Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Kris
January 5, 2017 at 2:02 am
I deleted him yesterday, because I saw him on tinder(a dating app) i m upset and I think he is moving on, we were together 3 months and broke up more than 1 months, I have been on NC for 18 days, during the 18 days we didnt talk to each other, before that I text him and everytime he replied me in a neutral way. also he is a stubborn and think things negative sometimes, he like thinking a lot and tangly .
the reason why he broke up with me is becasue he thought we didint meet up as often, we didint flirt anymore, he was trying to work things out but I didint realised at that time he found we were not progressing, like he said he should comliment me more, he asked me out more but I didnt go out with him, he dislike when i trivialise his feelings sometimes, finally he told me he cant commit to me, i deserve better things blah blah, he also said he didint feel it was used to, he like me as a person, we d better be friends, even when i said: okay follow your heart I hope you can find the one you really love, he said: is there a way back? I asked him: what way bakc you want? he told me he didnt know, the day after the day: he was so sure he wanted to be single and he told me I should live my life (becasue I told him we were all good I dont feel good without him) blah blah, I really dont understand what he think, he seems serious to think about us becasue he cares ? but if he really want to be with me he wont give up on me, now i undersdand he didnt feel accomplishment in the relationship as he also told me: he wants to focus on his work which he can feel respectful.
but now I deleted him, i guess there is no chance to get himn back, but what i think is if he really want me back he will add me? I have been posting positive and fun pics during the 18 NC, but they are not true, i still miss him although I have improved something, and he liked my pics once. i do think he is the one a bit negative he saw me living good without him and now deleted him, he must think I dont need him anymore, so he will entirely give up on us? we made fun and I treated him to well when we were together, I hope he will think about it and miss me, but I m not sure…………………………………….what my situation is since I ve been in the case
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 6, 2017 at 6:04 am
HI Kate,
You said it yourself, the break up seed was already planted. That’s what I meant with what I said. He broke up because he has started moving on or falling out of love before he even broke up with you. He was just logically and emotionally more sure to do it the day he broke up with you. But you broke nc at day 19, so the count restarts the day after that. Are you actively improving yourself?
Kris
January 4, 2017 at 6:50 am
Today I have made an BIG action! I deleted him!! I have been on NC for 17 years, but we broke up for 1 month, during the 17 days he has never talked to me, although he liked my post on social media, but he has never talked to me first. the reason why he broke up with me is : he thought we were not like couple, we met a few times a month, we didnt firt anymore, he was trying to meet me more often but i didnt, he didnt feel he can make me happy anymore, i just remeber the week before he said he wants to be alone now, he told me he woke up many times a night and cant sleep well, now i know he was struggling if he wanted the relationship. finally he was so sure we d better be friends, he also thought we were together so fast. yesterday I saw him on a dating app, i was so upset, seems he is moving on, or becasue I said I feel not happy without you , lets hang out and have fun (before NC) he might expect me to text him first? but after that Im implemeting NC! anyway Im sad if he is moving on, normally aftyer i broke up, the guys will always miss me after a few weeks, and said i was the best thing in his life and still keep talking to me and felt sad about broke up with me, becasue i know i m always be a fun and caring gf, I hope he will add me back , but I m really not sure, if he is still on my chats list, i will never moving on, so maybe deleted him is the best way for me now? he is a bit negative maybe when he relasied I deleted him he will think i dont want to talk to him anymore then delete me too.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 6, 2017 at 6:04 am
HI Kate,
You said it yourself, the break up seed was already planted. That’s what I meant with what I said. He broke up because he has started moving on or falling out of love before he even broke up with you. He was just logically and emotionally more sure to do it the day he broke up with you. But you broke nc at day 19, so the count restarts the day after that. Are you actively improving yourself?
Adrianne
December 30, 2016 at 6:29 am
I dated a man for almost three months (both mid-40s). We met online and in our first texting session sparks flew. Met a few days later and had the BEST first date eve (6 hours), after that we met once or twice a week and had tons of fun. We even traveled together. He told me he was going to make me fall in love with him, spoil me for other men, said I love you, talked about engagement, etc. I fell hard. 12 weeks in he asks what I think of ‘the whole thing’ and I ask for exclusivity. He says he’ll think about it. I was sure he’d say yes. Four days later he says he can’t, but wants to continue seeing me. I refuse and dump him. Two weeks later, his mother dies and texts me w/ this news. I freak out (he has to go out-of-state), and offer comfort through text for about 10 days. He comes back (doesn’t want to meet) and my father passes 2 days later. Fly out and roles reverse, he comforts me. Two weeks later we meet and in the course of 3 hours can’t resolve issue. He keeps saying I’m amazing, but… We have undeniable chemistry, but… etc. I dump him again. Three weeks later he texts, I respond and chat. He lets me know he is alone. I tell him I’m willing to accept his conditions and try to work things out. He says he wants to think about it. Four days later he says he can’t give me the ‘commitment I need in my timeframe’ (WTF! I didn’t ask for that). I said Goodbye and blocked the crap out of him with no further comment. I will definitely hold my ground. It’s been three weeks. What is wrong with this guy? I don’t expect him to come back but, is it possible he will?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 30, 2016 at 2:59 pm
Hi Adrianne,
Looks like he’s just using you for companionship, comfort, or emotional support
Rae
December 27, 2016 at 5:26 am
I wonder, we were justy together for three months but we didnt meet regularly although we msg each other every day, and we had happy times, and I treated him so well, but he thought i didnt meet him often I trivialised his feelings which he dislike, also before we brike up we had two weeks didnt see each other
what I want to say is: is it 30 NC is too long for us, I m afraid he will loss feelings for us. ( I m sure if I msg him he will respond me now, now I have one week NC I can do it for 30 sayd tho, but just afraid like what I said, he will loss feelings) he is a bit immature tho. now I have folloing the rules, I post fun pics on social media, and he liked one of my pic, I felt happy maybe is really like what the theories say: he wants me to msg him first, he was th eon e initially broke up with me. although I talked to him after broke up one week, I told him Im not happy without him, and he made me happy, he replied, I made him happy too, I know is not negative, so now I have been improving myslef and restart the NC for a week .
but if he still dosnt msg me first during the 30 days NC should I msg him first, and what should I say to him, becasue we were not together for a long time so i worry now! and also he said we d better be friends, I dont understand it
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 5:19 am
Hi Rae,
you need to check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
Anaya
December 26, 2016 at 4:20 am
Hey I really can’t need help with my situation. My boyfriend and I have been on and off twice before. He broke up with me this time because he said that he did not feel that he was being a good boyfriend . He felt like he has a lot of things that he needs to deal with in his life and he cannot do them being in a relationship. He also feels like he needs to be really selfish right now to work on the things that he needs to get done. We still talked even after the break up but then I started to get really upset and cut off from him and started the no contact. Now he hasn’t even talked to me and today on Christmas he did not even say merry Christmas to me. I really want to marry him and I feel like he is the one but I just don’t know. It has been 15 days and none of us have messaged each other.. well I have to be the one to message him because he is so selfish? We also had a lot of family issues in the fact that his family wanted him to be single and they did not like me. I don’t know if this is a big deal or not but he also has all our pictures still on his Facebook .. and recently I was not home so my sister asked him if I was over at his place and he was very neutral and borderline cold towards her.. is that a bad sign and what is going on?
Anaya
January 3, 2017 at 6:01 am
Hi amor!
As an update, after i broke no contact, my ex and I started texting back and forth and really getting along- it was very positive! So I asked him if he wanted to do the New Years count down together. He said he couldn’t because he was with his parents. So i posted myself having fun at a downtown club with some friends. My ex ended up leaving his parents and no one knew where he went. And then, he blocked my number and me on messenger– what gives?!! I just purchased the ebook and I read the articles on blocking.. but I don’t know why he blocked me!! I’m so upset and angry- should I tell him that I didn’t appreciate him blocking me and if he needed space, he should’ve just asked for it? Or should I just ignore it? He has really hurt me and disappointed me with this!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 4, 2017 at 4:35 pm
he probably dod tjat to prevent receiving messages from you once you found out he went somewhere else in nye..so, being angry at him just confirms he did the right thing to block you because that’s probably what he’s avoiding..
Anaya
January 1, 2017 at 3:19 am
Hi Amor!
Thank you so much for your response I did not see until now that you responded- I’m sorry! As an update, we had told Eachother we were not going to tell anyone we weren’t together anymore because when we do get back together, it makes things complicated. Hence, he kept his pics up of us. I went 21 days and then melted and texted him. We would text Eachother back and forth and then I thought things were going great so I asked him if he wanted to do the countdown with me… he said he’ll just go to his parents. So then I asked him if he will call me so I can wish him happy New Year’s and he never did… I just don’t understand. He will text back-and-forth with me but he didn’t want to see me for New Year’s and he did not want to call! Since it’s been a couple of days just wanted to remind you I posted on the 26. I am the one with the off and on boyfriend. I was thinking of going back to active no contact.. since he’s deciding to be a jerk and not even call me. What should I do? What’s going on?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 1, 2017 at 7:38 pm
the more you do the no contact rule, the less it can help you..plus if you’re on and off, it would be better to act as if you’re moving on because what you’re both doing right now, by not telling others is just feeding the cycle..
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 5:12 pm
Hi Anaya,
he might have thought “Why is she asking me about her when they know we broke up?” So, to him, it might be like making him jealous on purpose.. Are you going to finish at least 30 days? How much did you improve yourself?
Kristina
December 24, 2016 at 9:17 am
Hi! My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago..we were dating for half a year, and since then we remained in contact from time to time (sex included). Yesterday I embarrassed myself so much by calling him, saying him that I love him, sending him 50 messages and texts and saying how desperate I was. Today I woke up and I did not want to live..I sent an apology, but what to do now? I will start the no contact rule, but is there really a way that he can forget about this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 12:05 pm
Hi Ana,
check this:
What To Do When Things With Your Ex Don’t Go According To Plan (With Christine Hassler)
Alicia
December 21, 2016 at 9:01 pm
My bf just broke up with me a week ago, we’ve been dating for 2 years. In this time we had no contact, he snapchated me…but i opened it and didn’t respond. The break up blindsided me, had no idea it was coming. Well the last two months were rough, he wasny himself, not as happy…he was obviously going through stuff…like a new job, and like a mini mid life crisis (were only in our early 20’s)
Anyways he said he didnt see us getting married, and went on to say how i have been amazing recently, dealing with all his baggage. But that i deserve better. He’s affraid of getting a divorce, and that i would resent him for not being enough for me.
I didn’t try to convince him not to break up with me, because we both respect each other. And left amicably, i mean i cried..but left understandably. He said he wants to stay friends….but Christmas and new years is coming up, hes leaving with his family to Christmas and then on a week long cruise. Im scared if i dont contact him now, hell leave…is there hope for us to get back together
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 25, 2016 at 11:26 am
Hi Alicia
he wont leave on vacation if you stay friends with him?
Marion
December 17, 2016 at 5:45 am
Maybe I read too quickly, but I felt like this article did not cover my situation. During the break-up conversation (the last phase of our relationship was long-distance (after living together) and he flew up to break up with me (I had a feeling), broke up with me the first night then stayed and we kept talking for the next two days and both parted in tears) I was very clear and told him twice that I could not be friends with him and that I was going to need space indefinitely. So he KNEW that No Contact was going to happen, for up to YEARS. So what about that situation? There is more complexity where that came from, but I would rather e-mail about it than type a super long public comment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2016 at 1:14 pm
Hi Marion,
you told him indefinitely but you didn’t tell him you would be for years.. and why did you break up?
hp1983
December 14, 2016 at 5:43 pm
This is very confusing to me because all these relationships lasted so long and mine…well, a little over 2 months. Thing is, those 2 months were very intense…and we were long distance, but we both made major sacrifices and efforts to see each other as often as possible…and majority of time we were together, spoke everyday. He told me that he was making future plans and I was included in all his plans. Well, our last meet up was supposed to be a trip with 2 friends for a long weekend getaway and we were leaving day after my birthday. He got the MAN FLU few days earlier and was in a serious “poor me” mode…I spoke to him, was nurturing as much as I could be so far away. Anyway, on my bday he was saying that he is soooo bad. I knew where this was going so I tried alternatives…(mind you that my bday was very emotional for me as I was very far away from my family and I was crying and I asked him 5 times if THIS day he could just pretend for 5min that everything is ok and that everything he says to me is not about how bad he feels)…anyway, I knew where his texts were heading so I said ok, I can drive 5h to pick you up and then 4h to our destination, I really didn’tmind because that would just give me more time with him, even if it’s in the car…he said no. Ok, so I said we can skip the destination and I come to his town, rent a place there (he doesn’t live alone) and we’ll just stay there, he said no. Then I started getting really pissed off because what he really wanted me to say was “don’t go, you’re sick”. But I, too, was selfish and didn’t want to do that because this whole thing was his idea in the first place. Eventually I just said do whatever you want, come or don’t come. He bombarded AGAIN with loads of messages and then I sad that I have company and I’m celebrating my bday, stop it. He got furious! Apparently I was rude in the text. The next day he just wrote “I’m not going, have fun”. Obviously, I was devastated. We left, as the place was already paid for and I had serious hope that he would eventually come. But I was NOT patient whatsoever so the next day I called him before he was leaving for work, he was angry and I started laughing because I couldn’t believe that he could be angry at something so silly. Now THAT made him really angry and refused to come at all. Days passed, we didn’t talk, then he sent me a text 4 days later. We chatted a little bit, then he went cold turkey. Next weekend came, he ignored me. Then one day we spoke a bit, I could sense the distance in his tone of words, no warmth whatsoever. So I asked him that I need to know where we stand. He wrote that there is no future for us. I asked him to call me because if we’re breaking up, I won’t have it over a text msg. He said that it was difficult to hear my voice…but he called anyways. The break up was calm, nice…he said that something changed in him…I disappointed him so much that he simply lost feelings for me. I asked him if another girl was involved, he said no. And he was very sorry that things turned out this way because he experienced things with me that he hadn’t with anyone before. Fastforward couple of days, I find out that he IS indeed seeing someone else. At the very beginning of our relationship, he showed me a profile of a girl and he said how he always liked her and she was a great girl in his opinion (don’t remember how we got talking about her though). Anyway, 2 months later and that’s the girl he is seeing. It’s been 3 weeks since we spoke and I still miss him. I’m almost done with the no contact rule, but I’m not where I want to be when I do contact him so it will be longer that the 30 days thing. But I am curious….is she a rebound or maybe the real thing? Was I here maybe a stepping stone? I did feel all his emotions to be sincere and that anger he had of disappointment. I developed strong feelings for him during this time…as I said, it was intense and I’m not usually like that. I don’t know if he’s the one I really want to be with, but I’m not ready to let him go yet…I haven’t felt that happy in a relationship…well, ever really. And no, I’m not a teenager (though I may sound like one atm). Should I contact him at all? Is there a point? I don’t know if he is feeling sad of losing me since not only was our relationship short but also long distance. And I know for a fact that he is not the type of guy that tends to go back to his ex’.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 15, 2016 at 9:30 am
Hi Hp1983,
I think he’s in a grass is greener case.. Check the link below. If yiu didnt improve during the no contact, it’s no use. Improve massively first before contacting him..
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
LIGAYA
December 13, 2016 at 10:04 am
I broke up with a long distance boyfriend through email. We havent really seen each other. Though we had plans next year. We have been in constant communication for 8 mos and he really agreed to be exclusive 5 months ago. He would call me everyday.longest would last 3 hours. Shortes for about 5 minutes.Do video chat. Tell me he loves and he cant stop thinking about me everyday. We were excited to see each other. I broke up with him because i was planning to migrate to another country and not to the US. I thought we do not have a future together. He was calm bout the letter. But day after i pleaded to get back together. I realized it was wrong to let him go. He does not want it and he doesnt want to be friends. I know i hurt him. He asked for time to fix some issues with his life before he can go to something deep again. He mentioned it twice in his last email. That he needs time and that he needs to take care of things.
I want him back… I really do. The connection was so real or i thought so. Does the no contact rule still applies to this one? Though i promised him that i will give him time.
Is there a slight chance that he will come back? Its been 5 days and i havent contact him as promised.
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 10:31 pm
Hi Ligaya,
well, it’s just been a few days, so you can still try the no contact rule but there’s no guarantee that it will work. You said you don’t have plans on moving to US, so what happens now?
annie
December 11, 2016 at 9:22 am
My boyfriend is quiet angry over my past issues. I love him alot and I would never ever cheat on him. I always listen to him and try to make him happy and try to do as he says. He loves me too but his anger outbreaks when ever something reminds him of my past. It is his first relationship with me but I had a few flings over the past which I regret but now this is the person I want to marry and stay with for the rest of my life. A boy with whome I had a fling with himself contacted my boyfriend and tried his best to ruin our relation. It worked. My boyfriend used to abuse me and tell me things and called me a slut. I kept telling him I really love him and cant live without him. I tried to attempt suicide. He held me and asked for forgiveness but again he gets really angry for my past and his anger blinds him. He is this really angry aggressive sort of person. Has problems when dealing with anger issues. If i ignore him he gets really angry and then he might blackmail me or he just keeps on degrading me telling me what sort of a slut I am. It disheartens me. We study in the same university and when we get holidays I dont know what happens to him. Due to holidays I think he seems to loose control over me and then takes out his anger. And fights with me. Day before yesterday I texted him in the morning and i didnt get a reply. I texted him again afterwards no reply. Then again I texted him at night a long text asking him why he doesnt wants to talk to me. He says my past is too much to handle and that he does not wants to be with me anymore now. I do everything in my power to keep us happy but its only my past which is breaking us apart. He said he wont ever contact me now and said he is leaving university and moving off to another city which i think is a lie because he has said that before many times in our fights. Because of him tommorow i came to know that one of my subjects have been dropped due to not attending the classes. I used to leave my class to spend him with him because he said so. I used to keep telling him that i dont want to leave classes i want to save my absents for some calamities but he asked me to trust in him and that he would help me cover up anybof the mossed lectures. i said ok. 6 absents are allowed but I had 8. He said he wont let my absents exceed 6 but in the end we came to know it had exceeded 8 days. I had also missed 2 lectures because i had an operation of a gland. I told him because of him my one subject is dropped and that my parents cannot afford to make me repeat that subject again because uni is so expensive. He said he doesnt cares and said he will give me money for that. I said no i dont need money the point is i have sacrificed so much for his love beyond my abilities. He said they werent enough to get him over my past. That hurt me alot. Then i didnt reply him he then he said listen i said yes? He said i love you .. i said i love you too. After that he didnt reply. One day has passed he didnt reply nor did i. My final exams are starting and currently im on my holidays before exams. He visits uni daily to meet me even on days when he has no classes. Now tell me one day has passed should I just stop talking to him when he replies? What if he gets so much angry that he abuses me and blackmails me. I dont know what to do. He himself said the best way to deal with him is to stick with him no matter what and to keep on loving him even if he gets so angry so that he can forget my past. It does work but in order to do that my mental health is spoiling as i have to deal with his anger and bad remarks about me with patience. But then he gets really happy and then loves me but then if we are getting normal ups and downs again on small things it reminds him of my past or when we are having holidays. Again he gets angry and i have to deal with him by loving him again and again so that eventually over a period of time he can forget. Now the thing is im sticking with him no matter what. But he is hurting me alot by looking at other girls and whispering in his friends ear in front of me. I get really angry why he does that. I think he is trying to give it back to me by doing this. Now yesterday and day before that he said he can live without me and that he doesnt needs me in his life and that i should stop contacting him at all. In the end when i told him that my subject is dropped then he said he doesnt cares and he will give me money for that but i disagreed. Then i got so depressed because my other subjects are not going well because of our relationship. And also he said he is going to leave me so i just said im poisoning myself and said bye. He said dont forget to erase the data. And i didnt reply but then he again said listen and i said yes and he said i love you and i said i love you too. But now for the first time in our 8 mnths 9 months relationship a day has passed we havnt talked. Otherwise we both were so in love he couldnt live a day without talking to me . Now should i take this over? Should i just start the no contact rule? He hets really angry and does many bad things and blackmailing stuff in his anger. What if i start the no contact rule and end up doing damage for myself? I live in eastern countries where family does not encourage to gave relationships outside marriage. So tell me ? What should I do? I love him so much i need him back and i want us to stay happy forever and grow old together!! He said he would never regret leaving me once he left me because he would keep thinking over my past and would find it as a good reason to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 6:13 pm
Hi Annie,
move on from him. Don’t go back to an abusive relationship. Go to counseling for healing and take responsibility of your responsibilities. Stop handing over to other people the decision of living your life, like attending classes. For now, start with that. Fix school and go to counseling.
Jeanna
December 10, 2016 at 10:32 am
Hi. My NC will be ending on the 16th and it turned out to be his birthday! Actually it’s the 21st day on the 16th. I decided to go on 21 days because we ended on good terms.
I haven’t broken the NC.
He’s been contacting me for the first week. Everyday. But I did not reply to any.
Then, i thought he already gave up. But last night he texted me if i was still mad at him.
I didt reply but i felt sad.
Now i don’t know how to start to contact him specially it’s his birthday. Can you guide me with this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 11:36 pm
Hi Jeanna,
Check this:
EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
Kayaa
December 8, 2016 at 1:29 pm
Hi.. I completed 30 days of NC today. I wanted to ask that what should i tell him if he asks me that why i was being ignoring him all these days. He had called me thrice in these thirty days and i did not receive his call…
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Hi Kaya,
Tell him you needed space to heal.
Kaya
December 8, 2016 at 1:26 pm
Hi.. I completed 30 days of NC today. I wanted to ask that what should i tell him if he asks me that why i was being ignoring him all these days. He had called me thrice in these thirty days and i did not receive his call.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2016 at 1:06 pm
Hi Kaya,
Tell him you needed space to heal.
Kat
December 7, 2016 at 3:18 am
Hi, my ex and I had been dating for 2 months and have known each other for about 4. We met on a whim, not expecting to fall for each other because both of us were out hanging out with mutual friends. I had given up on relationships and so had he. We hit it off. Everything just ended up amazing and Ive never had such a connection with anyone before. Now, he treated me amazing and like I always wanted. He loved me and definitely was all over the fact of wanting to marry me. But his thoughts changed after the honeymoon phase ended and we came back to normal. He thought nothing was there. Still thinks it.
I tried a few days of no contact. We didnt end on bad terms at all. Just didnt happen the way he wanted. He said to me he felt he failed. Now we exchanged each others things by mail (he lives about 3 hours away). Basically it seemed like he didnt want to see me but i dont know why thatd be the case if he is “over it”. Anyways, my plan was to not talk to him again after i sent his stuff. But he got it two or 3 days later and ended up texting me. We talked.
He says he still wants to talk to me, to have me in his life, he still appreciates me, but he doesnt want to give this another shot because hes afraid of the same thing happening again and he says nothing is there when i asked him over the phone if it was fear or if it was because nothings there. He was kind of quick to answer with “nothing there”. He tried for three weeks before breaking things off to see if something was there and to try and fix it all. I was unaware till he broke up with me. Odd to me really.
Ultimately, i know the NC rule was broken. I want to try it again more seriously this time. Is it okay if I do that? He wanted to be friends with me, not wanting to cut me out of his life, but i am not sure why thats the case really. And we have the same two best friends. My friends think I should move on, but I know I love him and I am willing to try anything to get him back. So, will trying the NC rule again, even though its been broken once, possibly work? Should i do it? Is it over and done because he seems to have his mind set even though its been just two weeks since we broke up? He says whats done is done and he doesnt go back on that type of thing cause its never worked for him before, but Im not so sure. Maybe I am desperate, but I dont know if thats the case. I feel like I am running out of time!
Aubrey
December 20, 2016 at 8:01 am
My boyfriend and I dated for about 3 years. We were on and off in the beginning, mainly because of long distance (and other reasons which I will get to in a moment) but when we were together it was amazing. He would say it, and I would say it. The last year we were solid because our long distance was coming to a close. We decided to move in together. We never had crazy arguments. We set goals for ourselves and talked about getting a house together and places we wanted to travel to. He would say we were a team and in life together as one. He would tell me that other people could see how happy we were. He would tell me that what he loved most about me was that I pushed him to go after his dreams and be a better person. We got along with each others friends and families. On the rare occasion I did get mad at him, he would bring me flowers. He said we were compatible because we shared the same values, had similar interests, and had similar habits. If I was too busy with work he’d often get sad that I couldn’t spend more time with him… You get the picture.
Now onto some underlying issues that we did have despite everything usually being perfect: he experienced a lot of turmoil growing up. His parents got divorced and it was extremely messy. His parents slept around and told their kids never to get married. His siblings have also endured high anxiety and have had breakdowns several times. His 3 siblings admit that they’re experiences have affected the way they view relationships. My ex was a major player before we met, and never got too close to any girl. I feel like this part of him never really fully left. And during the times we did breakup because of the long distance, he would always say that he didn’t believe he was old enough to be in a serious relationship especially a long distance one.
Fast forward to the end of the relationship. Again, everything was great. But then he went on a trip to Vegas, got way too drunk with his friends, and hooked up with a girl which he barely remembers. As soon as he got back, he told me. He said he’d never been so stressed in his life because he thought he would lose me. He was depressed for a week and slept on the couch because he felt like he didn’t deserve me. I was nice because I saw how sad he was and respected him for being truthful. We moved on from it, and then things were back to normal. Then he decided to go on a trip to Australia with his college frat buddies for a month and asked me if he could go. I said okay but wanted to keep in touch of course. We talked everyday and he made a point of facetiming me every day. He even got presents for my family. Then, on the last day of the trip, boom! He breaks up with me and said he didn’t see a future with me and he doesn’t believe he ever loved me and that was that. We spoke in person and he said the same thing. He also said he wasn’t ready to bring someone into his life and that he wasn’t sure he would ever marry or ever have kids. I don’t understand because we talked right before the trip about how he did see a future with me (although not about all the details such as marriage and kids… Just that he saw being with me for life generally speaking). He told me he loved me right up until the breakup. It’s been a week now and we have hardly spoken except about necessary things because I’ve had to move out. I’ve been really calm and collected during this whole thing if I do say so myself and I said I just understood. I heard that he’s been having a hard time but I don’t think he’s changing his mind anytime soon. Is this just a hopeless case of commitment phobia?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 22, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Hi Aubrey,
it can be, but you have to stick to the no contact rule and focus in improving yourself because if it’s commitment phobe, it has to hurt more if he lost you..So, that there’s a higher chance of him wanting to commit..
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2016 at 7:50 pm
Hi Kat,
He misses you because it’s human nature to miss you. He’s used to talk to you. There’s not guarantee that it will work but it’s better to do it while he still misses you.
Jillian Shea
December 6, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Okay so my boyfriend and I broke up about 3-4 weeks ago. I never answered his text breaking up with me. I just ignored it for 3-4 weeks. 2 weeks in he texts me Hi and I don’t respond. Then it hits about day 23 and I call him at 4 am and leave him a text about one of our old memories and how I got reminded of it. He then responded a day or two with I miss that. I proceeded to do all the texting rules and then I broke down and said “I think I need closure” and he says back “I thought we already had closure” and I said “I just miss the person I thought was my best friend” and he said “I have always been your best friend” and I said “how did this all go so wrong?” And he responded “I don’t know” A little back story is that we dated in highschool and our relationship was amazing. We were best friends, I was so close with his family. But I am staying back at a community college and he is at a university. So as soon as he left he started to change and put less effort in, and I was unhappy with my life and being stuck at a community college so I would bitch at him and that pushed him away more and he did more and more shitty things to me. At one point a couple weeks before our final breakup he drunk texted me he wanted a break and then begged for me back the next day. I kissed another guy because I was upset, so then all the blame was placed on me and I begged for him back after that. And we got back together and nothing changed. And it came to breaking up 3 or so weeks later. What do I do? Is it done? He comes home for a month in 2 weeks, do I wait for him to contact me then? Do I text him next week and restart with the whole contact texting thing?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2016 at 6:27 pm
Hi Jillian,
It’s good that you did the no contact rule but it looks like it was not enough for a restart. You’re the only one making effort because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. So, right now, there’s still might be a little thought in him that thinks you’re trying to get him back. He doesn’t really think you’re moving on but you did mention to him that you just missed your best friend. Are you still continually improving yourself? Are you active in posting in social media? Will he think you’re moving on and improving? Will he regret leaving you?
Yv
December 5, 2016 at 10:12 pm
Hi,
I messed up ☹️. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6yrs now and it’s been a pretty good relationship except for the fact that he has intimacy issues in the bedroom and we’ve only had s*x a handful of times. He claims to have a high s*x drive but has never shown this to me… I also have a high s*x drive and have tried everything and suggested everything I can think of to get us back on track. He has never agreed to try even one if my suggestions. Skip forward to a few weeks ago when an old flame/friend contacted me on Feb asking to reconnect. I knew it was a risk but I went and saw him anyway. Things got heated and we ended up being intimate. The guilt set in a few days after and kept getting worse til 5 days ago I told my boyfriend while I was at his house visiting( he lives an hr away with his elderly mom now, but lived with me for 3 years before this). He reacted very calmly saying he expected something like this to happen and that he knew he wasn’t meeting my needs. He said he holds me totally responsible for the infidelity, but knows he had a part to play in it because if our lack of intimacy in the relationship. I left immediately after confessing and he even helped me carry my overnight bag to the car. He didn’t say he wants to break up but he did say it was a ‘wake up call’. A day after I was home I noticed he had removed himself from a group chat we share in Google Hangouts, but didn’t block me from making him personally. I msged him letting him know again how sorry I am and that I want to work things out. He saw my msg but didn’t respond. As of today, it’s been 5 days with no communication from his end at all. I’m confused by all this. He is the type of person who shuts down when overwhelmed with emotion but us also mostly a calm individual. Is he just hurting or us he trying to tell me it’s over with his silence??
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 9, 2016 at 1:21 am
HI YV,
more likely, he’s hurting and thinking.. Check this:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
Kikka
November 28, 2016 at 1:40 am
Hi,
I dated a man in his 50s for two months. We were introduced to each other by a common friend whose daughter is friend with his.
We hit it off and saw each other once or twice a week, sometimes also with his daughter. He came up pretty strong on me, flooded me with compliments, made me feel like a princess, his teenage daughter was asking a lot of things about me and he told her that he had never felt this way in 25 years and once that we were out the three of us, he hugged me saying “this is my woman”.
Out of the blue he started contacting me less… my birthday came and he didn’t text me nor invite me out. I saw him the day after and he told me he got confused on the day and there were actually two gifts waiting for me… but the contact frequency did not improve much…
We had planned a Thanksgiving trip together with the friends who introduced us and the kids. The girls were excited, and we made plans to use my car which I prepped for the trip.
Then three days before leaving, he broke up with me with the “motivation” that we are not compatible.
I deleted his number, cancelled his texts, deleted his email and I haven’t contacted him since (6 days)… but I miss him like crazy…
I have the feeling/hope that he is going to contact me again because I believe that his behavior was due to him having cold feet for the relationship getting serious… The man did not have a happy childhood, and a terrible tragedy 10 years ago hit him: his 3 year old daughter died in a domestic accident, when a bookcase fell on her.
I want him to feel secure to be with me and help him getting through his problems once he comes back…
Any advice?
Kikka
December 11, 2016 at 12:23 pm
Unfortunately he does not have a facebook account nor anything like that, so even if he becomes curios, he does not have any means of checking what I am up to.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 6:58 pm
He can check it through a friends’..
Kikka
December 6, 2016 at 10:23 am
My ex does not use any social media, so there is no way for him to know if I am moving on besides my silence… does this play as a disadvantage?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2016 at 11:32 am
Hi Kikka,
continue to be active in posting because there’s still a chance that he will check your account when becomes curious. Try a different type of text, one like a question about something that he’s good at if you want.
Kikka
December 2, 2016 at 10:41 am
Hi,
I am in 10 days of NC, but the guy has never even tried to contact me during this time…. do I still have any hope of a text message? Is he thinking of me and missing me or just going about his business and not caring anymore?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 7:22 pm
Check this:
What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2016 at 7:15 pm
Hi Kikka,
He’s the only one who can deal with his issues..if he needs therapy, he had to do it.. If it went too fast then take it slow next time..do you want to try the no contact rule?
Stacey
November 27, 2016 at 2:20 pm
I was dating a guy for only a few short weeks and felt we were getting along great, he met my young son during that time i went away with a girlfriend for a weekend, i was informed about a family members ill health with i did not disclose to him. He then siad that we didnt have any common ground which is untrue. I met him through tinder (i know) he was back on there until a couple weeks ago. I am in a jam as i really liked this man. Please any advice or help would so be appreciated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 29, 2016 at 12:55 pm
Hi Stacey,
there’s a small chance but if you are going to do a no contact rule, I think you can only try 21 days
Annalise N
November 26, 2016 at 5:15 pm
Hello! My ex-boyfriend and good friend ended things with me about 6 weeks ago. I don’t really understand why, to be honest. We are very different people, but always agreed on the important things and had a lot of fun together. We had been together for about 1.5 years. The break up was triggered by the fact that he got a new job that will move him far away from Boston, where we both currently live. I always thought we’d do long distance for a while and I’d go out there if I could find a good job. I have tons of friends where he’s moving and I had been thinking of moving out there even before we were together. He didn’t think he could do long distance again (we had done it briefly before) and said he was unsure about the relationship. In between tears, he said he knew he was going to regret this, but told me not to wait for him forever because I deserve to be happy. When he ended things, I told him not to contact me at all until I did (no texts, snapchats, instagram/FB likes, not to ask my friends how I was, etc). He’s done a great job of that except for when he returned my stuff (through his best friend) – he included a note telling me he’d always love me and called me my pet name I told him he was no longer allowed to call me. There hasn’t been anything since then, however, and now I’m regretting that I said that. I’m shocked that he hasn’t reached out at all. I’ve stayed strong and have not contacted him in the time period either.
Anyway, he’s leaving in a month for Seattle and we had agreed that we would meet up to say goodbye if I was up for it. I’m in a weird place because I’ve thought a lot about our relationship and what worked/what didn’t. I’m still very much in love with him and I want to get back together (not right away, I think serious work needs to be done on both parts, but maybe in the future). I don’t think I’m particularly ready to see him (seeing him might set me back in the healing process), but I feel like if I don’t see him before he goes, that will be it. I will be sending him a message that I don’t want him in my life anymore in any capacity. So there’s a sense of urgency here. I don’t think I want to go meet up with him and have a lengthy conversation about the relationship (like a closure thing); instead, I would just want to catch up I guess. Not that I’d have much to say except for the fact that I’ve been miserable this whole time. But I’m thinking about how he hasn’t tried to contact me in the past six weeks. Does that mean he’s already over it? If there’s no chance, maybe it’s better to just forget it. My pride has already taken a huge hit, so I don’t want to put myself through more shit. But if there’s any chance in the future, I don’t want to ruin that by not taking a chance now. What should I do? When should I break the NC and what should I say?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2016 at 11:51 am
Hi Annalise,
if you will really regret not having a catch up before he leaves do it, and then restart the process from that.. At least you won’t have regrets.. Take that as a clean slate after that catch up..