This is what you have been waiting for right?
For what seems like a year straight every day I am asked a simple question,
“Why don’t you write about the grass is greener syndrome?”
Well, here it is.
I am finally going to be tackling the grass is greener syndrome. I want this guide to be extremely insightful so I am going to be covering a wide variety of topics,
- I am going to teach you what the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) is.
- I will give you real life examples of men who have gone through this.
- I will explain why sometimes the GIGS can work.
- I will also dive in to how the GIGS can be a very dangerous thing.
- Oh, and how could I forget that I am going to be applying all of this to your ex boyfriend.
Lets start by defining the GIGS.
What Is The Grass Is Greener Syndrome?
(If you would like to learn how to get an ex boyfriend back who has GIGS please click this link.)
I have a confession to make…
The first time I heard of the grass is greener syndrome was when a reader of this site pointed it out to me. Now, as I stated above, a lot of women have been wanting this guide for a very long time and I have been putting it off because I didn’t feel I had a good understanding of what the GIGS was.
That is definitely not the case anymore as I did extensive research to make sure I knew everything there was to know.
The Grass Is Greener Syndrome- The belief that what you currently have in your life is no longer good enough or adequate. As a result, you begin to believe that there are better things out there.
The GIGS is mostly used to refer to people in relationships but it can also be applied to people who are in jobs.
Of course, since we are trying to gain insight into your ex boyfriend here we are going to be using the grass is greener syndrome in the context of relationships.
If I had to pick out one of the most frightening aspects of this entire thing it is that you could be doing everything perfectly in your relationship, you could literally be the best girlfriend in the world to your boyfriend and he could still have a bout of GIGS.
Lets take a look at how this phenomenon can apply to your ex boyfriend.
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How GIGS Applies To Your Ex Boyfriend
This site was really designed for women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. So, lets take a moment and look at what your ex boyfriend may be experiencing assuming he got a bout of the GIGS. In my opinion, there are really three outcomes that can occur when it comes to your ex boyfriend.
- Things Are Great But I Think I Can Do Better
- Things Are Not Great And I Think I Can Do Better
- I Always Think I Can Do Better
As always, lets start with number one!
“Things are great but I think I can do better..”
For most of the women on this site this has to be one of the most horrifying outcomes that can potentially unfold. The way this works is actually pretty simple. You and your boyfriend are doing great. You love him and he loves you.
(FYI there is no question in his mind about that.)
However, somewhere down the road this little thought begins to creep into his head,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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When the inevitable talk comes where he explains that he just isn’t into the relationship anymore you immediately assume that he lost feelings. The truth is that he didn’t, he just thought he could do better even though things were great.
Pretty horrifying right?
“Things are not great and I think I can do better..”
To be honest, this is a situation where I think he may be justified in his reasoning to want to look elsewhere.
Lets pretend that you and I are dating. Throughout our relationship you are horrible to me. You are controlling, manipulative and get angry at every little thing I do. Pretty soon all of this craziness from you begins to weigh on me and a singular thought begins to enter my head,
“I think I deserve more than this in a relationship. I think I can do better.”
In other words, your inability to be a caring girlfriend was your own downfall as it caused me to look over the fence to see if the grass was greener anywhere else.
(Hint: It probably is which is why I left.)
“I can always do better..”
This is a very interesting type of grass is greener mindset. So, the way this basically works is that a guy can’t ever find happiness in a relationship. Nothing ever fulfills him and as a result he opts to look elsewhere for it.
In other words, he jumps from relationship to relationship trying to find someone who is going to fulfill him. Unbeknownst to him just the way he is, always thinking he can do better, prevents him from ever sustaining a long term relationship with anyone.
How can you tell if your ex boyfriend is like this?
Admittedly, this particular mindset on a man tends to be really rare. However, there are warning signs that you can keep a look out for.
For example, if your ex boyfriend has never had a long term relationship and just jumps from girl to girl it can be possible that he has the “I can ALWAYS do better” mindset.
Can The Grass Is Greener Syndrome Ever Work?
(Learn about how you can get an ex boyfriend back by clicking here.)
Obviously there are two trains of thought when it comes to GIGS.
- One portion of people believe that ending a relationship because you think you can do better usually works out.
- The other portion of people believe that just because you think the grass is greener on the other side doesn’t necessarily mean that things are going to work out.
The question that you are probably wondering is,
“If my boyfriend left me because he has the grass is greener syndrome could a relationship with someone else potentially work out?”
I think it depends on a number of factors.
For example, if you were a horrible girlfriend to him and did nothing but berate him throughout your entire relationship then probably any other situation is going to seem “greener” to him. I like to call this phenomenon, the setting the bar effect.
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Here’s an interesting question.
If your ex boyfriend could rate his experience having a relationship with you on a 1-10 scale what do you think he would give you?
Lets use the example I gave above in the last section about you being a horrible girlfriend and doing nothing but berating him throughout the entire relationship as a placeholder. Given this particular situation what do you think your ex boyfriend would rate you as? Where would he set your bar?
2… ?
3… ?
How about a 2.5 (since you did have some redeeming qualities.)
Alright, in this particular instance if your ex boyfriend can find a girl that can put provide him with a situation better than a 2.5 then for him the grass is indeed greener.
Of course, I know for a fact that most of you are great girlfriends and his bar isn’t going to be set at a 2.5.
Heck, maybe you were the best girlfriend that he ever had in his entire life and he gives you an 8 out of 10.
Well, if your ex ends up getting the GIGS he may potentially leave you because he thinks he can do better.
(What an idiot..)
Anyways, lets say that he does find a girl that he ends up dating for a little while but he only sets her bar at a 7.
By my math,
8 > 7.
This is a case where the grass is not greener and he is going to be really kicking himself for letting you go. In other words, he will be filled with an extreme amount of regret.
“What if he finds a girl that has the exact same rating as me?”
Lets assume that your ex boyfriend did leave you because of the grass is greener syndrome. He rated your overall relationship as a 6 out of 10. Well, when he finally does get in a relationship with someone else he may found out that she is a 6 out of 10 as well.
For him in this scenario the grass is not greener.
Remember, the grass is only greener if he can find someone who can beat the bar that you set. Of course, the other fly in the ointment for him is the fact that the grass may be a little greener at first but it almost always never stays the same.
How The Honeymoon Period Plays A Role
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Everyone here is aware of the honeymoon period in a relationship right? Well, for those of you new to the game the honeymoon period is this period of the time at the beginning of a relationship where you have this constant emotional high and your significant other can do no wrong.
However, eventually the honeymoon period levels out and you don’t have that emotional high all the time (just spurts here and there.)
This is normal for every single romantic relationship that has ever been formed since the beginning of time.
What’s interesting is how the honeymoon period can affect the grass is greener syndrome.
Lets pretend that you and I were dating and I decided that I thought I could do better than you (classic GIGS.) Anyways, after I leave the relationship I determine that my experience with you was a 7 out of 10. Then the inevitable happens, I meet a new girl and start a new relationship with her.
At the beginning this new girl and I are going to be going through a honeymoon period so my experience in that relationship is going to be super high (probably a 9 or a 10.)
Wow, a 9 or 10.
The grass was greener right?
WRONG!
The honeymoon period begins to wear off and that is where the true test of a relationship begins. Pretty soon this new girl and I start fighting a lot.
That 9-10 rating suddenly drops to a 6-7.
Then I begin to suspect that she is cheating on me.
Now the rating is down to 5-6.
Now, I don’t know about you but in my book a 7 (my relationship with you) beats a 5 (my relationship with the GIGS girl.)
The main point here is that the honeymoon period has a way of inflating where the bar was set so it’s important not to be fooled by it.
Why The Honeymoon Period Will ALWAYS End
“But what if the honeymoon period doesn’t end?”
It will.
It’s inevitable.
Let me give you an example. When you are driving around in the car and listening to the radio what do you do when you hear an amazing song for the first time?
I’ll tell you what I do.
I immediately memorize a few lyrics to the song and send a text message to myself so I can look it up later and buy it. Once I have bought the song I listen to it about 50 times over and over again. This is a bit of an issue because after you listen to a song that much it kind of loses its appeal after a while.
The same principle applies here.
It’s impossible for a human to have a continuous emotional high for so long without adapting to it. Eventually we all adapt and make the “emotional high” normal. Sure, some honeymoon periods last longer than others but the end result always seems to be the same, it ends.
Now, just because the honeymoon period is over doesn’t mean the relationship is over. It just means that your ex boyfriends initial view of the relationship he is currently in may go down a little bit.
For example, that 9 he experienced during the honeymoon period may turn into a 7 or an 8.
Real Life Examples Of GIGS (Ex Boyfriends)
(Learn how to get your ex boyfriend back.)
I actually have two real life examples that I can tell you of how the grass is greener syndrome works.
I am going to give you an example of a woman who I communicated with on this site who ended up getting her ex boyfriend back after he got GIGS. In other words, I am going to give you an example of a case where the grass was not greener on the other site.
In addition to that I am going to be giving you an example of a case where the grass WAS greener on the other side by talking about the mindset of someone I know who met his future wife after a case of the GIGS.
I suppose we can start with what you really want to hear.
An Example Of The Time The Grass WASN’T Greener
A girl gets dressed up one night to go to a big party because she knows HE was going to be there.
Who was he?
His name was Brad.
So, the girl goes to the party and “casually” runs in to Brad. Something was different about her though. Brad was noticing her in a different light. Before she was just one of his “friends” but the way she looked tonight, she was much more than a friend.
They spent the entire night together swapping stories, philosophies and dreams. By the time the party was over at 2am the two were still talking. From that moment on they were inseparable. Not an hour went by where they didn’t text each other and not a day went by where they didn’t see each other.
As I am sure you have already predicated Brad and the girl ended up dating.
Their relationship was actually quite good.
They dated for a total of 2 years and didn’t have too many problems. Sure, there were fights here and there but generally speaking everything was great most of the time. One day Brad had a strange epiphany.
Actually, it turned out to be the day before his 30th birthday. You see, his parents kept urging him to marry the girl and as time went on he kept finding excuses not to man up and propose. With his upcoming birthday he started to have a thought,
“You know, I should probably get married. But I haven’t been out there really looking… I have been in a relationship all this time and I just think I can do better than (the girl.)”
Essentially Brad decided that he could do better than the girl he was currently dating.
So, he decided to break up with her so he could start his search for his future wife.
Little did he know that the girl (who asked me to remain anonymous) was waiting to be his future wife all along. So, when Brad tells her that he doesn’t think that shes,
“Wife material..”
That’s when she stumbles across Ex Boyfriend Recovery and starts reading my articles. Eventually she works up the courage to email me (back when I was answering 100% of them and not getting overwhelmed.) She told me her story and I point out that she was a very good girlfriend to this guy and eventually he is going to realize his mistake.
I suggest that she implement a no contact period and “move on without moving on.”
She does her best to abide by my advice but ends up devastated when she logs on to Facebook one morning and notices that he is in a relationship with another girl.
Again, she comes back to me begging for me to tell her what to do.
“Stay in NC and keep on focusing on yourself.”
What I was hoping was that this girl had set the bar so high in her relationship with her ex that this other girl couldn’t compare when the honeymoon period did end up wearing off.
I was right!
Brad and his new girlfriend eventually started fighting and broke up after 6 months together.
Brad was starting to realize that the grass wasn’t as green as he thought.
So, in typical man fashion what does he do?
He decides to crawl back to the ex who set the standard for his relationships.
There was just one problem.
In all my speeches to the girl about,
“Moving on without moving on.”
It turned out that the girl had actually moved on. She forgot the “without moving on” part. By the time Brad had crawled back to her she had already found someone else and was happy in her relationship with him. In other words, it was too late for Brad.
The grass wasn’t greener.
Key Takeaways From The Story
- Setting the standard/ bar for relationships for an ex is essential for making the grass not be greener.
- Sometimes an ex going on the rebound can be a good thing especially if you are the best girlfriend he ever had.
- Moving on without moving on can be an important part of the process.
An Example Of A Time That The Grass WAS Greener
This is a very personal story to me because I actually know this person and haven’t just communicated with them via email.
Someone I know really well was in a relationship with a girl for just under a year (like a month shy.) The relationship was pretty intense. At the beginning of the relationship with the honeymoon phase everything seemed to be pretty great. There were no fights and everything was going along very nicely.
The issues started occurring when the honeymoon period was over and my acquaintance began to notice that his girlfriend was a bit of a flirt. Well, quite honestly “a flirt” is putting it nicely. Turns out that this girl was constantly hanging out with other guys.
(Quick Sidenote: If a guy ever tells you that he is ok with you hanging out with other guys one on one then that means one of two things. The first could be that, that guy is a liar because no guy in his right mind is going to be ok with that. We are very protective and territorial ladies. Make sure you remember that. The second could be that, that guy doesn’t care about you very much because like I said, we are territorial and if he stopped caring about your “hang out” habits then that must mean he doesn’t care about you very much.)
Her indiscretion with the other men in her life began to drive a wedge between the relationship her and her boyfriend (my acquaintance) had built.
Now, most guys probably would assume that this girl was cheating on them due to how many guys she was “flirting with” and who knows, she probably had some feelings for some of these other men. However, my friend is not the type of person to just give up on a relationship. For whatever reason he saw potential in it so he stuck by her side.
As time went on they had fight after fight.
Pretty soon her flirty nature had driven him to the point where he had a hard time trusting her at all which of course led to more fights and made him very resentful.
This went on for almost a year until one day my friend had enough and found the courage to end it. He believed in his heart that he deserved better.
He was always the one that had to carry their relationship. Always the one to set up dates, initiate things and progress things forward. He felt like he put in all the effort but was never reciprocated.
If we could take a sample of the scale in his head this girl he dated would probably be a 2 or a 3 out of 10 which means that just about any girl he would date after that is going to seem better.
Here’s the thing though.
My friend takes relationships very seriously and was left very deeply hurt at how much he felt he wasted his time with this 2. So, rather than getting right back on the horse and potentially dating a rebound girl he took his time. He focused on healing and thought a lot about what he wanted in a future relationship.
He wasn’t going to make the same mistake by dating a girl that could wrong him the same way that this one did.
In other words, he made it his mission to find that “greener grass.”
He eventually did by the way.
Of course, it took him a total of 4 years.
Do you realize how rare that is?
Someone who is willing to wait that long. Who is willing to take every day to look inwards to find out what they really want out of a relationship. But perhaps most impressive of all is the ability to have the strength to say no to women that couldn’t make the cut.
Someone who refuses to settle.
A little confused?
Let me make it super easy for you to understand.
Essentially what my acquaintance is doing is that he is making sure that the next person he dates is going to be super high quality. Someone who is going to set the bar so high that no one can ever compare.
It took him 4 years but he finally found that woman.
As it turns out, that woman ended up being his future wife.
He had spent so much time thinking about what he really wanted in a relationship that he knew exactly what to look for when he was “vetting” women. Eventually he got so could at vetting women that the girl that was strong enough to make the cut was predestined to be his wife.
So, if you were wondering about a case where the grass is greener on the other side this would be it.
Someone who had such a bad experience in a relationship that they make it their mission to find the greener grass.
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Recap
- If the bar is set low in a relationship it is possible that an ex boyfriend can find someone else who can easily beat the mark.
- Someone who doesn’t go on the rebound is more likely to find greener grass.
- Someone who moves on completely after a relationship and actively searches for greener grass will probably find that greener grass.
Would you like to take a guess at who my “acquaintance” is?
I’ll tell you what.
The first person who can guess correctly in the comments will get my E-Book for free.
Ashley
August 24, 2024 at 7:24 am
Your husband
Louise
May 26, 2022 at 12:53 pm
My boyfriend dumped me saying he loves me, he’s never met anyone like me who cared so much for him but he keeps thinking about other women and if we stay together he’ll act on it and cheat. It’s been 3 weeks, he kept messaging me for 2 weeks, telling me he misses me tons, it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done to leave me. That he still loves me and reaches out for me still in bed at night, but I’m not there. I struggled with the continuing contact and told him to leave me alone. He’s now blocked me. It’s so hard to accept it’s over and I keep expecting him to realise his mistake and come back to me
Sue
September 19, 2020 at 3:17 pm
My ex went from partner to partner till he met me .we dated for 18 months then dumped me saying I was jealous ,I then found out he had been posting near naked pics of himself o groups on facebook ,I sent him the pics and he blocked me on everything,I am heartbroken and he always said I was the only one he wanted to settle down with
Amber
April 28, 2020 at 7:34 pm
My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago to pursue a relationship with his high school sweetheart who he dated for 3 years between the ages of 15 and 18. For some background, it turns out he had never gotten over her and couldn’t stop thinking about her even though it had been 5 and a half years since he had broken up with her (he had enlisted in the military and began talking to other girls once he and his then girlfriend were several states away). He had tried to get back together with her about a year after he broke up with her, but she turned him down because she started dating someone new. He claims he has always felt that he is meant to be with her and that no one in the world makes him feel the way she does. Her and the other guy broke up about 5 months ago and my now ex began to feel like he needed to seize the opportunity to be with her again now that she was finally single after all these years. He and I had an amazing relationship for 2 and a half years and were very much in love. He had even taken me engagement ring shopping, but then ended things about a week after that despite having a fully drawn out plan to propose because he felt what we had was amazing but not what was meant to be forever. We still lived together for the first 3 weeks following the breakup, so of course I made all of the mistakes of begging and fighting and even still sleeping with him a few times. Now, we haven’t even spoken in two weeks (neither one of us has tried to reach out to the other) and the last interaction we had in person was him saying ” I’ll see ya ” as he was leaving to go hangout with her. They are not an official couple right this second, but they are hanging out and hooking up and he says he’s happy and sure of his decision and that she’s all he wants. Meanwhile, I’m left heartbroken and confused as to how the man I thought I’d spend my life with could now be riding off into the sunset with another woman. I was so caught off guard when he told me he was still in love with his other ex. There were never any warning signs…
Danyaile
June 14, 2019 at 9:00 pm
I think the acquaintance was you Chris, lol!
Rai
January 4, 2019 at 4:24 pm
My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years but the last 6 months (at least) we were fighting a lot…. About stupid stuff until finally he left. I did a brief period of no contact and then we chatted whe he asked to come get some things he left. He said he’s not ready to jump back in. I understood. Then the holidays came and we saw eachother at a party. We hung out all night, then spent Christmas eve, into Christmas morning together. Same with New Years. On new years day he tells me a big part of him thinks I’m the one and we will be together but he still needs time. He is on a dating app and actively pursuing dates. I assume his time means looking for someone better and he didn’t deny this fact. He wants to make sure the decision to get back together is the right one. He also thinks I need more time to work on myself although he admitted seeing positive changes already. My question is should I back off and do no contact or should I remain in contact and keep building our connection?
May
April 7, 2018 at 2:03 am
Help me Chris
Me and my bf has been broken up for 7 months and he is now dating with a new girl and it has been 6 mnths. He brings her to his home to meet with his parents.
What if it is not rebound anymore and it is serious? I love him so much and want him back so desperately and he is like ‘I don’t wanna meet with you these days and we can be just FRIENDS and I am so gutted. We have been dating for more than 14 yrs. so how can I forget him so easily and how can he love a girl in a month after our break up. He deleted some of my photos on his facebook and he went to a trip together with that girl. And that girl is like glued with him. I had implement NCR for about two months but it didn’t work so I started to text him and it was not so positive coz he was like saying ‘ stay away from me’ politely. what should I do chris?? help mmeeeee
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 2:42 am
She will not have anything on your 14 year relationship with him. How long have they been dating?
Audrina
January 26, 2018 at 12:14 am
I know but with her being 20 and I’m 28 with a child and the way things ended, what’s your intake on this? I don’t know what could’ve went so wrong for him to have possibly met this girl while with me and to move on with her 4 days after our break up and still be with her now 5 months later. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know about me cause no girl in her right mind would be with someone immediately after a 3 year relationship. Chris says in a article both parties will feel the break up, yet my ex seems to not care at all for him to move on the way he did. His mom told me (before he forced her to blocked me) that he is still immature and asks herself too if he had any feelings at all for him to do that. He cried to her about me when she didn’t approve of me in the beginning (3 years ago) then she gave me a chance and we hit it off, to now I’m close to her since she’s not like her son to cut me off like that. Why am I still hurting? This is bugging me he found someone better.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2018 at 11:29 am
There are girls who will still be in a relationship, despite knowing your kind of situation. Even if he got into a relationship, it doesn’t mean he wasn’t hurting, the relationship might have even helped him lessen the hurt but the longer that relationship lasts, the less it becomes a rebound. As for you, that’s normal, you’re human and frankly, it can also be because you haven’t met a new guy or a an activity that makes you happier than you did with him.
Audrina
January 24, 2018 at 4:19 am
Hi Amor, after snooping I found my exs girlfriends instagram page. I wanted to confirm whether he cheated on me or met someone while still being with me. I went as far back to when they first went out and it said August 24th. That was 4 days after he broke up with me. Then I see they went to LA together (we are from SF) for Halloween and are doing so much activities together. I cannot believe he told me he wanted to “focus on school” “not interested in being with another person” which made our whole break up extremely messy cause I felt something was off. And when I did NC for 30 days he was responding positive and even going far to invite me over his house and how he missed when we were intimate together. Yet the whole time he’s with this other girl. I cannot understand how fast he was able to move on after 3 years together. She’s 20, he’s 22, and I’m 28. Yes I know there’s an age factor but it wasn’t never an issue before. I don’t know why I’m still feeling hurt when I thought I moved on and to see he’s still with this girl 5 months later. Then the situation with his mother she wants him to be happy but she misses me too.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2018 at 8:56 pm
well, you’re ages are not that far off from each other..
Audrina
January 23, 2018 at 9:42 pm
Amor, I have a problem. I sent you a message yesterday about the dinner with my exes mom how it went really well. Well I posted a photo of us on my private Instagram without giving it a second thought then I asked her if it was okay I post it. She replied as much as she would like me too she’s afraid someone might see it and both of us get in trouble with the ex. So I took it down after it was up for 2-3 hours. His mom ended up texting me later on saying why did I do this to her, thanks to me she got in trouble :(, so I texted her back explaining if she’s talking about the photo I took it down immediately. I noticed I was blocked. Not sure if my ex was with her and made her block me or she did on her own. I feel terrible for her thinking I purposely wanted her son to be upset at her. The only way for my ex to have found out about the photo is if his best friend who follows me on social media still, saw it and told him or screenshot it. My ex is the one who moved on to his GIGS girl so why would it matter if his mom wants to remain having a friendship with me? She even told me herself she wants her son to be happy but she loved me too.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2018 at 3:54 am
Because it looks like you’re trying to get close with his mom to get her on your side.. That means you either move on or do a last nc of at least 45 days..
Audrina M
January 22, 2018 at 8:25 pm
Hi Amor,
I told you yesterday I was meeting with my exs mom for dinner and to give me back my things he couldn’t do himself (she didn’t bring it she wants more time to look for it) and we had a great conversation. I took your advice to look my very best and she noticed. She complimented me multiple times. I wasn’t sure whether our dinner was a closure thing or she still wanted to have a relationship with me despite her son moving on to his GIGS either immediately or within a month after our break up (still together 5 months later). She said she actually had a tough time because she wants her son to be happy but she says she had a great relationship with me. She even spoke to her mom about me saying I don’t like her….I love her. She and I plan to hang out possibly at a concert or grab dinner again soon, but she’s afraid if her son finds out he will be angry and tell her to stop talking to me or text me an angry text to leave her alone. Yesterday she told me he saw his mom got a text from me and he gave her a look & asked what are we talking about so she quickly had to think fast and say it’s because he still has my stuff. Then he let it go. Ever since we broke up, my ex has been extremely cold and acted like I was the one cheating on him when he probably did with me considering how fast he went with this girl. But when we were in the texting phase (I didn’t know he was with the girl around this time) he was positive texting me first here and there making it seem like nothing has changed that he’s stressed with school was flirty and wanted to see pics of me, the cats (he loves them), etc and then proceeded to block me for good out of nowhere. I thought I moved on afterwards but after seeing photos of this girl I’m back at feeling hurt. We had an ugly ugly break up and month before the break up but even his mom says she doesn’t understand how quick he was to move on considering how he cried & begged to her about me 3 years ago when she didn’t approve of me dating him (I’m 6 years older) to now he doesn’t mention a thing to her about our break up or acknowledge it. I hate to say I do still care about him and I’m mad at myself for letting my emotions get the best of me during the dinner and I cried. She can tell I was still hurting but I did my best to show I’ve improved myself too.
JoyH
December 17, 2017 at 1:49 am
I started building for a week then he started getting more distance and stopped responding. So I left him for a week and the fact that he has to devote all his time to his new girlfriend because he’s that type of guy.
Joy
December 17, 2017 at 1:43 am
I started building for a week then he started getting more distance and stopped responding. So I left him for a week and the fact that he has to devote all his time to his new girlfriend because he’s that type of guy.
Joy
December 11, 2017 at 9:14 am
I had finished 30 days no contact and started talking to him recently and found he had started dating someone else after 2 1/2 months of the breakup who completely not his type. I had started messaging him and he had responded positively. He even went on big tangents once I got him talking about subject he was passionate about and he even said that if I message him back that he won’t reply straight away because he was at band practice I found that interesting. But then after that he just starting replying all neutral. So just left him for a few days but I did go to his gig which was upcoming and saw him & new girlfriend which was interesting I think he was surprised he didn’t talk to me at all. I was positive the whole time and smiling and laughing. After that I leave a few days and then start talking to him again and It was just I found something exciting text he responded with what I replied after a few hours and he hasn’t gotten back to me he’s just looked at it. He has also never initiated contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2017 at 5:11 pm
How long have you been building rapport?
Allison
December 1, 2017 at 3:50 am
I definitely feel like I have improved myself since the break. I’ve gained a lot of my independence back, have made some new friends, and overall feel like I’ve gained a lot of self-confidence. I know that I would be ok without him, but I still find myself in love with him and wanting him back. I’ve only posted once since the breakup (my previous post).
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 4, 2017 at 4:37 am
That’s normal that you would still feel that.. The more important thing is if you’ve improved, have been active in posting and more rational before initiating contact to slowly build rapport.. Check this one:
EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Allison
November 26, 2017 at 2:57 am
I couldnt really find an article that completely matches my situtation, but this was the closest one I think so here it goes. My ex and I broke up about 6 weeks ago after being together for 2 years. We are both pretty young, second years in college. His reasoning was that there was nothing wrong about our relationship, he still loves and cares for me deeply, but if we continued to marriage he would always be left wondering if there was something else out there. I am his very first relationship, so basically he is afraid that if we ended up getting married, he’d always be left with doubt because he never dated anyone else. He said there was nothing missing from our relationship or anything wrong, he just didn’t want to live with the doubt. His mother had the same feelings/doubts with his dad, so I think that encouraged this decision to break up. I tried no contact (sort of), it was 2 weeks of no contact then we had to see each other because of a mutal commitment. We then had 2 more weeks of no contact and then we’ve started talking and seeing each other again. The no contact period definitely made him realize how much he loved me and missed me, but its no contact alone is not enough to get him over his fears/doubt. Every time we’ve seen each other has been amazing. We’ve talked for hours on end and it seems like old times. We are still very attracted to each other. We accidently gave in and hooked up twice. We both agreed we should stop and we haven’t done it again since. We both genuinely want to be each other’s friends; we’ve both expressed that we can’t imagine not being in each other’s lives. Being apart has been hard on both of us, we’ve ended up crying in each others arms over it several times.
I’m just very frustrated at this point. I love this man dearly and all I want is for us to be back together. It makes it harder on me to know that he wants to be with me too. Literally nothing was wrong between us. We can openly communicate with each other, we have chemistry, have the same ideas for what we want in the future, we had the support of our family and friends, and we both still love each other. We also rarely fought and if we did we were never angry for more than a day, we’ve always been able to talk things out. He has even told me after the breakup that he doesn’t think that he could never stop loving me. The only thing that is preventing us from being together is his fear/doubt.
He has told me that there is a girl he is interested that he might pursue, but has not asked her out or anything yet. My hope is that he’ll date her and realize his mistake. Should I give up all hope, or do you think that there’s a chance he’ll come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2017 at 1:50 am
HI Allison,
how much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting during nc and now?
diamond
November 24, 2017 at 12:25 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me months ago. He said different reasons why but I know that he has feelings for his officemate. They’re friends for almost two years. He started texting her after we broke up. I begged and pleaded for almost two months. I’m just starting NC and now on my 2nd week. I don’t know what will happen. Can you please give some advice on what to do
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2017 at 4:48 pm
Hi Diamond,
Be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media, do at least 30 days nc..
stephanie
November 18, 2017 at 10:48 pm
My boyfriend of 8 years just broke up with me. We were our first for everything, started dating right after high school. We have traveled together many times, we a lot in common, and we never really had fights. We did have disagreements from time to time on stupid things like what to eat or what to watch on Netflix, but that was really it.
His excuse for breaking up with me was because he wanted to “experience things in life” and meet new people since being in a relationship is holding him back. He also mentioned that he has been thinking about it for the past year and he feels that he’s unhappy. Throughout our conversation, the reason as to why he was leaving kept changing from one to another. Im not sure if he has GIGS, but in the past it has been brought up that he feels that i deserve better and he has this MO of that i can do as i please, travel and have fun since he doesn’t want to hold me back on anything. I feel like the deeper reason to why he broke up with me is because he isn’t exactly where he wants to be in life right now and that he’s using something else as an excuse. Or, I could be completely wrong.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2017 at 3:39 pm
Hi Stephanie,
Yeah, it looks like gigs
Khiloud
October 18, 2017 at 3:05 pm
He is about 21-22 years old and I’m in my 23 and he dumb me for another girl in her 15 years old that was horrible he lie about me and I kept trying to get him back by the time he tell me that he heat me because my actions. But me And my best friend can’t find any thing special about the girl and it’s too young to be in a relationship like that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2017 at 8:57 pm
Hi Khiloud,
Let’s say there’s nothing better, what’s your plan?
Auna
August 29, 2017 at 10:49 pm
My boyfriend of almost two years left me two weeks ago claiming to not feel anything for me anymore and feeling things for a girl he lives with. She’s lived with the family for a while now and I just thought they thought of each other in a family way but obviously I was wrong. Honestly she’s liked my ex for the longest time but he didn’t start feeling things for her till recently. And she’s not really the best girlfriend, she’s had bad breakups in the past because of trust issues,parts of me want to fight for him because I believe he’ll come back. But I don’t want to keep hoping for someone who doesn’t love me.Should I try to get the love of my life back? Or should I just let things play out?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2017 at 1:20 pm
Hi Auna,
Try the nc rule at least 30 days, continue to move on at the end of it if you want, or initiate contact if you want to build rapport