How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,238 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Wow, your website is the first one I’ve come across that makes powerful sense! I have gone through your articles these past couple of days, trying to make sense of what to do about this guy I was “dating” long distance, and I stumbled across this article. I was hoping you could give me some words of advice on what to do….(sorry this is rather long…)

I met a guy on a dating site in mid July of this year. I had just reopened my account and was in the process of updating my profile (and putting up a more recent pic) when he messaged me out of the blue. We sparked immediately. I’m 35, never been married and no kids, and he’s 43 and divorced with 3 (his ex lives 2.5 hours away from him with the kids). We are about 1,000 miles apart, and both of us have the means to fly as needed for the most part.

The problem was, I had an old pic posted from two years previously, and I had gained about 50 pounds during a very tumultuous 2 year relationship where I was picked apart for everything. It caused me a lot of unhappiness, and I packed on the pounds. After the relationship ended, I sought out counseling and had started to lose weight. But, since I never thought I would meet this long distance man (Robert), I didn’t tell him at first, and just enjoyed the conversations we were having.

Something changed, however, and I realized I liked him more than i thought. He started making plans to fly here to meet me, and I panicked and finally told him the truth, that I was working on myself and that I needed some time to get myself together. I sent him one recent pic, neck up, and told him that because of a prior relationship that was somewhat emotionally abusive, I had gained weight. He was very understanding but told me that it didn’t matter, he really was falling for my heart and spirit, and not to worry about anything else. He booked a flight in the meantime, and I asked him to cancel it, saying I didn’t feel comfortable yet meeting him, not only because I was in the process of losing weight, but I wanted to make sure he was “safe” and not some crazed lunatic (I didn’t phrase it quite like that, but you know).

In the meantime, we talked daily, laughed together, and slipped into phone sex rather easily. I really started liking him. He told me he was falling for me, and i felt the same. About a month into talking, I get a sudden text telling me that he just didn’t think he could do the long distance thing, that I was better at it than him, and that he needed someone there with him, but that I had become his best friend and that he really cared about me. I ended up calling him and trying to figure out what had changed so rapidly, and he said that he had to be honest about it, that long distance was hard for him and he wasn’t sure he could do it. I asked that he think about it, that we could keep talking and build a relationship, and then meet and work out the details from there. I had told him about a week before this that I would move if I thought he was the right guy for me, and it would be easy for me to. My family is here, but I have no other ties, and I can find another job easily where he lives.
He said he had a lot to think about, and I told him I was willing to give him whatever space he needed. I went into No Contact mode, and for the next few days, I heard from him sporadically, going from texting pretty much all day off and on and going to bed together on the phone, to barely hearing from him at all. One day out of the blue, about 7 days later, he called me and we picked up where we left off, like nothing had happened.

Things proceeded, and he asked me to fly out and stay with him over Labor Day. I told him that I was still not yet ready, and that when we met the first time, I wanted him to come here, just because I felt more comfortable that way.

We continued to text and talk daily and nightly, and the phone sex continued. The weekend after Labor Day, he went to Las Vegas with friends. We texted off and on while he was gone, and he sent pics of himself at a football game to me. He called me from the airport when he got home, and nothing had changed. One day, about 3 days after he had been to Vegas, he called me and said he needed to talk about something. At this point, he proceeded to tell me that he didn’t know if he was ready to settle down in a relationship, that while he was in Vegas, he had gone out with another girl that he had met on the dating site we were on. I was floored. I hadn’t even realized he was talking to anyone else. At this point, we had been talking two months and were in the process of pinpointing a date for him to come here. I told him that if he didn’t know what he wanted, that if he wasn’t sure that he wanted to get into a relationship and eventually start a family, then I was not willing to compromise what I wanted and that this relationship we had didn’t need to continue. He backtracked and said that he wasn’t sure what he wanted and that he wasn’t going to continue to talk to the other girl he had met. She wasn’t what he wanted long term, she was 30 (13 years younger than him) and recently divorced with a small baby. He had already ended it with her.

Looking back, I can’t figure out if he actually went to Vegas with friends, or if he went specifically to meet the girl. I don’t suppose it matters, either way, because we continued to talk for another month. He told me he loved me, that I was his “girlfriend” and we talked about how to make things work if we met and everything went as planned. He asked me about engagement rings that I liked, and then asked me to go to his friend’s wedding with him the weekend after he got back from visiting me. I said I’d love to go.

He sent me cards and fudge and balloons when I was sick. He played a prank on me at my job that my boss let him call in and do on the loudspeaker. He called the local radio station and had them announce my name several times on the radio. He had me paged at Walmart as his wife. He was really funny and charming. It all seemed to be clicking, and I was working my butt off to lose weight.
At this point, i had lost about 20 pounds and had started running again (I used to run 2 miles a day when I was fit and thin). I was feeling pretty good about myself again, and finally decided to facetime him on Tuesday (He was flying in Friday). He was really excited, and we talked for about an hour on facetime. No sexual stuff, he didn’t even ask.

Fast forward 3 days to Friday, and I go to pick him up at the airport. I’m so nervous that I’m about to puke. We had been talking for over 3 months at this point everyday and and every night. He was truly my best friend, and it was great to get to hang out with him. We went to eat first, and he wanted to drive because it was rainy and he does better in the rain. He looked over at me and whispered, “I love you”. And I said, What did you say? And he smiled and said, “Nothing, nothing”. He called me his girlfriend at one point in the car, and later after we went to eat and then to a comedy club, he drove us to my house, calling his mom and having me talk to her while he drove so she would know he was ok. During all of this, he was getting text messages from various people, his brother, his mom, and someone else. It was a number with no name, but I remembered the area code and thought that was odd.

We get to my house and he unloads his stuff, and we then watch Sports Center and talk about football and just stuff in general. Then we started to make out, which was awesome! He asked if I was sure I wanted our first kiss to be on the floor, and I said, “I think it’s appropriate that we kiss on the floor while watching Sports Center” (we are both huge college football fans.

The making out proceeded, and it was obvious he wanted to go further. I had told him on the phone that I wasn’t sure how far I could go without knowing I was in a committed relationship. And so that night when we started making out and he was getting hot and heavy, I reminded him that although we had messed around on the phone, I needed more to go further, that I deserved more than just messing around.

He said he thought we could do some of the stuff we had talked about on the phone, and I told him that I needed to know we were committed to making this work. He went to bed in the guest bedroom, and I went to mine. I looked up at the area code online while I was in bed, and lo and behold it was a Vegas area code. I knew he was still talking to that girl he had told me he had quit talking to. (at this point, it had been about 5 weeks since he had met her in Vegas)

At this point, I was furious, wondering what else he had lied to me about. But then I reminded myself that although he had called me his girlfriend and said I was his best friend, as well as some other things to me, this was our official first meeting, and I knew that I couldn’t get mad about her. He had already met her and was probably deciding between the two of us who he would want to pursue.

But I couldn’t let it go, and the next morning I stupidly got on his phone while he was in the shower and read some of their text messages. He had also asked HER to his friend’s wedding for the next weekend, and she had already picked out a dress, and that he had said “I’m falling for you more everyday” and that he wished he was holding her. I dropped his phone, completely in shock. These were things he had said to me in the past as well.

When he got out of the shower, I had decided to just ask him if he was still talking to her, that I had seen the area code scroll across and knew it was a Vegas area code. He said he was still talking to her, as friends (which I know isn’t true!!) as well as another girl he had met while in California. I asked him how long he had been doing this, and he said, “Do you remember a couple of weeks ago, you told me that when I came you didn’t have any expectations, that you weren’t expecting me to propose to you when I got here, and that you wanted to laugh and have fun?” I said yes I remembered, but at the time, I had said that to him because the night before, we had been talking seriously about marriage and getting together, and I didn’t want him to feel like i was pressuring him. he basically threw it back it my face that THAT was the reason he started talking to her again (or did he ever really STOP talking to her?) He then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t know I wasn’t talking to other guys, and I said, “Well, I never said I wasn’t.” I was so angry.

At this point, I was getting texts from a friend of mine who knew was what going on. He asked me who was texting, and I told him “My other boyfriend.” That was of course not the thing to say, and he continue to press me who it was. I said, “You’re talking to other girls, so I’m talking to other guys.” He told me that he had put his phone up and that I should too.

I put my phone down and went to the kitchen, grabbed some ice water, and dumped it over his head. He jumped up and wrestled me around, playfully, and then locked me out of the house! then he proceeded to get my phone and try to open up my texts. my phone had locked, but he could see the person’s name (a girl’s name), who had been texting me. I was so so so mad at this point! But laughing too, knowing he was jealous.

At that point, I decided to just have fun for the weekend. I didn’t want him to get all crazy on me, and I wanted to enjoy having fun with him. We ended up watching football all day, cuddling on the couch, cooking together, and making out some. He told me he loved my heart and spirit, and that he thought I was beautiful.

Sunday morning rolls around, and I get up from my bed and I go cuddle with him for awhile. We started some heavy petting, and I had to stop things again. He wanted to go to church with me and meet my family, and asked several times. I refused and said the next time he came, that it would be better then. We ended up talking about “us”, and he told me that i was his best friend, that I had gotten him through days and nights he wouldn’t have gotten through without me, and he was so thankful for our relationship, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship (same stuff he’d told me before when he had met the other girl). And I asked if he wanted to just dump everything we had built together, and he said, no, that I would always be his best friend, that if things lined up, he wouldn’t fight against it, but that he wasn’t sure what he wanted. I dropped the subject.

We spent the day hanging out and driving around the city. At one point he had my phone, and I got a notification from a dating site that he clicked on and i’m sure he read (it was a note from a guy telling me I was beautiful, and he tossed me the phone kind of quickly and said, Here, in an almost irritated voice). I realized that he had seen the notification (I NEVER check that website!) and asked if he was ok, and he said, “Yes.”

We went out to eat and sightsee. He thanked me for a wonderful weekend, that he had had a blast. We flirted off and on all day, laughed and joked around. It was a lot of fun, despite what had happened. We went to the airport, and he leaned across to kiss me goodbye, and said “See you soon?” And I said, Yes. And we kissed again, and he pulled away and said, You are the most gentle kisser ever. (Before he had also told me that I was a “dang good kisser”).

Anyway, I got out and went around to hug him and get into the car to drive away. I didn’t text him or call him that night, and I didn’t get anything from him either.

The next day, he sent me a text thanking me again for a wonderful weekend, and for me to have a good day. I responded by saying that even though he’d locked me out of my own house, I’d had a great time and was glad he came. He said, Hahaha.

I haven’t heard from him since.

I sent a funny text the next night. Nothing. I sent him a funny text a few days later. Nothing. I tried to call the next week. No answer, and I didn’t leave a message.

I’ve sent three funny texts and called once no response. I guess “you’re my best friend” means different things to different people? Remember he is 43 and i’m 35, wayyyy too old to be playing these games.

In the meantime, I’ve been running and working out and getting my body back in shape. I was thinking part of the problem is he was disappointed that I was more overweight than he wanted, and I know that was my fault, because I wasn’t honest with him from the getgo.

My question is, is there a chance to rekindle this? He is still getting on the dating website we met on, so I’m not sure he’s serious about the girl in Vegas. But he could be.

Will the no contact rule work or is he not interested?

And how do I get him interested again when I get my bod back in shape and show him what he’s missing?

I fell in love with him, and i pushed and pushed him away because I was afraid he would reject me. I felt like I put walls up and played a little too stand offish for fear of getting hurt. Which is why I think he turned to the other girl.

I know there were real feelings between us, there was a spark and chemistry there too, as well as friendship.

What do I do?!

Thank you for ANY advice!

admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:15 pm

Well yes NC can work but I have a question. Did your ex like you a lot? B/c if so you have a really good shot.
Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 9:51 pm

Hey thanks for replying! You have no idea how glad I am I found your site.

As for liking me a lot, as far as I know he did. He told me he loved me and that I was his girlfriend, and his best friend. We had discussed me moving there and engagement rings, etc, if things went how we thought they would. He went out of his way to call and text, and sent me several cards in the mail, fudge and balloons when I was sick, etc. He contacted my boss and set up a huge practical joke on me at work. He made an all out effort the entire time we talked.

What confuses me is that part of the time, he was talking to someone else as well. I know he did that because I was taking a LONG time to meet him, and he might have thought I would never set a date to meet. It also makes me wonder if he is afraid to get involved seriously. He went through a crappy split with his wife about 3 years ago, and I think he was hoping for a reconciliation with her up until a few months ago when the divorce was finalized. He told me was felt like it was time to move on and that he was just getting back into dating.

While he was here with me, it felt like we were “together”, even though I limited some of the physical stuff because I was afraid of it going too far. I knew he was going to be with some other girl the next weekend, and I wanted to leave him wondering how things would be physically with us.

After we talked about “us” and how he wasn’t sure what he wanted, we spent the day as friends, with lots of flirting. I never EVER thought he would fly back home and I wouldn’t hear from him (except for a short text the next day thanking me again for a wonderful weekend).

It has now been almost 4 weeks since he was here, and 10 days today since I sent him the last funny text. He checks his singles profile about every 3 or 4 days, sometimes more frequently.

Anyway, I hope that answered your question.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:58 pm

I have a question.

How do you know that he checks his singles profile every 3-4 days.
Tabitha

November 18, 2013 at 9:28 pm

Ha well I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I hid my profile on the site we met on after he quit talking to me. I originally hid it because I wasn’t going to use it to meet anyone else, but curiosity got me and I have been periodically checking to see if he’s been active.
Tabitha

December 12, 2013 at 3:50 pm

Well I sent him the pics last night with the words “Pics of my progress so far, thanks for the motivation! :)” That was about 12 hours ago. No response 🙁 I hope he got them. I sent them to another friend who confirmed that they went through on her phone so I feel better that he probably did get them.

Do they normally respond immediately or is there sometimes a delay? I am sick to my stomach about it!!

Tabitha
admin

December 12, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Depends on the person…. I usually would respond soon (or an hr later at the latest)
Tabitha

December 13, 2013 at 1:38 am

Ok, he text messaged me back just a few minutes ago. I’m in shock because I honestly thought he wasn’t going to (almost 8 weeks now without communication on his side). It has been like 22 hours since I sent it. This is what he said:

Great Job!
Keep it up
God bless

How do I respond to that? There weren’t any questions — nothing to extend the conversation. I don’t know if he’s open to communicating more or what. I figure he is because he at least responded, but I’m not sure how to reply.

Thanks
Tabitha
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:26 pm

I wouldn’t..

I would say thats an ok response but I would just not respond and send him another text in a few days.
Tabitha

December 15, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Ok so I didn’t respond to the text. I sent the original text on Wednesday night and he responded Thursday night with what I wrote above. When do you think I should send another text and what should it be?

Thank you!!!
Tabitha
Tabitha

December 13, 2013 at 12:51 am

So does this mean he isn’t going to respond?
admin

December 13, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Hard to say but if he doesn’t we can reassess
Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 9:53 pm

By the way, we talked every day, texting constantly, and every night for 3 months, so it’s been WEIRD not talking to him.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Well that actually should make NC more effective.
Tabitha

November 19, 2013 at 12:46 am

Well it’s been 4 weeks since I’ve heard from him, and 11 days since I’ve texted him. Is that normal? I feel like he’s forgetting about me 🙁 In the meantime, however, I’ve been running daily and getting my runner’s body back. Dang, I’m looking good LOL.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:36 pm

Hahahahahahah Tabitha you sexy lady! Check you out with all that confidence.
Tabitha

December 6, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Ok Chris! I’m nervous….my 30 days is up tomorrow but I’m going to wait until Monday while he’s at work to send him a text, just in case he is with someone else this weekend. I haven’t heard from him at all 🙁 It’s been 7 weeks since he came here, and almost that long since I heard from him last.

I have a question to ask you. I have been busting my butt to lose weight (remember I had an old pic of myself posted the night my guy messaged me for the first time on the singles site, and I talked to him a couple of weeks before I finally admitted it — he ended up coming here while I was still pretty chunky and I think that had something to do with him not talking to me anymore). Anyway, I have a collage of pictures that I made of myself showing off my weight loss since Robert was here. Instead of sending a memory, I want to send the collage and say, Thought you might like to see my progress so far. Thanks for the motivation! 🙂 (I had told him he was my motivation while I was losing weight before he got here).

ANYWAY, I am now SMALLER than the old pic he saw of me on the dating site, and I’m hoping he’ll respond. What do you think of that approach as my first text to him after No Contact? I feel like he’ll be pleasantly surprised, because I do look really good. It might also stroke his ego a bit, which I’m not sure is a good or bad thing.

Thanks! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!
Tabitha
admin

December 7, 2013 at 7:21 pm

I think its a good appraoch. Just be super confident!
Tabitha

December 8, 2013 at 11:08 pm

Ok, thanks! I will 🙂 One more thing…what do I do if he doesn’t respond to the pictures and text? I think that’s what I’m most worried about.

I mean, I haven’t heard from him since that Monday, following the weekend he was here when we met for the first time. He had said, “Thank u again for a wonderful weekend 🙂 Flight delayed an hour last night, not too bad. Have a great day.” And I responded with something funny and he wrong back “Hahaha!!!!” And even with three funny texts I sent him over the next couple of weeks (just memes, nothing important that I said that would need a response), I heard nothing from him. It makes me wonder why he even sent the follow-up text on Monday after he got home, when he evidently was planning on never speaking to me again? So I guess I need you to help me figure out 1) What do you think he was thinking then when he sent that dang text thanking me for a great weekend and then dropping me like a rock, and what is thinking now and 2) What do I do if he doesn’t respond to my hott photos that makes even MY jaw drop because I can’t believe how good I look and how much I’ve changed since he was here?!

By the way, I love reading your guides and your responses to people…you’re a voice of reason in our crazy woman brains! 😉

Tabitha
admin

December 9, 2013 at 7:13 pm

You don’t text him for a week. But pictures can be extremely effective.
Tabitha

November 17, 2013 at 4:21 pm

I should update my email address, the one I put is no longer valid! Use this one please 🙂
admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:23 pm

Make sure you put the valid one in next time 🙂

Hannah

November 17, 2013 at 1:12 am

Hey ive been trying out this nc system and well my ex contacted me after 5 days the first time saying he hoped i was ok, i stupidly replied saying i was n that i hoped he was well, he replied but i didnt answer. 3 days on hes sent another message saying he hoped i was having a nice weekend. I didnt answer so he later sent a message saying goodnight hannah. I also have not replied or even opened the messages. I was just wondering if he seems to take less time to go through the process, must it still be 30 days of nc? We are at a very tricky point and he no longer wanted to do long distance. Wont ignoring him this long push him away?

admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:02 pm

I don;t think so. Most women think that but it usually has the opposite effect.
Hannah

November 17, 2013 at 11:07 pm

Thanx chris!
I was wondering, how are you to treat your ex’s friends if they contact you? His best friend seems to contact me when i ignore him. Should i respond and avoid talk of the ex or should i ignore?
Thanks for your replies and your website. It is truly amazing what you’ve set up here
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:08 pm

With respect but don’t talk about your ex.
Loulou

November 19, 2013 at 5:24 pm

Hes sent me 2 msgs but still no phone call!!
His friend was texting me literally to see if id answer. Im going nuts? Whats going on?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:06 pm

I guess he is testing you to see if you respond.
Loulou

November 20, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Ok so i cant tell if I’ve made a mistake or not. Today my ex sent me this website
elitedaily.com/dating/sex/long-distance-relationships-prevent-success/

Basically it says how long distance doesn’t work. I replied and said i don’t understand why the link? He replied n said: why ignore me? ( i have never ignored him before. And we have never played mind games)
The conversation went as follows:
Me: Because you wanted space, because it hurts to send one word answers to you in these circumstances
Him: I would’ve understood that response instead of being ignored. But these circumstances are not caused bc I simply want space. If you have an update on your job searching or family you can text me. But I never asked for a full blown convo bc it isn’t helpful. I hope your well and enjoying the snow
Him: I really hope your better n more focused on ur goals
Me: I start work tomorrow
Me: And yes u wudve understood that more but I couldn’t understand where it had all come from. You didn’t communicate with me
Me: If I upset u I have never intended it.
Me: A fuLl blown conversation is very helpful. It has purpose and meaning and shows respect
Him: I am so happy for you and I don’t mind speaking to u this weekend to update
Me: I didn’t tell u bcuz I assumed u would think it was only cause u broke up with me, but it wasnt
Me: I got many interviews and trials all of a sudden in one week. And even though I had just had the surgery I went to all of them
Me: I thought u were checking up on me out of sympathy. And I couldn’t handle it. I wanted u to cl and talk things through.
Him: I won’t think it was because we stopped.
Him: I will call you this weekend to have a catchup and see how things are going. I am so happy that you have a job and you are starting
Me: Talk to you this weekend. If possible we arrange day before just in case I work on the weekend. I still don’t know my hoursX_X
Him: Alright for sure that would be great
Him: =)
Him : Talk to you very soon

I don’t understand. Is this good or bad? What should i say? Clearly there is an issue with the fact that i was unemployed. We speak this weekend eek!
admin

November 21, 2013 at 5:53 pm

I think its good…

And good luck during the weekend.
Loulou

November 24, 2013 at 2:15 am

Hi chris!
We spoke for a while, and basically at the moment he thinks i have a communication issues and dont let things go. He made it about my faults. So i told him any issue stems from 2 people not 1. He has to look at his own faults. He seems to be thinking future wise and all. But he says right now with how i am we do not function. Even if we love each tother alot.
He does not know how to put a title on what we are right now( broken up or on a break) he says this is because he doesnt want to say no to this relationship now and later realise that it could work, then he would be having to find a way to fix us on top. I asked him did he not see himself being with me in the future, he said no im not saying that.
He said but in order for us to continue u need to develop, and also he cant see solutions for us to be together within a timeframe that he can stand.
He started to become overwhelmed by the topic, i slipped in good memories we had and told him maybe we can just have a converstaion this week thats not on this topic, something lighter, he said he’d like that. I felt that was needed since he was responsive and i felt he needed some positivity.
I was just with him abt a month and a half ago, i cant afford to go to him. Plus he needs to recognize his own faults. It cant be all on me. What do you think?
Loulou

January 27, 2014 at 3:30 am

Hi chris
Still nothing from him! He has to be the one to contact me this time. If he still doesnt think this is the end. Then why is he not making contact. Arghhhhhh :'(
Loulou

January 24, 2014 at 1:00 am

Hi chris
Its been a while and alot has happened, none of which is good unfortunately.
Our break continued for a month and a half, howver he kept contact, infact he was contacting me more and more. He wanted to skype starting from the day he forgot my birthday, (he usually is bad with dates though), kept saying he thought he still had 10 days and that he had asked his best friend to get me a new phone, and even though we were still talking, he did not. We started having more serious conversations after he had started saying he misses certain things, but there was still no emotion and no flirting.
We spoke about our options breaking up, me moving to him or continuing long distance. The last option was clearly not an option anymore. In the same conversation he even said to me i know that i want you as my wife, and i knw i want to have a family with you but i dont think im ready yet.
My. Next conversation with him i said that i was willing to move to him, but i would not move there without a job and that i would live inmy own apartment since it is an arab country and we are not married, he smiled said that he would pay my rent and there is no way he’d not live with me. He then asked about an exam i am still going to sit in april, saying i wont come between you and your career. I told him i will still sit my exam and i deserve for him to be supportive and continue long distance until i move to him. He agreed said i deserve the whole nine yards and that right now i was only getting 2.
He still wanted to think about things, saying that he could come to me when he takes his next leave from work which was in march(i said no as my exam is in april) plus he was going on holday in a week, on a trip i was supposed to be going on, to see his step brother and his family then to another country with a married couple that he sees everyday where he is!
By xmas eve i was still talking to him, i even sent him pictures of a place i had visited that he had always wanted to go to, he only commented on the views and not me, so i questionned this, he said he was not giving that side of him, i askedif i was just a friend to him he said no, im just being honest because we dont know whats going to happen yet.
I got so angry that night, tired of the state of limbo, i broke up with him via a text.
I said it wasnt working out and that i didnt see that he was offering me anything, considering what i was going to give up. I told him he was confusedand didnt knw what he wants and that that was not what i want from a guy. Told him to respect my decision. (Basically i tried to make it seem he lost me, even though i just wanted him to wake up!), i also deleted him at this point from my bbm.(childish but he had done this to me before and i felt like i had lost him for good)
He replied when he woke up:
I will respect you (my name)
And i still love and care for you very much. I will not consider this the final end, but i understand you cannt stay in this state. I wish you the best of luck but know what we had and can have please. Merry xmas gorgeous

Im sorry i have gone into so much detail. A month of no contact has passed now and he hasnt contacted me once! His best friend asks about me. She actually spent newyear with me coincidentaly and tried to show me pictures of him on holiday holding babies (he had asked her to do this). But i was at a party with my friends dancing with the girls and guys( which she tried to stop me dancing with) acting like i wasnt bothered.
His best friend still talks to me, but no sign of him.
What do i do? I know ive made the right decision, otherwise i would still be in limbo right now.
I know hes not been seen with any girls. Why isnt he trying to contact me?
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:32 pm

I agree you shouldn’t be the one making all the sacrifices..

Sounds like your issues is that you need him to commit a bit more.

Apple

November 16, 2013 at 1:49 pm

Hi Chris,

It’s apple. Just to report my progress with you. We’ve been quite close recently, yesterday in the party he held me tight and danced with me, but no kissing. Is it wise if I initiate a kiss next time in such situation?

Best,
Apple

admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:33 pm

Of course!
Apple

November 16, 2013 at 2:26 pm

We had lots of fun during the trip, atmosphere was purely fun, nothing much about the breakup, when we were alone, he started many intimate moves, but then ended at some point. I only have three days left. Shall I wait until he moves back to the country in 3 months (different cities though) or shall I push something in these 3 days?

Guys minds are so complicated.
admin

November 16, 2013 at 11:08 pm

Well form experience I know that if you rush things they don’t tend to go well…

Anonymous

November 16, 2013 at 2:46 am

LDR story that lasted 5 months.

Met online, hit it off, became exclusive, started seeing each other every 2 weeks (and stay together a minimum of 10 days each). When we were apart, we communicate via text, phone and face time all day – morning and night. He told me he loved me, we shared everything and things progressed extremely fast. Discussion about my move to his state, engagement, marriage in about 6 months time started.

Out of the blue, through something I didn’t consider a big deal, he broke up with me. 2 days later, he apologized for making an emotional decision and asked for a second chance. We were back on but I was still very hurt. After a week, I told him that I was not able to get over it and broke up with him. 2 weeks later we were on again with full force, knowing how close we came to losing each other.

2 weeks passed and he came out to visit me. But he acted cold, confused, distant and loving all at the same time. Last day before he left, he was back to his old self and was attentive and loving. He left and we stopped talking. I signed back up on the dating site the very next day and he did too. I missed him like crazy but stuck with NC without breaking it for a month and a half. Then out of the blue on the 45th day, he texted me a random pic that meant something to the two of us. I texted back and we briefly said hello.

2 days passed and I called him to say hi. I could tell he was extremely happy and we talked briefly. Then he texted me and said he was glad I called him. That same day he texted about 4, 5 times and he sent me his picture.

It has now been a week and we are back to communicating by phone twice a day and texting throughout the day pictures and all but no mention of our relationship. We were so in love before and it is weird now that there is no talk about US. I still love him and don’t want to be with anyone else but he is confusing me. Do you think this guy loves me or is he just keeping me around until something better comes by? Another thing that confused me was when he texted me “you are sweet” a couple of times. What does that mean? Does he want me back or does he want the attention? (by the way, we both are still on the dating site)

admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:52 pm

Have you done anything from this guide yet?

Lucy

November 15, 2013 at 8:56 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. He realized he doesn’t love me anymore, and although we gave it another shot,he soon got accepted to finish his study abroad, so that was it. He didn’t want me to wait for him because he wasn’t in love with me enough not to forget me during his absence. He expressed his wish to stay in touch, so we did. (except the 10days period i deleted my facebook account shortly after the breakup, and then called for coffee because he was departing soon and i wanted to say goodbye). So up till now, he messages me almost every day on facebook and we are in touch with our everyday lives. I am happy for him making his dream come true and hearing everything about it, but i am still truly in love with him, knowing he is the one i will love for just too long. I’m waiting for Christmas break to see him in hope it’s going to be something different and he’ll realize he missed me once he sees me, but that is just childish.
The nc rule was found about just today, so yeah, well.

admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:44 pm

Good luck with your NC. I know its so tough but hang in there.

Stephany

November 15, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Hi, Chris. I really need your advice. About a year and a month ago, I met this guy I like on a dating website. I had no intention of looking for anyone. When I took a look at his profile, I instantly said he would never go out with me. He then contacted me, wanted to get know me, and exchanged numbers right away. I was up for it. My attitude was, “Okay, sure. Why not?” For about 3-4 weeks, we were texting like everyday, then we decided to meet. He’s 2 hours away, and I wanted to go see him. So I did. I was scared because it was my first time doing this and he didn’t know that I am a single mom. I was so nervous to tell him, but I know that I had to. I told him in the beginning of our date, and he said that it does’t bother him at all. He then kissed me.
I’m a single mom, and he has been the only guy I’ve dated after having my baby. My baby is a year and a half, and her father has never and will never be in her life. He’s too hung up on drugs. Me, on the other hand, I’m a college student who will date seriously. I have my degree in Photography and Psychology. I’m still in school to become a teacher. This guy I met online is about a year older than me. He is an engineer who is about to get his PHD soon and a masters in business. So we are both busy people. About our dates, all of them were great. We were always happy together. Being LDR, our communication was equal. He really seemed like he cared about me just like I do. Unfortunately, I later started feeling like I was the one doing all the work. Even we were dating, we didn’t commit to a relationship. I was scared to ask. The reason I was feeling insecure was because the dating website we met on, he would at times go on and use it. Me, I change up my profile and said that I’m dating, but looking for friendship. I honestly went on there to see if he was there. That’s all. As time passed, I acted like it didn’t bother me. I didn’t want him to think I was insecure. I did so much work being involved with each other and for me to change for the better. I stopped being overly jealous and protective because I wanted to make this work so bad. I did mature in a lot of ways. I saw myself falling in love with him. After our last date was back in May. We spent the weekend together, we were intimate, and that was the last time we were together. We did talk almost everyday, even if it was small talk we always communicated. There were times when I asked to meet, but he would say no because of things he had to do for school. We would talk about which month we would meet up but it seemed like he would push it to the next month or so. I was getting sad and worried that he was pulling away. For over a month ago I was scared and feeling stressed that it may be ending. I saw that our one year anniversary was coming up. I just kept asking to myself should I just do it and ask to be in a committed relationship, even though I wish I was able to ask in person. So I spoke to him on Skype and over the phone, and asked him. I was so nervous. I told him that I don’t know what dating means to him, but for me I date him seriously. I told him that I don’t know if there’s someone else but I want to be in a relationship. A year has passed already. He said this, “For me, I don’t have to think twice about that answer. For me, it’s yes…I just don’t like putting you through the distance. That the only problem.” I told him that the distance is not a problem for me. We decided that we wanted to see each other to talk more about this, unfortunately it never happened. Last month was a really hard month for me. Unfortunately, for a week, my sister was in a coma and she died on the 22nd. Everything has been very heartbreaking for me lately. While my sister was in a coma, one of my friends just felt like making it her business to go to the dating website and talk to the guy I’ve dated. They had a chat and I found out some things he lied to me and never told about. He told my friend that with in a year, he has dated about 3-4 girls here, he is still friends with some of these girls, and that he hasn’t met anyone special yet. When that happened, it broke my heart. To this day, he still doesn’t know what I know. Since my sister was in a coma, I didn’t want to deal with that right now. I did get to tell him that my sister was in a coma. He was the person needed him to be. He cared a lot, and was hurt to see what I was going through. He said he wanted to make the time to visit over here to see me. Before I told about my sister’s coma I sent him an email in the dating website. I wrote “Hey, so there as been a lot on my mind. This is being one of them. I see you still go on here like a lot, regularly. I’m very mindful of it…Let’s be honest, I don’t think you come on here looking for me… I am not going to make you do something you don’t want to do. It’s all up to you…Overall, I think that if you were dating me seriously you wouldn’t be spending a lot of time here.” I was nice and subtle about. He only said that he checks his email and leaves his browser on. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I know. He did stop going on there for some time. I would see that he would check his emails I guess. A couple of days ago, I saw him on the online dating site, unfortunately, I’ve been feeling emotional. I texted him the night before and he didn’t text me back. And I got mad that he would make time to check his messages on the dating website rather than texting me. I approached him and said that to him. It was really our first fight. It’s like we were bickering each other. He broke up with me that night. He told me this,”we can’t build a solid relationship by dating each other so rarely. You deserve stability and you should search for a closer person” I replied, “It must be you who can’t do that because I know I can…Sorry I put a lot into this…you know what makes me happy, you just don’t care enough. He said this, “Unfortunately I can’t give you what you need now. I’m sure you can find someone closer to you that makes you happier” I said, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He also did mention to be friends, but I know I can’t do that. I asked him if we can talk on the phone. He said yeah, but he didn’t pick up. He texted me saying he will call me tomorrow but he never did. Two days later, I called, no answer. I texted him about my feelings. In my text, I wrote “Forgive me if I overreacted with you on Sunday. I am still emotional after my sister dying, and I don’t have anyone really there for me. I never meant to be hard on you at any time.
Honestly, being with someone for some time gives me some right to see where things are going. Even though we don’t see each other often, we still invested much time together. And, if it meant anything for you, I would hope for you not to let that go. If I didn’t ask you at all for a commitment after much time has passed, then it would mean for me that I don’t take you seriously…Sometime’s it’s hard for me to follow what you say because we would talk about doing something but we don’t do them. I know we can try, even if we take things slow. It’s only fair for me to know if a apart of you wants to keep this going or not.” He texted and said, “I don’t want to disappear.” I then said, “I want a romantic relationship with you. And if that’s not what you want with me. then we don’t have to talk at all. Honestly, I can’t be your friend because I care too much about you. We can meet up and talk this through or not talk at all.” He’s like, “I told you the limitations already.” Two days later, I texted him and said let’s talk on the phone. He agreed to, but then for like 2 days, I would say, tomorrow is a good time. Honestly, I never got back to him because I’m not ready to say goodbye. I don’t want to talk to him on the phone. I want to see him in person. Our last text was a week ago, NC since. Today is his birthday, but I can’t text him. He probably thinks I will, I don’t know. I have a special gift for him. I wanted to send it to him or give it to him in person next week. I don’t know what to do. My intention to go there is to confront him face to face about why I was mad about the dating website and tell him how I feel. I feel that if he’s wants it to be over, then at least have the courtesy to say it to my face. I don’t know if I should go through with this or not. I don’t know if this will help give me the closure I deserve or help bring us back together. About the NC rule, I would be all for it, but even though he lives here, during the holidays, he will be back home to Italy. I’m afraid that by then, it would be too late. I hope he’s missing me. Please help me. Is there still a chance to make this work? He really means a lot to me, and I’m just really confused with what to do.
-Stephany

admin

November 16, 2013 at 7:50 pm

If you do confront him don’t be threatening. Just be calm about it. I personally think you should just stick to NC.

Julie

November 15, 2013 at 1:23 pm

So it has been nearly 3 weeks into no contact and he still hasn’t contacted me. Is this at all normal or just give up altogether?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 8:09 pm

It can be normal.

Anonymous

November 14, 2013 at 11:52 pm

I have an ex, we both still love each other but I want to make sure that he still wants me…. I have been looking up all the advice in the world…. I was thinking about phone sex…. then the NC for 30 days…. maybe to confuse him? I am at a loss….

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:05 pm

I wouldn’t do the phone sex bit until maybe you build some rapport with him.

Aki

November 14, 2013 at 5:18 pm

30 th day was yesterday,but I did not text him.I think I will wait till a week more from today.However I will give him full scope to speak to me like keeping myself on available status max times on email and FB.What do you say ?
I want to do this,because in our relationship of 5 years,its always me to say sorry or to initiate contact to him.I want to have some self respect,as when we spoke the last time,before keeping our phone,I said to him that I will not keep any contact with you.ha ha …Now I want to take my words back 😛

admin

November 14, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Well, he probably didn’t take that too seriously
Aki

November 15, 2013 at 5:15 am

Ok..Lets see.I will let you know if he contacts me in this extended week.And I have a strong intuition of him contacting me 🙂 Thanks Chris for your kind support.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Definitely do!
Aki

November 20, 2013 at 6:49 am

Hi Chris,

I think he will call me today.lets see.
Or else finally after 36 days I am deciding to text him on the 38th day which is tomorrow.

Please have a look on my first text.

” Hi..Hows you ? I went to a cafe today ordered filter coffee and he was repeatedly asking me what filter coffee I said yes filter coffee..happened 2-3 times..Reminded me of you…Do you remember ?you were soo funny 😀 This time no waiter were able to understand you wherever we went…he he.. ”

Is the length ok ?
I will translate few lines in our local language.
Should I remove ” how’s you? ” ?

Or Should I send the below.
Hi How are you ?? Wassup nowadays??
I just had filter coffee and the coffee reminded me of the funny moment with you this time ..ha ha

I never spoke to him like this before…Would he be able to guess that the text is prepared by me just to start a conversation with him ??
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:51 pm

You should try your best to do it in your words so it doesn’t seem awkward.
Aki

November 22, 2013 at 1:09 pm

Hi Chris,Did you find my yesterdays comment.I am not able to find my comment as well as your reply.
Pls give me the link if you replied on it.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:18 pm

I can’t find it?
Aki

November 23, 2013 at 5:53 am

So ,the conversation went like below-
Me: Hello..hows u ?
Was drinking Coffee which reminded me of the funny moment with you 😀 Remember ?
Him: Hey.. yes I do remember. 😀
Him: Yaar how are you?
Me: M good…
Him: looking very happy in the display picture 😛
Him: Still in Maha ?
Me: yes I am in Maha 🙂
Him: Nice.. by the way with whom you were having coffee ? 😛
Me: 😛
Me: With a friend
Him: Hmmm… So tell me ,how is everybody at home ?
Me: everybody is fine ..:) how is everybody at your home ?
Him: All ok.. Everyone keeping busy for the upcoming birthday of my niece.
Me: Hmm…nice
Him: I bought a new car.. dodge charger.. Will get it today
Me: Congratulations 🙂
Him: Thanks

1.Chris,How was it ?
2.You can see in the conversation that he is the one asking me many things .He was adding the funny smiles in the end which I guess is just to show that he is joking or not very seriously asking.Or he is just asking,it doesn’t effect him.I asked one question about his family because he asked because I should have some courtesy.
Asking so many things ,what does that mean ?
3.You see ,he bought a car while I was in NC.He told me before breakup that he has to buy one.Does that mean he was not much affected with the break up and was not having time to think about me ? As he was keeping busy with the selection of car,seeing it and all other things.He must not be having anytime to think about me ?
4.I did not ask anything about the car? Should I ask him ? Like wow ,which color and all that ?
5.Should I reply to his call or text if he does now ?
6.When should I send him my next text or meme ?? I mean the gap after our first conversion.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:05 pm

I think it went well!

You can reply to his texts now if he reaches out.

Admin

November 14, 2013 at 9:09 am

Hey Chris!
I’ve tried the no contact rule for a few weeks and he finally responded. He still wants nothing to do with me. I’m trying to win his heart back, but he says he doesn’t trust me and he’s done. I couldn’t take it anymore so I contacted him yesterday and today. No response:( Heres the issue, Before the breakup we agreed for me to fly out to see him in January. I still have my flight booked. I asked him already if he still wants me to visit him and he offered to give me back the money I spent on the plane ticket. I retaliated with telling him I still wanted to see him, even as friends. He said he would see how he feels. Just now he deleted me from fb. He won’t respond to my texts. Idk what to do. I asked him should I go or stay and nothing. Would it be wrong of me to give him my address and tell him to send me my money? I want to see him though. Even thought bout flying out to him without his consent to show him I love him and I won’t hurt him again. I’m lost! January is close!!! Need to win him back! Advice would be appreciated.

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:42 pm

I think you are entitled to that money though.
Admin

November 17, 2013 at 7:56 pm

Maybe so. I asked him to think twice about sending it cause I still want to see him. If he sends the money I have to let go. Sucks to. Should I just give up? If he sends me the money that would mean he doesn’t really care anymore. 🙁
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:44 pm

Or he just sends you the money…

It won’t mean he doesn’t care deep down.
Admin

November 21, 2013 at 1:34 am

What makes you think he could care deep down? If he sends me the money he doesn’t care to see me. I’m trying to let him go and it sucks. Idk what else to do besides move on with my life or fly to him. However, this isn’t some romantic comedy I can’t just fly to him expecting him to let me in his arms and make up at the airport. I don’t know what to do anymore but give him the space he wants. 🙁 I want to win his heart back.
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

If he sends you money then doesn’t that mean that he does care?
Admin

November 22, 2013 at 3:50 am

To a certain extent, yes. However, if he sends me the money back then that means he doesn’t want to see me, he doesn’t want me to come to Colorado still. If he doesn’t send the money then he does want me to come to Colorado. Agree?
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Maybe.. maybe not. If only we were mind readers.
Admin

November 23, 2013 at 2:01 am

Yep! Too bad we aren’t.

Racquel

November 13, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Hello Chris,

I was reading through your guide and I am wondering if you can help me with my particular complex situation. I met Cory 2 1/2 years ago though an internship and we both had an instant attraction to each other. Since he lived in the mid west and I live on the west coast, we both though it would just be a summer fling. End of summer comes and I prepare to say goodbye, even though we had formed a close bond in the few months we spent together. I prepare to end it and he says that he does not want to, he wants to try a LDR until he returns back to the west coast in 1 year. Flattered and shocked I agreed since I thought we both were willing to try it out. When he left, things got emotionally rocky and I noticed he started to pull away. 6 months into the relationship I receive a call from him saying he has to stay where he is indefinitely and that he is going though an emotional rough patch and as such, we should end the relationship. I protested but eventually agreed.

We didn’t speak to each other for about 3 months. One fall day I get a message in the middle of the night from him saying he is sorry about they way things went and he doesn’t want to never speak with me again. We talked and hashed everything out where he explained to me the reason he wanted to break up was because he felt he was getting to close to me while not being able to be with me in person. He said that while he still cared about me he couldn’t be with someone he couldn’t physically be with everyday. After hearing that, I gave up on any hope of rekindling the relationship since his answer seemed pretty cut and dried.

Fast Forward 1 1/2 years.

We kept in touch sporadically, mainly email and texts. He occasionally tried to flirt or engage in phone relations and one time I caved in. After that we maintained more sporadic contact until he let me know he would be in my city for 2 weeks during the summer. He came and begged to see me, and it was like no time had passed, like we just picked up where things left off. To my regret I wasn’t strong enough to refrain from hooking up with him. Now a few months later I haven’t really heard much from him. At first I didn’t think anything of it, I tried to rationalize it as my one “go back” with an ex and now I could move on. After some time passed I realized how much I still care for him and would like an opinion on whether or not this thing we have has a future.

We are both screenwriters so occasionally either of us may ask the other to proofread something but nothing more personal than that. Sometimes he will ask me about my life here, but I don’t discuss it that much. He always comments on my social media pages and he hasn’t started seeing anyone else in the entire time we’ve known each other. If I texted him he would answer…I just have no idea on how to even begin to repair this thing or if its even possible. I fear he may already think/know the effect he has on me and is now just playing with my emotions with no intention of doing anything about it. It would be my greatest joy if somehow things worked out, but I know I could move on if I had to.

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Screenwriters huh! Any popular shows I know?

Have you tried doing any of the things I recommend in this guide?
Racquel

November 14, 2013 at 8:57 pm

Haha quite possibly yes! I have done a few things in the guide, mainly the no contact rule and the “do you remember” text. Unfortunately the memory I picked he didn’t seem to remember too well so that didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. Also he seemed very suspicious on my motives behind bringing it up in the first place.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Ok, so you need to pick a better text message to start with.

Georgia

November 13, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Hi Chris,
So me and my boyfriend met in college where we grew close very quickly and enjoyed spending quite a lot of time together. We both said that we weren’t usually the relationship types and he said relationships used to freak him out with the commitment but that he was happy with me in a relationship. He also used to go out drinking a lot before we started dating but then for the first few months he kept making plans with me at weekends and preferred to spend time with me than going out. However, 5 months into the relationship he joined the Royal Air Force and so moved away about a 4 hour train journey. The first month or so he told me he missed me too much and that I had become so important to him that he wasn’t sure the RAF was what he wanted anymore. He came back every couple of weekends after the first month (they weren’t allowed to come back before 5 weeks had gone) and our relationship was as it had always been. I have quite a busy life anyway so as he could only use his phone after 6pm, this worked well for both of us and I was happy seeing him when he was able to come back. Last weekend he told me he was still so in love with me, and talked about future plans like he was going to book for us to go away for Christmas and hinted how when I’m settled after University in a few years time he wanted to get engaged. He said I was perfect for him and that he thought we’d last for a very long time. However, since then for the past week he has been staying at home waiting to be posted to his new base and he has not had a very good time (doesn’t get along with his dad) and we haven’t seen each other much because I have had college to go to. The past couple of days he has been off with me, little to no contact and when he did reply it was a conversation killer. He has been back in contact with his ex after a year of them not speaking, but he told her he was with me and that I was perfect so I didn’t really know if he still has feelings for her as he really dislikes talking about her and doesn’t open up on the subject of them. I saw him briefly yesterday to give him something before he went and he told me he doesn’t want a relationship anymore because its starting to freak him out again and he’s finding it too much. He said he still loves me and wants to come back still to see me but less often than we had planned. He wants to be friends as we had a very close relationship, and he assured me he had no intention of going out and doing anything with anyone else because he still loves me. I told him he should pick up his clothes from mine if he was sure this was not just a break but for definite and he said he doesn’t know, he wants to keep the clothes at my house as he still intends to come back. He wants some space for the next few days to get settled into his new base and he said he will text me at the weekend. I am still in love with him and desperately want him to rethink his decision, I don’t know if its because we have got used to being long distance and that works for us and then when he came home he was having a stressful time with his dad and that has affected him and made him think this way? It just seems really strange to me that his feelings have changed in such a short space of time and I’d like some advice on how to approach it so then we can get back together. Thanks, Georgia.

admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:57 pm

Tell me what you have implemented from this guide so far?
Georgia

November 14, 2013 at 5:45 pm

I’m doing the no contact phase, he said he would text at weekend however I got a text from him last night asking if I still wanted hi to keep the nice letter I wrote to him before he went, but I have not replied as I didn’t know if it would have been a bad move, I feel like as we are only young and he is 18, he will just move on from me when I don’t reply (he broke up with me so maybe his feelings have gone?) and go out clubbing with his friends a lot like he enjoyed to before we broke up.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:18 pm

Well, youve read the male mind to NC right? That might give you some insight into what he is thinking.

vanessa

November 13, 2013 at 2:07 pm

Hi chris! But what if after more than one month of NC,And the time you start texting him but still no response,what should be the next thing to do??

admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Just wait a week and keep trying. With more intriguing text messages.

Oli

November 12, 2013 at 1:50 pm

Hi Chris,

So, after following all the steps detailed in your ebook, yesterday I spoke to my ex, via Skype and it went very well. We didn’t speak about our relationship or any feelings we might still have for each other (I forgot) but we did have a good convocation and I was friendly, smiling and looks great. Towards the end of the convo I suggested a weekend when I could come and visit him (I know you say to call after the Skype convo but I felt bit was going well so suggested it). He was receptive and we agreed a weekend in a couple of weeks time….

Shall I iniatate another Skype call to discus potential feelings for each other or just leave it? And what should happen/how should I be when I see him in person? I will be there for three days so what’s happens in terms of sleeping in the same bed, sex, ect?

This is the most exciting yet nervous part!

Thanks for all you help so far 🙂

admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:38 pm

At this point just leave it.

Don’t sleep with him until he commits its that simple.
Oli

November 13, 2013 at 1:59 pm

Okay, so how should I act with him during the trip and should I bring up/discuss the relationship? If so how?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:11 pm

Have you read my first date guie?
Oli

November 14, 2013 at 3:56 pm

Yes I’ve read it and will follow all the rules and instructions. I do have a couple of questions though….

How do you use push/pull when it’s a three day visit, not just a short date?

How do you show disinterest when again it’s a three day visit?

And finally, how exactly do you show interest whilst showing disinterest?

Sorry to keep pestering you :s
admin

November 14, 2013 at 8:13 pm

Hmm… I think your situation is different.

You may have to kind of show interest and then not and then show it again.
Oli

November 16, 2013 at 10:46 am

Okay, I understand that i should use push/pull but how exactly should i show interest and then disinterest? What exactly should I do?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:15 pm

Lets take texting for example. Show interest and then suddenly be a bit short or not even respond.

ashley

November 12, 2013 at 2:14 am

My ex and I dated for 14 months and we are in a LDR as he goes to school in another state. We broke up in August; he kept calling/texting me every day. We met up once where he drunkingly told me that he wanted to still marry me then another week he told me that he still loved me. Later that week I suggested we work on getting back together but he got hesitant. He suggested I come in to talk but within an hour he told me he didn’t want to get back together right now even though he still loves me. I got “i’m sorry” texts and he told me how I’m still his password & our photo is still some of his avis. Three months after we broke up and three weeks after I asked to get back together I ended it because I don’t want to wait any longer.
My friend texted him and he told her that he doesn’t know if it’s really over, if we can fix our relationship, and he doesn’t want a ldr. I broke up with him because I was depressed over my grandmother and didn’t like who I was in the relationship. Now I want him back because I deeply love him.
What should I do?

admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:04 pm

I am confused. You broke up with him because of your grandmother?

Laura

November 11, 2013 at 6:28 pm

Hi there. I have a bit of a different situation and my ex isnt like other guys, hes very sweet and is very loving, not afraid to show his true feelings, So I’m wondering if these tactics would really work on him. He broke up with me 2 days ago and was crying and having a break down for the majority of the conversation. We have been in a LDR for a month and a half (hes in University), out of that time we only spoke for about 3 weeks on and off as the rest of the time I would be insecure about one particularly close friendship he had with one of his new dorm friends (even though i never mentioned this because i didnt want to be controlling) Also when he did stuff he wouldnt normally like to do (like clubbing) and I would stop replying to him. He wanted me to get into contact with him first because he was always the one to start things off, however i let my anger and pride get in the way. He said he cant handle our relationship anymore, that it was too hard, he doesnt know who he is anymore and he doesnt know what he wants. He also doesnt want to hurt me anymore and he doesnt want to feel guilty about going out. He says his heart isnt in it anymore and no matter what i tried, for 2 hours I couldnt change his mind. Hes said hes changed and he didnt think he would but he has, and when i asked how hes changed, he just said his feelings have shifted. He was also getting angry whenever i cried during the convo and just kept asking me to let him go. I was with him for nearly 2 years, we was so in love, despite our problems and i cant believe his feelings have changed so quickly after 2 weeks of no contact. When we were skyping it was good, you could see he was very much in love with me, it just feels so final, hes never acted the way he did when he broke up with me before. I’m afraid that even after doing all this if/when we meet up his feelings still wont be the same for me and I’ll be crushed all over agaain. I dont know if this will work or just push him away further, what do you suggest?

admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Its possible but as long as you can reestablish that strong emotional connection you have a shot. A lot of the times when it comes to LDR the main problem is distance. That distance can sometimes be a relatoinshiop killer.

Lana

November 11, 2013 at 4:06 am

My ex bf (whom I have dated for 10 months) and I have broken up for 2 months now. He got a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up and I was crushed. I did my 30 day NC and it did work! He started texting me about 15 days into NC and all that but I ignored them all up until my 30 days were over. I started with the first contact text and the meme and his responses were very positive and he seemed to bring up stuff from the past that we shared. He even would text me “text me later if you want! :)” after I tell him that I “gotta go” to cut the conversation short. I decided I shouldn’t talk to him anymore because he has a girlfriend and I would hate to hurt the other girl for my own needs so I stopped. I kind of have moved on and have been talking to somebody else, but I still love my ex because we had so much more in common. But altogether I have stopped texting him after the first week of contact. Since then, it has been 10 days and he has been texting me hi every day I guess hoping for an answer. He would randomly text me about the times that we shared and how things reminded him of me etc. I’m just really confused because he was the one that wanted to break up, I’m not sure as to why he is dating someone else yet texts me all of these text messages telling me how he is reminded of me. I have a strong feeling that I can skip all of the steps of texting and go straight to a skype conversation if I asked him to. I know I should ask him straight up and see what he wants from me but I don’t want to risk talking to him again giving myself false hopes.

But I just want to say, your NC and break up advice REALLY WORKS!

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Thnak you! Glad you are finding success.

Is there anything specifically you need help on?
Lana

November 12, 2013 at 7:40 am

I’m not sure what exactly I need help on… But I guess I’m a little curious. Coming from a guy’s perspective, why is he trying to talk to me again when he already has a new girlfriend?

He texted me earlier today and told me that he wasn’t feeling well and has been sick all day etc. He knows that I wouldn’t reply, yet he still sends me text messages to tell me things like these. He also told me he got insurance finally (because when we were together I bugged him to get that for his own health’s sake) and then told me he might be coming to California (the state im currently in) next month some time because he misses it.
Wouldn’t a normal guy just tell these things to his current girlfriend rather than an ex girlfriend?
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:21 pm

It could be for 2 reasons.

1. He actually misses you b/c the new girl doesn’t compare.

2. He loves feeling admired by all women.
Lana

November 13, 2013 at 4:03 am

You might be right…I want to say its a little bit of both but he pretty much only talks to one girl and that is his current girlfriend (and from what I hear she doesnt talk to him a lot because shes not a really good communicator).
I think I’ll just stay NC until I can decide on what to do…I just feel like if I don’t talk to him about what his motives are then I won’t really be able to move on until I find out. Thanks Chris!
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Good for you then. You have a plan. NC it is!

Laalaa

November 11, 2013 at 2:13 am

Hey I’ve read all through this and basically I cheated on my ex and he found out, he wasn’t talking to me and his friend was drunk and got close to me and cos I was angry I let him. I know it’s still not an excuse. My ex is a very stubborn man and is a me know it all, he told me that it will never ever happen again and if I was to contact him he will speak back but e will never consider me as a girlfriend again… Do you think the 30 day NC will work? :/

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:18 pm

It can work!

What was your reasoning for cheating on him?
Laalaa

November 11, 2013 at 10:35 pm

Well he picked me up from the airport and he was with his friend they saw some girls and stopped the car and started getting one of the girls numbers and basically I didn’t know what they were saying, because they were speaking Dutch but all I saw was him putting the girls number into his phone so I got jealous but didn’t show it, so I was acting off with him the whole time, But later on after I cheated I mentioned it to him and he said that his friends phone battry was dead and he took the number for him and I realised that was actually what happend :/
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:47 pm

WOW… right there off the side of the road? That has to be the creepiest pickup I have ever heard of.
Laalaa

November 12, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Yer I kno his friend was a bit of a kreep but each to there own lol but what do you think I should do?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:29 pm

What I suggested. Play it cool until he is ready to hear about the friend.
Laalaa

November 13, 2013 at 6:34 pm

He already knows!! That’s why he’s not speaking to me :/

kellyrod

November 7, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Hey, I have a question. My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month and a half ago. The first I ever received was after the 30 day no contact and it was for him. I responded and told him that I wish he was doing well. He never wrote back. Then the following week I decided to text him wishing him a good day and he wrote back but kinda cut the coversation making it impossible for me to write back. These are the only two times that we have spoken. I miss him terribly but idk how to start a conversation that won’t lead to him cutting the conversation short.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Well, you have to make the conversation intriguing and YOU have to cut it short.

Nate

November 7, 2013 at 6:15 pm

Hey Chris,

I’m a guy but I stumbled on your site and thought it was very insightful so I was hoping you could help me out. I’ll try to keep it short.

I met this girl this summer and we instantly connected but she is from the west coast and I knew that would make things difficult, but she kept contacting me by text, calling, and facetime literally every day and it was always couple stuff she was very interested. She’s a very attractive girl so I knew that she receives attention from other guys but it seemed that I was getting a lot of her time and focus.

She would say many open things about how she felt about me and what she wanted with in terms of a potential relationship. Pretty much she was giving signals that she was 100% into me. She comes back to my area to visit me for the weekend and things were great and it was obvious we both had a great time and even said she wanted to be together.

Then all of a sudden the next week she sends me an email saying she can’t continue anything with me because of her workload and the stress that comes with it. We talk it out and I can’t convince her to change her mind so I accept it and then I get an message from her a few days later saying she can’t stop thinking about me, etc. and that she wasnts to get over her issues from her past relationships and wants me in her life. The last three or four weeks have been a back and forth of her changing her mind about what she wants and it’s taking a toll on me. I did no contact for a while and she drunk texted and dialed me a lot (which i would ignore) until I talked to her a few days later (so I know she responds to that kind of thing).

Recently she has said how she wants to keep me in her life in a level between a friend and BF because she wants to go to grad school or get a job in my area when she graduates next year. Past couple days she hasn’t been texting me much but has been calling and facetiming me a lot for long periods of time and talking about things that “friends” don’t talk about.

I’m just kind of confused about whether she just likes the attention I give her or if she genuinely wants something more with me. She is coming out to my area early next month and wants to see me but idk how to respond to that either. I just don’t know if stopping contact with her altogether will be effective or just drive her to someone else (bc she’s attractive and her ex is still in her hometown even though she swears she has no feelings towards him anymore). She talks to me like she has romantic feelings for me but it’s so hard to know for sure since I can’t see her in person. She says she wants to move to the area I’m in but idk how much stock to put into what she says. I wouldn’t care this much if this was one of the other girls I’ve dated but I haven’t had such a strong connection with someone like her before.

Should I break contact with her altogether or just a little bit until she visits and I can talk to her in person? Do I just stop ignoring her contact or do I tell her I need space? Does this seems like an attention things? Or what else do you think I should do? Sorry for the length but like I said I’m kind of confused and advice would be great. Thank you for anything you can give.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:42 pm

I think the distance is killing you. She doesn’t know how to handle it.

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