The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

Lisa

May 24, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Thank you for all the replies!! It’s amazing that you respond to everyone!! I told my ex soon after breaking up to not talk to me unless he wants to get back together. He said sorry and said he’d give me space because he “needs to work on himself.” Soon after, I told him I’m ready to be friends and I’ve been failing NC rule after 1-2 weeks of NC. Do I wait another 30 days? 60 days? I’m worried because now if he doesn’t reach out during the NC period, he won’t not even notice that I’m ignoring him or if so, he’ll know it’s because I still love him and this won’t be effective. How should I approach this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 7:06 am

Hi Lisa,

you’re welcome 🙂 Restart count and aim 30 days. If he sees you’ve been busy through your social media posts, he will think you’re moving on and increase the chance of him missing you.

Elle

May 24, 2016 at 1:32 pm

Hi I’m posting a follow-up cause I think my response got lost in the mix. Please refer back to my original post for details 🙂

I started texting my ex again, not too much. The conversations are short. I’m not sure what he’s thinking. I want him to ask more about my life but he hasn’t. Should I ask about his? Also, somewhere in the middle of NC, I removed him on Facebook. I know he noticed because of mutual friends saying he commented on it. I don’t know if that diminished my chances or not, because he has no insight on what I’m doing with my life.. I also told him I had time to meet up if he wanted, which he seemed open to, but in the end told me he wanted to go somewhere else with a guy friend and said maybe later this week. Does that mean he’s not interested? Should I ask our mutual friend to help me gain some insight on my ex’s feelings?

Also, when we dated, I would not say we texted that often, we weren’t particularly affectionate over text. We also rarely called each other. He was more of an in-person guy, or it was just the lack of strong feelings for me that made him like this. I’m not sure if anything will change this time around or if the texting method will be useful.

Elle

May 25, 2016 at 1:57 pm

Should I just asked his friend to find out if my ex has moved on? I think I’m getting exhausted with the emotions and effort of something that isn’t fixable (his feelings towards me, even though he told me he still likes me when we broke up)..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 27, 2016 at 9:52 am

I mean it’s alright to aak your sx how he has been or how his day has been but don’t make it the first text in the day because sometimes that’s a boring topic of he didn’t anything much..

with his friend, just make it casual.. ask it in between the conversation..connect it to what you’re talking about so you don’t sound like you’re just there to ask about your ex
Elle

May 25, 2016 at 1:54 am

How do I ask his friend without seeming nosy/desperate? When I tell him that I wonder how my ex is feelings/thinking, he just tells me that he wants me to not dwell on those things and to focus on myself.. I think if I asked him to ask my ex about me he would do it..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 11:39 pm

Hi Elle,

yes, you should ask help from you friend. And yes too about asking how he is.. Use topics that he loves talking about when you saw each other in person, so that he would be more interested in texting..

Queen

May 22, 2016 at 2:08 pm

I have asked you before Amor, same name, from different column article.

Guy A : From last year my ex has been seen to block his instagram & restricted facebook from me. But he didn’t block my whatsapp & facebook & calls, I can still do it, I can send to him 1 off random messages after no contact since last year. But he didn’t reply anything, ignored & all seen immediately. It’s been a year, he seems to be on okc as single and the photo look like he was depressed, fatter & eyebags no sleep. I guess he is open to new girls but not to me, we broke up cos my dad given him a headache. He has since moved out from the same apartment that we lived & I don’t know how to find him to bump into him or know his friends as he is anti-social. He just workout & sleep & work. I don’t know what is his activities anymore. He didn’t open up to me or reach to me, I had given him time and space & much improve myself! How am I to reconnect if he don’t answer my text/calls or have opportunities to meet. He is acting like a brick wall ! He is 25 & I am 25.

Guy B: Secondly, I have met this other guy online to form a long distance relationship, we hit it off & he want to marry and move with me to any city in the world! Then suddenly he get jealous that he see I added new people on FB he said to me after short silent. On that small fact alone he said I am a liar-bad, and immediately block me off both FB & Watsapp, when I called him he doesn’t answer, so I send him a sms to rectify situation. We never argue before and this guy infirst small thing he blow me off. Before this he was very intense with me and had told his mom he going to bring me to her in that seriousness. He is 30 & I am 25. So I wonder why everything dissapear again when I am even preparing to uproot myself to new city. He is so jealous, I have no form to contact him now except by sms.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 10:30 am

Hi Queen,

so, who do you really want to get back with?

Kelsey

May 21, 2016 at 10:39 pm

My ex and I broke up 6 weeks ago, he said that he was just not feeling it anymore.. and of course we were fighting a decent amount and never really solved our problems we just waited for them to go away and let them subconsciously build up.. So then I let a week pass and told him we need to get together and talk and I tried to tell him all the ways we could work it out and fix things but he still was cold and distant, but he told me we could still talk and that “Communication was good..” so of course I felt like my chances were not completely gone. So then he decided to take me to one of my appointments that I could not drive myself to and he ended up kissing me, but then pulled away saying that he was now confused. So then a week later he took me to another appointment and I told myself that he would not kiss me again and of course he did! While kissing I attempted to get answers out of him and he said at the time that he would be very sad if he lost me. I asked if it was wrong for me to fight for him and he said no…SO then I let him finish out his college finals, and I thought this was the whole reason he was feeling distant is because he was stressed with school and I was also stressing him out.. So once school was over I attempted to see him again to see if he would kiss me again and to see if there was anything left to hold on to and to fight for. But basically he ended up having a reason for not coming and of course I got mad and fell back into my old ways and pushed way too hard. He thought it was all about the ring that I was attempting to get back (my excuse to see him) and he flipped out saying how ridiculous it was that I was obsessing over the ring, I then explained myself and he said he is sorry for flipping out and I said “Honestly, I did want the ring back, but I mainly wanted to see you” and he did not respond. So now it has been 5 days no contact and I dont know what is going through his mind.. Does he even notice im gone since he hasnt even responded? does he feel like he lost me, and does he not care? is he just mad and thats why hes not responding? did I ruin my chances of NC being effective because I did not do it right after the break up?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 26, 2016 at 8:58 am

Hi Kelsey,

have you talked again?

Karine

May 18, 2016 at 4:53 pm

Chris, what if while one uses NC rule, the ex looks for another lady to recover or takes a revenge ? 🙂

A month is a very long time to keep silence.,, men who are not deep in love can easily change girlfriends or even have fun while no contact rule is being applied on them.

After a month silence I would never accept anyone back!! 🙂

This is my second comment on your site, I really like what you write but at the same time I have so much to say and disagree too :))
Overall, this is the best site for advice. Thank you
Karine

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 6:21 pm

Hi Karine,

nc is not a cure for all. It will depend on the situation if you should do it and for how long you should do it

Scarlett

May 16, 2016 at 11:25 pm

Hi!

Wil this no contact work on a very new ‘dating’ situation? I’ve only seen this guy once, although we txted a lot a while back. Um and I did sleep with him, which was great although not exactly hard to get lol.

Anyway, we txted the next couple of days, then ignored 2 of my texts. So, I stoped txting him. That was 2 weeks ago. I plan to not txt him at all and let him get in touch with me – when he does (if I guess…) should a U carry on with the 30days if it hasn’t been that long? I dont want ti reply straight away, I know that if I dont play this right I will end up as a friend with benefits…. And despite yhe beginning of us, I do want more with him 🙂 thanks!

Ps. One of his txts was that he had bought me some food Id been talking about, so he obviously does actually want to see me again. Or did 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 24, 2016 at 7:58 am

Hi Scarlett,

I think 30 days is too long, but what’s sure is that you shouldn’t text him again. Try to read this two blog posts and decide which one you would follow.
How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him
EBR 006: How To Turn Friends With Benefits Into A Relationship

Marlene

May 15, 2016 at 5:16 am

Hi. My ex and I had a terrible argument a couple of weeks ago. He subsequently blocked me on social media so I have no choice but to accept a NC scenario, yet I noticed that he has not blocked me on the IM apps that we used with each other, therefore keeping a line of communication on. He periodically unhides his normally hidden “last seen” status for a few seconds then hides it again. I wonder if he is spying on me, wondering why I haven’t sent him pleading texts and emails. He does this during the day and at odd hours (we are both light sleepers). Why would he do that?

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 9:30 am

Hi Marlene,

maybe you’re right.. but whether you’re right or not be active in yourself for now.. improve yourself and be active in posting it social media even if you’re blocked.

Gakec

May 14, 2016 at 8:20 pm

Hi, I just need some guidance and appreciate any help. My BF and I have only been seeing each other for 4 months and recently (2 weeks ago) got into our 3rd big argument. All of which have stemmed from my possessiveness and anger issues. I quite honestly never knew I had these issues until I started dating him. We fell in love with each other and on top of that, we are a little over an hour away in distance. Two weeks ago we got into a heated argument (about me controlling him again) on text message and haven’t seen each other since. No clean breakup, nothing. He reaches out to me via text every 3 days to check in and to see how I’m doing. I have not taken the initiative to reach out but have answered his text messages. He recently reached out via email this time because I think he deleted my text messages to reassure me that none of those things happened that I accused him of since the breakup and he thinks about me every day. Not knowing what to say I of course take control of his email and explain to him that isn’t so and why I felt that way and that what he said wasn’t the problem rather it stems from my possessive tendencies which is the root of the problem. No word back. I emailed again asking if what I explained made sense and still no word. If in another 3 days he emails again, can you advice me what to say or what not to say? I’m just digging myself in a hole. Thank you, your advise has been great based on what I’ve been reading.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 8:39 am

hi Gakec,

it’s hard to advise because it will depend on his reply to you..

stan khmelnytskyy

May 12, 2016 at 4:20 pm

So my scenario is very special and I completely understand if you cant help me. I am a 19 year old Male In college. My ex broke up with me out of the blue on 5/8/16 (Sunday) She was my first every thing. Sex, lover, gf….etc about 6 months ago My ex’s mother visited a psychic… and the psychic told her that I was going to abuse her daughter. Beat her dog. Sabotage her school. That I was currently cheating on her with lots of people. That Her daughter wasn’t my first partner.(way more to the Psychic story, It happened twice. Second time My Ex’s mom brought her to the “psychic”. I guess after all of that Her mother was convinced. So comes Friday morning( 5/6/16) she randomly wakes up in the middle of the night wakes me up and tells me that she loves me.. That same morning she was going to her parents house. (they live 2 hours away) I had school. Saturday every thing is fine accept that she said she had a headache towards the end of the day. The next morning (sunday) She does not send me any cute txt, Good morning, no emojies, etc. My gut feeling starts firing off. Then couple hours later out of the blue she sends me this text msg. “Stan I’m sorry to say that I have been doing some thinking over the past 3 weeks and my feelings for you have changed. I do not mean to hurt you or do you wrong. Do not contact me. Do no show up to my apartment. Do not call me. I will mail you your stuff by end of this week. Idk what happened over the weekend. But she treated me like a monster. None of the things that the psychic said were remotely true about me. The next day She Sent me a msg saying that She fells really bad about how she ended things and that she hopes that I am ok. I really really love her for she is my first love. I even avoided having sex with girls in high school so I can have it with my first love. Another thing that confused me is that I could tell if some thing was wrong right away. If she was having second thoughts about her feelings for me I would know. Could you please shed any advice for me. I could really use it right now. Also your thoughts on this break up. I have never felt this kind of pain before. If you are a female: could you possibly tell me how she is feeling? Btw we dated for 1 year and 4months.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 4:46 am

Hi Stan,

you dated for a year and the reason she broke up with was the psychic? or you just think it is?

Ch

May 11, 2016 at 8:18 pm

My ex broke up with me two months ago. I did not contact him during 2months but today I decided to send him a tex. ´´hey..I watched a moved and it reminded me of you´´. His answer was: ´´Thank you for thinking of me, hope you are doing well´´. I feel like he was not happy about hearing from me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 2:12 am

Hi CH,

Maybe he just doesn’t know how to respond to a remembrance text but what’s clear is that he’s not really into getting back with you but it looks like he’s open to start being friends again.

Peter

May 10, 2016 at 5:02 am

As a guy who has been on the receiving end of a 30 day no contact I actually think your assessment of the “guy who thinks she’s disinterested” is slightly wrong. For me after 2 weeks of not talking I just assumed it was over and started moving on. Then 3 weeks later she contacted me but those 3 weeks gave me clarity to the fact that I deserved better than being ignored for over a month. In this case the mustang turn into having no car.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 9:53 am

Hi Peter,

thank you for the feedback! 🙂 that’s good that you cleared it up but actually your answers shows you’re not a problem boyfriend! 🙂 and that you know you’re giving your best in the relationship because if you are the problem, then you would have been worried..

but that’s a good point to make it clear too, that the problem gf has to show you that she’s improving herself when she’s not contacting you, for you to kind of give it another shot of talking to her? feel free to correct me if I”m wrong 🙂

Elle

May 8, 2016 at 10:57 pm

This is the second time my ex and I have broken up, for the same reason. I have always had stronger feelings for him and he has felt guilty that he doesn’t reciprocate it in the same manner. We dated for 5 months, broke up for 1.5 months, and then dated again for another 10 months. The first time we got together, we kept in contact, seeing each other and hooking up, with me trying to persuade him to just give it more time. Now, after we’ve broken up, I’ve been trying to see him less, only once a week or so, limited contact. He was scared that he couldn’t love me the way I loved him, and felt his feelings should be as strong by now. He also felt it was unfair. After a month of on and off contact, I told him we shouldn’t contact each other anymore, and it’s been about 5 weeks since we’ve contacted each other. Should I keep hoping and waiting for him to come back, or should I make the first move again?

Elle

May 9, 2016 at 6:22 pm

We just kept seeing each other and I kept telling him that he was giving up too soon, and that if we like each other we should just keep going. Now after NC am scared he’s already moved on to contact him now too. Should I ask him if there’s still a chance? When we ended things he left it hopeful, like we maybe will get back together someday. I am working on some things but it’s hard to say if its for myself or for him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 10, 2016 at 3:59 am

nope.. don’t ask him.. treat this as a restart.. he’ll think you’re chasing him.. he has to think you’ve moved and you’re just being friendly because after all, you had history so, you just want to start over as friends.. and then continue to what you were doing nc to improve yourself.. aim to be the ungettable girl.
read this blog post for that. The Ungettable Girl
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 9, 2016 at 8:05 am

Hi Elle,

how did you persuade him? for me it’s just letting things flow naturally.. build rapport through conversations and then later on he will be more comfortable while you continue to do balance by continuing the activities you started during nc to improve yourself…hopefully when you become more confident and he’s more comfortable with you, he’d be attracted

Maria

May 7, 2016 at 3:55 pm

Hi Cris, I asked for you advice few years ago and you helped me to realize that he didn’t worth it at all, thanxs. Now there is a new guy, but I still being unlucky in relationships matters, let’s go to the point, I met the guy, I date the guy for almost 2 months, We slept togeter in our second date (That one was very clever of me- Sarcasm), I broke up NC rule after a week, cause someone in his family has died, after 2 days, ’cause I want to see him and I wanted to he cheers up, I invited to my b-day party after that I started over to the NC rule until today (14 days), I want to Apply a 40 days NC, but I don’t know what the heck I am doing, I guess he is nost that into me from the beginning and worst after sex, so I don’t even know why I am doing this. I need a piece of advice. Thanks 🙂

Maria

May 13, 2016 at 3:06 am

Hi Amor, don’t get me wrong, I know what I am doing, that is why I asked for your advice, the thing is that I am a little hart broken, ’cause I don’t know if he even cares, he have not contacted me yet, he does not chase me, from my perspective Wehad something with a lot of potential, we laught a lot, we shared goals, points of views, tastes, so for me there is something to fight for, but I am scare and hartbroken, cause I don’t want to be the fool that fights for a lost cause, don’t want to get my hart broken again. That is why I come to you asking for advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 14, 2016 at 11:49 am

ok I understand.. that’s really the risk of being in a relationship.. You can’t avoid being hurt because that’s part of love.. but as you see, if he doesn’t appreciate you then it’s time to walk away.. You are compatible but he’s not the only person you’ll be compatible with, there will be another that will show you that he loves you. You deserve that.
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 9, 2016 at 1:44 am

Hi Maria,

If you don’t know why you’re doing it, the more you should keep being in no contact to reflect because that means there’s not enough reason for you to fight for him…Why continue the relationship if you don’t even know what is valuable in it?

Sunny

May 5, 2016 at 8:28 am

Hi, I and my BF broke up 2 weeks ago (I know we are still in love) He is 24 years old American boy living in my country. He was very committed during the relationship, treated me very well but he always wanted to be with me like 24/7, made me a bit tired and angry coz I’m a “romantic” type of person and like to be alone. Anyway I was very happy with relationship but I was always very jealous of his old photos with exes… I know it’s stupid but I guess it’s a difference in cultures. In Vietnam, love and marriage is very important and very rarely or no one keep their exes pictures on social network (Facebook,..) Anyway, we had a lot of fights because both of us were young and very stubborn, competitive, with every small matter we both wanted to be a winners. …. Finally he said Breakup, he wanted to concentrate on his work, earning money and travelling. Yesterday I met him as he asked me to help him translate with the motorbike fixer, we had coffee time and talked. He just said things like he didn’t want to get back in relationship, that he’s going to move house to live with friends, that he’s going to go Cambodia or Phillipines… Everything is just so horrible. I went back home and he suddenly came to my room, he stood in front of door and said “thank you for the motorbike” he was so happy about the fixed motorbike that wanted to come to me and say “thank you” I don’t know why he wanted to be alone and treated me like that. As for me I don’t really understand the situation and why We had to break up.
Today is my first day of NC rules, but he just messaged me asking about how to buy avocado in the market and ask the price per kg (Because in VN it’s very easy for locals to overcharge foreigners). I don’t know should I answer and help him ????????????

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 3:32 am

Hi Sunny,

I think he wanted the break up because you were having a lot of fights. if he doesn’t want to get back with you then that means he’s friendzoning you.. are you still in nc?

Maya

May 4, 2016 at 6:26 pm

Hello,
I have been with my exboyfriend for 7 months. I thought everything was going great, we both seemed very happy, very close with each other, rarely argued. I had to go out of Country for 3 weeks. He drove me to the airport, was upset that I was leaving. We were making plans for the upcoming summer, how much fun we are going to have together. 3 days later he became cold in his messages so I started questioning what is wrong. After many messages he said that he needs a break because he is stressed out. I was in a panic mode and kept asking what is going on. He became silent. Two days later he said that it’s best if we go separate ways. We met upon my return and he explained to me that he lost all his feelings towards me and he is not ready for a relationship. I don’t think there is another lady in the picture. He looked visibly upset and tired. When he told me he has no feelings I walked away. But I still love him very much. I texted and emailed him a few times apologizing that I walked away but haven’t heard from him. I have decided to stop contacting him. It is my third day with nc. Will the nc rule work if he is already not talking to me? I am heartbroken. Everything was going so well, I don’t know what has happened 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 8, 2016 at 2:12 am

Hi Maya,

I hope you’re still in nc now and yes, there’s a chance it work even if he’s not talking to you.. that is if you’re active in improving yourself.. making a new life, like moving on.. Be active in posting in social media because in that way, it can increase the chances of him missing you and for him to see you’re not chasing him..
but of course for you to heal and gain emotional stability too.. you’ll probably know the real reason either during nc, or when you’re back to rebuilding rapport..the important thing is, he thinks you’ve moved on so that he will be open to talking again.

Angel

May 1, 2016 at 5:14 pm

Hi brad. Thanks soo much for the really good article. I had been with my ex for about 4 years. He couldnt find job here so he decided to come back to sydney. Before goin back, he asked me to marry him on this summer vacation and I said yes. He then went back to sydney and lived in his family house, for the period of three months everything was okay, we kept missing each other, he got a job, and he even begged me to visit him soon but I couldnt cuz I was studying as well. After 3 months apart things becoming more stressfull for him, he had to move out from the family house n it was difficult for him to find the house. I was helping him as well. He got so distant to me and I was feeling so sad. I kept asking him what happend n cuz this is my first relationship I didnt know that it was normal for a guy to have little space when they re stress out. Then he found the house. He was going to move out on wednesday and at the same time in the morning he wanted to go and play football with his friends, I said its better not to play for today cuz im scared he would be tired. He got annoyed so at the end I let him playing. After moving out to a new house, it was so difficult for me to be able to talk to him freely. Everytime we chatted he was online but reply me soo slow.. Then I asked him if he talked to his homemates, he said ya. Then I told him just talk to his friend firts I wont disturb. When I called him it was so noisy n we couldnt talk freely. N I felt he didnt get enough sleep as well. Sorry for telling you in detail cuz i cant analyze the situation. One week after moving out, he called me n said he was not ready to marry me, I tried to convince him it was only a cold feet. He apologised n then we came back to the old plan. The next few day he said the same thing, then I told him to take it slowly if he wasnt ready. After few days more he didnt pay enough attention to me. N he apologise after I got so angry, he said sorry for not able to pay enough attention and n he would try his best to pay more attention. But I could feel we just becoming more distant. I admit the point you mentioned about why he lost interest I did all of them. Then my birthday came, I asked him if he prepared anything to me, he said no sorry he had no time. Then he asked me what I wanted, I said I wanted to meet him. Then we decided to buy ticket for me to visit him. I found the cheap ticket. The next day I asked him if I should book it. Firstly he said wait. Then I said, why you said wait again why u became so bad. Then he said sorry cuz he was tired from work cuz he just got home. Then he asked me to buy the ticket. My mom had to oay it first cuz we wanted to book it early. The next day I asked him if he had sent the money, he said he went home so late n he said he cudnt but he wud send it tomorrow. Then the next day he said he had to rush home to do sth. I was askinh him if he wud actually send the money cuz I didnt know what to say to my mom. He said ofcourse he wud he wasnt a bad person. Then I got my period, I messaged him sooooo looonggg at that night, I said I was happy but sad at the same time cuz we were not like before. The next day I asked him again if he sent the money. N he replied me
“Im sorry I have no feeling for you anymore. I feel like everything im doing right now is you the one who asked me to do not what I want to do.” N he said he had been feeling this for long time.
I was so shocked. N tried to explain to him and beg unfortunately. I even asked him if he didnt love me why one month ago he still asked me to have phone sex n so on. He said it was only his desire. N i was so shocked n i asked him to take that word back cuz he wud regret it. I begged him for about one week for second chance. Then the last day I found out he was goin to have party in his new apartment. His mate was actually the one who arrange it. I asked him n he said he didnt know. N i told him I found out from his fb n I added one of his mate on fb n said hi to him. He was so angry n he said what for? He said if I kept checking his fb he wud change the password. I apologised n said it wasnt a problem bef n i didnt know. Then I asked hin for a second chance and he said “up to you, im not happy.” I asked him dont be like this. Then I asked him to give me. Then he daid “ya, I want to sleep.” Then he hung up. This is the first time he hung up on me and after he said he wasnt happy, I was so sad and I lost my confidence. Then Im doing the no contact rule. Two days after the party I saw his pic with to girls. But after couple hours the pic is deleted. I know he tried to hide it from his parents. The next day I saw him bein friends with the girls in the pic. Then the next day he started to like other girls pic. I was so broken heart. He was a good guy n when he was with me he neva did this. He changed his profile pic on fb but he is still using our ring. Is it a good sign for me? Or guy dont think that much. Idk I feel like im over analyzing the situation n so so. What do you think? Im going to do one month no contact rule, is it enough? Until now he doest initiate the contact, why? Is it bad? If he doesnt initiate the contact for one month, should I contact him first? Are we actually break up or taking a break cuz he said yes to give us chance but with annoyed tone, should I actually consider this as a break up or only giving space? What im supposed to do.. For me being friends with opposite gender is not ok. I feel insecure, am I wrong? Why is it important for him to be friends with other girls when he has me? Wudnt that only give him chance to cheat n make me his plan B cuz he knows i love him soo much? He changed after he moved to the new house n he said everytime we talked just make him so stress. So, is the new friends he have now is a bad impact? N the fact he is liking other girls pics, does he like them? Cuz if he is interested in other girl just after 2 days breaking up, I cant accept that. I will think he is not a good person. He loved me really much n took care of me not only emotionally but also financially. He understand me truly. But how come he changed in 4 months? But I knew I did all those lists that make him lost interest. But I didn that cuz this is my first real relationship n we get too comfortable for each other.. Please help me to explain what happend. Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 3, 2016 at 8:10 am

Hi Angel,

If I”m only going to base it on your story. It looks like the stress of moving out got to him.. and then you had fights and then he got comfortable having his only space and maybe he thought he wants to take more time in enjoying being single first.. since it coincides in you two fighting , it seems to justify his thought that it’s better to stay single for now..

if you’re going to ask if it’s ok to have female.. it’s ok but it’s different if he flirts with them.. his actions with the party is to have fun.. being with girls is part of having fun in that party.. for now, don’t take it seriously.. maybe it’s his way of getting his mind off the break up..

GIve him space and work to have your own life and improve yourself.. so, that you can handle being in your first relationship, especially it’s long distance..

Abha

April 29, 2016 at 12:14 am

Hi Amor
What to do next a nc again or something else.
I try to clear the view of my relation and the relation b/w my ex and his exes as you asked.
I dont understand him now his words i never cal u ,never msg u while i m not disturbing him and when he know the truth.

abha

May 2, 2016 at 3:37 pm

Oh ok..thanks amor
Abha

May 1, 2016 at 7:10 am

Ok thank you Amor..i am just waiting for your suggestion..and yes its really so much messed up.i am in my nc well its just 5th day..i complete it..and i will wait as you say..thank you
One more thing i want it clear.. What it means -don’t mind with his other friends or flirt …?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 3:07 pm

if ever he flirts with other girls don’t mind it and focus on your actions after nc..
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 1, 2016 at 4:32 am

Okay, for now, do another nc since everything is so messed up.. be focused on yourself ok? Do 30 days.. don’t mind his other friends or flirts after nc.. just focus on rebuilding the rapport.. but if you’re still blocked after your nc, that means you have to extend until you’re unblocked.. only talk about more serious matters when you get to the meet up stage when he is the best mood.

Deja

April 26, 2016 at 9:16 pm

I don’t know if my comment was able to send through or not. I know it was pretty long…sorry

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 5:52 am

Hi Deja,

it depends on how he sees the need for change. If he really likes you that much he would change for you but you can never force him to do so because it would just push him away.. right now, I think you should focus more on being emotionally stable before trying to contact him again and work on your communication issues once you start talking again.. listen first before getting angry

Abha

April 26, 2016 at 6:41 am

Hi amor,
I completed my 30 days nc.after that i contact to my boyfriend but he does not respond..then i call him .we talk about our misunderstanding and then he said me. I am sorry ,i think wrong about you.now i dont have any doubt on you.but next day he just said we never talk again.sorry i have to block you.i msg him its ok i know you do this.
He unblock me and said i do not blame you.and i never call you ,never msg you again.then he again block me..now what i have to do again a nc.
Now i am going to tell you something about our relationship.
We are together above two and a half year in a live in relationship.he loves me too much ,care for me.in my illness period of 9-10 months he just care for me.no que ,no attack on me that he did so many things to me.he just loves me only love.he always said i am the only one who understand him.the one who loves him without any demand.in these two years i never make him feel bad because of me.our relationship is just like a fairytale.he know that i m the girl who loves him most.but one day i asked him why he talk his ex’s he just said i dont like you and now i have a new gf.After break up i feel my boyfrnd miss me too much.he wants to meet me etc and he said he feels guilty what he did to me?then he said to his new girlfrnd that he knew i love him so much,no one can love him more than me..but he dont want to be with me.
i dont know what is the reason of our breakup??he wants me as friend
And also want to be with his new girl friend but when that girl knew about me she leave my boyfriend by saying you are not loyal to that girl who lives with you then she do not want any relation with him. and my boyfriend call me and said i never gonna call you.i hate you.i dont love you anymore .why you ruin my life? Why you tell everything to my friends etc.he blocked me from everywhere.his girlfrnd said i dont like him,i never love him.but they both work together.and now she is in my contact as a frnd but i dont know i have to believe her or not .
But i want him back.i do not know his feelings right now he miss me or not.but i know two years are not forgetable to me and if i miss evry day and night then he also miss something a little bit.
I just do one mistake i give him a reason to hate me.because of me his new gf leave him.
..then i came to this site and think may be its not too much late.i do my nc.i completed it 14th of april.i msg him he does not respond then i call him.we talk and clear our misunderstanding.i told him that the que you raise on me actually done by that girl.i am not telling anyone about you ,its she.she told everyone why you blame on me.i give him proof? Its all happen after nc. He sorry to me but next day he just block me again.(the situation i describe in begginning).he said to me dont tell anything to her that now i(he) know everything who did this? .because she is a patient and he dont want she become more ill.and its true she is a patient.
So now he will come back to me? And what should i do to win him back?
I am blocked.and i think i dont have to contact him.i thaught after clear all misunderstanding we just start as friend and then i start on my other level.but i m blocked again.
Now what????

abha

July 5, 2016 at 5:31 pm

No..there is no communication between us from that day.i just unblock him from my profiles three days before.do not know he check my profile or not?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2016 at 8:21 am

oh ok.. be active in improving yourself and aim to be the ungettable girl
abha

July 3, 2016 at 5:55 pm

Hi Amor,
Its me abha again.well i have to tell you this before but i am not understand what to tell u or nt? I posted it before all the situation of mine…
.

As i tell you we clear our misunderstanding but he blocked me again from everywhere and i went on my nc again.because thats the thing i feel good for both of us.
After one week i saw he unblock me from facebook after one more week he unblock me from whtsapp.
After my nc i am thinking what to say this time.but just then he call me for a programme (as in this nc period i am learn my vocals and now i am a lead vocalist in a band).
.
.
I go there everything is fine i dont make any interaction with him just a hi hello. And i came to know he is working with that girl in his academy.
Next day i msg him hey so you unblock me from watsapp. How are you? And ask about his dp as he won some prize somewhere .i ask which prize is this? Just in one msg not even a single msg again.
THAT GIRL MSG ME HEY HOW ARE YOU? I SAID I AM FINE .SHE SAID SHE FEELS SORRY ABOUT ME AS SHE IS THE REASON FOR BREAK UP. I SAID ITS OK THERE IS NOTHING MUCH BAD WITH US.NOW WE DON’T HAVE ANY MISUNDERSTANDING.ITS FINE NOW AND HE SAYS SORRY TO ME..
She says okkk….
This is the blast i got then..
.
.

My ex msg me are you gone mad why you msg me again and again while i am not talking to you.i told you never msg me again ,never call me.and which misunderstanding clear between us?
.
Then i got mad and i yelling very first time to him. That i do not call you .you call me . and some other arguments happens between us.( i mean he says some very very disappointing words to me but i don’t said any harsh or negative word .)
I asked what i had done? I just said there is no misunderstanding with us.
You love her ,she ditched you whatever but please don’t blame on me .i dont do anything wrong.
He replied he don’t love that girl, he don’t want her .he just work with her.there is no relation between us.
I ask then why you get mad?
He said he dont want any connection with both of you.but they still work together.
..
.
I asked the same que to that girl why he gone mad when i tell you that there is no misunderstanding b/w us while there is no relation ? She said i dont know.why he reacting like this..
.
.
.

Next day he said sorry to me as always. But i do not.and he said he never gonna call me, and i dont have to msg him.even this time, i blocked him from everywhere ,i dont want to hear a single explanation of them….and i am not going to contact him after nc this time.. I need time .during this nc i am not thinking about him much sometimes….but when i think about someone else i think i love him.but i dont know what to do?
Its almost one and a half month i blocked him.but today i unblock him because i got some work credential in my field since few weeks .so i think may be he check my profile and came to know about this( is there any chance he is still think me?)is there any chance?

Hihi what a silly question i ask to you ? But when we dont understand what to do? We have to ask i think? So i ask you or chris anyone tell me…
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 8:08 pm

sorry abha, did you mean he checked your profile after you unblocked him and you’re asking why he did that?
Abha

April 27, 2016 at 12:21 pm

One more thing..what to do with his friend i ask you for ?
Abha

April 27, 2016 at 12:13 pm

Hi amor,
When we are together he just meet one time to his ex.after three month of our relationship but with his friends.they are active in phone and social media .but he never meet her again because of me.my ex is so much flirty he has two more gf before me .one is about three month and one is like frnd with benefit relation for three to four months.but after meet me he does not block anyone..thats why he always do flirt when they talk over phone and watsapp etc.?but they do not meet ever.. When i que him, he sent msg to them not to msg again.
(But he never block them while they msg him continuously .he dont reply those msgs.when there are too much msg he just sent -dont msg me…..but he is active in other ladies on fb.his ex(first love- six months realtionship five years ago & that girl ditched him) told me that they are stil talking .then i am ask to my bf why are u talking to her? He just try to clear everything but i dnt listen him.that day (almost12 hours i am not talk to him)next day i call him he just said are you ok.after that he said he admit he do mistake, they are just talking (flirty talk please become my gf,come to meet me etc).he said he does not mean it ,he never want to cheat me and he does not cheat me in two years because of my love (and its true i just live a fairytale life in two years thats why i dont believe he do this to me..i am just asking him why he talk that girl like this?)..but suddenly he said you love me too much we have to do break up.i ask why? he says nothing.very next day he said i dont love you i lv sm1 else and she is perfact for him(the new gf who is a patient).they are in contact about 15-20 days .
now that girl not interested in him(she makes me sure).but they working together in same branch .i dont know is he still love her(after know all the truth of her ) or find someone new.there is no one who know this.
Everything is so much shocking and so much fast .just one by one day.i am going fully shatterd confused .dont know what to do? Is he forget our long relation for this 20 daya relation? I try to convince him but nothing works.His new gf meet me and i tell her the truth .then she makes some strategy against him and he thought it was me.
Then i came to this site and start my nc.
these misunderstandings are clear some days before i describe in my first comment.
But he blocks me from everywhere .and his words – i nevr gonna msg u, i never gonna cal u .sorry.i dont understand why? I am not talk to him,i am not msg him.but he block me.
And for that girl his ex.
When he came to know that she (his first ex)make me know everthing he cut every relation from her and now he is not in her touch.
But i dont know about others.
One more thing -when i clear our misunderstanding i am in another state.he knows that i leave that state where he live.and i am never going to back there again.but i am going back there for my work and he dont know this.
Is it sense something?
And thanks for all your efforts you do for us.thanks EBR TEAM.
TO MAKE US LIVE HAPPY
Abha

April 26, 2016 at 7:36 am

And one more thing.i make him to talk me about some money issue after that talk he send me msg i never msg u i never call u again.he block me .i said ok but tell me one thing what is my mistake?he unblock me then after clear misunderstanding i am not sending him msgs but he said i dont msg you ,i never call u he blocked me.then i said its ok your wish and is there any other que to me?.then he unblock me and said i dont blame you .and now i never msg you and never call you.i said its ok.then he unblock me and said i never msg you i never call you..
I just replied its ok..your wish.best of luck
I put this msg next day of block me.two days ago.what is this.? One of podcast chris says if a man said too many times a thing then it become an action.i am afraid of this.
(In this nc period i work on me.i lose my weight i join music and dance class ,i change my look.now when i am walking through the road or a place every eye looks on me.i made my hair ,i put myself a happy phase.people surrounded me says u r super and confident now.how you do this?thanks for this chris…super thanks.but i feel alone without him.it does not mean i dnt have other option but i dnt want that option.even i have more option then before.)
But here is a problem .i am not able to make him see me.our area is different,our frienda are different.may i have to friendship with his one of friend actually he know me and we both share some moments together as he ia just like my bro .but he is his bestfriend.so after breakup i never try to contact him.may i try him as a frnd .i am not going to tell him about my planning but i want him as a ladder to make my boyfriend to know me.i am not going to do flirt.i am not going to date with him just a facebook friend totally.but a friend who tell my bf of me.he knows me and my bf relation.actually he is the one who share our moments with us.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2016 at 7:28 am

Hi Abha,

the only reason I can see why he doesn’t want to talk to you is because the other girl is in the hospital.. maybe he doesn’t want things to get complicated.. I just want to make it clear.. The other is his ex right? And when you are together he just went to see her and treated you badly? And now, they are still together?

Deja

April 25, 2016 at 4:48 pm

Hi,
I’ve been dating this guy on & off, long distance, on & off for about a year now. We have a great connection & express our goal, dreams, and even have spoke about a future together. I was in another state before moving back to Illinois but before I moved back we were broken up. He knew I would be relocating back home & about 3 months of me being back home, he finally contacted me & we discussed what happened with us. We spoke for about 2 weeks before deciding to meet up & I actually went out to see him. He lives about an hour & a half away so I bought a train ticket to go see him & he paid for my ticket back. The weekend went great, he paid for everything & treated me great. Things went well for about 3-4 weeks. However, the pattern once again continued. We argued, ignored each other, I broke up with him & now we’re back to not speaking. Yet, after about 3 days of the break up I reached out to him, & we spoke about being friends but deep down I was not alright with that. I called him about two days later, crying over the phone about how I want to be more than his friends. His reaction took me by surprise when he said he felt the same but was hurt about me breaking up with him & felt pushed away. We even spoke about me coming out there again in a week. Things ended on a good note, but I could still feel a shift & great distance between us since he wasn’t calling or texting like he used to. Therefore, I went snooping on his Instagram (we do not not follow each other, but his page is public). I came across comments from other girls on his page & other flirtatious comments in response on his behalf to other females & I discovered that these comments have been happening the entire time that him & I have been together. He tried texting me later on Friday night after finding out his cheating behavior, yes I consider flirting as cheating, I ignored his message & he tried again but I ignored it. Guess you can say I was implanting the no contact rule. He tried twice again the next day & once again I did not respond. I snooped again on his Instagram page to find a meme that read, “losing people in your life with good memories,” followed by his caption that read, “take it easy,” with a smiling emoji. In that moment I decided to make my Instagram page public, posting pictures from a party I went to the other night, in hopes hat he would see them. The next morning he posted another meme stating, “I could like you & still not contact you. I don’t like bothering people.” I’m trying my best not too think too hard into things, considering the fact that he has multiple females in his view of interest whether it’s emotional or physical. I know it’s crazy to feel this way, but I still want him back. I just know that he is still in the mindset of a young boy. I have never cheated & he knows I never would & have never given him a reason not to trust him. Even after hurting me repeatedly I still tried. Is it too late to turn things around? What are my chances of getting him to stop playing games & for him to come back around the correct way?

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