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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
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Post categories
siska
March 26, 2014 at 7:34 am
Hi,i broke up with my bf 2 weeks ago.we dated LDR for 4 months.He is 3 years old younger than me.Before we stared date we was a closed friend.We was never fight,our relationship good,we communicated everyday with phone or just text.But suddenly i felt he change,for 1 weeks i always initiated comunicate,he replied me shortly never asked bout my condition.He said he was busy with the works no time to call or even text.If he had free time he used to sleep.I tried understand coz his job as a doctor..Finally at the day,i was so emotially and angry why he acted like that so i said better we stop now and just be friends like before.He said OK without any sorry.I called him and said i didnt want this break up i just so emotially i wanted you back..But he said he couldnt,he afraid to hurt me again or dissapoint me.I beg him but he said No better be friends..I dont know why this happened,did he find another girl there?After 3 days,i sent him a link bout job,he answered it but only disscuss bout that link..then day by day, he commented my bbm display picture or my status on bbm.We communicate like we was a friend before..Did he regret or wat?i want him back..please help me
admin
March 26, 2014 at 5:44 pm
Was there every a plan to move closer together?
Iris
March 24, 2014 at 11:30 pm
Ah Chris I’m back again! Haha, uhm, I was just thinking about something that I don’t know what I should do about. So on the day I contact him (next week April 4) the day after that which is April 5th it’s my birthday. Should I text him about it and stuff? Or do I just not tell him? Thanks! 😀
admin
March 25, 2014 at 4:42 pm
Don’t tell him. Lets see how smart he is. He should be able to figure that out himself.
Iris
March 25, 2014 at 9:59 pm
Okay! Thank you so much for taking your time to read this and reply! ^.^ I’m so proud that I’m almost done with no contact without any failures!
Mary Jane
March 24, 2014 at 1:02 pm
Hi. I was in a dating someone in another city for the last 5 months. He comes down to see me every two weeks, sometimes a month. Last Monday, he told me that he couldn’t wait to see me. We even talked about where we wanted to eat and what we were going to do when he was in town. I didn’t hear from him Tuesday or Wednesday. I texted him Thursday to see what was going on. He said he assumed that I was busy. I asked him to call me. He never called and never responded to my texts. It’s Monday and I have yet to hear from him. It’s safe to say that he blew me off. Do you think I should try NC even if he was the one to break up with me?
Nancy
March 27, 2014 at 10:21 pm
Hi Chris, thank you for all this info. How do I get my ex back in Long Distance and he already has a new girlfriend? Its a combo of two issues which I didnt find in your articles. Help!
admin
March 24, 2014 at 6:13 pm
I think NC can work yes.
Dolly
March 24, 2014 at 8:24 am
Hi Chris,Im literally very much depressed becz of my 1yr love.i m in a relation from last 1 yr.he was having a girl friend who ditched him bt still he was loving her with hope.after that he came into my life.we were best friends before sharing every things possible.we intimated & specially he controlled me emotionally.knowing my weaknesses & working on that u knw.now we r in LDR frm last 4 mnths.bt it was nt so far distance so i never bothered abt it.today he arrived to Ahmadabad & i m in kolkata.i m student last ye of engineering.he got job.1 yr senior of me.he met me 2 before.not 4 me actually he came to kolkata for his own work.we met only for 1 hr.just talking in my college.he arrived today finally for 3 months in Ahmadabad.he suggests me always to study well & all.he knows that he don’t give his 100% to me.than too smtimes he treats like unknown to me.i can’t concentrate myself in study & other things.i m getting v.much irritating person.i can’t do NC trick becz he is casual.we r in a relationship last 1 yr.i dnt think it will be better for me ..he is v. much mature &complicated person.he can’t do skype chat or more phone calls or texts.he will be having certain issues.he do everthing in a limit.timely i mean totally professional.he motivates me to study well.helped me alot.i jst can’t live without him.plzzz i request u to suggest me any idea.what should i do. plzzz help me Chris!!!
Thank you
Dolly
admin
March 24, 2014 at 6:07 pm
Don’t be depressed. First things first, get yourself in order.
Dolly
March 24, 2014 at 10:34 pm
okk bt please chris u suggest smthing. wht can i do for getting his love.as i do.if u want i can give u a short summary of my story so that u can judge.i didn’t wanted to distrb u a lot by texting long messages .plzz do smthing for me dear chris..
Thank you
Dolly
ungettable girl
March 23, 2014 at 9:26 am
Hi. I am 10 days in NC after some real slip ups, craziness, text gnating and begging. It only went on for about a week though. The last message I sent was an email stating that I wish we could work things out, and owning up to some things I was definitely contributing to our issues with. He responded by saying he thought we needed space right now and definitely didnt want to continue with things going as they had been (lots of arguing, just difficulty due to the distance) and that he didnt want to grow to resent me or us. Wished me the best. said he hoped I had a good weekend.
I didnt respond. He texted me on wed saying he saw my fb status, and that the poem was becoming one of his favorites (a quote from the poem invictus) “it matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the captain of my fate, I am the master of my soul.”
My question is, we were planning before the split of me moving out there. I got licensed and had been applying for jobs. I recently got some calls for a few really great job opportunities. I scheduled interview for a month from now. I dont like it here. I have wanted to leave since before we left. If I let him know that I will be in town next month (after the 30 day nc) and let him know I will be out there for some interviews if he wants me to drop some of his stuff I have off? I dont want to freak him out, but I do like it there, and it would be stupid for me not to take one of these two really great opportunities if offered to me.I just wonder if I can go out there without it seeming desperate or like he is the only reason. When I contact after NC I can try the memory message and gauge his reaction before mentioning ill be in town in a week. What do you think ?
Ungettable girl
March 23, 2014 at 11:14 pm
What I mean is; is still thinking about moving out there even though we are split up desperate seeming. Lots of friends and family are telling me it’s crazy, but I don’t like it here anyway , and if it’s an offer for a great job, I’m still young , why not? Will he see me still interviewing out there as chasing though ? It’s pretty far away, but I already went through the bs of getting licensed there and applying for jobs.
Ungettable girl
March 25, 2014 at 1:34 am
Man nc really really sucks. I just want to know how he’s doing
admin
March 25, 2014 at 4:44 pm
I hear you… I hear you.
admin
March 23, 2014 at 5:07 pm
No problem letting him know you will be in the area looking for jobs at all. Nothing desperate about it.
Seriously.
FaithinLove
March 23, 2014 at 5:47 am
A year and a half ago, I met the man of my dreams, the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I had the best time ever!
To be honest, it should have failed many times over. He was only three months fresh from a breakup with his wife and has two young kids in a small town, we live in different continents, and we only spent one night together (pg rated, people!) hanging out and talking over dinner and drinks. But there was an undeniable connection and we took it slowly from there. We texted or Skyped almost every day, and met in different countries around the world before I decided to be with him properly. I quit my corporate job, learned a new language to communicate with his family, and happily moved to Europe for love.
Then things started to go wrong. First he told me he didn’t want anymore kids, then he started questioning whether we should get married, then he said he was unsure we should stay together. He was besieged by fears that things wouldn’t work out in the long run even though he said we are happy for now. He was worried I would leave him and not be happy in the long run due to conflicting goals (child vs no child, me being a city girl living in a small town). He asked for a break so I gave him an ultimatum: sort your fears and thoughts out because talk is cheap and if you cannot commit and put a ring on my finger, then you are not worthy of my love. We ended on good terms, quite happy and loving, and I flew back home.
During NC, I stayed calm because … well, I had faith that everything will work itself out. And it is not the end of the world to lose a man dumb enough not to see you as the best thing that ever happened to him. 😉
Today, on the 29th day of NC, he wrote to me a very long text message about his fears, and how he tried to face up to those fears because he missed me. He told me he would like to hear from me and he knows he loves me. It isn’t a proposal but hey, he is slow and stubborn like a mule.
So Chris, not quite sure how writing him a text about guess what, meme, or remember the good times would be appropriate here. I understand the importance of building attraction and reinforcing/reintroducing good feelings…but what is the best way to respond here after he wrote such a serious text?
Maggie
March 22, 2014 at 6:16 pm
Hi Chris,
This isn’t a question so much as a comment and a huge thank you for your wonderful site and guide. I’m on day 21 of NC and still holding on strong, thanks to you! You’ve given me so much insight and helped me check myself before I wrecked myself, so to speak. I’m in an LDR of over 8 months and although we hadn’t officially broken things off, things had been headed south since the New Year and now I can see why. Our last convo was an argument but instead of trying to smooth things over like I always do (and like he expects), I implemented the NC rule. I’ve used this time to really scrutinize myself in relationships. I am a laid back girl but I am prone to fits of flip flopping when I’m really emotional – now I can see how my mood swings must look from his end. I’ve also regained my sense of independence during this time and I’m no longer a slave to checking my phone for his texts. I’m going out more, carrying on with my life, hanging out with my friends, working out (lost 12 lbs since Feb!)… This isn’t to say that this has been easy – I still have bad days where I will worry about what he’s thinking or doing then I have a good crying fit, but it is much better than it was. To be honest, I was doing that a lot before NC. I don’t want to be the worried, clingy girlfriend because I wasn’t that in the beginning. I have not heard from him yet but honestly, I’m not surprised as he is a stubborn guy and I set myself up on this one as I was always the pacifier. The 30-day mark will be coming up soon enough and I’ve already thought about how to keep my cool in my initial texts to him. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that this may not lead to us reconciling – having a LDR when you’re over 2000 miles away is hard enough even when things are going smoothly – but I do love this guy and thought that I would give this all a shot. Regardless of the outcome, I will have made some positive changes in my life and reclaimed the independent woman I am. Thank you so much for your help and inspiration!
admin
March 23, 2014 at 4:43 pm
Good for you! I love your outlook.
Seriously, its people with your outlook that often succeed.
Maggie
March 29, 2014 at 3:50 am
Yikes. So yesterday I get not one, but two messages from him… one on google hangouts & one regular text (we never send the latter because it costs too much being from different countries). He said: “longest 26 days of my life. hope you’re doing well. I miss you more than you know.”. The other just said: “26 days. damn I miss you.” and here I thought I was the only one counting 😉
my NC ends on March 31. I have already planned out my casual text (his favourite hockey team is coming to my city & I get to go… a game we talked about seeing together one day). my question: Do you think he will get upset at the casual nature of the text? these last 24hrs have been super tough, knowing that he is thinking about me, too, but I am determined to see the NC through and not blow it with my first text. I’m trying very hard not to over-analyze his comments & just take them at face value.
love
March 20, 2014 at 4:02 pm
Hi Chris, I have got the web site finally after many others, i am glad even though i made a lot of common mistakes.
I have written to you previously about my man issue…I am a Asian woman, he is currently live in his country, U.S caring for his daughter who missed his help, he says.I and my boyfriend were live together of 7 year and we had been split up since December, 2012 and he had been always coming back to me until last summer in May and again end of the last December, but it did not happen somehow even all my devotion and effort to him constantly.He had been always says, we’ll be together again, but i don’t know when. I must to do the right thing first here with my family…bla bla. Since then i have been land in my own country and got a chat with him shortly while he says, he will try to be on chat in weekend and definitely next Monday. I had some really profound epiphanies about where our relationship went wrong in January when we had chat. Now he has been ignored all my mail even for my friends call to him. Please, what i can to do now? Is there any chance still to focus his attention to me again?? I really needs someone who can tell me the sincerely advice…
Deepika
March 19, 2014 at 8:05 pm
Hey there Chris! Well my boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago.Well it was quite sudden and I didn’t beg him to stay or anything.I think it pissed him off…Oh well I behaved like nothing happend and was quite happy and didn’t let it bring me down.But he was the one who was depressed. I asked him if he is alright (Just because I knew he had really big problems with self harming and he was having suicide thoughts.) I said :Hey, I just wanted to check up on you.Hope you are alright. Well he ignored my message.. then I got angry and asked him if he is going to ignore me? …I think I did a big mistake :c Today was the first day off my NC but i’m afraid if I fucked up with me messaging him twice yesterday -.-
Should I just continue with my NC?
admin
March 20, 2014 at 5:52 pm
Your message wasn’t strong enough. You should have come out with something better.
Deepika
March 21, 2014 at 6:17 am
I realised that afterward.But when I was writing him, I didn’t think of that because I was really worried that he did something to himself. Should I just ignore it or what should I do?
Cassandra
March 19, 2014 at 1:05 pm
I’ve been( or I was )in a long distance relationship with my bf for 5 month . We were texting everyday day and night .. A week ago I was texting him as usually we do on weekend , but he didn’t replied at all , however I could see he was reading my messages and I got very upset . After few messages , I told him that if he was not aware of phone showing messages read ,that I could see he read my messages , he didn’t replied until 7 hours later saying . Sorry I was out with my girls and now we are about to have dinner . I didn’t replied at all . The next day he texted me and I didn’t replied , the following day did the same thing and I didn’t replied . I texted him 2 days later and this time he didn’t reply back to me . The next day I’ve sent another text and he replied as soon as I’ve sent him a messages that I won’t bother anymore , so he texted me right away. He was completely ignoring me via text ,so I cut off conversation . He told me that we will talk next day , so I texted him the next day and he was doing the same again no answering my text , I stupidly sent bunch of text messages and he replied at night . I asked him to be honest with me that if he doesn’t want the relationship to let me know , so I can move on . He replied saying , I don’t know to be honest with you. The way you reacted rally threw me off.. Then I stupidly asked .Is that means you don’t want this anymore ? And he replied , I don’t know right now. I am trying to be a good single dad And maybe it’s not fair that I have enough time to give anything else right now.. I said but you are a good dad , and he replied saying ,Im now trying to watch tv with them .. my last replied was this .. Ok . I’m not there and the time with me is via text . You making things harder for me , by not telling what you want here .. I let you watch the Tv with your girls .. Either way , have a goodnight sweetheart . This was our last conversation 5 days ago and we haven’t contact each other since then . Do you think that I have a chance to get him back ? What should I do next ? Should just wait until he contacts me ? Please help ?
admin
March 20, 2014 at 6:03 pm
Sure, but you are going to really have to rebuild attraction more than you have already.
Have you attempted the NC already?
Cassandra
March 20, 2014 at 10:48 pm
Yes , Today is my 11th days that I haven’t reach out to him , he hasn’t text me either .. What else should I do besides the no contact rule ?
Cassandra
March 26, 2014 at 1:11 pm
Hi Chris ,
I’ve been thinking what to send as first contact message . Do you think if I send something. Like , I bought ( movie name ) we first saw together and I thougt about you , defenettly put a smile on my face .. I really enjoy watching that movie with you . What do u think ????
Sam
March 17, 2014 at 5:36 am
Im sorry this seemed like the best site I could find on this topic, I am a guy who lost a girl recently. I hope I can get some help and insite.
So my significant other broke up with me saying that the distance was just too difficult. We are both sophomores going on juniors in college. We have been going out for over four years, but now claims that she has become top busy for a relationship.
She has more recently this semester joined many clubs and added a minor. Does this seem like a lie that she’s too busy or she is sick of the relationship? Also I trust her but her best friend and almost all her friends at college are guys. I am afraid he could comfort her and be a rebound especially if I apply the no contact rule.
We have been best friends even longer then we have been dating and I do really value her friendship but I still believe we were a great match and she even admits that we are great when we are together. Any suggestions would be much appreciated
*it may be important to note that she contacted me twice before going back to college but I did not respond to the second text and we haven’t talked since she went back to school
admin
March 20, 2014 at 6:42 pm
This was a long distance relationship?
Sam
March 20, 2014 at 9:33 pm
yup, she is at a college 3 hours away.
Also Do you think maybe a text here or there could make them gain more interest in you life if it doesnt hurt me to text her on occasion?
Brittney
March 17, 2014 at 5:19 am
Hey just recently my bf broke up with me an we have been doing LDR for about two years and he said it was because of not being able to see me. It tears me apart to not know we are together. I told him not to talk to me till he relises that no one else is like me and no one will love him the same. Do you think that would help? I mean he knows I can be dangerous and sometimes fragile…
admin
March 20, 2014 at 6:42 pm
That feels almost like an ultimatum to me… Nevertheless, he may come to this realization on his own.
just a girl.
March 16, 2014 at 10:33 pm
Hi Chris,
Hope you are well. I am half way on NC now. We split up 4 months ago and this is the second NC I’m on because I guess I didn’t play my cards right the previous time. Do you think it will help? He kind of seems he is moving on, or at least is showing it this way on FB. Anyway, he has his bday soon – shall I text him? Thanks 🙂
love
March 16, 2014 at 9:50 pm
Hi Chris, I have got the web site finally after many others, i am glad even though i made a lot of common mistakes.
I have written to you previously about my man issue…I am a Asian woman, he is currently live in his country, U.S caring for his daughter who missed his help, he says.I and my boyfriend were live together of 7 year and we had been split up since December, 2012 and he had been always coming back to me until last summer in May and again end of the last December, but it did not happen somehow even all my devotion and effort to him constantly.He had been always says, we’ll be together again, but i don’t know when. I must to do the right thing first here with my family…bla bla. Since then i have been land in my own country and got a chat with him shortly while he says, he will try to be on chat in weekend and definitely next Monday. I had some really profound epiphanies about where our relationship went wrong in January when we had chat. Now he has been ignored all my mail even for my friends call to him. Please, what i can to do now? Is there any chance still to focus his attention to me again?? I really needs someone who can tell me the sincerely advice…
Iris
March 15, 2014 at 5:49 pm
Hey Chris,
I’m on my 10th day of the no contact rule, and I’m starting to have all these thoughts thinking that he maybe move on…I’m just scared that 1month is already enough for him to move on..one of my friend said that the more time that passes, it’ll be a higher chance that he’ll move on…I don’t know what to do anymore…I’m so scared… I really need some help and advice…is 30 days enough for him to move on? Should I send him a text message now? I’ve already gotten so far on the no contact…I don’t wanna give up yet either…also, I’ve asked one of my friend how he was doing, and he said that it seems like he’s doing good..so I don’t know if the no contact rule will work..since It doesn’t even seem like he’s missing me or even worried about me…
admin
March 18, 2014 at 4:46 pm
Stick with it Iris… I know its tough but it is still so early in NC.
Iris
March 19, 2014 at 12:40 am
Okay, I’ll be sure to make it until Day 30! Thanks for taking your time to reply ^.^
Lauren
March 14, 2014 at 5:24 pm
Hey Chris (that’s my ex’s name) and fellow ladies!
I’ve been reading this website a lot and I was hoping someone could help. Before I enter the 30 day NC period, I want to make sure it’s worth it. So here’s the short version:
We broke up a week ago. No yelling, no arguing. I pushed him too hard to make a commitment and he said the distance was too much blah blah blah. The truth is, the weekends when we saw each other were great. It was during the week… I made the life mistake of letting my happiness depend on someone else (my ex) and it showed. I was always so unhappy and stressed when we weren’t together. MISTAKE! I know that now. Today, I mailed his things that he’d left here. I texted him and it went something like this”
Me: Just got your stuff packed and shipped. Should be there sometime early next week. Hope you’re doing well. I miss you.
Him: Thanks! I’ll get yours shipped soon, could you send me your address? I hope you’re doing well too, it’s taking some adjusting but I’m doing okay.
Sooo….is there hope??
Taryn
March 16, 2014 at 9:45 pm
If you love him and have legitimate reasons for wanting him back, yes. There is always hope, if you believe there is and work hard at it.
:]
Lauren
March 21, 2014 at 2:12 am
Thanks, Taryn! Right now, I’m just taking some time for me. I lost myself for a while and I think my general unhappiness leaked into the relationship. I miss him but I’m working on me and will text him when the 30 days is up. Guess I’ll see what happens then.
Tisha
March 13, 2014 at 8:50 pm
Hey!
I had been in a LDR for 5 yrs.V broke up 5 months back after a major fight (dat feels like a stupid misunderstanding now). He tried contacting me constantly during d 1st 2 months of our break up. At that time I was so angry n hurt dat I was downright rude to him n even created a fictious bf just to show him dat I had moved on..though once ot twice I broke down telling him dat I still loved him… n evn ended up havng fone sex (v were dat kind of couple who usd to b on call 24/7). on 14 feb he had updated a very emotional status on whatsapp n I cudnt help calling him up. V ended up talking for almost 6 hrs n doing it n slpng off wid d cell on. He told me d actual reasons for d break up n it feels v cud hav worked it out if I had givn him a chance to xplain back den. we had been in touch on whatsapp but he started behaving distantly after that day. V again had a fight abt how I cud hav got attracted towards another guy. After this he blocked me on whatsapp. Wen I contactd him 3 days back n told him dere was no othr guy he said he doesnt trust me atall…n dat he wants to focus on his career n he is not interested in love nemore. But I calld him again yesterday n had a very emotional outburst…he consoled me n told me he still loves me but doesnt want to think about it nemore as it wud distract him from his career…n dat its not abt ‘us’ nemore. (He cant b selfish as he has promisd his family dat he wudnt gt into a rlsnshp again till he establishes himself) v did it again ystrday ( fone sex was our usual way to connect aftr a fight or to just calm each other dwn bfore our brk up) n den he said he doesnt want to b in touch atall xpt call eachother on our b’days n anniversary.He promised me he will meet aftr he establishes his career n den think abt usn our future…though he said I shud move on if I find a betr guy (i kno he didnt mean it). He has still kept me blocked on whatsapp,doesnt reply to my msgs n doesnt pick up my call unless I keep ringing constantly. I know we have hurt each other alot. But I am also very sure dat v still love each other alot and can make it work. What should I do? Plz help.
Tisha
March 13, 2014 at 9:01 pm
Sorry! I know dis was really long…. I really need some good advice…its bcmng really difficult to live without him…n I dont want it to b tooo late to reconcile.
Tisha
March 13, 2014 at 9:06 pm
Should I start with NC again…bt dats xactly wat he is doing!!! What should I do???
Lynn
March 12, 2014 at 11:55 am
Hi Chris, how do you rebuild attraction in a LDR situation, especially when the ex did not respond to my first contact after 30day nc?
katy
March 11, 2014 at 9:17 pm
Hi Chris,
i followed this post till random meme stage….he responded to my first text and also to my meme but after 2 days i gave a call to him as i was very much disturbed(for other reasons….u can say a mood swing) and i wanted to talk to someone…..i spoke to him for an hour but in that call he seemed to be disinterested(didnt show any interedt in speaking to me). What is the quick fix for this mistake?…..have i really made a mistake?
Taryn
March 11, 2014 at 8:05 pm
Last Monday I decided to send a classy text to be on good terms with my ex. I believe it was good to do. I always want him to see me in a good light. It was day 28 of NC (last Monday). So, last Tuesday I restarted my 30 days of NC :] Btw, he did not respond. I didn’t expect him to or even worry about it. Just sent my sweet, classy text, and went on about my business.
Today is day 8 of my new 30 days. And since then I have been working hard on my ungettable girl status. Been working out more to keep toning up more and posting pics at the gym. Lol I took a cute picture of myself to change my Facebook profile picture as well, wearing a cute dress with a Black faux leather jacket over it and wedges. Yesterday I got 20+ likes on it and comments. Didn’t expect that, but it was a nice confidence boost. My ex and I are not friends on Facebook, but I’m sure he creeps. Who doesn’t??
I’m also still working on find an awesome graphic design job and drawing a lot and posting my progress. Which I’m sure he sees.
My goal after my 30 days:
– build a new connection with texts and build a new relationship on a solid foundation (slowly over the course of however many months it will take).
– Always leaving him wanting more
– Eventually get to the point of phone calls.
– Skype with him
– maybe add each other on Facebook at some point
– And get to a point where I can go out to California to see him to seal the deal and keep on building.
– And then get to the point of being his Girlfriend (Haha further into the future, my Big Goal would eventually be marriage. I’m 26. It’s about that time. But no rush)
That’s my current goal
:]