The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Robin

May 4, 2022 at 10:53 pm

Hi, I am robin and I am in 45 days non contact (because he blocked me). I am in my day 18 and he started texting me constantly. He also removed my block. This happened for 2 days. I think after that he realized that I was ignoring him so he unsended his messages from instagram, Deleted his last message from whatsapp and he also blocked me again. What should I do and what is is the meaning of this. Should I send him a text telling I need some and I don’t want him to contact me for some time I am reading your book and it’s being really helpful.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 15, 2022 at 5:58 pm

Hey Robin, no I would not suggest that you reach out. Him breaking his own silence shows that you were on his mind at the time and be broke. I would suggest that you keep going as you are and be sure that you are following the advice that Chris gives about being the Ungettable to your ex.

C

April 21, 2022 at 3:34 am

I am 11 days into no contact. After 3 weeks of contacting him 4-6 times. Apologizing… telling him I am sorry and miss him after breaking up with him. He has not responded to any of my efforts. What happens after the 45 days? If he doesn’t contact me? I think he’s going to but what if he doesn’t? It’s done?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2022 at 11:56 am

Hey C, so after the 45 days you need to reach out with the style of text that Chris explains in his videos. No Contact is not for your ex to reach out to you, it is for you to take this time to focus on YOURSELF and work on yourself before you reach out to your ex with a new mindset from where you are now.

LG

March 30, 2022 at 4:13 pm

Hi – I’m really stuck here.

Buckle up this will probably be your most challenging story yet.

My ex fiancé ended our engagement the first week of December. We were going through it but he kept telling me it was financial stress and the stressor of getting his bonus in a few weeks ( he’s an attorney and has a very stressful job) so much so that gambling has become an outlet in the past and through it all I stuck by him. Things got scary when he punched our bedroom door in out of anger so desperately I reached out to his dad for help. My ex at first was livid, then understood and said he was going to talk to him to be a better partner. Hours before that we talked all day at work and I asked him why he’s acting like this is it isn’t that he doesn’t love me, why have things been so off, did he not want this anymore . He said he knew he hasn’t made this engagement right for me and he’s sorry and he only wants me and he just worries we’re gonna be working like slaves our whole life to have 100 dollars in our checking accounts. He said it made him angry at me and the world and it wasn’t right but it was reality. I told him we could do anything as long as our love was there and we would figure it all out together. We left the convo saying have a good night and he was off to talk to his dad about “ being a better partner,” after his therapy session. Whatever occurred in that session he realized he was so unhappy with me. Our relationship was toxic and that we weren’t meant to be, out grew eachother and wanted out. He was mean and cold about it- he first texted me being all sketchy saying we needed to talk tomorrow if there was any chance of fixing us. Then when I reacted out of fear and kept pushing and pushing and asked him to please call me and say good night, that he was breaking my heart.. he called and said “ I’m unhappy and I want out.” He was cold and dismissive about this . It was awful. I had to pack up my whole life of 2.5 years ( together almost 3) ( engaged for 6 months) and move out. He’s told me there’s nothing that can be done .. we just don’t work and aren’t meant to be . I did not use the no contact rule. In fact I smuthered him and February he started getting dark a little with me saying “ I deserve better,” “ he knows his gambling and issues caused the rift between us.. I wonder if my demons can make anyone happy,” “ I made a lot of mistakes but at the end of the day I know we aren’t meant to be and that wouldn’t change”

I love him so entirely much for who he really is. This is not him. I believe he’s going through stuff internally and couldn’t handle my stress and anxiety issues on top of it.

Since breaking up it took me until March to really pull it together and stop lying in my bed to die. I realized I wasn’t my best self, I didn’t love myself and that’s why when he left I crumbled. I put so much pressure on him to fix me and make everything better and I stopped being fun and having fun. Long story short I realize all these things but there’s no convincing him we just don’t work. He has that bad taste in his mouth and is so unbelievably stubborn and I know he’s just broke up with his exes or the past and never reached out again. I would hope it would be different being engaged to me..

He was basically part of my family. In fact we were moving in with my parents together in February to save for the wedding ( his idea) and he contacted none of them.

I know I’m missing something here with his internal “ demons” as he would call them.

The last message I sent to him was February 24th saying I wasn’t wasting any more tears. My birthday was March 2nd and he texted me saying “ happy birthday, I know you don’t wanna hear that from me, but nonetheless I hope you have a good birthday and enjoy your day.” All I did 9 hours later was like it.

It’s been 30 days and I have had no contact, either had he. But now I found this site and I am redoing the 30 days because I didn’t work on myself like at all the first go around. We need a face to face conversation and I need to be strong and know my worth during it. You’re probably asking yourself “ why do you even want him,” my friends, family and even his family is saying the same. But I love him so unconditionally much and I know in my heart with proper growth and time we can make this work.

How do I convince him to not remember the bad over the good, what points should I bring up in the discussion?

Please help. I’m dying here.

Disclaimer: I am pushing myself for the 30 day no contact rule to better myself each day.

I just don’t want to lose him forever, but I know since we were engaged it makes it so much more complicated. I’m scared

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 26, 2022 at 9:21 pm

Hey LG as you have already done 30 days NC my suggest is that you do not pass 15 extra days of NC that is time to work on yourself and keep going even when you reach out. As for judging you for wanting him back – that is not our place to do so! It is YOUR life and your relationship. I would say that you go into this with your eyes wide open and know that he has 1 – admitted his demons, it is a good step but also that 2 – you cannot fix those for him this is all about him working on himself rather than your relationship. I also think it helps to know that when people want to work and improve on themselves that relationships are usually in the way so it is a positive in a sense. Keep reading the articles and keep working to become the Ungettable version of yourself, for yourself 🙂

Bel

March 13, 2022 at 9:33 pm

I was in a relationship for over 11 years and we recently broke up in January. We keep seeing eachother and he recently told me he’s been talking to someone else on a dating site the last month we were still living together. When we’re together the other woman calls him. She doesn’t know about me at all. He says they haven’t officially met in person but do talk on the phone. I’ve been reading the articles about the NC rule and I don’t know what type of guy he’d fall under as far as the Type of man during the NC rule. As we have tried to stop contact before but doesn’t last more than 4-10 days. Either he will message me or I will message him. See he broke up with me after I left a “bad taste” in his mouth. The reason being he felt I didn’t respect him as a man. His last straw was the last month we were loving together he was hardly speaking to me. I had went out with an old friend on new years and came back home at 3am without telling him who I was going out with. He says it’s the fact that I didn’t tell him before I left who I was going with and the fact that after it happened I still didn’t tell him. Other experiences were that when he asked me about someone in my past (while we weren’t together) if we had ever done anything. I said no then later admitted that we did. Mainly because I was scared to tell the truth. He was more upset about the fact I kept the person as a friend on social media. And would comment on a video from time to time. This brought up a lot of trust issues and therefore he says I have no respect for him nor does he know if he can’t trust me again. Right now he really is starting to like this other girl but says he does still love and miss me. On the other hand he has told me that he isn’t in love with me anymore. It’s very confusing and he said that he’s gonna see where it goes with this new person and even asks if it’s best to stop communication. I know I should and it’s so hard. How long do you recommend I do the NC and do you think I’ll still have a chance while he’s already dating someone else?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 21, 2022 at 10:24 pm

Hey Bel, yes many of our clients get their exes back even when they date others.

Nichola

February 18, 2022 at 10:44 pm

Help… do I still have a chance? The love of my life left me 5 weeks ago after being together 6 years. Never felt pain quite like it. He left as he didn’t feel happy in our relationship anymore… had a rough last year wasn’t a lot of arguing but I annoyed him a lot. Fit the first 3 weeks of our break up I was a nightmare I would call/ text cry beg get angry and in general really really p him off. Can nc work? Do I have any chance??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 21, 2022 at 10:59 am

Hey Nichola, yes NC can work but you really need to stick with it and use this time to work on yourself. It would also need to be 45 days NC because of your actions since the breakup.

Lexi

February 17, 2022 at 3:58 am

So my ex broke up with me a few weeks ago. I begged and pleaded for the two days and he responded each time then did NC. I ended up breaking it last week to get answers and he responded again and I’m back to NC. I’m pretty sure my ex falls into the stubborn category. I want to reach out soon so I can see him but I’m scared he’s going to think he won cause I reached out. I want to try our relationship again but I don’t know what to do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 21, 2022 at 9:38 pm

Hey Lexi, so you are going to have to start reading and applying the information that is available to you here. This includes starting a NC for at least 30 days, 45 if you think that your ex is stubborn or angry.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 21, 2022 at 9:38 pm

Hey Lexi, so you are going to have to start reading and applying the information that is available to you here. This includes starting a NC for at least 30 days, 45 if you think that your ex is stubborn or angry.

Medina

January 29, 2022 at 11:05 pm

So I was the one who initiated the break up. I believe my ex falls into the stubborn category as he definately had a lot of pride and arrogance which is why i feel like he won’t come back. It’s been two months neither of us have contacted but I don’t believe there was a bad aftertaste affect on him as I was pretty good to him. I feel like he just didn’t value me, I really hoped the time apart would help him see what we had. I don’t know what to do
Taigan Hall

January 16, 2022 at 1:19 pm

He asked for space about a week before he broke up with me. He then broke up with me, telling me that he “can’t do it right now” (a relationship) and that he needs to figure his future out. I responded, saying that I was heartsore and wishing him the best. From there, I immediately went into NC. 3 days after this, he called me to see how I was and what I had been doing. We chatted for a bit, he told me that he’d give me a call in a couple days. I went straight back into NC from there. It’s been 3 days since the call and I haven’t heard from him. After reading this article, I’ve decided it’s best that I don’t answer if he calls again.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 16, 2022 at 9:02 pm

Hey Taigan, so because you answered the call you would need to go back to day one of your no contact, but yes if he calls ignore the call and the same goes for any texts you may get too.

Hana

December 30, 2021 at 12:24 am

He broke up w me after two yrs. at the end he said he loved me but it wasn’t working. We weren’t communicating well and there were past issues he perseverated on. 1. Early on in the relationship I texted an ex who was a friend. Neutral text but he didn’t like it. Never got over that. 2. We got in a big fight on a vacation. 3. I got comfortable and gained 20 pounds and was drinking. I’ve lost all the weight- back to 125 and am back to my healthy active outdoorsy self. He started dating some one 1 month after the breakup. It’s now been 2.5 months. She’s the complete opposite of me, body builder ect. Bc I texted an ex while we were together and he felt it was betrayal he WILL NOT reach out to me. he is in a new relationship and will not do what I did just to make the point that it’s betrayal. Is there any hope??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 10, 2022 at 9:19 pm

Hey Hana, so yes there is a hope as you are going to have to learn and understand the being there method. Knowing that he believes texting an ex is “wrong” you need to understand that this is going to take time and that you are going to have to understand Chris’ texting methods really well before you start reaching out. The first step for you however is 45 days NC and working on yourself during that time, including doing some homework about the “being there” method.

THAIGIRL

December 23, 2021 at 2:16 am

this is just 2 days. he start to send angry message to me now. i feel so arfraid but i should keep follow “no contact rule”

he said

i betrayed love
he hate me
i lied to him
(we broke up becasue he intouch with another girl and now he said he stop contact her)

i am so confuse he made mistake but he blame me
kivanc

October 27, 2021 at 10:14 am

i have just had a good read of this and i am really impressed you have hit the nail on its head. I am currently in a no contact period its been 2 and a half weeks. i received 1 phone call from my ex on day 10 and then 4 calls on day 14. since then it hasnt been anything else. All your situations are great however I cant find the one which suits me best. in my situation my ex has done so many petty things to grab my attention in this period such as like and post malicious memes, he even followed and liked his exes pictures on instagram. i broke up with him because he didnt show me his phone and he deleted me off every single social media right after however, whenever its the weekend he becomes nosey and watches my accounts because i am on open. could you please guide me im 21 years old and i dont have a lot of experience in relationships this is my only one ive ever had and im really confused whether i should walk away or amend things.
Maria

August 28, 2021 at 2:47 pm

I hope I can get a reply because I’m going crazy right now… My ex boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, we got to a point that we will argue constantly but we will still love each other a lot. We were going through a lot of stress in our personal life and also we had ego problems. He made the decision and I completely got confused because we will always work rowards the relationship. I was living in a place he had and also he is receiving my mail. Since the breakup happened I have tried to talk to him to get back together and his answer is “I dont think We can come back” also on our last conversation that was yesterday he said “I don’t know if I have moved on” and “I love you but I don’t think I’m in love anymore”… I have a son and they got attached and he wants to keep seeing my son but I want to start the not contact rule; but is being difficult for me thinking that all my belongings are with him and he is getting my mail. He kept texting me talking about how he feels pain and his head is cloudy and feels empty. My anxiety is killing me and I have that pain too, I want him back, and I want to know if you think I have chances in base of what I said. I’m decided to start the no contact.
Fatima

June 28, 2021 at 5:49 pm

I fell in love with a man 16 years younger than me. When we apentvtime together it was so intimate, emotionally. We shared that we love each other so much. Although he did tell me that he wants to get married and have kids, and I could not give him kids coz my tubes are tied…I still.lersued him and he responded. He moves to another Province temporarily and I supported him through all of it, he even asked for me to remain patient and wait for him. Then I noticed he wasnt answering my calls or text messages, and when he did it was always an apology coz hes been working so much with little sleep, this went on for months. I cannot tell you the whiplashing my emotions went through with this. I finally asked him if he was seeing someone else, he said ot really, then admitted he was. He told me he really cares about me and views me a a mentor that I helped him through some of his darkest times. He asked that I still remain in his life , even as a friend. Even though this outcome was not a surprise to me, I’m finding myself so devastated, my anxiety is so high, I feel lost and abandoned by him. I’m upset because all that time I was trying to contact him and make him notice me, he was with this other woman. I’m so sad and cannot seem to shake this feeling. The last text I sent to him 4 days ago saying I really love and care for u and thought it was evident through my actions but I realize you saw me as a pest, on grateful to have you the little time I did, you deserve happiness. I havent contacted him since and its driving me crazy. I almost tripped up and called him a couple times but I stopped myself. I am trying the NC rule, but given the circumstances, I’m not optimistic about hearing from him again. I feel sad, so sad. I want to move on and be happy, but finding it hard to move away from my sadness. I miss him like you dont believe, bit I’m also thinking about all.mybefforts I put I to him that he just ignored. I really feel aweful and so lonely.
Taylor

May 27, 2021 at 6:47 am

Hi,

My boyfriend (22) and I (32) were friends/acquaintances for about 5 months before we started flirting with eachother and then officially he asked me out, we moved in together at the 6 month mark and dating in total for 11 months.

He was always talking about marriage whereas I was not and I never put pressure on him to do so or kids for that matter.

He told me he was not in love with me anymore and he thinks he doesn’t know what he wants and he says I need a man and not someone who has mood swings all the time.

It was also his first time living a partner and my first time too.

We have a cat together and he owes me $8,500 ( I trust he will pay this back and he has told me he will)

We also have to clean the apartment (he moved out from) that we are still paying rent for another 3.5 weeks on.

I want to initiate the NC rule but how do I go about it when these two major things are involved?

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 1, 2021 at 6:44 pm

Hi Taylor, you would need to follow the limited no contact where you would only speak to him when and if you needed to. Otherwise avoid all emotional conversations possible.

Nova

April 20, 2021 at 6:10 pm

I tried NC several times but when he texts after few days ( 4_10 days ) i reply to him ,,, happened 5 times and everytime its the same breakup talk with some of i miss u .., two days ago I said you left me so why are contacting me , stop texting me … and he said I won’t anymore , will NC work now ? Will he come back even after i asked him to stop contacting me??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2021 at 9:35 pm

Hi Nova, so no contact is only going to work if you stick to it for a solid 30 – 45 days! You cannot break it if he reaches out to you. You need to complete the solid time before reaching out to him with a text that Chris suggests in his articles and videos. I would suggest you research more on this website and Chris’ YouTube channel to fully understand No Contact.

SK

March 16, 2021 at 12:11 pm

He blocked me and my daughter on messenger but not on Facebook. I unfriended him though. He was the angry guy. Will he still contact me? It’s 11 days since our NC.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 16, 2021 at 7:39 pm

Hi SK yes there is a chance he can reach out again during your NC but ideally you will not answer anything that he sends you for 45 days.

Jazmín

March 2, 2021 at 12:48 am

We were together for a year. Since the beginning he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship but at the same time he told me he didn’t want to lose me and wanted me to never leave. He broke up with me in the middle of a discussion over texts. After one week of no talking I texted him to talk over the things, so we did. We kept the relationship but never said that we got back together, we just went with the flow. After 3 months he started to ignore some of my texts or reply to me after 20 or 30 min even hours. I knew he was texting somebody else now so I decided to face him and he denied everything. I finally “broke up” with him and whatever we were having. I asked him to stop texting me while he was texting somebody else “when he wasn’t ready for a relationship”. We have 3 weeks now of no contact. Sometimes I’m pretty sure he won’t show up ever again and sometimes I think he will but just not yet. I think he’s like the stubborn guy. He wants me to text him firts but even that I really love him I know I won’t contacting him if he doesn’t contact me first.

If he’s texting somebody else and having a new distraction, is there a chance that he text first? Will that new girl keep him away for longer of NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 28, 2021 at 9:54 am

Hi Jazmin, the new girl is a distraction yes, but you need to follow a 45 day no contact before reaching out to your ex. So the program remains the same even if your ex is talking to someone else.

Gypsy

February 15, 2021 at 11:43 pm

Hi! So what if I did complete the 30-day cleanse, NC rule. Still no contact. What should I do? Should I contact him first or continue the rule for longer. In addition, he is the type to be very shy and hesitant to message first because I am his first girlfriend. Should I still remain to the no contact rule? Is it necessary to block or unfriend on social media even if he still has me on his profile as if he was still taken or just let things be and see how he carries throughout this rule

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 18, 2021 at 5:54 pm

Hi Gypsy, so if you are following this program then you need to reach out to your ex after your No Contact period is over.

Anistotorial

February 14, 2021 at 4:39 am

I dated this man i broke up with for over 2 and halfs yrs.this breakup was a bad one. I went out to the other city after being invited for the birthday party for my friend. Before i even attended the party,i told my manfriend about it and he allowed me to go though he didn’t seem to be happy. When the day of leaving for the other city came, i went and i even told him how i safely traveled.To my surprised, my manfriend was trying to reach me out but his calls went unanswered because there’s alot of noise where i was and i couldn’t hear the phone .so that’s how he started accusing me of having an affair with the people i was with.i tried to explain the reason i wasn’t picking up his calls but still he couldn’t understand me i pleaded and begged of him if he could give me a second chance but he couldn’t. Now what should i do next in order to get him back to me cause i really love him and i don’t want to lose him. Should no contact rule work in this situation? Cause he’s very upset with me and he’s avoiding to see him.Pliz help me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 18, 2021 at 5:53 pm

Hi Anistotorial, yes following and sticking to the no contact rule and following the work that you need to do for your holy trinity.

A

February 3, 2021 at 4:30 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend in the middle of an argument over text. A few hours later, he called me and told me he didn’t want to fight about it but he still cared about me. We sort of played phone tag that night but after that day I never heard back from him. Two days later I texted him saying I was sorry for what I said over text and that I didn’t mean it, and if we could call and talk over the phone. Now, I am worried that by sending that text I have messed up any chance of the NC rule working. Any advice? What do you think he is thinking right now? (That was about three days ago, and I haven’t heard anything back)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 4, 2021 at 4:38 pm

Hi A, so from the above message you have not yet started your No Contact. Please read some more articles so that you actually understand what it is you need to do.

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4,279 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”