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Riri
November 25, 2016 at 2:18 pm
Okay so ill make this short as possible. So, me and my bf were together for 6 months until he broke up with me. We were both at uni so hardly had time to see each other but nevertheless made it work ish! During the 6 months he kept doing things that made me want to break up with him but i never did and i dont understand why if he was causing me so much stress. However i realised how much he meant when we broke up and at that point i got to know him.more and obv feelings just developed to the point where were talking about future!( marriage family) so after we broke up he contacted me 1 month after and we met and talked about eveything not about us, then 1 week later agreed to not speak for good (as i heard someone) else was involved) however i wasnt sure if it was for forever. Anyways, the last time i spoke to him was 3 months ago and i was starting to 1. Feel like he moved on 2. I was actually starting to become happier knowing that i might not see him again. I feel like we will were serious and intense too quickly. So he recently emailed me just checking on how i was and life in general. Ita only been 3 days since i received the email and i cant stop thinking about how much i want to talk to him but at the same time i think about how much he hurt me. So shouls i wait then reply or just reply when i miss him. I just dont want jim to think that im waiting for him to cantact me and that i can be without him. Should i wait then reply or never reply?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 27, 2016 at 6:03 pm
Hi Riri,
it depends.. what do you really want? Do you want to rebuild the relationship or just move on? If you want to just move on, don’t reply.
Nicole
November 24, 2016 at 2:34 am
Hi, good day to you. My ex broke up with me 19 days ago, we were supposed to celebrate our 6th anniv last august but he chose to attend our friend’s birthday party. Bottom line is, it never happened. We had a major problem since December last year but we agreed to fix it. We were very okay until he started working last September. He was hard to contact telling me that he is very busy. I waited for him almost every afternoon so we could have dinner together but he didn’t show up. I told him that I was not okay about him not texting me at all and he was cool with it telling me that he will text me next time. I waited for 2 weeks but he never did. I reached out to him finally asking him if we could meet. He agreed. The night we met, he broke up with me. He told me that I broke up with him 4 times already pointing out that if that happened in the altar what would he do? He would just stand there and cry? He also said that he doesn’t love me anymore and I have to move on but I observed that he was not looking at me when he said those words so I asked him to look me in the eyes repeat what he said. He did. It was over. Right after our conversation he went out partying with his friends that same night, then the night after and the night after. Until now I didn’t contact him. I know we had problems and we didn’t have a perfect relationship but one thing is clear, I know we deeply loved and cared for one another. Do you think there is a chance at all? or should I go on with my life? because as of now I can only see him in my future and I am really having a hard time accepting everything. Thank you so much.
Nicole
December 5, 2016 at 1:43 pm
Hi, I’ve followed the NC rule. I asked him to talk to me and he willingly agreed. I laughed during our conversation although I observed that he kept on texting someone. I asked if that was someone he is seeing and he answered ‘maybe’ jokingly. I was really hurt but I shrugged it off. I thanked him for everything and apologized for everything I did wrong during our relationship. He just laughed and made small comments. It was okay and fun. I told him that I genuinely hope that the next one would love him more than I do and she’d be the last one. He said nothing. One and a half day after our conversation I texted him. I told him that we went to eat korean noodles and I remembered him. I also asked if he knew about the new korean establishment in town but he hasn’t responded yet. That night I also discovered that he tagged a lady (one of his officemates) in one of his posts on social media. He also ‘loved’ one of her photos. It’s lame, I know, and it hurts a lot but what should I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 4:45 pm
How long did you do the nc rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 6:45 pm
Hi Nicole,
why not try the no contact rule first before fully moving on?
Kara
November 23, 2016 at 12:02 pm
Hi, my ex-fiance broke up with me completely out of the blue 5 and a half weeks ago. He came home one day after work as I was cooking dinner and said “I can’t do this anymore, I love you but I’m not in love with you”. That night it was a very short chat, I was just shocked. I asked him to leave and he did. He sent his (very pregnant) sister and mum to see me the next day to check on me but didn’t contact me until the day after. The breakup happened on a thursday evening, we met and talked and sobbed and hugged the Saturday and Sunday. On the Sunday I told him I needed some space (my first attempt at NC) but because we lived together he left all of his things at our (jointly bought) house. Almost a week went by. I made the mistake of still talking to his sister and mum, I tried to sound positive and as if I’m using this as a lesson etc. I think word got back to him that I was ok and he messaged me through his sister about wanting to sort out our very intertwined finances. I got angry he didn’t respect my wishes of space for a few weeks (NC) and called and we had a rather fiery conversation where inevitably I did try to gage if he might be persuaded to come back. After that Friday I very respectfully told his sister and mum I needed space from all of them for a little bit to be able to move on, told them I loved them etc. I didn’t want to give him the option of ‘talking to me through them’.
He’s been at the house once after that to get a few more of this things (essential things, he also left a lot) while I wasn’t there and once for 15 minutes to drop off our cat carrier bag, that was a week and a half ago and he hugged me tightly and told me I looked good at the end. That meeting went well at the end, I wore a new outfit he hadn’t seen before, nothing too obvious and subtly let him know I was out with some new friends the previous night. I found out through mutual friends he felt extremely paranoid about that.
Here’s the issue, we’ve been together for almost 6 years, were engaged to be married, have a house together, a car etc. so I can’t completely NC him. Ive been trying to not answer his messages on the finances too often and have ignored ones which don’t have a question in them. is this still effective as NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 10:39 am
HI Kara,
it’s ok to talk about important stuff during nc, as long as it’s only about that. What’s more important is how much you improve during and after nc.
Sara
November 23, 2016 at 4:51 am
Hi, I dated this guy for a couple months. Wasn’t the intentions just happened that way. We were fairly fresh out of a year relationship. I wanted to go slow…stated this etc but he pursued me. We are very compatible, get along great and enjoy each other’s company a lot. I unfortunately have some hang ups, which prior to getting uber serious I laid it out. He assured me of working though everything, communication and being there. So when issues arose we talked through it. Never fought but then he mentioned I sparked some traits that reminded him of his ex which scares him. He broke up with me said he needs time to think. Long and short, I do have stuff at his house and vice versa and no mention of collecting it or anything like that. I’m a little confused as to what to do. Cutting contact seems so brash. He says he misses me, misses spending time with me, that I’m amazing, cute, beautiful, funny and has fun with me but doesn’t know if he can do this now…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 25, 2016 at 7:24 pm
Hi Sara,
so you want to stay friends with him?
Mira
November 23, 2016 at 4:12 am
I finished the no contact rule for 30 days. And then i initiated contact back with him because he keeps showing signs on instagram that he misses me and we texted like friends. And then after a few weeks, i begged him to stay and give me a chance and he refused. Did i just lost a chance to be with the love of my life? Weve been together for 2 years. And he decided to not be with me anymore despite me begging. Please help me. What should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 25, 2016 at 4:55 pm
Hi mira
why did you broke upz?
Tina
November 18, 2016 at 8:09 am
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we broke up a month ago. He told me he needed time to sort his life out without me in it so I gave him his time. I have been doing the NC ever since. He texted me for two days with a “hi” which I didn’t respond to and last Saturday he sent me a series of drunk texts…..He has not texted since then…. Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 20, 2016 at 5:01 pm
Hi Tina,
that’s a good sign that he texted you. How much did you improve since you started nc?
Kiri
November 10, 2016 at 1:43 am
Hiya,
So I will start with my question which is, “Will the no contact rule work if my ex boyfriend broke up with me for the sole purpose that he felt like he didn’t love me as much anymore?”
Now I will explain. I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half and the relationship was pretty fantastic. Everyone has their ups and down obviously, but as far as relationships go ours was always slightly better than average which was great. We over came a lot of issues together with good communication (on my behalf) but he would never share any problems with me as he is not an emotional person usually.
So of course when he turns up at my house one day and says to me, (in a fit of uncharacteristic, heart wrenching sobs) “I don’t know how to say this, I haven’t felt right for a while and I just don’t love you as much as I used to. I wish you could be enough but you are not.” Followed by many bone breaking hugs, apologies, begging me to message him and be friends and also telling me he will miss me.
Now I felt questions unanswered and we spoke on the phone the next day and he was sobbing once again, saying he had so much doubt over his decision etc. So I let him have a few days to clear his mind, (knowing he is stubborn and would not change his mind, but not wanting him to feel pain and regret over it). Of course a few days later and he phoned with the anser i knew was coming. I followed the advice of another break up expert and I tried to remain as calm and collected as possible, I agreed and told him if he was unhappy then we should break up as there is no point forcing him into and unwanted relationship. I apologiesed for not being able to make him happy and for being possibly to clingy and dependent at times, and finally thanked him for all the wonderful memories. He then told me he still wants to be friends but he will message me when he is ready.
So my no contact starts today. I guess what I really need to know is, will it work if he says the reason we broke up is because he didn’t feel as in love. (meaning will this help him love me again). Then secondly if he said he will message me, should I still message him after 30 days if he still has not contacted me?
Sorry for the lengthy description, I would really appreciate your help and advice.
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 13, 2016 at 4:01 pm
Hi Kiri,
he probably said that to keep the door of friendship open. There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work. But if your questions is will it make him fall in love with you again, nope. The no contact rule helps in increasing your chances but in it, you have to improve yourself too. That’s the most important aspect of the no contact rule. You have to improve yourself. And yes, you can initiate after the no contact rule even if he didn’t initiate during it. Check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Marji
November 9, 2016 at 2:53 am
Hello there. I am 22 years old it’s been 5 days since my boy friend broke up with me. We were together for 19 months. At first 6 months he cheated on me and we got broken up. After 3 weeks he wants me back and he did a lot just to prove his love for me. Then I take him back. We have been very happy in our relationship but still I do have some doubts that he might cheat again so there are times that I am telling him that maybe he’s flirting with other girls again especially when we’re not together and he doesn’t tell me of his whereabouts. We often fight of different things. Until he got his new job this September, there was a girl there his work mate of course who was flirting with him. That girl already knew that I am his girlfriend but she still keeps on flirting with him. We have a big fight again and then after few days he broke up with me. He said he doesn’t love me anymore. He said he loves someone else. I started NC and its now 5 days since NC and our break up. I’m still looking for more help. Please tell me what to do. Di i have a chance of getting him back? Does he really mean that he doesn’t love me anymore? Why is it so easy for him to dump everything on our relationship when he knows I am the only woman who forgave him and give him a lot of chances? Please help me. I don’t know why now he’s acting like he doesn’t care or even remember about me. Why does its so easy for him to dump me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 10, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Hi Marji,
it looks he wasnt that serious in the first place because he cheated on you so early in the relationship.. And then maybe he got tired because you got insecure. I’m not saying it’s your fault, that’s natural to feel that way because he cheated on you. But like you said, it’s so easy for him to just dump you, it can mean that he’s not that invested in the relationship. You should check this one:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?
Marji
November 8, 2016 at 4:46 am
Hello there. I’m now in 4 days of NC since we broke up. it really hurts that since he broke up with me telling me he loves someone else he haven’t texted me since then. I’m so down. Why is he not concerned of how do I feel right now. Can you guys please tell me what does it take to make him come back to me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 10, 2016 at 10:08 pm
Hi Marji,
it looks he wasnt that serious in the first place because he cheated on you so early in the relationship.. And then maybe he got tired because you got insecure. I’m not saying it’s your fault, that’s natural to feel that way because he cheated on you. But like you said, it’s so easy for him to just dump you, it can mean that he’s not that invested in the relationship. You should check this one:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?
DeeDee
November 6, 2016 at 1:33 am
I met this guy online a few months ago and mutually found each other attractive. We’ve been dating for about 3 months and the first few weeks were great. Even though he travelled a lot, we still talked a lot through msgs and calls. And we managed to meet at least once or twice per week if he’s in town. Then I was on vacation and during the 2 week period, we were still in frequent touch. The night I got back, he made soup for me and everything seemed normal. But in the following week, he suddenly became cold and irresponsive, stopped sweet talks, I tried to talk to him to find out and he suddenly told me that we should just be friends. He said we have good chemistry, he cares about me, and the sex is amazing but dating someone means seeing someone regularly and we were not dating in the past few months. But nothing between us has changed. Feeling confused, I tried to call him and figure it out but he didn’t answer my call. Later I told him that I don’t think we could be friends and we should stop seeing each other. But then he started asking me to lunch. I couldn’t resist him so we met and it almost seems like we were getting back together with him touching and asking hugs and kisses from me. But I told him that if we decided to be friends then we shouldn’t have sex or cuddle. We talked to each other as before and made lunch plan last Saturday. When I checked in with him in the morning, he said he doesn’t feel well and his head hurts from previous night out. We exchanged a bit but he never confirmed if he could do lunch or not, and suddenly became unresponsive. So I called maybe 3-4 times to see what was going on and eventually after 2-3 hrs, he said he’s ok. I then told him he needed to apologize and we started an argument where I told him that he’s been self-centered and he should treat me better. He told me I should not tell him what he should think and maybe we should not see each other. Later that night I apologized to him and explained why I was disappointed and frustrated, he apologized as well. I told him that afterall, i don’t think I can be friends as I still have feeling for me and he doesn’t want to date me, so maybe we should not see each other for a while. But I didn’t mean to completely cut him off so I still sent him msgs like I used to. But he just ignored my msgs and after 2 days of not getting his response, I was freaking out and started to miss him like crazy (PMS). So I texted him and called a few times to ask for a conversation. He refused and told me to stop calling and it’s annoying. He also said we said no contact. I got frustrated and told him that he’s been an asshole which makes things easy. Good luck finding a new gf. He then got pissed off and told me to think about what I’m doing. He blocked me for a few hours and I deleted him from my social media. According to a mutual friend, he said I’m the smartest girl he ever known (which is super important to him) with super nice personality but he found out he just couldn’t spend too much time with me, as I’m a bit annoying. Like I would call him a million times when he’s super busy because “i have something important to talk” while I don’t. (Which was because he never gave me the time to really talk about it). And he was citing “sth just didn’t click” and maybe he would want me back later/miss me but he has made his decision and I’m out of his life now. I haven’t talked to him for a week following the no-contact rule but I was wondering if i should even try. If there’s no chance for us to get back, I just want to send a quick msg to apologize for calling him an asshole, thank him for the good time so I can close this chapter on good terms. Please advise on what I should do, thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 10:29 am
Hi Deedee,
I think he knows you said that out of anger.. if you really want to apologize, do it now and then restart the count..
Dee
November 5, 2016 at 10:38 am
Hi! My ex and I have been in nc for 44 days. However I was surprised yesterday that he suddenly showed up in the office (he and I are in the same company but diff department so we didnt see each other in that 44 days as well) while im there alone since i have worked late. I was actually surprised since 1. I didnt expect anybody to be there becoz everybody left 2. I didt expect to see HIM. He casuallyy strode off and ask how im doing, it was a friendly chat tho there was awkwardness in the air esp on his part since hes been having a couple of dead air. He just keeps on pointing out the new things in me, like my hair color, extended lashes etc and even said I was glowing. He keeps on bringing up and asking if I have a date (in a teasing manner) at least 3x. Then left, it was just really like a casual friendly talk. Why is he suddenly like that? Whats that all about?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 9:08 pm
Hi Dee,
he missed you and wondered how you are..
Kelly
November 5, 2016 at 9:50 am
Hey there,
My name is Kelly,
So to make things kinda short, well my man and I recently broke up. I honestly haven’t even admitted it until just now. I just,.. I need help. He’s the best kind of guy, really is, we were even planning on getting married. Thing is, so I broke my back years ago (2011), and been suffering ever since. (Btw, I’m not trying to make this sound like a sap story). Anywho, I just recently had surgery done, got a spinal fusion. Long story short, it was horrible, my mother was with me & she made it hell (she moved back to Jersey about a month before I went for surgery, but still owns the place in Hawaii, and we don’t really have a good relationship) . My mother is bipolar and has munchausen by proxy syndrome. I live in Hawaii and had to go back East (New Jersey, where I’m from) for surgery, for about a month and a half (Kris and I talked the whole time, he was gonna come stay with me for a while, but couldn’t due to his job). So before that, surgery, my mother (Pat) , her boyfriend (Jan), my man (Kris), and I were all living together. My mother was CONSTANTLY bugging the crap out of my man (I mean, every day – he’s the head chef /manager of kona brewing company restaurant, lots of pressure and stress, all the time, and his job is about to get more stressful for him due to things going on in the restaurant) I’ve always been cautious of dating/love, (past issues), but I seriously can tell you that I never believed in marriage until him. Anywho, so I had to go get surgery back East for my back and I ended up being gone for about a month & 1/2, and Kris and I wanted to get back to each other the whole time. What ended up happening was that my mother (she has real serious mental problems), tried to keep me there against my will and when I asked my father (mom and dad divorced), to get me a ticket back things went to hell. Pat kicked my man out while I was weak, away, and recovering, and I think Jan (-he’s kind of an asshole, pardon my language, but I really don’t like him, and neither does Kris) put the idea into my mother’s head (Jan is impaired when it comes to “fixing things”, I think it was out of jealousy/spite, because Kris can fix ANYTHING, he’s brilliant when it comes to that). They gave Kris less than a week to move out, and I don’t know, I think with all the stress he’s under,- it’s just a lot. So we, I guess are on a break? I don’t really know, because none of us, I think, could bare to say it. I know that Pat (my mother), constantly bugged him, I mean, literally every morning – about me (and stuff). Munchausen by proxy syndrome (& bipolar) has just taken control of her, and she’s very manipulative (& good at it). Basically, long story short, she tries to make me look bad, in all sorts of ways that aren’t true, by using semi-partial truths and completely making up things. We’d been living with Pat for about 2 years, (Kris & I were living together for a little over 4 years) and I know that she just put so much stress on him. (I do admit though, I’m not perfect, I have my flaws, but I’ve always been faithful and loyal to him, and vice versa. But we’ve never ever tried to hurt one another on purpose) So anyways, I didn’t talk/text/answer him for 3 days (this happened about a week ago) and he ended up coming over (I guess, technically “breaking in”,- but I told him he’s always welcome to come over), to make sure I was ok. (side note, we’re divers, and even though now with where we are, he still let’s me know where he goes diving, as a safety rule, and texts me where and when he gets out of the water to know he’s ok. When we’ve been diving for as long as we have, sketchy things have happened, we’ve both came close to drowning before). So, after those 3 days I didn’t respond, he came over, and we ended up talking, hugging and uh, well “having some fun”, (his move, insistently!), which really showed me he still cares about me, I mean about the coming over to make sure that I was ok, because I didn’t answer. He was actually working at the time (his work is super stressful/time consuming, gets no break… etc), and came over to see if I was ok. It’s been about a month now, since I came back. We were the type of couple, that was a true love kinda thing, I mean we’ve actually had people comment on it a lot. One time a person (complete stranger) actually drove around the block to come back and tell us how beautiful a couple we were, how she could tell we looked truly in love. I still love him, with all my heart, and don’t want anyone else, and I know he still really cares about me. He told me how much it hurts him to do what he did, he said it actually keeps him up at night, and feels really bad about it. I know he still truly cares about me. I guess I just need some advice. I just don’t want to loose him, and just want him in my life, not to mention this really sucks, I miss him so much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 9:06 pm
Hi Kelly,
if your mom is toxic, then dont ever live with her again.. for now, do you want to try doing the no contact rule?
susan
November 4, 2016 at 6:36 pm
thank you for a prompt response Amor, so with that being said if I keep up with the 30 days rule started Oct 29th, even if does contact me should I reply? And also being he is busy getting his life together as you said stop making it about me, so should I tell him that he should just get his life together and if I also am available then we can try again or do not communicate anything like that to him? Do you think when he doesn’t hear from me he will think i’m totally done or i’m just moved off if I haven’t mentioned my plans to not communicate with him? I just want to know is he taking me for granted or is he not even thinking about that and getting his life together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 3:30 pm
I dont think he’s taking you for granted..he’s just moving on to better himself. He did the mature choice of setting aside his feelings for you(if he still has feelings for you) to improve himself.. So, he might get sad if you ignore him but it doesnt mean he’ll get back to you.. If you’re done, he’ll understand and just continue on getting his life together..
And like what I said, you should temporarily move on because it will take months to get his life in order.You can still try doing the 30 day no contact, to help you heal and start a new routine. If you do it, that means you will stop talking to him. After it you can start slowly building rapport but of course you have to keep in mind he’s still getting his life together..
Katie
November 3, 2016 at 10:57 pm
I was wondering if I can get direct coaching from Chris. I have quite the situation, and I’m a bit worried my guy is done, done…as in wants nothing to do with me ever again because he honestly feels we’ve tried everything and it just won’t work out kind of thing. I’d love to hear if it’s even worth it to be honest. I want to try anyway, but…you know.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 11:12 pm
Hi Katie,
We don’t have one on one coaching yet, but if you want, you can try sending in a voice mail. If you get chosen for the podcast, you’ll get an email.
susan
November 2, 2016 at 10:26 pm
i moved from Boston to fl in 2012, i meant a guy 10 yrs younger then me, at the time he was 24 i was 35. we started out as friends and few weeks later started to hang out, he spend the night, then in Nov of 2013 we decided to become official, he moved in with me in Feb 2016, because he was staying with his grandma but she moved out of town and sold the house, he wasn’t financial stable as me, where i had been at bank of america for 9 1/2, so i told him he can pay only 200 in the rent that was 825, he had a hard time giving me the rent on time so i would get upset and say things like, your just paying 200 why can’t you pay it on time(he would be 4/5 days late the most) he started to stay out and not come home because he said i was making him feel less then a man. so i kicked him out 4 months later may of 2016, he moved in with a friend and said he cannot be in a relationship now because he needs to better himself, so that way there no financial issues which was the reason we fought a lot, because we couldn’t go out and do much because id have to pay or he wouldn’t have money and sometimes wouldn’t want me to pay because he feel awkward. so in may when i kicked him out we stopped talking much, he said he wanted to open his mobile car washing/detailing business, i gave him 1500 to help him out, he was doing well for a lil bit but then because he didn’t have a lot of money he had to get a regular temp job at amazon, he said he wants to be with me but cant right now because he feels he needs to get his life together, him living with a roommate, not having savings, not having god credit makes him not feel like his life is i order so he wouldn’t communicate with me from from June until now, i would text him every few days with angry texts saying i was tired of waiting around because he told him he still wanted me in his life and can i be patient while he got his life together, an apt, his credit fixed, his business back on track, i asked why cant he just come by 1 day a week to hang out he kept saying he cant because his life a mess, we haven’t been having sex since may when he moved out, i got mad and said is he sleeping with someone because if we wants me to hang around what am i suppose to do, being i’m holding off on dating, he said again be patient. so Oct 28th i finally blocked him and put his texts to span because when we last spoke cot 28th he said he was going out of town on a contract with the old job to make the money to get his own place, his car payments back on track and to get his business back up and running. i told myself i will not contact him for 30 days. do you think he is leading me on to wait and me sitting around is stupid or i should do the 30 day no contact and see what he says, i can see if he texts me if i go to span messages but i said i still wont reply. the last message on the 28th of Oct before blocking him Oct 29th was him saying when he gets back he will be able to work it out IF i want too because i had said to him i am going to leave him alone because i was tired of trying, and he told me please be patient just stop worrying and thinking negative. am i wrong to be upset we have not been communicating because he hasn’t on his end because he has been trying to get his life in order and when he does contact me should i reply right away after 30 days, was i the cause of this being more so this was being there was always financial issues were he was not stable and i was and i kept throwing it in his face and kicked him out, can a man honestly go 4/5 months w/o sex because he is tooo busy getting his life i order? i don’t know how to feel. i know i’m 10 years older then him, does that matter in this case from all I’ve explained? i write a diary each day to express my feelings, this is hurting me so bad, i don’t wan to date, and i ma not over him, i want to this time keep to my 30 days no contact because i have attempted so many times and i fail after/3 days. what do you have for me, please HELP???
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 11:39 pm
Hi Susan,
ok, I’m going to be frank.. You kicked him out because you got tired and now you hope he gets his life together for you.. but in his perspective now, his priority is to fix his life for himself..not for a relationship.. Which is actually the right thing to do.. And to be realistic, I dont think it will just a few months to get everything in order..
what he’s trying to say is:”
I’m very busy and focused in my career right now.. If you really want a relationship, I cant promise a timeframe but I am active in getting my life on track. Once it is, and if you’re still willing to try, we’ll try. If not, then I’ll move on.”
When you kicked him out, it was probably a wake up call for him. It’s not wrong. He needs to grow up.. What I think is wrong is that you’re expecting him to do it for you or to make time for you now, when he obviously cant maintain a relationship..
If I were you, I would focus back in my life, since it’s not a good time for him.. Move on temporarily.. maybe give him, 3 or 6 or 12 months.. You know, he’ll probably reach out himself later on when he’s ready..
Another honest perspective too is that he may think you’re demanding, which he doesnt seem to think is negative, he just cant meet your kind of demands for now like mlre time together, more dates, because it’s an added expense in time and money..
Sierra
November 1, 2016 at 8:02 am
Hi, what if both of us know about this “no contact” rule, and in the end of the NC none of us trying to reach out for each other? And who’s the who suppose to reach out first after the NC end, me or him?
And what if during the no contact he truly forget about me because I’m pretty sure he never really get back with his “exes” before we had our relationship, so when it’s over, it’s over. But I’m pretty confident that we had a deep relationship, and we broke up a couple times but before it reached 2 hours either he or I already contacted each other and say sorry and stuffs and we got back together again (and still with the same “deep” chemistry that we had). We have been together for abt 14 months, but the last 3 months has been really ugly because we fought a lot. But I still can’t forget our good memories together for the rest 11 months, meanwhile I think that ugly 3 months really affect his feelings (I’m not sure). But this time he’s being serious, we haven’t contact each other again for 4 days (bcs I want to try the NC), and those questions I asked are just driving me nuts. I can say I am 50% sure about the NC strategy but the rest 50% is full of doubt (like what if he hates me instead, what if he left me, what if he date other girls, what if he doesn’t reach out to me after the NC end or what if I message him first and he read the message but doesn’t reply).
Please help, I never been this devastating before I just want to tell him that im willing to change but i need him to look at my efforts but I can’t do it if we already broke up like this. 🙁
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2016 at 8:11 pm
Hi Sierra,
how does he know about nc? YOu two talked about it? What are you and his thoughts about it? What are your understandings about it? Is it that you have to ignore your ex after breaking up?
zee
October 27, 2016 at 6:34 am
Hello. My ex and I broke up near the beginning of this month; we dated for 8 months. We broke up for reasons such as cultural differences and we had schedules that would clash and I wouldn’t be able to see him sometimes (I tried my hardest). I did not want to break up but at the time I couldn’t stand to acknowledge that he was thinking that he doesn’t want me anymore. So we broke up, mutually. I regret it. I went to see him the next day to tell him it was a mistake and that I want to work our problems out but he was very firm on his decision. He told me that he still wants me in his life but not that relationship and needs space for himself. He also told me that he doesn’t want a relationship with me a week from that time we broke up, not even a month, even two months from that time we last talked. Currently we’re on day 18 of no contact; I plan to have no contact with him until 30 days is over. But I keep thinking about how he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me right now, and I keep wondering if I should contact him a few days after the 30 day no-contact rule is up or after 2 months have passed by? Ive been working on areas that I lack in and want to tell and show him. I want to start talking to him again because I do want him back and want another chance at our relationship. He also told me the last time we talked that maybe we can get together in the future, and I know that this is false hope and I should not be holding onto it, but I want it to be true. Should I contact him sooner or in December (when two months have passed) and slowly try to get back into his life, not push him to get back with me? I don’t want him to be angry with me, I want to make it work, and I know that he still loves me and I still love him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 10:07 pm
HI Zee,
try 45 days no contact.. You can show him by being in active in social media.. and if he wants space, he has to see that you’re doing it for yourself, that you’re moving on.. that you’re not doing it just to get him back.
Ben
October 27, 2016 at 1:23 am
About 3 weeks ago, my ex confronted me with the idea of going on a break. There was really no explanation. I have a lot of pride so I didn’t even bother to beg him to stay so I agreed with the break. A couple days later he contacted me that he wanted to talk and explain. Again, there was no real explanation. Just that he needed space and lost himself and needed time to think things through. Again, with my pride, I didn’t beg him to stay. I told him I loved him and I want nothing more than his happiness. If he needs time apart to make himself happy again then he should go. We’ve officially be broken up for 2 weeks and I’m currently implementing no contact. I’m almost to my 2 week mark of NC. We were together for over a year. I truly love him and I know we’re good together. This past week even his mother reached out to me and even mentioned that his sister is pretty upset about our break because I was good for him. He too knows we’re good together but I think he’s lost his way. Having this time apart I realized I also lost myself a little in the relationship. I was wondering after completing NC, should I reach out and see if we can work out our issues? I understand that relationships are full of ups and downs. We never even had a big fight when we were together. This is basically our first down moment in a away. We always said we’d fight for our relationship so letting this relationship just go away, I’m not sure if I can do that. I think we got stuck in a routine which eventually broke us up. I see this break up as the reset button that we desperately needed. Should I fight for our relationship or simply let it go? I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 9:03 pm
Hi Ben,
Try to initiate contact.. if it doesn’t work out, restart the count and do 30 days of no contact and focus in improving yourself.
Kim
October 23, 2016 at 8:30 pm
Hi,
I met this guy at work, I’m 23 and h’s 34. We really liked eachother, went out on 2 amazing dates. The 2nd date he kissed me (a lot) and we held hands the whole night. He suggested we go to his place but I didn’t because I felt we needed some more dates before that. Anyway, we live in different cities (about 2 hours apart) but we spoke non stop everyday since our dates (with him being the one to initiate conversation – he put a lot of kisses hearts etc as did I). But then I was moody with him on 2 occasions and he stopped messaging me so much & said the moodiness had put him off and he wasn’t sure if he likes me in that way anymore. A week ago we were still msging but last Saturday after I said goodnight he didnt initiate conversation again and hasn’t still. I haven’t said anything to him either since tht day. I’m not sure what to do now? I still really like him. Hope you can help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 1:25 pm
Hi kim,
honestly, it looks like all he wants is to sleep with you.. for me, t was good that you didn’t sleep with him..but if you really want to try,
check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
koko
October 23, 2016 at 8:31 am
It’s been 4 day’s we are not talking,h e broke up with me 4 days ago and I just keep silent not gave him any response , we were together for 2 years and that was a long distance relationship , from the last 4 months he started to ignoring me everything was fine before, I asked him many times that why are you ignoring me ? He always said that I am not ignoring you at all, but it feels me like he is doing, in this period of 4 months I asked him many times that you love me ? He always said that yes I love you and I want to be with you than starting ignoring me again, I was very upset with his behavior it was hurting me so before 5 days I called him he pick up my phone than I said that I want to talk with you are you free? He said I am driving right now is there anything important to tell? I said yes I wanted to talk about our relationship I want to make everything right I love you, he gets angry than said very aggressively there is no need of talk you should stay happy in your life and let me be in my life than cut the call saying good bye, I didn’t said a word to him after his reaction , now it’s been 4 days I have decided for no contact rule to attain his attention… Is it ok to go for NC? Or else what should I do? I am hurt :'( I really don’t want to lose him.. I am 21 and he is 28 and he is an advocate his profession. I love him so much. :'( pls help :'(
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 24, 2016 at 11:03 pm
Hi Koko,
when he ignores you, how many days does he ignore you?