How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Kelly

January 20, 2014 at 5:42 pm

Hi,
in your words, me and my ex (?) boyfriend were not in a LDR, however, in Estonia (yeah, Estonia) it is considered a LDR when people in a relationship live due to whatever reasons (in my case – unis)more than 6hrs apart. That’s my case. Besides, travelling in Estonia is quite expensive 🙁
Now the real problem is, my BF really loved me but I was cold at first, I wasn’t sure how I felt, I was afraid of getting into a LDR (and it was to be my 1st relationship too) and I’m really hard to connesct to. I find it hard to open up myself to others. He said he would wait for me to be ready and everything and you know what? HE DID. He was so loving and accepting of who I was (and am) that I decided to take my chances since I had started to love him too. Yes, I was confused at first about my feelings but after about half a year of him not giving up on me, I knew I wanted to be with him romantically. So we started our (Estonian) LDR. We talked via phones, texting, Facebook (well continued actually since we had lived same far from each other as we still do)and we managed to meet at least once a month for a day or two. However as he’d put it – even though we always lived 6-7hrs apart which means we managed to get to a relationship the same way our relationship should have worked – via phones etc, it didn’t. He said that ever since we officially became a couple, things started to go downhill (I hope you get the meaning..I’m not sure that expression is actually used in English 😀 ). All he ever wanted was me to open up to him and he was okay with waiting but now he said he is tired of trying and trying to get me to open up to him. Even though through my eyes I made progress all along (I really did and didn’t deny it) it turns out it just wasn’t enough for him. We were officially together for 4 months and 2 days ago he said he wanted a time out. He said he needs to figure out if he can give me another chance to open up and let him be part of my life (which means REALLY opening up and also let him do stuff for me. I’m kind of independent girl and not used to people helping me doing things. I never realized how important it was for him to e.g carry my bags etc. But I do see it now after he told honestly everything that has botherd him about my behaviour. And I’m more than willing to change)or if this is final. (so that’s why there’s an question mark after “ex”) At first I freaked out, it was such a shock to me, he had always said how much he loved me and that he could never leave me no matter what (ok, cheating is a no-no, but that’s not the case here eather). So I did all I knew – I begged, I cried and begged for a chance to show that I can be what he needs. (Now I know not to beg. Later I wrote him an email saying that I’ll give him all the time he needs and no matter the decision, in the end I’ll be okay and I’ll respect his decision. I’m not sure he’ll ever even read the email. I didn’t send it, instead I gave it to one of his best friends who would give it to him after he has cooled down a bit. I just didn’t want him to remember as begging and pleading ex. I haven’t had any contact with him directly after the call. I have no idea if he’ll ever read the email.Oh, btw he was the one to say that I am not to contact him a couple of days. That me contacting him would make things only worse and would make him say a final no right away. And aftter a couple of days on NC I may call him, but he might not reply – his words.) Yet throughout the phone call he said things like “You’ll find a new one” and “You’ll get over me” etc. Queastion no 1:
Does this mean he was actually saying already a final no? I really really love him and I believe he was sincere when he said he loves me too. I just have hurt him way too much (I could hear and FEEL the pain in his every word :'( ) He said he would contact me once he has made up his mind about our relationship. And here I am, waiting for the call 🙁
The thing is we can’t physically meet each other due to lack of money and time (university life :S ) and distance (yeah yeah, no 600 miles, no LDR, I konw 😀 ). He has (obviously) changed his FB status from being in a relationship to..nothing. So did I today. Not single, just nothing. He hasn’t deleted pictures of us together. I’m no online for him on FB and he probably is appearing offline too.
I’ve done a lot of googeling (google gave me the idea of sending that email, it was a similar page to yours). And I’m defenitley doing the NC thing meaning I won’t reach him at least for a month. HOWEVER, he said he would call me once he has made up his mind. The question no 2:
WHAT am I supposed to do? Pick up that call to hear the fatal words (who knows, maybe they won’t be fatal?) or ignore and go along the NC rule?
If I ignore and he wants to give me another try, he might reach out for me on FB and then it is okay to reply, right? If he wants it to be final (and I’ll never know, which it will be!!) he won’t stop the calls until I anwser or he’ll text me or FB and simply say it’s over and I’m out of his life for good.
I konw him quite well and the catch with him is that once he has made up his mind on sth, he will stick to it. So once he says a final no he will delete me from his FB, ignore my calls and messages, delete my emails without even opening them and since the place where he lives (an island) is rather small, he would know if I’m there and would take extra care for us to not cross paths. He will thorw away everything he has that is somehow connected with me, he would even stop seeing the people who are frinds with me. HE’LL CUT ME COMPLETELY OFF. After he says no, I literally have no chances. He can be so determined that he will suppress his own feelings until he forgets me. It can take months, years, but he won’t give in. That’s for sure.
I already started doing things he wished to be different in me – me being more open, more social (he said it would help. So I’m doing it. I planned on doing it anyways just now I have more the reason to do it!). And the only way for him to see my progress are pictures on FB. (We never used skype and Face Time in Estonia is like “The hell’s that??” ( 😀 ). Just saying..) I konw he checks FB once in a while since he somtimes shares or comments sth, so I hope he sees my progress for what it is – me socializing, not me moving on.
I have no idea when his call is going to come so a quick reply is what I need! Anwser or not? And if he says no, do you see a loophole in his scheme of cutting me off? Is there a chance for me? CN won’t work then – he’d be doing that to me anyways.
And is there anything else that I can do right now while waiting for the decision? Oh, I’m fit and exercising anyways.
It’s not about lack of the feelings, it’s about the damage, the hurt I’ve done with my silence and forgiveness he needs to give.

Kelly

January 21, 2014 at 5:23 pm

Okay, whoa, didn’t realise I wrote such a long comment. Long story short:
1. He wanted space and said I am not to contact him. He will contact me once he’s readt and tell me whether he’s willing to give our relationship another try.

Q: Should I pick up that call or does the NC rule apply in my case too?

2. He is stubbborn. And by that I mean STUBBBORN. If he tells me he wants to end our relationship, he will suppress whatever feelings he has for me until they are gone. We won’t see each other anyways due to the distance but blocking me on FB and evry other social media plus on phone and emails is guaranteed. Basically he’d be doing the NC to me to forget me.

Q: What can I do to et himb back then?
Kelly

January 21, 2014 at 5:24 pm

get him back**

Ula

January 20, 2014 at 3:53 pm

Hi Chris,

I was amazed with this page and I need your advice badly.
Me and my ex were together for a month.Everything was perfect. We just needed to be all the time together. He said he fell in love and I did to. But I had to go to live in diferent country. He said he will come there too after he finishes some courses he needs for his career . After a month me being away he broke up with me and he gave me two reasons.. he needs to concentrate on his work and that his ex who is trying to get him back even before our relationship is still trying..he is confused he loves her still..after 5 years but he is in love with me..then she asked to give him a month..then he said he wont be with nobody ..he just drinks a lot..I am in NC.. he contacted me at the begining few times.. and now he stopped.. it is 4th day. I really changed when I went to this new country to live..I was stressed out..always crying..become very clingy and almost begging his attention and support.. before I was hot strong diva 🙂

should I even try ? can Nc help me? or just push him in her arms? I know she is insanely jealous..could I use it in my advantage ?

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:55 pm

It can definitely help!
Ula

January 20, 2014 at 9:21 pm

thank you ! 🙂
Ula

January 20, 2014 at 4:08 pm

I am 28 he is 32..

vampire

January 20, 2014 at 4:33 am

Hi Chris!

I have to say I Read this and your other article about how to get your ex back, about 4times in last 2months. As you can guess, i too was in a LDR And he dumped me for a moral thing from the past (a guy seeing my body on photos before him, though my ex got my virginity and they were just photos he said he could never forget that and start With me if he knew it before, not to mention He left his previous ex for similar reason, she lied to him she was a virgin. But my case were photos and he got my virginity yet compared me to her and dumped me for it. That was in November. He then blocked me when I Insisted on letting it go that his love can be stronger, he said dont be so sure aboum my love. We had many fights in 2years, but he was my 1st and i loved him very much, like none before. I was devastated, because 3 months prior to break up we met for the 1st time, i spent 10days in his country and i tell you that was love no doubt about it, from the moment we saw eachother or hands couldnt stop touching one another. However, back to block everywhere possible. I texted him for a week after on all kinds of networks to express my anger,hurt, to beg, be desperate only to be ignored and blocked there too. So i went into my miserable mode. Not sleeping, eating, to sleeping all days and stay at home overthinking.Fast forward about a month after, 3weeks or so, his birthday came. I took a chance and sent him a really beautiful gift with teddy bear and roses. I saw that day he unblocked me on fb. But no message. I was sad. So i gave up and send him a text. And wow. He responded by unblocking me on whatsapp and explaining why he unblocked me at fb and claiming it was to say thanks for a gift, but then he said he sent it over skype, which i never received, i dont know if he lied or not, but he said thank then anyway and said that i am really kind and that he liked it. I expected more, but that was it. Im really “kind” huh? Well. Then later on in 2weeks we talked and he admitted to me that he didnt miss me, that he saw us as we had something and it finished. So fast he moved on? He also admitted he had cam sex with a random girl 2weeks after leaving me. I was heartbroken again. The healing just went back a bit. So we kept contact 1st week then like 2 times a week and now 1 time a week. In that time he told me to move on and find a guy, to be happy, that he cares that im happy. Then one day he said we could have sexchat but like just that. Imagining as if he was still mine. I refused. I wanted his love too. He didnt want to start again. He said this or nothing. But i didnt give in. I said no point if i could never be with u and feel u in real again. He said yes, only online, no meeting. I didnt like it. Then a week of NC. He comes back saying if im alive when i wrote him and i said i am, but u didnt write to. He claimed cause i said i cant move on with him writing me, which i never said. Some misunderstanding. However now he said if i visit again that we could have just sex. Again i didnt want. I love him still deep doWn. He admitted he lied he ever deleted any of video of me we exchanged and said they could still make him hot if he watched, but only that. That he wont fall in love again. That he only knows if he saw me again that he couldnt control himself, because he thinks best part of our relationship was sex and we did indeed have a strong sexual attraction when we met and before. So i came here. What to do? He says his love is gone. He doesnt want new or old relationship with me (for new i suggested he lets go of the past and we talk everyday again and try to wake the love he once felt) so what to do? Is this a hopeless case? All he seems to desire with me is sex and im broken to hear his love is just gone. How do i fix this, what can i do, is it even possible to get his love back? Please help!

admin

January 20, 2014 at 7:25 pm

So, all he cares about with you is sex?
vampire

January 21, 2014 at 5:20 pm

yes, as you can see… I have no idea how he could lose every love feeling of 2years for me in just 2months, but he did…i dont know what to do, it breaks my heart all over again

atusa

January 19, 2014 at 4:32 am

Hi Chris,
I would really appreciate your advice. I have never reached out like this before but your site seems very blunt and honest…
I am 27 years old. My “ex”-boyfriend and I were together for 4 years; living together for 2 years before I got accepted into medical school in the Caribbean. We were so so in love and had no real issues in those 4 years. He was incredibly supportive of me perusing my dream of becoming a doctor and assured me that no matter what we would make it work long distance. We had talked about future plans; such as marriage and buying a home when I was done.
Long story short… after about 4 months of long distance he started occupying his time with extracurricular activities and seemed just distant. My immediate reaction was not the best. I was demanding and confused what why his demeanor had changed. After about 3 more months of LDR fighting we broke up.
Now it has been about 2 months of no contact except for slip ups which have happened about 4 times now.I really miss him. I can start the NC and stick to it for 30 days with no contact now but I just want to know from a guy’s perspective; is there really any hope or should I forget him and move on?
I’d do anything to get him back but I don’t want to waste my time/energy if its not salvageable.
Neither of us ever did anything hurtful to each other .
Stephanee

January 18, 2014 at 5:23 am

Hey Chris! I’m an avid reader of all your posts and have been following your advice 🙂 I just wanted to say I really love your site and your guides, they are truely amazing and have helped me get pretty far 😀 I did no contact for about 33 days, and he wrote me several times during it but I never gave in!
During that time, I found time to better myself, and when I finally did get the chance to talk to him, the result was great 🙂 It was baby steps at first, and I left him hanging several times like you said.
We were pretty much guaranteed to get back together, he’s mentioned it several times before and I feel very positive about this! I believe everyone should give your guides a try, because I’m so happy to be able to be talking to him again!
Now I’ve gotten myself in a bit of a pickle though, it’s been about 4 months of me and him talking again, however, recently he’s started to drift off a bit, and I’m not sure quite why, and I thought maybe you could give me some advice. Up until this point, he’s been responsive (in very positive ways) to my texts. Recently though, I sent out a text (expecting one back because we started talking nearly every night) and I didn’t get a response :/It’s been a week now since that happened and still no word.
So since it has been a week should I try again tonight? And if that doesn’t work, what should I do?
(btw once again, thank you for making such a wonderful site, it really helped me)

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:28 am

Actually, have you read the latest guide? That might help you a little bit.

joey

January 18, 2014 at 3:12 am

What happens if he doesn’t text or call me within the 30 days of NC. Today is day 11 of NC and he hasn’t texted me nor called.

admin

January 20, 2014 at 12:24 am

No biggie. it is ok if YOU contact him first. In fact, its what I recommend.

Nj

January 17, 2014 at 8:40 am

Hi Chris:
NJ is here again, i finally asked the question yesterday, before the question,everything was going very fine, I asked him what’s his plan for spring festival holiday, he said nothing, then i said i want to travel someplace warm during spring festival holiday,how about i travel to Vietnam to visit you ? then he said he dont think visiting is a good idea. i just want to seek you advice what can i do next? It seemed i failed this time:(,it just except the visiting part, all our texts all went very well.
BTW:i have bought your E-book during chirstmas sale 🙂
thank you very much for your comments!

bsrgs
nj
SML

January 17, 2014 at 12:45 am

Hey Chris,

I have sent out that first text after NC which I was in for a little over 4 months and in the meanwhile was with my ex when he came home for x-mas. I’m confused because while he was here he was in contact and we met up twice. However, everyday he seemed to let me know what was going on,explain that he was out of time to see everyone he wanted to see, etc. Since I felt like the communication between us was flowing, I took the risk and wrote him a text a week or so after he left. He has not responded, this will be the fourth day today (Jan 17th). What does this mean and what should I do? I just wrote him a really fun, nice text with a “private joke” about the series LOST (Which we were nuts about!). I actually did expect him to say something considering he was in touch while he was around…Now that he’s left, it’s like I disappeared. Why won’t he answer me and what’s going through his mind?

SML

January 21, 2014 at 2:16 am

Hey Chris, wrote you a post but didn’t get a reply. Would really love your advice although I know you’re busy…! Basically, today concluded one week since I sent him that first message (to break the ice and see if he’s receptive) and wondering what I should do since he hasn’t responded…Like I said previously, he was with me when he came back home for Xmas and was always in touch and now ever since he’s left back to England, he hasn’t said a word or replied to my email. What should I think and what should I do…?

admin

January 16, 2014 at 6:17 pm

Hey bro!

I am seriously working on a site for men AS WE SPEAK… if you email me at [email protected] I can give you more information.
kat

January 15, 2014 at 9:48 pm

my bf broke up with me in September 2013. he said that too much time has pasted since we have been having a long distance relationship for 4 years, although we have been together for 11 years. I had an affair after a few years and got pregnant and had an abortion. He forgave me but it hurt our relationship. He broke up and said that he is seeing someone else. He still takes my calls, but seems like he wants to be friends, and he tells me to move on. When I say I miss him, he say he misses me. when he came for Christmas he let me kiss him on the lips and cuddle him, but he would let me stay over. I say I would go straight away over thereto be with him, but he said no, he doesn’t want me to go. He said to his mum he wont come back to the uk for 1 year as he wants to make it work with his new girlfriend. what shall I do? is it too late?? I know its easy for me to say, but I love him, have made so many mistakes but I value him more than anything. please advise what shall I do?
Dany

January 15, 2014 at 9:03 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago after 5 months of being LDR. I came to UK to get my Master Degree and I’m not comming back to my home town e country in Colombia until october-nov this year.

He always have doubts about LDR, but in the end he decided to try and was actually quite positive and very loving. But for some comments he said I noticed he was having a bad time.

I was planning to see him in spring break before the break-up (He couldnt come because of money and family issues).

I love him so much, but I dont know what to do…I think he did in the past but now I guessed he just want to be happy. I even find out he’s even seeing other girl.

Should I still try NC?
What about being friends while me being here so we dont lose contact and be together when I come back?
Kaitlyn Marie

January 15, 2014 at 8:49 pm

Need help!!!

My boyfriend and I were madly, madly in love with one another.
He was the perfect gentlemen, loves my daughter, too cares of me etc.

I treated him like crap.
I picked fights and arguments, sometimes going as far as to throw a drink on him.
I had a lot of emotional issues and I have seeked help currently.

I moved an hour away and I broke up with him 2 weeks ago.

Since then he has told me things like “I love you, of course I do.I’m just so broken and crushed etc. And I cannot do this again. I’m sorry”

He has sent accidental? Texts at 5am once saying he loved me.
I can text and he will respond.

He doesn’t text me though.
He has a full guard up.
He says he trying to get over me.

He said he didn’t know about a friendship, though I removed him from Facebook to see ifhe wwould react and an hour later he asked why I deleted him.

I would do anything to get him back and in realize now what I have lost and how terrible I was. I told him I would change etc.but he won’t listen because I’ve said it so many times.

He’s trying to get over me because he thinks I’m only going to hurt him again.
We haven’t talked or seen one another in person since.

He’s 2 hours away now but within a year maybe earlier I can move back.

Advice please????

admin

January 16, 2014 at 5:39 pm

Well, firstly I know this is a dumb thing to ask but did you read this page word for word?

Anastasia

January 15, 2014 at 3:58 pm

Hi Chris

I have been in a LDR for 3,5 years already .. We were planning to move together a year ago, I left my job and was ready to relocate. But then my bf admitted that he still can’t afford to rent a flat yet, so I understood that, but was a bit dissapointed that he didn’t admitted it before. I found a job abroud to earn some money , but after 3 month nothing change so I kept working untill he eventually found a flat.

I came back home and was ready to move , but it seems that there are some other problems appears, like documents etc. I don’t think that he was lieing to me, but it is really stressed me. I was just sitting at home and going mad. Of course it affected our relationship , we started to argue , my patience is just finished . We haven’t seen each other for a year, he has very difficult time now( working and finishing his phd) .I lost my trust , became depressed, but stlill was trying to keep our realationship .

One day I just said what I feel, but not in a very polite way, so he said we need to break up then, he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. I was asking him not to, because it is just a hard times for both of us, but he didn’t want to change his mind. Block my text and mails. After 2 weeks I found out that his dad died after day that we split up.

So I want everything to come back, because I truly love him and he supported me a lot and care about me, I guess he was just under a lot of stress last time. Do we have a chance?
Andrea

January 14, 2014 at 12:33 am

What if I got to the second step after no contact but he says he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore because he’s moved on.

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:48 pm

If you do it right he will want to talk to you haha.

Anna

January 13, 2014 at 6:54 pm

Hello,

So my boyfriend and I broke up recently, and I blocked him on Facebook. I did this so I wouldn’t have to see his name everyday (frequent reminder of our break up) and so I could also start focusing on myself. Will this affect the NC process a lot? Specifically regarding the “What happens in a guys head” thing.

Thanks!

admin

January 14, 2014 at 5:32 pm

No it should be ok.
Anna

January 13, 2014 at 6:54 pm

I also told him I would have to block him, so it wasn’t out of the blue.

Janae

January 12, 2014 at 12:46 pm

Hey Chris, so things were going well for me and my ex after no contact, we’ve been talking again for about 4 months now and it was pretty much all good until recently when we had a nice conversation during New Years and he called me “Baby girl” and other sweet things, but I tried contacting him again three days later and he ended the conversation right away, I then proceeded to write him again 5 days later and got no response at all :/ I’m really scared that all the progress I have made so far has been lost and I honestly have no clue what to do, PLEASE HELP, is there any advice you could give me or how long I should wait before I try again?
Catherine

January 12, 2014 at 11:56 am

Hi Chris,

I was in LDR since last 1year. We both leave in different cities. He didnt even tried to come and meet me once in that whole year. We only communicated via phone calls, text messages, skype video , facebook in that whole year. He broke up with me saying there is no future of mine with him in November 2013. I am in no contact with him from 20th nov 2013 till date. He haven’t yet initiated any contact with me in any ways. I was expecting his message atleast on my birthday which was in last month, but he didn’t even wished me via text message. Till date I haven’t initiated any contact with him in any ways.
Please help me. What should I do?

Please reply.
Amelie

January 12, 2014 at 8:18 am

I did the nc he responded after first message and then I waited four days to respond 🙁 after that notning

admin

January 12, 2014 at 6:19 pm

No big deal. Wait a bit longer and try again. This time find a more compelling text message to send.

Janice

January 12, 2014 at 6:06 am

Hi Chris,

I met him when he was in a business trip in Hong Kong. He lives in the UK. We were just normal friends then, texting once in a while or commenting on each other statuses or photos on fb. Last year, I traveled to Spain, and he happened to be around the area as well, so we decided to meet and travel together for few days. Thing has changed after the trip, we were talking to each other very frequently, either texting or Skype, and sharing stuffs that I usually won’t do with others. It was during that period, I found out that I really like him and I wanted to see him again, so I suggested another trip together which he agreed. Again, we had a fabulous time together during the trip. We did stuffs together like a couples. After the trip, I wanted us to be exclusive. But he refused. He told me if we are living in the same country then he will have no problem being exclusive with me, but he doesn’t think LDR will work. I tried to convince him that if we put in effort then it will. But he told me he doesn’t think he will never make that much of effort, for me or for anyone. He said we can still be friends. I was very hurt, so I told him if that’s the case then I don’t want to talk to him anytime soon. And he said he understands.

Today is the 14th day since I stop contacting him, other than during new year he sent me a text to wish me happy new year and I replied the same to him. Yesterday he texted me again, commenting on a photo I posted on fb very casually. But I did not reply, and he didn’t continue texting me as well.

I am pretty confident if I contact him again after the NC period, he will reply to me. My question is, should I contact him though, knowing that he will talk to me like what we used to but that’s not all I want? Noted that he is really not my “ex” as we are never exclusive. But we have so much good time together I really don’t want to just give up. How do I make him committed to a LDR? how do I convince him that the effort he put in (if he ever does) might be worthy? Or could it be, he never like me as much as I thought?

Thank you 🙂

admin

January 12, 2014 at 6:18 pm

I think the question you need to be asking is how can you make him FEEL like the LDR is worth it. That is what it is all about.

Andrea

January 10, 2014 at 5:29 am

My boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago after having a long distance relationship for about two and a half years. I completed no contact rule and sent the first text, which he was responsive to. How long should I wait before sending the next text? and the one after that?

admin

January 11, 2014 at 1:38 am

Hey there!

You want to wait between 2-3 days.
Andrea

January 11, 2014 at 2:23 am

ok will do! thank you !

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5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”