How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Where to go?

June 7, 2014 at 4:18 am

So I tried to initiate your recovery plan with my LDR ex, and things seemed to be progressing well for about 5 months. We’d made attempts to see each other but then I had surgery and things were interrupted with my healing, etc. Recently he unexpectedly came to my town (for a visiting friend) and I met up with them only to sense some weird behavior from him. They all pack up for another bar and I ask if he wants me to join and he says “why wouldn’t i” and because I was hurt by that I declined via text. I go to sleep and wake to see several texts from him about me being lame, not needing to be mad, and then the final text saying he was driving to his home town (5.5hr away).
The next day we get into a texting argument over the nights events, he never apologizes for how he treated me but said hed figured that’s how I’d interpret his late invite which was why he didn’t want to tell me he was in town in the first place. I said that I wished he’d told me he didn’t care about me in the beginning rather than waste my time and he said I always blow things out of proportion. I responded, “maybe so, but he can be really insensitive sometimes.”
After that I initiated a 30-day NC with no contact coming from him either and on the early morning of day 21 he texted me only the name of a band I said I was hoping to see in a music fest going on in my town that weekend, “Vampire Weekend”. That was it. I wasn’t sure what to do with that text since it was in the middle of my 30-day NC period but 2-days later, that Friday, I responded, “Are you going to see them this weekend?” He hasn’t responded and its been 7 days.

Today, Friday would have been the 30th day of my original NC period. What do I do? I really need some guidance because I do really care for him but I am not sure I have another recovery-scheme in me. I just got home from a date and the guy wants a 2nd but all I can think about is my LDR ex. Please help 🙂

admin

June 7, 2014 at 4:50 pm

I think you should contact him. I really do. Try it again. This time something lighter.
Where to go?

June 8, 2014 at 1:43 am

I texted him the video this afternoon and still no word.

when is the time to write him off as a jerk?
admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:17 pm

As soon as you feel you are wasting your time.
Where to go?

June 9, 2014 at 4:13 am

Do you think the fact that he hasn’t responded to my video means anything? I am tempted to call him and just get this over with. I am too old and just so tired of being dicked around. Although obviously I must be consenting to it at some point. I just have lost sight of what I need to change about myself because obviously something I’m doing isn’t right.
admin

June 9, 2014 at 3:18 pm

Probably that he is ignoring you…
Where to go?

June 13, 2014 at 4:07 am

So what do I do now? Its been 2 wks since his 21-day text and almost 1 wk since I texted him the video. I think your guide suggests I wait a few days and send another light-hearted text but I really don’t want to continue reaching out if he’s just stringing me along and nothing has changed.

Please help.
Where to go?

June 7, 2014 at 7:09 pm

Ok, I sent a recording I took of Vampire Weekend’s performance, is that light enough? I just hope he’s not a jerk that I should wash my hands of.
admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:06 pm

I think it should be light enough yes.

Martine

June 6, 2014 at 11:22 pm

Hi. I’m an 18 year old girl from Norway. 2 months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We have been exchange students this year, so I have been living in New York and him in Texas for the last year. We were together for 2 months before he left for Texas, and we’ve only seen each other two times this year. In the relationship he was the one with the most feelings, and I was a bit up and down because I was unsure of what I wanted. We had a lot of fights, and it ended up with him being hurt. The day before we broke up we had a huge fight because I was hurt since he couldn’t visit me on my birthday, or I couldn’t come to him. For the last two months I’ve tried to get him back, I’ve tried being hard to get and to beg. In April he started missing me because I didn’t talk to him that much, however in May I started missing him so much I begged him all the time to come back. It ended always with me crying, and he saying he couldn’t forgive what I’d done, and that he was to proud of himself to give me a second chance. I tried to show him all the time I had change, but in LDR its hard… Last weekend I did something stupid while I was at a party, I kissed another boy for 4 seconds. His bestfriend was at the same party, and he told him what had happened. It ended with him flipping out on me, saying he deserved so much better, that I didn’t deserve a second more attention, that he never wanted me back. Later that evening, I did something stupid to get his attention, and after that he claims he never wants me back, not even as a friend, and doesnt want to see me again. I cut of all contact with him since Sunday, and yesterday I wrote him a message saying Im sorry about what happened this weekend, and that I hoped he was okay. I didnt get any answer. Today, I checked his instagram profile, and I saw the photo of me and him on times square in Manhattan, was deleted. The picture he refered to as the best memory he had during his exchange year, even after we broke up, and that he would never delete this picture.. Is all hope out for me, or what should I do?

admin

June 7, 2014 at 4:48 pm

Ouch that long distance is tough.

May I ask how old he is?
Martine

June 7, 2014 at 9:21 pm

18.
I have both your ebooks as well, but Im mot sure What to do in this case..
admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:11 pm

How far exactly are you two seperated?
Martine

June 9, 2014 at 3:25 pm

New York – Houston. So we haven’t met since jan, however both will be home in July
admin

June 10, 2014 at 3:28 pm

Ok, so it has been a while since you saw each other in person.

Umm… when was the last time you talked to him via text?
Martine

June 11, 2014 at 3:00 am

Last conversation was last Monday, I tried twice to apologize for last weekend without any response. Last time was Sunday
Martine

June 12, 2014 at 10:05 pm

???
Martine

June 6, 2014 at 11:26 pm

I forgot to add that both of us are at home in a month

Courtney

June 6, 2014 at 2:35 pm

Hello Chris,
My ex and I were the move away LDR and it was working until recently when he broke up with me. We didn’t talk for two weeks then he reached out to me and told me he still cares and loves me but doesn’t want to be with me. He claims he found someone else but deleted photos of her in front of me on skype to prove that he doesn’t really care about her. He says that he isn’t going to date anyone at all and won’t let anyone get as close to him as I did. He said he still has everything I gave him, like my ring on his key chain the teddy bear I had ever since I was little, and just yesterday he posted a photo of him wearing my boxers I used to sleep in. On Monday he posted a status about being in pain after our conversation and since then has been posting things about returning to Juliet and that he’s trying to come to a girl he calls baby. The girl he was trying to talk to doesn’t have a Facebook and like I said before he doesn’t really care about her anyways. Is he trying to get my attention by doing that? We haven’t talked since Monday, so I’m wondering of he’s trying to reach out again and if it’s a good song for me.

admin

June 6, 2014 at 5:48 pm

Was he just not willing to do the distance?
Courtney

June 6, 2014 at 6:07 pm

He was, I wasn’t so sure at first. We made plans every three months we would see each other we skyped everyday. Then things at home for him started to get hard and I would be there for him then it all came to am end. He became angry towards me and it wasn’t until Monday he was nice towards me bc it was two weeks without any communications. We haven’t talked since then. That’s why I’m confused I still want to be with him, but I am confused on what is going on. If he really wanted things to be over wouldn’t he return all of my things by now instead of keeping them and wearing some of them?
Courtney

June 6, 2014 at 2:37 pm

Sign*

Kahlan

June 6, 2014 at 3:50 am

Chris, I just wanted to thank you for making this site. It gives me a lot of strength just reading your articles and they keep me going and make me smile. Your stuff covers so much of the questions in my head and you’re reassuring. God bless you and I hope one day I will bring good news here on this page 🙂

admin

June 6, 2014 at 5:42 pm

You are so very welcome!

Um

June 2, 2014 at 3:12 pm

hi chris,
thanks for this site, it’s been really helpful. a bit about the situation before i carry on: i’m 25, he’s 24. we eloped 2 years ago, lived together for two years and then i went to study in a different country in europe. long distance was shit, finally he tells me he needs time to figure stuff out and maybe even “go around”. obviously i was devastated, made all the emotional mistakes and then finally backed off. after two weeks of silence from both ends he tells me he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend.
i’m now at a stage when my ex told me out of the blue that he will be visiting the city i now live in (with his friends for music fests as it’s summer). we had a skype conversation, it went pretty well. i just find it weird that this person who broke up with me (who i still love very much), who told me he “doesn’t love me less but only as a close friend now, not a partner” (exact words) is texting me every week without fail. i mean if you want it to be over, it should just be over right? what’s the need for this friendship so soon?
i will probably go back to my home country (out of europe) in a month or so. what should i do now? do you think there’s still a chance for us? this skype conversation threw me off quite a bit, got all emotional again (not in front of him, but later, started agonizing again bla bla when i was doing just fine for a month). haven’t given into impulses, was really chilled on skype, talked about our dog, our lives, futures (individual) etc. what happens now?
thanks, um

admin

June 5, 2014 at 4:53 pm

Long distance is tough I know…

So, you eloped as in marrying?
Um

June 8, 2014 at 4:46 pm

yeah, we married so we could live together in Europe. But how do you think this will move forward? What should I do?
Thanks
admin

June 8, 2014 at 8:29 pm

Wow, I am assuming the marriage is over now?
Um

June 11, 2014 at 2:53 pm

We’re not divorced, that topic hasn’t come up. He says he wants to be friends and is confused as to how he feels about me. What should I do?
admin

June 11, 2014 at 4:42 pm

Just seperated…
Um

June 17, 2014 at 2:02 pm

So I met him a couple days ago. we hooked up and later i ask him (SO STUPID) if he’d been with anyone else and he said yes. said he still hasn’t moved on from me, i’m still the biggest thing thats happened to him, but can’t expect me to wait for him. says he can’t be in a relationship right now, needs to get his life sorted, needs to learn to depend on himself emotionally and otherwise. whats your advice, chris?
Um

June 17, 2014 at 9:39 pm

Do you think I should just move back to my home country or try and find a job where he is?
admin

June 18, 2014 at 1:36 pm

I wouldn’t try to find a job unless you two were dating.
Um

June 18, 2014 at 2:51 pm

Thanks so much for your reply, Chris. I know you’re a very busy guy! So you think there’s no chance left? My marriage can’t be over.. is there anything I can do? When we met he was crying so much, said he was unbelivably confused, said I’m still the biggest thing that’s happened to him but I could see that he’s just not ready. I really need your advice on how to go about this, please. I don’t know who else to turn to.

M

May 30, 2014 at 4:42 pm

How many days should you wait between each type of texts? (After you stop responding in a text convo… then how soon should I re-initiate the next text?)

admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:50 pm

1-2 days… but slowly you want to start talking every day.

Lena

May 29, 2014 at 10:54 am

OK Chris, I read this as suggested from my comment on another article.

My guy and I would kind of be considered the Move Away LDR I think, except we weren’t together when he moved away. We met in college some years ago and tried to have a relationship then except he was always busy and our schedules didn’t match up much (he was working multiple jobs trying to start his career but still didn’t apply much effort into us….so I broke it off (he kind of disappeared for a bit which made me do that). Before he moves out of state for work, he wanted me to go with him but it wasn’t the best option for various reasons.

We both moved on (getting engaged and him eventually marrying and having a kid) but he always reached out to me on facebook and would want me to text or call him, even when my engagement ended. He always made it a point to express how I always had a special place in his heart but never mentioned our previous relationship until the year he and his wife were having problems (didn’t know until he approached me after they separated). He asked to be back together (I didn’t find out until right before I broke up with him this time that he wasn’t officially divorced yet) but throughout the relationship of 10.5 months, he made very few efforts to make sure our relationship lasted.

In the beginning, he would visit almost every 2 to 3 weeks and in between time he would text often, would call but not a lot and it was a fight to Skype but he did it maybe a couple of times. After the new year hit and he got an epic new job (his fame is only going to increase so I’m afraid for our chances of reuniting) he became super busy. He would already feed me the excuse of being too tired or busy to call or Skype and it only got worse. We would only text but I was doing more than he was to keep it going. I tried to break off multiple times but he asked for me to be patient with him (divorce, custody, work, etc) but yet he always made time for social media.

I noticed he was always liking this one girls pics and he was always commenting and liking his stuff, and because I dealt with my ex fiance cheating that way I grew suspicious, especially because I was always catching hell for his attention. I wasn’t allowed to make our relationship public online because he “wanted privacy” since his marriage went down in flames and displayed online, and got a text asking to change a comment I made on a pic if his because I referred to him as babe. Then nothing his patterns with that girl, I sent a friend request. Not the best move but I had a hunch and it worked. She told him I requested her and he unfriended me thus increasing the snowball effect of our demise.

I was on the fence about visiting after that (he didn’t mention what happened and neither did I). I finally went to visit (we hadn’t seen each other in 4 months because he was so busy and he hadn’t moved from his parents into his own place yet (his new job was back in his hometown).

I went to visit and he was so hot and cold with me. He would be really playful and affectionate here & there, but any attempts I’d make at doing the same was met with moving away from me and not in a playful manner. He told me he wasn’t the affectionate type, at least not as much as I was. He even got mad when I would lean on him to put my arm around him (at his place , not in public). He was being so rude one minute then the next it’s like he realized what he was doing and would apologize and try to cuddle up to me.

My suspicions got worse after we talked about the unfriending situation and he basically said I didn’t know the relationships he has between people blah blah excuses and when I made my point that he’s always too busy for me but not the girl or facebook he just sent a meme that said “if you don’t want to deal with a broke man, prepare to deal with a busy man”. I snooped through his stuff while he was at work the next evening and found a pretty framed pic if him and the girl from Facebook (note this was not his soon to be ex wife and he and I don’t even have any pics together, so why does he have this??)

To me it confirmed he was cheating and I left. We only talked through text after because I wouldn’t answer my phone when he discovered the pic on display when he got home and saw I was gone. He said I jumped to conclusions and could have asked why he had it and kept asking if I was safe and where I was. I flew back home the next morning and called on my layover (he couldn’t talk then) and text when I got home. He called when I asked why he lied and how long he’d been seeing the girl. It went from civil to a blow up in less than 10 mins and since we kept talking over each other at that point ( he would not say when they dated or why he still had it other than he “forgot to get rid of it during his move” even though he said the night before he and the girl are still cool but rarely talk. He was only separated from his ex for 6 months before he came to me for reconciliation so for him to have a pic of him and someone he dated briefly before he and I got together seemed weird. The pic also looked too recent and was amongst recent and highly important paperwork.

He flipped things on me and text a brief goodbye after our shouting match. I tried yo contact him right after to no avail. I tried on a regular basis and still nothing. I’ve gotten him on the phone twice by calling from another number but the 1st time he said he wasn’t OK with talking to me but then said he’ll talk to me later. I tried again recently and after we said “hi how are you” he went completely silent and I did all the talking.

I feel there is a slight chance I overreacted and I also miss the relationship we had prior to his new found fame and job.

Is this worth salvaging after knowing each other and loving each other for 8 years? Idk why he’d chase me for so long only for it to go down like this. I miss him and want to get him back with the previously intended end result of us marrying one day. Do you think your LDR guide can help even though he didn’t allow for much headwind on his end and isn’t an avid communicator with me?

Thanks

admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:34 pm

I think in order for a LDR to work there has to be a plan that will bring you two closer together eventually. Was there ever a plan like that?
Lena

May 31, 2014 at 5:10 pm

I feel more stressed now because I miss him so much. He always talked about marrying me even back during our 1st relationship attempt 8 years ago. We never talked about the details of it all though partly because he seemed so focused on everything else (work and his child)that I didn’t want to come off as selfish & only thinking of us. Whenever I brought up us being together when he seemed MIA and not into the relationship, he’d just ask me to be patient.

Of course I want to move where he is eventually and marry him but I can’t even get him to talk to me at this point. And with the line of business he’s in, he’s a hot commodity so to speak, so idk if the fame got to his head or what but either way, it’s only a matter of time before he moves on 🙁
admin

June 2, 2014 at 2:36 pm

During your relationship though did you express those intentions and did he reciprocate if you did?
Lena

June 3, 2014 at 10:20 am

I forgot to mention that he was always the one bringing up marriage, but like I said before his actions didn’t suggest that he really wanted that or was focused on that or at least having a stronger relationship.
Lena

June 2, 2014 at 4:23 pm

What do you mean? I told him I would love to move to be closer to him but we never had an in depth convo about it because he had been acting so distant and whatnot. I’ve been focused on taking care of my dad who’s been sick off and on for months (which he rarely asked about) so I wasn’t in the immediate position to uproot and move say next week or in a month or whatever.

Idk if that was something he was concerned about or not though because he never brought that up. We only talked about me visiting mostly.
admin

June 5, 2014 at 4:55 pm

I meant did the two of you take any actions to make that “being closer together” move happen?
Lena

June 6, 2014 at 12:36 am

No. He was always “too busy” for our relationship. And I had been dealing the responsibility of taking care of my ill parent, so idk if that scared him away or what. He was never really there for me as I was dealing with that though, which is one of the many reasons why I originally wanted to break things off before I suspected he may have been cheating.

I went to visit with the intent of trying to make some sort of progress with him but he kept pushing me away to the point where all of my suspicions came to a head and I found that picture, so we never had that face to face convo about what would lie ahead.

He did say at one point that he’s going to be there for a while, meaning he is likely to be back in his hometown for years until he retires or so, so I would have been moving to him, but like I said before, he was acting so hot and cold with me it didn’t leave much room to have that important conversation of when I would be able to move to him or if he even wanted that.
admin

June 6, 2014 at 5:37 pm

Ouch… always too busy.

Ok, let me play devils advocate here for a bit.

What makes you think he will change if you do get him back?
Lena

June 9, 2014 at 10:50 pm

I’m only 2 weeks into NC after I became pretty gnat-like in trying to reach out to him as soon as we broke up. He never responded to my texts or facebook messages and I got him on the phone twice after calling from my work phone (he wouldn’t answer from my cell number). The 1st time was before I started following your site; he answered but was real cut & dry once he figured out who I was. I asked if he was ok talking to me and he said not really and at one point said he had to go and we’d talk later. He never said to leave him alone or anything (I figured he would have said something whether it was harsh or nice)

I tried again the next week because I figured out a good time to get a hold of him when I wasn’t overtly busy at work and he wasn’t working yet. He answered but once we got past “hi, how are you?”, he went completely silent on me and I did all of the talking but had to rush off to get back to work. I pretty much told him the ball was in his court and what I wanted, for us to start over. But he never said anything. I don’t think he hung up bc he had me on speaker when he answered and the echo never went away.

Did I ruin my chances any? I haven’t tried to contact him since but in the back of my mind I feel like talking in person would be best but I don’t want to fly out there and just show up as so many things could go wrong with that.

After NC, how do I contact him if he has possibly blocked my number or is still blatantly ignoring me?
admin

June 10, 2014 at 3:46 pm

Your chances aren’t completely ruined they just went down a tiny bit.
Lena

June 7, 2014 at 12:08 am

I honestly don’t know Chris. I feel like if he really wanted to be with me, he would have and would still be making every effort to make sure I was a prominent part in his life. I mean hell, he chased me for 8 years but did much of nothing to keep me here except promise a better tomorrow. But he is very career-minded and living his dream right now, and I hear with those career driven types everything else comes second place. I’m tired of being in that position.
Lena

June 2, 2014 at 4:31 pm

Oh, I bought your e-book yesterday! Love it 🙂
Lena

May 29, 2014 at 11:10 am

Fyi, not sure how much any if this matters but…,

I’m more stressed out now that we’re over than when we were together and it didn’t seem like we were working and he wasn’t putting in the effort. I feel like a made a mistake by not letting him talk even though much of what he was saying sounded like bs and he was gonna break up with me over the phone.

And the girl doesn’t live near him, she is closer to me than him and is international so idk how or when they were even seeing each other or the chance that they’d get back together if they already weren’t like I suspected.
admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:35 pm

Why do you feel more stressed now?

Kahlan

May 29, 2014 at 7:34 am

NC is more difficult than I thought. ): 30 days ):

admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:31 pm

It is extremely difficult trust me.

Ellie

May 27, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Hello,

Me and my ex just broke up few days ago. We met online in 2012, we kinda click right away so he decided to come to see me (I’m in asia and he lives in the State) by end of 2012. He visited me for about 3 weeks. Then he went back with a plan that he will viait me 3 times a year. But unfortunately in March 2013 he landed a new job which made him cannot take any leave for a year. So i was supposed to visit him in exchange but at that time i was having my own personal problem which made me keep delaying my trip to go there. In dec 2013, he started drifting apart, lacking of communication with me. I asked him and he said he felt disconnected. After a deep discussion, we agreed to continue and be more communicative in the future. Our communication was good for couple of months, even we made plans for me to visit soon. But in march when i want to confirm my schedule he kept saying that he can’t give fixed schedule for me to visit. After i pushed him, he said okay to come in may so I immediately bought my ticket. When i told him i bought it, he said he wish thaf i would confirm it with him before making the purchase because May would be impossible for me to visit. I was so confused, so i said fine just let me know when so i can change my itinerary. From there he kept saying different months, even when i asked how about in summer he said he cant get anh holidays in summer because his staffs will take holiday. He made it sound he is so busy. So i finally decided said that how about i came in sept-oct (both of our bday in that period) he seemed happy with that plans. So thats clear, I’m so happy. But then since last week, he become even busier than ever, he rarely replied my msg and not saying back i love you. I got this bad feelings that i need to talk to him so i pushed him to talk. Which he didnt want to, he prefer to talked through text msgs because through phone would be too emotional and with text he could be more collective with his thoughts before replying. So he said the same thing as in dec, saying feeling so disconnected, he tried to reconnect but failed and now he’s feeling empty. He said we haven’t meet each other for 1.5yearz and feels like we’re penpals. Anyway after that all hurt words of he not wanting to continue with the relationship he said he still want to remain friends because he care very much for me. Although i was hurting so much with what happened i still love him so much and want him back. I already bought my ticket and cannot be refund, I’ll be staying at his best friend’s house, do you think it’ll be okay for me to do that and would be possible for us to get back together?

Thank you

admin

May 28, 2014 at 2:39 pm

Obviously the distance is tough to deal with since you are so far away. How oftend did you see each other in person?
Ellie

May 29, 2014 at 4:11 am

Only that one time when he spent 3 weeks here (2013), i was supposed to visit him in Sept this year. The visit plan was supposed to be in march but ke kept delaying it to Sept, which then he broke up with me so I’m left with a booked ticket. Do you think it’s a good idea that I’ll be staying at his best friends there? And what’s is the chances that wellbe back together? Thank you
Ellie

May 29, 2014 at 4:20 am

Oh just to update you on the NC, with the Facebook i didn’t reply or like his comment on my post 🙂 and maybe because of that he texted me to reply my old text that i sent before i started the NC. I was thinking with this ‘friends’ zone I’ve with him, i could reply it later in this week but i think you’ll say big NO to that right? 🙂
Ellie

May 30, 2014 at 8:15 am

Also does your ebook including LDR? Considering getting it to get the complete steps 🙂
admin

May 31, 2014 at 3:44 pm

The steps are applicable to LDR’s
Elena

June 9, 2014 at 5:31 am

This NC rule is definitely hard, today is my 9th day but it feels like i’ve been doing it for weeks 🙁 he hasn’t contact me so far (text or call), but made comments on few of my FB posting. Do you think it’s going according as it should be so far, in getting him back?
admin

June 9, 2014 at 3:24 pm

Well you have been doing it for A week… Just be patient. I bet he breaks down.
Elena

June 10, 2014 at 6:54 am

Thanks Chris, hope i can make it thru 30 days :)What’s concern me the most right now is the thought of me going there in Sept, thinking how awkward it will be, plus his best friend that i’m asking for a favor to stay in her house hasn’t given me a fix answer yet. Her reply when i asked her was only ‘let me touch base with Devin (her husband) so he’s aware’, no other respond after that. Or maybe i should stay in hotel? Another option would be, there’s this guy that i was close before my ex offering to stay in place in Minnesota (my ex is in Virginia). Maybe i could stay a week in Minnesota then 2 weeks in his best friends’ house, what do you think? Since i’m Asian, i’m don’t have good understanding with western culture, one of my friends said that most western would not be comfortable for someone to stay at their place too long if it’s not their family or someone close
Ellie

June 25, 2014 at 4:45 am

I finally bought your ebook 🙂
Elena

June 20, 2014 at 4:00 am

Hi Chris,

Sorry for asking again but would love to get your inputs on my trip going there in Sept.

Thanks 🙂
Ellie

May 28, 2014 at 12:35 am

Oh i also read the one about using ‘facebook to get your ex bf back’, since we’re ‘friends’ like he wanted to, if he comments any of my post should i reply the comments or like on them? Just to make it sure, all the status or pics that i post on fb should be something that shows I’m happy right?
Ellie

May 28, 2014 at 4:08 am

My NC period started 2 days i broke up and still now, just a bit confused when it comes to Facebook post that he comments, whether i should reply or not. I’m afraid he’ll feel ignored if i replies others but not his. Come to think of it maybe it serves him right to taste his own medicine.. Hahaha.. He used to do that before we broke up. Btw really glad to find this site, it help to calm me down especially in this NC period 🙂

Amy

May 24, 2014 at 12:23 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me because of mistakes I realized I was doing. For the last 2 months of our relationship I was dumping my career and moving stress out on him by picking stupid fights. At the end I blew up and went “crazy” on him one night by coming to a bar he and his friends were at after we had a fight. A few days later he broke up with me. Thing is im moving 4 states away in 1.5 months. Before the break up we had planned to do long distance and he was more hopeful and optimistic than I was. At the break up he said he cant do this anymore and he definitely cant do the distance now. When I asked why, he said he was being honest and just cant. When o asked again why he cant when he could before, he said because he is pessimistic and untrusting now and doesnt want to go down the same road again. Its been 1 week no contact. 1 week neutral texts and now 1 week again no contact (im trying to do the 21 days). I know he is hurt and angry and still cares. He wants his space now. My question is two fold. One, after no contact should I contact him and apologize again and then do your build up attraction texts? Or should i skip the apology (i had apologized at the break up profusely) and just go straight to your build attraction? And secondly, because Im moving, do you think its still possible to change his mind (by emotional influence through texts) and have a chance of getting him back?

admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:28 pm

Your situation is tough because to a lot of men, a LDR isn’t that appealing especially if you are the one moving away.

SaladeMeow

May 24, 2014 at 2:49 am

Hi, I’ve read a few comments but haven’t come across any like mine so I’ll have a go. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. He joined the military a year and a half ago and we have been doing long distance since then. He came home to our apartment every single weekend. Since last Christmas I’ve been a little demanding of his attention, I put quite a bit of pressure on him about getting married (we had discussed it previously and he looked at rings once, alone, and told me about it later on) and having a decent future, and I heard from a friend that one of the reasons that he left me was because I was being selfish (mainly I wanted more communication than he could because of training and wanting a little bit of a social life). I also heard that he left because he didn’t want to get married anymore. He never gave me a straight reason, and just said that “he’s done” and that he “needs time to be alone”.

After 10 days of no contact he texted me and, not wanting to be a B****, I answered in a very friendly manner. I’m seeing now that I have to restart the no contact but I have another issue:

We share an apartment, and although he doesn’t have to come home any weekend (for the no contact period), I’m stuck with all his stuff and he hasn’t mentioned whether he’s taking it, leaving it, paying rent, ditching everything. We also have a cat, whom I despise, that he’s specifically told someone he “hopes she keeps” for his sake??? I know it’s not my problem, people have been telling me to just pack his stuff, tell him “I’ll be home at this hour come get it” but I’m afraid that will end it all.

Do you think this technique will work for me? No contact and then slowly getting back into things..? We were extremely happy together previously, he had wanted me in his future, we jokingly named our kids, our pets, decided what cars we’ll own, etc. He seemed to just snap and bail.

Thanks!

admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:25 pm

Youll have to do limited contact if you share an apartment together.

Allison

May 23, 2014 at 11:35 pm

Okay, this is a long story but I’ll try to give you the short version.

Me and my boyfriend (17 and 18 years old) met online for a little over a year ago, we met for the first time in real life almost exactly a year ago and since we first started chatting over Skype we both have had an interest in one another and after our first meet-up we decided to try out a LDR.

It didn’t work out, I made a bunch of mistakes and he broke up with me. He got a rebound girlfriend, they dated for 1-2 months, he broke up with her because he couldn’t stop thinking about me. 2,5 months after the breakup he came back (I got a bit of help from this website, thank you!), he told me he missed me and he gave me another chance. Everything bad that had happened was completely forgotten.

We had a wonderful 5-6 months together and now we have a “breakup on hold” for 2 weeks. He can’t take LDR anylonger, he says he doesn’t stand missing me as much as he does. He still have strong feelings for me, but the problem is the distance, otherwise he would be with me 100%. He has a flight booked in 2 weeks, coming to visit me, we decided he would go on that last trip (it was booked way before this was current). He was hesitant at first because he said his feelings would come back stronger than ever again when he sees me in person and saying goodbye would be harder. But he didn’t want to break it over the internet, so we are going to have one last trip together.

Now I guess my question is, do you even believe there is any hope for saving this relationship?

Also I told him I probably can’t be friends afterwards and he said he understands, if there is any chance of saving this I hope that doesn’t ruin the NC rule.

admin

May 25, 2014 at 2:21 pm

How far apart are you seperated by?

Laura

May 21, 2014 at 10:05 am

Dear Chris,
I appreciate the time you’re taking to read this. I’ll try to shorten it:

– My ex broke up with me at the end of last year, said he couldn’t handle the distance anymore but wanted to keep me as a friend. I said no because I was hurt.
– We met traveling, were together for 4 months, seeing each other 5 times for about a week each time.
– After the NC things went pretty good, although he was always very sexual in his messages which I felt was respectless.
– He said he wanted to come and visit me for Easter but two weeks before he just stopped messaging while we were in the middle of a conversation and never got back to me. Of course he didn’t come to visit as well.
– I didn’t initiate any contact afterwards because I felt like it was obvious he didn’t want to talk to me anymore and I was too hurt to come running after him again.
– Last weeks, 6 weeks after vanishing, he wrote me that he’s going to be in town in August if I wanted to see him.

Questions:
– Why is he coming here again when he has seen this city multiple times before?
– Should I answer or is he just playing with me again? I want to know so bad why and with whom he’s coming but I’m afraid it will be a sign that he still has control over me if I answer…

Thanks so much for your help and apologies for any spelling errors, this is not my first language. 😉

admin

May 21, 2014 at 4:00 pm

Do you think he was only about sex?
Laura

May 26, 2014 at 7:42 pm

Hm, I don’t really know. He wasn’t like that when we were together at all, he’s always been very sweet and respectful. It’s hard to believe that someone could change that much within one month, so maybe there is no other explanation for it?

What do you think should I do? Your help is much appreciated. 🙂

aashi

May 20, 2014 at 6:54 am

Hi!
Aashi here..
i need your help.. Me and my guy were in a LDR for about 2years.. We are from same hometown but due to studies we are away from eachother. We had got contacted through internet only..as when we were batchmates in same school, we never used to intereact.. After then,we got commited and met for about 9-10times in past two years..whenever i am on vacations in my hometown..
so..During those 2years we had breakups and patchups thrice.. Just after 4months of our relationship, he asked me for break up as he had got tensed about our future and that his parents will not agree to accept our relationship..because its a case of intercaste love marriages which he thinks his parents ll never allow.. I tried alot to convince him like we’ll see it in future..we should not spoil our present. But he’s like that fear hs got home in his mind and he can’t get over it. He’s so caring,loyal n fun loving guy.. But the only problem according to what he told me is future issues. Slowly and gradually he began detaching himself from me..and finally there comes our first breakup.. I told him u broke up with me but i ll always be committed to you.. And then i got isolated from everywhere like whhatsapp fb etc.. He contacted me after 20days as he were not getting any of my updates. He again tried to convince me but i refused. And then we came together again… But this time he was with me just to make me normal as earlier ..to make me socially active and all.. The day i got normal, he again began to behave awkwardly..no texts..calls.. Like this we had gone through two more breakups n patch-ups..but the third one was so damn serious patch-up.. He came back with some stability..and guaranteed me that he’ll tell his parents abt us whenever the right time comes!
i got agreed and we once again got together.. He is a genuine guy i know.. As he himself admitted that he can’t stay away from me..he loves me but he’s so scared about future..and he tries each and every possible way to hurt me intentionally so that i cud hate him and move on.. But i can’t! He is full of negative thoughts abt future..but i know there are some chances.. But i can’t force him to think abt those chances,he himself ll have to. Everytime he breaks up ,, i get isolated from everywhere.. But this time.. Everything was going so nice..suddenly after a little arguement through texting..he began ignoring me.. This time i myself broke up with him ..one way.. He didn’t reply at all.. Its been 18days till now. And also I’m not being isolated at all as i think it shows my weakness to him..due to which he takes me for granted.. This time I am as normal as always.. But i know he loves me and no matter what but i seriously want to get him back.. Please help me out!!
Becky

May 20, 2014 at 6:15 am

Hello,
I need some advice on how to reinitiate contact with my ex.
He broke up with me a month ago over some jealousy issues I had with one of his close girl friends. He had to move to another city which is 10 hours away by bus. Previous to the breakup we had spoken about LDR possibilities.
In order to move on I deleted him from social media (I slightly regret this). The no contact period helped me a lot. He did message me on Facebook asking me why I deleted him… I didn’t reply.
His birthday is coming up soon and that will officialize the 30 days of no contact.
How can I approach the contact approach after deleting him… I was thinking of being honest and telling him I needed space.

I would love to hear your insight and much needed advice in order to rebuild something beautiful.
Thank you.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 9:22 pm

You don’t have to wish him a happy birthday.
Becky

May 21, 2014 at 4:02 am

Yeah that’s what I thought, but how do I initiate the contact after the 30 day period. Did I ruin my chances by deleting him off Facebook?
I really want us to reconnect.
admin

May 21, 2014 at 2:36 pm

You want to send a text message the way I recommend on this site.

I call it the “first contact text message.”

Katie

May 19, 2014 at 5:47 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I had been in an ldr for our entire relationship and recently broke up because he said the distance was too hard for him and other problems stemming from the distance. He is normally the type to cut off all ties with his exes and says he can “turn those emotions off” , but when I asked if we would still be friends, he said he would still like to be there as a friend for me but we should not talk for a while and see where it takes us. He did also say that past relationships have ended poorly and ours was different… I havent contacted him since the break up (about a week). i’m just wondering if NC will work if 1) he suggested it first and 2) he normally cuts his exes our of his life?

admin

May 20, 2014 at 9:10 pm

NC can work and I think it is going to have a good effect.
Katie

May 21, 2014 at 4:34 pm

Thanks. I ended up texting him and he responded civilly and said he was happy for me. I asked if we could still talk every now and then, he said he needed more time.

I’m starting NC over again today. Hopefully I can stay strong this time.
Katie

May 20, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Also, I just got a job offer from a place I really really wanted to work for. He knew how much I wanted this position and how much I was stressing about finding a job and how bummed I was when I didn’t get it originally.

Would it be a bad idea to break NC (day 7) to tell him I got the offer?
admin

May 21, 2014 at 2:22 pm

Yes it would.

Tanya

May 16, 2014 at 10:55 am

Hi Chris, so my ex broke up with me 7weeks ago and i tried the no contact rule for a while but failed, lets just say in 6weeks i contacted him 4x of which 3 i discussed the relationship n the 4th was a call to catch up and also ask if it was ok to meet up on my trip (he lives in dubai and I in the UK), he agreed to a meeting and said to let him know when he got to town. I got in and we arranged a meeting to which he explained he couldnt handle my insecurities. I simply said to him my opinion of us having a gd relationship would have given us an opportunity at a 2nd chance to which he said no, he also said he doesnt do friends with exes. Now i accepted fate and left it. I got home and sent him a text that i was home and he shld never feel awkward about hanging out since i was here on holiday to which he replied we will arrange soemthing for when we r both free…. i initiated contact and we arranged dinner for wednesday, he showed completely interested in what i was up to and trying to catch up with what was going on with me, he also told me things he had been up to. it was like a different person showed up, i was so nervous cos it reminded me of our 1st date. Now we hung out 2x after that, i dint think he would hang out with me out of boredom or being polite, only if he really wanted to. the day of my departure he calls to check on me and make sure im all sorted out, he makes a few calls for me and we talk and just catch up on stuff, then he says he called early cos his batt was low and he dint think he wld b home b4 i fly out but we hav a good conversation and he says he will call b4 i board and i was surprised when he actually called me b4 i boarded. we had another pleasant and totally awesome conversation and he was giving me advice on some work related stuff…. so i get back home and text him to let him know i got in safe “Hey ow are you, i got in safe, hope Ur good” to which he responded hope it wasn’t tiring and I’ve got time to adjust, he reminds me about his advice to which i respond im jet-lagged and if he can send a draft to me ill edit, once again i was surprised he actually sent a draft which included a lot of we’s and im like we? he says yes we…. i send the email we end the chat and i haven’t heard from him since then. I decided to start a NC rule as i broke the 1st one when we initially broke up, do you think he will contact me?, i felt like he changed from the 1st conversation we had face to face on my holiday and was surprised we hung out that many times especially with i don’t hang out with exes and was totally surprised by the call…. why hasn’t he called me or contacted me yet
? what should i do? please respond as i am confused…

admin

May 20, 2014 at 7:02 pm

So, you haven’t done NC fully yet for one month… do you see where I am going with this?

Loulou

May 16, 2014 at 9:28 am

Yes during the talk. He said i went from kim kardashian or katey perry (which he claimed hes into these days) to a completely random celebrity that was of a different culture and quite nutty (not in offense to other cultures though), but basically she lost her job n had to return to her country and when he asked to skype she said just once a month, so he said thats when i realzed not everyone is like you. He gave me many comparisons. I thought this was a good thing. I dont understand!
Does that mean something?
Why would he do this, is all hope over?
He also sent me a message the next day, but took his sweet time just to say take care and god bless you and your family. Whats that about?
Sam

May 15, 2014 at 3:40 pm

Hi, just say this site and loved it.. Im in a situation were my bf brokeup with me because he is moving for work. BACKGROUD: Im 22 he’s 27. Im still in university. Ive always felt a bit insecure at times because he never fully express his feelings for me.Then at one point he thought i was cheating on him or something so I think he doesnt trust me fully. Anyways he said he couldn’t do a LDR because he had one before and it didnt workout. At first he said we could try but then he was like its not gonna work, so we should be friends and when he comes in my town wE see each other n stuff. I didnt really like that idea but I love him and I really wanted him in my life. Since then ive say him like 4 times he is in my town like once a month and so I see him but nothing changes its like nothing happened. The last time I saw him was the 29th of march,since then I havent seen him.Usually a week wouldn’t past and he doesn’t text me but now I havent heard from him since easter monday. Easter monday he whatsapp me and I responded and he didn’t reply and we haven’t talked since. I feel pretty bad because I don’t know whats up with him. I say him online couple days ago and I said hi and asked how come he hasn’t messaged mi or anything if he cut me off and he said no he hasn’t cut me off. I called him yesterday and I didn’t get him. I’ll be where he is for the summer so I wwas thinking we could meetup and stuff but he is acting wierd so.. sometimes i wish i wasn’t in love with him.

admin

May 20, 2014 at 5:35 pm

How far away is he moving?
sam

May 20, 2014 at 9:14 pm

He moved 2 hours away..
Sam

May 15, 2014 at 3:51 pm

PS.please excuse my typos.. :/

rica

May 15, 2014 at 8:47 am

Hi chris? I have a different story. This guy and I met online, and became very close through skype by chatting everyday, opening up everything, knowing each other, telling jokes, sending vids and pics, everything you could imagine, but he’s only looking for romance, friendships or anything. until after one month he told me he’s falling for me, and talkig about wanting to live a life with me, havig his baby like this and that. Since the first we have been doing phone sex and all flirty conversations. We have been planning to see each other when I go there and do all fun things to each other. One day after two months, I found out that he was married but not livig together with his wife, he explained to me that they remained friends. We r like in a FWB open friends but we tell i love yous to each other, I also confessed about me fallig for him after a week he said the same thing to me. We talk constantly and I forgave him lying to me about his wife. We went on to beig fwb and our closeness. After 2 months, and few days I asked him n what is he really looking for, after knowing everything he’s hiding and all about him. He told me I’m a really good friend and he is still hoping to see me. Until next day, I changed my mind and told him that I wanted to gie it to someone who wants a relationship with me and that ours has no future. He told me to do whatever I want and I’m confusing him. I told him sorry for confusing him and that’s what I really want and he was like became different. I was drinking at the time I told him that so I gave him 2 days since I’m still at an outing with my friends thwn chatted him telling him sorry that I was wrong and I dont want to lose our friendship but he was like became differnt but still answers me, he even told me he forgot what I said and asking what was that. I panicked and told him sorry it was my fault im drunk and shouldnt have said that, I take it all back, and he told me not to worry so much bec we’re good. I want him to be his old self. What should I do now? Sorry I’m using mobile, I hate tpuch screens. Lol Thanks

admin

May 15, 2014 at 2:23 pm

So, did you ever meet him in person?

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5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”