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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Artemis
April 15, 2014 at 6:14 pm
I was in a LDR after meeting my ex abroad and traveling for school for the year. We became best friend and partners, and we both were so excited to find a relationship with so much positive potential. We want the same things out of life, share so many deep connections, and believe in the same philosophies. We can talk for hours and days without being bored. But after we moved in together things seemed to go downhill over the last six months as I was suffering from very low self-esteem and anxiety (my most recent relationship before him ended very badly and I didn’t take enough time to recover from it) as well as unemployment stress and visa issues. In many ways I pushed him away since deep down I knew I wasn’t ready. He in many ways did the same thing. After a torturous breakup with both of us crying off and on for days, I flew back 3,000 miles back home. He sent me a message after I left saying he was devastated, had broken down like he never had before, and that he loves me. He said the only thing that makes it bearable is knowing we both need to be complete people again before a wonderful relationship is possible. I don’t know how to feel complete when he in many ways filled up the holes I hadn’t healed from before I met him. I’m in the third week of NC, am getting medication and therapy for my anxiety, and, yes, everyday I can feel myself getting stronger, but I can’t let him go in my mind. I know I need to in some ways in order to heal from both this and my past, but I don’t know how to do it in a healthier way. Do I mentally let him go? I want to be able to heal while still having hope that I haven’t lost him forever. I want in the end to have a healthy, happy relationship where we are both whole people.
admin
April 16, 2014 at 4:10 pm
Keep trying to get stronger.
Have you read my male psychology guide? That might be really fun for you to read.
Artemis
April 18, 2014 at 1:20 am
I’m working on it. I just hope it works out in the end since he hasn’t contacted me at all during this NC period. I have a feeling he is giving me space since he knows I have a lot to work on, but the silence is deafening. I read most of your blog including the male psychology guide but wasn’t able to fit my ex into any slot. He was somehow both committed and not, (he would fly to different countries to see me) but I think he was still shell-shocked from the breakup with his finance before me to be jumping into something like that again. I don’t know how long to make the NC…should I wait till I feel strong enough and independent even if that means longer than 30 days? Btw I read your blog daily for a boost to keep me going through this NC period. Thank you for all that you do.
Artemis
April 22, 2014 at 10:00 pm
I’m at my 30 days, but still feel an almost overwhelming feeling of wanting to be with him. Does that mean I’m not ready to contact him yet? I feel so much stronger, but I don’t want to wait too much longer and risk losing him forever. He hasn’t contacted me once during this time.
admin
April 23, 2014 at 3:44 pm
No you can contact him if you have a good first text planned. Just try to be calm about things and think with your head instead of your heart for a sec.
Artemis
April 27, 2014 at 4:43 am
So I texted him, “Hey, guess what?! ^_^” and he replied with asking me how he should ship my stuff to me. My heart just broke. He didn’t even ask “what?” to let me respond. At the end of the message he said, “hope you are doing well!” It was SO passive aggressive. I haven’t replied since as I am completely broken hearted. My friend said its because I am doing well, and he’s probably upset by it and ignored my initial reason for messaging me. Do you think she is right?
Country cutie
April 15, 2014 at 12:50 pm
Hi chris.
Really like and appreciate your website and e-book. Very insightful. I’m about to finish NC at end of week and have been thinking about how and what to text my ex who I was with in an LDR for 6 months. Instead of using the “I have a confession to make” would something else work such as ” you will never believe what I just saw?” As an alternate start?
I’m hoping this works as our relationship just ended after we spent 5 days together. He treated me like a princess when I was there and it had felt like we had lived together for years. I was the go to person for him making some big life career changes and he had been the one pursuing me. Everything was ver natural When I flew home I have not heard from him since and at least want to try to open up a conversation.
I’m just trying to think out of the box to see if I can at least start the conversation.
Thank you.
admin
April 15, 2014 at 4:24 pm
Of course you can start the conversation. And yes you never believe what I just saw will work.
Angela
April 13, 2014 at 12:01 pm
Hey i need some help. My bf broke up with me few days ago, we were together for a year and 10 months. We had a lot of fights about the most stupid stuff ever but yeah on the end he broke up with me. I thought it would be different, I want him back because I’m still in love with him. He spends his days drinking and he started taking drugs again. I don’t know what to do anymore
Rouba
April 13, 2014 at 11:54 am
Can I have your private email?
admin
April 13, 2014 at 4:24 pm
Umm… you can reach me here.
Jason
April 13, 2014 at 9:55 am
Hey, your site is great but I still need some help.. I have been with her in a LDR for almost two years. She broke up with me a week ago. Yeah it’s true we had some bad fights lately and it was rough but I thought we would talk and fix the problems but no.. ( random fights about mostly everything because we were stressing about our lives and the things happening to us so we newer talked it through as we used to) I’m depressed a lot,trying to deal with it some how.I thought this with her was it, I wanted to move and settle down with her. I think her friend talked bad about me and made her leave me. ( hes gay, I have no problem with him but he hates me a lot for some reason). From her other friend I heard shes getting drunk every day now trying to get over the break up or something. She blocked me on facebook, deleted me on skype and so on. I don’t know what to do ..
Jason
April 13, 2014 at 10:03 am
I know this is for getting you ex bf back but I thought you could maybe help me too
admin
April 13, 2014 at 5:04 pm
Hahaha did you check out my other site ex girlfriend recovery?
Jason
April 13, 2014 at 5:17 pm
noope mehh
Sue
April 12, 2014 at 4:44 pm
I’ve never done LDR until this one. About two weeks after we started dating his job took him to another state and he’s there for a year at least. I have been hurt in past relationships therefor have a hard time trusting but with this guy everything came natural. I trusted him completely and I felt safe with him, which was a first for me. His birthday came and I felt so bad that I couldn’t be there with him to celebrate that I cried the whole night (of course I never revealed this to him though). After 7 months of being together with having slight disagreements now and then (more over my choice of friends) we had our first real big fight and he broke up with me in the middle of it. His words were it’s not that I don’t love you or that I didn’t love you but I think we need to be friends and see what the future holds. To me that’s similar to the it’s not you it’s me speech. For nearly 3 weeks after breaking up all we did was fight everyday. The kicker here is that we didn’t break up over anything that he or I done but because friends and family couldn’t stay out of our relationship. We just found out that we are expecting a baby together when this ordeal took place. The last fight we had he told me that he had been dating this new girl for a few weeks and that they are to marry over the summer. I mustered up a simple congratulations and then came the insults from him. I was so angry that I told him not to text or call me again. I didn’t mean it but at the time I didn’t know what else to say because I hate arguing with him. Especially when we really don’t know what we’re arguing over except the fact that were no longer together. 900 miles were separating us during our dating period and it was very hard but being without him is so much harder. How do you actually get this kind of relationship to work when others want their hands in the action too? Please help me!!
admin
April 13, 2014 at 4:33 pm
Was there ever a plan in place to get closer together? Like living together or something like that?
some_girl91
April 10, 2014 at 2:28 pm
Dear Chris,
My LDR might have been a bit more complicated than the average LDR. We met online but he and his family are originally from here (TX), but they have lived in (IL) for like 20 years because of work. So his life is work, he doesn’t work to live, he lives to work, and his shift changes every other month and sometimes puts in up to 14 hours a day or night (depending on his schedule). So sometimes he would get home and not even call because he was so exhausted since his work drains him physically, and when I would have enough and I would complain about him not putting effort into the relationship he would say that he was doing it to get money and buy a house so I could move out there with him, but I wanted him to come and spend time over here since he has a house out here and that way we could “date” like a normal-distance couple instead of moving in, but he would say that he couldn’t because of his job. So one of the last fights we had I agreed to go live with him in the Summer to see how things would work out, but 3days later we had another fight and he broke up with me (he hates fights/drama). He had never broken up with me, and I feel that he won’t even have time to miss me because of his job, we wouldn’t even have phone sex. I just feel like it is completely over and that there’s no way he’ll be able to miss me :(. I just recently came back from visiting him. I have never paid one cent when it comes to visiting him, would a guy invest so much time and money on a relationship and just let it go? I feel like he didn’t love me at all.
should I just move on & begin dating in person to keep me distracted from the pain? Or should I just do the NC and wait? I feel like I was always too available.
admin
April 11, 2014 at 4:05 am
May I ask about the fights? What were they usually over/
dana
April 9, 2014 at 4:32 am
My story’s a bit complex too and i’m wondering if i can use the same techniques – i did a semester abroad in Switzerland (I’m Australian) and fell in love for a local. We saw each other for three months and for the last month I moved into his flat and he took me to his hometown to meet his friends and on a ski holiday with his family. When I left there was pretty much an unspoken consensus that it was over. We still message every other day and skype once a fortnight (but we agreed not to say things like ‘i miss you’) and I’m planning to go back in december to see him and other friends. He goes out a lot though and has heaps of female friends and also makes jokes about using tinder (but in a joke/not joke way) and he has also encouraged me in a subtle way to have sex with other guys when I say things about being sexually frustrated. Does he still have romantic feelings for me/is it worth pursuing or should i just let it transition naturally into friendship?
A confused 22 year old
April 8, 2014 at 3:00 pm
Hi Chris, YOU WERE RIGHT! He finally gets in contact with me after 23days of my NCR. So far he has left me 2 missed calls and a “common babe, are you still gonna keep up with this” text message. Now, i havent yet replied him. Should I extend the time frame a little before contacting him or speak to him when the 30days is up (this time next week)?
Thanks 🙂
admin
April 8, 2014 at 6:23 pm
Nope, just stick to the plan. 30 days exactly you can message him.
Xtin
April 8, 2014 at 8:55 am
I’m a Filipino. My ex bf was Korean. We met here in the Philippines and started as friends. A month before he went back to Korea, we started dating. We would always have fun doing even the simplest of things, laugh at the same jokes, and do stupid things together and just be happy. He left on Feb. 13, a day before Valentine’s day. On the day he left, he gave me a letter and a bag of chocolates. He said it was for Valentine’s day because he wouldn’t be here anymore that time. In his letter, he told me how much he would miss me and the things we did and the places we went to and that he enjoyed a lot every time he was with me. On valentine’s day (he was already in Korea), the emotions were so strong. He told me how much he missed me and I told him the same thing. He suddenly said he loved me and I told him I felt the same. That’s how we became a couple. From that day, we never stopped sending messages to each other from the time we woke up until we went to sleep. He told me every single thing he did everyday. We were very happy. I felt so blessed. He was so thoughtful, sweet, caring, loving amd understanding. What we had was like a fairytale.
Then, he started going to his university in March. The relationship was the same for around two weeks. Then, the problem started around third week of March. He stopped saying ‘iloveyou’ to me, which I told him ofcourse. He just said he didnt mean not to say it nor to hurt me. And that I just have to understand him because he’s just too busy and stressed in school. So i tried to understand. I sent him good morning and i love you messages without expecting any reply from him. He started being cold. When i read his replies, i felt that he didnt care for me anymore. But I thought he was just really busy. I’m kept on holding on because I am going to Korea for a week vacation in June, so we can make things work that time.
I was wrong. On April 3, he asked me if I loved him. I said of course yes. He asked why. I said I didnt know why. He said he couldnt understand why I still loved him even if he was rude to me and he didnt give me time. I asked him if he loved me. His answer was,
“I dont want to hurt you but I need to tell you the truth. I dont have time for you because I’m always busy, and you can’t imagine how stressful my life is here. Our situation gives me more stress because we don’t really do anything as a couple. We just send messages. What you are thinking only happens in movies. This is reality. Our situation is difficult. And, the important thing is I don’t love you anymore.”
And, we’re done. From that time, I stopped sending him messages until now. It’s been 5 days now. I watched videos and read articles on how to get an ex back and all told me to do the No Contact Rule, which I am doing.
But still I’m scared it won’t work for him because he said he didnt love me anymore and that our situation is impossible because we’re from different countries. I really want him back. He’s the only one to whom I felt like this and I’m willing to do anything for us to be together. I believe we are a great mate. The only problem we had was that we couldnt be together. But I am willing to find a job in Korea and live there for good if that’s what it takes.
Do you think this will work? I’m going to Korea in a couple of months, and I hope to meet him. But because of what happened, I’m not sure if he would show up even if he said we could still see each other as friends.
I’m hoping for the best. Could you give me some advice?
admin
April 8, 2014 at 6:18 pm
I don’t think you should relocate just for him since he is your ex. Maybe if you two were still dating it would be ok. However, if the job opportunity there is worth it I am for it then.
Try to get on good terms with him before you go visit though.
Xtin
April 10, 2014 at 9:44 am
Before we became a couple, I planned to visit his country because it had been my dream. I bought the plane ticket in December and the schedule is in June. I am going to Korea to meet some of my Korean friends, but I still hope to see him.
Do you think the No Contact Rule can help me be in good terms with him? I have 2 months before my trip.
Sarah
April 7, 2014 at 2:17 pm
Hi Chris,
My LDR situation is pretty complicated. I’m not actually sure if he has broken up with me or not. I know for sure there is something very wrong, but he hasn’t actually given me a definitive answer. It’s always me who visits him but this time he was supposed to. About three weeks ago he told me he can’t make it because of his work. I did get a bit upset with him texted him asking if he still cared when I was still angry. He seemed to be trying to reassure me he did still care until I then texted him again pretty much letting all my feelings out. I’m starting to think it was a mistake. I was having a bad week and took it out on/got emotional with everyone including him. Since then he started completely ignoring me. I phoned him to ask what was going on and he said he felt awkward about moving around all the time and has a lot to think about and sort out. I was supposed to visit him this month and when I asked if he still wanted to see me he said he doesn’t know what he wants. And that was all he kept saying and didn’t actually say he wanted to break up. What does that mean? It’s been just over two weeks since then and we’ve had no contact since. Will the no conctact rule still work if it’s him ignoring me? What should I do?
admin
April 7, 2014 at 5:21 pm
yes, it can still work.
Trouble
April 6, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Hi Chris,
I’ve have followed your website almost everyday for the past month and I also have the e-book . Reading your website have helped me to deal with my LDR breakup and to analyze better what I did wrong . I’ll be 30 days of no contact in 2 days and I still uncertain what type of text I’ll use after the no contact rule , I was thinking more about random meme .. I don’t know whom broke up with whom .. Before going into no contact , I’ve asked him if he doesn’t want he relationship just to let me know that I’ll like to hear from him , he replied with I don’t know to be honest ..He said the way I reacted really threw him off ,Then he kind cut the conversation by saying he was watching a movie with his family. My next replied was either way, Have a good night ..I haven’t contacted him since them and he hasn’t contacted me either . I deleted him from one of our sites we were using a week after out last conversation . He hasn’t contact me at all , do you think I can have a chance to rebuild our relationship ? I really have feelings for him , but I’m afraid to get hurt here . He hasn’t reached out to me , that makes me think his ok without me 🙁 …We used text everday and talk about our day , or me playing jokes on him all the time ..
Thank you ..
admin
April 7, 2014 at 5:07 pm
Well, I think first things first. You two are going to have to get back on speaking terms.
Trouble
April 11, 2014 at 1:51 am
Hi Chris ,
I’ve sent him a random meme and he replied right away.. We texted back and forth for a few mins then I said that I was going to see a movie with a friend . Then he replied ‘It was nice to hear from you ” ”’ and I said the same to him ..
I’m so excited !! .. It seems he wanted the conversation to keep on going , but I cut it off by saying movie is about to start . Talk to you later ..Thank you Chris , it’s working !!!!
Trouble
April 12, 2014 at 3:12 am
Hmmm, Chris was next ?? He hasn’t contact me , I’m not sure what to text next .. Lol . He was so into text conversation , but I had to cut it off ..
admin
April 12, 2014 at 4:23 pm
You can contact him again… just keep doing what you are doing. You are doing so good.
Trouble
April 13, 2014 at 7:35 pm
Hi Chris,
I’ve contacted him ,but this time he hasn’t replied to me yet .Why is that ? He seemed very happy when I first contacted him and how come he is not replying to me this time ? What should I do ? Why his doing this now ?
Trouble
April 15, 2014 at 12:05 am
Is it possible that his trying to see if I’m interested in him still ? I used to drive him crazy if not responding to my text messages , but I just send him once this time ,and I haven’t heard from him.
Trouble
April 18, 2014 at 1:45 am
Hi Chris ,
It’s me again ! Just wanted to say thank you one more time.. I’ve been following e-book step by step and now my ex and I starting to talk like we used to do from the beginning of our relationship . I’m taking things slowly and not let me excitement to win me over .. Working On the attraction Part. 🙂 .. So far so good !!!!!
You Rock !!!
admin
April 18, 2014 at 3:32 pm
YAY! So happy to hear this.
Hannah
April 6, 2014 at 3:00 pm
Just a short question because I’m confused:
The good thing is, he responds to my messages and even asks questions sometimes (At the moment it’s still about building up rapport)
The strange thing is, (it takes him an average of 3 days to answer…I know he’s online a lot) AND he texts me when he knows I won’t be able to resopnd (like at night or while im at school)
What I’m wondering now is, WHY does he do that? If he doesn’t want to talk he could just not answer.
WHAT can I do to change this behaviour of him??
Since you are a guy and an expert I thought you could tell me what he might be thinking 😉
Courtney
April 5, 2014 at 6:07 pm
Right now for myself, I am feeling like I am stuck in my professional life. I have been out of collage now for almost a year and I am feeling stuck in my life.I had been in a relationship with a man who challenged me and always supported me and who I truly loved for about almost 2 years. We were physically near each other for the most part of our relationship but August I finished college and instead of going back home and I moved to another city, thus entering into a long distance relationship ( 3 hours away) while he is still in school ( he’s 21, I’m 23) . I was very much happy with him although we couldn’t see each other as much as we wanted, we still made our relationship work. But in recent months, I had 2 job opportunities that didn’t end up working out and I was depressed from that and let that depression seep into my relationship with the man I loved and still love. I can see that how I was acting that I let it on to believe that I wasn’t happy and that made him unhappy because he was feeling that he couldn’t make me happy. I had thought that maybe if we could see wach other then it would fix some things but he knew it and I knew in my heart that it wouldn’t. He let me know that he doesn’t want to lose me, but I recognize that how I am right now, would just further damage us. We had a long talk, while we don’t want to break up, that our relationship needs a break and ultimately decided to focus on ourselves for the moment and maybe that would change things. I unfriended him from all social media and deleted his number and deleted the photos we had together because I know if I see those things, it’s just going to harm me and I won’t be focusing on myself. We both still very much love each other and I truly believe that he is my soulmate but how I am right now would just drive us apart.
All this happened 3 days ago and truthfully, I’m still hoping that this is a nightmare, that I don’t have him to call my own right now, but I know that I need to work on myself, getting myself where I need to go. It still very much hurts because in this time, there was no promise that we would get back together within a certain time frame but I believe if we are meant to be together, then it will happen but I need to work on myself FIRST. And there isn’t an another woman or anything like that it’s just right now our circumstances are not ideal and we have to work on those.
And it begins with figuring out what I want in my life, right now I am trying to just to not focus that I’ve separated from him and focus more on me and I know he’s doing the same. I told myself that I wouldn’t contact him for at least 60 days and today is day 2. It’s still hard to get out of the bed a little but I am doing it. I just have to figure out what I want from MY life and if God has our paths cross again, then it will just be the icing on top. And I been praying to God and really trying to think am what it is Courtney wants, plus I’m working out again, getting a tattoo , getting a new hairstyle, just trying to take care of myself and trying to change my thinking so my inside will match my outside. So that’s a good start right?
I guess I just really needed to get this out and focus on getting myself UNSTUCK because the most important relationship that I’ll have is with myself and I’m going to work on that.
Thank you for reading and if there’s any advice that you could give, I would appreciate it but if not, then thank you for reading this.
admin
April 6, 2014 at 5:21 pm
Whoa… getting a tattoo???? Really??
Courtney
April 18, 2014 at 5:17 am
lol not like a tramp stamp or anything, but a tiny one inside one of my fingers!
Thank you for replying by the way, I know it was pretty long! 🙂
Beth Brazeau
April 5, 2014 at 6:05 pm
Hello, I love your site! I’ve recently started the No Contact period with my Ex but I had some questions regarding how to deal with a unique situation. I’ve liked this guy (my now ex BF) for 10 years (no joke) and he’s liked me too for about 5 years but never acted on going out with me because he thought I was way out of his league. His friends told me they would get fed up with him for never dating me even though it was obvious we both really liked each other. My ex would even go so far as to date girls who were like me in some way because he wanted to be with me that much.
My Ex and me dated for about a year ( i asked him to date me) and were very serious and even talking about getting married but we got into one very bad fight one night and we broke up. I can honestly tell he still wants to be with me but my ex is a stubborn man and believes I will find someone better then him to date. I only date when I’m serious about someone and my Ex was my first relationship. I was wondering if you had any tips or advise for getting someone back who believes they are doing you a great favor by leaving you forever even though it’s obvious both parties are unhappy this way? (also if there was a way of getting this across to them in a long distance relationship)
Thank you! And thank you so much for your advise on my previous question!
admin
April 6, 2014 at 5:19 pm
Wait, you like each other. That’s one thing. But do you love each other?
Beth Brazeau
April 6, 2014 at 11:48 pm
Yes we do love each other
elisa
April 5, 2014 at 6:01 pm
I really need your adivice! I had a distance relationship of a year and a half. We live in different countries and the last months I was not giving him the atention that he needed. I couldn’t decide when to visit him and he was telling me that if I don’t go to find him he would break up with me, and finally he did that. In the past he had told me to break up but after he was calling me and telling me that he really don’t want to loose me .But 10 days ago he broke up with me and he told me that if I wanted him back I had to book the ticket , when I dicided to go , 3 days after he told me that he doesn’t want it anymore . I tried to convince him the next days but he told me that he is dating with a girl that he really likes. I tried to convince him that we have to be together but nothing. He unblock me ,he had blocked me and all my friends because he was afraid that if I try I could get him back, and he told me that if I want we can talk but not for going back together and that he believes that I don’t really want him because the last months I was not giving him atention and he make me understand that he thinks I was cheating him. Two days now I follow the NC rule but I’m affraid that is not the right thing for me, maybe I have to show him that I am here for him. What do you think ? have I any chance?
admin
April 6, 2014 at 5:17 pm
Was there ever a plan for you two to move closer together?
elisa
April 6, 2014 at 9:30 pm
the plan was that I would go there for the summer and after he would follow me wherever my master was. Something that was making me feel but because he was making life choices for me . but he was telling that he could go everywhere for me . 🙁 now he have an other girl that makes him happy and no jealous like he was for me
Tracy
April 5, 2014 at 4:37 pm
Hello… Thank goodness for this site. I and my ex have broken up for like a month now, I met him sometime last year and we only lasted for 3 months before the breakup. At first it was the perfect relationship for me, we had fun and I enjoyed every single bit of it… The whole problem started when I had to go back to school, he became very insecure, I tried my best to clear every doubt and did loads of things to keep a long distance relationship going but it just didn’t work out! We had just one little quarrel which lead to the break up. I’ve texted him twice but he’s repiles were not promising… I wuld use the above rules and really pray everything works out fine.
admin
April 6, 2014 at 5:17 pm
Who broke up with who?
Tere
April 4, 2014 at 4:45 pm
Dear Chris,
I just happened upon this informative website and really would appreciate and need your advice and insight.
I am older than most on this site. I am 60 and have been divorced from a for over 14 years and have not dated at all during this time…(…I am just what I would describe- a plain, church-going hard working school teacher). I had a 9 mo. contract in a small town in another state and during this time I met a divorced man aged 63 with firm conviction that because of religious beliefs and leadership, he would not get married again. We were friends through email and at church and ate out a few times. I was very much enamored by him, and very impressed with him…however he was a minister and said he was only platonic and would not date.
After I moved back to my home state (1000 mi. away) last year in June, we continued to communicate through email frequently. About 3 1/2 weeks ago, he shocked me by writing in an email that he “had never been at peace since he’d met me…and always wondered what it would be like to be married to me.”
and wanted to know if i would discuss marriage. This totally blew me away and was too good to be true! Of course we began discussing marriage..and various details of living in his house…on the phone and in email for four days.
Then the next day, I was in a scared mood and needed affirmation…wanting to “test” him because he had not told me he loved me or said any more about why he would want me to marry him…
I sent a very emotional, poorly written, blunt email explaining that I had been in an abusive marriage in the past I would need him to be extra sensitive to that…and also asked him if i asked him to turn off his tv for two weeks and just get to know me better, if he would be willing to?
I also said that it was not his fault, but when I think something may be too good to be true don’t believe something, I tend to sabotage my happiness.
Also, I needed him to answer my email questions (some of which he had not responded to).
The next day, instead of receiving any sort of empathy or understanding or questions..(what I’d hoped), he sent the most shocking and hurtful email to me…which said we were “too different” he did not want to change and did not want to change me, and that we were not a “good match.”
That has been three weeks ago. I have cried every day and have been so devastated. I wrote him a letter apologizing for writing the emotional email
and asking if he could forgive me… I have heard nothing back. Then I read about the “No Contact” rule and have not contacted him further.
It has been two whole weeks and I am holding to the NC rule, although my heart is broken in so many pieces it is so difficult to live each day. I love him very much and would have been happy making plans to marry him. I regret so much the emotional email i sent him..and this breakup.
Please advise. Thank you.
Teri
admin
April 4, 2014 at 7:03 pm
Hi Teri,
First off thank you for having the courage to tell your story on here. I know that must have been hard for you.
So, I read everything you wrote (word for word.)
While your email to him may have been a little much I feel there is nothing wrong with wanting your questions answered (especially when you are talking about marriage.) From everything you described I don’t think you did anything wrong. Marriage is a very serious commitment and there is absolutely nothing wrong with talking it out.
Clearly he was not being reasonable.
Nevertheless, give him some time to calm down again before you try anything else.
May I ask how close you two had gotten? Was it mostly an emotional connection or was there a physical connection as well?
Elle
April 4, 2014 at 2:42 pm
Hey Chris,
It’s me again, I’m back 🙂
After a month of no contact, a vacation, a thorough reevaluation, and a few baby steps later my ex and I are back to talking and maintaining communication. His signals are mixed of course as he states that he’ll always love me but we’re not meant for each other. He’s even gone so far to say that once we start seeing other people we can be friends and find some “normalcy” whatever that means. The funny part is, we’ve already formed our own version of a friendship. We talk almost everyday (effort balanced between the two of us) and have even spent time together in social settings and even alone(he took me to dinner). I’m doing my best to keep it light and also not form or carry a bunch of expectations, but he’s leaving tomorrow for his job and will be gone for six months. During his absence I’m hoping to make strides in maintaining the contact we’ve had for the past 3 weeks or so and maybe even try to skype/facetime (like we did last summer while actively committed in our relationship).
I’m curious about the timeline though, and when it’s ok to ask about skyping, facetime, etc… Is it something you mention casually when it feels right to ask? Currently he’s still quite distant both emotionally and physically, despite the fact that we text and even talk on the phone regularly, but I obviously don’t want to scare him away (and if you remember my situation at all, you’ll remember how easy it is to scare him). But I’m honestly willing to take my time with this, as I have zero interest in dating other people and I have been very committed to our relationship from day one (both local and long distance) Lucky for me, time is on my side and I have the next six months to bring him closer and at the very least keep the door of communication open.
Any advice on how to bring him closer to me though and close the metaphorical distance between us while he’s away?
As usual, I value your guidance so much!
Thank you!
Loulou
April 4, 2014 at 1:35 am
Hey chris its been a while
Recently my ex’s best friend as been talking to me about my ex. She said hes been contacting her and that hes stuck in this cycle unable to get over me but tells her he wants to send me a message then doesnt. She warned him not to give me mixed signals. Hes told her hes been looking at my photos and that i look good and that i must be dating someone, he even told her hes seen my statuses and even thought at times that i was trying to give him a hint. He asked her to ask me how i am, but then asked when my exam is and did not want to distract me before my exam.
He told her he knows he wont find someone like me and said all these amazing things about me, but then said but im worried and he said i want it to be ok not to talk for a day or two if we were together.
Ive told his friend i dont want her in the middle, and that if he wants to talk he can talk to me.
I dont get why hes going through her to talk to me, or lets me know that hes asking about me. Is it mind games? And why is he not contacting me?
Should i just wait it out? What do you think is the likely outcome here?
Thanks chris
admin
April 4, 2014 at 5:17 pm
Whats wrong with you reaching out first?
I wish more women would do this honestly. As long as you reach out first and make him do all the work after that you are still golden.
Loulou
April 5, 2014 at 12:35 am
Hi chris
Its not an ego thing. I just want to make sure he wants me. His best friend says hes confused and doesnt know what to do! I thought all this time wouldve made him think clearer. Should i expect something from someone thats confused? Do you see this alot?
I have thought many times about contacting him first, but then think its what i did before, so how do i know that his approach or views of me have changed.
Wont a guy that wants something bad enough, DO something about it?
Im sorry if my questions are frustrating, im confused with what my family tells me and what i read on your site. Both of you make valid points and now im conflicted.