 5:11 pm

My bf and I are the Move Away LDR. We broke up amicably (his idea first, but I agreed). The plan was for me to move to my own apartment in his city after finding a job. We are not at the living together stage yet. Well, during our breakup phone call he said that he still wants me to move there, and I said that I was still thinking about it because I can make more money teaching in that state. He asked if we could still be friends, and I told him I needed to be left alone for awhile. We both said “I love you” and hung up. So, I guess I started NC by telling him not to contact me.

Its been 6 days and i just found your site. I haven’t contacted him. Does my telling him not to contact me make it less effective? I deactivated my Facebook to take a break from all the family and friends asking about and because I didn’t want to see what he’s up to right now. My mom said he posted pictures of us two days ago from the last time I visited him. Is this a good sign? What would I text him first after NC since I told him to leave me alone for awhile?

admin

June 15, 2014 at 6:08 pm

Well, I have plenty of first contact examples after NC scattered throughout the site.

Stacy

June 14, 2014 at 1:51 pm

We broke up 3 weeks + already . For the past weeks , I kept finding him and he ignore me most of the time . I asked him whether does he still love me or not , he said he tried not to . I really really love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him . His going to university for 4-5 years and he told my friend that he broke up with me because I wasn’t giving him his own space and time but I’m willing to change . I really want to ask you , how long do I need to wait until I find him again and how am I suppose to approach him ?
Kenzie

June 13, 2014 at 5:55 am

I made some pretty bad mistakes and we are long distance over the summer and he broke up with me for disrespecting his parents and calling a friend to ask about relationships. He was mad and his family bond is very strong. His family doesn’t like me since I am quiet and sometimes negative, though I never was mean toward them.

Anyway I’m going to send an apology card to his parents, an apology email to him and a birthday card. Then I will no long talk, is this ok? I am waiting till Sunday to do this.

He told me he loved me and I was his world and he wanted to make our relationship work two days before we broke up. Because his parents told him they dont like him and because I called a friend about our relationship he called it off. What should I do?
Katie

June 10, 2014 at 2:29 pm

Me and my ex boyfriend were together for four years; 2 of them were long distance. He lives in Baltimore I live in Boston. Last year we broke up for about 6 months because we had been fighting alot and I had been kind of pushing moving down there on him even though I could tell he wasnt ready to live together. When we were broken up we didn’t go longer than 2 weeks without talking, sometimes it was romantic sometimes it was just friendly. We got back together and discussed what we wanted to work on and honestly the relationship was better than it ever had been before. We were completely honest with each other and appreciated each other so much. This time around he was the one who really wanted me to move down there and would always ask me when I was looking for jobs or he would send me pictures of apartments. I felt so secure and safe in our relationship I never expected to be blind sided by a breakup again. Everything was normal and then for about 4 days he began acting very distant. He came home because he wanted to talk to me and told me that he loved me and was happy with me, but it wasn’t fair to me anymore. He said now that I am looking for jobs he realizes he isn’t ready and its not fair for me to “wait around for him to grow up and become a man”. I agree that this isn’t fair to me but I honestly think he just over thinks everything. He texted me a week ago asking about some concert we were supposed to go to together, but we have had no contact since then. Do you think no contact could work in this case? I am torn because I love him and know he feels the same. (He would always talk about marriage and even our future childrens names) But at the same time do I want to be with someone with commitment issues? It hurts that he wasn’t ready for the same level that I was even though he made it seem like it is what he wanted. If he does come around is it fair for me to ask him to move home? I feel like at this point it is the only way it will work. Thanks!

admin

June 11, 2014 at 4:25 pm

I think you need to work out whether or not he is worth it if he is having these types of commitment issues.
Katie

June 11, 2014 at 4:33 pm

Thanks, I agree. I feel like the distance is whats causing the commitment issues; he says he feels selfish for making me leave my life to go be with him. Or that he’s “dragging” me along to Baltimore, even though I love it there and willingly wanted to move. He said sometimes he is 100% certain he wants me to move there and other times he is not sure. Either way I am going to give him at least the 30 days of NC, but I am also nervous that if we were this good and our relationship was that healthy then this could happen anytime. Whose to say we wouldn’t get engaged and he would bail a week before the wedding. It is just terrible because of the great relationship we did have; more than anything I am just confused.I just wish he would move home to Boston so we could have a normal, less stressful relationship for him.
Katie

June 11, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Sorry sorry I am all over the place…if I do the 30 days NC do you think I should still contact him after or do you think I should just leave him alone and hope he grows up on his own?

Yokogal

June 10, 2014 at 4:59 am

Hi Chris,

I knew my bf last feb 2012 through online dating when I was being an exchange student in the states and we met each other a few days after exchanging messages. The first few dates were really casual and nothing really serious as we start getting to know each other really well. However, time flies and 18months after and it’s time for me to head home to my own country which that leaves me 15 hours ahead of him. During this 18months of being together was not the same as being in a long distance relationship. I do see him appreciated me much more when he knew I was leaving to go back home to my own country. He is a very independent person as he does things all by himself and from the very beginning when we knew each other, he said that we will not accept any more foreigners as his ex-gf left to her country and never came back. I did all my best and put in effort to prove to him that things are going to work out. I emphasize to him that I am not her and please do give us a chance for this to make it happen. In these 18 months, we are not staying faraway from each other as it’s only a 25mins drive away. I started to understand him even better and he always have this issue of going MIA. He is so independent that he would need his own space and after a few times, I got used to it and I handle really well even though I knew he will not reply or pick up my phone as I will do my best just to let him know that no matter what I’m always going to be there for you. I came from a loving family that how much my parents will always be there for me no matter what it is and he is from a family that he was being force to live by himself when he was 16 and there’s no one he could go back too if he needs help!! I do felt sympathy and I will always fight for whatever it is for him to understand me more and accept me into his life. I wish he could open up more and share whatever it is that he is going through as he has always kept it too himself.

In August 2013, that’s when I flew back home and this starts our LDR. Things were so much different as being so close to him and thousand miles away from him, as he wasn’t always there for me to call or text me when I was in the states. However in a LDR, it was a must to speak with each other everyday with no miss and even if it’s just a very short time. Because of a huge time difference, we kept aside of a fix time that we will talk to each other which is he is on the way to work and when I’m on my lunch break at work. Besides having a few arguments, he will just not say anything much and kept silence for a day or two. I always give in and I’m always the one who will make the first move as I know how stubborn he is at some point. He is always being good at giving surprises, and he always showered me with gifts and same things that we have identical as a couple. I never push him to make a decision as what things will become for us in future and where is this LDR will bring us too!! There’s one day he mentioned to me about marriage and small wedding just to file to change my status and have a bigger wedding in my home country. And we also talked about having kids and I felt so blessed as I could see lights at the end of the tunnel. I am looking so much forward for all these to happen and how much he means to me! And not long ago I was mentioning to him regarding my next visit and I know it’s hard for him to leave the country as he just started his new job last month. I do not mind sacrificing and be the one flying to see him and even during this LDR, it was always me the one visiting instead of him. My first visit was when we celebrated the New Year’s together and it was a 2 weeks trip after not seeing him for 4 months and the 2nd trip was a very short trip as I was on a business trip to the states and I only get to spent 2 nights with him. Getting to see each other was always amazing and seeing how much he shows his love to me even though we still argue for some really small things. And not long ago, I told him that I really wish I could be there to celebrate with him on my birthday in this coming August, however there is a huge price difference on the flight tickets flying into Sept instead of Aug. I mentioned to him and ask if he could sponsor and he said yes, and go for it!! I was extremely excited and I couldn’t ask for more how much we love each other to make things work. A day after, he called the same as usual and he was acting a little different. I knew something is not right and I started asking him what’s going on? He kept silence a while and I told him I’m listening and please say whatever it is that is going trough in your mind!! He started saying that he do not know what he wants and he do not know what will happen in the future. He said it is not fair for me and he thinks we should break up! I listen and I stayed calm and kept silence a while, and I told him to just listen to me. I told him that I knew what type of person you are since from the beginning and how negative and stubborn at some point. You dont listen to advise and you don’t share your feelings to anyone! I dunno what had happened that you have this thought in your mind as everything was going fine and we are doing great and how much effort I do see you are putting into all these. And so I asked him that was it because of the money for the tickets? And he said no and I asked him was it because you find its a hassle to get me over to the states and change my status and he said no! And I dont understand what’s going on and I told him this is unacceptable!! I kept silence and ask him if he loves me and said yes he does and this keeps me wondering what is going on and how could he change his mind and turn into someone else just in a night??

We did not get to end the conversation and he said he will call me back after work and which he never did!! I was staying firm and told myself that I am not going to give in this time!! And I am not going to call him or text him even though I know how hard is it for me to go through this. This is already the 4th day that we did not contact each other and I have so much crazy thought that I want to fly over to see him and ask for an explanation!! And to show him that how much I am willing to sacrifce myself just to be with him!!! Till I read your 30 days No Contact and I do not know if this will work and I’m afraid that I will lose him. I’m scared that if I would regret for not seeing him now and regret later if I did flew all the way across the country to see him.

Please do let me know what should I do and I do want all this to work out!! I can’t afford to lose him and I do appreciate for whatever I have it is in front of me.

admin

June 10, 2014 at 4:08 pm

Yes definitely stand firm!!!
Yokogal

June 12, 2014 at 12:59 am

I know it’s not going to be easy and especially I have been fighting so much for all these, however I would like to know that will he still wants this relationship?
Yokogal

June 15, 2014 at 10:53 pm

I would like to know that will it be a good idea if I were to give him a surprise visit after 30days of no contact?

Samantha

June 10, 2014 at 2:27 am

So my ex and I dated for 3 months and he moved about 9 hours away to play Hockey and he said the reason we were breaking up was because the long distance was too hard (even though he promised we would make it work before he left, it didn’t really seem like he was trying to make it work he just kinda gave up). Anyways, he said he wanted to stay friends and he said he’d understand if I need time, but it’s been about a month and a half now with no contact from him and I don’t know what I should do. We have a bit of an age gap, he is 21 and I’m 17, but that was never a problem in our relationship. His mom is a close family friend and a few days after our break up she came up to me and told me he didn’t want to break up with me but he felt like he had to because it was unfair to me.

What should I do? I really miss him and I really want to message him, but I don’t know what to say and I don’t want to come across as weird or desperate. Not knowing the exact reason as to why he broke up with me is just making me feel worse.

admin

June 10, 2014 at 3:59 pm

The age thing may be an issue if you two can’t ever find a way to get closer to each other. Like you go to college somewhere else.
Samantha

June 11, 2014 at 3:10 am

Do you think I should just try and move on?
admin

June 11, 2014 at 4:41 pm

Only if you feel there is absolutely no hope.

Heather

June 9, 2014 at 1:51 am

Me and my ex broke up because of a long distance relationship. But now he moved back to the same town as me for the summer. We have hung out and said we are only friends but always end up acting like were dating again and he says he really wants to get back together but it’s the wrong timing because he’s moving again after summer ends and it would be long distance again. Will the no contact rule work if we have already hung out several times and are already on good terms? And how do I make him get back with me if he’s worried about the long distance in the future? (I already read your long distance relationship article)

admin

June 9, 2014 at 3:15 pm

Hahaha first things first. How far is the distance?
Heather

June 9, 2014 at 4:55 pm

Only about an hour and a half. But it caused many problems/fights between us

Keywan

June 8, 2014 at 12:28 pm

okay so im a guy 18 and my gf 18 and i been together for about 15 months and i had to move 6 hours away with family. Everything was going great until she broke up with me because she said i was changing, she was changing and things were just not the same. She says she stills loves me but not the way she used to. The day we broke up i caved in the same day and called her about 3 hours later. She said she was glad i called because she really needed me. We’ve been talking for about 3 weeks as friends. We finally talked about everything today and she doesn’t want to be with me while im gone anymore but says when i come back we can try it again. But i dont want to wait im so in love i would do anything to be able to be with her now. I respect her decision and begged slightly but not too much. Just told her everything would be different and so on. Now she wants to be best friends again and i just dont understand what the heck she wants. one day she’s flirting and the next day i barely even hear from her. and i know she isn’t that busy cuz i practically know her schedule because of all the talking we do. What should i do?

admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:28 pm

Hi Keywan, I would like to direct you to asking your question over at Ex Girlfriend Recovery. I will answer you more in-depth there.

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