The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

A

February 3, 2021 at 4:30 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend in the middle of an argument over text. A few hours later, he called me and told me he didn’t want to fight about it but he still cared about me. We sort of played phone tag that night but after that day I never heard back from him. Two days later I texted him saying I was sorry for what I said over text and that I didn’t mean it, and if we could call and talk over the phone. Now, I am worried that by sending that text I have messed up any chance of the NC rule working. Any advice? What do you think he is thinking right now? (That was about three days ago, and I haven’t heard anything back)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 4, 2021 at 4:38 pm

Hi A, so from the above message you have not yet started your No Contact. Please read some more articles so that you actually understand what it is you need to do.

Eve

January 31, 2021 at 9:16 pm

My partner of three years broke up with me a few weeks ago very out of the blue. He stands by the fact that there is nothing more I could have done for our relationship and I know he has a lot on his plate with work, coronavirus and family life. After the break up he called me a few times to check how I was and I also checked in with him. He says that the situation is as raw for him as it is for me, I still have to collect belongings from his once lockdown is over. We have started a NC rule but I just fear about the next steps and if he will use dating apps as a distraction?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2021 at 9:17 pm

Hi Eve, many do use dating apps as a distraction form the break up and their emotions, but it also means that they realise that dating world sucks! And they start to reminisce about times with you and that often comes with comparing you to these other new women and how great you were for them.

E

January 25, 2021 at 9:33 pm

Partner of 7 years lost his grown up daughter to cancer. He temporarily moved back in with grown up son and ex for support. He’s doing really well. 5 months on and he says he’s ready to come back but pushing the date back all the time saying he needs to make sure everyone’s okay before he come back. There is nothing between him and his ex. See him most days for an hour or so and calls me all day. Supported him so much but starting to lose faith. Do I go down the 30 no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 5, 2021 at 12:35 pm

Hi E, no you do not need to go into a NC as you’re still together it seems? He is dealing with a huge loss and he needs to deal with it his way. It’s awful situation overall for him, but being with his son is likely the comfort he needs and what his son needs right now.

Maria

January 19, 2021 at 6:40 pm

I love your articles and your web page. Basically, it’s the only thing I’m reading at this special and devastating moment of my life.
Yesterday, I have started the no contact rule because of your advice to many people.
I’m from Oxford and I am a police woman, I am 45 years old and been with my ex for nearly 6 years. I have 2 kids, he does not have children and he is 13 years younger than me.Our relationship was toxic and difficult due to me being Spanish born and him Russian and yes, I would like him back but today, 22 days into our break up I am only his fuck buddy and his entertainment.. I am worth more than that I think…
Love your blog and all the help you give to women’s like me! Going to buy your book to have more knowledge about this subject.
You are great! Thank you! María

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 19, 2021 at 10:57 pm

Hi Maria, so first you need to stop sleeping with him! I know you love him but this is not going to get him back as much as you like to believe or hope. You need to start following the no contact period so that you can have some time away from him and for him to feel that he is losing you. Work on yourself for sometime, if you are buying the program be sure to look into the Facebook group too its a great too for support.

Shec

January 6, 2021 at 2:04 pm

My ex broke up with me but after a week a tried to contact him out of anger that he might have still been flirting with the girl he likes when we were still together. Though he told me he respects me and will not do that, he’s not sticking around that girl, he told me. He broke up with me because he’s fallen out of love, that’s what he wants me to believe in, but i know that its because he likes another girl. He keeps denying about it btw. Im in my third day of NC. Do you think there is still chance of him contacting or trying to get back to me?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 6, 2021 at 8:32 pm

Hi Shec, if he has told you he is not with someone else then you are going to have to accept that. You cannot accuse and assume these things as you have no solid proof – as of yet. If that changes, then you know you were right. If you want your ex back then you need to complete 30 days (45 if he gets into another relationship) and then you need to reach out to your ex. Please read some more articles so that you understand how the program works, and the type of messages you need to be reaching out with

Geo

January 3, 2021 at 1:43 pm

Hi

So my ex dumped me Christmas eve over a stupid argument we has he took it way to far and it leaded to us breaking up.

I stopped contact with him straight away as I couldn’t beleive he had done that to me on Xmas eve, it has been 9 days I havent contacted him and he hasn’t contacted me.

Our relationship was great I feel he did it out of anger and not getting his own way I did everything for him and feel he took me for granted.

Any advise?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 15, 2021 at 10:46 pm

Hi Geo, its difficult to advise fully as I do not know what was taken “too far” but usually after a breakup caused from a misunderstanding then after both have had time to compose themselves and stop being angry they reach out. If you have completed your 30 day no contact then you can reach out to your ex and see what sort of response you get to one of Chris’ suggestions in his articles.

Margaret Milbourne

December 26, 2020 at 10:37 pm

So he just recently broke up with me, and he did it because I didn’t agree to an open relationship. He said he needs to “grow up and fix himself.” He said he’s going to end up with me, and loves me more than anyone but basically right now the chase is gone with me so he needs to go receive physical and verbal attention from other women. He said we needed to break up and stop speaking for a while because it will “help me.” Any thoughts on if he’ll come back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 28, 2020 at 8:52 pm

Hi Margaret, this is what you call the grass is greener syndrome he thinks there is more and better out there for him. So yes, he could come back 1 – because there is no one else out there for him 2 – he realises how great he had it with you and he took it for granted. I would suggest that you work on the information given about being Ungettable and show your ex that you are great without him in your life.

mikayla

December 25, 2020 at 7:32 am

My ex and i kinda got back together after 6 years. it started of great and everything until covid happened and we had to go for quarantine in different states hence doing LDR. it took a toll on me and i became irratable, impulsive and mean. i was paranoid that he would leave me again and i just couldnt trust him properly. we ended things in Oct but remained friends and in contact.

fast forward 3 months later, we had another fight and i told him i want him out of my life. i said a lot of other mean things to him that night thru text and i was certain he wasnt coming back. few days later i asked him to meet and he agreed. we met, we talked, had sex and said our goodbye. we both had a hard time letting go but we agreed we canot keep hurting each other anymore as we always fight and i havent been dealing w my traumas properly.

now its been almost a week of NC and idk if he still wants to talk to me after NC. he looked like he had his mind up about not bothering me and it makes me sad bcs i still want to work things out with him. i sent him one last text to apologize before going NC and he didnt respond. i dont know if i still have a chance. but i really do love him though
J

December 11, 2020 at 5:52 am

My partner broke up with me 3 days ago saying he needed to focus on his mental health (there is a lot going on for him here) we were together for 6 months, and during that time I was incredibly supportive and understanding of him whenever he was feeling low (which he thanked me for and acknowledged during the breakup conversation) I explained to him that I wasn’t going anywhere and wanted to be there for him but he was adamant he had to go through it alone – hence his decision to end our relationship. He also said he didn’t want me completely out of his life.

I’ve been doing NC for 2 days now, he sent me a funny video at 11:30 last night (I didn’t respond) and two other messages later this afternoon “I’m miserable” and “but thats not your problem, I’m sorry”

I really really want him to get well mentally, he believes he has to go through this darkness alone, as much as I want to be there for him I also want to heal myself.

I’m unsure if I should send him any messages of support or stick to NC. Help!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 28, 2020 at 9:27 pm

Hi J, in situations such as this, if you know someone else who is close to him, be that his best friend, relative etc. Explain that you have broken up because he is feeling that he is in a dark place and not ready for a relationship. That he is choosing to be single, but you are also worried about his mental health if they can please keep an eye on him. That way you do not have to break your NC for 30 days

Erica

November 27, 2020 at 6:43 am

I started no contact rules last Saturday. My ex texted me on Monday and Wednesday so yesterday morning i told him that i needed some time and space. i told him not to contact me until I decide to contact him. Can i assume that he misses me and he still wants this relationship since he has texted me? He has been asking for confirmation over and over again whether do i really wanted to end the relationship.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2020 at 9:54 pm

Hi Erica, I cannot really answer that question we do not know what he was feeling when he reached out but he is also respecting your wishes not to speak right now. Complete your NC and work on yourself in that time.

Jade

November 20, 2020 at 6:17 am

I’m not sure if a NC period would work in my current situation. I was seeing a guy casually for about 2 mths so our foundations may not be as strong as some other people. We’ve always met up at his place and would have a 1-2hr chat before moving onto the physical part.

We started by agreeing to not catch feelings as he doesn’t want a relationship and yet, I ended up catching some and then telling him about before I ended it. However, I regret that decision and wanted to go back to the way things were. He stated he doesn’t want to fuck with people’s emotions/feeling and that he doesn’t believe I can separate the heart from the body, hence “its over”. He also asked me to stop trying to probe about his relationships as what we did “isn’t going to happen anymore, its over, respect that”. He hasn’t blocked me yet although I’m always the one to initiate conversation and he does view my whatsapp status updates, but he shuts me down whenever our conversations crosses into physical intimacy areas.

It has been 2 weeks since I ended it. Friends tell me I should move on and find someone who respects and likes me more and my mind agrees. Yet I still get butterflies when I see a text message response from him.

Do I still have a chance to win him back in a proper relationship or is that door forever closed and I should move on?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 15, 2020 at 10:07 pm

Hi Jade, I am sorry only you can choose to move on or give the program a try, but I can help you either way if you decide what it is you want to do. The first step always begins with a No Contact and working on yourself to become Ungettable

Alice Hornby

November 16, 2020 at 5:30 pm

Hi,
my situation is a little more complicated than listed here. Basically, my ex boyfriend ended things with me. This was basically due to the fact that he turned back to a drug addiction due to the bar he got a new job at as his coworkers all take cocaine regularly, he’d overcome this addiction in the past but started up again rapidly and I started getting emotional, stressed and suspicious. He said that things weren’t as good as they used to be and he’d lost feelings for me and didn’t love me like he used to. However, he said breaking up with me was the hardest thing he ever did and he cried… A LOT. I wrote him letter which he said made him cry even more.
He said he’ll “never forget me as long as he lives” and that once we’ve had some space we’ll “always be a part of each other’s lives in some way”.
Then he turned really nasty cause I wasn’t giving him the space that he wanted because I was so hurt so he said he’s been seeing someone since we broke up so I should move on (this was literally within a week of the breakup). So, he turned nasty and told me that I’m not missing out because he’s not a good person. He blocked my number and on Facebook but just unfollowed me on instagram.
I thought he was living his best life and didn’t care anymore but then two days ago I found out he said he’s “really depressed” and has been turning up to work drunk. I’m not sure if this is due to me, the drugs or the rebound girl.
It’s been nearly three weeks of NC and and nearly five weeks since the break up, I’m hurt that he’d do this to me but I’m also really concerned.
Out of these reactions I’d definitely say he’s the “Angry Guy” cause he does have some issues with his temper and acts very very impulsively.
For all of our faults, we loved one another dearly and we were perfect until he fell back into his old habits from before we were together. I want him back, the man he was before all of his self proclaimed “mistakes”.
Will he ever realise his mistake?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 12, 2020 at 8:32 pm

Hi Alice, so yes there is a chance he can come back – but he needs to change the way he is because HE wants to. Not because someone else makes him see it is wrong. I would suggest that you keep your NC for 45 days because of this new girl thats around and give him some time to miss you. Keep working through the articles and use the information if you want to start following the being there method and being Ungettable.

mariam

November 9, 2020 at 11:45 pm

Hi there, my situation is more complex as we have a 2 year old & I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant. My husband doesn’t want to be with me anymore and is planning to move out end of the month. It is very hard for me to let go of him especially in the state i am in…it is also hard to do a no contact now as we still live together & if he does move out, I do have to update him about our child time to time. (he constantly requests photos of the baby and gets upset when i do not send him any pics) I messed up this no contact rule the minute he said he was done with the relationship. I did not give him any space. I was bugging him at all times at home & at work (calling & texting /begging/pleading/ taking) and it has brought the “angry guy” out inside of him and it has brought the worst out of me. I finally am letting him go tand i have stopped the nagging/persisting/ texting and talking. I understand the more I force him the more he will pull away..

what do you suggest in my situation?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 13, 2020 at 9:43 pm

Hi Mariam, so your situation is not that complicated as you would think, there are many who come here in the same situation as you. Myself included. This article should help you understand how to follow a no contact with your children involved. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-when-you-have-a-child-with-them/

Serena

November 6, 2020 at 5:52 am

Hi,
My ex wrote me after 1 week of breakup about some money that he owned me, i tried to keep answers as short as possible ,but then he started to ask me do I need something and when i didnt respond he unfriended me from facebook , and then again he started writing to me and saying take care of yourself , I asked him if he did miss mee he said Yes but its not important because we are not together anymore , I said its important to mee . Then he said if you ever want anyting write me because im not blocking you on fb ,if you want you can block me.
What should I do ????? Im very confused

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 8, 2020 at 10:25 am

Hi Serena, you need to continue with your No Contact it sounds as if your ex is feeling guilty at the moment. Stick with it and work on yourself during this time

Alyssa Caribardi

November 5, 2020 at 7:15 pm

Hi, my boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 10 months. We are both 20 years old. We fought a lot throughout the entire relationship and almost every fight led to him saying “should we just break up?” and in my fit of rage I would jump on his offer and say “yes we’re done.” We would always end up talking it out either later that night or the next day and be okay. We never told anyone about this vicious cycle because we didn’t want anyone to think our relationship was bad. This time we got in a huge fight on Halloween and I just said “we’re done.” I apologized immediately and begged for him back but didn’t hear from him for 2 days until he said he wanted to meet. I sent him very mean texts during those 2 days. When I met up with him he said he was just tired of fighting and nothing was ever going to change with us. I stayed composed the whole time and just accepted what he was saying (mostly so he wouldn’t have the satisfaction of getting a reaction from me) but as soon as he walked away I lost it. He was my first love and my first heart break. I finally decided to tell my parents the truth about all of the toxic things in our relationship and they despise him now. I’ve been in NC for 5 days now and I can’t get him out of my head. I want him to text me but I don’t know if he’s truly just over it. I know he still loves me and I want him back so badly, but my parents would never approve again. He is very concerned about his image so if he knew my parents didn’t like him anymore he wouldn’t want to be with me. Also, we were best friends for a year before dating and are in the same friend group. I have reached out to my friends about this and asked them not to say anything to him but I don’t know if they have… do I even have a chance at this point?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 5, 2020 at 8:00 pm

Hi Alyssa, it doesn’t sound as if your relationship was a very happy one from what you have posted. I would ask why you would want to get back into it? I know sometimes we romanticise our relationships when we think back, but sometimes you need to take into account of the facts. You used to argue a lot – and he would suggest breaking up. This is not a good habit to be creating a relationship. It is not healthy either. I would say that even though you have mutual friends, that you need to take a break from your ex, no contact for at least 30 days, 45 if needed. And work on yourself, decide what you really want relationship wise, and learn to be happy being single before taking your next step.

Emma

November 1, 2020 at 9:25 am

Hi, My boyfriend of almost four years broke up with me 2 days ago. The week before the breakup he was talking about how much he loves and adore me. But then I said something very hurtful to him that he doesnt want to be with me anymore. He was crying during the break up and when I asked him why are you crying he said that I’m crying because I made you feel very bad. However when he brought my things back from his apartment we hugged each other and we ended up having sex, then we said goodbye to each other . I’m very sad I dont know what should I do

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 1, 2020 at 10:59 am

Hi Emma, so you need to go into a No Contact and let your ex calm as he is upset from your words. Work on yourself, the ungettable girl and holy trinity articles will help with this. Do not sleep with your ex while broken up again.

Rosie

October 28, 2020 at 5:10 pm

Hi, My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me two months ago out of the blue. The week before the breakup he was talking about moving in together and me leaving clothes at his place and even marriage—but then we had a pretty big fight.

During the breakup said that he fell out of love with me and that’d he’d fallen out of love with me before in our relationship but then fell back in love with me again. He was crying during the breakup. And he asked for a hug twice during the whole thing.

Do you think he will regret this? He hasn’t tried to reach out. I reached out in regards to seeing the dog we share about a month ago, but he said he wasn’t ready to see me and said it wouldn’t be good for the both of us.

Recently his brothers girlfriend has tried to reach out and I think she’s spying on me for him—I think this because she never answered after she got her information AND I know they talk all the time.

What should I do here? I’m feeling like this is done for good.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 29, 2020 at 8:04 pm

Hi Rosie, ideally I would suggest that you do not give the brothers girlfriend any information other than you are doing great. You need to follow a proper No Contact rule if you want to follow this program, that includes not asking to see the dog for the short term basis.

Sara

October 28, 2020 at 8:14 am

Hello. I have been seeing a guy for three weeks. The relationship was very honest, he was so loving, open and emotional. Then we started talking about commitment, about my child i have with my ex, about a serious relationship. I know now it was too early to mention anything serious… So, he said he needs time to think about his life, about his goals, to resolve some problems he has, to find another job less stressfull and time consuming and that he needs to be alone. I was very hurt, but I didn’t insist on anything. Just agreed to everything he asked. I was determined to move on, but after 4 days I made a contact. He did answer, but was very distant and formal. I know I made a mistake by contacting him. Now, I have deleted all of our texts and his phone number, but I still hope he would call eventually. He doesn’t have social media, so I don’t know how to show him that I am doing well without him. Do you have any advice? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 28, 2020 at 10:34 am

Hi Sara, I know when things are good, new and exciting we get carried away with our thoughts and feelings. I think you brought up commitment conversation too soon, three weeks is not a long time for someone to get used to the fact that you want a relationship, along with the fact that there is a child in the situation. Follow the no contact rules and start reaching out after 30 days, and this time around slow it down. If you think of it as getting to know him properly before you consider introducing him to your child, and him having enough time to know if he can make the commitment to be in someones life who has a child.

Tia Emily

October 19, 2020 at 6:50 am

I was dating this guy for a while and we broke up a week ago but have still been talking everyday since. I decided to implement NC last night but I told him that I need a couple of weeks to focus on things so I won’t be replying or messaging (I didn’t say anything specific). He responded by saying that he understands and he’s there if I need. I feel like I’ve already messed up by basically telling him that I’m doing NC. How can I recover from this?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 19, 2020 at 8:07 pm

Hi Tia, you didn’t mess up but what will happen is that he may not reach out to you for a while but if you stick to it for a solid 30 days you may find that he reaches out to you before the NC is over. Make sure that you use social media to show you are living your life being happy and making positive changes to yourself

Lilly

October 14, 2020 at 2:32 am

After a year and a half of committed, natural, honest and serious dating, my boyfriend (25) and I (20) ended things.

Over lock down he left his well-paying job and began building a new business, he became cold and disrespectful. He lost interest in me. We were only talking 1-2 times per week since he didn’t want to. We discussed how he’d changed and he bluntly said he liked and cared for me, but didn’t love me like he used to, and he didn’t really want to be in a relationship with me or anyone else (apparently). He said it wasn’t the right time, but he didn’t want to hurt me.

After alot of upset and trying, I broke up with him. He wanted to stay in contact saying he would always be there for me if I needed him, I said there was no point and I didn’t wish to talk for a very long time. No contact began, by wk 3 he hadn’t said anything but he sent me flowers with a card saying 2 words, Thank you. I stayed quiet and carried on. By wk 5 he was watching my instagram stories even though we don’t follow each other. It’s week 6 and I miss him. But I don’t want to contact him first. What do you think he is thinking?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 24, 2020 at 8:21 pm

Hi Lilly, this program encourages you to reach out if you want to get your ex back. Without this then you could end up never getting them back as he is not willing to reach out after the break up

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4,280 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”