How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Oli

November 23, 2013 at 8:57 am

Hi Chris,

I am here on a long weekend with my ex boyfriend. When I arrived he was covered in love bites and on his comp are several pictures of him and another girl who i believe he is constantly texting. It is the same girl he had a one night stand with, which is the reason I broke up with him, after which he told me he didn’t love me and didn’t want me anymore… This was not the only girl he cheated with throughout the four year relationship. Since I’ve been here he has been attentive and says he’s trying to look after me.

Please tell me how to get through this weekend as its hell with all the love bites and texts, I just want to cry and stay in bed…

Please tell me how to get over this relationship when I get back home, as I am coming to the realisation that I can’t do this to myself anymore…

Thanks in advance

admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:24 pm

Well I am sorry you are hurting.

Have you read my guide on getting over an ex?

Rhea

November 23, 2013 at 7:16 am

Hi Chris, my ex and I broke up a few months back (because we ended up arguing more than being civil – mostly because he didnt have time for me etc) and I went straight into NC. He got a new girlfriend 3 weeks after we broke up. After NC I decided to do the steps that you suggested and everything seemed fine and he seemed so responsive, it is just the mere fact that he still has a girlfriend. Before I went NC, he told me he really didn’t want to lose someone like me and wants me to be a close friend of his. NC made him miss me more, but it seems like me coming out of NC and talking to him only makes him want to be just friends because he finds the comfort in me to always listen to him when he has something to say.
I don’t think he would break up with his new girlfriend to get back with me no matter how much he misses me. Do you think I should just give him his space and time with his new girlfriend and try again after he and her breaks up for who knows how long that will be?

admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:28 pm

I think so… that space is crucial.
Rhea

November 24, 2013 at 7:06 pm

The thing is, he won’t stop calling me or texting me, when I try to ignore him, he sends messages like “oh I hurt my knee” or “oh i feel sick today” to get me to reply to him. I gave him space all through NC, and I’m willing to give him as much space as he needs but he doesn’t want space from me at all it seems because he wants us to stay talking and friends. Any advice? :
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Just ignore him at this point. Eventually the messages will stop and if they don’t… well he is a needy guy hahaha.
Rhea

November 25, 2013 at 10:51 pm

Thank you! I will do that 😀
Rhea

December 3, 2013 at 6:25 pm

I gave him his space he needed…throughout that week of space I gave him, it occurred to him that whenever I wasn’t around for him, he wasn’t as happy. He realized his girlfriend didn’t actually care for him like I did, nor cared for him at all. And he broke up with her at the end of the week. Now he’s asking for another chance and I’m supposed to meet up with him in his state in two months (of course he’s paying for my flight) and we can talk about it in person. From that time till now we are going to stay talking, because I don’t want to jump into a relationship with him right after his break up…

I just want to say, thank you for all of your advice, Chris! Happy holidays 🙂
admin

December 5, 2013 at 12:26 am

Your very welcome!

dammit

November 23, 2013 at 2:43 am

Hi, Chris. I broke the 30 no contact rule today – wait – totally on purpose (day 8) because he contacted me to ask how I was doing and I decided to tell him everything I’ve been thinking about. By everything I mean that I wasn’t happy either and that I wouldn’t want to go back to that relationship because I didn’t feel appreciated enough – and that’s true -. Anyway, I ended losing my temper but, after a few minutes, I told him that I’m not ready to talk yet and that I’ll contact him whenever I don’t have these feels.

Besides the fact that I broke the NC, do you think this could be of any good in the future? I mean, when I finally talk to him, he’s gonna know I don’t love him anymore and I will friendzone him.

Also, do you think I should extend the NC period for more than 30 days to counteract this?

Thank you so, so much.

admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:49 pm

How long did you last before you broke it?
dammit

November 24, 2013 at 11:17 pm

Sorry to be a pain in the ass but I still don’t know what you think about reinitiating the NC for more than a month… Also, if coming clear about me not being comfortable in the relationship either was of any good, in your opinion.

I know you get tons of questions, I’m just helpless ^^’
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:36 pm

I think its a good idea in your case.
dammit

November 24, 2013 at 12:20 am

8 days.

Sisi

November 21, 2013 at 7:47 am

Hey Chris,
What if someone (the ex-ex gf) did the no contact rule on the ex bf and he got hurt from it (as you expected) and me trying again just brings him that bad memories back and pushes him even further?

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:52 pm

I still think you do it you just shorten it.

Perplexed

November 21, 2013 at 4:46 am

Hi Chris,

Things were moving along really well with my LDR ex. We were texting each other pictures of what we were doing, etc all the time. He had inquired whether or not my apt was open to doing month to month leasing, made reference to my work commute from the city he lives in, etc. All of these comments I answered and LOL’d/smiley-faced at…perhaps I should have approached them more directly but I was so scared of ruining things, I really liked him and wanted it to work out.

Fast forward to when a shift occurred. He met me at the airport in my city (so sweet/thoughtful!) and flew me out to a friends wedding. Things were going really well but once we arrived (1) we shared a hotel room with his married friend/his wife (I said it was fine but that made me start questioning his level of interest in me, why wouldn’t he want a room to ourselves for “alone time”) and (2) when we went out at night with his friends he would leave me to go off with his friends. I didn’t know anyone and I was slowly getting pissed and feeling “ditched”. The next day people were asking when my ex was coming to town to visit me and I realized that I had no idea. As he was driving me to catch my flight I asked and it opened an extremely awkward drive because he didn’t seem to have any plans and it didn’t seem likely that it would be soon (and that to me was interpreted as not having any interest in seeing me). After the trip our level of communication fell off and I brought that to light 2x. Both times I suggested that we schedule a future “date” for us and he agreed but never followed up with a suggested date…his work is very demanding and dictated a lot of his schedule. I so wanted things to work so decided to just sit back and chill.

One night he sent me a party pic of his friend that was visiting, which he’d never mentioned to me before. We texted briefly throughout their football game and then I fell asleep. He called at 11PM and I excitedly woke to take the call. He said to get home he’d hitched a ride with a random girl on the street because no cabs were available, didn’t know where his friends were, and all this pissed me off. I made a passive aggressive remark that he brushed off so I got off the phone and was up all night. Next day I broke up with him because of the incident and he sounded pretty angry (but regained his composure..he is often very much in control of his emotions…do you have an NC for composed guys?).

A few days later I apologized for the rash decision, he said we can’t jump back in until we see each other again, blah blah blah we ended up defining us as being on a “break”. Fast forward 3 weeks later, after an occasional text but with no mention of seeing each other again I asked if he thought we should see other people and he said that seemed like the only remaining option and did I see any other way? I told him I cared for him and went on letting him know that I didn’t want to separate but he stuck with his “only option” standing. I think thats when your site came in the picture…so nice to hear other stories and your advice. I avoided the 30-Day NC (due to the LDR I was too nervous how it would work) but I totally took you on your fun texts, etc advice and it worked. We got into the habit of texting funny things, comments, etc. Nothing major though.

I texted him that I was getting a puppy (he’d spent time trying to get me to own one during our relationship) and was trading in my car for another (we’d spoken about this on occasion). But through all of these coincidences I was growing tired of our “casual” texting, I didn’t want to waste time if he was just being polite. So after a few weeks of fun texting I asked if he ever thought about seeing each other, he said he’d thought about the circumstances and the LDR seemed to cause too many problems. I asked if there was a specific situation because things were perfect before our trip together and he said he was in the middle of work and couldn’t get into it right then. I then asked that he let me know when he had a free minute to talk about it because i thought it was important that we talk about it and signed it with a cute emoticon. A day passed with no word from him and then he texted me a random comment about an athletic event we’d spoken about. I went with it and next thing I know we’re chatting casually about football. The next day I reached out about an NFL game and we exchanged a fews texts but he didn’t seem to have serious interest in the exchange so it just died out. The next morning, not wanting to be dragged back into a random texting-friendship I sent him the same “let me know when you have a minute to talk about things” text. He called me that night. We chatted about casual things early on, my puppy, what his holiday plans were (all working), his friends work schedule, me being laid off from work 3 days prior (a fact I thought might inspire interest on his part in resuming things/asking me to move to his city). Then silence fell over our talk and he launched the “distance” conversation. He repeated that he felt the distance was causing all the problems (I didn’t want to take that/my un-employment status and run with them because I didn’t want to scare him off). We ended the conversation and he said, “Alright, talk later” and I stopped him and said I didn’t want to stay in contact, I wanted to move on. He seemed annoyed by that but said OK, Whatever and hung up. I texted him that I didn’t want to move on but want to be in a relationship with someone that cares for me, not running after anything. He responded that that was not the case but that he doesn’t have the time to put into the relationship right now and that Id just get frustrated with him and his scheduling; I said that there were many things that could happen; He told me that he wasn’t shutting the door on us but if thats what I want it is what it is; I said it sounded like he was shutting the door on our relationship and that I need something to hold onto. He then responded that he’s not arguing and I should do what I need to do and he needed to go to bed. I responded ok, I guess Ill hear from you next year then and sent him a link to a cute pic.

That was all 10 days ago…do you think he’ll reach out to me? I think that’s what I need, more reassurance from the relationship (guilty of being needy). I will go into NC but really want him to reach out to me. Do you think he is still interested?

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Go into NC and it will improve his chances of reaching out to you.
Perplexed

January 3, 2014 at 7:28 am

Hi Admin,

So things ended up working out and were moving along really well, we’d started talking about me going to see him (pending our work schedules, etc). He was sending me pics again and I was doing the same. This time around the texting became more sexually-inspired, and I’m ok with that but he kept telling me how he was going to be naughty in 2014 and there was very little other conversation from him so I kind of wanted to steer clear of the naughty-chat.

So NYE night we were both working and were texting towards the end of the night. He made a comment that since he couldn’t party hard he wasn’t able to relieve stress and I told him I’d help him relieve stress but he’d have to wait, and he said, “waiting is hard” (which kind of made me wonder if he was talking about the relationship or just the stress convo?). He asked what he’d see and I sent him a picture of me cleaning the restaurant menus and then asked if he wanted to Facetime later. He didn’t respond to the FT request but expressed disappointment in the menu pic. Then I was finished at work and I declined an invite for drinks with coworkers and was REALLY looking forward to getting home and finally seeing him and hearing his voice. I got home and showered, put on one of the lingerie pieces I’d bought for our meet-up (per his mentioning no one ever wearing lingerie for him and his interest in seeing me in it), and then set up more flattering lighting by my bed.

At that point it was 1.5hr after he’d mentioned needing an hour before being avail for FT so I texted him that I was getting ready for FT. He inquired what that entailed and I told him just showering and getting comfy in bed. He then responded, “I guess Ill just go to bed stressed tonight then”. I thought that meant he wasn’t going to FT with me and felt stupid so of course flipped a lid. I told him to go find someone else to play games with. He said “you must be joking” and I told him that he confused me, agreeing to FT first and then backing out of it after I had gotten ready. He said he’d just gotten back to his sleeping quarters and told me I get mad every time I take something personal. I told him that I know I get mad with every miscommunication and I’m sorry but what can I say. He then called me with FT but I was in tears so didn’t answer (wish I had). He texted me that he tried to call me but I didn’t answer…there was no miscommunication, he’s tired of one extreme to the other. I told him that it was late and we are in disagreement and I sent him a copy of his text telling me that he’d go to bed stressed. Then he said I was right and that he didn’t know what he was saying or meant and I replied with “OK” and he said, “Forget it. I’m not dealing with a crisis every time you take something the wrong way” to which I replied, “Sometimes I need things said directly. This is not the kind of conversation I was hoping to have with you tonight.” Then no response from him so I sent a series of texts telling him that I didn’t want to leave things like this, that I can’t just cut ties like this. After asking him to say something I told him that I am sorry it ended and that I really care for him and thought things were progressing well. Later that afternoon, 1/1/14, I sent him a long text, “I know I shouldn’t be contacting you like I am but please just respond. I know sometimes I get insecure and need reassurance that you can’t give me and I hate that but it seems like thats how i can get and it is what it is. I don’t blame you for being fed up. I thought things would be different now that we know each other’s limits more but things went sour again so there’s very little hope or continuing to try. But I do want to try to leave things with some sort of understanding and closure. I care how you feel and what you think really matters a lot to me. Please respond with something.” He said “It has nothing to do with you needing reassurance. It has everything to do with you saying things without thinking first.” I said, “You’re right. I do get hot headed. And last night was because I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me after I’d set everything up. It sounds pathetic but its the truth.” Nothing from him. The next morning I asked, “Do you think there is no point in continuing to try?” That afternoon he said, “This happened twice and I don’t see anything preventing it from happening again.”

I’m not sure how to respond. I mean he is right even though I really want to go back and change how I responded and just flat out ask him if he was avoiding talking to me. I decided to take a little more light-hearted approach, so asked what I was supposed to do with all the lingerie I’d bought. He replied like 20 min later, “You can still wear it.” I told him that I never get lingerie party invites (a previous joke) but that even if I did I’d have 3 costume changes to wear. He responded, “You can still show them to me.” And I responded, “I don’t want to send pics of this naughty content. Wouldn’t want to end up on GGW: The Ex Files.” Then nothing.

What do you think he’s thinking? Is it stupid of me to try this again? Is it worthwhile? Does he really even care for me if he’d let this go over that? I hate myself for screwing it up again and feel so stupid trying to rekindle it again…I fear he thinks I’m too immature and childish to be with. Please help.
Perplexed

November 23, 2013 at 6:09 am

Do you think he suddenly lost interest? Was he just being polite staying in contact & responding to my text messages?
admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:03 pm

It’s possible but usually unlikely. Did you do anything to make him lose interest?
Perplexed

November 25, 2013 at 9:47 am

Well only the awkwardness after hearing that he wasn’t planning on seeing me for a while and the following questioning…maybe I started coming off too needy/clingy?

12 days passed since our last conversation and while I was at work he reached out about a game we’d planed on seeing together. I responded when I got off work (3AM) and we exchanged a few brief texts. It turns out he’s temporarily immobile. I sent him my regret and woke this morning to a text from him telling me he thinks my new job at my local pub isn’t the best choice for me and he’d happily loan me money. He said he thinks I’m too bright to go down “that road” (whatever that means). I thanked him but haven’t said anything since, not sure how I feel about his response. Does it mean he will look down on me for my decision? An hour later he sent me a video of a bartender trick he suggested I master. Will NC for 30 days now give him the impression I’ve moved on or that my lifestyle choices have changed too drastically?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:29 pm

It shouldn’t… I don’t think it will.
Perplexed

November 25, 2013 at 10:36 pm

Hi! Sorry I accidentally entered my real name in my last submission. Would you mind not posting (if not already)? Thank you!

Well he texted me this morning that he wasn’t being sarcastic and does hope it works out and that I find something I enjoy. Should I respond or launch 30-Day NC? I know you say guess are encouraged by the silence but he seems to have a stern disinterest in a challenging/difficult relationship. Should I not respond in a casual way?
Leslie

November 25, 2013 at 10:34 pm

Well he texted me this morning that he wasn’t being sarcastic and does hope it works out and that I find something I enjoy. Should I respond or launch 30-Day NC? I know you say guess are encouraged by the silence but he seems to have a stern disinterest in a challenging/difficult relationship. Should I not respond in a casual way?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 7:18 pm

What do you mean launch it? You mean your not doing it?
Perplexed

November 26, 2013 at 7:25 pm

I guess I am, havent texted since i thanked him sunday. He’s mistaking my silence for me being mad. He texted me this AM, You must be mad. Is Nc effective if they think you’re mad? Lol, maybe I’m just looking for loopholes. Recommend a 30 day nc still?
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Hmmm yes I still think so.

amanda

November 20, 2013 at 10:58 pm

My LDR and I broke up yesterday. He says he is depressed right now and needs some time to himself. He also says that it has nothing to do with me, he loves every single moment we spend together, but that when we are separated it is too hard for him to deal with. We were together for 7 months and almost the entire relationship was long distance (even from the beginning since we met through a mutual friend). He is talking to me still and we are going to FaceTime tomorrow. I need advice on what to say. I know it’s too early to push him into getting back together, but I need to be able to at least plant the seed. I know I’m skipping a lot of steps, but he and I have a very special and loving relationship.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Have you started your period of NC yet?
amanda

November 21, 2013 at 9:31 pm

Well no. Honestly, I don’t think that’s the right approach in this specific situation.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Then do what you think is best. After all, you should always look out for numero UNO!

Roshni

November 20, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Is it possible that he take a stand against his family while i m still married?Should i try to get him back or should i take divorce first?

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:03 pm

It’s possible but probably unlikely.

Marie

November 19, 2013 at 10:38 pm

My ex fiance and I have been broken up for a 1.5 months out of a LDR. He is in a rebound relationship. Is there stuff here on this page that should be done differently if they are not only states away but seeing someone now?

admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Have you read the rebound relationship guide?
Marie

November 20, 2013 at 10:17 pm

Yes, thank you for that. I feel a lot better.

I know it’s impossible for you to put a timeline on this, but any thoughts on how long this LDR process should take? It seems like this all can happen pretty quickly… like within a month; is that acceptable? (I had a goal of seeing him for the first time again around April of next year, hoping and praying him and the rebound don’t last!)

Also, one last question: He must have been struggling because by the end of my NC he was contacting me, but now with my plan of getting him back, it seems like I am the one initiating all the contact. Is this normal and okay?

So far I have positive responses from him across the board, even with a sin I committed coming out of NC with an emotional email-letter I sent him asking him not to contact me anymore because I still have feelings for him. I tried to save myself and I think I did. I hope.

Thanks for reading this!!!!!! <3
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:32 pm

Thats perfect. Glad you are getting posiitve responses.

Though I am not sure emotional right out of the gates is the smartest thing to do…
Marie

November 21, 2013 at 6:59 pm

I know, I messed up and did that so I’m trying to recover from it. That’s why I was wondering if it’s normal that now I am the one initiating all the contact. I get good responses… I’m just the one now initiating. It was him during NC.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Well maybe pull back for a while to see if he will take the reigns and initiate.

Ashly

November 19, 2013 at 3:56 pm

My ex and I were together 3/1/2 years and everything was fine until he had to move an hour and a half away. He was 26 and still living at home (now he is finally on his own and has to take care of himself). He broke up with me because he said I couldn’t handle the new situation, which wasn’t true. He had only been gone 3 months and at that time did not have a computer so that we could skype. We both needed time to get used to not seeing eachother every day.
Right after the breakup he contacted me a week later saying he was sad I hadn’t written him that I missed him and wanted him to come back. He was always the kind of guy who wanted attention. The two weeks following that we had contact everyday. The most of it came from him wanting to skype me and talk about his problems. He acted like we were together and until I asked everything was going well with us. After he said he would never come back I said I needed to cut contact to let go of my feelings. It made him mad. Since then he still writes me sms (he blocked me on facebook and whatsapp) but the sms are never nice. Always telling me that I ruined everything and that he is never coming back. That he doesn’t know why he was ever with me and I couldn’t handle him moving for job reasons. All of our friends and people who have known him longer than I, have said he is the one who isn’t adjusting to his situation. He has no friends and lives totally alone now. I still love him, but I don’t want to push him. I think if we don’t have contact he will move on because he is the kind of guy who needs attention. What should I do? At the moment he is very angry and I haven’t tried to contact him at all. We have been broken up for 6 weeks now. I am at a loss because I know if I don’t reach out he will let go for good. At the same time I am tired of him taking out his anger on me. We live in Europe and he was always depressed around this time of year. I have the feeling that he is depressed again. Should I reach out? Should I just throw in the towel? Before he moved everything was like a dream. I never felt the way I did for him with anyone else. That makes it hard for me to want to move on…

admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:46 pm

Do you want to throw in the towel?

Roshni

November 19, 2013 at 10:46 am

Hi Chris,

My issue here quite different or i should say wierd as compared to other exboyfriend issues.

I was in a relationship with a guy from last 7 years.I wanted to marry him but since my parents didnt agreed,I got married to someone else.I got married about 1.5 years ago.Every day since then i am living my life like a dead body with no emotions at all.My husband is of very diff. nature and we fight a lot.I told this to my parents but they want me to live with my husband any how because they think i am fighting with my husband purposely so as to leave him and get back to my exboyfriend

During all this while,i did contacted my exboyfriend and told him that i am not happy with this marriage and i want to marry him after divorcing my husband.He said he too is not happy and will ask his parents.If they agree,he will marry me else not.When he askd his parents,they refused straigt forwardly.And so he cant marry me.

We were in contact till last last month end(i was at my parents home and was pretty sure of not coming back to my husband).My parents wanted me to give another chance to my marriage,so i had to come back to my husband.When i told my Exboyfriend about it,he said he will not talk to me anymore as there is no future of this relationship.

I used to message him but he didnt replied.So i decided to follow NC last week and didnt messaged him since then.He pinged me 2 days before but i didnt replied.

What do you think is going on in his mind?Is ge still trying to convince his parents but is not telling me so as not to ruin my life?Is there aby future of our relationship?What should i do next?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Well, I would say what do you want? If you want him go for it but if you don’t see a future just let him go.
Roshni

November 20, 2013 at 2:26 am

Yes..i do want him back.Please suggest what to do to get him back?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Pretty much do what this guide says.
Roshni

November 26, 2013 at 2:35 pm

Hi chris,

I am very much annoyed with your systen right now.I have left 2 same posts as reply a here since yesterday.It says awaiting moderation and when I check it after 2-3 hours,my post is missing from the site.This has happened twice.

Plz check into the matter as writing the same content again and again when I am already upset in my life,is very much annoying.

Hope you will check into your system and send a reply to my previos post without requiring me to post it again.
admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:25 pm

I am sorry I have just gotten this. Really sorry for the inconveinece
Roshni

November 26, 2013 at 5:40 am

I want him back at any cost.I cant live happily without him.

Do you think NC rule will work in my case.Since I am married,wont he think that I am happy with my husband and that’s the reason behind not taljing to him.

In the last 15 days of my NC,he pinged me twice,but i didnt replied.Ever since his last message 3 days back,to which i didnt replied,he has not even came online.

I am afraid to loose him forever since his parents are forcing him to get married from a long time to which he is not agreeing.May be because of tbis behaviour of mine,he say ues to marry some one else.

Pls suggest what shoul I do.I really love him so vey much.I know he loves me too,but he is lackinf courage to fight with his parents.
admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Well I don’t want to be the cause of any breakup between you and your husband….
Roshni

November 26, 2013 at 10:59 pm

Chris,

You wont be the cause of breakup between me and my husband,but you will safe our lifes from ruining forever.Things are goin lg really bad between me and my husband.We are like two strangers under the same roof who only talk whenever we have to fight.
Now my family is not agreeing me getting seperated from my husband as they think i will have to live my whole life alone.In thia case if my exboyfriend agrees to be with me,all of us can be happy.
Plz you are my only hope to get him back.Plz dont say that you wont help me in this.
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Gotcha!

Well take care of numero UNO before anything and if that means getting seperated from your husband do so.
Roshni

November 28, 2013 at 8:03 am

I did not got what does your this statement means-“take care of the numero UNO”.
Roshni

November 30, 2013 at 2:10 pm

Hi Chris,

My exboyfriend lives in India and I am in States.He just pinged me today asking-‘Is it thanks giving festival here today?’. Can I reply him a simple Yes while there is still 10 days of NC left.
Roshni

November 29, 2013 at 6:36 am

Hahaha..ok,its dat wat u meant.Thanks a tonn for showing concern.
I will do everything d way you ask me to if it can help me get my exboyfriend back.I really love him so very much.There wasn’t and there wont be any boy who could take his place in my life.
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:22 am

Hey do the best you can 🙂 thats all anyone can ask of you.
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:34 am

Hahah take care of yourself first.
Roshni

November 27, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Hi chris,

First of all i would like to thank you for you reply.

Should I continue NC with my exboyfriend (15 days still left) or should i start talking to him?
admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:07 am

Continue for now!

Janae

November 19, 2013 at 7:41 am

Okay, so things have been going exceptionally well 🙂 In fact, we talk at least every three days or so and lately it’s been every night, and he even mentioned calling me at one point. Whenever we end the conversation he tells me he loves me. We flirt everytime we text, and each time we do it’s lighthearted and just lots of fun. I have trouble ending the conversations because I do love texting him, but i have been getting better at it. In fact, he’s been the one who’s been texting me first lately, so your site has been sooo great 🙂 My ONLY question at this point is, should we slow down the texting a bit? Because it has been every night and I’m wondering if instead of texting him tonight, if I should just wait a few days?

admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Hmmm… its up to you. Feel the situation out a bit.
Janae

November 20, 2013 at 2:01 am

Okay, thank you! 🙂

Amy

November 17, 2013 at 11:34 pm

Hey I don’t want to get into a really long story but I’m really stuck and I need some decent advice to try and get him back.

So maybe this long distance wasn’t as long as the majority of people on here, I live in Cornwall England and he lives in Newcastle England. (400 miles difference) We met in person at a wedding, I was a waitress and he was a guest. His entire family live up north and his cousin wanted to get married down here.

We clicked right from the second we started speaking, I didn’t want to leave at the end of the night in fear of not speaking again so we got each other’s numbers and facebooks to stay in contact. After a couple of months of daily conversations most of the day I realised that I started to really feel things for this guy. I have always been someone to advise against long distance relationships which is what put me off but I was ready to throw all of that out of the window for him. I forgot to mention that he felt the same way, we both wanted to be with each other but the distance was holding back the decision making.

About a month after we were open about our feelings, he asked me to be his girlfriend over a Skype call. Best moment of my life to be honest. We said we loved each other previously to this, and as time went on it grew and grew. The only problem was, as we are both young adults, we didn’t know when we could see each other. Money was a big problem as we are young and don’t effing have any. But by a stroke of luck, my best friend who’s family live in Manchester, asked me to go up with him for a trip. We then planned to meet Rob there (my guy in question) about a month later.

So the time came, me and my best friend met him at the train station in Manchester and I jumped into his arms and nearly cried with joy. We planned to spend the day together aswell as another day in the week. Both of those days were absoltley perfect. We just talked as if we had been best friends that were never apart to begin with. All with the ecstasy and excitement of getting to know each other more.

After the trip was over and we both returned to our homes, we commenced to talk most of the day every day all day over Facebook and Skype etc. he then visited my house a few times during our 8 month relationship and spent most of the summer with me. My parents loved him and vice versa, he got on well with my pets (very important to me) and of course we had our arguments but we were still solid as rock together. I can honestly say that we were completely in love.

He came down for three weeks in the summer, but after he went back he came back again due to luck. After he left for that last time, I was sad but already planning his next trip.

We were fine with each other for most of that week but we argued quite drastically for the first couple of days he started university. During the aftermath of this argument he sent me a long message telling me that he didn’t want to be with me any longer due to his realisation that he no longer loved me, and that he felt/thought about this on his way back home the last time. He felt that we weren’t compatible. He didn’t want me to leave his life however because he still cared about me extremely and was very upset with the idea of us stopping contact. I was and still am completely heart broken.

I can’t go into full detail due to not wanting to bore you, but basically we still talk every day all day just like we used to other than saying “I love you” to each other etc. He even got protective over me after another guy was crudely implying sexual things to me (zero interest back of course.) he insists that he doesn’t want to get back with me, but the way he speaks to me still makes me not believe him. I then told him that due to my needed recovery I had to stop speaking to him and he was very hurt by this. He is planning to come and see me again but ‘as friends’. We also constantly talk about our memories.

I stand by the fact that we were so great together. The break up feels entirely wrong, and if we were so bad together then why wouldn’t I have felt it? He means the world to me, and I do to him still just in different ways.

I really need to see him again. Do you think what we had can be rekindled? I really need some advice. Thank you.

admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:10 pm

I think it can! Have you tried NC yet?
Amy

November 18, 2013 at 7:01 pm

I haven’t, do you think it will work in my case?
admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:39 pm

I think its certainly worth a try.

Georgia

November 17, 2013 at 9:19 pm

My ex text me the day after he broke up with me asking if I wanted him to keep the letter I wrote to him, but I didnt reply. Now, 4 days after that he has text again saying he will be coming back from Wales to his parents house nearby where he lived before he moved to pick up something from home. He asked if he should come and pick his stuff up. I dont know what to reply seeing as im meant to be doing no contact? Also when he broke up with me he said he would leave his stuff at my house as he still wanted to be friends and would come and visit me, so does this mean he’s changed his mind?

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Yes I think exchanging things is a good idea.

SML

November 17, 2013 at 7:36 pm

Want to move on if in fact, he doesn’t want me at all! If that’s not the case, I want a beautiful future together:) I don’t live in la-la land – but there is something that tells me we were really meant to be. Sorry for the fragmented comments. I just need to know how to take it from here on.

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:41 pm

I think thats the best way to approach it. If none of this works it might be best to move on.

SML

November 17, 2013 at 7:34 pm

Also, he will be coming to town for Christmas and New Year’s and do not know if I should just keep NC until then and wait for him to contact me once he’s here and make a decision from then on. Should I stick to my silence and have him approach me, or should I start to do something about all this? I’m scared to confront the situation again because I don’t want to get hurt. I really need to put an end to this suffering. I want to move on, but he keeps on popping in my life one way or another.

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Maybe you can end NC before that.

Tania

November 17, 2013 at 7:30 pm

Hello Chris,

Today I sent him an email (after the NC) after waiting (1 week) due to him not replying. I didn’t tell him my undying love or some sort of thing like PRO says you shouldn’t, but I was sincere about the break, I agreed with him that it was a good idea to take things slowly and that these holidays would be good to see how we stand. That meeting him in person would let me clear my head.
If I tell you the truth, I am a lot better, I still want to get him back, but I am at a stage that I am ok if we do not. I told him that I have decided to enjoy the trip and sent him a meme I did specially for him. The only thing that bugs me, is him not contacting or replying to my first texts. He is not much of a talker, but something would had been nice… I also plan to do not contact him (if he does not say anything) until the week before I take my plane, then I will have to because I need to know the address and he will have to pick me up.
Any suggestions on what to do from here on?
He does not have internet, only wifi, and also no calls or simple texts (horrible, I know, ha ha).
Thanks

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:38 pm

Hmmm…. can you think of any other way of contacting him?
Tania

November 19, 2013 at 10:31 pm

Sadly there is no other. I can only use internet to do so and as said, if he gets it. I think my case is a ‘more-real-life-action’ type of, ha ha.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:32 pm

Well I don’t know what to say… you are in a bad spot..
Tania

November 20, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Yes I know -_-‘
I sent him a message on Facebook, after NC, but he hasn’t read it or done in an email. I feel like he is ignoring me but I don’t know what to do until I see him and I also don’t want to disturb him. I could post something in the wall, but then everyone could read it, It’s kind of frustrating because he sometimes writes on it.
What I do is I talk with his family sometimes. Except his mom (because I told her) I don’t think anyone else knows about him wanting a break.
Any idea? Maybe do a ‘guess what’ on whatsapp after a while? I don’t want to pursue him all the time.
admin

November 21, 2013 at 5:58 pm

I think your best option is a guess what? on whatsapp.
Tania

November 20, 2013 at 6:49 pm

The message on Facebook it’s the 2nd. The first one I know he read it (without replying) and I waited a week to write the second (not 2 weeks like pro says because sadly I don’t have that much time left). And after another week the email, being sincere about everything as I told you. I don’t know how to approach until meeting him in person if he is not talking to me and apparently is not mad or anything.
I don’t know if he maybe need time for himself this month left or what.
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Yea just give him some time.
Tania

November 21, 2013 at 8:52 pm

Then do i not contact him at all until necessary (a week before taking the airplane)?
Also I was going to send some postcards to his family (merry christmas ones) and planned to send his later so maybe he could think why did I not sent him one before he gets it. Is it a good idea?
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Pretty much.
Tania

November 22, 2013 at 8:24 pm

Yes sir! XD

SML

November 17, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Hey Chris,

I sent out a comment a while back – I had been in NC for a little over two months (didn’t have the guts neither did I know what to say after the first 30 days)which was interrupted by my ex due to my birthday. I must say I was surprised he called rather than sending a text – but still, doesn’t mean anything. Does it? The call was a bit awkward, he stumbled a bit on his words, asked how I was, about my job hunt, my family, etc. Then mentioned that we had never spent this much time without talking, that he wanted to know how I was but had not known what to say up until then. Also, he insisted in helping me with the job hunt and sending me out some emails – I said “no needs, thanks” several times, but he just insisted. What’s the deal? I think I kept very “normal” and wasn’t too expansive during the talk (about 15 minutes)and in a way I think it annoyed him. All of a sudden it felt like he rushed me towards the end, I don’t know what to make of that, but curious to know. Then again, I would love to know what’s going through his mind and I don’t know how to take it from here. My last post explained my story, but basically this was a break-up that was installed because the other person needed to think about his life and be alone on his while until he figured things out. I hate to ask, but is there hope? We love love each other, there is no question…And I know from a source that he continues to feel it. It will be approximately 6 months..How do take it from here on? I’m confused. I feel like messaging him and saying I miss him, but I can’t… I don’t want to get hurt. Help, Chris..!

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Well, maybe you can message him using the methods I talk aobut here.

Nj

November 17, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Hello Chirs:
It’s been a week, hope you are all doing fine:),i just wannat update with you my status with Vietnam ex ,dont know why everytime i come to this site,i always feel safe and can gain strength to going on, really thank you for this site!
Things is we have been keeping text to each other for the almost whole week, except Monday, then from Tue till now,everyday i will try to initiate the conversation with him,and he replied me,not like before,need to wait another day to try another text, i know this might be looks silly to you,but every his text to me,even a tiny short one can make me happy for hours, such tiny prgoress to me(i mean keep contact for almost everday)made me feel get closer to him (i do hope he will feel that too!)and really made me happy,i know it’s my emotional side, but think logically,though we’mve been contacted everyday, but it’s always me to initiate the conversation, and we dont have very long conversation everyday, those conversation been going for 3 hrs, never, even when we were together,never text that long,just more intense, now more like we share basic everyday life,i do like this, i think he reply everyday already been a progress ,dont you think so?i just want to konw if i can do more to let him be more active, or i should hold the speed, i want to use the text you showed at ” how to make you exboyfreind call you” article ,the one”i am glad that we can talk like this, i appreciate you “,though i know he wont call me ,he isn’t a phone call person,when we were together,he always text me,never called. do you think its still work to dig out more of his emotions? really apprecaite your advince!
bsrgs!
Nj

admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:38 pm

Well good that he is texting that means this guide will work even more for that. I think its worth it to dig out his emotions.
Nj

November 29, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Hello Chris:
First of all, hope you had a very wonderful thanksgiving, actually I owe your a big thanks too, cause its all your website and this LDR help me through my relationship with my Vietnam ex, I followed all your advises and things is getting better:).
Over the past two weeks. We kept texting every day. and he become more and more involved, We even texted late before sleep,good night to each other like the old times. even he fall asleep first, he also replied me first in the next morning, all these made me feel very good,and Ive always been waiting for the right time to bring up the “thank you for contact me “text,and yesterday was thanksgiving, which I thought is the best time to say that, so texted him like this “today is thanksgiving, I am glad We can talk like this through text though We are FAR away from each other,I really appreciate you! “I was quite nervous to waiting for his response, not until close mid night he replied(I almost give up for that,cause he didnt reply me instantly )，and his reply was quite subtle, just teasing me its not thanksgiving for a Canadian, still wish me happy thanksgiving! and tell me he just back from a football play and with many blister on his feet,though he didnt directly say like to text me as well,I just got a feeling its an positive answer and today We even text each other more :),hope all these are not my illusions, what do you think, Chris? cause your comments will convince myself more.
Bsrgs!
Nj
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:35 am

Glad thing sare getting better.

I think things are progressing positively for sure.
Nj

November 30, 2013 at 6:25 am

Tks Chris, since you got so many (almost the most ) comments on this LDR article, why dont you write up another one about LDR,I’m sure lots lots of girls including myself Will strongly welcome and expecting this chapter 🙂
Bsrgs!
Nj
admin

November 30, 2013 at 7:03 pm

What else would you like me to write about long distance relationships?
Nj

December 1, 2013 at 6:54 am

To be honest, I dont know:-P,anything, anything can boost my LDR with my ex, like what can I do can convince him more about our LDR will work out,cause he used to tell me he had twice LDR with his two exes all failed which was two years ago,thats why he was so cold to me when he just left, i think I know the reason why it didnt work out, one girl was at his university left him to new y york, then became distant to him, another girl was two years ago went to Europe when he still stayed in Asia, they have different goal of life, but to me, thats all because they didnt love him enough, if they really love him, they should understand the meaning of compromise and sacrifice,I love him, I do anything to be with him, so anything can write about this LDR? thanks a lot 🙂
Bsrgs!
Nj
admin

December 1, 2013 at 6:57 pm

For me it is all about the connection you have with them. If you can maintiain its intensity then you are getting somewhere.
Nj

December 18, 2013 at 5:34 pm

hi, Chris!long time no talk, hope you are doing great :),its Nj again-Vietnam issue girl,hope you still remember me 😛
Havent leave any comments for a while, but I do check your website and other girls comments update everyday, seemed your site has become more and more popular! Thing is since the last time you told the secret to get him back is to maintain that intensity once hes been contacted again,Ive been working hard on that, and things getting pretty good, though its slow, We kept contacted each other everyday and he gave positive feedback to my bring out good memory text, once I even said “I wish you were here “to him regards Christmas , he answered with a pity face, cause he will travel around Vietnam by his motorbike with his colleague during Christmas holidays, this is exactly what I worried about, I mean the things between him and me is just getting better by our constantly text, now he will be away for travel for about few weeks and not back to Saigon (city he stayed )until Jan 3,he actually started from today, so I will not be able to text him for such a long time, even can, that still will be limited, cause hes travel around, dont think he can get wifi all the time. I sent one text to him today and not heard from him till now, he still said good night to me yesterday, I am worried the travel will weak our connection, what do you think Chris? what can I do about it? just wait?
thanks a lot for your advice!
Bsrgs
Nj
Nj

December 2, 2013 at 8:56 am

Thank you very much, Chris, you’ve always been so enlightening!
Bsrgs!
Nj
admin

December 2, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Good luck and have a great day!

Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Wow, your website is the first one I’ve come across that makes powerful sense! I have gone through your articles these past couple of days, trying to make sense of what to do about this guy I was “dating” long distance, and I stumbled across this article. I was hoping you could give me some words of advice on what to do….(sorry this is rather long…)

I met a guy on a dating site in mid July of this year. I had just reopened my account and was in the process of updating my profile (and putting up a more recent pic) when he messaged me out of the blue. We sparked immediately. I’m 35, never been married and no kids, and he’s 43 and divorced with 3 (his ex lives 2.5 hours away from him with the kids). We are about 1,000 miles apart, and both of us have the means to fly as needed for the most part.

The problem was, I had an old pic posted from two years previously, and I had gained about 50 pounds during a very tumultuous 2 year relationship where I was picked apart for everything. It caused me a lot of unhappiness, and I packed on the pounds. After the relationship ended, I sought out counseling and had started to lose weight. But, since I never thought I would meet this long distance man (Robert), I didn’t tell him at first, and just enjoyed the conversations we were having.

Something changed, however, and I realized I liked him more than i thought. He started making plans to fly here to meet me, and I panicked and finally told him the truth, that I was working on myself and that I needed some time to get myself together. I sent him one recent pic, neck up, and told him that because of a prior relationship that was somewhat emotionally abusive, I had gained weight. He was very understanding but told me that it didn’t matter, he really was falling for my heart and spirit, and not to worry about anything else. He booked a flight in the meantime, and I asked him to cancel it, saying I didn’t feel comfortable yet meeting him, not only because I was in the process of losing weight, but I wanted to make sure he was “safe” and not some crazed lunatic (I didn’t phrase it quite like that, but you know).

In the meantime, we talked daily, laughed together, and slipped into phone sex rather easily. I really started liking him. He told me he was falling for me, and i felt the same. About a month into talking, I get a sudden text telling me that he just didn’t think he could do the long distance thing, that I was better at it than him, and that he needed someone there with him, but that I had become his best friend and that he really cared about me. I ended up calling him and trying to figure out what had changed so rapidly, and he said that he had to be honest about it, that long distance was hard for him and he wasn’t sure he could do it. I asked that he think about it, that we could keep talking and build a relationship, and then meet and work out the details from there. I had told him about a week before this that I would move if I thought he was the right guy for me, and it would be easy for me to. My family is here, but I have no other ties, and I can find another job easily where he lives.
He said he had a lot to think about, and I told him I was willing to give him whatever space he needed. I went into No Contact mode, and for the next few days, I heard from him sporadically, going from texting pretty much all day off and on and going to bed together on the phone, to barely hearing from him at all. One day out of the blue, about 7 days later, he called me and we picked up where we left off, like nothing had happened.

Things proceeded, and he asked me to fly out and stay with him over Labor Day. I told him that I was still not yet ready, and that when we met the first time, I wanted him to come here, just because I felt more comfortable that way.

We continued to text and talk daily and nightly, and the phone sex continued. The weekend after Labor Day, he went to Las Vegas with friends. We texted off and on while he was gone, and he sent pics of himself at a football game to me. He called me from the airport when he got home, and nothing had changed. One day, about 3 days after he had been to Vegas, he called me and said he needed to talk about something. At this point, he proceeded to tell me that he didn’t know if he was ready to settle down in a relationship, that while he was in Vegas, he had gone out with another girl that he had met on the dating site we were on. I was floored. I hadn’t even realized he was talking to anyone else. At this point, we had been talking two months and were in the process of pinpointing a date for him to come here. I told him that if he didn’t know what he wanted, that if he wasn’t sure that he wanted to get into a relationship and eventually start a family, then I was not willing to compromise what I wanted and that this relationship we had didn’t need to continue. He backtracked and said that he wasn’t sure what he wanted and that he wasn’t going to continue to talk to the other girl he had met. She wasn’t what he wanted long term, she was 30 (13 years younger than him) and recently divorced with a small baby. He had already ended it with her.

Looking back, I can’t figure out if he actually went to Vegas with friends, or if he went specifically to meet the girl. I don’t suppose it matters, either way, because we continued to talk for another month. He told me he loved me, that I was his “girlfriend” and we talked about how to make things work if we met and everything went as planned. He asked me about engagement rings that I liked, and then asked me to go to his friend’s wedding with him the weekend after he got back from visiting me. I said I’d love to go.

He sent me cards and fudge and balloons when I was sick. He played a prank on me at my job that my boss let him call in and do on the loudspeaker. He called the local radio station and had them announce my name several times on the radio. He had me paged at Walmart as his wife. He was really funny and charming. It all seemed to be clicking, and I was working my butt off to lose weight.
At this point, i had lost about 20 pounds and had started running again (I used to run 2 miles a day when I was fit and thin). I was feeling pretty good about myself again, and finally decided to facetime him on Tuesday (He was flying in Friday). He was really excited, and we talked for about an hour on facetime. No sexual stuff, he didn’t even ask.

Fast forward 3 days to Friday, and I go to pick him up at the airport. I’m so nervous that I’m about to puke. We had been talking for over 3 months at this point everyday and and every night. He was truly my best friend, and it was great to get to hang out with him. We went to eat first, and he wanted to drive because it was rainy and he does better in the rain. He looked over at me and whispered, “I love you”. And I said, What did you say? And he smiled and said, “Nothing, nothing”. He called me his girlfriend at one point in the car, and later after we went to eat and then to a comedy club, he drove us to my house, calling his mom and having me talk to her while he drove so she would know he was ok. During all of this, he was getting text messages from various people, his brother, his mom, and someone else. It was a number with no name, but I remembered the area code and thought that was odd.

We get to my house and he unloads his stuff, and we then watch Sports Center and talk about football and just stuff in general. Then we started to make out, which was awesome! He asked if I was sure I wanted our first kiss to be on the floor, and I said, “I think it’s appropriate that we kiss on the floor while watching Sports Center” (we are both huge college football fans.

The making out proceeded, and it was obvious he wanted to go further. I had told him on the phone that I wasn’t sure how far I could go without knowing I was in a committed relationship. And so that night when we started making out and he was getting hot and heavy, I reminded him that although we had messed around on the phone, I needed more to go further, that I deserved more than just messing around.

He said he thought we could do some of the stuff we had talked about on the phone, and I told him that I needed to know we were committed to making this work. He went to bed in the guest bedroom, and I went to mine. I looked up at the area code online while I was in bed, and lo and behold it was a Vegas area code. I knew he was still talking to that girl he had told me he had quit talking to. (at this point, it had been about 5 weeks since he had met her in Vegas)

At this point, I was furious, wondering what else he had lied to me about. But then I reminded myself that although he had called me his girlfriend and said I was his best friend, as well as some other things to me, this was our official first meeting, and I knew that I couldn’t get mad about her. He had already met her and was probably deciding between the two of us who he would want to pursue.

But I couldn’t let it go, and the next morning I stupidly got on his phone while he was in the shower and read some of their text messages. He had also asked HER to his friend’s wedding for the next weekend, and she had already picked out a dress, and that he had said “I’m falling for you more everyday” and that he wished he was holding her. I dropped his phone, completely in shock. These were things he had said to me in the past as well.

When he got out of the shower, I had decided to just ask him if he was still talking to her, that I had seen the area code scroll across and knew it was a Vegas area code. He said he was still talking to her, as friends (which I know isn’t true!!) as well as another girl he had met while in California. I asked him how long he had been doing this, and he said, “Do you remember a couple of weeks ago, you told me that when I came you didn’t have any expectations, that you weren’t expecting me to propose to you when I got here, and that you wanted to laugh and have fun?” I said yes I remembered, but at the time, I had said that to him because the night before, we had been talking seriously about marriage and getting together, and I didn’t want him to feel like i was pressuring him. he basically threw it back it my face that THAT was the reason he started talking to her again (or did he ever really STOP talking to her?) He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t know I wasn’t talking to other guys, and I said, “Well, I never said I wasn’t.” I was so angry.

At this point, I was getting texts from a friend of mine who knew was what going on. He asked me who was texting, and I told him “My other boyfriend.” That was of course not the thing to say, and he continue to press me who it was. I said, “You’re talking to other girls, so I’m talking to other guys.” He told me that he had put his phone up and that I should too.

I put my phone down and went to the kitchen, grabbed some ice water, and dumped it over his head. He jumped up and wrestled me around, playfully, and then locked me out of the house! then he proceeded to get my phone and try to open up my texts. my phone had locked, but he could see the person’s name (a girl’s name), who had been texting me. I was so so so mad at this point! But laughing too, knowing he was jealous.

At that point, I decided to just have fun for the weekend. I didn’t want him to get all crazy on me, and I wanted to enjoy having fun with him. We ended up watching football all day, cuddling on the couch, cooking together, and making out some. He told me he loved my heart and spirit, and that he thought I was beautiful.

Sunday morning rolls around, and I get up from my bed and I go cuddle with him for awhile. We started some heavy petting, and I had to stop things again. He wanted to go to church with me and meet my family, and asked several times. I refused and said the next time he came, that it would be better then. We ended up talking about “us”, and he told me that i was his best friend, that I had gotten him through days and nights he wouldn’t have gotten through without me, and he was so thankful for our relationship, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship (same stuff he’d told me before when he had met the other girl). And I asked if he wanted to just dump everything we had built together, and he said, no, that I would always be his best friend, that if things lined up, he wouldn’t fight against it, but that he wasn’t sure what he wanted. I dropped the subject.

We spent the day hanging out and driving around the city. At one point he had my phone, and I got a notification from a dating site that he clicked on and i’m sure he read (it was a note from a guy telling me I was beautiful, and he tossed me the phone kind of quickly and said, Here, in an almost irritated voice). I realized that he had seen the notification (I NEVER check that website!) and asked if he was ok, and he said, “Yes.”

We went out to eat and sightsee. He thanked me for a wonderful weekend, that he had had a blast. We flirted off and on all day, laughed and joked around. It was a lot of fun, despite what had happened. We went to the airport, and he leaned across to kiss me goodbye, and said “See you soon?” And I said, Yes. And we kissed again, and he pulled away and said, You are the most gentle kisser ever. (Before he had also told me that I was a “dang good kisser”).

Anyway, I got out and went around to hug him and get into the car to drive away. I didn’t text him or call him that night, and I didn’t get anything from him either.

The next day, he sent me a text thanking me again for a wonderful weekend, and for me to have a good day. I responded by saying that even though he’d locked me out of my own house, I’d had a great time and was glad he came. He said, Hahaha.

I haven’t heard from him since.

I sent a funny text the next night. Nothing. I sent him a funny text a few days later. Nothing. I tried to call the next week. No answer, and I didn’t leave a message.

I’ve sent three funny texts and called once no response. I guess “you’re my best friend” means different things to different people? Remember he is 43 and i’m 35, wayyyy too old to be playing these games.

In the meantime, I’ve been running and working out and getting my body back in shape. I was thinking part of the problem is he was disappointed that I was more overweight than he wanted, and I know that was my fault, because I wasn’t honest with him from the getgo.

My question is, is there a chance to rekindle this? He is still getting on the dating website we met on, so I’m not sure he’s serious about the girl in Vegas. But he could be.

Will the no contact rule work or is he not interested?

And how do I get him interested again when I get my bod back in shape and show him what he’s missing?

I fell in love with him, and i pushed and pushed him away because I was afraid he would reject me. I felt like I put walls up and played a little too stand offish for fear of getting hurt. Which is why I think he turned to the other girl.

I know there were real feelings between us, there was a spark and chemistry there too, as well as friendship.

What do I do?!

Thank you for ANY advice!

admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:15 pm

Well yes NC can work but I have a question. Did your ex like you a lot? B/c if so you have a really good shot.
Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 9:51 pm

Hey thanks for replying! You have no idea how glad I am I found your site.

As for liking me a lot, as far as I know he did. He told me he loved me and that I was his girlfriend, and his best friend. We had discussed me moving there and engagement rings, etc, if things went how we thought they would. He went out of his way to call and text, and sent me several cards in the mail, fudge and balloons when I was sick, etc. He contacted my boss and set up a huge practical joke on me at work. He made an all out effort the entire time we talked.

What confuses me is that part of the time, he was talking to someone else as well. I know he did that because I was taking a LONG time to meet him, and he might have thought I would never set a date to meet. It also makes me wonder if he is afraid to get involved seriously. He went through a crappy split with his wife about 3 years ago, and I think he was hoping for a reconciliation with her up until a few months ago when the divorce was finalized. He told me was felt like it was time to move on and that he was just getting back into dating.

While he was here with me, it felt like we were “together”, even though I limited some of the physical stuff because I was afraid of it going too far. I knew he was going to be with some other girl the next weekend, and I wanted to leave him wondering how things would be physically with us.

After we talked about “us” and how he wasn’t sure what he wanted, we spent the day as friends, with lots of flirting. I never EVER thought he would fly back home and I wouldn’t hear from him (except for a short text the next day thanking me again for a wonderful weekend).

It has now been almost 4 weeks since he was here, and 10 days today since I sent him the last funny text. He checks his singles profile about every 3 or 4 days, sometimes more frequently.

Anyway, I hope that answered your question.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:58 pm

I have a question.

How do you know that he checks his singles profile every 3-4 days.
Tabitha

November 18, 2013 at 9:28 pm

Ha well I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I hid my profile on the site we met on after he quit talking to me. I originally hid it because I wasn’t going to use it to meet anyone else, but curiosity got me and I have been periodically checking to see if he’s been active.
Tabitha

December 12, 2013 at 3:50 pm

Well I sent him the pics last night with the words “Pics of my progress so far, thanks for the motivation! :)” That was about 12 hours ago. No response 🙁 I hope he got them. I sent them to another friend who confirmed that they went through on her phone so I feel better that he probably did get them.

Do they normally respond immediately or is there sometimes a delay? I am sick to my stomach about it!!

Tabitha
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Depends on the person…. I usually would respond soon (or an hr later at the latest)
Tabitha

December 13, 2013 at 1:38 am

Ok, he text messaged me back just a few minutes ago. I’m in shock because I honestly thought he wasn’t going to (almost 8 weeks now without communication on his side). It has been like 22 hours since I sent it. This is what he said:

Great Job!
Keep it up
God bless

How do I respond to that? There weren’t any questions — nothing to extend the conversation. I don’t know if he’s open to communicating more or what. I figure he is because he at least responded, but I’m not sure how to reply.

Thanks
Tabitha
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:26 pm

I wouldn’t..

I would say thats an ok response but I would just not respond and send him another text in a few days.
Tabitha

December 15, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Ok so I didn’t respond to the text. I sent the original text on Wednesday night and he responded Thursday night with what I wrote above. When do you think I should send another text and what should it be?

Thank you!!!
Tabitha
Tabitha

December 13, 2013 at 12:51 am

So does this mean he isn’t going to respond?
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Hard to say but if he doesn’t we can reassess
Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 9:53 pm

By the way, we talked every day, texting constantly, and every night for 3 months, so it’s been WEIRD not talking to him.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Well that actually should make NC more effective.
Tabitha

November 19, 2013 at 12:46 am

Well it’s been 4 weeks since I’ve heard from him, and 11 days since I’ve texted him. Is that normal? I feel like he’s forgetting about me 🙁 In the meantime, however, I’ve been running daily and getting my runner’s body back. Dang, I’m looking good LOL.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Hahahahahahah Tabitha you sexy lady! Check you out with all that confidence.
Tabitha

December 6, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Ok Chris! I’m nervous….my 30 days is up tomorrow but I’m going to wait until Monday while he’s at work to send him a text, just in case he is with someone else this weekend. I haven’t heard from him at all 🙁 It’s been 7 weeks since he came here, and almost that long since I heard from him last.

I have a question to ask you. I have been busting my butt to lose weight (remember I had an old pic of myself posted the night my guy messaged me for the first time on the singles site, and I talked to him a couple of weeks before I finally admitted it — he ended up coming here while I was still pretty chunky and I think that had something to do with him not talking to me anymore). Anyway, I have a collage of pictures that I made of myself showing off my weight loss since Robert was here. Instead of sending a memory, I want to send the collage and say, Thought you might like to see my progress so far. Thanks for the motivation! 🙂 (I had told him he was my motivation while I was losing weight before he got here).

ANYWAY, I am now SMALLER than the old pic he saw of me on the dating site, and I’m hoping he’ll respond. What do you think of that approach as my first text to him after No Contact? I feel like he’ll be pleasantly surprised, because I do look really good. It might also stroke his ego a bit, which I’m not sure is a good or bad thing.

Thanks! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!
Tabitha
admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:21 pm

I think its a good appraoch. Just be super confident!
Tabitha

December 8, 2013 at 11:08 pm

Ok, thanks! I will 🙂 One more thing…what do I do if he doesn’t respond to the pictures and text? I think that’s what I’m most worried about.

I mean, I haven’t heard from him since that Monday, following the weekend he was here when we met for the first time. He had said, “Thank u again for a wonderful weekend 🙂 Flight delayed an hour last night, not too bad. Have a great day.” And I responded with something funny and he wrong back “Hahaha!!!!” And even with three funny texts I sent him over the next couple of weeks (just memes, nothing important that I said that would need a response), I heard nothing from him. It makes me wonder why he even sent the follow-up text on Monday after he got home, when he evidently was planning on never speaking to me again? So I guess I need you to help me figure out 1) What do you think he was thinking then when he sent that dang text thanking me for a great weekend and then dropping me like a rock, and what is thinking now and 2) What do I do if he doesn’t respond to my hott photos that makes even MY jaw drop because I can’t believe how good I look and how much I’ve changed since he was here?!

By the way, I love reading your guides and your responses to people…you’re a voice of reason in our crazy woman brains! 😉

Tabitha
admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:13 pm

You don’t text him for a week. But pictures can be extremely effective.
Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 4:21 pm

I should update my email address, the one I put is no longer valid! Use this one please 🙂
admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:23 pm

Make sure you put the valid one in next time 🙂

Hannah

November 17, 2013 at 1:12 am

Hey ive been trying out this nc system and well my ex contacted me after 5 days the first time saying he hoped i was ok, i stupidly replied saying i was n that i hoped he was well, he replied but i didnt answer. 3 days on hes sent another message saying he hoped i was having a nice weekend. I didnt answer so he later sent a message saying goodnight hannah. I also have not replied or even opened the messages. I was just wondering if he seems to take less time to go through the process, must it still be 30 days of nc? We are at a very tricky point and he no longer wanted to do long distance. Wont ignoring him this long push him away?

admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:02 pm

I don;t think so. Most women think that but it usually has the opposite effect.
Hannah

November 17, 2013 at 11:07 pm

Thanx chris!
I was wondering, how are you to treat your ex’s friends if they contact you? His best friend seems to contact me when i ignore him. Should i respond and avoid talk of the ex or should i ignore?
Thanks for your replies and your website. It is truly amazing what you’ve set up here
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:08 pm

With respect but don’t talk about your ex.
Loulou

November 19, 2013 at 5:24 pm

Hes sent me 2 msgs but still no phone call!!
His friend was texting me literally to see if id answer. Im going nuts? Whats going on?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:06 pm

I guess he is testing you to see if you respond.
Loulou

November 20, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Ok so i cant tell if I’ve made a mistake or not. Today my ex sent me this website
elitedaily.com/dating/sex/long-distance-relationships-prevent-success/

Basically it says how long distance doesn’t work. I replied and said i don’t understand why the link? He replied n said: why ignore me? ( i have never ignored him before. And we have never played mind games)
The conversation went as follows:
Me: Because you wanted space, because it hurts to send one word answers to you in these circumstances
Him: I would’ve understood that response instead of being ignored. But these circumstances are not caused bc I simply want space. If you have an update on your job searching or family you can text me. But I never asked for a full blown convo bc it isn’t helpful. I hope your well and enjoying the snow
Him: I really hope your better n more focused on ur goals
Me: I start work tomorrow
Me: And yes u wudve understood that more but I couldn’t understand where it had all come from. You didn’t communicate with me
Me: If I upset u I have never intended it.
Me: A fuLl blown conversation is very helpful. It has purpose and meaning and shows respect
Him: I am so happy for you and I don’t mind speaking to u this weekend to update
Me: I didn’t tell u bcuz I assumed u would think it was only cause u broke up with me, but it wasnt
Me: I got many interviews and trials all of a sudden in one week. And even though I had just had the surgery I went to all of them
Me: I thought u were checking up on me out of sympathy. And I couldn’t handle it. I wanted u to cl and talk things through.
Him: I won’t think it was because we stopped.
Him: I will call you this weekend to have a catchup and see how things are going. I am so happy that you have a job and you are starting
Me: Talk to you this weekend. If possible we arrange day before just in case I work on the weekend. I still don’t know my hoursX_X
Him: Alright for sure that would be great
Him: =)
Him : Talk to you very soon

I don’t understand. Is this good or bad? What should i say? Clearly there is an issue with the fact that i was unemployed. We speak this weekend eek!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 5:53 pm

I think its good…

And good luck during the weekend.
Loulou

November 24, 2013 at 2:15 am

Hi chris!
We spoke for a while, and basically at the moment he thinks i have a communication issues and dont let things go. He made it about my faults. So i told him any issue stems from 2 people not 1. He has to look at his own faults. He seems to be thinking future wise and all. But he says right now with how i am we do not function. Even if we love each tother alot.
He does not know how to put a title on what we are right now( broken up or on a break) he says this is because he doesnt want to say no to this relationship now and later realise that it could work, then he would be having to find a way to fix us on top. I asked him did he not see himself being with me in the future, he said no im not saying that.
He said but in order for us to continue u need to develop, and also he cant see solutions for us to be together within a timeframe that he can stand.
He started to become overwhelmed by the topic, i slipped in good memories we had and told him maybe we can just have a converstaion this week thats not on this topic, something lighter, he said he’d like that. I felt that was needed since he was responsive and i felt he needed some positivity.
I was just with him abt a month and a half ago, i cant afford to go to him. Plus he needs to recognize his own faults. It cant be all on me. What do you think?
Loulou

January 27, 2014 at 3:30 am

Hi chris
Still nothing from him! He has to be the one to contact me this time. If he still doesnt think this is the end. Then why is he not making contact. Arghhhhhh :'(
Loulou

January 24, 2014 at 1:00 am

Hi chris
Its been a while and alot has happened, none of which is good unfortunately.
Our break continued for a month and a half, howver he kept contact, infact he was contacting me more and more. He wanted to skype starting from the day he forgot my birthday, (he usually is bad with dates though), kept saying he thought he still had 10 days and that he had asked his best friend to get me a new phone, and even though we were still talking, he did not. We started having more serious conversations after he had started saying he misses certain things, but there was still no emotion and no flirting.
We spoke about our options breaking up, me moving to him or continuing long distance. The last option was clearly not an option anymore. In the same conversation he even said to me i know that i want you as my wife, and i knw i want to have a family with you but i dont think im ready yet.
My. Next conversation with him i said that i was willing to move to him, but i would not move there without a job and that i would live inmy own apartment since it is an arab country and we are not married, he smiled said that he would pay my rent and there is no way he’d not live with me. He then asked about an exam i am still going to sit in april, saying i wont come between you and your career. I told him i will still sit my exam and i deserve for him to be supportive and continue long distance until i move to him. He agreed said i deserve the whole nine yards and that right now i was only getting 2.
He still wanted to think about things, saying that he could come to me when he takes his next leave from work which was in march(i said no as my exam is in april) plus he was going on holday in a week, on a trip i was supposed to be going on, to see his step brother and his family then to another country with a married couple that he sees everyday where he is!
By xmas eve i was still talking to him, i even sent him pictures of a place i had visited that he had always wanted to go to, he only commented on the views and not me, so i questionned this, he said he was not giving that side of him, i askedif i was just a friend to him he said no, im just being honest because we dont know whats going to happen yet.
I got so angry that night, tired of the state of limbo, i broke up with him via a text.
I said it wasnt working out and that i didnt see that he was offering me anything, considering what i was going to give up. I told him he was confusedand didnt knw what he wants and that that was not what i want from a guy. Told him to respect my decision. (Basically i tried to make it seem he lost me, even though i just wanted him to wake up!), i also deleted him at this point from my bbm.(childish but he had done this to me before and i felt like i had lost him for good)
He replied when he woke up:
I will respect you (my name)
And i still love and care for you very much. I will not consider this the final end, but i understand you cannt stay in this state. I wish you the best of luck but know what we had and can have please. Merry xmas gorgeous

Im sorry i have gone into so much detail. A month of no contact has passed now and he hasnt contacted me once! His best friend asks about me. She actually spent newyear with me coincidentaly and tried to show me pictures of him on holiday holding babies (he had asked her to do this). But i was at a party with my friends dancing with the girls and guys( which she tried to stop me dancing with) acting like i wasnt bothered.
His best friend still talks to me, but no sign of him.
What do i do? I know ive made the right decision, otherwise i would still be in limbo right now.
I know hes not been seen with any girls. Why isnt he trying to contact me?
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:32 pm

I agree you shouldn’t be the one making all the sacrifices..

Sounds like your issues is that you need him to commit a bit more.

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