The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Nadia

February 3, 2019 at 8:15 pm

Thank you so much for this great article. My boyfriend told me he loved me and wanted a girlfrient then 5 days later broke up with me while on holiday. It was really out of the blue. I was devasted and kept texting him to come back. He has depression and feels disconnected. He said he cares about me alot, and likes speaking to me, we get on really well. I started NC 3 days ago, it’s really difficult. Would NC work on my ex even though he has depression.

Chris Seiter

February 4, 2019 at 3:52 am

Thanks Nadia! I know its hurts when its out of the blue. Some guys can struggle emotionally with what they want. Instead of a strict NC, you may want to be responsive to him if he reaches out in a positive way, but think little steps. Rushing thru this process of healing and recovery and re-evaluation is never wise. Tap into any of my Program resources to help you going forward!

Jessica

February 2, 2019 at 12:18 pm

Hello Christ,

I met this guy 2013 and we dated for three years (2016). I break up with him because we argued a lot. He met another girl online right after we break up in 2017. When they started dating, he keeps coming back to me and we had sex regularly while he is with his new gf. In January 2019, he engaged with her. I don’t know what he is thinking? He told me he was so confused ten days before the engagement and how could he change his mind so quickly? What is he thinking? He keeps texting me after engagement ( it is about some work, but he can actually ignore it because it is not important).

Chris Seiter

February 3, 2019 at 12:24 am

Hi Jessica!

Yep…conflict can bring erosion to a relationship. He seems to be making some impulsive decisions. In time, much of this will sort itself out. I suspect he is starting to get a dose of reality and trying to figure out what he really wants. But you I hope you have my epic 485 page eBook as it will help you through this process.

Sarah

February 2, 2019 at 10:41 am

Hi Chris,
I am lost and devastated after my ex broke it off with me. We were together (with a small break) for 3 years, he broke up worth me for 6 months then came running back and won me over, we had remained in brief contact and loved each other’s company and neither of us found a better match. We dated again for just over a year, but I didn’t move back in. We could have worked through our problems but instead tiny things turned into small arguments with me defending myself and him not back down. I love him. And he said he loves me in his own way. He has said NC is best as it only hurts us and we go back and forth, but I’ve not had closure and am finding it so hard. Will he respect me giving him NC and want to talk? I’m finding it so painful.

Chris Seiter

February 3, 2019 at 12:28 am

Hi Sarah!

Hang in there Sarah….things will get better in the healing department if you embrace some of the recovery activities I advocate. Sometimes its best to just break off all the communication for some time and focus on your own recovery and learn that your entire world need not revolve around your ex. Time is a great healer it also can provide you both with some insights about the relationship. I encourage you to explore my website and resources and tools as there is a lot of information here that can help you move forward and also help you potentially with re-attraction.

Jessica

January 27, 2019 at 6:24 pm

Hi Chris, Ive been in NC for exactly 1 month today with my ex. We had been together for 5 years already on and off we’ve been through ups and downs together. Well, on November of last year we had gone out to dinner and out for drinks just the two of us. As he was driving off he got pulled over and was arrested (3rd dui). When he was bailed he came straight to my apartment and gave me a big hug and headed back home. The following day i tried to be supportive he told me he was feeling down since he knew he would probably be doing a year in prison. He told me that it was best to let go that it wasnt fair for him to drag me along that I deserved better. I told him I would be there for him. He then started acting distant from me. The 1st week i would message him and no response from him. So, then I decided to just not message him. He then noticed i was distant and he started to text me he missed me and I would ignore his messages. He asked me why I was acting this way with him, that he was already on the edge he didn’t need me to push him over that he didn’t want to fight or argue with me. So, i told him that that was what he wanted to let go. So, we started to see and text each other again. But, i just felt like we weren’t spending much time together as we used to and that things were not the same since his arrest. He had me confused on where we stood in our relationship and for that reason I started to act cold towards him. One day he had stopped by my apartment, i had gone to an interview that day and he asked me where had I gone. I didnt feel like I owed him an explanation since I didnt know if we were back together or not. So, since i didnt say anything he got mad and left. We didnt talk or see each other for the next 2 weeks until one day he stopped by on December 24th, while he was inside my house i didnt speak at all to him he was drawing with my daughters since he saw my girls as his own. He attemped several times to talk to me but I just gave him short responses. Before he left day he told me merry Christmas can I get a hug? And i told him no hug and he left. The following week he stopped by my apartment again his excuse to see my daughters. I told him that he couldn’t just be coming in and out of my apartment that its best he just moves on that he was the one who wanted to let go from the beginning. He asked me again is this what you want? I said its best. So, left really mad. And its been a month already NC. He had me so confused and my mind kept going in circles about where we stood he kept coming in and out I didnt feel that was right. Either we were together as a couple or not. I tried to be there for him but drifted apart from me. What do you suggest Chris? Keep NC longer?
Emily

January 26, 2019 at 2:48 am

I broke up with my last Saturday. We are madly in love but I have real anger problem which I didn’t realize until I verbally abused him continuously resulting in me kicking him out of anger. He moved to a different state 2 days ago to be with his family as he has nowhere to live here in Portland. After the break up, he blocked me, unblocked me, we talked about everything and my issues and we also were intimate before he officially left. We even talked for 2 hours on the phone on his drive there to Vegas. He sounded extremely positive about him moving there and starting over, even saying things like there’s more fish in the sea etc. But also says he still thinks I’m amazing and beautiful and that a part of him still wants to be with me. Is it absolutely pointless for me to attempt to get him to move back if I’m the one who initiated it and abused him and lost his trust? Will no contact help me in any way?

Thank you

Chris Seiter

January 27, 2019 at 3:15 am

Yes, I do think a break will help you both. But implement NC in the way I teach in my Program!

Bernadette

January 26, 2019 at 12:36 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We were in an on and off relationship for the last 3 years. Before our last break up, we broke up because he wanted to put our relationship to the next level. He wanted me to move in with him. I told him I will if we get engaged first. Those days he was giving me hints about proposing (like lets do ring window shopping, planning how many kids we want, telling his family about what we want) until one night we were having pillow talk, he told me that he’s not sure if he wanted to have family with me. He said he was not sure about me. So blew up, we had a fight. I told him to decide what he really wants. He told me I’ll be happy with someone else and it’s for the best to move on in different direction separately.
We stopped communicating after that for couple weeks. I tried to live my life until he started texting me and saying he misses me. texting continues and we started seeing each other again. He got sick so I needed to take care of him. So we became close again and next thing we know we’re back dating again without even going back to our issues about what he really wants and about settling down.
After couple months, our issue was raised again when I asked him what’s his plan and if he really have plans for us. He said I was pushing too much and let just things come naturally. I just can’t, I told him that I’m not asking him to marry me right now. All I want was for him to tell me that he’s seeing a future with me and he wanted me to be part of his life in the future. I asked him to decide. Just a month ago, I open the same topic again and he told me I am pushing again that I should be happy that he’s with me right now. Then I told him I don’t feel secure with him cause he’s so indecisive. He then said he doesn’t know what are we. I then call it off and broke up with hi.
I explain it to him that I’m on my 30’s already and he’s 37. I want to have kids and build a family of my own. I can’t just waste time waiting for a guy to figure out himself.
We broke up. We didn’t talk for few days, then I contacted him and I said we need to talk. We talked, I gave him an option that if he wants space I can just give it to him. He said he just want a break and not breakup and this means that we are free to see whoever we wanna see. I can’t agree with that so Is aid I’m out and I can’t do that.
I did NC. I was successful for 10 days. Then his birthday came. I texted him a HBD. He got back and said thanks and I didn’t get back. The next day, he texted me again saying, he was hoping I will send him a text and great him on his bday. I said, you got it. Then he asked me to go on a movie with him, we went out. The following week, he sent me commenting about the movie we watched. We ended up watching movie at my place, drinking wine, and sleeping together. Just how we were before. The next day, I tried to message him, no reply from him.
Can I still do NC? Did I ruin everything?

Chris Seiter

January 27, 2019 at 3:26 am

Hi Bernadette!

So its a bit of starts and stops…but with more starts which is good. I would say no to rolling out NC, probably better to wait a spell, then reach out again.
Chris Seiter

January 27, 2019 at 3:26 am

Hi Bernadette!

So its a bit of starts and stops…but with more starts which is good. I would say no to rolling out NC, probably better to wait a spell, then reach out again.

Sara myer

January 23, 2019 at 11:05 am

Hi Chris,

I read through most of the comments but couldn’t find a situation similar to mine. BF and I were childhood sweethearts and each other’s first love. However, I broke things off 12 years ago and we went our separate ways, knowing that we’d meet again. 6 months ago we met again and immediately had an amazing connection. We were both euphoric, believed in love again, believed in spirituality..essentially we knew we were the “one” and he kept telling me I should never leave him again. After I met him, I wanted to be a better person and change some of my bad habits and he had the same thought. But I had to move to a different country for a year and we decided we would make it work.

However, slowly I felt his affection decrease to the point that he never told me he loved me anymore and his messages sounded very serious and to the point. We went on vacation and I could sense that our connection wasn’t as strong as before (less affectionate and less emotional). I began to have doubts as well.

Then, a week ago, I messaged him, telling him that I feel that our balance is off and that in light of his seriousness, I continually speak of my feelings with no reciprocity. He responded, very cordially that “I don’t think it will work out between us. I tried, but there are some personal and moral things I cannot accept and I am generally not ready and will not make you wait around until you do..etc etc” I simply responded, “Alright, I understand you.” and startet no contact (naturally, not thru some advice).

I’m not crazy about texting him, if anything, I WANT us to be apart so we can learn whether our relationship is worth it or not, but i am still devastated because I thought he was the one. Of course I can meet someone better but I dont think I can love anyone more than him. Plus, he did have some emotional/personality issues that at one point I thought I shouldn’t have to deal with.

Anyways, its been 5 days of NC, and I am wondering what he is thinking.

Also, its his bday in three months and I havent wished him happy birthday since 12 years ago since we had no way of contacting each other during our first separation. I want to continue NC until his bday and then wish him a happy birthday. He’ll be surprised to find out I still remember his bday. Is it a good idea or not?

Chris Seiter

January 23, 2019 at 11:51 pm

Hi Sara!

I think there is some wisdom to be found in the NC period. You can find yourself again and heal and grow. And your ex can come to terms with what life is like with out you. You should be thru with NC before his birthday if you are following my Program. Consider picking up my Guide of 485 pages (EBR PRO) as it will blueprint all this out for you!

Britney

January 21, 2019 at 7:52 pm

He broke up with me after 4 years (he is 29 and I am 28).
He’s loved me since 10th grade and has always wanted to be with me and we have been good friends since high school and up until our romantic relationship ended. He broke up with me on 12/24/2018 (unplanned) and said it was because he has mental health issues (which also includes, I’m gathering is hypersexuality) that he’s struggling with and has never admitted too nor accepted and that he cannot hurt me in the ways he could because of those issues/conditions, etc. He also mentioned that he does not want what I want, another kid, house, marriage, etc but at the same time says he doesn’t know what he wants because he hates himself, etc. He is scheduled for therapy and it begins on the 31st. It will take time for therapy to work, he may be placed on meds, may need to see a different therapist if the first one isn’t a good fit, etc. He’s pushing me away to not hurt me. I didn’t know of you or your help before now and was told by family to do the no contact rule. I failed a few times now.
We were messing back and forth all weekend and he answered some of my questions and we had a pleasant fun chat. I’m summing this up but he also admitted that there is no change in feelings towards me, doesn’t want to be in a relationship anytime soon cause he needs help, also isn’t over me sexually and wants me. Then yesterday the conversation dwindled to nothing. Also, I feel like there is another girl because of a few things but he has told his mom that there is no other girl and that they’re just friends goin through crap that they can relate, he’s even told his brother there is no one else and he’s always honest with them.

I have no idea what’s going on in his head.
Should I start the no contact rule now?
I want us to get back together.

Chris Seiter

January 22, 2019 at 3:34 pm

Hi Britney! So 4 years is a good amount of time to be together and roots get laid down. Hopefully he is getting treatment with his mental issues. I would not rush into NC, but consider drawing back, limiting the contact to see how he responds.

Melrose

January 20, 2019 at 8:29 am

Hello, my bf of 1 year broke up with me on our anniversary, it happened because I told him it was our anniversary and he forgot. It turned out ( info from his mom) that he was getting really stressed out at work and on top of that his grandfather died ( he didn’t tell me, his mom did). P.S. he didn’t openly tell his mom about the breakup , she asked if I was coming over and then he told her, when she asked why, he said he didn’t know and for angry and didn’t want to talk about it. Back to the break-up day, He told me that he just wanted to be alone and that he was giving up on himself, not me. He said that he was doing what he always do, which is messed everything up. He said that’s how you know you truly love someone when you can let them go, and that despite what flaws I think I have, that I’m perfect. I told him, that is not true and that nothing was wrong with us. I told him that if we cared about each other then nothing else mattered. He then ignored me for 1 week, then we went out to the movies ( my treat in light of his grandfather passing ) if literally felt like nothing changed, he even held my hand accidently during the movies and let go multiple times. Then after that he became so mean to me when I called him on the phone, openly saying stuff like we never going to get back together in a joking manner, just doing everything that he know will upset me but not saying don’t call me ever again or hanging up the phone. I then came up with a plan, I decided that I would contact him but only on Sundays to check in with him and that be it. When I did that starting last week, he even asked how I was doing ( shocker). This week, I called him on Saturday, and he text back that he was at work, I asked when he was getting off and he said late, then I asked if he needed a ride and he said no that he was ok. So I guess the point is at least he texted back and cared enough to tell me that he was at work instead of ignoring me all together. But then, I called him (2x) and he never responded. I also sent him a gift of one of his favorite themes, but he never responded. What do I do? What are our chances ?

Chris Seiter

January 20, 2019 at 5:09 pm

Hi Melrose….always improved odds if you are employing and ex recovery plan, such as I discuss in my Program. Yes, him texting back is positive. But then him not responding later is not usual. Give it some space and time. And check out my resources!

Tiffany Gross

January 16, 2019 at 5:10 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend and I dated for about 3 years. We have lived together for the past year. I had a surgury on Dec 20th, and had complications so I didnt recover fully until the 31st. It was a really scary time for me. On the 29th he went out with friends to watch a football game and I texted something rude about how I hoped the team he was rooting for didnt win. I was really just hurt he wasnt spending time with me when I finally was starting to feel better. He never came home that night (his reason was he was drunk and a friend took his phone). I flipped out and kicked him out. He moved his clothes to that friends house to live. On the 31st I got the news I recovered from my surgury. I was so relieved and I begged him to see me. We met for drinks and I apologized. I begged him to spend the holiday with me and refused. I went hysterical. I called and called all through the 1st which he told me to stop. We texted intermittedly (according to your point system it’s really bad though- him 15 me 165). We saw each other on the Jan 13th and I baked him cookies, bought him a gift, paid for dinner, even ended up making out in the car and layed it all out for him. We talked about how according to the 5 languages of love I need more quality time and he needs more physical affection and words of affirmation. I begged and begged all night so emotionally promising to deliver on these things. It was horrible. He still ended it with he doesnt want to date me. Also said things like he hasn’t been happy for awhile, I didnt make him feel loved, and I was trying to change him. Hes more calm grounded and quiet where I am busy airy and talkative. Ultimately he doesnt think it’s going to work and he will never forget the pain. I think now that we have talked about it and communicated our needs in a relationship its repairable. However, he isnt interested. He knows I dont want to hear it and feels bad about hurting me but he is single going to start dating has downloaded and made a few profiles and is going to try and move on.

So now that you have the back story. I am initiating NC as of TODAY Jan 15th.

I know I messed up by begging (twice)- I was emotional. I know i messed up by not initiating NC immediately when he moved out on the 30th. I know i left a bad taste in his mouth. I think he is part clueless, part ANGRY, and part scared.

Do you think I even have a chance? I’m going to do it regardless. I just want an expert’s opinion on if theres any hope that I’ll get him back. Or if the damage is done.

Chris Seiter

January 17, 2019 at 1:42 am

Always a chance Tiffany…but best to have a plan and since your NC is underway now, you are heading in the right direction. Be sure you understand though how the whole Program works. Pick up my eBook if necessary as it can crystallize in your mind how to proceed with all kinds of scenarios.

Mary

January 12, 2019 at 2:21 pm

Hi

Me and my boyfriend broke up a week ago after being in relationship for 5 months!
Everything was perfect and he always used to tell me I’m the one for him and he can’t live without me. I have to mention he was very sensitive and he used to get annoyed with things easily, we talked about it and I assumed it’s sorted. He always assumed I am going to leave him one day and he is scared to lose me but I was always assured him I won’t do that to you over small problems.Last afew week his attitude changed a little and he wasn’t caring about my feeling if I get upset as much as he used to, saying that he was still telling me he loves me.
Last disagreement I felt I had enough of him being sensitive over everything and I texted him to finish the relationship. He replied that’s fine. Btw we were suppose to go on holiday together in two weeks times.
After a day I was really upset and I decided to sort thing out but I found out he cancelled our holiday. I tried to contact him to see him he told me he made his mind and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He asked me to move on.he said we are different in many ways( I asked him did you realise that during our relationship or just after last fight) he replied I found out this after our last fight!
I’m just shocked how can he change in two days, from someone who was so caring, loving me so much to someone brutal and cold hearted. How can he not forgive me?
He doesn’t want to be with me anymore and all I’m thinking is about the good times we had!
Jade

January 11, 2019 at 9:17 am

Hi Chris……
I am really unsure if the no contact rule will work for me. The age gap between me and my partner was 18 years. He is 46 and I am 28. We was together for 7 Months and he ended things on new years eve, Saying he felt like we were brother and sister. And I never showed affection or acted like I was attracted to him. Which was not the case. He told me he wants a relationship with someone and start a family, as he is 48 and not got much time. However whilst we together he never spoke to me about the future. I was always unsure what he wanted. We always joked with eachother, and gave a lot of banter. And he always stated he dont do serious so early on in a relationship. So that caused me to back away from showing affection, because I didnt want to get hurt. However now it has ended I have realised that I wont actually protecting myself by doing that. I explained this to him after we broke up and he suggested we stay friends and can use this as an experience for future relationships. So in my head I am seeing him as being done and not wanting to give it another go. Would the no contact rule work on him? has he feels he is not got a lot of time. I am worried he had insecurities that he would give me his life, and in a few years i would trade in him for a younger man. Which was not the case at all. I feel we had such a connection, and never once did we have an argument or disagreement, We just clicked. And the age was no concern for me. Will me doing the contact rule, make him think he was right with his decision and that it shows I would be happier without him? We have spoke a couple times since we split. Just as friends and it has been very blunt on his side, and he usually reads a message and not respond. Almost like he is trying to keep things civil but not interested, in talking to me. He was also very close to my daughter and they had a great bond, and he has not questioned how I am or how the kids are. Which makes me think was the relationship just a lie. Did he not care about us as much as he said he did. I am just worried that the no contact rule will not work on someone who is older. Am i wrong?

Chris Seiter

January 12, 2019 at 2:46 am

Hi Jade….the NC rule has wide application. The principles, concepts, theories, strategies, and tactics associated with my Program apply to most everyone as many of the ideas are founded in psychology and lessons learned. Take a look at picking up one of my eBooks to better your chances.

hanan

January 7, 2019 at 7:26 pm

i want to ask can i make the no contract when i am the one who stopped talking to him ? i decided to tell him i stop talking to him because i want him to learn a lesson not to repeat the same mistake
it was wrong to do that ?
shall i answer him in this case when he is messaging me ?
and should i answer him normally or just few words to make him feel iam still sad ?
Jay

January 5, 2019 at 8:12 pm

Hi Chris,
My bf and I have been together for 2.5 years. In the beginning we had a great relationship however, overtime we grew apart for many reasons. He developed a drinking problem but really wanted to change to still be in this relationship and has been sober for a year. During his recovery I was diagnosed with a chronic disease where I was basically housebound for 9 months. I became bitter and angry due to my condition and I had tendencies to lash out at him when I didn’t feel supported. I had to move 12 hrs away from him to get support from my family. The distance, lack of communication and my anger drive us apart. He broke up with me because I made him so angry. I hurt him with my words when I was upset because I didn’t feel he was there for me when I was going through a difficult time with my health. I had been having thoughts of breaking up with him earlier but he was the first to break up with me. Rejection hurts a lot. I do still really love him and feel bad for how things turned out, I begged him to stay because I already felt so alone with my health problem. I don’t know if I can win him back he is very angry with me and said he needs space and time to heal. After our break up the next day I flew to his home town to apologize for my actions and hope he would change his mind. He said maybe one day we can try again but said I need to learn how to cope better with my condition and work on myself. I have started no contact and I know that I will be able to stick with it, I just really don’t know if it is too late for him and I?
Sam

December 31, 2018 at 9:49 pm

Hi, this is a bit crazy but I dated a guy for around 6 months. We met and dated over the summer, when I had much more time, and was happier and less stressed, and had an amazing time getting to know each other. I’m a student getting a graduate degree and my schedule was and is pretty packed, something I warned him about when the semester started. He told me he liked me enough to try, despite the fact that being with someone with such a chaotic schedule was out of his comfort zone. My ex was also busy with work and projects but was actually hurt a lot but how little time I seemed to have for him. He tried to institute standing date nights, or hint at spending more time together, but gave up towards the end, especially as I was in finals. The last couple weeks were especially awful for him since we were seeing each other around once or twice a week. I didn’t know that it was so bad because he stopped asking me to hang out, so because I wasn’t rejecting plans of his, it felt like we were on the same page with my schedule being temporarily so busy. He informed me that he felt like he didn’t have the space/authority to reach out to me to ask me for time or my affection when he wished I was around. When he broke up with me he was really sad, and said that a part of him wanted to stay and try, but he only had the evidence of the the way the semester had gone to go off of, even when I made promises that I could make way more time for him in the following semester, offering to take fewer classes, and to work out a schedule/plan for communication. I love him and care for him more than anything, and didn’t realize how badly I was affecting him, and how alone he might have felt. I sent him a few messages after we broke up and he said he would respond to them when he had free time, but never did. I tried calling but he ignored the call. To me, this relationship is worth salvaging because besides the time issue, we were so great together. I can’t tell if he just needs space and time to think about it or if it’s really over. I don’t know how to show him that he will be a priority if he just gives me a chance.

Chris Seiter

January 1, 2019 at 5:46 pm

Hi Sam!

It may very well be worth salvaging. You should consider implementing No Contact. I discuss this and other elements of an ex recovery plan in great detail in my eBook, “EBR PRO”. Visit my website’s home page as I have a ton of resources there for you to tap into!

Bria

December 31, 2018 at 6:24 pm

Hi Chris,
My BF and i of 2.5 years broke up right before the holidays because i want to get married and he is dragging his feet and giving me excuses but also saying that he really wants to do it. Its been a really emotional break up.
I implemented NC the last day we spoke, which was Christmas morning. Its now NYE. He’s texted me several times since, things like “i love you” and “I miss you”.
Last night texted me the longest text since implementing NC. “I’m still all about you, and want a future with you. I’m always thinking about you. Every minute. I miss you. You are the most amazing thing that happened to me. I’m dying to know whats going on in your head. I love you most.”
Any advice…? Any feedback…?

Chris Seiter

January 1, 2019 at 5:52 pm

Hi Bria!

OK, so he is still sweet on you, that is for sure. Reach out to him and you can text something like, “So sweet of you to reach out to me. I’m taking some alone time for myself to heal and improve and take stock of things. I need the space for now. Thought you should know.” This allows you to check in with him, yet also conveys to him you are still reflecting on these matters that are important to you. Perhaps in the near future, they will become more important to him.

Joana

December 29, 2018 at 6:55 pm

Hello 😀

I was in a long term relationship for 11 years. We were 4 years together and 7 years LDR. During those time, there were no single day that we never talk to each other (despite of huge gap in time differences). We both believed that it was a really strong relationship as every time we meet up after being a part physically for years, our bond doesn’t seem to change either. It was way beyond more happiness and felt that the distance has been all worth it.

Long story short, that happiness made me very greedy, jealous and very toxic girlfriend. He then broke up with me 7 months ago but he insisted that we should stay in contact and I agreed. I was tearful, depressed and begged him which just made him pull away further more.

On my birthday, he still showered me with surprise gift. A week after that, he messaged me that he wants to let me know that he will be starting dating someone. I was shocked but I accepted it and kept my distance. I was confused but I also want to give him his happiness even if that means getting myself out of his life.

I stopped messaging him since then which was pretty damn hard as I got used in talking to him every single day in 11 years of my life I’ve been with him. A lot of times, he will initiate contact and we always make a tons of funny conversation. I thought that if I will only message him in response to his message that it will be okay, but I was totally wrong .

A week later, I saw a picture of him and his new girl. I was very devastated. I ran out of words to say and I was glad to found out about your website. Since then, I started my NC.

As to how my NC goes.. It’s been only a week since then. At first, I was just extremely wounded just seeing my ex with someone else. I lost appetite and I literally can eat that much. But despite that, I understand that I also have other responsibilities in life, that I have to keep moving forward despite the pain. I only give myself a chance to grieve at night or on my days off. I allow my self to cry in pain. To miss him. To just pray for healing. And I plan to continue doing this for 30 days. The last time he message me was when he greeted me merry Christmas and I just “seen” his message & hoping to continue my healing.

The twist though is on February 2019, I’ll be going back to my hometown for 3 weeks vacation. My mind is still hoping that we can still meet up, go somewhere and laugh together just like the old times. But at the same time, I keep telling myself that I should take this 30 day detox to heal instead of getting excited of something that is somehow superficial. I need to meet him without any hatred and pain. I also need to accept the fact that he might be really in love with the new girl this time and I don’t want to act selfishly meeting up with him and hurting the other person.

My question is, am I overthinking about this? I feel that Im distancing myself too much that makes the recovery way harder than what it should be. I really want to accept the reality, move on and heal properly so in the future, I will be more matured in facing my insecurities and fears.

Chris Seiter

December 30, 2018 at 6:40 am

Hi Joana…you probably are overthinking it, but that OK..it happens to us all when we are anxious and are going thru difficulty. You will heal because you are a gem of a person and good things happen more often for good people like yourself. Consider picking up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it is filled with a lot useful information that will help you in the healing and recovery department

Harper

December 29, 2018 at 9:48 am

Hi, thank you so much for sharing your insights.
We were never in a relationship, just dating. And I just wanted him as a friend. I think my ex dating partner is that kind of “angry guy”. The reason we split is that I was too needy and I didn’t give him enough space. And after we split I acted very immaturely, like texting him 3 times a day to ask if we can come back. And finally he got mad, said I was harassing him, and he wanted to block me but he didn’t. I apologized instantly, said I didn’t mean to do that. But he was still mad, and told me to leave him alone for a month, that if I didn’t hear from him in a month then I shouldn’t contact him again. So I did that NC for a month and he didn’t reply after that. I waited for 2 weeks and contacted him again with an apology email, still silence. And I tried to talk to him every two weeks but I guess he just ghosted me. I think it’s no harm to become friends so it’s always worth the try. And I think your opinions is more insightful than others so I make a comment after browsing.
* He blocked me on his updates on WeChat social media but I can still message him through WeChat.
* I made it clear that I was sorry, and I shouldn’t push him, and I just want to be friends in that email.
* I’m confused why he still ignored me. I guess he’s still mad but I’m not sure.
* Or maybe he just doesn’t want to have any kind of relations with me.
* Do you think I should apologize again? Will that be annoying? Or I just stay silent for a while.
Clueless

December 27, 2018 at 5:16 pm

Thank you for the quick reply?
Where can I find EBR Pro?
Did I do the right thing blocking him? He has access through our work chat if he really wants to talk to me, but still.
Thank you.

Chris Seiter

December 27, 2018 at 8:41 pm

Hi there! I usually recommend keeping the social media lines of communication open as you can leverage that to your advantage later. To find EBR Pro, just go to my Home Page and you will see the list of eBooks and other services available.

Clueless

December 27, 2018 at 12:36 am

Hi, thank you so much for this in the first place.
I was in a situationship for 4 months. He likes me but not enough to get in a relationship with me. I was the one that would always take the lead on things, invitations, texts, etc…
For him one day or two a week was enough to be together, I wanted more.
He says I deserve better, that I deserve a man that wants to be with me as much I want to be with him.
When we are together, the way he looks at me and treats me I thought so many times he really liked me but didn’t want to admit to himself cause he’s a free bird, loves his freedom and has a super busy life, but he keeps saying he doesn’t.
Two weeks ago he was really rude to me on the phone and I was so angry at him that I blocked him. He tried to reach me the following day cause he wanted to apologize but no luck, after a week we had to see each other, it was our company’s christmas dinner and then he apologized upfront, we got drunk and hooked up.
He’s going away for a month now and I told him that this will do us good and I needed space, no texts, no contact.
So I haven’t spoken to him for 4 days now, he’s still blocked and I miss him so badly.
He turned out to be one of my best friends, same work, same gym, same hanging out colleagues.
If I don’t block him I can’t stop my fingers from sending him texts and I normally am so transparent about how I feel in the moment.

Am I doing the right thing here? I’m so confused.
Sorry for the little outburst and thanking you in advance.

Chris Seiter

December 27, 2018 at 3:49 am

Hey there….so your job is to no longer to be Clueless! We need to change your identity to “Learning and Getting Smarter”!

So you need to start off with a plan. A plan for your own healing and recovery so you realize you can stand on your own if need by without him in your life. But it seems that the two of your are not too far apart. So perhaps a little space will do you both good and will result in him valuing you more. There are things you can do to enhance that. Take a look at picking up my epic 485 page ebook, “EBR Pro” as it will help you throughout this process whichever way it turns

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