How To Get Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

494 thoughts on “Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart”

Alesha

April 9, 2014 at 10:52 pm

I really am stuck in between a rock and a hard place! Me and my ex have been broken up for 4+ years and recently out of no where we have started talking again online. It’s nothing flirty how we chat, pretty friendly convos but what sucks is we can’t talk that often because he works and goes to college so he has a pretty busy schedule and just never get time to sit online and chat. Truth is I really do want him back and have been wondering what his intentions are because I don’t know if we’re just friends or if he want to give us a second chance again. We didn’t date but 6+ months (less then a year) and the only reason we broke up was because he made a mistake and came clean about it right away and he knew he hurt me and couldn’t continue knowing my trust and feelings were hurt. It was a painful breakup, we both were crying, it wasn’t what we really wanted but knew it was for the best. Other then that the relationship was true love and weren’t any problems. We both trusted and respected each other. But anyways we have gone years with no contact but now he’s back and I don’t want to let him go again without a second chance. I haven’t heard from him but there’s times where he just gets too busy, and I understand and can work around it but feel like he’ll never talk again and forget about me. I want to let him know I want to give us another chance and if he doesn’t I can be just friends but I would like to know how he feels. I know I should just ask but I hate being rejected from him and I’m tired of crying and I don’t want to blow a good friendship with a great guy. I’ve never met anyone like him before. Driving myself crazy and i’m trying tojust let things grow naturally but I don’t want to lose out, after so many years, besides time and a little distance, everything feels right between us. Both single, both have our own lifes. What should I do? What am I doing wrong? What more can I do now?

mel

June 9, 2014 at 12:09 pm

Hi Alesha,
Really a tough thing,i know how hard both of u tried…but pls dnt stop believing and praying that things has its time…Love has its ways … just msg him offline as long he knows in the end someone cares rather than neglecting that ur heart wanted to care,dont stop till he will be the one saying to STOP… Time maybe so cruel for both of u today but everything change in this world…keep the faith and just which u think was right that can make u happy..

Niomi

April 6, 2014 at 2:03 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been broken up for about 6 months and I have contacted him alot and be contacted me once on his own out of the blue.. most of the time he sends annoyed by me I don’t know what to do I’ve wanted him back since we broke up can I still do the no contact rule or is it too late..since the break up he has talked to another girl and fell in love with her and said he never loved me what should I do?

Jerica

May 12, 2014 at 3:32 pm

I have been with my ex for a year and we broke up for a silly reason, its been about 2 weeks. We both made mistakes in the relationship, in which my ex will not take responsibility for. He broke up with me and I want him back so bad. I’m attached not only to him but his family and its so sad me to me because I know we are meant. I haven’t tried the no contact rule because I get extremely depressed when I don’t have the possibility to talk to him. I am currently staying at his house for work but we don’t sleep in the same bed. Initially he wouldn’t talk to me at all but now he talks and laughs with me but at a friendly distance. Do you think I have a chance of getting him back?

Kirsten

April 5, 2014 at 10:18 am

Hi there!
I am about to try this but is there any alternative text other than the one mentioned above? Coz i don’t want myself to seem desperate or needy?
Alyssa

April 3, 2014 at 8:54 pm

So it’s been a year and thanks to your help I care less and less whether or not I get him back as a boyfriend! 😀 but because he was such an important part of my life, I’d hate to see that go to waste forever. I’m in the middle of writing a message like the one above but I don’t want to say that he’s been on my mind lately before I ask how his life is going? Are there any alternatives?
Thanks!!

admin

April 4, 2014 at 5:12 pm

You don’t have to say he has been on your mind 🙂

Ana

March 28, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Hi Chris,

It is not yet a year apart but soon will be.
He’s in a serious relationship now (they are living together).
And the more I think and analyze, the more it looks he never took me seriously during those few months that we were close last year…

We work in the same small company and see each other almost every day. I try to behave classy and conceal what I feel (following your previous pieces of advice). But I don’t know how I should contact him. We see each other often because of work. I’m afraid, if I begin to sms him, there’ll be too much of me. Please help.

I’ve been working on improving myself. There are guys who obviously like me. There’s a guy who is courting me… But I still want to be with my ex.

admin

March 30, 2014 at 8:35 pm

If they are living together what makes you think you have a chance?

I am just curious?
Ana

March 31, 2014 at 1:13 am

I feel I can make him happier, his eyes shine again.
He doesn’t radiate happiness/content now…

And sometimes I get impression that he wants to talk to me but contains himself.
Ana

March 31, 2014 at 7:44 am

Anyway, I don’t want to give up until I’ve tried everything.

I don’t know that girl in person; but simply from appearance, she looks very plain compared to me. What brilliant mind, what wonderful personality should she have to make him commit! I hope he’ll get bored soon enough…
Vicky

April 1, 2014 at 2:15 pm

What you need to ask yourself, is what made you two split in the first place? I understand that he couldve quickly jumped ship to fill the void quickly and replace you.. Men do that much quicker than woman. But theres gotta be something that drove him to the point of actually “living” with her. That to me is a huge thing. Were you two living together? Will you be able to get over this relationship that he got into and all the suffering im sure you felt and went through?
Ana

April 2, 2014 at 4:41 am

That’s what I’ve been trying to grasp all this time: why he never suggested to move in together, never gave me any presents of value, almost never took me to parties with his friends, while that new girl of his gets all of this. I never insisted, though. Maybe I was a bit too clingy, but not all the time… The more I think, the more it looks like he just used me as a sex object.

He never told me the real reason for breakup but he said that it all had started in the wrong way. Maybe it really did start in the wrong way because when our affair started, I was married. But I don’t understand how the “start” can be more important than my personal qualities (many of which he said he liked) and more important than my feelings.

There’s a lot of pain, especially it’s painful to see him so often. I wish I could turn the tables. I am ready to forgive, ready to open my heart for him and start again.
Ana

April 5, 2014 at 8:47 pm

Chris, do you think there’s no chance for me? Damn, I won’t give up until I’ve tried everything. I just have to figure out what that “everything” is. I have nothing to lose, except for my job maybe…

Lily

March 27, 2014 at 6:06 pm

My bf and I have known each other for 7 years. I met him in 2007 on Valentines Day, I was 17, he was 18. He called me over and asked me to be his Valentine and I said yes! However I was with my family so I went to the movies the day after with him and he told me he was only visiting here from Texas and he was leaving the next day. I was bummed because I liked him and didn’t really want to enter into a long distance relationship because I had just gotten out of one.
He and I talked for 2 years and became really good friends, and in between these 2 years he came out here to visit but I never went to see him because I was pretty immature and just plain stupid.
We remained friends though, The third year he moved out here and lived with his sisters. He lived out here for 2 years and I never really saw him until the last day he was here, I had messaged him and he happened to be at the same mall that I was at so I went to talk to him. He was my best friend at this point and
we both told each other everything despite not hanging out too much in person, we were always there to give each other support and advice.
He moved back to Texas once again and this time we talked much more and the following August in 2012, he came here to visit again for his BDAY. He stayed out here for 2 weeks and we saw each other everyday, he asked me to be his GF and I said yes. He moved out here a month later. Once he got here we were so happy…We didn’t get to do too much because we didn’t have too much money and things were stressful, so after a while we began to argue over little trivial things. We stayed together for a year despite the little arguments and then we broke up last Oct. I used the NC rule for 2 months, and in Dec I contacted him and he desperately wanted to get back together. Everything was so much better, I felt like I got to know him more in the last 4 months than I did in the year I had been with him. In the last two months he began coming over to my house and he got along really well with my family. My family and I have done everything we could for him we have fed him and bought him things when he needed them and I’ve supported him and loved him and done everything I can to make him happy. I thought everything was really good,he talked about being together forever all the time. Then last Sunday out of the blue he said he’s moving to Texas again. I was absolutely crushed and shocked as I thought everything was fine. He leaves in one week and I don’t know what to do.
He said he loves me and cares about me but he feels lost and he needs to find himself. Then he said he wants to get married but he doesn’t see how that is possible, and that despite me doing everything I can make him happy something jut doesn’t feel right in our relationship. He also contradicts himself with everything he says.
I’m sorry this is so long. I just wanted to tell you everything so you know. He said he wants to be friends while he is in Texas now but he doesn’t want me to go with him or for us to be in a relationship still. I would remain his friend, but the last time he visited there in September when we were bf and gf he cut me off until he got back and I’m scared it’ll happen again, or cause more damage emotionally. He wants to see me and act as if we are bf and gf til next friday when he leaves, I don’t know if I should do this and then try to remain friends with him or just cut him off completely. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HELPPPPPP!
Alex

March 25, 2014 at 5:25 pm

Here is my situation..my ex and I have been broken up since about April of 2012. The reason we broke up was we were both fighting and unhappy with very busy schedules he wanted to take a step back and still be friends blah blah. Well that whole year of 2012 we hooked up here and there until January of 2013..then we went a whole year without talking. Although we did see each other everyday and we continue to because of our profession and graduate school. He dated a girl for a few months and I went my separate way to date a few guys as well. In December(last year 2013) he contacted me out of the blue with a picture of two shirts I had left over there. He insisted I picked them up so later that night after work I went over. One thing led to another and we hooked up. January came around and he texted me saying he was sorry he texted me late at night some times and would stop and didn’t think we should talk outside school. I left it at that and didn’t reply and just thought fine. About two weeks later he texted me again saying sorry and that he was irritable and didn’t mean it and that he thought it was odd we didn’t even say hi. I responded just with “we never say hi or said hi before what’s the difference?” Well that was in January and I ended up going over there about 3 times that month…same with February. Just last weekend all our co Workers went out for drinks and my friend drove me home. He texted me that night when he got home to see if I was okay and the next day we talked a lot and I ended up going over there again. Mind you back in December when we come in contact again for the first time in about a year he said “you don’t know how long I’ve wanted you to come over..I missed this blah blah” I continue to see him everyday of the week and I obviously still have feelings for him. I loved him but never told him. We were happy and have SO much in common both our interests and professional careers and personalities. I don’t know what to take from this or what to continue or not to continue to do. In my opinion after two years you should be over it and find another attraction. I have gotten over the heartbreak but he keeps coming back and HE is the one that contacts me first most of the time… This makes me feel like he still cares about me but is scared to say anything or I could be completely stupid and I’m the idiot that is simply a booty call…Help please.

admin

March 26, 2014 at 5:05 pm

Have you read my guide on exes using women?

confused

March 25, 2014 at 6:34 am

Hi Chris,

So me and my ex broke up about a year and a month now and we’ve been together for over 7 years. I did the no contact for over 30 days until last week when he texted me happy birthday and I texted him about 4 hours later thank you. But that was it. Then he texted me yesterday saying that he’s heard a rumor that I have a boyfriend which truthfully I don’t. I replied umm no then he texted me well congrats. Then I said that I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m single. I asked him where he heard the rumor but he changed the subject by replying back that he found my stuff and asked if I was gonna come back that night to pick it up. I told him that I’m busy and I have dinner plans. He asked with who and where. I told him who, which was with my coworkers. Then he asked again if I could go over that night to pick up my stuff. I kept insisting that I’d pick it up the next day because I have his stuff at home and I didn’t have it with me at the moment. But he kept asking if I would go over to pick up my stuff. So I ended up going over. When I got there I asked him where is my things. See I was thinking I left a few clothes and whatnot but when he gave me my things, the only things he handed me was two costume jewelry rings. I was surprised and asked him if that was it. Then he said yeah it was all he could find at the moment. So I said ok thanks lmk if you find anything else but I gotta go now. Then he kept asking me questions like he wanted to talk stories. He asked me how I was and if I have a boyfriend and what I’ve been up to. I answered with short answers and didn’t even ask him questions back. Then I kept insisting that I needed to go but he then asked me if i wanted to stay the night. I asked him why. All he could say was umm idk, I mean can you stay over?

Yeah I know bad part on me, I ended up staying the night. He would start to make moves on me and I pushed him away asking what he’s doing. Then he just kept putting his arms around me, hugging, kissing my cheeks and trying to kiss my lips.

I mean I do want him back but I don’t know how he feels. I don’t wanna invest in my own time trying to get him back so I just keep busy by working about 6 days a week with two jobs and working out at the gym. I found out by him that he’s gonna sign up at the same gym I work out and he knows where I workout.

My question now, is there even a possibility we’ll get back together? He goes out every weekend and hits on girls. I have friends that go out too and they see him so they tell me these things. I just don’t get that he goes out and meets these girls then he would run to me for comfort. Help please! What can I do?

admin

March 25, 2014 at 4:48 pm

There is a possibility sure. But what I want to ask you is do you see a happy future with him?
Cidnie

March 30, 2014 at 4:19 am

Hi Chris. Sorry for the late response. But yes I do see a happy future with him.

But here’s the thing. A part of me is ready to give up trying because of his actions and sometimes I feel like I’m his safety net. It’s like he doesn’t want that commitment so he can talk to other girls but yet keep me on the side when these girls won’t give him what he wants. I am thinking of giving him an ultimatum. It hasn’t been said yet. I kinna wanna tell him the next time he contacts me and wants to see me, that I just can’t take it anymore and that if he wants to see me and wants me to come over, then we gotta start slowly working things out again. Kinna like starting over and what not. But idk what to do. I’m confused. Can you help me? I see a happy future with him because the last time I seen him, we laughed, joked and it just felt like we’re back together then reality hits. It’s like when he hugs/cuddles with me, he misses it and he misses me. I can tell even though he doesn’t say it. But a part of me is saying if a guy misses you, he’ll tell you. So idk.

Tonya

March 18, 2014 at 5:54 am

Dear Chris,

My boyfriend of two years and I broke up about 9 months ago. As we were in the same social circle we remained “friendly” for a few months until I moved overseas for a year. He messaged me after 2 months of no contact asking how I was, etc.

We had gone through a difficult break up and at the time I expressed none of it to him…so when he got in contact again I (stupidly or not), made a point of telling him just how hurt and disrespected he made me feel at the time, saying I wasn’t sure if we could remain friends as a result.

He replied that he too was hurt, by some things I did in the aftermath of our break up. He was extremely angry for my hypocrisy, but said “if you ever feel ready to be friends again let me know, because I’d still like to believe I care, even thought I’m really annoyed right now”

It’s been 9 months since then with no contact and I am soon moving home again (where he lives).

I miss him, I love him as much as I ever did and I want him back.

Do you think the simple “text” would work in this situation? I never replied to his last message in June.

Do you have any advice for me? Do you think it’s too far gone? Anything would be appreciated
Melissa

March 10, 2014 at 6:26 pm

I’ve been spilt up with my ex for 2years now but every month he seems to get in contacted with me he came down to college,he’s texted me added me back on soical networks and when he comes to my house he’ll say he misses me and stuff but then the next day he doesn’t speak and says sorry he does mean it,saw him the other day at a night club and he was trying to make me jealous but it didn’t work then he ended up kissing me and saying he still cares but he hasn’t contacted me and we have spoken what should I think?

admin

March 11, 2014 at 4:33 pm

I think thats good. Just keep building that attraction.

Lauren

March 7, 2014 at 2:15 am

Actually I would like to update you. I decided to just be blunt and tell my ex from 10yrs ago that I liked him. He also said that he “definitely felt a connection and would definitely open to the idea of dating”. I, of course, took this as a good sign. It sounded like he liked me too, but was not as blunt as I was about it. I keep realizing though that he is definitely not the best at texting. I will go numerous hours without hearing from him. I am wondering if he is playing hard to get. It clearly sounds like he likes me, but if this is true wouldn’t he make a move to attempt to meet me half way, if that makes sense? I am just curious to hear your opinion on it.
Lauren

March 5, 2014 at 7:34 pm

Well I guess that all good things must come to an end. He did not text me yesterday and so far I have not heard from him today. I hate whenever I have a gut feeling about something and see all of the evidence of a positive situation, but only later see one small detail that makes me think it may not come through. I just don’t want him to lose interest in me because I am 2 hours away. I really really did think that he liked me or at least was interested, but just not hearing from him in over 24 hours makes me second guess myself.
Lauren Bailey

March 4, 2014 at 1:27 pm

I agree. 10 years is a very long time and according to him he has not had a girlfriend in at least over a year. I would think that with this much communication with me that he perhaps is interested since he has been alone for so long. I am the type of person to worry so his slow texting definitely makes me think, but he also is not really the type to be attached to his phone like most people. He kepy reaching out to me all of these years later. That is odd.

admin

March 4, 2014 at 7:07 pm

I think its a good sign to be honst.

Lauren

March 3, 2014 at 10:52 pm

Ok, I have a very unique situation. I dated a guy back in 7th grade (not really sure if that counts), and we had to break up because he had to move back to a different state. About 4yrs ago we reconnected and would text randomly asking how the other was doing. This went on for several years, but within the past 2 weeks he has texted me every single day. I am not the best at reading signs, but he would say cute things like how he enjoyed talking to me and like (insert random characteristic) about me, etc. He had been asking to hang out again for years, but I finally agreed just last weekend. It is a 2hr trip, which is a bit much, but he was so excited and I had not seen him in 10 YEARS! While I was there he happened to be in a moving process, so I would politely help pack just because that is the type of person I am and in turn he constantly kept telling me how sweet of a person I am. Even when I would pass him a glass to put in a box the touch of our hands would be “prolonged” if that makes sense. Throughout the day he continued to tell me how next time he will come down to see me in the next few weeks, but before I left those “few weeks” turned into “I’ll take off a weekend to come see you.” He did kiss me and always made sure I was comfortable with what was happening, complimented how nice I looked after all these years, etc. He even admitted that he had not even kissed a girl in over a year. After I journeyed back home I figured that that would be the end of it, but it has been a few days since and he still texts me every day. He doesn’t text very long though, which is kind of annoying. We never really had a “strong” relationship because at the time we were just kids, but even after 10 years later he still texts me and asks how I’m doing and is now (what I think is flirting). I would love some advice on what you think could possibly be happening. Just because he isn’t an long period of time texter does that mean I should re-think what I thought before about him possibly liking me? Thank you!

admin

March 4, 2014 at 3:31 am

I don’t know… I think there may be a connection that the two of you both want to happen. It is pretty big if he is texting you 10 years later.

Kelly

February 22, 2014 at 11:51 pm

I’m so confused here. He mentions our happy memories, still has the stuffie that he won me at a fair, he has for a few years now tries to get in contact with me even though I try to ignore him because I still love him, says he still cares for me, and says that I’m an “amazing and strong person and will never forget me no matter how much I want him to.” He mentions that “he thinks I’m one of the best human beings that he’s ever met…” He wanted to meet up for lunch or something at some point. I had a terrible birthday so he offered to pick me up for a couple of days to cheer me up. I agreed and he picked me up and I spent a couple of days there. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t of asked him if we could try again, he didn’t say “no” but he gave me an around bush type of answer. I feel like he’s trying to put some distance in between us but wants to keep in contact with me. I’d love some advice or some in site into what he’s doing or thinking. Thanks a bunch, Kelly.
Michelle

February 21, 2014 at 11:36 pm

Hi Chris,
I just came across your website while desperately looking for help. I had a fling with a guy for 3 weeks. We texted a lot and whenever we were together we seemed to get along very well. But after those weeks he just stopped the texting and would give short replies when I texte dhim, so I decided to not text him for like a week. Then I decided to confront him about it and just asked what was up. He said we were moving too fast. So I asked do you want it to be goodbye or so?.. And he was like ”I don’t know”, ”What do you think of it?”, ”Are you in love?”. And I really wanted to snap cause I really liked him a lot. But I aske dhim what he wants and he just decided to not respond. Two days later after still no response I decided to say goodbye to him. He NEVER replied.

Ever since this occurence I have been having a hard time, whenever I get drunk I sob. I;m very grateful my friends are always there to back me up. Almost 2 months have passed now and whenever I finally think I’m over him I fall back. It’s like I am fooling myself into not liking him anymore, and int he end that just doesn’t work out, because I’m only confusing myself.

I’ve tried to go on a date with some other guy, and I ended up being off with my mind during the whole date, and I felt really bad.

Ever since this occurence it is like my feelings are gone. I used to be someone who could crush on someone easily, but now it has all changed. I just can’t get attracted to anyone… it’s so weird.

I really don’t know what to do it feels like I will never get over this and it is very painful everyday. He gives off the vibe that he does not care at all. Because he didn’t delete me off any social network or blocked me on whatsapp messenger. I was considering deleting him off everything but it is hard because I don’t want him out of my life. I miss those conversations already and stuff. I just keep thinking about what we could’ve become, since we were never in a relationship, and it is killing me inside.

Do you think there is still a way to give it a shot? I just can’t get over him… 🙁 And I miss him so much it is killing me….

PS: We are both business university( of applied sciences) freshmen (not at the same school)

Thanks, looking forward to your reply!

admin

February 22, 2014 at 6:42 pm

I think it’s worth a shot but make sure you manage your expectations.
Michelle

February 24, 2014 at 6:57 pm

Hi,
Thanks for your reply!
What do you think is the best way for me to approach him? It isn’t really posibble for me yo randomly run into each other since we live an hour and a half away from each other.

Sgeklund

February 21, 2014 at 5:23 am

Ok so I had a fling with a guy just short if 3 years now. Technically we were not dating but we lived together for a few months and were best friends. I told him that I loved him but He had commitment issues and I finally ended it cause I could handle the stress it was causing me. We’ve had contact on a off but only like 5 times since then and nothing beyond very short conversations. I have been thinking about him a lot lately but don’t know how to go about reestablishing our relationship without seeming needy. I really want to try to make it work with him. Any advice?
Tazchick

February 17, 2014 at 12:21 pm

When my ex boyfriend initiated the no contact period with me he said “I used to love you but I don’t anymore.” I treated him badly (snooped through his stuff, looked at his emails/text messages without his permission) because of my insecurities. It was a long distance relationship. I felt threatened by his female friends. Now I feel better about myself, although I still have some days where I feel negative towards myself. I understand that his female friends were never a threat to us, but my fear and negativity drove him away.

So do you think I should contact him or would it only bring up hurt feelings for him? It’s been one year and almost 5 months since we last spoke. I think about him a lot and continually ask myself if I should message him or not. I just don’t want to make him feel sad if I remind him or me if he doesn’t want to think about me anymore.

Any advice would be appreciated.

admin

February 17, 2014 at 7:48 pm

I think you should contact him but stay away from the feelings stuff for a while.

Alyssa

February 14, 2014 at 1:40 pm

I’d done the no contact for 30 days (even though I think we hadn’t spoken for much longer, we ended on very bad terms) and the 30th day happened to be New Years so I sent him a message saying ‘happy new year, I found the Harry potter book you gave me that day and it made me think of you!’ He never replied to this message. I haven’t tried contacting him since then. It’s my birthday next week so should I wait to see if he sends me a message for my birthday or should I just try and text him again? If so what should I say since he didn’t reply to the last message?

admin

February 14, 2014 at 6:56 pm

YOu should have tried again with something more compelling.
Alyssa

February 15, 2014 at 1:07 am

Should I try the ‘confession’ text? Or is it too late for that now? He’s very good at ignoring me 🙁
admin

February 15, 2014 at 1:53 am

That decision is completely up to you.

Tiya

February 11, 2014 at 8:20 pm

We r been in relationship for 8years n after dat brkups in 2012 n I still love him n single since till date but he is in a new relatnship aftr our brkup n wst shud i do? I love him truely n we are in NC rule since a year.. i think he too love me but he dnt want to brkup with his new gf as she didnt harm him and it was my mistake whn we got brkups.. plz help me

admin

February 12, 2014 at 7:30 pm

8 years is a long time.

Do you think things got a little stale for him?

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494 thoughts on “Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart”