How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Sofia

February 1, 2014 at 10:47 pm

Hey, your site is incredible helpful, you have no idea, I’ve been reading it a lot lately and it’s helping me feel calmer and better.
I’ve been in a LDR with someone I met online for about a year, we always had plans to get together, and he even told me he loved me several times, so I guess it was reciprocate. About three weeks ago he told me he was liking a coworker of his. I mean, I can’t blame him for wanting someone in person.
But I’m still in love and I’m stubborn and I want to do all things we’ve always talked about, while I understand how complicated the situation is I can’t help but think about all the cases of people who met online and took it to real life.
I want to believe that I was more than an entertainment while he was single and that he really meant all the things he said. He asked me to help him find a place in my country so he could come in July.
I’ve been the text gnat, tried everything but no contact. Do you think if I go NC he would miss me? is this a lost cause?

admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:41 pm

How long were you two official?

Beth

January 31, 2014 at 11:35 pm

Hi,

I met my ex in July and we entered into a relationship mid-August. Right from the start we were both aware it would be long distance (we are both from the same home town), he was going to a university 250 miles away from mine. We were both fine with this. He moved away after us being together for just over a month. At first it was unbearable, I wanted to see him all the time. But we were talking every day and skyping every other night. I used to go down and visit him every 2 weeks (2 weekends at home, 1 weekend with him). It was perfect. We had a routine going of regular skypes and visits. Then, we both came back home for christmas and it was just like I’d always wanted it to be. Yes we had a few small arguments but that’s normal! 🙂 Ok so then he moved back away to university and this is where my problems start… 🙁 To cut a long story short, we had a pregnancy scare. It turned out fine though. I wasn’t going to tell him but I decided to and it caused a slight argument. We made up and it was fine. But then the next day he rang me and told me he was having doubts. He said the distance was getting to him and he wasn’t sure if he could carry on not seeing me often. I went down the next day and we talked about it all. We agreed to try seeing each other a bit more often and see how that went. I was going down the next weekend anyway and when I left it was fine. The next weekend came and I got there and it was as if nothing was ever wrong. It was perfect. Honestly the best weekend I’d had down there. We had planned that I would go down again in 2 weeks. But then Tuesday night came. I got a text saying: ‘I’m skyping you later. Need to talk to you’. Immediately I knew what was coming, that was the worst thing. So he skyped me and he couldn’t even look me in the eyes when he was talking. The conversation went round in circles; the distance is getting hard, I’m not sure if I feel the same as I used to because of it, we’re arguing a lot at the moment, I want to see you more etc…. I was trying to fight for the relationship, saying how we had lasted a semester at university which was the hardest thing but we had done it. So clearly it was something special. But then he started crying and telling me how he would probably regret the decision in a month or so but he has to do it. And then he just said “Bye Beth” and I didn’t answer because I was crying too much. Then he went. That was it.

We haven’t spoken since, I am used to speaking to him every day. It has been like that for nearly 8 months and the no contact is killing me. Today, however, his roommate from university (who is also now a close friend of mine) rang me to see how I was doing and we had a chat about it all. Talking to somebody else really helped and she understands my POV on the whole thing. Basically, she wants him to ring me and talk. All I want to do it get him to fall back in love with me and remember that the distance wasn’t a problem before. I think he’s going to ring me within the week to talk. I just want my baby back. I’ve lost my best friend and it’s killing me. Please help 🙁
Kat

January 31, 2014 at 3:56 pm

Hey, I studied abroad this summer and had a wild night and hooked up with this guy there. He somehow found me on snap chat and began to talk a lot. Our “relationship” went from sexual, to just friends, then about 4 months ago we confessed that we really liked each other. It was not exclusive and I felt i was more into it than he was. He was very emotionally, and sexually supportive but I was stupid and got too invested. Broke things off about 4 days ago and confessed my love to him at the same time. He agreed to leave things “for now” considering im going to study abroad in his country (England) for 5 months. Im not doing it for him (promise). After embarrassingly confessing my love, he never responded. I started the no contact rule the day after and its been 4 days and I’ve heard nothing. I deleted him on facebook and snap chat, and skype. I’m really stuck with the NC rule because I’m not sure if it is worth it or not considering we were never exclusive. What are your thoughts on the situation and do you think we have a chance of getting back together? If so, how?

Thanks

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:52 pm

Can I ask how often you saw him in person?
Kat

January 31, 2014 at 7:05 pm

haha well we met once, spent the whole night out ect……i’m not sure how we got this far. we have skyped probably like 10-15 times?

B

January 31, 2014 at 7:07 am

Hi Chris I hope I hear back from you really need your advice.

My boyfriend and I are both 25. Long distance the entire relationship which will be 3 years on valentines day. We have been working towards moving in together in the next year. He has been unhappy with his job on and off for a year now. He stopped daily contact with me a week and a half ago which I figured was due to job stress so I let him have his space for a couple days and we have talked twice since then both hour long text conversations I initiated but they lack the sweetness we had a couple weeks ago. Today after pestering him about what was wrong he said he loved me but he needed time to think and not to bother calling him tonight because he didn’t want to talk. I said I wish he would have said that sooner and to take the time he needs.

What does my next step need to be? When he contacts me should i implement the 30 NC rule or respond to what he has to say? We’re together still but i’m afraid this is going to be a break up

admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:48 pm

No no… I think just give him his time. You two aren’t broken up yet so just give him some space.

It is soooo hard to do I know believe me I know.

Brittani

January 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Okay, so I started NC yesterday. He texted me at 1PM. I didn’t respond. Then he texted me at 2. Then he texted me again at 5:40, 8:40, 10:40PM then again this morning around 11. His last two texts were him saying I “can’t ignore him forever” and then saying I’m acting like a baby for ignoring him still.

Should I keep this going?

Brittani

February 1, 2014 at 5:20 am

Yikes. Mine doesn’t seem deserving of a response.

E

January 30, 2014 at 2:07 am

Hey Chris, so I was just broken up with about two weeks ago the break up was done over the phone and I called him so I could just get some things back mainly the key to my apartment. He doesn’t live too far away and comes to my town often for family stuff. The conversation was very normal and short as well which is what I wanted. He said he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore and the distance was a big factor. Will me breaking the no contact rule of 30 days hurt my chances of possibly getting him back?

admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:11 pm

It will hurt your chances probably.
E

February 5, 2014 at 12:16 am

He was going to bring my stuff to my work and I texted the day before saying it would be better if it was just mailed to me, which he said ok to. I’ve restarted the nc rule. The main thing that was involved in the breakup is he didn’t know what he wanted and was really overwhelmed with work and making a decision about taking a job close to me. He said it couldn’t work unless we were in the same place. Should I just let it go even though I really do want him back?

melanoi

January 29, 2014 at 8:24 pm

I also was wondering if during the skype call what things about our relationship should be discussed? how do I make it sound like I’m not asking to get back toghether? What if he says I’m ready to be friends? What should my response be?

admin

January 30, 2014 at 5:55 pm

Just be like “cool me too!”

If things get awkward in any way you aren’t doing your job right. You just want to be a source of non pressure.
melanoi

January 31, 2014 at 4:25 am

Thank-you for the help. 🙂 In my first contact text, can I do a small compliment?
admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:19 pm

I wouldn’t.

melanoi

January 29, 2014 at 8:20 pm

Hello I got dumped by my LDR… I noticed that the first NC text was a lot less subtle than your other guide. Was this on purpose for a LDR guide? Also shouls we send a jealousy text as well as pimp out are fb? During the NC would it be better to completley abandon FB? Or would it be better if I viewed any message he sent so it reads seen on his end… but I dont respond? I only ask because he does not have a cell phone to text at all.
Thank-you for this wonderful guide!

admin

January 30, 2014 at 5:54 pm

I wouldn’t even open it up…

Laura

January 29, 2014 at 9:40 am

Hi Chris, I just have a short question: Maybe I’ve overlooked it, but does it say anywhere how long you should wait after initiating the first contact? I sent a message with a funny item I found on the internet related to something quirky we used to do and told him that this reminded me of him and made me laugh. He answered (four hours later though) and was pretty responsive, saying it was good to hear from me. I didn’t respond anymore since it was already in the middle of the night… so how long, please? 🙂

admin

January 29, 2014 at 7:01 pm

Pretty much immediately after the 30 days NC.
Laura

January 29, 2014 at 9:33 pm

Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention it, I’ve already done the 30 days NC. The text above was my first one after it, so I’m wondering how long I should wait for the next one 🙂

isabelle

January 29, 2014 at 3:24 am

hi, chris. my LDR bf just broke up with me the other day. we have been messaging and calling for almost a year and we have met up personally twice. we live in different countries, and he was working towards getting assigned where I live, but unfortunately, things suddenly changed and he is stuck where he is for at least another 2 years.

he has always said from the beginning that he doesn’t want an LDR, that’s why he worked towards moving here. but with 2 more years, it seems like a longer LDR was inevitable, that’s why he broke up with me the other day. i know he is alone & miserable where he is. but he turned down my offer to relocate where he is coz he says it is not a good place and he doesn’t want me to be miserable too. so he wants to be friends for now and see what happens in 2 years.

i want really want him back and i’m afraid being “friends” for two years will just end up with us fading apart. is there hope in this situation? will the strategy work? i’m really willing to try anything.

thanks 🙂

admin

January 29, 2014 at 6:56 pm

I think it can work.

I read your situation and I know it is very tough.

How old are you two?
isabelle

January 30, 2014 at 2:05 am

34 🙁 and he’s 40.

i had initially suggested that i try to visit the city he is in for two weeks and judge for myself if i can imagine relocating there. if i can’t, then we break it off. if i think i can take it, then i decide for myself that i leave my life here to be with him. sounds logical, right?

he says he needs time to think about it. i know he is stressed & miserable being alone & stuck in a place he doesn’t like, so i don’t want to pressure him to decide immediately. I’m trying to give him some space to think things thru. is this the NC period already (30 days)? or when he does get around to deciding, we continue the discussion?
admin

January 30, 2014 at 6:09 pm

It does sound logical… However, it looks like things are tougher now that he has left.
isabelle

January 30, 2014 at 10:36 pm

left? left the relationship you mean?

what do u suggest i do?
admin

January 31, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Yes left the relationship.
isabelle

February 1, 2014 at 1:53 am

will using the strategy still work?
admin

February 1, 2014 at 6:39 pm

It can yes.
isabelle

February 2, 2014 at 7:14 am

thank you so much for the advice. will definitely try it and i hope to be back with great news 🙂

also, if i may add, a friend of mine who’s bf wanted “space” (though they didn’t break up) gave me a suggestion to help me thru the NC stage. she just kept a notebook (or in my case, i have a journal app on my fone) to write down what i want to say in case im tempted to message him. at least u have an outlet and let it out without actually contacting him 🙂
isabelle

February 3, 2014 at 2:07 am

i agree. during the day, i’m fine coz work keeps me busy. but at night, when i’m alone in my room, and when it’s usually our time to message or skype, i get really tempted to message him. so far, i find the journal app quite effective for the past couple of days. wish me luck!
admin

February 2, 2014 at 6:51 pm

For me, I absolutely need an outlet when it comes to stuff like that. Usually it involves physical activity.

L

January 29, 2014 at 1:41 am

Ok so my ex and I broke up after two years in October. He went to uni in September and I had some heavy personal shit that I was going through and to cut a long story short; I pushed him away a lot and was very malicious to him and we mutually broke up after many heated arguments- he is now living about an hour and a half away at uni. The initial week after we broke up (unfortunately I had yet to read your site) I sent him all the DON’T texts- I was clingy, I drunk texted him saying I love you I miss you be mine etcetcetc (I shiver at my shocking judgement) We then had a conversation over facebook where he told me that he was so happy we had broken up, all he felt was relief and he realised that all I ever did was make him unhappy. He also said that he was already seeing someone new and liked her and that it was ‘OVER’ and that I should let it go because he didn’t care anymore etc, it was all very harsh. But after that I decided I should try ‘get over it’ and we had no contact for two months (SO PROUD OF MYSELF) After full No contact we met up for a ‘friendly’ coffee in Christmas when he was back from uni- which he initiated. We then spent about a week talking/flirtatious texting and had a four hour phone call where we talked about our relationship and what went wrong ect, it was a very ‘positive’ and flirtatious chat which I ended at 4am. The next morning I sent him a photo of my sister’s new baby but he didn’t reply. Then he called me two weeks later at 2am but I missed the call. I texted him two days later asking why he called but he didn’t reply- then a week after that (3 days ago) I called him in the evening. He was on a night out but he stood outside the club and we spoke for about an hour. (Side Note: He was not drunk!) What he said has left me utterly confused and I don’t know what move to make next. He seemed very happy to hear from me and proceeded to tell me that he loved me (many times) and then said ‘You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and the best person I’ve ever met.’ He told me that he thought I was a good person- listed everything he loved about me but then said but you can be a bitch- take away that part and I would never ever have let you go, I wouldn’t have been able to do it.’ He took responsibilty for what he did wrong during our relationship and apologised and I said I know i’m sorry I royally fucked up too. And he goes ‘oh so NOW you say it! Well let’s get back together!’ I was incredibly taken aback and kind of laughed and continued to talk about how I was sorry. He also said ‘If we’d done this before maybe we would still be together’ and proceeded to tell me how much he was still attracted to me, thought about having sex with me. THEN he said I want you to know despite the way I acted when we broke up I haven’t changed at all. The only reason I act like arrogant dickhead (he’s now sporting this whole ‘i’m the ultimate lad’ facade) now is because when I was with you, you made me feel so good about myself so now I have to make up for how much you boosted my ego by doing it myself because when I lost you I realised I lost everything. He didn’t say any of this in a serious emotional tone, like ‘lets get back together’, the way he said it was more kind of like very easy going, when he said that he could have been telling me what he had for lunch to be honest. So I ended the conversation and said have a good night, take care etc. Two hours later (like 3am) he texted me saying ‘You ok?” and we had kind of half a conversation but I was half asleep and fell asleep so didn’t reply. The next day I replied at like 4pm saying ‘How drunk were you last night’ and he said ‘not at all. It wouldn’t have been appropriate for me to be drunk during our conversation’, we spoke for the rest of the day but it just meaningless chat and then he said he was going to the gym, ended the conversation and I haven’t heard from him since (three days ago now.) I apologise for the essay and I realise my details are all over the place but I don’t know what to do next. I am completely in love with him and Ideally would want to try and make things work between us but I’m very scared of putting myself out there because of how harshly he rejected me when we broke up. I don’t understand if he said those things to me because he want’s to get back together or if he was just saying them in a kind of ‘I still care about you a lot but we missed our chance way’ I just thought some male insight might help me to decide if he’s waiting for me to make a move, or if he doesn’t want me because he hasn’t got in touch. Any insight would be appreciated! Thankyou, L xxx

Victoria

January 30, 2014 at 6:15 pm

Your story gives me hope, because we have very similar beginnings and reasons that lead to the breakup…let’s say I was JUST like you and he was JUST like him! Glad to hear I’m not alone and am looking forward to how you guys end up.
L

February 6, 2014 at 1:58 am

So as an update (I think i’ve royally screwed up) a week ago I texted him asking him again if he was drunk that night, he said no, I asked him if he meant what he said, he said he did- then said that he didn’t have feelings like ‘that’ for me, was only being ‘nice’ and ‘complimentary’- he ‘isn’t in love with me anymore’ I said it sounded like more than that and then he was like, what tell me and i just kept saying it, the he kept asking me to expand on what I meant but I just kept saying ‘I don’t know it sounded like more than that.’ He then said ”this is why 1am phone calls aren’t a good idea, i didn’t want you to come away thinking that’ so I said something along the lines of ‘If you think 1am phone calls aren’t a good idea then don’t call me at 1am. You said some pretty forward things but now claim ‘you were just being nice’, If you didn’t mean what you said then do not say it. I won’t be contacting you again so please don’t contact me either.’ He said ‘don’t be ridiculous!!! I was just telling you why your special to me and that’s allowed. Ok.’ Basically he back tracked everything that he said and acted like it wasn’t out of the ordinary or ‘forward’. I don’t understand him at ALL. I know I shouldn’t have spoken to him and probed him for stuff but i was going MAD with it all. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY HE SAID WHAT HE SAID SURELY HE IS NOT JUST ‘BEING NICE’. Now i’ve gone and put too much pressure on him. I have a feeling he only said it to make sure I still want him but only for that reason- not because he has any interest in getting back together. help. sorry. lol
admin

January 29, 2014 at 6:52 pm

I think a part of him still cares but the key to getting a guy to commit is to appeal to his emotions. Become such an emotional factor for him that he has no choice but to commit to you.

dusty

January 29, 2014 at 1:23 am

Hey.. I had a break up about 3 months ago and it was a year long L.D.R.. I really miss him and we broke up because of distance. He moved a little closer he was 8 hrs away now he’s 6 which makes a difference. Im trying to win him back were talking a little and that started about a day or so ago. And im so happy. But over the 3 months he met a girl named sadie at his new school and likes her now to but she has a boyfriend and is thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend. And I know if that happens they might get together and I really don’t want that to happen obviously. I how should I completely win him back? I miss him so bad!
Victoria

January 28, 2014 at 9:17 pm

I have been with my boyfriend since 2009. We have been best friends since we were 13 and then began dating at 16 and fell in love very quick. I lost my main group of friends when we began dating and always felt like something was missing with me. Even in our friendship we bickered but it never really mattered because we were so close. I was part of his family and he was part of mine. When we began to look at colleges my family was thinking about moving to FL (from CT) and I ended up going to college down there for a year. Before I left he got really distant and while hanging out with a kid, who is a definite womanizer, he ended up going on chatroulette talking to girls and emailing them, as I saw when he left his iPod at my house once. So I definitely became more insecure with myself for that time, but eventually it worked it out before I left. We did long distance and it wasn’t always perfect, but we made it work for what we could. I ended up moving back to CT because my parents did not end up moving. So everything was perfect, we always fought but I never really though anything of it. Everyone we knew loved us together and wanted to be us. He always hung out with his friends priority to me, no matter what. I feel like he would’ve done anything for them but not as much as me. I resented him for this and would get mad that he didn’t make enough time for me. But we still stayed together. We were intimate, but I always felt like I could’ve done more for him sex-wise. But we seemed perfect we even went on vacation for our first time in June 2013. Then after I got home my parent’s put the house up and officially were moving to florida. I kept at my school in CT but my parents could not afford to keep me up there so I had to move. Which brings me to the main part. We began long distance again decided we would make it work and I would figure out how to move back up in the fall of 2014 and I have an internship in summer 2014 so we’d only be apart 5 months. Well, after I left he began talking to me less, hanging out with that same kid who is a jerk when it comes to girls, and that worried me. I was always an insecure person myself, which is a reason he probably dumped me, I just never felt as cool or hot enough for him compared to the girls he talks to. He went to parties all the time, became different. I guess I freaked out and he broke his phone did not contact me all day. When he finally did he said he had a breaking point where he realized I was stressing him out too much. We didn’t break up. But then one day I sent him nudie pics and he was weird about it..then I got upset cause I felt like an idiot and he broke up with me. Said he needed “space” and couldn’t handle the stress of long distance. He told me I wasn’t the same since I stopped being friends with those girls, and he was scared to do anything because I’d get mad (we hung out like twice a week…doesn’t seem too normal to me) and he said that I needed this time too to make get over my anxiety, stop crying and always complaining about my life. (At this time I was extremely stressed out about moving so I often had anxiety attacks, would cry to him, and would always be in a bad mood) I feel super bad about that, and I have been working on myself since I got to FL. He also told me we have different interests and we’re different people, but we both never really thought that was a problem, now it just sounds like an excuse. But then he tells me he still has feelings, he just needs time to sort them out and start feeling independent and like himself again because he said after I left he felt very alone and didn’t like how he felt that way only because I left. He said he needs to feel happy, and I do too. I was/and am still heartbroken because we’ve been such a strong couple and truly I thought we would last. But now I just feel so stupid. I went psycho the first couple of weeks, texted him and thought that he was turning around because he began talking more and said he felt better talking sent me a picture of the one he has of me in his car…but then the next couple days he would get weird, then good and then weird. I was going to CT and we were planning on seeing each other but the day before he told me he still needed space and did not think it was best to see me. I told him I’d be up tm (I didn’t go because it’d be too hard for me) and then again in March and then in MAY. He said “I can’t do that to myself or you”…??? So after that I decided to do no contact. I am going to try really hard. I just basically need advice, because I am tired of thinking of us, in May, getting back together because I have no idea if he just wants to be over, I feel like I am getting played sometimes. This is day 1/30 so I had checked his twitter/facebook prior, where he likes other girls stuff (not anything crazy just liking weird stuff) (still bothers me lol), but still says he is in a relationship on facebook (which I deleted mine). Which I won’t anymore starting today. I just need advice I guess. You’re the expert. Thanks for taking the time to read this essay!!! Just need some direction. I am already on my way to bettering myself, I feel more confident after getting my hair done, my face is clear of acne and I just feel hotter!! I just want him to get the chance to see that. I don’t want him finding a girl who’s better likes all that he likes and has sex with him like crazy because I wanted to do that when I came back….I don’t really want to lose him, but I guess thats something I won’t know until the time comes. I think that’s all. Sorry it’s so long. I needed to get this out.

admin

January 29, 2014 at 6:45 pm

It’s no problem, sometimes just venting is it’s own therapy. What specifically do you need my help with?
Victoria

January 30, 2014 at 1:01 am

I think this NC time will just seal the fact that we are over. It scares me.
Victoria

January 30, 2014 at 5:13 pm

I KNOW what I want to know now…. will he ever miss me? He seems to be loving life without me, are there ever moments that he thinks of me? Even if I was a shitty gf sometimes?
Victoria

January 30, 2014 at 1:00 am

I guess I just need to know if I should think of us as completely over, space to me is the nice way to break up with someone. I don’t want to waste this NC period thinking in the end I can get him back when in reality he may not take me back. I am just looking for honesty and I really feel like he is slowly getting over me while I’m still hoping we can be together in the future. I want to use this time on myself, but still am hoping I can make him feel the same when I see him again. Am I looking in the wrong direction? I just assume he is over me.
Victoria

January 28, 2014 at 9:20 pm

also I forgot to add, before I left this time, he told me how bad he wanted to make it work and even cried when I said “I can’t do long distance again”…so there’s that too. He told me we would be ok, I believed him and now I’m here broken hearted always thinking of him while he is having a great life probably not even having time to think about us.

Line

January 27, 2014 at 6:07 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m kinda in the perfect description of a LDR. My ex and I met online June last year. Then met about six weeks after we know each other. Four months down the road he broke up with me saying he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. But we were still communicating regularly after the break-up. In fact last Christmas and New Years, we were together as I spent the holidays with him and pretty much met his whole family. We both wanted to see if our relationship is still worth it. Now that I’m back to where I live, we are still communicating but as friends only.

And just this morning, he said that there is no one in his life that he likes and likes him back. And that if there’s someone in his life like that he said “You’re it”. And he thinks he wants me back as his girlfriend, although he is not 100% sure but wants to see me again so we could be together.

Our conversations lately our really good. Coz we both try to be friends again and to really start from the ground up to see if something happens. So this is a very unique situation I think? Obviously, I haven’t done the NC rule ever in our relationship. Is it a good idea to do this now even if we are in good speaking terms? I really want him to be sure about me and I wanted to be sure for myself as well. I’m definitely thinking of doing the NC my question is should I tell him that or I just go and do it? Help me I am confused. Thanks!

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:21 pm

Looks like the distance really affected you two..
Line

January 27, 2014 at 8:16 pm

What should i do now??

Linda

January 27, 2014 at 5:58 pm

hey again chris, could you please delete my previous post/ thanks a lot1

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:21 pm

Where is it?

Linda

January 27, 2014 at 5:34 pm

Hey Chris, how are you, I really like your blog. Ok, so here’s my story, I hope you could help1
An old schoolmate contacted me on Fb, we hadn’t seen each other in 14 years. He had a big crush on me and was very sweet about it too back then but I never responded to it, I was too young for that. So we chatted a bit, then it became an everyday thing. I visit my old hometown often, where he lives too, so he suggested we meet when I visit again, which was about two weeks after our initial chat and we did. I stayed for a three weeks and we met five times. The best five dates ever. No sex though, but romantic talks and kisses blah blah blah. So we spoke about keeping it and agreed that if it flows it flows, and he commented to me that he had done this again, so he’d try. I had plans to visit again in a week. But during that week he became distant and a bit cold, although very kind. I visited again next week and we went out and had a couple awesome dates again. He initiated hand holding and boyfriend-like gestures, but was a real gentleman. He did like me very much though, sexually, I can tell. I asked about him being cold and he answered that it’s a defense mechanism and that he’d try to work on it. So I leave again for three weeks and he became distant again. We talked alright and he was kind and considering but wasn’t warm with me. I never pushed for I love you’s or anything, I just once told him I’ll miss him or whatever and got a kind but distant response, and everyday considering texts, although a couple of them everyday. I asked him again by phone if there was problem and if he regretted trying a ldr and he said he just needs his time and can’t get warm by phone, that it was hard on him. Then five days later he tells me he can’t handle a ldr, he thought he could but he can’t. He said he wanted to be honest with me now bc if we met again and got intimate and THEN he told me, he’d be a real asshole, so he can’t wait until we meet. He also told me he’s sorry he was distant and that this was an asshole move, but he really can’t give himseld in a ldr right now, for many reasons one of which is work pressure, and he apologized for initiating the flirting too soon, he said he wishes he had waited a bit before he had made a romantic move and he wishes that this hasn’t burned us forever. He also told me he wants to keep me in his life bc we really connect but if he can’t give himself a hundred percent he can’t do it at all. I said it was really nice meeting him and that he’s an extraordinary man and that I d love to have him in my life, but let’s not talk about the future. He said that he wants to make sure I get it’s not about him not wanting but not being able to respond to a ldr right now. This happened last week and he said that maybe we could meet when I visit next week, but I said I’m not sure it’s a good idea, since I have strong feelings for him and I’ll call him if I want to meet. So, after this really loooong letter my question is, should I meet him one more time or is it too soon. He’s always been a true gentleman but I feel there might be some kissing if we met, since the chemistry is amazing. But I don’t want to manipulate any reactions through intimate touches, or go over the same two weeks again just to have him tell me he can’t again. Also, should I believe him about his reasons not wanting a ldr or he’s just not that into me, he’s a really great guy, and i’d love to have him in my life, what should I do. Thanx in advance111

admin

January 27, 2014 at 7:25 pm

I think LDR are tough. It takes two types of people to make them successful.

I don’t think it can hurt to meet him.
Linda

January 27, 2014 at 10:23 pm

Thank you for answering right away. I actually meant if you could delete this whole post, I’m a bit uncomfortable now having it out there. Thanks again for taking the time to answer to me and sorry for the inconvenience1 Big fan of the blog though1

SML

January 22, 2014 at 10:40 pm

I know you have, I’m just always looking forward to reading what you have to say, I think everyone here agrees. It’s like we have a shoulder to lean on, you are great with advice and it’s like we have our own secret buddy who knows just the right thing to say and with whom we share our secrets and insecurities. Well, I have come to find out through a third person that he has not been able to receive or send texts from abroad because his phone has no money in it. So, I’m hoping he will eventually get it. He was very communicative while he was here, texted me every day and we met up. I kind of got this strange feeling that he felt like he had to back away to not start feeling more intensely. I really don’t know how to explain it…Kind of like “Well, I can’t solve this within a matter of days and take off so I’m going to have to wait for the ideal time.” It’s just that gut feeling you get sometimes…And I’m not in denial, btw, hope you don’t think I’m nuts! He seemed miserable and very down…I personally think I looked like I was doing great, look good, had a lot going on and he just seemed so depressed and lonely with his life… Should I resend the message? Or wait to see if he gets it?What’s the best timing and way to approach all this? Help Chris…!

Reply

admin

January 24, 2014 at 4:44 am

Wait until he gets it.

Sometimes I think people make the mistake of pushing too hard for things when all they have to do is lay back and wait.

Aki

January 22, 2014 at 12:01 pm

Hi Chris,

Long time I have not posted here.

Please try to look back into my thread if you can to get into my story.

So,in short,I followed the below things.

NC period – 38 days

Post NC text messaging since – last two months

Phone calls -Only once which happened last Thursday on 16th January 2014 for 15 minutes only and very casual like friends.

Now,what brings me here again is below-

After NC,text messages were going awesome,he always responded to me.
He initiated sex chat also once,where he sent his nude pics and another day asked for my nude pics which I sent him on email.

Now,one Sunday 5th Jan he called me and my phone was switched off,he told me.And he said that he will call me in the coming weekend.
But he did not call on weekend,so I texted him on Monday the 13th Jan that why did not he call ? but he didnt respond.Next day 14th Jan was a festival so I wished him on that occasion,he responded wishing me too.
Again I asked why didnt he call,he said he will call in two days.So he called on Thursday 16th Jan which I mentioned above (15 minutes only and very casual like friends.).
After that I sent him a “missing you ” kinda message on last Saturday 18th Jan,he did not respond since then.

Chris,please suggest what step should I take now.Why is he not responding me everytime since last week,before that it was awesome.
I am hoping that he loves me thats why he was talking to me.

PLEASE PLEASE REPLY CHRIS I AM WAITING TO READ YOUR MESSAGE.

admin

January 22, 2014 at 6:12 pm

Is there anything that you did that could be viewed as a little “too much” and now he has backed off?
Aki

January 23, 2014 at 12:18 pm

See ,till 7th Jan everything was fine.
We had an awesome chat wherein he said he will call in the coming weekend.It was not from my side only.He too spoke very nicely that day.

8th,9th and 10th Jan ,no exchange of messages,I wanted him to text,so I was waiting only.11th and 12th Jan weekend ,he did not call ,did not message.

finally on 12th night I sent him a joke and on 13th I asked him why didnt he call ..again no reply.14th was festival.Again I asked the same thing he said he will call and called on 16th.Again on 18th I texted him and since then no reply.

I dont think I have done anything TOO MUCH.Please suggest.Should I ask him directly what happened or just again start chatting.Its been 5 days now we have not texted to each other.
Aki

January 24, 2014 at 12:00 pm

Hi Chris,
Please suggest.Should I ask him directly what happened ? Its already 6th day of NC.

Regards.
Aki

January 28, 2014 at 3:45 pm

Hey Chris,

Just to keep you posted,I texted him yesterday again after a week,saying Hi How are you ?
He responded nicely again and said he will call me in the weekend.This will be his second call to me.However we haven’t yet had any Skype call.I skipped the jealousy message too.
Please suggest how can I make the conversation very good.

S.Stone

January 22, 2014 at 8:27 am

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 1.5 years; 8 months at the same place then 4 months long distance when he returned to his country. He broke up with me last month when I visited him overseas. We have been having quite a few quarrels during the LDR; mainly coz i needed the attention but he wasnt giving me as much. We didnt exactly have a proper talk on breaking up. I brought up the subject and was hoping that he would want to fight for it but he didnt open up much and then said that he needed some time off. Before I left, he mentioned that he loves me a lot still and i’m someone very important to him and who knows what will happen after some time. When I returned home, I tried talking to him and hoping to patch things up after giving some thoughts to it but he refused to listen. I admitted that I sent him many texts and called him a few times for the first day and appeared to be in denail. And in our last message, he said he doesnt love me anymore (a few times) and we have broken up and it wont change. I was devastated and he refused to reply my messages or even read them after many days. We didnt contact anymore after the first day and it has been 3weekss. He didnt text or call me and as we are in different places (very far away), he couldnt drop by at my place or bumped into me even if he wants. Does that mean that he really doesnt want me back and doesnt miss me given that he didnt make any contact? I was hospitalized and my workplace has sent me a get well basket which was on Fb, he didnt contact me after as well. What does it mean??
I know the reasons why he decided to break off was that he didnt think he is ready to settle with me in the next 2-3years (he is younger than me and wants to focus on his career) and he doesnt know when he will feel like it if any. Also, we are in different places and could only see each other 4 times a year. Im willing to make sacrifices for the relationship and I really want him back.
He is someone that doesnt want to think about it and deal with it when we are so far away.
I really want him back, please help me.

Thanks
SML

January 21, 2014 at 2:17 am

Hey Chris, wrote you a post but didn’t get a reply. Would really love your advice although I know you’re busy…! Basically, today concluded one week since I sent him that first message (to break the ice and see if he’s receptive) and wondering what I should do since he hasn’t responded…Like I said previously, he was with me when he came back home for Xmas and was always in touch and now ever since he’s left back to England, he hasn’t said a word or replied to my email. What should I think and what should I do…?

admin

January 21, 2014 at 6:05 pm

Sorry ahve been super busy. I can’t get to everyone anymore but I am here now.

He hasn’t responded to anything… thats not good.

Has he given you any type of communication at all?
SML

January 22, 2014 at 10:39 pm

I know you have, I’m just always looking forward to reading what you have to say, I think everyone here agrees. It’s like we have a shoulder to lean on, you are great with advice and it’s like we have our own secret buddy who knows just the right thing to say and with whom we share our secrets and insecurities. Well, I have come to find out through a third person that he has not been able to receive or send texts from abroad because his phone has no money in it. So, I’m hoping he will eventually get it. He was very communicative while he was here, texted me every day and we met up. I kind of got this strange feeling that he felt like he had to back away to not start feeling more intensely. I really don’t know how to explain it…Kind of like “Well, I can’t solve this within a matter of days and take off so I’m going to have to wait for the ideal time.” It’s just that gut feeling you get sometimes…And I’m not in denial, btw, hope you don’t think I’m nuts! He seemed miserable and very down…I personally think I looked like I was doing great, look good, had a lot going on and he just seemed so depressed and lonely with his life… Should I resend the message? Or wait to see if he gets it?What’s the best timing and way to approach all this? Help Chris…!

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