The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

Faye

July 1, 2015 at 5:34 am

Hi everyone! I found these articles somewhat helpful so I bought the ebook. $47 for a PDF ebook is a whole lot of money, but I did so because there was email support included…….supposedly and I’m still waiting to hear back over a week later. I also left a comment 2 weeka ago which was never replied to. I would recommend NOT buying the book unless youre not interested in the other things that are supposed to be in the package. It seems the site is no longer supported

Chris Seiter

July 9, 2015 at 12:31 am

Hi Faye,

I am sorry you had a bad experience.

I think you misunderstood. I offered support with any technical issues like downloading the E-Book or refunds which I am fairly certain I gave to you and if I didn’t I would be happy to if you contact me asking for one.

I am sure you understand I can’t respond to everyones situation.

There is only one of me.

Nevertheless, I still think the book I created is worth a lot and I am actively updating it and trying to make everything better for my readers.

Again, I apologize for the late response and the bad experience you had.

Lulu

June 24, 2015 at 11:15 pm

Hey Chris,
My ex keeps adding me on snapchAt and then reading my stuff then deleting me. Why is he doing this and what should I do?
One and a half weeks ago he was talking to me so idk what this is

Chris Seiter

July 16, 2015 at 6:18 pm

Mind games..

Plus he wants to spy on you.

Angel

June 13, 2015 at 9:01 pm

Hey Chris
Actually i and my bf broke up in last december.and d reason was i was clingy and didn’t gave him the proper personal space which he needed in his life…and from last six months i am literally begging him to come back…and after the breakup i had behaved in more clingy way..he always got irritated from me..and also one main reason of our breakup is that he is my teacher as we live in india so he sees our relationship as a sin..i really love him..nd can’t think my life without him…What you think what should i do…its almost 6months of breakup… And i had started the no co tact rule from last 5days.and when we last had the conversations i told him a lie that i am leaving the citu forever and i will never contact him..Please give me some suggestions what should i do now???
We had a beautiful relationship of only 7months.
heather

June 11, 2015 at 3:00 am

I’m seeing this guy that i knew from my past..hes a lot different now then who he use to be..he is currently for all intents purpose involved with someone and living with her and her parents…but has been in the process of getting loans and buying a home. Neither of us expected to have feelings for each other..We have hung out 4 times and theres definitely a lot there between us. he’s expressed his feelings for me, talks about having a future with me and kids..(i never bring that up). Hes very adamant in telling me this when we are face to face to talk/hang out.

Things were great until may when he would just “disappear”..he did come around..and explained that he just needed to have time to himself, to think with his own thoughts..and also he just isolates himself from everyone (currently what he’s doing now, other times he just distances himself from me). To him he feels justified because its nothing against me..he assures me that when we discuss this if he didnt want to talk to me or be with me he would tell me. So he disappears and reappears but has yet to tell me he doesnt want to talk to me or be with me.

I’m currently doing NC..I kinda have a feeling he will contact within a week or two..usually when he does he says he knows i hate him though..which makes no sense..why do it if you think i’ll hate you? The past 2 times he’s done his disappearing act..I’ve messaged right back..I’m going to try and hold out for 30 days..im hoping this will work and help me out..its hard to get an idea of what to do considering he’s not exactly an ex..although i’m not sure what you’d call us..
Jennifer

June 9, 2015 at 1:21 pm

Dear Chris,
I started talking to this guy almost a year ago. I didn’t really want to date him but after about 8 months of him trying I gave in and it was awesome. We had both just gotten out of serious relationships so I was nervous but he said everything would be fine. About 3 months later out of no where he said we couldn’t see each other anymore. He gave me excuses like I would hurt him emotionally and he was leaving for the military and that he didn’t want to be the reason I didn’t get back with my ex. I found out shortly later he got back with his ex. The night I found out he had left me a bunch of messages at 1am saying he was just lonely and had trust issues. He was afraid I would screw him over. Afterwards, I did NC for a month and a half. We spoke for the first time yesterday and talked for 2 hours. He is still with her but said he isn’t happy and he misses me. He also said she is doing the same stuff that caused them to break up in the beginning. Please help me? What do I do next? Is he coming back?
PS

June 8, 2015 at 5:17 pm

after 3 years and 2 years of being extremely happy, and planning for engagement and marriage, my bf and i just had a really bad breakup that went back and forth for almost two months and finally really ended two days ago. i made alot of mistakes after our initial breakup and we kept going back and forth about it, he cheated towards the end, and we started doing tit for tat things to just make each other angrier and angrier and everything blew up. we had just moved in together and things started to spiral out of control, weve had screaming matches for hours to the point where we cant even be around each other right now. he changed the locks, and started moving my things to storage. i miss him and love him and he says he hates me and is extremely angry. i know he does not want to speak with me at all, im not sure if the NC phase will work..help ?
Rebecca

June 2, 2015 at 9:52 pm

Hi Chris, My boyfriend and me broke up last week after an Year & half together after an arguement he said it wasnt what he wanted anymore. we’ve been in contact every day since but now we have agreed on No Contact til the end Of June then we have decided on meeting to calm the air between us both. I really want him back, I hope through this time he feels regret for what he’s done. We love each other, miss each other and always thinking about each other still..the only reason we’ve been in contact is because he’s been making sure I am okay 🙂 I’m awfully lost and confused. Will no contact do me any favours?!
Mae

June 1, 2015 at 3:15 pm

I followed your advice. I used it on a guy who I was slowly developing something special. He was perfect. The only problem was he was always pulling away when things are doing great. I decided that things have to change. I used the NC rule on him. He had no idea what was going on in my life.

After NC, I sent him a funny blog and told him that it reminded me of him. Then I started teasing him. He began to respond “Excited but careful” and then the excitement began to surface. He was sweeter, more open to talk about his emotions. He even told me that when he catches me, he is never letting me go. I guess that the progress is really quick.

Thank You very much to your advice Chris.
Anya

May 31, 2015 at 2:15 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago. I begged him not to break up with me but he told me that he realized that he was hurting me way too much, that I deserved better than what he was giving me, and that he was getting hurt in this whole process too. I was having a panic attack and after begging and begging him to work things out (because we have broken up before and gotten back together) I decided to put my things in my car and leave his house. I called his mom to see if she could mediate (he is a huge mama’s boy, but doesn’t always listen to her). I did this because he had been making really bad decisions (drinking and almost driving, smoking too much weed the last 2 weeks we were together) and so I was worried that this was another one and tried to talk to his mom. But she ended up pushing too hard as to what “bad decisions” he was making. I finally spilled what he did and she told me that she doesn’t think he should have a girlfriend at all. I realized that it was a bad idea to contact her and i called his sister. She told me she would talk to their mom and make sure she doesn’t freak out at my ex or tell him that I told his mom about his weed issues.
The night we broke up, I texted my ex to call me and he did. We talked for a bit and I asked him if there was a middle ground we could reach. He asked me like what? I told him maybe we can go really really slowly. He told me he just wasn’t ready to be in a relationship at all. And that he still loves me and I am an amazing girl who can have anyone. He then said maybe we could hang out from time to time- and when I asked him what that means he said I dont know, like once a week? I told him that’s doable. He told me he would reach out to me either 2 days ago or yesterday.. he never did. I haven’t heard from him and I am so upset and angry. Im also extremely confused.
He said that things were great in the beginning and then turned really toxic later on in the relationship. It seems to me that this is the only thing he remembers now, the toxic portion. It hurts because during the good times, he said that I was the one and that he wanted to marry me. He told me he is sorry for doing that to me and realizes that he caused me alot of pain. So then why is he ignoring me? And will NC work on him? im so confused where his mind is. I just want him back… but I dont know whether he is over it– I dont even know whether he meant it when he said I was amazing. I told him if I am so amazing, he wouldn’t let me go. He told me that he wants to work on his things and that I need to work on ours. And if we are meant to be, we will come back to each other. So what does he want? I dont get it. Also, I was thinking of messaging his sister and apologizing for panic calling her, what do you think?
Emma

May 30, 2015 at 10:24 pm

Hi Chris,
Please help. My boyfriend broke up with me the 3d time! The first time we broke up he texted me after two days and wanted to get back together. The second time I begged him to start over again. And now we broke up 6 days ago. He moved out and said it was final. Hasn’t texted me since. But he texted my daughter 2 days ago and asked how she was.
Do you think I still have a chance with him or he has made his final decision this time. I haven’t tried to contact him or anything and when we said good byes he cried and I didn’t even though I wanted to. Please help.
Bob

May 30, 2015 at 5:00 pm

I unfriended him on Facebook and don’t talk to him any more, but he looks ok and now he’s dating my friend. Is the new contact rule going to work?
Crystal Johnson

May 28, 2015 at 4:05 am

Dear, Chris
I did the no contact rule and i text him afterwards he texted back of course. The next time i texted him i decided to allow the conversation to go a little farther not talking about our past or future together but the present i sent him a picture and we talked then afterwards he told me he felt sick. He told me to text him another time. I felt bad. So i decided i will text him the next day instead of later on that day. When i texted him i asked does it bother him that i text him and should i stop because i will. And he told me he feels that i could be the reason why his stomach was hurting and ever since we been talking he hasnt been able to sleep. But then he said its fine he doesnt mind. I was so confused thinking that he was gonna tell me to stop. Then i asked why. And he said nvm dont worry about it. I said nevermind what tell me the truth. Me thinking he was gonna say i really dont want you texting me im just telling to be nice was not his response instead it was i still love you now i have to go. I was once again lost and shocked at the same time. It was so soon. He told me thats all i need to know and to plz not ask anymore questions. I said i wont. Somehow we ended up on the phone i forget was it that night or the night afterwards but he was there again confessing his love for me. But this time in tears. He told me he cant sleep he stays up and think about me every night for the past week. He even made me cry a little. But thats because i suggested we change the subject and i did and i brought up an old game he introduced me to i told him i finally beat his score. This time he cried harder but while laughing. And he said i am so proud of you i knew you could do it. I felt accomplished. But i also cried and laugh. I dont know what to do he wants me back i want him too but idk i feel like he is moving to fastly i thought it was gonna take time for him to want me. But no, so plz give me advice. I need it. Should i take him back he walked out on me. Im just afraid he will do it again.
Heather

May 27, 2015 at 4:15 pm

Hi Chris –

Situation is Internet to LDR. We ended things a month ago and it was very cordial; no big blow up and relationship had been mostly positive. He initiated because he said there was so much emotional stress in his life due to job, being away from family, etc that he couldn’t properly invest in our relationship, but that maybe if he moved closer in 4-6 months, we could give it a go. I immediately initiated no contact and successfully did 30 days much to my own surprise! Problem is, I sent out my first contact text yesterday and have not gotten a response. He had posted a pic of an alligator from a wetlands preserve we had visited together and I made reference to an inside joke we had and said it looked like a good weekend. Was my text too weak? Trying not to give up immediately but not sure how to proceed. Thanks in advance for any advice!
Melissa

May 27, 2015 at 4:07 pm

I had been dating a guy for 3 months and recently broke it off. About 1 1/2 months into us “dating” I decided to be upfront with him about what I wanted out of it. I told him I didn’t want to put anymore of myself into this if it wasn’t going to go anywhere. I also told him I wasn’t seeing anyone else etc. He replied back saying he was happy with hows things have been going. He doesn’t know what the future holds but he isn’t seeing or dating anyone else. I was happy with that answer because we had still been in the beginning stage. Well closer to the 3 month mark I could tell it hadn’t developed anymore and I could see he was perfectly happy not making us “official”. I waited it out and finally when 3 months came along I told him I was too invested in this and could tell he didn’t want to make me officially apart of his life. I felt like a place holder or something to do when he was bored and I deserved more then that and me sticking around was not fair to both of us. He replied that I wasn’t a placeholder and this wasn’t about boredom. He said commitment “freaks” him out a little but he does like me. I didn’t respond and the next night he texts me that he was really sorry, he had tried to give as much as he could and that I’m such a sweetheart. Well later that night I get drunk and decide to show up unannounced at his house. He let me in and took care of me till that afternoon. When I left we had a very long hug goodbye and then I drove off. I have not reached out to him nor had he reached out to me until last night which its been about 4 days since I showed up unannounced. He texted me “How R U?”. I didn’t reply because I ran across the NC rule. But I am curious will this work on him? or could it go the opposite way for me? I am the one who broke it off but he is “freaked” by commitment so could this rule help him realize how much better life is when I am in it or could it chase him away more?
Paula

May 26, 2015 at 2:29 pm

Hi, how can I get back my LDR BF, his mother died and he pushed me away, we are great lover I’m his fiancée we met many times, but when his mother died he end up our relationship,
His not talking to me for almost 3 months now, he sent me an email like we don’t have future and we need to separate our own way, I know he loves me very much, please help me, I really don’t know what to do, I sent him a couple of email before but I don’t had any response from him, then 1 week ago he sent me a last email, don’t wait for him, sounds like we’re done, but in his email he said he really cares me a lot, is there any hope for me and for him? I’m from Philippine and he is from USA
Please help me if I still have a chance
Nicole

May 13, 2015 at 9:41 pm

Hi Chris
So things turned sour for me and my ex because of long distance and schedules being too hectic, and the frustration that came along with all of this. We still love each other very much. We still use to talk everyday like usual but I told him that I don’t want us to talk anymore but he said no he’s not ready to stop our conversations, but it frustrated me because the break up was really hard. So I decided to do the NC rule, but my process turned out differently, and I think this is because we still spoke everyday. So now on day 1 he text me on whatsapp and I did not respond, so i’m on day 2 now and he called, I did not answer. In this case will I do the entire 30 days or the 21 days because he skipped the first steps.
Mary

May 13, 2015 at 5:46 am

My boyfriend and I’ve been together for a year, we just broke up a few days ago. I went and got my stuff and ever since then I haven’t talk to him. I really want to talk to him and get him back. But I feel like even after the no contact rule we wont be able to get back together. He made it clear that we are too immature to be in a relationship and we are different in a bad way. What should i do?
christen

May 12, 2015 at 3:05 pm

Hi Chris…I really need ur help…wish u will reply me…now I’m applying no contact rule & my exbf knows it bcoz he ask me to not contact him…& he said he will come find me as a friend, when the time he is ready…do u think my NC rule be effective to him or not ?….I dont want just be a friends, I need him back in my life forever…please help me, tq…

Chris Seiter

May 13, 2015 at 12:35 pm

I think it can be effective on him for sure.

Daisy

May 7, 2015 at 3:03 pm

hi Chris, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me last week April 29, 2015 to be exact. our relationship was amazing, we were bestfriends and probably only had 2 minor arguments, He always told me everyday how much he loved me…I think our dilemma is that I had a tubal ligation 20 years ago I am 42 and he is 30…he has no children of his own…I tried getting a reversal done but it cant be done…..will the no contact rule help him come back to me???
Melissa

May 7, 2015 at 7:25 am

Hi,

My No Contact days are up and I have messaged him but he still hasn’t responded. I’ve read the section about when an ex doesn’t respond because it may be because of resentment. What I don’t understand is, why would he have resentment if he was the one who broke up with me and wanted to be left alone? He’s told me over and over before that it was best to not talk right now, hence the no contact rule i gave him, and so I stopped. Is there another reason why he didn’t respond to my text?

P.S I didn’t send him a needy text. Very short and didn’t bombard him with texts and sounding desperate.

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1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”