How To Get Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

494 thoughts on “Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart”

Lisa

December 31, 2013 at 1:46 am

So this guy and I had a really good thing and then I kind of hurt his ego and didn’t really get that he was asking me to be his girlfriend. The second time around we were gunna meet up and talk but it was saint patty’s I was out with my guy friends I went over and talked to him but made the mistake in not inviting him when we all left and by then he was over it. He abd I did have a lot of fun minus how I handled both situations. I saw him we hung out and had sex. We talked for a week but I haven’t heard from him yet so I decided to send an apology and I told him: I am sorry for really hurting you the way I did. I really thought we would never talk again. I am really grateful to have a friend like you in my life and its nice that we are “talking” again. I hope you know how amazing you are and that you have a Happy New Year. I left it at that and haven’t heard anything back and figured I would give him some space. When I tried getting him before he wanted nothing to do with me and I thought I would never talk or see him again. I feel as though I should respect his space because I hurt him twice.
What should be next move? How much space should I give and what kind of text should I send next? I kind of want to try the mixed singals like you suggest and be unforgettable. Lol What is your advice?

admin

January 1, 2014 at 10:51 pm

I have something I think you should read: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-ungettable-girl/

Sue

December 27, 2013 at 11:41 am

(I might have accidentally sent the same message twice cause the computer crapped out)

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:41 pm

You did but its all good.

Sue

December 27, 2013 at 11:40 am

Hi there,

My ex started dating my friend a month after the end of our 2 year relationship. It’s been 5 months since we’ve spoken and I haven’t caused any fuss in terms of their relationship though I no longer talk to either of them. I still have feelings for him but I found out tonight he wasn’t attending our mutual friends dinner party just because I was going. Why is this?

Thanks

admin

December 27, 2013 at 7:41 pm

He probably misses you.
Sue

December 27, 2013 at 10:11 pm

Somehow I doubt that, but its a slight possibility. Thanks anyway!

heather

December 13, 2013 at 10:55 pm

Me and my ex dated when we were still young, it was a good relationship, we never fought or anything. We would light up around each other and everything was going so well till his ex got in our way. The breakup was hard on both of us, we both cried for days, but we stilled tried to be friends but it just never felt the same. We have been apart for 5+ year’s now and since we’re older now and had time apart I want to give us another chance. We were so happy together and I believe our relationship got torn apart too young. We’ve chatted shortly few months ago and it was a simple conversation, basically just checking up but I haven’t heard anything since. I ran into him and he was so happy to see me (i about cried I was happy to see him too) but again the conversation was plain and simple. I can hardly read him to tell if he’s still interested. I don’t know how to ask him for a second chance. I don’t know if he thinks it can be worth the second chance or not. Any help?

admin

December 14, 2013 at 10:22 pm

Well, don’t do it out of the blue. Kind of let things develop naturally.

Sirine

December 6, 2013 at 1:18 pm

Hi!

My ex broke up with me back in july after a year and half.. we were planning on being friends but we only managed it for 3weeks because it was too hard for me and I was still in denial. So it ended badly, he said we would never speak again.
Back in october I needed my phone back, that he had kept so i texted and asked for it back he told me someone stole it. I never replied.
Then about a week ago I needed to contact him again about my phone contract because he’s the account holder. So I texted him asking for the security info for the account. he texted back, very nice text, started asking me how everything was going and texted me for a while.. he kept the convo going which was nice. He still hadn’t given me the security info so i texted him yesterday asking if he got them and he said” are you still pretending that you need to access the account?” talked shit and said the password was rude word. I didn’t take that very well but I didn’t get upset at him either. I just politely asked him to stop trying to humiliate me and give me the real password. He realised I actually needed it so he used a joke he used to say to me all the time, gave me the password and a few minutes after texted me again with the name of a song saying it would brighten my day after arguing with the phone company. I thanked him for the password and the song and that was it.

The thing is it has been 6 months and i just as in love with him as I was then. I want him back but I don’t want to humiliate myself and get hurt again. I want to start as friends with him again but I don’t want to be pushy and I don’t know if he’s ready for a friendship. What do you think?

admin

December 6, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Have you started any type of NC?

Lena

December 5, 2013 at 8:31 pm

Hi there,
ok, so I´ve come across this site and it´s amazing!

Now to my ´situation´…I will try to make it short and to the point.
My ex and I have been together 4+ years (about 2 years we lived together). It looked pretty serious, and I really loved him. He was the most important person in my life. Then I moved to another country to work and we had a nasty break-up. It was partly that I was abroad and partly growing apart because of it, that we broke up. The break-up was very rash and nasty,via Skype, sort of in a fight I said ´well than it´s better we´d break up´ and he said ´fine´. No further conversation. And that was it. The worst thing was my reaction after the break-up: calling him, crying,making things up, etc. I do feel that I have reacted that way because he meant a big deal to me. And I was deeply depressed (not just ´depressed´, but I was really diagnosed with bad form of depression, tried suicieds,etc.).
My ex got really angry with me, he blocked me on Facebook, said he will change the number. I got angry with him and said I never wanted to see him again. My bestie went to get my stuff from our appartment. The last time I saw him was when I returned the keys to the appartment. We didn´t fight then, just said good-bye in a sort of friendly way. That happened 2 1/2 years ago, and he is still on my mind. I´ve had two seirous boyfriends in the meantime, but whenever I think of him my heart starts to race. I still have pretty strong feelings towards him.
In the mean time, I´ve noticed that he unblocked me on Facebook (he didn´t send a friend request).
I still have a little contact with his sister, mostly via Facebook as we work in the same field. About 14 days ago I coincidently met him, greeted him, congratulated him on his degree (he graduated about a week before), wished him a pleasant evening and walked on.
I had no contact with him for over two years and no idea what his feelings towards me are (if there are any). In the period of those 2 years I´ve got control over my depression, opened my own business, bought a new car and am just about to move to my own place. I´ve also lost some weight. I think I am a lot more stable as a person now, than I was before.
Now my big question: where do I start? I want to sort of get closer with him again, slowly. I know where he goes to the bar, I know some of his friends. I do not think however it would be a good idea to send him a message, I think he would be too surprised to reply. Plus, I don´t know if he still holds me for a ´unstable crazy cow´…
I would really honestly appreciate an advice on how to get started, and on what I should be careful about.
Really looking forward to your response,
Lena

admin

December 6, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Glad you like it!

Well it seems like you have really worked hard to improve yourself. I think you need to ask yourself one question before anything. What is your reasoning for wanting to get him back?
Lena

March 1, 2014 at 11:18 am

Hi Chris,

I´m sorry I couldn´t reply sooner. Thanks for your answer and all the new infos on your site 🙂

I´ve got two main reasons for wanting him back: We broke up very rashly, in a fight over Skype, sort of like I said in anger: ´Well, maybe it´s better we´d broke up´, and he said ´fine!´. The end. We never got to talk about it, wich I regret every single day. The next reason I want him back is because I still think we functioned very well together. Ofcourse we had our ups and downs, but we supported each other a lot, survived pretty difficult times (somehow we both had major arguments with our parents at a very young age and were rejected by them) and had really a great time. At least I can say that for myself. It´s going to be 3 years since we broke up, and I still believe that was the best relationship ever! (I´ve had two serious relationships afterwards and they were ok, but not the ones where I tought ´That´s it!´).
And my feelings for him somehow just won´t go away. So I think it´s worth a try.

I´ve tried sending him a friend request on FB about a month ago, which he didn´t accept nor ignored. I don´t have his number though, and I also think it would be a bit weird if I suddenly texted him over the phone. Any suggestions on how I should start? Message via Facebook perhaps(with some sort of text that you suggested in your articles)?

Kuulei

November 21, 2013 at 7:42 am

First of all I want to thank you for being such an insightful and thoughful young man. I love your site and your advice is spot on!
OK – I was with my ex BF for 4-1/2 years. We broke up over a year ago and he went back to his ex GF (the irony of it all!) But wait a minute… let me tell you how and why he broke up with her. She had substance abuse and anger management issues – wrecked his property, threw scenes in public (he’s a public figure and it was at several of events), caused scenes with his family (they hate her), threatened him when he tried to ease out of their relationship that when he finally had guts to break up with her, he had to put a TRO on her! I know… totally dysfunctional. She’s also uneducated and quite crass and a bully!
He and I are intellectually, socially, culturally and physically compatible. It was so delightful to be with someone who seemed like my soul mate… I really thought he was the ONE. I still kind of feel that. Anyway, his friends would tease him when we first starting seeing each other that I was “too good” for him. It was wonderful but then I got lazy, co-dependent, whin-y, selfish, etc. NOT the woman he fell in love with. I admit I let myself go… BAD.
Which is why we broke up.
After about 6 months of no contact we started endorsing each other on LinkedIn… and then started emailing each other… and then texting… and then seeing each other in the neighborhood and downtown where we both work, we would be cordial to each other, it was really nice to see him. Letting each other know about how great it is to hear of the other’s accomplishments, etc. 6 months of this…
I had a birthday recently and went to my hometown to celebrate with my BFFs. He called to wish me a Happy B-day on my B-day when I was at my party. “I have presents for you. Where are you?”
Anyway, he dropped off presents of really lovely vintage jewelry (which I collect) a generous gift card and my favorite cookies and a card imprinted with “I’m happy we met and I’m even happier we’re friends”
I think I’m in a good place. But does this mean he just wants to be friends or what?
I’m confused that I may want him back or maybe not…

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Well firs things first. You need to figure out if you want him back or not.
Kuulei

November 21, 2013 at 11:50 pm

I do.
Kuulei

November 23, 2013 at 6:46 pm

I do want him back… I believe he’s the One!
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Then get him back!
Kuulei

November 25, 2013 at 5:18 am

I texted him a thank you for the gifts the next day. Did not receive a response so then emailed him to ask if he got my text. He emailed back saying you’re welcome and I wish you many more great birthdays.
I did get some unique snacks from my hometown and just left them on his doorstep.
Are these actions okay? I know I need to wait… Yes?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:05 pm

Not my style but lets see how it plays out.
Kuulei

November 26, 2013 at 5:03 pm

Do you think he’s just being nice therefore just want to be friends?
admin

November 26, 2013 at 8:24 pm

I think that could be a possibility but maybe not it entirely
Kuulei

November 26, 2013 at 9:36 pm

Should I try the things in your post “What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends”…
Or continue to WAIT.
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Wait and then do it!
Kuulei

November 25, 2013 at 5:20 pm

He just sent an email thanking me for the “goodies” and “Have a great week and enjoy your Thanksgiving…”
Does it sound like he just wants to be friends?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:51 pm

To me it just sounds like he is being nice.
Kuulei

November 21, 2013 at 7:47 am

In deep gratitude…I anxiously await your reply.

admin

November 18, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Well lets talk about what you are doing right now? Are you following any advice on this page or site?

Madison

November 18, 2013 at 9:49 pm

I just found the site last night all contact has been the last five days, my last contact two days ago. I read over this page and feel my situation is a bit different and I did everything before I found the site, so I thought I’d say what I did before I found this site. And after I been skimming over the site after but it was right before bed after a busy day, I plan to go over the site again. But texting and calling tips and tricks I haven’t his number I gave mine three days ago, two days he says he has a woman that same day I send my end message all on email. But he does have my number now and knows I was interested in us but said he has someone and that I won’t even touch him if he has someone.

I did control and end the email thread, I mentioned how good shape I am in because he mentioned his first he was in shape to, and I mentioned good positive stuff.

So I guess what I am saying after looking over the site after the fact I have some things that I have followed but my situation doesn’t apply to everything or we are not at that point yet. And I am really wonder with how the contact went. If now I do no contact let him think over the fact he admitted he thinks of me and wanted to get in touch, that he knows I am in the best shape of my life, all the positive things that had happened, and that I am interested in us but he has someone so I am cutting contact because of that. That if a year later and has someone if from the emails it sound promising. And how I should proceed if he gets back in contact may it be short term or long term, which articles you think apply to this most for me to prioritize.

I was looking at the ungettable girl article I am high quality to ungettable. Even when I am dressed down lets say cause I have to wear trash clothes cause I am going to do or came back from dirty work or task, I still get attention from guys then they don’t leave cause I am well traveled, experienced, charming, funny, and though in my late twenties look early twenties, so they ask me out ask for my number. I wear high end casual wear (designer jeans and high end yoga wear but with simple tanks and shirts) so I alway look good even dressed down, I did local modelling a couple times been told I should have gone in professional not like run way or Victoria’s Secret but like non underweight stuff, I have the height and if I did go down a 2 sizes I’d probably be model measures but underweight but I don’t want that. I have been referred a dream girl by the last two bfs. I also am will be going through more self improvement in the next couple of months and busy so as much as I’d loved for him and I to have proceeded till I found out he had a gf I probably should have come to this site earlier, I wish I did!

So unless he has a Victoria secret model equivalent gf or they get along perfectly, or both I think he’ll be at least conflicted or looking me up if his relationship doesn’t work out.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:16 pm

Perfect attitude!

Honestly I love your attitude. Why did he break up with you?
Madison

November 19, 2013 at 8:31 pm

I broke up with him, cause of his substance abuse (he is now clean a year). And I at the time had a break down from being sexually harassed and verbally abuse at my old job (really icky still recovering over some hang ups and not my first job having sexual harassment). I covered it in my first post sorry for the length and poor typing I am not the best at iPad one finger typing.

Even when I deleted his number cause I felt I was doing it for us, if at least one of us could improve ourselves I feel that it be worth it, we were at the time downward spiralling together, and I use to be a terrible text gnat I’d probably not last NC even after breaking up with him if I didn’t delete his number. But I think beside body improvement I have grown- less games and I was not much of a girl who played them but it mean some intensity I think I have a healthier balance, even though I was probably the more mature one even then, I still need to fix me but I think that will be an on going project. And less desperation to fix thing ASAP when everything and one has their own pace and you have to recognize when to press and when to be patient.

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate it, as much as I’d love to talk to my family about it (my friends have been well talked to about it but I hate to overkill too much) I’d hate for them to get their hopes up they loved him, thought we’d get back together and I really want to keep focus not get overwhelmed with other’s emotions besides his and mine. And I needed a guys perspective. And though I am understand and being patient it is like I swallowed a wasp nest whole and it is stuck in my chest, I know strange visual.

I have read a lot of dribble online but I couldn’t believe my luck when I found this site. Your site: It is real, makes sense, insightful, and really gives hope. Thank you again.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:22 pm

No problem!

Tell me why you don’t think you would last in NC?
Madison

November 20, 2013 at 6:40 pm

In the past, I was just mentioning, I think I could now.
Madison

November 20, 2013 at 8:22 am

I must admit if I was ‘the one that got away’ or ‘the one’ (and for argument sake it was you and me) between the time frame 4yrs together, 2 apart, the toxic part of the relationship the root to 90% of negativity/bad about our relationship was but you cleaned that up during our apart and my needed improvement happened and we just found that out about each other, but you have a gf. If you love her or think you do, and now I was willing to try us again but I backed off when I heard you had someone, like you were a house on fire.

How conflicted would you be, how long do you think I’d be on your mind now when you already thought of me very often? Would you truly be weighing between the shorter term girl you have or the longer term girl who got away? Would you doubt your current relationship and look for flaws just cause you think I am ‘the one’ and you can’t even have me as a friend cause I am no nonsense about that.

Really, how long (cause you guys do have your own time zones I noticed) would you last sitting on the fact you have a chance with ‘the one that got away’ / ‘the one’. When would you take action if you were to take action. And with my cut off, would you be scared to try to contact me again, angry I wouldn’t even consider being just friends. I wonder if I am going to get an angry or desperate response if and when I do.

Sorry I’d really like to pick your brain on this and when I am focused boy am I focused (hence so many replies and long replies). And if I can understand him now I think it really give an advantage if this does developed, if not good food for thought for life. Also, I never really wanted any ex back before. And I am really surprise how uninterested I am in other guys. Even after 2 years, I mean I had crushes but nothing to write home about.
admin

November 20, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Ok, just ask one question at a time for my sake. What do you need help on?
Madison

November 20, 2013 at 6:45 pm

As a guy if the one that got away/the one got in contact but you had a gf. How long would you last conflicted before you’d go for it, if you were to go for it?
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:01 pm

I’d be conflicted alright but tbh I have never had a “one that got away.”
Madison

November 22, 2013 at 10:34 pm

My first 4 posts/replies, I mean, the rest is fine.
Madison

November 22, 2013 at 9:39 pm

Please the posts are very detailed, I thought all online things had edit or delete buttons, if your not sure just delete my 4 really long posts.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:02 pm

Done!
Madison

November 23, 2013 at 8:07 pm

Thanks a bunch!

I will update ‘update’ worthy info as it comes up, thank you again.
Madison

November 21, 2013 at 9:15 pm

Ok I am not sure if that really gives me an idea of the situation, it was meant to be hypothetical. But I just realized I have listed a lot of very specific information including health history, and there is no edit button, is there anyway you could moderate removing the details that really narrow down me and my exs personal details?

Thanks in advance.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:21 pm

What details?

Kylee

November 17, 2013 at 8:23 pm

My ex boyfriend kissed me in a game of truth or dare and he didn’t hesitate. I tried texting him Hey:) but he never responded, I’m kind of embarrassed because I really like him again. What do I do?n

admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:40 pm

Keep calm, he is probably thinking a lot about it.

Adia

November 11, 2013 at 4:00 am

Hi,
Followed your advise to a T. Problem is he knows this game. He will talk and be funny, friendly and poof he is gone. Its been over a month and he still has not texted me once. But when I text him every so often he is happy to reply and answers fast, any advice?

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:22 pm

He may just be one of those guys that refuses to text first. I have a bit of that in me.

Maria

November 7, 2013 at 4:31 am

Hey Chris,
I’ve never responded to one of these types of things before, but what you’ve said is logical and not riddled with games so I figured I’d get your advice. I dated this guy about 2 years ago for 6 months. We were apart for half our relationship (long distance), which I think is what killed it. It did not end well, by any means, we both acted inappropriately. He broke up with me. After a few months of back and forth fighting (while still broken up), we didn’t talk for over a year. We reconnected half a year ago and made some plans to hang out. At the time, I was not interested in anything more than catching up and/or just seeing what happened. We hung out a second time, he bought food (casual), but I felt like he was just trying to get into my pants (he literally was), so I lost interested and let it go. He drunk texted me once or twice, but I pretty much brushed them off and nothing happened.

About two months ago, he texted me (out of the blue). We had a nice conversation and then I ended it. About a week later, I texted him, ironically using the guidelines above, and he didn’t respond for a week or two after that. He ended up asking me to hang out and we did for a few hours. It was during this time that I realized I had feelings for him – I was reminded that we both wanted the same things out of life (which was a “legitimate” reason listed above). I was about to leave when we started a new conversation, which was when I found out during this time that he had been dating someone (couldn’t have been for more than a month) and it didn’t end well – I can’t imagine a scenario where things could end worse. Needless to say, I realized he was not over this person (it had just ended), so I decided to just let it go and give him space.

Finally, the present! We’ve hung out twice, but I don’t think he’s over his ex (comments like, “oh my ex this” “my ex that”). Nothing along the lines of wanting to get back together (I don’t even know her name), but this also might be in my head because they work together, so I guess when work comes up she comes up… idk. My question is what to do from here. I’m in shape and work out regularly (although not really any more or less than when we were together). I’ve gotten my hair done. Updated my wardrobe. I go out with my friends – A LOT. I don’t have any skin problems and I whiten my teeth. I’ve pretty much been this way, however, because I’ve been enjoying the single life and haven’t “seriously” dated anyone since him. I’m confident to the point of being cocky. I get that we might not be able to get back together, but it’s driving me nuts to just not know. I can try initiating the conversation and trying to get it to flow better with an old memory, but is there anything else I can do??

Any advice you have would be great!

admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:07 pm

Have you done the NC rule ever?
Maria

November 7, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Well aside from the year without talking, yes three times this year. He initiated conversation twice (I wasn’t trying to not contact him, just busy) and I did the last time.
admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:56 pm

Maybe you should try contacting him again but with the way I recommend throughout this site.

Jessica

November 5, 2013 at 9:35 am

Hi Chris,

Great website, thanks!

So I texted the guy 2 days ago – short but friendly, like you suggested. No reply… should I try again? I don’t want to come off as crazy or desperate. We’ve had no contact for about 10 months, and it was only really a fling (but an awesome one!) which ended when he went travelling. I’ve seen he is on the same dating site so am guessing he is single.
What do you think?
Thanks!

admin

November 5, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Have you done the NC rule?
jessica

November 5, 2013 at 10:44 pm

Hi yes, I did say – we’ve had no contact for about 7 months – I last saw him 10 months ago.
thanks
admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:06 pm

7 months wow haha. Have you tried any of the texting stuff I recommended.
jessica

November 6, 2013 at 5:36 pm

Yes, as I said, short and sweet text saying I had been near his neighbourhood and it had made me think of him and how he was doing. That was it.
No reply and it’s been 3 days – should i text again or leave it?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:00 pm

No wait about a week and try something else.
jessica

November 7, 2013 at 10:46 pm

And if he ignores me again, what should I do?
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:14 pm

Replan to find a way to get him to NOT ignore you.

Carole

October 21, 2013 at 9:19 pm

I parted from my ex 18 months ago. After reconnecting after a 25 year gap, and a whirlwind 6 months during which he even suggested we would get married (that having been his dream since we first parted). He had been separated from a long marriage for 2 years, and was just moving house (still sorting out the sale of marital home) and was having difficult changes to adjust to at work. I used to drop in to see him for lunch at work, unexpectedly and helped him move into his new flat.- Although, he didn’t always appreciate the work contact (in person or by phone) I thought I was trying to cheer him up as his girlfriend. He seemed loving and supportive at first then after 3 months and sex, he announced that had I heard of ‘friends with benefits?’. I hadn’t and had to get him to explain…When he did, I had to say I was stunned after all his texts,emails and protestations of love. I told him that was not what I wanted from a relationship. After that things rapidly declined to practically no contact from him, culminating in a text telling me he wanted space and that he hadn’t been alone (in the bedroom) when I had called at his flat one night. I was so upset and forced a meeting (I engineered being somewhere I knew he was going to be) we exchanged a few heated words, but he said it would be good to catch up later for coffee. He ignored texts and phone calls, then horrors, he called the police, accusing me of harrassment (though not formally) After that I cried buckets and did NC. Was advised to delete phone numbers and emails for him, which I did. I cannot understand what went wrong, other than maybe me being his rebound relationship.
I recently sent a card, with a ticket to one of his favourite bands that I ‘owed’ him. He kept it for 3 months before sending it back with card. No explanation.

Do you think there’s any chance for me with him?

admin

October 22, 2013 at 2:31 am

Of course ther eis.

Here is the deal though. Your NC how long did you last?

Krysta

October 8, 2013 at 2:58 pm

Chris,
Hoping you can give some insight. I’ve never been so confused. My ex and I dated for 6 months. Everything was perfect. We had the same interests, same career goals and relationship goals. The emotional and physical connection between us was unlike anything I have ever had with anyone. He agreed. Even said at one point that he had never had anything like this before… That he had never felt like this for anyone and that he could see us being together for a very long time. He even made mention of having me move in and go on vacation with he and his family. The only issue… He had a very difficult time expressing emotion. He was very affectionate… Always cuddling and kissing me, but it was saying it that he had an issue with. I would tell him I missed him and get no response. Anything too deep and he would hesitate. He even admitted to his issues… Apologizing and stating that he didn’t know why, but it was hard for him to convey emotion of any kind. I of course, being a woman, brought it up on more than one occasion… This ultimately led to an argument. After the argument, we didn’t talk for a week. We talked it out and things seemed to go back to normal. I was having dinner with him all the time, staying at his house almost every night, we were fine. My ex was in the process of moving at this time and I was helping him pack. He was also undergoing a transition at work. I stayed the night at his house one night and left in the morning. We had our normal exchange… He kissed me goodbye and that was it. After that, all phone calls ceased, no more texts, nothing. I was confused and I attempted to contact him… With no response. I had to go to his house to get a response. At which time, he told me he didn’t know what happened… That he thinks he just got scared. I told him I didn’t understand and asked him what I could do to fix it. He said he thought he just needed some time… He said it may be a month, it may be a year. He said that he still cared for me and still thought about me every day… But to just let him contact me. He held me as I cried, and wiped my tears away. I told him I would give him all the time he needed. The next time we talked was 3 months down the line. I called him and told him I needed an answer… That I had offers to go on dates but was in limbo because of him. He told me that if that would make me happy to go date them and when I again asked why we broke up, he said “I don’t know… I just didn’t feel the same anymore and it wouldn’t have been fair to either one of us to stay in the relationship”. I have tried since then to move on, but something always brings me back to him. And according to a mutual friend, he hasn’t even dated anyone since me. We have remained friends and still talk on occasion… We even had drinks together one night, but I still want more. It’s been a year and for some reason, I just can’t let go of what we had. He was everything I’ve ever wanted… And I wish I hadn’t nit picked over something so small. I would give anything to have him back. He’s the only one I want, and if I don’t get him back I see myself living a very lonely life. Please help… Any advice will do. Thank you.

admin

October 9, 2013 at 2:14 am

Well, what have your conversations been like lately?

Alice

October 6, 2013 at 6:54 pm

Hi Chris,
I dated my ex for 5 years. I ended 3 times the relationship during that 5 years but never for more than 1 to 3 months. It was more like that “time apart” kind of thing. I resumed the relationship everytime with no problem. On January 2012 he moved to Spain to study a Master (he was going to live abroad for around 7 months).

So, after a month of long distance, he ended the relationship. Mainly, the reason was the distance, that we where still fighting a lot and I was still a jelous and controling girlfriend. Although I knew he wanted to date girls over there (ofcourse he didn’t say that). He started dating almost immediately. So, I did everything you’re not supposed to do, and I mean everything: I begged, I send angry emails, sad emails, tried to manipulated him, confronted him… *sigh* whatever you can think of.

After getting nowhere I stopped talking to him. A month or two went by and I started a new relationship, I was very happy blah blah blah, 3 months kicked in and I realized that I still missed him and that I wanted him and no any random guy. He found out about my relationship and in May he sent me an email wishing me happy birthday and telling me that he was shocked by the news but kind of relief from guilt (something like that).

I replied supposedly from a state of mind where i didn’t wanted him back. We began talking and skyping as friends but I grew tired of listening to his heartache about this other girl, so little by little I stopped comunication (In a civil way, I just “didn’t had time”). I believe we talked occasionally about random things of about the two of us, I can’t remember so it mustn’t been a big deal.

He returned on October 2012 and called me to get together for a coffee. We talked very civil, like friends, nothing about us really. And that was it. On december I saw him at a club, I remember I had to sit down because my legs where trembling like crazy!
I was with my girlfriends, he was with his friends. I was ignoring him, had like 7 guys approaching to me, I finally said hello to him, and continued my night. Everything was “great” until alcohol kicked in… I ended up at an after party at his house, he eneded up taking me home, I ended up talking about us, he ended up rejecting me, I ended up storming out to his car and into my house crying like there was no tomorrow.

After two months of no-contacting him i send him a text wishing him happy birthday, no response, so I felt awful. Anyway, didn’t talked to him for about 3 months, then we started talking again, nothing big, just like ‘friends’.

Another 5 months went by and I started a new relationship with an old friend. One of my biggest fears is that he starts a new relationship while Im single. Whatever. After a month or so, I got a text from him saying “heard you are with X now, congratulations” I didn’t reply.

Last Saturday I saw him at a friend’s party. I was with my new boyfriend (wishing I was by myself so I could talk to him). He said hello to both of us and that was it. I ended up drunk *surprise, surprise* crying with a friend in the bathroom about my ex.
Whatever, I ended up my new relationship the next day. Feeling worse than ever. I got a text from him saying something like “how was your morning? I felt awful for X last night, I remember when you used to ignore me like that” Obviously, that’s a big a lie, I never acted like that with him because I had no ex I wanted to get back with… Whatever, It made me really mad but I was too hangover to argue, so I reply something like “Oh really… I’m fine, thank you, gonna sleep now, bye :)”

Anyway, I’ve been talking him since then, about two weeks now and I’ve been following every step and advice here. I think i’ve done it right (except at the beginning, before I read this, I invited him to get together, he didn’t say no but for tree days found excuses and said “tomorrow” so the last day I got it and said to him before he said no that I was going to be busy, that it would be better if I called him another day, when I had the time. Although im not planning to.

He asked me: Why you need to see me?
Me: I don’t need to see you, just thought it would be nice, maby another time 🙂
He: Did you broke up with X?
Me: Why?
Him: Well is obvious
Me: Mmm…
He: That’s what you want to talk about right?
Me: No! Just wanted to chat
He: Who broke up with who?
Me: Mutual, got to sleep now, talk you other time, nite nite 🙂
Him: Good night

I’ve been sending him text messages since then following your tips: ending first, control and good memories. I’ve got some good and neutral responses.
Example:
Me: “The rabbit hutch we built together got destroyed with the hurracaine, now I don’t know how to put it back togheter” *send picture of destroyed rabbit hutch”
Him: Hahaha
Him: It looks so different
Me: You think so?
Him: Yeah, those things bla bla
Me: No response.

His grandma is sick so we’ve been talking about how he feels and all that, but always short. Like 3 texts and I wish him the best and end the conversation. Also, I’ve noticed he still talks to me about his “deepest feelings” which they aren’t really deep but I think he wouldn’t tell them to anyone.
He has dated but hasn’t had a girlfriend since we broke up. He recently told me that he wanted “what his friends have” but also he doesn’t, something like that.

Sooooooo…. my question is: how can i know if he is still engaged into giving it another chance or he is just being polite with me? I’m kind like in a limbo here, don’t know if im going in the right direction or what i feel is true: he is just so over me now… It’s been almost two years since we first broke up!!
I’ve read all your articles, but wanted a more personalized opinion.

admin

October 7, 2013 at 12:37 am

Gotch gotcha haha!

The first series of texting examples were really well done on your part! Interesting he is asking about the “ex”

Honestly, do you think you should see him in person now? You have progressed pretty far. Do you think you have shown enough value yet?
Alice

October 7, 2013 at 12:49 pm

Not yet. I still feel insecure about asking him out, I feel that he is just being polite with me. Also, I want to lose some weight, so probably 2-4 weeks before “The Risk”.

– Should I continue with the “random” texts?
– Is it a turn off if I always talk to him? Like “have a nice day bla bla bla :)”. I always end the conversation first or leave him with no reply till next day…

I don’t want to come off as needy. I feel he still thinks of me as needy (wonder WHY… :P).

Thank you!!
admin

October 8, 2013 at 1:56 am

Gotcha.

Yes, but hopefully you can get him to initiate the conversation first. Also, I wouldn’t stick around too often. Leave him wanting more. Leave him wanting more. leave him wanting more.

Oh,

and leave him wanting more.

Katherine

September 24, 2013 at 9:55 pm

Hi Chris,
I will try to make this short! My ex boyfriend and I broke up 2 years ago, but we work at the same company…yup. So we have had contact here and there. He has dated other people and I just got out of a relationship in July. Since August we have had great conversations. We talk for an hour randomly at work on several occasions. Our texting is at a great point and we’ve talked on the phone maybe 2 times outside of work. I even asked him to go for drinks in the beginning of September and he said yes!!! It’s was only about 2 hours, but I felt accomplished and good. Since then we still talk at work and text here and there, but I REALLY wish he would ask me out!! I’m being patient, but I feel like maybe he’s losing interest. Or waiting for my lease to end with my previous boyfriend (October 15). I can’t wait!
Honestly my ex was and is the love of my life, my best friend. We had such a great time together and I can’t see him ever not being in my life.
What should I do? I feel confused and lost in our current “relationship” .
Do you think he still wants this relationship to work like I do?
Thanks so much for this site, it’s wonderful!

admin

September 25, 2013 at 1:25 am

I have a question. Why can’t you ask him out?
Katherine

September 25, 2013 at 2:25 am

I have to ask him out again? I feel like I’m being incredible desperate in his eyes. What do you think? I’m also afraid of him saying no.
admin

September 26, 2013 at 2:33 am

Well, if you feel desperate then extend the NC so it seems less forced.
Katherine

October 21, 2013 at 1:46 am

Hi Chris,
Well I extended the NC for only 25 days. As I mentioned before, my ex and I work together and it is very hard to not contact each other especially since both of our departments require constant contact. So a convo about work lead to a personal convo. After a few days more talking again. This time I asked if we could talk about what’s going on between us, meaning our relationship. He said ok let’s talk over a beer the following day. I said that sounds great. I have been literally sick over asking him this question. But I finally did and now we are going to talk about it. Well, let’s talk over a beer became let’s meet in a park. I instantly knew this wasn’t going to go well. We talked for 2 hours with plenty of room to talk longer. He said he liked the way our relationship was currently going and was really happy that we can have this relationship and still be friends. He said to me,”you don’t want me. I’m not the same person I was when we dated. I’ve become cold. I don’t know what my happiness is anymore nor do I know what I want out of life. I realize I have big trust issues”. I was crushed. And I understand why he is the way he is. Before we started dating he had just gotten divorced b/c his wife cheated on him and had a baby with another man. This I know was and is devastating for him. So after he broke things off with me I left him alone to heal and recover from all of this. I don’t think he got the proper help to aid him in his recovery from his divorce, which is why we are where we are at this moment. We shared a deep emotional connection together. We went ring shopping, he made me a book of pictures of us with huge paragraphs under them that made me cry at how sweet it was.
I told him then I have to let you go. But I am still terrible sick knowing I have to let him go. I saw him the next day at work after this talk. He acting like we were best friends. I couldn’t say anything but hi. He took one look at my face (with swollen eyes from crying all night) walked out of the building and drove off the lot.
So tell me…does this “cold” man still have feelings for me? And do you think this relationship is completely over?
admin

October 22, 2013 at 1:24 am

Well, he probably does BUT you are going to have a lot of work to bring them out of him. I guess the question is “is he worth it?”

Aimee

September 23, 2013 at 7:45 pm

My boyfriend and i dated a short period of time when he broke up with me via text message of all things. From day one I hoped we would end up back together. He tried being friendly at first, because we work together he couldn’t really avoid me. And we couldn’t really not have no contact. We would text and I was the one who would initiate the text messages but after a while he stopped responding.
He became an ass at work and would ignore me for weeks on end than he would be nice again for a week. And then an ass again. It was on repeat. I wasn’t perfect I would flirt with guys in front of him I mean he ended it so I was hurt and I felt awesome when he’d get jealous. He would text me now and again randomly and tell me I looked pretty. Would be flirty but then would say he didn’t want to mislead me. So he was very confusing. I would catch him staring at me and other guys at work would tell me they would see him looking at me when they talked to me and I’d stop talking because I didn’t want to ruin the chances of us getting back together more than I had. However, it has now been 7 months and he has been talking to this girl for about a month. Since he began talking to her he has been nice telling me he enjoyed talking to me I made no effort to flirt and it was good for about a week and the last two weeks we are back to not talking again and staring in the opposite direction or the ground as we walk past each other. I got my hair done the other day and he kept looking at me and then the next day was avoiding looking at me. Is it to late for us to work this out? I still see him four days a week at work and we have so much in common.what can I do to make things better between us and ultimately get him back.I guess I should tell you he deleted me a few months ago off FB and IG even though I would only like pics now and again and never commented on his stuff. But would now and again post that “I missed him” I’m sure he’s not an idiot and knew it was about him.

admin

September 24, 2013 at 2:57 am

Why exactly can’t you do NC?
Aimee

September 23, 2013 at 7:50 pm

I should also mention that since we broke up two days after Valentine’s day I have lost 35 pounds so I have been working on myself not just pining away waiting.

winnie

September 19, 2013 at 11:14 pm

i forgot to tell you that i used to experience the rebound relationship..i started dating after we broke up.and i think thats also the reason why he pursued to move on and forget about me.you think it is??

admin

September 20, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Are you saying that you thought you were a rebound?

winnie

September 19, 2013 at 11:09 pm

hi chris,

i haven’t talk to my ex bf for over 9 months..after a more few weeks i invited him to hang out together.right after,he stopped texting me and found out that he and his ex gf were together again..so hurtful coz i think he just used me that day then ignored me the next day.. i did everything to contact me again without looking like a stupid needy girl.i love him so much and i just want him back. pls help
Ms. TIna Marie

September 19, 2013 at 9:08 pm

Alright. He just contacted me on Facebook just Asking; Can I have Kylie next Tuesday; Early Morning to Late Night”. I didn’t respond but I feel he went to his Lawyer and he told him to act interested. But anyways; I signed up for a dating site and little to be known; so did he. He saw me i think; but Im not sure. What can i do if he only wants to see his daughter, and date How do I open his eyes that I am worth his time and to make him miss me? How long would You sugguest I take ; he still is very bitter.

admin

September 20, 2013 at 8:54 pm

It may take some time. Especially since your situation is so complicated.

I guess I am going to say what you don’t want to hear “be patient.”

Have you gotten my E-Book? That will be good at helping you understand how to approach the situation and make him reinterested.

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