The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

Dayana

September 12, 2016 at 7:09 am

Hi
thank you very much for your interesting information. well, it’s been 2 months for me and 2 1/2 months for him since the nc was applied i guess… he showed all the alarming signs of cheating on me and he denied that strongly for sure even when i proved him the truth… untill he finally went silent compeletly… without any reaction to me wondering angrily what the hell game he was playing… well, the first months was like a hell, the second was as if i’m not living my life… he is in mind all the time but i hate him when i think over and over things… he hurt me so deep that i feel stupid to contact him afterall and at the same time he is the first thing i think about early in the morning when waking up and the last thing after reading website like this at nights… i’m confused and i’d like to know your opinion, please. thank you in advance

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 6:25 pm

Hi Dayana,

How much have changed since you stopped talking to him? How many new things have you started and still continuing to do? How many new people have you met?

Sara

September 12, 2016 at 5:08 am

My ex and I dated in 2014 but have had on and off communication since. We have had many fights in the past it nothing too crazy. A few months ago we began talking again very positively through text and even hung out. He acted interested until one day he started ignoring me after I sent him a kissy face and he said he felt that was for a relationship and I followed by telling him I think he likes me and he’s lying to himself about it but we should take things slow and just see what happens. I haven’t heard from him in two months and I’ve been doing NC for over two weeks now. Over those 2 months we were friends on snapchat and looked at each other’s stories until I started no contact. That made me think there’s still some interest there or else he would probably just delete me as a friend and not look.

I hope there’s still hope. He just seemed to drop all interest for me out of no where. One day he wanted to hang and the next he acted like I was weird for acting flirty (when before he totally reciprocated). I have high hopes for this no contact period.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 6:15 pm

Hi Sara,

There’s no guarantee that the no contact will work.

From my perspective, he was just starting to like you, being flirty and all and then you sounded or you looked like you want commitment because you can see that he likes you but he’s not that serious. So, he cut contact because he’s just playing and you’re not anymore. I’m not saying it’s wrong to expect. It’s just it was not the right time for him. There was not enough rapport and attraction yet. It was too fast for him.

So, this time, do 30 days of no contact and whatever you start, continue it once you started to slowly build rapport again.

Jenny A

September 11, 2016 at 12:52 pm

Hi i have broken the NC rule three times and have now stuck to it. Do i message him? I havnt heard from him this time round and he has unfriended me on fb. What do i do?

Jenny A

September 26, 2016 at 11:56 am

So we txtd again and it was all fun and then i found myself missing him more so i stopped. Do i wait for him to txt or do i txt again? I don’t want to come across desperate. Or do i just ask shall we work on this again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 26, 2016 at 1:21 pm

If there is no rapport and attraction now, then he wouldn’t want to work it with you. If he has moved on, that’s the last thing you want to convey, that you haven’t moved on and that you’re chasing him. He probably won’t initiate too if the previous topic was not ended in cliffhanger or if he’s not that interested.
Jenny A

September 23, 2016 at 3:15 am

so he has txtd me, and we have gone back and fourth txtn and then i ended it on a have a good day and havnt heard from him since. do i message him again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 24, 2016 at 7:19 am

yes, you can initiate again. I know it’s frustrating but if he has moved on, then one text wouldn’t build rapport.. He wouldn’t initiate again just after one good conversation.
Jenny A

September 20, 2016 at 5:47 am

The last NC has literally just ended. We broke up because we kept fighting and i was unhappy. He was so caught up in his little world i needed him to see if he could be without. When we did we met up a few times and he was so angry. then i seen this post and thought i would give it a try. He tried txtn and i ignored the messages. Now im thinking so i even send him a message? I miss him like crazy.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 21, 2016 at 5:28 pm

if he has moved on, act like he has moved on.. initiate contact as a friends and move on from the previous relationship.. Act like all of that was done and this is a restart..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 2:44 pm

Hi Jenny A,
How long did you do this last nc? and why did you break up?

Isha

September 11, 2016 at 11:39 am

Hi,

My ex fell out of love with me. A lot of people were surprised because he was head over heels before. We had a great relationship until it became rocky this year because he was lacking initiative. He says he was getting bored and wasn’t happy anymore. And he wants to feel the love he once felt for me but he’s just frustrated. He is also going through a quarterlife crisis. He doesn’t want a break up but just space, time for himself. I was shocked so I begged and pleaded for him to love me again and he pushed me away. That went on 2 weeks. When I realized that he really was falling out of love, I decided to break up with him. He doesn’t want to but I think that is what he needed. He says he wants to prioritize himself first. It’s been 10 days since the breakup, I did no contact with him ever since. I really want him back but I don’t think he will miss me during this no contact period? How long should I wait? Or I do I still have a chance with him? It was a 3-year long relationship and I know I’ve been controlling and clingy, but please I’m willing to change that for him to come back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 6:40 am

Hi Isha,

I think you should do 30 days..and then listen to these for what to do during no contact period.
The “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You” Video
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Belle

September 10, 2016 at 5:17 pm

Can someone shed some light please? My boyfriend of 6 years has been in touch with his ex, his first and only girlfriend before me the whole time during our relationship and refused to admit to her that we were dating. She contacted me a few times and asked me and I told her the truth. But she still kept calling him. 6 months ago she met up with him and told him she was trying to date and told him some things about other guys. He freaked out at the confirmation of her with other guys and suddenly told me he needs space to grow and learn how to be a stronger person, needs to figure out how to deal with that and his jealousy over her and that he is still not over her. He said it’s not fair to me and he cant give me what I want right now so we should have space. Of course for months I cried and called nonstop, we still talked alot and hung out and hooked up. We both now seem to be doing the NC (for 3 weeks), our last text exchange ended with some meaningless small talk and neither of us have said any more since. I don’t want to be the one to contact first. Do I wait it out? He has spent every day talking with his ex. How can he miss me if he replaced me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 9:36 am

Hi Belle,

Yeah, I think he never got over her.. It’s like you’re the rebound.. Read this one: EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

Serena

September 9, 2016 at 5:11 pm

I feel so angry by how my boyfriend ended things. And at the same time I’m so sad because I thought we had a future together. And I’m sad because I really feel like I’m the one who messed things up. I brought food home one morning for everyone. He’s been trying to lose weight and exercise, and he got really mad at me for not being supportive of his goals because I brought extra for him too, even though he told me not to.

I don’t really have any questions about the no contact rule or anything. He dumped me last week (weeks after the food event) and I implemented NC shortly afterward, going on day 5 now. I’m just sad and hurt and could use some words of encouragement.

Serena

September 10, 2016 at 11:21 pm

Yeah, that’s true. I hate the fact that I still want him back after that.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 12:38 pm

Hi Serena,

Honestly girl, that’s a petty reason to break up with.

Emily

September 7, 2016 at 1:47 am

My boyfriend and I dated for 2 1/2 years. He’s 20 and I am 19. I broke up with him 1 month ago because he wasn’t doing much with his life and didn’t want to ever get married. (not that Im ready for marriage it was just a topic for the future). For our 2 years we were supposed to get promise rings and the day after we chose the ones we wanted we got into a major fight and he poured his heart out about not wanting to make that kind of promise and he wants to focus on music and stay together and see what happens. He started doing poorly in school and just played video games and smoked pot all day. So I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and left him. He was absolutely devastated and very much in love with me. I still loved him, but lost interest. He ended up messaging me 3 weeks after the break up at 3am. Called me as well. I answered and we hung out for a week and a half and were hooking up. We were texting for about a week and a half as if we were still in a relationship. Then I told him we can not get back together, because its too soon. The next day he told me we should stop speaking for a month or two and then later we can be friends. I immediately gained my interest back and wanted him to want me again. After he applied the NC rule to me I messaged him twice trying to figure out if we will ever work things out and he just put up barriers. He said we wouldn’t get back together for a LONG time and we just need time off. Its been 2 days since I last messaged him and Im desperate for him to want me again. Will he message me like he did the first time or what is going to happen? Im his first love and his took his virginity…and I feel that is a major deal. I need to know what you think??

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 7:41 am

Hi Emily,

don’t rush things. First, both of you are too young to get married and even it’s just a plan, it might have made him felt caged. Don’t make your world revolve around him. Do no contact so that you can have your own routine and to rediscover yourself. Have your own life so that you won’t rush things.

mk

September 5, 2016 at 11:33 am

I am 35 my ex boyfriend 36 years , i am a single mum ( has a son 6 years) and he was a single man
we stayed together for 14 months , we were talking and texting on daily basis , and we had dates approximately once per week , we are loving each other .
Today its been 34 days since i broke up with him , I applied the no contact rule exactly as it is , he send me 2 text messages through messenger and 2 comments on some posts on face book but i red them and didn’t reply at all .
I was wondering what will be the next step , and if i should text him , or wait till he text me again and then reply to him
please feed back
thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 11:44 am

Hi Mk,

did you improve yourself and you have to continue that routine after no contact.. you said it’s been 36 days and you said you applied nc as it is That means you did 30 days right? Why did you break up?

After nc, you can initiate texting to him. Read this one: Search text EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Jennicia

September 5, 2016 at 6:11 am

I have just initiated NC, with my Ex. We were together for about 9 months. He gave me a ring, tells me he knows what he wants and thats me, talks about marriage, children, and living together all the time. He is also always asking me, do you love me? Why are you with me, you can do better than me. Do you promise you’re not gonna go anywhere? However, While we were together we had issues with trust because I found out he was still flirting and talking to his ex. I never truly recovered from it because he was unwilling to give me anything to make me secure. When I would ask a few weeks after if he had spoken to her, instead of reassuring me he had not he would become angry and disrespectful. He has been telling me for a very long time now he is not happy with himself and needs to get his life together. He also told me he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and he thinks it is best that he is alone. But then when I would try to leave him alone, he would get upset and say, no stupid, I don’t want you to leave me alone, what’s wrong with you.” Then he will tell me he needs my help and to be patient with him. So, this went on for about 2 months. We had several disagreements and arguments and finally I told him I can’t keep doing this because he was being abusive with me. He apologized and insisted he was working on himself and to be patient. We were fine after that with no arguments or disrespect for about 3 weeks. Then slowly over the course of 3 days, he started to become very nasty with me. Any question or conversation I would have with him, he would assume I was insinuating something negative. For example, I asked him why he didn’t call me in the morning because he always does, and the night before when we spoke he said he would, like he always does. And he responded with, he was running late. So I asked if him “why, what happened silly you went to sleep at like 11, super early.” And he immediately got upset and started saying I was being weird and he doesn’t like how I’m acting. I told him he was being dramatic and he became more dramatic and very disrespectful. We used to be very happy and he was never once disrespectful with me, however in the last 2 months, he has been blowing up a lot. After the last conversation he started telling me he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he wants to be alone, yet again, and for me to leave him alone because he has too many problems and needs to work on himself and he doesn’t want to keep hurting me. However he has done that multiple times, and then calls me a day or two later and apologizes and says he doesn’t mean it and he just wants to know I’m going to stick by him. This time I’m fed up and can’t tolerate it any longer. I think he does have issues and he does need to work on himself. Especially his temper and the games he plays. I don’t want him to keep breaking up and playing games to test me and see if I’m going to be around. I also don’t want to be disrespected anymore, I need consistency. So I told him, fine you want to be alone, you got it, you are alone, and blocked him from every form of contact. Facebook, Snapchat, Whatsapp, Calling, Texting, and Instagram. My questions are,

1. Will No Contact help me with this?
2. Is blocking him the correct way to initiate no contact?
3. What do I do if he calls me or contacts me from other numbers?
4. What steps do I take from here?

He tends to cry and beg after a few days of me ignoring him, but then never changes. So I don’t want to listen to how cry and beg and and apologize, and then break and give in to him. I know I will if I talk to him because I do love him. Just looking for some advice and guidance here. Help if you can please. Thanks.

Jennicia

September 11, 2016 at 11:21 pm

Should I just reinitiate NC and not even say anything to him? Because I tried talking it out and that’s not working.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 13, 2016 at 4:17 pm

Oh, I was actually going to suggest saying to him what you said to me, what you feel your options are with his actions.. but of course, as always, as calm as you can.. Even if that sounds ridiculous at times, you just have to avoid the situation that he’s going to use your tone or anger against you.. But if you’ve really done every kind of talk with him, I think you just have to stay strong in nc.. because that’s the only way you can show that you’ve had enough.
Jennicia

September 11, 2016 at 11:17 pm

Sorry about the tone of this message, I’m pretty agitated right now. I told him, respectfully and maturely, we both have other things we need to focus on at this time and I think its a good idea if we do that before revisiting our relationship. Basically, he said, I don’t like him anymore and how do I think 2 people who want to be together are just gonna go their own ways and then once everything is good for them be like, “oh ok, hi I’m back.” That that’s dumb and if I’m trying to just get over him to tell him. And I told him, I’m trying to do whats best in the long run for our relationship. And he’s insisted that we can still be together and work on ourselves and he can work on himself with me and he never meant that he really wanted to be alone, he was just upset. So, here we are, Day 2 of texting and talking here and there, and its back to the same problems. I didn’t tell him that we can’t talk at ALL, but I told him it’s essentially better for us to just remain friends until he has his affairs in order. Of course, he’s not listening, which reflects yet again, respect. He’s basically making me choose to either stick by each other through this and just deal with it, or end the relationship permanently. Which, I will not just deal with it, even if he is working on it, I don’t feel like going through nonsense for months bc he doesn’t have his sh*t together. He doesn’t seem to understand that all this creates is animosity between us for each other and that is toxic. The end result by doing things his way is still going to be the end of the relationship, just not as cordially. At this point, I feel like i’d rather just end it if those are my options. I honestly was very at peace by the time he and I did speak, after only a week of not talking, and yet again, am being put on his little roller coaster. I want off the ride.
Jennicia

September 9, 2016 at 11:08 pm

Thanks for your help. He already has. He called me a ton of times, is trying to be super nice, and is texting me basically kissing my a**. But the problem is that is what he always does, and I don’t believe a week is enough time for a person to change. He says he loves me and misses me and is really sorry and he doesn’t mean what he says, he just gets mad, and he wants to talk about us, and wants to see me. I have no faith in him at this point, perhaps NC is better for ME and I need it for longer and I need to express that to him?? I really just don’t want to walk into a repetitive cycle of an on and off relationship is what my concern is. He’s a Scorpio and they are notorious for that (no offense everyone if it doesn’t apply to you, not saying all of them), and I don’t want to be sucked into it. I don’t know really what to do. I think what he did has made me feel like maybe I want to be alone because I prefer not to even deal with relationship drama.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 5:13 pm

ok that’s good.. what do you mean? You’re going to tell him about nc or just tell him you need time and space right now?
Jennicia

September 8, 2016 at 9:10 pm

Now he called and left me an “urgent” message saying he’s “sorry and feels like a d*ck for how he acted, and he just wants me to know that, he has been feeling really bad, and he wants me to know that he is working on himself, and he just wants to talk, like we don’t have to meet face to face but at least on the phone even for even like 5 minutes.” Im unsympathetic, because I feel he is looking for pity, and he doesn’t have the right to talk to me, bc he is clearly still selfish. But thats also probably bc I’m pissed at him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 2:37 pm

at least the nc is working.. I do hope in the coming days he asks for you back
Jennicia

September 8, 2016 at 2:51 pm

I unblocked his phone number about 2 days ago but have not spoken to him. When I blocked a number when you call it hangs up and you can’t leave a voicemail and you also cannot send me texts. I figured if he cannot even contact me after 30 days he will assume I have disappeared and did not want to make it seem that way. Immediately after I unblocked his number I got a call 5 minutes later from him. I did not answer and did not text him. However, I am assuming he noticed when he called that it rings now and goes to voicemail, so he knows he is able to call me. However, once he called and saw his number was unblocked, he has not called again. I don’t understand what kind of game he is playing. Why keep calling me so much that the instant I unblock your number a call comes in, But then once you see that you don’t call again? I am just trying t o understand why he would do that and what he is trying to accomplish. Was this a way of reaching out to me and then once he knew I would see it, trying to get into a staring contest to see who calls who first? Or was it just him calling to see if he was still blocked and once he found out he wasn’t he stopped? I don’t understand the games he is playing, or why.
Jennicia

September 6, 2016 at 8:01 pm

I’m just wondering if I should unblock him so that I am even aware if he is trying to contact me. I told him when we were together that once I’m done with a relationship completely and there is no coming back, that I completely block the person and don’t want to talk to them again. Another words, idk if he is probably assuming there is no hope, and has given up. I just don’t want him to think I don’t care. All I want is for him to get his sh** together.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:22 am

nope.. unblock him after nc.. just make your posts public
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 10:33 am

Hi Jennicia,

we dont guarantee that the nc will work but in your case, there’s no other way to break his pattern..so yes you did the right thing.. I think you should do 30 days and then unblock him after that

Danielle

September 4, 2016 at 2:52 pm

Hi, My story is a little different and complicated. I am 9 months pregnant my child isn’t my boyfriends but we have been talking since I became pregnant and just make it official on June 19th, 2016. Our relationship is intense but we both enjoy it. He recently broke up with me because I was doing some snooping like I always do and he said he couldn’t take it anymore because I don’t trust him and I’m insecure.. All true things. The last time I spoke with him was Friday two days ago but the twist is he is deployed.. So I started my no contact from the last time I messaged him on Friday via text. Do you think this no contact rule will still work if I go through having my baby in 2 weeks and still not message him for another 2 weeks making it a month? .. I’m also supposed to go see him. Please HELP!!!!

Danielle

September 5, 2016 at 5:23 pm

Haven’t really discussed that.. And I’m going just to visit him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 3:32 pm

if it’s just a casual visit, don’t go. You’re already broken up, if you go, you would like you’re chasing him. I know you need emotional support for the upcoming birth of your child but you need to get from friends and relatives now. He has to see that you’re being independent now.
Danielle

September 5, 2016 at 2:53 pm

???
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 5, 2016 at 3:09 pm

Hi Danielle,

sorry for the late reply. I just haven’t reached your first comment yet. We can’t guarantee that the no contact rule will work. What is your agreement with your baby? Did he agree to stand as the father of the child or not really? Why are you supposed to see him?

Valarie

September 3, 2016 at 10:21 pm

So I’m 33 and my ex is 39. We started dating in April and things seemed to be going really well. By the end of May we were officially a couple. He was texting me gm everyday before work, texting me when he got home from work, telling me he loved me, and texting me during work. Well around July the text started to tamper off a bit. Then I realized he was no longer telling me that he loved me and I was texting him more than he was texting me. Also when I would text him I would get short one word responses. Well, we never got into any argument and we never officially broke up but I had this feeling he was getting ready to ghost me, so at the beginning of Aug I started no contact. After the 1st week he texted me and asked how I was doing, but I stuck to nc and didn’t reply. 2 wks later the same thing. Then about 5 days ago he texted me again. By that time it was 32 days no contact so I replied. Plus I had accomplished a lot during nc, I got my hair done, went on a few dates, got my nails done, graduated college, and had a good number of men chasing me. But really all I wanted was him. So after I replied to his text and we did the small talk thing he says to me “Val, what happened with us?” I tried to be honest so I told him that I wasn’t sure how he was feeling lately so I decided to give him some space. He said he wanted to see me again and started telling me I was beautiful. He even said that during no contact he thought that I wasn’t interested and figured I moved on. I told him that I was interested. Now this is where it gets weird, it seemed like this whole no contact thing was working perfectly, but when I saw him he was not affectionate at all. Nor did he say anything about missing me. We had fun, he was nice, but he acted completely platonic. He never tried to kiss me, never cuddled with me during the movie, never tried to hold hands or anything. That’s when I started to think “he’s probably after sex with no strings”. But I was wrong. I stayed the night with him that night, we slept in the same bed and there was absolutely no sexual contact at all what so ever. He got into bed and just fell asleep. The next morning I left, he offered no goodbye kiss or anything. Now I’m really confused. He texted me later that day and said he didn’t know where we stand. I told him idk either bc he wasn’t acting very affectionate. I told him I guess we’ll figure it out in time, and all he said was “I agree”. Now I really don’t know what to do or think. I love him and I do want him back. The no contact got him to reach out more and miss me, but now that nc is over I’m even more confusued. Why would he invite me over and show me no affection? Is he into me or not? Now it’s been another 2 days since we spoke, I don’t want to fall back into the game of me chasing him so I haven’t texted him. I just don’t understand what’s going on in his mind. I thought no contact worked, but maybe it didn’t. Any advice or anything? Any insight into what he might be thinking? Where do I go from here?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 8:48 pm

HI Valarie,

I’m just wondering. When you felt that he was about to ghost, and before doing no contact. Because if he didn’t know that before you did nc, he’s probably confused with you too now..
He might be thinking the same thing as you are, the only difference is, you’re the one that ghosted him.

Like, he’s probably thinking, “Are we ok? Is she really still interested in me? Is she going to ghost me again? Why didn’t she just talked to me before?”

But if you did have a heart to heart talk before doing nc, then he really is detaching from you.

Noelle

September 3, 2016 at 5:30 pm

I’m on day 26 of NC on my ex who I was in a LDR (150 miles away). Yesterday, out of the blue, he sends me a YouTube link to a sad song about a love lost and relationship gone. What was that for? Obviously it’s over and has been for close to a month. Is he sad? Is he trying to get me to feel sorry for him? Should I respond to him or send him a song back? Or should I just not respond and continue with NC? And for how much longer?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 5:03 pm

Hi Noelle,

why did you break up and how long were you together?

Eline

September 1, 2016 at 10:24 am

I just employed No contact on my ex. Our relationship was pretty short but really intense and amazing. Because of some silly little argument via whatsapp I decided to question our relationship and whether he was ready for a serious commitment, he said he was not. I thanked him for his time and ended it via whatsapp text message. He read my msg immediately and he did not reply. I emloyed the No contact rule immediately. My question is this; i still have him in my contacts list on whatsapp. My profile picture is visible to only my contact and also my last seen online status. I did not go on whatsapp for a few days…should i remove him from my contact list? Should I remain absent on whatsapp or should i switch off my last seen online timestamp? There is not a single website who has commented on this topic…the use of social media and employing NC…curious about your answer

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 2:52 pm

HI Eline,

nope, you don’t need to do that..

Sara

September 1, 2016 at 4:14 am

Hi, I was dating someone for 8 months… i decided to do the no contact rule because he wasn’t taking me serious, on the 8 month I asked him if he was ready for a relationship or what did he was he said to be friends, in the beginning he said he he wanted a relationship…he never really wanted to go out only on his time, so I got annoyed and said I don’t want to be friends …. And now is been 3weeks and he just said today I miss you in a text.. Should I continue to ignore? Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 1:56 pm

HI Sara,

yes, finish nc.. Are you improving yourself and are you going out with friends and being active in social media?

E

August 30, 2016 at 8:45 pm

Hi Amor,

We spoke before, I can’t find the old thread. I let you know about my BF who I broke up and let you know I did 30 day NC last year and it worked, he came back. You recommended doing 45 days NC. Tomorrow is day 45. I was planning on texting him but I was just informed he was with another girl last night. His college friends came to visit and one of them told me that he had a girl there. Now I don’t know what i’m supposed to do. I don’t know if I should reach out anymore. I don’t want to look stupid. I feel stupid for still caring while apparently he doesn’t anymore. Please let me know. Thank you

E

September 6, 2016 at 4:45 pm

Sorry for the ongoing questions, is there another way I should contact you?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 8:13 am

It’s ok! Just ask whenever you want. I think you need to give it a week. If it’s a week now you can reply. If he doesn’t reply again, that means you give it two weeks. If he doesn’t reply too that means you need to think about whether going for a long time nc or moving on. Yeah, it’s a weird conincidence that he was active after you texted him. Keep being active in social media too.
E

September 6, 2016 at 3:07 pm

Hi Amor,

The only social media I have him on is SnapChat, so I don’t really have a way I can react except for viewing his stroies. He has been posting videos every day since the day I texted him, before that he hadn’t posted in a month. Is this a strange coincidence? When am I able to text him again? I was going to text him a message about a TV show we watched together. It has been 5 days since the last time I texted him. I think sending him a SnapChat would be ineffective, what do you thinl
E

September 2, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Also, he just posted a snapchat story which he hasn’t done in over a month. Is it good or bad to view it? He will see my name listed as viewing it. I wasn’t sure considering I ended NC last night. Is it likely he posted it because I texted him? Strange coincidence
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 2, 2016 at 6:14 pm

it’s ok to view it because you’re done with nc..

He gave a neutral response, and then no response which is not that good.. it may mean it was too much for him or he doesn’t know what to say.. I think you should slowly react to his posts..
E

September 2, 2016 at 1:52 pm

I texted him “I just saw something really funny” he answered immediately “Okay”. I didn’t answer, he texted me again 10 minutes later saying “And” i answered a half hour later saying “Walking through the E village with a friend, there’s a bunch of kids playing kick the can. Reminded me of Halloween when we kicked the can all the way back to your house. It made me think of you for the first time in a while”. This was last night, he didn’t respond. Was this a good first message? Is it really bad that he didn’t answer? What do I do next? It’s been 47 days since the last time I saw him. We broke up in the beginning of June but were still seeing each other. Idk if too much time has passed.
E

September 1, 2016 at 2:25 pm

I am going to text him tn and say “I just saw something really funny” then mention a memory we have together following the texting rules. I feel like I read somewhere you’re supposed to wait an hour after he responds to answer, is this true? I can’t find where I read this but I thought after the ex responds you’re supposed to wait a while..
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 3:10 pm

yeah, 20 minutes- 1 hour
E

August 31, 2016 at 4:38 pm

I am stuck between choosing to move on and remove him from my life totally or reach out
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 5:17 pm

Ok well, what matters more is how he would think about you.. if he checks your prifile, would he think you have moved on and you’re just being friendly? If yes, then reach out.. start a conversation..dont mind the other girl for now..
E

August 31, 2016 at 4:36 pm

I am just scared of looking desperate. I don’t know if this is someone serious or what. Should I wait more time or is that more of an opportunity for him to move on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 2:21 pm

HI E,

I don’t think it’s the right time to text because of how you feel.. If you want to move on, that’s ok.

Ashley

August 26, 2016 at 4:59 pm

Hi my name is Ashley,
I started the no contact rule with my ex because he broke up with me but told me he wasn’t moving on. He started to distance him self from me while still allowing contact. For example he would give me rides to work but would barely text me. Kiss me and hold my hand but barely responded to my text. He would only text me if I hadn’t hit him up in a day and he would ask “if I was okay” then stop responding. I started to notice that if I didn’t hit him up he would hit me up every two days. I grew frustrated with him. So I started No contact. For the first two weeks he was texting me but I kept it short. Then he sent me a message asking me if “YOU DONT FUCK WITH ME ANYMORE?” I didn’t reply then shortly afterwards he sent me “YOUR LAME FOR GOING GHOST BUT OKAY I’LL LEAVE YOU ALONE ” I ignored the messages. I didn’t hear from him for two weeks. Then I initiated contact with a (trojan letter) which read…… ((((Hey Mello, sorry I’ve been mia lately. I thought it would be best for the both of us. I was tripping hard and wasn’t allowing you the space you needed. I hope there isn’t any hard feelings between us. Your a great person although very confusing at time lol but we are friends and maybe we could catch up in the near future )))))) and he responds within two minutes saying “nah you gave too much space, I wanted a little contact but it’s all good and maybe we can”….. I told him it was for the best. So my question is..
*If he broke up with me why would he want a little contact?
*Was his response a good response?
*What should I do now ?
*How do you think he feels about me?

Background info: we use to live together and was always around each other. We broke up because of arguments and a big misunderstanding that made him feel some kind of away towards me.

HELP !

Ashley

August 31, 2016 at 9:44 pm

I’ve improved a lot in different areas of my life . I’m able to go through my day with out thinking of him so much and I don’t stalk his social media. I’m no longer emotional about it .

I have recently seen him . We were talking and my co-workers invited him to buffle wild wings. I tried to make an excuse but he insisted to go. He shared with me some details about him during the time of no contact. He is not the type to talk about his personal life but it seem like he wanted to share these details with me. Nothing new seem to be going on with him. He actually told me things aren’t all that good for him.

He would also say little things that gave me the vibe that he had missed me with out actually saying it. For example he was trying to give me advice about my sister that didn’t match the situation… he told me, that not talking to her will make her think about what she has done to me and make her miss me . I thought it was funny he said that because that is what I did to him.

He also randomly started watching a TV show we use to watch all the time on his phone. We watched it for five minutes and stopped. Then he started playing a game we use to play together all the time. (we were outside mind you). It wasnt the right time or place for him to watch this show .. so idk if that meant anything .

During the contact I kept it cool like he was a friend that I didn’t have a past with. I talked about the good things going on in my life making sure not to bring up our relationship. He seem to catch a lot of eye contact with me. Smiling through his eyes if you know what I mean.

I admit me apologizing wasn’t the best thing to say.
*What should I do now ?
*Do you think his actions mean anything?

I don’t want to mess up anything. I have been talking to other people and dating.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 1, 2016 at 1:04 pm

oh..that’s actually a very good sign.. he’s trying to reconnect…after that, it looks like it’s easier to initiate a text with him..use a topic that you talked about in that time
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 10:42 am

Hi Ashley,

Did you mean you did 30 days nc? I think it was the wrong first contact message. It put him in a higher position that you because you apologized for doing nc. It looked lke you are the one chasing and wanting to be friends again. You and him should be equal. How much did you improve during nc? and are you still continuing the activities you started in it?

Moushumi h

August 26, 2016 at 1:44 am

Hi, so I guess here is my story. I have dated this guy for 11 years (we were talking about marriage despite the serious red flags) and we were best friends for 1 year before that. I have known this guy for 12 years and thought he would never change. i actually considered him to be one of my heros until one day I left for work one afternoon and he had gotten into this huge fight with his mom and it felt like HE WAS COMPLETELY CHANGED. The new him was someone who was getting into fights constantly with me and the people that loved him and making me feel empty inside. At times I would see the real him and it gave me hope. I tried to make it work because this was someone that my best friends and I would look up to. For the last couple of years he has not been himself. I wanted to know so badly what had happened to him but day by day it got worse and he has isolated himself from the people that love him and has been treating people he loves disrespectfully.

In the end he still broke up with me (definitely not an ungettable girl decision hehe-you are getting through to many women). This blessing in disguise has taught me so much and your website and your books have really helped me. I am on day 25 of the No Contact Rule (woohoo!!!!!!!). I will be honest the first time I tried it I broke it after 2 weeks and we had talked a bit and he seemed nice for a couple of days until he snapped again. I am someone that likes to learn the hard way :p. After those two weeks and him not being nice and hanging up on me (not even sure what reason to be honest) I really started to pay attention to what you were saying. I now understand why you said to wait 30 days-UNGETTABLE GIRL WOOT WOOT!!!!!

The thing is yesterday I had a bouquet of yellow roses on my car. Before going to work. It freaked me out and I called my best friend. I told her about it in the morning and she just told me to throw out the roses. Last night while I was at the gym she was talking to mr. unhappy (my ex) as he was going to the bar (questionable starting to be a drinking habit in my opinion). She told him about the roses and HE assumed she was telling him because I thought they were from him. A part of me wished they were (during the morning time) to be honest but I also know who he has become so that glimmer of hope changed quickly. She let me know today that she told my ex about the roses and what he had said. Here is the thing when I saw the roses on the car I freaked out, DID NOT want to look at the card, took a picture, called my bestie and threw them out. I never told her to say that to him-I learned that the first time around to NOT CONTACT YOUR EX AT ALL. I also did not tell her of my thirty day no contact rule or this website because I felt I would be judged by her. I did not want her to tell him about the roses NOR was I trying to break the no contact rule. I guess my first question is do I have to start again? i was really excited about accomplishing another one of my goals. My second statement/question is recently my best friend has been talking to my ex because she is worried about this “questionable behaviour.” People from our old group of friends have stopped talking to him except one person who I feel has been a toxic influence on my ex (misery loves company). With that being said, she feels he is getting much more arrogant and had told me today that she feels like I am trying to change for the better and absolutely loves the new me and this ‘idiot’ most likely won’t be changed for the better (aka has no remorse for anything at this point according to her). I explained the book to her and what it was teaching me to do. I thought if I left after 30 days WE as a couple would be stronger and improve like I have been (got back into running love it, been hanging out with friends and going to networking events to hopefully start real estate investing one day :)). I am starting to question if I should even follow the rules set out in exboyfriend recovery pro (great book and believe in the process) as I thought some type of thought process would go through his head. I was actually getting really excited to get through the 30 days and start the second half. Today when I talked to my best friend and she told me how he was acting I started to feel really discouraged. I don’t want to enable someone anymore. If I follow the steps that are taught in exboyfriend recovery pro am I just enabling a 29 year old man to continue to act like a 19 year old?

I know what the ungettable girl has taught me about confidence and that I do not NEED him but I did want to be able to say ‘I do’ one day with him. Should I stop the process of 30 days no contact and give up on him altogether?

Sorry for the long post lol…

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 29, 2016 at 4:43 pm

Hi Moushumi h,

I don’t understand how you’re enabling his bad behaviour by ignoring him.. but it’s good that you are actively improving yourself, continue doing that. But the 30 days isn’t enough to have a new relationship. It’s just the start to have a restart.. It will be a slow process after nc but the in short, you have to start as friends only after nc.. He has to think that you have or you’re already starting moving during nc

Sam

August 22, 2016 at 11:28 pm

I can’t seem to find my message

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 26, 2016 at 3:59 pm

Hi Sam

your last message before this is in the article Using Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Danielle

July 23, 2016 at 10:00 am

Hi my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He broke up with me over text. I said a couple hurtful things as I was hurt. Then said how can you throw are relationship away. He never responded. So 2 days later I sent him a closure letter saying not to respond. He responded saying how he felt and why he did it. He stated he’s been stressed this week and is missing me like crazy. That one day he would like to be friends and go out for coffee one day. I am now applying the NC rule do you think it will work and he will text me? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 23, 2016 at 2:15 pm

Hi Danielle,

we can’t guarantee that it will work..but as he said, he’s already missing you..nc can hell increase the chances for him to miss you more but be sure to actively change your life too

Maya

July 22, 2016 at 2:10 pm

Ex broke up with me 23 days ago. Did no contact as soon as. Bumped into.him twice and he has tried saying hi but I have ignored him like he doesn’t exist. A week ago he’s been pestering me saying that he has an item of mine. He has sent me three messages in total. He knows I am ignoring him as he watches my snapchat story all the time. I am so close to a month with nc. But he said”I know you currently hate me, but I’m moving out soon” do I respond or wait for the last 7 days of nc. I feel like he’s getting impatient and mad. I want him back but must I break nc to get the item . He’s also called my friend saying if he can leave it at hers instead since I am not replying.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 22, 2016 at 8:26 pm

Hi Maya,

if you need the item, you can get it but if bot,.finish nc..coz he’s using it to get what he wants

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