How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Apple

November 16, 2013 at 1:49 pm

Hi Chris,

It’s apple. Just to report my progress with you. We’ve been quite close recently, yesterday in the party he held me tight and danced with me, but no kissing. Is it wise if I initiate a kiss next time in such situation?

Best,
Apple

admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:33 pm

Of course!
Apple

November 16, 2013 at 2:26 pm

We had lots of fun during the trip, atmosphere was purely fun, nothing much about the breakup, when we were alone, he started many intimate moves, but then ended at some point. I only have three days left. Shall I wait until he moves back to the country in 3 months (different cities though) or shall I push something in these 3 days?

Guys minds are so complicated.
admin

November 16, 2013 at 11:08 pm

Well form experience I know that if you rush things they don’t tend to go well…

Anonymous

November 16, 2013 at 2:46 am

LDR story that lasted 5 months.

Met online, hit it off, became exclusive, started seeing each other every 2 weeks (and stay together a minimum of 10 days each). When we were apart, we communicate via text, phone and face time all day – morning and night. He told me he loved me, we shared everything and things progressed extremely fast. Discussion about my move to his state, engagement, marriage in about 6 months time started.

Out of the blue, through something I didn’t consider a big deal, he broke up with me. 2 days later, he apologized for making an emotional decision and asked for a second chance. We were back on but I was still very hurt. After a week, I told him that I was not able to get over it and broke up with him. 2 weeks later we were on again with full force, knowing how close we came to losing each other.

2 weeks passed and he came out to visit me. But he acted cold, confused, distant and loving all at the same time. Last day before he left, he was back to his old self and was attentive and loving. He left and we stopped talking. I signed back up on the dating site the very next day and he did too. I missed him like crazy but stuck with NC without breaking it for a month and a half. Then out of the blue on the 45th day, he texted me a random pic that meant something to the two of us. I texted back and we briefly said hello.

2 days passed and I called him to say hi. I could tell he was extremely happy and we talked briefly. Then he texted me and said he was glad I called him. That same day he texted about 4, 5 times and he sent me his picture.

It has now been a week and we are back to communicating by phone twice a day and texting throughout the day pictures and all but no mention of our relationship. We were so in love before and it is weird now that there is no talk about US. I still love him and don’t want to be with anyone else but he is confusing me. Do you think this guy loves me or is he just keeping me around until something better comes by? Another thing that confused me was when he texted me “you are sweet” a couple of times. What does that mean? Does he want me back or does he want the attention? (by the way, we both are still on the dating site)

admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:52 pm

Have you done anything from this guide yet?

Lucy

November 15, 2013 at 8:56 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. He realized he doesn’t love me anymore, and although we gave it another shot,he soon got accepted to finish his study abroad, so that was it. He didn’t want me to wait for him because he wasn’t in love with me enough not to forget me during his absence. He expressed his wish to stay in touch, so we did. (except the 10days period i deleted my facebook account shortly after the breakup, and then called for coffee because he was departing soon and i wanted to say goodbye). So up till now, he messages me almost every day on facebook and we are in touch with our everyday lives. I am happy for him making his dream come true and hearing everything about it, but i am still truly in love with him, knowing he is the one i will love for just too long. I’m waiting for Christmas break to see him in hope it’s going to be something different and he’ll realize he missed me once he sees me, but that is just childish.
The nc rule was found about just today, so yeah, well.

admin

November 16, 2013 at 8:44 pm

Good luck with your NC. I know its so tough but hang in there.

Stephany

November 15, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Hi, Chris. I really need your advice. About a year and a month ago, I met this guy I like on a dating website. I had no intention of looking for anyone. When I took a look at his profile, I instantly said he would never go out with me. He then contacted me, wanted to get know me, and exchanged numbers right away. I was up for it. My attitude was, “Okay, sure. Why not?” For about 3-4 weeks, we were texting like everyday, then we decided to meet. He’s 2 hours away, and I wanted to go see him. So I did. I was scared because it was my first time doing this and he didn’t know that I am a single mom. I was so nervous to tell him, but I know that I had to. I told him in the beginning of our date, and he said that it does’t bother him at all. He then kissed me.
I’m a single mom, and he has been the only guy I’ve dated after having my baby. My baby is a year and a half, and her father has never and will never be in her life. He’s too hung up on drugs. Me, on the other hand, I’m a college student who will date seriously. I have my degree in Photography and Psychology. I’m still in school to become a teacher. This guy I met online is about a year older than me. He is an engineer who is about to get his PHD soon and a masters in business. So we are both busy people. About our dates, all of them were great. We were always happy together. Being LDR, our communication was equal. He really seemed like he cared about me just like I do. Unfortunately, I later started feeling like I was the one doing all the work. Even we were dating, we didn’t commit to a relationship. I was scared to ask. The reason I was feeling insecure was because the dating website we met on, he would at times go on and use it. Me, I change up my profile and said that I’m dating, but looking for friendship. I honestly went on there to see if he was there. That’s all. As time passed, I acted like it didn’t bother me. I didn’t want him to think I was insecure. I did so much work being involved with each other and for me to change for the better. I stopped being overly jealous and protective because I wanted to make this work so bad. I did mature in a lot of ways. I saw myself falling in love with him. After our last date was back in May. We spent the weekend together, we were intimate, and that was the last time we were together. We did talk almost everyday, even if it was small talk we always communicated. There were times when I asked to meet, but he would say no because of things he had to do for school. We would talk about which month we would meet up but it seemed like he would push it to the next month or so. I was getting sad and worried that he was pulling away. For over a month ago I was scared and feeling stressed that it may be ending. I saw that our one year anniversary was coming up. I just kept asking to myself should I just do it and ask to be in a committed relationship, even though I wish I was able to ask in person. So I spoke to him on Skype and over the phone, and asked him. I was so nervous. I told him that I don’t know what dating means to him, but for me I date him seriously. I told him that I don’t know if there’s someone else but I want to be in a relationship. A year has passed already. He said this, “For me, I don’t have to think twice about that answer. For me, it’s yes…I just don’t like putting you through the distance. That the only problem.” I told him that the distance is not a problem for me. We decided that we wanted to see each other to talk more about this, unfortunately it never happened. Last month was a really hard month for me. Unfortunately, for a week, my sister was in a coma and she died on the 22nd. Everything has been very heartbreaking for me lately. While my sister was in a coma, one of my friends just felt like making it her business to go to the dating website and talk to the guy I’ve dated. They had a chat and I found out some things he lied to me and never told about. He told my friend that with in a year, he has dated about 3-4 girls here, he is still friends with some of these girls, and that he hasn’t met anyone special yet. When that happened, it broke my heart. To this day, he still doesn’t know what I know. Since my sister was in a coma, I didn’t want to deal with that right now. I did get to tell him that my sister was in a coma. He was the person needed him to be. He cared a lot, and was hurt to see what I was going through. He said he wanted to make the time to visit over here to see me. Before I told about my sister’s coma I sent him an email in the dating website. I wrote “Hey, so there as been a lot on my mind. This is being one of them. I see you still go on here like a lot, regularly. I’m very mindful of it…Let’s be honest, I don’t think you come on here looking for me… I am not going to make you do something you don’t want to do. It’s all up to you…Overall, I think that if you were dating me seriously you wouldn’t be spending a lot of time here.” I was nice and subtle about. He only said that he checks his email and leaves his browser on. I wasn’t ready to tell him what I know. He did stop going on there for some time. I would see that he would check his emails I guess. A couple of days ago, I saw him on the online dating site, unfortunately, I’ve been feeling emotional. I texted him the night before and he didn’t text me back. And I got mad that he would make time to check his messages on the dating website rather than texting me. I approached him and said that to him. It was really our first fight. It’s like we were bickering each other. He broke up with me that night. He told me this,”we can’t build a solid relationship by dating each other so rarely. You deserve stability and you should search for a closer person” I replied, “It must be you who can’t do that because I know I can…Sorry I put a lot into this…you know what makes me happy, you just don’t care enough. He said this, “Unfortunately I can’t give you what you need now. I’m sure you can find someone closer to you that makes you happier” I said, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He also did mention to be friends, but I know I can’t do that. I asked him if we can talk on the phone. He said yeah, but he didn’t pick up. He texted me saying he will call me tomorrow but he never did. Two days later, I called, no answer. I texted him about my feelings. In my text, I wrote “Forgive me if I overreacted with you on Sunday. I am still emotional after my sister dying, and I don’t have anyone really there for me. I never meant to be hard on you at any time.
Honestly, being with someone for some time gives me some right to see where things are going. Even though we don’t see each other often, we still invested much time together. And, if it meant anything for you, I would hope for you not to let that go. If I didn’t ask you at all for a commitment after much time has passed, then it would mean for me that I don’t take you seriously…Sometime’s it’s hard for me to follow what you say because we would talk about doing something but we don’t do them. I know we can try, even if we take things slow. It’s only fair for me to know if a apart of you wants to keep this going or not.” He texted and said, “I don’t want to disappear.” I then said, “I want a romantic relationship with you. And if that’s not what you want with me. then we don’t have to talk at all. Honestly, I can’t be your friend because I care too much about you. We can meet up and talk this through or not talk at all.” He’s like, “I told you the limitations already.” Two days later, I texted him and said let’s talk on the phone. He agreed to, but then for like 2 days, I would say, tomorrow is a good time. Honestly, I never got back to him because I’m not ready to say goodbye. I don’t want to talk to him on the phone. I want to see him in person. Our last text was a week ago, NC since. Today is his birthday, but I can’t text him. He probably thinks I will, I don’t know. I have a special gift for him. I wanted to send it to him or give it to him in person next week. I don’t know what to do. My intention to go there is to confront him face to face about why I was mad about the dating website and tell him how I feel. I feel that if he’s wants it to be over, then at least have the courtesy to say it to my face. I don’t know if I should go through with this or not. I don’t know if this will help give me the closure I deserve or help bring us back together. About the NC rule, I would be all for it, but even though he lives here, during the holidays, he will be back home to Italy. I’m afraid that by then, it would be too late. I hope he’s missing me. Please help me. Is there still a chance to make this work? He really means a lot to me, and I’m just really confused with what to do.
-Stephany

admin

November 16, 2013 at 7:50 pm

If you do confront him don’t be threatening. Just be calm about it. I personally think you should just stick to NC.

Julie

November 15, 2013 at 1:23 pm

So it has been nearly 3 weeks into no contact and he still hasn’t contacted me. Is this at all normal or just give up altogether?

admin

November 15, 2013 at 8:09 pm

It can be normal.

Anonymous

November 14, 2013 at 11:52 pm

I have an ex, we both still love each other but I want to make sure that he still wants me…. I have been looking up all the advice in the world…. I was thinking about phone sex…. then the NC for 30 days…. maybe to confuse him? I am at a loss….

admin

November 15, 2013 at 6:05 pm

I wouldn’t do the phone sex bit until maybe you build some rapport with him.

Aki

November 14, 2013 at 5:18 pm

30 th day was yesterday,but I did not text him.I think I will wait till a week more from today.However I will give him full scope to speak to me like keeping myself on available status max times on email and FB.What do you say ?
I want to do this,because in our relationship of 5 years,its always me to say sorry or to initiate contact to him.I want to have some self respect,as when we spoke the last time,before keeping our phone,I said to him that I will not keep any contact with you.ha ha …Now I want to take my words back 😛

admin

November 14, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Well, he probably didn’t take that too seriously
Aki

November 15, 2013 at 5:15 am

Ok..Lets see.I will let you know if he contacts me in this extended week.And I have a strong intuition of him contacting me 🙂 Thanks Chris for your kind support.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Definitely do!
Aki

November 20, 2013 at 6:49 am

Hi Chris,

I think he will call me today.lets see.
Or else finally after 36 days I am deciding to text him on the 38th day which is tomorrow.

Please have a look on my first text.

” Hi..Hows you ? I went to a cafe today ordered filter coffee and he was repeatedly asking me what filter coffee I said yes filter coffee..happened 2-3 times..Reminded me of you…Do you remember ?you were soo funny 😀 This time no waiter were able to understand you wherever we went…he he.. ”

Is the length ok ?
I will translate few lines in our local language.
Should I remove ” how’s you? ” ?

Or Should I send the below.
Hi How are you ?? Wassup nowadays??
I just had filter coffee and the coffee reminded me of the funny moment with you this time ..ha ha

I never spoke to him like this before…Would he be able to guess that the text is prepared by me just to start a conversation with him ??
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:51 pm

You should try your best to do it in your words so it doesn’t seem awkward.
Aki

November 22, 2013 at 1:09 pm

Hi Chris,Did you find my yesterdays comment.I am not able to find my comment as well as your reply.
Pls give me the link if you replied on it.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 8:18 pm

I can’t find it?
Aki

November 23, 2013 at 5:53 am

So ,the conversation went like below-
Me: Hello..hows u ?
Was drinking Coffee which reminded me of the funny moment with you 😀 Remember ?
Him: Hey.. yes I do remember. 😀
Him: Yaar how are you?
Me: M good…
Him: looking very happy in the display picture 😛
Him: Still in Maha ?
Me: yes I am in Maha 🙂
Him: Nice.. by the way with whom you were having coffee ? 😛
Me: 😛
Me: With a friend
Him: Hmmm… So tell me ,how is everybody at home ?
Me: everybody is fine ..:) how is everybody at your home ?
Him: All ok.. Everyone keeping busy for the upcoming birthday of my niece.
Me: Hmm…nice
Him: I bought a new car.. dodge charger.. Will get it today
Me: Congratulations 🙂
Him: Thanks

1.Chris,How was it ?
2.You can see in the conversation that he is the one asking me many things .He was adding the funny smiles in the end which I guess is just to show that he is joking or not very seriously asking.Or he is just asking,it doesn’t effect him.I asked one question about his family because he asked because I should have some courtesy.
Asking so many things ,what does that mean ?
3.You see ,he bought a car while I was in NC.He told me before breakup that he has to buy one.Does that mean he was not much affected with the break up and was not having time to think about me ? As he was keeping busy with the selection of car,seeing it and all other things.He must not be having anytime to think about me ?
4.I did not ask anything about the car? Should I ask him ? Like wow ,which color and all that ?
5.Should I reply to his call or text if he does now ?
6.When should I send him my next text or meme ?? I mean the gap after our first conversion.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:05 pm

I think it went well!

You can reply to his texts now if he reaches out.

Admin

November 14, 2013 at 9:09 am

Hey Chris!
I’ve tried the no contact rule for a few weeks and he finally responded. He still wants nothing to do with me. I’m trying to win his heart back, but he says he doesn’t trust me and he’s done. I couldn’t take it anymore so I contacted him yesterday and today. No response:( Heres the issue, Before the breakup we agreed for me to fly out to see him in January. I still have my flight booked. I asked him already if he still wants me to visit him and he offered to give me back the money I spent on the plane ticket. I retaliated with telling him I still wanted to see him, even as friends. He said he would see how he feels. Just now he deleted me from fb. He won’t respond to my texts. Idk what to do. I asked him should I go or stay and nothing. Would it be wrong of me to give him my address and tell him to send me my money? I want to see him though. Even thought bout flying out to him without his consent to show him I love him and I won’t hurt him again. I’m lost! January is close!!! Need to win him back! Advice would be appreciated.

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:42 pm

I think you are entitled to that money though.
Admin

November 17, 2013 at 7:56 pm

Maybe so. I asked him to think twice about sending it cause I still want to see him. If he sends the money I have to let go. Sucks to. Should I just give up? If he sends me the money that would mean he doesn’t really care anymore. 🙁
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:44 pm

Or he just sends you the money…

It won’t mean he doesn’t care deep down.
Admin

November 21, 2013 at 1:34 am

What makes you think he could care deep down? If he sends me the money he doesn’t care to see me. I’m trying to let him go and it sucks. Idk what else to do besides move on with my life or fly to him. However, this isn’t some romantic comedy I can’t just fly to him expecting him to let me in his arms and make up at the airport. I don’t know what to do anymore but give him the space he wants. 🙁 I want to win his heart back.
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

If he sends you money then doesn’t that mean that he does care?
Admin

November 22, 2013 at 3:50 am

To a certain extent, yes. However, if he sends me the money back then that means he doesn’t want to see me, he doesn’t want me to come to Colorado still. If he doesn’t send the money then he does want me to come to Colorado. Agree?
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Maybe.. maybe not. If only we were mind readers.
Admin

November 23, 2013 at 2:01 am

Yep! Too bad we aren’t.

Racquel

November 13, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Hello Chris,

I was reading through your guide and I am wondering if you can help me with my particular complex situation. I met Cory 2 1/2 years ago though an internship and we both had an instant attraction to each other. Since he lived in the mid west and I live on the west coast, we both though it would just be a summer fling. End of summer comes and I prepare to say goodbye, even though we had formed a close bond in the few months we spent together. I prepare to end it and he says that he does not want to, he wants to try a LDR until he returns back to the west coast in 1 year. Flattered and shocked I agreed since I thought we both were willing to try it out. When he left, things got emotionally rocky and I noticed he started to pull away. 6 months into the relationship I receive a call from him saying he has to stay where he is indefinitely and that he is going though an emotional rough patch and as such, we should end the relationship. I protested but eventually agreed.

We didn’t speak to each other for about 3 months. One fall day I get a message in the middle of the night from him saying he is sorry about they way things went and he doesn’t want to never speak with me again. We talked and hashed everything out where he explained to me the reason he wanted to break up was because he felt he was getting to close to me while not being able to be with me in person. He said that while he still cared about me he couldn’t be with someone he couldn’t physically be with everyday. After hearing that, I gave up on any hope of rekindling the relationship since his answer seemed pretty cut and dried.

Fast Forward 1 1/2 years.

We kept in touch sporadically, mainly email and texts. He occasionally tried to flirt or engage in phone relations and one time I caved in. After that we maintained more sporadic contact until he let me know he would be in my city for 2 weeks during the summer. He came and begged to see me, and it was like no time had passed, like we just picked up where things left off. To my regret I wasn’t strong enough to refrain from hooking up with him. Now a few months later I haven’t really heard much from him. At first I didn’t think anything of it, I tried to rationalize it as my one “go back” with an ex and now I could move on. After some time passed I realized how much I still care for him and would like an opinion on whether or not this thing we have has a future.

We are both screenwriters so occasionally either of us may ask the other to proofread something but nothing more personal than that. Sometimes he will ask me about my life here, but I don’t discuss it that much. He always comments on my social media pages and he hasn’t started seeing anyone else in the entire time we’ve known each other. If I texted him he would answer…I just have no idea on how to even begin to repair this thing or if its even possible. I fear he may already think/know the effect he has on me and is now just playing with my emotions with no intention of doing anything about it. It would be my greatest joy if somehow things worked out, but I know I could move on if I had to.

admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Screenwriters huh! Any popular shows I know?

Have you tried doing any of the things I recommend in this guide?
Racquel

November 14, 2013 at 8:57 pm

Haha quite possibly yes! I have done a few things in the guide, mainly the no contact rule and the “do you remember” text. Unfortunately the memory I picked he didn’t seem to remember too well so that didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. Also he seemed very suspicious on my motives behind bringing it up in the first place.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Ok, so you need to pick a better text message to start with.

Georgia

November 13, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Hi Chris,
So me and my boyfriend met in college where we grew close very quickly and enjoyed spending quite a lot of time together. We both said that we weren’t usually the relationship types and he said relationships used to freak him out with the commitment but that he was happy with me in a relationship. He also used to go out drinking a lot before we started dating but then for the first few months he kept making plans with me at weekends and preferred to spend time with me than going out. However, 5 months into the relationship he joined the Royal Air Force and so moved away about a 4 hour train journey. The first month or so he told me he missed me too much and that I had become so important to him that he wasn’t sure the RAF was what he wanted anymore. He came back every couple of weekends after the first month (they weren’t allowed to come back before 5 weeks had gone) and our relationship was as it had always been. I have quite a busy life anyway so as he could only use his phone after 6pm, this worked well for both of us and I was happy seeing him when he was able to come back. Last weekend he told me he was still so in love with me, and talked about future plans like he was going to book for us to go away for Christmas and hinted how when I’m settled after University in a few years time he wanted to get engaged. He said I was perfect for him and that he thought we’d last for a very long time. However, since then for the past week he has been staying at home waiting to be posted to his new base and he has not had a very good time (doesn’t get along with his dad) and we haven’t seen each other much because I have had college to go to. The past couple of days he has been off with me, little to no contact and when he did reply it was a conversation killer. He has been back in contact with his ex after a year of them not speaking, but he told her he was with me and that I was perfect so I didn’t really know if he still has feelings for her as he really dislikes talking about her and doesn’t open up on the subject of them. I saw him briefly yesterday to give him something before he went and he told me he doesn’t want a relationship anymore because its starting to freak him out again and he’s finding it too much. He said he still loves me and wants to come back still to see me but less often than we had planned. He wants to be friends as we had a very close relationship, and he assured me he had no intention of going out and doing anything with anyone else because he still loves me. I told him he should pick up his clothes from mine if he was sure this was not just a break but for definite and he said he doesn’t know, he wants to keep the clothes at my house as he still intends to come back. He wants some space for the next few days to get settled into his new base and he said he will text me at the weekend. I am still in love with him and desperately want him to rethink his decision, I don’t know if its because we have got used to being long distance and that works for us and then when he came home he was having a stressful time with his dad and that has affected him and made him think this way? It just seems really strange to me that his feelings have changed in such a short space of time and I’d like some advice on how to approach it so then we can get back together. Thanks, Georgia.

admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:57 pm

Tell me what you have implemented from this guide so far?
Georgia

November 14, 2013 at 5:45 pm

I’m doing the no contact phase, he said he would text at weekend however I got a text from him last night asking if I still wanted hi to keep the nice letter I wrote to him before he went, but I have not replied as I didn’t know if it would have been a bad move, I feel like as we are only young and he is 18, he will just move on from me when I don’t reply (he broke up with me so maybe his feelings have gone?) and go out clubbing with his friends a lot like he enjoyed to before we broke up.
admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:18 pm

Well, youve read the male mind to NC right? That might give you some insight into what he is thinking.

vanessa

November 13, 2013 at 2:07 pm

Hi chris! But what if after more than one month of NC,And the time you start texting him but still no response,what should be the next thing to do??

admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Just wait a week and keep trying. With more intriguing text messages.

Oli

November 12, 2013 at 1:50 pm

Hi Chris,

So, after following all the steps detailed in your ebook, yesterday I spoke to my ex, via Skype and it went very well. We didn’t speak about our relationship or any feelings we might still have for each other (I forgot) but we did have a good convocation and I was friendly, smiling and looks great. Towards the end of the convo I suggested a weekend when I could come and visit him (I know you say to call after the Skype convo but I felt bit was going well so suggested it). He was receptive and we agreed a weekend in a couple of weeks time….

Shall I iniatate another Skype call to discus potential feelings for each other or just leave it? And what should happen/how should I be when I see him in person? I will be there for three days so what’s happens in terms of sleeping in the same bed, sex, ect?

This is the most exciting yet nervous part!

Thanks for all you help so far 🙂

admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:38 pm

At this point just leave it.

Don’t sleep with him until he commits its that simple.
Oli

November 13, 2013 at 1:59 pm

Okay, so how should I act with him during the trip and should I bring up/discuss the relationship? If so how?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:11 pm

Have you read my first date guie?
Oli

November 14, 2013 at 3:56 pm

Yes I’ve read it and will follow all the rules and instructions. I do have a couple of questions though….

How do you use push/pull when it’s a three day visit, not just a short date?

How do you show disinterest when again it’s a three day visit?

And finally, how exactly do you show interest whilst showing disinterest?

Sorry to keep pestering you :s
admin

November 14, 2013 at 8:13 pm

Hmm… I think your situation is different.

You may have to kind of show interest and then not and then show it again.
Oli

November 16, 2013 at 10:46 am

Okay, I understand that i should use push/pull but how exactly should i show interest and then disinterest? What exactly should I do?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:15 pm

Lets take texting for example. Show interest and then suddenly be a bit short or not even respond.

ashley

November 12, 2013 at 2:14 am

My ex and I dated for 14 months and we are in a LDR as he goes to school in another state. We broke up in August; he kept calling/texting me every day. We met up once where he drunkingly told me that he wanted to still marry me then another week he told me that he still loved me. Later that week I suggested we work on getting back together but he got hesitant. He suggested I come in to talk but within an hour he told me he didn’t want to get back together right now even though he still loves me. I got “i’m sorry” texts and he told me how I’m still his password & our photo is still some of his avis. Three months after we broke up and three weeks after I asked to get back together I ended it because I don’t want to wait any longer.
My friend texted him and he told her that he doesn’t know if it’s really over, if we can fix our relationship, and he doesn’t want a ldr. I broke up with him because I was depressed over my grandmother and didn’t like who I was in the relationship. Now I want him back because I deeply love him.
What should I do?

admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:04 pm

I am confused. You broke up with him because of your grandmother?

Laura

November 11, 2013 at 6:28 pm

Hi there. I have a bit of a different situation and my ex isnt like other guys, hes very sweet and is very loving, not afraid to show his true feelings, So I’m wondering if these tactics would really work on him. He broke up with me 2 days ago and was crying and having a break down for the majority of the conversation. We have been in a LDR for a month and a half (hes in University), out of that time we only spoke for about 3 weeks on and off as the rest of the time I would be insecure about one particularly close friendship he had with one of his new dorm friends (even though i never mentioned this because i didnt want to be controlling) Also when he did stuff he wouldnt normally like to do (like clubbing) and I would stop replying to him. He wanted me to get into contact with him first because he was always the one to start things off, however i let my anger and pride get in the way. He said he cant handle our relationship anymore, that it was too hard, he doesnt know who he is anymore and he doesnt know what he wants. He also doesnt want to hurt me anymore and he doesnt want to feel guilty about going out. He says his heart isnt in it anymore and no matter what i tried, for 2 hours I couldnt change his mind. Hes said hes changed and he didnt think he would but he has, and when i asked how hes changed, he just said his feelings have shifted. He was also getting angry whenever i cried during the convo and just kept asking me to let him go. I was with him for nearly 2 years, we was so in love, despite our problems and i cant believe his feelings have changed so quickly after 2 weeks of no contact. When we were skyping it was good, you could see he was very much in love with me, it just feels so final, hes never acted the way he did when he broke up with me before. I’m afraid that even after doing all this if/when we meet up his feelings still wont be the same for me and I’ll be crushed all over agaain. I dont know if this will work or just push him away further, what do you suggest?

admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Its possible but as long as you can reestablish that strong emotional connection you have a shot. A lot of the times when it comes to LDR the main problem is distance. That distance can sometimes be a relatoinshiop killer.

Lana

November 11, 2013 at 4:06 am

My ex bf (whom I have dated for 10 months) and I have broken up for 2 months now. He got a new girlfriend 2 weeks after we broke up and I was crushed. I did my 30 day NC and it did work! He started texting me about 15 days into NC and all that but I ignored them all up until my 30 days were over. I started with the first contact text and the meme and his responses were very positive and he seemed to bring up stuff from the past that we shared. He even would text me “text me later if you want! :)” after I tell him that I “gotta go” to cut the conversation short. I decided I shouldn’t talk to him anymore because he has a girlfriend and I would hate to hurt the other girl for my own needs so I stopped. I kind of have moved on and have been talking to somebody else, but I still love my ex because we had so much more in common. But altogether I have stopped texting him after the first week of contact. Since then, it has been 10 days and he has been texting me hi every day I guess hoping for an answer. He would randomly text me about the times that we shared and how things reminded him of me etc. I’m just really confused because he was the one that wanted to break up, I’m not sure as to why he is dating someone else yet texts me all of these text messages telling me how he is reminded of me. I have a strong feeling that I can skip all of the steps of texting and go straight to a skype conversation if I asked him to. I know I should ask him straight up and see what he wants from me but I don’t want to risk talking to him again giving myself false hopes.

But I just want to say, your NC and break up advice REALLY WORKS!

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Thnak you! Glad you are finding success.

Is there anything specifically you need help on?
Lana

November 12, 2013 at 7:40 am

I’m not sure what exactly I need help on… But I guess I’m a little curious. Coming from a guy’s perspective, why is he trying to talk to me again when he already has a new girlfriend?

He texted me earlier today and told me that he wasn’t feeling well and has been sick all day etc. He knows that I wouldn’t reply, yet he still sends me text messages to tell me things like these. He also told me he got insurance finally (because when we were together I bugged him to get that for his own health’s sake) and then told me he might be coming to California (the state im currently in) next month some time because he misses it.
Wouldn’t a normal guy just tell these things to his current girlfriend rather than an ex girlfriend?
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:21 pm

It could be for 2 reasons.

1. He actually misses you b/c the new girl doesn’t compare.

2. He loves feeling admired by all women.
Lana

November 13, 2013 at 4:03 am

You might be right…I want to say its a little bit of both but he pretty much only talks to one girl and that is his current girlfriend (and from what I hear she doesnt talk to him a lot because shes not a really good communicator).
I think I’ll just stay NC until I can decide on what to do…I just feel like if I don’t talk to him about what his motives are then I won’t really be able to move on until I find out. Thanks Chris!
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Good for you then. You have a plan. NC it is!

Laalaa

November 11, 2013 at 2:13 am

Hey I’ve read all through this and basically I cheated on my ex and he found out, he wasn’t talking to me and his friend was drunk and got close to me and cos I was angry I let him. I know it’s still not an excuse. My ex is a very stubborn man and is a me know it all, he told me that it will never ever happen again and if I was to contact him he will speak back but e will never consider me as a girlfriend again… Do you think the 30 day NC will work? :/

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:18 pm

It can work!

What was your reasoning for cheating on him?
Laalaa

November 11, 2013 at 10:35 pm

Well he picked me up from the airport and he was with his friend they saw some girls and stopped the car and started getting one of the girls numbers and basically I didn’t know what they were saying, because they were speaking Dutch but all I saw was him putting the girls number into his phone so I got jealous but didn’t show it, so I was acting off with him the whole time, But later on after I cheated I mentioned it to him and he said that his friends phone battry was dead and he took the number for him and I realised that was actually what happend :/
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:47 pm

WOW… right there off the side of the road? That has to be the creepiest pickup I have ever heard of.
Laalaa

November 12, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Yer I kno his friend was a bit of a kreep but each to there own lol but what do you think I should do?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:29 pm

What I suggested. Play it cool until he is ready to hear about the friend.
Laalaa

November 13, 2013 at 6:34 pm

He already knows!! That’s why he’s not speaking to me :/

kellyrod

November 7, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Hey, I have a question. My ex boyfriend and I broke up a month and a half ago. The first I ever received was after the 30 day no contact and it was for him. I responded and told him that I wish he was doing well. He never wrote back. Then the following week I decided to text him wishing him a good day and he wrote back but kinda cut the coversation making it impossible for me to write back. These are the only two times that we have spoken. I miss him terribly but idk how to start a conversation that won’t lead to him cutting the conversation short.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Well, you have to make the conversation intriguing and YOU have to cut it short.

Nate

November 7, 2013 at 6:15 pm

Hey Chris,

I’m a guy but I stumbled on your site and thought it was very insightful so I was hoping you could help me out. I’ll try to keep it short.

I met this girl this summer and we instantly connected but she is from the west coast and I knew that would make things difficult, but she kept contacting me by text, calling, and facetime literally every day and it was always couple stuff she was very interested. She’s a very attractive girl so I knew that she receives attention from other guys but it seemed that I was getting a lot of her time and focus.

She would say many open things about how she felt about me and what she wanted with in terms of a potential relationship. Pretty much she was giving signals that she was 100% into me. She comes back to my area to visit me for the weekend and things were great and it was obvious we both had a great time and even said she wanted to be together.

Then all of a sudden the next week she sends me an email saying she can’t continue anything with me because of her workload and the stress that comes with it. We talk it out and I can’t convince her to change her mind so I accept it and then I get an message from her a few days later saying she can’t stop thinking about me, etc. and that she wasnts to get over her issues from her past relationships and wants me in her life. The last three or four weeks have been a back and forth of her changing her mind about what she wants and it’s taking a toll on me. I did no contact for a while and she drunk texted and dialed me a lot (which i would ignore) until I talked to her a few days later (so I know she responds to that kind of thing).

Recently she has said how she wants to keep me in her life in a level between a friend and BF because she wants to go to grad school or get a job in my area when she graduates next year. Past couple days she hasn’t been texting me much but has been calling and facetiming me a lot for long periods of time and talking about things that “friends” don’t talk about.

I’m just kind of confused about whether she just likes the attention I give her or if she genuinely wants something more with me. She is coming out to my area early next month and wants to see me but idk how to respond to that either. I just don’t know if stopping contact with her altogether will be effective or just drive her to someone else (bc she’s attractive and her ex is still in her hometown even though she swears she has no feelings towards him anymore). She talks to me like she has romantic feelings for me but it’s so hard to know for sure since I can’t see her in person. She says she wants to move to the area I’m in but idk how much stock to put into what she says. I wouldn’t care this much if this was one of the other girls I’ve dated but I haven’t had such a strong connection with someone like her before.

Should I break contact with her altogether or just a little bit until she visits and I can talk to her in person? Do I just stop ignoring her contact or do I tell her I need space? Does this seems like an attention things? Or what else do you think I should do? Sorry for the length but like I said I’m kind of confused and advice would be great. Thank you for anything you can give.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:42 pm

I think the distance is killing you. She doesn’t know how to handle it.

Faith

November 6, 2013 at 1:42 am

Hey Chris!

So I started my first text to my ex after NC yday. This is how it went:

Me: Hey, I forgot to mention this to you. You see the silver sticker on Liverpool shirt? The shop lady said you cannot lose that sticker.

Him: Oh really? Ok ok, alright then.

Me: How are you btw? Long time no talk.

Him: I’m doing great. You?

Me: I’m great too. Just started looking for jobs. How’s your construction projects? It’s rainy season now.

Him: Projects are just like that. And yes, it starts to rain a lot.

Me: But it doesn’t delay your projects right?

Him: When it rains, projects will absolutely delayed.

Me: You must be really bothered then. I hope it will go on smoothly and doesn’t cost u anything. Anyway, I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.

Him: Ok bye. Nite.

How was it? It was pretty bad for me. What should I do next?

admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:18 pm

I think it was kind of neutral but NOT bad at all.
Faith

November 7, 2013 at 1:37 am

What should I do next then? Should I wait another few days before my next ATB?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:50 pm

I think yes at this point.
Faith

November 8, 2013 at 1:22 am

Actually yday afternoon he updated his status to ‘this too shall pass’. So I asked him whats wrong and he replied nothing wrong. The text went for a few times and it was still neutral.

How long do you think I should wait? And what else can I do?

Thank you very much 😀
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:30 pm

Probably shouldn’t have texted him that…

Will

November 5, 2013 at 8:30 pm

Hey there! Very interesting site and whilst I am a guy who was the dumpee, I see some close parallels with my experience so far.

I was looking for some advice if you wouldn’t mind, and I will try to keep this short.

So my ex moved away back to her home country after about 7 months of our relationship (still only 2-3 hours travel away across the English channel)and right around the time of starting university decided to call things of. It was actually at the end of a trip I had taken to go and see her and I have never seen someone cry as much as she did when it happened.

A few days later after I had come home she said she had spoken to her parents a lot and that she broke up too early and wanted to at least try whilst she was at university, I probably rushed back in, and so 3 days later she said we had to stop ‘definitely’.

After this point I stopped initating any contact, she spoke to me on facebook 3 times (each 4 days apart), until I told her that I needed some time to myself and I wasn’t going to speak to her for a while.

I went into no contact for 4 weeks but it hurt so much by the end, I contacted her again via text (whatsapp). She was really glad to hear from me and wanted to know everything that I had been upto in the last month, she said sorry for it being like a police investigation. During this first conversation she said that she had badly wanted to talk to me during the 4 weeks, and that she was ‘aggresed’ by 2 guys on a night out and really wished that I was there.

I didn’t initiate any contact again and then 6 days later (last Sunday – 3rd Nov) she texted me again to see if I could talk. This time we spoke about how things ended and a few things came out: She said she still loved me, occasionally she still cries when something reminds her of me. Also her best friends thought she was making the worst decision of her life and finally that she has a ball/dance at her university in 2 weeks and she is taking someone but it is just a friend (well there is the sprinkle of jealousy on her part).

This has left me somewhat confused and a little bit angry towards her. She has said before that she doesn’t want to look for someone else but she needs to focus on her life at uni which is fair enough. But why would she tell me these things, I am not here to be an emotional crutch. I only have one option and that is to carry on as if this never happened, if she really wants to change then she will push hard enough right?

She told me that ‘maybe in a few months I will realise that I made a mistake, but it will be too late then and there will be nothing I can do’.

What can/should I do? I would only consider taking her back if she travelled to my country and talk about it but somehow I doubt that will happen, certainly not anytime soon. I just feel like it is incredibly unfair for her to say this, what are her reasons behind it?

admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:56 pm

It is a little mean of her to say that.

I think you should try implementing some of the text messages I recommend here but do a better job of ending the conversation first and leaving her wanting more.

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