How To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend- The Comprehensive Guide

359 thoughts on “The Correct Way To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend”

jacklyn

October 14, 2013 at 9:29 pm

Hi Chris!

I found all your articles so helpful. Can i please explain to u my situation and get some feedback please?
So my bf broke with me august 15, then for a week and half i kept on contacting him and bothering obviously he didnt get back to me. After a week he called me saying its over. I cried and overreacted but didnt contact him for one more week and half. When one night he called me 2 times and i didnt pick up, then when he called again i talk to him. He told me he wanted to get back and how much he regret his decision and that during this two weeks he realized he missed me. Anyway, we were together for 2 more weeks until spetember 15. I sent him a text asking how he was doing and he never replied for 5 days. Then he called me back saying we werent together and the relationship is over. So whatever we didnt talk for 2 more weeks and i was like ok whatever do whatever u want. Then 2 weeks ago, on tuesday, was my bday he sent me a text saying happy birthday he didnt call. Then 2 days later on thursday he called and talked to me asking how i was and stuff like that. Then he ended the call saying he had to go to the store, but he will call me later. Its been a week and half and i havent heard from him. He said we are not together, but i really want to get back with him. WHAT DO U THINK ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION? Also, DO U SUGGEST ME CALLING HIM BACK SINCE HE CALLED ME THAT THURSDAY?
ps: i also wanna add that we are long distance about 4 hrs away from each other. I visited him this summer and stayed for 2 weeks and met his whole family.

admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:08 am

Ok, my first piece of advice is to take a look at the LDR article.

Secondly, you have yet to complete a full month of NC yet. You go for two weeks and then break it. Try going for a full month.
jacklyn

October 15, 2013 at 3:35 am

Hi Chris!!

Thank you so much for replying. Really helpful.As a LDR, we were planning to moving in together in December and we even had plans of getting married. So today, 12 days after his last call, i was so desperate that i sent him a short text asking how he was? he didnt reply to that 🙁 Also i wanted to add that he unfriended me from fb, but called a week later. What does that all mean??? Why did he unfriended me and call?
Since we were a LDR, we were on the phone all the time. We used to talk everyday like 3-4 times and he was the most loving person when we were together. Idk how someone can change like that?
I will try the 1 month no contact. But in a guys prospective, him not answering does it mean that he doesnt wanna talk to me anymore and hes annoyed by me?
I dont think i will ever find peace and move on if i dont see him in person to clarify the things. How can i even initiate a meeting since we leave 5 hrs apart??? Lets say I show up at his house? Would that be creepy lol?? i thought it would haha
Thank you so much for you help 😀 and god bless 🙂
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:44 am

You’ve read the LDR post I put together right?

Don’t show up announced that is creepy beyond words haha but glad you noticed that.

shell

October 13, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Off facebook* (p.s lost 7lb.. Go me)
shell

October 13, 2013 at 8:50 pm

Hi chris…. STUPID QUESTION TIME… On day 9 of nc,been on fb since we split,was thinking of going back on in a few weeks but will be back on fb and first txt within a couple of days,do you think that’s all a bit much (Assault on the senses?)

admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:16 am

No question is stupid.

It is up to you whether you want to do it or not. However, I will say I think it is ok.
shell

October 15, 2013 at 5:53 am

My 31 days of nc fall on the same day as close friends babies Christening, feel if I txt before he will think its because of that and kinda have no choice but to go over and talk to him if I’ve txt him to day beofre, but if I don’t txt then do after he will think its because I can’t live without him after seeing him??
admin

October 16, 2013 at 1:51 am

Ok, then extend NC a few days extra.

Sydney

October 11, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Hey Chris 🙂
I posted here a few days ago, but I’ll just do a quick recap, haha:
-I did NC for 6 weeks
-Sent my first contact text on Sunday about a game we used to play together
-He responded 2 days later saying “lol yea that was fun” (I guess this would be considered a neutral response?)
-I responded a couple hours after then said I was watching movies so i would talk to him later.

I haven’t texted him since, I figured I would wait a week and send another casual text (like you suggest in PRO). But I don’t want to keep sending casual memory texts. The Walking Dead starts on Sunday, and he used to come over every week to watch it with me, so I was thinking maybe on Monday, I could ask him if he watched the premiere, but that seems like a really boring text. I don’t know how to spice it up more or if it’s an appropriate second text? Any advice?
Thank you so much for all your help!! It really means a lot that you take the time to answer all of my questions

admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:14 pm

Of course!

Watch the premiere first and pick out something that Daryl does that is just plain AWESOME and text him about it 😉
Sydney

October 16, 2013 at 3:15 am

I sent him a text today saying he popped into my head while I was watching The Walking Dead the other night and asked if he had watched it yet. About 4 hours later, he says “lol yea i have it was so good” and after waiting an hour I responded, but I didn’t end the conversation right away (I wanted to see if I could engage him in a very small conversation). I commented on how the ending of the episode was pretty crazy, but he didn’t respond to it, which sucked, and I guess I lost control of the conversation.
He takes a long time to respond when I text him (after first contact he didn’t respond for 2 days, and this time 4 hours) and when he does respond, it feels like he’s only doing it to be polite. I don’t know how to get him to want to talk to me?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 1:40 am

Yea you should have ended it right away.

But that ending was pretty crazy haha. What do you think? It’s in the water or in the deer daryl shot?
Sydney

October 17, 2013 at 3:38 am

Yea, I guess I’ll have to wait another week or so before I text him something else. I know this is a very slow process and I only just started, but it’s hard not to feel like a failure when things don’t progress positively

That ending was insane! It might be the water, since the pig seemed to be affected too and I don’t think they fed any deer to the pig haha. Besides, Daryl could never bring back bad meat 😉
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:11 pm

I hear you. I can be the exact same way sometimes.

Hmmm… good point. The pig drinks the water and gets affected. Either way things just keep getting worse and worse. It makes you get the feeling like there is no hope for them.

Great post!

October 11, 2013 at 1:02 pm

Thank you for a great post. You highlight all areas of your subject.
My ex broke up with me 5 wks ago and said it was that he felt he was up against a wall with work and all his responsibilities. I was shocked and to tjis day feel robbed. We’ve known each other for a few years and this year he chased me and said i was everything to him and he wanted marriage and children with me. He did propose to me but they were only words. Since the breakup he is different, keeps any emotion to himself, but always responds. We do business together and he is the one that sends me business so this can be sticky. I have reached out to him to say I miss him and he reciprocates and says he knows it’s hard and always brings up how busy and stressed out he is. I feel out of sorts and very confused. A few days ago I went to his office and he said “hey babe” when I showed up and when I left chased me out the door to walk me out but there was nothing behind it. he hugged me and that was it. I can’t tell what he wants or if we will ever work this out.

admin

October 13, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Thanks for the kind words about the article.

Have you tried the NC rule at all since the breakup?
Maria

October 14, 2013 at 1:05 am

For the first few weeks but it’s difficult as he is a client. He is cordial with me but doesn’t bring up anything about us. I picked him up from the airport today since I wanted to see him and he thanked me and hugged me twice and said it was good to see me. That was pretty much it. He did ask what I was doing the rest of the day and I said not much and he then said he had to go to work. It’s an odd situation since I need to remain neutral when I’m at his office. I would say to stop working with him but he feeds my company business and I need to remain professional. I feel that I will not get answers from him and of this hurts. I would hope to find out if there’s still hope for us.
admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:42 am

You are right to remain professional.

Maybe after your business is completed you can talk to him?
Maria

October 17, 2013 at 12:20 pm

It seems like he has financial troubles from what I’ve gathered. He has discussed this with me before but didn’t realize how bad it was or how much this affected him. Maybe that’s why he broke up with me. I can’t imagine anyone doing that but if this is the case, would it potentially mean anything for us in the future ? He also takes care of his elderly parents who live with him. I feel like this is something I can’t grasp or even begin to understand. I’m having difficulty letting go. I did ask him to go to a party that is being held by my underwriter. he accepted and said it sounds like fun. I don’t really hear from him and he doesn’t initiate contact on a personal level…only business or when I try. Could he be embarrassed to open that door?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 6:42 pm

Financialy troubles can really weigh on a mans mind.

He could be embarressed to open that door certainly.

Emily

October 9, 2013 at 8:40 pm

I am so glad I’ve found your website, it’s given me so much hope. My long term boyfriend broke up with me, and I did everything I shouldn’t. I tried to reason logically with him, and it didn’t work. We work together, but my limited contact doesn’t seem to be affecting him in the slightest.
Towards the end, he told me he had no romantic attraction for me anymore. Was he lying, because he told me that he would purposely prevent me from getting my hopes up? If not, should I just move on, or is there a way to make him feel romantic attraction towards me again?
Thank you so much for doing this,
Emily

Emily

October 14, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Thanks for your enthusiasm, it really lifts me up 🙂
I just wanted to give you an update. Our mutual friend confessed to me that he’s upset that I haven’t talked to him. That’s pretty good right? However, he hasn’t tried to contact me yet, so what gives?
admin

October 15, 2013 at 2:30 am

Haha right on schedule!

Probably b/c he is too proud.
Emily

October 16, 2013 at 7:18 pm

That’s annoying. So I’ll probably have to make the first move?
We also work together every so often. Could his awkward attempts at conversation be his way of initiating contact, or is he just being polite?
Emily

October 27, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Hi, I just thought I’d give you another update since I got to the initiate contact stage.
I ended up initiating contact, but his response was pretty lukewarm. However, his overall disposition totally changed. He stares at me even more than before, and we’ve engaged in eye flirting a few times. He also seems pretty nervous around me, like when you really like someone but are nervous about what they think…
So based on his body language, I’d definitely say he’s interested. But we don’t really talk. When either of us start a conversation at work, they’re pretty shallow and last like a minute. I haven’t gotten any further in the “official” contacting plan to say anything else as far as that goes…
Thoughts on the matter?
Thank you so much for everything. I feel like I honestly have a chance, and without your help, I never would have gotten this far. 🙂
admin

October 27, 2013 at 11:04 pm

Eye flirting. Hahaha I love that.

It is certainly looking good so far isn’t it?
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:48 am

Potentially yes.

And I think it is his way of initiating contact and being polite at the same time.
admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:58 am

When you say you did everything you shouldn’t could you give me examples?
Emily

October 10, 2013 at 2:21 am

Well, about a month before we actually broke up, he tried to break up with me. I convinced him not to, and this repeated a couple times. That was the first mistake; I should have just let him go. Instead of backing off, I became really insecure, constantly calling him and I couldn’t help but bring up the relationship. He told me that that was really unattractive… and I totally agree.
The night we actually broke up, we basically argued and told each other everything we did wrong. During that time, he flat out told me he had no more romantic attraction to me, but I’m wondering if he actually meant it.
admin

October 10, 2013 at 5:56 pm

Can you think back and think of what his reasoning for wanting the breakup was in the very first plcae? Like the first time?
Emily

October 11, 2013 at 10:51 am

He said we didn’t understand each other, and that he thought of me more as a friend. I personally think I didn’t admire him enough, I mean actually show him I cared, and I was too over emotional.
That’s actually why I want to get back together with him so badly, I realize a lot of my mistakes and it’d be a lot better the second time around.
admin

October 11, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Well lets see what we can do about getting you back together!

Gabby

October 9, 2013 at 6:46 pm

Hi Chris,

First off, very good website you have. Very well written and descriptive.
So, my bf of 8 years broke up with me 2 months ago. He texted me yesterday saying he had oil for an oil transmission fluid flush, that if i could bring him my car next weekend and he would do it for me plus wash my car. I agreed and said I’d help him and bring him lunch as a thank you. Anywho, my question is, as a guy (you’re very cute btw) What should i wear? I read your article on how i should tone down my emotions, be zen & at peace, confident, and pleasant. i can do that. However, what should i do so he can be attracted to me again without scaring him off or pressuring him?
I want to leave him with the impression of remembering how comfortable and good it feels to be around me. I want to leave him wanting to see me again but i’m not sure how to accomplish this. please help!

Also, do you do any private chats? yahoo messenger or the like?
I would love some insight on my relationship troubles, if possible

Thanks Chris!

Gabby

admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:44 am

You can friend me on Facebook! Chris Seiter or find the link in the sidebar on this site.

Susannah

October 9, 2013 at 3:49 pm

Hi Chris
Love love your articles you speak absolute sense you genius man you! Lol.
I wondered if you could offer some advice please? My Bf ended things almost 2 and a half months ago as he ‘needed some time to himself and didn’t feel the same anymore’ I was shocked as he had always been so keen but I didn’t put up a fight at the time THEN immediately have followed your advice as accurately as I could; I did 30 days NC, lost 6kg, had fun 🙂 but the text messages afterwards were more chatty catch ups than memories as I was worried of seeming too keen (although he did mention some memories on his part)
we met up over a week ago, didn’t discuss anything about the break up and just had a fun evening chatting… he text me that night saying it was nice to see me etc then again that week just chit chat but nothing since…it’s been over a week now, Do you think he just wants to be friends or feels bad that he hurt me? What should my next move be? Brutal honesty welcome 🙂 🙂

Susannah

October 10, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Haha, seriously speaking though I think your site is amazing and obviously helps a lot of people and offers a great rational perspective when emotions are running high!
Thanks a lot for getting back to me and your advise, I should have mentioned that after NC we discussed his reasons for ending it via text, they were the same as he initially said (needed time alone, feelings for me had changed yada yada) so with that in mind do I still have to talk about the break up again…? I’m not sure a UG would…lol. Or do I face facts that he just went off of me and wants to friend zone me ? Thanks again for any advise you can offer, much appreciated 🙂
admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Yes but talk about it in person! It is easy to lie over text messages.
Susannah

October 18, 2013 at 5:36 am

Hi Chris, we spoke again… He maintains that he’s just too busy to be with anyone right now and that although he misses me for him something was missing. I got a bit emotional on hearing this and didn’t really keep my cool I have to admit, mainly because I never felt like this was the case and his behaviour never lead me to believe that’s how he felt.

Should I just accept it and try my best to move on even though it hurts, or is there anything else you can think of trying at this point?
admin

October 18, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Well, what you can do is just remain friends with him and move on. I think that might be best at this point.
admin

October 10, 2013 at 1:35 am

If only everyone called me “you genius man you!”

I think try to get on another date BUT talk about the breakup. Learn his perspective, offer your perspective and read this page.

Maya

October 8, 2013 at 3:15 am

Hi,

I’m in a bit of a pickle. I broke it off with a guy I really liked because it wasn’t working. He agreed it was the best thing to do but he was angry with me, tried to guilt trip me because it was me who broke it off/rejected him and I was very/too straightforward about it. He’s ignored me for over a month of NC that I’ve been doing but he’s also avoided talking to me when he’s seen me. I hate leaving things like this and want communication to be reinstated. What should I do? Thanks,

admin

October 9, 2013 at 1:35 am

Well, have you tried reaching out using the texts I suggest in the E-Book and on this site?

clara

October 7, 2013 at 2:18 am

Like you recommended, I did the 30 day NC (+ more?) and he actually initiated contact! Even before finding this site, I stayed strong in NC and was pleasant in my reply when he messaged me. However, after a few friendly messages back and forth, I became too scared of replying so I waited 5 days…Now he seems to be ignoring me (I can see that he’s read my message) do you think he’s just waiting to reply because I made him wait? What’s the deal? Should i initiate contact in a few days?

admin

October 7, 2013 at 11:29 pm

Maybe he is “getting” back at you b/c you ignored him the most recent time. Def initiate in a few days if he doesn’t text back.

shell

October 5, 2013 at 6:05 am

Hi I left a comment on hear yesterday but doesn’t seem to have posted…. Long story short,am trying the NC but I feel like that’s giving him a hassle free time to get over me rather time to miss me?

admin

October 6, 2013 at 12:04 am

I am sorry about that. I hope it didn’t get lost in the fray.

Your concnerns about NC is understandable. However, usually it tends to have the opposite effect. What is causing you to think that he is “getting over you?”
shell

October 6, 2013 at 8:14 am

Hi finished the relationship after 2 year saying we wanted different things from life and its better to do it now then drag it out untill we fall out ect.. He wants us to be “friends” in other words civil,told him I wasn’t ready to chat or act that way yet and not to txt me unless it was something possitive as I can’t help to txt him back if he did (and wasn’t going to help me with NC) maybe I shouldn’t have told him not to?
He had already txt me the day before asking why I’d come off facebook and I just over analyze everything down to the last x.its only been a week and total NC has only been a couple of days and he’s out all the time partys ect and I can’t even bring myself to sit with friends in a cafe yet. I know the NC is the best thing for me to get my head together and am hoping coming off fb and not updating any BBM or twitter will get him trying to guess what am up to but still don’t know if am playing it rite?…. Thanks for replying,sometimes at outside veiw is better then friends or family who say what you want and not what you need
admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:07 am

No problem. Take a few days for yourself. For example, if I was going through a breakup I would fall off the map for around 2 days completely to kind of get my bearings. You might find it rejuvenating.
shell

October 8, 2013 at 2:16 am

On totally different time scale haha,its like 3am hear (as you can tell sleep is great) I seen a few spelling mistakes whooops!! Am hanging in but afraid you may have a mad person on your hands by day 15!!! So sorry if I ask stupid questions by then.
admin

October 9, 2013 at 1:31 am

No problem haha that is why I created this site. To answer anything!
shell

October 7, 2013 at 1:52 am

That’s more or less what I have done although he knows I’d have to be at work so he has the upper hand of knowing where I am 8 hours a day where as he works fuuny hours and places.feel a bit trapped in work.so am not expecting to much by expecting a msg sooner or later even though I asked him not to? (2 days liking my wounds and feel no better at all) 🙁
admin

October 7, 2013 at 11:31 pm

Licking*

Sorry couldn’t help myself haha.

Just hang in there for now. Just be patient.

Anna

October 4, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Thanks for the award! I would like to thank the academy, my fans and my manager who really believe in me even in the darkest hours blah blah blah Haha…

When the breakup was fresh, whenever i were tempted to call the ex, i asked ‘do you want a guy who doesn’t want you? Really? That is reallllyyyy low’. This cold brutal question woke me up real fast and i almost threw away my phone to ensure i didn’t call!!

Then i push myself to do things…furthering a great and influential career (yep that is how i describe my job to my parents), organizing my fashionable wardrobe (yep that is what i told my friends to make them jealous), reading English spy novels (yep spying, that is the great and influential career i mentioned earlier on)…

Then eat well and exercise to improve the look…. Then i notice guys notice me!! Two guys had asked me out during this three months. They were not suitable but hey, they boosted my confidence big time (like a good set of lingerie, really!)

Almost three months NC now. I don’t care if ex call or not. I certainly will continue NC, like forever.

I know, you will say ‘yep told you’.

See how accurate your articles are in describing post breakup psychology? You have great insight in the subject of breakup. Your advice is definitely useful to me.

Will return to this site often even i don’t want to get the ex back!!

admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:29 am

Can I have your managers number?

jk jk!

Well, my goal with this site was to create the very best resource online! I wanted to create something that no one could compete with and I am still working towards that and it is comments like yours that give me the confidence and guidance I need to keep going.

I don’t think you understand how much it means to me when I get truthful feedback from you guys!

HotLilTeacher

October 4, 2013 at 5:33 am

Hm. My ex has now started contacting me. Very casual, very light and friendly. You may recall my previous comments Chris, but he has shown a teeny bit of emotion, but most likely out of loneliness as you suggested. Do you think the ignoring and then light and friendly text convos mean that he is over me?

Based on this article it certianly seems that way. I’m at the point where I am feeling way more confident myself which is why I think he has been feeling comfortable texting me in a friendly way.

admin

October 4, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Could you be more specific for me? Sorry but I am kind of having trouble what you are meaning with the light and friently convos. From your side or his?
HotLilTeacher

October 5, 2013 at 8:02 am

His side. He has been engaging with me in small talk. Before he was ignoring some of my trying to get him back texts.
admin

October 6, 2013 at 12:12 am

Ok, usually that means he is uncomfortable with them so you are going to have to dumb the “get him back” texts down a bit.

Sydney

October 4, 2013 at 4:00 am

Hey Chris,

So, I just finished reading your Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro guide, and I was wondering if you could help me out with the first contact text.
I haven’t spoken to my ex for about 6 weeks- during this time I was focusing on myself by having a social life with friends and getting in a better mindset . When my ex broke things off with me, in the beginning I was an emotional wreck and I came off as extremely desperate and needy by pretty much begging for us to at least remain friends. He told me we would most likely never hangout again, but we could still chat, but I texted him a week later he ignored me. So I ended up spending the following week as a recluse. I found your site and after reading through your posts I realized I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my life back and be the person I was! Now I feel like my old self again, and I want to thank you for that. I don’t wake up wanting to cry from the heartache anymore, I just feel happy and go out with friends or watch Buffy (I re-watch the series every year as well;) currently on season 4 haha). While my 30 days of NC have been up for a couple weeks now, I don’t know how to come up with a first contact text. I feel like anything I send will sound incredibly random, and if I text him with a memory about something we did (like a movie we watched together) it will just make it seem like I can’t stop thinking about him and the time we spent together, and it will come off as kind of pathetic on my end. So, do you have any advice on the first contact text? I just want to get it right. Thanks for all the help, you’re awesome 🙂

admin

October 4, 2013 at 9:53 pm

Sure!

Thanks for the PRO purchase!

I am shaking like a little girl after reading you watch Buffy! I am currently in the first half of season 3 so I am catching up to you :). Still reeling from how season 2 ended and gotta say it affects me every time.

(careful about talking Buffy with me b/c I will ramble.)

Good first contact texts actually don’t always have to be perfect. Just think of a casual memory. For me I would choose something like the time I walked around the mall with my girlfriend.

“I was just at the mall and got one of those cookies that we bought that one time. It made me think of you. Just dropping a line to see how you are?”
Sydney

October 5, 2013 at 12:48 am

haha, I know what you mean! The season two finale always gets to me. My friends and I can sit around for hours talking about Buffy, or Angel, or Dollhouse- pretty much anything Joss Whedon 😉
I laughed every time I saw a Buffy reference in your guide, haha just awesome!

Thanks for the help 🙂 I’ll think of something casual to say like that
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:59 am

You are very welcome!

Season two has to be one of my favorite Buffy seasons. I know everyone loves season 3 but it just never gelled with me too much. Season 2 is more my style. I still think Angel was the best “big bad” any season ever had. Though, my favorite part of rewatching Buffy is that you can see the development of these characters. Oh, plus Spike is the funniest guy ever hahaha.
Sydney

October 5, 2013 at 5:43 am

Angel was definitely one of my favourite “big bad’s” and evil Willow haha, Adam is my least favourite. I love watching them develop and evolve throughout the series and being able to relate to their personal problems. Spike is hilarious, and Anya! I can’t wait to watch the musical episode!
I could seriously go on forever talking about Buffy, but that’s not the purpose of your site, haha
Thanks again for your help, and I’ll be sure to post again if I have anymore questions or if I’m able to make any positive progress 🙂
admin

October 6, 2013 at 12:01 am

“HE GOT… THE MUSTAAARRDD… OUTTTTT!”

Haha definitely keep me updated with your situation.

Amanda

October 3, 2013 at 7:07 pm

What if you run into each other only a few days into the no contact and he hugs you, kisses your cheek, you babble a little incoherently about something trivial, and he asks to hang out soon?

admin

October 4, 2013 at 1:14 am

You act really really classy and just politely say “maybe some time in the future right now I just kind of want to do things on my own.”

Rachel

October 3, 2013 at 3:29 pm

i just want to say that i love your site and i have it bookmarked. I wish i had found it months ago, but i know at that point i wasn’t ready to listen and I would have still probably contacted my ex. :). I’ve learned a TON from reading the articles! I’m not ready to contact my ex yet, I want to make sure that I’m in the best mindset possible first. He met a cool, confident girl, and the next time he hears from me, THAT is going to be the girl he sees. I commented on another article and you said I didn’t seem ready yet, and I agree. However, I know that I’ll be using your site as a reference when I do decide the time is right. Right now I’m feeling pretty confident that I can show him the girl he met, and if he still doesn’t want me? That’s his loss. Thanks! 🙂

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:58 am

If only we could clone your attitude and give it to every visitor that came to this site.
Rachel

October 4, 2013 at 2:45 pm

I tried posting, but got an error so I guess I’ll try again – sorry if both end up going through!(my other message was so much better written, darn, lol).

Thanks Chris, I have my good moments and my not so good moments.. but at this point I’m going to fake it til I make it! My situation is a bit different from most women, because I know that I am the one that caused us to stop talking (recap – dated a month, and i went SUPER crazy based on past insecurities even though it was totally unprovoked on his part). He was absolutely smitten with me at first, and I think in his eyes I was a bit of an ungettable girl. Here’s my question. In another article you mentioned that if your dream girl got so emotional that you deemed her crazy, you would be unattracted to her. Understandable, and i KNOW thats what happened here. However, after you deemed her crazy, do you think you could ever see her as attractive again? Keep in mind, we don’t have much history on our side to help me out! I’m totally prepared for it to be a long and tough process! 🙂
admin

October 5, 2013 at 4:23 am

No problem.

The site was attacked yesterday and there is some fallout for that. Plus I am having server issues because you guys keep coming back (such a bad problem to have right? (sarcasam there.))

If she was my dream girl I could but it would take time and she would have to demonstrate that she was no longer “crazy” and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I am not just bsing.

Anna

October 3, 2013 at 2:20 pm

Hi, this is my first comment here!!

I came across your site some 3 months ago when (of course you know!!!) my ex dumped me. I were miserable (lost 3kg) but i read your site about NC rule. I believed you and didn’t contact him.

Almost 3 months now, while i have to admit i still have feelings for him Almost(cannot lie to an expert like you, can i?), i am able to sew things in bigger perspective. I realize and accept that we may not be the best for each other.

Gone is my absolute dangerous impulse to get him back whatever costs and emotional instability. Thank you. Your advice is so sound. And what i like is the why you explain things, so clearly and reasonably (and funny).

You save my post- breakup reputation and class seriously!!!

Hope you more and more success.

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:55 am

Wow, you get the comment of the day award :).

Not only does it make me feel good to hear this but you legitimately seem like you are in a better place and that is worth everything!

P.S. this is my 7,668th comment 🙂

tina

October 3, 2013 at 9:04 am

GREAT article Chris:) If only I ‘d read that a few days ago;)))

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:33 am

Oh no! What happened Tina?

jennifer

October 3, 2013 at 8:26 am

Hi, I’ve experienced a “break up” with a partner about a month ago – not actually official relationship due to circumstances with him leaving for a business trip (we dated for around 8 months only, but I’ve met his parents and his best friends). We ended things mutually…both emotional when we said goodbye (I couldn’t help it) but I still wished him the best. I knew I needed time to heal so I stopped talking to him but we would run into each other before his departure in which case I’d be pleasant but still give him space otherwise. However, he would start conversations and claim that I was trying to make him jealous so I would reply in defense because i didn’t know about the NC rule before. I stumbled upon this page so started the NC in Aug. and NC REALLY DOES WORK! he initiated contact again a week ago but i’m slow in my responses. my question/concern is that I’ve read most of your pages, been patient, but now am too afraid that i’ll let him have control of conversations…

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:41 am

Yes, I wish more ppl stuck with NC but a lot of people don’t do it right and then come back here complaining.

Eventually you are going ot have to take a risk and talk to him. Just realize you won’t be able to win EVERY texting battle. You almost have to NOT have any feelings for the guy to win a texting convo every time.

ali

October 3, 2013 at 5:15 am

I was with my boyfriend for nearly 7yrs,I am 50 and he is 46..we are two fit very atttractive people,although live simple lives..meaning we idnt go out a lot,we don’t drink or smoke,I know that’s besides the point but I just want you to have an idea.I have always been hit on by men but only ever went out with a few,all long term…however this boyfriend was different.I fell madly in love with him and e with me….but I was in a car crash in may and am at home now recovering,he started to pull away and I tried everything t prevent that I kept contro.I just have to add we dnt fight or go mad at each other…anyway he distanced hiself and when I asked what’s up he texted that he couldn’t be doing things for me..Yes I was shocked,hurt,heartbroken…well its 2months now…I’ve stayed calm(although completely broken…..I’ve tried no contact but he has text and even popped over..he went to cyprus for 1week and text me everyday kisses the lot and I have don my utmost to not initiate any contact….he still will text…..myhing is that we never didn’t get on we loved each other very much…..where I could say anything I’m now lost for words….I have no idea what to say anymore.I am broken hearted,he has hurt me more than I could ever imagine.I desperately want him back…even with my leg injuries..iv had my hair and makeup immaculte..other people have sad I look fantastic……….I’m going to the gym again regularly,I’ve bred my own horse I’m a busy girl..so you see I’m not sitting about feeling sorry for mysel..I really want the man I love back hoi have no idea….e are on good ish terms,no one else invoved….he has some worries atm but please I don’t know where to go from here or what to say………..I love this site and it has been helpful……

admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:22 am

Hi There!

I am so glad that you are going back to the gym and not sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

So, right now are you in NC?

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