How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Loulou

May 12, 2014 at 7:10 pm

Chris so after him coming back we had an amazing conversation we said we would talk on the weekend to see if he had thought about everything we said and whether he was over his confusion, cuz i stated i dont want a confused guy, and that if he know that he wants me then we could progress from there. Everything was really positive, we spoke for 3 hours as i told you before. He said it will be good to talk on the weekend, regardless of the outcome. The weekend came he didnt call, he said sorry we didnt talk as planned but this is terrible. I asked what was but he didnt reply, the the next morning he said he had been thinking alot and he said he still hasnt reached a conclusion and that means that hes not ready for us to get back together and that he thinks i dont deserve to wait for anyone, but that if i wanted one more conversation with him he’d make time! I just replied i thinnk thats for the best, take care.
I dont get what i missed! Im heart broken.
He was comparing me to all these amazing celebrities like im the real deal, that hes been on dates and realized girls arent like me and then boom!
Chris why would he do this and is all hope over?

admin

May 13, 2014 at 4:37 pm

When did he compare you to those celebrities? During the talk?
Loulou

May 14, 2014 at 1:01 pm

Yes during the talk. He said i went from kim kardashian or katey perry (which he claimed hes into these days) to a completely random celebrity that was of a different culture and quite nutty (not in offense to other cultures though), but basically she lost her job n had to return to her country and when he asked to skype she said just once a month, so he said thats when i realzed not everyone is like you. He gave me many comparisons. I thought this was a good thing. I dont understand!
Does that mean something?
Why would he do this, is all hope over?
He also sent me a message the next day, but took his sweet time just to say take care and god bless you and your family. Whats that about?

Loulou

May 7, 2014 at 8:39 pm

Hey chris
Thats ok, my ex and i actually spoke for the first time today. He was very honest about his feelings as was i. He still howver was unsure as to how we can continue, due to the distance. He also said how does it not worry me that if we got married and had our major arguments that we would not work out. We spoke for 3 hours! However he told me that he had been on dates with 3 girls and the last girl he seemed interested in as they went on about 7 dates together and the only reason it stopped was because she lost her job and she moved back to her home country. And at that point he said the only person he would do long distance with was me. He said he realized alot of things especially comfort that he could not find with other girls. I told him i went on dates but nothing stemed from them, he seemed interested but not jealous. And he said before it would have bothered me but not now. We are supposed to talk again maybe tomorrow. He said he would think about what we’ve spoken about since i told him i would not be his friend. He said for me and him it has to be official or not at all.
Im overwhelmed with all the things he has told me, and tried not to let it get to me about this girl but im dying! How did he move on to dating so quickly? How do i make him pursue me alone at this point?
I understand you are really busy, and i apologize for the long message. Could you advice me on:
1. This other girl he is seeing and how he was not jealous of me dating despite him commenting on a picture of me and a guy the other day saying i heard thats the guy you’re dating.
2. How do i make him pursue me at this point? Whats the game plan at this point…
Many many thanks chris!

admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:26 pm

1. She is trying to get information on you.
2. Just keep building rapport with him. I mean, its kind of a tough position you are in right now.

Sarah

May 7, 2014 at 12:36 pm

Hi Chris,
I’ve been in a LDR for the past 7 months. Lately he was getting more distant, starting to doubt the relationship, wouldn’t initiate the contact as often, so I did what all girls do – started to contact him more and more. 3 weeks ago he asked for a time to think if he can do this. I was devastated, but didn’t want to show it and told him to contact me when he has made his decision, which he did after only 3 days of not talking, but when I asked if he had made up his mind he still wasn’t sure just that he wanted to keep talking to me. After that it looked like he was starting to put more effort in our relationship, but it wasn’t long till he again started doubting if our LDR could work as it’s been 3 months since we saw each other the last time (he’s in USA, I’m in EU) and we probably wouldn’t be able to see each other till August because of his busy work schedule. Then this Sunday after he hadn’t answered my texts for 3 days he told me that he thinks he wants to be alone for a little while. Of course, I was really mad, but again decided not to show it to him and told him that it’s fine, if that’s what he wants then I’ll respect his decision. So I have gone NC since then. The problem I’m having is – hi’s birthday is in a few days and I can’t make up my mind if I should ignore it as I already told him that I’m going to respect his decision and leave him alone, or should I send him just a simple ‘Happy birthday!’ text? What would you suggest me to do?

admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:50 pm

Europe huh…. how often on average would you guys see each other?

Nina

May 7, 2014 at 10:52 am

Hi Chris, I found your site while looking for advice about my LDR and I would appreciate it so much if you could give me some advice because I’m in this alone and its hard to find people who can give the kind of advice ppl in LDRs need. Sorry if my story is too long. =/

(Background info for reference) I’m 22, bf is 27.
So I met my bf online about 4 years ago and 2 of those years we were just friends. Then we began talking daily and admitted that we both had feelings for each other. He was kind of flirting with another girl he also met online at the time and was clearly choosing her over me but admitted that he felt something for me too. The other girl wasn’t showing much interest but he was obviously very into her. After he told me that he’d prefer for us to be friends I asked him to not contact me for a while if he wanted that so that I may get over him. He didn’t say anything for a couple of days then txted me. He didnt mention anything about his feelings for me so I had to ask him why he broke his promise(to not txt me till i do) and he said that he wants to be with me. Also, he was kind of in a regular(no distance) relationship at the time where he had broken up with his most recent ex at the time but she kept asking him to go out to places with her which he did(whether out of pity like he’d make it seem like or not, idk).

Because I was not okay with cheating in any way(it was unfair to the girl who was being given false hope) he ended things with her permanently after a while and we started out great. He planned his first visit in the summer(2wks) and was very excited about it. Things went great, he went back home and I began planning our next meeting(in the winter). After this “honeymoon phase” started to wear off he was less interested and doubtful to see me again(mostly because of financial reasons) so I kind of had to push him. He also has this depressed state that he gets into once he goes back that brings up a lot of problems for us. I had to almost nag him to buy his ticket because he kept putting things off. We met this time in Philadelphia(I’m in California, he’s from Canada) where my friend lives so I stayed with her part of my visit and we had rented a place for us once he came. This was a good plan I had thought since it was very close to where he lived compared to me but he had made the whole process of planning the visit very difficult.

Then once he came things were great again. We were living together(2wks again) and it felt very familiar again and warm. We had some quarrels but nothing big. We had a tearful goodbye once again and parted ways. Again he went back and same thing slowly began to happen. He starts off saying how much he misses me and we both just express our yearning for each other for a month or so then slowly this begins to fade away to everyday dull conversations that evolve into annoyance and arguments to him being depressed and not willing to plan a meet-up again.

A year passed. After that winter, we went for a year without seeing each other until this February. Throughout the year we had arguments which would always be minor in subject but become a big issue for no reason. He also would sometimes tell me troubling things like how he remembers his first gf(his true love) who broke up with him about 7 years ago and he just constantly feels regretful and doubtful it slows him down and frustrates me. We somehow got over that and I had a talk with him that its been a year and that I want to see him or else this will not work. I was offering for him to come since he could stay over at my place and not have to worry about financial issues besides the ticket(which i was willing to pay the half for). He also made this planning pretty difficult by procrastinating but he came.

We had fun this time around too. I had a talk with him this time though. I asked him if he had doubts about us and lingering feelings for other ppl he should tell me and do it now rather than later. He said that he doesn’t he just remembers the old times and reminisces and regrets all these random things from the past. He told me he loved me..maybe even more than his first gf. At this point my mind was at ease.

Then came even better news. Up until now we were kind of going back and forth about the final end point of who would move where. He would be opposed to coming to Cali because he didnt like it that much during his first visit but this time he was all determined that it would be great to move out and live together especially after living together at my place during his stay and he seemed to like Cali much more now.

Now comes my current state. He left in late February and I started college again. Talk of moving out together was present for about a whole month after and maybe more. He told me he loved me almost everyday for about the same amount of time. Then slowly it began to fade again but nothing big or troubling. We were just going back to our daily routines.
Then came a very insignificant and minor argument where he took something I said badly and was mad thinking I’m ridiculing him when in fact i had no intention. Even after explaining my side the argument kind of evolved to things that he did that bothered me and such and we ended up not resolving it. One thing that has always been an issue is EVERY argument we’ve had except for maybe 1 or 2 where he’s definitely have been at fault, I’ve been the one reaching out to contact him and resolve it while he gives me the cold shoulder.
This time around he didnt write to me for 4-5 days and I thought it was strange because I had thought that that argument was very insignificant and nothing major to worry about. Turns out that he had been taking a time off and thinking things over(meaning thoughts of breaking up). When I asked “Why?” he said that he was exhausted of the minor arguments and isnt sure about us. The things he was bringing up seemed kind of like excuses which I later confronted him about. He told me that he gets depressed and unmotivated(due to his work and financial issues) and doesnt want to drag me down with him. He has very few friends and problems at home which bring him down a lot. Recently he got into a very big financial problem which only added to all of this and made things 10x harder for us than before. Hearing all of this I told him that I am aware of all of this but I’m willing to wait. I only wanted to know if he feels the same way about me as I do about him. I told him I’d give him time to think if he wanted but he said he doesnt need it. When I asked again if he loves me or not since he hadnt said anything he said yes and that he still wants to move out but doubts everything and cant help it.

Then he said something that was very troubling and because of which I’d really love to hear your opinion on it. I said does he need time to think about it and he said “no, but maybe it might be good to think about it” since I had voiced my concern over him impulsively thinking of breaking up after a minute argument saying that he doesnt want to do that in the future so he might need to reevaluate his feelings. Then I got worried. He said that he might wanna take some space to see if he’ll miss me things about me enough to want to stay in the relationship. So this has me kind of stumped since not very long ago we were planning a future together.

A day later because our conversation was cut off short we spoke again and I told him how I thought that he must get over those regrets, fears and doubts. And to find a friend he can confide in and get advice from since friends help in those times of trouble. He agreed with everything then we just abruptly ended the conversation without goodbyes. The next day he texted a “Hi, I’m home.” to which I replied but he did not continue.

Now I’m not sure. I really don’t want to be in the position his last ex was where he’s hanging out with me but has lost his feelings towards me so I told him about this too. And I asked if there’s someone else that has caught his eye to which he replied no. And I believe him. So now we’re kind of in a break up phase but I dont know if we are. I don’t wanna ask again because I’m tired of asking about his feelings and get replies like “idk”. Will the NC method work for this? To be honest, I’m hurt from this whole doubtful attitude and the unanswered texts. Maybe NC will somehow let him get things straight and give me time to reevaluate things too. But I really do love him and want him back. So do you think this is my best option?

admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:49 pm

Ok, I have this belief that for a LDR to work out there has to be a plan in place to find a way to be closer together permanently. Was there ever a plan like that in place?
Nina

May 7, 2014 at 8:33 pm

At first, in the beginning of our relationship, we weren’t sure because I’m still in school and he didn’t like the idea of moving so I always said I’d be ok with going there after I finish school but after his last visit he was really enthusiastic about moving to Cali instead and moving out with me and we both decided to save up for that.
admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Finanically would it have been possible?
Nina

May 10, 2014 at 6:07 am

Yes, but no sooner than a year or two.

priti

May 7, 2014 at 9:55 am

Hi, this is anjali.. actually I am little confused about my ex.. we was in 5 months relationship.. and now we broke up.. and he give very silly reason for that..actually he is very practical man he want to achieve his goals in his life so as proffesionaly photographer and he ws very careing but suddenly he broke up n now he is giving carrier reason so please help to get him back..:) :k

priti

May 7, 2014 at 10:42 am

Actually reason he gives me am waisting my time daily.. I like hard working people n all.. so I tired to change my self too..but it dosent works.. I love him blindly but now he is saying am not looking at you anymore.. and 2 days before I proposed him again then he was like ll see it latter.. n after some time again he ws like no so now I dnt know what to do for getting him back
admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:46 pm

How far are you two separated?
priti

May 8, 2014 at 6:32 am

Two different area in one state only like By road route 709 km and 12 hrs to go by car.. and I want to mentioned one thing also this fights starts from when messages his one close best girl friend without telling him..for getting to know his likes n he saying y you msgd her whithout telling me n that girl talk to me very nicly.. but this guy shouted on me for that mistake.. and. He ws like I don’t want relation now if I am doing like this things.. but I ws surprised y he get so much angry on that thing he is saying she is his very good best friend..
admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:36 pm

Did he ever date that girl?
priti

May 8, 2014 at 6:29 pm

He was like we are best friends nt gf bf.. bt some times I get doubt on him he always used to talk abt that girl while talking to me.. and I get surprised when I msgd tht girl hie she replied me first tht if she is nt wrong am his gf.. then i said yes I am.. aftr that I askd her abt his like bcz ur his bst friend so she was like tell me first what he told u abt me.. n thn I replied ur his bst frnd he told me she said yes…n she told me this guy is angry on u so u just talk with him nicely.. n she said sorry I dnt know abt his likes.. I want to get him back really..: (
admin

May 9, 2014 at 3:24 pm

So, you never dated him ever?
priti

May 9, 2014 at 4:35 pm

I dated him for 5 n hafe months.. n now we broke up.. because carrier reason n some time he gives me hopes fr patch up that he ll do.. n some time he says now he dont see me his future ..n he can read person by there face or body language.. n he also supports me fr good things ..n important is that front of carrier he don’t see any buddy while he is doing work he do work only.. now situation is we fought n we broke up just because I told to my friends we r in relation.. n he thinks I dnt use my time properly.. always do time pass bt its nt like that specially for him i always take out time from my busy shedule like if am busy in work so still I used to receive his cals n if he get busy in some work he directly cuts my call n ws scolding on me that message me bfore u do call.. n we had last fight he took his moms promisse i was true from my side n me too was true n blindly loving him my side as per ur this page am doing NC from past three days.. he have not replied for anything.. wanna get him back..
priti

May 19, 2014 at 6:26 pm

So what should I do now.. should I wait for him? Can I wish him on his birthday in next week..? Am doing NC from last 15 days but he haven’t replied on it.. please guide me what I need to do now..!
priti

June 9, 2014 at 7:02 pm

Hey…Chris..bfo some dys I again msged him..so break my NC rule n on that he din reply also but from second dy I started again NC rule now its been 15 dys that am on NC..n today just bfo some time he unblocked me from Whatssapp ..is it good sing? .. what should I do now.. would I go n ask him that y he unblocked me or should I wait till 30 dys..?? Pls guide me..
admin

June 10, 2014 at 3:40 pm

Finish out the 30 days.
priti

May 23, 2014 at 1:34 pm

Then he ll gets angry if I won’t wish him.. or should I do wait..
admin

May 20, 2014 at 9:10 pm

Nope no happy bday wish.
priti

May 8, 2014 at 7:02 am

N as per your this page I starts doing NC from yesterday.. but problem this month his birthday is there on 26 th.. shoud i wish him on his birthday or no..? He is showing some attitude too that he ll get better girls than me beautiful n hardworking.. I feel like he just doing s shows of front of me by telling me this things.. so can go n wish him on that day..

Brit

May 6, 2014 at 6:45 pm

Does this work even if you only dated for about two months? We spent a lot of time together, even a few weekends. We live two hours apart. I could sense him pulling away so I gave him space for a few weeks and saw him once during his pulling away phase. He stopped contacting me for a few weeks so I finally asked him if it had fizzled out, and he said yes. I deleted him from my Facebook friends in order to move on. I told him I was going to do so, and he understood. We haven’t talked in about two weeks. I’m guessing that since we weren’t together very long he has no strong feelings for me and will move on quickly. I’m almost regretting removing him from my a Facebook friends list!

admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:26 pm

How often did you see each other total?
Brit

May 7, 2014 at 9:05 pm

There have been about 10 separate occasions that we got together. Of course some of those lasted an entire weekend. So we were around each other a lot when we did get together because of the distance. Did we move too fast?
admin

May 8, 2014 at 4:28 pm

Maybe a little too fast. Here is the thing about moving fast though. If he kept advancing things it was ok for him. If he got cold feet and scared then it was not ok for him.

Jess B.

May 6, 2014 at 5:24 am

Hello, I’m not sure where to begin, but I would like to say I AM happy I’m not the only one who is coming with an issue. My ex and I had been together for 1 year and 7 months and just broke up like last week. We’ve met 3 times, the first being in Jamaica to visit his family and twice at his parents place in New York. We’re both over 20 and have had a really unique and amazingly deep connection to wear I can’t let him go because I’m 99% he’s my soul mate. He’s a momma’s boy and adores her which I can’t complain about. He doesn’t travel much except to visit family in Jamaica, me on the other hand I’m an army brat and open minded. I lived in Virginia when we first met and I started college as well. This past January I moved to Seattle and we agreed everything would be ok and continue things, however before I left Virginia he started a new job working night shifts along with struggling to take college courses and family drama. Around the beginning of this year our communication was minimal but he kept me informed on the important stuff as well as saying we’re going to need to take a break. Last week he informed me that we can’t be together because it isn’t fair to me along with needing to be by his mother’s side as his parents struggle with their relationship and I being the emotional girlfriend (ex girlfriend I guess) didn’t take him seriously, he’s always apologized for “the wait” until we could be together and I’ve been ok with that, I have the most patience in the world. And he’s always said it would be worth it, there have always been obstacles but we’ve stayed together, we’ve always agreed to fight for our love and now all of a sudden he doesn’t want me to wait and wants to go separate ways; however we still talk on the phone or at least sleep on the phone before we had to classes/work. He still tells me he loves me and that we’re friends but he doesn’t want me to wait on him. I get it, that he needs to be by his mother’s side and we need space, but I guess I want assurance that once “the dust settles” things may be able to be fixed. I think his mother plays a big part of the situation, because she took I comment I said wrongly even though HE knows I didn’t mean it that way and I’ve been around her alone, I make sure to keep my mouth shut and be respectful, I help her when she needs it. I’d move to NY to be with him, I’d do anything I can to make him happy and stay close to him. I feel if he still loves me then there’s still a chance. Do you think the NO would be effective for this situation, is there not enough detail to tell? Thanks for your time period. I hope you’re doing well 🙂

admin

May 6, 2014 at 7:14 pm

I think it can be effective yes.

Loulou

April 30, 2014 at 6:07 am

Hey chris its been a while! I hope you are well 🙂
I really need your help. I recently had a big exam and my ex contacted me 3 weeks before it, after sending me these messgaes through his best friend about he was obsessing over me. He asked if he could call me. I told him it would have to be after my exam, so he said ok ill wait for you to text me. Anyways i did and we spoke for about 30 mins, most of it he spoke about work and all his problems, he asked about me and if i was seeing anyone, so i said im not currently. We said we would talk the next day, but i got busy and didnt call him, the next morning he sent a text, talking to me about work but not really asking much or anything. I replied and he said we could talk the next day, but in the end he just ignored me and sent a message the next day. Hes clearly playing games, but why?
He texts and always notices my statuses and pictures if i change them but when he changes his for example and i comment, he doesnt acknowledge what im saying. Last night for example we were texting and he stopped answering and replied this morning saying hey i couldnt stay up any longer the guy in the picture with me is my colleague.
Hes coming across as a boring doosh, he was never like this. Plus this was the guy that couldnt wait to speak to me. Its like he cares but no effort.
What should i do chris? I really need your help

admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:56 pm

Or he is just trying to take things slow and play some games of his own.
Loulou

May 1, 2014 at 12:23 am

Sorry i didnt get what you meant?
You believe hes taking things slow and not playing mind games?
admin

May 6, 2014 at 6:14 pm

Sorry I lost the context of our conversation. (been away for about 6 days.)
Loulou

May 7, 2014 at 12:57 am

Hey chris
Thats ok, my ex and i actually spoke for the first time today. He was very honest about his feelings as was i. He still howver was unsure as to how we can continue, due to the distance. He also said how does it not worry me that if we got married and had our major arguments that we would not work out. We spoke for 3 hours! However he told me that he had been on dates with 3 girls and the last girl he seemed interested in as they went on about 7 dates together and the only reason it stopped was because she lost her job and she moved back to her home country. And at that point he said the only person he would do long distance with was me. He said he realized alot of things especially comfort that he could not find with other girls. I told him i went on dates but nothing stemed from them, he seemed interested but not jealous. And he said before it would have bothered me but not now. We are supposed to talk again maybe tomorrow. He said he would think about what we’ve spoken about since i told him i would not be his friend. He said for me and him it has to be official or not at all.
Im overwhelmed with all the things he has told me, and tried not to let it get to me about this girl but im dying! How did he move on to dating so quickly? How do i make him pursue me alone at this point?
I understand you are really busy, and i apologize for the long message. Could you advice me on:
1. This other girl he is seeing and how he was not jealous of me dating despite him commenting on a picture of me and a guy the other day saying i heard thats the guy you’re dating.
2. How do i make him pursue me at this point? Whats the game plan at this point…
Many many thanks chris!
Loulou

May 2, 2014 at 12:26 am

Chris he commented on a picture of me and another guy saying hes happy for me but surprised. He said this is a guy im dating, he heard that. But he had asked me previously on the phone and i had told him i currently wasnt,so i said this to him. He then asked but what about his feelings. I then had to clarify that this man does not like women and therefore was not threatened by his feelings, but that clearly he was. The convo became awkward but i had to ask him if he was happy. He took an hour to reply, but said he wasnt. So i asked him if we could talk this weekend.
He then went all macho on me saying that his personal life is easier and calm and that his work is what is making him unhappy.
I honestly took that personally.
I really would like us to get back together, or at least somehow find a way. But i dont get why is he showing hes jealous then going macho on me,saying his personal life is easier. That really hurt. Could you tell me a few lines as to what i should say, and what his behaviour means?
Thanks chris!

Jackie S.

April 29, 2014 at 12:38 am

Hi I have been seeing a guy that I met online for four months. We lived about two hours away from each other. I heard from him almost every day. We met up on a regular basis through out that time. Two months ago he stepped up and defined the relationship on his own. We agreed not to date other people. Nothing changed in the way we interacted with each other since that point. Most of it was me going to visit him during the week (because of my work schedule). Then a month later he started backing off and then asked if we could be friends. I said no because I can’t do that. Neither one of us have contacted the other since that night. I have used this time to work on myself and work out more. But it kills. I have been out with other guys to try to forget him. Am I doing the right thing by not initiating contact? I plan not to indefinitely when deep down in side its all I want to do. If I never do hear from him again, do you think that that at the very least not contacting him will help me to move on faster?
It has been three weeks since he ended it.

admin

April 30, 2014 at 1:08 am

I think you are.
Jackie S.

April 29, 2014 at 12:54 am

I should add that the same day he defined what we were he told me that he already knew he wanted me in his life long term and that if for whatever reason we didn’t work out could we always at least be friends. I said no, that was not I was looking for. He said he didn’t just want to be friends either. Then he told me that his last few “relationships” ended when he thought things were fine and the girl disappeared on him. So I thought he was asking me that based on his previous experiences. But I don’t believe in being “friends” with exes. I made that clear from the beginning. So a month later when he ended things he asked why we couldn’t just be friends and I just confirmed what I said before as nicely and calmly as I could.
I also want to share (in case it matters) that he had always been really nice to me and treated me well until the very last time I saw him which was two weeks before he ended things. He was very arrogant and I never saw that side of him before until right before the break up.

Eliza Lee

April 26, 2014 at 11:28 pm

Hi …..just stumbled on this site. Hope I can get some help to get my ex back.
We online almost 3 years ago. It was good at the start. We 3 times. LDR
Awhile later he wanted to be friends, then again last summer he wanted to be I a relationship with me. I was very happy, (we would communicate about once every week and maybe 2 x a week with mostly me doing the contacting lately) but a week ago he sends me a email saying he’s too busy work, and he can’t continue this relationship.
That got me mad and I sent a dozen emails. I am ok but I want him back.
Any suggestions? Advise?
Thank you

admin

April 28, 2014 at 4:18 pm

You only met him three times in person?

Kate

April 23, 2014 at 12:59 am

Help!
I met this guy online & was in a LDR for 1 year. i saw that his profile was still active. I calmly/maturely brought it up and asked him if he was seeing/searching any girls& he said, no. I told him that I would feel better if he defined our “relationship.” He said he wanted to take a “break.” He called me 3 times a day for a year. We met each others families. We were so close/best friends. I am so confused?? I saw that he still gets on his dating profile. The last time we talked(11days ago) He said he needed to take a break to figure things out. I, of course, am not contacting him. HE DID TEXT ME on Easter(2 days ago) and said,”HAPPY EASTER!” I did not respond. What is going on??? I really miss him.

admin

April 23, 2014 at 3:59 pm

How far away were you from one another?

Baffled

April 22, 2014 at 9:53 am

Hey Chris:

Should I reach out to him through text or you think there is no point now?
Kahlan

April 22, 2014 at 8:51 am

Would NC work for relationships that we not broke up yet? (but on rocky terms)

admin

April 22, 2014 at 4:54 pm

No I don’t think it would work… Just communicate with him very calmly about the issues you are feeling.
Kahlan

April 22, 2014 at 8:59 am

*are (sorry!)

Jenn

April 19, 2014 at 10:46 am

So my ex and I met at school and we just fell for each other when neither of us wanted a relationship, due to the fact that he was leaving in a year and did not know if he would be back. We stayed together when he left and did long distance, I travel a lot too so we were in different countries. I visited him and he visited me and we spent the summer together in our home town. Then i left again for several months and he left for school as well. We broke up on halloween because he said it was bad timing and really sucked that we only saw each other every four months. We are friends still (NC didn’t last longer than 1-2 weeks, we talked every before). I know he is interested in a new girl and he even told me how he hooked up with a girl at a party (I wasn’t jealous, we broke up and we have both hooked up with others in the last 6 months) I want him back and will see him in our hometown this summer. Should I do NC? Will it work, or is it too late?

admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:34 am

I vote do it!!!

That girl

April 18, 2014 at 5:30 pm

Chris, please HELP! Completed 30 day NC like boss, sent first text and he replied neutrally. Sent meme a few days later with no response. Sent a text asking him if we could talk b/c I had a few things to discuss and he didn’t reply until the next day. Just had our first phone conversation and I suppose it went well. He was friendly and we even had some small chit chat. He apologized for not mailing my things and the money he said he was going to give me, but promised to get to it soon. I ended the conversation after about 10 min and we wished each other a happy easter and that was it. So my question is, what is the next move? He’s supposed to text when he mails my stuff but I have no idea how long that will be. Thanks for all your helpful advice, Chris! I look forward to your reply.

admin

April 20, 2014 at 2:15 am

You should wait a few days and just keep advancing the rapport.

Baffled

April 18, 2014 at 8:15 am

Hi Chris. I was in a LDR(He was in UK and I was in North America) with a guy who wanted to marry me initially. We were online friends for 6 months and going out for 8 months after we met and he wanted to start a life together with me this summer. In Dec, he had said he wanted to marry me. However, end of February, he ends our LDR saying he still loves me and is in love with me with the same feelings but can’t start a life with anyone else because of a family crisis. 2 weeks before break up we were fighting but would make up. We used to talk and Skype hours and hours everyday even during our break up! Later I find out, his family deletes me off Skype but he still had me on Skype. After a month, he deletes me off Skype. I did not contact him asking why he did that. I was doing NC(more than 30 days) after the break up and did not contact him once and neither did he. I don’t know what happened because I know he had told me not to delete him off Skype when we broke up. Help!

admin

April 18, 2014 at 3:50 pm

How often did you two see each other in person?
Baffled

April 19, 2014 at 11:57 pm

I am not sure what happened to the comments I posted in reply to your question. We saw each other in Sept for 2 weeks and he was supposed to come visit me in April. What should I do now?
admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:52 am

I have been having comments issues lately.
Baffled

April 20, 2014 at 4:04 am

Oh okay, that figures why I couldn’t see my comments earlier. He still hasn’t reached out to me 🙁 I haven’t contacted him either.
Baffled

April 18, 2014 at 5:02 pm

We saw each other in past September for 2 weeks (everyday) and then he was supposed to come in April. What gives?
Baffled

April 18, 2014 at 7:03 pm

Chris, I forgot to tell you that both of our families were involved in the process. So, I know this was a serious LDR. I come from a culture where if we involve families, then it means it usually is leading to marriage.
admin

April 20, 2014 at 3:21 am

Does he come from the same culture.
Baffled

April 20, 2014 at 4:02 am

Yes, his parents and him have the same cultural background as me.

abby

April 18, 2014 at 1:25 am

Thanks for writing this article that is useful guild for LDR. Now, i really need your advice. We have been together more than 12yrs and we ‘re both 24.We broke up twice during 12yrs. We are happy couple for 12yrs and he did really good for me. Now we are having a long distance relationship since last oct. After he moves to china, we have a lot of argument about nightlife. First two months we still had phone call every night. (before he move to china, we uses to talk every night) Two months later, he always disappears and start did not pick up his phone and reply msg.

When he came back, we had talked our situation. He said he would try to pick up his phone. In fact, he didn’t even get worst. And I made a mistake, when he disappears, I will try to call him until he answer.

Last holiday, I went to china to visit him, I found that he had brought two movie tickets on valentine day. I think that he might have a new gf. After that I ask him why, he said it could be brought for others, why u always think i got new gf. I asked him how could we still together? He said he could. After I back to my town two days, he disappeared again. I try to call him, after few calls, he turned off his phone. And we haven’t contacted others for four days. After that he msg me, babe, how are u? After one day I reply him “not bad”. In fact, I was a mess, total mess. Now we still have msg every day, but he never find me, he just reply and he refuse to talk to me on phone.

Next week he will be back for 3 days, so what should I do? Should I meet him? Since we haven’t break up yet, should I start no contact rule? I really want to back to normal. I love him so so much.

admin

April 18, 2014 at 3:29 pm

12 years and you are 24??? You have been together half your life?
abby

April 20, 2014 at 12:52 am

yes. i am. so i really don’k want to break up with him.

angela

April 16, 2014 at 10:20 am

Thank you so much for writing one LDR, my situation is also a bit complicated. We’ve been LDR for the past 4 years, I cheated on him once 2 years ago and he beg me to come bk with him. After that, i was grateful and never did that again. but I didn’t give him too much attention and now he broke up with me 5 months ago.

He was here to do a internship for 3 months yet he was so repelsive to all the things I did and stop all communication with me (he does reply my email sometime when he got angry with the things i said)

now he is back to his country and i have no choice but to start NC rules.

I promise him to communicate with him again so even I start NC, I will still email him to this account I create.

Would it be too late to start?

admin

April 16, 2014 at 4:23 pm

Nope not too late.

Rani

April 16, 2014 at 12:45 am

Ok so i really don’t know how to start it off but i will from the beginning, i used to live in india when i was little and came to canada in 2005, me and the person i liked were child hood friends and lived in the same apartment building, i went back to visit in 2008 and started liking him, i never knew u could like someone so much, lets say he is my first love. I didn’t care if people saw and made b.s. because when you are in countries such as India, there are many conservative people, but i was only thirteen and didn’t care so i would be with him most of the day, not only me but with some other cousins so he would not know that i liked him.Lets say that those months i spend there were the best moments of my life. I came back and would miss him sometimes, i tried to get over him, had few crushes but i would always go back to liking him. At that time i had no way of talking to him so it was all in my head.

I went back in 2011for two weeks because of cousin wedding, first week i would never be home because of wedding and second week when i did see him i would have many people around me so i would smile and he would smile back. I had one close cousin who knew i liked him since 2008, and she did ask him if he liked me and he said yea.

however before i could talk to him my cousin told me that people are making b.s. about me and him again and at that time the most reasonable thing i thought to do was not talk to him. Not because i didn’t want anything happening to me but him. I would have eventually come back and he would have to deal with people’s b.s.

i felt so guilty that i didn’t even say a word to him and came back. I searched everywhere for him, but never found him on any social networking sites, after a year i found him and started talking to him.

we got together after approx eight months? In march we got together. everything was working out perfectly, we would only talk on Facebook because at that time i didn’t have a phone and i just couldn’t call him anytime because his family would be around.

he had to go away because he had exams coming up, and he needed to get good marks to get accepted in medical school. he went away around september and his exams were in march.

we used to talk little bit and after few weeks it stopped completely, a few weeks later my cousin told me that he was talking to some other girl on phone and got in trouble by his parents.

so i asked him and he said there was nothing like that and i believed him, because i knew he would not do anything like that.

i don’t know how but my aunt told people he talks to me and my cousin told me and my older brother.

my older brother knew i liked him and believing that it is better if we tell our parents whats going on that having some stranger accuse me, he told my mom who told my dad.

my parents told me to stay away from him and not talk to him, they never knew i liked him.

i messaged him again saying that whats going on but he was there for ten min, i waited and waited for him to come back and help me find a solution but he never did.

i then messaged him saying maybe he should stop and if its in destiny we will be together.

nothing…i don’t think he read it but i had no way of knowing because i would delete the msgs.

later he came online on fb for little while and i thought maybe his exams are done? so i messaged him saying i was going to tell my mom i liked him because she kept asking who i liked. when i went first time she gave me a hint that she knew i liked him, but i never told her straight forward.

he replied on watsapp some days after saying not to tell her because it will complicate things and i agreed and found out he had exams so i patiently waited

our one year anniversary came but i didn’t write anything because he never came online anywhere…however a few weeks later he did come on fb and there were several activities so i msged him asking if his exams are done…he saw it but no reply…

my friends kept saying for several months to get over, one said he likes someone else and he doesn’t want to be with you…

i asked him if he liked someone he can tell me and i won’t get mad….he did reply but he was there for ten min and he said not to tell my parents or if i dot trust him, i don’t understand what he meant by that…without finishing the convo he left and uninstalled his vibe on where we talked…

few days later i messaged him on fb asking what happened and if everything is ok…no reply…

a week or so later i did lose my patience, i wrote him a huge msg saying if he doest want the relationship he should tell me because i cannot wait forever…re finally replied by saying “fine..we should break up”

after asking few things because i wanted answers, he replied saying my feelings changed, i have insecurities… Obviously! which girl doesn’t have them? especially when the person you like is ignoring you?

i explained to him some stuff and said that if my feelings haven’t changed for more than six years he think they will now?

NO REPLY

a week later i said i wrote the huge msg so you would understand what i am going through but clearly you don’t care and with kissing face i said bye.

now my fb is deactivated and will be deleted in two weeks, and did i tell u he also blocked me on watsapp? nice right?

anyways, today my friend send me a pic of status that doesn’t really makes sense but its something about how people don’t understand others feelings and blind couple break up….i honestly don’t know what to do

i want to get over him but i know that even if i do and i go back to india i will get my feelings back….is there any solution?

i love him but i don’t know what to do…

and that was a looooong msg…sorry :p

admin

April 16, 2014 at 4:18 pm

Wow, was there every something in place to get together permanantly?
Rani

April 19, 2014 at 1:16 am

yea…we wanted to be together as in marry each other..even now i can’t imagine myself with anyone else and i have no idea what to do! 🙁

Kelly

April 15, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Hesitant to try NC. Been in a 5 year LDR with a lot of arguing recently due my fear about the relationship. Both committed but unable to see each other. We’ve broken up off and on but never more than a day or so before I convinced him to keep trying and we make back up. This time he is adamant friends ONLY. I’ve tried to convince and he says that there is too much stress for him worrying about arguing daily. After daily contact hours at a time for 5 years NC is terrifying. I asked him today after trying to convince him again if there is was no love left and he says the love is still there but he “just can’t do it anymore.” He “is always expecting an argument and there is too much stress and pressure.”

To me NC in an already LDR seems counterintuitive because we don’t have the same benefit of reconnecting the way normal couples do. Thanks for any advice or explanation.

admin

April 16, 2014 at 4:14 pm

WOW, 5 year LDR. Was there a plan to be together permanently in place?

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