How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Alone and hurt

December 29, 2013 at 4:01 pm

Hey, Chris.

Recently, my first love went to College in Manchester University. He and I have been in love and devoted to each other for 7 years (or would have been on Jan. 7th). He had asked for an open relationship a while back, but I kept refusing, feeling that I’d lose him to the other person. Recently, we broke up and I was heart broken and felt horrible, I’ve spent days now crying, both at home and occasionally breaking down at work and having to have my coworkers console me. I texted his mother to talk to see if a four-paged letter I’d sent before we broke up had arrived, because I saw that as my only hope in getting his love back, she had no clue we had even broken up and was shocked at it. I got on Facebook a while back and went to his profile to send a friend request because in my deepest despair, I saw he’d started a relationship with another person, who he wanted to mess around with in an open relationship. They both have similar interests and go to the same school. The thing is, he does this almost every year, we’ll have a huge fight then he’ll leave me for about two weeks and find another lover then come back because he finds out that it was only lust, not love, that made him start dating them. The last time he did this, he was gone maybe two weeks (and found another lover with the same interests and lived in the same area) but left because he didn’t feel love. The person he’s with now he told me goes to almost every college party and pub in the area and gets drunk off their ass. He actually admitted within the first week of them being together, they had sex.

In the interest of full disclosure, my ex had visited me in the US until the day before he had to be at university, we had an amazing time, did a lot of romantic things and spent every waking moment together. The other day, he admitted when I accidentally said “I love you” at the end of a Skype conversation, he responded “I love you too.” and when I asked if he meant it, he said yes. He still lets me call him the nicknames we made for each other in the relationship, and told me he still occasionally wears my hoodie he took with him back to the UK.

Okay, my question is, if I do the NC rule, will it work? Even if he’s in love (lust) with someone else? I’m seriously desperate, I’ve even thought of flying to the UK myself and personally begging him to take me back. I’m desperate. So will the NC rule work on someone who’s mind is clouded with lust instead of love?
Laura

December 29, 2013 at 4:00 pm

Hi Chris,
I need your help please. He broke up with me at the beginning of Dec, but after me begging (of course ha) he agreed to take a couple more days to think about it. I wrote him a letter expressing all my feelings and begging again (of course). I didn’t hear from him until he received the letter (almost two weeks), saying he was busy this weekend but we could skype on sunday. I didn’t hear from him on sunday so I texted him only to hear that he had an emergency and he would message me later. He didn’t (of course), so I texted him the next day asking what was going on. He told me he couldn’t skype cause he was going out and basically ended things over text message.

I didn’t respond to it anymore and after ten days I received a text from him saying that he saw that I’ve deleted him on facebook and that he wanted a friendship and didn’t want to lose me completely but obviously I would not feel the same. I have to say, the only reason I blocked him on fb was so I couldn’t stalk him. Also he had already put me on a restricted list about six weeks ago so I couldn’t see anything on his profile but his public posts anymore but he always denied it.

We were together for four months, he cheated on me at the very beginning with his best friend which I found out by accident but he swore that there was nothing going on between them. I’ve worked hard to build my trust in him again but I became more controlling and things like the restricted fb list and not admitting it really bothered me, as if he would hide something from me. Lately I had the feeling that things were finally going great again but out of the blue he broke up with me saying it was too hard for him because of the distance and that he still thinks we were perfect for each other and if the circumstances would change there wouldn’t be a problem at all.

So I want to ask you for your opinion about it and I also want to ask two specific questions:

Was it a mistake to block him on facebook?
His birthday is on the 20th day of the NC, what should I do, I can’t just ignore it?

Thanks in advance!
Jo

December 29, 2013 at 12:15 am

Hey Chris,

I sent him the first contact on Sunday and still haven’t received an answer. I waited 35 days for NC and he hasn’t contacted me.

Should I give up?

admin

December 29, 2013 at 6:49 pm

No.. wait a week and send another one. What was your text like?
Jo

December 30, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Okay.

My family and I had gone bowling so I texted him: “My dad just bowled a turkey. It reminded me of that time you kept getting strikes and bowled a bagger. You dominated that game.”

I guess I need to “intrigue” more?
Jo

January 4, 2014 at 12:53 am

Can I try sending another text today if I sent the initial text on December 22nd?
admin

January 4, 2014 at 6:40 pm

I think so!
Jo

January 5, 2014 at 7:15 pm

Okay. so I sent him the text yesterday, and I haven’t heard anything. So I guess I’ll just go into NC for another 30 days?

Karen

December 28, 2013 at 11:01 am

Hi 🙂

I broke up with my ex in summer after being together for 6 years in LDR. I broke up with him because of numerous reasons: he wanted to settle down and start a family (I am still in uni and want to work on my career first), I didnt feel like he is the one with whom I want to be for the rest of my life and I felt he has feelings for someone else, which I later found out is true and he is now with this person! I did NC rule for almost 7 weeks but called him before his exams to wish him all the best of luck and support him. I tried not to talk to him and ignore his emails and texts but I couldnt do it completely because I missed him! First I thought I just miss him as a friend or brother. Still I tried super hard not to talk to him and I responded to his emails after quite some time.
I started to talk to him little bit more just before Christmas and now we talk on daily basis, usually in the night for couple of hours. We also skyped and he told me he will always love me, etc. and that he misses me. I followed all your rules considering skype talk. I didnt tell him I love him or anything like that. When we talk he calls me baby and other nice names and nicknames and always send me kisses, etc

So what do I do?

He is with this girl now but I feel it is not going to work because I know him and i think she is just a rebound for him. (or I wish that very much:) She has no idea we are in touch and he doesnt want to tell her.

Karen

December 29, 2013 at 10:49 am

How can I get him back when I broke up with him because of the person he is with now? Is it even possible? and if yes, how?

Janae

December 27, 2013 at 11:35 am

So, I wrote him on Christmas, and got a response :)before that however, his mom wrote me wishing me a merry christmas and telling me she missed me 😛 anyway, back to the ex, so me and him talked for an hour and it was wonderful, we joked around, flirted, and he called me a bunch of sweet names, and when we said goodnight he asked me to write him the next night(tonight) annd I did but got no response…ugh, I hate how confusing this is sometimes haha 😛 so how long should I wait before I try again? 3 days?

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:43 pm

You shouldn’t have sent him anything so it would be him wondering why you haven’t messaged not you.
Janae

December 28, 2013 at 7:23 am

Yeah :/ I realize that now, I just didn’t want to seem rude but now I see how that could have worked for me at the time. So how long should I wait or what should I do?
Janae

December 29, 2013 at 11:36 am

So how long should I wait? 3 days? 5 days?

Andrea

December 27, 2013 at 3:26 am

I have a situation right now, My ex is here for 1 month vacation until January 22, 2014. What advice can you give me on how to deal with this? Obviously I want to see him before he goes back to the country where he will continue his work for one more year. We separated 5 months ago, when he went to another country to work. We didn’t survived the long distance thing. He broke up with me. Ofcourse, I was devastated, I thought we can make it together, but he ended it already. And within those five months, we talked from time to time, catching up on things but not so much on getting back together coz I don’t want to appear as needy or desperate. But I can’t deny that I still do love him until now. He even said that he wanted to hang out with me when he gets back. And recently as I checked his facebook, I saw some photos that he’s having a good time with his vacation here, hanging out with some of our friends, family and there are some photos that he had with this new girl, I don’t want to assume anything that there is now something going on between the two of them, but the possibility is there. Or am i just paranoid? Haha What do you think should I do? Should I still ask him to hangout? Or just play it cool and wait for him to contact me? The last time we talked was on christmas when we greeted each other. Or should I just let this whole vacation of him pass by without us seeing each other? Any advice will be much appreciated. Thanks for the time in reading this. Thanks.

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Sure, ask him for a hangout.

Left wondering and Broken

December 27, 2013 at 2:32 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. He currently is in law school and we have been apart for a year and a half. Things seemed good and we were talking about the future and recently, we had a trip planned for Christmas back home to visit my parents. I found out on Dec 11 that he had cheated on me. We didn’t speak for 5 days and then he called saying that he was so sorry and missed me and wanted me back. We decided that I would go on the trip back home alone and then we would meet up after. I found out a bit more about the infidelity and that he had lied. Since then he sent me a text to say that he doesn’t love me anymore and that he wants out of the relationship. I don’t understand how this happened so quickly since a week before he admitted to cheating we were happy and in love (or so I thought). We had had no contact in 4 days so far and I have cut all online ties (Facebook/Twitter, etc.). Aside from the distance and cheating (which I don’t condone and is not easily forgotten or forgiven in my books) I know he is my person and I know that he would have never done this if we weren’t long distance. I don’t think that he cares or misses me at all, and I guess I’m wondering what your advice is or if I should even do NC? Please help.

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:27 pm

You should do NC!
Left wondering and Broken

December 27, 2013 at 9:26 pm

Would this even work? He is still actively talking to this girl as well.

I agree that I need NC for myself as well, but I hope that it helps him realize what he’s lost…

Caroline

December 24, 2013 at 11:09 am

hello, thanks for the info, it really helps. i’ve been in a long distance relationship for 2 and a bit years and he’s just broken up. We love(d) each other but it was extremely difficult, i was doing my PhD he was trying to make a break through with his own business, we tried really hard but in the end it was just too hard so i understand that it had to stop, for my sake as much as his. No promises were made to get back together after, he said that he just want cut out for relationships that he didnt have what it takes etc. I think he was just exhausted and scared off by the emotional pressure, but of course i can’t be sure. i really want him back but I still have another year to go before i move back to the country we are both from and in which he currently lives. there is an unspoken no contact rule between us, i felt it – he wants it to be that way, and i think it’s best as well, but i can’t bear being completely disconnected from him this coming year. I had quit facebook when we first met 2 years ago, so that I’d be able to focus better, not get distracted and make better progress with my research but I’ve just signed up again so i can at least follow bits and piece. I won’t contact him, no problem there. However I am afraid that going back on facebook so soon after breaking up may have been a bad move. He probably knows that our breakup prompted that move, will he take that as a sign that I can’t and will not be able to let him go? that i can’t respect his need for privacy? i could be convinced about quitting facebook again – i don’t like it that much anyway and was able to keep in touch with my friends via email and Skype. I’ll do it if means that it’ll help our chances of getting back together, or at the very least to be in each other’s life again one day. I’d be grateful for your opinion on this. Thanks for your time.

admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:35 pm

I wouldn’t quit Facebook. There is no reason to do that.

Are you doing the NC rule yet?
Caroline

December 25, 2013 at 5:45 am

Yes I am, and I have no way of knowing how long it will last. I have the feeling that the longer we stay out of contact the more awkward it will be for one of us to make contact again but hopefully something will happen that will make things change. Thanks for your time, merry Christmas,
Caroline

Dori

December 24, 2013 at 9:44 am

Hi Chris, thanks for your sharing. I have a very complicated case on hand, actually the more I type it, the more I realize it is not quite possible for me to get him back (and what’s next? it is LDR afterall)
Still, I still have strong feelings for him and would like to ask and try if I could.

To start with, my ex is my first serious boyfriend. . So along the relationship, while I tried not to, I did on occasion idealize love as in movies and books which were deleterious to our relation. I did warn my ex and ask him to guide me… He is a French and I am a Japanese so we also have a lot of cultural difference…Moreover, at times I feel like I WAS the rebound.

Both of us are master students. He studies in Oxford while I Paris. I met my ex during travel in Turkey in the summer, we stayed in the same hostel. We spent 3 nights straight talking, we were physically attracted and felt very connected as well on an intellectual level and the last night we held hand and kissed and promised to meet each other in England while both of our planned trips were over. During that travel period, we texted each other every night and missed other more than ever. We eventually met in London and spent 1 week there, and afterwards 2 weeks in his home in Oxford. Those three weeks were intensely beautiful (especially that week in London where it was really the two of us). After that, I went back to Paris for study. We thought between Oxford and Paris was just an-hour flight…
My horizon for the relation at first was quite short-sighted, since I would need to renew my visa once I got back to Paris. But then after he flew to Paris to visit me, I found myself wanting to spend more time with him…and the two times he visited, we were so happy…but after the 2nd visit he returned to Oxford and became less eager in Internet chat. He said schoolwork was busy which was I believe as true.

So this is the geographical timeline, as for the emotional, towards the last week in Oxford, he started to mention about his ex-es, I thought he was sharing some more inner parts with me so I was quite willingly to listen to them, at first. (One ex was a 4-years relation ended this spring; the other was one he “cheated” with but he saw as real love, he met her for the last time (she went back to Argentina afterwards) 3 weeks before he met me). But then I started to feel like I know more about his feelings towards his ex-es than his towards mine. I asked. He answered not everything is simple and he cared a lot about me…I was satisfied back then…but still because he mentioned the stories with his ex-es so much I often tended to compare his attitude towards me and to them. So the first big fight we had was when he declined to bring me to meet his parents. I asked why since his last one was able to meet his parents after a-month dating (we were three-months along back then). He said he learnt from the last time he should not be rushing things. Then he started to talk about both of our expectations from the relationship, he said we should be free to meet people (since his “true love” was an affair), as in an open relationship. I was so distressed, but I finally agreed that he was free to meet people but should let me know when there was someone else so I could decide if I wanted to continue or break-up. He also suggested that we shall not chat everyday since it would make our relation became hours and hours of chatting on the internet, and “sitting in front of the computer the whole night” was not the life he wanted and none of us would be moving to another country any time soon.
But after we agreed to our expectation and a new pace, I thought we were mending things, on a good track. We even chatted more than ever, with him saying “miss me” and “want me” all the time. Then my passport arrived and I did the stupidest thing. I decided that since our relation was a bit distressed and needed a boast-up…so I decided on a surprise visit to make him happy. I visited him. He said he was taken back and his feelings were changed but he still cared a lot about me as a friend…so he broke up with me. Yet I already booked the return ticket so we still were with each other for a week which he commented as very unhealthy but he still tried to comfort me the whole week. I cried the first day but then tried to act happy and enjoy the time with him to remind him of our good time together. It did not quite work and the last day together we fought the whole night and I started to get bitter towards his ex-es whom he was very protective over.
He said he still has a tender regards for me and would like us to remain friends. I struggled whether to cut contacts or not, but before that I received news of my father being passed away so I had to rush back to Japan and I needed his comforts since he was so close and knew so many things about me. He comforted me and listened as a friend (on skype), but looked so uncomfortable when I mentioned about “us”. It was too painful for me so I emailed him about cutting contact (we agreed before that we should not block each other just out of the blue…) but I did let him know of my father’s funeral date. It is today and he has not even asked me about it (though I did ask for NC)…I wonder if he even cares me as a friend then…

And so what if I do win him back (as impossible as it sounds), how are we going to survive the distance again without any solid foundation? He already states clearly that he does not want to sit in front of the computer daily and I do need some body touch as well (though I cannot quite imagine touched by somebody besides him).

I could imagine only, one year later maybe, when I finish my study in Paris, I move to London and we know each other anew, start a relationship that is totally fresh. But then, who knows what would happen a year later? Still, I love him so much and it is so hard to let go now…I know there are many problems in our relationship as I am typing it…but I still blame myself for that surprise visit

(On a second note, aint those texts quite obvious as in the girl is “playing games”? I dont want to play games….maybe that’s why I fail…)

admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:34 pm

Well, make sure you do thing your way when texting them. Those texts are guidelines. You need to weave yourself into them.
Dori

December 24, 2013 at 9:58 am

I think the other problem I have, since I am new to love, is that I only know what I dont want in a relationship (I dont want marriage, an open relationship, cheating); but I dont know what I WANT in a relationship so I start to use movie as reference, which may not be actually what I want. So when my ex suggested an open relation and asked me “What do you want from me? Except what we already have? Which is seeing each other when both of us want to.” I didnt (and still dont) know what to say.
Dori

December 24, 2013 at 10:57 am

And my ex did confess a lot of inner demons with me about his family and relationship, so I thought I was more than a fling or infatuation….
admin

December 24, 2013 at 7:34 pm

Maybe he is a commitmentphobe
Dori

December 25, 2013 at 8:04 am

Thanks Chris I have never heard of this term before now that I google it, it sounds 80% like him!
Will NC work on commitmentphobe as well?
admin

December 26, 2013 at 5:52 pm

It can! But there are more factors to it than NC.
Dori

December 27, 2013 at 7:52 am

Thank you for all your valuable advices Chris. The more I read your website, the more I wonder if his two ex-es are trying to get him back as well…? Would it be possibly happening? The NC, the positive memory text…
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:39 pm

It would be crazy if they were all reading this website wouldn’t it?

Its still highly unlikely.
Dori

December 27, 2013 at 3:58 am

More factors?
Also, I try looking through your website, and could not find any advices on what to do if he ex does not contact you AT ALL during NC. (You dont even have the chance to ignore them, period…)
And could it be the case he is respecting my choice to be in NC, so he will never contact again?
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Look at the “Male Mind During NC”

Janae

December 23, 2013 at 8:04 am

Can I just say that you’re a miracle worker? 😀
So, last night I wrote him (it had been a week since the last time we talked like you said to do)made it lighthearted,I told him it snowed here and in all honesty I wasn’t expecting an answer. However to my delightful surprise, he wrote back just as lighthearted, jokingly telling me he was jealous because all the snow where he was was gone, however at the end of the text he said he couldnt talk now (included a smiley face) but would write me later. I was plain out happy he wrote in the first place after what my brother did! 😀 I figured he wasnt going to follow up with writing later, but when I went to bed I said goodnight to him anyway, didn’t get a response from that. So now, for the question, I know I should wait a few days before I try writing him again (or to wait until he writes) I was just wondering, since Christmas is 4 days away, would that be a good time to write? 😛 Like if I told him Merry Christmas?

admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Why not. I think it would be actually.

SML

December 23, 2013 at 12:02 am

Hey Chris…He’s here for Xmas and New Year’s and arrived yesterday… I just found out this week that the job offer abroad is not going to happen. So – back to zero (pointing this out because you said leaving would complicate things…). Right now I’m at the point where I am waiting for “the call” – and I know it’s coming (I had my doubts) because I was told by a mutual friend that he wanted to see me although he wasn’t sure I’d be up for it. My question is – what to do? Should I see him? If so, how should I act, what should I reveal, how should I present myself? I am so nervous, especially because I get the feeling there is going to be “the” giant elephant in the room and that he is not going to mention anything that is related to us. I feel like he will sweep over the situation…if so, what should i do? Should I bring it up or act like I’m moving on? Is showing up for a meet-up a sign that i’m still in love with him? Is it better to play hard to get in some strange way? Need help quick, I’m desperate and need to calm my soul! 🙁 I wonder what is going through his mind… I have been in NC for months and the last times he has called me and shown interest in knowing about me through mutual people. What does this mean? Thanks

admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:06 pm

That he is checking up on you it looks like.
SML

December 23, 2013 at 8:12 pm

O.K. … but what should I make of that? As a guy, what does this mean?
SML

December 23, 2013 at 8:13 pm

How do you suggest I act to get through to him? Do I bring up the “elephant in the room”? Or let him do that?
admin

December 24, 2013 at 6:47 pm

I would carefully bring it up. Test him with other conversations to see if he is ready for the elephant.
SML

December 24, 2013 at 7:06 pm

What kind of conversations? Yes, i’m being a pain – sorry – but I’m really insecure at the moment…What kind of things should I bring up?You’re a guy, what would you be “dreading” at this point and what could a girl say in the situation that would lead you to thinking?
admin

December 26, 2013 at 5:33 pm

Any kind of complaining or nagging or bringing up stuff that shouldn’t be brought up.
SML

December 30, 2013 at 8:24 pm

Hey Chris…thanks for your advice. I was with him twice, and I did not complain or nag:) Not really part of who I am, especially because this break-up happened on a different kind of note – not the “I hate you, get out of my life, you cheated” note. More of the “I love you but need to be alone now” note. Not any better, but I guess it’s different. Well! He insisted to be with me and meet up, so I accepted to test the waters and see if anything had changed in the past months, especially because I have held my silence for the past 4 months or so. Not easy… He seemed eager to know about me, about work, who I had been hanging out with, where I was hanging out these days…He also mentioned an email he sent and said that he got the impression that I was mad at him and appeared to be relieved when I brushed the situation aside and assured him he had misinterpreted stuff. He also brought me a gift from abroad, which made me think “wow” – wasn’t expecting it. The meet-up was really nice and I still feel the love from his part and believe he has not forgotten me – I don’t think people act this way when they have, but might be mistaken. The next time round was in a social setting where I apparently seemed for withdrawn, uneasy and like I was avoiding him – according to a friend of mine. She said he was trying to get close to me during the evening, but I would either back away or pass by him without giving him any recognition. The strange and dumbfounding aspect of this is that I had absolutely NO CLUE this was the way I was acting! It must have been my natural impulse to protect myself or something, because I was really shocked when I stopped to think about this and realized that she was right. However, he did thank me for showing up at the get together…Now I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do next… He will be leaving back to work abroad in a week – what do I do from here, Chris? Taking all this stuff into consideration…? I don’t know if he’ll want to be with me again, but I feel like I will regret it if he leaves and I haven’t cleared stuff up. Should I keep in the mystery position and not say anything? Or should I open up my heart to him and try one last time to understand what he is feeling and if this story is over for good? I want to make the right decision, especially because I do not know when I will see him again, he will probably only return in many months from now. I need to have a clear mind and heart, but don’t know what the best way is in order to be true to myself, protect myself but make him want to speak of this important stuff and come to an open conclusion. Help… I have very few days, I need some guidance quick…
SML

January 2, 2014 at 7:41 pm

Hey Chris…Happy New Year! Really need your guidance…He’ll be leaving in 2 days and I really need to know what to do…Should I talk to him about anything or simply leave things as they are? Should I open up my heart and see how he reacts or should I just be patient and see where life takes us…? I’m so hurt…I really want to start fresh and would love to know if the best thing is trying to get closer or distancing myself. I’m scared of getting my heart ripped out again…Help help!

nj

December 21, 2013 at 12:43 pm

hi, Chris!sorry,I think i lost my pose to here too, I have alreday reposted once,but no,anyway,i will try the last time,hoep this time you can see my post!
Well,long time no talk, hope you are doing great :),its Nj again-Vietnam issue girl,hope you still remember me
Havent leave any comments for a while, but I do check your website and other girls comments update everyday, seemed your site has become more and more popular! Thing is since the last time you told the secret to get him back is to maintain that intensity once hes been contacted again,Ive been working hard on that, and things getting pretty good, though its slow, We kept contacted each other everyday and he gave positive feedback to my bring out good memory text, once I even said “I wish you were here “to him regards Christmas , he answered with a pity face, cause he will travel around Vietnam by his motorbike with his colleague during Christmas holidays, this is exactly what I worried about, I mean the things between him and me is just getting better by our constantly text, now he will be away for travel for about few weeks and not back to Saigon (city he stayed )until Jan 3,he actually started from today, so I will not be able to text him for such a long time, even can, that still will be limited, cause hes travel around, dont think he can get wifi all the time. I sent one text to him today and not heard from him till now, he still said good night to me yesterday, I am worried the travel will weak our connection, what do you think Chris? what can I do about it? just wait?
thanks a lot for your advice!
Bsrgs
nj
Karisa

December 20, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Hey Chris!

Thank you for this wonderful site! So story, My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago. We’re together for more than a year in my town since his first job was here but his family is in another state and he decided to just work there so that he can save money from all the rent and stuff. We had our ups and downs from our 2 months LDR relationship until finally i cannot take it anymore because I felt that time that he was taking me for granted, though we constantly contact each other everyday, the thing is that time I was a bit paranoid when it takes him a long time to reply or answer, it’s like im PMS-ing everytime. I visited him once on that 2 months LDr we had, and it was fun but we fought before i went home because I told him that I was disappointed with him. Yes I know im wrong and i told him i was sorry and I even mailed a sorry gift to him. After about two weeks, things went astray, we fight because I was angry to him for the same shitty reasons. Thus, we broke up.
So, after a month of NC I contacted him and he called me and told me he loves me. We talked for a long time, he told me he hadnt change and ask me not to have arguments with him anymore. I was very happy and taught that he’s coming back. But the next day he just texted me once and then didnt reply. So I didnt contact him also. After a week i did call him cause i just feel calling him that time, he told me he love me again. Then he didnt contact again the day after. We had contact again after a week again then the same story happened. What does this mean? Huhu. He is super inconsistent. I called him again at 4am about 2 weeks ago but he didnt answer so I taught he was just asleep. But the whole day there was no reply. I badly want him back.
Tabitha

December 20, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Hey there, I think my post got lost somewhere, but I’m the girl that sent my ex a pic where I had lost a LOT of weight and was looking absolutely HOT, and said to him, “Pics of my progress, thanks for the motivation! 🙂 And he finally (after 22 hours) responded with “Great job! Keep it up. God bless!”

You told me not to respond and to send another text a few days later. It’s been just over a week, so I was wondering what kind of text should I send? A funny meme? A memory text?

Tabitha 🙂

PS Thanks in advance. Your stuff freaking WORKS! I never thought he’d ever talk to me again. I just don’t want to say something I shouldn’t and screw it up.

Tabitha

December 26, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Ok so it’s been 2 weeks since my last text and I want to send a memory text, but having the trouble getting up the nerve to send it. I’m hoping to do it tomorrow while he’s at work. I’m going to take a pic of the wall at my house where, after we playfully wrestled around and he finally pushed me up against the wall, he marked my height, wrote the date, and made fun of how short I was. He always said I was only 5’2 1/4 and not 5’3″ like I always insisted, and sure enough, he was almost right (I’m 5’2 3/4″)!

So I thought of taking a pic of the wall where he had written my height and saying, “Saw this today and thought of the night we wrestled around while measuring each other — makes me smile and yet it still bugs me that you were right all long — I am just a 5’2″ half pop. 😉 ”

What do you think of that? I’m stressing out! LOL

Thank ya,
Tabitha
Tabitha

December 28, 2013 at 4:33 am

Ok so I sent the memory text tonight (Friday). Probably a bad idea considering he might be going out with friends and might be occupied later. Anyway, I simply took a pic of the height measurement on my wall, said that he was right all along, I was only a 5’2″ half pop. Last time, he took 22 hours to respond, and this time he responded in less than 10 minutes with “Ha! You’re hilarious!” I then waited for about 20 minutes and sent a “Your measurement was higher up, I’m gonna need a step ladder to erase it :-p ” ….NO RESPONSE!! Maybe I should’ve asked him a question or something. Ugh….so what do I do now?

THANK YOU!! Hope you have a good weekend!
Tabitha
Tabitha

December 31, 2013 at 2:35 am

UPDATE: So to my amazement and delight, he forwarded me a funny email about why teachers drink (I’m a teacher). He hasn’t done that since Oct. 9th, before he came to meet me. He also said, “Thought you would enjoy this 🙂 ” I haven’t messaged him since Friday night when I sent the memory text and then failed to engage him when he replied. I was pretty discouraged. But he of his own accord sent me a funny just like he used to.

You, sir, are a frickin’ genius. What should my next move be? I was thinking wait until Wednesday and send him a funny meme like I used to and bait him a bit. or should I respond more quickly, like tomorrow?

Thank you!!!!!!
Tabitha 🙂
admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Take out the word wrestled b/c I am a guy I immediately thought of sex… sorry I just don’t want him getting the wrong idea.
Tabitha

December 29, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Ok so I sent the memory text. Last time, he took 22 hours to respond, and this time he responded in less than 10 minutes with “Ha! You’re hilarious!” I then waited for about 20 minutes and sent a “Your measurement was higher up, I’m gonna need a step ladder to erase it :-p ” ….NO RESPONSE!! Maybe I should’ve asked him a question or something. Ugh….so what do I do now?

THANK YOU for your awesome advice!
Tabitha
admin

December 30, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Yes, you may have needed something a tad more compelling and response inducing in your text.
Tabitha

December 30, 2013 at 9:22 pm

So what do I do at this point? He responded quickly to the memory text, but would it be weird for me to send another one? Or should I do a funny meme and see if he responds, then ask him a “How’s it going” question?

I’m so in shock that he is responding. THANK you for this page!

Tabitha
admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:55 am

Sorry about your post. Ugh, it frustrates me when that happens.

Memes and memories would work well. Choose carefully though.

Shan

December 20, 2013 at 4:42 am

Me and my ex were together a few months at uni but broke up when I came home for summer because the distance got difficult.
During this time we talked and flirted a bit and there were promises of being together when the next uni year begins.
My phone then broke and I thought he was ignoring me for 2 weeks but his messages weren’t getting through. He thought I got over him because I never replied and got a girlfriend.
We spoke on the phone that night, I got very emotional and was influenced by alcohol. We spoke for 2.5 hrs, I cried a lot. He said he would always love me but he was with this girl now and could we be friends.
I have texted him a few times but don’t know how to get a comfortable friendship going.
I messaged him yesterday and he admitted that he didn’t think his relationship would last long and has been a bit flirty and had sexual innuendos through text and snapchat.
I don’t know how to strike up a comfortable friendship or to get back with him when him and his rebound break up.

admin

December 21, 2013 at 3:34 am

Wait, are you saying he is dating someone else now?

Melissa

December 19, 2013 at 6:24 pm

My ex came back, he broke up with his new grilfriend of 1 month and told me he has been thinking of me and that he misses me. He said one of the reasons he acted the way he did was because he was scared of how the LDR thing would work out, he wasn’t ready for it.

He asked if we could start talking again (after my attempts of getting him back and when he got a new girlfriend I gave up and decided to let him be, so I told him I can’t be his friend anymore because it is too hard for me, which he said felt horrible). We had a deep talk about how we felt, and I asked what he wants to do, why he is contacting me? And he said that he might not be ready to meet me yet, because he knows he is going to fall for me even stronger again and it’s going to be hard when I leave for my home country once again. But he wants to chat and to see where things go, he wants to take it slow.

He is not sure of what he wants to do, he is still scared of LDR, and I am too. But I am willing to try again (I haven’t told him this yet tho, I just made up my mind and haven’t talked to him about it) but I am not sure what he is going to want. I agreed on taking it slow so we are casually talking now (chatting over skype). I am already getting my hopes up and I don’t want to be crushed again if he doesn’t want to take it any further, I know he has feelings for me still but I am not sure how to approach this, I don’t know how to act with him and what to do to make him want to give LDR another chance, please help me. I’ve already done NC and it got me this far and because I agreed on start talking again and taking it slow I can’t just ditch him again. I’m so confused, and scared, I don’t wanna get my heart broken again. 🙁
Nj

December 19, 2013 at 12:55 am

hi, Chris!sorry, I posted my comment yesterday on my old post and didnt see you reply, I guess its too before for you to see, so I just repost here again,sorry for the bothering
Well,long time no talk, hope you are doing great :),its Nj again-Vietnam issue girl,hope you still remember me 😛
Havent leave any comments for a while, but I do check your website and other girls comments update everyday, seemed your site has become more and more popular! Thing is since the last time you told the secret to get him back is to maintain that intensity once hes been contacted again,Ive been working hard on that, and things getting pretty good, though its slow, We kept contacted each other everyday and he gave positive feedback to my bring out good memory text, once I even said “I wish you were here “to him regards Christmas , he answered with a pity face, cause he will travel around Vietnam by his motorbike with his colleague during Christmas holidays, this is exactly what I worried about, I mean the things between him and me is just getting better by our constantly text, now he will be away for travel for about few weeks and not back to Saigon (city he stayed )until Jan 3,he actually started from today, so I will not be able to text him for such a long time, even can, that still will be limited, cause hes travel around, dont think he can get wifi all the time. I sent one text to him today and not heard from him till now, he still said good night to me yesterday, I am worried the travel will weak our connection, what do you think Chris? what can I do about it? just wait?
thanks a lot for your advice!
Bsrgs
youngnconfused soon to be catlady

December 18, 2013 at 9:23 pm

Hey Chris,

So I was a bit of a punk tomorrow is day 50 of nc. I feel as though I am finally emotionally ready to contact my ex, without any resentment or pain towards him. I’m still a bit nervous to contact him, only because the whole time he has never even tried to contact me at all. I’ll keep you up to date bout how it goes….hopefully in my favor and things will get better and progress…..

just wanted to know if this is a decent “memory text”

“Hey, I just had some amazing Mexican food. You remember when we went out to eat some Mexican food up in NY, and then we went to the club afterwards? Haha, that was my first time ever having Mexican. I think about that night sometimes.”

now after I send this text, I continue the convo for a 2-3 hrs and then become busy according to your steps correct?!

Thanks in advance!

admin

December 19, 2013 at 7:10 pm

No, you end the conversation after his response.
youngnconfused soon to be catlady

December 21, 2013 at 6:02 pm

ok so I sent my text….he read it but never responded…..when we broke up it was cause he said he was “depressed” about his life….I gave him 50 days to himself….I don’t get what I did to make him ignore me….even when together I was supportive helped him find a job and helped pay his bills….gave him words of encouragement…I feel stupid and totally used…yet I just want him to know that if he is “depressed” he’s not alone and I’m here.

should I wait a week and then try again? or just leave him be?
admin

December 22, 2013 at 2:34 am

Wait a week and try again. Though if this persists you may have to throw in the towel and look at protecting yourself by healing.
youngnconfused soon to be catlady

December 26, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Hope you had a Great Christmas yesterday Chris!

So my ex finally text me back Christmas eve….stating “I know..great times..Have a wonderful Christmas and an even better new year” I haven’t text him since last week when he ignored my text….should I send another first text like the one I did right after nc…..to test out the waters….?
admin

December 27, 2013 at 6:51 pm

Wait a day or two and then send something back.
youngnconfused soon to be catlady

December 27, 2013 at 7:49 pm

ok send something back like what though? another test the waters text or the random meme (the next step text)?
admin

December 28, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Test the waters.
youngnconfused soon to be catlady

January 4, 2014 at 8:26 pm

Happy New Year Chris!

ok so I sent another test the water new year eve day…the text i sent consisted of us getting lost with my gps to go watch a movie he wanted to watch, plus seasons greetings and letting him know if he needs anything im here…
he responded right away saying how great the movie is, said many more seasons greetings to me and thanks for always being there for him with a smile face…
I ended the convo like your guide suggests…said I reached my friends house and ill chat with him later…

im not sure if the response I got from him was a good one or not….I mean he seemed more excited bout the movie than our memory of getting lost lookin for the theater….he was very receptive to the fact that I here if he needs anything….idk

what do you suggest the next step be? send the meme, give up, or what? am I reading too into his text and should I just be happy I gotta immediate text back, and I should just go on to the meme?
youngnconfused soon to be catlady

January 6, 2014 at 2:34 pm

hey d I chris….should I send a meme text or another test the waters in reaction to the Nye text& response?
youngnconfused soon to be catlady

December 27, 2013 at 3:55 pm

should I send out another text to test out the waters again? or what do you suggest I do as the next step? Thanks.

Stal

December 17, 2013 at 9:57 pm

I broke up with my ldr bf yesterday. Broke up with him because I heard he was seen at a party with another lady. She could be any one, from the description, she isn’t even his type.
I am an impulsive person. I know I should have been patient and heard his side of the story first. But I dint. I love him so much and want to get him back. When I told him I don’t want to be with him anymore, he said he is sad and unhappy. But if it will give me peace of mind and make me happy then he understands.
What does that mean? I dint expect him to accept it so easily. What do you think? Please reply. Thank you.

admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:30 pm

Well, let me ask you this. What is wrong with him going to a party with a lady friend? Was the friend getting romantic with him?
Stal

December 27, 2013 at 11:52 am

There is nothing wrong with that. The wrong part is that he dint say anything about it, we promised to always tell each other when something like that happens.

one sincere action

December 17, 2013 at 4:32 pm

Hi!
First of all, thank you for your great website! It did help me out of emotional turmoil I had been through for the past month. So I stay calm and more rational and decide I want him back. After my ex started dating a new gf, he acted like a jackass which crushed my heart into pieces.
Anyhow, he knows that and he is in the apologizing mode.

To explain my situation,
-me and my ex fiance dated for 9 years and in LDR (international and domestic) for the last 5 out of those 9 years.
-I am the one who broke up with him 3 years ago and it wasn’t a bad breakup,though of course painful for both ends. Nobody cheated.
-Since the breakup, we have still been in contact with each other. We even met and lived together for a few months going through a difficult event like death of my family member together. But I couldn’t accept him because I thought it was selfish to keep him from leaving for the better chance(career), just for my own sake.
– I know he still had feelings for me until he met his new gf about a month and a half ago. I was his first gf.
– Right now I am internationally apart from him. I am planning to visit him and his mom at the end of next month. I got along very well with his family, esp mom. She even sent me bday or xmas cards after the breakup. He and his mom know about my visit.

I am currently in nc for the past 2 weeks since the last short phone conversation with him about my trip and he hasn’t contacted me so far. Probably he is ” clueless” the rare type you described or simply doesn’t care because he is in the honeymoon stage with the new girl.
I know my chance is very low like the worst case scenario. But hey life is short and I will give it a shot.

My question is how I can apply your strategy in my case. I can text, call, or skype him and set up a “get together” with him any time since I am visiting his city in 8 years and he says I am like a family (though I dont believe it based on his actions). But I am very cautious about talking about the relationship or feelings in the facetime/skype stage you described since he has a gf. What should I do?

admin

December 17, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Well, if he has a girlfriend you might want to check out the latest guide.
one sincere action

December 30, 2013 at 1:46 pm

Well I m still in NC almost for 4 weeks. He finally emailed me for xmas. I didnt reply to him. Nothing special though, saying he thinks of me n my family everyday (since I am personally under difficult situation). And he at least noticed that he hadnt spoken to me and things had been ackward between us. Not sure if its a good sign?

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