How To Get A Long Distance Relationship Ex Boyfriend Back

5,236 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

Isabel Diaz

November 4, 2013 at 11:48 pm

Where do I start my high school sweet heart rekindled our relationship first as friends than as boyfriend and girl friend a year and a half ago. His late wife of 10 years pass away two years ago and he is also in the army. He broke up with me bc I was controlling and a very negative person at the time I could not receive his love. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I am not on a spiritual journey. I love him and he said that love was never the question it was never about love. He tells me to be patient, help me please. He is my true love!

admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:41 pm

When was the last time you talked to him?
Isabel Diaz

November 5, 2013 at 5:51 pm

I spoke to him sunday for about four hours but than when I started bring up the pass he wanted to end the convo, I text him how I felt and than call him, he than told me that its never been about love, that he never said he never wants to be with me that he never said that. That I need to be patient and that I don’t give him time to reflect on everything bc he feels he fail and that my controlling nature and insecurities don’t help. So I text him Monday morning saying I understand and that I would love to start as friends again and I said hello my name is Isabel m Diaz he text me back saying his name back to me and I said nice to meet you…
Do u think we have a chance
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:41 pm

Sure it looks like you do.
Isabel Diaz

November 5, 2013 at 2:27 pm

So I am on a spiritual journey****

Maria

November 4, 2013 at 8:38 am

Hi Chris,

your website is so helpful. I went to many websites, and decide to buy yours. Now saving money for it.

I felt my ex was not the typical kind of guy as you described, he’s too immature to handle relationships in an adult way as you can. Signs are:
1.He never chase things back, what is gone is gone, he needs both feelings and rational thinking to stay in a relationship. Eg, once there was a girl he was crazy about, but she’s 5 years older, and they rationally decided just to be friends due to age difference.
2.He treats relationship seriously, but its not a must. After break up, he can live a happy life with friends. Except for sex, friends and girlfriend makes no difference.
3. Even we get back, we’ll have a long distance relationship. He doesn’t see it working, I lost the DAYDREAM power.
4. He’s not sensitive at all. Small tactics doesn’t work well on him. I tried to control the conversation, make him jealous, play hard to get, at least the reaction I can observe, he is not controlled by them.

So, can u give me some general principles for me to handle the insensitive immature boyfriend. Let him daydream about me again, but since he gives up on relationship easily, I also can’t make it too hard to demotivate him.

Thank you,
Maria

admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Ahh the daydream power. That is such a powerful tool to have.

Are you currently doing NC?
Maria

November 5, 2013 at 6:45 am

I am doing NC. I’ve upgraded myself, generally happy and busy, he can see the photos on Facebook. Also I tried to date other guys. Just sometimes felt a bit pity he’s not around. Ok, I have to admit, I still check his profile, but doesn’t want to contact him currently for sure.
Maria

November 6, 2013 at 4:37 am

I’D want some basic rules to strengthen his weak motivation and too much rational thinking, on the other hand, doesn’t scare him away. 🙂
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:24 pm

Could you be more specific for me haha.
Maria

November 7, 2013 at 10:10 am

I also have no idea where to start. I know about your basic rules and tactics but for my uunderstanding of my ex, it may not work well on him. But if I push a bit harder, he might give up on me. So how I can find a right balance of pushing while keep him motivated?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Engage him and then leave him wanting more.
Maria

November 4, 2013 at 8:42 am

I’ve read all your posts, and already known the methods, just my guy might be too different, so I might need some extra twist to get my emotion into him.

I’m in NC period, preparing to get things ready afterwards.
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:08 pm

Well, tell me what you are doing during your NC?

HisPrettyLady23

November 4, 2013 at 6:52 am

hi chris
my ex n i live diffenrt countries,neighbouring bt over 2000km. i dumped him after nearly two years together. i read a msg btwn him n his best frend where my bf told him he needs to dump me soon whie i was visiting him for 1month the whole October. i decided to dump him first to show him im with him coz i WANT to not coz i NEED to…this was the breakup msg :

Been thinking bout this a lot lately,so I hav to getit done. its been fun being with you,but I’m at a plc ryt now where I just want and need to be alone.need to go anti-guy for a while,I’m just really tired. Take care ey.

The reason i sent that txt,when i met him i went on a guy cleanse,for 3months and he came along,so he knows i go months without a man,and enjoy being my own person for long periods of time..he hasnt responded,its been 4days,i know he sees my fb,so i made sure to post pix of me havin fun with my girls coz i avoided hanging out with guys coz i dnt like random rumours reaching him,now its just a habit.

the thing is ,he is coming december for two months,i need to be the one he comes to see(beside his mothr-who lives here) ,doubt id be able to handle another girl with him.
please help: i hav this month to get him back

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Putting a time frame on this won’t work. You can’t rush this process at all.
HisPrettyLady23

November 6, 2013 at 9:09 pm

hey chris
Day 6 of NC and he texted ..was tempted to reply bt i wnt. its scary n so hard
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:27 pm

Well its good that he texted.

Melissa

November 3, 2013 at 10:15 pm

Hi Chris! I’m 16, my ex is 17 (18 in january) and I met him through Skype in early february, we talked online for 5,5 months and grew feelings for eachother fast. After these months we finally met in person for the first time. He came to visit me, in early august I flew to his country to visit him and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had intense feelings for eachother and both me and his friends were surprised to how good we fit together. His bestfriend even said to me that we were by far the best couple he has ever seen and you could really see how happy he became when I was around and how strongly he loved me.

When school started things got difficult, we knew we wouldnt have much time to visit eachother and stuff happened. I made some mistakes which caused trust issues. It was three things exactly, the first two wasn’t very big and it had nothing to do with our relationship, but the last one was bigger and because these three things happened in a short amount of time and because of the distance he couldn’t take it anymore. Though when I asked him if he still would’ve broken up with me if we lived in the same place, he said “I don’t know, maybe not.” So I know we would’ve worked out if it wasn’t ldr. And I have learned from my mistakes.

After he broke up with me he said he still wanted to be friends. But he doesn’t trust me anymore to be in a relationship and is done with LDR’s. It’s been weird between us since the breakup, 1 month ago. Sometimes he was friendly, sometimes he was really cold. Eventually I had enough and asked him if he really wanted to be my friend, or else he could just block me. He read it but didn’t respond. This made me mad, so I started NC and deleted him off of Skype and Facebook.

Tonight I re added him on Skype, I didn’t follow this guide but I wrote my message and he responded within 1 minute.

“Hey, I needed some time for myself, sorry. But if you’re still willing to be friends I’d like to try again”

“ye I kind of dissed you too, I didn’t know what I wanted, but we can try again, no problem I understand”

he then proceeded to write another message

“But only friends, I don’t want to get into that old stuff”.

“Ye no, I know. I just want to forget everything” (I was thinking about all of our fights and everything that happened around the breakup)

“Yes, so, friends?”

“Ye”

“:)”

We then had a conversation, we talked about a lot of stuff. We talked about games, traveling, christmas, friends, family, school, all this random shit. He responded quickly everytime and asked questions so he was fully devoted into our conversation. Then I had to go study and he was gonna watch some tv-show, so we said goodbye.

He was very friendly and I really think this friends thing will work out. And I don’t want to be in an LDR again now. I don’t think it’s a good idea. Despite how great things were when we were together it didn’t work out because of the distance. But do you think he might grow back his feelings for me if we ever meet in the future? In minimum 2 years he is probably gonna study in my country so maybe we could catch up then, if we still keep in touch now as friends. And me and my friends are planning on visiting him and his friends this summer, it depends on a few things but if it happens, do you think something could happen between us then? Or could all his feelings be long gone by now, he is talking to a new girl now, they’re not dating yet but I’m 90% sure they will be soon. I want to think that she is a rebound, but it feels like he has 0 feelings for me left. Like he has completely moved on.

Is it foolish of me to hope for a future with him? He makes me so happy just by talking to him, and I do believe in us still, but I’m afraid it might just be wishful thinking.

Do you think it’s a good idea to try to make a strong friendship between us two. Like the one I have with my best guy friend (whom is my ex’s bestfriend) to try to rekindle feelings in the future? I’m thinking, if we have a strong bond it should be easier, but what if he starts to see me as only a friend and won’t even think about a relationship again?

Also, should I keep talking to him like normal, or should I follow this guide still and try to let him chase me a bit? Try to make him miss me?

I feel like I have most of it figured out right now but I guess I just want you opinion on the whole situation to get more confident about it.

admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:17 pm

I don’t think it’s foolish. In fact, I think that it is completely normal.

Definitely follow this guide and the guide I created on getting him to chase you.
Melissa

November 5, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Thanks for your respond!

Sorry to bother you again! We’ve been chatting on skype for three days now. First when I added him, then the next day I said hi and today I wanted to take a step back. I didn’t want to be the one to start a conversation because I didn’t want to be too clingy and I feel like he is the most in control of the relationship because I am the one with most feelings. So I didn’t, but as soon as he logged on he wrote to me.

I take this as a good sign, he seems interested in our conversations and he wants to talk to me. But I want to try and take control. Not chatting too long, being the one to say goodbye, not say hi first too many times. I don’t want to be there at all times because then he might not miss me, because he knows I’m always available. He even told me a few days after the breakup, when I asked him if he didn’t even miss me just a bit, he said “nah not really, I haven’t seen you in a while and we’re chatting now so…”
He was mad at me at the time but I know I should be more absent. I’m gonna discretely remind him of how good I am and how good we had it, like mentioning things I know he likes about me, things we have in common, whenever I get the chance.
But I’m not gonna give him everything, so today I got into a topic about a good memory we shared, it made him laugh, and then I said I had to go.

Another thing, how do I make him trust me again? How do I show that I actually have learnt something from the mistakes I made. That I wouldn’t let him down again. I feel like this is hard because the only contact we have is through skypechats.
admin

November 6, 2013 at 4:51 pm

Thats a really good question. I think thats a question worthy of a guide!

Leah John

November 2, 2013 at 2:43 pm

Chris,

I’m not sure if my ex lied to me or if he genuinely is depressed. I know he wasn’t happy where he is in life as far as school and work. He lost his job and in his last year of med school. I helped to pay for some of his bills. (I know it’s a blow to the ego having your girl help pay when it’s a mans job. Men want to know they can provide for themselves as well as those they love) I’ve tried my hardest to help him thru this difficult time. I helped apply for jobs for him as well as other odds and ends. He got the job I applied for him and he starts soon. I have him space as well and checked in on him. (This is all before the break up) we are in a ldr.
I told him I’d be up in his neighborhood at the end of the month for a friends party. That’s when he just snapped and asked for a break saying how he feels guilty not having time for me and how badly he wants to get his life in order. Then asking me if is wait for him to finish getting to a place he feels comfortable with then he’ll come for me. I said ok and told him I still just wanna see him when Im in town. Three weeks went by and I came down to his town. He just come back from a trip visiting his family and trying to find a internship cite.
When I went to see him he didn’t seem to want to talk bout the relationship and said I deserve someone who has time to talk to me and call me on a daily basis and that he’s depressed cause he feels off the radar for everything. He says nothing makes him happy. He doesn’t see a happy future for himself or our relationship let alone any relationship. He said he wants me to wait for him but understands if I don’t wanna wait for him and that it’s his fault. He asked if I’m seeing other guys and what I been doing during the break. (I didn’t see anyone during the break I was just doing my own thing)
Given he said he’s depressed I said I would be there for him and will give him space and time. He then responded that again he’s off his game and doesn’t see a good or happy future for himself let alone our or any other relationship. And that I should go on with my life and that he wants to be close friends and he’s appreciative of all that I’ve done for him.

My question is was this his way of lyin to me to break up with me or does it sound like he really has depression?

*random side note*
we texted, skyped, facetimed, called did everything when we were together and he wasn’t depressed. I visited him every month since he was still busy with rotations and studying for medschool.

admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Have you implemented a NC yet?
Leah John

November 2, 2013 at 8:06 pm

we just broke up this week. he emailed Thursday sayin we can be friends….I haven’t sent him anything since weds. the 30th of Oct. will your steps help even if he says hes depressed? I know depression makes ppl pull away and heads down the lonely side….
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:13 pm

They can help even in that case. You just have to handle him with kid cloves for a while.
Leah John

November 3, 2013 at 5:51 pm

what do you mean by “kid cloves”?
admin

November 4, 2013 at 4:42 pm

I meant to say “Kid gloves” sorry about that.
Leah John

November 7, 2013 at 3:27 pm

is it a good idea to extend the nc to a month and a half to two months, or is that too long?

in july we had a disagreement and I went 3 weeks with nc. first week he called and texted every two days. the following two weeks was a text per week.

leading up to this break up we were on a break for about 2 weeks. we text each other one day for each week which didn’t last long at all.

now that he broke up with me its been over a week, and its like im dead to him, nothing at all.

ive been doing a lot of thinking this week and realized that his “depression” might just be a sneaky way of saying “its not you, its me” normal break up line. and he also said hes not happy where he is in his life as far as career wise which is pretty much saying im not a priority to him. like the saying goes “men go hard(chase after) for things they want.” clearly it aint me…
feels like he used me for everything he could get out of me and threw me to trash once he didn’t find use for me anymore…
admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Its not a bad idea. You just have to know your situation.
Leah John

November 13, 2013 at 2:25 pm

hey chris,

is there a way you can delete my comments? I will be using your steps I just changed my mind about having my comment online for the world to see…I know, I should of thought bout that before but if you can please and thank you.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Hmm… if there is I will definitely do so!
Leah John

November 7, 2013 at 3:34 pm

oh and how he also used the classic I deserve someone who has time for me….he used numerous break up lines while breaking up with me and blaming his “depression”. he goes on to say when he gets his life set he will come back for me. then when he breaks up he wants to be “close friends in the future” and “friends forever” the only reason why he wants me as a friend is so he can probably continue to use me and walk over me….

Christie

November 2, 2013 at 5:28 am

Chris, your site is amazing! I have to tell you my situation, because I haven’t read anything similar to mine. My ex and I met in a rehab center on the east coast in Dec 2011, we both left July 2012, and began dating. We both remained clean, though he lived in Ca and I live in AZ. We saw each other every other week for about a year and a half, then I decided to pack up my things and move there. I was there for a month, things were great. I was planning a week visit to az to visit my family, and the night before we had drank and got into a fight in front of his friends. He was supposed to be DD and he wouldn’t stop drinking, really made me mad. I knocked his beer out of his hand and left the bar. Then I threw a fit and screamed at him later, while walking to catch a taxi. I slept in a hotel that night, and the next morning i went home and we talked briefly, but I had to catch my flight home. After him being weird for two days, he broke things off. He said he couldn’t handle my temper anymore, though things were great up until that point. He is a VERY emotional person, and the week before he broke up with me, he said he was looking at rings. His mother still contacts me, and says he is sad, but it has been nearly a month now. We haven’t really talked, his mom drove my car and my things here the week after he broke up with me. I sent him a text on halloween, saying have a good halloween, of course I havent heard from him. Since we have been broken up, he has been drinking A LOT. He recently deleted my family and friends from his facebook and instagram. He was so “in love”, but says I broke his heart too many times. I don’t understand how he can just forget me, delete me, remove everything about me from his life. He texted my sister a few days ago saying sorry he deleted her off facebook, but he had to because he knew I was looking at his stuff, and that he still loves me and my whole family. I don’t get what is going on. Is this even worth the try? Or should I just give up?

admin

November 2, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Have you been trying a NC rule yet? Sorry but I have to ask.
Christie

November 2, 2013 at 9:33 pm

Yes, but at first we had a lot of texts about sending each others stuff back, as we both had a bunch of things of each others from all the travel. I started the NC rule officially on Saturday the 26th. I haven’t been drinking because it makes me sad, but on Halloween i drank a bit and texted him a simple Happy Halloween type text. His mother still contacts me, she believes he is very hurt. I just don’t understand why he is so “hurt”. He acts like I was the devil, though when we were together it was constant butterflies, even after two years. He is younger than me (22, and I am 24). He has bad friends who are going nowhere in life, and hated me from the beginning of our relationship. He has been hanging out with them constantly, which I am sure doesn’t help.
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:26 pm

Did he always hang with them constantly?

The reason his friends probably hated you was because you didn’t like them.
Christie

November 3, 2013 at 7:30 pm

His friends hated me because he didn’t party as much when he was with me. Since we broke up its all he’s been doing. I try not to look at his IG or FB anymore, but when I did every picture was him drinking, at a party, at a bar. Even his mother is shocked at how he is reacting to this break up. She said he is always out. His friend called me and said he misses him being with me because he is so out of control now. I am starting to realize he wants this to be over. I just can’t grasp why after so many years of this awesome relationship he is so quick to let go.
admin

November 4, 2013 at 4:59 pm

To me, an unbiased individual I think that his actions say that he is confused about his life as a whole.
Christie

November 5, 2013 at 3:29 am

Seriously, you hit it on the nose. I barely even told you 1/4 of it, but yes you are absolutely right. He is confused, but he is young. I feel like he will come around and realize what he had, but I am already seeing that he doesn’t know what the hell he wants in life, and I am a little beyond that. I still hope he misses me and wants me back one day, just to make me feel better, but I don’t think I will get back with him. Good job though, shit, like… thats crazy. You are very accurate.
admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:02 pm

I have seen a lot of breakups. So, I know a thing or two 😉

Stillalone

November 1, 2013 at 11:34 pm

How did such a nice looking young fellow become so intelligent on the ways of love? 😉

I started the NC Wednesday at 8:00 pm when I sent my last FB message.

I’m a bit nervous about writing this here, but because of all I’ve been through to be with this man, I am not willing to give it up without a fight. Just don’t want him to ever see it as he would definitely recognize the story and would be devastated to know I aired it in public.

I’m 14 years older than him. Though he insists this is not an issue and that it is what is in the heart that matters, I still have to take that into consideration. He’s in his 40’s. Been through hell and divorced, hurt, bankrupt, and there are some other important details that add to his insecurities. Let me say that again, IMPORTANT. Not to mention the one’s I have of my own. Age, deeply in love, LDR, alone now, etc. We have met once for a week. And we fell in love. After a couple months of online contact through, a game, telephone, text and so on. The game is the key connection here for us.

A friend sent me your ebook and I’ve feverishly read through many articles here as well. You are fascinating to say the least in your skill.

Here’s the deal. We met on a game. Got to know one another. He knew my age. Knew what I looked like. This went on for 2 months so we met up in a different state for a week. We really liked one another and decided we do or did anyway, love one another. This was 7 months ago.

It’s very complicated and every detail plays a role for us. I was with a man for many years, unmarried but still there. I left him. Moved to another state where we were suppose to live together. He wanted to marry me. Well, for financial reasons we were never able to do that. So…. I had a medical issue, I went back to said many years man but because I needed some help. That lasted a month. We had broke up for a couple weeks. But went back together and still planned to be together. So… I moved close to him so that coming together finally would not be an issue. All was fine up until a month ago and I was suppose to have him with me this month. Suddenly, he needs more time. MORE TIME? Being me, I pressured him and I’m bad about that. I’m working on that as I write this. Finally, he tells me that the time isn’t right for him and he has to be able to do things himself and not me be the one doing everything money wise and such. But he was to stay friends. My world collapsed of course. And I’ve went nuts bugging him for the past month. He hardly replies unless it’s, I guess out of guilt. So the NC started Wednesday.

You see, he is not very confident in himself. Which I find absurd but that’s love. He has really been down on his luck for some time (couple years) and has gained much weight and is depressed. Can’t find work and all he does day in and day out is play this game. He is such a lovely man too. But, he is stuck in a hole and can’t dig himself out even with me professing my undying love and support.

He really loved me, I know this. I have no doubt. But it was a turnaround like within a day. Said I’ve just pressured him too much. All conversations were so urgent and end of the world from me. True. I have to change that.

I think I can get him back. But it’s not going to be easy. No, there is no one else. He doesn’t have it in him right now I don’t think. But, maybe he’s afraid of me. I don’t know. We were going to be together forever. Maybe he thinks I’ll change my mind once he is with me and I’ll go back to my ex.. again. Not so. I wouldn’t. I’m where I want to be. But he doesn’t want to be hurt and he wants to be a contributor to the relationship which he just isn’t in a position to do right now. No self esteem and feels like he is not a man anymore. Lord… sorry this is so long.

Anyway… we have MUCH in common. Like, well soul mates. Truly. I would not hurt him. I would hurt myself first. I am not willing to give up. And I will do just about anything for him to come back to me and realize we really are meant to be together. And we really are. A perfect fit. Minus the age difference. So… what do you think? I apologize again for the length and I did leave out important details but I had to. Keep in mind, this man literally has NO LIFE. I was the life and the hope for life.

admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Hahahaha I am not intelligent in the ways of love. I am intelligent in the ways of men.

Glad the word of mouth is traveling about this site. If you could see me right now I have a big smile on my face.

Lets start with NC. Getting through that is going to be extremely hard. What are you planning on doing during it to stay occupied/evolve?
Stillalone

November 3, 2013 at 10:45 pm

Hi. Thank you for replying…
Well, I have taken up a couple hobbies. Rock painting and wine making. Popped the cork on my first bottle today. It was stellar but it will pass. I do twist and pull FB a lot and use it as a tool. I talk about things I KNOW he and I have in common but not directed toward him. Kinda a jab, you know? I haven’t seen him in 6 months and I’ve lost some 40 pounds since then and my pics show it. I’m in the torture mode
admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Wow, you really have been working hard. Color me impressed.
Stillalone

November 3, 2013 at 10:46 pm

was NOT stellar lol
Stillalone

November 1, 2013 at 11:41 pm

Let me add. I did go a couple days without contacting him on FB. I don’t text him right now. But he is so used to me bugging him that I know NC will help. I hope.
admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:43 pm

It probably will!

SML

November 1, 2013 at 11:21 pm

Hi Chris,

First of all, thank you for all the good advice you put out. My situation is a tough one. I am recently (for approximately 4 months now) broken up from a 5 year relationship and what I believe to have been the most wonderful and positive time of my life. I moved abroad to find work near my loved one, however, this all took a turn and lead him to saying he needed time alone, to think of his life, work, decisions, etc. He felt suffocated as we had never lived together for such a long time and said that it wasn’t working out the way he had envisioned and found it better to stop at that moment rather than making it worse. However, never was I told that there was no love left, on the contrary, but that he had to break it off because he did not want me hanging waiting for him and that he needed time alone. He said that he couldn’t imagine a future without me, that he would probably regret his choice to do this at that time… Months later we met, in very sad circumstances related to losses in both of our families. We were extremely close and shared such a natural bond that shocked all of our friends and family – who by the way, are all in awe and confused about the break-up until this day. Never no hanky panky business – I’m quite hardcore with not giving into that in situations like this. In the meanwhile he went back, some messages were swapped. I honestly admit that after the break-up I have never convinced or begged him to stay with me. He said that he missed me, but that right now there was nothing he could do, that he hopes this is not the end, that he wants to believe our story has not been concluded. I am now at the point were I have gone NC for over 30 days. I am confused as what to do next, because I don’t understand how I should be the one taking initiative to contact someone who up until now, has not. What does this mean? What is he thinking? Does he even think about me? I feel that this break-up can make sense if in the end it serves the purpose of reassuring we are in fact, made for each other (whatever that means). It’s freaky because as time goes by, I love him more and am more certain about my feelings for him rather than being mad, angry or revengeful. But if this is the way a relationship like ours has come to a definitive end, I have no words to explain the disappointment and sadness that brings me. I don’t know what to do. I know I have to move on, and I am trying to live every day to the fullest, but – should I forget him? Should I fight for him? If so, how? I don’t want to be pathetic or be the loony that fights for someone who couldn’t give a s***. But how do I know this? Call me crazy, but there is something in my gut that tells me not to give up…to be patient. We have always been extremely respectful, and although hurtful, the break-up was on a very mature tone. We adore each other, but I don’t understand how this is going to either pick-up again or come to a complete end. My heart is breaking and I’m so confused. Help, Chris 🙁

admin

November 2, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Always trust your gut I say!

If it is telling you to be patient then be patient. The fact that your breakup wasn’t that bad is going to help a lo.

Jessica

November 1, 2013 at 3:48 pm

Hi Chris,
If you remember me my boyfriend is the one in Austin and I’m in Dallas, excuse me ex. I am the wifey material one haha. He broke up with me bc he said maybe we aren’t a match bc I wanted him to go to church with me and he said he was sick of being the third wheel going to dinner with his friends during the week and that long distance (3hours) is too hard. My NC period ends on Tuesday, 4 days! I am proud to say I never contacted him once after the break up call, but he has not either! I really feel like he should be the one to reach out bc he’ll realize what he’s losing. I still feel the same way after the break-up, really heartbroken, like things are unresolved and a little confused. I always feel like our relationship is unfinished. When my NC ends on Tuesday, I don’t know if I should text him or not. I want him to chase me! I don’t want to go after him. Can you tell me what I should do? If I should text him or not? I don’t even know what to say if I do…I know you said make it something he has to answer…but what?! Ha. Please let me know, thank you Chris, you are appreciated!!

admin

November 1, 2013 at 7:00 pm

You should text him but the way I suggest here.

Nicole

November 1, 2013 at 4:36 am

Hey! Thanks so much for this site. So me and my bf broke up after trying to long distance cause we never had time for each other and he just stopped putting in effort. I haven’t texted or anything in a month but when I tried to text him he never responded. So should I stick with the NC? It’s been over a month. I’m gonna be in the same town as him in a few weeks. Should I tell him that I’m coming and to meet me even if he never responded? Is it even worth it anymore?

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:42 pm

You absolutely should stick with it.

Nivi

November 1, 2013 at 3:49 am

Hey Chris,
My boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me last month.
It was LD and thigs had been getting strenuous for both of us.
It started off great with him being in the same city, we met frequently and shared a great chemisty.
However, as things progressed, he became more & more inconsiderate and cared little for me or my feelings.
I couldn’t understand what went wrong?!
I tried giving him his space and time, but I felt like he took me for granted. Always waiting to take him back.
He moved to his hometown and things worsened.
He finally wanted out saying that he doesn’t feel the affection he felt for me initially anymore. He said he cares but just doesn’t see it going anywhere with us being in two different cities.
I care immensely for him and am ready to work on my expectations. I understand it will be tough but I want to give us a fair chance! One real good shot!
I have been on the NC more fr the past 3 weeks or so.
Please help on how I can try to make this work again?
I feel hurt thinking of how little the relationship and I meant to him 🙁 He hasn’t responded contacted me even once since our last conversation.
I had messaged once that I missed him but no response.
HELP! 🙁 Please!

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Stay in NC for now. Just focus on getting through that.
Nivi

November 3, 2013 at 3:50 am

Hi Chris,
Sorry for bothering again.
The NC is on, however I am faced with a slight confusion.
My ex’s closest friend has been texting very casually once in a while for the past 2-3 weeks.
We just drop a Hi or hello and no mentioning of my ex in the conversation.
I do not wish to send any wrong signals or even anything to do with jealousy to my ex. Is there something wrong this can cause?
Can you provide with any insight on the situation or anything I shouldshouldn’t do?
Thanks for you time and support 🙂 🙂
admin

November 3, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Talk to him but be verrrry neutral.
Nivi

November 4, 2013 at 9:02 am

Hi Chris,
I bring some good and some bad news.
We had a huge festival yesterday, so thought will combine a memory alongside season’s wishes to send a text to my ex.

Good News:-
He responded with wishing back and ensuing a small conversation, even made a slight joke.

Bad News:-
He responded to my text ten hours after I sent it to him and only responded to my wish. Nothing on the memory ( I had mentioned something that had happened on our first date)
Also, he made a joke and abruptly left. I said bye after he did.

Any insight on what just happened? Is the tiny conversation and a joke a good sign? Or does the late response and abrupt bye bad?

Please help 🙂 Thanks a ton!
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:09 pm

It just sounds like HE ended the convo first when it should have been the other way around.
Nivi

November 4, 2013 at 7:33 pm

I am still clueless on what to make of it 🙁
What is the next step I should take?
Was this incident positive in any way?
He seems to be a case of indifferentstubborn guy 🙁 So bugging!
admin

November 5, 2013 at 5:09 pm

Sorry what specific incident were we talking about again? I lost the context of our conversation.
Nivi

November 6, 2013 at 7:13 am

No problem!

I was reffering to the first contact (text) message conversation we had.
I know it had good points (joke and pleasant energy) and bad points (responded 10 hours later, didn’t revert on the memory in the text) attached to it but how do I proceed further? Do I wait for him to start a conversation ? Or try again in a few weeks?

I just have a feeling that he still seems unaffected by all this 🙁 I do wish to change that, I’ll be as patience as required!
I simply need a lil guidance in this path.

Thanks for all your support !
Nivi

December 7, 2013 at 8:04 am

Hi Chris,
Things feel like a complete downfall after what happened yesterday 🙁
I started a conversation with my after a week of him calling on my birthday.
I, positively & with no bitterness asked him how a feedback of our relationship. What and how things didn’t work out considering it was almost mutual and cordial.
He interpreted it as my move to get over him : He said he hadn’t thought about our breakup in the past 2 months since it happened and neither should I.
Also, he said, for what’s it worth, I should give him tips.
When I brought up a few general things, he said it was ‘bullcrap’ and he’d think about improving pointers for me.
I was so hurt with his indifference and disrespect that I just said bye.
He said ‘Later’ but I replied with ‘I don’t think so, but sure.’
He was being cocky & somehow my asking genuine reasons for our failed relationship made his ego bloat.
I don’t understand this behavior one bit 🙁
Please help on what am I supposed to understand from this conversation?
Will things become sunny from here?
What should I do now?
Thanks Chris, you’re a life saver!
Nivi

November 29, 2013 at 6:53 am

Do you think I should make the next move and start a conversation?
or should I wait for him to initiate?

He has his exam results in another 2 weeks, I could check on that around mid-dec or is the two weeks gap too long for no communication amongst us?

Cannot really decide, as always, need your help Chris 🙂 I want to feel hopeful again! 🙂
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:23 am

I don’t see how it could hurt.
Nivi

November 29, 2013 at 4:03 am

Hmmm.
Nivi

November 28, 2013 at 6:16 am

Hello Chris,
I bring some development, what it means, you will have to decipher and tell me!

It’s my birthday today (Yippee!:))
After going mum after the coffee invite, my ex called last night (at 3 am!), slightly high and we spoke for over an hour.
At one point after 40-45 minutes, the phone got disconnected, he called back.
HE HAS NEVER CALLED BACK!

The conversation was casual and happy. The old relationship wasn’t brought up even once though.
He said he felt that I am still one of the few people he can be a moron with and talk to!

We spoke to each other after almost 2 months, it wasn’t awkward. There were comfortable silences, a few jokes, some deep lines and the routine everyday.
It was late and he said he was tired.
So wished me once again and we said goodbye.

I don’t want to get my hopes up (atkeast not today, lest I get disappointed)
So help me on the below:-
1) Does a birthday phonecall mean anything?
2) How do I take it forward from here?

THAAAANK YOU!
I’ll eat an extra cake slice from your side 😛
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:33 am

1. Its something BUT not everything.
2. Just keep on keeping on with what you plan on doing.
Nivi

November 20, 2013 at 2:00 am

So now what?!
2 months of efforts down the drain thanks to one bad conversation?! 🙁
I ended the conversation after politely inviting for coffee.
I am just clueless and lost as I was two months back all over again 🙁

What and how should I do anything next?
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:38 pm

Just wait a while..
Nivi

November 19, 2013 at 9:53 am

Hi Chris,
I did it.
I sent a funny meme from a show we both enjoy and dropped a ‘thought of you message’, he didn’t reply to that.
So about 2 hours later, I initiated a conversation where I generally asked how he was doing, he said he is ‘perfect’ in a single word answer :
Next I casually asked him if time permits and he is up for catching up for coffee after his exam when he is in town, he said he’d have too see once the exam finishes.
It seemed like a mundane & drag conversation from his end 🙁 He used no smileys, made no jokes and gave direct 1 or 2 word answers 🙁

Chris, I have a horrid feeling in my gut that I pushed my luck too far with this one 🙁 He feels nothing 🙁

What are your views? What do you think might be going on in his head?
🙁 I feel scared!
admin

November 19, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Hmm… well you should have ended the conversation sooner probably.

But he obviously isn;’t in the right mood to talk.
Nivi

November 18, 2013 at 3:49 am

Ok, I slept over the decision and I have a slight skepticism.
After the NC, we’ve had 4 conversations where only 1 was initiated by him.
Also, things from his side look friendly and casual, I am not too sure if I can read anything more into it.
What if he is just being nice & he feels nothing more for me now ?! 🙁
Will my directly asking him to meet come across as coming on too strong too early??
I can’t make up my mind.
I am sorry for the drama but I really need your help Chris!
Tell me what to do!!!!!
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:38 pm

No I think sometimes you have to take a risk but remember, you aren’t on a date until you are actually on a date.
Nivi

November 17, 2013 at 11:00 am

Oh man!
Nivi

November 16, 2013 at 2:34 pm

Gulp!!! :O Really?!
Won’t that sound desperate or pushy Chris?
I don’t know what’s going on in his mind about me and us.
Can you help to go about this without blowing this chance? THANKS! 😀
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:34 pm

I don’t think so but follow your gut is what I say.
Nivi

November 14, 2013 at 2:01 pm

Now this is where your advise comes in 🙂 Tada!
How can I make the meet happen when he is in town? Most of out conversations are friendly and casual.
Guide me on this one please!
Thank ya 🙂 🙂
admin

November 14, 2013 at 8:04 pm

You may just need to flat out ask him and take a risk.
Nivi

November 13, 2013 at 3:47 am

I am not too sure :
He will be in town for his exam but surely not in the mindset to catch up with an ex.
Also once the exam is done with, he’d be in the party with the boys mode. Again, doesn’t work in my favour.
Quite a bummer! 🙁
I have my birthday this month end, I’ll wait for his reaction I guess.

What do you think on how to take this forward? What should be my next step?
🙂 hug!
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:40 pm

Hmm….

Why doesn’t party mode work in your favor? You need to make it work in your favor.
Nivi

November 12, 2013 at 7:39 am

Yipppeee!
but what next Chris? :
How can I take this forward?
I don’t want to screw up!
Do you see this as positive progress from a guy’s perspective?
Lemme know your thoughts 🙂 🙂
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:20 pm

I see it as positive progress hahaha.

What are you thinking about to progress things forward?
Nivi

November 11, 2013 at 6:37 am

HI CHRIS 😀

Something strange (in a positive way hopefully) happened last night.

My ex messaged me last night regarding a sorta grumpy picture I put up on my IM profile! (PS: He actually saw my picture :D)

He initiated the conversation and we messaged each other for about 10 minutes. The text ratio was 1:1 or even slightly more from his side.
We generally discussed his upcoming exam and my future study plans.
I then ended the conversation saying that I needed to crash.

I hope this is good progress?
I do not want him to think of this as friendship but atleast a lil more between us.
How do I go-ahead now?

Help me by advising what you think of all this 🙂
Thank you thank you thank you!
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:31 pm

In a weird way yes that is small progress hahahahaha.
Nivi

November 8, 2013 at 11:50 am

Hi Chris!
I wished my ex for an upcoming exam he has next week and we had a good & happy conversation.
I asked how he was doing and we chatted for a few minutes.
It actually seemed that he made an effort considering how much he hates texting!
He seemed busy so I ended the conversation saying that I’ll catch him later. He replied that he’ll talk to me after his exam and told me to take,care. Even made a smiley 🙂
Yippeee!
I know it may not be much but what do you think ? What are your views on this? Is he just being polite or is there something more to it?
Thank you!!!
admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:08 pm

Great!

I think you did perfectly.
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Yes just be patient!
Nivi

November 4, 2013 at 9:09 am

Sorry for another poke!

His friend and I will be in the same town in two weeks. We both had casually talked about catching up.
Do you think I should actually meet up with him? I am not sure how it will sit with my ex :
A lil more help please.
PS: A BIIIIIG THANK YOU 🙂
admin

November 4, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Sure, you are a free woman you can do what you want 🙂

Kiwi

October 31, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We had to go long distance because I’m in grad school now. We’re about a 1.5 hour plane ride from each other. After two months of long distance and fights every week or two, he thought that it was too hard and we broke up. I saw him last week and we acted completely normal (intimate as well) but he said he didn’t want to get back together. He said he wanted to be really good friends. Immediately after we broke up we also did NC for ~ a week. Although it was really NC because we still talked, just a lot less. After I came back to grad school, we maintained texting, skyping, and calling, but everything felt a bit weird and different and I thought I was being too bothersome. I told him today that I want NC for a while. Do you think this is good? Do you think we’ll work?

admin

November 1, 2013 at 6:19 pm

I wouldn’t have warned him but I still think it can have a positive impact.

Max

October 31, 2013 at 2:03 pm

I have been seeing a bloke LD for 8 months. We hooked up through a mutual industry and interests. He has always said he doesn’t want a relationship, he is enjoying his freedom after a long rough relationship with another some 12 months or so ago. He initially chased me, then once he had me he called it off and yet he stayed in contact via text and calls once or twice a week for a couple of months until we met up at a convention again. In physical contact he pleaded he missed me, was worried about the attention I showed to other men at the convention (even though it is a predominantly male industry), was worried about the hurt he had caused etc…. Needless to say we hooked up again and have been “seeing” each other again for 2 months. Now he has gone cold and I called it off. He maintaines he has feelings for me, he says his feelings are just not as intense as mine, he still can’t commit to a relationship, I was the one constantly chasing and doing all the work and doing all the things u say not too, typical woman ! He has major issues due to being adopted, he confided he has sought help because he pushes people away, he loves playing on and recieving reassurance. He gives just enough to keep me hanging. I told him outright he needs to tell me he can never love me, I am not for him, give me an out, let me move on and heal as he knows me and knows I love him to pieces. He refuses to do this , says he can’t tell me this as he really doesn’t know ……….
Please help, give me your take on this as a male ! What should I do.
Heartbroken as most here are !!

admin

October 31, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Have you tried the NC rule yet?

Lana

October 31, 2013 at 4:32 am

Hi Chris I was wondering…after the first contact text (and getting a positive response), I am supposed to wait about two days before sending another text right? What happens if he texts me in between the time of the first contact text and second? 😡

admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:41 pm

You respond to him! It is a great sign.

Still keep the conversation short though.

Melanie

October 31, 2013 at 1:54 am

hey chris! your site has been extremely helpful but im conflicted! I posted something earlier but I cant find my comment.. Me and my boyfriend were together for 6 months before I broke up with him. we were physically together for 4 months and having to do LDR for 2, but that was only temporary because I had to move but ill be moving back to where he lives in 2 months again! Being with him always felt like a fairytale, and he always made me feel like I was the only person alive until the last 3 weeks of our relationship, I felt like he didn’t care about me and I would ask him what was going on and he said nothing, but nothing would change. I couldn’t do it anymore because this change was dramatic, 2 days after no contact he called me begging me to get together but I said no, the rest of the week he had sent me rude text messages and acting like I cheated on him but I stopped responding because he was just angry. 2 days later I found out that he had cheated on me during the lsat couple of weeks where he was being weird, he claims he didn’t but I didn’t believe him. Its been a month since that talk and I did the 30 day rule. This past week he has contacted me 3 times and the only times during this 30 days, a snapchat video of the place we went to on our first date and usual hangout, a text telling me that he didn’t cheat on me it was his friends who was texting pictures to this girl, and then he texted me again asking me to stop calling him from a blocked number, I never responded to them and I promise to god I am not calling him from a blocked number. I really want to talk to him, I miss him like crazy, I honestly cant function or get things done because im so wrapped up in this and I cant stop having these dreams of him. I would love to talk to him about everything but I feel like since he hasn’t made any real attempt to talk to me he doesn’t want to, I don’t know what to do but my 30 day NC rule is over and im dying to pick up the phone and text him but I really feel like he should be the one to contact me. please help 🙁

admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:31 pm

Use this guides advice and start with a simple text message.

Melanie

October 30, 2013 at 9:48 pm

hey chris! your site has helped me so much but im conflicted! I miss my ex like crazy and we have been broken up for about a month now. we were physically together for 4 months, we were only LDR for 2 months but that was only temporary because I was planning on moving back to him in december, I cant stop thining about him and I miss him like crazy. we dated for about 6 months and everything was perfect, he truly treated me so amazing and always made me feel like I was the only person alive. the last month things slowly changed to where he only cared about himself, I talked to him about it multiple times but he said nothing was wrong. so I broke up with him, I didn’t hear from him for 3 days then called me begging me to get back together with him but I still didn’t. the next couple of days he sent me really mean text messages and he was acting like I had cheated on him, the texts stopped but after a few days I had found out during the time he was “changing” he had cheated on me. of course I called him out on it but he said he never touched another girl and blamed the conversations/pics I found with other girls on his email address, on his friends and I didn’t believe him. its been a month since the last time we talked and it was about me finding those pictures. I have not contacted him sense and we are no longer friends or following each other on any social media. Last week he snap chatted me a video of this place we went to on our first date and hung out at a lot. I sent him a text telling him I sent him his football helmet and it would be there today. I didn’t do it to start a convo I truly just wanted him to have his helmet cause it means so much to him. He texted me back saying he just wanted to let me know that he never cheated on me and that his friends did that. I didn’t respond, 2 days later he sent me a text saying that he has been getting a lot of calls from a blocked number and he knows its me and wants me to stop cause its annoying. I didn’t respond, mainly because honest to god I have not called him from a blocked number, or at all. I don’t know what to do from here I miss him, I cant stop dreaming about him and want to talk to him but idk how he feels and I feel like if we were going to talk he should make the first move but since he hasn’t idk what to think. please help 🙁

admin

October 31, 2013 at 7:06 pm

I am a big believer in the NC rule so I do think you should lay low for a while or at least until your inital 30 days are up.

Lady M

October 30, 2013 at 3:34 pm

Does the NC Rule work for everyone??? Also, what’s the shortest amount of time you should or can go with the NC period???

admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:53 pm

No I think there are some cases where it won’t but in most cases it will help.

21 days is the shortest I would recommend.

Lady M

October 30, 2013 at 3:05 pm

Okay, I also forgot to mention that we are in a LDR which is business related. However, we work for the same company, just at different locations. He was commissioned to jumpstart a new facility in a different location, 7 hours away. He has the choice to either move back once they are completely up, running, and everyone is trained or to stay. They prefer he stay at the new facility, however he knows that his heart is here with me. We had alot of other factors that played into our mutual breakup. Distance and Disagreements. He would always come to see me mostly every weekend, then it turned into every other weekend, then once work picked up, he offered me to come out there several times at his expense, but I declined. That caused unnecessary arguments at times because I was thinking you are the man and he was thinking I’ve traveled there round trip 14 hours many times and you’ve only been here once, plus I am working and offering you a free trip here and you decline. He was always thinking if you really wanted to see me, you would make just as much of an effort. Then we come from different cultures and religious backgrounds. He’s white, I am black. He’s 50, I’m 30. He doesn’t attend church except with me since we have been in a relationship and I am a full blown christian. Alot of things including the fact that I love him and just miss him. I said all of that to say that we often times have to communicate over the phone at work. I’m here, he’s there. I started my NC period yesterday, only to have to turn around and make a business call to him today. He talked about wanting to come back and be with me, I changed the subject and kept it business related. After which, I told him that I would let him get back to work. When he mentioned that he wanted to come back to where I lived even though they wanted him to stay. I changed the subject and he responded with, did you here me? I told him yes and changed the subject again. Reading everything I have said and taking it all into consideration, please respond in depth to everything I am saying, Thanks Chris

admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:52 pm

I wish I could respond in-depth I really do but when you have 500 people messaging you… well you have to be careful about spending too much time.

I think the age thing definitely plays a role. Hmm… maybe I should write about that next.
Lady M

October 30, 2013 at 3:10 pm

By the way, I kept it positive and sounded happy the entire time we talked, and short. I also told him that he has to do what’s best for him career wise. I wasn’t trying to be non chalant, just understanding when in reality I wanted to scream please come back. LOL
admin

October 30, 2013 at 9:52 pm

GREAT JOB! I am proud!

Lady M

October 29, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Also, what do you do after your NC period has ended and he starts to question you as to why you haven’t been responding to him? How should this be answered???

admin

October 30, 2013 at 4:03 am

Just say something like “I just needed some time alone.”
Lady M

October 30, 2013 at 3:08 pm

Thanks Chris

Lady M

October 29, 2013 at 4:51 pm

What happens if he contact you at work on your office phone during the NC period, after attempting to text or call your cell with no response??? Does that disqualify you doing to no contact period, will you have to start over? How do you handle this type of situation???

admin

October 30, 2013 at 3:58 am

Yea I think it doesn’t count as breaking it b/c you are kind of forced to answer it. Just don’t engage him very long. Be positive and happy like nothing is wrong and suddenly have to leave.

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