The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

Sarah

March 2, 2016 at 11:07 pm

We were together for 6 months friends for 2 prior but it feels like I’ve known him my whole life. He broke up with me at the end of Jan accusing me of cheating. It was a week after I got back from visiting family for 2 weeks overseas. (He was my voice of reason and told me I should go.) I know he has insecurities because we have talked about them. And can have a very bad temper. A week after I got back into town we had a very big argument because I decided to spend the night at my parents because my father was leaving that week for a few months. Either way I was accused of cheating and I gave him those insecurities (which is bs and EVERYONE knows it) I will admit my communication could have been better but hey we live and we learn. Its not like he didn’t know what was going on with the family either. Anyway some very hurtful things were said but nothing that cant be worked on or worked through. After the break up he immediately started to ignore me. Or tried to anyway. After the first 2 days I stopped messaging. Got my stuff 4 days later. He already had someone else there. Last contact was Jan 30 because I had to get the last of my things from his place. He said he never wanted to communicate with me again.
So I went into no contact for 25 days , when I messaged the first time I got no response.. a few days later tried again got a neutral response. After about a week I sent a very sweet message. He replied nicely and said he wished it could have been different. I replied to his messages not long .. very brief and straight to the point. No replies since.
I’ve decided to go back into no contact for myself. It takes 2 to tango. And right now I’m the only one willing to get on the dance floor.

Any advice?

Sarah

March 4, 2016 at 3:44 pm

After much thought.. I will not be reaching out a 2nd time. Moving on is best. What is meant to be will be. Thank you for your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2016 at 8:11 am

You’re welcome Sarah.. We hope the best for you
Sarah

March 3, 2016 at 3:30 pm

I do not know honestly
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2016 at 4:33 am

ok.. of he doesn’t reply after thr second nc.. that meana you have to stop and move on
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 11:46 am

Hi Sarah,

is he still with the other girl?

shameen

March 2, 2016 at 5:40 pm

Hi,

I did no contact for 3 months, blocked him off my facebook page after he was turning chat off on me.
I saw him recently at an event and he came up and talked nicely and then offered to buy be some coffee. We chatted for a while. At dinner he chose to sit somewhere else, whereas before we always used to sit together. But came up to say goodbye.
What does this mean for our interaction ? Is it strictly courtesy or friends only now or what? and what if anything should my next move be? We are middle aged and should know better.

shameen

March 3, 2016 at 6:54 pm

Thank you I unblocked him one week before I went down to the event. How long should I wait to message him.
Also, Sorry I asked the same question in a different section. I am just not wanting to mess this up now that it went o.k. this last time.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2016 at 4:46 am

it’s ok to message him now.. you can the connect the text to the event
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 9:31 am

Hi Shameen,

It looks like he’s being friendly.. why not start with unblocking him before messaging

Isabel

March 2, 2016 at 3:45 am

I did the NC, except midway sent an email that he should remove himself from some accounts we shared and asked that he not respond, just that he do it, and he did it. At the 30 day mark he texted me wanting to see how I was claiming he saw some photos on Facebook of us (which I don’t know how since I removed/restricted him on FB). Anyway, the chat was awesome, I actually found myself laughing. We talked for hours. The next day he texted me. My question is, I want to keep talking to him but I don’t want to initiate any contact, I want him to. Do I maintain not contacting him and just let him keep reaching out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 4:19 pm

Hi Isabel,

actually what matters most is how you end the convo and how long it is.. at first you have to make it short to avoid getting to a point of boredom.. and then tery to end in a way that he would want to ask the next day or wonder about it to ask you

Lindsey

March 2, 2016 at 12:54 am

I just finished the no contact rule with my ex. I texted him asking a question about the name of a place we’d been. He answered my question along with asking why i haven’t been answering any of his texts because “dating or not, he still wants to talk to me”. I told him thanks and that I was sorry for not reaponding, i just don’t use my phone much, but that yes we should. Then, he did not respond. What does this mean, and when do I contact him next?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 4:13 pm

Hi Lindsey,

maube he was thinking.. let’s wait first if he will initiate tomorrow or the next day…if not initiate after that

Rebecca

February 22, 2016 at 5:01 pm

My ex and I have been together for 4-5 months, and we study in the same class and school together. So basically we see each other 24/7.

We were very happy and both of us (we lost our firsts to each other) were genuinely interested in each other; but I guess something changed when when we were back in his hometown in Malaysia in December and then when we came back I noticed something off about him so I asked him and he broke things off there and then.

He said “it’s not you; it’s me”, “we both want different things; the things I am looking for you are not lacking in…but different people different things”, “you give me too much attention”, “I can’t give you what you gave me”, “it’s selfish of me to do this but it’s unhealthy for the both of us”. I just don’t know why.

He was not very nice to me for the first 2 weeks after the break up, but I kept my cool and acted like it didn’t hurt me. I started hanging out with people outside school and outside class so as to keep myself happy and sane and not constantly thinking about him.

After the first 2 weeks, he began talking to me and teasing me and trying to get my attention once in a while but not everyday. I did not know what he wanted so I did not do anything else. But I did find out that he was on Tinder; and I’m a little worried. Is he losing interest in me already? Have I lost my chance to win him back? How can I make him come crawling back to me?

He also posted a few Facebook posts that my friends know that they were definitely about me. But he doesn’t want to talk to me.

One of my close girl friends told me to play the “game” to get him crawling back to me. I’ve also started dating other people and he knows that too. My girl friend also told me I should stop being nice to him because I am a terribly nice person to everyone I see and meet and interact with; so she told me to play the unpredictability. However, I do have some doubts if her ways have any advantage for me to win him back.

I’ve done the NC for more than a month now. However, because we’re in the same class we have to work together and that involves texting and communication in school; but I’ve played it cool and I’ve not texted him. He on the other hand texts me first (and this is because of school work or we going to the same event together). We smiled at each other once in a while. There was this one time he asked me out for dinner with his close bud before we watch a show; I said yes… and I think I must have made a wrong move there.

I feel like I’m losing him right now. And I am at a loss of what to do right now. What is the first thing I should do right now? I am just so afraid of sending the first text because my girl friend told me that by doing that, I play the power in his hands and I “lose” the game. I am so afraid of sending the first text also because he will see me in class and I am afraid of him seeing me as desperate or clingy. I am afraid of my classmates knowing me sending the first text, and that I am being so so desperate. I am just so afraid. 🙁 Should i be afraid?

Most of the times, I give him a black-face or a bitch face. 🙁 And I know I shouldn’t do this.. because it doesn’t help me in winning him back right? Should I smile more around him and to him? Should I be a happier person around him – smiling more?

I was thinking about sending the first message, “Hey Jun! I just happened to hear Justin Timberlake’s Sexyback at a bar with my friend and it reminded me of you. To be honest, it made me smile. Hope you have a lovely evening ahead! 🙂 ” But I didn’t send it because I was afraid what would happen if I see him in class tomorrow. Should I have sent it? What do I do next? Do I send him a new first text message?

I am just so afraid… any advice? 🙁

Rebecca

May 19, 2016 at 4:23 pm

Hello Amor! It’s been a long time since we last spoke… and it is the summer break for me now. No school and everything. So my ex and I won’t be seeing each other for a long while (3 months to be exact). To be honest, I gave up getting him back. But I kept thinking to myself the ‘what if’s’. And I was just so scared. However, I decided I am going to conquer that fear and try and start again! Is it too late to start over the process? Do I still have a chance of getting him back?
Rebecca

March 11, 2016 at 5:43 pm

Hello Amor! 🙂

Thank you for your advice!

Should I go forth using “Remembering the Good Ole Days” Text Message in a few days? Or should I wait till I can carry a civil dialogue with my ex before sending the message?
Starting with a light conversation before sending a “I have a confession to make…” text message, after which he responds, I would text him with a “Remember that amazing place we had our last class party at Geylang? My friends and I happened to walk by, and it reminded me of the thrilling time we cuddled nicely under the covers while we slept like babies in each other’s arms.”
What do you think? What are your thoughts?

How do I text him now that I’ve gotten a positive response from the first text message? Keep other conversations light and short? Because I know we’re not supposed to go “Hey”, “whats up”, “how are you” yes? So… do we use the other texting techniques Chris mentioned in his book to go about texting conversations with my ex?

What do you think my next move should be? 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2016 at 12:18 pm

yeah, you can use them..but if you can continue on the next day what you talked about, that’s cool too because that’s more natural…

with the remembrance text, I think you can just say you remembered the times you had there and it made you smile..
Rebecca

March 10, 2016 at 4:55 pm

Hello Amor!
Ah, so sorry I’ve not updated you since the last we spoke.

UPDATE: I’ve decided to start with another opening message as I’ve not texted my ex for quite a number of days.
I texted him: “Hey Jun, thank you for helping me with the kalari (indian martial arts) movements last time during rehearsal. I was just reflecting abut my progress in school and noticed that my kalari has improved (and Elizabeth, our teacher, has been telling me that). Didn’t manage to really thank you properly… but hey, thank you! 🙂 ”
He replied fast: “Eh no problem”
Then with another text he replied: “You can ask me for help anytime”
I then replied: “Thank you 🙂 see you laterr!”

What do you think of his responses? Are they positive? 🙂

After school ended and I was just bout to leave, my ex and two of our classmates entered the elevator I was in too. We greeted each other and my ex interacted me with positively. Before we all part ways, my ex patted my head (something he always used to do when we were together) and said in his baby tone “byeeeee”. Was that positive? Him patting me on my head?

Should I speak to him in a few days’ time? Maybe start a conversation before transiting into the “I have a confession…” text during the conversation and then adding the “remembering good moments” message? Is this the right moment to do this? 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 11, 2016 at 12:22 am

nice! That’s one of the best initiating text I’ve seen.. It’s so natural.. It’s all going positive.. you can talk in person but go slowly..also with the text, I think one remembrance is enough for now..

You can continue in text what you will talk about in person..keep that talk light and short too
Rebecca

March 2, 2016 at 7:03 pm

i’m also utilizing the tide theory slowly too 🙂 my first text message was last Saturday 27th February, second conversation was 1st March… I’ll send the third message soon which is the one I’ve mentioned earlier in the post above!

What do you think of my ex’s reactions to me so far? Are they going well and positive? 🙂

How is my process so far? good? 🙂 what do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 10:57 am

yes so far that’s good, make the reply days closer too as the days pass
Rebecca

March 2, 2016 at 6:26 pm

Thank you so much! 🙂
I would text him that message soon!
I will take your advice and be cautious with him! Yes, I agree he has all the right to date.
Would the second text message “surprise” or “shock” him? Cause it’s pretty sudden!
I’m not sure how to lead up to that part of the conversation… Would “I have a confession to make..” leading up to the text message work?
Is there any way I could contact Chris too? 🙂
Hope to hear back from you soon!
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2016 at 10:04 am

More like surprise.. yes you can use the I have a confession to make lead to that 🙂
If you want, you can send a recording to Chris through Contact page>

Just click contact page and in there, there is button so you can do a recording to be sent to Chris
Rebecca

March 1, 2016 at 6:14 pm

Hi Amor!
I’m taking this whole process as slow as possible so to make sure it looks natural.

Yesterday we were filming on camera as a class and I needed a part of a costume to complete the look of my character. Thus, I needed a jacket. I asked one of my classmates if he had an extra jacket. He said he didn’t have but I could ask my ex for his. My ex was just in hearing distance and he could hear everything. So I replied my classmate, “ummm hmmm it’s okay,”
This happened after my reply to my classmate.
My ex came to me with his black jacket in his hands and handed it over to me.
He said, “Here,”
I said, “Can I have it?”
He replied, “Yeah..if not why would I be passing it to you?”
I replied thankfully with a smile, “Thank you,”
After which I, using my peripheral vision, felt him checking me out when I had his jacket on.
Were his reactions positive? 🙂

I sent him another text message that night to thank him, “Hey Jun, I forgotten to thank you after returning you your jacket! Thank you! 🙂 ”
He replied within a few minutes with a, “Eh don’t mention it,”
I did not end it as I’ve fallen asleep 🙁 How can I recover from that? Is it alright? Is he response positive enough?

Today, my gurlfren told me he is seeing multiple people apparantly and when my classmates asked him how did his date go… he replied “okay” but never elaborating much.
Should I be concerned that he is dating other people? 🙁

I was thinking about combining “I have a confession to make..” text message, after which he responds, I would text him with a “I was having sushi with my family for dinner and they ordered Sashimi and fried squid. I can’t help but smile as it reminded me of how much you love eating both of them at Genki Sushi! 🙂 ”
OR the second option: combining “I have a confession to make…” text message, after which he responds, I would text him with a “Remember that amazing place we had our last class party at Geylang? My friends and I happened to walk by, and it reminded me of the time we cuddled nicely under the covers while we slept like babies in each other’s arms.”

I know the second option is a better choice for “remembering the good times” as he was always telling me that he misses that very very very much. Should I go forth using the second option? Would it be alright? 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2016 at 2:50 pm

go ahead with the second one, just be cautious if he’s dating others but don’t confront him about it.. coz oiu’re not together.. so he has the right to date…
Rebecca

February 28, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Hello Amor!
The day after I sent the text message was the night for our last show.
My ex’s mom and sister came and because I’ve met them last year in December when my ex and I went back to his hometown, it was great to see them. I said hi and everything was friendly and like old times. I really doubt that my ex has told them anything about me, as he is a type of person that keeps to himself a lot.
But during the time from the beginning of pre-show, during the show and after the show, he was acting pretty cold towards me and I suspect that it is the text. I was scared so I backed off a little.
After the show, I went to speak to my ex’s mom and sister friendly conversation and all. The whole cast was supposed to go have drinks and I was about to leave then I heard my ex called me, “Rebecca, are you coming with us?”
I turned around and I was like, “Drinking?”
Then he was like, “Yes,”
So we went off with his sister and his mom and him towards the regular place where the cast hangs out after a show. When we reached the area, his mom and his sister decided to eat at the nearby cafe which was opposite where we were drinking. His mom told me, “You can join us,” as she smiled. I thank her but I told her I’ll join my friends, and also because I wanted to give my ex some space with his family.

Next day came and we had work together. Everyone was late. I was the first to arrive. My ex came the second. Out of the blue, he started a conversation with me. And he started talking about his mom. He was like, “My mom woke me up like at 630 and I’m like ughhhh… my mom just knows how to wake me up damn early only…” Then I asked what they ate for breakfast and we continued the conversation from there. Then he went on to show me his new earphones and he went on talking about it. I was being friendly and smiling along. All the while he was speaking in his baby voice, which is how he spoke to me when we were still together.

Then two of our classmates arrived. We both greeted them. Then there was this time when one of our classmates was staring into space and I asked my classmate if he was okay then he shouted at me “great you distracted me!” in a joking way of course. Then I was like “whatttt..?” My classmate then ‘told me off’ saying, “i was trying to focus on something then you distracted me!” I apologised and bowed my head down. My ex was sitting beside me and he observed the conversation, and he placed his right hand on my left shoulder, as a sign of comfort like what he did before when someone teases me.

My ex then also showed me a cute picture of a cat and dog playing on Facebook, and I was like “awww.. you gotta like it!” and he liked it!

After, one of the working colleagues there were taking name attendance for us and she asked both of us for our names. And she asked, “Are you Rebecca or Reybecca?” I laughed and smiled and said “It’s Rebecca,”
My ex was sitting between the working colleague and I and he looked at me, and I swear I caught a slight grin on his face. This is because I changed my Whatsapp name from Rebecca to Reybecca, a slight Star Wars reference because of my liking for the character “Rey”. My ex and I watched the latest Star Wars movie and I guess he understood why I changed my name to Reybecca. 🙂 As he looked at me, I smiled at him before looking away shyly.
He interacted with me many times today. 🙂

Are these good signs? Do you think it’s because of the first text message I sent? It got me a little confused because the day after I sent the message he was cold at the start before warming up to me at the end of that day and he interacted with me a lot today. so I’m a little confused… :/ What do you think of his interactions with me today? Are they positive?

Should I go forth using the “remembering good times” message and proceed to using the other text messages while using the Tide Theory? 🙂

Anyway, thank you so much for always reading my long replies! 🙂
Hope to hear back from you soon! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 29, 2016 at 7:54 am

That’s good! I’m happy you’re talking now! Yeah you can just make it casual and light as usual 😉
Rebecca

February 26, 2016 at 6:03 pm

I texted him that.
And he replied me with a “haha you’re welcome”
I ended it with a “I am about to head out for a sleepover at my friend’s place! Have a good night! See you tomorrow! *insert sparkly emoji*”
He replied again with a “Night”
I ended it with a “sparkly emoji” just so as to make sure I’m ending the conversation FIRST.

What do you think? Is it a positive or neutral response?
What do I do now? Do I go ahead with waiting 2 days before sending the Remembering Good Times Text Message OR go back to NC for 7 days then going forth with the Remembering Good Times Text Message? What do you think I should do? I’m a little nervous now. But I am still going to listen to Chris’ advice! What do you think I should do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2016 at 8:33 am

That’s a positive response 🙂 I think you cannuse the tide theory
Rebecca

February 25, 2016 at 5:32 pm

Hello Amor!
I listened to your advice and smiled at my ex when we bumped into each other before our Shakespeare production started tonight.
After that, he opened up a little.
And I am so glad that he did. Because for the past 2 weeks he has been acting cold after the many previous weeks of him teasing me during NC (which I did not react to them for I was in NC).
He began acting like how he was when he was teasing me back when we were in a relationship. He imitated me when I get startled/shocked easily (this happened backstage while the show was going on). One time when we were backstage, he burped within hearing distance for me to hear; I turned to look at him and saw him give me an ‘oops I did it again’ teasing smile and I shook my head (which I always do when he ‘disturbs’ me like that), and when I turned my face away from him I smiled to myself.
What do you think? Is everything going well for me? 🙂

I am thinking about sending him the proper first text message tomorrow, by using what had happened during the Shakespeare show. This happened during the intermission and both of our characters, which were in jail, were on stage and he had to improvise, so as to entertain the audience. He came up with a joke saying, “I wonder why the ‘j’ in Hallelujah is pronounced as a ‘y’… imagine if all words with the letter ‘j’ was pronounced as a ‘y’… then I would be in Yale; not in Jail.” That caused the audience to burst out in laughter and applause. I couldn’t help but smile while in character.

Could I use what happened during the show for my first text message? Something that goes along the lines like this:
“Hey Jun, I was listening to ‘Hallelujah’ on my playlist and it reminded me of what happened during yesterday’s intermission when you came up with the ‘I would be in Yale; not in Jail’ joke. To be honest, it made me smile. 🙂 ”
Do you think the message is clear enough for him to remember what happened during yesterday’s show? Is it a good first message?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2016 at 7:38 am

I’m hapoy for you! Yes you can, ot’s good timing because it’s recent
Rebecca

February 24, 2016 at 4:30 pm

That’s great! I am going to use Chris’ advice! Thank you!

However, I’ve heard from my gurlfren that he is texting a girl who lives all over from the other side of the world (i assume that he has probably met her through online or Tinder)… so, I’m a little nervous. Should I be nervous or cautious about him texting this girl?

I am a little nervous about sending the first text as I will be seeing him in school after the day I’ve sent the first message. I’m afraid he will tell his friends. How do I react to seeing him in school after sending the first text? Is there anything wrong in feeling nervous? Or should I feel confident and smile instead? 🙂 Do I still go forward with Chris’ advice of sending the first message after NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 11:13 am

It’s ok to feel nervous, that’s normal.. Just act normal when you see him at school and don’t ask him about the other girl he’s texting
Rebecca

February 23, 2016 at 6:59 pm

Yes. I know I made a wrong move when I went out with him and his close bud during NC. So I did NC over again. Today is the 34th day.

During the second time I did NC, I limited contact with him and distance myself, hanging out and spending time with people outside class. I did not smile or look at him; my close girlfriend observes him and she told me. My ex and I strictly talk about school stuff; no small talk. When he teases me, I did not play with him.

One thing I need to work more now on is smiling. Cause it’s pretty difficult to smile at him after NC. He can barely look at me in the eyes. I find it a little scared to smile at him too. During NC, i was completely distancing myself from him.

Tonight was our class’ Shakespeare production, and after the show when everyone has left for home, I noticed that he was sitting on the steps alone. So I texted him (4 days after NC).
I texted, “You alright?”
He replied, “Yup, why?”
I replied, “Oh no reason. Saw you sitting on the steps, thought I’d check up on you”
He replied, “Lol I was waiting for people to come, but thanks for asking”
I replied with a thumbs-up emoji and a “goodnight”
He replied, “Nightos”

Did I make the wrong move in doing that? Was it the right text conversation to have? Was it desperate/needy? What do you think of his replies?
Could I use the advice from Chris’ ExBoyfriendRecovery to send the PROPER first text message — after NC — after the latest conversation we had?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2016 at 10:29 am

It was good Rebecca! You had a positive response too! Yes, you can use one of Chris’ advice.. In smiling, well the right time of bumping into him, it has to be spontaneous to be genuine
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:42 pm

Hi Rebecca,

If you were intentionally friendly wih him during nc and you went out, that means you didn’t do it right.. The right thing was to limit contact wih him..distance yourself. no smiling, no looking and only strictly talk about school stuff, no sma talk.. because you have to make him miss you…

the smiling part should be after nc, so he can see he can approach you again..

You don’t have to be rude during nc, but you have to distant

Nathaniel

February 20, 2016 at 7:23 am

Hey, I’m not sure if there’s any hope for me with this girl at this point. She dumped me a month ago even though things were going great for 3 months. She essentially seemed scared of commitment but I’m still not entirely why things were ended. I sent her one text the night I was dumped saying that I didn’t understand why were giving up on something that seemed so good but that I wasn’t gonna try to force anything. Haven’t communicated since. I feel like the ball is in her court though and that even though it’s been a month, there’s not much left for me to do except move on. Any thoughts? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2016 at 10:57 am

Hi Nathaniel,

Do you want to try to initiate contact?

clair

February 15, 2016 at 8:43 pm

I can’t text him because he has a new number and I have no way to find out what it is. So that only leaves FB, and that seems so much like I’m stalking him and would prob. creep him out. Any suggestions?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 9:07 am

hmmm.. of that’s the only mode of contact you can connect to him, you have to make the message creative and worthy to be a reason to connect to him

clair

February 14, 2016 at 1:21 pm

No I wouldn’t say negative, just more withholding. Like I would match his text. I maybe texted him first only 2 or 3 times the whole time we dated. If his texting hadn’t changed so drastically, it wouldn’t of been such a big deal to me. But it was so guarded , that I responded in kind. But when we were actually together (2-4 times per week), it was wonderful. But I couldn’t help feeling hurt that we would have a very intimate time together, and then the next day the texting was still not back to normal.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2016 at 10:59 am

well the only thing left now is to initiate contact.. because if you don’t do it, how long would you wait for him to contact you? Be more afraid of regret than rejection..

clair

February 14, 2016 at 6:49 am

I used the same email, here is my previous comment;
my bf and I have been broken up for 60 days and neither of us has contacted the other at all. Even though I miss and love him very much, I felt he should contact me, since he was the one who broke up with me. We only dated for 3 months but our connection was intense and passionate for both of us. I’m too afraid to contact him, I don’t know what to do. There is no chance we will run into each other because we live in different towns.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 10:25 am

Oh ok… hmmm after his texting way changed..were you really negative too after that?

clair

February 13, 2016 at 9:21 pm

Yes, we are connected on FB but we don’t use it very much.
Some background info, we were only together for 12 wks, but our connection was very intense and passionate, for both of us, the first 5 wks things moved very fast.
I had been previously engaged to a man I loved deeply and we broke up 2 yrs ago, and since that time I dated a lot but never really felt a connection to anyone, and never thought I would ever feel that way again. So in the 5th wk when I realized how much I loved him it scared me so much and I got freaked out and went 24 hrs without answering his text. He of course had no idea what was wrong with me and I went over to his house to explain in person. When I got there he looked so scared that I was coming over to break up with him, and his friend was there, so I didn’t explain properly, I just made a stupid excuse. We continued to see each other, but his texting literally changed overnite. He went from texting me many times throughout the day, talking normally about anything, to barely texting me once a day. It was killing me, I was an emotionally wreck (he didn’t see me like that though). He still continued to see me the same amount and we had really intimate times; he introduced me to all his friends, spent all his free time with me, and introduced me to his parents. But his texting never really went back to the way it was. In our 12th week together he told me he needed a break because he felt I was always upset and he wasn’t really happy either. It’s been 2 mn not contact at all.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 5:58 am

I can’t find your previous comment..did you use a different email add now? but based on this comment. are you doing nc?

clair

February 13, 2016 at 2:09 pm

my bf and I have been broken up for 60 days and neither of us has contacted the other at all. Even though I miss and love him very much, I felt he should contact me, since he was the one who broke up with me. We only dated for 3 months but our connection was intense and passionate for both of us. I’m too afraid to contact him, I don’t know what to do. There is no chance we will run into each other because we live in different towns.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 5:47 pm

Hi Clair,

But are you connected online? can he see your life updates in some social media platform.. because if so, that can help in attracting him back..

Post progress, your recent activities, specially the ones that interests him to get him to message you

Kasey

February 12, 2016 at 3:18 pm

Hello Chris,

I am really hoping for a response from you personally. I do not know what the hell my ex is thinking. He is treating me like I am his girlfriend whenever I see him but he claims that he doesn’t want a relationship right now. I know that he is getting his cake and eating it too because I can’t say that I don’t like things that he is doing because he will just say “we aren’t together so you have no say in that”. I have tried not contacting him first and it has been two days. He has called me 5 times. I picked up every time except once. The one time I didn’t pick up, he called me again about five hours later and asked why I had ignored his calls? I think I am messing up getting him back because I know he wants me and I’m letting him have me without the “relationship” aspects so to speak. He says “I know I’ll probably regret this one day. You make me happy.” All of the things he says show that he still loves me. He even says he still loves me and calls me by the nickname we have for each other. Also, whenever I see him, he always likes to remind me that we aren’t in a relationship…even though he is acting the complete opposite. I want to ignore him but it’s so hard…like you said, I feel like I am going to lose him completely if I ignore him for a long period of time. I want him to come back to me and as I’ve seen on another post…I would probably sell my soul for that chance. Just kidding but I do want him badly. It sucks because I have him but then again…. I really don’t.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2016 at 8:30 am

Hi Kasey

I hope you don’t mind me replying but don’t worry, I’ll forward this to Chris also.

Okay, well the truth is, until he gets what he wants in the way he wants it, he won’t commit to you. Why do that, if you’re already willing to give him what he wants without the hard work.

Yes, you may lose him if you stop doing this but you gain respect for yourself and reapect from him too. It’s either he will stay and change because he can see, you have standards or he will go away because he doesn’t really love you to make that effort.

I know it hurts, but of you really want a guy to treat you right, it’s up to you on what you want to allow in your life

Thao

February 10, 2016 at 10:02 pm

hi there im currently in a situation where im not too sure if the NC rule will work.
our relationship ended because of my negativity and depression and it was beginning to really impact him personally
the breakup allowed me to clear my head and realise how blind i had become, i feel stupid for letting everything get to me.
im a lot more calm and happier now.

During the first few days of the breakup when he had some time to himself he said that he wants to focus on other aspects of his life like school and that he isnt looking to be in a relationship any time soon/ wont be trying anymore to fix us… after the breakup we still had feelings and still care for one another
should i be implying no contact or should i be doing what i can to reignite feelings between the two of us.

Thao

February 12, 2016 at 1:05 am

its only been about 5.
we had an argument that night and the next day he asked to go to eat?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 12, 2016 at 2:58 pm

I think yeah it is better to do nc
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 11:47 am

how many days has it been since you last talked?
Thao

February 10, 2016 at 10:05 pm

also the next day he asked to have lunch with me but i have been ignoring him since
i am paranoid i will just end up getting hurt as he will want to just confirm that we should both go on with our lives without each other

taskeen

February 10, 2016 at 12:44 pm

Hye Chris!

my ex has been applying NC rule since 20 days.. i just came to know about this rule and mine is 5th day now… does it helps if both the partners apply it? our marriage was for 1 year,but then he gave divorce by listening his parents.. after breakup we both had talk on and off, he says that he wants our realtion to be restored,but then next day he he totally disagree saying his parents wont agree and he cant leave his parents.. i was fed up with his split decisions and we had fight on text since then he started NC .. should i continue for 30 days of mine?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 10:18 am

Are sure he’s doing nc or he’s just not contacting you? If he’s really doing nc, the good thing about that is you know he’ll text you after it, it’s your call of you want to reply and break your nc but it’s better i you don’t.

but if he’s not doing nc then you have to inititae contact once your nc is over.

Ms M

February 7, 2016 at 9:11 pm

Hi Amor. I’m on the 4th day of NC. I already got 20 missed calls and the how are you, were are you, and I am outside your house texts from my ex boyfriend of 5 years. What’s the catch? He dis not text that he’s sorry. He asked my friends how am i. I don’t what he is up to. What does this mean? We broke up from a small fight that turned out to be big and he said hurtful things.

Ms M

February 7, 2016 at 10:22 pm

I did not respond to him nor answer his calls. He also asked if am i not going to talk to him anymore. I dont understand him. I am more focus on improving myself as a person and do the things that i havent done yet.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2016 at 7:46 am

I can’t see my replies in the site, I’m trying to check if I asked or advised on how many days you should do. But I saw the previous comments from the website dashboard. You’re just barely a week and he went from partying to begging right now.. The more probable next reaction is that he would be angry, because it’s like the guy’s tantrum when they don’t get what they want. If that happens, what do you plan to do?

meera

February 5, 2016 at 10:02 am

Hi Chris, I have been reading your website from quite sometime. I am right now following no contact with my ex. He broke up with me because of the commitment issue. He told me that his family will not approv me and he too is not sure about us. He also said that he wanted to be friends with me. Initially, I was calling him so many times and doing all the clingy stuff. But then I stopped doing all that and stick to no contact very strictly. I stopped doing anything which can give him any kind of idea about what I am doing in my life to keep him guessing what happened to me. Also I want to tell u that we are in a long distance relationship. So when I started doing this, I observed him doing unusual things on Facebook and WhatsApp. He is partying a lot and with some female friends. He texted me but I didn’t replied. After few days, he uploaded his picture with a female friend, to which I didn’t reacted at all. After that, he called me and I didn’t picked up so he texted that I called you to remind you our meeting anniversary. Then after 2-3 days, he updated a romantic line in his WhatsApp status, I don’t know what it is for. Then he called me again, I didn’t answered. Now he has posted something like “most women want a man that’s already established. A strong women will be a part of his struggle, survive it, succeed together and build an empire together.” Now, I really don’t know what he is thinking actually. Is this post for me? I am really confused. It’s been a month to our breakup and 25 days of no contact. Initially, he was not that much sad about the breakup and was looking normal, but he is doing all these things after i have stopped talking to him. So, What do u think? What should I do now?

Meera

March 4, 2016 at 9:46 am

Hi Amor,
I hope you remember me. I posted my situation here a month ago that we are into a long distance relationship. We used to live in the same city 4 months ago and I moved to my parents because i lost my job there. He broke up with me because of the commitment issue. He told me that his family will not approve me and he too is not sure about us. He also said that he wanted to be friends with me. Initially, I was calling him so many times and doing all the clingy stuff. But then I stopped doing all that and stick to no contact very strictly. When I started doing this, I observed him doing unusual things on Facebook and WhatsApp. I was on NC for a month and before, i could end it, I got his call and texts wishing me valentines day and sending pictures of roses. I replied just politely and didn’t show any previous emotion. After some days, when i was in my cousins wedding, I uploaded my picture in a traditional attire. He texted me after few hours that I am looking beautiful and we started chatting. Throughout the conversation, I talked very politely and tried not to sound emotional. He asked me to visit his city to which I asked why? He replied by saying “its been very long since u have gone”. Even he mentioned the date of our last meet. I felt very happy but still i don’t think i can go just like that and meet him. I think he should be more open about his feelings and reasons that why he want to meet. what do u think?
Also, I am aware of his nature that if i’ll start behaving sweetly with him at this point of time, he may again go back into his previous attitude. That’s why i don’t talk to him like before. I try to be normal and happy in front of him.
2 days ago, he texted me “do u remember me”? I replied “what?” He replied “did u forget me”? I said No. So he said ” u never ping me on your own”. I didn’t replied to this and instead i asked him other questions like how r u and all. Then throughout the chat, he was reminding me our earlier jokes. Lastly he asked me “whether i am angry on him?” i said No. He asked “sure?” I replied Yes. Then he said Good. In this way our last chat ended. what do u think why he is doing these things and what is going in his mind? And what should I do? please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2016 at 5:15 am

Yeah I think I do..were the one where you were in different castes? That’s good meera, he’s reaching out. it looks like nc was effective on him.. keep doing the push pull theory…it’s mentioned in this blog post
What to do on a date with your ex boyfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2016 at 5:12 am

Yeah.. I think I do..were the one where you were in different castes? That’s good meera, he’s reaching out. it looks like nc was effective on him.. keep doing the push pull theory…it’s mentioned in this blog post
What to do on a date with your ex boyfriend
Meera

February 13, 2016 at 8:31 pm

Hey Prerna, sure we can connect. Can you give your e-mail I’d?
Prerna

February 9, 2016 at 1:37 pm

Hey Meera! I’m in a very very very similar situation you about this.. You think we can connect through email or whatsapp?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2016 at 11:09 am

Hi Meera,

he’s missing you and it’s way of tantrum. You’re just 5 days in, it’s better if you finish it because if he’s emotional too right now, at least there’s time for it to subside

Monica

February 2, 2016 at 3:30 pm

I am on day 3 of my NC phase but my situation seemed a little more complicated, so i wanted to know if the NC rule would still apply to my situation. I was dating my best friends brother for about 2 months. We have known each other for a long time but never dated or even thought about dating since i was in a 5 year relationship at the time. When i got out of that relationship, he approached me and we eventually started sleeping together. A few months after sleeping together and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we dated for about a few months. During the entirety of our relationship everything was fine until i found out he had been not only sleeping with me but a few other girls. I was furious and told him that if he wanted to be with me then we would have to be exclusive, he agreed and we continued. We eventually broke up because i caught him basically cheating again but he thought he was being set up (he couldn’t fathom being in the wrong – he is the type of person who can do no wrong) so he broke up with me. As I am writing it down it sounds a bit ridiculous like “Why would i even want him back? He’s an asshole” but for now I love him and can’t really help it. We broke up about a month ago but everything still continued the same (hanging out and sleeping together) but last weekend was my birthday weekend and he was very distant and i couldn’t figure out why. He eventually told me that he had got a girls number from his job and he wanted to be honest with me. I was very hurt and couldn’t believe that he would tell me something like that on my birthday weekend. I asked if he was considering sleeping with other people and if his answer was yes, to please not talk to me anymore. His reply was “yes it is. Im sorry.” I basically told him not to talk to me – does the NC rule apply here?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2016 at 2:28 pm

Hi Monica,

As always, we cannot guarantee that it will work 100%. What would you really need to hear is that, he will not stop cheating until he sees that it’s a non negotiable for a girl that he really likes. So, if you’re going to ask me how he would like you enough, basically you have to put more value on yourself. He may like you more, but of course, I can’t guarantee that he will love you. He will see you in a different light, he may realize that you put more respect for yourself, but that doesn’t mean that he will stop cheating. All of that is still up to him. And then it’s your decision if you want to put up with it.

Stephanie

January 30, 2016 at 11:55 pm

Hi there,
I dated a guy for just about two months… he wanted to take it slow so I didn’t put any pressure on him. I just enjoyed the times that we had together. However all of his conversation was about us building something long term and it seemed that we were getting closer and closer and spending more and more time together. We finally slept together then he pulled back. We had one more date after that in which he was cold at the beginning but a bit later he was super open and warm. We had set a date for Sunday to which he bailed. He contacted me Monday and I responded kindly but didn’t engage in a big conversation or bring up his no show the day before. The next day I got a message saying that he thinks I am a great woman but he is not ready to commit due to some of his other challenges. He says I am ready to find my right man and he wishes me well. I know he has a lot of fears and some issues that he needs to sort but I also know that he has been contacting other women to date. I did not respond to his text at all… as I have nothing to say. Just wondering if the NC will work in this situation or should I just cut my losses and walk away.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2016 at 5:04 am

Hi Stephanie,

It’s hard to say because it looks you didn’t have a relationship per se. But from the looks of it, he’s not really that serious. I think it’s better if you know him more before you decide to be in a relationship with him.

Sammy

January 22, 2016 at 2:46 am

I am in No contact day 3…
Already I have had 2 missed calls and a Hey, How are you doing?

Not interested in replying because it will stunt my getting over him. What could he want? He broke up with me, although it was very emotional and not a bad breakup. Ended with I love yous.

Vendel

January 28, 2016 at 12:20 pm

Stay still and strong. If you want to reply , do it, but don´t be emotional rather do it with courtesy.
Good Luck.

vicky

January 12, 2016 at 9:46 am

Hi we are an older couple ,have been together 5 years and have taken custody of my 3 young grandchildren . My ex has struggledto cope with this situation and after loads of arguments has moved out . Ive started the no contact rule , hes txt twice and i didnt reply . My question is even tho it wouldnt be a good idea for him to move back in with me and the kids do you think its possible he may come round to the idea of us still having a relationship with me ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 8:14 am

Hi Vicky,
There is always a possibility. It may not be 100% but if try there is.

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