The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Britney

July 31, 2019 at 12:26 am

Hey Chris,
So my ex boyfriend broke up with me in June and it really was hard for me. After the breakup I did the why questions and wanted to talk but that wasn’t the right move. So after the second week after the breakup I went into the NC rule. I didn’t text call or anything but like a lot of women I broke character and reached out. After that I went right back into it and I’ve been in it ever since. My ex reached out with a simple hey how are you text and I responded but I was short and ended the convo quickly. Couple weeks past he contacted me on my birthday with a long message saying how I was a great woman and he appreciated everything I did for him and his son and that he still cared about me even thought were not together anymore. I was confused A bit but yet I was nice and said thank you. After that I haven’t heard from him but I notice he watches my stories on social media EVERYTIME. What does that mean?
Gloria

July 30, 2019 at 1:29 pm

I think my ex is a clueless guy. He’s too busy to even process the whole breakup. I’m scared that no contact wont work on him. My friend asked how he is and he said that he’s fine and that the break up was for the best. I’m 5 days into nc.
Tin

July 25, 2019 at 1:38 pm

Hi Chris,
The guy who i’ve been casually dating and ended things with me finally reached out. He ended things through text because the romance fizzled out and I asked him if we could talk in person about it, he told me yes when he’s back in town. I asked if Thursday or Friday work but Haven’t heard from him until 3 days later and asked if Friday is ok. Should i still meet up with him? I didn’t expect him to respond actually so I’ve been reading up on NC. I’m afraid going NC will push Him further away since i was the one asked for this and he has already started moving on.
Tin

July 24, 2019 at 2:38 am

Hi Chris,
I’ve been dating a guy for about 3 months. We’ve been taking it slow (i.e just meeting once every weekend) and I haven’t pushed for more for fear of driving him away or come off as clingy since I felt he was not ready for a commitment as he was so cautious. We haven’t even slept together during that time and he assured me that it was not a dealbeaker and even told me that he admired and respected me for it. Then for the past month or so, our schedules have been busy where either one of us would be out of town or sick. He was on vacation for 2 weeks and we haven’t talked since then because he usually doesn’t text while on vacation. Finally, we are both back in town and made plans to meet up. I called him to nail down our plans but he suddenly texted me that he feels the romance has fizzled and we should stop seeing each other but could remain as friends. We talked briefly and his story turned to him having commitment issues. I feel like he is seeing someone else based on his social media but when I asked him, he said no. I asked him if we could in person and he says yes, when he’s back in town next week. I haven’t talked to him since then. Would the NC rule work with him? I’m worried that the NC rule wouldn’t work given he already feels the romance fizzled and he’s probably seeing someone else and would just forget about me during the NC time.

Chris Seiter

July 24, 2019 at 3:19 am

Hi Tin….sometimes when the trend is turning negative, it’s time to try a different approach. I think you should consider employing NC in the manner I teach it in my Program. It will do a lot for you personally…some healing and recovery and also allow you time focus on some personal growth goals. And it can also help flush out just how important you are to him as space and time apart can sometimes bring out the truth.

Confused

July 21, 2019 at 7:01 pm

Hi Chris,

Very interesting read. I have a bit different question. Would no contact work to get a bf act in a way I would like him to? We’ve been I a relationship for over 3 years now. I voiced my wishes to him about how I wanted to be treated and what I would like our relationship to be like. He keeps saying he wants to keep the relationship but he would continue acting the same old way and not trying to change anything. After several attempts to talk to him we had a small argument and haven’t talked ever since. Previously he would always reach first if I was upset with him and not talking but this time he still hasn’t after two days. I know it hasn’t been long enough and he still might try reaching .Although I think he might not. I told myself if he really wanted to keep our relationship he would get a hint that it won’t be working the way it is right now and this is why we are not talking. My question is would no contact make him rethink his actions or if he does not want to change anything it would be easier for him to just leave? Also, if he does contact me what my reaction should be? Ideally I’d like him to reach me with something like ” hi, I had time to think , let’s talk about how to make it better”. But as previous experience shows he would just say ” hi, how are you ” as if nothing happened. And once I start responding nothing ever changes. I don’t want it to be like this again. I want a change in our relationship
Laura

July 20, 2019 at 5:10 pm

Hi Chris,
Thanks for this….you really DO have enlightening suggestions and info…I’m not just blowing smoke…I never honestly thought about meeting and not discussing relationship issues. I Believe he is carrying emotions from being stalked previously…I don’t blame him. Problem is, he suggested 3-4 X that we meet (before he told me that he just wasn’t into me) and he backed out every time. I read your info about the ‘internal convo’…great! I DID call him the other night, he did not reply, I hung up w/o leaving a message. Do you believe my suggesting a meetup is a viable option?
Laura

July 19, 2019 at 3:57 pm

Hi Chris,
Awesome info! Am 55yo, BF is 62…so not our first rodeo. Met and knew instantly that we were soul mates (at our age, we have the credentials to say this, lol). He had been stalked before, didn’t tell me… long story short…I acted insecure, he thought I was stalking him. He brushed me off, I thought he was a player. He refused to talk to me, resorted to email only. Told me he wasn’t ‘into me’. I implemented NC for 45 days, emailed him, told him ‘everything was OK, I understand.’ He responded in a neutral fashion. NC for me for 7 months…yep! He has contacted me every 8-9 weeks since with a flirt or jokes. I finally asked him ‘this feels odd, why are you contacting me?’ He responded with ‘ because you have a sense of humor, because I can, if you prefer I didn’t, it all good’. I responded, ‘I prefer you didn’t’…Chris…brilliant one…your thoughts?

Chris Seiter

July 19, 2019 at 8:06 pm

Thanks Laura for the kudos….well it is unclear what his level of interest really is. Is he playing a cat and mouse game to protect his feelings or is uncertain….or is he just screwing around and is not seriously contemplating resuming the relationship. You can call him on it in a non direct way. You can suggest you both meet for coffee or etc to just chat. Avoid any relationship talk if he agrees to this. Just think in terms of little steps.

Portia

July 17, 2019 at 11:25 am

Hi, for me NC seem impossible. We have a two year old together. We happy for three years, he was always there for me no matter what, he took very good care of me when i was pregnant..he also put me in his medical aid. Then, few months ago he dumped me..im a moody person, and was always naggy.mayb e he got tired of it..but, im so heartbroken and want him back..please help
Dana

July 11, 2019 at 2:43 am

So I am NC 45 days. The reason I haven’t stopped is I’m very confused and baffled by his reaction. He started by just sending a few “I can’t believe you aren’t speaking to me texts”. No remorse, no apologies etc. All about him and his feelings. The mid way through, he called but never left a message. Then finally about 2 weeks ago I got an email saying good bye to me and that if I decide not stop ghosting him, I know where to reach him. He never once gave me the validation I was expecting. And he didn’t seem to really care all that much. Making me hold out a tad longer and see. I might be better off letting this carry through???

Chris Seiter

July 11, 2019 at 1:44 pm

I think that is a sensible strategy Dana

Anon.

July 3, 2019 at 6:15 pm

Hey Chris,

My boyfriend and I broke up just a couple days after dating for a year. He broke up with me because we fought a lot in the second half of our relationship and he felt that it wouldn’t change. Things had been good for months. But were pretty rough 2 weeks before we broke up. He also had a lot of stress with work at that time. However, he said that he never lost any feelings for me and still loved me very much, but just did not want to work on things anymore. He even made a comment about how he did not want me to fight for him because he was afraid it would work, and he was extremely emotional during our talk. I felt like there were a lot of mixed feelings coming from him, but I respected his wishes and ultimately agreed to break up and have not spoke to him at all since. It has been a week. Does NC work well in situations where you know that you and your ex still love each other, and did not end with animosity toward each other?
Maggie

July 2, 2019 at 6:02 am

Hi Chris, thank you for such an insightful article. I am new here and not sure if I can call my situation a NC.
My boyfriend(or should I say ex) and I broke up last year December(After 2 years of being on and off). I was the one who broke things because we were constantly fighting and it was tiring as I was always the one to be blamed. I am not much of a communicator and I was honest with him from the beginning. He would always tell me how I don’t do certain things correctly, according to how he think it should be done.I felt like he didn’t appreciate my efforts and would make an issue out of everything.
We didn’t talk at all until this year April when I contacted him because I was missing him. We had a session where we even apologized to each other and he initiated the idea of us getting back together. Because I love him and I don’t see myself dating anyone else I was excited about that as well. Before we started dating we were best friends and shared some deep things that only he knows about me and only I know about him. Our relationship was built on our friendship and that made us even strong(so I thought). When we started talking again, it was like old times until the last week of May where he just ask for my address cause he wanted to courier my birthday gifts. That’s when I knew something was wrong because we had planned on him bringing them and spending the day with him. When I asked him what was going on he sent me a long message telling me how he feels like we can’t work anymore because he can still see the same things I used to do before we broke up and he can’t live like that and we can just continue to be friends nothing more.I was really hurt that he initiated this whole thing only for him to drop me. Because I am very protective of myself I decided that I don’t want friendship with him because I knew it was only gonna hurt both of us in the long run. I told him I don’t even want him in my life anymore, I don’t even want to know if he cares or not.He asked for us to meet and I refused andthat was the last time we spoke. It has been a month now and I am missing him like crazy, what kills me more is not knowing how he is and what’s happening with him. I have been holding back on contacting him because I’m always the one to start contact every time we stop talking.

Please advise me on what I can do to get through this. I really know I love this guy and I miss my best friend.

Chris Seiter

July 2, 2019 at 3:30 pm

Hi Maggie…welcome to the site and please enjoy my content. As you know, breakups can be messy and confusing. That is why its best to have a sensible ex recovery plan. Take a deeper dive into my Program “EBR PRO Bundle” as it will help you with the healing and recovery side and also help you fashion a strategy in how to reconnect with your ex.

Taniya

June 27, 2019 at 9:46 pm

Hello…I’m very new in this sight…
I’m in no contact period now…Its my 5th day of no contact…We had 5 years relationship…From 2018 for many misunderstanding our relationship was going deteriorated day by day…We both tried so much…But at last he was just fed up…He just horribly leave me…he said he have no feelings for me…He jsut didn’t want my company…He is irritates by my company…Like he started to hate me…till our last day I begged and pleaded for our relationship….But he just thrushed me out from his life,he just not wants me in his life at all…He just left me me…Now 5 days we have no contact…Last 5years there was not a single day that we dnt contact…we used to talk everyday,everynight…
Now all is over…And the one thing that we have many common friends…So he is getting my information from them…And may be he is seeking someone else…I’m not sure…But may be…
Now what should I do???? Should I expect that may he will back to me???? I’m stucking in very very painful situation…please help me
Yohanna

June 26, 2019 at 7:11 pm

I’m new in your site and I want to ask a question…

I’m on my no-contact period now. Now is 11 day in no contact.
We broke-up (I was the dumper) 2 months ago. We had 2 years relationship. We broke-up because we had some communication problems and he was losing the interest and was pulling away. I said that I needed some time to prossesed my feelings and everything. I know I maybe did the mistake because I told him that I won’t make contact about 30 days. Then I send him a message after 20 days and he was very happy to heard from me.. But i was too emotional (it was too soon for me) and kind of ruin communication little bit…

He said he wanted us to be friends and he wants to keep me in his life.. That I’m important person and he still cares about me. He said that I understand him better than anyone else. I know there is lot of emotional connection between us. I think that is the key if he will change his mind. I got the feeling that if I play my cards right he will change his mind…
I was maybe too clingy when we communicate and too emotional and he doesn’t like it. I was too clingy when we we’re together too.

He’s looking my social media A LOT. I have instagram account and he is looking my instastory almost everyday. He said before no-contact that he looks my instagram and snapchat stories ’cause he is afraid to talk to me but want to know what i’m doing…
Also he kinda of was curious if I’m dating someone and said that he is little bit jealous if I do. He laugh when he said that but I know that he meant it.

I said him that I can’t be friends right now because I still have feelings and if he just want us to be friends I can’t do that right now. I said that then I need to move on.. Then I started the no-contact. He was sad about that and try to come talk with me in my house.
I said it’s better if he doesn’t come to my house that it’s going to hurt little bit.
We talked on the phone that conversation.

He said that he’s happy that I finally talk straight what I’m thinking and what I want.

Earlier he said that he is seeing some changes in me, that it’s really cool that I’m living my own life and doing things. I think that is good thing too.

I know he’s really curious about me since he’s checking my social media…

Now I’m having this situation that we are both going in the wedding in three weeks. It’s our mutual friends. I don’t know what to do now.

Should I contact him before wedding or just see him there and be myself? I’m feeling better now and I’m getting my ungettable girl mood back (I know that i’m one, i’m always been, i just kind of lost it)
I just think that if I was too clingy in our relationship and after breakup that if I contact him would he be stubborn and thinks that I still be the same like always. :/

I think that he is also little bit scared guy right now because i left him.

Chris Seiter

June 26, 2019 at 11:25 pm

Hi Yohanna…so there is a lot going on and its a complicated answer to get into all the details of how to implement my Program, but it’s usually best to select a NC period of time and stick with it. Certainly there are times when exceptions to no contact can be made, but that is a lengthy discussion as well. Go take a look at picking up my comprehensive EBR Pro Bundle Package as I created it to help folks in all facets of the ex recovery process.

Preeya

June 25, 2019 at 3:11 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me because his parents told him to. Last time he Did not last a day without me. His parents are pressuring him to marry someone else, he proposed to me and everything. His parents did not like my family background. I have no idea what to do….. does no contact apply in my case?
Diane

June 25, 2019 at 1:05 am

Does it count as “no contact” if I told my ex that I “needed a break” after being put into the “let’s be friends” zone? I asked him not to call me for “a while” so that I could let go of him the way he let go of me. He asked how it would work and I just said I just need to take a step back for the sake of my emotional well being but that if the Jim I fell in love with ever showed up again (not the one who is confused and searching for himself at the moment…I have no idea who that Jim is) I would talk to him no question. So, after ending our relationship for really vague reasons he was calling every second or third day. Now, no contact at all for the past 12 days. Before the end we had talked every day. He’s in Australia and I’m in Calif. Does this still count as “No Contact?”
Nina

June 19, 2019 at 12:54 pm

Can NC rule have the same effects after 2 months passed since the break up and we talked every day for that 2 months. First he left me on read on which i reacted and he responded and i ended up not responding to him on the last 3 messages which was 3 days ago. Can it have the same effect even though we talked about the break up and had positive conversations during those 2 months with him being hot and cold, jealous and caring, flirty and then also rude and distant.
Joan

June 17, 2019 at 4:34 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend of 10 months started to distance himself from me slowly. He told me the reason was because he was being distant was because stressed and dealing with his two jobs that was taking up most of his time. He went from texting a few times a day to slowly once a week. I recently found a new Facebook profile of his that was created and saw that he is now listed in being in a relationship with someone else. I haven’t called him out on it, nor have I contacted him. He hasn’t reached out to me in 2 weeks, but he hasn’t blocked me on Whatsapp either. Would doing the 30 NC work? Is it even possible to get him back at this point since he’s listed as in a relationship? I’m at a loss on what to do.

Chris Seiter

June 17, 2019 at 8:02 pm

Hi Joan…it is usually best to follow a blueprint on what to do and my Program does go into some detail about the NC process and all the other things you should be doing post breakup.

Katie

June 13, 2019 at 8:12 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend (of 6 months) told me he was having second thoughts about me a few weeks ago and said he needed some space. We continued to talk and everything was fine until one (drunk) night I brought it up and we got into a fight and he broke up with me. The next day he told me he made a mistake and told me I was everything he ever wanted and we got back together and everything was great. Until a week later I began to feel insecure about the situation and brought it up again which led to another fight and we ultimately broke up again and he said he thinks it’s for the best because he is having these second thoughts about me and is not sure if I am who he is suppose to be with. I told him I needed to block his number for my own sake and he told me to “do what I had to do.” If I give him a month, do you think the NC rule will work even though I blocked him? Does blocking him make the NC rule more or less effective?

Chris Seiter

June 13, 2019 at 10:15 pm

Hi Katie… I am not a fan of blocking, unless a person really can’t trust themselves to constantly check on their ex’s social media pages. I do think NC has upside if practiced properly. Looking into my Program – EBR Pro Bundle.

Anna

June 13, 2019 at 1:18 am

Hi chris,
Thanks for your amazing articles. i wish if I had find your website a little earlier.my boyfriend wanted a break in mid May 2019 ( we are on a LDR) we last met first week of May 2019. But I was so stupid to contact him multiple times during the break of two weeks. now he is demanding another break as I did not follow the break. and this time I offered him to get back to me when he is ready ( but again i contacted him and he responded but it feels like i am just being too stupid) now i am determined not to contact him and follow your No Contact Rule. I really hope he will come back if i can control myslef. but i do not enjoy this phase of silent treatment. i was quite upset that i ended by physically ill. I must say that I kind of feel good after reading your articles. Thank you!

Chris Seiter

June 13, 2019 at 2:47 pm

Best of luck to you Anna! Feel free to check out my EBR PRO Bundle Program as it offers you a plethora of resources to help you with what you are going through!

Catherine

June 12, 2019 at 5:32 pm

Hi Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago because he says he’s lost feelings for me (we used to fight a lot) and wants to just be friends.I’ve begged and cried to him for 2 weeks to no avail, then I decided to be calmer and implement the “Being there” tactic, he gave me mixed signals (he’s told my friends that we are dating but doesn’t act like it, has offered to help me in things I struggle with) he’s asked me what’s wrong whenever I’m upset and when I tell him I’m sad because he’s not giving me a second chance he shuts down or makes a sad emoji. I started NC 3 days ago because I’m hurting too much by him constantly rejecting me flirting with him and he’s been a frantic texter/frantic caller throughout the whole 3 days, seems to be angry for being ignored, has asked my friends to make me talk to him, is clueless about why am I not answering him…….Can NC really work on him if he keeps spamming my inbox but still has no idea why I’m not replying? I didn’t want to tell him because I am sure he would’ve just made another sad emoji…

Chris Seiter

June 12, 2019 at 6:48 pm

I do think NC has upside if implemented correctly

« Previous 1 … 9 10 11 12 13 … 89 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”