Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
Traits Avoidants Find Attractive
What Happens When A Narcissist Collapses?
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
Why Are Dismissive Avoidants Cruel?
The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Grace
September 29, 2016 at 6:18 am
Hey how are you
My problem: HELP i cant turn into a booty call
We dated since november to april perfectly, we had some fights and on and off twice (for like 5 days was the off. We were kimd of long distance, he hoes back and fwrd weekly, at that time it was mike 15 days) once on april Once on may only for a few days and we were back together. Then we stay together till beginig of june, brokeup out of the blue i was So sad. After that, we started dating again at begining of july til septemebr (in the same city finally, staying together for like 6 days in a row. He has babby kids son when he had hes kkids over to sleep i wasnt there obviously ) in the middle of august he hd 1 week of “crisis” were he went all weird like insecure of what he wanted. Then we were ok again together happy and then put of the blue he again came with hes bipolarity of not knowing if he wanted to be in a commited relationship (because he admit he chamge his mind like a crazy person, from morning to noon or from monday to thursday) he is just finishing his divorce. (At the begining from
Nov to april he was CRaZY about me wanting to be so formal married and forever together) the thing is after the 2nd days of sept that ee broke up and he said he hd to figure out his mind and hving me in a roller coaster wasnt fair, we went no contact. My bday was 20 says after and he appear at midnight by chat saying he hope he was one of the 1st to wish me a happy bday. He was trabeling on my bday for work so the day of my bday, the day of my nday ask my sister to give me a kiss and stuff in his name and then wrote me if i got the message he sent me. Then we went no contact again for 4 more days and he came back from his trip and text my sister what were we doing a d they atarted talking and he said he wanted to have dinner for the bdays only if i go and he text me to say hi ans ask me if i wanted to go out to dinner with him and my sister for the bdays (her bday was close to mine) and he started kind of flirting and being super nice like in the bgeining but i play hard to get and when i finalmy said yes it was almost midnight so we didnt go because he was with his kids and didnt prepare because he though i wasnt going becaus i made him think that. He kept flirting kind if sexually too and the next day (last sunday) he kept texting me in the morning and all day super flirtinf, suoer like he missed me and i was great etc and i saw him after almost 30 days at my nephew bday party with his kids and he kept texting me the whole party and flirting . And asking if i could pamper him and stuff but we couldnt hang out that day bcs he was staying with his babies. Then on monday he send me a pic of my house at 5pm cause he was pssing throw and started flirtinf again and talking abt my look my eyes on the party the day before and how he was ashtonishe by how i looked at him ao deeply a d blablah. All day chating and flirting till he went to sleep. He was still with the babies (tje mother is traveling) and then on tuesday he didnt text me. Today Wednesday i texted him i answer inmediatly and the we talk he started flirtinf abt me pampering him if a offer and stuff and then out of the blue he said lets just avoid.. Is better take care. And i was like wtf? And he said lets avoid trouble problemas. Is better to avoid any aproach. and i was like i dont understand u confuse me and he said thats the thing i dont want to confuse you is best to avoid so we dont get both confuse. And i was like are u confuse? And he said no, thats why im saying this (maybe (i assume) meaning he is not confuse that he know doesnt want a relationship. After 3 days of flirting again) i felt angry and sad but inwanted to be smart so i just laugh and said “hahaha im nor confused at all. The only thing that confuses me is ur actitute now. I know u miss me and u aproche me and then you step back and get afraid and confise. And i know u wanted to see me but that doesn’t mean u necessaryli want sometjing serious. I know what u wanted this weekend and i know what i wanted too. ” so he got all curious and started asking what is it that u wanted. Thinking i just want sex (but i dont, i really care and im in love i just wanted him to desire me and to be intrige. Not to again HIM leaving me, and end thjngs with me by saying , lets avoid) and as men are basic he kelt texting si what is it ? U want to be pamper how? Sexually? And i started laughing and he was like u havent trll me what is it that u want and kept texting me arr u afraid ?? And i was like “never hahaha”. And then he strated flirting sexually and be like send me pics and stuf and trying to get me to say what i wanted but i handle it with grace and then he told me “wanna sneak in here?” At his house , and started flirting but i felt what happen in the afternoon was a big turn off because he made me feel i just wanted sex and in a way maybe he feels that bcs i know that, and i acted light chilling i know what u want, mayne he now feels no guilt abt doing that to me and it hurts my feeling but i didinnt want to be bitchy or needy so i pkayed hes game and made him felt desire but didnt go so he said “so ?? ” i didnt answer and then he said “well, then i will go to sleep” and i waited and then answer him “Late invite, im al ready home and tired laying in what you saw im wearing ..” ” interesting idea thought… i wouldn’t throw it out of the table… GN” what should i do know š š i feel sad and unrespected and i want him to beg.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 30, 2016 at 9:28 pm
Hi Grace,
I just wanted to make some things clear first. How many days did you do nc? And what day did you break it?
Mimi
September 26, 2016 at 1:02 pm
Hi!
My boyfriend broke up with me on the end of july. We we’re officially together for 3 months but dated 2 months before that. We both work in a restaurant so he is my colleague. In the beginning verything was wonderful and he really tried to chase me. He really hurt me when he broke up with me beause he didn’t even want to talk about it. He just said we were too different. But I really can’t understand and don’t believe that is the reason because he already knew me for longer than half a year before we started dating, so we both knew we were quit different people. And it was also never the reason for a fight. After July I quit working in the restaurant which made him very angry. We haven’t spoken since. In about 2 or 3 weeks I will go back to work in the restaurant and so I will see him again. From other colleagues I heard that he has been quit flirty with some of the other girls who work there. I do really miss him though! Is it too late now to contact him, or should I wait till I see him again at work? What is the best way to respond when I see him again? I’m quit nervous about returning because he was so angry that I left.
Mimi
September 26, 2016 at 2:32 pm
But I already haven’t contacted him since the end of july. So that is almost no contact for 60 days. Should I contact him before I will see him again or just wait till I see him again at work in 2 weeks?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 27, 2016 at 10:07 am
oh I thought you kept talking after because you said he was angry.. well, even if you havent talked since, have you improved yourself?If not, that’s what you need to be busy about in the last two weeks before seeing him again and then just be civil at first.. slowly build rapport
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 1:37 pm
Hi Mimi,
I think you need to start the no contact rule now and check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Rosa
September 25, 2016 at 10:56 am
Hi, I have successfully completed the NC rule, & even managed to make an excuse to get him replied me. He even initiated asking me out for dinner, but he stated “Maybe”. So does that mean a “No”? Or should I ask him again after a couple of weeks later? Thanks.
Rosa
October 1, 2016 at 8:49 am
Hi, thank you so much for spending time answering my question. š
Happy weekend for you guys.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 4, 2016 at 1:33 pm
You’re welcome! Happy week to you too!
Rosa
September 27, 2016 at 7:53 am
Hi, Thanks for replying once again š
Does that mean I have to simply wait for him to text me?
& I shouldn’t initiate any texting even after continue waiting for certain period of time?
What if he had forgotten & didn’t text me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 1:37 pm
nope, don’t just wait. Be productive and then after it initiate contact again. Check the posts below for what to do during no contact and how to initiate contact:
EBR 060: āDating Yourselfā During No Contact With Veronica Grant
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Rosa
September 26, 2016 at 8:25 am
Hi, thanks for replying.
I asked his help to get me some stuff as an excuse from oversea as he is currently having business trip. It was a short conversation.
My Ex Boyfriend & I had been together for about half year. We broke up 6 months ago… due to my neediness & being too emotional. We quarrelled a lot, even after we broke up. Until last month, he asked me to stop contacting him as I kept pestering my love towards him. I went into NC rule for roughly 21days before contacting him back & he seen alright with the ideal of being friends again.
He asked me out for dinner but he stated as “maybe”. I do not know if I should ask him out… if I did not receive any text from him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 26, 2016 at 12:46 pm
Nope, don’t ask him again.. If it came to point that he asked you to contact him that means 21 days was not enough. You don’t have to restart but you have to continue the activities you started during nc and slowly build rapport with him
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 3:54 pm
Hi Rosa,
What was the excuse? Did you move too fast to the meeting up stage? How long have you been building rapport?
Azl
September 23, 2016 at 8:26 am
Hi Amor,
My ex and i have been together for more two months. We were so happy and we talk everyday like 24/7. Its a short time but i know we build a good one. We have exchanged gifts since he was in france and i am in malaysia. But when the school started, he had so little time for me. I’m seeing him online on Facebook but never replied me on Whatsapp where we always talk. So thats the start that we fight. For two weeks, we’re constantly fighting so i initiated a break up. First, he dont want it but i still insist. But when he agreed i regretted my decision and tried to get him back. But he blocked me on all social medias except whatsapp. Every time i try to talk to him, he just seen my messaged but not reply. It was for 2 days. I was so annoyed but tried to be calm and texted him for the last time that i will give him a week to think about everything. Tomorrow is the last day of no contact. Is there any chance that i can get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 9:12 am
HI Azl,
you mean, last day of the week for him to think? I assumed it’s past that now, how was it?
Lili
September 22, 2016 at 10:06 am
My ex and I broke up in May but continued talking as if nothing happened until end of July when he finally turned really cold towards me and said that he doesn’t want to give me the wrong idea anymore. We dated for 6 months and had a really good relationship with very few fights but his dad got cancer and started going for chemo and he said he can’t do it anymore. He said it isn’t fair to me that he is not focusing 100% on the relationship. Besides, we were on long distance since Mar/Apr and we are not living nor working in the same city. I’m in Asia whereas he’s in Europe. I told him that i was gonna transfer to his workplace and at the beginning he seemed really happy but somehow a few weeks afterwards, he turned really cold and started ignoring and told me he doesn’t understand why i want to go there just for the reason of him. I was really heartbroken and i said that i wanted to just see him once again and i can’t believe that he had forgotten about us just 3 months in (since we just took a vacation together in Mar/Apr). He didn’t reply afterwards and he didnt wish me for my birthday so i didn’t wish him for his birthday too. We didnt contact since end of July.
Will the no contact still work? I know that he doesn’t have someone new because i know every single person who tagged him in FB. He still follows me on my instagram whereas i have unfollowed him on everything. I have since changed myself for the better during this period (close to 2 mths), made tons of new friends, going out everyday and having fun travelling, posting pictures of me looking pretty and having fun. But he hasn’t sent me any text yet…. And i’m trying so hard to not cave in. I feel like i need to reclaim my dignity of getting dumped so I can’t be the first one to text him. I really like him a lot and it’s the first time in 5 years i have felt so strongly with someone. He took me home to meet his family and his close friends so I know he definitely wasn’t having fun with him as I was the 2nd girl he ever brought home.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 1:44 pm
Hi Lili,
it’s a small chance because it’s been two months, and lesser if none of you will initiate.
Shana
September 21, 2016 at 7:12 pm
Ciao Amor,
I” the perfect example of a disciplined girl who is on day 37/45. I was the one who broke up with him after a year. It was a very sad break up, where I explained my reasons of why I needed to move on and I wanted a better partner for me.
Till the end he asked for couple therapy, – subject he brought up before and I started therapy but he never made that move!
We were never FB friends, and I disabled my IG account. I did noticed he made a playlist on Spotify which all the lyrics of songs asking for a second chance, telling me how much he loves me…. but that was the only move he has done so far. Our anniversary past by and he never contact me, and as usual he expects me to be the one contacting him. Another main reason I was done with him, so tired to be the boyfriend in that relationship.
I’m def not contacting him EVER. I did that in the past! thinking on activating my IG account and show my recent trips after the break up…. but that’s all I could do. Pics all classy and lovely nothing to make him jealous either.
I know he is stubborn and he is suffering but Man, he is an idiot for not fighting back!!!! What it would be your advice for my current situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 10:52 am
Hi Shana,
Yes, activate your IG account,that’s good! How long were you together?
Ashley
September 21, 2016 at 6:21 am
Hi me and my ex was together for 6 months .. It was the best months but then in our 4th month i started to get too “clingy” and our first break up was that he needed space i did gave him space but while that i was still texting him every sec so he got really frustrated told me im not giving him space . When i finally decided to give him space he came back saying i miss you and to not leave him i was so happy i went to his house we hanged and a week passed everything was okay but then a day he stopped texting me completely and i was so mad because i kept on texting him over and over again and he just blocked me . so i over reacted and went to his house and started complaining about everything he called me annoying then we started to argue more till a point he said he doesn’t wants to be with me no more and he doesn’t love me no more after that he was just mad the thing i didn’t understand when it was happening how can you go from i love you so much buying stuff and showing me off to the next day not loving me wasn’t i your everything yesterday? are you just mad? but i just left and told him its not official till 3 more days at that point i didn’t know about the no contact rule so i just did every thing that came up to my mind thats why he thought i was crazy … like no im not im just trying to get you and after those 3 days i came back and he really broke my heart again he said i dont want nothing with you i gave him all the letters he used to write me and all our pics and i left .. when i got home i got to this page and saw this and i started to do no contact at all nowhere near him . I’ts about to be 2 months without nothing with him he hasn’t text me nothing and i think it’s time to talk its probably he doesnt want to text cause we ended that way or maybe he just being PETTY And wants me to be first .. so ive been thinking for 2 days now of a text i want something that he has to answer not ignore something that will make him wonder. i was going to say “yo can i ask you something”but idk… please help should i wait? or what should i say?? let me know :”
Ashley
September 22, 2016 at 11:18 pm
I can’t lie but i have improved a lot, like now i don’t feel that sad because during the nc i found myself. Yes i will continue to improve .If he sees me again he wouldn’t think i’m chasing him unless i text him before. And yes i would be able to take it slow even if he would respond positive
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Ok that’s good. I have to know that, because if you didn’t, you have to improve first. Now, take it slow in building rapport with him and check this for a first contact text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Ashley
September 22, 2016 at 2:07 am
let me know please
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 22, 2016 at 10:24 pm
HI Ashley,
The questions are, how much have you improved and changed during those two months and are you still continuing to do so? If he sees you or talks to you again, would he think you’re chasing him? And will you be able to take it slow even if he would respond positively during texting?
yari
September 20, 2016 at 3:05 pm
I am going to attempt to call my ex after 32days of no contact. I’m very nervous and scared. We were dating for 2years and I hurt him very deeply so I’m afraid if he doesn’t pick up, I want to call and to genuinely ask him how he is doing and things of that manor. What if he doesn’t pick up? Do I leave a voicemail? Or send a text afterwards? I really am nervous and stuck at the moment.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 22, 2016 at 8:48 am
Hi Yari,
if you’re nervous it would be better to swnd a text first.. and check this:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
sheila
September 20, 2016 at 5:42 am
I have just completed my 30day NC. this is the 3rd attempt and only successful attempt. Since this attempt he has messaged and i have not responded and now hes on FB and unfriended me. Last week was my birthday and he never messaged me. is any point in trying to txt him? I miss him but i think he has totally moved on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 5:28 pm
Hi Sheila,
if he has moved on, act like he has moved on.. initiate contact as a friends and move on from the previous relationship.. Act like all of that was done and this is a restart..
Jessica
September 18, 2016 at 8:15 pm
Hi Amor, This is currently Day 19 of my NC, healing a lot better and also reflecting on the relationship and how it ended. I started dating this great guy November 2015, casually at first and it was awesome till his Mum passed away in February, before then there was this other girl who happened to be my friend who liked him but he just wanted to remain friends, it didnt go down too well with her and she started some not too pleasant rumors about me cos she didnt know we were now seriously dating, this drama caused a bit of insecurity on my part but I was able to deal with it till the issue died down. Then when the Mum died, His on and off ex of 7 yrs duration also tried yo come back into the picture cos they were friends before they dated and she was trying to show support but she also used that to try manipulate his feelings to get him back. He finally told her the truth after a lot of back and forth and she cut off contact with him for a while until out of the blue, she showed up with a really lovely cake for his surprise birthday cake (after I did my own private treat for him).He used the cake as his dp which I had a problem with but later took it down a week or more after I spoke to him about how it made me feel. They are no longer in contact (according to him) and everything had been great until last month, about 2wks when he got back from a trip out of town, when he told me he thought we should break up and that he wasnt good for me, that he met someone new and is confused about the situation saying he didnt really want to end our relationship but part of him also wanted to still keep in touch with this new person, I was shocked and hurt and rather than give him space, cos he said he needed time to think and wasnt ready for a face-to-face conversation yet. Of course, I made things worse and called and texted him constantly basically guilt tripping him, he finally broke up with me 2wks after that via text saying we had no future together and I needed to move on.I was distraught, I told him he had to say that to my face for the sake of closure and didnt believe him cos his texts were cold and distant and very unlike him.He finally called me on the fone to let me know he was pissed and thought he made it clear that he had met someone and we were over. I cut the call, we havent spoken since, I’ve implemented NC now for 19 days. I’m planning to do 45 days. Some of our mutual friends think he just needed space to sort himself out which I believe cos he has asked for us to take a break before during the ex drama and also when he was initially breaking the news of “meeting someone new” he mentioned something about “being afraid of getting lost in someone”…so I didnt really believe in his reason for ending it. What do you think? If NC ends, should I wait for his text or initiate texting? Should I do 30 days or 45 days or 30 days + staggered text initiation? What suggestions would you recommend as a “good text message” to initiate contact after NC is over?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Hi Jessica,
I think you should do 45 days and more importantly, use it properly.. Start a new routine. Improve yourself.. use a topic he loves as a first contact text but use this time to make him think by then, that you have or is moving on, and that you’re not chasing him. Check this for your text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Jessica
September 18, 2016 at 7:49 pm
Hi Amor, This is currently Day 19 of my NC, healing a lot better and also reflecting on the relationship and how it ended. I started dating this great guy November 2015, casually at first and it was awesome till his Mum passed away in February, before then there was this other girl who happened to be my friend who liked him but he just wanted to remain friends, it didnt go down too well with her and she started some not too pleasant rumors about me cos she didnt know we were now seriously dating, this drama caused a bit of insecurity on my part but I was able to deal with it till the issue died down. Then when the Mum died, His on and off ex of 7 yrs duration also tried yo come back into the picture cos they were friends before they dated and she was trying to show support but she also used that to try manipulate his feelings to get him back. He finally told her the truth after a lot of back and forth and she cut off contact with him for a while until out of the blue, she showed up with a really lovely cake for his surprise birthday cake (after I did my own private treat for him).He used the cake as his dp which I had a problem with but later took it down a week or more after I spoke to him about how it made me feel. They are no longer in contact (according to him) and everything had been great until last month, about 2wks when he got back from a trip out of town, when he told me he thought we should break up and that he wasnt good for me, that he met someone new and is confused about the situation saying he didnt really want to end our relationship but part of him also wanted to still keep in touch with this new person, I was shocked and hurt and rather than give him space, cos he said he needed time to think and wasnt ready for a face-to-face conversation yet. Of course, I made things worse and called and texted him constantly basically guilt tripping him, he finally broke up with me 2wks after that via text saying we had no future together and I needed to move on.I was distraught, I told him he had to say that to my face for the sake of closure and didnt believe him cos his texts were cold and distant and very unlike him.He finally called me on the fone to let me know he was pissed and thought he made it clear that he had met someone and we were over. I cut the call, we havent spoken since, I’ve implemented NC now for 19 days. I’m planning to do 45 days. Some of our mutual friends think he just needed space to sort himself out which I believe cos he has asked for us to take a break before during the ex drama and also when he was initially breaking the news of “meeting someone new” he mentioned something about “being afraid of getting lost in someone”…so I didnt really believe in his reason for ending it. What do you think? If NC ends, should I wait for his text or initiate texting? Should I do 30 days or 45 days or 30 days + staggered text initiation? What suggestions would you recommend as a ” text message” to initiate contact after NC is over?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Hi Jessica,
I think you should do 45 days and more importantly, use it properly.. Start a new routine. Improve yourself.. use a topic he loves as a first contact text but use this time to make him think by then, that you have or is moving on, and that you’re not chasing him. Check this for your text:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Asja
September 17, 2016 at 8:06 pm
Hi can u help me?
My ex and I dated 10 years ago for about 2 years. We were young, I was 16 and he was 21. We were very madly in love. It was great, rocky sometimes but very passionate. He was my first love. He always was a ladysman and that is what killed our relationship. He hurt me a lot because i heard he was cheating in the last months of our relationship. It ended badly (parents hated him) Thats why we moved far away. I was so heartbroken and I never called him during 10 years. We never said goodbye but I never forgot him. About a year ago I went to my old town (to my granny) for a week and at my last day I randomly saw him at the mall reading a book. My heart dropped but I ran away. I couldnt believe I saw him. Luckily he didnt see me. After Iwent back home i couldnt keep my mind of him. So I called his old home number. His mom picked up and she gave me his cell number. I didnt call for a few weeks. I was engaged at the time. But I couldnt get my ex of my mind and broke off my engagement. After that I felt free and soon went back to my hometown for my 3 week vacation. I sat down with my phone in my hands in my grandmas yard for about 2 hours before I had the courage to call him. He remembered me. He sounded so happy. He still knew everything about back then and wanted to see me right away. An hour later he came over. We didnt even talk just hugged for a long time. And our love came back.. We had a great 3 weeks. After I went back home we kept in touch. He was calling a lot (short calls) and texting me how he still love me. Leaving voicemail messages about how he misses me. So blindly in love I went back again. I put my job on the line and called in sick for another 2 weeks. It was great. But this time after I went back home he acted weird. Never called. Never texted. I am a very proud woman so didnt text either. So for a few months we had no contact. But then all of a sudden he called me 2 months ago and said he had a rough couple of months and his mind is too busy. i heard all his problems and it was fun talking to him again. Since then he has been calling me non stop. This time long calls. We could talk hours about everything. Everything exept our love. He has changed from being super romantic in to serious talks. I thought maybe i was playing a little too cold all these months and this time I him how I really felt. For the first time I really opened up.That he is the one for me and I want only him. He knew Istill loved him but I never really told him. So now the tables has turned. I am telling him how much I love him and he isnt telling me that he loves me. He just only sends a little heart emoticon after I message him what I feel or calls me and says im sweet and than the subject is serious again. He acts a little cold. That really hurts. He wasnt like this. After a few weeks I began to wonder why am I the one chasing after him now? Yes he has been calling me a lot. But maybe because he is bored?? Because he isnt saying anything about our future anymore. He wasnt even asking me when I will be back. And also I wonder why he isnt picking up when I call him. He only calls on his time, when he has time. His excuse is ‘i am a very busy man’. He told me he doesnt have a girl but I dont trust him. And he does this thing when we are talking all of a sudden he says. ‘call you back in a minute’. And he doesnt call. Or calls after a few hours. Im now broken a little bit. So i wanted to do the nc for 30 days. Be the strong one again. But everytime Itried to ignore his calls Ifelt so guilty. Last week the opertunity came. He got me mad. He told me he would call me around 8. I asked him to not promise what he cant deliver cause i will be mad. I dont have time to wait around for a call. He promised me it will be 8 oclock. Well u guessed it. He didnt call. Called me 2 days later. I never picked up. Now its been 8 days since his stupid promise and he has been calling me every day. Im not picking up. I now have turned off my phone for 2 days so that his messages wont be delivered. I just want him to really want me again. Try to win me over. Come over to my town. Do something for me. Im so confused. When i am with him he tells me and shows me he loves me. But if we are apart its like im his shrink. I cannot let this man go. He is a business man and I now he will not move for me. Hell I even know there are models begging for his love. Why would he want me?. But I will move back for him if he asked me. He just has to want me for 100%. Do you think it is hopeless or will nc work? We already had nc for a few months but that was different.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2016 at 5:52 am
Hi Asja,
work on your confidence first… if you feel like you’re not worth it to work for, why would he? If should be give and take, dont everything from you if he only gave a little from him
Victory
September 16, 2016 at 1:31 am
Hello Amor,
Need your help. My no contact finishing tomorrow, and I had prepared a first text message to him. It’s about funny thing that he like, so I’m crossing my fingers that he will reply. All this 30 days I didn’t get no messages nothing from him it was looks like he had moved on. We haven’t fight when we broke up and it was his decision, but the problem why we had split is still there. I had work on myself, have done a lot of stuff to be unlettable woman, but the problem was that I’m still married and didn’t get divorce yet. And it will take about 3-4 months more. We had discussed it when we had broke up, and we decided to take a time out. But I understand that after 3-4 months it’s will be too late. What is your advice? Wait all that time till all will be finished or keep in touch throw this time? Thank you
Victory
September 30, 2016 at 4:10 am
Hello Amor, need to ask you one more advice. I think it’s going to be the last one, because or something going to happen or I’m just had to move on. I had built a rapport texting with my ex every day, with skipping some days just because wanted to make him more excited. At the day 13 after it was texting each other it was something like that ( me: 1 message, he responding:3 messages, me: 2 message, he: responding 5 responding in a seconds) I decided to ask him to meet up. He admit it and yesterday we met. Everything was good we had fun, he had send me the messages after that he enjoyed the time, that he is happy that I’m doing so well and that I look very beautiful. But it looks like I had been friend zoned. I can see that he still have feelings, and he was so nervous when he saw me, but I don’t know what to do next. The romantic date? How long should I wait? Keep texting with him? Now I’m stuck. Thank you for everything that you are doing guys. You are doing amazing job, and I will say the true that I didn’t even expected to get the answer to my questions. Thank you again
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 1, 2016 at 2:27 pm
You can ask anytime.. I think you’re rushing it but at least you’re having good results.. First you, only had one date. Next to that would better be a group date with friends. But before you asked him out, how long have you been texting and calling?
Victory
September 20, 2016 at 2:41 am
Thank you guys for everything that you are doing. It helps a lot. I had send him a first text message after NC. It takes him a seconds to reply. Now he is replying right away on my messages, but on a second day he didn’t answer on a second message. I’m taking it easy, sometimes feel stupid cuz never had send him a messages in a way that I do now, to keep him interested. Now have a question, is it OK to skip days or two to keep him more interested? And not texting every single day? I’m on day 5. And my ideas about surprising him every message is getting over. Also I understand that in ideal world it supposed to be 50/50 but should I wait till he is going to write me first? Thank you so much for your attention. Also want to say to other girls, it works! Seriously…
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2016 at 2:12 pm
Thank you too! Yes, it’s ok to skip. It’s like the tide theory.. sometimes it’s ok to wait for him to initiate because that can be your rest dags from texting..but by now, you can use more natural topics.. anything current..
Victory
September 16, 2016 at 1:34 am
When I said I’m still married, I mean I’m married but not with him, we had separated long time with my husband and I had met my ex. But for my ex it is important… And I understand. Also, we don’t have any friends together, or anything that we can meet accidentally, so it was no contact full. And we are not friends in a Facebook. Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 11:39 am
Hi Victory,
Just take it slow. Build rapport. Don’t talk to him like you’re getting him back and that you’re trying to continue the previous relationship. Just talk like a friend and have fun.. You’ll know it when you’ve built enough rapport and attraction to meet up.. Don’t rush..
rose
September 15, 2016 at 1:42 pm
Hi! um i have initiated this NC Rule for 30 days without him knowing. It’s like i just decided to not contact him at all after just a little misunderstanding. That little misunderstanding anyway is him not being interested in making the first move and being unwilling to not talk to me to solve particular issues or fights in our relationship in which he’s been like that since we started our relationship. Just waiting for me to take the first move and if i do, he will then talk to me. I have successfully completed the 30 day no contact with him. What i am concerned about is that during those 30 days, it’s like nothing has happened, he didn’t even ask what’s going on in our relationship or why i’m acting like this. He just sometimes texted and informed me about some important things he’s been doing. He didn’t even bother to call. And after just a week i received no calls and texts from him until the 30th day. When i texted him and he went cold and sometimes doesn’t even reply. I asked him why he’s been acting like that like nothing has really happened wherein fact he’s well aware of our fights he told me that he doesn’t want to bother me and that he doesn’t want to add to my problems. Should i believe him? Oh! By the way were in a long distance relationship since July 15. It’s been 2 months already.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 1:46 pm
HI Rose,
so you didn’t actually break up? you just started nc because of the fights? During nc, did you improve yourself and were you active in social media?
Keesa2613
September 14, 2016 at 10:00 pm
my ex just broke up with me 2 days ago , we’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past 20 months, we are about 3000 miles apart . He broke up with me saying that he just can’t deal with the distance anymore . That he loves me , he’s still inlove with me , that I’m still his soul mate and he feels like he’s ” most likely making the biggest mistake of his life ” BUT he cannot do the distance . I’m in Canada he’s in the U.S. We’ve always had plans to get married and I’d be moving there but since we’ are so far apart we don’t get to see eachother more than a few times a year and other life complications. He is going thru alot right now as well as battling a pretty deep depression. The conversation ended with me in tears asking him to reconsider and reminding him what we have is not something easily replaced and he agreed and still was saying ” I love you too ” I removed all my fb and social media apps but accounts are still activate because I can’t see him online etc , I’ve also not contacted him at all … I’ve not even logged in online. Am I doing the right thing ? Does he need this time to realize just how important I was in his life ? I’m very lost and trying very hard to not contact him as I don’t feel it’s going to get me anywhere …. I want him back more than anything . We didn’t break up because we had problems, we broke up because he can’t deal with the distance … do I even have a chance ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 18, 2016 at 9:32 am
HI Keesa2613 ,
You should read these ones:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship
What It Takes To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work
Jennifer
September 14, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Hi, My ex broke up with me 32 days ago because I wouldn’t move in with him after 3 years (He lives over an hour away) I realized after he broke up with me that I should have worked with him a little bit more. We had a great relationship and got along great with a lot of things in common. I did the 30 day no contact and received a text on about day 20 asking me to return a sweater. I didn’t respond. I emailed him yesterday (only because he was upset after we broke up so I was worried he changed my contact name to something other than pretty lady) and I haven’t had a response. What do I do now? The message I sent was letting him know I had some things I would like to return.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 17, 2016 at 12:27 pm
Hi Jennifer,
I think he din’t respond because you didn’t respond to his text about the sweater, so just let him be for now.. give it a week before texting again. You said, you emailed him about him being angry? what did you say?
Dayana
September 13, 2016 at 8:20 pm
Good time
Thank you very much for your reply. i guess you mean to gauge the emotional level i am on at the moment, after that 2 months… well, we were together for 2 years (this very September it would be exactly 2 year) and it took 4 months for him to not care me anymore… first, i felt being used by him… i survived from those hell days, then i tried to pull myself together alittle, to get exercise, to do yoga, to control my quick temper, change my hair style and outfit… compared to 2 months ago, now i feel more stable, more hate toward him… i less cry… maybe one a week for 1 minute! he did nc first, i’m not sure he meant that at all! i guess he got tired of fighting and didn’t retrun my swearing, threatening and calling names back… i’m not ready to meet someone new, i need more time and don’t want a rebuild relationship…
part of me hates him and the other one is thinking of him all day, waiting for him to come back! please tell me what should i do now? i feel tired in my body and heart too…
thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 16, 2016 at 7:43 am
you dont have to date.. just experience new things and to meet new people in general.. healing takes slowly..the more you focus in yourself, and less on him, the faster you can heal.. set him aside and focus in your new routine
Samantha
September 13, 2016 at 1:17 pm
Hi, I just went through this column and though I understand it is a recovery method of getting your ex bf back but what if it involves your bf. My bf and I have not been in contact for more than 3 months and neither did we mention about a break up nor did we make any first move to communicate with each other? Should I in fact make the first move after a these period of time since I honestly love him a lot and I also miss him and also I want to find out the status of my relationship with him. Can someone please advice me on what should I send him in the text though i know it should be my gut feelings but I would love to just get an opinion from another perspective. Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 5:29 pm
Hi Samantha,
yes you should ask him. 3 months is too long to not talk to each other.
Ashly
September 13, 2016 at 10:11 am
My ex and I were dating for about 5 months. About 3 months in we started to become serious and seeing more of each other. We got into little fights here and there, always made up within a day or 2. Our last fight we had, I had broke up with him because it was really bad. We talked for a couple days and then stopped. After a month of no talking, I texted him saying we should talk and work on us but he said what happened had left a scar. He also said that he still loved me and that it was just hard for him to continue a relationship with me (also stating that this wouldn’t be the “end”). I became desperate and texted him every day telling him how much I love him etc. I just decided to stop telling him everything I felt but I’m scared he’ll move on.
* would the NC rule still work in a situation like this even though we hadn’t talked in the month prior?
* it seems like he’s giving me the NC tactic (sometimes he texts me back but very rarely)
* would me giving him NC even mean anything since he’s doing it too?
* should I just give up and try to move on or do you think they’ll be another chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 4:59 pm
Hi Ashly,
if he’s doing the nc, that means he wouldn’t contact you for the specific number of days and then he would just focus in improving himself, after that he would reconnect and slowly build rapport with you.
If he’s just rarely texting back, I don’t think he’s doing nc.. He’s just plain not that into talking..
We can’t guarantee that the nc will work, but it looks like he’s not seeing you in a different light which means you haven’t really improved and had your own life in the past month right? Why not try that when you do nc this time?
nadz
September 12, 2016 at 6:59 pm
My Bf of two years and I broke up a month ago. I did all those stupid things of begging him telling him i’ll accept whatever he wants. He would turn his back and talk to multiple girls during our relationship whenever we had an argument.That ticked me off and became the reason of me fighting with him. He said to me that he doesn’t believe in staying married to one person and not doing side things meaning screwing other girls and he needs a break. If I don’t message him he messages me just to ask whatsup or something. One day he is friendly other days he totally ignores me. I am about to start a no contact rule now and its only been one day š I hope i can last many months as I have really disliking his habits. He claims that he loves me and claims that I am the one who made him get married but then why turn your back on me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 14, 2016 at 2:31 pm
Hi Nadz,
All I can say is that, he knows how hung up you are with him that he can flirt while talking to you, and even let you know about it. If heās going to be closer to that girl, itās not because of the distance itās because thatās what he probably decided. Heās trying to keep both you as reserve, so if one doesnāt work out, heās still gets to have his cake and eat it.
Raise your value. Youāre not that girl. If youāre going to do nc, do nc because you want to heal and improve, not just because you want him back. If you need to change, he needs to change too. Are you going to take him back if he still acts like that even if you didnāt do nc and you tried to stick it out with him?