The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

411 thoughts on “The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends”

maggiee

June 18, 2014 at 4:14 pm

Hey chris! I had previously written on your “101 Desperation- How to get your boyfriend back without looking desperate.” My comment was a long story allll the way at the bottom of the page now about the ex who broke up with me but then needed help and was trying to stay at my place cause of an issue with his parents.
Well I had implemented NC after he threatened to block me. Then he reached out to me about moving in. After we spoke to each other regarding him moving in, he did call back. But after a day after attempting to leave, even though he is old enough to do so his parents are very protective and overbearing they made it difficult so he went back the same day. He never made it to my house, which thinking about it now it probably was for the best even though he never thanked me for trying to help. So right after, I went back to NC.
As you recommended, I joined the gym and even signed up for a great nutrition club to try to gain healthy weight and get in better shape. I started hanging out with my friends more again, we go out to the movies,shopping, bowling and we have movie nights at each others houses. I put some pictures up on Instagram cause that’s where we are most active. Even though he doesn’t “follow me” to see my pictures, he hasn’t “unfollowed” ANY of my friends yet. So he sees the occasional pics and videos my friends put up at times.
Around 3 weeks ago, even though he unfriended me on FB, he messaged me at around 12:45 AM saying: “Hey. I need to talk to you but your number is still blocked.” ten minutes later he wrote “Nvm I got home.” I read the message and didn’t reply. I only assumed he needed a favor. I just went through with NC. I have felt better since, but I still think of him and at times wish things were different. Ironically on day 31 of NC he texted me saying “hey.” Some of my friends got mad and told me i better not answer. They said: how could i even allow him to think everything he did was okay by replying to him.
After almost an hour and a half of debating whether to answer I gave in and wrote back. He asked how I was and what not. But it gets odd and confusing, and makes a bit discouraged. He wrote: “I wanted to ask you whats your POV of me? Like how do you feel about me?” I asked him why did he want to know now? And he said he was thinking he wanted to see me and he was just curious. I pretty much said if he was wondering if i hated him, I did not and that i was just disappointed in the things I had to find out. So he asked “oh so it wouldn’t be a good time to talk?” After He said he wanted to see me and offered to pick me up and everything. The next day after thinking, I agreed to meet him. But then he said he wanted me to go over his house and watch movies, in which i said no to cause as you can imagine the first thing that would come to anybody’s mind: BOOTY CALL. I didn’t tell him like that, I just told him it would feel uncomfortable. The rest of the texting went something like this:

Me: I will have to say no to that, cause I wouldn’t feel too comfortable.
HIM: Why? It’s me and it’s nothing new
HIM: Damn, i want you to come
ME: I know, but a lot has happened and I would feel weird. I thought we could meet at a neutral place
HIM: Hey, nah its cool. Maybe next time
ME: (feeling snide cause i thought he wanted me as a booty call) yeah, sorry for ruining your plans but I figured. It’s okay, though
HIM: Its not that. I thought you would feel uncomfortable and stuff. How about the park by my house?
ME: (After a while my mood had shifted) I thought you had suggested more to like go out and get coffee. Besides, it’s getting late and it’s been raining all day to go to the park so its okay. No biggie
HIM: Alright

I wanted to ask him to be honest as to why he actually wanted to see me but something held me back. I just left it alone and we haven’t talked since which was last week wednesday. He went on a vacation trip with his family four days later and he’s currently out of town.
It’s sad to think I may have just been as a hopeful booty call for him. But one of my friends said it may be so but not to jump to conclusions, while the other ones are hammering it in my head he just wants me for sex as he asked me to meet him at his house, but then he offered to go to a park. Regardless, idk if i should try contacting him again later on or wait for him to maybe contact me again if he even does. Or if I should forget it as may have wanted to just use me and I definitely don’t want that… idk what to do but I’m back in NC again for now

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:02 pm

How long do you plan on doing NC this time?
Maggie

June 21, 2014 at 7:47 pm

I am not sure as I had already completed the 30 day NC, then my ex fb texted me with what I mentioned previously and I’m not sure what to think of it. So i don’t exactly know how long I should wait to contact him.. What would you recommend?
I purchased ex boyfriend recovery pro and read allll the pages as soon as I downloaded it btw. 🙂 I would like to implement all you’ve advised in the book but idk now how long to wait when it comes to contacting him..
admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:36 pm

Well, first things first. Gameplan and figure out what you are going to say.
Maggie

June 23, 2014 at 1:06 am

Ok, awesome. Once I have planned out what I’m going to say, how long do you think I should wait before I initiate contact?
Maggie

June 24, 2014 at 3:05 pm

Btw, thank you very much for taking the time to read my loooong situation and also answering. I truly appreciate it 🙂

help!!!

June 18, 2014 at 12:49 pm

Hey Chris,
So my ex and I dated for three years and it was great and then he broke up with me. Its been about 8 months and I’m somewhat convinced that he has moved on to another girl. First of all, Yes I went through no contact for maybe 2months but when my ex and I break its sorta like when we break we just don’t talk to each other. Anyway, back to the other girl.. This girl has the same name as me..yup and not to be a creeper but sometimes I look at his twitter page and he always retweets song lyrics involving a girl but I don’t know who it could be about. A few months ago one of my previous friends asked him and said “do you like katie” (<made up name), and he said no I never did. Im also really afraid to reach out to him in fear of rejection. If you rewind all the way back to the first month of the break up, I tried to reach out to him and it just ended with him not answering. Do you if they do go out, there will still be a chance of me and him? or should i move on.. Do you think I'm just being paranoid or pathetic?

admin

June 18, 2014 at 2:10 pm

What makes you convinced he moved on to another girl? Do you know for sure?
help!!!

June 20, 2014 at 9:11 pm

Well No, its not like he is open about it say ” Yes i Like her ” but just the things he say.. here are some examples…(these are country music tweets he retweeted)
“ill see you when i see you, and i hope its someday soon.”
“I’m ten times crazier about you”
“i can’t close my eyes without you in my dreams”
” i told you i was happy for you, and given the chance id lie again”

Don’t you think if these things were about me he would make an effort to talk to me? IDK maybe you can decode him because i certainly can’t… please help he’s so hot/cold

col

June 18, 2014 at 8:50 am

Hi chris
I have been going through all your articles and followed them as best I can. This one has interested me as im thinking my ex has either had midlife crisis or its gigs. He left me and our 3kids with planned baby 4 due soon, for a girl 15yrs younger, he stayed in our home for(after I found out)2months before moving in to a flat with her and its been 2 and a half months they have lived together. we honestly had no issues I did everything for him and hardly argued. But what I am worried about is he only sees kids once a week for 4hours and when I told him I had started contractions he said I had an attitude. He also doesnt want to be at birth of new baby and hasnt phoned or txt anyone to find out if baby has been born (hes not as labour pains stopped). He is also isolated as none of his family have taken his side all on mine. How long roughly before this mess he has causwd will blow up in his face? Also he seems to be getting into debt as he is still paying mortgage for our home as well as his share of rent for the flat and everything else he has taken out a visa etc not sure if this girl is supporting him financially but think she is…..we were never in debt. Does this sound like gigs and do they come back to earth when they eventually see what they have given up?

admin

June 18, 2014 at 2:09 pm

WOW… no offense but your ex is a total idiot.

That’s horrible that he up and left like that.

He is most definitely going to regret that.
col

June 18, 2014 at 6:12 pm

Complete idiot……I know people might think after 3 kids I let myself go but I didnt and even being 9months pregnant ive still not let myself go, in fact people I work with most didnt even know I was pregnant till 2weeks ago. Im confused by his behaviour ive let him contact me ive not contacted him ive stayed positive. Also our house we put offer in just before he started seeing her and he still signed to buy it after I found out about them, it was our dream home…..this 25yr old also was meant to be moving to another country at end of june now she isnt going……he is a sun worshipper and liked to sit outside in garden after work now he is in a flat with no gardens etc, he also loved spending time with kids now has to be away for her after only 4hours with them……….its like he is living in a complete fantasy world…….I just would love to work out how long this fantasy infatuation gigs actually lasts before reality sets in? I dont know if I would take him back but would like to be the one to make the decision.
admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:20 pm

And your 9 month spregnant?

How is that possible for them not to even notice????
col

June 21, 2014 at 4:42 am

Through stress I lost so much weight and bump is tiny not a good thing.
Yesterday I was given bad news about unborn baby that hes not moving stopped growing and they are thinking about an emergency c section as its not safe. I have been left devastated…….
What is your view on this my ex contacted me to ask me for help yesterday as he is suffering very bad hayfever (im medically qualified) and has contacted me a few times and just had basic chitchat…….when I got bad news yesterday his father phoned him his reaction “I dont want to contact her because she will get wrong idea” this isnt about me its about an unborn baby who might not survive, he still wont be at hospital he says……now surely id get wrong idea with him contacting me about helping him or other times hes contacted me? Its like he says one thing to his father but next minute he messages me? I dont get that? Is this some how him trying to save face with everyone but testing me to see if im an option? Im so confused and angry by his behaviour
The man I knew would never be like this, right now I need him and he would prefer to stay with this silly little girl than man up aand be there for his baby………
Im hoping for kids sakes the fact there is such a huge age gap they have moved so fast his financial worries and now pressure of whats happening with baby will end this fantasy world he lives in surely honeymoon phase has to end with all this baggage? The kids need their dad just now

katy

June 18, 2014 at 4:40 am

Hi Chris.

Thank you so much for all the work you do. I wouldn’t have survived my break up if you didn’t give me hope.

Me an my ex were together for 10years.
we had our ups and downs, bad towards the end.
he and the girlfriend of our friend decide they are inlove.
they lie to me and our friend (her ex) and lead both of us on.
Before i started NC he was flirting with me and telling me he loves me etc.

Just finished NC did about four weeks.
Called him at work (he has no mobile) and all was fine. he didn’t say much, just asked if i was ok and that he misses his friend (me). I asked if we could hang out at some point and weather or not there was anything stopping that from happening. He said of course we can hang out soon and no nothing is in the way.At the end of the call he asks if he can call me and says that he loves me and always will.

Anyway sorry for the long post.
My question is, do you have any tips on how i could get him to want to hang out and do i have a chance of getting back with him?

If i don’t, I at lest don’t want to loose him as a friend. I see him as family an i want whats best for him. If he believes he’s happy i can except that but i would be heart broken (even more) if he wasn’t apart of my life.

admin

June 18, 2014 at 1:54 pm

OMG that sounds horrible….

Honestly, I think the best thing to do is to prime him through texting.
katy

June 19, 2014 at 2:14 am

He doesn’t have a mobile though. Only way to get hold of him is on the phone at work. I know it’s not ideal but I don’t think he minds.

Should i wait a week to see if he calls me? Or should I just give him a call?

nadine

June 17, 2014 at 7:52 pm

Is that person you?

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:44 pm

Correct!

But you weren’t the first…

Terence

June 17, 2014 at 11:02 am

Given you have such enormous insight into relationships– and all the more remarkable for being a man so young, I imagine that this “acquaintance” must be you !

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:44 pm

It is! Unfortunately you werent the first to guess correctly.

Mary

June 17, 2014 at 4:06 am

Hey Chris I followed most of your advices and Worked really well, We met a couple of times, the lást one was pretty fun, we played pool, and we has a little Physical contact, I asked for another meet up, We agreed to take some drinks, but he blew me off with a lame excuse about not having cash, he apollogized but He did not call, I was the one who called him to confirm the “meet up” ( I guess that the soccer’s world cup has a lot to do with that excuse) Should I try to see him again? What happend there? I dont want to make fake hopes.

thank You again 🙂

Excuse my english.

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:44 pm

Do you want to see him again?
Mary

June 18, 2014 at 8:31 pm

Thank You for your answer!!! I am not sure, all This work for nothing, he is no job right now, so his excuse should be true, on the other side, he should have called, man! he was a dush bag. What do u think?

U know Chris, I think that I never had second shot With him, I guess It not worth it, but thank You for your advices.

Hugs.

Lindsay

June 17, 2014 at 2:52 am

I’m hoping that the person who found greener grass was you!

Sure is a hopeful story for my situation, where I’m debating on blocking my ex and using NC to finally move on to what I deserve!

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:43 pm

It is… Unfortunately you weren’t the first person to guess correctly.

Anonymous

June 17, 2014 at 2:35 am

It’s YOU!

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:43 pm

It is but you were a little late sorry :/

Amy

June 16, 2014 at 11:42 pm

That person is you Chris! “

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:43 pm

Amy… YOU WIN!!!!

message me at [email protected] to claim your prize!
Amy

June 18, 2014 at 1:00 am

Omg omg omg omgggggggggggggg!!!! I sent you the email but with another email account. Thank you so much Chris!!
admin

June 18, 2014 at 1:28 pm

Just sent you an email!

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411 thoughts on “The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends”