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1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

  1. shivani

    July 21, 2016 at 10:43 am

    Thanks for the reply! Its a 3 year long relationship. 2 years of long distance and one year we lived in. We had a lot of misunderstandings and conflicts when we were living in. I think the main reason for him to break up with me was because he fell out of love. He said he wanted a break since january but that was when we were still living together. This caused me to become very insecure and possessive of him. He also was dealing with a lot of financial and career pressures. Basically i remember him asking for space since january and he also told me many times that its better if we are just friends. I would beg him to give it one more chance and we somehow made it work until May when i came back to India for summer. He broke it off with me officially in june 2016 after i added too much pressure on him to text me. So i realize i have been very clingy. Im not sure if he would give me another chance a month from now given that he is already moving on and has no interest in talking to me. I would only be seeing him next in december. 🙁

  2. shivani

    July 19, 2016 at 8:52 am

    My ex recently broke up with me a month ago saying that it wont work out in the bigger picture ans that we are both not going to be happy. I tried to remain calm during the breakup and let him know i understood. He initiated texting me after breakup for a couple of days but then i decided to gwt into no contact. He did not text me during the no contact period and i ended up texting him after 17 days of NC. His replies were very neutral, slightly positive. He did not initiate any conversation or build on it. He also replied after hours even though he was online the whole time. What should i do? Im scared he is already moving on. I also dont know if he is pissed about the NC. I have to say my initial reachout message wasnt as strong. It was a memory but he had a very neutral response to it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 21, 2016 at 8:14 am

      Hi Shivani,

      how long was your relationship and why doesn’t he think the relationship will work out? do you always fight?
      I think nc was too short because it wasn’t enough time for him to miss you and not enough time for you to improve..

      he’s already moving on, change so that you’ll have a reset.. restart nc and focus in improving yourself

  3. Melissa

    July 17, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    Hello,
    me and my boyfriend broke up 10 months into our relationship. We had a great relationship to begin with but the last three months I could feel he was being more hesitant but we barely ever fought. He informed me before summer that he got a job in another province and was leaving for the summer but we talked and we were going to make it work and we were both fine with the decision. He left for a week training and we had a romantic week before that. The week he was gone for the training we didnt talk much but I told myself it was because it was a new job etc. when he came back I was so happy and we went to dinner with his parents and he brought me home afterwards and said he wanted to end thing. It was so out of the blue, no one saw it coming not even me. We talked the next day and he said he wanted to be with me but then changed his mind and said he was just confused and didn’t want to toy with my emotions and hurt me. He has a minor substance abuse and wants to take time with work to change and get better he said. We then decided to take a break instead of the break up. Once we started I read about the no contact rule and decided to do it since he needs time on his own so I wanted him to really miss me and realise he was happy with me. Thing is we havn’t talked for 35 days now at all… no text or call or anything and we dont have eachother on social media either. Im starting to worry and wonder what’s going on in his head. I thought everything was going great in our relationship, everyone was so shoked. Should I wait some more ? Should I text him? He is coming back at the end of summer in 6 weeks..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2016 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Melissa

      but you haven’t started to improve yourself right? Try that.. even if you don’t have each other in social media, there’s still a chance that he will check that.. and I think it will be just in time when he’s back after 5 weeks..let’s say he’s really busy now but when he gets back, he will wonder how you are..and if that’s the only time that he thinks about checking your profile, then at least you already have a lot in your profile..enough for him to think you have moved on and less awkward for you to initiate a conversation when he’s back

  4. ariana

    July 14, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    Me & my boyfriend dated for a little over a year, towards the end of our relationship we fought a lot which led to him ending it with me saying he couldn’t do this anymore. It’s been 3 weeks since the breakup and we’ve talked almost everyday but it always ends with him telling me he doesn’t want to be with me right now and he needs time to himself. He’s making it seem like he’s just going to come back when he’s ready but he hasn’t directly said that. I’m considering starting a NC period for a few weeks and trying to talk to him again after that is over. Do you think he’ll change his mind/do you think a NC period will help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 15, 2016 at 1:25 pm

      Hi Ariana,

      we can’t guarantee it will but doing nc is still the better choice.. Proper nc is not initiating contact and not replying,no greetings and really focusing in improving yourself..

  5. vanessa

    July 13, 2016 at 10:33 pm

    Well am soo nervous! i own a nail salon i have my ex-boyfriend working here with me every single day, i see him every day and today is my 22nd day with no contact at all, which means i talk to him only about work, a couple of times he tried to talk to me about his personal life and i stopped him aggressively, still dont know how to change that, my question is: is this enough? should I expect the full no contact gratification after all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      Hi Vanessa,

      you can be polite, just don’t be engaging.. and the more.important thing is that you start a new routine.. and meet new people… if you haven’t started that, you need to restart count..

  6. Lea

    July 13, 2016 at 5:02 am

    My ex boyfriend and I recently got back together. When we were apart, he liked another girl and she liked him but she also liked someone else, this made my ex boyfriend that he needed to step away because he didn’t want to be a 3rd wheel. When we got back together, he promised to not talk to her and to avoid her. She then all the sudden started to called, text him, and look for him through friends. I got angry and told him to tell her that she needs to stop and step aside, he got angry at me and I told him that if he can’t do it, then why are we even together cause it seem that he liked the attention. After that night, he calls her and she comes over his place to talk why he hasn’t been responding. After they met up, he changed completely. He told me that I needed to accept this girl in his life or we both know where our relationship is going. I told him I’m not cause she is not just a friend, this is a girl that you have been attracted to and she as well to you. HE claims that nothing is going to happen because she has a boyfriend and that he doesn’t see her like that. I kept my answer firm because he promised not to, he got even more mad and called me crazy and possessive. I told him that he has one month to think about things because I will not waste my time again and if it’s really over, to be aware that I will disappear completely from his life. Haven’t heard from him yet, it’s been 2 weeks. All I know is that he and this girl go out alone to date, which according to him its totally normal. Did I do something wrong by telling him that he has a month? Will he ever realize that he made a mistake after not hearing from me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      Hi lea

      nope i agree with what you think it is.. trt to do active no contact

  7. Katie

    July 13, 2016 at 4:04 am

    I never in a million years thought I would actually make it through the 30 days of NC but I did…today is day 32, actually. I’m not sure where to go from here.

    A bit of background: we were together for 7 years, and are both 23 years old. We were an on-again off-again couple (broke up 3 times before, but during all breakups we were in contact—last breakup was about 3 years ago). We broke up most recently because I had been neglecting him emotionally and physically due to a very busy schedule, and some other girl told him she had feelings for him so he decided to pursue her. I’m not sure if he is with her now or not.

    I read in other posts that for an on-again off-again relationship a 60 day no contact might be better, but I’m not sure if I should do that considering that he may be with another girl right now. I also think that compared to the whole length of our relationship, 30 days doesn’t feel like that much—he might not have had time to get over any hurt feelings.

    I’m just scared because if he IS dating this other girl, then the longer I wait the more serious they will get (although they are semi-long distance). But if I contact him too soon, I think that he’ll just be pushed closer to her, since he knows that we’ve broken up and gotten back together many times and will likely think that I’m just trying to get him back again. I have a few ideas for casual yet interesting texts (I’ve read the posts on texting after NC) but I’m not sure if now is the right time. Any advice?

    1. Katie

      July 13, 2016 at 6:37 pm

      Even though he may have a new GF, I should still wait 60 days? I’m just really scared that 60 days will be enough time for them to start to develop a serious relationship, fall in love, move in together, etc?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      yes, he sees her as a gigs case.. if you contact sooner, you will look like chasing him… yoy have to come from a point that he won’t think about you like that because he will see that as a threat to his new relationship

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 5:15 pm

      Hi katie,

      do 60 daya and then be very active in improving yourself..take it as a restart and that you’re going to start over as friends first after it..

  8. Aly

    July 12, 2016 at 6:43 pm

    Can this no contact rule work on all guys , not just ex boyfriends ? I’ve had guy friends get mad at me for not hearing from me . I just find it interesting because most of my friends don’t mind even if we haven’t spoken in months !

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 7:26 pm

      well,not really..it depends on the situation

  9. DINA

    July 2, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    He wrote me yesterday an email exactly after 30 days no contact rule. We were in long distance relationship. He wrote me that it is clear to him that I don t wont to hear about him and his life (because i blocked him on phone) but he must to write me because of my stuff that I left there, should he send them to me, because he has to leave his place and move somewhere else,he lost all chances there for job, he is living that city, maybe next month. I respond to him nicely that I was busy, and that we can talk about my stuff next week. Whats next ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 3:00 pm

      unblock him and then initiate texting slowly

  10. Jasmine

    June 30, 2016 at 9:04 pm

    Will no contact work if you were the last one to message him? Me and my guy talked everyday for a year but 2 months ago he ignored a question I asked him and I have not spoken to him since. I am thinking about reaching out next week…is this a good idea?
    There is quite a bit of a back story but I’m not sure if that matters?

    1. Jenny

      July 5, 2016 at 8:02 am

      Oh btw, my birthday was two days ago and he didn’t even send me any wishes. So rude… Shall I even proceed? It seems like he doesn’t care about me at all…

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 10:24 pm

      yes it still applies.. and that depends in you if you still want to try

    3. Jenny

      July 5, 2016 at 7:13 am

      Thanks for the reply, Amor!
      I wanted to send him a message tomorrow, but what can I write? Does the article “Using Text Messages to…” still apply here?

    4. Jenny

      July 4, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      I would love to know the same. I was the last one to text him. He never replied to my message, so he basically ghosted me. This was exactly 30 days ago. I did not send him another text, so I automatically implemented NC. We had a LDR, so I heavily relied on Facebook to show him that I am still living life to the fullest, basically following the advice on here about how to make someone jealous on FB etc.
      He hasn’t made any attempt to contact me. I even saw that he recently activated his dating profile again on the site where we “met”.
      So, my question is the same as Jasmine’s: Would the NC rule even work if I was the one being ghosted?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 10:16 pm

      we can’t guarantee that but it’s supposed to help you increase your chances because it’s a time to influence what he thinks about you if he sees you’ve moved on

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 1:55 pm

      HI Jasmine,

      it depends more on what you did during no contact.

  11. Nikki

    June 26, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    My boyfriend for a year and a half had a really rocky relationship toward the end. I found out he said I was ‘nothing serious’ to a friend on fb behind my back after 9 months of dating and meeting his family, including becoming very close to his daughter. We was also sending inappropriate texts to another woman. When I caught him and told him I needed a break from him, he sound devastated. I of course only implement d it for a week. Fast forward 6 months and countless arguments later, we were not together but stil Communicating with other. Absolutely horrible idea. I finally decided to
    cut it off completely 26 days ago and cannot for the life of Me understand why I am
    Hoping to hear from a man who did
    what he did to me, also never introduced me to a single friend of his; refused to erase his exes tattooed name from his body; and told me his response to his ex (who he has a daughter with) of 10 yrs who called me a ni**er bi&@h (she is white and I clearly am not) was, ‘I told her I don’t say things like
    That.’ He always went out with friends after I would not talk to him (female and male…mostly female). And after all of that, he STILL wanted to see the breakup as just temporary. I could not understand it. And for some reason I am the one left crying after 26 days. I know, he is not worth it. But I can’t understand why he would STILL want to be with me after I employed the NC rule. I know he will. He has NEVER wanted to leave the relationship, though his actions (and lack thereof) have been deplorable. I just don’t get it.

  12. Chan123

    June 17, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Hi there, this might be a dumb thing to ask but, does the NC work on actual boyfriend ? not an ex. Let me explain, i’ve been dating my guy for almost 3 years, i moved to France for him to be with him instead of following my dream of going to study in Tokyo.The first year amazing eventhough we were in two different countries, he even proposed me to get married so i can get the visa and be forever together, but he retracted 4 times (his mom is against our relationship) now i rly need the visa cuz i have trouble funding my studies in france and yet he is not proposing me any sort of help. The second year we moved together and i discovered his ugly side,a lot of fights and cries . He first decided to tell me the truth about how many girls he had slept with , he told me 9 when actually before me he was a virgin. At the end of the second year i wanted to break up cuz he was not making any efforts,we weren’t going out or anything, i went to italy for vacation and started not talking him till oneday we had a huge fight on fb and that day i did a pregnancy test and found out i was pregnant, he had the nerve to ask me if i cheated on him after hearing the news. i went back home and got an abortion , After taking the pill i had a huge pain yet he decided to leave and sleep at his mother’s house cuz it had climatisation. We decided to start over and on the third year eachfight he kept telling me that we love eachother but we are way too different and should end it but we didn’t cuz we had to focus on studies, he kept saying that we spend too much time together , i have no friends in france i just moved there and he had already his life there. about two weeks ago he was mad at his aunt and like always it’s me who gets all that anger in the face, i ignored him and left france to go to my country for summer.he tried to talk to me briefly when i started ignoring him and when i was about to leave he did not even ask me if i wanted help knowing i had 41kgs of bagage when i only weight 54. It has been 18 days i’ve been ignoring him and he did not talk to me, we are still in couple on facebook and we haven’t changed our pics where we both are together and hugging eachother. i started ignoring him cuz he was stressing me out and not caring enough , he also have problems with studies. my question is should i keep ignoring him now or not , the situation is unclear for both, and i heard he is coming next week yet he told me nothing about it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Chan123/

      yeah, you can try it but it’s not just ignoring him.. you have to be active in building a new routine and meeting new people.. so you have to restart count

  13. Misha

    June 17, 2016 at 6:39 am

    Hai, my break up happened a week ago. And I’m really confused bcoz in that one week I was still trying to get close to him and he doesn’t ignore me and responds to me. In fact my pic is still in his purse and a little pictures of us both is still in his Instagram. However he deleted most of it which shows that we were couples. I started NC 3 days ago after reading this. Now me and him are far away as we are back to our own country for holiday (4hours distance) and after a month, back to college but still 25mins distance from where we stay. I’m just confused coz since I stopped trying to approach him..he doesn’t even like my post statuses or pictures anymore on Instagram or Facebook. However he is active on it, he is clearly ignoring me. I just feel so heartbroken and confuse bcoz idk if he still cares for me. We had good times together and even when we fight we could solve it just well and suddenly he got stressed with exams and he told me he wanted to study first and relationship is where he put the blame on. Last 5 days I went to his place, I hugged him and he still hugged me back but ofc idk what’s going on in his head. I’m really confused. I’m really hurt. I just wish to get some professional advice here if there’s ever gonna be a chance for me. Coz I can see he wants to move on and he is doing it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      HI Misha,

      maybe he’s concentrating on studying right now.. how long was your relationship and were you needy?

  14. Elena

    June 17, 2016 at 3:57 am

    Hi there, I need some advice…
    A month and a half ago I had 2 family members pass away in a car accident on the opposite side of the country, that was the start to some disconnection with my boyfriend and me. Before I left town, we had a small spat over him being there for me during an emotional time and him being stressed due to his own family issues, school and work but it was shortly cleared up and I left the state to take care of funeral arrangements feeling good about our relationship of 6 months. I like to add that I’m not an emotional/dramatic person nor do I bombard him/people with texts but while away I ended up breaking down due to the stress and emotion overload. When I looked to him for comfort he disappeared for a day then came around to say he ‘couldn’t do this anymore’ “we have nothing in common’ and ‘i’m tired for apologizing all the time” then continued to break up with me over the phone while I was still out of state. I don’t believe what he said was true and that it was just the stress talking but it hurt none the less. The break can be considered a ‘good/normal break up’ without any begging, profanities or issues, not to mention this was our first real break up. Besides one message sent I stated NC with him right after but have not had any contact from him since the phone break up. With time (30 days) being up I sent him the first message a few days ago but there is no reply. He can be very introverted so i’m not sure where to go from here. I have read the section of Introverts but it doesn’t really go over NC and texting an Introvert very well.
    While I still love this man i’m starting to second guess my self about his words and starting to loose faith. Is my situation hopeless?

    1. Elena

      June 20, 2016 at 12:07 am

      one of those “guess what” messages.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 4:42 am

      try to start with a topic. one that he really loves

    3. Elena

      June 17, 2016 at 4:00 am

      I should mention that neither of us has Facebook or any other Social media.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      Hi Elena,

      what was the first message you sent?

  15. Lisa

    June 12, 2016 at 6:58 am

    Hi, so this is my story.

    I’m in a 2 month LDR and I think i accidentally broke up with him. I was part of an exchange program and he was the local. It was a stupid emotional move but honestly I thought he would at least ask what’s going on or try to fix it but he didn’t. After he saw my messages and not reply for 3 hours even though he was clearly online, I basically left a message saying “Okay, you never wanna see me anymore. Got it” then changed a profile pic of us together to just myself, also unliked our photos together on social media. To me we didn’t break up; To his perspective, he might have thought I took it seriously. We didn’t talk after that for a week. In the same week, I noticed he deleted photos of us together. I caved in and after 7 days and apologised for the outburst. It was an irrational move and I told him I realised that and just gave us space, which is why I didn’t look for him for a week. He even said “but it was your decision to break up?” but honestly I never intended to, it was just a childish move to sulk and have him come to me. I told him i never intended to. Then I asked if he still wants to go through with a break up anyway, he didn’t answer. The next day, I tried reaching out to him again, and he didn’t answer either. It’s almost 2 weeks now since we’ve talked. In that time, he posted and tagged me in a group photo with our friends saying “miss you all <3" It's his favourite photo with me and him, at least it's what he told me before. He even posted the song he always sing when he misses me. This is severely confusing me. Help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 9:21 am

      Hi Lisa,

      I thibk he misses you.. But he’s more matured than you are and not the type to chase..how are you now?

  16. Veronica

    June 9, 2016 at 9:55 pm

    Does NC rule work with friends please? I have a male friend, 12 years younger, he is single and I’m married and my husband is aware of the friendship. There was initial attraction but we really have just been friends for about a year now – a couple of texts a week and meeting up once every 3 or so weeks. Recently he texted he wasn’t feeling like chatting for a bit as he had some family worries, but a few days later I had an appointment at his workplace, which had been booked a long time ago. After going, I got a text the next day saying he didn’t like it that I was there, didn’t like where things were heading, or the feeling he was getting, and thought we shouldn’t get together again at least for a little while. I think he thought I was ‘in his space chasing him’ or something as he is very into his privacy. I was shocked and hurt as all had been fine before this. So I have started NC (day 15 now!) but I don’t know if this works for friends. I don’t know if he ever wants to communicate with me again after what he said, and I miss him very much. It is helping me incidentally as I am getting perspective on things and feeling less emotionally involved.

    1. Veronica

      June 15, 2016 at 11:05 am

      That is a really good question thanks. I got to know my friend when I was experiencing horrible treatment at home. This improved partly because I began to find a way to make friends with people outside the home. This friend was very helpful in talking things through, and he is very attractive which made me feel like a woman again, but never more than friends. The NC time is to try and recover this friendship, but an unexpected outcome is that I am focusing more on how to make home life viable (I can’t leave as I have a child). The friendship has given me strength to do this and maybe I can let go of it, but his odd, sudden and unexpected rejection of me is very upsetting. Ultimately I would like to know more really about what he was thinking, but I’m wary of approaching him again given his comments – which didn’t seem at all like the person I’ve known for months.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 8:06 am

      Hi Veronica,

      Is it to save your marriage or to have a chance with your friend?

  17. Kam

    June 9, 2016 at 5:05 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me one fine day saying that he doesn’t want to have a future with me. He said we could be friends, but I told him I don’t want to keep in touch anymore. And he said OK and blocked me on Facebook n WhatsApp.. Now as I go through the NC period how will he know that im moving on…and 15 days into NC I called to check if he blocked me on his phone…two rings and I hung up..but he didn’t ask me anything… He did ask my friend if she knew what it’s about…so how does the NC work for me now and is it still applicable wen I’m blocked on all social media..thank you for your time…means a lot

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 11:09 am

      Hi Kam,

      Be active in social media even if you’re blocked.. in that way mutual friends will see it too.. and we’re not sure if he’s not checking it so continue on being active in social media

  18. Oanh Vu

    June 7, 2016 at 8:14 am

    He cheated me and dated with another girl but he still kept dating me for a long time. Then he became mor distant with me. Now I discover that he is going to get married with the girl and he say sorry to me. But I still love him. I have no chance. Right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 7:51 am

      Hi Oanh Vu,

      you don’t deserve him.. If he’s like that he will probably do it to his soon to be wife.. Be happy you dodged a person like him.

  19. Jules

    May 30, 2016 at 10:51 pm

    Hi,
    Broke up with my bf of a year and a half 16 days ago. Every time we broke up we would always cave and get back together after a few days but this time I kept no contact. After 10 days no contact he texted me “hope you are doing well xoxo” I ignored it. He hasn’t texted me again but I’m scared he’s going to give up and not try to win me back. This is the longest we have gone without talking. This weekend is his birthday and I don’t plan on wishing him a happy birthday either. Is it a good sign he has even texted me once in that time?
    Thanks 🙂

    1. Jules

      May 31, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      Because we both know the timing of the relationship isn’t right. He is separating and I am divorced. Both have kids. But then we would get scared of losing each other completely and would make up. This time when he told me timing was wrong again, I told him he was right and told him I was moving on. I thought that was what he really wanted this time. I was clear it wasn’t what i wanted but i told him i respected his decision and didn’t fight it. I want him to step up his game and make the changes needed to make the timing right. I’m hoping my distance will give him the “balls”. But like many women i see on these sites, we start to get scared that ignoring them makes them forget about us and then we cave….so I think that is my current paranoia right now as well since i haven’t heard from him in a week.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 1, 2016 at 1:20 am

      a week is still early,and there’s a chance that he’s still checking you online so, increase the chances of him regretting leaving you by being active.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 6:29 pm

      Hi Jules,

      why do you always break up? Yes, it’s a good sign 🙂

  20. Noname

    May 27, 2016 at 10:01 am

    My ex broke things off two weeks ago but about 3 days ago I said I need space and he’s taken that on board but even further by avoiding me (we work together). We have mutual friends but he just isn’t around anymore and has moved department due to job change. I feel like he’s just got new friends now so doesn’t need me anymore, in the past he’s contacted me by now but now he’s keeping away. He loves me but only reason for breaking up is the situation (I won’t go into detail) doesn’t allow it. He said if thins were different he’d have married me by now and I’m perfect… How do I get him to miss me and reach out to me? I don’t want to lose him all together I at least want him to try be my friend (I want to see that I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2016 at 5:44 am

      Hi No name,

      it depends on the situation and what you need to change.. of he sees you’ve changed from what he doesn’t want then there’s a chance he will be ok to be friends again at first

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